#studyphoria

[c-ptsdrecovery]

I have a question. As someone who has been living with a narcissistic parent for most of my life, I find it hard to get them to support me in anything I do. I understand that this is something that may not happen, so do you have any advice for me personally so I don't end up having an anxiety attack everytime I have a conversation with said parent about my career choice.

Here’s the thing: you’re probably not going to be able to get them to support you. You can’t make people have the reactions you want, and you DEFINITELY can’t get a narcissist to treat you right just by asking. I tried for years to get my narcissistic parent to approve of me, and it never really worked.

So the problem needs a reframe.  Instead of getting the narcissistic parent to support you, you need to find a way to be okay with the fact that they’re not supporting you.

That’s hella difficult at first, especially if you’re young, still living with your parents, or still at least partially financially dependent on them. Nonetheless, it can be done, and it gets easier and easier as you get more and more physical and emotional distance from them. I definitely recommend working with a trauma therapist, and also looking for healthy friendships and getting your emotional support from them, instead.

Meanwhile, you need a whole new way to interact with your narcissistic parent, a technique that cuts down on the amount they’re able to hurt you. The best technique I’ve found is called Grey Rock. Basically, you don’t give the narcissist any information to work with. Does discussing your career with your parent lead to them triggering you? Discuss it with them as little as possible. Does sharing your feelings with your parent lead to them triggering you? Don’t share your feelings with them. Answer questions with as little information as possible, and as dispassionately as possible. Reduce eye contact and reduce time spent with them. Keep interactions as short as possible. And don’t TELL them you’re going to do these things; just do them. More info at the link. (There are lots of articles about this technique online!)

I’ve used this technique myself, both while living with my parents and now, while still in necessary contact with them, and I was surprised at how well it worked. My parents had conditioned me to bring everything that was troubling me to them, and I realized that and just... stopped doing it. I took my problems to my online friends or my therapist or took a deep breath and told myself I could handle it on my own, because my own judgment was perfectly fine: I didn’t need their approval. I stopped showing my mom my art projects. I stopped telling her about my day or asking her advice. I spent as much time in my room with the door shut as possible and stopped participating in most of the dinnertime conversation. 

One key to this is that being a grey rock doesn’t mean being rude. You don’t want to antagonize them. That would also be giving them material to work with. So now that I’m living with friends and really only having contact with my parents through messenger, I try not to show how much I wish they would leave me alone. Example of a recent exchange with my mother:

Mom:  Happy birthday, Sweetie! Treat yourself and the girls to some special takeout for dinner tonight and put it on the credit card. <3 I love you and I miss you like crazy!

Me: love you too! [I feel icky having to say that to my parents, but I look on it as a meaningless politeness phrase, which helps. Not saying it back would cause a kerfuffle, and that’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid, so I just say it when it’s conversationally necessary]

Mom: I wished I could have taken you along when I ordered my new glasses. I’m not good at picking frames. Tell me what you honestly think... and yes, they are purplish pinkish burgundy. [photo]

Me: i think they look ok

Mom: Different! They came with magnetic clip-on sunglasses.

Me: neat!

Mom: I didn’t really like my photo-greys. These were in my price range, so why not?

Me: yep

I keep it as brief and noncommittal as possible, no unnecessary information, no personal information about me, nothing she can really build a conversation on.

Another example is that my dad is always sending me cartoons he finds online. I have no interest in reading them, so usually I just send back “lol” and that’s that.

I’m sorry; I wish I could say, “You wave a magic wand and suddenly your parents are everything you ever needed them to be!” But having spent years looking for that wand in my own case, I’m afraid it isn’t there to be found. However, if you work on your own recovery and reorient yourself toward independence and healthy friendships for your emotional support, you can live a happy life without your parents’ support! It hurts at first, but it’s worth it in the end.

#grey rock #gray rock #narcissistic abuse #narcissistic parents #studyphoria

[studyphoria]

Hello lovelies

Its been a minute. I have graduated university and started working for a big company 🥰🥰 I'm super excited to have this opportunity. I'll be sharing my journey from now on. Today is packed with meetings with the directors😇

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy

[savemygrades]

20 questions tag

 the past few weeks have been hectic, sorry for taking forever to do this ahh, but  thankyou @autumn-rain-coffee for the tag - I love doing these get to know me tags <333

Name: Angeline

Nickname: Angie

Zodiac sign: Virgo

Height: 157cm (I don’t do inches heh)

Languages spoke: English, Malayalam (although can’t read or write it, and I’ve seemed to be getting worse over the past few years...), little bits of Spanish cause school 

Nationality: British 

Favorite season: Autumn

Favorite flower: Roses

Favorite scent: Sharpie/whiteboard pens (yeah I’m weird like that) , love the smell of Dettol,  Rain

Favorite color: I don’t really have on ,uhh red is cool :D

Favorite animal: Penguins

Favorite fictional character: Ooof this is a hard one... Sunny from a series of unfortunate events and Ron from Harry Potter

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: tea, especially green tea with honey (I have it every morning, I love it!)

