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kpop-fanatic-lover16 · 5 months

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Turn Traitor - Hwang Hyunjin

Pairing: Skz Hyunjin x fem!reader

Genre: Mafia!au, enemies to lovers!trope, supernatural!au

Word count: 29k

Warnings: murder, talks of death, panic attacks, mentions of hell/satanic behavior (it's light not heavy), torture, drowning, suggestiveness, some intensive fight scenes, fighting scenes aren't written well...let me know if I missed something.

Disclaimer: none of these characters depict or display the members of Skz accurately. The personalities are purely fictional for the plot of this story.

A/n: it's finally here!!!!! Yeahhhhhh 29k is my apology for not posting sooner. Once again this is different from what I've written before and my writing style has changed some. Anyway hope you enjoy!

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Darkness…emptiness…despair. Three feelings circling the room like tornado clouds that were waiting, begging, to form a funnel of destruction. Those dark clouds began to form overhead, blocking the ceiling, thick and rolling. Just like a real storm, the atmospheric energy erupted goosebumps over your arms; hairs on the nape raising uncomfortably. Just looking at him, you knew his mind was completely lost in his anger.

“You’re scaring me,” your voice was weary, only ever seeing this emotional reaction twice in your life. Both of those times being from your father not your older brother.

His words flowed through his eyes, like a river of death daring anyone to pass through and suffer the wrath of its currents. He was a raging river of death.

They would all pay. All of them.

“Minho,” you whispered, it took all your courage to approach him in his anger to lay a hand on his left cheek. His eyes were glossed over in anger. “Minho, please stop.”

Lee Minho. Storm user and Darkness user.

When the clouds flashed with lightening, fear struck through you. Out of fear of what might happen, a strong thick fog of pure white shot from you and filled the room from floor to ceiling, taking all of the anger and atmospheric energy with it. A hand reached out to you.

“Y/n,” came his breathless voice. Like an echoed whisper calling for you. “Let go.”

You grasped the hand tightly as ice cold tears streamed down your face, hair completely white, skin ice pale. A hiss sounded in the distance when your hand intertwined with the person reaching for you.

“Y/n!” the voice was strained. “Let go!”

In an instant, the fog drew back to you with the speed of light. The room became silent as you collapsed to the ground. When you came back to your senses, Minho was staring at you with wide fearful eyes. Another person had joined the two of you. He was familiar to you, familiar like family.

Chan. Healer and…Death.

“Sit up,” he instructed, lending you a hand to help you into a sitting position. He too hissed when his skin touched yours, which confused you. “What are you feeling right now?”

Your head was throbbing, but more so you were freezing, “I’m cold. I’m so, so cold.”

“Has this happened before?” Chan was now directing his attention to your shocked brother. Chan slapped a hand on Minho’s shoulder to redirect his fearful gaze to him. Minho had registered the question and after another moment he shook his head slightly.

“What happened?” your voice was meek, recovering from the moment previous.

Chan peered down at you as he thought for a brief moment. How was he going to explain to both of you just how important and dangerous the skills performed minutes ago were?

“Y/n,” Chan set himself onto one knee to look into your eyes and at the same level. “As you know you are a White Mist user. But what I think you just demonstrated out of an emotional explosion belongs to a White Fire user. A one-of-a-kind user that only appears every ten millennial's.”

“What?” you furrowed your eyebrows. Minho took your hand in his and gulped.

“Do you not remember what just happened?” he asked you, concern wrinkling his handsome features. You only shook you head, remembering the fog. Out of your own fear, you squeezed his hand in yours for reassurance. He gladly gave it.

“There was only a white fog that filled the room. I couldn’t see, I could only hear your voice echo in the distance…”

“Y/n, you were on fire.”

Chan nodded, “Pure white fire. It’s similar to fire in the way that it hurts to touch it, not because it’s hot but because it’s so cold it burns. Like ice made into fire.”

Now you were looking at your hands, your arms, your legs, even touching your face and hair trying to find any trace of burn or scorch marks.

“I’m assuming the fog you experienced is what was happening in your mind as your body lit up in the flames,” Chan continued. “The amount of time you were on fire is what is concerning me and needs special attention training to control it from happening. You could be very vulnerable if you go into that state again.”

“What do you mean the amount of time? I was gone for only a minute.”

Chan and Minho shared a concerned look. Minho shook his head, “No, more like an hour.”

Now you were terrified.

Y/n. White Mist user. And…

White Flame user.

Years passed; seasons changed frequently. You spent every waking hour, in the rain, the heat, the wind, and the snow, learning to control your new gift discovered the night of your parents’ murder. By dedicating your time to training, you were taking every opportunity to be reliable for Minho, the now head boss over Mafia Grim—your home, your family, your lifeline.

Despite being sent to the very top of the tallest mountain in your homeland and told to remain there until you had mastered the ability, your brother often came to join in on teaching you how to train; Teaching you things he’d learned from your father before he died. Sometimes he’d bring his other network friends who became his inner circle as years passed on.

Only when you completed your training with the masters of the mountain did you return home.

Though there was a problem when you returned. The other opposing mafia, Mafia Malefic, knew you and Minho were hiding something from everyone else when you were sent to the mountains for years. To them, it had to be something vital since Minho sent you away the same night the rulers of Mafia Grim were slaughtered.

And the boss of Mafia Malefic? He wanted to know what it was you were hiding.

The crickets chirped and sang in the darkness of the night, providing the only other noise next to the sound of footsteps walking down the gravel dirt path to a warmly lit-up cabin. It was a cool evening and despite it being almost the peak of summer there was smoke coming from the chimney on the roof.

With a determined step, he walked up to the door and lifted his fisted hand to knock, but before his hand came down on the dark wood, the door unlocked and swung inward. His determination stopped faintly when he realized just how little power he had here.

Inside the cabin was warm. Almost to an uncomfortable level. The light inside was a warm glow from the raging fire located to the left of the front door. Plants of all different kinds hung from the roof, sat on windowsills, stood on handmade stools and benches, some even resting on the wooden floors. Brown dried herbs hung over the fireplace and even some fresh green ones were tied to start the drying process.

With a skeptical gaze, he scanned the rest of the cabin. Every other wall in the cabin had a floor-to-ceiling shelving system with hundreds of bottles. Most of them were either labeled, in colored bottles, or in some sort of compartmentalize box.

“Good evening.”

The voice startled him as his attention flew to the person standing by a table of instruments. The Healer raised his eyebrows as his hands (left hand with a cleaning cloth, right hand with a dangerous looking knife) worked. The blood on the knife didn't go unnoticed.

The Healer was strange. He wore attire completely unfit for his title, such as a hoodie with the hood pulled over his cap, and a pair of dark baggy sweatpants. Only socks. No shoes. His decorative jewelry flickered in the light whenever he moved with enough motion.

“Hwang Hyunjin,” Chan continued. “New Mafia boss of Malefic.”

Hwang Hyunjin. Electricity and Fire user.

“Healer–”

“Chan.”

Hyunjin startled at the interruption. He took a moment to recompose himself before starting again.

“I’ve come to ask a favor of you.”

Chan looked down to finish wiping the knife and then set it down among its companions. He reached for a set of gloves and began to slide his fingers into them.

“Hyunjin I’m afraid your father did not teach you just exactly where I fall in line with the two Mafia’s,” his hands reached for something underneath his table. The bottle he placed down on the table was rich with green liquid. “And where my abilities stand.”

“I was told you could tell me something I want to know regarding Mafia Grim,” Hyunjin spoke, walking closer to cool off from the fire.

Chan ignored him, “My role is neutral. I do not bend to either Mafia. Thus, the abilities I possess are not on the table for those to bargain with at their own gain.”

“Is you holding information on them from me and everyone else not a clear violation to your said neutrality?” Hyunjin reached to grab one of the bottles off the shelf closest to him when his hand lit up with strong licks of pain and almost brought him to his knees before it flickered out as if it hadn’t even touched him.

Chan was staring at him with strong focused eyes, daring him to do it again. With a calculated step, Hyunjin stepped away from the shelf remembering who was in charge here.

“Like I said,” Chan took the green liquid and poured it on the cloth and began to slowly coat the instruments, watching it sizzle and burn the impurities coating them. “It does not matter what I know. Only that by me remaining neutral means that I will not grant you knowledge for your own evil gain.”

Frustration hit Hyunjin hard at the Healers words, “Do not talk to me of evil gain. You are Death itself. There is nothing pure about what you are or anything you’ve done for that matter.”

An explosive force jolted through Hyunjin as wind whipped around him so strongly, he lost his balance. Purple waves and black smoke like tendrils erupted from the Healer. His voice was a loud echo as it dropped a few octaves.

“I am both Life and Death! Leave or you will discover what I have done to only a few by yielding the power of both!” The Healer’s voice was booming viciously. Hyunjin fought his way to the door, grabbing the handle and opening it with much difficulty. But in the midst of his escape heard Chan’s last words.

“What you seek to gain will result incompatible with what you desire the most—”

Hwang Hyunjin wanted power. And he knew Mafia Grim had it. He wanted it; he wanted the power so badly.

“Destruction.”

The sun hadn’t broken the edge of dawn when you woke. Now that you were home, it was hard to get used to your bed and the routine. This time of day you’d already be out on the peaks playing and training with the air as the sun rose. Being in a room wasn’t going to stop you from continuing your morning fun.

It was cool when you stepped outside. The stars were fading away as the light from the sun began to diminish them to sleep. Your eyes scanned your surroundings for a comfortable place to put yourself for the morning, which after a moment of deciding, you settle on the roof of the fortress.

Once you were perched right on the top of the roof, your eyes slide shut as you reached deep inside you for your power. Everything was quiet. The smell of sweet dew filled your nostrils, and the feeling of a thick cool mist touched your skin in a gentle greeting.

When you opened your eyes, the fortress and land around you was enhanced by the thick mist. Not fog, with that you couldn’t see the beautiful mountains beyond and the trees filling the valley.

“Is this a morning ritual?” came a soft voice to your right. You simply smiled at him as he took a seat next to you.

Jeongin. Force field and invisibility user.

And a part of your brother's inner circle.

The two of you sat side by side in silence for the morning. Jeongin watched your powers work in interest and awe. He’d only visited you when you were off the training schedule. Minho had only told him the things you could do since he’d seen them in person. It was amazing to have you back home and experiencing all that you had learned.

“This is only a tiny sliver of my power in its calm state,” you mumbled, not wanting to disrupt the beautiful silence. Jeongin’s heart thundered in excitement as he only imagined what it would look like in all its glory.

“Breakfast?” he asked after the sun finished peaking over the edge of the horizon. He took your hand in his and together you climbed down the roof to enjoy the rest of the morning.

Once inside, Minho came to you looking slightly rushed.

“There you are,” he looked at the two of you standing together. “Somethings happened. Meet me in my office.”

You looked at Jeongin as Minho scurries off to go find everyone else. He shrugged causally but kept focused as the two of you walked to the said office to wait on everyone else.

When everyone has gathered around, Minho began.

“I just received news from the Healer that the Ancient Peacemaker passed early this morning.”

“The last one?” Han was in shock at the sudden passing. “But that means–”

“Mafia Malefic is no longer suffering repercussions from when they disrupted the peace between us by killing my–” Minho glanced at you, “our parents.”

“War is upon us now,” Han sighed out.

Han. Illusion and Time Master.

“Does Chan know if it was an ill murder or natural passing?” Jeongin spoke up. Since Mafia Malefic had already done something horrific, it wouldn’t come as a shock if they were behind it.

Minho clenched his jaw tightly, “Chan said there was foul play. I could taste blood in the air the same time it happened.”

“It has to have been done intentionally. Whoever committed the crime is using it to frighten enemies and to assert dominance,” Han spoke, but his mind was far away reality, lost deep in thought. You shifted uncomfortably at the sudden realization that you weren't safe.

“So, what does this mean for us?” you piped up. “I mean, what do we do moving forward? What if Mafia Malefic is behind this and they took out the Peacemaker to get to us again?”

“We keep our guard up. Chan spoke of a funeral. A funeral which everyone in this land attends to honor the Peacemaker before a new one is born,” Minho answered. The room was heavy. “I can only hope that if both Mafia’s are present the means of the funeral will be enough to keep any attacks from sprouting. Though I can’t promise anything. Mafia Malefic would be stupid for showing themselves after all these years despite their attendance being mandatory.”

“Then I guess we will have to see,” you replied, standing up from your chair with a mission you wanted to complete. Worry was striking your heart and you needed some peace of mind.

“Where are you going?” Jeongin asked, stopping you from flying out the door.

“I don’t want you going far with the Peacemaker dead,” Minho warned. You shot him a smile. Where you were headed off to be was a place no one would dare attempt to attack you.

“Don’t worry. I won’t go too far.”

The sun was now high in the sky directly overhead, beaming down hot rays against your head and skin. It was uncomfortable but the last thing on your mind as you trekked through the forest with a quick step. Birds sang in the distance, and everything was lush and green. What did that mean? There was water close by.

In only but a couple hundred feet did you start to hear the sounds of rushing water. Then you were upon it. Clear rushing water sparkling under the sun with pebbles and rocks at the bottom. It was about knee to ankle deep like you remembered it.

No one else was here except for the person you were expecting. He stood on the other side of the bank smiling at you with the prettiest smile. He looked the same as you’d left him that night in Minho’s office. The small path of dry rock sticking out from the rivers current gave him a way to you.

“I thought you might show up,” the Healer smiled at you warmly when he reached you, taking your hand in his and bringing it to his lips politely. His lips barely touched your skin before he was pulling away and returning to his herb picking.

“Then I suppose you know the exact reasoning behind my presence?” you inquired, walking to the water’s edge.

The water sparkled up at you like it was giving you an eye smile. Without even lifting a finger, mist fiddled upward from the water surface and caught the reflected light in a warm hug, casting a rainbow. Chan watched from the corner of his eyes, knowing full well that it took an incredibly strong mindset to be able to perform one’s skill without lifting a finger. On the inside, the Healer was chuckling to himself as he remembered the visitor in his cabin all those years ago who wanted to understand what you were.

Oh, he was going to have a field day.

“I know of your intentions, yes,” Chan nodded, taking out a cloth and placing some herbs on one side and folding the rest of the cloth over top of them. “But I cannot grant them.”

Now you were looking at him. “Why not?”

“It is for your own gain,” Chan only smiled. “You of all people know my ways.”

“What if I were to give you something in return?” the two of you held eye contact for a moment. The slight glint in his eye was a peek of interest.

“I’m forbidden to accept or bargain if it be for your own gain,” Chan made his way to you as you stood from the bank of the river. “Though, I am listening.”

“Two twines of Mullein herb from the deep pockets of the Senator caves.”

Chan’s jaw clenched, hard. He desperately needed the herbal medicine for his chronic cough patients.

“Five twines.” he bargained.

“Three.”

“Four and a bushel of Feverfew and we have a deal.”

You lifted your chin slightly, “Fine, deal.”

Chan smirked slightly and stepped away to pick fruit from nearby trees. It was silent for a few breaths as the wind rustled through the tree trees and the soft flowing of the water behind you made your heart yearn to jump in and swim.

“So,” Chan smiled once more. “Tell me what you request.”

“I thought you already knew my request?” you teased, pressing your lips into a line to hide your growing smile as the Healer quirked an annoyed eyebrow at you.

“What I know could make or break you, Y/n,” Chan warned lightly. “Tread carefully.”

Now you were slightly nervous. He was right, but this information wasn’t for you, it was for your brother.

“Will Mafia Grim fall?”

Chan was surprised. He was expecting some request at your own gain. Perhaps he didn't know you all that well...that made him nervous. You watched as the surprise in his face changed to a grim and darker shadow. His eyes held an apologetic glint in his eye.

Your stomach dropped at what he was telling you. Instantly you looked away, your thoughts running a million different miles at the revelation. What were you going to do? How were you going to protect Minho?

“Will it be Mafia Malefic who does it?”

Chan didn’t respond.

Without another word you began walking back in the direction you came, needing to get as far away from the Healer as you could to avoid him being injured. You were about to explode. You could feel it.

“Y/n!” Chan’s voice stopped you in your tracks. “Mafia Malefic will not be responsible for the downfall.”

A breath of tension as your mind began spiraling. Chan’s eye shifted to sadness.

“Y/n, you will be the downfall of Mafia Grim.”

And then darkness covered your eyes.

Chan watched as your eyes fell shut and just like the night in the office, thick flames of white fire shot up in a perfect circle around you. Fire engulfed you entirely as a pulse stronger than anything Chan’s ever felt washed over him in waves. This time it was double the amount of strength it had once been.

But then a cloud appeared over the two of you and a thick drizzle began to fall as thick rolls of fog came over the river and seeped from the bottom of the treeline. Chan stood in amazement as he watched the drizzling water put out the fire slowly.

Once the fire was extinguished, Chan realized just how much exertion the outburst took from your body. You fell to your hands and knees as you regained consciousness. Chan came over and laid a hand on your shoulder as he extended a cup of medicine he’d created with his skill.

“Drink.”

You did with strong, fast gulps. The drizzle was beginning to make you feel cold and weak.

“I’ll take you back home,” Chan mumbled, lifting you up before taking you in his arms and beginning the walk back to your home. His words were the last thing you heard before slipping into an exhaustion ridden sleep. “Just call for me when this happens. I will always help.”

Months later you were worse. Chan’s words rang through your head like a ritual chant, taunting you over how you’d be the one to make Mafia Grim fall. It kept you awake, distracted you in the mornings, and made you suffer in so many other ways. And with the news spreading fast that someone (probably Mafia Malefic) had murdered the Peacemaker, the tension was high.

Most nights you thought to grab your things and disappear permanently before anything happened. During the day you avoided Minho as much as you could without being suspicious, but you knew he was catching onto your weird behavior. You tried your hardest to remain unbothered, but your thoughts were restless. Constantly bothering you.

As for the others, Han and Jeongin seemed slightly out of the loop on your behavior and were instead putting on full focus after learning the passing of the Peacemaker. Things could change at any minute and they needed to be prepared. Nobody was stopping Mafia Malefic from attempting to slaughter the rest of you before the funeral. Nobody except for Minho; he wouldn’t allow it. Not after losing both parents.

By the time the funeral for the Peacemaker came around, your emotions were getting out of control. Episodes like the one you had at the river began to happen frequently. You would wake up after being unconscious and find yourself in bed drenched in sweat or on the floor heaving for air--sometimes in different parts of the house at night. They were hard to understand and to control.

“Hey,” Minho’s hand gently grazed your elbow as he took a seat beside you the night before the funeral. His eyebrows were furrowed softly, “talk to me.”

After dinner you disappeared fast, prompting him to look for you. He found you in your room on the floor, fog filling the floor and a chill so cold he almost couldn’t enter.

“I’m fine, really,” you insisted, trying to avoid this conversation without suspicion. “Minho, I promise.”

“How long have you been having episodes?” he pushed. You debated on telling him the truth.

“Since the day we found out the Peacemaker passed.” Truth. Minho listened intently. “I think since Mafia Malefic is no longer facing consequences, I’m nervous about them attacking us and making us fall.”

Lie.

“I won’t let that happen,” Minho’s eyes were hard and determined. He hugged you strongly, holding you in his arm comfortingly. The sudden show of affection only made you feel worse. Tears slipped past your lashes as you squeeze him back.

You had to leave as soon as possible.

It was the morning of the funeral when you got up from bed and sensed for the first time in a long time, peace. It was strange but welcome as you got ready. It was smart to wear something formal yet protective in case of an attack.

Minho, Han, and Jeongin did the same with their apparel in preparation for the funeral. Once everyone was ready, the four of you gathered into the main foyer and circled up. Minho watched the clock and just as it struck 9 o’clock, he nodded.

You stepped forward, extending your hands out for Han to grab and for Minho to take, leaving Jeongin placing his hand on your right shoulder. Heavy thick rolls of fog erupted from underneath you and engulfed the four of you as you apparated to the Cliffs of the furthest mountain range.

The sky was gloomy as if it understood the situation and mourned for the Peacemaker. Deep dark blue puffy looking clouds rolled in from the west despite the early morning. Those clouds filled Minho’s soul with relaxation as he took a deep breath through his nose. This was just what he needed to start his morning. Just like a fresh cup of coffee.

“Minho,” Jeongin spoke up, speaking through his teeth. “Your 12 o’clock.”

Directly ahead stood the trio of Mafia Malefic’s inner circle. They all stood in pitch black leather with thick dark royal blue cloaks sitting off their shoulders. Their leader was absent, but that didn't deter them from looking intimidating.

“Figures,” Minho mumbled below his breath. “They always overdress any occasion.”

The broad muscular one in the center caught your attention first. He was very familiar to you due to your observation training and studying the night previous.

Changbin. Blade Conjurer and Darkness User.

He was Mafia Malefic’s most lethal weapon; literally. He could conjure up any blade known to man and that mixed with his darkness...he was not something to be trifled with. His accomplice to his right was not to be reckoned with either.

Seungmin. Mind Controller and Whisper User.

Seungmin, in your option was much more dangerous. He could infiltrate anyone and anything without even lifting his finger if it weren’t for his limit; he was cursed with it years ago after crossing a bad line with a Witch Cursor. This limit however didn’t stop him from using his skill dangerously.

“Remember what we went over,” Han said to you, noticing Seungmin’s gaze now homing directly on you. A wicked smirk lit up Seungmin’s face indicating he heard what Han had said with the use of his Whisper skills.

“What doesn’t kill him, disappoints me,” you mumbled back to Han under your breath. Now Seungmin was smiling wickedly with a playful glint in his eyes like he was ready to have some fun. He was in for a rude awakening.

The last one was Hyunjin’s second in command. He seemed softer and if you viewed his skill from an outside perspective, it seemed weak, but have you ever tried to look into the sun and won the challenge?

Felix. Sun and Light User.

It was rare to see Felix use his powers to harm others, though he could do it and create massive damage. He was often used to help the other two in combat, providing loopholes and pockets for them to use to their advantage. Felix enjoyed making people happy rather than destroying them.

Despite all three of them being able to hold their own, one of them was missing.

“Only time will tell,” Minho said to you as he noticed your eyes sweeping the area for said person.

Felix himself was observing you and your family, homing in on you more specifically. Changbin raised his chin up slightly in defense while glancing over at Seungmin to figure out his assessment.

Han scared Felix in most ways because of his skill. He’s been on the short end of that skill and paid for it heavily, having been bed ridden with petrifying nightmares for weeks. Seungmin helped control the worst of it but barely managed to keep Felix at bay.

As for Jeongin, he was a lot stronger than meets the eye and very light on his feet which made his close up attacks lethal and dangerous. Despite Changbin’s fierce abilities, Jeongin has given him a run for his money not once, not twice, but three times over. Changbin has never once slipped since then but only dreamed of delivering such a blow in return. Jeongin always managed to evade it.

Now Minho, Felix had heard of him but didn’t know what to expect considering he was only a child before his parents died. However, he was expecting him to be strong and not worth stirring up.

A brisk wind washed over Felix right as his eyes landed back on you. You were the one nobody knew anything about other than the Healer himself. Rumor has it something bad happened at your expense the night your parents died and the only ones to witness it were Minho and the Healer. When you were sent away to the mountains, Felix knew whatever you possessed, Minho didn’t want anyone to know about it. All of them wanted to know just exactly what you had up your sleeve. Just how dangerous you were and what to look out for. Especially since you were now known by whisper as Minho’s strong hand. That wasn’t common in a Mafia according to tradition.

“How easy is it to get into her head?” Changbin whispered to Seungmin. Felix didn’t have to possess the skill of Whisper to hear what the Blade Conjurer had asked.

“Aht,” Felix clicked his tongue in disapproval. “Orders are orders. You aren’t to do anything unless boss says.”

“I didn’t tell him to,” Changbin countered, eyes still focused on you. Felix pinched him under his armpit.

“You’re insinuating it,” Felix bit back.

Just then, the world began to fall away. The ground was being replaced by old cottage wood flooring and the sky was being blocked out by an old hay roof forming overhead. Panic struck through Felix like a lightning bolt and his knees buckled at the impact of how fast everything was changing. How fast the one place his nightmares stemmed from was forming around him.

Walls closing in and ear deafening screams—

In the blink of an eye it disappeared, leaving Felix gasping for air as he re-centered himself. Changbin was experiencing the same as he too recovered. Felix’s eyes shot to Han, Illusion Master, who was returning the gaze with a sharp warning look.

Felix looked at Seungmin who was glaring at Han.

“Get away from her mind right now!” Felix demanded, knowing the only reason Han did that was because Seungmin had been poking at your head.

Seungmin looked away and faced his group before lazily casting his gaze to the open cliff. “She dared me to try it.”

Just as you were smiling to yourself over how easy it was to taunt the Mind Controller, you felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and the atmosphere held a strong buzz. Minho took your hand right as a blue buzzing light with great magnitude struck the ground twenty feet away. A person, more specifically a male, stood on the now smoldering black ground as he adjusted himself. Loud cracks and popping left him as he took steps towards you.

He stopped in front of you, eyes scanning your figure, your face, searching your eyes. His gaze pressured you unlike any other. He was undeniably handsome. His eyes were a fierce almond shape with dark luring iris’s, his jawline sharp, lips plump and gorgeous while his nose was straight. His hair was long behind his ears and on the sides of his temples, pitch black in color. Just like his skill, his hair had a kinked curl to it.

Hyunjin. The most lethal Mafia boss to ever rule Malefic. There was no explaining what Hyunjin had done in his reign. It was nothing short of evil.

“Hyunjin,” Minho acknowledged, stepping up beside you.

Hyunjin didn’t tear his eyes away from you, “Minho.”

“Look at me when I’m talking to you.”

Hyunjin only cracked a small smile as his gaze moved to Minho briefly. “I don’t listen to little boys.”

Hyunjin’s attention flew to the strong painful frostbite feeling as his left hand. It burned badly and almost floored him—then it quit. Hyunjin was already looking at you.

“That’s a warning,” you said simply.

“An Ice User,” Hyunjin smiled, noticing his inner circle had gathered behind him. “I could have sworn you were a White Mist User. Shame. I was hoping for a challenge.”

Though Hyunjin’s words rang out, he was very unsure of them. No Ice User had ever given him that much pain. You were something entirely different and he wanted to know what.

Jeongin snorted loudly, having seen your skills up close, knowing that Hyunjin would actually break a sweat going up against you. Hyunjin didn’t miss the mockery.

“We’re not here to fight,” Minho cut in, stepping in front of you. “Though I have complete justification to do just that.”

“Wise thinking.” All of you turned to the new voice. The Healer was wearing something other than his hoodie for once, opting for a black button up and some dress pants. His hair was styled, and he smelled of pine.

“I might advise you to wait until after the funeral is over to avoid adding an additional coffin,” he was looking at Hyunjin as if he would be the one dead. “I’m sure your inner circle would agree.”

You caught the wink he sent you before leisurely walking over to where the coffin rested. Hyunjin gave you a once over before spitting at Minho’s feet.

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding as soon as they were far enough away. The four of you shared looks before making your way to the seating area.

Hyunjin mumbled under his breath just enough for Seungmin to hear right as the ceremony started.

“Break her.”

The ceremony was just about halfway done, led by a local preacher. During the ceremony he explained just how much a Peacemaker takes care of his community and how much he contributes. Until a new Peacemaker is born that duty falls to the people for the time being. It was very factual and informative for you to know such things.

But what occupied your mind instead of the preacher speaking during a scripture reading, was if the duty fell to the people while the Peacemaker was gone then you needed to leave town by tonight to avoid disaster.

Thoughts of you destroying everyone here at this moment made your heart race. What if this was what Chan meant by you being the downfall? Or would it be through other means? There were children here from the town along with women and babies. There was no guarantee you would not harm them in the process.

Within minutes, your emotions had taken over and you were beginning to panic. All you could see were the images passing through your mind like a film canister rolling through a film camera. No training had ever been given to control your emotions due to the calm and peacefulness of the mountains. This hadn’t come up before.

Do it.

No, no. You couldn’t have an attack right now. You had to fight it.

Just let it happen.

Now you were slightly shaking, breaths becoming staggered, numbing rushing through parts of your body. Tunnel vision and dizziness. Your stomach turning with nausea. While your thoughts were fogging over, so was the ground. Just like all the other attacks, thick fog began to creep along the ground, alerting some people as it crept past their feet underneath their chairs.

Hyunjin noticed the fog instantly and looked at Seungmin to see him concentrating deeply. Hyunjin was now more than confused as the fog was an indicator of a White Mist user. You could be both an Ice user and a White Mist user, but they weren’t very common.

When you felt that ice cold feeling in the middle of your spine, you panicked. You looked up frantically to see Minho glancing back at you worriedly. From across the aisle, Chan looked at you, knowing exactly what was happening, but remained seated. What sent you into pre-attack was the look on Hyunjin’s face.

Gotcha.

And then a faint breathless whisper right next to your ear, “Do it.”

Chan threw a protection spell around you as thick white fog exploded from you, right before white flames covered you. A drop of sweat fell from his brow as he knelt down on the ground, trying with all his might to prevent those fleeing away from you from injury. Mafia Malefic was up in an instant rushing to attack. Chan was faster, knowing this was not the fate he’d seen many years before. Chan released the protection spell and split the cliff in half, opening it to the fire pits of hell, letting the rift separate both Mafia’s. Hyunjin halted at the edge, ready to attack if things came to that.

Minho was fast at work, getting the rain from the clouds to begin a soothing treatment to calm you. Han and Jeongin remained still at the command of Minho, waiting to jump in and help when called. They took it upon themselves to be physical barriers between you and Mafia Malefic. Though they were your family, it did not settle the nerves spiking in their bodies over the sight of you.

Just before Minho could release the rain, you attacked.

White fire shot straight at Mafia Malefic, aiming at Seungmin who barely dodged. But he wasn’t quick enough to dodge the second as he was hit with a wall of more fire. Minho watched in complete shock and horror as you shot to the sky and put out that thick white mist to snuff everyone out into a disadvantage.

Hyunjin whipped his blue loud popping electricity right from his fingertips as he strategically felt through the mist for any movement. Then he felt it. That ice cold feeling he felt at his hand in stark contrast to the heat coming from the bottom of the split cliff. He spun around just in time to dodge your attack and used a zap attack to try and disable you. When the mist cleared just enough for Hyunjin to see, you had a white fire shield blocking his attack. Your eyes were glowing white, filled with a hatred he’d never seen before.

A cold chill ran down his spine.

“Hyunjin move!” Felix called out right before white fire bolts were raining down on top of him. But Hyunjin was moved not on his own accord.

Jeongin had moved him with the help of his skill to spare him from the worst of the bolts. His shoulder was on fire and his hand was injured, barely escaping the edge of death.

“Don’t attack her!” Han called, using his time skills to know the exact moves you were about to use only seconds before they happened. “You all will die!”

Felix emitted light allowing for better vision. Changbin was now battling you with a blade of mass destruction, however to Hyunjin’s horror, you had your own blade made of the same fire as your shield, repeating spar after spar of sequenced moves to exhaust Changbin.

Then, Changbin was struck down in two moves, completely defenseless as you arched your weapon. Just before you could deliver a devastating blow, you were knocked out cold. You fell to the ground, still bright in white flames. Changbin conjured a massive weapon and made a move to bedhead you. Minho acted fast and used a lightning bolt to block the attack.

“Enough!” Chan roared; hand still extended toward you after using an Anesthetic spell. He was knelt down by an unconscious Seungmin who had deep rose-pink marks on his skin. His clothes had seared holes and his skin was paler than a sheet of paper. Hyunjin came over and took a hold of Seungmin in his arms, wincing at how cold he was. They needed to get back home immediately.

“Don’t touch her!” Chan demanded when Minho went to roll you over onto your back. The flames had ceased and you were now unconscious, but that didn't mean you were safe to be touched. “Or you’ll end up just like him.”

Everyone looked at Seungmin to see if he was still breathing. Barely. Guilt swarmed over Hyunjin knowing he told Seungmin to get into your head which is why you attacked him first. Hyunjin feared if he hadn’t asked Seungmin to do it, he would have been the one you attacked instead.

“You told him to get into her mind didn’t you?” Minho asked, fury slipping off of him like a deadly poison. Hyunjin ignored him and kept looking as his friend, examining wounds he’s never seen before. “Answer me!”

“You are to blame!” Felix cut in. Tension rose as Felix's voice became louder. “He never should have gotten into her head, but you should’ve told everyone what she was! By hiding her and keeping us in the dark is the reason both of them are in this state.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything!” Minho’s voice thundered. Deep rolls of thunder sounded in the distance. “Why would I after you attacked and killed my parents and the Peacemaker? Why would I tell you what she is when all you would do was kill her too?”

Everyone was silent.

“I’d rather keep her a secret and have you lose someone out of sheer stupidity than reveal her and have you take her from me,” Minho’s words were like a knife, cutting through everyone. “At least then you’d know how it feels.”

Hyunjin released Seungmin and extended his hand that was now popping and whirring with electricity. Changbin limped forward and put a hand on Hyunjin’s chest, facing him.

“Not right now,” his voice was strained. He was putting all his strength into his step. “Seungmin is top priority right now.”

Hyunjin shoved Changbin away and faced Minho again. The two Mafia bosses said nothing as it slowly began to sprinkle. Rage was pulsing through Hyunjin’s heart and he wanted nothing more than to rip Minho to shreds.

“What is done in the dark always comes to light,” Minho snapped, instantly grabbing the fist punch Hyunjin threw at him, taking the chance to deliver his own attack. Han jumped straight into the middle and pushed the both of them apart, clearly at his wits end. Hyunjin threw him a dirty smirk with an eye roll as he slow began to back away.

“Stop!” he demanded Minho in a low voice when he made another step to jab. “Don’t let him get under your skin.”

“Get Seungmin back to your headquarters,” Chan looked to Felix who nodded once and helped Changbin haul Seungmin onto their shoulders.

Hyunjin began to laugh slightly, wanting to taunt Minho. “You’re a coward, Minho. You couldn’t even train her to kill me the second I was in front of her. One day you’ll be bowing before me asking for mercy.”

Minho gritted his teeth, “I won’t be there. I’ll be at your cremation. And the best part about it will be her doing it.”

Another sharp laugh escaped Hyunjin as he glared at Minho. What terrified him was he actually feared you doing something like that to him. Not a moment later, Hyunjin was transporting his team back to headquarters.

Chan sealed the cliff back together within seconds afterwards and got straight to work. Minho stood by Chan's side, praying you'd be okay, and he wouldn't lose you. Han placed his hand on Minho's shoulder when Chan was unsuccessful three times in a row. It didn't look good and there was no telling what the outcome would be.

Later in the evening, Hyunjin knelt down next to Seungmin’s bed waiting for Chan to come by. The groans of pain coming from his close friend worried him with every passing second. He couldn't touch Seungmin for fear of hurting him further and his patience with Chan was running thin.

“Why did you do it?” Felix asked from the door. Hyunjin let his head fall to the edge of the bed at the question.

“I shouldn’t have,” Hyunjin mumbled looking at Seungmin once more. “I just wanted to know exactly what she was and why they were hiding her. My inability to stand by and observe almost cost me.”

“You should have known since that night.”

“I didn’t want to believe she was the one who did it.”

Two sets of footsteps echoed down the wood floor hallway, nearing the room Felix, Hyunjin and Seungmin occupied. A few more steps echoed and then Changbin appeared with Chan by his side. The two of them said nothing as Chan clapped a hand on Felix’s shoulder before entering the room. The Healer came over to the bedside and moved around Hyunjin who got up from the floor and out of the Healer's way.

After some long painful minutes of Chan examining Seungmin, he spoke.

“He’ll recover,” he looked through his trusted bag and pulled a few bottles out. “Do you have any clean cloth I can borrow? And a warm basin of water?”

Felix was leaving the room without moments pause to fetch the things Chan requested.

“His wounds will take time to heal,” he continued, “But just like his curse, the wounds will leave their mark.”

“What are those wounds if I may inquire?” Hyunjin asked. Changbin placed himself beside the Mafia boss, curious as well.

Felix came back with the said items and aided Chan in his practice. Chan took the cloths from Felix and answered, “These wounds are frostbite burns. The areas that are worse will leave their mark, but some of them can be persuaded.”

“How?” Changbin asked. Something about the idea of somebody possessing the ability to create wounds like this didn’t settle with him very well.

“I think your boss can tell you that,” Chan replied, dabbing a medicine-soaked cloth onto a burn traced from Seungmin’s left shoulder down in front of his chest to his ribs. Seungmin stirred at the contact and let out a deep groan before his eyes were peeking open. Changbin went around the bed and sat down on the mattress.

“Son of a–” Seungmin groaned, heaving breaths of air as he fought the pain. This face contorted and then slowly relaxed as relief washed over his body. Chan drew back and began to work on another burn, less bad than the previous.

“What is she?” Seungmin gritted out. Sweat covered him now as his body began to fight the wounds on its own. “And why did she explode like that?”

“She’s a White Mist and Fire user,” Chan glanced at Hyunjin who remained expressionless. “She’s the first one of her kind in 10 thousand years. As for why she exploded, she’s dealing with a lot mentally. Don’t blame her for the explosion when you’re the one who poked her.”

“How was I supposed to know when you wouldn’t tell me what was happening?” Hyunjin snapped. Felix gave him a warning stare.

“You wanted to kill her,” Chan simple stated.

“Can you blame me after hearing and seeing the horrors of that night?” Hyunjin barked out irrationally, halting when he realized he had revealed something he meant to keep to himself.

His team stared at him dumbfounded. Hyunjin jumped to answer before they could bombard him with heated questions. “Yes, I was there. I saw a bright light flash and I watched her go into such a state of shock that even I almost forgot what happened. Her parents were dead when she woke up. I didn't do it.”

Chan was now looking at Hyunjin very seriously. Felix had to sit down and both Changbin and Seungmin had grown still, well as still as Seungmin could get.

Hyunjin gulped, “I saw her in the room her parents were, and when they revealed some sort of information to her that was when I saw the bright light. When I looked once more, they were both dead. She was crying over them right as I was discovered in the hallway by a guard.”

“Did you see anything else?” Chan pushed, giving Seungmin a bored look when the Mind Controller spit a nasty word at him over the pain.

“No…” Hyunjin lied.

He did see something else. He knew you saw him but now he was sure you hadn’t been conscious when you saw him. Your eyes had been the same glowing white.

Chan sighed deeply. The stress growing on him hadn’t been this strong in years. He needed to take some time alone to think things over and understand exactly what was going on here. When Chan was leaving, promising to check on Seungmin in the morning, Hyunjin pulled him aside.

“There’s something else." Hyunjin said, his mind reeling over the question. "Do you know anything about soulmates?"

Back at home, the second you regained consciousness, you were in Minho's room under the covers. It took you a few minutes to fully understand why you were in his room. Memories of the funeral came flooding into your mind the instant your feet were on the floor. The rush made your head throb and panic filled your heart when you couldn't remember what happened after you exploded.

Your feet carried you fast across the wooden floor to the door of Minho's room. It opened with a bang against the wall behind it as you threw yourself into the hall, catching your balance on the wall in front of you. Everything was dark. It was night outside and there was no sound in the house.

"Minho?" you called out loudly, walking down the hallway in a panic. "Han? Jeongin?"

No answer.

Fog began to seep in through the windows and underneath doorways the longer you walked the floor plan of your home, looking and searching for any signs of life other than your own. The entire house was dark and no one was in their rooms asleep. Their rooms were a mess from getting ready for the funeral just like you left them and there was no note left for you explaining what was happening.

When you came to the living room, you collapsed on the floor in the center of the room, letting out a sob as tears streamed down your face.

Y/n, you will be the downfall of Mafia Grim.

The words stung your heart and you gripped your hair, yanking at the stands. How could this have happened? It was just like the night your parents died. Why was it that when you experienced an episode as strong as you did that night and like the one last night, that people died or disappeared? What was the root of all of this?

A tear escaped your eye at the sound of Chan's words repeating itself over and over in your mind. Taunting and tormenting you to the point of no return. You couldn't live with yourself over what happened. The truth of the matter was Minho was gone. Han and Jeongin were gone and there was no way of getting them back.

The mountains were the place you needed to go, to escape. You needed to get far away from everyone.

Hours later, deep into the forest is where you found yourself, aimlessly trying for the mountains. Each step you took only quickened as your breathing became heavy and you felt your chest caving in with your pulse rushing in your ears. This panicking had to stop, or you’d explode again. You could not bare to loose control again. More tears were streaming down your face.

“Don’t tell me,” a voice echoed loudly, halting your steps as you frantically began glancing around you. “You're running away to try and be….mmm what could it be? A hero? A protector? A good sister?”

You whorled around to see none other than Hyunjin. He smirked deeply, “Don’t make me laugh.”

Despite your current state you couldn’t help the snarl coming from your lips, “Says the one who’s a clown making a joke out of his choice of location right now.”

A wicked sociopath smile creeps onto his face as he tucks his fingers behind his back. “Then you’re the perfect punchline to my little joke.”

“Bite me, see what happens.”

“It would be fun.”

He didn't deserve a response. With a quick step you turn back around and began walking in the direction that you were going in before he showed up and stopped you.

“I know what's happened,” he called. You hated the way your feet stopped in place at his words. “Running away will not get them back nor can you find them yourself all alone.”

A scoff coughed up from your chest, “Oh yeah and I’m supposed to believe that you know what I can and can't accomplish on my own?”

“I know you are capable of finding them on your own, but I also know that if they're gone, you're going to be next. You're venerable Y/n. I know it and so does whoever it is that killed the Peacemaker and took your family."

Silence passed for a beat. His words rang true in the air and you hated it. You hated how he was right and more importantly, you hated how you knew this from the beginning and chose to ignore it.

“What are you proposing I do then?” you inquired, throwing your hands up dramatically as you let every defense you had up, down. You were tired. So incredibly tired.

“I don’t reveal my plans to prying ears.”

You glanced around realizing he wasn't referring to you, and suddenly you felt a hundred different things listening in on the two most dangerous people in the valley. You had to agree with him on keeping this conversation private.

“You’ll just have to trust me.” he finished.

For a moment you gave it a thought, going over every scenario and instance you could conjure up before finalizing your thoughts. Maybe if you went with him, he could help you get Minho back. With a few steps you stood in front of him, “Lead the way.”

He smirked once more and extended his hand for you to take. Unbeknownst to you, Hyunjin noticed the tears on your face. He would fix this, he just needed you to accept his offer and then he would know.

You furrowed your eyebrows and rejected his hand. Hyunjin only rolled his eyes as you spoke, “I said I’d follow you, not take your hand.”

Hyunjin looked at you incredulously, “Do you know just how far you’ve walked? It would take us three hours before we reached my headquarters.”

Three hours?! Had you really been so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t realize just how far you’ve walked?

“Fine. But we’re going my way not yours.”

“No deal.”

“I don’t know you which means I’m not allowing you to take us through your means of apparation.” You snarled meanly.

Hyunjin glared at you, “I could say the same thing except for I didn’t almost kill everyone so automatically my way seems safer.”

Pain struck you in the chest at his words. The thought of Minho being dead almost had you dying from a broken heart. A huff escaped you as the guilt overwhelmed you. You hadn’t meant to almost kill everyone. But according to your anxiety that’s exactly what you meant to do.

A breeze blew by as the two of you stood together. It was warm and welcoming, drying up the tears welling in your eyes. You turned your head away from the Mafia boss and simply nodded, placing your hand in his. To your surprise, his hand was gentle and soft. Hyunjin only gripped enough to keep a hold on you as pops and zaps filled your ears followed by a bright electric blue flash.

Your feet sunk into the surface underneath you slightly as you took in your surroundings.

The room was welcoming, white furniture, dark cement-colored walls, herbs and plants decorating the window to the East. A lush white carpet gave cushion to your feet and a great white comforted bed sat quietly on the south wall. The rest of the room was spacious. A bathroom sat directly opposite the bed.

“Rest if you need and get cleaned up,” Hyunjin spoke, lighting a candle over on the desk. “When you’re finished, touch the wire running along the wall.”

Sure enough, there was a very thin wire running along the perimeter of the room, almost snug with the wall.

Then he was gone. For maybe half an hour you stood in the middle of the room questioning and wondering just exactly what you were thinking when you agreed to come with him.

Eventually, you explored the bathroom (a huge white tub, a shower with three different shower heads, a toilet with enough buttons to confuse you, two sinks and a linen closet full of the softest towels you’d ever touched) long enough to waste more time before deciding to shower. It took longer when you couldn’t figure out how things worked. What kept you even longer was the hot water and how baffled you were to find the exact scent of shampoo you used.

To say you were skeptical when you finally touched the wire running along the wall, would be an understatement. You were officially creeped out by your scenario. After a few seconds, small bead-like pulses of blue light began running down the wire toward the door. When you were out into the hall, both sides of the hall lit up blinking in the direction you needed to go, like an airport runway.

With a good, paced step, you follow the lights all the way into an open dining room. The hallways were similar to your room but much darker due to the small number of lights igniting the ceiling. The floor was marble which was slightly darker than the other flooring you'd been walking on.

After a few minutes, you came upon the dining room, entering it. Discomfort swarmed you like a beehive when you saw who was sitting at the table.

Changbin and Felix.

Even looking at you seemed detestable in Changbin’s book as Felix turned his head to face you, providing a simple nod and then he was returning to his plate. You remained at the entrance not daring to move. Their presence reminded you why you agree to go with Hyunjin in the first place. Your family.

“We promise not to bite,” Felix’s deep voice echoed slightly. “If you can promise the same.”

No answer.

“Changbin,” came a higher, smoother voice. You looked to your left to see Hyunjin descending a set of stairs into the dining room. “Care to greet our guest.”

Changbin scoffed slightly, “I won’t entertain your jokes Hyunjin.”

A lick of flame stirred inside you. Hyunjin ticked his tongue rapidly at his Blade Conjurer. “Now, now, don’t attempt to stir anything out of its sleep.”

“Don’t speak of me as if I don’t possess a soul or contain feelings,” you interrupted. Now you had all three of their gazes trained on you. Felix glanced at the other two before nodding.

"That's fair," he said lightly, "Apologies."

It took you a bit before you sat down at the table and even after completing that task, you didn’t eat.

Changbin complained about the only vacant seat being next to him when Hyunjin went to sit down. With little care, Hyunjin simply put the chair next to Felix who didn’t seem to mind at all, though he'd always been a more reasonably tolerable person in Mafia Malefic.

“So, in order to help you, I need your full cooperation,” Hyunjin began, taking a bite out of his food. “Then I can tell you what we'll require to complete our task.”

Your full cooperation? Like hell you were going to give in that easily. “I need to know exactly what I’m getting myself into before I give you my full cooperation.”

“No deal.”

He says that a lot…

“Put yourself in my shoes for a minute,” you stared straight into his eyes as you spoke. “I’m in the opposing Mafia’s headquarters, sitting with the opposing enemy, being offered help that won’t be revealed until I sell my entire cooperation over to the boss. Now you tell me, would you say yes if you were in my shoes?”

Felix gulped and reached for his cup awkwardly, giving Hyunjin a look before taking a drink. The Mafia boss didn't like the look his second in command gave him. Hyunjin only stared back at you, looking as if he knew something you didn’t.

The tension in the room was palpable and not getting any thinner. How long was it going to be like this before two dominant personalities agreed on equal control or one of the two caved? You needed to keep your independence and not rely solely on Hyunjin to help you find Minho, Han, and Jeongin. You needed to make it clear that the Mafia boss couldn't control you.

The room began to get cold. The hair on the back of your neck stood up as fear zapped down your spine. No, no, no, no, no...

You were up from your seat in an instant and backing away from the three of them. You knew why there was only three of them dining with you tonight instead of four. You knew they would all be in the same state if you didn't get out of the room. This was a mistake. No matter how evil they were, you couldn't kill them when you needed their help.

"Y/n," Hyunjin began softly, standing up. You panicked and held out your hand for him to stop.

"No, please, don't come near me," your voice was loud as the rolling mist began to filter in through the openings in the room. "I don't want to hurt you."

For a split second in the moment of Changbin getting up and yelling for Hyunjin to take care of you and get rid of a potential attack, you saw Hyunjin's gaze soften slightly as he ignored your cries for him to stop coming closer to you. How could he feel and react this way toward you with so little information and knowledge of you? How could he when he didn't know you?

"Kill her now!" Changbin's voice rang through your ears as it bounced off the stone and echoed. Panic filled you to the brim, choking you as you looked at Hyunjin fearfully right before everything exploded. You saw Hyunjin jump toward you; a warm touch engulfed your body sending a spark through you right before you lost consciousness, and everything went black.

The next day you found yourself next to your window, looking out. Due to the sworn secrecy, you never knew exactly where Mafia Maleifc's headquarters were. Now that it was daylight and you could see everything in vast majority, you knew exactly where you were. Hidden deep on the other side of the main valley in a deep forest canyon where the second biggest valley lay. Hyunjin must have had someone enchant the place to hide it from the view. From what you could observe, it appeared the fortress was built into the side of the canyon wall.

Rich green and deep cement colored rock was all you could see from your window besides the massive drop to the sloping rock below your room. It was beautiful and private which was comforting. It soothed you like when you lived in the mountains. No one to bother you or see you. It was like you'd never be harm to anyone again. Though you knew better than to think that.

A light caught your eye. It was the wire summoning you to Felix's office.

Last night didn't end very well. When Hyunjin refused to see your side of doing things, and you became anxious, that thing inside your head began to chant for you to get out of the building. You lost all consciousness and when you woke, you were back in your room.

Chan had been there next to you, tending to you and nursing you back to your healthy state. He informed you hadn't injured anybody, thankfully, and everything around you stayed intact. That information struck you with surprise.

"Hey," Chan's voice was soft as he gently laid your awaking figure down against the soft comforter of the bed. "You're okay, just take your time."

Your body felt hot, and your limbs ached deeply. Out of all your attacks this was very different. What confused you even more was the white figure-eight like band wrapped around your left thigh, right below your hip. You would find this later when you changed into something for bed. Unlike most of your attacks where you felt anxious and afraid after the fact, you didn't feel anxious or out of control after today's attack or while you were in the middle of it. You needed answers.

"What happened?" you asked after a minute of silence. "Why am I feeling this way?"

"Explain to me what you're feeling," Chan countered. He knew exactly why you were feeling this way. Hyunjin had him on standby before it happened, knowing that it would. Chan also knew exactly why the attack felt different for you. Now he was curious to know what you'd felt and seen on your end.

"I feel hot and achy," you explained, tapping into your central NeuroSystems to try and understand what else was different. There was something pulsing that was helping you stay grounded and feeling calm. You shut your eyes slowly to really search for the source of that feeling. Endorphins. It was Endorphins that were keeping you calm and... happy. When you went to explain more you couldn't collect your thoughts to overcome the feeling.

"What do you feel, Y/n?" Chan was sincere. You blinked a few times, trying to find words to explain it.

"Chan, something happened. Something I can't even place." to your relief, Chan only nodded as if he understood. "Do you know what it is?"

"I do," Chan nodded. But before you could launch into a heap of questions, Chan continued, "It is not my place to tell you why you are feeling this way, however, I can tell you that from now on, you won't have another attack like you used to have. You won't hurt anyone ever again."

Now you were buzzing with questions. "How is that possible?"

Chan shushed you and pressed a firm, yet gentle, hand on your shoulder to lay you back down against the pillows. "I can't be the one to explain it. Just know that you should have full confidence to practice and learn to know your true powers without harming anyone."

Chan refused to give you anymore answers as he helped you recover and mend you before you went to sleep for the night. Before he left you, he promised to be at your disposal whenever you needed, all the while encouraging you to take and work with Mafia Malefic. It took a few tries, but eventually you promised to try before giving up completely. Truth be told, you didn't know if asking for their help in finding Minho would be useful or not and you wouldn't know until you went to the office. Tomorrow you would make your final decision.

