#such a complicated relationship..such complicated and messy characters...
OKAY CAUSE LISTEN. (till character analysis let’s go) (apologies in advance this is LONGG)
if till is actually in love with mizi then there is literally no outcome in which him and ivan are happy.
because 1) he’ll never love ivan as long as mizi is alive, and 2) even if he thinks mizi is dead, ivan will only ever be a rebound, the second choice he turned to when mizi wasn’t an option.
however, i would like for you to consider that maybe, instead, the problem is that till doesn’t know how to properly process or identify his feelings. i would like to propose that maybe he misinterpreted his feelings for mizi as love when in actuality he views her as some unattainable idol to covet but not actually connect with (like parasocial relationships).
meanwhile, ivan was always there for him and slowly became a support system till didn’t even know he had. because even if he didnt feel LOVE for ivan, they definitely had a REAL relationship—arguably more real than anything he ever had with mizi. all of their interactions are just like. much more RAW than anything till ever had with mizi if that makes sense. because all we’ve ever seen him doing with her is admiring from afar and sacrificing things for her in secret that she never asked for, nor wanted from him. while with ivan they actually hung out with absolutely no expectations of anything between them (on till’s side at least. it wasn’t a performative relationship to be this self sacrificing person for ivan like it would’ve been if he were talking to mizi. which is ironically a much more healthy basis for a relationship. to fully see the person as being equal to you without putting them on a pedestal)
i think till’s way of coping with everything was finding someone else outside himself to live for and idolize. his entire life was built around mizi, every choice he made committed with her in mind (like when he chose to stay in the garden rather than escaping for her sake). and once she’s ripped away, he’s left feeling empty and aimless—the center of his very world is no longer there.
HOWEVER.
this is shaken by ivan’s death. even though mizi was always his center, he can’t exactly not be affected by someone who’s been at his side for YEARS. and, unlike with mizi, their bond was definitely real and very much tangible for BOTH sides (despite meaning different things for each of them). but when ivan died FOR him, till felt something that was very real and very confusing which was very much a mixture of raw emotions he wasn't prepared to face feeling from anyone apart from mizi. because while mizi is his ideal, i think his feelings about her were always accompanied by a sense of disconnect because they didnt have any actual basis for this bond beyond till simply yearning for her. but with ivan. they were friends. they trusted each other by this point, and ivan has shown that he cares for till REPEATEDLY throughout them knowing each other. and.
i think till subconsciously acknowledged that ivan was important to him, even if just as a background support in his life. someone he hung out with without thinking about it too much. and i think that sense of care came very gradually too. because ivan is a weird mf but he still managed to worm his way into till’s world, and now he’s a staple there, even if till himself isn’t aware of that.
mainly just my vibe here is that his feelings surrounding ivan are very messy and complicated (as real life emotions tend to be) and that wasn’t what till was looking for when he was younger. he needed something stable, something he could look at and idolize from afar. something he could dedicate his messed up life to without having to worry about other complicated feelings. and that was what mizi was to him. a purpose to live that was unchanging because no matter what till himself did or what happened to him, it didn’t affect HER. and that was comforting. but ivan existed outside of his little ideal. and he was a real person who (unfortunately :/ ) made till feel real things that were outside of his control. which wasnt what he needed when he was younger—he needed stability. but i think in the end he had the most chance of an actual developed, healthy, and consistent relationship with ivan.
that is, if bro wasnt dead 🙏🙏🕊🕊
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i know we’ve all ragged on this scene but i really can’t get enough of ivypool openly admitting she shut down the patrol over dovewing and twigpaw’s immediately gotta look directly into the camera to say “remember kids! marrying outsiders is WRONG! ivypool didn’t totally fuck up here, she had good intentions so let’s not hold this against her! everything should be forgiven now :)”
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the day the fandom realizes that chenford doesn't currently function within the confines of a healthy, communicative, adult relationship is the day i will know peace.
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i think one of the reasons i dislike qtntduo as a ship is that wilbur hasn’t been on since literally before the brazilians arrived and everything about qq and elq was always made to be about him. and listen, i know qq’s obsession played a role in that but also qq’s thing about wilbur is so much more complicated that it usually gets portrayed. also having them be romantic and actually involved with each other would be boring sorry
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the way Miguel conceptualises the alternate self and Gabriella is sooooooooo ahdhdjfj god he’s so mentally ill and emotionally isolated. like, he views himself and the other Miguel as functionally synonymous (“I found a universe where I was happy”) and thus sees Gabriella as essentially as much his own daughter as she was to the man she actually knew.
