#sucks but not I would argue traumatic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovelyjj · 4 months

Note

Hi! Hope you’re doing good! If you’re still doing OBX requests, I’d love to know your take of the scene in season 2 where Kiara almost drowned in the sewers and if that happened to reader instead, and had JJ all freaked out and panicked and protective!! Please and thank you 🙏🩷

Sewer

jj maybank x reader

wc: 1.0k

a/n: sorry if this sucks.

“No. No way. Not happening. You’re not going in there.”

“JJ… who else is gonna do it? We have to get the gun somehow,” you countered.

“I don’t want you going in there y/n, I mean it.” JJ crossed his arms.

“What’s the worse that can happen? I get a little dirty?”

“Just promise me you’ll be careful,” JJ pleaded slowly giving into letting you do this.

“I will I promise thank you!”

“She’ll be fine,” Pope chimed in.

“Yeah I’ll be fine,” you gave JJ a reassuring smile.

JJ gave Pope an uneasy look but then nodded his head towards you.

With JJ’s reluctant approval your made your way to crawl into the sewer. It was muddy and wet and full of trash.

You crawled your way through the tunnel trying to hold back your gag. It was dark and dirty but you volunteered to do it so you couldn’t really complain.

JJ was worried, he started biting his nails. He didn’t know what he would do if something happened to you.

“I don’t see anything yet,” you called out.

“It’s probably at the bottom of the catch basin,” Pope shouted.

“Ugh,” you cringed as your shook the muddy water off your hands.

“Gun gun looking for a gun,” you murmured to yourself.

“Guys, I think I found something,” you voiced.

“You guys, there’s something dead in here!” you shouted.

Your screamed and then yelled, “Oh my god! There’s something dead. I repeat…”.

“… there is something dead in here!”

Meanwhile Rafe and Barry were up top by the drain. Rafe bent down and listened to the drain.

“Well, they’re in the sewer,” Rafe commented.

“Flush them out,” Rafe continued.

Barry scoffs, “you flush that pipe, you gonna kill the rat.”

“Yeah.”

“The last thing you need is more dead bodies showing up around this bitch,” Barry warned.

“You realize what you’re doing if you do that?” Barry hissed.

“I mean if you wanna be a pussy, you can leave,” Rafe argued.

“Do you not realize what you are doing, bruh?” Barry looked Rafe in the eyes.

“Get the hell out of the way,” Rafe ordered.

“All right, then. All right, then, tough guy,” Barry backed down.

“You don’t wanna be here for this, go find the truck, okay?” Rafe instructed.

Rafe started turning the wheel that let the water out.

Pope spoke to JJ asking, “Do you hear that?”

“What?” JJ responded.

“Listen.” Pope put out.

You were down in the drain when you herd the sloshing of water.

“Oh shit!”

“Guys? Guys the water!” you yelled.

“Shit! Oh my god! Y/N get out of there now,” JJ shouted.

“I don’t have time! JJ!” you screamed.

“This can’t be happening. Why did I let her go in there?” JJ talked in a panic.

JJ chest was tight and his heart was racing. He was so worried about you he didn’t know what to do with himself. He was panicking.

The water was coming in fast and you were screaming for help.

A flood of water came out from the gated hole where JJ and Pope were standing.

“Maybe there’s a manhole!” JJ shouted.

“Y/N!” Both JJ and Pope called out.

“Go go go go go!”

They started running to the manhole, screaming your name. It took everything in JJ not to faint. Allowing you to drown would be extremely traumatic. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t. He had to save you, there was no other option. A world without his girl is a world he wouldn’t want to live in.

You started climbing the ladder desperately trying to stay above the water. Eventually you reached the top and you stuck your fingers through the slits of the manhole.

“JJ! JJ! Pope! Help! Please i’m over here!” you shouted.

JJ and Pope ran as fast as they could. They finally reached the manhole and were breathing heavy.

“Pull! Pull it!” you said with urgency.

JJ and Pope both grunted as they pulled up on the manhole.

“Hurry! Hurry!”

JJ and Pope continued to pull it.

“JJ! JJ! Please! Please!”

“We are gonna get you out of there I promise baby,” JJ spoke.

The water was rising fast and it soon came up past the drain. JJ and Pope were pulling with all their strength. You were starting to think you were gonna drown. But then by some miracle the drain lid lifted up and fell down in front of the hole, as you emerged into the fresh air.

You collapsed on your hands and knees coughing up a storm.

“I for sure thought I was a goner for a second there,” you coughed.

“You made it baby,” JJ praised.

“ Y/N, You good?” Pope and JJ both questioned at the same time.

“Yeah I’m fine,” you cleared your throat.

“This wasn’t what we needed was it?,” you held up the gun from being stuck in your waistband.

“Holy shit you did it!” JJ cheered.

“Oh my god! Way to go,” Pope exclaimed.

JJ was so proud of you. His heart was so happy that you made it out safely.

The three of you embraced in a group hug and went to take the gun to Shoupe.

————

When the day turned into the evening, you were at heyward’s seafood using the outside shower. JJ was sitting on the bench waiting for you to come out.

You were showering away all the sewage. You felt grateful to be getting clean. You sighed finishing up your shower. You outstretched your hand for a towel which JJ gladly gave you.

The air was crisp and chilly and you felt the wind on your wet hair. You dried off and got changed. When you emerged from the shower stall JJ was smiling at you.

The two of you decided to sit on a nearby table.

“Ya know you really scared the shit out of me today,” JJ started.

“Yeah i know i’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault baby,” JJ soothed.

You gave JJ one of your signature smiles and his heart just about stopped. You enjoyed these moments with JJ. Where it was just the two of you and you enjoyed being together.

JJ was your person and without him you’d be lost. You think maybe if it weren’t for JJ you wouldn’t of got out of the drain. So you were eternally grateful.

“Thank you for saving me J,” you whispered.

“ah it was nothing. I’d do anything for you, you know that right?”

“Yeah i do,” you smiled.

498 notes · View notes

pochipop · 5 months

Text

＃FNAF MOVIE !! ♡ — IT'LL BE ALRIGHT (MIKE SCHMIDT X READER).

#. synopsis! — mike is used to walking on eggshells, just waiting for another tragedy, and you really don’t want to be just another person who's let him down.

#. characters! — mike schmidt .

#. warnings! — vague references to past traumatic events (canon compliant) , references to a verbal argument .

#. word count! — 1.8k .

#. alt accounts! — @ddollipop (nsfw) @hhoneypop (moodboards) .

#. others! — navigation & masterlist .

Mike is used to people leaving. They come and they go like stray cats who've found someone better to nab food off of, —leaving him with more ghosts in his life than he'd care to admit. At least these ones are metaphorical and melodramatic, though. His saving grace has been the fact that he chooses wisely who to introduce Abby to, just in case. She's been through enough, and she's so young that the absence of anyone would be duly noted. Not that it isn't when it comes to himself, it's just. . . He's learned how to live with loss. Maybe not effectively, but he does it, and for right now, that's probably as good as it's getting.

He's got more pressing matters to attend to. He always does. That's what he argued about with you, —what he fought tooth and nail to defend, even when you backed off. At the end of it, he knew he'd gone too far for no real reason. He wasn't arguing with you at that point, he was arguing with all the people that have left him starved for their affections and their care. The words he said to you were so far beyond your scope that it was almost pathetic to think about all the bullshit he unloaded on you like it was somehow your job to fix it, even when he knew it wasn't. So really, it's no wonder he's adding you to that list of people who've walked away.

For once, he truly deserved it.

And now he's got to explain this to Abby. Because she likes you almost as much as he does, —almost being the operative word there. Mike sucks at a lot of things, and showing you he cares tends to be one of them, but he loves in his own ways. . . And now, he fears he'll have to do it from afar.

He sort of wishes Abby was the kind of kid he could bribe with ice cream for breakfast to break bad news to. It'd be easier to scoop her some off-brand Neopolitan and tell her she'd never see you again if that would help soften the blow. But it won't, and he knows that. He knows her too well to even try.

Still, he finds himself putting chocolate chips in her pancakes that morning in spite of himself.

When he places the plate in front of her, she narrows her eyes, as if to ask him what he's done so wrong. . . Asking what he's offering silent apologies for in the form of sweet pockets stolen away inside her favorite breakfast food. He opens the fridge in search of orange juice just to avoid her gaze.

Before she can even take a bite, he opens his mouth.

"Listen, Abby—"

She looks up at him with those big, doe eyes, and he probably would have cut himself off anyway if not for the knock on the front door. Mike mumbles for her to hold that thought, then goes to check who's outside.

And there you stand a little awkwardly on his doorstep, a brand new bottle of orange juice in your hand. Once again, it's like you've read his mind, and he's as sick of it as he is thankful for it, especially right now. Still, he can't turn you away.

"Morning," you say, almost hesitantly. "I brought juice. . ."

He tries to think of something to say, but hears the quick pitter-patter of Abby's feet fastly approaching. She calls your name so happily, and you smile at her.

"Good morning to you too," you laugh, returning the hug she gives you with no hesitation.

Mike just stares, as if he can't believe you're even here right now. If you're just here to grab the items of yours strewn about his house, he feels like the least you could have done was wait until Abby was asleep or something.

"Can I have some?" Abby asks, pointing to the orange juice in your hand.

"Yeah, that's what it's for," you smile, handing the bottle to her.

She scurries off to the kitchen to pour herself a glass.

"Mike," you say softly now that she's out of earshot, "can we—"

"I'll get your stuff together," he cuts you off.

Your jaw slacks.

"What?" Is the only thing you can manage to muster up in response.

"You could've done this at a different time," he snaps, trying to keep quiet so Abby doesn't hear. "It's gonna be ten times harder on her now for me to explain why you're not coming back."

You stare at him, trying not to cry. Out of all the things you expected to happen this morning, such a drastic change of heart on his part wasn't one of them.

"You. . . You're breaking up with me?" You question.

He pauses, a lot of the frustration dissipating from his features, replaced by genuine confusion.