So here you were, standing by your window, dressed in clothes that were comfortable but easy to defend yourself in, as you stared at that pulsing blue wire. One side of you knew you needed to go, and the other half was stubbornly keeping you in place. It wouldn't hurt to keep them a few minutes. Deciding to be fashionably late satisfied your stubborn side enough to move you from your spot and follow the pulsing blue light.

You arrived at a double door entrance into a pit-like room with shelves and shelves of books and a great table in the center. A great big hole at the top provided the light into the very bottom where you located Hyunjin and Felix. They were both talking in low tone voices, having a deep conversation about something. You sent a rush of mist like water droplets to fall over them, announcing your arrival. They got the message and looked up to see you staring down at them.

One look at the stairs made you want to curse. Surely, they didn't go up and down that many steps daily. You'd be winded and done for the day if you attempted to descend those. Without much thought, you carefully climbed over the railing and jumped off the edge, allowing the water droplets in the air to slow your descent, enjoying the way the rush of wind flowed through your hair and across your face. You landed softly on the floor at the bottom of the pit right in front of Hyunjin and Felix.

"Good morning—"

"You're late." Hyunjin cut Felix off, giving you a roll of his eyes.

"And you woke up on the wrong side of the bed," you sneered at him. Who does he think he is?

"I don't sleep in a bed." Hyunjin rolled his eyes again. Doesn't sleep in a bed? Then where—no you don't need to know. That wasn't important right now.

"Enough," Felix dragged out, extending his hand for you to take, which you did. He began to pull you toward the middle of the room. "We have work to do."

Hyunjin grabbed your arm right as you went by him and pulled you back, pressing his lips to the shell of your ear. "Keep your tongue tied, or else I will do it for you."

The rush of endorphins flooded you and you thought you were having a different reaction between your legs, like urinating yourself, but remembered the band around your thigh. It was becoming warm. The reaction had you stumped, and you could tell Hyunjin knew exactly what was happening to you. The slight smirk on his lips didn't go unnoticed by you. You yanked your arm out of his grasp with the little remaining control you had and spit at his feet.

"I'd like to see you try." you revealed in the disappeared smirk and anger now prevalent in his eyes.

Felix led you over to the center of the pit right next to the table. Before him was a great map surrounded by books on different areas in your country. There were also a few history books, mainly on the Peacemaker and Mafia Grim. Your hand reached for the book on your family when Felix stopped you.

"We'll have time to read that later, right now you need to tell me all the events leading up to the Peacemaker's funeral."

"All of them?" you asked, anxiously to reveal everything that had happened. Hyunjin came over to the table and sat down at one of the chairs, busying himself with a pen and a sheet of paper. Felix only nodded.

"Well—"

Hyunjin interrupted, "And in as much detail as you can remember."

A scowled appeared on your face at his interruption and audacity. Felix took the pen next to him and threw it at Hyunjin's head, completely ignoring the cry and fury on Hyunjin's face once the pen made contact. You didn't miss the small smile that appeared on Felix's face as he turned his attention back to you. Hyunjin seemed to let it pass which struck something inside you. And then, a small smile broke across your face too.

The rest of the morning you shared all that had happened leading up to the funeral. You kept some personal things, like your attacks, to yourself only informing how many had occurred since then.

"There has to be a correlation between everything happening around us and also directly to you," Hyunjin spoke up, focusing on a spot on the table as he tried to make sense of everything in his head. The room became silent as the three of you thought through all the information to see if there were any red strings attached.

"More importantly," Felix reached for the Mafia Grim history book. "Is there someone angry enough to take out Mafia Grim all at once?"

"Let's not acknowledge the elephant in the room," Hyunjin's tone dripped with sarcasm as he let his feet come off the table surface. Felix raised an eyebrow at you when you didn't say anything despite the words being directed at you.

You rolled your eyes, "I have no doubt that it could be Mafia Malefic that kidnapped them. How you could be playing me right now like a cat with yarn, reveling in the fact you have complete control. However, I'm willing to play my cards."

"It's not as simple as us just kidnapping them," Felix spoke, heaving a sigh as his body relaxed into his chair. "If we wanted to get rid of Mafia Grim completely, which we can't, it would've been done long ago. Not now all of a sudden."

"You tried to before," you gritted out. "What's stopping you this time?"

Hyunjin leaned forward, clearly pissed off. "How about the fact that in order to take Mafia Grim down completely, you would have to be weak. To our unfortunate luck, Mafia Grim has displayed and demonstrated the exact opposite for as long as I can remember. Also, how about the known fact that Mafia Malefic wasn't responsible for killing your parents."

"Choose your next words very carefully," you said. Felix raised his eyebrows at you in surprise.

"As if you'd be stupid enough to attack me in my own home," Hyunjin scoffed. "You might work on that temper while you live under my roof." He got up from his seat and straightened his tight shirt. "And while you're doing that, maybe educate yourself on what happened the night your parents died instead of believing what everyone feeds you."

You shot up to attack when you heard him mumble, "Thought you'd at least have your own spine."

Felix pressed a hand to your stomach area and stopped you from moving forward. When Hyunjin had gone, you settled back into your seat and let out a strong huff. The view of the Mafia Grim book stared at you as you let your anger fester inside you. You needed to find them. You needed to get your revenge on whoever did this. Felix ran his fingers through his hair as he opened the Mafia Grim history book and jumped back into your investigating.

Every morning for two weeks, you gathered in the office with Felix and sometimes Hyunjin too. You narrowed possible areas and potential people on the suspect list. It was gradual and none of them were solid enough to completely know for sure. Every night you continued your search, sometimes asking Minho to send you some sort of sign on where they were. To help you in your search to find him.

One particular morning you positioned yourself in front of Felix at the table with your head laying on your folded arms, listening to him go over some information regarding the Peacemaker and some of the enemies he had. You weren't really listening due to how physically exhausted you were from last night's events when you went walking to clear your mind.

Your feet carried you far until you came upon a river rushing rapidly. It was pitch black out with only the half crescent moon creating little light to guide yourself.

In the spur of the moment, you let your fog creep onto the water as you took a seat at the bank of the river to watch. You played with the fog like it was smoke in your hand, enjoying nature in its stillness. The stars twinkled above you in masses of millions, comforting you oddly enough. It didn't take much to prompt you to stick your feet into the rushing water and let the water soothe you.

A cricket began to chirp as you released a slight mist into the air to create some humidity for the life around you. In the peace of the moment, you closed your eyes and asked deep down for Minho to send you some sort of sign. You waited. A breath...nothing. Defeated, you huffed a breath and hung your head shamefully, letting the tears fall down your face. How was it that you couldn't find him? Were you so weak that you couldn't even find your own brother?

The feeling of something touching your leg had you flinching away. You looked at what had touched you only to see a small white rabbit twitching its nose at you curiously. The thundering of your heart was all you felt as you slowly relaxed and extended the back of your hand to its nose as an offering of peace. It inspected your hand briefly before hopping closer and nibbling on the plant by the water. Its fur was soft as you stroked its back lightly.

"Hello," you whispered out to it. It carried on as you continued to pet it gently.

A force sealed your lips completely shut as your body lifted into the air. Panic nearly choked you as you struggled against the strong force taking control of you. The sight below you of the rushing river that you were now suspended over had you thrashing harder. Your eyes scanned the clearing desperately to try and see who was behind this. A hooded figure in the trees was all you saw right before you went under the water. Having not taken a breath of steady air before you were bound, you were already struggling for air.

The force pulled you deeper into the water all the way to the bottom of the river. Rocks scrapped against your body as you thrashed around to fight against whatever was holding you. Having no more strength and will to hold your breath, you inhaled deeply. Water burned your nostrils and throat as your lungs lit up in flames at the amount of water now occupying the air space. More water filled your stomach and lungs as you continued to fight. Black clouded your vision, and you were still inhaling water after a few seconds longer. Within a few more second all your strength left you and you went still. This was it. This is how you were going to die.

Everything became light for a brief moment of your consciousness before something solid wrapped around your frame and you were being pulled upward. Gravity weighed on you greatly as you landed on bank. A strong hand violently pressed into your chest, forcing water up your throat and nose. The feeling had you regaining consciousness, coughing and vomiting water onto the grass. Everything hurt. Everything.

Huffing and slight coughing was next to you as you looked at your rescuer. Hyunjin.

"Is she okay?" a voice filled the air as you began vomiting again. Hyunjin crawled over to you and held you up as best as he could while you heaved for air. He looked through the dripping wet strands of hair hanging in his eyes and on his face at the Light User and Blade Conjurer who were standing a few feet away.

Hyunjin only nodded, patting your back slightly. He let you collapse onto the ground when you stopped vomiting.

"Who was it?" Hyunjin asked, looking to the two standing. They exchanged a glance.

"We didn't see who it was, but they ran away as soon as we attacked to keep their identity hidden." Changbin spoke up.

"Get her back to headquarters," Hyunjin mumbled, making a move to stand. "I need to check the perimeter and track down who it was."

You reached out for Hyunjin's arm when he began to move away. Hyunjin stilled as he felt your hand. Words could not form in your throat due to the rawness in your vocal cords, but Hyunjin didn't need words when all you did was squeeze his hand.

"Changbin," Hyunjin huffed, slipping an arm under your neck and the back of your knees. "Run a perimeter around the river, and hurry."

Hyunjin lifted you in his hold as he motioned for Felix to grab onto his shoulder. The three of you were back at headquarters in seconds. Heat surrounded you as you began to cough violently, water scraping its way out of your lungs and onto your chest. Everything still felt on fire as Hyunjin laid you on a surface.

"Call for Chan immediately," Hyunjin began beating your back to help you cough up more fluid. Within another minute, Chan was walking through the door, eyebrows furrowed at the sight of you.

"What happened?" he asked, replacing Hyunjin's place as he pressed a stethoscope to your wet chest to hear what was happening inside.

"It was an attack from someone," Hyunjin said, taking your hand that reached for him. Chan looked at your joined hands and pondered deeply about it as he went to work on drying up the water on the inside of your lungs. It hurt like hell, like you were becoming ash, but the IV in your arm, inserted before Chan began working, was helping you stay hydrated during the process.

"Okay," he pulled out some bark and gave you a cup of steaming tea. "Take a sip of the tea to soothe your throat and then eat the bark."

Hyunjin got behind you and braced you into a sitting position, acting as your anchor. The Healer aided you when you struggled to swallow and slowly, you began to feel better. Your head fell back into the Mafia boss's shoulder from exhaustion when the pain ceased into almost nothing.

"Y/n," Chan's voice was tender and caring. "You can't go off on your own like this."

"I'm well aware now," you grumbled, voice still hoarse.

"Did you see who it was?" Chan asked, packing his things back up. You shook your head and watched Chan and Hyunjin exchange uncertain glances.

"I only saw a hooded figure."

Hyunjin unconsciously squeezed your elbows gently in his hands, leaving you feeling warmer than you had a few seconds ago. His presence, being your rescuer, comforted you and made you feel safer. It was reassuring.

Felix's words sounded distant as you slowly came back to reality. He didn't seem to notice you had dosed out of reality for a bit. After a few minutes longer, you noticed the light Felix had created to give light to your materials laid out on the table. You focused on one individual ray of light and reached deep within yourself to cast a thin layer of mist right at the light.

A rainbow appeared softly, shining brightly for a second, then fading as the water evaporated into the air.

Felix caught the rainbow in the corner of his eye and paused in his sentence. He'd never seen anyone do that so closely to him. Subtly, he moved the light a bit closer to you as you created more mist. The rainbow was a lot brighter this time, lasting longer. You hadn't registered the silence until the door to the office opened. Hyunjin stepped into the room and closed the door. At his presence you sat up straight.

The last you saw of him was when he walked you to your room and enforced more protective spells around it to help you feel safer while sleeping. Truthfully, you wanted him to stay with you and hold you due to how fearful you were, but you kept your mouth shut and nodded simply when he bid you a good night.

"Good afternoon." Hyunjin greeted, he set down a cup of hot tea, from herbs left by Chan, in front of you and rubbed your back lightly. "How are you feeling?"

You offered him a small grateful smile as you nodded and pick up the mug, "Better."

Hyunjin was satisfied with the answer as he dragged up a chair to sit on.

"So Changbin could only trace the attackers whereabouts two miles South before they disappeared," Hyunjin was pointing at the location points on the large map of the valley. "If they headed South then that only leaves us with three options. The Healers cabin, the Breath Takers located in the sharp points of the mountains, and lastly the Peacemaker's Ruins."

Breath Takers...soul sucking monsters. You prayed that Minho, Han, and Jeongin hadn't been taken by those things. Unfortunately, there was a very high chance, and it made your stomach turn.

"Did Chan see anything?" Felix asked, surprised at the mention of the Healer. You thought about Chan. If anyone saw anything it'd be him.

Hyunjin shook his head, "Changbin did find traces of Feverfew near the area. I questioned Chan about it, and he said someone broke into his supplies a few days ago and he's been trying to catch them. Now that he sees a connection, he's not pleased. Needless to say, whoever this is, they won't try to cross him again."

"I think we should call it a day," Felix began to close up books. He looked to you, "You need rest."

There was no arguing with him since you felt so tired. Sleep sounded wonderful; you might have considered a bath if the fear of drowning wasn't going to give you a heart attack. Somewhere deep inside, you knew you had to overcome that fear though.

Felix departed when Changbin came to get him for other responsibilities. It was just you and Hyunjin now. There wasn't any tension or animosity between the two of you which was welcome. The two of you slowly began to clean up the office and reorganize it, silently. You made no effort to strike up a conversation due to your sudden shyness. The question you wanted to ask seemed a bit personal and you didn't want to come across as nosy.

"I think that's all," Hyunjin finally broke the silence and turned to face you. He gave you a short smile before making his way over to the stairs.

"Wait, Hyunjin?" your voice came out rushed as if you were afraid that he was suddenly going to disappear on you. He paused by the steps and gave you his attention, watching as you came over to his side. "Will you let me take you to the top?"

"Take me?" Hyunjin raised his eyebrows in surprise. You looked away for a moment from slight embarrassment, but nodded, nevertheless. The mafia boss pondered over the request for a moment before deciding to let you take him to the top of the steps.

"Okay," you breathed realizing you didn't think you'd get this far and wasn't sure exactly how you were going to take hold of him to get him up to the top of the stairs. You reached down and gently took his hands, wrapping them around your waist and securing your arms around his neck. The new proximity brought your faces closer together and pressed your bodies flush against each other. You knew you couldn't hide the small blush that appeared on your face as you tried to focus on lifting the two of you to the top of the stairs.

"Y/n, wait," Hyunjin whispered. You opened your eyes and looked into his, suddenly feeling your heart beating faster. What was wrong with you? If Minho saw you like this, he'd bury you into the ground himself and disown you until his death. You felt Hyunjin's arms wrap around you a bit tighter. "Let me show you something."

You didn't dare say anything this close to him, so you simply nodded, putting your trust into his hands. There was something about the way he held you that made you never want to leave his arms again. It was as if there was an invisible pull keeping you tethered to him. The feeling made you sick to your stomach since you didn't know what it meant, and you had been raised to hate this man with your entire being. All of that was slowly unraveling.

Within a flash of light, the two of you disappeared from headquarters.

Rushing wind whipped around you and the roaring of water filled your ears. A waterfall. When you heard the sound of water and noticed that you were extremely high up, you tightened your grip on Hyunjin. Heights didn't agree with you well and often intimidated you while the sound was traumatic. This waterfall seemed to be the tallest you've ever been to or seen.

"Are you afraid of heights?" Hyunjin's voice penetrated over the roaring water of the waterfall. You looked at him.

"I'm afraid of a lot of things," you admitted. The expression on his face changed. It was one of understanding.

Hyunjin slowly released you, keeping a hand firmly grasped onto your arm to secure you, "Me too."

He pulled you down the side of the waterfall down to a small hidden path just wide enough for one person to walk on. Hyunjin went first, keeping his hand in yours all the while guiding you along the edge of the waterfall, right underneath it. You focused your attention on the mist pouring off the waterfall, moving it away from the two of you to keep you dry against the cooler weather. Hyunjin thanked you through his body language right as he went under the rushing water.

"Do you trust me?" Hyunjin paused, waiting.

You looked at him for a second wondering why he was suddenly asking you this after you agreed to let him take you from the office without so much as knowing just exactly where he was taking you to trusting him through your fear. His question was a genuine one, asking for reassurance that you felt comfortable and safe before moving forward. It was new.

"Only if you promise not to throw me over a cliff," you joked. The joke settled well with Hyunjin, and he took it as a yes that you did in fact in this moment, trust him.

"Then close your eyes for me."

A rush of chills decorated your skin as you closed your eyes for him. Hyunjin noticed the bumps appeared on your skin and smiled to himself. Gently, he took both of your hands and pulled you through a hidden archway right under the waterfall. Your ears picked up on the gentle falling of more water as you smelled a deep water-like earth smell mixed with floral. The rush of the waterfall was gone. Hyunjin stopped slowly and stepped to the side.

"Okay, open."

A soft gasp left your lips as your eyes looked at the scenery in front of you. The two of you were inside a beautiful cenote. Flowers lined the walls, drinking from the water falling through the open hole in the river. The light reflected off the water making it sparkle. Small beams of light reflected onto the stone walls not covered in deep magenta flowers. The sight was amazing and one you'd never seen.

"It's beautiful," you smiled at Hyunjin, stepping forward to dip your hand in the water. It was lukewarm and crystal clear.

"Do you want to swim?" his voice was careful. You looked back at him with a puzzled look. Hyunjin only smiled, "The water has healing minerals in it. It'll help soothe sore muscles and replenish the body, but if it's too much for you considering last night..."

The thought was sweet. "But I don't have a swimsuit, and I won't go in naked."

Hyunjin laughed, his laughter echoing off the walls. "I wouldn't ask you to get naked, and your training clothes are sewn to make you a swimsuit if you ever find yourself needing to be in water."

Hyunjin, being a man, gulped down the idea presenting itself. He had to stay focused, or he would lose his control and blow everything. You raised one eyebrow right before your skeptical look changed into shock as Hyunjin unzipped his shirt and pulled it off. He was sculpted like a Greed god with broad shoulders, big arms, and a toned chest with a few abs. He tied back his hair and transformed his pants into shorts before stepping into the water, sharing your gaze.

What was this man doing to you?

"The water is nice," he taunted softly, splashing water onto his skin to make it shine against the light. You swallowed hard.

"Turn around," you chided. Hyunjin laughed and rolled his eyes before turning around. His back is ripped too??

It took you a few minutes, but you eventually figured out how to transform your outfit into a two-piece bathing suit, not thrilled with how much it was lacking in coverage, but satisfied enough with what it was covering. You placed your clothes next to his and tied your hair up just like Hyunjin had. You took a deep breath and slowly stepped into the water, letting it engulf you up to your waist.

"Okay," you said softly. "You can turn around."

Hyunjin only looked over his shoulder, wishing he hadn't as his insides turned inside out after seeing you in your swimsuit. Your chest and neckline looked so soft to him and your shoulders too. He wanted nothing more than to touch you and kiss every inch of skin on those areas. Wanting to show you just how much you affected him. Playing it cool, he smiled and treaded into the water further; he swam closer to the water softly falling over the edges of the wide whole in the middle of the cavern and waited for you to join him, which you did with deep breaths.

Since the water was still and crystal clear, it was a bit easier to force yourself to walk toward Hyunjin. He met you halfway and took your hands in his, helping you feel grounded. It wasn't as hard when he was touching you.

The two of you soaked in the mineral water and allowed the water to heal injuries and sore muscles, which you in fact had quite a few. Hyunjin had a few cuts and bruises on his back and chest that you watched heal wondering if he acquired them while trying to save you last night.

"How do you know about this place?" you spoke after a long while.

"Chan told me about it a long time ago," Hyunjin said, swimming a little closer to you as the conversation struck up. "Over the last few weeks, we've been bringing Seungmin up here to help heal his wounds."

Guilt overwhelmed you at the mention of the boy you'd almost killed. You thought about going to apologize in person, but he was so well hidden in the compound that it was difficult for you to build up the courage to seek him out. It did bring you some comfort that a place like this was here for him during his healing process. Not knowing how you gave him the wounds, scarred you beyond measure.

"Oh," you replied softly, looking away for a moment to tie your thoughts back together after wondering about Seungmin. Maybe Hyunjin would be honest with you, so you took a leap and asked, "Is he okay?"

Hyunjin raised his eyebrows slightly before nodding gently, "He's recovering. He's awake more now that his wounds are mostly healed. With time he'll be back to his normal self."

You only nodded. Hyunjin noticed the guilt even before you asked the question. He sees that a lot in you whenever things go sour or mentions of past horrors come up in conversation. Hyunjin avoided those if he could in order to make you not feel deep levels of guilt that might manifest itself.

When your legs began to get tired you caught yourself slipping into the water a bit further. Hyunjin moved before you registered it, taking you in his arms and holding you up. You inhaled heavily at the close proximity and looked into his eyes. They were a beautiful chocolate brown with sparkles of reflected light coming down as he looked into your own eyes and searched your face.

Hyunjin Mafia of Malefic was incredibly handsome through his visuals but also through the way he held himself when he walked or stood, when he sat down and gazed over a crowd, but more importantly through the way he touched and handled you. His hands being gentle and respectful as they held you at your waist and the soft gaze in his eyes when he looked at you made you melt slightly in place. It was very hard to keep your distance when he gave you nothing to stand on, keeping you suspended all the time.

The longer you stared at him, the closer he pulled you into his chest. His soft skin against your own was addicting and enticing. With every passing second, your heart rate sped up, beating rapidly. And just when you didn't think it could progress further, Hyunjin pressed his lips against yours for a brief second.

You gasped, pulling back slightly to stare at him with surprise. His grip on you tightened a bit as he waited for you to say something. Something about the way he pulled back didn't sit right with you as you moved your hands to rest just under his ears and returned the kiss. This time Hyunjin didn't allow for either of you to pull back as his hand moved to hold the middle of your back, to press you against him, and the other holding the underside of your left thigh.

When he needed air, which took him a long while, he pulled back and inhaled deeply before attending to your neck. You tipped your head back to give him better access to your collarbones and Jugular area enjoying the way his hot plump lips felt against your skin. He kissed your chest before his lips came back up to kiss yours, hard. You did not miss the way his hands were kneading the flesh of your skin while his lips bruised yours.

"Hyunjin," you breathed out, closing your eyes when you felt his hands at your waist. He rested his forehead against yours, heaving for air as his brain fogged up.

"If you say my name like that again," Hyunjin panted, kissing your lips again. "I will not be able to hold myself back."

A small laugh escaped your lips before you ducked your head into his neck. Now it was his turn to laugh as he squeezed you in a hug, resting his temple against yours. The water was a bit warmer as your powers let heat flow from you. You couldn't tell if it was the minerals in the water or Hyunjin that were making you feel better; you wanted it to be the latter.

For a few hours, you let yourself forget all your stress as you swam around cenote with Hyunjin, being playful and bold with him. You let him kiss you and make you feel like a queen, you let him touch you and worship you like you were going to be gone from him in the next second. He let you do the same, kissing him deeply and letting himself be shaped by your touch. It was healing for the both of you even though you both knew things would not be the same when it was time to return to headquarters.

By evening, you had showered and dressed yourself into some more comfortable clothes. It was close to dinner time and despite having a very intimate moment with Hyunjin and still trying to wrap your head around the feelings you were experiencing, it did not deter you from your search for Minho. The idea of Minho finding out what you did with Hyunjin in that cenote made you laugh softly to yourself. He'd blow his top off at just the thought.

First, you needed to find any strengths or weaknesses on Breath Takers and also more history surrounding the three areas suspected from this morning. This strategy had been one of the first of many you learned when growing up under your parents. Always start with information to better able yourself. The library was where you were going to start.

The problem for you was going to be finding it. The hallways all looked the same but if you walked long enough you might find it and get more information before dinner started. Minutes had passed and you were slowly leaving a trail mist on the floor to help you find your way back when you came upon a windowed hallway. It piqued your interest enough to make the right turn, seeing that the windows looked out over the river. It was a bridge hallway.

The water rushed below, surrounded by deep green trees and shrubbery. Suspended at the same level as the hallway was a balcony with seating and tables to sit at. The longer you observed it, the more you were able to see what was behind the glass window beyond it. With a few more steps, the light glaring on the glass disappeared and you saw it.

A shelf full of books.

When you entered the library, it was so quiet you could hear yourself breathing. Taking in the books made you realize that this wasn't a normal library with books labeled and sections on display to help your search. All of the books were of a deep brown with thick heavy spines, dozens of pages, and no titles on the front. Maybe you could get lucky.

You decided to start on the left side and work your way back and then repeat on the other side coming from the back to the front. If you picked up a few books every now and then, glancing through them, you might get lucky and find the section you were looking for.

So far you had found factual books on intellectual studies such as herbs and plants and guides on how certain life forms grew and prospered under a specific instruction. There were at least three rows from top to bottom on understanding all forms of skill as well as those who use them. You'd be lying if you said you didn't get caught up a little in those books. It was especially amusing for you to discover that Changbin's kind was actually huge softies. You just had to gain their trust and full comfort level in order to see it at its peak.

"Trying to find a way to befriend Changbin?" a voice scared you into dropping the heavy book as panic rushed through you.

Seungmin, was leaning against the bookshelf on the opposite end of the isle with his arms crossed in front of his chest, watching you. The panic eased almost immediately, but not through your own means. It was almost as if it never happened.

"Taking away my panic so I don't attack you?" you countered, picking the book up from the floor and putting it back on the shelf.

"Maybe," he replied, remaining in his spot. He quirked an eyebrow at you pulling another book off the shelf and skimming through it; repeating the action a few times. "Wouldn't be the first time."

You were a few seconds short of biting back something harsh, when you remembered what you had done to him the last time the two of you were this close to each other. You only heaved a sigh and continued to look through the books. Seungmin followed silently which seemed to be putting you a little on edge the more you were looking for information.

"You're digging for something," he suddenly spoke, finding his comfort in leaning against another shelf.

"How incredibly observant of you."

"The information you're seeking is not in this library," he said, straightening up into a normal standing position. His words made you falter slightly in your reach for another book. If what you were trying to find wasn't in here, then where was it? When you looked back at Seungmin he was observing you again.

Then he spoke again, "If you're as smart as I think you are, I'm willing to trade information."

"No way." you shot down the offer immediately. There was no way you were going to unfold your families' secrets just like that.

"Only specifics." he bargained lightly. "More specifically, information about you."

Now you were puzzled, "You don't want information on my family to exploit them?"

"Don't need it when I can simply convince the information out of them."

The two of you stood silently with heavy tension as you thought over what he was offering. Whether he was trying to take advantage of you or gain strength for himself through other means, it was hard to tell. Seungmin was hard to read. The longer the silence went on, the more impatient he was becoming.

Something didn't feel right. You shook your head slowly, finally coming to a decision. "No."

Seungmin smiled widely, retreating slowly. "Very well. You know where to find me if you change your mind." Seungmin turned and was almost out of sight, "and you will."

After hours of searching after your encounter with Seungmin, you were exhausted. He had been right about you not being able to find anything. And he was right about you dying to gain information for your benefit that only he had. It did take a few hours of you sitting in your room, torn over your own self-ego and the surrender of yourself to Seungmin's will; ultimately, you did give into his wants, having no other options.

When you entered the hallway, you stood for a minute pondering over what he meant by where to find him. You had explored most of the compound in the weeks you had stayed, but Seungmin's area or room was one you didn't go looking for in case he wanted to kill you outright, which he was more than justified to do.

You supposed you could just start walking and hoped to find his quarters soon.

His door was the only one you'd seen, so far, that was solid black and had no handle. For a moment you didn't know how to approach it. You tried to push inward and with no luck, it remained shut. The second thing you tried was a knock. Nothing. A sigh escaped you as you pondered over any other options. Your fingers grazed around the door for a button and you inspected the floor for any triggers. There was no physical way in. If there was a mental one, you didn't know how you would use that.

"I should do this to my room," you mumbled to yourself, realizing how much protection was provided. Maybe you could ask Felix to help you on that. You inhaled deeply and closed your eyes. You needed to think. How would you get into this room? You had to put yourself in the shoes of Seungmin.

You started by voicing specific words meant to open things—like abracadabra or open sesame. When those didn't work you imaged the door opening for you. Again, nothing. You turned to walk away when you paused. The last stretch of hope extended your hand to where the doorknob would've been. Your fingertips came in contact with cool metal as you wrapped your hands around a doorknob.

You breathed a sigh of relief but also cursed the Mind Controller. The doorknob had been so black that it was invisible against the same black of the door. A mind trick without any effort. You pushed the door inward after turning the handle and walked into the room. To your surprise, you raised your eyebrows and paused halfway in the door.

"You heard all of that didn't you?" you started at the Mind Controller who was sitting in a chair facing the door. His hands held a stopwatch that was paused with a good five minutes recorded.

"Glad you aren't completely stupid." he only smiled, setting the stopwatch down on the table in front of him and gesturing to the chair opposite of his. He watched as you followed his request without question. The room was very dark and simple. The room you were in was a living/study area. From what you could tell there were two other rooms; one to your right and the other to your left. The air was cold to you and you were confused to see that there was a fireplace but no fire going.

"Start one."

You looked at Seungmin for a moment only realizing a second later that he was asking you to make a fire. You shook your head. "My fire doesn't bring warmth," you told him. Seungmin looked like he was trying to figure out how to ask why, but you beat him to it. "I've tried."

Seungmin tilted his head back slightly as of remembering just what your fire could do. He smirked slightly, "I know it doesn't."

"Why ask?" you grumbled as you looked at him. He sighed and pulled back the collar of his shirt to reveal one of the now faded pink scars.

"Because this is a wound from powers unknown to most," he shrugged. "Doesn't mean you aren't capable of igniting a fire that produces warmth. Though if you really tried, I suppose you're right."

You furrowed your eyebrows and grew uncomfortable at his assumption regarding your lack of trying. It wasn't because of lack in effort, but in pure ability. You weren't gifted the skill to provide warm fires. "Just because they aren't warm doesn't mean they won't burn you."

"Now that," he uncrossed his legs and stood. "I figured out the hard way."

He walked over to one of the shelves and collected two large books. One that looked older and the other looking merely untouched. Seungmin set them on the table in front of him and motioned for you to take a seat across from him.

"Now, the information you need is in this book here," he laid a hand down on the book to your right while he rested the other hand down on the book on the left. "And the information I want to know will be recorded in this one."

"Recorded?"

Seungmin nodded, "I'm half the reason all the books here are written the way they are. I either stole the information or asked people to explain."

"Why do you want my story?"

"Because," Seungmin leaned forward. "You are and will be legendary."

"And what's in the other book."

"The last bit of the Peacemaker's enemies."

Hours later, you were walking out of Seungmin's room with a rushing heart. You pulled the door to as you tried to wrap your mind around the information revealed to you moments ago. Everything made sense. All of the information clicked for you and you had no time to spare.

Just as you went to take a step, there was a gravitational pull at you. It was comforting, familiar. Tears were welling up in your eyes at the feeling, having not felt it in so long. You were practically sprinting in the direction of the pull coming to a door on the other side of the compound. Your hand closed around the handle and turned the knob pushing it inward.

Then your heart dropped to your stomach.

Jeongin was barely holding himself up at a desk in front of Hyunjin with Felix next to him. Tears streamed down your face as they all turned to see who had opened the door. Jeongin breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of you, squeezing you into his embrace when you sprinted to his arms.

"Oh my gosh," Jeongin was huffing and puffing, locking you into his arms tightly. "You're okay, oh my gosh."

He hushed you softly while carding his fingers through your hair comfortingly, barely comprehending you standing in front of him. He took all your tears as you sobbed into his neck and held him closely.

"It's okay," Jeongin whispered, kissing your temple. "You're okay."

"Okay," Hyunjin spoke up breaking the moment. "That's enough. Release her."

Jeongin ignored Hyunjin's command as you sunk further into his embrace at the voice of the Mafia Malefic's boss.

Felix saw how Hyunjin was getting worked up over watching Jeongin, but you needed this moment. Carefully, he stepped forward and laid a hand on your back when enough time has passed. Jeongin glared ever so slightly at the touch, yet knowing what Felix was trying to avoid, he softly helped remove you from his embrace into Felix's arms which you didn't want.

"Stop," you interjected, when you tried to pull away from Felix, but his grip tightened.

"Y/n," Hyunjin's voice rose in warning, eyes dangerously staring at you to stop resisting.

"Let her be," Hyunjin only rolled his eyes at Jeongin's words. Jeongin eventually got you to calm down and go with Felix, assuring you that he wouldn't be leaving.

"Please," Hyunjin grumbled, standing from his chair. "Just because you are standing here does not explain your actions and why you are here. I will protect everyone here in this room except for you. "

"If you love her," Jeongin leaned onto the desk, getting right in Hyunjin's face. "Then tell her."

Love me? What?

"If you say it again," Hyunjin's voice mumbled for only Jeongin to hear. He leaned closely, threateningly, "I will kill you in front of her."

"Y/n," Jeongin turned to look at you. Hyunjin tried to interrupt but Jeongin was looking straight at you. "Do you have any kind of marking on your body that wasn't there before?"

Now you were dead still. You hadn't told anyone about that and even at the cenote, Hyunjin hadn't seemed to notice that it was on you. That mark. You knew it had significance.

"Perhaps," Jeongin continued, "A white figure eight?"

"How do you know that?" your voice was barely above a whisper. Felix heaved a heavy breath. This is not how he wanted this conversation to go.

"Show her," Jeongin was now directing his stare straight at Hyunjin, demanding that he show the matching mark. Hyunjin made no move to do anything only staring at Jeongin with a look that could kill. He wanted to be the one to tell you when the time was right, not through the means of this moment.

Felix looked at Hyunjin almost pleading with him to just reveal the mark. This had gone far too long. "Hyunjin. Just show her."

Hyunjin finally looked at you and saw the confusion in your eyes and how wet they were from crying. He didn't want to be the cause of that. So, Hyunjin unbuckled his belt and unsnapped the buttons connecting his shirt to his pants, and folded down the waistline of his pants to reveal the same mark wrapping around only his left hip bone.

Your knees gave out at the sight of it.

Your mind was reeling with thoughts as to what that actually meant and if your mind was steering in the direction you thought it was, the sight of the mark wasn't good for you. In fact, it would throw your entire plan completely for a loop and you would be doomed.

Felix helped to stabilize you as the information hit you like a fast train. This could not be real. A part of you was overjoyed by this information, and the other was terrified, having this information confirmed. All of it being so new and only in the span of a day.

"Soulmates," Jeongin stood up straighter, staring at Hyunjin with a strong glint in his eyes. "If I could kill you without it affecting her, I'd do it without any hesitation."

"Soulmates?!" you gasped; your suspicions being confirmed. "Kill him??"

"I think you've over welcomed your stay," Hyunjin looked at Jeongin, after hearing the desperation in your voice. He needed to speak to you alone. "Since you can't be trusted, enjoy a cell."

"You have no idea what you're doing." Jeongin shook his head, standing unafraid of what Hyunjin might do. "If you trap me, she will die."

"Over my dead body." Hyunjin's voice rang out, sending a rush of shivers over everyone's skin. "She's mine. I'll do anything it takes to ensure her safety."

Jeongin opened his mouth to reply, but Hyunjin beat him to it. Electricity lit up Hyunjin's fingers threateningly, "Say goodbye."

"No–" you were out of Felix's hold in seconds trying to keep Jeongin with you for a little longer. He could confirm who had done this and tell you how to get to Minho and Han. It didn't matter to you how he was standing here now without them.

When you went to reach out for him, a strong hand wrapped around your bicep and pulled you back. Hyunjin held you by his side.

"Y/n stop," Hyunjin demanded when you applied every ounce of energy into trying to escape his hold. "That's enough!"

"Go to hell!" you screamed in his face. Within the next second, he held his hand out to Jeongin and sent him away.

Hyunjin gave one look to Felix and the second in command was out of the room in a matter of seconds. When the door shut behind him Hyunjin released you. This gave you the perfect opportunity to turn and slap him hard.

Hyunjin recovered and grabbed the hand that came back up to slap him again, "I said that's enough! Listen to what I have to say."

"Do you think I care what you say?" you growled through gritted teeth. "What was that? Lying to me about this mark we share that will change everything? Who do you think you are to keep that from me?"

"Yours." Hyunjin was now looking deep into your eyes. They searched your face for acceptance and a kind of wanting you weren't used to seeing. He drove you mad.

You swallowed the knot in your throat, half lying to yourself, "I don't want you."

Hyunjin let go of your hand with his jaw clenched tightly and turned away to put as much space between the two of you as he could. His eyes avoided you as he gathered a few knives. The rejection was something he was expecting but didn't want to hear. Not when he tried so hard to build trust. Not when he thought even for a moment that you returned the affection.

"Hyunjin," you closed you eyes as instant regret hit you. "Tell me why Jeongin was in here. Tell me why you chose not to tell me?"

"Jeongin," Hyunjin snapped. "Is the one that attacked you. He attempted to drown you. Forgive me for putting him far away from you."

"He was forced!" you exclaim. "I know who attacked me. I need Jeongin to help me go fight and get Minho and Han to safety."

"Absolutely not," he instantly shot you down. "I will not let you out yourself in danger. I will deal with Jeongin and take care of everything."

You watched as he grabbed a bag next to the desk and hoisted it onto his shoulder. He walked up to you and tried to grab you hand, but you moved away from him. His hands gathered the front of your shirt and he forces you closely to him.

"Maybe when things settle down," he slowly moved his lips to your ear. "Then you'll kiss me like you did under the falling water and touch me like you love me and can't control yourself."

You hated yourself deeply for the way your breath escaped shakily at his words. It affected you in ways you didn't want and made you want to cry at how cruel he could be. This was toxic, he was toxic. Why did it give you such a thrill?

His lips kissed your cheek lightly before letting go of you slowly so you could stabilize yourself back onto the floor.

"Then I'll go by myself," you mumbled.

Rage was pulsing through you as he began to walk away from you. Out of spite, you reached for his hand and as gently as you could, stepped up to his side. Hyunjin stilled when your hand came up to his jaw, turning it to you. You stood still for a second before shoving his jaw up and back as white fire-like ice ripped up through your hand and into his neck.

Hyunjin cried out and got out of your grip as fast as he could, eyes wild and high on alert as he dropped the bag on his shoulder and touched where you had attacked. His eyes flashed angrily as he counterattacked by trapping both your hands into a twist with his own, holding them against your stomach and pinning you to the desk with a strong force. Now that he was leaning over you, Hyunjin gritted his teeth before sending a huge wave of pulsing electricity shooting into your body. Bright blue static lines popped through you as you screamed loudly from the pain.

Hyunjin let it go after a long brutal minute, practically shoving himself off of you and gathering his things in a huff. He was fuming and needed to leave before he did any crucial damage to you. A minute long of being electrocuted seemed to just about disable you from attacking him again.

"Screw you, Y/n." Was all he called out before leaving you shaking on his desk; the buzz still pulsed through you and tears cascaded down your cheeks silently.

Changbin was the one that came to you after what felt like forever, only being a few minutes in real time. He wrapped you in a blanket before touching you and carried you to the medical ward where someone treated you for Shock. To your grateful surprise, Felix stayed with you during the entire procedure and made sure you weren't alone. For a brief moment you wished Felix had been your soulmate instead of Satan himself.

You were safe to shower in water and move about, but you would feel weary for the next day or two.

Hyunjin picked up a rock laying on the ground at the edge's cliff and hurled it out into the deep drop. This is where he had gone after your fight; the only place that was familiar to him, comforting to him.

He roared out as he threw another stone. Tears rippled down his face as his heart ached to the point of no return. His tears were hot against the cold air and he felt the rocks bite at his knees when they hit the ground. Stinging erupted from his scalp—his fingers working up knots in his hair over and over again.

"This cannot be happening," he pleaded out loud to himself, desperately trying to run through the events that had just happened. The words you said to him and the look in your eyes when you found out he was your soulmate. Hyunjin would rather be dead than to be feeling what he was feeling right now. His breath was coming how in short huffs as the tears continued to fall down his face.

"Is she dead?" he asked.

"You'd know if she were," came the reply. Felix stood not to far off from where Hyunjin was kneeling. "You shouldn't have handled it the way you did."

Hyunjin was not in the mood for a lecture. His sorrow turned to anger as he got up from the ground and faced Felix. "Fight me. Distract me from my thoughts."

Felix tilted his head down slightly, an unamused glint glossing his eyes. He raised his hand and a flash of light so bright blinded Hyunjin in half a second. He closed his eyes and submitted himself to the dark, thriving off the sounds in his ears and the sensations through his hands and feet. Felix was deathly silent on his feet, but every once in a while, he slipped up.

click.

Hyunjin attacked behind him and opened his eyes slightly to see if the attack had given him his sight back. The light was gone but Felix had blindsided him and thrown a nasty punch to the back of his head and made direct contact. Growling from frustration, Hyunjin stomped on the ground, sending a pulsing wave of electricity. Felix was up in the air in seconds, dancing on sun beams and narrowly missing the waves before arching his next attack right at his friend.

Hyunjin blocked.

The light absorbed Felix into nothing, leaving Hyunjin to guess where he would appear next. He waited with his eyes on the next cloud in the sky, mere seconds from blocking out the sun. Right as the cloud covered the ball of fire, the Mafia boss caught sight of his second in command coming back from the light with a series of more physical attacks. Hyunjin geared up another attack, only for Felix to blind him again and deliver the final blow.

Felix stared down at his friend laying on the ground, "You need to talk to her and explain everything before it's too late."

"I already tried that." Hyunjin grunted as he took Felix's outstretched hand. "That's why things ended the way they did."

"You aren't trying hard enough." Felix boldly spoke. "You better get yourself together and treat her the way she wants to be treated." Hyunjin glanced at Felix to see the hard serious gaze he was giving him. "Minho was right you know. She is her own person and needs to be treated as such. You'll never lose her if you do that."

An angry roar left Hyunjin's throat. He was now left alone on the cliff's edge. Alone to his unending thoughts.

It was only a few hours later when you woke. Your mind was only thinking of one person and one goal the second your eyes opened, but they were harder to reach because of your condition. The effects of Hyunjin's attack made it very difficult for you to function properly. Even something as simple as walking was challenging.

When you could move without struggling too much, you sought out the person on your mind. It didn't take you nearly as long to find him this time around, having desperation at your back and hateful revenge in your hands.

The leaves crunched underneath your feet as you stumbled to the front door. The lights were on inside and the forest around the building was silent. Inhaling, you reached for the knob and pushed inward.

The fireplace was glowing brightly, igniting the inside with light. You barely glanced around, looking to make sure there was nobody else inside. Completely empty. This prompted you to investigating all the walls for a trap door or secret latch that would open into another hidden room. However, there was nothing.

Panic filled your throat as you racked your brain to figure this out. There was no telling how much time you had left. Sounds outside had you searching for a place to hide immediately. The corner behind one of the chairs next to the fireplace seemed good enough.

Though as you ran to the hiding spot, your foot hooked on the edge of the rug on the floor and you fell face first into the wooden floor. The sounds we're getting loud and you had to make sure it didn't look like anyone was in here. Your hand grabbed the edge of the flipped rug to tug it back into place when you saw a hidden latch.

It was now or never, you pulled the latch upward and climbed under the trap door, trying your best to place the rug back before you pulled the latch shut. It was pitch black in the small space you were limited to. Praying the rug was in place, you lit your hand with the white fire to inspect the space.

There was a ladder leading from the small square space you were crouched on top of down into the darkness. You shot the fire down the hole. It disappeared after lighting up what looked like a hallway.

This had to lead to Minho.

You quickly made work of the ladder and landed on the cold stone floor at the bottom. A gasp escaped you at the sight of the hall. Bloody dead bodies hung on the walls like trophy's on display. Fear was drowning you as you walked as fast as you could down the hall. You became very uneasy when you saw who was hanging above the door at the end of the hallway.

The Peacemaker.

When you opened the door you gasped again. Minho and Han were shackled to the wall. The shackles had needles on the inside, sticking them through their wrists and ankles as some sort of deep purple liquid filled their bodies. It looked as though Jeongin had been here before escaping as there was a place for a third victim.

"Minho," you whispered frantically, lifting his head and seeing if he was dead. He was incredibly weak, but he opened his eyes to see if he heard your voice or if he was simply imagining it.

"Y/n," he couldn't even say your name properly. You moved to check and see if Han was also alive, finding him to be in the same state as Minho.

"Y/n," Han's voice was slightly better than Minho's as he called for you.

"Yes, yes," you touched his face tenderly. "I'm going to get you out of here."

"Y/n," he looked at you. "Run."

The source of his fear stepped into the dark stone room and leaned against the wall, eyes directly on you. "Y/n," Chan greeted you stone-faced, putting his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie. "Oh Y/n, y/n, y/n. You finally figured it out."

You slowly rose from your crouch and held your head high. "With some help."

"Oh yes," Chan reached behind him and dragged Seungmin into the room and tossing him onto the floor at his feet. "I'm well aware."

"You won't hurt him," you gritted out at Chan. "I won't let you."

"Why would you want to help the one person that is the key to my betrayal?" Chan furrowed his eyebrows and quirked an eyebrow at you like you were strange. "He may have given you the last piece to your puzzle. But ultimately, he did what I asked him to do."

Seungmin's eyes shut in shame as The Healer clapped a hand on his shoulders and squeezed tenderly. Chan looked back at you and your stone still figure. The new bit of information wasn't comforting in the slightest knowing he had a spy in the middle of Mafia Malefic. There's no telling how long this had been going on.

It was more baffling to you that Chan was behind all of this. He was the valley's Healer and caretaker. Always willing to extend a hand to help and soothe during the hard times. Seeking to care for his patience's and at a beckoning call at any hour of the day or night. Why was he doing this after all that? After all he'd done to help you during the last five to six months.

"Should we tell her, Seungmin?" Chan taunted him, gliding his fingers through Seungmin's midnight black locks before gripping them between his fingers tightly and yanking back hard. Seungmin cried out as Chan put his lips to the Mind Controller's ear. Seungmin's hands went back to try and control how hard Chan was pulling as you took a step forward in panic.

"Wait, stop! Don't hurt him."

"I think we should tell her," The Healer's voice was airy as he kept a strong hold on Seungmin's head. You had enough of this. You widen your stance and let your fire consume both hands to form your attack. Chan slowly moved his gaze to you and chuckled.

"Let him go or I will make you." you said smoothly. Seungmin opened his eyes to see you circling over to him.

"No," Seungmin grunted out. "don't!"

Chan only smiled. The floor began to shake roughly destabilizing you and just as it stilled, the floor split open to reveal hell at the bottom. You grabbed a hold of the closest thing near you to ensure you weren't meeting fate too soon. Huffs of air escaped your chest erratically. Seungmin only watched you from the corner of his eyes in horror.

The Healer was calm as he spoke "Let me tell you the whole story."

"Back before your parents died, I had issues with an old friend. Because what I wanted went against his rules and regulations and he had a higher position of power than I did, he kept me under his thumb and prevented me from leveling out the three-power party system that the valley had been running on for centuries. For years he kept me under that thumb; he did that for so long that I had to play an entirely different part from what I wanted," Chan laughed incredulously at the recalling of his memories.

He loosened his grip on Seungmin's hair but didn't let go. Your grip was weakening, and you peaked at the open ground, wondering if you could hold on for much longer.

"So, while I waited to take out both the highest Mafia's in the valley, I worked my way into both of them. Seungmin came in very handy with that. His little encounter with the Witch Cursor. Of course, it wasn't actually a Witch Cursor, but rather an encounter with me. He would've gone free, but he decided to challenge me and put up a good fight, almost defeated me. I think you know how it ended though considering how beautiful he looks in my clutches." A sadistic smirk appeared on his lips as he looked at the Mind Controller.

"Once I had him under my control, I was able to infiltrate Mafia Malefic with ease. The best part is he knows how to break the control I have over him. Most curses come with a catch and well, that's just the thing—Seungmin here can't repeat it once it's been said. Which works out perfectly for me. Now my next step was to infiltrate Mafia Grim, and it was too easy. My pawn for the perfect match,"

You readjusted your grip and tried to move toward Seungmin. To your horror, Chan tightened his grip again, making Seungmin cry out once more. It made you pause again.

"You. You were born and from your birth I saw that you were different. No one knew, but I sensed it. The night when your parents died, I was there. I was there when they told you exactly what you were, and I saw the very second you lost all control. That was my chance—my opening into taking down Mafia Grim. To kill your parents while you had your reaction and to be there for you when you woke up. It just so happened to work in my favor that Hyunjin was just outside the room, watching you."

The sudden news of Hyunjin not being responsible for the death of your parents had your mind spinning in chaos. Your attention was long gone away from Chan and Seungmin as memories of that night flooded your head. How could you believe him? Was he really telling the truth and revealing what had been lost to you for so long? Or was he playing you like he had everyone else in his life.

Your head hurt and the palms of your hands were growing sweaty.

"And you were so gullible too. Taking everything I said very seriously, listening to Minho's suggestion for you to train in the deep mountains far away from gaining your full potential next to Minho, that you'd gain full control of your gift and be stronger than everyone in the valley including me. Well, I couldn't let that happen, so I strongly encouraged Minho to send you away."

"Stop," you begged, not wanting to hear anything more.

"Now that I have a full grasp on exactly what you are all thanks to Seungmin, I can finally finish my plans," Chan chuckled darkly.

You needed Hyunjin now, knowing you couldn't do this alone. But there was no sign of him coming to your aid. Especially after the way you treated him the last time you saw each other. Would he be willing to listen to your even after all that had happened?

The ground shook again as it sealed shut. Chan released Seungmin and shoved him in the opposite direction you were, where he stopped himself from injury before turning back to The Healer. If only he had his limit lifted, he could do an ungodly amount of damage that he's been saving up. You came over to him in order to shield him from Chan.

"You're useless to me now." Chan's face went back to bored as looked at Seungmin. Slowly, he strolled over to a table full of instruments. "It's time for me to go, really wish I could stay but, I'm late to destroying all of you."

And in that second, you attacked. Chan barreled out of the way as your fire came raining down on him. He watched carefully as your white eyed figure watched his every move. Truth be told, he was a little nervous over what you might do to him now that the soulmate bridge had been completed. Chan made his attack when he thought you'd be least expecting it and watched it hit you square in the stomach. While you were down and standing back up to recover, Chan threw his next attack at Seungmin who was still on the floor.

Chan took a step back when you blocked the attack without even so much as putting very much effort. Chan's gaze darkened as he faded into the the dark. You felt him through the air as you waited to see where he would reappear. A warm feeling vibrated through the air making that spot your target. Splitting pain licked your ribcage area as you looked down to see the edge of knife sticking through your stomach. It hit you straight in your core, taking you down so far that you couldn't even think about getting up. Seungmin yelled your name, but you couldn't see anything. The only feeling was the one in your middle, consuming you inside and out. The knife was pulled back, ripping your insides up even more.

Chan suddenly felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up right before a surprising wind picked up and he saw flashes of blue followed by loud pops and zaps filling the air. Hyunjin appeared inside the room, attack mode on and ready. He looked at Chan for a brief moment before seeing you on the floor. Chan began to walk backwards, stepping into the wall behind him as he dissolved into ash and disappeared.

Seungmin flipped you over and began to inspect you as Hyunjin rushed over. His eyes went to Minho and Han—both pinned to the walls and shivered in fear at the sight of them.

"What happened?" Hyunjin demanded, taking you into his arms. He felt you gravitate toward him and pull him closer to you. The instant his body was on yours the feeling in your middle began to settle though it was still very painful. Blood was everywhere.

"There's too much to explain," Seungmin shook his head, tears slipping past his eyes. "We have to make sure she's okay."

Hyunjin was deep in the dark, but he heard your call and felt your pain which brought him here. There would be time to explain later; right now, he needed to tend to you.

