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5 March 2020, 7:25pm

Ramblings of the day.

I’m working on some research for work and I have a slew of work emails to deal with.

After one week of travel, I went back to the gym this morning. Damn, it kicked my ass. As much as I appreciate not waking up at the crack of dawn while I was traveling getting back into my gym routine was a pain.

I’ve also been incredibly lazy this week. I’m just not in the mood to really go to campus. I really should do that tomorrow for paperwork reasons but, ehhh, I’m not in the mood to go.

I’m also procrastinating right now. Not good.

Some good news? I have a brand new door lock that makes a nice snap when I lock it. It really helps my minor OCD anxitey. I know to most people this is pretty basic but to me and my anxiety it is HUGE.

Anyway, enough rambling and procrastinating.

Back to work……


Originally posted by catscafecomics

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March 16th, 2017//

i finished that essay, holy shit i can’t believe i did it in one day. also the cat started yelling and i had to take a break for 30mins to pet her. i had to, there was no option.

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Settings - a late evening. A room with a study, a window and 2 beds.

A boy, 17, messy dark hair, calloused palms, square shoulders leaning on the desk.

A girl, 20, invading space, brown eyes and painted chipped nails.

Her: Do you like it here?

Him: No, I’m going to get out and take mum and dad with me.

Her: Dad doesn’t enjoy enjoying things in general, I think they have lost their souls to something. I just feel everything here is dead.

Him:You are too rude. You are eating right out of their bank accounts. Pay me when you start earning shit and we’ll move out. It’s dog eat dog here. And for once respect your parents.

Her: Right. Dude, I feel like shit all the time. No matter I make others feel like shit too. I’m really worthless right. Fuck it, how do “you” live? It must be easy being good and smart and fucking genius.

Him: You are lazy. We got our intelligence from mum. She would have been something more if it hadn’t been her marriage. I think dad’s coming to check on us. Let’s pretend we are sleeping and then talk.

Her: what about your homework?

Him: the class’s at 12 tomorrow, still got time.

They slide the windows open, the night is cool outside. They slip into their beds. The brother is flat on his back, his head towards his sister. The sister is proped up on one elbow and half anchored on her side. They dim the lights.

Her: How are you so confident? What did I do wrong?

Him:Last week in my class, I told the teacher I didn’t understand this particular stuff, he told me that it was easy, I replied - well none of the class has understood and none had. This kinda confidence comes when you are prepared with everything else. Life is just 40% hardworking and 60% Self confidence. Self-confidence comes when you have something you have done in your life to this point.

Her: Aha, right. Wow. I’m always have been kinda the loser sibling and even a worse role model to you. I have nothing in my self confidence basket.

Him: it’s all about what is important to you. You have always been afraid of everything. I’m never afraid, I know I’ll make it through.

Her:what was that movement for you? How do I create that for myself?

Him: Small things all the time, the things I have put my mind to I have achieved them. You won’t believe it - I just decided I was sick of it and ran for 45 mins nonstop. That moment I decided, I could do. Anything.

Her: Shit that’s something.

Him: anything can be something.

Her: Do you think I’m fat? Do you think I’m lazy? Do you think I can improve?

Him: Um, you aren’t fat maybe a little bit but you are lazy as hell. You are so afraid to stick to something. Mom and dad never had high expectations from you because you never had them for yourself. You are 20!now, I think people can change till they are 22. You have two years. Otherwise you remain a loser. Forever.

Her: What should I do?

Him: Can’t tell you that, you make your own thinking, you create your own goals. Stop thinking about others as too great. Stop bowing down. Stop idolizing people. Stop apologizing. Just start with your mind. Spent that time on you and work on what you are. That’s as far as I can go.

Her: You are different from the time I last saw you. I’m grateful.


Her: did you fall asleep?


Her: Did you set an alarm.

Him: No.

Her: We are getting out of here.

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Die Welt im Stillstand - Aus der Sicht einer Abiturientin

Unsere 12er-Party ist zwar erst weniger als ein fünf Monate her, aber es fühlt sich an wie ein Jahrzehnt.

