#stuck in this nightmare situation at work trying not to cry bc I'm supposed to have finished with driver's ed by now

[loumauve]

in other news.. tomorrow may be my last day of therapy for a while, unless I misunderstood what she was saying, and I’m lowkey terrified

#we got through a lot. and a lot of work went into the past two or so years. a lot of processing and change and understanding #but I've been feeling like I'm stuck in hell again between a rock and a hard place unable to move #and idk how to cope with that if I'm gonna be on my own with it again #it's just.. a bit much #I've gotten so used to knowing that I'll have sb to talk to when shit gets rough #sb who will tell me I'm valid. and that I deserve better. and that I've done better than I let myself believe #and idk. idk how I'm supposed to just move along without that #I still don't know how to ask for help. I still have all this anxiety. we never worked on that bc I was doing better #but now it's all come back and I still don't really have coping strategies that work consistently #all I have is age old dissociating and numbness which fucks me up long term and all the other shit like perfectionism I can't let go #I don't know how to deal with this on my own. I barely knew with her help but now that's gonna be gone so.. #guess it's just me. on my own. again #stuck in this nightmare situation at work trying not to cry bc I'm supposed to have finished with driver's ed by now #when all I can think abt is how I can't memorize shit at all and there's more than a thousand questions on that exam #and driving still makes me worry about everything bc I'm scared to death of ruining sb's life if I fuck up #I just.. I don't want to. and I can't. but I have to and idk how to cope #and idk how to quit my job bc I'm afraid that I'll suck at everything else #she'd ask me sometimes where I saw myself in the future and the truth is I still don't know. I don't have goals #all I have is fear that's telling me what to run from. and anxiety and those gd voices in my head telling me that I'll be a failure if I do #feels like any progress I've made is just gone now. the only thing I still have going for me is fucking medication #and even that is struggling to keep me afloat #idk. I'm just so tired #a day in the life of..