It hurt when he picked you up in his arms and took you back to headquarters, which to you was a flash of time due to your fading in and out of consciousness. The softness of his bed cradled you gently as he laid you down against the mattress and helped you settle into a comfortable position. Hyunjin moved the hair from your face while looking over your body for any physical lacerations, finding nothing visible to his eye. He called for Changbin the second they were in his room, needing him be on guard while his mind was otherwise directed toward you.

"What happened?" Changbin asked, appearing in the doorway with a nasty looking weapon drawn in his left hand. "Who did this?"

"That's not important right now," Hyunjin stated calmly, fitting his hand around the back of your neck to cradle your head while his other hand held your waist gently. "Y/n, open your eyes sweetheart."

You could hear him, you could feel him; you just couldn't respond. Hyunjin's gaze went to your left hand briefly pausing before taking the his thumb and index finger to aggressively pinch your palm. A small flinch was your reaction.

"I got you baby," Hyunjin mumbled. "Just hang in there for me."

"I'll go get the doctor." Seungmin volunteered, worry straining his voice as he left the room to go find someone to help. Hyunjin said nothing in response, only pulling you closer in hopes that he could help relieve some of the pain.

"Changbin," Hyunjin began, moving hair out of your eyes to keep you as comfortable as he was able. "Send a group to The Healers cabin. You will find the inner circle of Mafia Grim down there. Use caution and take an expert in medicine and torture instruments with you."

"What happened?" Felix asked when he arrived.

"That question has expired," Changbin responded with a bit of attitude as he followed his orders.

Felix only walked further into Hyunjin's room, coming over to the other side of the bed to sit. Hyunjin acknowledged him with a look and then focused his attention back to you. The room was still as no one breathed and the time ticked by slowly. Slowly, you felt yourself falling into a warm dreamy place, a comfortable slumber. The voice of the medical personnel filled the room just as you slipped into darkness.

Cool. Soft. Damp.

Hours later you were coming to your senses again, one of those being the cool, soft, and damp object at your forehead. It was a cloth being pressed to the skin of your forehead to help soothe. The owner behind the touch was intentional yet light in their touch which felt nice next to your now subsided pain. You opened your eyes slightly to see Hyunjin leaning over you with the cloth in his hand.

"Hyunjin," you breathed out, trying to focus. "Chan..."

He shushed you softly, not wanting you to worry about what had happened before you passed out. "Don't worry about him."

"He's controlling Seungmin," you continued, this timing trying to sit up. "You have to help him."

"Y/n, lay back down," Hyunjin demanded softly. You looked around the room for Seungmin or anyone else that was at The Healer's cabin. You felt Hyunjin place his hand on the side of your face, drawing your panicked gaze back to his calm one. "Everything is under control. Right now, I need you to rest. You won't be able to help me stop him if you aren't in good shape."

"But—" Hyunjin shook his head gently while pressing into your shoulder. You fell back against the pillows again feeling just how weak you were after the intense blows aimed at you. It had been years since you felt this exhausted.

Hyunjin put the cloth back on the side table next to his bed and reached for the glass of water, but paused when our hand came up to grab his forearm. He looked at your hand and took it in his gently before turning his attention to you. You pulled his arm toward you to cradle your connected hands into the curve of your neck.

"Thank you," you closed your eyes as you spoke, losing confidence and becoming too shy to look into his eyes. Hyunjin squeezed your hand in his as his response, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead.

"Never thank me," you opened your eyes to look at him, confused. Hyunjin ran his thumb over the back of your hand as he continued. "It's my job to answer to your calls and to care for you. That goes for even sharing the truth with you and keeping you informed, which I didn't do. I'm sorry, Y/n."

It was still a problem that he chose to keep you in the dark for so long. Some of it couldn't be helped like the block of time you where you both were purposefully separated from each other by the means of Chan to further push the gap between the bonds. Chan had come close to being successful by making it harder for the two of you to become connected even after you returned from the mountains, if only he had prevented Hyunjin from bringing you home with him that night after the funeral.

"I forgive you," was all you said. Hyunjin nodded, squeezing your hand again. "It's going to be a slow, long journey for us, but I'm willing to put in the effort if you are."

The look of relief and joy on Hyunjin's faced didn't even surface what he was feeling inside. It would all be worth it in the end if it meant he could try to win your heart little by little. The small nod of his head killed off any remaining tension between the two of you. Mistakes would be forgiven and the two of you would grow to know each other over time and accept what was between you.

"Just please don't attack me like you did the other day," Hyunjin said as he got up to change the water, he'd been dipping the cloth into. "I'm a strong man don't get me wrong but that was terrifying."

Your laugh hit him straight in the chest, making him feel bubbly on the inside.

"It's good to hear that," came Felix's voice as he entered the room with food for both you and Hyunjin. He helped you sit up and set the tray in your lap then setting Hyunjin's on the desk in the room.

"How's the progress going?" Hyunjin asked Felix through his teeth—a small bag of herbs was wedges between them. He returned with fresh water warm water that he set back down on the side table.

"It's slow, but we already know where Chan lives so we'll start there."

Your ears perked up at the mention of Chan. "What's happened while I was out?"

"Y/n–" Hyunjin's sentence fell silent as he looked at your pleading expression.

"Please," you begged. "Tell me." Hyunjin nodded without hesitation and motioned for Felix to continue talking while he dug into his food. It had been a long minute since he last had a good meal in his stomach.

"Seungmin revealed everything to us once he knew you were going to be okay. Mafia Grim is being treated downstairs for their injuries and lack of nutrition."

The mention of your family had your heart aching in worry.

"Han, even in his recovery, is working on finding ways to break the bind Chan has on Seungmin so his limit can be removed. Since it wasn't a Witch Cursor's doing the spell might be persuaded. Seungmin mentioned there being a loophole through all of Chan's words and curses."

Felix took a grape from Hyunjin's tray and popped it in his mouth while you pondered over the information. It was a lot to take in but nothing you couldn't figure out.

"What did he say to you?" Hyunjin questioned, looking at you curiously. His question made you inhale deeply, trying to recall all the words The Healer had said.

"He just told me his real intentions and that he planned to eliminate the system between my family and yours. His plans came into place once the person stopping him was dead," you explained, shivering at the memory of the Peacemaker. "The Peacemaker was the one person stronger than him up until he killed him."

"That all checks out," Felix nodded. "We checked all of the timelines, and it matches up."

"Then let's get ready to take him down, " Hyunjin nodded determinedly. The three of you sat in silence for a while, thinking over all that happened and imagining what would happen in the future.

This was going to be messy.

A few days is all Hyunjin would allow for everyone to get ready for a planned attack. Mafia Grim was still recovering, but they assured Hyunjin that they wanted to fight despite their condition.

Hyunjin received a message from Chan himself yesterday to meet him at the Peacemaker's ruins today. He has no doubt that Chan knew he was bringing everyone. In fact he assumed that is exactly what Chan wanted.

A knock sounded against Hyunjin's bedroom door. He watched you open the door and peer inside. You walked inside closing the door behind you, his eyes watching your movements. The wound from the knife had healed completely and your strength came back, giving you confidence in each step. Slowly, you approached him.

"Are you ready?" you asked, taking his hand in yours when you stepped up beside him. His hand squeezed your hand back gingerly in response. You wanted to tell him you appreciated him, but the words got stuck in your throat.

Hyunjin saw the emotions behind your eyes and how your mind was turning. Boldly, he dipped down and pressed his lips to yours for a split second. He pulled back just far enough to look into your eyes, looking for rejection. A smile appeared on his lips the second he felt you raised up on your tip toes to kiss him back.

"I love you," he mumbled against your lips. His confession made you pull back. He wasn't afraid of rejection now. "I wanted to say it in case something happens."

"Nothing will happen," you insisted. "You and I will come back to each other when this is done."

Hyunjin only squeezed your hand again like he was hoping your words were true.

Another knock interrupted the moment you two were having. It was Changbin letting you both know that everyone was ready to go. Hyunjin nodded and grabbed his jacket that was laying on his bed before pulling you with him to where everyone else was waiting.

Just outside Headquarters, everyone was gathered in battle attire. They stood tall and ready for anything thrown at them. Minho looked to you the moment you joined everyone outside and glowed with pride over the person you'd become.

There was no hesitation in your steps to meet him where he was standing and give him a tight hug. His arm wrapped around your shoulders and his other hand cradled your head into his neck as he kissed your temple.

"How are you feeling?" you asked him.

"I'm much better," he smiled at you. A sharp sting erupted in your left hip as Minho smack it playfully. You stuck your tongue out at him as you checked on Han and Jeongin.

"Okay, let's go!" Hyunjin announced. And just like the day of the funeral, Mafia Grim gathered and Mafia Malefic made a circle so you and Hyunjin could apparated everyone to the Peacemaker's Ruins, where Life and Death was waiting for you.

Wind howled on the high cliffs. Huge arches and stone pillars made up a worn structure that was built possibly thousands of years ago. It had mixes of Greek and Roman architecture with intricate designs carved into the stone. Long ago a vast assortment of plants had inhabited the area, though when the Peacemaker's of the land die, so does the life around their fortress.

Minho, Han, and Jeongin stood strongly behind you with all their guards up. Mafia Malefic had similar stances though with a different approach. They looked almost relaxed. A quirk of your eyebrow had Hyunjin smirking playfully.

What did he have up his sleeve?

"I'm glad to see everyone," Chan's voice echoed off the stone. "Well...almost everyone."

The wind halted in its tracks, leaving the silence eerily loud. Everyone waited for Chan to make a move, having no interest in a casual conversation.

"What's that one spell everyone uses for magic?" Chan asked, rhetorically. You glanced at your blind spot to make sure you were covered. A nerve hit you uncomfortably, making you ignite your palms with flames. Then Chan remembered, "Oh yeah!"

Everyone drew their attack of choice at Chan's realization.

"Abracadabra!" Chan's voice boomed as the ruins shook violently and crumbled to pieces. The ground split and divided you from the rest of your family while dividing Mafia Malefic in the same way. Deep purple fire and lava flowed through the cracks in the ground as the middle of the ruins—a complete circle—was left untouched. Chan appeared in the middle of it with his hoodie and sweatpants, sparkling jewelry and a wicked grin.

It was very hard for you to find your balance as the ruins continued to shake, pushing everyone to different heights, far from each other's reach. You jumped to the middle of your platform when lava bubbles burst erratically around you. It was very hot around you and the cracks of lava were widen enough that it took some effort to jump over.

"I needed an audience for when I destroy the valley," Chan smiles cheekily with a shake of his shoulders, almost childlike with his excitement. "And then I'll enjoy killing you off individually."

A high pitch laugh squeaked from him before the middle of the ruins lit up in purple flames. Chan drew up a satanic cult-like symbol in the middle of the Ruins as if he were happily drawing a logo and let that glow brightly when he was done. Dark clouds in the sky formed overhead at the summoning of the symbol, flashing with purple lightning and releasing rain so dark it looked like the night sky was bleeding. Chan raised his hand to the sky and touched a lightning bolt that came down to strike him. He became a vessel that controlled the energy into the lines he'd drawn on the stone. With every drop of rain, the symbol began to glow neon purple, slowly becoming complete.

You had to stop Chan before the symbol finished forming. Inhaling deeply, you let all the built up strength you had sit in the middle of your chest as you allowed your power to consume you. The Healer only smiled at your white eyed figure before taunting you forward with his index finger. Though it wasn't you that attacked him first.

Blue electricity struck in three places around Chan as Hyunjin jumped from his lower level rock and landed at the same level as Chan. He whipped out long dangerous buzzing and popping whips for each hand as he began snapping at the ground around him. The Healer formed a crossbow and arrow of sharp bone. He shot his arrow before Hyunjin could attack, but the Electricity User was very gifted with his skill, simply whacking the arrow off its course. Chan raised an eyebrow irritated before creating his own whips of marrow.

Changbin and Felix immediately got to work, providing Hyunjin with advantages through darkness and light while Seungmin, to your surprise, took a seat on his rock platform and crossed his legs comfortably. There was no time to argue or question the Mind Controller. You turned to Han.

"Give me some cover," you said to him. He nodded and created an illusion that you were moving toward the fight down in the middle of the Ruins when in reality you were climbing to the highest platform where Minho was standing. Jeongin went with you at your request, moving some of the rocks to aid you in your climbing.

"What are you doing?" Minho roared over the pounding rain. He was trying to figure out how to stop the rain, but it was different from the H2O he was so familiar with. It was almost like blood from its thicker viscosity.

"Stopping the rain is going to take too long. You need to work with Jeongin to split the rock from the inside out. If we break the circle then his plan will be demolished!" Minho squinted against the blackness at you and nodded looking at Jeongin who was assessing the rock below with furrowed brows.

"If we break the rock from the center, the entirety of the Ruin's will explode taking everyone with it," Jeongin called out. You huffed worriedly and looked for a possible solution quickly. "It would be better if we disrupted the circle from the outside inward."

"Okay, do it. " you nodded. Jeongin and Minho left you standing at the highest platform, getting to work.

Hyunjin suddenly let out an explosion of electricity as sparks went flying and a fire caught on some of the dead vines nearby. Changbin was now going head to head with The Healer as he reinforced his strong up-close combat. Chan wasn't too bad himself but he would tire quickly if he kept battling the Blade Conjurer for much longer. A cry from the Blade Conjurer had the hairs on your neck standing up. Chan was laughing maniacally as Changbin held onto his throat, clawing at it. Felix stepped forward with a dark look in his eye; a look so dark, he could've easily surpassed as Chan's accomplice.

"Oh look," Chan smiled, leaning forward. "The sun after the rain."

Felix simply stared at Chan. You held your breath as you anticipated his attack. Then he closed his eyes—everything stopped. The rain, the lightning, the wind, and all sounds. Felix opened his eyes, lifted them to the sky and split the clouds in half to accessed the sun. He took in his hand a beam of light and broke it into ten different light orbs that began to circle around him at a moderate speed. The clouds shut and time remained as the rain began falling again. Chan's eyes widened as Felix drew from each orb and blasted with power so strong and bright you couldn't see how it hit Chan.

The Sun User did it over and over, finding new ways to use the light given to him so lethally that you thought Chan was dead. Though it didn't last for very long as Chan came back full swing with a black cloud of shrill screams that snuffed all the light Felix had. Chan was badly injured. Whelps, burns, and his vision half blind.

"Now!" Jeongin cried out. Minho absorbed all the energy in the clouds and bought down a massive lighting bolt upon the edge of the ruins. Rock burst into a million pieces as the lightning took off a huge chunk of the circle, but not enough to break the symbol. Chan looked to the circle in panic and threw his next attacks aimed at Minho and Jeongin. Han stepped up to pull the attention off the two on the rocks and was now attacking with mind bending illusions that were testing Chan's limits, though never surpassing them.

Changbin was clawing at his throat again when Han wasn't there to distract him from the pain. It looked as though Chan struck him with some sort of allergic herb to keep him from attacking again. All of this was happening so fast and you knew you had to take down Chan long enough for Minho to have another strike at the circle. You backed up to the edge of the highest platform you remained on from the beginning and inhaled, running into a jump before you exhaled.

"Jeongin!" you called out. Jeongin looked to you in the midst of defending himself and understood what you were asking of him, having done it a million times when you were growing up together, only this time it wouldn't be for fun and it could be the last time you did it.

Fire consumed you as Jeongin grabbed a hold of you using his Force and hurtled you down straight into the middle of the fight, right at The Healer. When you hit, a blast of ice fire exploded and pushed everyone back off the circle. No one dared to attack when they looked up to see both you and Chan in a globe of your white fire.

"This has to stop Chan," you spoke, watching to see if he would get up. His hoodie was no longer solid, but decorated in an assortment of holes while his hair was tousled and the exposed skin on his body scratched and bleeding. He gritted his teeth at you, deciding to stay on the ground.

"You don't understand," he chuckled out breathlessly. "This circle encompasses Truth, Lies, Control, Power, Life, and Death to their fullest. You cannot destroy this circle. Everything I've done, all I am is in this circle. If you kill me, everyone will parish. The valley will be gone. Is that what you want?"

Out of all the things he'd said to you over the course of your lifetime, this seemed to be the hard truth. If there was no way for this to be stopped then everyone was doomed. Chan did not miss the slight defeat in your eyes as you thought over all the things he was saying to you. There had to be a way out of this. Both Mafia's already won so much, this couldn't be the end.

"I told you," Chan growled. "You will be the reason Mafia Grim and Mafia Malefic fall."

You sunk to your knees at his words. Seungmin took in a breath, watching you closely. "Come on, Y/n."

"You are the reason all of us are going to die."

The guilt was overwhelming you and you couldn't even bare to look back at Hyunjin and the rest of them. No one knew about what Chan had said to you. Nobody knew of the words that plagued your mind for months after Chan had revealed it to you. When things turned around a few days ago and it seemed like Chan had made that up to scare you from taking him down, you felt at ease with the words, but no, you were back to feeling like you were going to throw up.

"But what if you made it all go away?" Chan persuaded, his tone airy and curious sounding. "Just say the magic words and I'll fix everything."

"Think!" Seungmin bellowed, his voice coming down like thunder across the Ruins. You felt another attack coming on. This is exactly what Chan wanted from you and you were about to grant him his wish. How could you stop it? There had to be a loophole. There had to be something in his words that revealed the truth to defeating him. Seungmin said there was a way to figure out the loophole.

"Think!" Then—

"But I can destroy a little bit of it," Chan looked over at your now extended hand over the tied neon purple connecting Control, Lies, and Truth. You quirked an eyebrow at him, "Right?"

Instant you broke the tie between all three, watching Chan fall to the ground screaming and crying in pain. Meanwhile on the rock platform, Seungmin inhaled deeply as his limit was released entirely, giving him back his full potential. Chan cried out again on the stone as he felt a part of him die, having put everything into this circle to destroy all of you and having saved none of it for himself.

Seungmin landed on the stone with a echoing sound as you released the globe of fire. Everything felt heavy against to as you walked passed Seungmin who was making his slow steps toward The Healer.

Your eyes made contact with Hyunjin. He took you in his arms and pulled you close to him, kissing your head deeply to say how proud he was of you.

Chan, grunting through the pain, looked up to see Seungmin staring down at him with his hands in his pockets. Seungmin leaned forward and squinted his eyes mockingly. "Didn't see that coming, did you?"

Without lifting a finger or so much as putting any effort, Seungmin entered Chan's mind and took full control of everything, bending him to his will completely.

It was almost two weeks later. Everything was slowly coming back to normal after that battle at the Peacemaker's Ruins. Seungmin had Chan reverse everything, removing all the markings and dispersing the clouds and rain. The process shredded Chan into pieces until he was nothing, gone in a wisp of ash.

To see Seungmin at his fullest strength was powerful and rewarding. He looked more relaxed and lighter than he ever looked, smiling and laughing when Felix ran up to crush him in a hug and ruffle his hair. Even Minho congratulated him. When he looked to you, he bowed deeply, holding it for a few seconds to express his gratitude toward you.

Your bone crushing hug surprised him when he lifted himself back into a standing position. Seungmin didn't normally do hugs, nonetheless, he returned it with just as much vigor.

After two weeks, you found yourself at much more ease that you had when you returned from the mountains to come home permanently. It's like The Healer's looming hidden dark energy was the root of how you felt all those months. Now that it was gone, you were free to move around as if nothing in the world could stop you. It also aided your relationship with Hyunjin.

Like now. The heavy comforter weighed upon your back as you lay awake, tracing random shapes onto the chest beneath you. Short clipped nails dragged lightly against the back of your bare shoulder, admitting goosebumps all over your body. Hyunjin moved his free hand to rest on your bare waist and rub circles into your hip softly.

"You are so soft," Hyunjin murmured quietly against your forehead. It was sweet compliment for a sweet moment.

Last night after taking you on a day trip to the mountains, he asked you to spend the night with him the moment you two returned. Your response was a tender kiss to his lips.

Hyunjin smiled against your lips and pulled you against him to enjoy the feeling of you. Since you were just outside his door, you were lifted into his arms and carried passed the door. Hyunjin kissed and sucked against your bottom lip as he laid you on the bed.

"Hyunjin," you looked into his eyes once he was settled over you. "I love you and I do want you."

His heart almost stopped beating with how hard your words hit him. Hyunjin leaned down and kissed you hard like the time in the cenote, "You don't know how much I love you."

Both of your lips connected again in a fervent kiss that continued into a heated make out session. Hands gripping skin, fingers carding through hair strands with heavy breathing and dizziness. All you senses could feel was Hyunjin. Everything you felt, heard, and tasted was him. Likewise for Hyunjin. You were so soft to him and addicting, he couldn't stop.

"Hyunjin," you heaved a breath after the third time. "If we continue much longer, things will change significantly."

"Just tell me when you're ready," he mumbled, kissing your nose before worshiping your neck in kisses and massaging your side with his palms. "Take all the time you need, darling."

"I don't need time," you said. Hyunjin raised up to look at you. "I just need to make sure you're ready for that change."

"I'm ready for anything as long as I get to do it with you."

This lead to the following morning where you were laying in his arms enjoying the moment together. It was early in the morning and the sun was barely peeking over the horizon. Normally you would be asleep during this hour but the feeling of Hyunjin next to you, kept you awake.

Hyunjin's eyes were shut but he was awake with you, feeling the happiest he's ever felt in his life. If he got the chance to go to sleep with you in his arms and then wake up in them too, he'd be on cloud 9.

"What do we do next?" you asked after a while of silence, thinking about the valley, about Mafia Malefic and Mafia Grim, what it would mean for both parties moving forward.

"That's your call sweetheart," Hyunjin squeezed your waist. "I think it's good if both Mafia's stay separate, but no matter what happens, I want to be with you."

"You always will be."

The same day, you left Hyunjin and the others to go back to Mafia Grim's headquarters. There was a lot you needed to take care of plus spending time with Minho, Han, and Jeongin. Everything was the same as you left it that night, even down to the shoes you wore to the funeral laying by the front door.

"Minho?" you called out, flashbacks of when you called out his name that night filled you, only this time you got a reply.

"In the kitchen!" he called back. You began to make your way to the said kitchen, smelling food cooking the closer you got. Han was sitting at the bar behind the sink while Jeongin was nowhere to be found. Minho stood by the stove, stirring whatever was in the pot.

He opened his arm to you as you settled into his side for a hug. Both him and Han looked a whole lot better than the last time you saw them. All three of them were still being treated for the substances put in their bodies.

"Where's Jeongin?" you asked, going over to Han for a hug. The Illusion Master stuck to you like a koala while you took a bite out of his food. A long whine escaped him as you did so, shoving you away.

"He's sleeping still," Minho answered. "I thought you'd be with Hyunjin."

"I was," you responded, not missing the way his hand gripped the utensil a bit harder. "But I wanted to see you guys and talk."

"About you siding with them or staying with us?" Minho refused to look you way, still stirring. Han looked at you with sorry eyes, getting up to give you and Minho some space to talk.

"Are you gonna say it or just stand there like a stubborn child?" you asked, your tone becoming bitter after his sassy question. "No need to extend gratitude to those of us who worked hard to save you."

Minho set the spoon down on the counter and looked at you, his eyes filled with annoyance and his jaw tight. "Do not sit there and tell me that just because they were capable of one nice thing that it dismisses all the other horrors they've committed!"

"Of course not!" you insisted. "But we're not all innocent either Minho and you know that first hand."

"So what you want to become all buddy buddy with them?"

You got up from you seat to stand in front of him. He looked away, knowing he couldn't look into your eyes as your older brother and cave into what you wanted.

"No," you answered. "I want you to accept that I can't change anything and that I won't pick sides. I will be a part of Mafia Malefic and Mafia Grim."

Minho huffed loudly, staring at your feet in anger. "What if I don't want to let you go? What if I want you to still be my baby sister that I love so much?"

"Then you'll get to see me twice as often," you reasoned with a smile. He wasn't smiling though he was looking at you now. The two of you shared a long hug that was much needed after everything that went down since you got home. "You'll never lose me."

You felt someone on the other side of you join the hug and looked back to see Han and a reluctant Jeongin. The four of you had a brief group hug before Minho couldn't stand being vulnerable any longer.

"So this means you're the boss of Mafia Malefic, right?" Han piped up.

You smiled to yourself knowing Hyunjin would not like that phrase if he wasn't included, "Yes, yes it does."

168 notes · View notes

changbinsboiledegg · 6 months

Note

Hey can I request reader on a trip with bf! Hyunjin and the boys and he gets motion sick and they all help take care of him? I need some comfort fluff in my life rn 😙

Hell yeah, I love comfort fluff and fluff in general. We all need fluff. Thank you for your request! 🫶

GN! reader X Hyunjin, FT. SKZ.

Warnings: Motion sickness + the symptoms. Hyunjin throws up so if you have emetophobia, I'm so sorry.

Note: Ahhhhh I'm sorry if this is bad! I tried to include every member for an even amount but mostly tried to keep the reader involved more yk? That doesn't make sense. I hope this is the comfort fluff you hoped for 🥹🫶 As always, if no one told you today, ILY.

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

The trip was something you were looking forward to. You, your boyfriend, and his friends. It was finally the first day of the week-long trip and there you were, lying on your stomach in your bed and looking through old polaroid photos you found while attempting to pack.

Hyunjin was helping you pack, up until he got a call from Chan— probably asking if you were ready.

“Uh,” Hyunjin glanced over at you, shuffling through the photos. “Yeah, almost ready. When are we supposed to leave again?”

You were still looking at the photos. Mostly of you and Hyunjin together. All were about a year or so old.

“Oh, five minutes.” Hyunjin repeated louder and looking at you. You finally glanced up at him, raising an eyebrow as he hung up.

“I’ve been packed since last night.”

Hyunjin’s face dropped. “So you didn’t need help packing?”

“I just wanted to see you before we left.” You admitted. Hyunjin sighed deeply, rubbing his eyes.

“You know we’d see each other the entire week.” Hyunjin sat on your bed beside you and leaned down to kiss the top of your head.

“I know.” You pushed yourself up and off the bed, walking towards your closet. “Is it cold outside?”

“It will be.” Hyunjin answered. You looked through your closet for your hoodie, then in various places around your room as Hyunjin watched in slight confusion.

“How is it that when I don’t need a sweater, they are there, but when I do, they packed up and left?” You murmured, grabbing a long-sleeved shirt. Hyunjin slid off his own sweater and held it out to you.

“No, then you’ll be cold.” You refused, but Hyunjin didn’t back down, smiling at you sweetly without a word.

♥︎

“Two minutes late.” Chan smiled at you and Hyunjin when you arrived to the meetup location. Hyunjin gently squeezed your hand before briefly letting go to take out his passport.

“My fault. I couldn’t find any of my sweaters, jackets, or hoodies.” You sheepishly apologized. Chan glanced down at the one you wore— Hyunjin’s. Then he looked at Hyunjin, who had no form of protection against the cold.

“It’s fine. The plane hasn’t left yet, but I’d prefer not to be in the back of the line when boarding.” Chan reached into his backpack and pulled out his sweater to lend to Hyunjin.

“Thank you.” Hyunjin accepted it and put it on over his head. Changbin yawned, joining the three of you. ”It’s time to go.” Changbin stated, putting an arm around Chan’s shoulders to steer him in the direction of the gate. Hyunjin took your hand and followed them.

Midway through the flight, Hyunjin felt waves of nausea and dizziness. He pulled down the visor to cover the window from his field of vision, but couldn’t avoid the uncovered windows beside the people in front of him.

Hyunjin swallowed harshly to avoid needing to make an emergency trip to the bathroom. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, unable to shake the feeling.

In the seat beside him, you were absentmindedly scrolling through movies to watch in order to pass time, unaware of your boyfriend’s discomfort.

Hyunjin opened his eyes, immediately met with an even harsher wave of nausea.

“I will be… right back.” Hyunjin forced himself to open his mouth and shimmied through the isle and quickly towards the bathroom on the plane.

He crashed to his knees, expelling the contents of his stomach for a few very long seconds. He panted, still feeling the nausea and dizziness.

There was a knock on the door, followed by the sound of your voice. “Jinnie?”

Hyunjin reached up to unlock the door, still on his knees. You entered, your worried expression only intensified.

“Oh no, are you okay?” You lowered yourself to your knees beside him. Hyunjin let out a groan as another wave of nausea coursed through his body.

“Motion sick.” Hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut. You frowned, “let me sit by the window. We have about thirty more minutes until we land. Do you think you can—” ”Is he okay?” Felix asked from behind you. You pressed a hand gently against Hyunjin’s forehead.

“He got motion sick.” You answered. Felix gave an understanding nod. Hyunjin lifted himself to his feet and you helped him make his way back to your seats, this time you sat by the window and gave Hyunjin an eye mask to help him relax until the plane landed.

♥︎

By the time the plane landed and everyone got off, everyone knew how Hyunjin had fallen victim to motion sickness.

Seungmin had googled how to get rid of motion sickness as soon as they met up in the airport after retrieving their bags.

“Stay hydrated…” Seungmin read off, “take motion sickness medicine… Eat ginger or ginger candy?”

“I think we should lower our voices around Hyunjin. Just in case that triggers his senses.” Changbin spoke in an almost quiet voice.

You and Hyunjin exchanged a look. While you felt grateful that they were trying to help, them being quiet wouldn’t help Hyunjin much in the noisy airport they were in.

“Ah, alright. Let’s wait a bit before getting on the bus. Let’s let Hyunjin rest.” Chan motioned for everyone to find a seat in the airport. Hyunjin held onto your hand as you helped him sit.

“I’m okay, guys. I just need a while to get some air.” Hyunjin reassured them, but Jeongin, Felix, and Minho had already gone off towards the shops to look for anything that could help.

Seungmin continued to scroll through his phone before getting up and running after Jeongin, Felix and Minho saying, “chewing gum could help!”

Hyunjin groaned, not wanting anything in his mouth. You rubbed your thumb on the back of his hand, hating that he was feeling nauseous on a trip that was meant to be fun.

Then again, you still had all week.

“Peppermint could help too.” You spoke softly, taking Changbin’s theory into consideration.

“I’m not just saying that because you threw up.” You added. Jisung overheard this and laughed a little, even though it was clear he was just as concerned as everyone else.

“Peppermint could help you in that situation too. No one likes vomit breath.” Jisung humored, hoping Hyunjin would laugh or smile.

“Haha.” Hyunjin forced a smile. Jisung pretended to cover his nose, “would you rather be ‘vomit breath’ or ‘peppermint breath’?”

“Ugh, neither— fine, let’s get peppermint.” Hyunjin laughed— genuinely laughed, for a moment before attempting to stand.

“Ah, ah, ah. Sit back down.” Minho stopped him. Your hand was still holding Hyunjin’s and even if Minho hadn’t shown up when he did, you’d have stopped him.

Minho gave Hyunjin a water bottle after opening it for him. “Drink. Or as Seungmin said, stay hydrated.”

Hyunjin took slow sips of the water, feeling the nausea subside with each sip, but not completely.

Chan looked at his phone, humming to himself. “We can go to the amusement park tomorrow. Yeah?”

Luckily, everyone in the immediate area agreed. You couldn’t wait to get Hyunjin to the hotel and make him rest— another thing Seungmin had mentioned would help the motion sickness go away.

When Jeongin and Felix came back, they had bags of different things ranging from snacks, drinks, candy— even a bag of peppermint.

You took the bag of peppermints and opened it, handing one to Hyunjin. Hyunjin took it with slight hesitation and popped it into his mouth.

“I ordered motion sickness medicine for pickup down the street while we waited in line to pay.” Jeongin pulled up the order on his phone and showed Hyunjin.

“They are tablets that you’re supposed to let dissolve in your mouth.” Jeongin explained. Felix sat on the floor of the airport and separated everything before giving one of the bags to you.

“These are Hyunjin safe,” Felix nodded towards the bag you held. He then nodded towards the other bag, “and those aren’t Hyunjin safe.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his assessment of the bags. You turned to Hyunjin and opened the bag but Hyunjin shook his head and pointed at the peppermint in his mouth.

“Are you guys okay with letting Hyunjin choose where we eat tonight?” Chan asked, putting his phone away.

Again, they agreed, not wanting to make Hyunjin feel worse if they chose a restaurant that was too much.

Hyunjin took a deep breath, sucking on the peppermint in his mouth.

“Thank you all, so much. But please, don’t let me ruin the trip for everyone.”

Everyone looked at him, slightly confused. You smiled at him and carefully put your arm around him.

“You didn’t ruin anything. It happens.”

“Yeah.” Seungmin said, pulling up google again. “Your senses just got overwhelmed. You didn’t know you’d get motion sickness.”

Hyunjin frowned a little, still feeling an ounce of guilt. Chan huddled around you and Hyunjin.

“Are you okay to get on the bus? Promise we’re going to the hotel for a while to rest and plan out the day.” Chan smiled. Hyunjin nodded, standing up.

“Oh! The medicine is available to pick up!” Jeongin spoke up. Changbin quickly shushed him.

You chuckled, helping Hyunjin stand as the dizziness still lingered. Minho and Jisung went to stand beside Jeongin.

“We’re going to pick up the medicine. We’ll catch the next bus to the hotel.” Minho announced, putting his hands on the shoulders of Jeongin and Jisung as he steered them towards the exit.

You gently squeezed Hyunjin’s hand, earning a small smile from him and a squeeze back.

“Are you okay to ride the bus?” You asked, wondering if maybe you two should tag along with Minho, Jisung, and Jeongin so that he could take the medicine before getting in any vehicle.

Hyunjin closed his eyes and tilted his head back, the nausea hitting him again. You sucked your teeth and looked at Chan.

“Hyunjin and I will join you guys on the next bus with Minho, Jisung, and Jeongin.”

No one argued, not even Hyunjin, who walked with you in an attempt to catch up to the three on their way to the store down the street.

Once the five of you arrived to the hotel, you and Hyunjin immediately went to your reserved room where you made Hyunjin lay down, even if he was going to do just that in the first place.

You sat on the other side of the bed as Hyunjin started to feel better with the combination of rest and the motion sickness tablet Jeongin bought for him.

After a few minutes, Hyunjin laughed. You looked over at him with a confused but curious look, laying down on your side now.

“What?” You asked. Hyunjin turned his head to look at you.

“I get motion sick once and you guys act like I’m on my death bed.” Hyunjin laughed. You laughed too, but not as much as he did.

“We weren’t trying to act that way, we just didn’t want you to suffer on our getaway.” You used your fingers to brush back the strands of hair on his face.

Hyunjin’s laughter died down into a smile.

“I love you.” He sighed, contentedly. You smiled, feeling your heart flutter at his words.

“I love you too. Do you feel better?”

“Yeah.” Hyunjin slowly turned on his side, facing you fully. You were about to continue the conversation but Hyunjin spoke up again.

“Don’t tell the others though. I still want to pick dinner tonight.”

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Note 2: If you saw any typos or grammar errors, just report me LMAO. I'm fed up with myself too, lovelies.

#stray kids x reader #skz imagines #skz x reader #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids fluff #stray kids hyunjin x reader #skz scenarios #skz fluff #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin #Stray kids hyunjin imagines #stray kids hyunjin #skz hyunjin #skz headcanons #skz reactions #stray kids reactions

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haechanhues · 4 months

Text

Is This Goodbye? (II)

pairing : brother’s best friend!hyunjin x fem!reader (mentions of other members x reader)

genre : smut. fluff. angst.

warnings : switch!reader x switch!hyunjin!!! toxic relationship vibes. fwb. jealousy. jealous sex. oral sex. choking/pain/sadistic tendencies. degradation. praise/body worship. don't know if i mention protection or not but you know the drill :) swearing, of course. i think that's all the basics but still, there may be warnings i missed.

summary : he’s your brother’s best friend but he knows just as much as you do that that’s not all he is to you. // where your history is the reason you won’t work out.

word count : 11k

taglist : @jisungsdaydreamer

@k-labels

main masterlist

playlist : contradicting - hwang hyunjin, try - bright ft matcha, artificial love - exo, rush - william singe, vicious - tate mcrae, bad decisions - bobi andonov, backseat - daniel di angelo, drive you insane - daniel di angelo, half of my heart - josh musaka, numb to the feeling - chase atlantic.

Hyunjin wants to say he expected this. He wants to say he was stronger for it. But his heart makes a liar out of him. The bones in his body feel like breaking and the flesh on his skin sags as the blood from his heart droops out into a pathetic mess of whatever the fuck this is.

He has seen the monster that creates a brewery out of your innocent eyes and Felix’s kindness. He has seen it sink its claws into every single one of his friends. Felt it latch onto him like a parasite and squeeze out all logical thinking.

Yet hope is like a little deviant spirit that refuses to be stamped out.

The house had smelled of Sunday laundry tumbling in the dryer when you had stepped through the path made by sheets and clothes that had yet to be folded. It was like a dreamscape and Hyunjin couldn’t believe how sweet the moment was.

“Could you do mine as well?” You asked, awkwardness seeping into your fingers. Hyunjin nodded silently. Your lips smack together in passing thought before handing him your washing. A silent movie.

“I thought you were allergic to laundry detergent?” You wonder, your eyebrows furrowing in thought.

Hyunjin scoffs, “No.”

“I’m sure you are.”

“No, I’m pretty sure I know my own-“ He pauses, at a slight glimpse of your smile, “you’re pulling my leg.”

You let a playful smile climb to the corners of your lips, lifting over the wall of tension that had hardened in the months he had been gone, “Sorry.”

Hyunjin’s eyes narrow before he presses his index finger into the skin of your forehead, pushing your leaning face away from him. Lazily you follow after his finger, enjoying the good kind of nostalgia that smells of marmalade.

It had been him that had leaned in to you, and him that had kissed you with a trick that sweet lovers do. With your chin in his hold and a short yet loaded amount of eye contact. Enough to see how life has been treating him and you in your time of separation.

It all came back to him then. The anger. The pictures of you and him. The pictures of Hyunjin fucking you. The thoughts of the torrential rain of sensations that had him more than a little fucked up.

He kisses you harder, the air bleeding a dark red as memories and realisation catches up to him. Your mouth opens and he deepens the kiss, sucking in the oxygen for himself. Your grip pinches at his torso, and his mouth turns to the skin of your neck and collarbone, a map of his kisses and possibilities.

You inhale the air greedily as your eyes roll back at his attention, you hum a moan which earns a little warning bite to your throat. A hush to be quiet.

Hyunjin cups the back of your neck and pulls you into him, practically devouring you as you steady yourself by grabbing his upper arms. The noises that escape your kiss are your swallowed moans and Hyunjin’s hisses of dominance, urged on by the way he grinds his hips into the opening of your legs, the pleasure scratching down your arched back.

You can feel him harden every time his hips surge forward and your arousal is sure to make a mark on the front of his pants. He pants, sweat collecting in the warmest parts of his hair. More than anything you want to wrap your knuckle into the thickest part to expose the way his eyes are fluttering at the pressure of your clothed sex against his. How weak he is to you. The effect you have on him.

You want to marvel at it, an unhealthy amount.

You don’t know why you’re so attracted to it, or even have an idea why you like seeing the boy of yours crumble the way he does.

Hyunjin blames the monster.

Ignoring your sheep like eyes, Hyunjin’s hand marks the heart of your throat, biting the words out, “How hard do I have to fuck you for you to be satisfied? How often?”

Your head drops from the mosaic of Red Light District worthy images that soar behind your eyelids. Lewd images of the types of positions, the tempo in which the body moves, the friction. Time made a servant by pure lust. All with his name on it.

“All the time,” You mumble, tired and already fucked out with a mere dry humping session on top of your dryer, “I want you all the time.”

He pauses his rutting against you, smirking at you with a snarl he practised with all that came before, during and after you. He basks in the way your expression drops, “Hadn’t noticed.”

Your mouth opens and closes many times. The thoughts in your head leave your body in disarray. Hyunjin doesn’t miss a single second of it. Doesn’t forget to enjoy it to the fullest. But because you’re you and you seem to know exactly how to get under his skin, your hand cups the back of his neck and cuffs the front of his throat like a turtleneck.

He swallows and attempts to hide his front into the wall of the dryer. Your eyes glint dangerously as your leg curls around his waist to bring his pelvis into its previous position against the fabric of your clit.

“I’ve got a favour to ask you,” You grin, your tongue resting behind your front teeth and the thrum of his heartbeat on your fingertips, “Though… I feel like it can benefit the both of us.”

You watch him. He watches you. A cycle with every new addition but the same fucking process.

“Sex,” You tell him, looking for signs of refusal. Expecting a sign of refusal. You maintain eye contact hoping he picks up on how serious you are about this, “Consistent sex.”

Unconsciously, your fingers start to twist at the hair on the back of his neck and Hyunjin’s eyes grow darker in response, “Weren’t you telling me all about the boys you have? Pick one, make this deal. I don’t doubt they’ll agree.”

Fuck did his tone have to be dripping in jealousy when he hisses out the venom he curated for you?

A wick of displeasure worms its way into your eyebrow and you can’t help the arch that comes out of it, “Don’t be so fucking stupid, Hyun. Nobody makes me feel the way you do. Nobody fucks the way you do.”

Hyunjin frowns, his lips twisting upwards in an attempt to keep his growing frustration at bay and he whips his head to the side, letting your hold on him drop. The heated atmosphere between you is dissipating but not completely. God forbid - not completely.

“There’s always Minho,” Hyunjin grins.

The world is sick and twisted, and this relationship is no different. He loves the way your body stills at the mention of his name and yet he hates it. Because another weakness that he can’t bear to use against you is Lee Minho.

Minho isn’t like what Felix is to you or Hyunjin. A shared and mutual No-Man’s land in amongst the perpetuated torture that you and Hyunjin inflict on each other. Minho is solely yours. An unpredictable weapon to use against you. One of mass destruction. One that every villain could only dream to get their hands on. One that could completely destroy you. And yet, a weapon that seems to always backfire onto Hyunjin.

So when you pull Hyunjin in for another kiss, one that is hard and unyielding, he is relieved. Relieved, because he doesn’t have to face the fact that the monster he can't rid himself of and the girl he loves is in love with Lee Minho. He doesn’t have to sit in the puddle of hurt.

Not when your hands slip down to the front of his pants and not when you free him from the constrictions of his underwear. He watches as you spit into your hand before wrapping a palm around his shaft and his stomach tenses at the shot of pleasure that has his heart rate spiking.

You let your hand slide up and down his shaft, feeling the control winding up Hyunjin’s joints. His breathing is heavy and the unruly grunts make you feel like royalty. A crown and all. He’s trying so hard to keep his composure. Putting in so much effort to make it seem like his release is something you have to work hard for.

With a quick quirk of your lip, your pace quickens and the tug-of-war game of who is in charge of his pleasure reaches new heights. His full lips, bitten raw have come into contact with the skin on your forehead, exhales nearly breathless. Teasingly, your thumb swipes along the pink mushroom tip and he can’t help but cage you in by his frame. Lithe muscle flexing with your touch. The room is hot and heavy and you can’t help but watch his face for the changes.

With furrowed eyebrows and a tight mouth, he comes. Thick spurts of cum paint your palm and the blood in his body still runs hot. He breathes heavily into your hair, his breath tickling the shell of your ear. Unable to help yourself, you drag a nail down the side of his body enjoying the ripple of sensation. The goosebumps on his skin. The shiver. The way his waist instinctively reaches to meet yours.

His skin is glowing when he kisses you again, a sure one. One that isn’t sweet. Or intended to make one come. He eyes the cum in your palm before he nods again. An affirmative to your deal earlier. You try not to show that the distance he rushes to create doesn’t affect you, but truthfully you think you failed.

Hyunjin rolls his tongue in his mouth frustratedly as he leaves the crime scene. There was no formal agreement. There never is. To the you who used him, you who ripped his soul from the inside, who made him wary of the vulnerability of drunken truths and Felix’s kind golden eyes. He agreed. Hyunjin has agreed to be used by you once again.

Hyunjin had expected fucking, only when it had come down to it - nothing had happened between the two of you. It was a waiting game. One where Hyunjin waited for you like a sitting duck and you were a huntress with a hefty gun of your desires and your wants and so forth.

He wishes he could film the way tension coils within your body, crumpling a written piece of paper in your grasp with a ferocity that didn’t suit you. Hyunjin sucks in his lip, his tongue swirling around his slowly dissolving strawberry lollipop and his eyes regarding the sight in front of him.

A sight to behold, some may say.

Like a flame blown out from a candle, your eyes meet his. The fire burns and Hyunjin straightens his posture. Your stride is heavy and forward and his bones feel like lead when his body smashes into the metal of the lockers of an empty closet. He winces slightly but has no time to process the sharp shot of pain as your kiss silences him. Hyunjin can taste your anger, your greed and he’s painted in it.

Your shirt lifts upwards and Hyunjin’s hands travel to meet the warm skin of your back, a pavement of goosebumps and tingles littering along your spine. He brings you closer, feeling your obedience and taking advantage instantaneously. By the way your nails claw into his shoulders, he can tell you’ve made a mess in your underwear that Hyunjin has every intention to worsen.

You mutually hate and love the way Hyunjin is gentle with you. Every bit of it is a lie and you know it. You both do. He grabs at your hips, drawing your pelvis into his, feeding off your pathetic little noises. The more you make, the more likely you are to be fucked in this very closet.

You try all your tricks, teasing him with ideas of the two of you fucking. Of him in control. Of you. You kiss down his neck and across his collarbone. A trickling finger slowly descending down to the ridges of his stomach and waist. The crudest of whines directly into the shell of his ear.

You try all your tricks and yet none of them work. All it seems to do is backfire. Your kiss down his neck and across his collarbone is met with payback. His own kisses lighting a fuse within you that you had seemingly failed to ignite in him. Your admiring finger and eyes, no longer able to defend against his own unmarked gaze and touch. His finger stroking behind your ear and down your neck. Leaving your flirtatious finger useless.

It angers you, really.

The whines, well, they worked. To an extent. His arm wraps completely around your waist, your positions exchanging so he’s directly above you. However, you find yourself a bit more vulnerable than he ever was. Your arms are holding your weight and Hyunjin’s gaze is sadistic.

“You’re angry,” Hyunjin muses, enamoured by the glint in your eye. He knows how you can be and yet this isn’t quite an anger he’s used to. This anger is crumbling bits of brick and rubble.

The frown on your face.

He fucking loves it.

“Are you-” You’re bewildered and you can feel your annoyance return to you tenth fold. Is he joking? Is he actually fucking serious? Men. Hyunjin. The fucking audacity, “Did we not have a deal?”

He grins, wolfish and mischievous, you want nothing more than to see it swiped completely from his face, “You said it was beneficial for the both of us, darling and I want to see how an angry girl comes.”

You sneer, “You’re not seeing it anytime soon.”

The grin, although it does eventually fall, it does nothing for your ego nor your pride. Instead, it seems to play right into his favour. His hand collars your neck, tight enough for your breath to be slightly restricted and the look in his eye will forever be remembered, “No?”

You want to say you were strong enough, that you didn’t feel arousal stick to the fabric of your underwear, so messily you fear it drips down your thigh. That your eyes didn’t flutter at the thought of him wrecking you. The ways in which he could make your head run blank.

However, that’d be a lie.

“With you, it’s all in the foreplay.”

A goddamn lie.

With his hands down your underwear, he lightly brushes to tease at the wetness. Lips quirking at how wet you are and how right he is. Loving the way his fingers create naughty dimples in the fabric. Crooning at the way your eyes hold his. This control is his crown and he wears it in the way he believes he should. The thought makes your heart drop.

As he presses into the heart of your arousal, your hand wraps around his wrist hastily, “We need rules.”

He wants to roll his eyes. Impeccable timing. But his curiosity has piqued, making note of the way your expression had slightly changed in that moment of eye contact. Hating himself for catching it.

“When has rules ever been a good idea?”

It hasn’t.

“It gives a blueprint,” You say confidently. You don’t believe that the rules would last or even be worthwhile. Definitely not on your end. But it’s a scope. An idea. You’re not even sure why you’re so tempted by the thin layer of protection ‘rules’ would provide you.

He chortles, “A blueprint?”

He shifts and all of a sudden, all the power has come back to you. Like a villain who knows her way out of the fog. You reach for an out-of-place strand of his long hair tucking it behind his ear and practically melting at the wince on his face as you drag your nails down the length of his neck.

“Mmm.”

His laugh is fake but his kiss is not. It’s rough and hard, but the sensation alone has your eyes rolling back. He presses you deeper into the lockers, hiking your thigh around his waist and teasing his hardening length into the location you want him.

“This feels familiar,” You mumble, breathless.

He smiles as if he’s disinterested, removing his cock from his pants and running it down your covered slit. Your teeth grit, the sensation heightened with the way his kisses trail from the corner of your mouth to the softness of your jaw. He murmurs, “Only this time, I’ll have the both of us cumming. As promised..”

His tongue touches the roof of his mouth as his fingers remove your underwear from your pussy, grinning naughtily at the newfound stickiness of his digits. He slowly sinks into your wetness, smouldering at how full you feel. . A challenge presents itself to him when you hold back your initial sounds of pleasure with tightly pressed lips and all he can return it with is a barely-there kiss against your cheek to coax you.

He grinds into you, his own eyes falling shut at how your walls lock his cock inside of you. At a particularly sharp thrust, he’s delighted to hear your strangled moan. Powerful enough for his hips to drive away into you, hoping that the angle change will tempt more and louder sounds.

“Fu- First rule,” You huff, your mouth heavy with pants.

Hyunjin finds it annoying. But a challenge nonetheless. He fucks you harder, preferring the way in which you stutter out your sentences with him inside of you.

“You- oh, sex ca-can be initiated by either…party with consent.”

Open mouthed kisses dot across your jawbone before lining his lips over yours, your chin in his hold as he thrusts into you. You whine into his mouth as he deepens the kiss until your whole body is tingling and your brain short circuits. You grasp at his shoulders as he allows the oxygen to fill your lungs.

A plea, “Hyunjin-”

“I heard you,” Hyunjin mumbles half-heartedly, his eyes greedily soaking up your swollen lips and the mess of your hair. A crime with no chance of escape, a life sentence with no parole - people will know about today if they saw you. He pauses in his movement completely, letting you come into terms who’s inside of you and who you belong to.

Your leg hikes up further around his torso as you lean more into his space, enjoying the way his grip on your waist feels and the way in which his cock twitches inside you. Unknowing of the train of thought running rampant in the handsome man’s head.

“The second rule?” Hyunjin cocks his head, his hand finding your ankle with a mischievous glint in his eye. With a feather like touch, his fingers ascend up your leg, ripples of sensation bubbling underneath.

You swallow, entranced by the way his eyes implore into yours, “Felix and….Minho. Leave them out of this. Whatever this is.”

His fingers still. Annoyance and irritation flood through him and he smirks in an attempt to keep his cool, “All of them.”

“Huh?”

“Not just Felix. Not just Minho. All of them,” He warns, his stare burning straight through you. You pause. Just for a moment. But it was enough. He opens your legs wider and slides deeper into you. The added inches do nothing for your faux pact of silence and every cell in your body needs to scream in pleasure, “Don’t fuck my friends. Not while you’re fucking me, understood?”

Your thighs burn, and everything in you is tunnel visioned into Hyunjin. Hyunjin with his stare. His lips. His hair. His fucking skin. His cock. Sensations like no other rocking into you.

Like a pastor, you swear by the book at that moment. Absolutely.

Your walls tighten around him and his tight grip falters and it takes everything in him to remember to breathe and enough for your resolve to return.

“The third,” You state, your throat clear despite the profanity that wants to crawl out of it, “Know what we are. Don’t get into your feelings.”

Hyunjin understands.

Don’t lose.

He fake laughs as his grip tightens, “Same rules apply then.”

Hyunjin thrusts into you and the answer that had been preconceived on your lips is gone and forgotten with the oxygen stolen from your lungs. Your breaths are quick and heaving, your leg muscles tensing around his body.

He’s not any better than you, his skin flushes pink and your desperate grips on his skin have left marks sure to bruise in the near future. His fist is planted underneath your body, a makeshift pillar to balance your bodies wrapped together in this shitty furniture closet. He grunts into your throat, the sensation blooming across your sensitive skin.

“Fuck,” Hyunjin’s hips stutter with his curse, his movements becoming jerky, “I’m going to come.”