Eine unbeschwerte, tanzende, schwitzende Masse, allein unterbrochen von überfüllten Stehtischen mit Bechern, aus denen schon zehn verschiedene Personen getrunken haben. Der Raum ist bis zum Rand vollgestopft mit Menschen, Musik und lila Licht, die trotz der Bierpfützen auf dem Boden und triefenden, von Energydrinks durchnässten Shirts die Zeit ihres Lebens hatten.

Das größte Problem in dem Moment war, wo zur Hölle wir mehr Wodka herholen sollten und wie wir die Halle am nächsten Tag sauber kriegen.

Das Abitur als monumentalen Berg, der sich vor uns aufbaute und dem wir immer näher kamen, haben wir noch verdrängt.

Ein Lichtblick war die Feier danach, wenn wir mit all unseren Freunden gemeinsam auf unseren Autos unten am Parkplatz nach den Prüfungen sitzen würden. Wir hätten über Ninas Auto die Musik bis zum Anschlag aufgedreht, würden uns der surrealen Situation, gerade die Klausur geschrieben zu haben, auf die wir uns zwölf Jahre lang vorbereitet haben, bewusst werden. Wir hätten bis in den Morgen hinein gefeiert und den einen Augenblick gelebt, an den wir mit 60 und einem Lächeln auf den Lippen zurückgedacht hätten, als eines der letzten Male, die wir mit all den Personen verbracht haben, mit denen wir aufgewachsen sind.

Das war der Traum.

Jetzt, in Wirklichkeit, sitzt jeder für sich isoliert in seinem Zimmer, lernt eventuell noch für die ein oder andere Prüfung, aber der Gedanke an ein gemeinsames Feiern erscheint utopisch. Falls man es sich tatsächlich während des Shutdowns, in dem sich die Welt gerade befindet, wagt, spazieren zu gehen, und das sogar noch mit der eigenen Familie, wird man von den vereinzelten Personen, die es uns gleichtun, schief angeschaut, gar auf diese Unverschämtheit angesprochen. Also bleiben wir im Haus, warten brav auf unsere Prüfungen. An der Sporthalle, in der wir das Abi schreiben, angekommen, werden wir mit der Ermahnung empfangen, zu unseren Kameraden doch bitte zwei Meter Abstand zu halten, diese weder umarmen noch sich großartig mit ihnen zu unterhalten.

Also betreten wir die Halle, desinfizieren uns die Hände, schreiben neben ständigen Erinnerungen an den momentan herrschenden Ausnahmezustand unser Abitur, desinfizieren sie nochmal und fahren auf direktem Weg nach Hause.

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Life has changed a lot in the last two weeks. Isn’t it strange how our priorities can shift so rapidly. Homeschooling my two nieces five days of the week has seen my study schedule shift dramatically. Most of my study is done by lamp light and I’m having to really push myself to prioritise and study efficiently. Now more than ever, self care is so important. But I need to work on getting more sleep.

So anyway. Here is me, putting some love out into the world. Take care of yourselves. Wash your hands. Stay at home. Listen to good music. Have a dance. Sing it out. If we can get through this, we can get through anything xxx

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Day 6/100 of productivity ✨ I will say I’m pretty impressed with the amount of work I got done today. I regrettably took a hour nap, so it pushed back some things but a great majority of my goals have been accomplished!

Right now I’m working on my Jackie Robinson presentation for my History of Sport class.

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Saturday March 28th 

I feel like my desk shots are getting a little same-old same-old but there really isn’t that much I can do about it… This is my only work space, and I need my second monitor so I can’t exactly relocate to the couch at a whim, which is a shame. But I did make some origami tulips to pass some time so I’m trying to enjoy those and not feel bitter that I can’t spend time outside enjoying real flowers. Or about the fact that I was supposed to be in London right now, probably enjoying the flowers in Hyde Park or catching up with friends and going out for tea way too often. Instead I get to work over spring break since I have nothing better to do 😒.

Anyways, I do have more things to do other than complain today, but I thought I needed to get it out of my system. Ah. Catharsis. 