"Didn't you already break up with me?" He asks.

Your brows knit together quizzically.

"No? What are you even talking about, I never said I wanted to break up with you," you point out.

Sure, you didn’t say it. But most of the others had never said it either. It was like flipping a lightswitch. One minute they were there, and the next they weren’t. That's why he'd gotten so good at keeping his relationships at a distance, and he'd taken the biggest leap of faith in introducing you to his sister.

"Yesterday evening?" He says, but it sounds more like a question.

"We had an argument," you acknowledge. "It was stupid, and you hurt my feelings. I'm sure I hurt yours too. That doesn't mean I want us to be over."

Mike stares at you like he's not sure what to say, because he isn't. He's not used to someone caring enough to fight for him, and for what festers between himself and someone else. He's learned to let go before the thread pulls too tight, —before it wraps around his throat and slices through every defense he's built up for the sake of protecting himself, his heart, and the little girl that depends on him.

"Mike," you say softly, almost cautiously. "I care about you. One bad night doesn't change that. . . Not for me."

God, it was stupid. It was so stupid. You weren't even mad at him specifically, and you're fairly certain he wasn't really angry with you in particular either. Long days on both your parts collided like a warm front to a cold one, and the things both of you said in the wake of it were uttered through venom and gritted teeth. Sweeping generalizations, a lot of rolling eyes, some tears that were more about frustration than they were anything else. . . But you still loved him at the end of it, even as you found yourself walking home alone.

In fact, that walk was particularly sobering. The crisp chill of the autumn evening was enough to convince you that you'd rather be back at his place where he keeps an extra toothbrush for you in the bathroom and emptied out a drawer just so you could have a place to store some clothes. The sleep you got in the night that followed was shallow at best, restless enough to leave faint bags beneath your eyes by morning, and you were determined to make up any excuse in the book just to swing by.

So you went out and got some orange juice, knowing there wasn't any left in the fridge, and you stood outside his door for a while, working yourself up just to knock. You thought about all the things you'd need to apologize for, and you were ready to push aside your ego if it meant Mike could understand just how much you care, even when you're upset.

He swallows, just to give himself something to do while he prolongs his own response, because he's just not sure what to say. Somehow, a part of him is whispering that this would be easier if you just didn't give a fuck. . . If last evening was the end, and he could go back to finding comfort in silence again.

That's how it's always been. Someone leaves, and he copes, and then he files them away with the rest. But here you are, and Mike knows he can't bring himself to put you in with the others.

"Mike, I'm—"

"No, I am," he breathes, reaching forward to pull you into his arms. "I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings, and I'm sorry that I suck at being a boyfriend, but I don't know what I'm doing and all I can tell you is that I'm trying."

He feels the tension meld away from you, and it's then, before you even open your mouth to reply, that he starts to think everything is how it should be.

"You don't suck at it," you answer lightly. "I know you're trying, and that's genuinely all I could ask for, and I'm sorry about yesterday evening. I was in a bad mood, and I took it out on you, and that wasn't right."

"We both took shit out on each other," he corrects, ready and willing to share the blame.

"True enough," you acknowledge with a weary smile, finally pulling away from his embrace.

"I'm sorry," he says again. "When things go wrong, I. . . I've just learned how to slam on the breaks. If I stop things before they feel like they'll suffocate me, I can avoid them. But I love you, and I know I don't want to avoid that."

"This isn't a one way street," you remind him. "Relationships are hard, and sometimes things happen in a way that they shouldn't, but I'm here for you, and I want to be here for you. . . It's not contractual. One bad night doesn't take away all the times you've made me feel like the happiest person on the face of the planet, Mike."

He sniffles a little, then lets out a relieved sigh.

"Are you hungry?" He asks. "I can make you some pancakes. Chocolate chip."

You raise an eyebrow.

"Chocolate chip? Are you apologizing to Abby for something?"

God, a part of him hates that he's so obvious, but another part loves that you know him so well. It makes him feel even stupider for just assuming that you'd be willing to throw in the towel after one rough night.

"No, not really," he shakes his head. (Not anymore, at least.)

Mike glances toward the kitchen, just to make sure Abby's still preoccupied with her breakfast, then steals a quick kiss from your lips.

"I'm sorry," he says again.

You smile.

"Me too."

"And I love you," he adds.

Your smile widens.

"I love you too. Promise."

With that, he pulls you to the kitchen, and you sit down beside Abby at the table. She tells you that when breakfast is done with, she'd like to show you some new drawings she's done, and you nod, telling her you're excited to see them. And you are.

Mike stands at the stovetop, his back to the both of you, not bothering to bite back his grin.

He feels his foot ease off the break.

#fnaf movie #fnaf #fnaf movie mike #mike schmidt #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt x you #mike schmidt fnaf #mike schmidt imagine #michael schmidt #micheal schmidt #abby schmidt #abby fnaf #fnaf x reader #fnaf movie x reader #five nights at freddys #reverse comfort #mike schimdt x reader #mike schmidt reverse comfort

275 notes · View notes

slickfordain · 1 year

Text

I saw Sagau Genshin Impact and now I’m drowning in endless thoughts about “What if I was there? Wait no, what if the reader had my fucking unhealthy personality?”

And let me tell you. Chaos. Just, pure chaos.

It was just a normal day in every nation, with you maining as Lumine. (Sorry to the darlings who main Aether,,, I just think homeboy deserves to be a villain for once for always helping people so I chose Lumine.) Lumine was ever so grateful to have you in her presence - even though you controlled her, she didn’t care. She was devoted to you, only you, obsessed with you that she just wants to smother your face with kis—

“I wonder if I should make a character of myself if I was in Teyvat…”

As you accidentally said that out loud (since you’re unaware that they’re aware), people in Teyvat stopped moving. Their bodies froze, but their hearts continued to slowly beat in a little… Joy. You? Wanting to wonder how it’s like to be in Teyvat and trying to see how it goes? Oh Irene, you’re going to make one hell of a harem that’ll chase after you. However, that’s… One misunderstanding. What you now said was something horrifying that struck down their imaginations. (Wenk wonk)

“I will name her/him (Insert character name), and give them all of my trauma.”

Zhongli spat out his drink and almost choked on it, Ei almost destroyed her town— causing electrocution when she heard, Venti was having a mental crisis and whined as he tried to catch your attention. The NPCs were mortified and immediately took action to make their city more decorative- more “cozy” styled because they knew that;; if you had dumped all your trauma to your “Genshin character”, they knew fairy lights would make you calm and soothe yourself.

Characters like Razor and Bennet would cry, absolutely shatter and will prepare themselves to comfort your character insert. I think it’s all safe to say, the characters would go over the moon even to endlessly help your character.

Lumine and Paimon were even more terrified than they should be, along with the ones in the party. Lumine will throw a boulder at anyone who DARED to give you and your character such trauma. Nobody will escape her grasp and she will make sure of it.

Kaeya and Dainsleif, will seize those who dares to give your character any more trauma. They will kill for your character, and you, they would die for you.

The Fatuis even, aren’t any saner than them. Pantalone will pay off the best room service and best comfort zone for you— Arlecchino will have a whole setup of guards practicing to kill the person who traumatized you, and basically— everyone else will go to war. It’s you we’re talking about.

It doesn’t fucking matter what you looked like.

Average, ugly, pretty, short, tall, chubby, weak— They will fucking kill all of those bitches who dared to lay a hand on you. And Tsaritsa will make sure they will be beheaded.

But then…

“If I was in Teyvat, I probably would be this ditzy dumb background NPC character who just happens to be there and tries to help Lumine. I suck, maybe even a lazy lovey dovey person who craves for attention and affection—”

That did it.

That sent everyone’s hearts to ablaze and their hormones to the top of their lungs. They were riled up to win you the damn over. You want a lover? They will kill each other to prove themselves one of them is worthy for you. Even the NPCs. They will win the hell to get you to themselves.

As for the kids, they will argue and set off bombs to one another - arguing who will be your adopted child. It doesn’t matter which one gets injured, they want to win. For you,

for their divine God. Their creator. (Y/N) (L/N).

#various x reader #various #yandere x reader #yandere sagau #Yandere sagau genshin impact #yandere genshin x you #yandere genshin cult au #yandere genshin x reader #yandere genshin au

1K notes · View notes

wheeboo · 4 months

Text

seventeen as games they would play on roblox

FEATURING. seventeen (ot13) GENRE. headcanons, crack WORD COUNT. 552

notes: this is purely just for shits and giggles. ty @haecien for sparking the idea on discord and @yeonjuns-redhair for helping me LMAO. i was such a roblox nerd back then pls don't question me thank u. this game traumatized me fr.

scoups - mm2/arsenal/phantom forces: bro would be such a try hard whenever he becomes murderer or sheriff in mm2. he would also own like all the damn legendary knives, guns, knife effects, prob has hella robux and connections to get all those, might also play obnoxious audios on his radio to assert dominance. arsenal and phantom forces is self-explainable since he's pretty good at fps games

jeonghan - brookhaven/free admin games: is definitely trolling and scaring people on brookhaven or any roleplay game lmfao. would pretend to be their child just for him to turn his avatar into the most terrifying monster ever and make people rage quit. he'd easily take over those games that grant free admin, literally everyone would be under his fingers

joshua - royale high: shua was hard since he doesn't rlly play video games? he would def not be into these competitive games. i can see him having fun dressing up his avatar in royale high for some reason. would prob lowkey be an annoying troll, or those rich ass mfs constantly showing off

jun - adopt me: self-explanatory. the top of his bucket list is to adopt all pets possible in the game. might even find ways to scam people out of their stuff (my cousin does this, don't be like her).

hoshi - jailbreak: he likes chaotic games. he brings chaos to the server. tries to also bribe woozi into playing with him so they can both be the Richest Lads in the server. either that or he absolutely sucks at playing the game and keeps getting arrested by the police.