Feeling your own orgasm approach, your whole body becomes taut and you rock into his pelvis, your high approaching with one last thrust. The tension between your bodies is a sticky residue as thick spurts of his cum paints the navel of your stomach. His tightened fists slacken and you fall slightly back, saved by his hold on your throat.

His kiss this time is soft as it is heavy. There’s no finish line you’re aspiring to nor is it a result of pent up rage and anger. Your lips suck onto his full bottom lip, enjoying the way his forehead meets yours and his mouth opens wider, allowing for your tongues to meet in the middle.

With a competitive grasp of your jaw, he navigates his total attention to your upper lip, sending your eyes rolling back and your hands weakly threading themselves onto the end of his shirt.

When he pulls away, his eyes stare at you with a look that tells you he may not hate you. But that can’t be true. Neither could it be false.

It’s such a morally grey area that it’s better it’s left behind.

With a deep intake of breath, his fingers thread through his hair and he straightens out his clothes. He makes a quick once over of your naked body and his cum that remains on your stomach.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d believe that you’re saving that for later,” Hyunjin comments, smiling genuinely when you raise your middle finger in good jest and sneer. His laugh is a hum as he exits the room and your face immediately drops.

You exhale, getting dressed and trying not to think of the ways in which Hyunjin got under your skin (and in your pussy), truly writing his signature on your lack of morality.

It’s a familiar feeling, the need to remove yourself from him. Remove anything Hwang Hyunjin from your body, your mind, your soul. Remind yourself that he doesn’t belong there.

But, of course, as you make your way to Felix’s car full of past hookups and past relationships that you’ve mostly kept quiet from your brother, save for Minho, Changbin and Chan. All bred for less than stellar reasons. Hyunjin who stands tall, with his hair pristine and his lips bitten. You know you can’t do that. Remove him. Chastise yourself for thinking you could.

He’s a part of you and has been even before you marked each other.

And when Hyunjin sees the way your face lightens the slightest bit, he doesn’t make the mistake of assuming that it’s because of him. Swears not to make the mistake of forgetting that the only man you’ve only looked at with that kind of beauty isn’t him.

But, he gets hurt anyway.

And he does so quietly.

It’s a sort of Cat and Mouse game that neither of you know how to play. This agreement isn’t formal, not quite casual. You don’t desire sex more than the normal person and Hyunjin is socially scheduled out. So he’s not exactly bored.

Yet…you can’t help but feel- that it kind of irks you.

It’s like he’s made a habit of waiting for you to seek him out. To cut through his apparent disregard and indifference of you, one that he wears a little too well. He’s reverted back to ivory black hair, long enough for your fingers to lay their claim into his scalp. He wears a suit that is clean cut and sharp, the ‘before’ to the sin you plan to seduce him into tonight. Coincidentally, the colour of purity. Light. Peace.

A woman, gorgeous and tall with sparkly heels and a sparkly dress that scratches at the fabric of his suit. Her nails play at his suit clad forearm and you’re completely entranced by her games, your hand cupping your chin as you watch. You’re pleased to see that, in contrast, it has seldom impact on the man you plan to fuck within the hour.

She hooks her fingers into his shirt, pulling him into her, hoping to seduce him with her eyes or her words. He looks down at her, a slight smile on his face. A kind one. It makes you jealous somewhat, you had once been very accustomed to a smile like that.

Now, it was practically non-existent.

She leans in to whisper something and you wish a vampire could sink his teeth into you. If not purely for the reason to spy on Hyunjin and the people he attracts. His eyebrows raise in interest, regarding her with a new look in his eye. She grins before moving away from him and strutting towards another room. Purposeful in her parting eye contact.

Hmm. Noted.

He sips at his drink, letting his interest melt like ice cubes, though those few seconds of interest he withheld has ruined something in you. Something you don’t ever want to investigate, in fear that it will ruin the infrastructure of the soul you have created.

He scans the rest of the room with little to no interest, before he walks towards the empty whiskey room, footsteps quiet but assured in a hallway that echoes. He wears a frown as he turns at the clack of your own shoes, before he’s pushed into the room with unexpected force.

You push until he falls. The black sleek couch catching his body before his breath escapes him.

It’s intriguing how much your anger makes him hungry. How it darkens his eyes. How it makes his fingers twitch in a way a junkie would. How his body becomes so in tune with yours unlike any other person he’s ever met.

The sneer on your face is cruel as you observe how patronising the look on his face is. In your peripheral, an expensive bottle of red wine sings an enticing song of revenge and seduction.

You’re hooked by the very first chorus.

As Hyunjin is momentarily distracted by his own conclusions, you’ve already grabbed the bottle by the neck, ripping the cork with a quick pop. He watches you without caution, the glint in your eyes going straight to his growing erection. You stop in front of him, angry, jealous and so fucking hot while you’re doing it.

The smile on your face is pleasant, your cheeks rounding, “I guess a congratulations is in order.”

Then, that smile drops. Hyunjin’s mouth falls as his lower body is engulfed by the wine, the white sure to stain red immediately. Your lips smack together, considering his outfit fakely, “Oh no, I really hope that wasn’t expensive.”

A frown overtakes Hyunjin’s features at your purposeful disregard, drawn with a growing smirk across your lips. Provoking the vengeful spirit that has been starving since Hyunjin vowed to create some distance between the two of you.

He observes the way your gaze zeroes into the way his tongue hooks itself into the corner of his mouth and the way your chest is heaving with desire.

“Clean it up,” Hyunjin orders, “Now.”

A rush of heat blooms in your underwear at his dominant tone, your feet backing away to find a piece of cloth or paper towels locked away in a cabinet…

“Where do you think you’re going?” Hyunjin snarls from his position on the couch, his legs wide apart and practically calling for you.

He loves the innocence on your face as it screws up in a way to defend yourself, stuttering at the onslaught of excuses. His fingers dance along the arm of the couch, the tapping only seeming to trap you further.

He smirks, “I think you’re more than capable of cleaning after yourself… unless you need to be told what to do?”

God he loves when you’re so soft and compliant like this. Like putty.

He clicks his tongue decisively before ordering, “Come here.”

It's as if the sea parts for you, the audience clearing as Cinderella makes her way into the place in which she will fall in love. Your Prince at the ready; tall, decadent and handsome. As much of a Prince as you are Cinderella.

In retrospect, the wine staining the material of his pants should make him more uncomfortable, but his attention is completely stolen by you. You stand before him, close enough for his hands to grip you by the hips and take you into his lap.

“So obedient…even after acting like a fucking spoilt brat because..what? I wasn’t interested in giving you my attention? What makes you think you’re worth it, darling?”

Holy fuck.

Your mouth waters at the way his mouth has hardened and the way his sentences are the colour of lead.

“You’re a little pathetic, don’t you think?” Hyujin scoffs, addressing your obvious show of misplaced possessiveness and arousal, “You’re a big girl, Y/N, clean up after yourself.”

Your legs are frozen and any comeback you would’ve, should’ve, could’ve thought of has been whisked away by a phantom spirit, leaving behind prey for the hungry beast to eat away at you.

Hyunjin nods, considering you for a condescending second, his large hand enveloping one side of your hip, the feeling warm against the fabric. A contrast to the cold snake of possibilities that whisper in his ears.

Try it, Hyunjin.

“Get on your knees,” He commands and with a shaky sort of stumble you kneel in front of him, hyper aware of the hand that remains in place, travelling up your body as your knees meet the black marble floor. Goosebumps paralyse your collarbones as his thumb brushes over the raised nipple of your dress, sending more volts of electricity to your core. Where you need him most.

Where you will beg for him.

He preens inside as he can feel the hold his control has on your body. Temptation is definitely not always a bad thing, he can attest. Because…where, when, why, how would this happen without it?

Hyunjin leans forward slightly, drunk on this power that you have seemingly given him, his hand no longer on the swell of your tits but now on your cheek, “Clean.”

Your body falls forward as he removes his hand with a snap, softness completely disappearing and your body cold on auto-pilot. Regaining your balance, your hands move to undo his belt, his stare regarding you with a look that sends you further into your own head.

A hiss escapes his mouth as you remove him from his slacks, thumbing slightly at the tip to test his sensitivity and spread a thin layer of his precum across the surface. You bring him into your mouth slowly, enjoying the low growl that makes his adam’s apple throb with a grumbling need.

Hyunjin bites his lip at the sensation of his cock in your warm and wet mouth, and his head falls back as he reaches deeper into the confines of your throat, finding morbid pleasure in the way you gag around his length. With a satisfied grunt, he clutches at the thick of your hair to gain some of the control he lost when you start to moan and fuck him with your throat.

Curious, he wraps a hand around your throat, thumb pressing at the skin and feeling his cock steadily drag back and forth paired with your speedy heartbeat that grinds against his fingertips sensually. His hand drops but is stopped by your own hand intertwining with his, laying it flat and pressing so much further into your skin, so much so, fears he may kill you.

There are tears in your eyes with how deep inside he reaches but it only fuels the heat that makes a furnace of your aching core. At a particular movement of your tongue along the underside of his cock, he twitches and thrusts himself deeper in your mouth, a groan escaping you. A groan that makes his situation even more dire.

“Fuck-”

He expects you to pull away so he can fuck you into next Tuesday and ruin these couches for anyone else. But instead, you suck and lick and do everything in your power to make him come. He comes inside your mouth, and you swallow his load with a blink, wiping at your lips as if you had only smudged your lipgloss at a lunch meeting.

You’re endeared by the quick frown on his face, an expression that could translate to pouty, if it had not been the way he looks satisfied. A fucked out glow softening his features and sweat sticking to the edges, evidence of his rendezvous with heaven.

“Why did you do that?” He says, in an almost accusing voice.

You smile sweetly at him, “I just did what you asked of me.”

Always having to have the last word, you walk away from him once again. He remains on the couch for a further few minutes, his position unchanging. The planes of his handsome face brightening as he recalls what had just happened.

For once, he had the upper hand and you did not make much of an effort to fight against it and neither did he even attempt to appease you.

You were the one that was jealous.

You were the one on her knees.

You were the one doing the listening as he held the cards.

You were the sole one to be punished and he inflicted it.

He had the control. For once and it was fucking delicious. He feels something in him reawaken and he fucking prays that he does not have to stab and rip down hope before its flagpole can be cut down by its enemies.

With that bit of control he had reclaimed, he had handed himself to you on a silver platter. Ready to feast upon. Ready to go through this toxic cycle, all over again. More so than ever.

It seemed that the events in which he had complete and utter control over you had a profound impact on the man, because he constantly made an effort to make sure you were constantly watching after him. The way his fingers raced after stray water drops that had cascaded down his face and neck after a dip in the pool.

He didn’t seem at all disappointed when you dropped the news that you were on your period, instead he seemed to become playful in his teasing.

At the early hours of the morning when Felix had raced to get you some chocolate and canned peaches at your incessant pleading, he had caught you with your head in the fridge, said chocolate smeared along your bottom lip.

The chuckle released from his mouth was sweet and loving in a way. It made your heart soar to unbelievable heights. Uncaring on whether or not it would drop and smash across the concrete below.

He thumbs at your bottom lip, secretive in the way his lips press together purposefully, his voice clear and deep, “Always so messy.”

You didn’t say anything, your eyes do all the talking for you. How enamoured you were by him. The secrets you tried to bury are completely blatant to the naked eye.

His smile deepens at your lack of reply and he leans forward to bring you into a kiss. One that isn’t necessarily innocent nor is it worth a confession to a pastor. But your eyes are closed and your hands are within a single fist as your weight leans onto his lithe frame. His lips press further onto yours, lifting upwards at the feeling of you returning his kiss before he deepens it.

When he pulls away, his own lips are swollen and he looks proud of what he sees when he looks at you. He smirks, tapping slightly at the skin where your lips and your chin meet, “I’ll leave you to clean this up, yeah?”

He backs away with his eyebrows raised and a secretive smile written across his lips. It’s one that you will remember forever, returning to the room that Felix and the rest of the boys were chilling in.

Midday, when you thought you were finally free to leave the house without one of your brother’s questions about your wellbeing or another one of his friends making sure you were fed and hydrated, unable to tell them that Hwang Hyunjin left your brain feeling muddled and your core feeling all sorts of needy.

Midday when you were caught off guard by the step of the door that almost sent you sprawling face first in concrete had it not been for the man steadying you. Muscles in his arm pulsing as his hand stretches over your torso, the warmth of his chest pressed against your back.

“Leaving?” Hyunjin asks, no qualms about your current position.

“Yes,” You answer, because you’re stupid and you’re too flustered to think about what you’re saying, “With Minho.”

Hyunjin only hums, disinterested in your game of jealousy that you’re reeling in place. He leans forward slightly so that his words tickle against the skin of your neck, “Make sure to stay hydrated, everyone’s quite worried.”

A small purposeful squeeze of your waist is all he leaves as a statement of farewell before he wanders through the doors of your house.

Bastard.

Hot bastard.

At the feeling of your thighs squeezing together with new hunger you curse yourself for being irrevocably horny and chastise yourself for initially thinking you could treat yourself to a quick session of self love before meeting with your friends in the city.

A warm fire greets you as you melt into the corridor. Your exhaustion painting the walls as your heavy feet shakes the decor.

“Y/N!” Felix’s bright demeanour has your own face lifting into a beam as he embraces you in a hug you’re pretty sure you needed, “Here’s a plate.”

You take the plate gratefully from him, shuffling behind into the dining room and halting at the candlelit atmosphere and three well dressed men at the table, scoffing down food more like a boy than a man.

“It was supposed to be just us, but apparently they couldn’t wait fifteen minutes for the next bus,” Felix grumbles.

“We said sorry,” Seungmin comments, mouth full of garlic bread as he wanders into the living room, wanting to get to the TV before anyone else could complain, “Hi Y/N.”

“Hey Minnie,” You greet nonchalantly, actively aware of the man sitting across from you, coy eyes and whispers in his hair. Hyunjin twirls his fork and sips his water and yet your focus zeroes in on the way his tie is loose and his dress shirt is slightly crumpled at the forearms. Han waves at you, his cheeks full of food, as he piles a bundle of spicy vongole pasta onto your plate. To which you smile at him in thanks.

Felix sits next to you, a welcome distraction from the shit you’ve been trying to get over.

“This looks really good, Yongbok, thank you,” You beam at him, to which he pats the top of your head and watches fondly as you scoop a heap of pasta into your mouth.

Your eyes almost roll back with how good it is.

Yummy.

“YASS,” Seungmin’s uncharacteristic yell in the living room has both Felix and Han’s attention. The latter almost a glitch with how fast he runs and Felix lets out a short curse before he cleans himself up and totters to join them, yelling at the two to pause it.

Then, there were two.

Hyunjin doesn’t look at you, he focuses on his meal and on the decorations in front of him. You almost envy how much candlelight loves him, his skin smooth and his eyelashes long. You try your best to match his efforts, but you just can’t compare. You put your fork down and stare at him.

Almost in slow motion he looks into your eyes, holding them as he lifts more pasta to his mouth. His tongue reaches into his cheek for a brief moment, before he stands. Your body is so in tune with his, that it leans forward to almost mirror his actions when he cradles your cheek in his hand and kisses you.

It’s sweet, but hungry. You almost have the audacity to offer yourself to him with open legs on the kitchen table. But he pulls away before you can lose all self esteem and all that’s important to you.

He pulls away, looking decadent and not as if he just partook in a making out session whilst your brother and friends were in the next room. Your still body remains to stare after him, feeling all sorts of wrong.

However, when a flicker of a smirk appears on his face, it almost feels like it’s meant to be.

How fucking stupid.

Your fists clench and you wait for the anger to burn straight through you and let it grow and grow. The lack of control over the situation finally catching up to you and settling into your feet.

Hyunjin hadn’t seen you since the day he saw your resolve build back up. He knew his complete control over you was fleeting and temporary but he still missed it. He loved the way in which the skin on your cheeks heated and the way your eyes held his own with this look of fear and excitement.

He finds it gets to him more when he’s having a shit day.

One so much like today.

First, this asshole at work was hacking up his lungs and shitting over Hyunjin’s ideas before taking full credit for something he could barely explain. Then, some dude scratched his car and offered McDonald’s as compensation. Then, he spilled coffee all over his white dress shirt. Then, he had to ring his mother to pay for his pain medication because paying for the homeless child’s dinner actually had slapped shit karma onto his ass with a tattoo gun.

Yet when you called him, he felt he could finally breathe again.

Your giddiness whilst talking to him made his affection for you so noticeable. He could feel his smile and he could feel his warmth. He could feel his soul and his heart and it scared the shit out of him.

Because he knew what the feeling was.

Deep down, he knew. He knows.

But when he follows your instructions and sees this try-hard in front of him, flirting and attempting to touch you and you, acting so fucking oblivious. Flirting back, even. It has him fuming. His tongue is fuzzy and his eyebrows drawn tight.

His feet drag forwards and his fingers part lines into his hair as he pulls it away from his face, hoping to memorise the sure change in your expression as you notice him. But he doesn’t see it through, because he finds when he’s in front of you the only thing that he wants to do is to lean down and kiss you. Hoping you’ll kiss him in a way that shows people you want him, that you ache for him. That he is…more.

As you return his kiss and thread your arms around his neck, he presses further into you so his body is touching you all over. The boy from before is thoroughly forgotten as Hyunjin moulds into all you are, palm at the small of your back as your hands wander down his arms and lay claim at the nape of his neck.

Hyunjin’s eyes are wide-the-fuck open, staring down the idiot trying to complain with murderous intentions, daring him to cross the line.

You pull away from him breathless as fuck, “Your house?”

Hyunjin smirks and only answers with an affirmative hum, smug as you lead him out of the party and feeling his pants tighten with need when you pass him a slutty look, confident as you pass on his address to the taxi driver with your manicured finger running along the creases of his elbow.

You lead him inside.

You lead him to his bed.

One item of clothing, one after another, falling to the floor, until you are both only in undergarments.

Everything in this moment is led by you, and all his problems fall away with every kiss you initiate.

Your mouth opens as you deepen the kiss, smiling at the way he moans at the feeling of your tongue brushing against his. He falls further into your mannerisms that he feels everything and nothing at the same time.

He can’t feel the way you grasp his chin in an assertive grasp but he can feel your dominance and your possessiveness. He is briefly aware of the way your breasts rub against him, fuelling his sexual hunger.

“Ready for you,” He mumbles, tone throaty with his admission, “Please.”

“Ready for me? To do what?” You tease and his eyes fall shut dreamily.

“Anything,” Hyunjin pleads, “Just need you to touch me. Just need you.”

You press a short satisfied kiss against his Adam's apple and you let your fingers run across every line and crevice on his body. Taken by every shiver and hiss that escapes his full mouth.

“Like this?”

He swallows heavily, “More.”

“Beg, baby.”

He shook his head to which you tutted before you clamped down on both of his shoulders and squeezed.

“Why won’t you beg? Do you think it makes you less of a man?”

He shook his head, “You’ll ruin me.”

You can’t help the grin that transforms your whole face maniacally, “That’s the best part.”

He’s quiet for a second, the tension building as he speaks with his eyes. A liquid glow that manages to hold a whole conversation without the need of his mouth.

“…Please,” Hyunjin croaks weakly, unable to withstand for a second longer, “Please fuck me, Y/N…please.”

You love a man who’s hungry.

The next second, his head hits the soft material of the pillow and your hand is pressing on his throat. Your face has changed again. One full of anticipation and a tension that electrifies. You hook your leg over his own, straddling his frame as you claim the throne that is his body, his abdomen filling the space your lower body couldn’t.

With a naughty type of grin, you lean forward, applying more pressure onto his throat as you slide your mouth over his own. Feeling lightheaded from both the pleasure and the pain, his fingers grab at the skin of your thigh, your body falling forward.

He welcomes the fresh oxygen into his lungs and you let his desperation feed your ego and your sadistic tendencies, fingers brushing an apology over his slightly marked throat. His own fingers dig dents into the skin of your ass, head falling back as you grind relentlessly against his growing erection.

“You’re so fucking evil,” Hyunjin murmurs, breathless and flushed as he struggles to keep a persistent moan at bay.

“Evil seems to do a great job at getting you off,” You scoff, pressing against his chest to lift yourself up. You study each other, breathing hard. The two of you are already glowing at the promise of good sex.

Your body calls to be touched in the way he wants to touch you. He wants to be the one to unclasp your bra and let his hands drag across your skin. He wants to be the one to grab at your hips and flip you both around so he could fuck you into the mattress.

But he doesn’t. Like a good boy, he doesn’t do what his body tells him to do.

Though his hands are obedient, his eyes toe on the line of unruly and diabolical. They’re wild in their path of imagined destruction and control, propaganda sent to the lesser parts of the body that are easy to win over.

They flit to the wetness making a mess in between your thighs and along the fabric of his waistband, and his tongue licks at his bottom lip hungrily, “Fuck-”

You frown, fist pressing down on his pelvis, punishingly close enough to wrap your hand around his cock and have your way with him.

“Where is my good little sub that I know you can be?” The rhetorical question hangs heavy in the air and Hyunjin is finding it a little harder to breathe.

“I’m here.”

“I don’t see him,” Your voice is firm as you stare him down, stomping down on that wild gaze of his.

“Here,” Hyunjin pleads, his eyes glazing with unshed tears, “I promise. I’ll prove it to you if you let me, just please.”

Gotcha.

“Prove it to me? How are you going to do that?” Your head cocks slightly in challenge.

“That,” His eyes brush against his innermost desires, “Let me taste you.”

“How exactly does that prove you’re my little sub?” You mock, ignoring the way your whole body tingles at the thought of it.

“Because I need it,” Hyunjin swallows, “All of me calls to pleasure you, to be your toy, your whatever…I just need you to sit on my face until I can’t breathe. I’m begging-”

Your giggle cuts him off, it’s a dangerous tinkering sort of giggle that is pulled directly from the throat. Hyunjin inhales a sharp intake of breath, a warmth spreading across his chest as your fingers circle the skin of his abdomen.

“Cute…” You coo, tracing his tattoo, “You want to help me out?”

“Yes.”

“If that’s what you need…” You trail off, pulling your underwear from your body, subtly wincing at how sensitive you are. Hyunjin watches over you patiently, drinking in the way the material sticks to your sex and how your naked body climbs on top of him, ready to be feasted on in the way you deserved.

“Oh,” You moan, your muscles relaxing until you’re completely seated on his face as he licks an initial stripe up and down your pussy.

Your composure is all but lost as your hips begin to ride his movements, his nose bridge against your clit and his mouth sucking, kissing and licking at all he wants to devour.

You’re still the same.

Soft sweet kisses have you gasping. Sucking at your pussy causes your legs to shake and clamp around his head. Circling his tongue on the bud of your clit has your nails in his hair, the divide between pleasure and pain blurring together.

His favourite is when he dips his tongue inside you and you use him to take your pleasure for all he’s worth. He moans uncontrollably as you ground yourself further onto his face, parroting his warbled pants and groans.

“You’re doing so well, baby. Making me feel so fucking good,” You whine, grinding harder as your joints start to ache.

As you reach your orgasm, letters become numbers and your body taut as lead. An array of colours crosses your mind and he tries not to come like a virgin when his face becomes coated in your come and his spit.

After a moment's rest you collapse off of him, steadying your breathing as Hyunjin sits up, pressing his lips together at every naughty thought that crosses his mind.

He looks like a girl’s wet dream - wet lips, neck littered in bites and kisses, tongue perched in the corner of his open mouth, smirk threatening to appear at any second.

You lean towards the tissues on his beside table, giving him a view of what Hyunjin wants to bury himself in. His eyes flicker upwards in a weird attempt at chivalry before they stare into yours.

Wiping at his face, you can’t help but muse, “You’re a bit pink.”

He pretends to roll his eyes, “Wonder why.”

You’re giggling as you send a swift and sharp whack into his exposed shoulder and the brief shot of pain is too drenched in lovers haze to notice.

The tension is so high, it doesn’t take much for Hyunjin to feed off it. His smile melts off his face first and yours follows after.

Yet, you’re the one that kisses him first with your hand cradling his face. Your mouth opening and him deepening the kiss. You can’t help but realise how much you love his mouth. His lips. His tongue.

Except he’s the one that really sends the nail into the coffin, his hand laying claim on the meat of your thigh and kissing you harder until both your lips swell.

He kisses under your ear and you lick a long stripe at the juncture of his neck and across his prominent jaw.

“Let me fuck you,” He murmurs, bliss capturing your whole body and you’re floating. He kisses along your neck and at the point of your cupid’s bow, waiting for your answer.

But it's like bliss has well and truly made you her bitch.

“-Just please.”

Her favourite bitch.

At your affirmative nod, your head crashes against the pillow as Hyunjin eagerly brushes his lips over your skin, the both of you enjoying the way your skin reacts to his worship.

With his eyes imploring naughtily into yours, he plunges two fingers in his mouth, sucking on his digits and releasing them with a lewd pop.

Slowly, he lets his wet fingers draw an S down your pubic bone, just above where you need him most before he lets his digits sink into your warm, wet pussy.

Hyunjin’s eyes fall shut and his mouth gapes due to an unfinished groan that he chokes to hear the sounds you let pass your lips. You mewl, pressing your lips together in attempt to keep quiet.

He draws his fingers back, eyeing the way in which your pussy grips them before drilling his fingers forward. You clasp his wrist harshly, his skin turning white, “Fuck- wait.”

He chokes, his fingers coming to a stop. Taking the time to watch your chest heave with battered breath and your eyes fluttering in an attempt to regain self control.

“Ask if you can have your way with me.”

“I want more than that,” Hyunjin shook his head, desperate whines escaping his mouth, “I want to fucking devour you, baby. Let me in, I’m begging you.”

You grin, “Then fucking devour me.”

Your kiss is tongue and lips and too rushed to care. He runs the tip of his cock along your sex, sinking into what feels like heaven on Earth. Finally sinking into heaven.

“I’d fucking commit crimes for this pussy, oh fuck-“ He slurs, sad attempts to return your kisses but losing himself instead.

You whimper into his skin as he drives his hips forward, and it drives him so crazy he can’t help but moan in reply.

He tries to hear it, again and again.

He succeeds.

Expect it’s not just your little kitten whimpers you make when you’re submissive. No. It’s your moans that sound like they’re thick with tears. It’s your held groans and the way your body writhes against his thrusts. It’s the way your kisses start to bruise and blur. The way your nails drag along his back.

When he said he wanted to devour you..he promised it.

As your walls clench around him, swallowing him in this warm and wet cocoon of pleasure and torment. His hips begin to stutter, his body aiming to follow after your orgasm with his own.

“Come?” Hyunjin murmurs, “Where?”

At his question and how pleased you are, you open your mouth.

Hyunjin almost whimpers as he follows through, watching his come eject onto your tongue. Hissing when you make a point of sucking at the swollen mushroom tip and maintaining eye contact as you swallow.

He almost says it.

But as soon as his head hits the pillow and you tuck yourself in next to him…the exhaustion of the weeks past drags him under.

You wake with a start, the sun is crisp and pours into the room. You check the time, widening your eyes at the time. You search for your phone hurriedly as you dress, even though you have nowhere to be and no one to see.

“Hyunjin,” You murmur, voice a little groggy from oversleeping.

“Mm?” He questions groggily, sniffing a little.

“Have you seen my phone?” You ask, eyes searching for your phone to check the time and to make your exit back home.

He pauses for a second, trying to remember, before he reaches for his bedside table, “Yeah. I put it on charge.”

You breathe a sigh of relief, pocketing your phone before you notice how feverish Hyunjin looks and how croaky he sounds. Concern makes its way to your eyebrows before you brush his hair from his forehead, frowning at the collection of sweat.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“I think I’m just tired,” He mutters.

You wet a handcloth anyway. Patting him down and smiling lightly at the relief that crosses his face. You retrieve your phone from your pocket, ordering him a big bowl of stew and a Gatorade to boost his electrolytes.

You help yourself to his kitchen, snooping around his over the counter medicines thrown haphazardly in the cabinet above his fridge. One Paracetamol. Two ibuprofen. Prescription saline nasal spray. Expired cough medicine. You tutter, digging into your purse for your own stash and finding three lozenges.

You peer at the mess around him, before you put a shirt into his laundry basket. Then another. Then his pants. Then his jumpers. His work clothes. Everything.

Then you put it in his washing machine. Then his dryer. You wipe a wet cloth down his surfaces. The smell of Hyunjin’s house then, a chemical citrus. You light a candle that smells better. Like jasmine and vanilla.

You meet the delivery man and remember to thank him. You put the stew into a ceramic bowl and give him a proper spoon that won’t bend in half. You put the Ibuprofen next to his Gatorade that you hope he fucking drinks.

Kneeling next to him, you tap him on the shoulder, “Hyunjin.”

His eyes flutter open with sick induced questions, “Yeah?”

“Come eat,” You order and without strength to fight against you, he obeys. He waddles cutely into the hallway, shoulder bumping into walls and blinking at his new clean house. He sits on the table where you’ve set him up and digs in.

You watch him like a hawk at first, ready to yell at him if he so much as decides not to take the medicine, or at least three sips of Gatorade and leaves more than half the bowl full. But when he does it all without complaint, you begin to relax.

“Thanks,” Hyunjin croaks. You only smile in reply, walking him back to his bed and tucking him in. He falls back into a sick induced sleep and you can only watch as he inhales and exhales.

So peaceful and gentle.

“I’m going to leave now,” You confess.

“Thank you,” He says again.

“Have another ibuprofen in three hours,” You direct, “That should be at about 2 o’clock.”

“Okay.”

Once again, he almost says it, right after he almost asks you to stay. But his fever and the hypnosis of his sleep saves him once again.

The events of that night had him soft on you. Too soft. It reminded him of the you before the poison and the him before the hurt. It was too much to ignore, too much to return to the pretence. He refused to believe that you were soft on him just as much as he was you.

He had to get weight and fast.

Before he got further and further down this trepid path that would only lead to further injury.

It comes to him in the form of a girl he vaguely remembers dated Felix, who smells good and looks amazing. But for the life of him, he can’t remember her name. Only the one time she had a complete meltdown.

But you, you remember it all too well.

How kind she was, how sweet. How she directed you. How she always told you you were so much prettier than people gave you credit for. How good of a couple you and Minho were. The switch up. The undermining, the little digs at the fragile relationship you had with your brother at the time. The pining and the complete lack of respect for him. The Hyunjin thing. It infuriated you. Infuriates you, still.

Felix, only observes her with polite indifference, one which is returned. He even winks at Hyunjin as she begins to lean into him with her hand draped over his shoulder. Hyunjin can’t help but notice the way your eyebrows furrow as you take in her position within the group, astounded.

Has that look always been there?

You look so unsure of yourself as you approach him, pulling at the ends of his shirt when everyone is otherwise preoccupied. All except her, who you keep an eye on as you drag your boy out of her proximity.

Hyunjin stares down with a look of complete wonder, wondering and realising. At the change of his eyes, you change yours. Half-lidded, sexy. Fingers circling its naughty rings around the freckles on his abdomen.

“You look good,” You flirt, licking your lips as you start to imagine all he could commit with his apparel.

He feels his heart flutter, and yet he says, “Am I hotter to you when you’re jealous?”

Your sultry expression drops and you lightly push him away from you by the chest, “I wasn’t jealous.”

He snorts.

Yeah, right.

“You were,” Hyunjin rolls his eyes, becoming frustrated by the sheer audacity of whatever is happening and the heat that surrounds you, “She was literally just talking…not even to me.”

“You have a really great imagination,” You’re seething through your teeth as you say it, “I’m not jealous.”

He laughs, but he isn’t finding it funny.

Right now, he’s found the perfect tool in which to wreck your sanity. But instead, he feels like it’s a double edged sword, cutting him down. What the fuck is happening? What is with you?

He doesn’t understand and now he can’t stop spitting all the shit he’s wanted to say.

“Was that little show in there just marking your territory?” He jeers, “We’re exclusive, I won’t fuck your friends.”

Your mouth gapes as you look in bewilderment.

“We agreed,” Hyunjin’s eyes feel like twitching, “We agreed that whatever this is..it wasn’t-”

“This isn’t fucking jealousy, Hyunjin and if you really feel that way then let’s end it here. In fact, I heard Hanji is in the bathroom with some bitch, do you think he’ll dog me if I ask?” You shout, causing bystanders to look at the two in shock. Hyunjin sucks in his lip in frustration before gripping you at the wrist and yanking you into the next room. A quiet office where the only sounds you can hear are limited to the harsh inhales and exhales of your anger and the base speaker.

He scowls, before grabbing your face with one hand, fingers denting your cheeks, “Shut up.”

Your back straightens with your hackles raised and Hyunjin’s own frame relaxes, picking on the tell tale signs of your impending arousal. Your fire licks against his flames.

“You’re so fucking nasty I want to come all over you,” He grits his teeth and sucks at his lips as he chastises you.

“You don’t need to ask for permission,” You sneer, lip curling in disdain.

He raises an eyebrow in disbelief, his eyes narrowing in warning. To which you stare back, just as unrelenting and bitter as before.

He casts a dark chuckle, looming over you until your ass plants against the desk. He wraps his hand around your throat, caught by the true vulnerability of your eyes. Glinting at him like the reflection of the moon on the ocean. Within reach.

He shakes his head, surprisingly reluctant to find comfort in the feeling. Nor can he find comfort in your demise. No matter how much he wants to and how much his body is tempted to.

Instead, he exhales a calculated breath, his eyes hovering over your exposed skin and the heaving of your chest. You lick your lips in an attempt to reign in your desire, but the way his palm fits across the whole of your thigh, pushing your dress up to expose yourself to him.

“I’m going to fuck you,” Hyunjin tells you, dark eyes pitting against yours, “Then, you’re going to tell me what I want to know.”

You’re a but a weak girl, unable and completely at his mercy.

You nod, your eyes still big and round and too fucking demure. So much that when he kisses you roughly, he closes his eyes. His fingers are quick to lift your dress, skilled in the study of your body and what you like. He kisses down your neck, your sounds the obvious tell of how horny you are. The way you grip at his shoulders and his arms, the other.

Hyunjin’s eyes flicker open to remove your underwear, fully intending to avoid your possible stare but is so surprised by how wet you are already. You whine as the cool air kisses the sensitive skin of your pussy and Hyunjin can feel his hardening length and his mouth watering.

Nonchalantly he wets the skin of his thumb, before brushing down your sex, testing your sensitivity as your head rolls.

Fuck.

He pulls his pants down, freeing himself from the confines of fabric before lining himself against your pussy and Hyunjin basks in the moment he sinks into you, your walls clenching and swallowing him whole. Warm. Wet. Driving him to the brink of insanity, he fists at the hard surface of the wooden desk, the sound only adding to the pleasure you both feel.

“Driving me fucking crazy,” Hyunjin swears, watching the way your lidded eyes are open but hooded, “You fucking know it, too. I know you do.”

You whimper an affirmative, the sound of pleasure picking up when Hyunjin begins to thrust into you. Uncaring of being gentle or vengeful. Caring only about fucking you. Fucking you how many fucking times you want to.

Your eyes roll back as a particular harsh thrust, the desk shaking from the movement. Your hands grapple for leverage around his shoulder blade, your face falling into his exposed throat. You lick and suck along his collarbones and his throat, his collar. Ripping at his buttoned shirt to lick along his chest but pathetically falling short..

He pants as his position changes, angling his hips better, faster, harder. His face and hair, knocking against yours and his teeth clenching at the force. You let out an utmost wanton moan, pressing your lips against his in a desperate attempt to muffle your screams against his mouth.

He drills harder, wanting nothing else but to hear the sound again and again, until your voice is hoarse and croaky and the memories blur into your cries of pleasure. His mouth falls open in an attempt to return the kiss, but how can he when you can barely do the same?

He manages to lick against your top lip and your lips make contact with the skin of his chin. His eyelids drunk as they fall and rise. Your walls clenching around him tighter as your orgasm approaches.

He sees colours, hears them, as he fucks you through your orgasm and through his. His hips staggering at the slow decrease of adrenaline and at the pinnacle of his relaxation, he opens his big mouth and he says it.

“I love you,” He means it when he kisses you, heavy and wet and beautiful.

He regrets it, because he sees the way it breaks you as he says it. You pull away harshly, like you had been zapped with electricity and as if you suddenly developed a conscience. But he can see you feel something for him too.

He can see it, but he won’t get the reassurance.

You would never admit it, it seems.

“You broke the rules,” You’re heaving, eyes panic stricken as you assess him.

“Those rules were bullshit as soon as we fucking made them,” Hyunjin shouts, hurt slithering its path around his heart like a no good snake.

They were.

“I’ve got to go,” You gasp out, air not finding you easily.

Hyunjin scoffs a humourless laugh, “To Minho, I bet. Like you always do.”

Your face crumples, and he finds it even more laughable. What the fuck were you doing? What the fuck was he doing? What even was this?

“We can’t do this anymore,” Your voice is gluggy with unshed tears.

Seriously?

“You’re right,” Hyunjin sneers, “What was I thinking? I love you? I must have lost it. Go- Go to Minho, leave- at least you got one last fuck out of me, right? Just like we agreed?”

Hyunjin lifts his pants, frame facing away from you so you won’t be able to spot the way his pain fills him so obviously, his weakness completely on show for you to gawk at. Missing the way you attempt to explain yourself, to finally answer all he wants to ask.

But only catching when you leave the room, leaving him hollow and scrubbed raw with an ache that has surpassed years of fucking other people to get over you. Years of trying to one up you and get revenge. Of being unable to let you go. Years of torture.

Scrubbed raw again and again.

He is Hyunjin, still pathetically not over you.

author's note : oh my god, finally finished after months of writing and months of just not getting anywhere. i tried editing as i went but there still might be mistakes. HOPEFULLY you like the second part of their story and it's not disappointing..

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starlostseungmin · 1 year

Text

— MIDNIGHT RAIN IN PARIS, HHJ.

pairing: idol!hyunjin x gn!reader

genre: angst with happy ending, fluff & exes to lovers trope

warnings: profanity, mentions of alcohol, kissing and break-ups, lmk if i missed something, not proofread.

word count: 6.4k +

notes: i happen to change the title, i had it fit on taylor swift's midnight rain. lmao, hope you guys love it! please don’t send in requests because i’m not taking any right now and if you wish to see more of this posts please reblog, leave your feedbacks and put tags alright? thank you very much love ♡

Him.

Certain words could describe what he’s like.

A fresh clean white canvas that was slowly enamored with paint. A combination of red and black, sometimes they’re just two different colors but when they’re mixed, it’s going to be dark red. Can be burgundies, like the color of the wine and that lipstick some people use. An attractive color for a lot. It screams passion and love, just the way how his views reflect on them.

He can be that one book from the bookstore which belongs to the new arrivals and romance as its genre. His pages are neat as the words used by the author are aesthetically pleasing and good to read. The smell of it is addicting which makes a bookworm satisfied. A scent that could bring joy and temptation to claim it as theirs.

Maybe that one pair of suits from that one famous shop in Paris that was neatly designed and tailored, exclusively to be used on a special occasion.

Or that one song you hear from a famous singer that describes how loving him feels like.

You just look at him that way. A lot of things remind you of him, but he never knew you. He is famous in his career and you were just another writer who wanted to claim their dream to reality. Here you are in Paris, looking for inspiration, and might as well take it as your holiday from work. You know it doesn’t happen every day, but you were hoping to see just a glimpse of him when you knew he’ll be there too.

Love and a short history would let fate decide what will happen. You rarely believed that luck is on your side, that, it always gives you good things to look forward to when something significant has been painted on your pathway. The things you wanted to happen don’t always happen. Probably had yourself considered as unlucky but things might turn upside down when it comes to certain points in life.

Definitions, descriptions, comparisons, personifications, metaphors, and similes, a few more figures of speech to make it longer. Or is it just him who can make you write words that are simply out of this world? When in love, probably yes, he is your favorite person after all.

The city lights illuminated the place as the sounds of people from everywhere bustled around the area. His camera clicks whenever he spots something beautiful in his eyes. It was another merry night in Paris, lots of tourists were hanging out beneath the Eiffel tower at night. Others tend to eat inside the restaurants and the rest just go, enjoying the view while taking pictures. The usual sight with couples everywhere, a marriage proposal perhaps, or just those who came alone, hoping to find their significant other in a such romantic place. But Hyunjin begs to differ.

His camera falls gently to his stomach with its strap supporting it around his neck. It was getting late and still, there were a lot of people who wanted to stay. Felix left him for baguettes down the street with only his camera and a small bag, hanging on his shoulder. He started to walk away, he thought he had captured enough to fill his new film rolls. The amount of excitement that was painted on his smile is pure, but he is sure something is missing.

Clicking a button, Hyujin fixated his gaze on the imagines being plastered on the small screen. The scenery, the subtle imagines of the crowd, the tower itself, and the city lights were all beautiful. He tried to take a picture again and had the focus on a certain object when you accidentally walked past by. A beige coat, black trousers, and a white turtleneck are a trend. It’s not hard to recognize you, that sparkle in your eyes and perfectly crafted smile, how could he forget? Hyunjin had to put his camera down again, he wanted to make sure… it is you. There you stood upon noticing and recognizing him, the famous idol you once loved. And the person you broke up with a year ago.

He was stunned seeing you for the first time after a while. Memories flooding back, the things you did together, the pain and heartbreak, the happiness and joy, they were all worth it when you were still together. Yet, everything doesn’t last forever. There’s nothing in this world that doesn’t have a due date, unless you wanted more, you could always get a new one. But it won’t replace the thing you had for the very first time.

“Y/n…” He called as his voice sounded like a whisper.

He caught your attention the moment you saw that familiar camera he always brings. The one he used to take pictures of sceneries and other things he find beautiful. He could have clicked the snap button when he realized you were standing a few meters away, but to his shock, he couldn’t. Hyunjin didn’t know how to act. You didn’t say anything and smiled, it made his heartbeat go at a faster pace. He didn’t know what to do, he could hate Felix for leaving him behind for some freaking baguettes but he is also thankful he won’t be able to ruin a reminiscing moment he is having right now.

“Yo! They’re having a sale at the bakery!” Felix exclaimed out of nowhere, checking everything he got in his paper bag, not bothering to pay attention to the tension you and Hyunjin have. “I got you baguettes and一oh,” He said, stopping in his tracks. “Hi, Y/n!”

“Hey,” You smiled timidly.

“It is unexpected to see you around here! How have you been?” Felix said, eyes full of smile as he came towards you for a hug.

“I’m doing good,” You chuckled, hugging him back. “How are you guys? I heard you were preparing for a comeback?”

“Yeah,” Felix grinned, pulling away. “We’re just here for a break and a few activities, Hyunjin loves Paris, you know?” He smirked as you smiled at him.

“Felix,” Hyunjin called as he remained standing there, Felix had stolen the spotlight but that was his fault for being frozen on his spot.

“What? Can’t I speak to your ex about you?” But Hyunjin rolled his eyes and walked away. A sigh escaped from your lips when Felix gave you an apologetic smile, bowed a little out of respect, and went to fetch his friend. “Bro, why did you leave? That was your chance to have a closure with Y/n!”

“Not today,” He shrugged, as he continued to walk.

You stared at a blank document on your laptop for a few hours now. Hyunjin can’t seem to get out of your head after what happened earlier this evening. It was past midnight, and the view from your window of the city is still beautiful, but some lights were already turned off. You were supposed to stay in Paris for a couple of weeks as per business matters. Being a writer in a famous book publishing company isn’t a joke and you wanted to impress your boss with your writing. Still, Hyunjin has been a distraction.

The cursor just kept on blinking, waiting for you to write something that should be the start of another chapter of your novel. You were unsure what to write though the storyline has already started. Maybe because of the back pain you’ve been suffering every time you sit for hours, writing romance or it was just Hyunjin who ignored you after a short while of a meeting? The pajamas were comfortable and the headband kept your hair from falling on your face. The anti-radiation glasses help too yet you keep focusing on the random details you have in your hotel room. Not the story.

“Hyunjin,” You said. “Hwang Hyunjin,”

A harsh sigh escaped your lips, groaning at the fact you have seen him again a year after your breakup. You wanted to talk to him, really, but how he acted after Felix came hurt you. It felt like you were pierced through the heart and were left without aid. But it was so much more than that when you two broke up. He is an idol, and you were just you, a person who wanted to live their dream like him. You wanted him to be part of your dream. A writer who wanted to be known like him as he was making his name in the industry along with his member. But things grew apart, love became a heartbreak. You were the stars that shine bright in the night and he was the raindrops that caused the cold, soaking the papers wet making the ink smudges on them and words unable to be read.

You were hurt, but his dream is more important than your relationship. All the good things you wanted for him, happened. You wanted him to be happy and so, you let him go.

After a year of not seeing him, you thought everything is good, with no feelings or sadness. You might have heard his name on several news and read articles about how famous they are, but you ignored it. Not even expecting him and Hyunjin to be in the same place as you are. Maybe fate did it on purpose.

Coughing on the thoughts of it, they were followed by hiccups. How dare he showed up and Felix acted as if there was nothing to talk about?

You shake your head, it doesn’t matter anyway.

You closed your laptop gently and stared out the window, admiring the view of the city after midnight. No words were being produced by your brain and you have to take a while to process them into paragraphs. And maybe an evening stroll a few hours ago wasn’t enough to take the motivation to write something. But there’s only one messing with your head, Hwang Hyunjin.

That was the first night.

The next morning, Hyunjin was busy looking at the photos he captured last night. Felix was busy munching his waffles but still took a few glances at his distracted friend, unable to take a bite of his breakfast. His mouth was full as he watch him with a serious face and brows knitted together. Felix could only sigh and continued to eat but still, Hyunjin didn’t even bother to shift his attention to anything.

“If you’re not eating, I’ll take your food,” Felix said.

“I’m not hungry, go ahead,” Hyunjin replied as Felix looked at him in disbelief, taking his plate onto his mat.

“What’s wrong with you though? Can’t take her out of your mind?” He asked. “You didn’t talk to me ever since we came back to the hotel,” Hyunjin sighed, taking away his gaze from the small screen of his camera.

“Look, I was too occupied with the pictures I’ve taken,” Hyunjin reasoned.

“Yeah but it’s not a bad thing to touch your food for a bit and go back to your hobby yeah?” Felix argued. “Don’t tell me you suddenly took a picture of Y/n last night that’s why you’re not paying attention to me,”

“I didn’t,” Hyunjin said.

“The truth?” Felix retorted, raising a brow at him.

“I swear, you were on the way,” Hyunjin replied, rolling his eyes.

“Gosh, I can’t believe you,” Felix muttered.

Hyunjin sighed heavily as he watch Felix devour his food. It lead him to order another one and waited. His manager planned to eat breakfast in the restaurant down by the street which was a block away from their hotel. It wasn’t crowded first thing in the morning but the joy he felt was when he could see a few people enjoying their coffee and some were walking their dogs. A lovely morning for him to consume. But it was only him and Felix again. The two has been never separated when they first got into the city and by that, he already has plans to spend a week’s vacation.

“Don’t forget we’re invited to attend YSL’s event later alright?” Felix said, finishing his meal.

“Yeah, we’ll get back to the hotel by lunch,” Hyunjin answered.

“Where are you off to?”

“Sightseeing I g一” He shrugged and was about to say something in addition to his answer when he saw you walk into the restaurant, going straight to the counter. Felix noticed him frozen onto his seat after wiping his lips and followed his gaze. It was you, alright.

“Should I call her?” Felix smirked.

“I’m going to kill you, I swear,” Hyunjin growled and Felix just shakes his head in disbelief. But Hyunjin watched you.

Beige trousers, a purple crop top, and a white cardigan, you always look good. Never in a day, Hyunjin would say how beautiful you are. Compliments he missed on telling you every day. He admits, he wasn’t the best version of himself when you broke up. There is always the facade he keeps to the public but behind closed doors, he knew he was miserable. It wasn’t easy to get over you, it wasn’t easy to forget, it was the same as how you felt, and nothing was easy during the post-breakup. None of his friends talked to you, even his parents. Nobody reached out, just straight broke up conversations and the rest were already ghosts.

The lady from the counter handed you a paper bag with your breakfast in it, thanked her, and left, without even checking who was there, sitting on the tables. Felix shakes his head again and Hyunjin licked his lips, sighing in defeat. But that wasn’t Felix’s problem to think about, it was Hyunjin’s anyway. His eyes never left your figure until you disappeared from the block, taking the alley to the left while Felix looks at him, being done and dumbfounded.

“We’ll have to schedule your arrival at the event first. It will be at exactly 4 pm, so I’ll expect you’ll be done with your hair, make-up, and suits,” Their manager spoke, later that day. Felix was having his hair done in their spacious hotel room as Hyunjin had his gaze down the street while sitting by the window seat, watching the city get soaked in the rain, and hands halted from his half-done sketch of a landscape. “Hyunjin are you even listening?”

“I was,” Hyunjin sighed in response. “Shall we leave at 4 pm?” He added, standing up from his spot一tossing his sketchbook on his bed.

“No,” His manager argued making him roll his eyes.

“Don’t be tough on him, he saw his ex today,” Felix smirked as their manager gasped.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Felix said. “Don’t worry, they never talked,”

“Ya, Yongbok-ah,” Hyunjin said, feeling like a threat as Felix shrugged, admiring his new hairstyle.

“Anyway, Y/n’s not important right now, I need you to get ready,” His manager said. Hyunjin sighed in disbelief and went to his stylist. “By the way, Felix will be the first one to leave,”

“Yeah? Why though, I thought the head organizer wants to see us both?” Felix asked.

“Hyunjin has another agenda before attending the event, right?” His manager said, looking at Hyunjin.

“I’m getting flowers,” He bluntly replied.

“Flowers for what? Are you suddenly seeing someone?” Felix asked, shocked.

“No, I just don’t want to go early,” Hyunjin said, getting his make-up done.

“Suit yourself,” His manager said while Felix whined about being unfair.

Hyunjin didn’t say anything after Felix’s complaints, but he is sure his best buddy was just joking around and letting him do whatever the hell he wants as long as he’ll be mindful of his time. Night fell, and his hands held the steering wheel, glancing at the cars passing by the highway. The lights ran from the average speed to high, some kept it to their speed limit. It was fresh from the afternoon rain, the water puddle by the sidewalk have the reflection of the streetlights being lit up and the people who just happened to walk by. His convertible made its way through the wet bricks, enjoying the mist of the cold evening air.

A smile formed on his face when he saw the lights illuminating the Eiffel tower一 a part of Paris he always wanted to visit though he already did a few times ever since he became a famous member of his group. It always feels like where he belongs for some reason, the food, the fashion, flowers, and other stuff, everything is aesthetic in his eyes. And most importantly, the art museums and exhibits French and foreign artists execute around the area. There is always a reason to come back.

The flowers he brought, sat on the passenger’s seat, enjoying the evening air as well as they travel back to the hotel. He fell in love with the bouquet that consists of pink tulips, red roses, and white baby’s breath. The muse of his new painting perhaps? It is calming and beautiful to paint live flowers一one that makes his painting realistic and unique. But it wasn’t for him to keep一maybe it can be someone at the event he is going to or just going to keep it himself and put it on their vase back into their hotel room to paint.

Flowers are supposed to be given to someone that a person loves, maybe for congratulatory and some other reasons. But mostly because of love, he used to bring you flowers back then. He was so in love, like a puppy that wanted to be with his owner for the rest of its time. Not everyone believes in love, but by the time someone falls into the pits of attachment and intimacy, it can be avoidable and hard to let go. There are different perceptions of it, they’re like genres that a person views and carry feelings about different people. His love is similar, but unfortunately, it ended with you a year ago.

He walked by the lobby, earning gazes of astonishment and amusement from the people hovering around the area. Slicked back hair with a few strands of side bangs on his forehead, a whole black suit and rings adorning his long fingers, a bouquet in one hand, and his gentle smile, plastered on his face as he smells the flowers he just bought. Walking through the crowds of people doesn’t bother him, not one of them caught his attention. Murmurs and silent voices say he is a handsome young man which makes everyone drawn to him. His tall figure and dashing fashion add up to being one center of attention.

