#stuff about company completely. even thougj. i was telling here ‘here are coping slills i use but they never work i just do them’

[viridescent-lament]

me currently in sensory hell bcs my cousins are over so we went to a restarunt at dinner rush on its busiet day and having to wait over an hour to be seated

#so fucking noisy that its makiing lights feel bad too gotdamn #love how just this morning i was talking to my psychiatrist about meds and compnay being over and when i ment either she brushed them ooff #when i borught it iʻupn she focused on explaing to me how se was strying to be helpful but because of the very resason we were discussi- #discussing these meds (sleep terrible for almost five days in a row) i couldnt understand what she was saying. then she ignores the #stuff about company completely. even thougj. i was telling here ‘here are coping slills i use but they never work i just do them’ #and she goes :) im glad uou have strategies to get away from people when you need to :) just use those youll be fine #fucking #they dont help!!! im still ovewhelmed!!! even if they worked the fact that company is over means sdoing stuff like going to resteraunts!!! #where i cant fucking use those skills!!! #my head hurts so much i just want my sodypop to get here with the bubble that burn my thorat #i ment slepp stuff i dont know if ive ecplained yet #basically since i got off my med (running out not intentional) that keeps me awake #ibe been -hungrier (unpleasant) and -cannot fet a good sleep (? idk why a lessening dose of a stimilate makes me more awake but) #one night i woke up super early and couldnt go back to sleep well #the past couple nights ive been falling asleep. wake up. fall asleep. wake up. times like twenty its bullshit #i dont fet up i dont check time i just lay there and think ‘why the fuck am i awake’ until i drift off #at these times im not coherent so i cant even think ‘maybe i should get up. check time. get drink.’ all i know is its night im awake and - #ive been awake x times tonightʻ #which is why i was upset my psych was like ‘weʻll give you extra so you can take as neededʻ #which means a) waking up my grandmother in the middle of the night (who also struggles with sleep) #b) pit meds by bed (no table closest dresser full would need to get out of blanket pile and unscrew bottle and take pill) #c) if having couple nights bad sleep then take med (requires suffering through bad dleep first) #or d) ? (it was early morning im runninngon poor dleep i can barely undertsand words the more you say them to me #so all options require a) experience some bad sleep and suffer before med time #or b) be coherent enough when woken up to remember how to take meds (which im not because my brain isnt working at that moment) #tried explaining to pscyh but she was adamant that she was trying to hive me options #which is nice! and she is right that we r about to go on vacation so we may meed options. but it was early morning i had little sleep and #all my brain was saying ks that no ones listening and thats probably my fault becasue i wasnt explaing well but my brain was too tired to- #to explain #but whateve r i am fine im going to draw the cutest thing and it will be a mystery until its been done even to me