Today I’m running a bunch of calculations and trying to get the last things going that I need to finish my paper response to reviewers. Literally just waiting either for one calc to compete, or for a post doc that I emailed to get back to me about using a different software that should run faster… let’s see which one it is. I want this paper DONE and SUBMITTED so I can add another paper to my CV. Eeeep! Still super stoked that my first paper with the group is going to be in JACS. 

Anyways. Gonna go eat lunch and the read/mope for a bit and try and get back to work. This is day 2 of my second 4 days on /1 day off round so we’ll see how it works. I might change it to 4/2 just because I want maybe a bit more time off, but then again I think I would get bored. Will play by ear.

Good luck to everyone doing stuff at home, be it productive or not. Do what you need to get through all this 💖

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quarantine update: classes online are a go

and i hate them so much omg you have no idea. my focus is NONEXISTENT. i had a math trial class yesterday, plus another today and another trial for another class also today. and fkdkfksjdnsnd i don’t like it. between having to make sure my internet works all the time and paying attention to the explanations and chat and my own work and. OOF. it’s a lot and it stresses me so much 🥵 but i’ll hang in there i guess.

this week is all about chem except i started today because i was having a crisis on monday AND tuesday. what a life amirite. oh well

ps go follow me on insta i’m cool there

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So I'm “homeschooling” myself and giving myself classes to take! I think it’s funny I started these before any of this quarantine talk, but it’s good timing. I’m in quarantine my whole life anyway cause I hate the outside and everyone out there.  These are my classes and I’m loving them and all the textbooks I downloaded from stumbled across, hehe. So without further adeu, here they are! Details under the cut if you’re deranged bored like meeee :)

Keep reading

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Can we just talk about how helpful the studyblr community has been during this very trying time!!!


Originally posted by destiel2-2cockles

So I’m sure everyone is aware at this point the Corona virus has kind of f***** up the education system in seemingly every country. And as everyone is being forced into online classes this community has been so helpful not just for me but I’m sure for all of you as well. I am a visual and auditory learner and I do not do well with online classes (and so I’m going to be real I was a little panicked when I found out that all my classes were going online) however studyblr was there to hold my hand and help me get on track with school again. So I just want to give a big shout out to a bunch of studyblrs that have been extra helpful during this time.








These are just a few of the lovely helpful people that I have come across recently. Fell free to add your own helpful people in the notes 💖

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I seem to be getting better and I’m so relieved. But the result of two weeks of being incredibly sick has resulted in quite a bit of back log of work that needs to be done. My university hasn’t stopped tutorials and lectures - which to be perfectly honest I’m quite angry about, we need to reduce the curve as much as possible and I’m so uncomfortable of the idea of passing covid onto someone immunocompromised - and my mental health is starting to pay quite a bit for it. I don’t know if I’ll go to classes. I just don’t know. Stay safe and be kind xx

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i got an email this week saying my grad school has turned to remote instruction for didactic courses and is postponing labs in accordance with “contingency plans already in place” for the foreseeable future.

im kinda bummed out that i might have to start grad school with online work and not get to meet my cohorts or professors in person for a while yet. but i thought about it and in the end, it can’t be helped and people’s health is infinitely more important than going to school.

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This is my happy place.

I’ve been so sick for the last two weeks and I’m only just starting to get better. Not the best way to start the university semester but it’s not going to stop me from succeeding.

This is where I study. Where I watch Jenna Marbles videos (I’m so late to the party it’s embarrassing but I adore her now and I can truly say I had a life before and a life after Jenna, amazing) and decorate my stationery. But this is where I study. And I love it.

I’ve never had things that I love to do before. I’ve had things that I do to pass the time and things that I do because I suppose it’s just what people do but it’s so nice, so very very nice to finally say that there are things that I love to do. Like reading about 12th century nuns and thinking about how we find meaning in a literary text. I also really like going for walks, which is pretty funny for a girl who couldn’t leave the house on her own six months ago.

I’m so ready for this cough to go away but I’m still happy and that’s pretty amazing. I hope you are well xx

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