“There you are,” Felix said, the moment he saw him. “Wow, are these for me?”

“No,” Hyunjin said as his smile faded and made his friend pout in disbelief.

“Tch,” Felix said, rolling his eyes.

“Good evening! I’m here to take you to your respective seats, this way please,” The lady attendant said as he and Felix happily obliged. Their manager went to talk to some people around and waited for the instructions for the next set of events. They were given perfume samples to try but Hyunjin got occupied the moment he sat down, hands in his pockets and eyes fixated on the person who just entered the premises.

It was you again.

Black dress and heels, styled hair, and light make-up, how could she stand there and look beautiful? He thought, mesmerized again. And why is she here? I thought she was on a vacation. Several thoughts flooded his mind after he saw you. He couldn’t put himself to calm down, why does my heart beat faster than earlier?

You smiled at someone as they went to have a conversation. The lady from earlier had to cut it off and assist you at the same table where Felix and Hyunjin were. It is a lovely evening after all, and you were thankful that your boss had to drag you with her when she knew you weren’t doing anything for the day.

“You’re staying here in a couple of weeks, instead of sitting in front of your desk to produce ideas, why not come with me to the event?” She said the moment she arrived at the airport as you welcomed her after knowing you were spending some time in Paris. You couldn’t refuse, you were bored after all and had too much of your writer’s block ever since last night. The first evening you saw Hyunjin, and, this will be the second evening when you realized where the attendant is leading you to.

“Please enjoy the evening,” The lady said and left.

“Good evening Y/n!” Felix greeted and Hyunjin remained silent.

“Good evening Felix, and,” You paused as you looked at him. “Hyunjin.” Felix had to nudge his friend on the side to wake him up to reality instead of staring at you, saying nothing. Hyunjin winced in pain, nudging him back to his arm, Felix chuckled in response but was already glaring at him. You didn’t get a response after that, instead, you just placed your attention on anyone else.

The host has been taking their time to introduce, and recite the speech and explanations about the event while you take a sip of their prepared wine. The food is a luxury, Hyunjin was paying no attention but you. Felix listened to them and clapped his hands when everyone else did. Don’t mind about the people, just the food. Hyunjin tried to take his small sketchbook out of his pocket when your boss head back to your table and stole you for a conversation. He was about to protest when he was dragged with Felix for the photo opportunity at the event. Had to smell the scents of their perfume, and take pictures with other big names in the industry, Hyunjin had to endure them for a while. Felix didn’t seem to mind, unlike the older one who seems to be distracted all the time.

He wanted to not let you out of his sight, but the pictures are taking a while, and conversations had to be precise and shared. You were just there, being a chaperone of your boss as she introduced you to some people she knew or tried to give you a date for tonight. You weren’t convinced and tried to decline, as you hated social events like this when you were supposed to be in your hotel room or at a restaurant, enjoying dinner alone. Meanwhile, Hyunjin was already growing impatient with all the interactions he got. Forget about Felix, he wanted to get away for a while.

Someone was about to approach him but Hyunjin politely excused himself and rushed through the crowd. The people passing by keep on delaying his purpose of direction but it didn’t stop him from getting to you. He wanted closure, he wanted to talk, and forget about the hurtful things he did during your relationship, he just wanted to give himself a chance to be forgiven by you. But you didn’t want that anymore, you knew Hyunjin has been happy even though it wasn’t easy to overcome the heartbreak both of you felt. He reached miles away with his dreams, while you stood there, watching him. I don’t deserve someone as perfect as him anyway, that was what you always think about. But maybe you did deserve him after all.

“Y/n,” He said as he stood behind you.

“Hyunjin,” You called, turning around to face him. “Is everything alright?” You asked.

“Can we talk?” He said. They said to never trust that sentence, but you wanted to risk it. It might help you wake up to the reality you’ve been longing for.

“Sure, about what?” You asked when he suddenly took your hand.

“I’ll tell you later, come with me, please?” He said as you took a glance at your boss but she was too occupied to even bother. Felix and his manager were just watching from afar, with nothing to object to.

“Where are we going?” You asked but he didn’t answer, instead, he just grabbed your hand and went to where he parked his car.

The outside scenery is still fresh from the afternoon rain, but there were no stars above the dark sky, a sign that it will rain again anytime soon. You sat quietly on the passenger’s seat as Hyunjin jogged around to enter the car, driving away into the night. You remained quiet the whole ride, not bothering to ask any questions, you didn’t even know what to say to him after the whole year. The flowers he bought sat in front of you, good thing he dragged it with himself on the way out. Was it for another person?

“Those are for you,” He said, taking them into his right hand and handing it to you. It was an impromptu move. Those flowers were supposed to be his muse for his painting when he gets back to the hotel later but he found you instead.

“Thanks,” You smiled gently, smelling the before placing it on your lap. “Where are we going?”

“I have nothing in mind actually, but away from the crowd, I just wanted to talk to you, it’s been a year, ever since…” He said, pausing mid-sentence.

“The break-up?” You asked.

“Yeah,” He answered, parking in front of the Louvre Pyramid. Hyunjin walked out and jogged around to open the door for you. The flowers lie on your seat as you followed him a few meters away from the car. He looked restless all of a sudden, his composed look disappeared and shifted into something that was bothering him. Hyunjin stood away with his back against you, he was staring at the pyramid, confused and uncomfortable. You tapped his shoulder to see what was going on, and when he turned around, it was the soft Hyunjin you once admired.

“I don’t know where to start,” He said. “I’m sorry about the breakup, I was a jerk and ghosted you after that,” He added, as he started to have tears visible in his eyes.

“Hyunjin, no, we’re alright, okay? It’s already behind us, don’t apologize, none of those was your fault. I didn’t blame you for it,” You said, cupping his cheeks to wipe his tears away. He just looked at you, wanting to go on a breakdown, but there you are, in front of him, still sweet as ever.

“No,” He said pulling away from you.

“Hyunjin, I just thought it would make things easier for you, I understand how hard it was for you. I didn’t want to be a nuisance in your career, I don’t want to cause trouble,” You sighed. “If breaking up with you was the answer, then I have no choice,”

“But I didn’t want to!” He said.

“I didn’t want to either!” You retorted. “I was trouble, I was the problem okay? You said it yourself back then, you don’t want to cause drama and be hunted down by the media that you’re in a relationship! Did you think I wanted this for the both of us? I was hurt when you decided to cut it off, I was hurt when you didn’t even show up the next day, and now we’re here, talking about this bullshit that I thought it’s already done.”

It made Hyunjin feel bad, as he had always been.

“Y/n, I don’t care about those anymore,” He said. “I don’t care about the media, I don’t care about the risks anymore. This bullshit you’re talking about is our relationship,”

“That you broke off,” You said.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,”

“Now that’s bullshit,” You chuckled in response. “Yeah let’s say it was fine because I chose your career to be saved instead of hanging out with me. Let’s just stop this okay? You’re good on your way, I’m already doing good by myself, I don’t need this drama anymore Hyunjin. Do you still want me?”

Hyunjin didn’t say anything for a few seconds, there was dead air, but his eyes were into yours while you wait for his answer.

“I do,” He said. “I always have and will always do,”

“You don’t know what you’re doing, are you? Can’t you hear yourself?” You asked which made him take his steps forward.

“I do, just please,” He said, as he held your cheeks. “Let’s start over,” Closing your eyes, you felt the warmth of his hands on your bare cheeks, one of his touches that you missed the most. “We were young, and I was too quick to jump into the pit, not thinking thoroughly about it. Please give me another chance, I won’t mess it up again,”

You pulled him into a hug, Hyunjin was caught off guard at first but he gave in immediately and melted inside your arms. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, hugging you tighter. The scent of your perfume is still the same, the one the kept on missing for the whole year, he always seeks it but the scent would never be the same if someone else wears it. He came to think how miserable he was when you were gone.

It was those nights when he sits down and think about the things he should’ve done instead of risking your relationship over his career or maybe those days when he would just space out during a group meeting or the lives he did with his group. He keeps on staring at his phone waiting for your texts or browse on his photos trying to find your couple's pictures and reminisce. It was also how he kept the things you gave him during your anniversary and his birthdays. But during the past year, it feels empty, and he had to fake everything until it was convincing.

His fans don’t know how he feels, they just assume them. They didn’t know how hurt he was, and they will never know everything about him. Even the boys who are living with him, he probably is showy sometimes but it’s hard to share something so deep. Just like how it went on your side. For them, it wasn’t a big deal, but to you, it was. You treasure Hyunjin so much that it pierced your heart that he had to break up with you. The things you did for each other just disappeared in one night. And had to wait a year to fix it.

You don’t know exactly. Now that Hyunjin has gotten the fame, the overwhelming fame, you don’t want to risk it again.

“Please,” He said.

“I’m sorry Hyunjin,” You smiled, pulling away from the hug. “It won’t be worth it,”

“What?” He asked, shocked, as his vision started to blur.

“I don’t think this will work anymore,” You sniffed, wiping your tears. “You will forget me, eventually,”

“What? No!” He protested. “Let’s make it work this time, please?” He begged. “Don’t think that our relationship was up for nothing, I loved you. I still love you!”

“And I love you too! I did love you, but with all those things happening around you and me, there’s already a barrier, Hyunjin. I don’t want you to get hurt just because you are pursuing me. I don’t want you to convert your attention to me when you have something big ahead of you. I’m not worth it anymore,” You said, tears falling down your cheeks. Hyunjin stood there, looking at you in disbelief, the words struck him like lightning. It was so painful to hear it from you.

“Are you afraid to try again?” He asked, voice shaking in the middle of his sentence.

“I’m just scared that we will have to be separated again, I don’t want to try again and end up being away from you. For one year, I tried not to care about your bullshit for being famous, you’ve been happy, you always get what you want, you don’t need—”

“It was so hard for me to get over you Y/n! It was so hard to be inside my room, getting all exhausted from work with no one around to hug me and give me a shoulder to cry on. I’m sick of it, I got used to you being around me whenever I needed you or not, I was alone. No one to hug, no one to kiss, no one to laugh with, no one to cuddle with. You don’t understand!” He argued.

“You just want me because you need me right?” You cried.

“No,” Hyunjin sighed harshly. “I want you because I love you! But you know what, forget about it, I’m sorry I just dragged you out here. Let me get you back to your hotel,”

“Hyunjin, I—” You halted when he shake his head, running his fingers through his hair.

“No, please, forget about it, I won’t beg, I understand,” He smiled despite being hurt. “Let’s go,”

Hyunjin opened the door of the car for you but you hesitated to step in. Disappointment and sorrow are still painted on his face. The pain and the ruined confidence drove him to be this way. He admit he was at fault, being a famous idol wasn’t easy for him to reach and you didn’t want to be a nuisance to someone as big as him.

The ride from the Lourve Pyramid to your designated hotel fell into complete silence. No one dared to talk, except when he asked for the location and set it up on his GPS and you fell into your deep train of thoughts. A quick reminiscing about how the break up went; It was one of those nights where Hyunjin would get home late, exhausted from practice but he never fails to show you how happy he is the moment you welcome him home. It always gives him the excitement and blood rush, the comfort of home and love. But that night was twisted, he wanted to break up, he said his name is on the line, and he didn’t want distractions. Though it has already been said a million times, you just couldn’t let go of it.

To be honest, you still love him, it never faded. You didn’t understand why it has to be you out of all to be put at risk, maybe the company forced him to or it was just him who thought about cutting things off. He is hopelessly romantic, you knew that and so you were.

“Why don’t you come in for a minute?” You asked as you stood by the porch.

“I’m in a hurry, it’s almost midnight,” He smiled quietly.

“It looks like it’s going to rain,” You said, looking up to the sky. “Here,” You added, handing him a folded umbrella you used to carry around.

“Should you keep it?” He smiled, taking the tiny thing off your hand.

“It might rain,” You insisted.

“Isn’t it funny if I’m driving a convertible with an umbrella?” He chuckled. “No, I’ll take it, good night Y/n—oh shit, there’s the rain alright.” He said, looking at the street. “My car!”

It was funny indeed, his panicked face had drawn a picture that was sincere—ignoring the pain and all. Midnights should be a change of day, but it is still connected to what happened earlier this evening. You watched him run towards his car across the street. There were no people around, just the two of you and the rain which is pouring heavily at first fall. He was in the rush, pushing a button to have the roof back but was too slow that his frustrated face made it funnier. You weren’t supposed to laugh but that one Hyunjin you knew.

Taking your steps forward, you didn’t bother about the rain anymore as the umbrella was ignored as well. One reason you fell in love with him was because of what you were seeing now, it may be different from the first time when you saw him fall onto his face in front of you during high school, the boy who apologized consistently while blushing out of embarrassment. Sounds weird but falling in love with weird is not weird. You knew you shouldn’t be getting back with him, the words you’ve said to him and everything, but the feelings never lie. You do love him, and you couldn’t understand why you are walking towards a panicking Hyunjin, calling his name, and when he converted his attention to you, your lips suddenly meet.

Hyunjin then again, was caught off guard, it was a gentle kiss but he pulled you by the waist to be closer to him. Clothes were getting soaked from the midnight rain, and his hair was damped causing a few drops of water tracing down on your cheeks. It tasted like wine, and that chocolate fondue Hyunjin, the intoxicating smell of his perfume that made your knees weak, and the cinematic moment of you being shared in the empty streets of Paris at midnight, sharing a kiss. His hand lays on your cheek while the other one remained on your waist as your arms were wrapped around his neck. The usual scene you see in romantic movies. People would say it’s overrated, but who cares anyway, it’s Hyunjin. The Hwang Hyunjin.

“I’m sorry,” You said whispering to him, after drifting away, but he never let you go and kissed your forehead. “I don’t want to feel the same pain when we broke up, trust me it wasn’t good,” You added, burying your face into his chest.

“I know, baby, I know,” He said, hugging you tightly as he rubs your shoulder with his thumb. “I’m sorry I hurt you,”

“It wasn’t your fault,” You smiled, shaking your head.

“Still, I lost you,” He responded, taking your cheeks in his palms, and looking directly into your eyes. “Fuck the fame, Y/n, you know how much I love you. And I always will,”

“I know, Hyunjin,” You said, still not taking that smile being painted on your face. Hyunjin painted a smile on his face as well as he caressed your bare skin, leaning down again for a kiss. Your eyes started to close down一the heat that was felt at each other’s lips caused the warmth that could endure from the cold weather. His lips molded with yours perfectly, and the intimacy remained the same, even if it took a whole year to have it again. You were definitely his sunshine, one that will take away the darkness of the sky and the clouds to open up. He was like midnight who changed and evolved, but never his feelings.

“Does this mean you’re taking me back?” He asked, pulling away as he kissed the tip of your nose.

“Yeah, but let’s keep it lowkey this time,” You smiled as he chuckled in response, kissing you again but swiftly before taking you into another hug.

taglist : @wolfchanchan @inseonqt @soobin-chois @1-800-lixie @luvhyun3 @hanjiesgf @lix-ables @zoe8stay @gwynsapphire @cherryhanji @hwangsify @lixesque @seungly @sleepyleeji @comet-falls @kim-seung-mo @ppiri-bahng @myjisung @snow-pegasus @milkybonya @l3visbby @wilczachannn @asters-abditory @tangylemonade @hwan-g @awkwardnesshabitat @chrispychans @therealhyunjingf @jeonginwrld @starseungs

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chogiwow · 7 months

Text

confessions of a wilted flower | hwang hyunjin

genre: first love, fluff, slight angst

wc: 12.2k+

warnings: that high school love i can never have again, reader has a fear of failure, general stress about grades but grades can go fuck themselves, hyunjin is a little jelly ft. jeno

a/n: prolly still not proofread expect the random typos sorry :'>

The first time Hyunjin ever confessed to you was in elementary school.

It was child's play, quite literally.

Holding up a bougainvillaea with a crumpled petal, for it had been the closest substitute he could find on his way to school in place of the red rose he had so carefully wrapped in a plastic sheet last night with his mother and neatly tied a white ribbon around, but had forgotten to take in the morning, he had stuttered through his lips for a way to confess.

Seemingly all the times he had practiced it in his mind instead of working on his multiplication tables had vanished — all gone, his perfect "I love you" and the time he could have spent learning the seven's multiplication.

You had accepted the rather shabby flower, holding it precariously by its stem and blushed at his confession, even though he had settled for a "I like you" in the end, not finding it in himself to do otherwise under the giggling mess that his entire class was, ooh-ing at his display of affection.

And that's how Jisung, to this date, keeps teasing him about it. Curse the heavens for putting them in the same class back then.

A confession at six was probably not even a proper confession. But who made that rule? Who gave people the right to disregard a six year old’s thumping heart and nervous stutters and the colossal amount of courage he had to summon to say those three words with a crumpled up flower for a sorry excuse of a valentine’s day offering?

So what if he was a kid? Hyunjin had seen a fair amount of proposals that never went wrong, where the adults in the movies would hand their love interest a flower, kiss and hold hands. It was simple right? Hyunjin thought so too. He would confess, give you the flower, mayhaps get a kiss and hold hands with you.

The kiss had been optional in his books, his mind no less than a nervous, flustered wreck at the thought of your lips on his. Yes, he could definitely survive without the kiss. Besides, he was too young… he could kiss you some other time, when you were both adults.

His first valentine’s day had therefore come to an end disastrously — at least that’s how it had been for him.

He realised that a confession of love should never be done in the first period, that was art and the children were allowed to chatter amongst themselves because their art teacher was the kindest soul on this earth who let her students talk and play in class. Because this meant that the entire class was talking about you two, more about Hyunjin than you though, and he had to sit in forced silence in a group of rowdy boys making kissing faces at him and mocking his “I like you” in a high pitched voice. He was feeling rather pathetic while you sat in a circle with your friends who were giggling and teasing you too.

He had to run away when he saw you approach the water taps to fill your bottle, leaving his own favorite red spider-man bottle abandoned as he sprinted to the class, too embarrassed at the prospect of facing you the entire day.

Alas, he had not got to hold your hand that day either.

He had gone back home depressed, absently looking out the window as the horrible day kept replaying in his head.

Every day he got down the bus and saw his mother waiting to pick him up, he would smile and hug her and babble about how his day went, how Jisung tripped over his own feet and the whole class laughed at him, the three red stars his math teacher had drawn on his homework and you. Mostly you — how you had offered to share your spring rolls with him, lent him your precious set of colour pencils and saved him a seat beside you during lunch.

That day he got off the bus with a sad pout, and when his mom took his bag from him and inquired about the missing water bottle, he burst into tears.

It would have seemed that he was crying because he had forgotten to retrieve his bottle after successfully avoiding you, and now he was afraid of the scolding as a consequence. But in reality, it was because he was positively convinced his love life was over — ruined, gone to shambles and never to come back again.

Quite dramatic, but understandable for a six year old experiencing his first times and messing it up.

“There, there,” his mother had patted him on his back, lifting him up in her arms and letting him wrap his clenched fists around her neck, crying into her shoulder.

The six year old Hyunjin had hated the sight of roses since that day, irrespective of their colour be it red or white or pink, and had unceremoniously crushed the flower on reaching home, plastic wrapping and ribbon included and stomped on it on the ground.

His mother had sympathised with her son, musing at his small body with so much anger and resentment it carried, and baked him his favorite banana cake along with a cup of chocolate smoothie.

Needless to say, he had let go of his sulky pout the next day, for you had invited him to your birthday party in the coming week. He didn’t have to avoid you the entire day and even grabbed his water bottle his homeroom teacher had retrieved for him rather gleefully, ignoring her words of taking care of his personal belongings better in his exhilarated state at having things back to normal.

And he babbled again to his mom that afternoon, not forgetting to mention your birthday and wondering what he could possibly get you, going as far as enquiring excitedly about the amount of money in his pink piggy bank. She had laughed at him and said rather gently that it was enough to buy you a decent present.

What Hyunjin didn’t know was that you had gone home in tears that day as well. Some kid in the bus had accidentally sat on your flower and squashed it. One of the petals was torn and by the time you reached home, it was already losing the bright coral colour and had veins of black running across the other petals.

It was a whole ordeal trying to get you to quieten down, your dad explaining to you in patient tones on how all flowers wilted at some point, the ones which were plucked sooner than the ones still blooming on plants. It took you an hour to understand. Or maybe you just stopped crying because you were tired.

Kids can be so simple and yet complex.

ii.

Hyunjin’s dislike for roses had remained even as he grew up to be a frequent receiver of the darned flower.

But Hyunjin was a kind kid. Beneath all the awkward limbs and sinking feeling in his chest that came with the realisation that he was going to have to turn down yet another valentine rose, he did it kindly.

“Ah, sorry… I don’t like you that way,” he’d mumble, toes curling inside his shoes at the sheer amount of people who had gathered to watch him break another heart and you sitting in one corner of the room, where the coral rays of the afternoon sun only glowed on you and the curtains only fluttered around your frame. It was puppy love for Hyunjin, one that made his teenage heart do cartwheels around you; all that ‘the time seemed to stop’ jazz.

Fifteen year old Hyunjin was still in love with you.

And that made it hard for him to ignore the red roses taped to his locker door, the white ones along with chocolates placed on his desk and the pink ones he’d receive from girls from other classes.

Fifteen year old Hyunjin had very carefully ensured that you were no wiser of his feelings.

And that made it easier for him to hang out with you after school in the playground, sucking on ice lollies and tasting a bit of each other’s lolly flavours. This surprisingly didn’t concern him in the least as an indirect kiss. It also weighed less on his conscience when he’d deliberately play a horror movie, knowing that if he kept the throw pillows on his side, you’d cling on to his arm, that being the nearest thing you could bury your face into. He could always play it off as his way of teasing you.

Fifteen year old Hyunjin also held your hand in his.

The first time was because he was genuinely scared of going on the pirate ship in the amusement park that you had dragged him to on the eve of your sixteenth birthday, teasing him of how he was still couple of months younger than you; you had to intertwine your fingers with his and put up with his constant whining and foot stomping about the whole ordeal.

He never went on that ride again.

The second time, though intended, the hand holding came more naturally.

It was on the subway… actually, it was even before the subway.

It was a Friday evening, and both of you were catching a train later than your usual one having spent the freedom that came with finishing your exams, on the old market street near your school.

Apparently you had come across a picture of tonkatsu surfing through the hell that social media was, and had craved the crispy snack. On further research, you found out about the shop and texted Hyunjin about it excitedly.

Your messages had been amusing, a mixed bag of threats and pleading. Somehow the clash of emotions had made him smile. Your impatience always shone through when you didn’t get prompt replies to your messages.

[you]: we’re going there tomorrow after school, no ifs and buts.

Sent at 7:30. No wonder your following messages were a mess; he had just gone to take a shower and had come back to his phone blowing up with your spam. Unfortunately, he had left your chat open, so it had seemed as if he had left you on read.

[you]: don’t you leave me hanging now !!

[you]: hey! are you ignoring me?

[you]: omg hwang hyunjin you ass, the one time i need you, you leave me on seen?! The aUDACITY !! the Betrayal™ :’((((((

[you]: fine then. leave me on read and never talk to me again. i shall enjoy myself without your constant annoying company

[you]: hyuuuuunjiiiiiiinnnnnn, cmoooooooooooon,,,, i was kidding about you being annoying, please please please come with me ;-;

[hyunjin]: geez, i was in the shower and left our chat open. You know i’ll say yes, it’s the last exam -_-

[you]: yAYYYYY HWANG HYUNJIN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!11!!!!1!!

Hyunjin knew you hadn’t truly meant your last message, nonetheless it made him drop his phone on his chest and facepalm.

As promised, promptly after the last bell rang, signifying the finish of two hellish weeks of exams, he made his way over to your classroom where you had been seated temporarily for exam period only. It was then that he had tugged on your hand in the horde of students, excitedly chatting about summer break and pulled you out of the crowd.

It was an unspoken agreement between the two of you to never bring up the question paper and discuss it once you were officially through with the whole ordeal of sitting at a desk for two hours working on pythagoras problems and reciting world war dates in chronological order — it was history and must not ever be brought up.

So the two of you settled on chatting about plans for summer vacations, mostly trying to fit in studying in your schedule that comprised mainly of catching the first screening of the new movie coming out next week and having a different flavour of ice cream at the new ice cream parlour that had recently opened down your street.

The walk to the old market street wasn’t long, it was pleasant to be ambling along the road under the muted afternoon sun with a spring breeze blowing and an occasional dry leaf falling on your shoulder when you had to wait at the cross section for the lights to turn red.

Although there wasn’t much of a crowd yet given the hour of the day, once you reached the market street, there was quite a hustle. The pavements were lined up with stalls, multicoloured cloth awnings serving as a splash of colour. It was comical, the way the main street and the market stood in contrast with each other, as if two worlds had somehow stuck at the junction of their collision, hanging in space awkwardly.

The hum of the cars and honking had set a backdrop to your evening rendezvous, the hullabaloo of the market chaos making a din like crickets on a hot summer day.

You could catch the people reciting orders of food and mothers bargaining with vendors on the price of ceramic jugs.

Hyunjin noticed the way your eyes sparkled, your lips pursing themselves in a smile he knew you were suppressing out of sheer excitement, and your eyes travelling greedily, taking in the scene in front of you. Markets, for whatever odd reason, excited you to no end.

You held on to your reasoning that somehow it was easy to blend in with the multitude of people and pretend you didn’t exist in a world where people were concerned about mundane things.

The lanterns strung high up, but not too high up, hadn’t been lit up yet. They would be soon though, because late afternoon marked the busiest time of the market. Fathers rushing home with candied pineapples wrapped in a local newspaper bag from the trusted man in his fifties, who sometimes gave away free candies to kids, young women looking for a hair piece and earrings to wear on dates - something pretty but not too expensive, orders of steamed buns in servings of a dozen ringing through the air, the steam rising off the heated pans sizzling with water and oil.

Everybody existed, and yet nobody paid attention. It was a happening experience.

In that seemingly bustling void of craziness, and people pushing past each other, yet not minding the shoulder bumps, your eyes found his.

Hyunjin was sure he would have missed it had he not been intently staring at you under the golden evening, but when your eyes lock he feels so grateful that even amongst thousands of people, you found him; you chose to find him.

It made him happy, his hand reaching out for yours and clasping together, eyes soft under your own sparkling ones. It’s times like this that he found his heart wavering; a clench of muscles that released the butterflies in his stomach.

You raise an eyebrow, bringing up your clasped hands and point at it with your chin.

“So I don’t lose you,” is his reply, and oh so befitting,

You don’t overlook the underlying meaning to his words, rather you choose to do so. Because if you didn’t, then you would have to question his intentions, and if that happened you might find yourself questioning whether you liked it or not, and that in turn would lead to confusion, because… surely, you weren’t supposed to like your best friend?

It was easy and a simpler route — ignore all complexities and just hold hands; no questions asked, no intentions suspected, just innocent hand holding. The action of placing your palm in the palm of another person and clasping them together under a slowly darkening sky lit up with orange and yellow lanterns that casted a sweet, charming glow on the handsome face of your best friend.

How stupidly romantic, and yet it was your own mind conjuring these things up. You just wanted to hold hands.

Hyunjin decided that he had stared long enough at your face, a flush rising up his neck that he entirely blamed upon the proximity of the steaming pan of the pastry seller. The sweet fragrance of cinnamon and honey was like amortentia and Hyunjin abashedly pulled you away from the stall, hand still holding yours.

You ended up roaming the streets for a good half an hour in search of your tonkatsu place, before you finally realised it was tucked away in a smaller alleyway in between two stalls that casted a shadow in the entrance. Hyunjin, as much as he liked you, was also pissed off when you kept making him run around in circles with a backpack on his shoulders and his hands growing uncomfortably sweaty in the heat.

Now, this was something Hyunjin hadn’t foreseen; physical touch was all good until you had the embarrassing memory of trying to live down the sweating due to nerves and heat. Still, he didn’t hate it as much as the first rose he had demolished.

Now that you both were finally fed and on the train back home, he had other things to worry about than just sweaty palms.

For one, you were wearing your bag up front, hugging the pastel blue fabric protectively with the knowledge that inside lay two paper bags of piping hot tonkatsu and sauce, carefully wrapped in plastic. This caused Hyunjin some pain, for the chain of your front pocket kept digging into his skin every now and then.

Secondly, this train was packed to the brim with people going home from work. The man behind him kept bumping into his back and resulted in him colliding with you… your bag, more like.

“Can’t you just wear the bag like it’s supposed to be worn? On your back?” Hyunjin hisses at you, his hand coming to rest on his chest after another collision.

“But what if someone steals my food?”

Your exclamation doesn’t amuse him, rather he looks at you like he wants to throw you off the train.

“(y/n), nobody wants to steal your cheap tonkatsu, okay?” he grimaces to make a point.

You feign a gasp of horror, hands patting your bag comfortingly.

“So what if they’re cheap? They’re the best ones I’ve ever had, and don’t you deny it,” you raise your voice when he’s about to interrupt, “You literally inhaled four plates of these cheap tonkotsu Hwang Hyunjin.”

He gives up when you pout at him, shaking his head in defeat.

The train stops at a station right then with a jolt and Hyunjin finds himself leaning over you, his free hand that wasn’t clutching the overhead handle reaching out to grab your flapping hands that had no support to resist the laws of inertia.

His fist encloses over your own, pulling you towards him so that he’s subjected to yet another assault from your bag but manages to not let you topple in a crowd of people behind you. The distance separating you is negligible, and had it not been for Hyunjin’s insane growth spurt in just a few months from when he turned fifteen, your face would have been smushed against his own, unlike now, when your nose crashed painfully against his chest.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Hyunjin worriedly inquires, bending his head to your level to inspect the damage. Your eyes were tearing up and you were rubbing your nose that was tingling in pain.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” you sniff, blinking your tears back, “but what the hell, I swear your chest is just made of a rock.”

Of course you would blame him, how typical.

“So much for saving you,” he rolls his eyes, nevertheless, rubbing your nose with his thumb and pinching your cheek afterwards.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you sulk, “you just prevented me from falling, not save my life or anything.”

“I’m thinking I should have just let you fall,” he deadpans.

You hit his chest softly, your hand finding its way to the hem of his shirt where it tucked at the fabric.

Hyunjin glances down at your fingers and then to your face, which was busy looking down at the interesting pattern of your shoes. With an inexplicable hesitance, he gently pries your fingers apart from his shirt and slips his hand in yours.

You hum contendendly, the noise going unnoticed and blending in with the buzz of the train machine.

Fifteen year old Hyunjin had at least got to hold your hand in his.

iii.

The second time you received a proper confession was in high school.

It wasn't the season of love, but then again, love blooms in every season. And it wasn’t Hyunjin.

The warm days were coming to an end, and you were starting to pull out all the sweaters and hoodies from the back of your closet.

Another set of examinations had just come to an end. This time Hyunjin had actually studied for his physics test rather than second guessing his answers and settling for option B after rounding up his decimals and digits in the first place which resulted in a consecutive row of option C on his answer sheet.. He even worked out the multiplication in a rough column on the left side of his page.

The reason for the sudden interest and desire to do well in the subject was because he had successively failed his prior minor tests, ranking at the bottom for this particular subject and if he didn’t get his grades up, there was a high chance of him failing at the end of the academic year even after a cumulative total was taken into consideration.

That and, if he didn’t get his grades up he was going to be debarred from applying under the performance arts department in university, which Hyunjin could not let happen. It was the sole reason he had been slaving away in the shabby dance studios after school every day.

The easiest way out of this to get you to tutor him.

Getting you to agree had been easy when you had agreed to do it voluntarily because you were as concerned as him about his grades, but for different reasons. Where you just wanted to graduate together, even though that meant Hyunjin barely passed his subjects, he was just worried he would have to settle for a mediocre college with a stream he didn’t like in the first place.

“Alright so, using Fleming's left hand rule, your forefinger is pointing towards the direction of the force field...see, ‘f’ for forefinger and ‘f’ for force field…”

“Yes and ‘f’ for fuck this shit.”

You sighed for the seventh time in the last five minutes, sitting back on the floor seeing how Hyunjin had given up not even half an hour under your tutelage, lying on his back with his arms spread out.

“It’s too hard, I can’t do this,” he groans, squirming around on your carpet and messing it up.

“I know,” you reply with a bored tone, “that’s like, the twentieth time you’ve said that since we started studying.”

“Oh you wouldn’t be so patronising had you been dumb like me,” he chastises, pointing an accusing finger and lifting his head to glare at yo with his double chin protruding out.

“I’m trying to make you less dumb, now get up and let’s at least finish this topic.”

Hyunin whines again, stomping his foot and messing the carpet under you further as he throws yet another tantrum. You grabbing the nearest cushion and throwing it at him only makes him act out more when it hits his face with a pouf.

“Come on future dancer, get off your ass and do it for that university you’ve been whining about,” you attempt at the psychology of backhanded guilt tripping, because it usually works on Hyunjin.

You know it does and yet you use it to make him work even though it makes you feel a little guilty.

Hyunjin lays silently on the ground, his fingers twitching under the signals his brain was sending him to get up and stop the guilty conscience he had unwittingly found out made his chest pang, but his limbs were locked in place and he was physically unable to get himself up from his sprawled position on your floor.

“If you do this and solve the questions I give you,” you start with a scheming tone, one that Hyunjin is too well acquainted with, “I’ll set you up on a date.”

Hyunjin doesn’t remember the last time he’s jolted up this fast. Not even when he had missed his first alarm and slept ten minutes into his usual routine which already made him late every morning, he had lain on his bed and rubbed his face, making no attempts at hurrying up.

Not even when you had rudely interrupted his Saturday morning sleep in time by jumping straight on his middle; he had merely groaned and kicked you out of his bed, facing away from you and curling up into a ball.

The knowledge that you were thinking - no, planning - on setting him up on a date was news to him. And quite a horrifying one at that, because he can’t remember the last time he ever talked of his dead love life to you, but if he didn't know better, he would have thought that the apparent stagnancy in his streak was binding on you.

What gave you such a ridiculous idea?

You scoff in disbelief, crossing your arms across your chest and humming in interest.

“Someone is eager.”

Hyunjin is annoyed at the way you smile at him; that devilish grin borne not out of a suppressed nonchalance but an impish excitement at the prospect of planning out his love life. He’s annoyed at your obliviousness and rightfully so because even to this date, he’s never loved someone as much as you.

Your grin makes him feel pathetic, vividly aware of the thin line separating you two from a platonic and romantic relationship. No he’s not frustrated over his unrequited feelings, it was your futile matchmaking and the fact that you ever thought he'd be interested in dating and dating someone who wasn't you.

His youthful crush weighs like a burden on him at that moment.

Why was it that you were so unimaginative? How could it be that you completely overlooked the p;ausability of you two being a thing?

He gulps thickly, an action which accomplishes nothing but pushing his already sinking heart further down, his body sagging under the weight of twelve years worth of crush that felt like a sack of cotton submerged in water.

His swimming instructor had told him that breathing was a crucial skill in the sport. It may appear simple, but knowing when to lift your head above the water and catch your breath is a skill that takes practise.

Despite the fact that Hyunjin had received an A in that class, he couldn't even recall how to breathe on land. It was akin to being under water, his limbs kicking insensibly at the water in an endeavor to resurface, but heavy chains attached to his ankles pulling him down the more he resisted.

In that moment he resented a little for stealing his breath away unannounced, and he meant it as literally as he could. He resented the way you observed him with a teasing glint in your eyes, as if you had him all figured out. You didn’t and you were so very wrong for thinking otherwise.

And he was so very wrong for not realising how your intended words that spring Saturday had an underlying message that he had neglected.

iv.

Contrary to how sweet strawberry milk Hyunjin was sipping on should have tasted, his mouth was left with a bitterness that he could physically feel at the back of his tongue.

“He asked you out on a date?”

His disdain is just short of the frown that he conceals under a hasty version of eyebrows shooting up in fake surprise.

You hum in confirmation, turning to a new page in your textbook and scribbling down the molecular formula for formaldehyde before forgetting. Hyunjin was perplexed by your indifference, which he perceived was likely because once you buried your nose in your books, not even the hottest most scandalous gossip being whispered around you would make you look up. It was surprising you were even acknowledging his presence in the middle of studying for your quiz tomorrow, and while that did raise red flags, Hyunjin decided not to pursue it.

Leaving the half empty carton of milk by your bedside table he finds respite on your bed, hugging a yellow throw cushion to his chest and fixing his gaze at the back of your head, meditating on his thoughts with a frown he had finally succumbed to.

Even though your attention was on the list of chemical terminologies you had highlighted with different colours based on their functional groups, it was hard to ignore the burning state directed at the back of your head. While it would have been seemingly easy for you to pretend not to address his glare, you were admittedly in a state of turmoil yourself.

The pastel pinks and blues on your text was starting to irritate you, coupled with the impatience you would feel a mile away radiating off Hyunjin, you decide you need to acknowledge this situation before you lose your sanity being subjected to the traumatic hellhole that high school education was.

(You heard from Felix that a girl in his class started having panic attacks when she was asked to solve a question on the board that was supposedly an important one for their finals. She had to be taken to the infirmary but she became so paranoid about missing class that she had to be sent back home)

Flinging your own across the table, you swivel your chair around so fast it makes Hyunjin flinch, raising a hand to his heart in shock.

"Holy shit, that scared me!'

"Alright, what is it? What do you want to know, just spit it out."

Hyunjin could be oblivious to a lot of things. For example, the pointed stares whenever he would fling his arm around your shoulder in the hallways, or the upset tears when he would have to politely turn down another confession. But he never fails to pick up your little quirks and behaviors.

You're not upset that often, but when you are you shut yourself off from people because you're too afraid of what you'll say if you do open your mouth. And when you're sad, for a reason or not because everybody's allowed to be a bit sad without a cause, your eyes lose focus as you stare off into space, lips turned down in a sad frown.

It's hard to miss the frustration lacing your voice now when it sounded almost like you were mad at him for it. And while you had your reasons, you don’t think you’re obligated to address the questioning frown on his face.

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Oh yeah,” you scoff, “you didn’t say anything, but the way you stare me down is nothing compared to it. It’s annoying!”

“I wasn’t going to say anything either, what so… now I can’t even look at you?”

“Of course you can look at me, but you’re doing that thing which annoys me.”

This argument was starting to get pettier by the minute, your immature remarks ricocheting off the walls like childish rebukes. ‘That thing’ you mentioned is something Hyunjin is unaware he’s doing unless you point it out.

It’s the frustratingly confused frown on his face along with his teeth biting on his nails (and he wonders why his nails look short and ugly).

“Well I’m annoyed too… no, not annoyed, but like… upset that I found out about my best friend being asked out from someone who isn’t my best friend!” his hands move in dramatic waves, the complaining ending with a sharp jab of his finger in the air pointed towards you.

“Well I was going to,” you defend yourself, “as soon as we got home. How was I supposed to know word would travel so fast? And if anything, it could have been a rumor, how could you believe it so easily?”

It was a rhetoric, a clear indication that this blame game could go on and on if you wanted; and Hyunjin believed in it because factually speaking, you were the smarter of the two and you made better points. He just yelled and made noises of disbelief.

Fighting was no new concept to you both and you had both accepted that as pretty as a relationship can be, sometimes a bit of yelling does one good more than harm. Neither of you liked the essence of it though, so it had been a pact you made him sign in middle school to not let it become a matter of concern, especially when you knew some insults could be a little too much to handle sometimes.

While you were more supportive of your arguments, Hyunjin had a more tactless approach, therefore, decidedly it was him who mostly backed down.

That’s what he does now because as much as he would hate to admit, you had a point and there was no reason for you to hide this from him.

He relaxes into your cushions, crossing his arms and pouting in defeat.

You knew this meant that he had more to say, but was giving you a chance to explain; much rather like a sulky kid letting their mother explain to them why two plus two equals four and not five; not a word would you get out of him until you were done.

“Alright,” you sigh, doing what you supposed you should have done yourself rather than wait for your best friend to interrogate you about it.

“Jeno asked me out at lunch today, and since you were nowhere to be found — by the way I waited like a fool in front of your class for ten whole minutes before someone told me you were in the dance room,” you scowl at him forgetting to mention it to you, his lips forming a small ‘o’ in revelation, then sheepishly falling into an apologetic smile.

“So then i was on my way to you, giving up on my precious lunch,” another scowl, “but I bumped into Jeno on the way who was nothing but sweet about it to me, and asked me what I was down in the basement, so I told him about going to find you, but apparently you already went to lunch?”

“Wait I can explain,” Hyunjin interjects, sitting up on your sheets, because now it was starting to feel like you were constantly reminding him of how things had come to this and it was all his fault, “the reason I didn't stop by your class was because I thought you would already be in the lunch hall and I could just meet you up there, and as for not telling you, it was an emergency meeting our instructor called so I had no way of letting you know…”

“Yeah okay,” you accepted his justification, albeit still a bit miffed about it, “So anyway, we just fell into a casual conversation while walking to lunch together, but then one of his friends… Haechan, I think? The one who’s always yelling at Mark in the football field… anyway, not my point — he appears out of nowhere and pounces on Jeno, so then I’m just kind of stuck waiting for Jeno because he did get cut off mid sentence, and it would be pretty rude of me to just leave,”

“Since when have you cared about being rude…” Hyunjin mumbles under his breath, hiding his pout with the pillow he was hugging. Thankfully you don't hear it, or you pretend you don’t.

“Well anyway, that’s how I missed my lunch and Jeno felt bad about it, so he offered to buy me a meal tomorrow,” you shrug.

“Wait, hold on… tomorrow?” Hyunjin is unable to hide the shock in his voice. He had no idea your date was tomorrow.

“Yeah…” it sounds more like ‘so what?’ as if this didn’t phase you in a bit.

“Besides, he just meant to grab a meal at the cafe at the intersection, and he didn’t really call it a date, although…”

“Although?”

Your hesitance hits Hyunjin like a wave of anxious foreboding, ankles crossing under his feet. Although what?

“I mean, he just said that… “call it a date, if you may”.”

The pink hue on your cheek is faint, but in Hyunjin’s mind they were exaggerated blooms of red brought upon you by a boy who was not him, and so was the small smile you tried to hide by clearing your throat and biting down on your lower lip.

Oh god, he was already starting to hate this so much, how would he stand it if you two started dating? Would he be the third wheel? Was he always going to be stuck watching you from the sideline as his flowery version of your very platonic friendship came crumbling down in wilting petals on a dead road? Would he have to finally give up on his unrequited feelings?

You know by now that Hyunjin goes uncharacteristically quiet when he tends to overthink, as his customary habit of biting on his plump lips (it’s important you mention plump, because that’s what makes it so hard to ignore — you swear people find it hot when he does that, but in actuality, he’s trying to choose between chocolate and strawberry milk.)

But Hyunjin is not trying to be hot right now, he doesn’t have to try to be fair, but he’s genuinely worried about something he knows he shouldn’t be. There were other important matters like his failing grades, the vase he broke three days ago and tried to hide until his mom found out this morning when he was leaving for school (he was sure to get a beating over that this evening) and prom.

Oh god, he was going to ask you out for prom, but he probably can’t anymore. Because you had yourself Jeno who was going to do that and you were going to dance with him and laugh at his stupid jokes even and blush at him through the entire evening.

And what was Hyunjin going to do? Stand in one corner of the room, sulking and frowning at being forgotten by his best friend, and spending the one thing he had been looking forward to since high school, just because some stupidly handsome guy whose smile made him look like an innocent puppy and had most of the girls in his year crush on him had asked you out on a stupid, stupid date... god he wished your date would be bad, and you would dump a smoothie on him—

“Hyunjin?”

Your third call is when he finally jolts out of his reverie, looking at you as if he were constipated.

“It's just a meal, I don’t even consider it a date, okay?”

Somehow, those words are successful in easing the tension in his body, an affirmation that he was urgently looking for somewhere at the back of his head that had been clouded by his judgement and over the top thoughts.

You’re not sure why you find the need to mollify Hyunjin in the first place. Because as oblivious as you tried to be of the gray area you and Hyunjin were dabbling in since…forever, did not obligate you into providing a sense of security to him. The only confession you remember receiving from him was when you were six and someone had squashed the flower he had given you with shaking hands and a trembling voice.

Perhaps you were hopeful of great things, but you would never admit it.

It wasn’t a date, that’s what you had said.

So in Hyunin’s mind, those words had molded themselves in the form of a solid piece of metal with engravings on it that clearly stated, “It’s not a date, so there’s no reason for them to continue meeting up with each other after this.”

What he did not expect was for Jeno to be standing over your desk, minutes after the bell for lunch went off and laughing with you on whatever Hyunjin had missed.

Hyunjin had not seen you on the night of your… outing, with Lee Jeno, when you called him unexpectedly and rather tiredly said that you were going to bed early so you could complete your assignments early in the morning. While this was normal for you, and Hyunjin was used to your eccentricity, he was a little disappointed because he looked forward to hearing about your date... uh, outing (although he had accepted your reasoning the previous night, a part if him had hoped and even dreamt of you dumping a smoothie on Jeno’s head).

“So, how did it go?” was the first thing he asked you the next morning. Unlike you, he had the whole night to lay awake in bed, tossing and turning over the possibility that you had assured him had negligible chances of being true, but which in his over-wired mind had a fifty-fifty chance of being plausible.

He knew about Jeno’s charms, and he knew you were all for it.

Regardless, your small disruption in the library had been to glance at the said boy many times just because of the ruckus the other girls would make, all whispering and stuff, Hyunjin had noticed you exchange a smile or two with him sometimes.

Jeno had a nice personality, a cute smile and even cuter eyes that would disappear into crescents when he would smile. He had a soft voice, a gentle way of talking to people no matter how rude they were, and the only person who could tolerate Haechan.

If you think Hyunjin doesn’t know those were the very characteristics of your ideal type you had based your fictional oc upon (he caught you writing on one of those fanfic sites in middle school), then you would be wrong.

He never held this information as a leverage against you, but he was seriously contemplating doing so now.

It was relatively easy to feign his restless night had been devoted to only worrying about the occurrence of a potential smoothie dump, but it was difficult to ignore the answers he had unintentionally stumbled upon torturing himself with a rapid fire round of questions.

“It was fine, we just had some food and chatted.”

“Talked about what?” Hyunjin hoped his paranoia wasn’t showing.

“Oh just this and that, college plans, Ms. Oh’s stupidly difficult quizzes... you know, just casual stuff.”

You believed that your shrug and nonchalance were enough to convince Hyunjin that you didn’t consider last evening to be a date, and even if you did, you were sure as hell not going on another one. It was just friendly hanging out, just like you and Hyunjin… just like you and Hyunjin.

But why is it that he walks in on Jeno offering you to sit with him for lunch?

“Oh, that’s alright,” you smile up at him, “I’m gonna sit with Hyunjin.”

You point your chin to where he was standing, making Jeno turn around to glance at him and smile.

“That’s fine, enjoy your lunch.”

Jeno smiled and left, not sounding one bit upset for turning down his offer. See, that’s how Jeno was, kind and gentle and understanding. Hyunjin wishes he was a bit of a jerk so he could dislike him without feeling guilty about it.

“How was your quiz?” he pulls up a chair in front of your desk, plopping down on it and resting his elbows on your table.

You groan and bury your head in your arms, grabbing your hair with your fingers and pulling them slightly.

“Ugh, I forgot to write down the units.”

Hyunjin sympathises with your wailing, patting your head and smoothening your hair comfortingly. Everybody knew how Ms. Oh was absolutely anal about writing units; she would go as far as deducting a whole mark off five points if you forgot to write it or wrote the wrong one.

You poke your head out from between your elbows, peering up at him with pleading eyes. It takes a lot for Hyunjin to restrain himself from kissing you on the lips right then and there. He settles with pinching and squishing your cheeks, your face resembling a blowfish which makes him laugh.

“Stop it,” you whine at him, turning your face away to grieve in the passing away of your perfect A grade you had taken so much caution and meticulous efforts to maintain. Hyunjin isn’t sure why you’re this upset; sure you’re as anal as Ms. Oh about here units as you were for maintaining an above average report card, but surely this was you stressing too much?

“I think I messed up my last two questions,” you mumble so silently, he has to strain his ears to catch your words.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” he says softly, changing tact now that he realised you were genuinely upset.

“It is,” you wail again, drawing out the last syllable and glaring at Hyunjin. The glare turns to confusion and if he was seeing quite correctly, he thinks you may have started crying had you not blinked your tears back at the sight of his alarmed face.

This was all his fault. If your overall dropped because of a B on a subject you had slaved on for ages, you were so gonna blame him your entire life.

“Hey, I don’t know what’s going on but you can talk to me okay?”

His gentle voice breaks your frustrated streak and you instantly feel the tears at the back of your eyes trying to push past the barrier you were holding up. You bury your head deeper into your arms, nose touching the wooden surface of the table and feel the first tear roll down your cheek and fall on your palm. This was a dreadful position to be in while you cried, because now you wanted to sniff but you couldn’t because Hyunjin was sitting right there and you couldn’t let him hear you.

You nod your head, biting on your lips to stop the whimper threatening to come out of your mouth.

There’s a few times you have cried, not finding it in yourself to be fond of the action altogether. And in those times, you’d give yourself exactly five minutes, a little more sometimes to cry your tears out and then stop, wiping your cheeks and washing your face and fanning the redness off from your eyes till you deemed it satisfactory enough to be able to walk out of your bathroom without raising any concerns. You usually have a penchant for reserving this between the walls of your bathroom, but never your bedroom because anybody could walk in at any time and you don't want that, save for the singular occurrence in Hyunjin’s room back in middle school.

You were still learning the art of hiding your tears from people because a) you didn’t want them to worry about you, the attention was nothing but embarrassing to endure and b) because some people just never cared for them, and you couldn’t blame them for this.

You were sure you remembered why you had cried on Hyunjin’s bed that day, but you think it must have been something silly because you had forgotten now.

With a long sniff, you sit up, rubbing your cheeks with the sleeves of your shirt which get stained and face Hyunjin who was now looking at you flabbergasted.

And inaudible gasp makes his jaw drop at how silently you had relieved yourself in such a short span of time without letting it on and he felt terrible about it.

“Did you just cry? Without making a sound?”

You sniff again, unsurprised at why Hyunjin felt so deceived with the notion that you could do it while he was sitting right there in front of you.

“I’m fine now,” your voice is a little heavy, making you clear your throat, “is my face too red?”

“Okay what’s going on?” Hyunjin completely ignores your question, sitting up straight on his chair and fixing you with a look that was partly confused, surprised and concerned.

You shake your head with a wry smile, fanning your eyes as best as you could before lunch got over and the students came back, for it was just the two of you in the class right now.

“Sorry, I'm just a little stressed with the finals coming up and you know, I really don’t want to risk making such silly mistakes now.”

You hope your lie is passable to cross his radar of lie detection which he was surprisingly good at when it came to you. Maybe it was good enough, or maybe it was because you had just cried, your eyes red and nose flushed, but Hyunjin doesn’t say anything, meaning he bought it… for now or whatever.

It was convenient for you that the bell rang and a few students already trickled in, the ones who always started back for their classrooms two minutes before lunch was over so they could make it just in time and not have to get squished in a horde of scurrying students.

Hyunin can’t do much but push the chair back and stand up, pulling your head to his stomach and hugging you with another pat on your head.

“You can talk to me about this whenever you want, just don’t let it get to you, okay?”

You smile and nod up at him, and again Hyunjin is inclined to reach out and stroke your cheek and tuck the lock of hair behind your ear and gently kiss the sad smile away from your sad lips; and again he settles with a soft pinch on your cheek which was gentler than he had ever been with you and it almost throws you into another spiral of emotions.

This time though, your heart beats too loud for your own liking and you wish Hyunjin would stop.

vii.

“We need to talk,” you state, walking right up to the sweaty boy who looked surprised that you were there.

“Hey (y/n), everything okay?” Jeno asks, tucking the basketball under his arm and waving at the other members of the basketball team to go ahead without him. A few of them snicker and hoot, but he just sighs.

