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dearestkong · 3 days

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reflections // starting the summer term 🌷💌

(feel free to skip … just a lot of rambling about changes of mindset, i’ll sum it up later in my new pinned.)

it’s been more than a month since I’ve started this blog, and I’m really really glad that I did. not because my productivity has spiked or my anxiety has diminished or whatever (though there have been positive effects), but because just attempting to start something like this meant that I was no longer willing to suffer and rot in private. i talked about the “hole of dysfunction and self-hatred” in my old introduction: for so long, that hole was my best-kept secret and my greatest shame. being competent and ambitious was an aspect of my personality, and I couldn’t handle the idea that it wasn’t true.

but then…. dearestkong emerged!! and I started being completely transparent. telling strangers about every day of self-destructiveness. it was a good form of accountability, sure, but it was also a means of telling the truth. this blog has been a way for me to say: i’ve been struggling, and it’s not a fluke or a “flop era” or something entirely disconnected from the high achiever i used to be. the girl fighting off inertia and the girl seemingly doing everything with ease are the same person.

🌷☆彡

my posts have been getting more optimistic recently, and that isn’t a fluke, either. lots of things have happened: i’ve realised how many people support and believe in me, i started taking medication for a problem i’ve had for a while (it’s crazy how the world seems so much brighter now?!!?!), i started writing in my diary again. i’m now 27 days clean from a self-destructive behaviour (this blog isn’t about my relationship with that, but in the early days i used to make a note of relapses and just the fact of acknowledging it felt so freeing to me. it wasn’t something to hide anymore, but a fight i was making progress with.)

this seems like a rapid evolution for such a new blog, right?! but in the next six months, i’m going to be applying to university. i’m about to undergo some of the most rapid evolutions of my life.

🌷☆彡

for so long, i’ve had this vague and unspecified dream: “doing the best” “working my hardest” “impressing my teachers”. now my dream has a name and a face and admissions results attached to it and it’s making me so scared that i want to throw up. when i was in the depths of the hole i couldn’t stop seeing my life as a binary. either i get in, or i don’t. and if i don’t, what the hell is the point of living?

38 days later and i feel a little differently. i am someone who has climbed out the hole of inertia and lived. i have done many things and they’ve all turned out fine— great, actually. i have reason to believe that things will go well.

i still have a pretty nasty relationship with myself, lol. it makes me really happy when people on this blog interact and talk, but they’re all so nice and it makes me feel a little fake. in reality i’m standoffish, awkward, and often mean. i coast by on intellectual abilities while slacking off. i’m a judgemental egoist who is sometimes self-destructive. all of that is true—>

but at the same time, i still have this crazy belief that i deserve the best. it’s literally an overflow of egoism ;;;; there’s nobody i’m more in love with than myself. i think of the girl i’ll be in the future with such affection, and i don’t want her to feel ashamed or resentful of me. she deserves to have her hopes fulfilled!! she deserves the brightest, the best that i can give her.

in conclusion: even if i don’t like the person i am at the present, i have to do it anyway. 1 because there’s no other option and 2 because i love the person i’ll be in the future too much to stop.

🌷☆彡

so from now on, the purpose of this blog is changing slightly. it’s no longer “get out of the hole and survive” like it used to be. we’re past that, we’re already surviving.

now, the aim is to “do my best so my future self can live with no regrets”. that’s not very concise but I’ll work on it.

let’s do this! 加油！

#kong’s reflections #study motivation #studyblr #girlblogging #self improvement #study with me #studyspo #student life #study study study #studying #studyinspo #chaotic academia

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ashs-reverie · 1 day

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23nd April - 21 Days until Finals

3hr 5min on forest 🌲

1hr 55min screen time 📱

Last night i felt a little on edge bcs my brain suddenly figured that i might not be able to complete my syllabus before exams and i got anxious, even the meds didn't help so i had to re-analyse and make a fresh time-table (i am a little behind)

Stuff i did:

Text book reading/summarising

Made flashcards

Reviewed 13 cards

I'v got to start memorising more bcs my exams are sort of rote-learning based and i have got a lot of questions to learn :')

Good luck to everyone 💖🫶

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thelostfilesofstudents · 2 months

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#study space #student #study aesthetic #study inspiration #study #studyblr #green aesthetic #study study study

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how-to-get-away-with-study · 5 days

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Old school libraries and archives 📖

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sysy-studyblr · 5 months

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friday 01/12/23

like 4-5 months ago i posted about how my uni path forward was mucky and confusing. i finally know exactly how to get there, and im genuinely so grateful for everything. despite procrastinating the german revision, which is my main way to uni, im still extremely grateful i know where im going and how. so yeah hopeful update

[ft. the sweater i was knitting in my last post]

♫ rush - troye sivan ♫

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tea-tuesday · 6 months

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11/03/2023

today was the last day of my internship!! after saying goodbye to my coworkers/supervisors, i went to a café to finish reading normal people and study for the state bar (i'm on the last module). for the rest of the semester, my goals are to focus on my seminar and write my 30-page paper, study for the state bar, and have as much fun as possible before i go back to campus next sem😩

#NO MORE DOC REVIEW!!!!!#i was such a slacker during this internship i feel bad to have been considered full time...#studyblr #tea-tuesday #mine #lawblr #study inspiration #studyspo #studying #study #law school #study motivation #city academia #study study study

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mothmantis · 6 days

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Exam season ft lots of pink and lots of coffee ☕️🩷

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indigomistudies · 2 months

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personality psych! one of my favourite classes yet

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yang-jin-seo · 6 months

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Day 73 🌬

2023.11.12

*함박스테이크 먹고 서점 갔다 카페 다녀오기

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joytri · 2 years

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Exam season ending in two days whatt

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belovedapollo · 14 days

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oops I bought another moleskine notebook (it was on sale) 🌱 reblog is ok, don’t repost/use

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miss-butterscotch · 15 days

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08.04.2024 // 07.00 am physio hons final paper soon 🧠🫀🫁🩸🦠🧬🧫👩🏻‍🔬

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how-to-get-away-with-study · 5 days

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Spring at the university campus 🌷

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sysy-studyblr · 6 months

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saturday 28/10/23

shawdies i’m sorry i been gone. four hour daily german is killing me. i’m in A2 now, and i need to start getting more energy to get work done after class. today i just passed out. like gymming 5 days a week and 9am classes is mad exhausting but i’m good!

♫ feel so good - mase ♫

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linastudyblrsblog · 3 months

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Fifth week in anaesthesiology and ICU care unit

Spending half of the day in the hospital’s library to revise and take notes

#studyblr #med life #medicine #studyspo #100 days of productivity #medblr #medical studyblr #medical student #med school #study session #study inspo #study study study #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academic #study motivation #hospital placements #aspiring doctor #medics

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mothmantis · 26 days

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Studying & spring breaking 🌱

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