wonwoo - tower of hell/dungeon quest/arsenal/doors: can't really decide on one. he's pretty versatile with his games but i think he mainly prefers battle strategy games and fighting games. would definitely complete a tower of hell obby in less than a minute fr. is probably on the leaderboard of dungeon quest and has all the legendary spells, armour, and weapons. he's also completely fine with anything horror

woozi - those anime sims n fighting games/death ball/robeats: personally i have never played any of those anime fighting games ever but he would def be the one to enjoy them the most. will def beat your ass in death ball with his gigantic double wielded swords. he'd also continuously get hella high scores on robeats

dk - work at a pizza place: no explanation needed. he is living his life as a cook and delivery person

mingyu - theme park tycoon/natural disaster survival: i found mingyu to be hard as well LMAO. i feel like he could make a bomb ass theme park in theme park tycoon tho. either that or he's getting freaked out over the blocky tsunami coming his way

minghao - bloxburg/royale high/those fashion games: ahh he's living his life designing his perfect dream home and definitely has all the gamepasses. has the best fashion in royale high. would definitely spend his robux to get VIP so he can get access to the Better clothes in those fashion games (fun fact: i'm banned on bloxburg cuz i'm just too damn good 😔)

seungkwan - pls donate/works in a group: has the prettiest booth in pls donate so he can get robux but is constantly arguing with the nine year olds who are begging for him to donate to them. might also be an MR/HR/SR at a group (don't work at roblox groups guys, i beg of you)

vernon - bee swam simulator: no thoughts, just vernon playing bee swarm simulator being the best thing ever

dino - speed run: constantly frustrated over each time he falls off the map. he never makes it to the end

taglist (open) ʚɞ @enhazen @haowrld @icyminghao @slytherinshua @jeonride @lockburn-castle @vrnism @weird-bookworm @mhlsymlysn @ryuwonieebae @yeonjuns-redhair @wonwooz1 @woohaeyo @mark-geolli @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @aaniag @wootify @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @phenomenalgirl9

150 notes · View notes

transfaguette · 1 year

Note

Odd trans conversation I had that seems related to recent posts thematically - I was discussing how a reddit thread was debating if transmasc or transfem kids would be more effected by hormone blocker bans with another transmasc person (we were agreeing the point was useless to debate), and a nb woman (her words for herself, she does not ID as trans) friend interrupted to say we were both out of line for not acknowledging that T-puberty for transfem people is inherently more traumatizing than E-puberty for transmasc people. Specifically bc transfems are opened to transmisogyny, and transmascs have no "new" oppression from their puberty. Also went on to say all the effects of E puberty can be surgically reversed, but you can't say that about T puberty. Finished off by saying transmascs are always reassuring each other that surgery and T can "fix" what E puberty did but that transfems don't have the same privilege. All to argue that transfem kids are more hurt by puberty blocker bans than transmasc kids. We changed the subject right after and kept hanging out but it's stuck with me for a few years now.

God, firstly "which CHILD is more hurt by this bigoted and destructive legislation" is a disgusting premise on it's own. Having weird attitudes towards transmasc adults is one thing, but stepping in to specifically argue about the health and safety of trans kids feels extra demonstrative of some deep seeded prejudices.

Secondly I've heard that argument quite often and it Really REALLY bothers me that people have that misconception about E puberty to begin with. Like...as if transmasc's "baby faces" and short stature and wider hips are not frequently ridiculed and used as markers to suss us out. Going through puberty we don't want is always going to suck for us, transmasc, transfem, transneutral, etc. There are always going to be social stigmas that ridicule the features of trans people no matter what, there is no need to pit us against each other. It's so, so ridiculous.

edit: I forgot to add, too; I think there is a lot of downplaying people do of just how much estrogen can change a testosterone-based body. I've seen many examples of trans women expressing how sad and defeated they were when they started E, thinking they would never really pass, only to find out it really did a lot more than they were lead to believe. Which I don't say to dismiss the fears people have or less than ideal experiences, but to say transfems can and will experience joy and it is heartbreaking that they often feel like or are told they cannot.

#transphobia #asks

507 notes · View notes

goatcheesecak3 · 4 months

Note

i just saw your post / reblog mentioning anger issues adam being under represented and ur so right why DOES everyone make him a pissbaby

this is me begging you !!! if you feel like it !!! as a formal request PLEASE !!!!! write a little something with adam’s anger issues and a reader who absolutely sucks with anger (like. cries when yelled at) and how adam might handle that AHDJSJDJ

Hot head

Adam Faulkner-Stanheight x F!reader

Click here for m!reader version!

Includes: angst, fluff, brief mention of physical altercation (not between Adam and reader)

Summary: after a brawl at a bar, Adam is left feeling hot-headed and angry, unfairly snapping at his partner.

A/n thank you so so so so much for this request!! It's really nice to be able to flesh his character out a bit more, like don't get me wrong, I love soft fluffy Adam, but he's such a complex character with so many different sides, so it's nice to explore a new one for a change :^)

"Adam please just calm down!" Y/n pleaded, her voice quivering.

"Calm down? Are you fucking kidding me?" Adam yelled, slamming the apartment door behind him as the two entered.

"Why do you always have to undermine me like that? I had it all under control" he continued.

"No you didn't, Adam you're hammered and you were gonna get yourself hurt" y/n insisted, tears welling in her eyes.

"I can't be around you when you're like this, I'm going to bed. Don't follow me" he snarled, as he huffed away to the bedroom and locked the door behind him.

Y/n's boyfriend, Adam, was a tetchy guy. He really was the loveliest guy you could ever meet, but he had issues with his anger. He'd had them ever since he was a kid, probably due to the fact that his dad was nothing short of an asshole, but as he grew older he managed to get his temper under control. That was until he reached his mid twenties and went through a particularly traumatic event; being kidnapped by a serial killer and only narrowly escaping with his life. Ever since then his temper had a hair trigger.

On this particular occasion, it was a Friday, date night for Adam and y/n. They'd gone to a hole in the wall bar just to have a few rounds before heading home, but of course, Adam had overdone it. He wasn't necessarily acting too out of the ordinary, just drunk, which was fine, it was a Friday and he didn't need to be up early the next day. But alcohol made Adam's already short temper even shorter, it took very little to get him agitated, and when a lairy drunk man nudged Adam and sneered "ain't you that guy from the news that went and got himself kidnapped?" Adam completely lost it.

"The fuck did you just say to me?" He spat with an aggressive shove

"You heard me" the drunkard jeered

"Baby, please let's just go" y/n whispered, tugging at Adam's arm, who immediately shook her off.

"You wanna take this outside asshole?" Adam yelled, drawing attention to their squabble now.

The man threw his head back laughing, "Fuck are you gonna do to me you skinny prick?" He shoved Adam back, and in his drunken state, Adam lost his footing and stumbled backwards.

Feeling humiliated and enraged, Adam lunged at the man, landing a hefty punch on his right cheek. The man, who didn't take so kindly to this, grabbed Adam by the scruff of the neck and punched back. This went back and forth until Adam and the man were practically a cloud of fists and hurled obscenities, all to y/n's horror, as she pleaded for them to stop through tears.

Eventually, a rather burly bartender got between them and peeled the two off of eachother. Y/n apologised for the commotion and dragged a still very firey Adam out of the bar.

The couple argued the whole short walk home, Adam adamant that y/n should have just let him knock that asshole out, and y/n tearfully insisting that Adam would have gotten himself hurt, which brings us up to speed.

"I can't be around you when you're like this, I'm going to bed. Don't follow me" Adam snarled, as he huffed away to the bedroom and locked the door behind him.

Y/n sat down on the sofa and let out a few small, quiet sobs. She pulled a nightshirt and an old blanket out of the laundry basket and settled in on the couch, ready for a long and uncomfortable night.

Writhing around in the darkness, y/n wrestled with her racing mind trying to find sleep, to no avail. She hated when she and Adam went to bed mad at eachother, and she hated Adam when he raised his voice. She hated this entire night, and desperately just wanted to get to sleep so that it would be over.

Creeeeaaaak

Y/n became aware of floorboards creaking from down the hall near the bedroom, she figured it was just Adam getting up to use the bathroom.

Creeeeaaaak

That was strange, they were getting closer.

Y/n closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep, not wanting round two of the argument right at the minute. She heard Adam step closer still, until he was most definitely stood right next to the sofa, looking over her. Y/n wasn't sure where this was going, but still, she pretended to be asleep. That was when she felt something she didn't at all expect; Adam's arms began to cradle her body and lift it up, carrying her to the bedroom gently. Y/n felt herself be placed so very carefully on the mattress, and tucked in under the warm sheets. Adam sat on the side of the bed stroking her hair and whispering so quietly that she almost didn't hear him.

"I don't deserve you, but i want to. I'll get my temper under control, I'll be a better man for you. I don't wanna loose you baby" he breathed, unaware that y/n was hearing the whole thing.

He pressed a soft kiss onto y/n's temple with the most quiet "I love you".

"I love you too" y/n whispered back.

Adam's face flushed red, as he looked down into y/n's now open eyes.

"H... how long have you been awake?"

"The whole time" she smiled warmly.

Adam's gaze softened at her smile.

"I'm sorry baby, I really am. How can I make it up to you?"

Y/n thought for a second, before she settled on an answer.

"Well for starters, you can get under here with me and give me a cuddle" she said, lifting up the blankets and patting the empty spot beside her.

"Sure thing babe" Adam whispered affectionately, his face angelic and soft.

He slipped under the covers next to y/n and held her tightly all night, as though he'd truly realised just how precious the girl sleeping next to him really was, and he was never going to let her go.

A/n requests are open! Check my pinned post for details and masterlist!

#adam faulkner x reader #adam faulkner stanheight #adam saw #saw adam #adam faulkner #adam stanheight #adam stanheight x reader #adam faulkner stanheight x reader #x you #x reader #x f!reader #saw 2004 #sawposting #saw #fluff #angst

87 notes · View notes

itgirlgyu · 6 months

Text

txt when they have explosive diarrhoea! *UNSERIOUS

۫ ִ ﹗🐡 𓏸 txt!ot5 . ⊹ ݁ 🗯 ⋆ WARNING!!! lots of shit talk again as it is still a normal part of life!! THIS IS A JOKE!!! 𖤛REQUESTED!

