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#suf i am my monster
fanfoolishness · 2 years
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after the storm, the stars (Steven Universe Future)
Set immediately after the events of I Am My Monster. Steven and Connie head for home, and Steven begins to realize it's okay to be the one who needs help. 2700 words.
(Steven angst, family feels, Connverse cuteness, Connie is a BAMF. Just had to do it, folks.)
Steven ached all over.  He’d never been this tired in his life.
He clung to Connie, his arms wrapped around her waist, his blanket slipping off of his shoulder as Lion walked them home across the ocean.  The waves rippled under Lion’s vast pink paws, water rolling in, and out.  Like the way Steven’s chest rose and fell, rose, and fell.  He breathed deeply, the ocean air crisp and clean and light.  The storm clouds that had gathered late in the afternoon were finally gone, and evening sunlight dappled the waves.
Steven rested his head against Connie’s shoulder, tears and snot smudging against her shirt.  “I’m making a mess,” he mumbled.  “Snot everywhere.”
She glanced back at him, giving him a watery smile.  “Steven.  You really think I care about that right now?”  
He tried to take her question seriously; he opened his mouth to answer.  But his head swam, everything inside it fuzzy mush and confusing half-memory --
He’s vast, as vast as everything hurting him, and finally he can’t hide anymore -- they’ll all see what he really is, the horrible thing he is underneath all the fake smiles --
He thrashes in the water, his rage and pain boiling the seas, his throat raw as he wails --
His family’s looks of fear and horror -- but then their arms tight around him -- their love, their tears, their comfort --
“Steven?”
“Huh?”  He groaned, rubbing his head.  They were nearly home.  Except his home’s roof was in pieces and the Diamonds’ massive ship had toppled over in the sand beside it.  Cracked trees littered the hillside accusingly.  His gut twisted.  “I did all that,” he whispered.  “Didn’t I?”
Lion carried them across the sand, up the steps to the front door.  
Connie slid off Lion, holding a hand up to help Steven down.  She nodded, her eyes too bright.  “Yeah.  You must have been hurting so badly.”
I was.
I am.
But that was too hard to say.  The broken sobs on the ocean waves still lurked just beneath the surface, ready to spill out again if he said the wrong thing, if he said too much.  He blinked back fresh tears, trying to find something else to focus on.
He took her hand, carefully sliding down Lion’s side, clutching the blanket’s corners tightly in his other hand.  “Uh -- where’d this come from, anyway?” he asked as he landed on the porch, twitching the blanket a little closer.  It was an easier topic of conversation than… everything else.
“Pearl had it, stored in her gem,” Connie said simply.  “When you -- came back to being you -- I guess your clothes didn’t make it.  Which is fine!”  She blushed, averting her eyes.  “I mean, I -- I didn’t see everything.”  
He blinked at her.  Then, somehow, he giggled.  Just a little.  The sound was rusty in his throat, but it felt good.  “You know I used to run around Beach City completely naked, back in the day?”  He had no idea why the memory had come back to him now, but it had, and giggling was better than wallowing.
“What?” Connie squawked, squeezing his hand hard in her scandalization.  “Steven!  Like, when you were little?”
He pulled at his lower lip with his teeth.  “Uh… when I was like ten or eleven?  That’s little, right?”
“Steven, oh my gosh, you’re such a nudist.”  She tapped him playfully on the arm and he blushed, ducking his head.
“Aw, come on, Connie, that was forever ago.”  
But the light moment vanished, replaced by his own shrill voice echoing in his head.  I’m not that kid anymore!  He shivered in his blanket, and Connie’s face shifted immediately from silly to worried again.
“Come on, let’s get you inside and find some real clothes.  Just, um, watch your step.”  An understatement, given what he’d done to the house.
Steven nodded, turning and patting Lion on the cheek.  Lion’s breath was a warm whuff against his hand.  “You’re the best, Lion,” he whispered.  
Lion rumbled, a bassy, gravelly sound that made Steven’s chest vibrate, the closest thing Lion could manage for a purr.  Steven smiled tearfully at him.  Lion had always been comforting before -- when Steven could get him to sit still, that was -- but the way he’d let Steven hold him as he cried… Steven didn’t have words for it.  “You deserve all the Lion Lickers in the world,” he managed, and Lion licked his face, then took his leave.
Connie and Steven watched him leap down to the sand, then portal away.  On the beach, the Diamonds had brought the others back from the Cluster’s hand.  They all stood in a group talking to each other, the Diamonds sitting down to make it easier to speak with the Gems and Greg.  Though Steven couldn’t see his dad or the Crystal Gems clearly, he could see the Diamonds’ giant faces, wearing mingled exhaustion and relief.
“Everyone’s going to want to talk to me, aren't they,” he said softly.  “Do you think I’m in trouble?”
Connie opened the front door, which immediately fell off its hinges.  She shrugged as if the door was a problem for another day, and led him inside with her hand still firmly clasping his.  “Not trouble.  Just… they feel terrible for not helping you way sooner.  And for hurting you in the first place.” A flash of anger crossed her face.  “And if you ask me, they should feel bad.  They were supposed to be the grownups, you know?  Not you.  Not me, either.”  She sighed.
He followed her up the stairs, his damp feet sticking to the wood with a schlop, schlop sound.  He carefully avoided looking at the gaping hole in the roof, though what he could see out of the corner of his eye made his heart race.  
He turned his attention back to what Connie had said.  Her words rattled him.  He’d taken responsibility for so much, for so long, that it was genuinely bizarre to think of the fact that technically, he was still a teenager.  And teenagers weren’t supposed to be in charge.
“Huh.  I -- that makes sense, I guess.  Never thought of it like that.”  He finally let go of her hand to collapse on his bed, swaddled in the blue blanket, shivering more than ever.  He closed his eyes, the exhaustion catching up to him again.