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Realizing I may not have ever posted her here? Dianthus’ gem AU form, Morganite <3 former member of Pink Diamond’s court
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Robert Jordan would have enjoyed RWBY send tumble.
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hi!!! do you have any writing or anything abt those characters nova, sol, devin, and ruby? im scrolling thru ur tags trying to figure out what their deal is lol
(also that luz + hunter qpr fic you wrote permanently changed my brain chemistry. thank you for putting it into the world. undoubtedly one of my fav owl house fics ive ever read)
oh thank you so much re: the owl house fic!! i love luz and hunter so Much and want to write like 100,000 more words about them
i don't have a whole lot of new snippets to post of the original fiction project but you can look thru my tag for it to see some notes and scenes drafted over the past ~3 years. granted, the project has evolved a lot since i started writing it, so plenty of stuff is no longer canon-accurate!
that said, it's been a while since i talked about these characters and the story they're in, so!
like most of my owl fics (and fics for other fandoms), it's a story that's largely about grief and chronic illness; it's also a story about power and what people do with it
without getting too heavily into plot spoilers, the main cast are:
sol (she/her): full name "winter solstice," certified loner bitch with very clear Issues. she has a stranglehold on the sex work industry in her fictional city in this fictional world & very little interest in ceding that power. she's originally from a place that has been blighted by famine & has a bunch of trauma from all kinds of sources, nowadays she only trusts two people in the entire world fully -- devin and ruby. also, she hates nova's guts and wants nova dead in the most grisly way possible.
ruby (she/her): full name "ruby sunrise," hails from the same place and cultural background as sol, shares her native language and her traditions. ruby cares more than sol about preserving both sides of her heritage & culture (she's biracial), and she's very invested in kindness and decency. what she wants more than anything is to leave a positive mark on the world, but she's lonely and lacks a lot of the support she needs. she loves both sol and devin fiercely.
devin (he/they/she): in pain pretty much constantly because of a chronic illness that's Supposed to be a "blessing"; they're a powerful magician who functions as the reincarnation of a god. this position comes with a lot of responsibilities and varying miseries. devin has made a lot of questionable choices in her quest for autonomy and for making the world better; nowadays she spends a lot of time helping sol do grisly crimes and trying to protect underprivileged people. all while knowing that their magic is a terminal autoimmune disease.
nova (she/her): like devin, she functions as the reincarnation/personification of a god. because of this, she and devin are fated soulmates, which she is determined to honor even though devin hates her and does not want to be her soulmate and has made no secret of that. she comes from a privileged background with an idyllic childhood, tons of adult support, and very little strife. she believes that the best thing that she can do is serve her purpose of preserving the status quo, and she's Extremely Vexed when people make this harder for her. also believes she can outrun the autoimmune part of her magic with yoga and jogging.
all four of them function in my usual sweet spot of "people who all kind of suck and are making kind of terrible terrible decisions, but who are also doing the best they can with what they have." and. i love them
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oh and IF Fowler is speaking the truth about Mizu's mother who was actually her maid... gosh that makes their relationship even more heartbreaking. Mizu already went through their mother dying, coming back having lied to Mizu about her death, possibly betraying Mizu and dying for real this time. If that was a maid paid to keep Mizu safe (by whom?)... Did she really feel no love for the child she raised? Was her urging Mizu to live as a woman and be a wife just a way to squeeze more material gain out of this child she pretended to be a mother to, years after she abandoned them? That makes her being the one to sell Mizu out so much more likely, unless Fowler is a lying liar who lies and/or tells half-truths, which is likely!
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Since I'm an anxious bastard, I was thinking about that tfa megop post and immediately went "Oh Fuck am I accidentally doing that with tfp au Megop??!?"
Because that's not what I'm trying to do. The reason I ship megop at all is the shot for shot, push and pull push and pull, even match attitude. Megatron will get over some of his flustered surprise and Optimus is going to exactly love the revenge Megs enacts. Both of them get to have whatever the hell they want gender presentation wise. I've actually been thinking a little too much about Optimus getting a subtle finial piercing, oh i 100% bet he still has the specialty paints (He probably convinced himself they'd need them in the future, and tbh glowing paint is actually very useful in say cave situations like the rid fear episode) I've mentioned how both of their holoforms are going to be fem leaning androgynous because that's amazing. I absolutely love it when characters and people decide "Fuck it, I'm doing whatever I want" with their gender presentation, regardless of things such as gender norms or passing as a particular gender or any of that. They're transformers, beings of constant flux, why should they be limited to strict boxes?