CHOI YEONJUN.

too prideful for the diarrhoea pills.

hunched over with his legs cross while holding on to the wall for his dear life.

"It's a way of living."

sure it is yeonjun.

everyone already knows that he's suffering.

everyone can see how much yeonjun is clenching but they'd rather rejoice seeing the man in pain than help so it's like a fun time as he flails like a flag in the wind.

beomgyu purposefully occupies bathrooms so he has to suffer and wiggle and silently cry as he waits for him to come out

with taehyun recording yeonjun's entire ordeal

soobin walking around yeonjun while playing shitting noise on his bluetooth speakers.

it's a group venture at this point to mentally scar yeonjun for life

beomgyu only comes out when huening kai texts him that yeonjun had become blue in the face.

after yeonjun crawls into the bathroom at last

no one can enter that place anymore for like a week

it has been officially declared a biohazard zone.

yeonjun refuses to acknowledge that day.

CHOI SOOBIN.

the first thing after he is done shitting is slamming beomgyu's door open and accusing him of putting something in his take out.

beomgyu—"but i wasn't even there when you ate last!"

refuses to accept that he is suffering because had eaten spicy ramen last night which he hadn't been able to digest.

makes it everyone's problem that his ass is on fire but also refuses to go to the hospital because he is too embarrassed.

doesn't take pills because he thinks it can also heal on its own while huening kai has to help him by dragging him to the bathroom and stay outside for moral support with soobin checking every 4 second to make sure he's actually there

after taehyun forces the medicine down his throat, he's still complaining that the pain hasn't stopped within five seconds.

by the end of the night everyone has dark circles and messy hair from staying awake with soobin

with soobin finally crawling our of the bathroom like

"yes it's stopped coming out!"

while cradling the bump in his head from beomgyu's outburst and a punch

everyone cheered.

and then no one ever talked about that day again.

CHOI BEOMGYU.

brother just casually drops it in the conversation???

like we don't want the health state of your gut health beomgyu.

especially how much ton you think ended up shitting out.

will actively ruin any and every conversation with his near death experience with diarrhea.

"i almost shit my spleen out, that was such a scary event in my life."

meanwhile taehyun weighing the consequences of telling him that he can't shit his spleen out vs hear beomgyu try to argue that his butthole suction is that strong that he can ACTUALLY do it.

while yeonjun has his head out of the window to clear himself off the me talk traumatic flashes when he was at the apartment the day this had happened and he almost had to take beomgyu to the hospital while his dropping shit like a pigeon.

beomgyu has to be shut down manually because one more word and yeonjun would have flung himself down.

KANG TAEHYUN.

this man will DIE shitting before he let's you know that he also had his bouts with diarrhoea.

biggest hypocrite when it comes to shit talk because man wants to be in everyone's business like an overactive enthusiastic activist like there's nothing to be ashamed about YOUR GUT HEALTH! TAKE PROBIOTICS!!!

except when the matter becomes personal.

will not tell anyone that he's shitting thrice in half n hour and his stomache is feeling its being sucked out and his butt is on fire.

hyuka—oh why are you walking like that taehyun?

taehyun—i was twerking.

contrary to his own beliefs, doesn't take any medicines.

has his squabbles with diarrhoea until it gets better on its own

and then when his ass heals, gets back on his high horse

lies that he takes care of his diet so well that he never had diarrhoea ever

HUENING KAI.

okay he might not tell anyone because nobody asks him about it.

even when he's like running across the house until he becomes a blur to get inside the bathroom like his life depends on it

not a squeak from anyone.

sometimes when soobin would be occupying the bathroom, scrolling on his phone while huening scratching onto the door like

he's gonna explode anytime soon

beomgyu walking by like, " oh wow huening are you cosplaying a cat?"

comes out of the bathroom all sweaty with his bangs stuck to his forehead to the dance practice.

and yeonjun is like, "everyone should be as hardworking as huening."

even when his ordeal is all over

doesn't tell anyone how much he was suffering

when taehyun asks him how does he take care of his food intake that well

huening kai breaking the fourth wall and looking the camera like it's the office.

COPYRIGHTS RESERVED TO ITGIRLGYU 23'. FEEDBACKS AND REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED! PERM' TAGLIST: @impureperhaps @full-sunnies @ox1-lovesick @jisungsdaydreamer @wonioml @1921choi @forever-in-the-sky2 @beoms-sugar @gyuletters

112 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

Note

AITA for arguing with someone over ships?

🧀⛵ so i can find this later

Yes, this is ship discourse AITA #294729472 you can scroll away, english isn't my first language, my apologies.

So I (16M (But 13-14 at the time)) am in a very niche fandom. As in, we didn't have any new content for the past 5 years and media is old af (2013), very few fans, most of us know each other already.

I used to have these mutuals Cheese (Not their real name) (around my age i think?? I can't remember) and Breadstick (Not his real name) (18M).

We all had our little ships, ok? I like the little (dumbass golden retriever boy) x (badass traumatized man) ship, Cheese liked the little (badass traumatized man) x (literally the same thing but evil and abusive) and Breadstick liked both ships.

I met Breadstick before meeting Cheese so we were already friends before i met Cheese. I thought "Cool, another person likes this little niche thing i'm hyperfixated on!" So we became mutuals.

I didn't anticipate that we would argue about ships, but oh well. So, i'm a very chill person regarding ships, literally any, although i do have NOTPs, i'm not really toxic about my hatred, i just go "Ah, not my thing" and scroll away not without blocking the person, but really nothing personal and no hard feelings, i can perfectly be friends with someone who loves my notp.

In fact, that was the case with Cheese. They shipped my NOTP, like A LOT. But I was okay with it, i mean these are just characters and all we're doing is being silly. I didn't take this THAT seriously. However, when I seemed to talk about my ship, Cheese seemed uncomfortable in some way.

When I was talking about my fankid (call me cringe idc) of my OTP, Cheese got very confused and asked who was i talking about. Breadstick came in and introduced my fankid to them, since he knew about it before. Cheese just started being rude, literally saying swear words (Not against them but, the context didn't really call for it? No one was being mean or mad), saying, and i quote as best as i can, "I don't know what the fuck made you think i knew who the hell [Fankid] was".

I got very mad about it, so i privately dm'ed Breadstick about Cheese's attitude. We began trash talking about them, which, i admit was a very trashy thing to do and definitely asshole material™.

Reason why may i be the asshole: over time, Breadstick just started complaining a lot about Cheese, and I could honestly agree, it came to the point of us disliking them to some degree but not telling them and not breaking the mutual, that could be considered two faced behavior.

This was partly influenced because of another incident. So Cheese and Breadstick where rambling about an OT3 (3 person ship) they had in common, basically sharing ideas and stuff. I thought it would be fun and went "Hey, I have an OT3 too, maybe i should post about it too". So I went and posted about it, but Cheese felt very uncomfortable with that, since basically my OT3 was exactly like Cheese's OT3 but one character is different, "basically".

They said "You have your thing, let US have ours". Felt bad and honestly, maybe i shouldn't have intruded their ot3 rambling. I didn't expect such negative reaction out of them.

In other occasions they complained about me posting a little too much about my ship, even though they did the same thing with theirs. And they also had a mutual that said "If you ship [this character] you suck and i fucking hate you. [character] is too abusive to be shipped with anyone and you can't just make an AU, that would just change him as a character completely" which, dear god, that language wasn't needed, right?. And despite that crazy person saying that, Cheese agreed with their take, despite literally shipping the character in question with another one. And abusively too, which like you do you, lord knows i do that too, but agreeing with a take like that while doing exactly what it is complaining about is weird. On the other side, that person wasn't my mutual, so it's unrealistic of me to expect Cheese to control their mutuals over me, Cheese can mutual whoever they want, but i can still be weirded out right?

That is without including them telling other people to kill themselves over shipping, so it was clear that Cheese took this shipping thing seriously while me and Breadstick to some degree didn't. Honestly another reason why i might be an asshole, clearly they felt their otp was personal and me not liking it + ignoring it caused a bad environment, mala mía, but what else could i have done?

So, clearly Cheese is kind of an asshole to some degree. But i think what makes ME an asshole too is when I trash talked behind their back and cut them off way later than i should've. And also, i guess i shoved my ship down their throat taking by how mad they were about it? I didn't do it intentionally though and i could definitely say they did the same thing too when 80% of the fandom and character tags was them posting about their ship. Again, small niche fandom for old unpopular media, we are keeping it alive ourselves.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #ship discourse #posts that make me crave one of those lil cheese dip breadstick snack packs #which i have not eaten in roughly uhhhh at least a decade and a half #but the taste. you never forget that taste

104 notes · View notes

happypanda101 · 2 months

Text

Apologies for yet another Naruto rant, I’ve just been overthinking about things lately lol.

The fact that people continue to argue that Sasusaku got no development at all or came out of nowhere honestly boggles my mind? Granted, I know a lot of people watched the anime rather than read the manga. But looking at the manga, it’s made more obvious that Sasuke had a crush or at least had soft spot for Sakura in part 1. Things get more complicated in shippuden, but they are also able to have their moments too.

Now, am I saying it’s the best developed ship ever? Heck no. I, like a lot of people in the fandom, wish they could have gotten more development. Also maybe an explanation as to why they had feelings for each other. A lot of people like to say that Sakura’s love was shallow becasue she only liked him because of his looks, but when you actually look over everything, looks are never mentioned by Sakura at all. She’s either worried about her own or commenting on Sasuke’s skills.

Also, despite what some fans like to say, Sasuke never out right rejected Sakura’s feelings. When he knocks her out and plays the “I have no reason to love her or be loved by her” line, he’s talking to Kakashi. Sasuke is a very traumatized character, he’s not going to openly admit he loves someone.