“How do you feel now?” Connie asked.  He could hear her rummaging around in his dresser, drawers creaking.  
“Sore everywhere,” he admitted.  “Like, bones, skin, gem, everything.  And my head hurts, and my eyes feel all puffy, and my nose is stuffed up.  From all the crying, I guess.  But… I… I think I needed it.  The crying, I mean.”  He scrubbed at his face with the back of his hand.  “That sounds so weird.”
“Not to me.”  Connie sat down on the edge of the bed and he opened his eyes.  She had his pajamas in her lap, and she was grinning crookedly at him.  “I’m a teenage girl.  If you think I don’t know how important a good cry can be, you have another thing coming, mister.  Sure, stupid hormones are probably to blame sometimes, but like, I get it.”  She gazed at him.  “It’s just, you… you have so much to cry about.  Do you remember the Sky Arena?”
A long beat.  He’d almost gotten Stevonnie -- Connie -- killed, all because of his own stupid feelings that he couldn’t bear to face.  “Of course,” he said carefully.
“It was so hard for you then, too,” said Connie, looking away, her hands fidgeting in her lap.  “You hadn’t even told me about what happened with Bismuth.  Or with Eyeball.  You thought you had to just pretend it didn’t happen.  Like if you pretended you were fine, you really would be.” 
He nodded, his hand half over his face, his eyes burning again.  “I guess that’s my specialty,” he tried to joke, but the words hung between them, too true to be funny.
“I think it’s time to find a new Steven specialty,” said Connie, leaning over and kissing him on the forehead.  “Like, a Steven self-care power.  You can do it!  It’s just gonna take practice, like all your other powers.”  
She dropped the pajamas in his lap, letting out a long breath.  “Come on, you should probably get out of that wet blanket.  I’ll meet you downstairs?”
“Sure,” he said.  There was so much more he wanted to say, apologies and explanations and worried questions like do you still love me and are we really jam buds forever, but he forced himself to sit up instead.  He watched her head downstairs, wondering if he was really safe to leave alone.
He stared down at his pajamas.  He got to his feet creakily and tried kissing the back of his hand, hoping his healing powers would take care of his exhaustion and the bone-deep ache.  But his body felt just the same after the kiss, and he sighed.  Figures.  Healing powers didn’t work on emotional injury.  He let the blanket fall and carefully got into his pajamas, wincing when he moved wrong.  
More trauma.  How much cortisol did I use this time?
He tied the drawstring on his pajama pants, his fingers fumbling.  Maybe he could ask Connie to talk with her mom again.  He remembered the concern in Dr. Maheswaran’s eyes, the weight of her firm but supportive hand on his shoulder.  Maybe she would know what to do.  
He turned to head down the stairs, but a flash of movement caught his eye.  He turned, startled, but it was just himself in the mirror.  
Steven reached out, touching the mirror’s cool glass.  His reflection reached towards him, looking mostly like a normal human teenager.  Except that there were big circles under his eyes, puffy red ones; his dark hair had tangled curls twisting in every direction; and his face looked both like a scared little kid’s and a weary old man’s.
But there were no pink diamond pupils staring back at him.  No pink glow humming in his bulging hands.  No monstrous claws ripping their way out of his flesh.  And that was something, wasn’t it?
“I’m Steven,” he whispered.  “Just Steven.”
I’m a mons--
“No, no --”
He wrapped his arms around himself, willing himself to stay small, to stay Steven, to stay human.  He panted with the effort, his shoulders shaking as he squeezed his eyes shut.  
How am I supposed to live if I always feel like I’m about to die?
He tore himself away from the mirror, practically tripping over himself to get down the stairs.  Don’t be alone, don’t be alone.  Though it wasn’t like that had helped him before, had it --  
He drew himself up at the bottom of the staircase, still breathing hard.
Connie and Greg and the Gems were waiting for him, just like before, when he’d -- exploded -- but the air itself felt different.  His breathing slowed as he registered the difference, the fear receding with each breath he took.  He blinked in surprise, trying to figure out what it was.
The charge that had laid heavy in the house for weeks was gone; he hadn’t realized how thick fear, and anger, and shame could feel.  There was just a clean breeze blowing in through the hole in the roof and the broken front door, the soft sound of distant waves, and the tiredness in his bones looked like it had found a home on everyone else’s shoulders.
He sagged against the wall, swallowing, lifting one hand.  “Hey, guys.”
His dad broke away from Connie and the Gems, giving Steven a warm smile despite his red-rimmed eyes.  “Hey, Schtu-ball.”  Greg wrapped him in a fierce and crushing hug, and Steven leaned into it, resting his head on his dad’s shoulder.  “How are you feeling?”
Steven tried to speak past the sudden lump in his throat.  “Tired, mostly.  Um, a little embarrassed.  Mostly really, really sorry.”  
“Steven…”  The hug tightened even more.  “You don’t have to be sorry.”
“But Dad, I scared everyone -- I could have hurt someone -- more than I already have --”  He choked, and then he was crying again: not the heaving, heartbroken sobs from before, but something quieter, an echo of the pain he’d felt then.  He sniffed, trying to stop himself.
Greg didn’t seem to mind.  “I love you, Steven.”  The tears kept coming, but his dad kept talking, his voice soft and gentle and safe.  “We all love you.  We love you when you’re happy, or mad, or sad -- even when you make mistakes.  The same way you’ve always loved us through our mistakes,” Greg murmured into his ear.  “We love you, no matter what.”
The tears slowed.  Even when you make mistakes.  He’d told them all of it, finally.  His hatred for White.  What he’d done to Jasper.  Asking Connie to marry him.  It was all out in the open.  He trembled.
“What -- what do we do now?” he asked thickly.