While Oppy is more like he was before the war and this gives Megatron a Reaction, the war ultimately has made Megatron far less passive and fairly possessive in his own right. Optimus is Megatron's, and Megatron is Optimus's. These two orbit each other in a very interesting way, no matter which continuity we're dealing with. Even in TFA, the one universe where you'd expect them to have the least in common, destiny draws them into the same song and dance.
They're two powerful, tough, stupid, beautiful, stubborn, down bad bastards that I want to top. Need I say more?
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finished reading Manhunt
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Oh.
The reason Blitz and Loona dunk on Moxxie so much is because both of them have low opinions of themselves.
Blitz has clear issues with feelings of being unloved, romantically and platonically, leading him to be obsessive over his co-workers much healthier relationship. He sees himself in Loona and wants to be the father he didn’t have, but there’s this disconnect between them despite her seeing him as a father figure (as seen when she briefly calls him dad). Blitz doesn’t know how to be father, so he tries to shower her with affection and make a positive environment to combat her previous life at the shelter. So much so that it looks like he hardly is willing to criticize her, particularly on her attitude and actions as he deems her sensitive. The only other time they fought was the beach episode, and that was because Blitz was feeling overprotective.
This was never resolved, as neither characters know how to have a healthy conversation and Loona believes Blitz will get over the fight. As he always does when she snaps at him.
Speaking of Loona, she had a bad home life and has likely never had any positive figure in her life until Blitz. She’s used to fighting and snapping back at people, likely from having to protect herself as seen in the flashback when another hellhound tries to fight her. The receptionist labels her a nightmare, making it also likely that Loona is used to being put down. So her lashing out and putting others down tracks, as it’s a way to defend herself while also keeping up her tough appearance. Lashing out violently is just one more way of doing that, even if it’s unhealthy.
Moxie has everything these two never had. A loving partner and a genuinely loving relationship, and despite being labeled as pathetic is comfortable with who he is. They lash out and poke at him not just because he’ll take it - unlike Millie who would fight back - but because deep down he has exactly what they want. But neither have any idea how to even begin working on getting the same relationship, so they continue to stick to the roles their comfortable with.
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i mean there's a difference between childhood trauma and just feeling complicated emotions or having conflicts within your family which everybody has FJDMDJDKSKS my only ocs who have straight up shitty abusive parents are starr and sunshine. two's parents weren't great at being parents but they DID try and most of his emotional issues arent bcuz of them but just stuff that happened when he was older
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bee , could you talk about your stella / hansen family in general head canons... i saw it in your tags once on ao3 and now im curious
It’s like 3 am so apologies if this isn’t coherent or is just a scattered mess. Also most of these are not very happy sorry
- Stella n Bryce’s relationship with their mom was. Rocky for a long while. She was kinda one of those folks who just wasn’t really cut out to be a parent. She didn’t dislike em, not by a long shot, but it took her a long time to deal w her issues enough to really be a proper parent to them, in a meaningful way.
- the three of them did eventually reach an ok place though. There was still a definitive distance, but when bryce was like a sophomore in high school or so they started reconciling a bit
- I maintain my old headcannons that the extended hansen family is Big. He has like a billion cousins but he hasn’t seen the majority of them in years. I do think he tries to reconnect with some of them at least like wayyy after one is over tho.
- bradley is like. A family friend on stellas side. She was closest with him but eventually he grew into almost a second sibling to bryce after a while
- they lived in the suburbs outside hartford. Can’t be bothered to look up where specifically so just pick the absolute most middle ground neighborhood possible
- stella absolutely taught him how to drive and she did so approximately fifteen minutes before his drivers test
- at some point bryce became the one in the house who cooked, mostly cause he was the only one who was particularly good at it. For a brief period of time, probably when he was like a senior, the three of them would sorta bond over it as he tried to teach stella n his mom how to not suck at it.
- at one point in that process, not long before stella died, his mom gave him a couple of old family recipes, scribbled on napkins and receipt backs and the like. This was the most solid ground they’d ever had up to that point. He still has them. He refuses to make any of them.