“It's about Hyunjin and… what you said the other day.”

Jeno tilts his head in confusion, brows furrowing cutely in a mock frown, “about what?”

You inhale deeply, feeling the air filling up your chest as you tuck a piece of hair behind your ear that didn’t need to be tucked back in the first place., seemingly unaware of the smile that Jeno was trying to hide.

“I think I like Hyunjin.”

“You think you like Hyunjin?” Jeno’s eyes crinkle up when he laughs in his sweet way, but the humor was lost on you when his chuckle sounded like he was ridiculing you.

“Are you laughing at me?” your disbelief stems from his gleeful expression which makes an inexplicable exasperation bubble in the pit of your stomach.

“And are you kidding?” he scoffs in good humor, “You more than like him, and I can’t believe I had to say it out loud for you to realise.”

“It’s not that! I’ve always liked him, but it’s just… I can’t possibly see us anywhere but the gray area we’ve been in for so long.”

“Because you’re already past the stage where romantic gestures like holding hands and sleeping on the same bed are considered platonic and now you’re not sure if what you’re feeling is an intense desire to kiss him or punch him in the face?”

You blush under the presumptive assertion that is an exact word to word report of what you have been feeling for so long. To make matters worse, the definitive judgement of his observation - of a third person’s observation - makes your heart drop, gulping at how obvious you would have had to be for him to notice.

“We haven’t slept on the same bed!” you cry in exasperation, cheeks flaming with every word you were near about forcing yourself to say. It’s true, the most you two had done was lay beside each other during lazy summer breaks and cuddled on the couch, but contrary to popular platonic culture, you had never found yourself in said predicament. The thought makes your chest leap out of your throat and you have to gulp to force it down.

“That’s not the point, the point is that you’re too afraid to own up to your feelings.” Jeno states as a matter-of-fact, “Who knows, he may actually like you.”

The way Jeno says it comes out as an equivalent as “two plus two equals four”; you can shrug off it’s opposing arguments because you know it’s true and factual.

“You don’t know that!”

Oh Jeno knows, and only too well. The supposed date that he had with you, one would have expected that you would have talked about yourself, but all you wanted to talk about was Hyunjin. What he likes, what he dislikes, his little quirks, his stupidly gleeful laugh that is infectious … all him, and all for him.

And you know this too.

You know Hyunjin likes you — has since forever. From the first day of kindergarten when his clumsy limbs had bumped into yours and toppled you both across the floor, and even though the cut on his knee was bleeding, he still kept apologising for the bruise on your elbow because you were crying so loudly. He wasn’t scared of being scolded, but genuinely scared that you were perhaps going to die given the way you were wailing about it.

When you were the clumsy one and tripped over your own foot in the playground, scraping your knees but this time just sniffling at the slight sting due to your injury, he had brushed off the dust from your clothes and led you to the nurse by your hand. Hyunjin doesn’t remember that he had in fact held your hand at the age of seven. He was so concerned about the tiny scratch across your knee, he hadn’t even noticed. If he knew, he probably would have been exhilarated.

When every single memorable moment of your life you’ve had him right beside your side, ready to share the happiness and the pain with you as long as you could be together. At one point just thinking about it had made you so feverishly happy, you had cried a small tear of gratitude that you had such an amazing person as your best friend who you were in love with.

But…

“What if he doesn’t like me?”

This question is something you had been hoping you would be able to answer for yourself, but in all these years you’ve never been able to discern between the love he shows you on the surface level and the one he stores safely in his heart that is only visible like a little twinkle in his eyes on the subway or the crowded streets of your favorite night market where it’s easy to blend in with the people, and your feelings are too entangled to tell apart. If it’s anything even close to what you feel for him, you have every valid reason to lose your sleep over it and mess up your math quiz that you studied hard for.

And you’re hoping Jeno can answer this, because you sure couldn’t do it yourself.

“And what makes you think that?” he asks, eyes softening at your dubious self. Your silence is not your inability to put your doubts in words, it’s the fear of saying something you might not like and may be true.

“You wouldn’t know unless you try (y/n),” Jeno’s soft voice breaks your silence, the empty court making his word sound louder than intended as the sun outside flushes it’s last rays.

vii.

Winter had finally set in.

The brown carpets of dead leaves were being swiped away and the branches of the trees were already naked. A slight nip in the wind was a signal to wrap scarves around your neck on the way to school.

And it was Christmas season.

December had started fairly well for you, for you had successfully been able to avoid your blooming feelings. You had hoped that the start of winter would be metaphorical to your feelings, cooling down, losing their sizzling fire, but if anything they were only amplified. You believe it's because of the common notion you’ve always had about winters being the most romantic season.

You had done a fair job in holding back on your feelings and a potential confession, but in actuality, being busy with your finals and college enrollment exams had made it easier for you to push those thoughts back at the back of your mind. Moreover Hyunjin had not questioned the way you had been avoiding his company, because it was normal for you to do so in exam season.

This, albeit making you feel guilty, worked in your favor because now was probably not a good time for misunderstandings. Not when in a few months you would be stepping out of the shielded walls of your school. The dread of losing friends and being hurled head first into the world of adulting had nothing on the dread of being separated from Hyunjin though.

Admittedly, you were excited for what was to come but at the same time it was the knowledge that eventually you would have to walk a path without him was scary. No matter where you went, you always had him by your side; on wide roads you would skip along the emptiness holding each other’s hands and on narrower ones you both squeezed yourselves, shoulders touching each others’ and laughing.

Now you only see a big, wide concrete path and no Hyunjin in sight and a looming uncertainty of whether he would ever be by your side again.

Perhaps the reason you had found yourself reluctant to confess even months after you admitted it to yourself was because you had inherently been too late to it. Had you done this earlier, hell even the starting of high school, you wouldn’t have been regretting it so much now.

It wasn’t whether Hyunjin loves you now, it was whether he would still love you even though he knew your time being inseparable had come to an end. Maybe that was why you never could find an answer in the first place, because you were reading the wrong question.

The start of Christmas break had slowly eased you in this tub of anxiety, where you found yourself flipping through years worth of memories captured in the cellophane pockets of albums.

Hyunjin would leave, and you knew he would.

He was hard-working and devoted to his passion, which he had come to hone in the past few years and there was no stopping him back, not even the assumed love he had for you. Hyunjin had to leave, no matter how much he loved you because that’s how things were and it didn’t need an explanation.

And it was you having to walk alone on a new path without him that scared you into clamming up your mouth.

“You wouldn’t know unless you try…”

Jeno’s words were like a stab to the heart, the bittersweet taste it left in its wake swirling and filling you up.

With the final steps over and a farewell to one chapter of your life, you had no reason to turn down Hyunjin’s incessant invitations to his house or blatantly refusing his video calls because believe it or not, you caught yourself in the mirror one day, and even you couldn’t deny the unmistakable worry etched upon your face.

But when Hyunjin invited you to an evening out to the old market street, you couldn’t push him away anymore. Reluctantly agreeing to accompany him for Christmas shopping, you forced a painful smile upon your face to his excited chattering.

That is how you find yourself wrapped in your thickest scarf and blowing puffs of cloud in the air on the middle of the old market street.

It was forever unchanging. No matter what season it was, the street was packed with people walking even closer to each than than before due to the biting cold; the red lamps strung up high and glowing like soft bright beacons through the fog, the steam of dumplings in a pan of oil and the sweet savory scent of honeyed pastries floating in the air.

Hyunjin was bent over a box of pretty bracelets and hair clips that he was thinking of buying for his cousins, the paper bag containing a small bottle of scent for his mother, tucked under his arm as he sorted through the colourful beaded accessories.

Hyunjin’s near cousins always visited them during Christmas, a tradition they had followed since childhood so that now even you referred to them as your sisters.

Deciding that he’d rather get them the silver lockets with cute charms hanging from them, he places the smaller paper bag inside the one with the perfume, storing it together in the inner breast pocket of his coat.

Immediately his hand reaches out for yours and curls his fingers around your cold ones, pulling you closer in doing so and you think you might as well combust right then and there. The feeling is nothing foreign and yet it makes you hold your breath.

“Have you bought my gift yet?” he asks happily, slowly ambling towards an unknown destination as the crowd let you both be engulfed in it’s wavelike motion.

Oh shit.

Of course you forgot. What with wallowing in self pity, you had forgotten to buy him a gift and there were only two days left until Christmas. Even if you scrounge the net in search of something to buy him, it wouldn't arrive until after Christmas was over. How could you have been so dumb?

“Uh…yeah,” you gulp, relieved that Hyunjin isn’t paying attention to you anymore, instead attracted to a stall with bright lights like a moth. You let him pull you towards it, stopping with an inaudible gasp of surprise in front of the stall.

Strings of small fairy lights hung from the canvas ceiling, swaying whenever someone took them in their hands for examination, or simply ran their fingers along them. You could see more such lights at the back, small dangling lanterns like a mobile over a child’s cot, strings of crystal like beads that cast streaks of small rainbows when they caught the light.

You both stare at the mesmerising curtain of lights, eyes slowly travelling from the different hues and colours, some blinking slowly and some dangling in the wind like small fireflies.

“It’s beautiful,” Hyunjin murmurs, squeezing your hand gently.

You turn to face him, his face blushing under the glow of warm colours, the rainbows playing a game of chase on his face that god seemed to have taken extra efforts carving out.

In that moment you feel a part of you slip away and land gently in front of the entrance to his heart, and you hope your gentle knocking is loud enough for him to open it for you. You desperately want a small piece of you to be a part of him, in whatever form he accepted it as, because your heart was filled to the brim with the love you had for him already.

Hyunjin senses your gaze on him and slowly brings his eyes to meet yours under the canopy of yellow stars and orange fireflies. For a moment his gaze flickers to your lips and you can feel yourself being pulled towards him, inch by inch, one small movement at a time like you would approach a kitten - cautious and gently to not scare it away.

The moment though is not meant to happen.

You understand, it's a busy street, probably not ideal for you to be kissing in the middle of it (if that was indeed what was intended to happen) and so with blushing cheeks you both step apart, the awkwardness easy to hide in the loud bustling of people around you.

The warmth of the closeness you had a few seconds prior an embarrassing wall of ice between you that burns you. It makes the back of your eyes prick with tears that can’t be explained, the disappointment of your rude awakening serving as a reminder that this was probably for the best.

You don’t hold hands the entire evening after that.

viii.

When on the night of Christmas eve, you are not bombarded with the customary Christmas memes and silly selfies with rudolph and santa filters, a part of you breaks. In fact you’re not met with a single notification from him.

What breaks you more is the emptiness in your chest and coldness in your fingers.

With nothing to do the entire day, because you had already stress-decorated the Christmas tree and had been shooed away by your mom when you almost burnt the Christmas chicken, you had resigned to cleaning your room.

Getting rid of the sheer amount of useless things you had collected felt like a therapeutic decluttering of your mind of equally unavailing thoughts. The room was strewn with all kinds of oddities. It was all in fair will when you stumbled upon a tin box that you didn’t remember owning.

With fumbling hands you managed to yield it open after some struggle and the first thing you saw was a familiar flower, dried and encased inside a transparent sheet. You were trying to forget, not be reminded of the things you were supposed to let go.

Now that you were holding it in your hands for the first time after twelve years of being stacked away under the mess that your cupboard was, it felt like an ancient wonder. The history attached to it came rushing back to you and you sighed at the sight of the dead petals; brown and crusty and on the verge of being crushed to smithereens if you took it out of its protection.

You don’t even remember saving this, only the agony of letting it get crumpled under someone's weight and the subsequent tears. Had you really intended on protecting it since the beginning? Had the six year old you invariably decided to protect Hyunjin’s heart?

With a trembling sigh you let the flower fall into your lap, and instead you rip off the blanket of safety you had covered yourself with, letting the tears that were long overdue finally escape.

You wish the eighteen year old you had been as brave to protect Hyunjin’s heart.

There’s a lot of things Hyunjin wasn’t expecting for Christmas.

For one, he didn’t think his father would gift him the old battered up car that he had been so insistent on driving just so he could take you out on rides and boast about owning a car. It wasn’t a brand new gift, but Hyunjin was more than happy to receive it. At least, he’s sure he would be as soon as the dismay at the pit of his stomach died down. That’s what he convinced himself.

Secondly he didn't think it was possible that he could spend an entire day without texting or calling you even once. The radio silence on your end made him apprehensive, because he knew that you knew what the night at the market had meant, and what it could have possibly ended in.

Thirdly, he never thought that Christmas could ever feel so lonely even with all the people around him, laughing cheerfully and chattering merrily. Christmas had never ever felt so depressing, and he had never hated this festival more than he did now.

Fourthly, he never thought that being in the same room with you could make him feel nervous to the point that it made it impossible for him to even spare you a proper glance.

You had dreaded going over to the Hwang’s for Christmas too, and had almost contemplated feigning a cold. But that would have been a very petty thing to do, and another thing to put down in your list of regret.

Thankfully no one had questioned the way you both had mostly resigned yourselves to the opposite corners of the room and not interacted except the one time you found yourself reaching out for the bowl of chips, but before Hyunjin could confront you, you had already hurried off to god knows where.

You were avoiding him, and although he took the hint he wanted nothing more than to speak to you; hear your voice and hold your hand and look you in the eyes rather than stealing glances at you across his cup of hot chocolate and kiss you… god he wanted to turn back time so badly.

It wasn’t until the late hours of the evening, when everyone had assembled in the living room, forming small groups and chatting softly into the night that he missed your presence.

He spotted your figure quietly slipping out into his backyard, away from the eyes of people, following you not long after.

“Hey you,” he says softly into the night, shivering at the wind nipping at his cheeks.

“Hey,” you greeted back simply, lifting your eyes only long enough to capture his face.

The silence that falls is hostile, no longer carrying the sense of comfort with it; an exceptional occurrence that pains you both.

“Merry Christmas,” he says, holding out a red and white paper bag towards you and forcing a smile on his lips.

You take the bag from his hands, casting him an anxious look that he notices and tries to soothe with a soft smile.

“Thank you.”

“Aren’t you going to open it?”

“I... should I do it now?”

He nods at you comfortingly, and motions for you to go ahead. You think fate is playing a bad joke on you.

You recognise the small orange balls of light before you even finish unwrapping the present, a painful reminder of last night. It chokes you up and makes your hands tremble. You don’t know what to say, or where to look.

Hyunjin thinks he’s being cruel, he definitely feels his chest rip apart, but then he sees you smiling. Before he knows it, you have your arms around him in the tightest hug you could muster.

He stumbles back when you fling yourself at him, but finds himself letting out a breath of relieved laughter and hugs you back, holding you closer than he has ever before. He wishes he can capture this moment to relive it countless times; to feel your lips brushing against his neck, the whiff of citrus scent of your shampoo and the feeling of your chest pressed against his.

“I have something for you too,” you say, breaking the hug and Hyunjin almost frowns at the absence of your warmth against him.

Slowly, you pull out the small rectangular box in your pocket you had been clutching the entire night and hand it out to him.

“Merry Christmas Hyunjin,” you smile just as he opens the box and a flash of recognition passes across his face.

For a moment Hyunjon can do nothing but stare at the box in his hand, delicately picking up the contents within it. Then without a word he leans over and places his lips over yours

Kissing you was nothing like he had imagined it would have been — the sweet, pure symphony of lips, moving softly against each other’s in a confession of innocent love — it was more than that; a longing passion that burned when your lips met and your cold fingers at the back of his neck. It was aggressive and messy, a twelve year long wait coming to an end and the desperate urgency to get your feelings across to each other and feel the warmth of your lips in the biting cold.

Under the clear sky that was ironically bereft of any stars as he had expected it to be when he had imagined kissing you under a canopy of stars, you don’t feel the need to put your feelings into words, you already know and he knows too.

Hyunjin doesn’t think he’s ever received a better present in his life and grins down at the delicate flower sitting inside the box you had given him, wrapped carefully in a transparent sheet.

#stray kids imagines #hyunjin imagines #hwang hyunjin imagines #stray kids hyunjin imagines #hyunjin stray kids imagines

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wontune · 5 months

Text

Hyunjin ✿ lockscreens

( stray kids )

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baby-yongbok · 1 month

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Boyfriend SKZ!Fake Texts - They have a wet dream about you

Genre: Smut, fairly detailed. Like, its dirty

Warnings: mentions of unprotected sex (wear a rubber, yall), breeding (? - if you squint and only for Jeongin's), Jeongin is a tad bit possessive, It gets more dirty the further you get.

✧ Masterlist ✧

Chan

Lee Know/Minho

Changbin

Hyunjin

Han

Felix

Seungmin

I.N

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banghyunchanji · 23 hours

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Imaging Hyunjin showing you his fake tattoos to see if he should get a real one

H: Baby do you like it?

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ashonheavenscloud · 22 days

Text

crazier things || h. hyunjin

: a drunken confession from your friend, hwang hyunjin, leaves you questioning everything a week before your transfer home.

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ contents: hwang hyunjin x fem!reader, college au, friends to ??, INTENSEEE ANGST, mutual pining, two idiots and unfortunate circumstances </3

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ word count: 14.6K

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, mildly suggestive content and a toxic relationship (hyunjin x oc), this whole fic is kinda heavy and angsty😭

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ a/n: this was written WAYYY back in 2021 and posted on my other account, but i’m moving it here to keep all my fics in the same place🤣 this is the longest oneshot i’ve written and i’m quite proud of it. enjoy!

now playing - crazier things - chelsea cutler

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Hyunjin was drunk, you knew.

That was the only explanation for why he would call you at such an ungodly hour as 2 am, slurred words barely audible in between the loud music and cheering crowd that joined his voice through your speaker.

It had been awhile since he’d called you at a party- but definitely not long enough, you thought a little frustratedly. But you were mostly worried as you drove to the address you’d managed to coax out from the drunk boy’s babbling.

He was falling back into bad habits as the peak of winter approached and snow had yet to fully take its leave from the suburbs of New York- and it didn’t help that finals were approaching, and he was clearly stressed.

And that girlfriend of his putting way too much pressure on him.

Yet another worry as you pulled up to the house, music booming from the place as you hurried to where Hyunjin was leaning in the yard, no girlfriend in sight.

He hadn’t brought her, and he hadn’t called her- again.

“Hyunjin!”

It took a couple shouts of his name over the crowd for him to look up at you, and you felt a tiny bit of relief at seeing him somewhat alright.

“Y/n-” his attempt at walking over was short lived, as he stumbled with a giggle and you rushed to catch him.

The weight of his body made you sigh, grunting out, “Stand up, we’re going home.”

“Home? What home, not home.”

He barely made sense, but you understood. “Not your girlfriend’s, I promise.”

He slowly nodded, dazedly blinking as your words processed. “Okay.” He mumbled, voice small.

“Just… just take a rest here, okay?” You murmured back, as you dragged the boy from the crowd and found an unoccupied bench by the side of the road to sit him on. Quickly, you pulled a plastic water bottle from your bag and handed it cap off to him. “Drink.”

He did as he was told, and with your gentle help he downed a good quarter of it. Sighing once more, you plopped onto the bench beside him, suddenly very weary.

Hyunjin was drunk- very drunk. He had to be, when he slid closer to you on the bench, cheeks flushed and eyes heavy from the aftermath of the college party and the alcohol. That was the only explanation; for why else would three forbidden words suddenly tumble from his dazed, plush lips?

“I love you.”

Your eyes jolted to his face; his eyes were flickering closed, a small intoxicated smile on his face, his fingers finding the edge of your sweater sleeve and tugging at the material. He clung to you, smile slowly widening as he chuckled; and all you could do was stare at him, heart racing and sinking all at once.

You really might have been able to brush it off as some false drunken claim if he had stopped there, or if you’d had the courage to speak and lead the conversation away. Lead it somewhere safe, somewhere that didn’t blur the already complicated relationship you both found yourselves in- the very messy situation you should have gotten out of right at that moment.

But he didn’t stop there.

And it sounded so genuine when his head lolled onto your shoulder and he murmured, “Ha. I’m so in love with you, and you don’t even know it.”

He was drunk, you had to repeat to yourself multiple times as you drove your black Civic through the busy neighborhood streets, occasionally glancing at his sleeping figure in the passenger side. He was completely still, save for the small breaths that made his lips pout ever so slightly. With a start, you realized he was still gripping your sleeve.

And you were suddenly scared.

Because I love you too, Hwang Hyunjin. And I think maybe you meant it.

…

When it came to alcohol of any kind, Hwang Hyunjin was a lightweight. It barely took him a couple swallows to be completely wasted- and the day after was just as bad.

He groaned when he opened his eyes; despite the blinds being closed, the tiny streams of light around the edges sparked a massive headache. He closed his eyes immediately, his small glance around the room enough to assure him that he was safe- and, once again, had been stashed in your bedroom.

He didn’t remember getting here at all. God, how many shots had he taken? He’d sworn to keep it to a strict limit. What kind of alcohol had it even been?

Groggy but guilty enough to get up, Hyunjin forced his eyes open again and stumbled out of the bed. He was sweaty and nauseous, but hey, you’d seen him worse. Upon leaving the bedroom and stepping into the living area of your studio apartment, he was met with the sight of you passed out on the couch.

You’d probably been exhausted after helping him out last night.

Another wave of guilt ran over him. He didn’t usually drink, but when he did you always seemed to be the one cleaning up his mess. Hyunjin vaguely remembered calling you part way through the night- although he couldn’t recall any of the conversation. Once again, though, you’d had his back.

He approached as quietly as his heavy feet could manage, and crouched beside you. A light blanket was half draped off your figure, and your face was smashed into a pillow. He watched your expression, noticing the crease of worry in your brow and gently massaging it away with a sigh.

He was stressing you again. He hadn’t meant to; and at this point, his guilt was overwhelming.

He decided to let you sleep, feeling he at least owed you that. He fixed the blanket, tucking in around your shoulders before stumbling away to the kitchen. First he found a bottle of Advil and downed the pill, before checking in your fridge for any food. Eggs and toast was manageable, right? He wasn’t the most experienced cook but he could damn well try.

Almost subconsciously, he peeked behind his shoulder to look at you once more. Your forehead was wrinkled with worry again. Even though he felt bad, he couldn’t help but think about how cute it was. But to be fair, you were always cute.

So damn pretty.

You suddenly shifted and Hyunjin whipped his head back to his cooking, heart pounding and ears flaming. Focus on the food, Hyunjin, he scolded himself.

But that image of you curled up behind him couldn’t leave his head as he cooked, no matter how hard he tried. He shouldn’t be thinking of you so much, especially not now- with you here, and with the symptoms of his hangover a bitter reminder of the trouble he’d caused you. Especially when each new thought definitely crossed the friend line.

After meeting you at the university library, your phone numbers had been exchanged- and oddly enough, you’d been kind to him. Kind to the boy close to failing half of his classes. Kind to the boy with a reputation of trouble. Kind, even after the first party you’d stumbled upon him- and he’d been drunk then, too. And somehow you’d started being the one person he could really talk to, and the one person that his intoxicated brain thought to call.

His reminiscing was interrupted by movement, and Hyunjin glanced back again to see you groggily sitting up, blinking open bleary eyes, the cutest yawn scrunching up your features. He caught himself smiling ridiculously, just in time to hide it before your eyes found his own.

There were the worry lines again.

“Are you okay?” You asked him quietly, standing and approaching him. Against his will, his heart thumped a little faster.

“Yeah. I guess.” Hyunjin responded, watching you survey him, eyes checking him for any sign of damage.

It seemed you didn’t find any, because after a minute you sighed. “Good.”

You reached to yank him closer by the collar of his button up, nearly making Hyunjin lose his balance as another wave of dizziness greeted his senses. Either you didn’t notice or you didn’t care; probably the latter, because you were shouting, and you looked mad.

“What the hell? You scared me half to death, you told me you were going to stop doing this!”

“I… I know.” Hyunjin weakly replied, but he didn’t have time to add anymore when you came at him again.

“You said you wouldn’t go the next time, at least not alone- and the next time, and the next time, and on and on. I’ve been covering for you, rescuing you from parties and bad dates for the past year. But I’m gone next term, and I’m not going to be here to save your sorry ass anymore.”

As if he needed the reminder of your transfer. As if he hadn’t been thinking about it since the day you’d told him last month.

“I’m sorry, really.” Hyunjin murmured, meeting your eyes to try and convey the honesty in his words. “It’s unfair to you. I don’t know why I call you every time, but… it’s not fair.”

There was silence, and oddly enough you seemed a bit caught off guard. What? Because he called you, even now? But then Hyunjin realized at last your close proximity, your nose almost touching his, your warm breath on his face. His eyes widened.

You jumped back, and Hyunjin ducked away at the same time, heart doing back flips as he tried to regain his composure, glancing at you. You, the calm and sensible one, the out of reach one… flustered.

Was it possible for a heart to swell with foolish hope, at the same time it shriveled with an undeniable sense of guilt?

But before Hyunjin could figure it out, you were running to the stove, shouting at the smoke that billowed from the eggs that Hyunjin had forgotten about. The moment was dismissed in the scramble to clear the smoke and discard of the burnt eggs, relieved that at least the toast turned out okay.

And once the toast was buttered and on plates, you turned back to face him. You opened your mouth, hesitating for a moment before quietly saying, “What are you going to tell her this time?”

You didn’t need to say who. Hyunjin bit into his toast, with no desire to answer the question. You sighed, but thankfully didn’t push it.

He didn’t need to hear your thoughts to know what you were thinking while you silently drizzled honey on your bread. Why are you with her if you always need to lie to her?

Because I don’t deserve any better. And I certainly don’t deserve you.

He avoided your eyes as you chewed on your toast, gathering enough courage to timidly ask, “I really am sorry. How can I make it up to you?”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, I do.” Hyunjin argued, watching you sigh and drop the toast onto your plate. “I broke my promise-”

“And you’ve apologized. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“But that’s not enough.” He whispered, watching you turn your gaze to the floor, expression unreadable. It was so often that he couldn’t figure out what you were thinking, and he’d pay every penny for your thoughts. You gnawed on your lip, and Hyunjin wondered if you might not answer. At last, you lifted your head to meet his gaze again.

“Okay, how about we just say you owe me?”

Hyunjin breathed a sigh of relief, glad you had relented. “That’s more than fair.”

“Okay.” You rubbed your temples- from stress or tiredness, Hyunjin couldn’t tell. “Good.”

Another ‘sorry’ almost slipped from his lips without thinking, but Hyunjin managed to bite his tongue. He knew that another apology would only frustrate you. But it still echoed in his head, the guilt that swam there even as he watched you tie back your messy hair, heart fluttering endlessly.

He was a mess.

“I… guess I should go.”

“I can drive you.”

“No, I can walk. I have work today.”

You whirled to stare at him. “Today?”

“In an hour, actually.” Hyunjin replied, wincing at the very idea of the headache he was bound to suffer through today. The intense smell of flowers in the shop probably wouldn’t help, either.

You were silent for a moment; Hyunjin didn’t want to break the quiet himself, so he simply watched you harshly bite your lip again before you stepped closer. Once again, his heart stumbled as you neared.

Gingerly, you reached towards him, and Hyunjin subconsciously closed his eyes as your fingertips grazed his forehead, then massaged the area between his brows.

So you weren’t the only one stressed. He hadn’t even noticed; but he did find himself slowly relaxing under your touch.

When he opened his eyes, you still looked worried- but a small smile flickered on your lips.

“So you’re going to show up to work in that?”

Oh. “How bad is it?” He asked, sheepishly.

“You stink.” And then you had your arms around him, carefully resting your head against his shoulder as you pulled him close. The rare moments you did this, Hyunjin never knew how to react to your affection- but it did send his mind spiraling, his heart dancing and leaping in his chest at your closeness.

At last he let his cheek fall on your head, letting a minute pass before whispering. “Thank you… for everything.”

Was it his imagination, or did you hug him slightly tighter? “You’re my friend, and this is what friends do.”

Yeah… it’s what friends do.

Bullshit. You’ve gone above and beyond the requirements of friendship.

You pulled away from him, and turned quickly- he noticed the small tinge of redness over your ears but was too tired to question it. His headache, though dulled, was slowly returning.

“Go shower.” You told him, heading towards your bedroom. “We’ll figure something out for your work clothes.”

He nodded, murmuring another small thank you before ducking into your bathroom, towel in hand. He paused in front of the mirror- gosh, he really did look like a mess.

Just like how he felt.

When he stepped under the cold water, splashing his senses awake, his thoughts ran a different way. He recalled leaning against your head; your hair had smelled like citrus; he’d sworn you’d held your breath.

7 days. That was all he had left before you were gone.

…

The distance between New York City and Los Angeles was exactly 2789 miles.

You knew this because the number had been dancing through your head since the moment you’d realized you would have to move back home to California to study.

Stupid finances. Your tiny apartment was fairly cheap for its Lower Manhattan location, but it still sucked away at your funds- funds you didn’t have. At the beginning of the term, it became apparent that unless you found money fast, you wouldn’t be able to stay.

Praying for a miracle had turned out to be hopeless. Your parents, having never approved of your moving away, hadn’t offered any help. Your bitter old manager refused to give you a raise, and no other opportunities presented themselves. In the desperate last stretch, you’d taken on different gigs- tutoring, walking dogs, cleaning houses, anything you could think of- but it wasn’t nearly enough. With a month left of the winter term, your only option became evident.

You signed the forms, you received the email of congratulations! You would be attending the University of California in the New Year!

Hip fucking hooray.

Oddly enough, Hyunjin had been the first to find out. The same day you’d received the email, you’d run into the boy at the university library. Where you’d usually be able to mask a smile, fake some kind of emotion to keep him from suspecting anything was wrong, you hadn’t had the energy.

Was that considered irony? The first person to know- to comfort you, to offer you support- would be your hardest goodbye.

When was it that you’d fallen for him? You couldn’t pinpoint between the sharing of homework answers- you were both English majors- and those moments at a cafe or that beautiful library when he seemed to be the only spot of colour left in your graying life. He had the unique ability to make you forget about all your worries and troubles even just for a few minutes with a single smile- a smile so kind and genuine and warm that it felt like an embrace on its own. Meeting him had been like… finding the first crocus in spring, and knowing that the frost was fading at last. It had been hopeful; somehow knowing this person standing in front of you would touch your very soul.

And he had- in so many ways. Ways he probably didn’t realize in the moments he’d surprise you with coffee on a cold morning, or let you borrow his gloves when you forgot them. He’d touched you so deeply that you’d found yourself slipping into daydreams far too often with him involved- and with no girlfriend in sight.

The girlfriend was actually a recent development; Ava had come seemingly out of nowhere, apparently another English student that Hyunjin had taken out a couple times. Ava herself wasn’t too bad- but you still found her a tad single minded- and too invested in Hyunjin’s academics. The boy didn’t always have the best grades, and she had no reservations when it came to reminding him. Maybe she meant well… but sometimes you really did want to slap her.

For more reasons than just that.

She’d come along just shortly before you’d found him at one of his parties, dead drunk with vomit still damp on his shirt. He’d touched your soul in a different way then, and you’d never forget what he’d said to you as you’d tried to drag him out of your car, and his weary eyes found yours.

“Do you know how to float?”

“What?”

“Float. Like, not drown.” He mumbled something that you couldn’t hear before saying louder. “I drown. I drown a lot of times, even though I got everything I need to stay up. I was given those… like, those floatie thingies, but I just poke holes into them.” He clumsily pressed an index finger to his side, tapping several times. “Poke. Poke. Poke. And then I drown.”

You tried to figure out something to say, but came up empty at a loss for words. Hyunjin had only chuckled bitterly. “Grades aren’t everything, right? What a bunch of bull-”

You’d held his hair away from his face as he vomited onto the grass. As he wretched, your mind spun; this beautiful, sweet, outwardly confident boy… was just as much a mess as you.

Perhaps everyone was a mess, and some had just gotten very good at hiding it.

Now, sitting on your couch as the sun sank lower in the sky and turned the horizon into violent shades of orange and red, your mind spiraled back to one thing.

I love you.

Ha. I’m so in love with you, and you don’t even know it.

Just when you thought things couldn’t get messier…

You shifted in your spot, glancing at the half eaten carton of food on the coffee table as you recounted your morning with Hyunjin. Why had you hugged him? You were supposed to be mad at him- but you just couldn’t be for long. You knew how hard he was trying, and that he beat himself up enough for the both of you. And anyways…

You didn’t want to waste your time being angry at him.

The hug itself had felt like magnetism- one minute you were watching him with a small smile of endearment, and the next your arms were around his waist, pulling him close. He'd been so comfortingly warm; you’d been able to hear his heartbeat in your ear, pounding a rhythm much too fast to stop you from wondering…

I love you.

You stood abruptly from the couch, snatching the carton of food and stashing it back in the fridge. You needed to stop thinking about this; you needed to clear your head.

It was bitingly cold outside, tiny snowflakes drifting through the chill air that buzzed with noise. You’d always liked how busy it was here, even at night. You didn’t understand it, but something about how awake the world was at ungodly hours made you feel more alive, too.

You hurried down the sidewalk, keeping your hands in your coat pocket to stay warm, burrowing your chin into the patterned scarf around your neck. You let your feet carry you any which way, no real destination in mind. Music poured from the doors of small cafes and busy nightclubs still ablaze with life. You contemplated stopping at one of your favourite coffee shops, even if just to sit and drown in the warmth, but passed by with a shake of your head. You were too restless.

You forced your mind to wander to other worries as you walked- like the upcoming winter exams. Classes ended tomorrow, and the following four days were filled with studying and the actual exams. Then the morning after, you’d be gone.

It felt surreal. The month had flown by underneath a looming shadow, and you swore you’d missed several weeks. Granted, you’d been busy- often studying with Hyunjin, or working your ass off at your job. But only the sleepless nights had felt long- the rest had passed in the blink of an eye.

You couldn’t deny how attached you’d grown to the city in your time here. As much as you’d loved your home city, New York had a certain feel to it that fed into your very soul. You’d never been able to pinpoint why; you only knew that if it had been possible, you might have never wanted to leave.

For more reasons than one.

But now it seemed unlikely that you would find the funds to come back. Even the price for a visit… you didn’t want to imagine a price.

His smile haunted you. The first real friend you’d made. The one you’d hopelessly fallen for, and now found yourself in an impossible position.

There you go again, you realized with a jolt. Thinking of him.

You stuffed your hands in your pockets, forcing your mind elsewhere. The apartment complexes in front of you, the bubbling laughter from a nearby bar, the rumbling of car engines as the lights flickered from red to green. The tiny shops on the corners, and the takeout places to the left. Ah, I liked that sushi place. Hyunjin loved it too.

And it was obvious when you rounded the next street corner, eyes turning upwards as snow fell heavier around you, that walking hadn’t helped anything.

Except to make you feel even lonelier.

…

Classes ended on a solemn note for Hyunjin. He didn’t miss a single one of his teacher’s judgemental glances in his direction at the last chime of the bells. He certainly didn’t need them to tell him that most of his grades were currently sitting at dangerous spots- and these upcoming exams would be extremely important.

He needed to pass.

Whispers followed him in the halls. He didn’t miss their glances, either, as a group of students passed.

“He’s not even trying- doesn’t he know others would kill to be in his place?”

“Seriously, he received enough bursaries for me and my sister to attend a year of college.”

“He’s just a pretty face, no brains.”

He ducked out of the hall, desensitized to the phrases he was used to hearing. They’d batted inside the back of his head since he was in high school, and it had been his parents saying the same things.

Just a pretty face.

His parents had been the ones to ensure his place at the university, complete with bursaries to keep his finances well taken care of. They had connections, see, and had high expectations for Hyunjin’s future. Too bad they had such a disappointment for a child, he thought bitterly.

Still, it was easy enough to let the words pass from one ear and out the next. He’d heard them enough times that he was almost numb to them. Almost.

Hyunjin sighed as he readjusted the bag slung over his shoulder and hurried down the steps away from campus. He had work again, and he couldn’t dawdle. He already owed his coworkers enough; Seungmin, a fellow student, had been kind enough to lend him an extra shirt for his last shift, and he didn’t want to cause any more trouble.

Luckily, the shop wasn’t too far. He arrived a few minutes early, greeting Felix- a younger boy with blonde curls and heaps of freckles on his cheeks- with a small smile as he ducked inside the warm shop, a pleasant contrast to the bitter cold outside.

“You beat me.” Hyunjin panted, pulling off his coat.

“The Professor let us out a few minutes early.” Felix explained, busy arranging a basket of flowers with careful precision. “Where are the scissors?”

Hyunjin crouched behind the counter, digging through the bottom door to find a pair of scissors and hand them to the boy.

“Thank you.”

“Hey!” This was Jeongin, a younger kid whose parents owned the shop, appearing from one of the back rooms with a cardboard box filled with labelling cards. “You’re out!”

“Except for exams, yeah.” Hyunjin agreed, fondly ruffling the boy’s hair. He pulled away, shaking away his hand.

“Hey, you were at that party yesterday, weren’t you?”

Hyunjin hadn’t expected that. “Yeah- yeah, and you were?”

“We both were.” Felix sliced a red ribbon and tied it carefully around the handle of the basket. He stepped back, smiling as he admired his handiwork before adding. “We thought of stopping to talk, but…”

“You looked wasted, dude.” Jeongin finished, setting the box on the counter before turning eyes to Hyunjin.

The long haired boy shifted his feet under Jeongin’s gaze. “I… might have had a bit too much to drink.”

He turned to pluck his apron from the peg on the wall; Felix chuckled behind him.

“Good thing y/n was there. That’s who it was, right?”

Hyunjin avoided looking back, clumsily tying his apron. “Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing, just…” his voice trailed away.

Now Hyunjin glanced back, frowning at Felix’s hesitation. He looked a little… apprehensive? “What? What happened? Did I do something-”

“Oh, nothing bad.” Felix chuckled, his worry crumbling enough to ease Hyunjin’s shoulders back to relaxing as he turned away again. Until Felix added. “It’s just that you told her you loved her.”

Hyunjin froze with his fingers still pulling the strings tight. The words echoed in his head- taking a moment to process before the gravity of what Felix was saying took hold. He let the bow fall slack, turning slowly to face the two boys. “What?”

“She sat you down, gave you water and then you told her you loved her.” Jeongin laughed, clearly finding this very amusing.

But Hyunjin found this anything but funny. He’d said… to you…

Was that why you’d been acting weirdly? Wait, more importantly- did that mean you knew he’d meant it?

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Jeongin shrugged. “You were drunk, people say stupid things all the time when they’re wasted.”

Right. You had to think that.

Right?

“You must have been pretty drunk to forget, though.” Felix picked up his basket, nudging Hyunjin on his way past. “Hey, don’t worry about it too much. I’m sure she doesn’t care.”

Did you care?

That was the question that circled Hyunjin’s brain as he ducked away, finding recluse in the storage room to think. He’d told you- actually told you to your face- that he loved you. Sure, he’d been drunk, but he’d still said it.

Did you care that he’d said it?

He cursed his foggy memory, that hadn’t clung onto to that moment. He had no idea how you’d responded- he had no idea if you’d brushed it off or not. And he had no idea what to do now that he knew vaguely what had happened.

He recalled your flustered state yesterday morning; the tinge of red on your ears, the tenderness of your eyes when you’d looked at him…

And his wild thoughts desperately hoped that maybe, maybe that meant you loved him too.

Could it be possible? He’d wondered before, but never with much hope; only a hopeless romantic’s dream of gentle kisses and shared smiles and tight embraces that he figured would only ever exist in his imagination. And after your announcement of moving back to California, even those hopeful thoughts had disappeared. His time had run out- long distance relationships never worked out anyways, and that was even if you’d wanted one. And if so many other things didn’t stand in the way.

“Hyunjin?” Felix’s head popped through the door, his features twisted into a frown. “It’s your girlfriend. You left your phone on the counter- she wants to talk to you-”

Shit. “Tell her I’ll call her back.”

“Ah- okay.” Felix pulled out again, and the reality of his living world fell back on him like a heavy weight.

What to do now? Nothing.

He would go home. He’d call Ava, maybe find a distraction. And he’d try his very best to forget again.

5 days. He had a lot to worry about in the next little bit, that was for sure.

…

It was another two days before you saw Hyunjin. You’d promised to study with him before the exams, arranging a meeting at one of the nearby libraries in the afternoon to pore over notes and books and cram as much knowledge as possible into your brain. As usual, you arrived earlier than Hyunjin and found a free table to set up for your study session- including a few small muffins to feed your appetites.

But today was already starting out much different than you’d intended. Once seated, you had the time to wait and realize that you were oddly nervous to see him.

In fact, as the minutes ticked closer to 3 o’clock, you swore there were butterflies dancing inside of you.

Gosh, you needed to get a grip. He was the same Hwang Hyunjin as he’d been before that drunken confession- unavailable and unreachable. This changed nothing.

But when you spotted him walking towards you with his navy backpack slung over his shoulder and black jacket making him look way too cute, you knew it changed everything.

“I brought coffee.” He smiled as he slid into the chair beside you, plopping two drinks on the table- Americano for him, steaming cup of Espresso for you.

“Thanks.” You took a sip, relishing the taste and praying the hot liquid would drown those stupid butterflies as you flipped open your first notebook.

“Well, we can’t have a future famous journalist low on caffeine during exam season!” He exclaimed with a teasing grin- and you felt relieved that he seemed to be in at least somewhat decent spirits.

“If I get through university.”

“You will.” Hyunjin assured, sounding so confident you glanced at him in surprise. He just smiled at you. “I believe in you.”

What was it about those words from his mouth that made you feel ridiculously flustered? Those butterflies had evidently survived the coffee. You quickly spoke to hide your sudden shyness. “Well, don’t neglect your own caffeine then.”

“Ah.” His smile faltered, and you caught it easily. You didn’t need to ask to know he doubted his ability to pass. With a firm exhale, you pressed his coffee closer to him.

“We’re both going to smash these exams. Okay?”

Slowly, Hyunjin nodded and released a tense breath. “Okay.” He replied softly, lips curving upwards slightly. “I mean, with you as my study partner how could I not?”

You slowly grinned, tossing your hair dramatically. “Aren’t you lucky to have me?”

“Very.” He giggled, but the sincerity in his eyes still reached you- and you didn’t quite know what to do about that, so you cleared your throat.

“I suppose we should get started.”

You waited for Hyunjin to pull his books from his bag; his long dark hair fell before his eyes as he bent down, and you tried not to care too much about it, and the urge to run your fingers through it. At last he plopped his textbooks and scattered notes onto the table with a sigh. “Right.”

But looking over notes and exchanging questions proved to be more difficult than you’d expected. From the get go the atmosphere felt different; electric, and noticeably so. It was nearly impossible to concentrate for reasons beyond you- was it lack of sleep that made your eyes wander to watch Hyunjin flip a page, take a sip of his coffee, or mouth words to himself? Time was hazy while you couldn’t help but watch, mesmerized by the small furrow of his brow, the bright focus in his eyes. You’d always thought he was absolutely stunning, but today it was harder to ignore.

You shook your head slightly, scolding yourself to get a grip. You turned back to your pages, eyes glaring at the notes you’d scribbled about Pride and Prejudice and War and Peace without really soaking any of it into your brain.

An hour passed slowly. You worked mostly in silence, occasionally exchanging thoughts and points and sipping your individual drinks. You helped him with a few of the analyses and quizzed him (quite distractedly). The muffins were devoured in no time, the chocolate taste lingering on the tip of your tongue as you worked away for another hour. You thought you might be going brain dead when Hyunjin suddenly laughed.

You looked up quickly, confused. “What?”

“Wait, did you do that?”

He was pointing to his notes and with a start, you realized there were small drawings in the margins- doodled eyes and flowers and flames and whatnot. Your expression broke into a smile as warmth flooded your chest with the memory.

“You fell asleep and wouldn’t wake up. Remember, when Professor Watson was giving that speech about-”

“Provision and prosperity.” Hyunjin groaned in remembrance, before looking back at the pencilled designs. “I never noticed these.”

His fingers traced the outlines of the sketches, a faint smile pulling at his lips. His eyes held an undeniable fondness that had your heart doing back flips as you attempted to return to work.

But damn, he was so distracting. You couldn’t help but look back at him, still intently focused on your drawings. You once again had the urge to brush the loose strands of his dark hair behind his ear, and maybe kiss the corner of his gentle smile-

Then his eyes glanced your way- shit-

He opened his mouth, but you blurted with cheeks flaming, “Are you cold? It’s freezing, isn’t it?”

Ha. Lies, you felt like you were burning alive.

Hyunjin softly smiled. “You’re so silly, why didn’t you bring a jacket?”

You shrugged. “I don’t live too far, I had a hoodie and it’s not that cold-”

Suddenly he was sitting back shaking off his jacket. Your heart stammered and your breath caught at the sudden closeness as he turned to face you, leaning forward slightly and sliding his jacket over your shoulders.

“There.” He murmured; his eyes met yours as he paused his movements.

Yes, there it was. Electric.

He pulled back quickly, grabbing his pencil and turning his gaze away. Thankfully so, because it was that moment that your fingers curled around his jacket sleeve and heat swam to your face- it smelled just like him. Dark musk, with a slight hint of something floral.

“Thank you.” You managed at last, bending your head to look back at the book and away from the boy before you could make eye contact again- and he might notice the intense blush painting your cheeks.

He hummed in acknowledgment, scratching something down with his pencil. Otherwise it was tensely silent, leaving you room to wonder why, why, why did you pick the library? It was like your senses were on high alert in the near complete stillness of the room, your every nerve absolutely focused on Hyunjin’s small movements, the smell of his jacket, the faint brush of his knee against yours under the table; again you were drawn to slowly look at him, and with a jolt you realized he was staring back.

His words echoed relentlessly in your mind. I’m so in love with you, and you don’t even know it.

You couldn’t pull away this time, like your gazes were magnets with an unstoppable attraction. You searched his eyes, hoping to dig through the emotions in them and find answers. Had he meant it at all? His lips were slightly parted, and it took every fibre of your self control to stay still in your seat.

What are we even doing here? You silently screamed. It feels like torture, but I can’t stop wanting you.

Hyunjin’s phone chose that instant to buzz on the table, lighting up with a caller ID you recognized before Hyunjin picked it up. Ironic, for her to be the one to interrupt… whatever the hell that had been.

“Ava?”

Her voice crackled from the speaker, but you couldn’t make out any words as Hyunjin hummed into the phone. “Yeah. Okay, sure. I’ll be there soon.”

With his gaze no longer on you, you slumped back in your seat, feeling rather foolish and small. Were you just reading into things? He had a girlfriend, after all.

A girlfriend he never talks about. A girlfriend he doesn’t seem to trust.

Did it matter?

Hyunjin turned back to you, and you had trouble meeting his eyes again- this time, for a reason unknown to you. “Sorry. Ava…”

He didn’t finish, and you couldn’t help it when you looked up and asked. “Do you love her, Hyunjin?”

His eyes snapped to yours, and he seemed taken aback. “What?”

You merely swallowed, kind of wishing you could brush away the question. Where had it even come from? Curiosity? Jealousy?

Hope?

Hope for what? You damn idiot, none of this matters!

“No.”

It echoed in your head and it burned in the way that he looked at you when he said that; like he needed you to know that, like he’d been begging for a reason to tell you. Or maybe it was wishful thinking. Still, you ignored all the warning lights in your brain and all logic of your situation- because yes, it didn’t matter- and you pressed on anyway.

“Then why…”

“I don’t love her. I never did, and she knows that.” He murmured, completely unreadable as he closed his textbooks. “We just both needed someone when we felt especially lonely. That was the agreement all along.”

Your throat felt suddenly dry, and no words found their way to your tongue. Speechless, you sat silent as Hyunjin watched you, completely unreadable.

And what now?

Shit, this isn’t how it’s supposed to go.

You needed to process, to clear your spinning head. But you still felt frozen in your seat.

Luckily Hyunjin spoke first. “You can keep my jacket. I guess Ava’s coming to pick me up. Don’t worry about me, okay?”

He stored his books away, and finally a bit of sense returned to you. “Ah, okay. Get home safe.”

He half smiled in your direction, then almost seemed to hesitate stepping away. That small hesitation nearly broke something in you, but you remained firmly in your seat.

“Goodnight, y/n.”

“Goodnight.” You whispered, and let him walk away.

3 days. 3 days that would feel like an eternity and a second all at once.

…

Hyunjin wrapped his arms around himself, shivering from the cold as he scanned the parking lot for Ava’s vehicle. He quickly spotted the maroon coloured Sedan, and jogged towards it. As he approached, he could make out her figure through the glass. Her thick curls and wide eyes, which turned to meet his own when he knocked on the window.

“Hey.” She gestured and he slipped inside, buckling his seatbelt as she started the engine.

He nodded back, asking, “You said you needed me?”

“Yep.” She raised an eyebrow in his direction. “And you sounded less than happy about that.”

He had, hadn't he? He bit his lip, trying to figure out what to say- but he didn’t even know what the problem was.

Hyunjin’s relationship with Ava was almost as complicated as the one between him and you. He’d met her several times in class, and then outside of class for a casual coffee. She was bold, and although a little pushy, she was one of the few students who didn't seem to resent him. When she’d suggest a kind of ‘friends with benefits,’ he’d been surprised to say the least- and his first instinct had been to say no. After all, he was well aware of his feelings for you then, so why would he agree to sleep with Ava?

But one day, after a particularly dismal week, you found him at a party far more drunk than he usually was. It was the first time you’d helped him- and when he took a look at himself in the mirror the next morning, he knew. He couldn’t do this. You already had your own problems to deal with- you didn’t need the weight of him and his feelings on your shoulders, too.

Was that dumb? Maybe. But Hyunjin had agreed to Ava’s offer, and the rest was history. He’d been honest from the beginning about his intentions, confiding his affection for you to her to make it clear that he wasn’t looking for anything more than casual sex. And it didn’t happen often- only when both of you were particularly stressed- but soon enough word had spread. Ava and Hyunjin, a couple.

Like every other rumour, he let the words pass through him. Except when it came from you- then it hurt more than he’d wanted to admit. But if that’s what it kept to hold himself back, he could find a way to push aside the pain.

Still, he’d never felt as guilty about it as he felt today. For some reason, the idea made him feel… wrong. Maybe because of what he’d said to you at the party. Or maybe because of whatever tension had lingered in the library just minutes ago, and he’d almost thought he might…

Hyunjin didn’t realize he’d fallen silent, drifting into thought until Ava nudged him back to the present.

“Sorry-”

“It’s because of her, isn’t it?”

Hyunjin looked up, as Ava pulled into the lot connected to the first few dorm halls. She turned off the engine and turned to look at him, dark eyes void of emotion. “Y/n. That’s why you’re hesitating today.”

Hyunjin wet his lips and opened his mouth to speak- but he couldn’t find the words. His mind still felt muddled from your earlier question.

“Do you love her?”

Why had you asked him that? And why had he told you the truth?

“I’m… just not up to it today.” Hyunjin responded- since that was technically true. “And I have to study some more.”

Ava didn’t say anything for a minute, just stared at him. Hyunjin felt an odd frustration boil up inside of him, although he was unsure where it was coming from. “You can’t ask me to-”

“I’m not.” She replied, pulling the key from the ignition and shrugging. “It’s your choice. But you know it doesn’t matter, right?”

Hyunjin couldn’t look at her as he spoke, fingers clutching the door handle. The car was beginning to feel suffocating. “It’s just friends with benefits. No strings attached.”

“Hyunjin… it’s never been that simple.”

His eyes jolted to find hers, staring at him intently. He noticed the nervous tapping of her fingers on her thigh, and the tiny crack in her facade in the depth of her irises. It’s never been that simple.

She… “Ava-”

“We could be good together- actually together.” She exclaimed, crossing her arms and looking away. He thought he caught a flash of desperation in her eyes. “Everyone believes it already-”

“I never meant to lead you on-”

“You didn’t.” She shrugged again, but Hyunjin was starting to think her indifference was her type of armour. He knew about that all too well. “But think about it. She’s leaving, and then what? Long distance? How long do you think that would last? If she even wants you.”