However, what really has to irrates me is when people try to argue that NaruHina got more development, which like? Bro, a whole ass movie had to be made to get them together. And as much as a soft spot I have for the Last, it wasn’t even that good! They had to bring the space aliens in again! I like NaruHina, but it’s obvious that the simps over at SP had a role to play in why the ship actually became canon.

Anyway, you don’t have to like the pairing. I know I don’t like a few ships that ended up becoming canon. However, it would be nice that whenever a Sasusaku fan tries to explain why they ship them an anti doesn’t comment: “lol Sasuke never liked her he hated her she sucks.” The amount of times I’ve seen these fuckers on a good Sasusaku analysis is tiring.

Just leave people alone. The worlds not gonna end over people shipping a ship you don’t like.

#sasuke uchiha #sakura haruno #naruto uzumaki #hinata hyuuga #pro sasusaku #sasusaku #naruto fandom #naruto manga #naruto shippuden #//I’m sorry for all the Ted talks lately lol #//I just need to get my thoughts out before they consume me XD

58 notes · View notes

alpaca-clouds · 3 months

Text

Let me use Astarion as an excuse to talk about CPTSD

You know what? I think this might be a good moment to talk about CPTSD and how Astarion really is a textbook example of someone with CPTSD (though it is very likely that basically our entire main cast of characters in BG3 is suffering from it to some degree, they just are less textbook in their presentation).

Let me start with a simple question: What is CPTSD?

CPTSD is the shortened version of Complex PTSD, or rather Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So, to dumb it down: It is like CPTSD, but it sucks a lot more.

While normally PTSD is caused by one traumatic event (like having a car accident, seeing a loved one die, being subjected to random violence at some point), while CPTSD is caused by a traumatic situation that goes on for a while or repeats several times. In the western world, we see a lot of CPTSD in survivors of parental abuse or intimate partner abuse. Aka, traumatic situations that went on for a longer while. You will also find CPTSD in some people from marginalized groups, as the traumatic situation of discrimination is constantly repeating. And of course you will find it in survivors of war or similar ongoing events.

PTSD will often lead to having triggers related to the trauma, showing avoidance behavior towards possibly triggering situations. It might also lead to flashbacks, nightmares, and a raised awareness/carefulness, often especially regarding relations with other people (though this might depend on the traumatic event it stems from).

CPTSD will have all of that, but often in more complex ways (as a longer experience will allow for complex triggers to develop - and a lot more situa´tions to become triggers as well), but it will also lead to a difficulty to regulate emotions, a general mistrust towards other people, inability to have healthy relationships, prolonged moments of dissociations, a generally negative perception of the world and events, feelings of worthlessness and internalized shame.

It should also be noted that in many cases the symptoms of CPTSD only start showing, once the traumatized person is removed from the traumatizing situation.

Neurally the reason for CPTSD is basically, that the nervous system is put into a prolonged survival mode. Which is also why the symptoms often trigger after the survivor is removed trauma inducing situation.

And, oh look, it is Astarion lol

Looking at the character from this perspetive, you really see pretty much all the symptoms in him.

Does he struggle with regulating his emotions? Fuck yeah, he does. He tries to regulate them, but he very often fails at it.

Does he get triggered by some situations? Yeah, it does. (You get that especially when you play his origin.)

He is super mistrustful towards other people - which is also why he does not intermingle with other people that much.

His view of most things as negative is also fairly clear - I also would argue that his "let's kill some puppies and kittens" behavior is also very closely connected to this.

And that he struggles with feelings of worthlessness and shame is again something that is found in the text.

He really is a very textbook example of CPTSD, which also brings me back to what I already talked about this week: Both CPTSD and PTSD will permanently change the nervous system. Which as far as we know will never quite go away. (Like, not to be a nerd, but there has been some recent research, that has shown that certain medication might permanently eleviate some symptoms - but not heal it totally.) It is basically scars from a nervous injury, if you wanna think of it like that.

You can however learn to live with the symptoms and learn techniques to regulate them. If you have read any of my Tavstarion stories (like this one), I bring some of those techniques into that. Stuff like breathing techniques or techniques to get your brain out of a flashback spiral (like consciously perceiving your surroundings). But to learn to deal with it, you also need to confront the trauma, which is probably the hardest thing to get Astarion to do, because he seems to be very avoidant. Like, his entire "I need to ascend" thingie is all avoidant behavior. Basically, he wants all that power that comes with ascending to prevent him from ever ending up in a situation that would be in any way similar to his trauma again.

But even if he does not ascend, there is a good chance he will still show a lot of avoidant behavior in the future.

When I write him, there is a reason that I do not have him leave home for a good seven months outside of what he has to do (like feeding). Which is very typical avoidant behavior.

The thing is that often trauma and especially CPTSD is not always the very big reactions - though those might be there too - but a lot of those more muted things. Avoiding going outside. Avoiding new situations. Being just a bit anxious. Feeling that nice things are done with bad intentions. Things like that.

Just, you know... A heads up.

#baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #tav x astarion #astarion x tav #tavstarion #cptsd #cptsd recovery #ptsd #mental health

61 notes · View notes

lockdaisy · 1 year

Text

How Resident Evil 4 Remake Makes it More Explicit that Leon’s Life SUCKS

While Resident Evil 4 Remake's new introduction insinuates it, supplemental material makes it explicitly clear that the ONLY reason Leon joined the government as a special agent after the events of RE2 was because they threatened to MURDER Sherry, a little girl, if he refused to work for them. In other words, Leon gave up his freedom for Sherry's safety. Actually, to put it even more bluntly, it means that the US government essentially enslaved Leon, who was already severely traumatized by the events of Raccoon City, and forced him to continuously re-traumatize himself over and over again by forcing him to undergo brutal training and throw himself into life-threatening missions where he endlessly has to fight against bioterrorist monstrosities

(I’ll add the rest under a read more to avoid cluttering the tag)

This fact adds a lot of tragic irony to the story and a lot of tragic elements to Leon's character as a whole. First, Leon, who the government enslaved into working for them by threatening a girl he viewed as his daughter figure, was assigned to rescue Ashley, the daughter of the president of the US government, and I can barely believe that the government had the temerity to give Leon that mission in light of his circumstances

Second, it makes the scene where Ashley, inspired by Leon, excitedly talks about her desire to become an agent "just like Leon" and go on missions "protecting the US from any and all threats" take a far more tragically ironic, painful turn since, unbeknownst to her, Leon very much did not willingly join the government, and she's talking about protecting the very government that enslaved her savior

Third, it really highlights Leon's inherent kindness. Although you could argue that Leon had no choice but to save Ashley, there was nothing that forced him to be kind to her. Even though Leon has all the reason in the world to hate her, since she's the daughter of one of the men who enslaved him, he nevertheless was nothing but kind, patient, and selfless to her, which emphasizes the intrinsic goodness of Leon's character

Fourth, it really makes RE4's ending a lot more bittersweet and Leon's character a lot more tragic. Considering the fact that Leon singlehandedly rescued the President's daughter, you'd think that that would've been enough for the government to grant Leon and Sherry their freedom, right? You'd think that President Graham, who must have known about Leon's circumstances and who is completely beholden to him for saving his daughter's life and preventing a huge bioterrorist catastrophe in the United States, would set Leon and Sherry free, right? Wrong. From what we saw in the other games and movies, Leon is still enslaved. In fact, in RE6, it was even made clear that they not only refused to grant Leon and Sherry their freedom, but that they didn't even allow Leon to watch Sherry, the girl he sacrificed his freedom for, grow up, and they put him and Sherry under the control of the legitimately monstrous Derek Simmons. So even though Leon sacrificed his freedom for Sherry, just because Simmons hated him due to the fact that he thought that he was “stealing” Ada from him, he was basically NEVER allowed to visit Sherry. And since RE6 made it clear that Leon became highly suicidal and that the only reason that he forced himself to stay alive was to protect Sherry, it really just makes Leon's life all the more tragic. He saved the President's daughter, he saved the world, again and again, but nobody will ever save him, and he will forever remain enslaved by the U.S. government

And... overall while I love the fact that they did imply it, since they never even did that much in the original RE4, I do wish that the game made it more explicitly clear that Leon was forced to work for the government against his will because 1) it adds a really fascinating element to Leon's character since he is the only member of the cast who was essentially enslaved in the fight against bioterrorism, 2) it would have really strengthened the parallels between Leon and Krauser since it would make it more clear that the US government screwed them both over in their own ways, and 3) it really explains Leon's grumpier, more cynical attitude in the game

I also think it's strange that Capcom goes back and forth between acknowledging and ignoring this part of Leon's character and lore, and I think it's kind of sad since it distorts the perception of Leon's character as a whole in the fandom. For example, in Infinite Darkness, it can basically be argued that the reason why Leon did what he did at the end was because he CAN’T go against the government's wishes without endangering Sherry's life. (And I’m not blaming Claire for being mad at him, either, since there’s a good chance that he kept the fact that they’re holding Sherry’s life over his head a secret from her in order to protect her from being targeted by the government). Instead, because Capcom doesn't really focus on his circumstances, it just makes it look like he's a government shill

It’s just... so tragic. Unlike Jill, Chris, and Claire, Leon literally had no choice in his career against bioterrorism. He didn’t become a special agent of his own volition; he was enslaved. And the only reason Claire didn’t end up in the exact same circumstances was because Leon, knowing that she still needed to find her brother Chris, encouraged her to go look for him, promising that it would be ok for her to do so since he would look after Sherry. And because of that, Claire left before she could get captured by the government like Leon and Sherry did, and so she got to have her freedom. And the only reason why Leon is still enslaved to this very day is because he cares about Sherry’s safety so much that he was willing to sacrifice his freedom for her. In other words, Leon ended up suffering because of his kindness. He was punished for being kind

And despite all that, even though his kindness directly contributes to his suffering, Leon still chooses to be kind and selfless anyway, and that’s just so...