“We help you, kiddo,” said Greg, and this time his voice cracked, too.  Steven pulled back to see tears shining in Greg’s eyes.  “Like we should have been doing all along.”  He cupped Steven’s face with his hand, wiping away Steven’s tears with his thumb while ignoring his own.  “The Gems and I, we messed up, and we hurt you.  And we’re so sorry.  We should have protected you.”
Steven nodded, not trusting himself to speak again without more tears.  But there was something new blooming in his chest, something fragile beneath the exhaustion and the sadness.  It almost felt like relief.
Greg leaned his forehead in to touch Steven’s.  “But we’re gonna find a way through this, as a family.  I called Dr. Maheswaran while Lion was bringing you home.  We have some options to get you started with a therapist, and we’re gonna do everything we can to help you.  All of us.”  He raised his voice slightly.  “Right, guys?”
Steven looked past Greg, catching the eyes of the Gems.  Garnet smiled gently at him, raising her hands and forming them into a heart.  Pearl laid a hand over her chest, her eyes kind as she held his gaze.  Amethyst gave him a teary but determined thumbs up.
And beside them was Connie, her face shining.  She was still here, his best friend, even after all the ways he’d messed up.  She grinned hopefully at him.  “I talked to my folks.  They said I can spend the night -- I mean, on the couch, of course.”  She winked at him, and he managed to grin back, the feeling of relief now dizzying.                                                                      
They really do still love me.
Steven glanced up, catching sight of the hole in the roof.  This time he didn’t look away, even though shame roiled in his belly, even though his heart rate sped up.  But as he looked, he realized that through the destruction, through the pain, he could see the first evening stars beginning to rise.  It’d been weeks, maybe months since he’d really appreciated the stars. Ages since he’d noticed the simple beauty of them seen from Earth.  Ages since he’d remembered the beauty of the stars seen from the human point of view.
Steven grabbed the throw blanket from the sofa, spreading it down on the floor beneath the hole in the roof.  “You know, you can get a pretty good view of the stars from here,” he said.  “Do… you guys wanna watch them with me?”
“Of course,” said Garnet.  
They all got down on the floor, a pile of humans and Gems huddled close together.  Steven and Connie held hands while Pearl pointed out star systems.  Garnet predicted every shooting star. Greg brought up song ideas, and Amethyst made up fake constellations, each ruder than the last.  
If sometimes Steven got teary again, the others didn’t mind.  Sometimes they talked about it, with soothing voices and questions they didn’t push him to answer; sometimes Steven just felt a hand on his shoulder, or a gentle pat of his cheek, and that was enough to help him quiet down again.  He was with his family, which was all that really mattered.
And the night air flowing through the house was crisp, and clear, and light.
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doodlingfoolishness · 2 years
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After the storm. The exhaustion after a heartbreaking cry takes time to recover from. 💙
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dragonuva · 2 years
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SORRY FOR DISSAPPEARING AGAIN, I JUST BROKE FREE OF COLLEGE FOR THE SEMESTER-
So as thanks for waiting patiently for my shit, have a proper Imp. Stee refsheet~♡
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It does bother me SU's timeline has a few contradictory moments. I mentioned a few in the tags of a reblog I just did, but I'll elaborate here.
In both Same Old World (Season 3 Episode 3) and Onion Gang (Season 4 Episode 7), Steven says it's transitioning from summer to fall. (Showing a leaf to Lapis that's going orange) (Recieving an orange leaf from Onion to signal that his summer friends are leaving). There's no other mention of seasons passing for the rest of season 3, but directly after Onion Gang, Gem Harvest does an unofficial Thanksgiving episode and then progresses to winter with Three Gems and a Baby.
This leads me to believe they just needed something to show Lapis Earth is always changing, and quickly thought of a leaf going orange. They could just have easily picked the weather suddenly changing. The rest of season 3 appears to happen during the summer, so it's my personal headcanon that leaf was an early anomaly.
The more irritating case of this for me would be the movie. The movie is confirmed to take place on May 21st, due to the Sadie Killer posters in the background. Now, I bet the designer didn't mean this to solidify anything, but since Steven is explicitly confirmed to be 16 during the movie, this means he's almost 17. Despite this, Future goes through a whole winter in Snow Day and apparently a whole school year at Little Homeschool, and in Growing Pains Steven's still somehow 16.
It doesn't add up. This could have been easily fixed by making him 17 and saying he had an offscreen birthday. I mean, starting SUF with Little Homeschool implies it's back to school time anyway, so late August, early September. Steven should have been 17 by the start of SUF to begin with. Then I'd believe the whole of SUF doesn't exactly take a year and he's either 17 or just turned 18 when he leaves (I mean, The Future is months after I Am My Monster so he could have had a birthday between them).
I think it would have been nice to make sure Steven was 18 or just about to become 18 when he left. The idea of a 16yo driving off and living alone on the open road makes me uncomfortable and feels a bit like irresponsible parenting on the Gems' and Greg's part.
I know this doesn't really matter but it does bother me it could have been fixed so easily!
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What is your favorite and LEAST favorite moment in all of SU?
Oh boy, you want a list??? Okay, I'll choose ONE fav and ONE least fav, and then I'll list a bunch of other favs of mine XD
MY FAVOURITE MOMENT IN STEVEN UNIVERSE/SUF: The few seconds after the Injector explodes, when Steven and Spinel appear from the smoke in Steven's bubble. I squeal in happiness basically every time I watch just those four seconds. ITS SO CUTE.
MY LEAST FAVOURITE MOMENT IN STEVEN UNIVERSE/SUF: Connie screaming at everyone while Steven is corrupted and everyone is grieving. I've watched I Am My Monster a hundred times since it came out, but I've only seen that one scene the first time. Every other time, I've skipped it. It makes me uncontrollably angry. I can't stand it.