- stella died like three days after he graduated high school, give or take. If I wanna get really specific, and also kinda mean, she died durning a graduation party someone was throwing for him and a couple other kids on the block who’d also graduated. Total freak accident
- To say it put a damper on his relationship with his mom is putting it mildly. About a week after stellas death, Bryce and his mom has a really really nasty fight, both about her death and just about eachother. Lot of poorly-aired grievances and not-so-nice things were said, resulting in both bryce storming out of his own volition and his mom in effect kicking him out. He went south to crash with Bradley for a while, who was (and still is) living around bridgeport. He and his mom haven’t spoken since.
- he was thinking of going to community college. That didn’t happen.
- probably should’ve mentioned this up too but there’s no dad in the picture really. He vanished for one reason or another before bryce was even born rip
- his mom. Is aware of what happen on the smokestack. And she feels. Some sorta way about it I’m sure.
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tasm is my favorite spidey movie alongside raimi’s sm2 obviously but it definitely falls into a lineage of tropes that is far too prevalent, as far as dr connors is concerned
super frustrating cause i think that movie does a lot of things right in its writing, approach to peter and his relationships, to gwen and may specifically but also uncle ben and even flash in some ways, plus design language (i love sporty suits...) (prefer the eyes in 2 though) etc etc, even the skateboard as a really solid way to call back to the motorcycle— but the whole like “woe is me, nothing is worse than being disabled” thing is extremely obnoxious and mars an otherwise very good movie for me (also the voiceover scene in the deleted scenes is better than the final version imo, the version where it sounds more like a recorded playback fits better aesthetically and thematically imo whereas the final version mostly is just corny and is probably legitimately one of my least favorite scenes in the movie)
tasm2 also imo has similar pitfalls with max, though imo the electro aspect of that movie is by far the best part. i don’t really like the goblin stuff unfortunately lol—except i do think gwen’s death was like, very effective, especially in the context of the first movie and previous fakeouts, so it definitely did that well, even if i think the movie would have been better split into two and allowed more room to breathe for both
this is also a criticism i have of the batman’s depiction of the riddler once unmasked, though in this case the way he’s played onscreen is not the “wow being physically disabled is the worst” sort but rather the “wow look at this neurodivergent creature” sort that is, again, very prevalent in media especially in these genres and is nothing short of maddening as someone with a whole lot of both physically disabled and neurodivergent family members (and myself)
also appears in like.
SO many comic books lmfao
frustratingly widespread. either it’s weird inspiration porn or it’s weird self hatred, spanning all kinds of stuff from romance to horror to action, and it’s like YEAH there are difficulties in being disabled obviously and a lot of people get depressed or have rough patches or self-hatred because of that and because of not being able to do things they used to do but like... this one specific POV (usually a POV that is mostly held by abled ppl) is so deeply overrepresented in media, movies, games, comic books, novels.... where like... being disabled is just the worst possible thing you could ever be, and it’s worse than death, and so on and so forth, as though a man who’s been disabled a long time wouldn’t just be kind of used to it by then lmfao
reason number 454968549 why i find the agent venom origin SO frustrating cause previously, like, you had this whole really solid mini arc in web of spidey about flash coming to terms with his disability and accepting himself and understanding that he can both be loved and love himself while disabled without needing to “fix” that via weird secret government experimentation, and then like... a year or two later you have a comic that literally uses the exact thing that comic showed was not necessary for his happiness (aforementioned secret gov experiments) and said, actually, he IS going to do that, and also, i’m a bad writer who thinks flash is a fucking moron who doesn’t understand how friendship works between tWO PEOPLE HE’S BEEN FRIENDS WITH SINCE HE WAS LIKE 18 i’m sorry i just hate the AV origin so much it’s so contradictory to every aspect of this character
sure character regression happens but that just felt like contradictory writing and the usual lack of interest in character development, in favor of blatant military propaganda and a story the only redeeming aspect of which was, to be quite frank, the art
anyway what was i talking about
oh yeah disabilities aren’t the end of the world and it would be nice if media could approach them better. even stuff that’s otherwise good or that i really like often stumbles in this area, whether it’s various agent venom comics that ALMOST have it (this is often most noticeable in the fact that flash is using hospital-style wheelchairs or the wrong kind of prostheses) or a movie that does everything else just right but drops the ball on self-loathing and what that actually feels like over time (imo) or a game that inexplicably has an entire asylum based subplot for no fucking reason other than the fact that it came out in 2012 and that was en vogue then because of arkham asylum lmao
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i love how song kang is supposed to be the main character yet he doesn’t show up for one whole episode!
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