I love him

#leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #resident evil 4 #resident evil 4 remake #re4r #re4 remake #resident evil #re #re4 #not op #lockdaisy speaks #leon scott kennedy

217 notes · View notes

imajinxnation · 25 days

Note

A request for

Neo Anderson!! x Fem Reader

like a enemies to lovers trope ig

shes apart of the crew and her and Neo never rly go along they have a bonding moment she opens up to him about some traumatic past event they grow closer but didn’t realize someone over heard the person over heard tells everyone she thinks it was Neo she gets mad at him they fight he dose everything to get her to understand it wasn’t him

and in the end they make up ig start a relationship something along those lines

if u can!

Too Far..

Neo (Thomas Anderson) x FEMALE!Reader

SUMMARY // You and Neo have never really gotten along, but that all changes when he finds you crying in your room..

TW // Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

I absolutely LOVE this idea!

Sorry this took so long! Been having writers block!

I don't like what I wrote, but I wanted to finish this anyways

ALL GIFS FOUND ON PINTEREST

The moment I woke up this morning, I knew.. I just knew that it would be an awful day. I woke up in a sweat, having just had a nightmare, my small room on the Nebuchadnezzar not helping and making me feel claustrophobic and panic even more.

I curl my knees up to my chest, hiding my face in them as I tried not to cry, but my tear ducts filled until a droplet of salty water fell, which started to turn into more and more tears, streaming down my cheeks. I let out a choked sob, trying hard to not make too much noise and wake up the people in the rooms beside me.

Apparently I failed at keeping quiet because, not too long after, I hear a metallic knock on my door. I hesitantly rise from my bed quietly and slide open the door a crack only to see The One standing at my door, a slightly annoyed look on his face.

"Oh, so you are awake! Mind telling me what you're doing, making all that noise?" He asks, obviously having been woken up from my strangled sobs.

I reply, too emotional to try and argue, "Sorry, Neo.. I'm just.. not in a great mood right now," I sniff and rub my tear-stained cheeks harshly.

He notices my glazed, reddened eyes and wet cheeks, suddenly feeling a bit concerned instead of annoyed. He opens the door wider and lets himself in, not saying anything. He plops down on my hard mattress, which makes him cringe at how uncomfortable it is.

"Christ, how do you sleep on this thing?" He asks, rubbing his tailbone.

"Barely.. Not everyone gets special treatment, you know?" I hint at the obvious favouritism.

Neo looks away, a slight guilt nawing at him before he looks back at me. He the pats beside him, asking me to sit with him. I stare at the spot beside him for a second before slumping down next to him, head held down.

"What's going on with you, (Y/n)?" He asks, a slight harshness to his tone.

"Nothing.. I just woke up feeling off.." I say, partly telling the truth.

"You know better than to lie to me," Neo sighs, disappointed.

"..I had a nightmare.. about my life when I was still in the Matrix.." I start to open up a bit.

He looks over at me curiously, "What was your life like there?" He asks, sounding genuinely curious about what my life was before being woken up.

I suck in a breath, debating on whether I should tell him about my past. I sigh and just do it, after all, what's the worst that could happen?

"When.. when I was living in the Matrix like the majority of people, I had a good life.. until the end of middle school.." I let out a shakey breath, "That's when things started to go down hill.. I started to notice things, deja vú, inconsistencies in the Matrix, and how cookie cutter a lot of people looked.."

Neo nods, actually listening to me.

"Thought I could confide in my friends.. Turns out I couldn't, because the moment I dropped out of school.. nobody contacted me ever again, unless you count family.. I was the black sheep and it hurt.." Silent tears fall down my face.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up at Neo, an understanding look on his face, nodding at me to keep going as he rubbed my back to try and console me.

"One day, I was going to the library.. but I got jumped by old 'friends'.. The people I had trusted and loved back in school were now totally against me and filled with disgust for me.." I stop, ending my story with a sob.

Neo hesitates a bit before gently hugging me, bringing my face into his chest, letting me cry into it. One hand stroked my hair while the other patted my back.

"I'm sorry that happened to you.. You were brave enough to share how you felt and share your opinions and they rejected you in the worst way possible.. I know all of us here felt estranged in the Matrix.. but none of us ever did what you were able to do.. not even me," Neo confessed.

We stay like this for a long time in silence and a new understanding in each other. What we failed to realize was the sound of boots running away from my door.

Only a day later, word had spread about my past and how I had been discarded by all my friends when I was still linked into the Matrix. The looks of pity and sympathy coming from the others making me feel exposed and like a wild caged animal, being gawked at and stared at with pity I don't want.

Anger boils inside me and I immediately search for Neo, eventually finding him asleep, connected to the Matrix.

"Hey, plug me in, I need to talk to Neo!" I say, anger evident. The control crew member nods hesitantly, unsure. I sit in one of the leathery chairs, feeling like a patient at the dentist. I feel the sharp sting of metal connecting to the port in the back of my neck and connect to the Matrix.

The crew member gets me as close to Neo's location as possible and directs me to where he is. He's in a fuckin' noodle shop.

"We need to talk," I say, tensed.

Neo looks up and a look of surprise crosses his face as he sees me standing in front of him, a sneer on my face. The surprise on his face quickly turns to confusion as I slide into the seat across from him.

"(Y/n)? What are you doing here?" He asks, obviously confused.

"Needed to talk with you. Why the fuck did you tell everyone about my previous life!? I trusted you to keep something personal like that to yourself!"

Neo does a double take, shocked at the tone I use with him. His brows furrow and a frustrated look crosses his face.

"What are you talking about? I never told anyone about your Matrix life!" He exclaims.

"Oh bullshit! You're the only person I told my past to, so how is it that the day after I tell you it, everyone is looking at me like I'm a wounded animal that needs help!?" I growl out, tears filling my eyes with frustration.

Neo sighs, seeing my teary eyes and says calmly, "I swear.. I didn't tell anyone. Maybe.. maybe someone overheard. The walls on the Nebuchadnezzar aren't exactly soundproof.." he suggests.

I take a deep breath and think for a moment.

"Yeah.. that's possible, I guess.. but who would do that?" I say to myself, not expecting an answer from Neo.

"Look, you can't do anything about it now. Everything's out in the open already, and I'm sure everyone will go back to normal around you once they realize you don't want sympathy or whatever.." Neo says in a low, soft voice.

"..Yeah, your right.. You know, for being 'The One', you're not very good with people." I point out.

Neo laughs a bit, shaking his head.

"Comfort is not my forté. Now, let's get out of here before an agent sees us," Neo grabs my hand and we wuickly leave the noodle shop, finding a nearby phone to leave the Matrix with.

As we left, I had a feeling in my heart that me and Neo had gotten a lot closer because of this mess.. and maybe that's a good thing.

51 notes · View notes

reasonsforhope · 9 months

Note

I’m scared, and I’m sad. I look at positive news every day, but sometimes things happen that make me derail. What can I do?

It's natural to be scared and sad about this stuff. We live in a world that gives us more information about more people than we were ever designed to handle. And a lot of that information is about really upsetting, tragic, or horrific things.

What I try to do whenever I start to feel like I'm falling into despair, I try to remember to take a long view of history.

Change isn't often visible in the short term because change is so chaotic. But in physics - and I would argue therefore for organisms and humanity as well - chaos at the micro level creates stability at the macro level.

The fact is, statistically, this IS the best time to be alive. It really doesn't feel like it a lot of the time, but it is.

But a lot of things still suck, and sometimes it feels like all the reasons in the world are slipping through your fingers. It can be very easy, sometimes, to give into the despair in the face of all the things humanity has done, to ourselves and to each other.

Here's the one fact I hold on to with all my strength, when all else fails. The one thing that is too powerful to slip through my fingers:

For almost all of human history, until the past roughly 200 years, the child mortality rate was about 50%.

Sure, it varied based on location and century and the hygiene practices of the dominant culture. But overall, it was about 50%, with child morality defined as any infant or child who dies before their 15th birthday.

That means that half of all people born died before their 15th birthday.

Most of human history, as famous journalist and nonfiction author Bill Bryson puts it, was "overwhelmingly a place of tiny coffins."

Imagine how fucking awful that would be to live with. Imagine all the extra grief and pain and suffering flooding the world.

That fact alone basically guarantees that ever single person who ever lived, until very, very recently, was traumatized, or died before they could be. And that's leaving out the rampant trauma of famine, nonfatal disease, exposure, violence, and everything else that can come from a lack of resources or just the brutal vagaries of nature.

But we don't live in that world anymore. We live in a world where we have reduced child mortality from 40% to 3.7% in just two hundred years.

And those rates are going to keep falling as developing nations with higher child mortality rates get access to better infrastructure, medical care, and resource distribution.

So this is what I cling to, when I can cling to nothing else: no matter how bad things are, no matter how much technology fucks things up, technology and progress have freed us from the hell of half of all our children dying.

We have already done so, so much to free ourselves from one of - if not the - absolute worst curses of human existence

The world has improved so, so much more that most people can even imagine - more than our ancestors could have ever expected - just from that one fact. In just a couple of centuries.

What isn't that worth? Very, very, very little, I'd argue.

The challenges we're facing are formidable. Just a few years ago, they looked insurmountable. From child mortality to climate change, we still have so much more to do.

But if we can save ourselves and our children from a mortality rate that was, for almost all of human history, an inevitable part of the human condition...

Then what can't we do? What won't we be able to achieve, in the end?

Again, I'd argue: very, very, very little.