A LIST OF MY OTHER FAVOURITE MOMENTS:
Other Friends from start to finish. It's flawless.
Found. It gives me serotonin every time I see/listen to it.
Both Of You - Steven's song in Mr. Greg
Garnet: "I told you you could use a guard dog." - Pumpkin: *barks* - Garnet: "................. I guess that works." (Gem Harvest)
This > https://youtu.be/m59fTKa-Bjk
My Little Reason Why. Blue, Steven and Spinel are basically my fav characters, and the song is absolutely beautiful.
When Steven fuses with Pink Steven in Change Your Mind!!!
When Steven says Spinel's name in In Dreams (its the best part of the whole episode)
S T E V E N T A G ! ! !
Peridot calling Yellow Diamond a clod. Wait, that's EVERYONE'S favourite moment from SU, isn't it? XDDD
Escapism. The scene is gorgeous and the song is so emotional.
Steven's breakdown at the end of Everything's Fine. Zach's acting skills are beyond impressive in this part - he really knows how to become his character!!!
Ummmmm yeah just about any time Spinel is on screen, actually.
AND THATS ABOUT IT!!! What about you guys? Tell me what your fav moments from SU/SUF are in the comments!!! :D
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lotusthewriter · 2 years
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Somebody who deserved it
Fandom: Steven Universe
Rating: G
Relationships: Lars & Steven, Steven & Everyone
Characters: Lars Barriga, Steven Quartz Universe; MINOR/CAMEOS - Connie Maheswaran, the Crystal Gems, the Diamonds, Spinel, Greg Universe
Summary: In which Lars is present when Steven turns into a monster.
Word count: 2.673
AO3 / Fanfiction
A/N: What I wanted from SUF, but they failed me, so I wrote this to cope.
Most of this is basically a novelization of I Am My Monster but in Lars’ POV, so I hope it’s not boring.
--
Beach City has seen its fair share of disasters, mostly thanks to gem stuff. There have been at least three alien invasions, one worse than the other, but thankfully no one ever got hurt. The citizens at this point know what to do in dire times.
So, it shouldn’t be a surprise when a thud shakes the ground violently, scaring Lars out of his almost nap at Spacetries. He and Blue Lace look at each other, only for another one, worse than the previous, to shake everything again. That’s when they rush outside, like everyone else in town, until…
There’s a giant pink monster at the beach, and it roars. Others have already run off, and so Lars and Blue Lace follow them, gathering anyone else who’s paralyzed with fear. In the meantime, Lars has many questions in his head. Why the hell is there a freaking pink kaiju here? Where did it come from? He knows it’s likely gem stuff, because what isn’t, but how did a monster appear out of warning?
They’re already nearing the highway, fearing for the monster to attack the town in giant kaiju movie style, when Lars hears four paws hitting the ground, and a young voice guiding people. He recognizes Connie riding Lion, and so he rushes to her, as she possibly knows what’s happening.
“Connie!”
“Lars! You’ve got to get out of here, it’s too dangerous!”
“What the heck is that thing?!” Lars points at the monster, which still seems to be far away despite her warnings.
“That—” she hesitates, though, and the look on her face becomes tragic. “… That’s Steven.”
Lars’ stomach drops. “What?”
Even from far away, he can see the monster destroying the hill at the beach. Something about its face… the eyes and the nose…
Oh, god, that really is Steven.
The millions of questions in his head only get worse. The last time Lars saw Steven was at the Graduation, after he told him he was still going to think better on his return to space. Steven never came to visit him at Spacetries, only to retrieve some strange cake with “Together Forever” in it when Lars wasn’t even there. Lars was also… kind of unsure whether he should talk to him after he got so upset. He didn’t want to force Steven to do anything he didn’t want to.
And now he sees how this was a mistake.
Steven has become a monster, likely… corrupted. Lars doesn’t know much about corruption, but he sees Blue Lace’s horns, her scars, and he could tell it must’ve been a painful experience. A state where you’re blinded by fear, by confusion, by trauma…
This must be how his friend is feeling right now.
He can’t let this happen again.
“Lars, where are you going?!”
The pink boy ignores Connie as he runs back to the beach with all his might. He realizes that, after becoming pink, his strength has practically become inhuman. Lars concentrates, focuses, then he lets out a yell that transforms in a white portal. He’s practiced it enough with Lion and would use it as a means of delivery, so he arrives at the beach in no time. He already finds the Crystal Gems and Mr. Universe there, while Steven is being kept in the ocean by water chains.
“Lars?” They all said in unison.
“I’m here! Connie told me that’s Steven!” He explains. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“… we don’t know,” Pearl answers. “He won’t listen to us.”
“We need to reach him, somehow, and bring out his humanity,” Garnet speaks up.
Amethyst sighs exasperatedly. “You know who would be great at that?”
Everyone asks, “Who?”
But she only replies, “STEVEN!”
Before they can even come up with anything, something seems to come from above, as well as new voices.
“Yoo-hoo! Steven!”
“Is this a bad time?”
It’s… the giant Diamond ship he saw two years ago, when he arrived back home. What the hell are they doing here now?
“You gotta be kidding me,” Amethyst mutters.
The Elastigirl gem comes out of the ship with one of Steven’s sandals, only to be horrified by the monster far away. Then the rest of the Diamonds come along to question what it is.
“That thing is Steven,” Garnet tells them.
The four gems react badly, of course. They all bring out questions, but no one has any answers.
“Never mind that, we have to change him back.”
“Leave it to me,” Yellow Diamond says, preparing her powers.
Yellow uses… lightning or something at Steven, and it does seem to decrease the size of his head, but he roars, and it doesn’t work.
“He’s resisting. Maybe he needs to feel better first,” Blue speaks up. “I can help with that.”