Hyunjin was frozen as the words pounded inside his brain, a chorus that he was all too familiar with, the things he quoted to himself. Ava was right, as much as he hated to admit it.

“I-” his grip on the car handle tightened as he tried to stop the trembling of his body. “I can’t.”

Ava merely sighed and waved him out of the vehicle. He clambered out, shutting the door behind him quickly. But she rolled down the window anyway and told him, “Think about it.”

He didn’t know what to say- his heart just ached, and he needed space. “See you.” He murmured, turning quickly to leave.

It hurts. Everything hurts.

Ava called after him, her words clinging like a shadow as he walked away. “Whether you’re willing to accept it yet or not, she’s going to be gone soon- and then I’ll be all you have left.”

…

It was actually a relief for Hyunjin to have the upcoming exams to occupy his mind and suck away most of his free time. If not for the constant distraction he had from the diminishing time you had left in New York, Hyunjin wasn’t sure what he would have done. Already he thought of your departure far too often for his confused and aching heart. Two days, that was it, and he was completely torn in every way concerning you. Only one thing felt certain; there was no way to stop this. You were leaving- and you were leaving for good. Hyunjin held no power to stop it. Ava’s words flooded his brain, too, but he was determined not to dwell on that. He had more pressing things right now.

He could only watch as your last day dawned, flooded near full with exams. Hyunjin carried his worries with him even as he completed his tests, mind having trouble focusing at first when he spotted your hunched figure in one of the seats. You didn’t look his way, but he could still see the tiredness in your gaze, lack of proper sleep evident in the dark circles that were like bruises under your eyes. He chewed absentmindedly on his lip until the overseer cleared their throat, glaring at Hyunjin- the exam had already started.

From there, he tried his damned hardest on each task. He wasn’t confident by the end- but then again, he never was. When he at last handed in his paper, one of the last students in the room, he found your figure had disappeared.

It was just as well, he decided. His next exam was the most important to do well on. You’d only serve to distract his mind.

Yeah. So why do I feel so heavy?

The next exam, somehow, passed smoothly. Maybe last minute panic and pressure had helped with his focus, or maybe you really had been quite the study partner. But by the end he was cautiously optimistic that he had gotten a decent score.

Regardless, leaving the university grounds was extremely relieving. At least now he could leave this burden behind- he’d done his best, and he supposed the rest was up to fate now. The day was cloudy and warmer than yesterday- maybe even warm enough for rainfall to replace the snow. He sent a silent prayer against it, and hurried down the sidewalk.

His dorm had never felt more welcoming; Hyunjin dropped his bag in the entrance and promptly collapsed onto the nearest surface- his couch- with a heavy exhale. His eyes closed, a headache stinging at the edges of his brow.

And here his thoughts of you resurfaced. The horrible realization that you were leaving tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

It felt surreal, like a dream he’d wake up from soon enough. Reality would return and you’d be staying, finances taken care of- and Hyunjin would be better, the hollowness in himself somehow filled. No problems, no worries; just the two of you, strong and whole enough to face anything the world could throw at you.

“If only.” He whispered to the empty room, returned only by dull silence.

He couldn’t just sit here, or he would go insane.

He was seeing you off tomorrow at the airport, but the time that stretched until then was sure to be agonizing. He wondered if he’d be able to sleep. He wondered if he would be able to bear the steady march of time; sixteen hours to go.

His hands itched to grab his jacket and run out the door to find something heavy to drink. He wanted to drown his dread and anxiety in bouts of alcohol, the feelings caged in his chest threatening to shatter his rib cage with its pressure. Instead, he stood abruptly with a resolute shake of his head, heading for the kitchen. If he just kept himself busy, he would be okay. He wasn’t about to show up at the airport with a raging hangover. That wasn’t fair to you and was hardly how he wanted his goodbye to be.

Goodbye.

His fingers twitched. Hyunjin blew out a breath and pulled a package of ramen from the cupboard.

Fifteen hours and fifty-eight minutes. He ripped open the package and set to work.

…

You had one more exam than Hyunjin; you took it later in the day, late in the afternoon. Your previous exams had all been haunted with the shadow of your approaching departure, and you’d desperately pushed them away. You’d had a tough sleep the night before, which didn’t help your already foggy brain, but you were still fairly optimistic as you stepped out of your last exam room. Tests were your forte, something you’d always excelled in. Even the opinion essay hadn’t proved overly difficult. You were almost cheery as you walked away from the school grounds.

Almost.

At the main gates, you turned around and simply watched. Students huddled in groups big and small, laughter carried by the wind as celebrations ensued, grateful for exams to be over. A light layer of snow glistened over the ground, melting around the edges; a sparrow hopped over its branch, carefree. Your smile faded as your eyes trailed the area, every building, tree and person.

“See ya, I guess.” You murmured, absentmindedly tapping one of the gate’s stone pillars. The first of many goodbyes you’d face today. Already you felt heavier.

Your feet dragged slightly over the sidewalk as you trudged in the vague direction of your apartment. A couple students waved and shouted farewells, but none of them were close enough acquaintances to offer anything more. You stopped off by your work on the way home, and it was almost relieving to have a final farewell. It was like tying everything up; exchanging thank yous and good lucks that made it a little easier to smile as you found your way to your apartment afterwards. Upon entering the silent space, however, you felt your smile fade as your mind wandered to your most difficult goodbye.

And Hwang Hyunjin, you certainly aren’t making it any easier.

You busied yourself with packing, stuffing all of your belongings into a large suitcase and travel bags. Accompanied by gentle music and the fading light outside your window, you felt slightly more at ease. Slowly your flat was emptied- the only food, a few cartons of Chinese food and sushi, was quickly devoured- and your bags were ready by the door for the following morning. A last sweep of the rooms later, you flopped on the floor exhausted.

By now, the sky had darkened significantly. The lights of the city stretched out to the horizon, a faint golden glow rising from the busy streets that rushed on without a care in the world. As if one of its residents wasn’t seeing this view for the last time.

And here they were; tears that filled your eyes and blurred your vision of the rising skyscrapers and bustling cafes below as you pressed your fingertips to the cold glass of the window. Damn. You shook your head when the first tear slipped over, wiping your eyes. You would not spend your last night crying. If you had to leave, tonight would be one to remember, you were determined.

But how? How, when the hole inside you felt so vastly empty? You swore nothing could make you forget it. Hell, nothing ever did.

Except…

You sat up straight with sudden clarity. Maybe you did know exactly what you wanted tonight.

Maybe it’s foolish. Maybe it’s selfish.

But even if it was, you couldn’t help it. Shit, Hyunjin. You couldn’t begin to understand the grip you have on me.

Your phone was out of your pocket in an instant and before you could chicken out, the line was ringing. You waited, breath held, for several tones before… click.

“Y/n?”

You’d never been more happy to hear his voice. You swallowed, fingertips sliding down the glass. The city really did look so pretty tonight.

“You owe me, remember?”

“Anything.” He replied, and the genuine care in his tone nearly broke you. You blinked back more tears as you struggled to answer. LA would be so lonely without him.

Your voice was quiet when you at last spoke a little shakily into the speaker. “Can I come pick you up?”

…

When the phone call ended, Hyunjin’s mind flew into a frenzy.

As soon as you’d asked him, he hadn’t hesitated to say yes. He didn’t need a reason to see you- but now that you’d hung up, and the silence of his empty apartment greeted him, he began to worry.

It was very unlike you to call out of the blue like this- and request to see him instantly. Was something wrong? Had something happened? He quickly changed into something nicer- a red button up and black jeans- before anxiously waiting in the lobby downstairs, coat in his arms.

The minutes seemed to stretch on for ages before he finally spotted your car pulling into the parking lot. He hurried out the door and jogged towards your vehicle, greeting you first by your rolled down window.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, breathing heavy from his short run.

“I’m sorry this is so sudden- I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, slow down.” Hyunjin stared worriedly at your face; you were trembling and almost as out of breath as he was. “Take a breath.”

You nodded and inhaled slowly, before blurting out, “Let’s go somewhere. I want my last night here-” you swallowed roughly. “I want it to be special.”

You didn’t have to tell him twice. Hyunjin timidly took your hand and squeezed it. “Where are we off to then?”

You smiled then, and Hyunjin wished he could capture that moment in his brain forever- the way your eyes softened around the edges, and he could almost feel a bit of your stress melt away. “Get in and you’ll find out.”

Whatever little luck brought you here to me tonight; thank you.

And his heart hammered a little faster as he took his spot in the passenger’s seat and realized that for your very last night in New York, you’d wanted to spend it with him.

“Alright.” Hyunjin strapped on his buckle. “Ready.”

You glanced sideways at him, and a little grin pulled at your lips. “What do you say to sushi?”

…

Of course Hyunjin held no complaints about ordering from your favourite sushi place, and in no time you were wandering the streets of New York, sharing a large tin of sushi rolls. You’d abandoned your car in favour of walking, and it was oddly easy to forget about your upcoming departure in Hyunjin’s presence. For now, at least, you were with him and you could pretend that it could last forever. You fell into a natural rhythm quickly, even down to the last piece of sushi that you- of course- fought over.

“It’s my favourite kind!” You whined, as Hyunjin laughed and held the tin out of your reach.

“I’m sacrificing my evening for this.” Hyunjin teased, as you rolled your eyes. He laughed, making you smile grudgingly before he lowered the tin and offered it to you. “I guess you can have it, though.”

You made a point of enjoying your last piece as Hyunjin discarded the tin and you moved forward again. Your eyes observed the busy city with its towering skyscrapers and buzzing cafes and the nearby park. It was still weird to you how quickly this place had grown to feel like home.

You noticed Hyunjin watching you, and raised an eyebrow in his direction. He simply shrugged with a bashful smile. “Everything’s really pretty tonight.”

You nodded, ignoring the sudden urge to hold the boy’s hand as he walked beside you. You crossed the street while fighting the tug in your chest, before resolutely stuffing your fist into your coat pocket. “Look at the fountain.”

Both your eyes turned to observe the bubbling fountain as students and couples and friends balanced on the stone ledge surrounding the clear water. It was oddly quiet today as you trailed behind Hyunjin to stand beside it. You watched him stare at the water, a small smile on his face.

“Remember when you fell in-”

“Yeah, you promised never to mention that again!” You exclaimed, smacking his arm as the boy laughed.

“You asked me to take a picture, but when you turned to pose-” he was giggling uncontrollably now, and you couldn’t help but smile at that. “You tripped and fell-”

“I got soaked, and the water was freezing.” You replied indignantly, as Hyunjin settled on the ledge as his laughter subsided. You joined him after a minute, and all was silent again.

“We used to make wishes in the fountain, too.” Hyunjin murmured, almost too quiet for you to hear. “But I don’t think I have any coins now.”

You turned your head so you could see the water ripple with the next gentle breath of wind. “Maybe we’ve run out of wishes.” You whispered.

Was it the dim lighting, or did Hyunjin have faint tears in his eyes? But then he blinked and they were gone, and he was standing. He gestured away with his head, smiling. “Come on, let’s go somewhere else.”

You stood, looking down each of the paths. Each one held memories that you’d shared with your classmates and various acquaintances- and more than any of them, with Hyunjin. You didn’t know if you had the willpower to move yet.

“It’s okay.” You tilted your head to look at Hyunjin, who smiled gently at you before looking back at the scenery and adding, “Take your time.”

His thoughtfulness always caught you off guard. Again, you felt the urge to take Hyunjin’s hand in yours. It was nearly unbearable because he didn’t even notice your struggle, still staring out at the park grounds.

Ah, what the hell-

Before you could lose your nerve, you grabbed Hyunjin's hand and quickly intertwined your fingers with his. His head whirled to face you, eyes wide as they stared at your hands locked together. You braced yourself, half expecting for him to pull away. Instead, he squeezed your hand lightly and smiled before joining you in watching the bustle of the park one last time.

Maybe you were only making this harder for yourself- for the both of you, even. But his hand in yours felt so good in this moment that you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

…

Hyunjin could tell how difficult this was for you, even before you’d stopped by the fountain.

He wondered if he’d been in the right for bringing up the incident- but you’d been smiling, and that was what mattered tonight. Helping you to enjoy that last bit of time you had in this city, painted with memories.

So he pulled you forward into a light run, an idea tugging on his brain as you called after him.

“Hyunjin- what-”

“Trust me, I have an idea.” He replied, glancing over his shoulder at your chasing figure. He was relieved to see you smiling again. “Let’s hope it’s still cold enough, though.”

Your curious expression was adorable. Hyunjin just hoped you’d be as thrilled with his idea as he was.

At last, he found what he was looking for. Your eyes stretched wide as you took in the ice rink- luckily still usable- and Hyunjin waited nervously for you to speak. “Well? What do you think?”.

“You remembered.” You said softly, turning to Hyunjin with your eyes aglow. You slowly smiled at him- and Hyunjin thought he might do anything to earn that smile from you again. “You remembered I wanted to try ice skating one day…”

“Why not now?” He tugged on your sleeve, and immediately you nodded.

“But… we don’t have skates.”

“An easy fix.” He responded, and in minutes you’d rented two pairs of skates. Another few minutes as you laced them up, and then you were both standing before the rink, empty save for a few other people.

Hyunjin stepped carefully onto the ice first- a little melt-y around the edges but ice nonetheless. “Here.” He offered you his hand, suddenly feeling shy when you stared at it. At last you took his hand, and his fingertips tingled at the touch.

“Here.” He grabbed your other hand, ignoring the heat on the back of his neck and ears as he helped you onto the ice. You wobbled slightly, gripping his hands tighter. Hyunjin chucked at your wary expression. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

You didn’t look assured but nodded anyway. “Alright, now what?”

“Skate!” Hyunjin faked releasing your hands, and you gasped, reaching to take his fingers in a death grip. He felt a rush of immense pleasure run through him as you pulled him back to you, even as you muttered curses at him.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself-”

“Asshole.”

“I promise, no more tricks.”

“You’d better mean it, Hwang Hyunjin, I swear to god-”

He laughed, and slowly started to skate backwards. You inhaled sharply, but attempted a step forward, then another. It was shaky, for sure, but after a minute or so you started to loosen up.

“There! You’re a natural!” Hyunjin grinned, watching as you pushed out slightly with your next step. You looked at him, eyes wide with wonder.

“It’s like…”

“Flying. Isn’t it?” He murmured, and you nodded. “Ready for me to let go?”

“Okay.” You said, and Hyunjin released your hands.

He watched breathlessly as you inhaled before lifting your right foot. With a small push off the other foot, you were sailing forward- a small wobble, but you remained upright as you took the next step. And the next, and the next.

“Hyunjin!” You shouted, beaming, and Hyunjin’s heart was soaring with you as you attempted to turn and come back to him. But he beat you, too excited at your success. He skated to you and before he could think better of it, he’d pulled you to his chest in a tight hug.

“You were flying.” He said with a soft laugh, while simultaneously feeling a lump in his throat as you wound your arms around him. He felt oddly emotional as he held you, before having at least enough sense to let you go after a brief moment. “You did it.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to without you.” You replied, softly.

And for some reason, those words made his heart ache.

“Come on.” He murmured, reaching to take your hand again. “Let’s skate.”

And keep pretending that tomorrow will never come.

…

Hyunjin knew that you both spent hours on the ice, but it passed by in the blink of an eye. You were a fast learner, and after a while you were both whizzing over the rink, chasing each other, and spinning one another in circles. Every time Hyunjin’s eyes met your excited ones, it left him breathless; he was just that in love with you.

However, your feet grew tired eventually and you retired from the ice. After you returned the skates, you continued down the pathways of the park side by side. You were practically glowing, and Hyunjin found himself feeling proud that he’d been able to make you smile like this tonight.

The sky was dark now, and the park was growing quieter as more people retired for the night. With the late hour returned Hyunjin’s sense of dread. He was again made aware that he had such limited time with you, and it was gnawing at his mind feverishly. He wanted to hold your hand again, but he felt hesitant now. Why would he, when he’d have to let go again anyways?

“Look!” You exclaimed, bringing him out of his thoughts. You were pointing to a shaded booth ahead; a short line of people were waiting for a turn for photos.

“Do you want to?” Hyunjin asked, to which you immediately nodded.

“It’ll be a nice momento for tonight before we have to head home.” You murmured as you approached the line, and the pair in front of you stepped inside the photo booth.

Hyunjin felt a sharp pang in his chest at your words, but made sure it didn’t show. He merely smiled, determined not to bring down your mood. “That would be nice.”

And as it turned out, it was exactly what you both needed. Between goofy faces and funny props, you were both laughing again as you tumbled from the box and received your photo strips.

“You look ridiculous.” You gasped out, pointing to one of the pictures.

“Hey, speak for yourself.” Hyunjin replied, and you collapsed into a fit of giggles again.

Eventually you calmed down again, and you realized just how late it was getting. Hyunjin wished you could have an eternity to spend here, just soaking in each other’s presence, but all too soon he was back in your car. The streets were painfully clear, bringing back Hyunjin’s sense of dread as a few raindrops began to fall, before evolving into a slow drizzle.

He’d see you tomorrow too, he tried to assure himself as he watched the rain fall.

But for some reason, this still felt like the end.

And when the triad of dorm halls came into view, an easy goodnight seemed increasingly more impossible. Hyunjin frowned when you stopped by the side of the road- just outside of the parking lot- grinding to a stop and turning off the vehicle. He glanced at your face, half hidden in the darkness, but with visible wetness on your cheeks.

“Y/n?” He murmured gently, deep concern rising in his already tight chest. When you didn’t look at him, he carefully took your hand. You flinched at his touch, but when Hyunjin moved to let go, you only gripped him tighter. It was completely silent, save for the faint sound of the rain on the car roof.

“What’s wrong?” He whispered, rubbing your hand with his thumb, hating how utterly hollow your eyes looked at this moment. He wished he could somehow take away every pain that burdened you, and fix every shitty thing that tore you from this place and from him. You deserved so much more, and if he could give it to you he would in a heartbeat. Now, all he could do was watch as you slowly looked at him and locked gazes.

The rain pounded in time with his heart that suddenly spud up. There was something unfamiliar in your eyes; something blazing in them. Something like a spark.

How it happened, Hyunjin didn’t know- but then your lips were firmly attached to his, moving slowly to capture his own perfectly. And he was kissing you back, and nothing else mattered anymore except the roaring fire of adrenaline overtaking his body as he quickly moved to grasp your face in his hands and kiss you harder. It was deep and passionate and raw with emotions that now burst into the open; months upon months of yearning and longing and at last he knew exactly what you tasted like- and he could tangle his fingers into your hair and press you closer, closer, ever closer.

You were lightning, and you’d set him ablaze.

And just as suddenly as it had started he was pulling back, finding his own cheeks tear stained, gasping for air that hadn’t seemed important seconds ago but now felt impossibly needed.

“No, we can’t, we can’t-“ he sobbed, hating every word of what tumbled from his lips when his heart screamed anything but ‘no.’ “I’m sorry, y/n, I’m sorry but we can’t-”

“Why not?” You choked out in a fervent whisper, a desperate gleam in your eyes that were also muddled with tears. “Crazier things have happened, right?”

“It’s impossible.” Hyunjin whispered, almost choking himself, on the words and his hatred of them. But if this world had taught him anything, it was that life was never, ever fucking fair.

“I can’t love you.” His breathing was ragged as he blinked harshly against tears, trying to keep his composure, keep strong like he’d always made himself be; yet those crystals of pain dripped down his cheeks anyways. “You’re going to California and you’re going to graduate and become an incredible journalist. And I’ll only stand in the way.” Hyunjin tried to collect himself again, fighting the raw feeling of his throat- but he’d never felt pain as horrible as this. You’d been so perfect in his embrace.

“I could never deserve you anyways.”

“Hyunjin… that’s not true. We….” But your words were aimless and you fell silent again, biting your lips as another tear trickled down your face. You knew it, too, didn’t you? Things could never have worked out between you- it was a horrible, bitter truth.

It was his fault, he convinced himself then. His fault this was so hard for you.

He had to let you go, if only for your sake.

But before he did, he allowed himself to gently brush away your tears, and softly kiss your stained cheeks. You closed your eyes as he gently kissed your forehead- when he tore away from you at last, his aching heart tore, too.

“I’m sorry.” It was all he could manage before he pushed open the car door and stumbled out of the vehicle into the drizzle of rain. It was mere seconds before he felt the too familiar ache in his chest welling up again, and he dashed towards the dorm buildings before you could see him break.

He forced himself not to look back- for your sake or his own, he wasn’t sure.

…

Hyunjin’s mind was spinning as his feet carried him into the nearest building. He didn’t even realize that he wasn’t in his own dorm hall until his phone was in his hands, and he was speaking into it.

“Can I come?”

It hurt too much. The wrenching pain in his heart was unbearable as flashes of that moment in the car ran through his mind like a film. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream; more than all of those, he wanted the pain to go away. It was instinct that took him here, knocking on the door and hearing her soft voice tell him, “Come in.”

It was dark inside, only a sole lamp giving light to the room. Ava was perched on the edge of the couch, black skirt riding suspiciously up her thigh as she twisted her hair. Her catlike eyes found his own. “That’s it then.” She whispered as Hyunjin found himself reaching for the doorframe, feeling weary. “She’s gone, isn’t she?”

Your hand had been so warm in his.

Numbly, he nodded. Ava exhaled, biting her bottom lip as she stood, languid and feline in her steps towards him.

“Come on, baby.” She murmured, leaning in to mumble in his ear. “Let me help you.”

He let her pull him forward, mind warring against itself as she made fast work of his shirt, kissing down his collarbone and sighing against his skin. He was pushed down onto the couch, his own hands acting instinctively- mechanically- to crawl over her skin. She hummed in approval, looking at him with gleaming eyes. “I’ll take care of you.” She purred, climbing on top of him and trailing kisses along his jawline as she raked her fingers through his damp hair. Her lips ghosted over his as his shaky hands unclasped her bra, fingers trailing her skin as her warmth pressed closer.

And Hyunjin felt utterly cold.

Every night he’d done this, it had been out of hopelessness. A way to distract himself- from school, from his own misery, and most importantly from the girl he could never have. And maybe he was an asshole for it, but it had been the only thing he could think of to keep himself from chasing after you. He’d known right from the first moment he’d fallen for you that you were way too good for him and he’d been sure he could only bring you misery if you knew of his feelings. So he’d hidden them, and with Ava’s help he’d kept himself busy.

But now he’d tasted your lips, and for a split second it could have been you in his embrace. It could have been you as his lover. And no touch of Ava’s could make him forget that feeling, and the intense loneliness in his heart could no longer be buried without you.

Hyunjin pulled back instantly, pushing out of Ava’s grasp and whirling to stand. He stumbled, light headed, suddenly needing so much room away from her and the act that he could no longer play a part in. He mumbled out a mindless apology as he leaned heavily against the nearest wall, the huge hole in his chest rapidly expanding. He looked back at Ava, her shadowed figure frozen on the couch.

Strangely her eyes held no surprise, only resolve. The room was silent for several beats- just heavy breathing, and Hyunjin’s heart racing in his ear- before she spoke.

“I knew you didn’t love me when this started.” She murmured, gathering her discarded shirt over her knees as she glared at the wall. “I didn’t expect it; that wasn’t the deal. I guess I just hoped that somewhere along the way, you might start to.”

“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin whispered, shaky hand finding his hair- then running over his face, his neck, anything to distract from the ache in his heart.

She merely looked at him, expression like stone. “Save it. I don’t want your pity. And I don’t think I even want you anymore.”

He hardly registered those words, the pain in his heart so overwhelming that he thought nothing else would be able to shake him. He just took it, feeling guilty and pathetic and broken.

“Go home, Hyunjin.” Her voice trembled as she turned away again. “And don’t talk to me anymore.”

When he stepped outside, he didn’t even feel the rain. He paused under the frigid drops, staring up at the sky for who knew how long. It had never been so hard to take a step, but Hyunjin forced himself one by one to walk away from the hall.

Eventually Hyunjin arrived at his own dorm, soaked and shivering as he shuffled into his room. The door slowly closed behind him with a click, and the dripping bag in his grasp slipped to the ground.

He stood numbly in the doorstep for several seconds, mind trying to process his surroundings now that he’d been greeted with quiet and calm for the first time that night. At last he moved robotically to remove his shoes- but his foot caught on the lip and he stumbled, knees hitting the ground painfully hard.

Oddly enough, it was this moment that broke him.

It started in welling tears and trembling hands as he ripped the shoe off and dropped it to the floor, trying to catch a breath that continuously escaped him. It all hit him in a wave, emotions too strong for names; the first sob burst from his lips, followed by another and another and another. Once it started, he couldn’t stop- he slowly rocked his body and subconsciously lowered himself to the floor, too weary to stay upright. He found his arms curling around himself, head burying into their cold embrace and finding little comfort as the emptiness of his room and his heart consumed him.

As tears fell faster and his sobs wretched harsher, his mind screamed at him. Pathetic. You’re so pathetic. Laying on the cold floor by his door, crying so hard he nearly vomited, Hyunjin certainly felt that way.

He wore himself out crying, with too little energy to pull himself any farther than the kitchen. Exhausted, he collapsed with heavy breaths on the tile; he could still feel your photo booth pictures in his jacket pocket.

It was a relief when sleep came and allowed his mind to drift away, momentarily giving him peace from the bitterness of reality. When he eventually awoke, the sun greeted him with bright happy rays that he could not smile for. Today was your last.

He’d promised to see you off, hadn't he?

Pathetic.

Yeah, he was. And he couldn’t bear to follow through.

Ten minutes before your flight left, he was still on the ground, miserable and guilty and hollow.

I’m sorry, y/n. I’m so sorry.

…

You strained your neck to see over the crowd as yet another warning reminded you that you needed to board your flight immediately. But desperate hope made you stay, clinging to the plea that Hyunjin would come. He had to.

“This is the last call for flight 325, departing to Los Angeles, California in ten minutes. All passengers please ensure you follow…”

Your grip on your bags tightened, but the crowd was thinning and as you scanned the area again- no Hwang Hyunjin.

You couldn’t wait any longer.

Holding your bags, you raced to board, eyes sweeping the area one last time before you entered the cabin, heart sinking. You found your spot, packing your bags into the overhead compartment before falling back into your seat. Now that you were still, you had a minute to process.

He hadn’t come.

You glanced out the window and found the scenery slightly blurred. What, tears? You blinked quickly to clear them, swiping at your eyes with a sudden wave of frustration. So what if Hyunjin hadn’t come? So what if he’d broken his promise? It didn’t matter now. You were leaving for good, and you could hardly expect him to bid you farewell after everything.

You didn’t want to admit it, but as one stupid stubborn tear dripped down your face- it hurt like hell leaving without a proper goodbye.

Why hadn’t he come? Was he so ready to cut ties and move on now that you were leaving? The ghost of your shared kiss lingered in your brain, and you had to wonder; why had you done it? It had been stupid and selfish, but you hadn’t been able to help it. He’d looked at you with so much warmth and concern that you’d acted on impulse- and once your lips had touched his, you couldn’t have pulled away if you wanted to. But why had he kissed you back, and why hadn’t he come today, and why couldn’t you have had more time? More time to kiss him like that. More time to love him, and share coffees and muffins, and share glances across lectures that were particularly boring. You wanted him close, and just when he could have fallen into your embrace, you were dragged away- and now you’d messed up a relationship with someone you loved for a stupid kiss. Idiot.

Perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be.

But damn, you’d so hoped it would be.

The plane jolted as it began to move, heading for the runway. You wanted to swear to yourself no more tears, but as more and more memories of New York flooded through your mind it was impossible.

Silent droplets traced your cheeks as the plane’s speed picked up, and then you were off the ground. At that very moment, it hit the hardest.

Goodbye, New York. You stifled a sob, eyes squeezing shut as not to see the city below fade from view. Goodbye, Hyunjin.

…

A month later

Hyunjin wanted to call you, he really did.

He missed you every day, but he couldn’t call you. Couldn’t even muster up the courage to text you, because it wasn’t fair to you. Why would you want to hear from him after he’d broken his promise and left you hanging? He would go to the ends of the earth if you asked him to, but he would not chase after you- not if he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t hurt you again.

He had never deserved you. He didn’t know if he ever would have, either.

He collapsed on his couch after work, exhausted from the day and the heavy snow that had been dumped on the city and made travelling much harder. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he released a long sigh. His eyes fell on his phone, sitting on the coffee table and his heart clenched.

What he wouldn’t do to see your smile again.

He made himself shake his head and stand up. Walk to the kitchen counter, find a mug from the cupboards. He carefully poured boiling water into the cup with a tea bag and brought the steaming drink with him as he settled back on the couch. The silence immediately consumed him.

He couldn’t even try to lie to himself; it was so much lonelier without you. Everywhere he looked had your fingerprints all over it; the fountain, the university, his dorm. Even the flower shop housed your ghost from the days you’d stop by, complimenting the baskets and clipping the ribbons with him. He remembered how happy you’d been in summer when the first of the roses had bloomed and you’d had stores upon stores of them.

“I’ve never seen so many roses in my life-” you breathed, mouth open.

He was tempted to tease your gaping expression as a resemblance to a fish, but he was too endeared by your wonder to mention it. “You should see the store during Valentine’s.”

“There’s more then?”

“There’s hundreds of them, in every different colour.” Hyunjin grinned when you plucked one and observed it.

“No thorns.”

“We clip them.”

“Ah.” You put the stem experimentally between your teeth, and this time Hyunjin couldn’t help himself.

“You look like a beaver.”

You frowned, pulling the rose from your mouth. “It’s supposed to be charming.”

“Yes, a very charming beaver.”

You threw the rose at him, and Hyunjin clumsily caught it with a laugh. “Hey, don’t be mad. I’ll even make it up to you.”

You’d raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

“I’ll give you the rose for free.”

He offered it to you, and watched the tips of your ears flame. With sudden shyness, he shrugged. “If you want it.”

“Yes.” You murmured, carefully plucking the rose from between his fingers. A second of tense silence passed before you blinked, and smiled. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” If it makes you smile, then anything.

Would the ache in his heart ever heal? He missed everything you’d been together, back when California hadn’t been a part of the equation. More than anything, he just wished you were beside him again.

If you hadn’t left, what would have happened? Would you still have kissed him? Would you be what he woke up to every morning? Or would he have messed it up anyways?

His eyes trailed to the sealed papers that lay beside his phone- midterm marks he’d received the day before and hadn’t yet found the courage to open. He didn’t know what would happen if his marks had suffered, but it certainly wouldn’t be pretty.

But… he would have to face them sooner or later. With hesitancy, Hyunjin grasped the papers and turned them over. After pausing for a breath in and out, he folded them open.

His eyes scanned the pages, desperately finding each grade mark as he held his breath. His first few had remained the same, or improved by barely a couple points. And the very last one, his most worrisome class…

Had improved.

Improved.

He grinned at the terrible mark, in all its glory, and laughed. Relief swept through his body as he sank back into the couch, letting the paper fall away with his anxieties. Maybe he wouldn’t flunk out, after all.

And who helped him to study for it?

The smile faded slowly as your face swam into his mind with a sharp pang in his chest. This time, however, it came with a realization- of you.

You, who’d touched him in so many ways. Who’d always had his back and had always believed in him, even when he didn’t believe in himself. Who’d meant so much to him, so much that he thought he might even love you - and he was just going to let you go because of a few mistakes? Because of a little distance?

He still owed you at least a dozen apologies, and there was so much left unsaid. And he didn’t know what the future held for the two of you; he didn’t know if you’d be able to pick up all the broken pieces and carry forward or if you’d only be separated and splintered further.

All he knew was that a part of him was out there, 2789 miles away. And it hurt too much not to try and fix it.

I must be the biggest idiot in the world. He thought with a shake of his head. Whether as your friend or your lover- or something in between- no matter what happens with us, it’ll be worth it if I have you.

So he steeled his nerves, took a deep breath and let it out again. Then he picked up the phone, and dialed the number he’d had memorized since the day he’d met you.

His heart raced in his ear as the tone rang. He didn’t know what you would say. Hell, he didn’t know what he would say. He really didn’t know anything.

But maybe one day, if the universe decided to give you both a break, then maybe- just maybe- you’d see each other again. You’d be beside him again, and he’d be able to wrap you in his arms, place his head on top of yours and his bleeding, broken heart would slowly start to mend.

He could believe it; he could hope. Because your tentative hello that crackled over the speaker sounded cautiously hopeful, too.

After all, crazier things have happened, right?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

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soobnny · 4 months

Text

stolen kisses with stray kids — established relationship, extreme fluff, some might be suggestive ? (2.0k words)

moments they steal a kiss & where they do it

chan. during movie night when everyone’s asleep

it’s a little scandalous, they way he reaches for your lips while his friends are asleep during one of your movie nights.

it’s around 2am, and the only reason you’re still awake is because chan’s being extra clingy with the way he squeezes your waist, running his cold hand under your shirt.

how can anyone expect him to fall asleep though? not when you’re so close to him, and he can smell your shampoo, and feel your steady breathing.

“sleepy.” you mumble, grabbing the ends of your shared blanket that jisung had stolen most of hours ago. chan had to excuse himself midway through your third movie to get you a new one.

“hmm.” he hums in response, nuzzling his nose against your hair, hands planting themselves on your bare waist. “is my baby sleepy?”

“mhm.” chan can’t help but grin down at you, disentangling his head from your hair for a moment to look at you—your sleepy smile and drooping eyes. how could he not press his lips on yours when you’re looking at him like that?

it feels like a shot of espresso, and he would’ve gone in for another one had you not fallen asleep, head buried in his neck and arms gripping his shirt.

minho. at the dance practice room while waiting for everyone else to arrive

minho’s arms are immediately locked around your torso the minute you walk into your university’s dance practice room. your boyfriend had rented it out for the evening with his friends to practice their final project, and you’d come with dinner and your support.

“5 minutes.” he whispers with a sinister grin, and you’re about to question what he meant when he goes straight in for your lips. ah, five minutes before his friends get here.

his lips aren’t shy at all. you can feel him growing more desperate as seconds pass, and you don’t know what’s gotten into your boyfriend for him to be kissing you like this, but you don’t exactly have any complaints.

minho kisses up your jaw, pulling your hips closer to his before planting his lips back on yours. and you have to admit, it’s a little attractive to catch a glimpse of the way he’s holding you and the way he’s kissing you from the dance studio’s big fucking mirror.

you don’t even realize how much time had passed. everything felt like a blur with the way your boyfriend was kissing you. but before you know it, there are knocks on the door and minho is breathing heavily against your neck.

he presses one last final kiss on your lips before he’s pulling away from the tight grip he’d placed you in earlier. it’s impressive, the way he immediately switches to a more composed version of himself—unlocking the doors and welcoming his friends inside. the smile on his face is gone, and it makes your face heat up to think that they have no idea what had happened just five minutes before they walked into the studio.

changbin. in the gym room against the lockers

“babe, i have the water bottle you’d left—oh!”

changbin gives you no warning when he kisses you against the lockers of his condominium’s gym. you suppose it’s because he’s the only one there. despite his appearance, your boyfriend is usually shy when it comes to public displays of affection.

it doesn’t help that he has a very visible afterglow after his workout session, sheen of sweat on his arms and forehead, and it really is hard to look away—well, it would’ve been hard if you weren’t so preoccupied with the way he was kissing you. it’s slow, and very very hot because it’s so uncharacteristic of your boyfriend to be kissing you like this where anyone could walk in on you. he lets his lips linger for a little longer than your usual kisses, completely taking away your breath.

when he pulls away, he’s still staring at your lips, and you can see a soft smile playing on his. he sends you another peck on the lips before he’s grabbing at the water bottle in your hand.

“thanks baby.” he downs the water in one chug, arms flexing and playing into the fabric of the top he’s wearing. you’re still against the lockers, where he’d pushed you against earlier, and his free arm is still locking you in place. you feel akin to a schoolgirl, with her crush so close.

the thought of him kissing you again like this has you mentally kicking your feet.

hyunjin. in the art studio’s closet where they keep the supplies

he kisses you in the university’s art studio closet—where they keep the supplies. you’d only meant to help hyunjin clean up, but you find yourself locked between his arms with his lips on yours. maybe it’s something about how your boyfriend is much more romantic when he’s in his artist’s mindset, but he refuses to pull away.

you don’t know he’d spent hours prior trying to paint even just a fraction of how he feels about you on the canvas. you were only able to catch a glimpse of vivid colors, the same that’s staining his hands and clinging to his skin.

hyunjin only pulls away when he accidentally knocks down a stool in the cramped space, pulling away and shyly crinkling his nose. it’s a direct contrast to how rough he’d been, hands roaming every possible inch of your face and neck and waist.

when you step outside, you catch your reflection in the studio’s big studio. the sight makes your cheeks heat up embarrassingly, and hyunjin has to apologize for caking your face with the paint that had been on his hands prior to stealing your lips in that closet.

jisung. at the dorm room while his roommate is away

can someone really blame him? you just looked so kissable with your pouty lips and your furrowed eyebrows. when you’d finally succumbed to studying for the night, jisung wastes no time, catching your lips in his.

he’d give anything to continue pressing his lips into yours for the entirety of his life.

and if not for the rest of his life, then at least for a couple more hours while the sun is still up — and while felix (his roommate) is very much not in their dorm yet.

jisung smiles at you when you pull away—that dumb smile he always gives you when he’s not quite done kissing you yet. he has his hands firmly planted on your hips, and his legs are outstretched so you’re comfortable on his lap.

you have a feeling you’ll leave his dorm with a flushed face and swollen lips. you hope felix isn’t on his way home anytime soon.

felix. while baking seungmin’s birthday cake, everytime jisung exits the kitchen

in his dorm’s mini kitchen while the three of you with jisung bake seungmin’s birthday cake. he only ever does it when his roommate is too distracted with other things like what he should get the younger boy—would a gag gift of a stuffed penis be enough to torment seungmin? you can hear him clearly from the living room, calling out to ask you for advice, but felix stands firm on wanting to kiss you until you can’t breathe.

“felix, stop! jisung might walk in on us.” though you’re telling him to stop, it’s a little hard to convince your boyfriend when you’re giggling and kissing him back.

who could blame felix though? how can he not kiss you when there’s frosting on your lips from decorating the cake? and what better way to clean it than kissing it off?

he has you lifted up on the counter, stood between your legs with his hands on your thighs. you’d shiver once in a while, it can’t be helped when the boy’s running his cold hands up and down your bare skin, hiking your shirt up just a little bit.

and he’s mastered the art of excuses at this point, always having something to say when jisung walks into the kitchen and suspiciously eyes the both of you because why are your lips the same color as the extra frosting.

though, on his hundredth attempt at secretly kissing you, jisung walks right in and immediately screams “my eyes!” as he runs away with his palms covering his eyes.

seungmin. against the bookshelves of the library

“kiss me.” it feels wrong coming out of his lips. your goody two shoes, straight a’s boyfriend, whispering for you to kiss him in the library.

seungmin’s taking advantage of the fact that nobody ever stays at the university’s library past 12am, not when exam seasons are far off. he had dragged you here earlier, something about a project, and with nothing better to do, you’d thought you would accompany him.

you’d expected him to bury his face in his laptop as usual, square glasses on his concentrated face. you didn’t expect to be making out with him against the bookshelves of the library—somewhere by the anatomy section, you don’t even remember anymore.

it’s like he prepared for this too, knowing exactly where you won’t be caught. he has you between his arms, and he ghosts your face terribly close to his.

it really isn’t difficult to admit that seungmin is wildly attractive like this. while you loved your nerdy boyfriend, something about him with his messy hair and his eyeglasses discarded has you breathing erratically.

his lips immediately catch yours when you lean forward to kiss him. it’s a little messy, but you give into it, and into his tongue that’s swiping on your bottom lip. you don’t know what had warranted this, but it definitely isn’t unwelcomed.

you only pull away when you hear the librarian surveying the lines of shelves, noticing that you and seungmin had been gone a little too long. it really isn’t that hard to find a book.

when you come back to your corner table, seungmin doesn’t say anything. his glasses are back on his frame, but it’s hard to miss his smirk and the way he’s running his tongue over his lips once in a while.

jeongin. under the school’s staircase in between class

jeongin loves to steal kisses in between classes. he’d kiss you anywhere, behind your department’s building, inside an empty classroom, anywhere with no prying eyes.

today, it’s under your school’s staircase. he kisses you sweetly, almost romantic. the kind of kiss that tells you he misses you despite it only being a few hours since you last saw each other.

he kisses you over and over in between quiet conversation about how your class went—how was that quiz you had? was it a boring one? he loves listening to you talk, and he loves interrupting you once in a while to place a short peck on your lips. it’s usually when you say your ‘w’s or any letter that puckers your lips up.

similarly, you ask him questions about his class—was his teacher a little less shitty today? did he finish that group project he’d spent many late hours on? what’s on his mind and why is he looking at you like that?

“you.” he says with a smug smile, and it makes butterflies erupt in your stomach. you stare at each other for a while, but jeongin can only go so long without your lips on his so he grabs your chin with his fingers and pulls you gently to place his lips on yours one last time.

the last kisses always last longer, when he knows he’s running out of time, and your next class is looming around the corner. and your boyfriend always knows how to make it count.

“see you on your next break, babe.”

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forlix · 4 months

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· . ˚ 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞

— the little mannerisms you pick up from the members of stray kids over the course of your relationship.

words・3.7k / pairings・ot8 x gn!reader / genres・fluff, humor, borderline crack, intentional lowercase, established relationship(s) / warnings・minsung’s are suggestive, touch of anxiety in felix's, jeongin's is lowkey gross LMFAO

a/n・massive shoutout to @/http.dwaekkii on tiktok for their edits about the boys' habits, which i consulted for chan, changbin, seungmin, and jeongin (and to @astraystayyh for beta reading hehe. what would i do without u). these were sooooo fun to write, hope u guys enjoy (｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )

chan + getting shy easily. poor thing gets embarrassed so quickly as it is. throw you into the mix and it’s just critical hit after critical hit. defense lowered. no health potions left. he folds like a lawn chair with a massive smile and a whiny “stooooop” every time you say something even remotely affectionate. the habit is adorable, and you love it to pieces.

but you like poking fun at it even more. “god forbid i find my literal underwear model of a boyfriend attractive,” you’d say, or something along those lines, which of course only triples his embarrassment and on more than one occasion results in him starfishing on your kitchen floor, his hood pulled over his face.

fast forward however many months. he’s still the worst compliment-receiver you know, but you discover one arbitrary afternoon that it’s rubbed off on you.

the two of you are cuddled together on the living room couch in your usual fashion, your legs thrown over his thighs and his hands tracing absently over your shins as you relay to him something you overheard on the subway. the conversation is painfully normal. you’re almost bored. you pause to take a breath, and he murmurs, out of nowhere, in the dreamiest tone: “so damn beautiful.”

“wha—huh? what is?”

“you. your voice, your face, everything. i‘m lucky.”

your expression of bewilderment persists for around ten seconds, and then slowly, so slowly, you begin to sandwich your head between your knees, balling yourself up like a spooked armadillo. chan wonders if he should call an ambulance.

“love?” no response. “what, uh, what’s happening right now, exactly?”

no response. no response. then, hoarsely, “you can’t...say shit like that…randomly.”

he notices two things after that. one, your skin is burning hot enough to fry something upon, and two, you’ve formed a fist in the fabric of his hoodie, which you only do when you’re pretending to be annoyed at him. the puzzle pieces fall into place, and he starts grinning like a madman.

“you’re…embarrassed?”

the guttural groan you emit is more than enough of an answer, and the cute aggression that overcomes chan is fucking debilitating. he wraps his arms around you and hauls you entirely off the couch and onto his lap, littering kisses over your face until it finally resigns into a matching smile. all intent to continue feigning grumpiness erased with the drop of a hat. you drape an arm over his neck.

“you’re so good to me, channie,” you sigh helplessly. “i love you.”

“love you more, baby.” he imprints these words directly upon your lips, then pulls away, giggles. “that was very me of you, by the way.”

“i know, right? i was just about to say.”

minho + butt touching. it’s quite simple, really. if lee minho is within proximity of someone’s buttocks, he will, as he lives and breathes, make it known. will it be a coy little swat or a yelp-eliciting, full-bodied grab? nobody ever knows, not even him. the unpredictability is what makes it exciting.

but it takes a while before this starts applying to you, because the way minho touches you is…different. doting. there’s no other way to describe how he always holds the nape of your neck while kissing you, how he rests a hand against the small of your back whenever he leads you somewhere, how during the nights you can’t sleep he guides you to the place on his chest where he knows his heartbeat is loudest. he even drags you into his trademark headlocks the same way one would hold an invaluable treasure. he’s so obsessed with all of you that he never thinks to pay just your butt special attention (though it is, indeed, a special butt).

you take it into your own hands. literally.

you don’t know what prompts it—maybe you’ve simply seen minho slap his members’ asses one too many times, or maybe you’re still thinking of the specific time minho slapped changbin’s ass in passing and it fucking echoed, or maybe minho just looks especially fine in this practice outfit, a skintight tee and washed sweatpants that hug him in all the right places—but you feel a new urge today as your boyfriend swings his duffel over his shoulder, circles around the kitchen counter.

he puckers up as he nears you, silently requesting his goodbye; you give it to him, relishing for a moment in the familiar, soft plush of his lips beneath yours. then he pulls away and turns to leave, and your hand acquires its target.

“go get ‘em, tiger.” thwack!

minho jumps a foot into the air. clutches his pearls and his left butt cheek. becomes the splitting image of that perplexed blonde lady surrounded by geometry.

but when he turns around to stare at you, the smirk melting across his face betrays how he really feels about what you’ve just done. good. really good.

you, meanwhile, look genuinely confused. “it’s like it moved on its own.”

minho beams. steps towards you daintily, intentionally, like a cat catching sight of a laser beam. brings a hand to your hip, murmurs, “that’s what we’re doing now?” kisses you again, for longer this time.

you fully foresee his fingers wandering to your ass to give it a gentle squeeze, but you reach up to cuff his shoulder when it happens anyways, and his laugh vibrates against your mouth. it seems you’ll be reaping what you’ve sown from now on.

(good luck.)

changbin + the Cackle™. yes, you said something exceptionally funny. yes, you expected changbin to find it funny too. but you couldn’t expect the godforsaken noise that left his mouth as he threw himself straight into the tree planter behind you.

your mind spun with frantic questions as you helped him out of the dirt. had the spirit of spongebob just usurped his vocal cords? were you on a date with the wicked witch of the west? most importantly—

“are you well?” you sputtered, which only made him laugh harder and his laugh so much crazier, so you started laughing, too. and you were goners, falling over each other until you’d been reduced to watery eyes and sore cheeks, your giggling interrupted only by the sound of you slapping his thigh every so often, heartily enough to reverberate around the little park in which you concluded your second date.

that’s how you fall for seo changbin: laughing. with a reckless, breathless abandon you didn’t think possible. stumbling across empty sidewalks, spitting noodles across dining tables, begging for mercy on studio couches. wrestling under tear-stained comforters, starting (and re-starting) silly stories, huffing into beaming kisses. the list goes on.

you never quite get used to that chortle of his, too busy enjoying its insanity to notice how your own chuckles grow shorter and shriller, how they gradually develop an edge like the chittering of a forest dweller.

you complete your transformation on your ninety-eighth date.

no, changbin doesn’t say anything exceptionally funny. no, he doesn’t expect you to find it funny, either. he expects least of all for you to fold over the kitchen island and start cackling like cruella de vil on helium.

han turns around from his seat on the couch. chan’s footsteps come to a halt as he emerges from the bathroom. both of them have fear in their eyes as they witness your undoing.

the only thing on changbin’s face, though, is unfettered delight.

“b-baby,” he sputters with a growing smile. “are you—”

you lift your face off the marble surface and turn to face him. the entirety of your forehead and the point of your nose is covered in flour. you blow a cloud of the stuff out of your mouth like a dragon awoken from slumber.

he loses it.

the two of you make your way onto the floor in slow motion, ending in a tangled heap against the side of the counter. changbin tries to clean off the flour and smears it all over your cheeks instead. you are zero help whatsoever, smacking his bicep like that’ll help you catch your breath. your synchronized, diabolical laughter reaches every corner of the apartment. your happiness reaches every nerve ending.

chan and han look at each other, sigh. han takes a video.

hyunjin + side-eyeing. this man is so god awful at controlling his face, bless him…and DAMN HIM.

on one hand, you love how in tune with his emotions he is, how confidently he puts them on display. and you love your synergy. you come closer to believing in soulmates every time you glance his way and discover your exact feelings written all over his features; it’s a special type of happiness, sharing a brain with your favorite person in the world.

on the other hand, you think there’s a time and place for candor, and he tends, well, not to think at all. during many a precarious situation, you’ll catch him wearing an expression so transparent that he might as well arrange the words THIS IS STUPID AND I HATE ALL OF YOU over his head in neon lights. cue a dig of your heel into his toe, a hiss of pain cut short by your piercing glare. if you’d known ahead of time that dating hwang hyunjin would have you doing so much damage control…you’d still date him, let’s be real. but you do get stressed at times.

the night the tables turn, you’re at a celebratory dinner for your coworker’s birthday. small caveat: you can’t stand her. she’s the type to spontaneously combust if she goes two minutes without talking about herself. certainly doesn’t help that she’s downing champagne like water, and her lips are looser than ever.

hyunjin comes with you, fortunately. or not. he spends the whole evening trying so hard not to laugh: snorting into his bread, excusing himself to “cough.” you think he actually starts doing breathing exercises at some point. you’re so, so grateful that he’s here, but you’re also deathly afraid that he’s gonna bring out those neon lights in front of your entire office.

then, she flirts with him.

from the opposite end of the table. perfectly wasted but still knowing perfectly well that he’s yours. the whole patio goes silent. hyunjin’s jaw hits the table.

your fork clatters to your plate.

FUCK time and place.

the side-eye you give her is devastating. truly masterful. your brow furrows. your eyes turn to slits. your gaze does the up-down-up of unadulterated incredulity. hyunjin recognizes the motions straightaway and starts smiling so hard his whole face hurts.

you take your boyfriend’s wrist and stand up. he follows suit. you don’t say a thing as you leave the restaurant, and you don’t have to. the intensity of your disdain was more than enough; anything more and she might’ve started crying.

once you’re on the curb outside, hyunjin pulls on your interlocked hands, brings you close. his lips brush against the shell of your ear. you hear laughter and his smirk in his voice.

“you’re so fucking sexy, holy shit.”

jisung + how he applies lip balm. that han jisung is the pioneer of modern day babygirlism is the worst kept secret in the world. that han jisung applies lip balm the riveting way he does, however, is unknown even to you. until one morning.

you pop into the bathroom and make your usual beeline for your toothbrush, only to end up motionless in front of the sink, staring. jisung is a bit off to the side, hair pinned back by a cinnamoroll headband, eyes glued to his phone, hand holding a tube of chapstick that you can actually see getting shorter in real time. he looks so pensive, so concentrated. how long has it been since he last blinked? you’ve half a mind to pull out a stopwatch.

finally, he rubs his lips together, recaps the chapstick, and makes eye contact with you in the mirror. a smile crosses his face, equal parts confused and amused.

“baby, your mouth is open.”

you close it. then you open it again, and your words come out in a barely-contained laugh: “what on earth did you just do?”

“what do you mean?”

“the—” you point at his mouth, then do your best impression of an elementary schooler trying to color inside the lines. “—that.”

jisung looks aghast. “that was LIP BALM.”

“no, i know what it—you’re so—i meant, why do you apply it like that?”

jisung continues to look aghast. “like what?”

“like you’re one of socrates’ prized pupils and the answer to the universe’s formation lies at the bottom of—” you step in close, reach into the pocket of his sweatpants. “—this tube!”

it might be the craziest thing you’ve ever said to him. he bursts into laughter, the kind that leaves him no recollection of what he does with his limbs, and when he can see straight again he discovers he’s pressed you gently against the counter. his fingers latched around the hem of your top, his grin inches away from yours. can’t stay away from you to save his life, this one.