Average hours of sleep: rn around 7 but during a normal period (i.e no lockdown) about 5-6 hours cause school

Dog or cat person: cats :)

Number of blankets you sleep with: 1 fat duvet

Dream trip: a road trip with friends across Asia (can I really call it road trip at this point )

Blog established: Ooof I need to go an look, one sec : September 2018 - oof

Random fact: I’m left-handed but only for writing and eating everything else is I’m right-handed, I think I’m mixed handed, which means I have a different hand dominant for different things, doesn’t mean I can do stuff with both of my hands tho, wish I could!

Imma tag: @smoljams  , @btab66 , @bushdp , @studyphoria , @canigetanoooooohh

#questions #20 of them #whoa

[studyphoria]

Meetings meetings. It's now the third month of my internship and I guess I've gotten used to it all. My graduation is gonna take place next month and I hope COVID doesn't eff it up so that I cant travel. How are you lovelies doing

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy #work from home #workspace

[studyphoria]

Happy Monday 💜💫 I'm getting in some research before my 11 am meeting. Sending love and productivity to everyone this week💖💫

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy

[studyphoria]

Gloomy cold Saturday spent with the doggo. Winter seems to be coming early this year, I cant wait to pull out all my coats 🥰💫 hope everyone is having a lovely Saturday💜💫

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy #cute doggo #sleepy doggo #gloomy #cloudy

[studyphoria]

My partner keeping my company while in meetings🥺❤

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy #internship

[studyphoria]

Morning my lovelies. Today is back to back meetings and I already feel tired. I hope that your day is productive and a good day all round. 🥺❤💫

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy #asmr relax #coffee #coffetime #sleepy doggo #cute doggo #dogsarefamily #stuff #work from home

[studyphoria]

Another day, another job interview.

This job hunting thing is not it, I miss studying.

I pray that this interview will be better than the others.

I wish there was a place on my resume where I can put my experience in interviews, maybe a company will feel sorry for me an hire me

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy #interview #student

[studyphoria]

I got a new phone can you tell? I saved up for months and bought myself a phone, I'm proud🥰 early start today, busy in a lecture now and I plan on dedicating the rest of my day to my assignments that I've been neglecting .

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #studying #aesthetic #notebooks #study blog #studyphoria #studyspiration #studyspo #studystudystudy #studystyle

[studyphoria]

Trying to get my thoughts together before exams which start on Wednesday. I'm so grateful for Covid, I dont think I would've have passed my exams if it was not for this pandemic. I know this pandemic has caused nothing but suffering, but honestly, I needed this time to self relfect and get my thoughts together.

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy

[studyphoria]

Back at it...... thank god I have amazing friends 🥺 while my laptop is getting fixed my friend lent me hers

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy

[studyphoria]

Feels good to be working at campus. These past couple weeks have been kicking my ASS. I've had back to back assignments hopefully I can rest the end of this week. To all those studying right now, my heart goes out to you. You guys keep grinding and keep going, you are on the right track just keep breathing. Remember slow and steady wind the race.

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy

[studyphoria]

Almost done with this interview. Just one more case study and I will be finished. I really want to work for this company and I am so grateful that I have made it this far, by God's grace. This is so nerve wracking, it's my last year in university and I've finally found something I actually want to do. I hope this isnt the end

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy

[studyphoria]

My laptop wont charge 🥺🥺🥺🥺 why does this always happen to me ???I literally have the worst luck with technology. And it always seems to happen around exam time. I have to work in the study now but it's so uncomfortable.... I'm broke so i dont even have money to fix it 😑😑😑 whoever's cursing me STOPPP

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy #meaningless rambling #rambles #studyinghurts #studyingiskillingme

[studyphoria]

Hey so I've been really needing some extra cash these days and I've been helping people write their resumes and cover letters. I know it's a tedious job and many of us need to start but haven't, if you need someone to start it for you or help you make one that will guarantee that companies looking at it feel free to drop me a dm and I will help you. Pass on the word please lovelies ~~

#studyblr #study motivation #study space #study notes #study blog #studyspo #studying #studyphoria #studyspiration #studystudystudy #resume #writing #editing #languages #self promo #selfmade #self help #send help