She throws a cloud at him (Lars really wonders what that’s supposed to do), but it backfires, and it hits Yellow and the pink gem on her shoulder. They both start laughing.
“Wow! Your new power didn’t work, either!” She says while in the middle of strained laughter.
Well, the last one to try is White.
“If I connect with him and he speaks through me, maybe we'll understand what he's going through. Now then.” She’s much closer to him now, and Lars fears for the worst. “Do you hear me, Steven?” Suddenly… disco lights seem to come out of her gem. “Just relax and let me in.”
The monster roars, and White seems to reach out… only for her to fall backwards, though Blue and Yellow catch her before she gets hurt.
“That’s not Steven anymore!” White exclaims, terrified.
If that isn’t bad enough, Steven seems to break free from Lapis’ powers. She tries, except… his horns and his eyes are bright, like he’s charging up, and then he lets out a tremendous roar, which pushes everyone, even the Diamonds, back. The Diamond ship falls to the ground as well. They’re all weak, unable to stand up. Lars can only look up, his vision blurry, sensing Steven approaching… they’re doomed.
… but then…
Something comes out of the sea, something bright. It’s like… a giant arm?
As Lars is back to his senses, he realizes the big arm stops Steven from attacking. With a lot of struggle.
According to Amethyst, that sounds like the “Cluster”. Lars doesn’t have time to ask them what that thing is, because at least it’s helping them not get destroyed.
“Deep inside this… monster,” Pearl speaks, “Steven must be in there, so angry.”
“I knew something was going on, I- why didn’t I do something?!”
He realizes Garnet is gone since the two gems that form her are replacing her. And they’re both crying.
“If we don't get through to him, he'll stay like this forever!” One of them says, hopeless.
In the meantime, Mr. Universe is taking steps back, horrified.
“Dude! You should get outta here before you get hurt!” Amethyst orders him.
“NO!” The man puts his foot down. “Every time Gem stuff happens, I run the other way! This is my son! And he's right to be angry because I didn't protect him!”
“You didn’t protect him from us!” Blue Diamond cries. “He’s like this because of us!”
Yellow also tears up, “We’re the source of Steven’s suffering!”
Then, the elastic gem cries and blows her nose, also blaming herself. And White joins in, telling her that it’s her own fault, not the other’s. But the pink one insists, and they…
They’re really doing this.
They’re really pitying themselves.
These pathetic, thousand-year-old overlords are feeling sorry for themselves when there’s an angry and traumatized monster needing their help right in front of them.
“… Are you SERIOUS?!” Lars blurts out. Everyone looks at him. “What, is this a goddamn sob competition?!”
“But it’s true, I hurt him—” White tries to argue as she cries miserably, but he’s had none of it.
“Uh, yeah, of course you did! But you’re not doing ANYTHING to help! Steven has turned into a monster and yet all you’re doing instead is a freaking pity party!”
“He’s right!” A voice calls out from the distance.
It’s Connie, and she arrives at the beach with Lion.
“Yes, you hurt him, but this isn't the time to make this all about you! That is not helping!”
Ironically, as she makes an entire speech to a hopeless crowd, the cloudy sky seems to clear out, and the sun shines again.
“… We all had Steven when we needed him, but the only person who's never had Steven is Steven! He's always been there for us, so…” she sighs, “How can we be there for him now?!”
It's so moving, that Garnet fuses again. “I know how.”
Right after that, the giant Steven overpowers the Cluster, and he’s rushing all the way back to them.
Garnet yells, “Okay! No time to waste!” She then gives orders to the rest of the group. Everyone is now focused, no longer crying and wallowing down in self-pity.
“It’s time to show Steven… some love.”
Lapis flies towards him and stops him with a giant wave. As he’s distracted, everyone runs to the sea. They all yell out his name, and Garnet, now bigger than everyone, is the first to jump towards Steven to hold him back. She’s… hugging him. Steven struggles, roars, tries to reject it…
“Steven, when I fell apart, you were there for me,” Garnet says calmly. “I want to be there for you now. I’m here, Steven. I’m here.”
And then… Steven stops trying to break free. His face softens.
So, everyone else hugs Steven, in their own ways, in their own sizes. Lars is able not to fall, but if anything, he’s slightly above Garnet.
They all say words of encouragement.
“I'm here, Schtuball! Whatever you need, I'll make it happen! You hear me?!”
“STEVEN! You never gave up on me for some reason I don't understand! I'LL DO THE SAME FOR YOU!”
“I know you feel bad! Believe me, I get it! Sometimes it feels like you're never gonna like yourself but… it’s possible, man!”
“Steven, I know how awful it feels to keep a part of yourself secret! You shouldn't have to hide anything from me!”
Lars starts tearing up, too, remembering how much Steven helped him this whole time. If it weren’t for him, Lars wouldn’t have opened his bakery, he wouldn’t have made friends, or even stand up for others. He wouldn’t be here at all.
“Steven…” he sniffs, and raises his voice, “I know how it feels to be scared… but it’s okay! It’s okay to be afraid! And whether or not I’m just a corner away or light years from here, I’ll be here for you no matter what! Us Off Colors stick together!”
If he’s not hearing things, Steven might even… try saying Lars’ name. That makes the latter hold onto him tighter, and cry against his body.
Somewhere, he hears Lion teleport and Connie yell. It’s probably her turn to speak. Whatever she says, Lars can’t hear since it’s likely just for Steven.
That’s the turning point for Steven.
Lars hears him cry, as giant teardrops fall on the ocean. Nobody says anything else. They just let him.
Suddenly…
Everything goes white.
--
It’s all back to normal rather quickly.
There weren’t any casualties or huge damage to the town this time. Everyone was back home, but of course, with many questions. Lars gets a few, including from Sadie, who was back in town after her tour with Shep had been interrupted, and from the Cool Kids. He doesn’t give many details to them, knowing it’s best to keep the privacy, but he does let them know everything will be cleared out soon.