#toastedsmoreo #ask #hope #hope posting #child mortality #cw child death #cw death #cw infant death #children #infants and toddlers #public health #global health #progress and development #good news #hopeposting #hopepunk #faith in humanity #me #advice

144 notes · View notes

jaqobis · 7 months

Text

sorting out some finale impressions after sleeping on it

it's like.

moiraine being able to burn the ships despite the oaths; the protracted scene of renna's murder; perrin going into a rage and killing bornhald senior; rand one-shotting turak etc; mat stabbing people left and right with the dagger; nynaeve torturing the sul'dam but that plot coming to nothing (returning to that in a moment). like i read the interview, i know what the rand scene referenced. i can imagine the perrin scene was buildup for fear of the wolf. it's not that i just don't get it.

but like did dain necessarily need Valid Reason to hate perrin lol. again, i can see what they're doing. but What If The Whitecloaks Were Here To Fight The Seanchan -- which, yeah, they do oppose the seanchan in the books. but the specific framing of them to help and whatever, when no one else was willing to. specifically also throwing siuan under the bus bc allegedly the amyrlin also got a letter about this. even if this turns out to be a lie, this is the standing narrative for now, and in combination with everything else they did with siuan this season, yikes.

i read the interview, i know what the rand thing was referencing, but also that's a scene of rand acting in self-defense against darkfriends that were literally about to murder him. if he'd struck a second later, or waited, they might have succeeded. more importantly that's where he's in a situation where people have been trying to murder him literally day and night for, like, months. he hasn't slept in as long. the context is totally different. there is also a rand scene in TFOH where he talks about how it feels unfair to use saidin against non-channelers. you can just as easily argue that he Wouldn't do this.

i actually, personally, think it's very important for the egwene/rand parallels that her friends were there to save her from the seanchan, and that he later has to save himself from the box. i also think it was important for her development that she could know she has friends who would and do come for her. i also personally find that narrative much more satisfying, cool as her Moment was. i'd been spoiled about her killing renna going in, and like we can discuss morality whether rj was Right to ask if revenge is justice or if it's More Right for egwene to kill renna, we'd be here forever. i'm not really looking to comment on that. it is kind of a weird vibe to remove a meditation on violence, however, in a series that is anti-war, in a finale that seemed to make a lot of choices to depict and make this battle Cool, etc. that had us watch renna die for quite a long moment. renna certainly got what was coming to her, but idk.

Violence Is Cool. Traumatic Experiences Lead To Empowering Moments. that's the vibe it's giving.

lan continued to be used just to prop up moiraine and explain how she's feeling and talk about how good she is. at least daniel henney got a pretty cool fight scene!

tbf leaning on the whitecloaks and ishamael as sad and sympathetic has sanderson written all over it

making the sul'dam weak channelers seems to lose some of the hypocrisy central to the seanchan empire; losing some of the hypocrisy and deep societal rot undercuts the commentary on institutional-level change needed to remove the damane system. combined with the deaths of both collared sul'dams, that secret also goes lost.

(they certainly might bring it back and address it later, but arguing that It's 100% Coming, Shut Up & Stop Whining is just as much of a bad faith argument as claiming the show sucks bc hurin isn't in it. i can only comment to what exists now. also, frankly, i've been told things i was criticising previously were OBVIOUSLY going to be addressed in the finale and. weren't? so like.)

nynaeve really was allowed to accomplish nothing useful huh. no speech about justice, no part of the successful figuring out how to uncollar, no healing, no protecting her friends from forsaken, nothing. for all that elayne was immediately walking around everywhere after her dramatic wound, they could've just. let nynaeve do that.

like i obviously understand that they're showing the block is a real problem, which it is, but this is a choice that was made.

also not a single mention of ryma after her big sacrifice huh. it would add approximately 5 seconds to runtime for the wondergirls to talk about saving egwene and ryma at any point.

loial's speech about them all being heroes + mat's hero of the horn thing + crowds cheering (yes i remember the end of tdr) + etc etc really building up this idea of Heroism As Cool. could be something they'll work to subvert later but it's certainly an element that existed in the books at this point. that they've stripped out.

also like why even bother destroying the heron mark sword without the buildup of why it matters to rand or why its destruction was narratively impactful. unearned. rand saying he won't serve ishamael in a thousand lifetimes, unearned. there were plenty of other moments that didn't feel earned to me that escape me now, which. a shame!

i've already rb'd a post that laid out my feelings about rand thus far pretty well so i'll mostly spare y'all but. it's an incredible disservice to his character to take a scene where he tries to sacrifice himself for egwene/his loved ones, knowingly opens himself up to terrible pain, and thereby gets the wound that gives him chronic pain for the rest of his life and kills him, and make it...a mistake of mat's. like. yes, we've seen him try to sacrifice himself at the eye. there's nothing wrong with repeating this beat? it's called a consistent character trait. it was already a subversion of the conceit of a 1v1 op heroic battle. they tried to fix something that didn't need fixing, to make a point it was already making. also rand just immediately up and about after getting this wound, even with healing, where he was out for days in the book. it just doesn't bode super well for depiction of chronic pain sufferer rand al'thor. i don't doubt they intend to show us the wound breaking open etc etc but you're also undercutting significance on multiple levels out the gate. it bothers me! but i'm chronically ill with chronic pain so i'm not going to pretend this is some coldly logical clear-eyed opinion.

also perrin killing bornhald sr the same way he killed laila. except it's not even an immediate heat of the moment in the same way, he had to go out and find bornhald sr and stab him repeatedly and be held back. like i love hopper too (another death that felt really. gratuitous in handling.) but christ's sake. it's sure a Look.

tl;dr the themes??? ? ? the themes ???? ? ? and then i remember the sanderson of it all and i understand lmao.

#idk this is a bunch of rambling

52 notes · View notes

autisticlancemcclain · 1 year

Text

prev chapter

———

Seven in the morning on September 8th, the mourning doves gently cooing as the sun rises, the walk to the minivan is as silent as a graveyard.

“C’mon, guys,” Luis tries, but not that hard. “Let’s try for a good year, okay?”

To her credit, Veronica does her best to muster up a smile. Marco manages a nod.

Rachel does nothing. She hasn’t so much as spoken a word since the accident.

The half-hour drive to where everyone needs to do is completely silent. Luis tries initially to put on the radio, but he hears Marco’s sharp inhale when he averts his eyes from the road to change the station and stops immediately.

It’s been three months since Mamá and Papá passed. Sometimes Luis feels like none of them are ever going to be okay again.

Rachel and Marco are dropped off first.

“Remember to check in with your guidance counsellors,” Veronica says. “Luis and I talked to them last week. They’re aware of the…situation.”

Not that it did much. They’d made an appointment to talk to the school administration as soon as the high school opened, just before classes started, but they’d made it to the office and neither of them knew what to say. ‘Hey, there’s a very good chance that both of these kids are going to have extreme drops in performance or even fail because they both just lost their parents in one night?’ No, of course not. ‘Please be aware that Rachel has regular panic attacks at the sounds of car horns and brakes squealing, and that Marco sometimes just gets up and leaves and you don’t hear from him again for hours?’ Probably, but still. How the hell were they even supposed to breach the subject? Luis and Veronica aren’t fucking guardians. They’re barely even legal adults. Hell, neither of them can fucking drink, yet!

But there was no one else to do it. So they mumbled their way through an explanation — parents dead, kids traumatized, go easy — and high-tailed it the hell out of there. Both of them have been hanging up the phone whenever the school calls.

“Love you guys,” Luis says as they wrench open the side door and hop out of the van, slinging their backpacks on behind them. Veronica repeats the sentiment. Marco mumbles something in return, Rachel says nothing, and then they’re both off.

Before they can fade completely out of sight, Veronica calls Marco’s name.

“Watch out for your sister.”

Marco hesitates for a moment, eyes shining like broken glass, and then he nods. He turns back around without another word and disappears into the crowded mass of teenagers.

“We knew today was going to be rough,” Luis mutters, starting the car and carefully navigating out of the parking lot. “We expected this. That’s what all the parenting books said.”

Veronica’s silent for a long moment.

“Doesn’t make it any easier.”

It takes them a little farther to get where Veronica needs to go. Her apprenticeship is entirely dependant on whether or not she can find a welder willing to take her on — it’s 2003, for fuck’s sake, it shouldn’t be that hard, but some people suck. Some people will be completely incapable of seeing her as valuable as she is, and they won’t even bother. It’s a shit reality, and frustrating as hell, but it’s their best bet for money in the long run. Veronica’s always been good with her hands, and with Luis already eating up funds in tuition and God knows how much savings they have left with Mamá and Papá gone, Veronica working as she’s learning is their best bet. The trades pay well, too, and they’ve got three more kids to save up for.

Luis swallows the lump in his throat. Marco has always wanted to go to Juliard.

How the fuck are they gonna afford that?

“Drop me off here,” Veronica says, pointing at a shop just down the road. Luis slows to a stop in front of it, peering through the windshield.

“…That place?” he asks skeptically. “You sure?”

If it weren’t for the two people arguing just inside the garage doors, Luis would assume the shop is abandoned. The sign’s paint is so faded and scuffed up that it’s impossible to read, and several windows are boarded up. The walls are more graffiti than brick.

“I looked it up online,” Veronica explains. “They don’t have a website, but I found a couple blogs mentioning it. Apparently it’s the most competent shop in town, and it’s run by a woman.” She shoots him a small smile, grabbing her bag and opening the passenger door. “I’ll be fine, you big loser. Or have you forgotten that I’ve kicked your ass in every fight we’ve ever had?”

Luis snorts. He has not forgotten. He’s pretty sure he has minor brain damage from the time Veronica slammed his head into a side table when they were fighting over a girl in middle school (who didn’t like either of them, go figure).

“Believe me, asshole. I didn’t forget. Keep your cell on, though, okay? Call me if things get weird. I’ll be here, you know I will.”

She smiles at him again, and seeing some genuine happiness and excitement bleed into her expression for the first time in months is more relieving than Luis has the words for.

“I will, Luis. Now get lost. You’re gonna be late for class.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

He waits until she’s inside the shop and talking to who he assumes is the owner before carefully peeling off, mindful of the early morning traffic around him. Once he’s well on his way and a little more comfortable behind the wheel, he adjusts his rearview mirror slightly to see the baby seat strapped tightly in the back.

“You and me, now, huh, Lance?”

Lance grins at him around the thumb he’s got stuffed in his mouth, babbling happily.

“Yeah, that’s right, buddy. You’re going to be the first college-educated baby, because we sure as shit cannot afford daycare.” He grimaces. “Sorry. I shouldn’t say shit around you. The parenting books say you pick up on bad language and are more likely to be using it when you’re older.”

