Random Human AU Cars headcanons that probably don’t make any sense before I go to bed bc I can.
Lightning McQueen:
- Has accidentally called Doc “dad” before
- Has accidentally called Strip “dad” as well
- Bro can literally not stop moving- like he will not sit still and he tries so hard
- He has the shortest attention span ever if it doesn’t have to do with his friends or racing
- He actually really enjoys American Football and plays a modified version with Mater sometimes
- He was an orphan growing up
- Bro would 100% go apeshit feral if he lost a game of Uno
- Loves carnivals
- Dog person
- Forgets he’s rich sometimes and he can make his own decisions about money
- His love language is hugs and gifts
- He bought the Hot Wheels of his car and continues to buy every variation
Chick Hicks:
- Bit other kids as a child
- Filled water guns with lemonade and shot at people’s eyes
- Daddy issues(actually this is canon isn’t it?)
- Cat person
- Frighteningly good at card games like Casino “house always wins” levels of good. Like bro will somehow know what your cards are without even looking at them
- He put rocks in snowballs
- Alcoholic
- Loves anything horror, gorey, and True Crime
- He’s notoriously bad at getting people gifts, like seriously bro is not allowed to buy anything for anyone for Christmas or their birthdays that’s how bad it is(someone usually gets it for him)
- He probably has a huge gambling problem
- His love language is giving gifts
- He gives gifts as a form of apology because he’s shit at words
- Literally the best mustache in all of cars- like he keeps that thing at top condition 101% of the time
- He never actually finished school because his dad forced him into racing as soon as he could
- Probably had rabies at one point and somehow survived
- If you somehow manage to become a good friend of his, he’ll actually be super chill w/ you
- Rich as FUCK
Strip Weathers:
- Legally adopted Cal after his parents passed away(or sumn idk)
- Has several scars on his arm from the crash during the tie-breaker race
- He, Tex, Lynda, and Cal were practically inseparable after the crash
- He and Tex are literally the bestest of buds like they are homies to the MAX
- He doesn’t hold any ill-will against Chick even if he should and is allowed to
- The “Boy Scout” of racing(think Superman or Captain America)
- He listens to “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X while working with his horses. Cal cringes every time.
- He never swears unless he’s serious about something or is extremely upset or concerned
- He almost fainted when he met Doc for the first time, almost immediately asking for an autograph
- He has a ranch full of horses and enjoys horse racing as well as car racing
- Received an apology gift of both cologne and a miniature trophy from Chick
- He let Chick sign his cast after the crash
- He’s tried to teach Lightning and Bobby how to ride horses with Cal’s help. It did not go well
- He wanted to be a doctor for a little while before switching career paths
- Racing is literally in his blood(he comes from a very VERY long line of racers)
- Weirdly good at writing. Like for no reason.
- He heavily fanboyed over Doc when he was younger
Doc Hudson:
- He loves Lightning as his son
- He thinks of Sally as a surrogate daughter
- Unironically says “back in my day” whenever he’s telling a story
- He owns a shotgun and it’s hidden away in his house, far away from Lightning(who keeps trying to find it with no luck)
- He knows the most shit out of everyone and all their backstories. Bro hears the gossip and goes “nice”
- He loves watching fruit dissection videos on YouTube for some reason
- Bro is great at knitting. Like seriously. Give him ten seconds and you’ll have a whole ass sweater with a theme and everything
- He is an alcoholic(especially after his crash)
- Never got married or had children… until Lightning and Sally lmaooo
- He nearly started crying tears of joy when Lightning called him dad the first time
- He has several large burns and scars on his legs and lower back from the crash(like shit is really bad dude)
- His favorite movie is the original ghost busters
- He is a cat person
- He is a neat freak at heart yet gave up trying to clean out his garage because of all the bad memories
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Okay but hear me out...
What if Lightning regretted not winning that tiebreaker before going back to help Strip?
What if he then had to deal with feeling guilty for having that regret?
As far as he's concerned, he did the right thing, and so he has no right to regret not being selfish.
What if he had a very reassuring talk with Strip about why it's okay for him to feel that way even though he did the right thing? Because he gave up going down in Piston Cup history as being the first rookie to ever win a cup. That's a big deal!
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Cars INCORRECT QUOTES⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ (mainly featuring the RGB Trio lmfaoo. Probably humanized too)
Lightning: [Pointing at Chick] Look at him and tell me there is a God!
Strip:
Chick: He made me in his own image👹👹👹
—————
Lightning: [On the phone] Hey Doc? Can I borrow 5000 bucks?
Doc: Why do you need $5000? Plus aren’t you rich???
Lightning: It’s for an escape room.
Doc: What kind of escape room needs $5000?!
Lightning:
Lightning: Jail.
ALTERNATIVELY:
Cal: [On the phone] Uncle Strip, could I borrow… 5000 smackeroos?
Strip: Why do you need $5000?
Cal: For an escape room.
Strip: What the hell kind of escape room needs $5000?!
Cal: Jail.
Strip: 🧍♂️🧍♂️🧍♂️
—————
Chick: Just found out the world doesn’t revolve around me. Shocked and upset.
—————
Strip: How long are we going to stand here and let him do that?
Chick: Just give him a minute… or two… This is seriously entertaining…
Lightning: [Struggling and on the verge of tears whilst pushing on a door that VERY CLEARLY has pull written on it]
—————
Doc: Since it’s impossible to know which part of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.
ALTERNATIVELY:
Strip: Since it’s impossible to know which part of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.
—————
Sally: [Annoyed] What are you, five?
Lightning: [With sass, no braincells] Yeah! Five heads taller than you!
Sally:
Lightning:
Lightning: I’m deeply sorry for my actions and have learned from my mistakes please don’t hurt me.
—————
Chick: Go big or go home!
Hicks Crew Chief: [Tears in his eyes] We’re all begging you, Chick. For once in your life, go home. Please. Just this once, go home.
Chick: I’m going big. 👹👹
Hicks Crew: [Muffled sobbing]
—————
Lightning: I have an idea—
Strip: [Racer-Sitting for the other Crew Chiefs] If it involves you, Chick, Cal, Bobby, and the Avatar Theme-song then no.
Lightning: [Crossing his arms sassily] Well never mind then!
—————
Strip: Gods give me patience…
Chick: I think you mean “give me strength”.
Strip: [Exhausted, pointedly] If the gods gave me strength, everyone would be dead.
Chick: [Nervous sweating]
—————
Sorry it’s so short yall! If you guys have any suggestions for incorrect quotes please feel free to drop them and lmk abt them. I’m having fun writing these lmaooo.
Anyways I think I’m funny lol. Enjoy these 💀
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