Lars has closed the shop a little early today, and he’s carrying with him a box of pastries. It ranges from cupcakes to cookies, as well as a chocolate bar to make hot chocolate out of it. He makes his way to the now repaired beach house, greeting the gems and Mr. Universe at the living room. They seem well, though quiet and concerned. At least they’re not desperate anymore.
Amethyst eats some of the things he brought, but Pearl slaps her hand at some point to leave the rest for Steven. Speaking of which, he’s not around them, and Lars asks if he’s upstairs. They seem apprehensive.
“He’s… still resting,” Pearl replies.
“But I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you,” Mr. Universe reassures him. “We’ll be right here if you need, okay?”
Lars smiles, “Okay.”
He looks up, realizing the room upstairs is dark. Lars hasn’t seen Steven since the monster incident, and he’s not entirely sure if he’ll be glad to see him… but Lars exhales and goes for it.
He arrives at the room, almost expecting Steven to be asleep, but the boy is turned right to the entrance, his eyes tired but wide open, curious. Lars smiles at him.
“Hey, buddy,” he whispers. “I brought some stuff for you. Including my brand-new hot chocolate.”
Steven stands so he’s sitting on the bed, and he scoots to give Lars space. The latter places the box of pastries on his bedside table, and so he sits next to the other boy. Steven looks like he’s slept for several days straight.
“How are you doing?” Lars asks him.
“Hmm. Tired.”
“I can tell.”
“The only thing I’ve been up to is sleeping.”
“I don’t blame you. You deserve rest after everything.”
Steven doesn’t seem convinced of that. He looks down, sad.
“A-Are you…” he sniffs, immediately rubbing his eyes like he’s afraid to cry. “Are you still going to space?”
Lars isn’t surprised to hear the question.
“… nah,” the pink boy shrugs. “I think I’ll stick around for some time.”
Steven’s lip starts quivering.
“I-I’m sorry,” he breaks. “I didn’t mean to get in the way—”
“No, no, buddy. You have nothing to apologize for.” Lars puts an arm around him. “I know you were having a hard time.”
“I d-didn’t want you to see me like that.”
He doesn’t specify if it’s the Graduation or him being a monster, but Lars takes it both ways.
“It’s okay, Steven.”
“It’s not.”
Lars sighs. “Okay. It’s not. But I’m not mad at you or anything. You just needed help.”
Steven finally lets out tears, maybe feeling comfortable to be vulnerable now. He falls against Lars and sinks in, while the other has wrapped both arms around him.
“It still hurts so much,” the younger boy sobs. “I wish it didn’t.”
Lars doesn’t say anything, only squeeze him a little.
“I hurt so many people, but… everyone hurt me, too. I’m still angry and tired, and sad, and I wish I weren’t.”
Steven is crying, but it’s silent, only for him to hear. Maybe he doesn’t want to alarm anyone downstairs. Lars gets he needs something quiet, so he stays and doesn’t make a scene.
“I’ve got you, Steven,” he reminds him. “I’ve got you.”
“I… I don’t want to sound selfish, but…” Steven hiccups, “I’m glad you didn’t leave.”
Lars smiles sadly. “Yeah, me too.”
“Really?”
“Really.” The older wipes some of his tears for him. “I’m staying with you, for whatever you need.”
Steven laughs. “Us Off Colors stick together, right?”
Lars wonders if he remembers his words back then, but he decides not to question it.
“Right.”
They stay close for a whole eternity, until Steven’s stomach grumbles, and the boy shyly asks what Lars brought for him. He eats the cookies, with some joy growing subtly in his eyes. Lars offers to make the hot chocolate for him, but at Steven’s request, the gems do it for them instead.
In the end, they’re both drinking hot chocolate, and they turn on the TV to watch a bad episode of Camp Pining Hearts. He didn’t know Steven liked that show… and apparently neither did Steven know Lars did, too. He doesn’t mention all the embarrassing fanfictions he wrote when he was younger, though. Maybe another day.
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stewpid-soup · 10 months
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LOTS OF STEVEN UNIVERSE SPOILERS, ESPECIALLY STEVEN UNIVERSE FUTURE (I’ll leave the ramble below the cut for the ppl who don’t want spoilers <3)
take a funny pic before u leave :3
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(btw, if any info here is incorrect feel free to lmk or even start a calm conversation about your thoughts! I love learning more and hearing ppls perspective <3)
maybe it’s an unpopular opinion but i LOVE steven universe future, like it’s so good?? I was rewatching the last few episodes since I wanna write a fic where Steven stayed longer with Jasper bc i think they had an interesting friendship in SUF lol
But I wish it wasn’t so short and that the episodes were longer and spent more time on the characters working through their issues.
And yes, Steven may not be “Classic Steven” in SU:Future but that’s what I love about it. Trauma changes you. Even if you learn how to be a better person, it doesn’t mean it’s super easy to apply those skills to your life. It’s still so hard. Even when you think you’ve changed and gotten better, old habits seep through and you realize that maybe you haven’t made as much progress as you thought. But what SUF shows is that it’s okay to not be perfect, because that’s what makes us human. We aren’t a monster if we do things wrong, if we hurt people- what matters is that we learn and we actually take the steps to be better. This means taking responsibility. This means not running from your problems but facing them. This isn’t to say that everyone is excused from their actions because they aren’t.
I think that’s what made Connie’s entrance on the “I Am My Monster” episode so perfect. Like, YES it’s your fault! And while she was technically talking to White Diamond, I think it makes more sense if she was talking to everyone there. Everyone there, excluding Connie and Steven, are adults. Most of them have been alive for thousands of years for fucks sake. But they trauma dump and push their problems onto a child who already struggled with fitting in already. I think that even the Crystal Gems play a part in Steven’s trauma, because again, they should know better. He was a child and he didn’t have to be forced into this life. Parents are supposed to protect and make sure their child is exposed to as little bad content as possible.