Lance does not seem to be too terribly offended, continuing to stare back at Luis through the mirror, brown eyes big and wide and knowing.

The parenting books say that he will have just barely gained a sense of self and awareness in July — 7 months — but Lance has always appeared so knowing. He’s ten months old, now, and sometimes Luis is convinced he already knows how to speak in full sentences and just doesn’t feel like it.

Babies grow at their own rate, Mamá had said years ago, when Luis asked why Rachel wasn’t walking yet. She’ll get there, mijo. Don’t worry your pretty head about all those milestones your textbooks tell you about.

It hurts to remember her words. Even now, months after the accident, thinking of his parents makes something like bile rise up in his throat.

But he’s never known anyone wiser than his mother. And certainly no parents better than his own, so he might as well get used to thinking about them.

He pulls into the first available parking spot he sees, in what has to be a fifteen minute walk at least to the main buildings on campus.

Oh, well.

He turns off the car, running through the checklist in his head — windows up, lights off, no check engine light, keys in pocket, seatbelt off — before getting out and opening the back door.

“Alright, Lancey-pants. You ready to come sit through Calculus III with me? Huh? Yeah, I bet you are, you little nerd. Let’s go.”

Lance’s carseat is big and clunky and heavy most of all, and combined with the diaper bag and his own backpack he feels like a fucking packhorse. He feels like a freak, too, with all the stares and giggles from other students he walks by.

He swallows, ignoring the burning of his cheeks, and walks on.

He just barely makes it to his class on time, sliding into one of the only available seats just as the lecturer starts speaking. He keeps Lance strapped in his carseat, rocking him gently with his foot as he takes out his notepad. He prays that Lance falls asleep so that he can get through the next couple hours without incident.

“…and hopefully you’ve all read the first chapter of your textbooks, and we can dive right in…”

———

They almost make it.

They get so close.

For the first two hours of the lecture, everything is fine. Luis is paying as much attention as he can, scrawling down notes to keep up with his rapidly-speaking professor. Every so often someone shoots him a dirty look when Lance says something in baby-talk, but they can fuck right off. Lance is being an angel, by baby standards. He’s almost completely silent, brown eyes wide as he observes the world around him, vastly different from the home he’s been confined to for the entirety of the summer. Any sound from him is no louder than the occasional whisper of any confused students. He’s fine.

And then the sniffling starts.

Luis isn’t quite sure what sets him off. He made sure to feed him just before they left, so he shouldn’t need anything else for another two hours. He’s obviously not sleepy. It might be a diaper thing, but Luis doubts it. He took care of that before he left, too.

Regardless, Lance begins to sniffle, and then he begins to cry, and no amount of desperate shushing and cooing from Luis does anything before Lance truly begins to wail.

Like a scene from a nightmare, the professor stops what she’s doing. Every eye in the classroom turns to him.

“Is everything all right?” the professor asks.

“Fine,” Luis chokes out. He doesn’t even take the time to gather up his bag, he just scoops Lance from his seat and flees as quickly as he can. Hopefully he can come back for his stuff when the lecture ends.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Luis soothes, gently bouncing an inconsolable Lance as he walks the campus grounds. Numerous people give him nasty or pitying looks as they walk by, but Luis ignores them. They’re not his concern right now. “What’s wrong, huh? You miss your parents? Me too, sweetheart. Fuck.”

Lance gets like this, sometimes. He just cries and cries, like his heart is breaking. Veronica thinks his heart is a little broken, and he needs time to heal, like the rest of them.

“It’s okay, Lancito. Let it out. Let it out.”

By the time he sees his class file out of the lecture hall, Lance has finally calmed down to hiccups and sniffles.

“Let’s go get our stuff, yeah?”

Luis tries to slip back inside as inconspicuously as possible, making a beeline for his seat and is relieved to find his stuff untouched. Thank God.

Lance protests when he tries to rebuckle him in the carseat, so he just dumps all his books into the seat and holds Lance instead. It’s fine. If Lance wants to be held, he can hold him. It’s the first day of classes, after all, so he probably won’t miss too much, note-wise —

“Excuse me, young man.”

Luis startles at the voice, whipping around to face whoever’s approaching. His professor stands a few feet away from him, straight-backed and tall, orange saree almost reaching the ground. Luis turns to face her, setting down the carseat and holding out one hand.

“I’m so sorry for interrupting the lecture earlier, Professor. I’m Luis Sanchez.”

“Sarah Lee,” she says. “And no need to apologize.” She smiles kindly, letting go of Luis’ hand and extending hers out to Lance. “And you, little one? What’s your name.”

Lance giggles. He doesn’t remove his hand from his mouth — thankfully — but leans forward to bat his head gently against her hand.

“This is Lance.” Luis pokes him in the stomach, making him giggle again. “He’s noisy. I wouldn’t usually bring him to class, I swear, but I had no other option and I already paid tuition —”

“Walk with me,” Professor Lee interrupts, and then she’s out the lecture hall without so much as a glance behind her. Luis frantically throws the rest of his stuff into the carseat and scrambles to follow her. She doesn’t speak again until they reach the campus gardens — the projects of fourth year environmental science students.

“You’re nineteen, yes? Twenty?”

“Twenty,” Luis affirms.

She hums. “Thirty years ago, I was in your exact situation.” She leans forward and plucks a sprig of mint from the garden, holding it towards Lance. “Good for digestion,” she explains, at Luis’ wary look. “And soothing the mind.” Luis nods once, and she hands it to Lance, who immediately shoves it in his mouth. He makes a face initially, but seems to decide that he likes it, gnawing on it slowly.

“You were in my situation?” Luis prompts. This is…not what he expected, but he’s so lost and the professor is speaking so kindly that Luis is willing to take any helping hand, at this point. Plus, Lance seems to like her, so.

“Yes,” she continues. “Twenty years old, freshly married with a newborn baby, desperately trying to get my degree so I didn’t throw away everything my mother sacrificed to get me where I was. Not an easy task.”

“Oh.” Luis feels horrible for misleading her. “Lance isn’t…he’s not mine. He’s my brother. My parents —” his voice cracks — “my parents passed, early this summer. I have no one else to watch him. My other siblings can’t take him right now and it’s not ideal, but I figured university has other adults, you know? People will be mature about it. I just — I dunno. It’s — I’m sorry if I implied our situations were the same. I can’t imagine what you had to go through.”

“Luis,” she says gently. She stops, facing him fully. “I am so, so sorry for your loss.” She considers him carefully. “You are carrying a lot on your shoulders right now, child. You don’t need to carry unwarranted guilt, as well. True, our situations are not identical, but they are very similar, no?“

“I guess,” Luis says weakly.

“I’m trying to offer my help, child,” Professor Lee says, reaching out and squeezing his hands. “Just like I was helped when I needed it. Accept it.”

Luis shudders, then nods. This is almost too good to be true, and he’s in no place to refute it. He’s not sure exactly what she’s offering, but anything is better than dragging poor Lance to class every day and hoping for the best.

“Good. Now, thankfully there are much better systems in place now than there were in the seventies. Did you know the university offers on-campus childcare for reduced rates, to help train the student educators? Come. Let me show you where to sign up.”

147 notes · View notes

riddle-me-grits · 2 years

Text

Stoker and PTSD (and the Irish Potato Famine)

I’ve seen some folks in the Dracula Daily tag expressing surprise that Jonathan’s symptoms of post-traumatic stress feel so accurate, and that they can’t believe this is coming from a 19th century novel, so I thought I’d offer up a little context.

Even though we usually locate the beginning of medical understandings of PTSD as WWI (with “shell-shock”), The Victorians definitely had some sense of what PTSD was and how it manifested, though they obviously wouldn't have called it that (references to it include names like "battle exhaustion," "soldier's fatigue," "hysterical attacks," “railway spine,” and others). In the 1880s, psychologists like Jean-Martin Charcot began to argue that trauma could induce “hysteria” for years afterwards (which, folks knew -- there’s references to PTSD in Shakespeare -- but this is when the medical establishment started to, well, medicalize it).

By the time Dracula was written, Freud the Creep™ had already set up his practice, and the "talking cure" as treatment for things like trauma was gaining momentum in Europe. Stoker was very interested in psychology and “hysteria,” and would have read works by Freud and Charcot. He also had family ties to the medical establishment -- his older brother, Thornley, was an anatomist and surgeon in the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland.

There’s good historical context for all this in Andrés Romero Jódar’s article “Bram Stoker’s Dracula. A Study on the Human Mind and Paranoid Behaviour” (x), which is thankfully online and not behind a paywall, hooray!

There’s also then the matter of how much Stoker’s understanding of trauma/ptsd was personal or something he bore witness to. He spent a portion of his childhood bedridden with a mysterious illness (and his treatment, according to a great-nephew, may have included blood-letting, which... okay, apocryphal but interesting).

He was also born during the Irish Potato Famine, which remains a critical case study in considerations of mass social and physical trauma, survivor’s guilt, and epigenetics (roughly, the idea that something like severe trauma can have an effect on the genetics of one’s children; that trauma can be literally generational).

The Stokers, like everyone in Ireland, were affected by the famine and, if nothing else, it’s possible that witnessing the aftereffects of a mass cultural trauma like that might have deepened Stoker’s understanding of PTSD as a phenomenon or triggered his interest in the subject. Further, the particular kinds of trauma that occurred in Ireland during that event (people starving to the point of resembling the undead, people being accidentally buried alive, people being sucked dry by predatory aristocrats, the belief that cholera arrived borne upon sinister mists) are not incidental in a discussion of Dracula and its conception.

There’s a tidy little summary of connections between the Famine and Dracula here.

#sorry this blog has been so much a dracula discourse blog as of late #I haven't gotten to teach Victorian lit in a minute and my phd hat is tingling #long post #dracula daily #bram stoker #tw: starvation #tw: blood #tw: ptsd #tw: famine #tw: freud

430 notes · View notes