“do i actually?”

“yes! holy shit, it’s so cute.” your arms circle around his neck, also without an ounce of thought, also through a fit of giggles. “no way you’ve always done that, right?”

“i don’t know. i’ve never thought about it.” a pause. a tilt of his head, with purpose. “am i…doing it wrong?”

the question is a trap and you realize it too late. your gaze drops from his eyes to his lips—a ray of sunlight glistens off the pink plush like a paid actor—then back to his eyes. let’s find out.

you lean in. so does he. and his mouth tastes and feels like melted fucking sugar. it’s such a pleasant surprise that you actually moan, and he chuckles against you. lifts you onto the edge of the sink. your mind really goes empty after that, save for one thought. i have to start doing that.

felix + checking his own pulse. you saw it from afar, the first time.

he stood by the stage’s entrance just before curtain up, pointer and middle finger pressed against the side of his neck. eyelids sealed closed, chest heaving. you tilted your head, puzzled. worried. then the concert began, and you pushed the image to the back of your mind.

it returned to the forefront right before bed.

“you do it when you’re nervous?”

“yeah. forces me to ground myself. turns off the world for a bit.” the hand rubbing circles into your back paused. “wanna give it a go?”

“what, checking my pulse?”

“mine.”

you lifted your head off the pillow. felix took your hand from where it sat upon his ribs, isolating two fingers and nestling them over his jugular. his quickened heartbeat pressed into your skin like the world’s gentlest tattoo.

the sixty seconds began and concluded in total silence.

“well?” he whispered.

“ninety-three,” you answered, lightheaded from the sheer intimacy of it all. “you’re nervous right now?”

“something like that,” he hummed. pulled you down, kissed you deeply. there were no more words exchanged that night.

the habit surfaced more than you knew. while driving to visit your parents. after a stupid argument with a bouquet of flowers tucked beneath his free arm. you started doing it for him in the times he couldn’t, and he’d cover your hand with his own and kiss the top of your head silently, gratefully.

two years have passed since, and you’ve vanished from the dinner table.

felix asks the nearest waiter for directions to the restrooms. you don’t notice when the door swings open, unmoving in your spot over the sink, your pointer and middle finger pressed against the side of your neck.

his hand finds your hip. you let him turn you around and bring you to his chest; he glances at the crystalline droplets studding your lashes and falling from your cheeks. his eyes convey what his mouth doesn’t need to, not anymore.

let me.

you do.

his fingers replace yours the moment you drop them from under your jaw, the movement like clockwork. he counts your every heartbeat with unblinking concentration, his heart growing heavier the higher the number climbs.

the sixty seconds begin and conclude in total silence.

“well?” you whisper.

“hundred and six,” he answers. to his confusion, a smile pulls at your lips.

he wonders if it’s a trick of the bathroom lights when he sees the tiny box you pluck from your pocket, but there’s no mistaking the reality of the diamond ring that sits behind its open lid.

the earth slants under his feet.

“crazy.” you giggle through your tears, run your thumb over his cheekbone. “that’s how many years i want with you.”

seungmin + poking eyes(?) he’s hardly touched puppym when your voice is slicing through the living room air like a fucking beyblade.

“KIM SEUNGMIN, UNHAND HIM THIS INSTANT.”

do you have a sixth sense just for this? he throws his hands up in exasperation. “he’s literally me. i’m allowed to do whatever i want with me.”

“he’s not you, he’s our son.” you pop out of nowhere to swipe the plushie from over your boyfriend’s shoulder. “my son, if you keep this up.”

“just say you hate me and my preferred avenues of self expression.”

upside-down, he watches you dust off puppym’s face and smooch his forehead with a tenderness that makes seungmin unhappier than he lets on. you then tuck him into your jacket pocket. the little shit’s expression looks strangely smug poking out of its cotton capsule.

“i’m asking you to not gauge his eyes out, not to deliver me the holy grail,” you say. “you’ll survive.”

but then he feels your hands on either side of his face, and you lean over him like the mj to his peter, leave a kiss on the space between his eyes, too. he has zero say in the bashful smile this brings to his face.

“but why do you do that, seriously?” you mutter.

“i have no idea,” he replies. “but it’s fun. try it.”

“i’ll think about it.” you lean in again, and he nearly forgets what you were talking about in the first place when you kiss him on the lips this time. “okay, i’ve thought about it. no.”

“hate you,” he says despite the literal hearts in his eyes, and then you’re off to work.

puppym takes strikingly after his father. they have the same bangs. the same compulsively squeezable quality. the same little :3 that can only allude to sinister plottings. you’d be loath to admit that you sort of comprehend seungmin’s poking predisposition.

one night, seungmin falls asleep before you even finish your nighttime routine, and you spot in his peaceful, upturned face an opportunity.

you lie belly-down on your side of the bed. your fingers splay into a peace-sign in the air. your smile stretches further into a cheshire grin the closer you bring your hand. you’re just about to reach the ends of his eyelashes when—

“I KNEW IT!”

you almost catapult into the ceiling. then you try to make a mad dash for the bathroom. but seungmin shoots a hand around your wrist like he’s actually peter parker and pins you down before you so much as take a step. your only remaining option is to sulk about your foiled plans. (and blush, because, well, you’re under him.)

“amateur,” he tsks. “you gotta test my breathing to make sure i’m asleep first. shit’s foolproof.”

you blink at him for a few seconds. his words finally click.

now you almost catapult him into the ceiling.

“HOW MANY TIMES?”

jeongin + eating food in one bite. so you might be an instigator.

“hwuck,” he grumbles around the whole ice cream cone in his mouth, face scrunched up in a brain-freeze-induced wince. “ayee ith waz a bah iyeah.” (translation: fuck, maybe this was a bad idea.)

“you got this. just take it slow,” you urge, except he’s stopped moving and speaking and closed his eyes as if he’s descending into a deep sleep. you’re actually concerned for about two seconds, and then his jaw begins to oscillate leisurely like an elderly cow in his favorite pasture. false alarm.

after some time, he swallows, beams. “so am i the fucking best or what.”

“yeah you are,” you echo, and he swings an arm over your shoulder, plants a chocolatey kiss on your temple. the two of you celebrate his daesangs with less enthusiasm.

“when are you doing that with me, by the way?”

“the one-bite thing?” he nods. “mmm, coaches don’t play.”

“mmm, this one will.”

“doubtful.”

fast forward a few weeks and you, jeongin, and his younger brother are sitting cross-legged on the porch in his backyard. three full-sized oranges rest in the center of your makeshift circle. damn is yoon hard to say no to. (runs in the family.)

“the rules!” he declares. “eat the orange whole! first to swallow it wins! you can’t spit it out!”

you wait. “is that it?”

“yes!”

why was the delivery so grand?

jeongin places a fond hand atop his brother’s head. “i’ve brought you a new loser, yoonie. get excited.”

you feign an indifferent scoff, but jeongin spots the fire that ignites behind your eyes like that of an anime protagonist, the resolute grip with which you palm your orange. he smirks. he’s never known you to take trash talk sitting down. or sitting cross-legged on his porch.

yoon counts you off. “ready…”

“good luck, coach,” jeongin sings.

“shut up, pipsqueak.”

“set…GO!”

in amusing unison, you and yoon try and fail to fasten your teeth around even half of the fruit. jeongin, meanwhile, fits the whole thing into his black hole of an oral cavity and launches into that dumb cow impression again.

desperate times call for desperate measures.

you rip the orange from your lips. “yoon! your brother’s ticklish, right?”

both yang siblings’ eyes widen—the younger’s in growing delight, the older’s in impending horror.

the latter reacts first. “ay, ay, ay, ah ahes eh ooles!” (translation: wait, wait, wait, that’s against the rules!)

but the former moves first, and you’re right behind him.

jeongin weakens when the younger boy assaults his sides, crumples when you target the back of his neck, the sounds leaving his mouth getting progressively louder and somehow even less intelligible.

he eventually has to spit out the orange to avoid death by pulp going down the wrong pipe and spins around in indignation, wiping at his chin with the back of his hand. but his annoyance—

you’re back on the floor, gnawing hopelessly at the the orange again. “ih ih eawahin, ooh.” (translation: this is embarrassing, yoon.)

yoon replies, “huh?” (translation: huh?)

—dissipates, immediately.

🔖 (send an ask to be added)・@astraystayyh・@like-a-diamondinthesky・@fire-08・@starsandrqindrops・@txtxlz・@laylasbunbunny・@strayghibli・@nuronhe・@seungminsapuppy・@vivisoni・@skzms・@moon0fthenight・@sweetpickledjins・@svintsandghosts・@nhyunn ・@ur-boyfiend ・@liknws・@hotgorloikawa・@randomwimp ・ @automaticpersonabatpaper

5K notes · View notes

gimmeurtmi · 7 months

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kinktober day five — hyunjin

pairing: hwang hyunjin x fem!reader

tags: friends to lovers (kinda), kinktober series, smut!!!🔞

warnings: swearing, nude drawings, fingering, masturbation, use of “pretty”, lmk if i forgot anything!

inspo: uni student hyunjin but make it art

kink: exhibitionism

{ wc: 2522 }

It was a strange thing to be offered, but it was also flattering to be seen as a suitable candidate. The art department had reached out to a number of students to act as models for their sketch class—and you were one of them. It probably helped that your best friend, Hyunjin, was taking that class and you were sure he was the one to mention your name first.

He had asked you a few times to model for him and the only time you said yes was when you found a thrilling show to watch while you modelled; it was easier to stay still with your mind so occupied.

So you said yes.

And only then did the teacher tell you there was a catch.

“Nude?” You all but screamed.

“I know you and Mr. Hwang are close so I can pair you two together—but if you’re more comfortable modelling for a female student that’s fine too. Either way, you won’t be able to participate until you sign the forms.”

You looked at the consent forms in your hand, mulling it over for a few moments still. Modelling for a girl would be more comfortable, but you didn’t know anyone that took Art and being naked in front of a stranger was far more nerve wracking to you.

You called Hyunjin right away. He assured you he’d make sure you’re comfortable and that you didn’t have to agree at all and that he would buy you lunch for a week. He needed a good score on this assignment and he, too, didn’t feel all that comfortable sketching a stranger under those circumstances.

So you signed the forms.

You decided to use your room for the assignment, for privacy reasons and to help you feel more at ease. Nothing could be too scary with your supportive plushies in the same room as you.

Hyunjin walked in with his iced Americano (a second one for you, too) and started setting up his station.

He put all his pens and pencils in order, three huge erasers, two sharpeners, and his giant sketchbook. It was so big you guessed the sketch would end up being life sized.

As he set everything up, you fiddled nervously with the string of your robe. It was just your bathrobe, nothing too special, but the whole situation made your heart race and there was sweat gathering on your forehead.

You weren’t so sure if you could do this after all.

“Hyune,” you start, “does it have to be completely nude?”

He looked up at you from where he was straightening his pencils, eyes boring into you. You swallowed.

“Those are the requirements,” he caught his bottom lip between his teeth before he adds, “do you wanna put on some underwear as a warm-up?”

“Do you need sketches of me in my underwear?” You purse your lips.

“Not really,” he says, bashfully, “but if it’ll be an easier start for you?”

You inhale deeply. Untie your bathrobe. Exhale.

You let the fabric fall off your shoulders, pooling at your feet, before you settle on your bed.

Hyunjin nods at you with a small smile, encouraging.

“You got this,” he tries, putting a fist up in the air in solidarity.

“Can I put on a podcast so I don’t get bored?” You say, conscious to not move your legs too far apart.

“Sure, it’ll probably take me a while,” he chuckles, “I need to do like five.”

“Oh, dear god,” you roll your eyes and Hyunjin laughs at you. The nerves you were feeling have all disappeared already—it actually isn’t too weird being naked in front of him.

He’s your closest friend, has seen you being sick after drinking too much, has seen all your embarrassing childhood photos, has seen you with bed head and delirious from no sleep. He’s seen it all—so it shouldn’t be too weird for him to see your tits, too.

Hyunjin directs your poses, the first one casual as you lay on your back. He’s only sketching your upper body, he says, from the neck to your bellybutton, so he lets you cover up your bottom half with a blanket so you aren’t too cold. The first pose is fun since you don’t have to do anything too strenuous.

Once he flips the page on his sketchbook to a new one he changes your pose. This time your profile is facing him, the leg closer to him bent to hide most of your body. You don’t get the privilege of warmth this time, and your butt starts hurting after ten minutes in this position. But you focus on the podcast that’s still playing in the background instead, trying to be a good model for Hyunjin.

For the third pose he gets up and moves the table to the very edge of your bed. You look at him questioningly as he does so, before you let out a small, “why?”

“It’s just that, well, I need a close up,” he whispered the last part, eyes focused on rearranging his pencils neatly.

“Of….?” You think you know the answer.

“Of you,” he says, pointedly, and so you understand.

You can’t help but think he was going too easy on you until now, that this was the real assignment and he didn’t want to scare you away. And perhaps it worked, because the thought of Hyunjin staring at your pussy with that amount of concentration doesn’t scare you as much as it would’ve twenty minutes ago.

It actually… excites you. You feel a tingle all around your stomach, and your heartbeat feels louder all of a sudden.

It was one thing to just be naked in front of Hyunjin, but having him look right at you, with his face frowned in concentration made your core flutter.

You nod timidly at Hyunjin’s questioning look before he smiles. He sits back down on his chair, grabbing his pencil, and getting to the task at hand.

You feel yourself getting wet at the amount of attention he’s giving your body—even if it’s just with his eyes—and you hope he doesn’t notice it. But you do, and with your legs spread the way he asked them to be, you can even smell your own arousal. You hope he isn’t close enough to notice it as well, but you have a feeling that hope is futile. He can definitely tell.

“I read a lot about this once we were given the assignment,” he starts, focusing solely on his sketchbook as he talks, “and sometimes models feel.. you know. So don’t be embarrassed.”

“I’m…” you wanted to defend yourself, because you weren’t even that embarrassed. Just surprisingly turned on. “Okay.”

“It would be more embarrassing for you if you were a guy, guys can’t hide it,” he says, as if to make you feel better.

“I don’t think I can hide anything from you right now,” you scoff at him. Hyunjin giggles in response.

He lets another five minutes or so go by before he takes a look at his drawing. You can’t be too sure because you’ve never seen yourself so close before but it looks like a good sketch. A really good one. You’re flattered at the attention to detail and it doesn’t make you feel shy anymore. You’re almost proud.

“When I was reading,” he coughs, “there was someone who said it’s nicer to sketch those body parts after.. a.. well,”

“You’ve just stared at my vagina for twenty minutes straight, Hyune, surely you can get some words out.”

He looks up at you, eyes round and glossy. His plush bottom lip is slightly red from where he’s been sucking on it as he draws.

“Female genitalia is a beautiful subject to draw after the model has experienced sexual gratification.”

You burst out laughing. “Who talks like that?”

“That’s a direct quote from the article!” He defends.

“So you want me to sexually gratify myself?”

He blushes deeply at that, shaking his hands quickly. “Not if that’s weird! Just if you wanted to. I have enough to probably pass I was just curious if she was right about it and—“

The words die on his tongue when you bring your hand between your legs. Your actions are fuelled by a strange bravery you aren’t familiar with, and the insane amount of arousel that’s coursing through you.

He quickly gets up, turning his eyes away from you.

“Wait, I can leave and you can call me back in when you’re d—“

“—don’t,” you say, running your fingers up and down your wetness, “maybe you can draw the process, too?”

His eyes go wide, so wide he almost looks like a cartoon, before he’s fumbling around to find the chair again. He sits down, quickly grabbing his pencils but they all fall onto the floor in his clumsy urge to get drawing right away.

He recovers them quickly, setting them aside but not at all bothering to arrange them in his neat order like before.

“Yeah, good idea,” he finally says, trying his best to look and draw and breathe at the same time.

He doesn’t have time to draw you teasing yourself before you slip two of your fingers inside you.

The sight is so pretty, so beautiful, and Hyunjin freezes for a moment. He blinks once then twice before he quickly starts putting pencil to paper and sketching out the sight before him.

He knows he won’t be able to do any of it justice but he has to try.

“Can you, move a little less?” He asks after a moment or two.

“I won’t reach sexual gratification if I don’t move,” you explain with a chuckle. If you’re honest, having Hyunjin watching you touch yourself might be enough to get you to cum without much movement at all—but you aren’t sure he should know about all that.

“Yeah, but it’s fucking beautiful and I want to get the details right,” he says.

You exhale lightly at that, trying not to react too much to what he just said. You aren’t sure if he can see you clench around your own fingers or not, but you nod in agreement.

“Pull them out a little bit, just so I can see better,” he directs, so simply, as if he isn’t talking about your fingers deep inside your cunt.

You follow his directions dutifully, as you’ve done all afternoon.

It’s just half of your fingers now, which isn’t much, but you can still feel the stretch. Still, with no friction available to you it makes you needy. So needy.

You want to move your fingers more, you want Hyunjin to watch you do more.

“Hyune,” you say, softly.

“Yeah?” He asks, still concentrating on his task.

“Wanna move now,”

“Just a few final details, okay?” He adds in a whisper, “you’re so beautiful,”

“Hyunjin, please,” you let out, because his compliment isn’t helping your patience at all.

“Would it help if you moved for a bit and then went back to the same pose?” He offers, eyes swimming in sympathy.

“It would, yes,” you nod quickly.

“Go on, then, just for a bit,” he smiles, supportive, before his gaze goes back to his sketch. He takes an eraser, fixing up a few details in an attempt to give you some privacy. But you don’t want that at all.

“Hyunie,” you whine out, and his head snaps up in a second. “It’s no fun if you look away.”

“I, I’m trying not to,” his eyes jump between your face and your exposed pussy, then back to the page. “You should have some privacy.”

“Don’t want it,” you say quickly, fingers moving slowly in and out as he gives you a bit more attention, “want you to see this.”

“I wanna see it too,” he says quietly, “it’s so beautiful.”

“Then look at me,” your fingers move quicker now, your palm resting against your clit and applying just the right amount of pressure, “watch me fuck myself.”

“Fuck,” Hyunjin all but moans, head falling backwards before he quickly zeros in on your cunt.

You let your eyes scan down to his crotch, see the bulge he’s so clearly been trying to hide.

“Come here,” you ask him, patting the space next to you, “want you to really see me.”

Hyunjin almost flips the table over and runs to you, but instead he just trips over one of the legs, letting all the pencils fall again, before he’s climbing onto the bed.

He settles right in front of you, his knee touching your ankle, and lets himself fully gape at the sight in front of him.

“I looked through a lot of portraits you know,” he starts softly, his voice lower than usual, “and I think your pussy is the prettiest one.”

“Maybe it has something to do with the artist,” you smirk at him, mostly to try and hide how much you like him complimenting you.

“Not my sketch,” he’s quick to correct you, “the one here.”

As he says it, he brings his big hand on top of yours, pushing against your hand until your fingers go as deep as they can.

You moan loudly at that, jaw hanging open.

“That’s what you wanted, deep,” he confirmed to himself, looking at your knuckles disappearing into you. “Looks so nice like this, too.”

He grabs your wrist, lifting and pushing your hand in an impossible pace. Your fingers are sore from it after only a few seconds, but Hyunjin’s beautiful face is looking right at you and so you don’t do anything but moan.

“So pretty like this, too,” he says, slightly strained.

You grip his bicep, needing something to ground you as the pleasure starts building and building. It’s much more solid than he lets on, his arms big and strong and his grip on your hand tightening as your whines grow higher and higher until— “I’m gonna…”

“Want me to see it? Should I watch as you cum all over your fingers, pretty?”

And that’s all it takes for it to hit you at full force, your eyes shutting tightly as the pleasure takes over.

Hyunjin giggles at you, small dimples appearing by his cheeks as he averts his gaze away from you. He’s so beautiful even with his head turned away, looking for something.

He quickly finds it and grabs the tissues by your bed to hand you one. You quickly clean off your fingers as you giggle.

“Should you get back to drawing now?” You ask, breathless.

“Yes,” he nods, getting up with a very obvious tent in his pants. He adjusts himself as discreetly as he can, but a sense of pride takes over you knowing you’ve made him hard in the first place.

He gathers the pencils off the floor.

“Next I think I wanna draw your face when you cum, it’s really fucking gorgeous,” he says offhanded as he sketched out the outline of your cunt.

“I’ll have to cum again, no?” You mumble.

“That can be arranged,” he doesn’t even look up.

Your breathe catches in your throat.

6K notes · View notes

haechanhues · 1 year

Text

Is This Goodbye?

pairing : brother’s best friend!hyunjin x fem!reader (mentions of other members x reader)

genre : smut. angst.

warnings : switch!reader + switch!hyunjin dynamics (mostly dom!hyunjin). food play. dirty talk - my guy is a talker. heavy degradation and name calling. orgasm denial. fingering. messy foreplay (you’ll get it). VERY TOXIC RELATIONSHIP - they literally try to hurt each other emotionally. more to the story that isn’t explored. a lot of mocking. probably terrible writing like listen, love...thank you if you’re reading this.

summary : he’s your brother’s best friend but he knows just as much as you do that that’s not all he is to you. // where your history is the reason you won’t work out.

word count : 6.4k

@k-labels

main masterlist

dedication : to my cousin who has been trying to get me to finish this….I finally did it! aren’t you proud? but i know i was going to get you to beta this but i can’t, i physically can’t anymore so i’ll send you the link later.

playlist : in the stars - benson boone / ex i never had - lany / like crazy - jimin / here’s your perfect - jamie miller

From the moment Hyunjin walks into your life again, you knew that life wants to fuck you over. Clearly.

You find him in the kitchen, laughing with your brother and the rest of his friends. The centre of attention. His inquisitive eyes dart towards your face through his eyelashes, his lips slowly pulling into that knowing half smirk full of trouble and charm. Looking like he dabbled in the work of being the muse of a lovestruck goddess.

Your appreciative gaze across his figure burns him like melted candle wax. You’ve always been pretty. So pretty that he looks for you in others. Only to be disappointed that none of them are on par with you.

Initially, you were unattainable and then you weren’t. Since then, the line between the two is something you toy with religiously. So he burns. First to figure out what your deal is. Second for answers he’ll have to pull from your throat. Third because he would burn forever for you if that’s what you believed love was.

You startle as the group turns and your stare flit across the familiar faces that are the leading forces of your apocalypse. Hyunjin’s stare turns knife-like, cutting into you deeply as each of them pass you, withdrawing different emotions from your chest.

But when your eyes linger on Minho, who dawdles past you looking like he needed to say something before spotting Hyunjin and deciding it’s best not to. Hyunjin’s insides turn into knots, twisting and twisting until every negative sensation makes up his entire personality. Minho was your first boyfriend, before Hyunjin....before everyone. Although Minho is friends with him now, the memory remains a hard pill to swallow.

Hyunjin remains where he is, looking past you to the wall as you reach inside the freezer to pull out two ice creams.

“Want one?” You ask, your voice all soft and weirdly vulnerable, hand outstretched towards him, eyes big.

“Hmm,” He makes a non-committed shrug, his eyes dipping to the icecream in your hand before lifting to your lips. A small smirk graces your face as you shrug back playfully and you place one of the ice-creams back. Hyunjin’s own expression softens.

So pretty.

You’re so pretty.

“Baby learned how to play,” Hyunjin comments sarcastically, bringing attention to the corner of your mouth with his finger. His body shifts so that your back is against the counter and his figure leans over you. You roll your eyes and Hyunjin’s momentary silence lingers, making the hairs on your skin rise with every second. As a distraction, you bring your ice cream to your mouth, smacking your lips happily and eyes lolling everywhere but him.

Hyunjin can feel something akin to frustration bubbling in his blood at your faux disinterest and snatches at your chin, dragging your attention back to him. His eyes hard enough to break through skin.

Because he likes the pain, his mouth meets yours first. He tastes the sweetness of your ice cream and the faint scent of your perfume. With a mind of their own, your hands fall to grip at the bottom of his shirt, your ice cream dragging messily underneath his shirt as you pull him closer into your body and tilt your head to meet the plushness of his lips.

It’s almost ferocious how good it feels to be kissed by him. Like you were made for each other. Like you had all the time to be together and it still wasn’t enough. Too good. Too toxic. A juxtaposition.

That’s what the both of you were.

A juxtaposition of good and bad.

A juxtaposition of not okay and more than okay.

Something inside Hyunjin’s breaks at the way your kiss softens and your free hand finds his hair, twirling at the strands. His kiss, however, remains unyielding against yours. Desperate. Your mouth opens obediently and your whole body melts against his dominance.

“Still in love with Minho, Y/N?” Hyunjin pulls away briefly, scrutinising your futile attempts at chasing after his lips.

“Why does it matter?”

Hyunjin growls as lifts you above the counter, opening your jean clad legs enough for him to slip in between them. HIs palm presses against your sex firmly, holding it in place. Your eyes falter at the contact and Hyunjin’s mouth is at the shell of your ear, leaving you hot and bothered, and hisses “It matters... because it determines whether you cum in your jeans or cum on my cock.”

“Cock,” You order, impatient, hips already seeking his touch.

The man laughs sarcastically as he reminds you of your earlier actions, “But you’ve left me all messy.”

“That’s what my tongue is good for,” You argue back, pressing tempting kisses that lead to the heart of his throat. You feel his hardened cock rub against the leg of your jeans and it takes everything within you not to rut against it.

Hook, line and centre and the treasure shall be yours.

“Is that right?”

“Mhmm,” You mewl as his hips shift so that his pelvis directly meets yours. His eyes alight with pure lust that burns through him the same way anger does.

“You’re so easy to please, like a good for nothing bitch,” Hyunjin comments, displeasure written all over his face with how much you preen over the comment. He takes your lips for his again, his hands in your hair as he stakes claim. His hips are driving wild against your own, driven by the sound of all your impatient whines and pleading.

“Hyunjin,” You whine against his lips, “Hyunjin….”

“Are you going to stop acting like a slut?” Hyunjin warns. You nod incessantly. Anything he asks. You’ll do it. Anything, “My room, then.”

You’re quick to get down from your perch on the kitchen counter, your wetness collecting in your underwear. You hurry across the kitchen, stopping when Hyunjin pauses in his following stride. He cuts your eye contact short with angry narrowed eyes and a hand on the fridge door.

“I could fuck you in the hallways if you wanted to,” Hyunjin smirks, “But I’d hate for your brother and your exes to find out that I’m fucking their precious Y/N.”

You rush to his bedroom without another word, and without you in his sights he opens the fridge door, picking at the vanilla yoghurt and plastic spoon attached, a foreboding glint in his eye.

Hyunjin’s eyes are feral and heavy as he pulls you in for a kiss that is as thick as the air around you. He finds it unfair that you taste sweet like ice cream whilst he tastes like he could break you. Your lips are swollen as they drop at the feeling of his hands trailing down your body to rest on your navel.

“Lie down,” He orders and you gently fall backwards to sprawl on the bed. Your eyes, big and innocent, soft and fond. Nothing but poison to the boy in front of you. To the boy who knows exactly how poisonous they can be.

With a quiet acceptance that only he can see, he reaches for the hair tie around his wrist, pulling it with his teeth. He leans forward, his lithe body looming over you as he expertly ties your hair tight and away from your face. You swallow as your hands find and linger on his waist, trying not to moan at a particular pull of your hair.

Hyunjin removes the yoghurt from his pocket and hooks his leg over you so that your body is snug in between his thighs. A formality, tone monotone and eyes murderous, “Traffic light system. Give me a colour.”

Your eyes are eager and they drink him in. You’re nervous but excited. You want him. You’ve always wanted him.

“Green.”

He nods without much expression before leaning back on his ankles, his full pink lips part and his tongue licks at them, assessing your body appreciatively. His first touch is over your shirt, eyes curious as his hands explore your body over the fabric, feeling every curve that has teased him. His eyes darken at the way your nipples perk through freely. Unrestricted. He brushes his fingers over the sensitive bud and the whimper you let out is a surprise to you both.

“Hyunjin,” You plea.

“No bra?” He notes, feeling the way you lean into his touch, no matter if its a simple brush of his fingers or a slight squeeze, “Expectant?”

The squeeze of your nipple makes you jolt, the suddenness of it all pulling you briefly from your dazed enjoyment.

“No.”

“I think you’re lying to me,” He growls.

“I’m not,” You whimper again, your voice doused with desperation.

“You’ve lied to me before,” Hyunjin doesn’t pull on his rage, the leash abandoned, “I believed you then. Remember that?”

The words you want to say are listless and without control. But he’s not going to listen, every plane and ridge of his face is cruel and unforgiving. The tears fall from your eyes slowly and it only seems to fuel his fire of tyranny.

“Don’t cry,” Hyunjin collects your tears with the pads of his fingers, tapping at your under eyes so softly, despite the fact that his face is devoid of the softness that belongs in his touch, “I got over it.”

He kisses you then like he didn’t just break your heart. He kisses you like he loves you again, that he’s never stopped. You return his kiss eagerly, your hand resting on the crook of his neck and your fingers on his face. A kiss that tastes like the sea and problems bled and buried. Unresolved.

He pulls away. Hard exterior staring back at you. Waiting for a signal.

“Green.”

He smirks then, perhaps even grateful, before he pushes your shirt up, the fabric dragging lovingly up your body from your torso, tickling every bit of your skin. Your eyes flutter shut, confidence reawakened. Lust, a strong beacon. Hyunjin feels something akin to pride in the way you seem to bask wholeheartedly in your own body. Loving, almost. It’s a feeling that is peach scented and spins his whole world.

He rips at the yoghurt lid, licking at it once before he dips the spoon in. His gaze is teasing as he smears the vanilla yoghurt along the swell of your breast, chuckling when you let out a hiss at the feeling.

“Cold?” Hyunjin teases, swiping his thumb underneath your nipple before placing it in his mouth, moaning at the taste. “Is it really that cold, baby?”

You nod incessantly, your mouth full of lead and incapable of replying to him. Hyunjin cocks his head in fake thought, “You’re quiet.”

Your face crumbles pleadingly, hoping it will soften his heart up and finally give in. Eyes, half lidded stare back down at you as he only presses his hand to your mouth, shutting you up with a demanding, “Sshhhh….be a good girl.”

Your eyes blink at him obediently and you’re rewarded with a small quirk of his mouth that has your whole chest enveloped with warmth. His hand goes to cup your left breast and his mouth meets your nipple and when you find your voice again, it is only a moan.

Hyunjin immediately wants to come at the way you fall apart. The ceiling lights above you blossom into flowers in spring as you feel the way his tongue drags across the sensitive bud. Your nails drag down the back of his scalp, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Your momentary smugness is stolen from you as he begins to leave open mouth kisses, their sounds only serving to fuel your longing.

At your silence, he looks up and you’re both taken aback by each other. How beautiful one another is. For just one second, you had forgot how lovely he was. How pretty. How beautiful. His blonde hair is messy and itching to be tangled up within your fingers. Eyebrows furrowed but his eyes too warm. He freezes at the way you’re staring at him, nostalgia waving its victory flag as it seizes all his movements. He can only watch as you lean your whole weight on your elbows to envelop him in a kiss that inspires doubt. He falls into it, despite the promises he spat to himself.

He snaps away slightly, lips inches apart and he’s reminded once again of your past and your relationship. What you are to him. He remembers then and he won’t make the same mistake twice, “If this is what it takes for you to stop being mouthy, I should’ve done it a long time ago.”

A crinkle of your expression is all Hyunjin needs before your hand takes hold of his hair and tugs. Hyunjin mewls at the new position, looking at you from his chin. You laugh in his face, like every villain does, “And pain is still yours.”

Hyunjin can only watch as your position is flipped and he finds himself on his back, his hair splayed out and your whole body drenched with a sexual need. He scowls and you watch on amused as your little puppy tries to call on his claws, “I’m different now.”

“No,” You giggle slowly, sitting yourself comfortably on his lap, the outline of his cock brushing in between your legs. Hyunjin can’t help but lean into your teasing, a snake completely charmed by its charmer and living as a puppet for all who are curious but he continues to act.

But you’re not buying it.

You know him too well after all.

The trace of your fingers is mocking, and your gaze drops slowly to his pretty fingers curling into fists, “I don’t think you are. I think… you want nothing more but to take your fingers and ruin me with them. To gain control. Power. But you’ll wait…”

A pause, pregnant with tension and empty promises. Drunk on the way he’s staring at you and how it makes you feel. Bewitched by the way you reach for him. How you want nothing more but to let him ruin you. Ruin him. Ruin each other. The same toxic cycle that tastes nothing but exquisite.

“Because we both enjoy it when you beg,” You pout then. Your tongue nestled into the roof of your mouth as your finger dances across the creamy skin of his collarbone, “C’mon baby, you used to be so good at it.”

A fire is all it takes for the castle to burn down and light it you did.

He snatches your wrist, mouth in a tightly straightened line, utterly furious, “You like it when I beg?”

You smack your lips, your eyes lingering on every bit of his skin. Every strand of hair. His eyes. His eyelashes. Every bit of him has your attention and your body purrs. Memories of his pleading to please let him come. Please. Please. Please, “Mhmm.”

“Do you really want me to beg, baby? Tell you what I want?”

Suddenly, Hyunjin yanks your legs further apart and you can’t help but gasp at the movement. His eyes flash and he can’t rein in his pleasure. Hyunjin’s hand slots itself in between your thighs, his thumb pressing onto your clit through your jeans and you whimper. The cheshire grin on his face growing when he feels you rock into his hold.

“I’ll beg for you then, since we both enjoy it,” His tongue swipes against his bottom lip and if you hadn’t been so tunnel visioned by his unmoving fingers on your clit, your gaze would have focused onto the action. But it’s the frustrating way he lets your arousal grow and grow. Your legs aching with need for him to move.

His voice lowers into a whisper, “Please, baby, let me fuck you until I’m the only one that can make you come.”

The little magic word sends you completely into overdrive. You hate that it has such an effect on you. That it pulls you in completely different directions until you’re only a shell of a person. But, you also love it. You love the eye contact that transpires between the two of you. You love the way need feels - emotionally and physically charged until it encompasses every sense. Taste. Scent. Touch.

You start to rock on his fingers and circle your hips in search of the friction he knows you need.

Hyunjin’s hands slip into the front of your jeans and your underwear, growling lowly at the wanting need of your entrance. Your breathing deepens as uncontrollable need takes over you and you start to rock feverishly against his fingers. Slowly building up orgasm.

Sneaky.

Pathetic.

Hyunjin loves it.

His gaze is dark upon you as he takes notice of your increasing insanity and wants nothing more to control it, to witness you lose all autonomy.

“Are you going to come?” Hyunjin mocks, his voice more than a whisper but incredibly devilish against your skin. You throw your head back as his fingers start moving faster and deeper inside of you, a home run in sight.

“You really going to come ,you filthy thing? Come for me?” Hyunjin taunts, pulling the rope inside you so hard you almost snap at his words alone.

Yes.

The clouds of heaven that are approaching are ruthlessly ripped away from him and you’re left in Hyunjin’s bedroom again, blanketed with disappointment and the desperate urge to cry. Your breathing deepens to catch your breath but the effort feels useless. Like you’ve been cheated from your rightful sensation.

“Sorry,” He gloats, unable to control his cheshire grin, “That’s too bad.”

Hyunjin feeds on your distraught with a vengeful kind of glee, letting it devour him. He brings his finger to his mouth, savouring the taste of your stolen orgasm and wearing it on his lips. You only watch him, upset and furious. But obedient.

Hyunjin wants to moan at the sight.

If only you would cry.

“Are you upset with me?” Hyunjin laughs, breathy, feeling like he soared through the whole sky. Your betrayal contorts your face into a scar that is only cute to him. Taking pity on you, he leans in as if to tell you a secret, “Here, I’ll let you decide what of me you have next….”

Hyunjin takes note of how mistrusting the tongue in your mouth is. Yet, his attention is completely taken by the way your body leans into him. How your gaze wanders over his frame, a witness to the outcomes of your hidden temptations.

All the better to wreck you with.

“Anything,” Hyunjin whispers conspiratorially, “And you have it…”

As your silence lingers, his palm cups your breast before it begins it’s descent down your front, “My fingers again?”

A sensual kiss pressed at the crook of your neck, the plumpness of them lingering like nothing else, “My mouth…”

“My abs,” He whispers, “Imagine how messy my filthy girl will get me?”

Your mouth waters at the preposition and Hyunjin smirks. He forgets how easily you fall into the idea of getting him all messy. Greedy, you were. You already had his heart ripped apart yet in your pocket for safe keeping. But his body was something you would conquer every time, knowing and cherishing him for the nights you were together. Washing away every other that came in between with your invisible claim that completely fucked him up.

“That one, huh?” Hyunjin murmurs and you nod incessantly. Once again wordless and headless and completely in a trance. He raises his eyebrow in challenge, “You’re not the only one that loves being dominated...tell me what to do.”

With a smack of your lips, your hands reach for the bottom of his dress shirt, pulling it above his head and ignoring his fixated stare, “Lie down.”

It’s all art to him. Love. Sex. Revenge. Like a stroke of his paintbrush, he falls backwards, making sure that you’re trapped within him. Your body falls after him, straddling him with a rushed calmness that shouldn’t make sense. You sit on his pant-clad legs, his erection sitting snug in between the gap in your thighs.

Every girl or guy he sleeps with and you’re the one that stands out. You’re not quite his favourite. It’s more than that. He sleeps around, leaves others high and dry and yet you’re the one he goes back to. Like you’re his only. But you’re not. You’re not his ‘only’. You’re not his ‘current’. He doubts he was your ‘ever’.

You’re just the girl he’ll never get over. You’re the girl that has fucked him up to unbelievable lengths and he’s always been hell bent on revenge. So for that, you must suffer.

Only, you must suffer in a way that your brother will survive through your suffering. In the only way he can really stand to hurt you. In a way that he can be with you over and over again despite the way he hurts and burns.

It’s torture.

The only way you can suffer is within the forbidden clouds you both created when you were eighteen.

“Hyunjin,” You’re calling his name, tone all lustful with a thinly spread layer of concern, one that Hyunjin refuses to believe, “You with me?”

Hyunjin nods, silent now. He hates you but he doesn’t. You both shouldn’t do this. You shouldn’t have even started this. Yet... he can’t seem to stop. Never has.

Your concern bubbles inside of you now, and you watch his face soften as he gets lost in his thoughts, “Traffic light system, Hyunjin. Give me a colour.”

“Green.”

You exhale, leaning forward to seal his consent with a small kiss. Your lips prickle pleasurably at the feeling of his lips on yours again, completely taken by him.

Your hands are explorers as they travel down his body. Experimentally, your hand wrap around his neck, feeling the air trap in his throat and his face developing a beautiful red blush. You release and drink in the way his mouth opens to allow the oxygen to enter his body.

If poetry was a person, it would be Hyunjin.

You get lost within your thoughts and Hyunjin feels himself get increasingly restless at the feeling of you straddling him without touching him in any way - close to being romantic.

Just like you both used to be.

Hyunjin lifts his knee slightly, letting your body fall forward and your hands gripping at his biceps like safety nets. His skin tickles at the feeling of your surprised exhale. You cast him a quick glare that he answers with a dismissive quirk of his eyebrow. With an uncontrollable urge, you squeeze at his biceps appreciatively, noting that they had grown since you had last seen him.

“Are you always this taken by the boys you let in your bed?” Hyunjin teases.

The quirk of his eyebrow is now directly on your face, written so meanly like the girl he likes to think you are, “You want to know about the boys in my bed?”

He can’t help the whip of jealousy that licks up his body from the feet up. His tongue fits directly inside the right of his cheek, ignoring the excitement that grows on your face and daring to challenge the thick sauce of his jealousy, “Yeah, tell me about them.”

“Are you sure?” You croon, “They’re all your friends. Can you handle that?”

You fucking heinous bitch.

Every time he tries to convince himself that you were worth the trouble of betraying his best friend, you do or say something that proves otherwise. You’re a taker and you took his trust, his heart and broke it into millions of little tiny pieces that nobody could put together again.

The anger is painted across his body in the way that tickles you externally. But inside, you can feel dread freeze you over and you fall and fall within its ice age. Hyunjin scoffs.

He grips at your waist hard, “I’m starting to get bored, sweetheart.”

You growl back, “You asked.”

Before he can reply, Hyunjin’s voice is poached at the feeling of your arousal coating his abs, almost dripping onto the bed cover. Your head is slumped forward at the sensation and you let out an involuntary sigh of relief.

You slide against his tensing stomach, enjoying the curves of his abs with your head thrown back. You’re moaning and your thighs are starting to burn at the effort. Hyunjin grips your hips in support, and you succumb completely to the pleasure you feel. Your hands seek for something to grab onto, but only manage to scratch at the sternum of Hyunjin’s naked chest.

Your breathing quickens as you use him to make yourself come and Hyunjin all but falls into it. You look like you’re his again with your eyebrows furrowed in the way he remembers. Your body is slick with the lovechild of the yoghurt and Hyunjin’s mouth and his with your arousal which he yearns to lick and suck until the early hours of the morning.

Then you’re stopped.

Again.

Malignant pressure on your waist halts you and you want to cry and sniffle with the fact you were so close to coming. So fucking close. Your eyes implore into him, hoping he’ll take pity on your tears and your silent desperation.

Pity that.

Hope.

Hyunjin notes that expression with a surface level type of contempt, ignoring the deeper emotion he doesn’t want to deal with right now. Not ever and especially not with you.

He hums softly, unable to banish the mocking and true intentions away, he sings “I forgot how easy you come.”

So did you.

You grit your teeth, interior hardening despite the sticky tears layering about your eyelashes, “I don’t have to try this hard with Changbin.”

The humour in denying your overdue orgasm is ripped away from him, “You didn’t do to Changbin what you did to me.”

Your heart drops.

Without context, you are two people having sex. Used to the way the other tastes. Knowledgeable about what makes the other tick. A little messy. But if you were to open each other’s heart and devour it… memories upon memories. Locked away in a safe, finally seeing the light of day again.

“I-”

Hyunjin’s eyes roll before he shifts the position around, your back now against the plush bed sheets. You melt into the blankets, previously warmed by the body heat of his back. His lips are a breadth away from yours and you yearn for it. For him. For the both of you.

“Shut up-” His mouth drives forward to slot onto yours. At the lick of his tongue against yours, you feel tingly and your hands go to lock over his neck only for him to lock your wrists in a dominant grip against the bed, “No.”

His lips find your jaw then, slowly enjoying the taste of your skin and the sounds of your writhing and mewling, “I am going to fuck you like the slut you are.”

You gasp at the combination of his lips finding your sweet spot and his words. But Hyunjin is relentless and he’s sweet and he reminds you of the both of you back then, “Do you want me to?”

“M-yeah,” You moan, the peppering of his kisses like body glitter.

“Not good enough,” He’s stern, “If you want me to fuck you, let me hear you. Let me know you need it.”

“Hyunjin,” You whine, your ankles locking his body to press against yours. You opt to tease him with your hands, coaxing him to have his way with you. To no avail.

“More,” Hyunjin whispers and it tickles against your cheek, “Or I stop.”

“Please fuck me,” You plead, he presses evil kisses to the tears slowly trickling down your chin, “Please. I can’t wait anymore.”

“Hmm,” He hums in a non-committal way that makes you want to yank your hair from the roots. You’re incredibly horny now and your whole body prickles. Your body screams out for him and you writhe and writhe and struggle. Your tears a little ocean for Hyunjin to bask in.

“If you don’t fuck me,” You splutter, the tears lining your cheeks and marring your eyesight, a hindrance to the frustration crawling up your arms like spiders, “I will go down there and find Minho.”

There you go again,

Ruining his fun.

“Turn around,” His tone and the air are both stagnant, caught in warfare of emotions. His eyes completely dark and devilish.

With bated breath, you get into position, your hands gripping at the sheets and your ass facing towards Hyunjin who strokes at his cock languidly. His tongue is in his cheek and it’s a sure sign that he’s annoyed. He rips the packet with his teeth roughly, rolling the condom onto his erect cock.

He glances at your peeking with a growl, “I don’t want to fucking look at you. Face the front.”

With a swallow, you obediently turn to follow his orders. With a huff, he sends him palm straight to the curve of your ass, and you let out an embarrassing moan, “Y/N…you really are a bitch.”

At those words he squeezes at the flesh before spreading and revealing the mess on your pussy. He wants to whine at the sight but he refrains. After all, he’s still pissed at you and right now, he has the power over you. He decides when you come. He decides how you’re going to come.

It’s all him.

He spits in his hand before gliding the makeshift lube across your sex, enjoying the way your body tenses and attempts to chase after his tinkering fingers. The names come to him in waves, each degrading. Whore. Slut. Bitch.

His.

You’re always his. You’re always his whore. His slut. His bitch.

And he was going to make sure you knew.

He lines his cock up with your entrance, his eyes going weak at the feeling of your wet walls that swallow him whole. His hips drive into you, the slap of the skin sounding pornographic and he lets out a pleasurable groan. You whimper as he continues to wreck you over and over again.

His grip on your hips is brutal and yet you can’t get over how full you feel. How good it all is. Him. You fall to your elbows with a high pitched moan as he drills in and out of your pussy. He loves the way you lose yourself in the pleasure, primitive in your vocal responses.

“Ah-” At a particular delicious thrust that has your moan buried within the sheets in front of you, your mouth drooling, “O- Fhuck-”

You’re not even making sense at this point. Past the point of dignity and ambitious only for your pussy to swallow his come. For his body to press up against your back, his hands traveling across the expanse of your naked body.

“Minho,” Hyunjin scoffs, his grip tightening and his thrusts harder, “He couldn’t fuck you harder than I do-”

You only moan. Moan. Scream. Whine. It’s not enough. Not enough indication of how good you feel-

“Still want Minho to fuck you my pathetic baby?” Hyunjin coos, his whispers dancing along the naked skin of your back.

You shake your head.

“Don’t stop,” You plead, you think you’ll cry if he stops now. You wish upon any star in the night that he’ll continue. That he won’t leave you high and dry despite the ways in which you fucked him over tonight.

Hyunjin only laughs, “I’m not going to fucking stop. You hear me?”

“Mmm,” You cry as you attempt to watch the way in which your body and his meet. You make eye contact with Hyunjin and expect to be degraded, be told to face the front or moan in the blanket like the pathetic whore you are, but he doesn’t. Instead, he surprises you with a small smile.

If only he had his camera, he would’ve taken multiple photos of you whilst you were in the throes of your shared passion. This moment, however would be ‘that’ photo. With your mouth heavy and your eyes wet, you’re a complete mess. His mess. His trouble. His torture.

He lets out a loud moan, “Oh fuck Y/N…”

The shit you do to him.

At the stuttering of his hips, your butt chases after his cock, bouncing wildly for any sound of pleasure. Greedy for it. You can feel the telltale signs of your orgasm approaching and as his energy levels start to dwindle, he’s found the same path.

“Fuck,” He curses as his come spills into the condom. He remains still inside you, he winces as you continue to move against him and you’re both grateful that your orgasm follows almost immediately after. Breathing heavily, he pulls out of you gently and then you spin around to greet him with a sweet kiss that absolutely steals his breath away. All the sex in the world and yet this is the shit that gets to him.

His lips massage yours in the sweetest way and you can’t even pretend that the clouds of lust remain anymore. Hyunjin’s him after all. Your tongue hesitantly licks against his bottom lip and Hyunjin tries to deepen the kiss, make the kiss hotter, messier, wetter…

But your kiss remains fond.

And he doesn’t like it.

He doesn’t like this.

You.

He can’t. Not after the first. Not the second. Not the third. He knows if you push him, he will surely fall into you again, convictions forgotten.

That’s what scares him the most.

He pulls away like he’s been electrocuted, pushing gently at your shoulder. He stares at you, eyes wide with betrayal written all over his face. It’s Deja Vu. From the very first time you had initiated this type of relationship. When you coldly broke up with him and then within days announced you were in a relationship with Changbin.

Forgive. Forget. None of that matters.

Revenge does.

“Remind me what this is,” Hyunjin’s voice is low and purposeful. As if daring you to cross him. Challenging you, “Because one of us seems to have forgotten.”

“Fucking,” Your voice is soft.

Hyunjin hates it. Hates you. But also not at all.

“Yes, fucking.” He laughs but there’s no humour laced into the words he spoke, “So why is there so much drama when all we do is fuck?”

Your lips press against each other, keeping silent. Calculated. Hyunjin reaches for your mouth, squeezing at your chin before his mouth is beside your ear.

“Do you love me, Y/N?” Hyunjin croons, “Is that what this is?”

You freeze, and you stare at him, your eyes glazed. But Hyunjin is frozen just as much as you are. Not in the same way. His ice makes him crueler, more condescending. He was once water, flowing freely. Gentle and rough at the same time. Only for your hand to freeze all that were rivers, ponds, streams. Blood.

Although you feel your heart decaying and crumbling with every word, strangely, you don’t shy away from his cruelty. Instead, you find yourself slightly marvelling at it. You are its creator, after all. A feat that continues to stand against time.

When he takes your silence as an answer, he leans back so that he’s all you see. The hard ridges of his prince like face and his wet mouth stare down at you, a soft whisper brushing against your skin, “I loved you. Cherished you… Now I know better.”

He laughs then, every part of him evil but his heart. But it’s not fun. Not at all. Not when your lip is starting to tremble and he can see your heart beating erratically on your sleeve. Not when he can feel his own heart breaking.

But it’s fine.

Because he’s better. It may have taken time, but he can be completely over you. He can hurt you. He can.

He will.

“That’s not true,” You choke. His smile drops and his mouth hardens-

You’re unbelievable.

You can’t fucking do this.

It’s not fair.

“Fuck this,” He mutters, fun dead and buried, removing himself from you to remove the condom before throwing on pants and a shirt and hurriedly walking out the door.

The room is silent. Too silent. You miss the sound of his breathing. You can hear him in your head. In your heart. And it’s too loud. He’s too loud. You can’t help the first sob that escapes you, the heartbreak running along the trenches of your heart.

Hyunjin stares at his reflection in the mirror.

His lips are raw with bites and his cheeks are flushed with post-sex glow. He clearly had a good time. But his eyes, hollow and lifeless. Rimmed with tears that threaten to unleash a howl crawling to escape his throat.

He wants to cry.

A pathetic kind of sob.

He quickly swipes at the tears falling down his face with cold water, praying that the symptoms of his turmoil will no longer leave a physical mark. Systematically, he reaches for a hand towel and douses it with cold water, squeezing at the fabric.

He walks down the hallway, dead to the world but his heart reaching for you. He pauses at the door listening to the sound of your sobbing that only has his soul wrenching at the pure agony.

Hyunjin opens the door tentatively and he feels his chest swell up like a balloon at the sight before him. He can’t breathe. The walls close in on him and his throat knotted too tight for oxygen to pass through.

It feels like death.

Minho has your naked body in a loving embrace, his nose buried into your neck and his hands around your torso. You sob into Minho’s hold with such a familiar vulnerability that makes Hyunjin’s heart ache more than it ever has. Minho’s warm hoodie is bunched within your tightening grip and you’re murmuring into his skin and Minho just holds you.

It’s so warm and so loving, it makes Hyunjin feel physically sick.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

He was supposed to break you. Show that he was unstoppable without you. But he’s not. He’s a shell. A hollow shell.

And you’re the cause.

With another decisive wipe of his tears, he turns away from the scene before him, trudging down the hallway with new battle wounds and his worn out mantra. The urge to tell Felix all that has transpired between the two of you since you were eighteen rushes through Hyunjin’s ears, to let your brother and his friends know that you weren’t as innocent as you liked to pretend you were.

But he can’t, because he loves your brother and he loves you.

He will forever love you.

It’s always going to be you.

author’s note : there is so much more to their relationship that i haven’t explored (if you’re interested) and i edited it but like barely. i’ve lost my will to go on. i just want to be finished with this. right now. hopefully this didn’t suck! happy extremely late birthday hyunjin <3 i actually do love you. but i also finished editing like literally a bit ago! so here it is!!

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