Now, I’m going to use sex education as an example here, because this is a common issue with adults and how they talk to children, especially about sexual topics. If you wanna skip this bit, I’ll use large GREEN text once it’s over lol
So, there’s “two main sides” (i put it in quotes bc of course there’s ppl with loads of opinions, but these are the two most prominent ones and also the most problematic to their child’s development) to this: Some parents choose to shelter their kids from anything even mentioning sex, maybe even to the point where their child just has no genuine understanding of sex and how to deal with those thoughts and feelings. Without talking to their child maturely about these topics, their child will grow up not only being teased for not understanding but also just without a good understanding of sex and what it entails. Plus sex doesn’t just have to be about the pleasure aspect or procreation, what about sex safety and what to watch out for when choosing to go into a situation where there might be people who could potentially take advantage of you.
Now some other parents choose to not keep an eye on what their kid does on the internet or what influence people are having on their kids, and as a result the child might learn things that their brain isn’t ready to process yet since it isn’t fully developed. This can lead to their child having unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex and even get themselves into dangerous situations on the internet and real life. I’m sure many people here and on most social media platforms can understand that, when it comes to unlimited internet access, it can be a dangerous thing for young kids and teens.
However that’s not to say that everything here is bad, there are ways to learn without being exposed to material that your young brain might not be ready for. An example of this is the parental lock on your electronics! You can also TALK to your child, and focus on keeping an open communication. There’s loads of things to prevent either of these scenarios, which I can go into detail abt- but maybe in another ramble
ANYWAYS
What I mean by referring to this topic is that Steven’s situation can be seen as similar (except in a much more dramatic and complex way lol) There are things that the Crystal Gems and Greg could have done to take better care of Steven. An example being the fact that Steven was pushed headfirst into these life or death threats from such a young age. These were about things he was barely aware of until tragedy struck. So what could’ve helped during Classic SU? There could have been better communication, obviously. Greg could have at least helped homeschool Steven, or use the money he made from the car wash to possibly support Steven and the Gems financially. The Crystal Gems should have sat Steven down and told him about his mom and more about the Gem War. He should have had more of an idea of what he was getting into. The only reason he was so enthusiastic was because the Crystal Gems were his main role models since Greg was often working or just doing his own thing.
Time and time again, Steven had to be the adult in situations like when Greg faked a leg injury or when Garnet split because of the Pearl incident. I could name a million more situations where he had to be the bigger person, but I won’t for my sanity.
The Crystal Gems should have gotten more repercussions for the way they treated Steven, the things they put onto his shoulders despite being a literal child. Greg could have been a better dad, because being a dad isn’t just about having fun. Being a dad is hard and can take a lot of you, but you made the choice to bring this child into the world so you have to take responsibility. At least, in Greg’s case that’s what happened. He knew the risks and he still had a kid with Rose, so he should have been around more as Steven grew up.
anhwyas im exhausted, maybe more rambling tmrow lmao idk
love u guys and take careee
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glitchydyke · 1 year
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steven universe genuinely fucking changed me btw. like. it got me through such a tough time in my life. it was my biggest comfort in a time where i had literally nothing else.. the music means to much to me. the characters too, i think steven is the first character i really truly connected with and he’s always going to be such a big part of me. i stayed up until like 3am to watch new episodes and post about them.. i remember when the movie came out i stayed up to watch it and was vibrating with barely contained excitement because my mum was asleep upstairs, but i still couldn’t help myself from stimming to every single song. i remember when the final episode of suf came out and i fucking broke because this show that meant so much to me was gone. it had such an incredible ending though… and suf in particular is always going to be a vital part of the show to me. the way steven’s trauma and issues were handled hit me so deep, and i’m never going to forget it. the last episodes? watching i am my monster? genuinely changed me as a person like… i can’t even explain it. steven universe is so fucking good and it doesn’t deserve the hate it got… it’s a wonderful show and i’d be someone entirely different without it
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gaycaelus · 2 years
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clooouudyyy :D
i don’t think my ask sent BUT I WATCHED AN EPISODE OF SUF!! it was fro spanish class and i got super spoiled BUT ITS FINE!! and i just like steven sounds so grown up and,,,, he thought he was a monster,,, and then amethyst was like dude, i get it it sucks but it’s okay,,, and then connie came and kissed him AND HE CRIED and that hurt me so much
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i finally got to the part where lars dies and god despite knowing it was coming and that being my favorite arc in the whole series IT HURT LIKE A BITCH just so many things to think about when he gets back home everyone had moved on but he’s still stuck in the before he died and so many things happened and i’m sad thinking about the implications and ramifications
my memory is a bit more blurry in the last season so i’m very excited to watch it i wanna get to the revelation of who killed pink diamond so badly, also the trial scene was so cool
my boy grew up .... got a fuckin Neck an everything ....... conni n ame had me BAWLING LIKE !!! I GET HOW THAT FEELS !!!!
god yeah he just. doesnt process things like everyone else does and it kills me. it kills me omni :(
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churro-lord · 27 days
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Watching a video about SUF [it's a positive one for once] and they gave the criticism about how Connie's speech in "I am my monster" was too on the nose, which it is, but considering how many people either misinterpreted the story or did not get the message... I think the on the nose speech is kinda warranted.
I get the criticism but I never really saw much of an issue with it. Still a good video tho.
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boonesfarmsangria · 10 months
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another 100+ music ask
92. Which album(s) would you wish to see performed live front to back?
Being conservative and not just saying every album i love, ill choose albums that specifically have seamless straight playthrough but am including deceased artists, defunct acts etc
foals: antidotes | holy fire | what went down | enswbl part 1 & 2 .. lets go discography here actually
jeff buckley: grace
ben howard: noonday dream | collections from the white out | is it? ...hmm all here too
sade: promise | lovers rock
led zeppelin: houses of the holy
mos def: black on both sides | the new danger | true magic
mike krol: i hate jazz | trust fund
phil collins: no jacket required
the killers: hot fuss | day & age | sawdust
modest mouse: good news for people who love bad news
counting crows: august and everything after
peter gabriel: so | us
dave mathews band:before these crowded streets
eurythmics: touch
ratm: evil empire
beastie boys: check your head | pauls boutique | license to ill
jimi hendrix: are you experienced
fleet foxes: crack-up | helplessness blues
F+TM: ceremonials
feist: metals
floating points & pharoah sanders: promises
kosheen: resist
sufjan stevens: carrie & lowell | age of adz
paul simon: graceland
orlando weeks: a quickening
tdcc: beacon || gameshow
talking heads: 77 | remain in light
suf & them: planetarium
talk talk: discography / all
lord huron: lonesome dreams | strange trails | vide noir
rem: lifes rich pageant | monster | aftp | reckoning
u2: the joshua tree | rattle and hum | 18 singles (is that cheating?)
pink floyd: dark side of the moon | wish you were here
this will destroy you: young mountain
tool: 10000 days
the redneck manifesto: i am brazil
murder by death: in bocca al lupo | the other shore | red of tooth and claw
cream: fresh cream | disreali gears
augustus pablo: king tubby meets rockers uptown
pearl jam: ten | vitalogy | no code
dire straits: brothers in arms
can: ege bamyasi
sonnymoon: sonnymoon
getting bored of this but probably 80 others as well. this is in no way exhaustive or encompassing my fav albums oat but to be concise it includes only what i consider to be perfect albums
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shows-i-like · 1 year
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SPOILERS FOR SUF EP 18 and 19 everything's fine and I AM MY MONSTER
Quotes from songs that make me think of Stevens point of view in 'I am my monster' they're all PORTALS songs (I love this episode it made me cry)
Key 🔐
Red- the gems +Connie and Greg
Green- corruption
Pink- Steven
The confrontation scene moments after being turned into a monster
"baby I'm spinning around the corner it's tasting kinda lonely and my mind wants to control me e-e-e-empty there's rotten things left in me. Injected by society no one here but me to judge me. Pipe down with the noise I cannot bear my sorrow I hate who I was before I fear I won't live to see the day tomorrow someone tell me if this is hell I gotta escape the void there is no other choice yeah trying to turn down the voices the void ate me. Look at the mess I've done there is nowhere to run yeah holding the loaded gun the void." -Melanie Martinez
When the gems started attacking
"let all their friends in, the enemy's present they don't think too hard 'bout your fragile heart they eat off the table you set so you starve stop all your breathing (huh) no, don't let them see you they find a way to make you stay right were they want you in their piss-covered games" -Melanie Martinez
The hug scene
"You are the light I've been searching for forever Feels like, man, I've really never felt the rain Buried in the desert Didn't think I'd push through the dirt You just cleansed me like a waterfall You came I'm screaming, like a kettle on the stove You cranked the heat up, I was cold My past grew mold around my heart And all my anger, sadness, regret disappeared, it's madness I'm not used to all this water love, it's true" -Melanie Martinez
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c-o-z-m-o · 1 year
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we’re watching the end of the “i am my monster” suf episode and my mom’s crying help 
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stevenstaruniverse · 3 years
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I Finally Did It-
After a course of 10 months, I did it!
Please notice this, it took me so long and I’d appreciate it if this got over 50 notes ;w;
Span of working on project: 267 days (though I stopped working for about two and a half months due to personal issues-) Total actual time working on project: Around 49 hours
Do not repost, PLEASE!
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Screenshot taken at: y=125
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Screenshot taken at: y=78
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Screenshot taken at: y=50
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Screenshot taken at: y=4 (On ground)
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Screenshots take atn: y=100
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Thank you so much you guys, for baring with me on this project and being so patient with me... so... baring with me in general. Have a good day! <3 Alternate screenshots below-
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Without night vision
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Smooth lighting without night vision
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terrietont · 4 years
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Steven Universe future: Too far gone AU
I’m working on a Fanfiction/AU where at the end of the episode “I am My Monster” Steven never changes back, like Sapphire predicts, he stays the same and loses his humanity completely. It’s mainly angst and sorrow but I thought it was an interesting idea nonetheless. Here’s a small snippet of what I was working on.
Leaning in, she kissed his snout and held on tightly to his hardened scaly body. “I miss you so much.”
She whispered finally letting tears leave her eyes and letting out sorrowful cries of pain. Steven closed his eyes and gently leaned his head towards her. They stayed in the affectionate display for what seemed like hours.
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phasesofpencilsmain · 4 years
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I saw someone didn't like the ending of Suf because they said they didn't like the message that "trauma turns you into a monster". You can not like the ending if you want, but i don't think that's the message.
As we've come to learn Rebecca is someone who's dealt with trauma in her life, and just in general she's always strived to make good and loving messages about such topics. Rebecca wasn't saying that trauma and how your react to it makes you a monster, she's saying it can make you FEEL like a monster.
Even the gems reinforce this idea. Garnet saying "as long as long as he views himself as a monster, he'll stay that way." They don't think of him as an actual monster even after all he's done. Steven does. The gems, Greg and Connie are there to calm him down and tell him he's not And that they'll be there for him no matter what.
The message of the finale is trauma is scary, it can make you think and do and say things that even scare yourself. But your family and friends and a therapist are there to help you through it. Take those resources, because it's hard or impossible to overcome something so big and severe on your own. Don't just insist you're fine, let people help you if you need it.
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