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#suicidal depresson
xen-void · 6 months
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gtg for today tyring to figure out how to end my suicide thoughts and depresson
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Suicidal depression is not wanting to be alive but you don’t want to die either
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bluegrey02 · 3 years
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I don't know, I took the pills, I think I will survive, but remember that I love you anyway
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spacingout · 4 years
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Funny how theyre ‘so worried about us’ that theyve forced us to watch the same hour long play every year since 7th grade that now makes me have a panic attack :')
Yes it says parents can decline it but mine wont and if you dont decline you have to stay and watch the whole thing including when the main character k**** herself
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you know, it’s really sad how scared i am of my mom.
i’m scared of her finding out that i started cutting again. i’m scared of her knowing that i’m not better and i still wanna die. i’m scared of her knowing how much i truly hate myself. i’m also scared she’ll take it out on herself. that she’ll blame herself for the way that i am.
last night i dreamed that my mom found my pocket knife in one of my drawers. idk why she was in it, but a feeling of dread washed over me and i was freaking out so bad i woke up almost in a panic attack. why does my mom scare me so much? well maybe because i can’t tell her anything without her yelling at me for feeling that way or hitting me. does she hit me because she thinks she can scare the feelings away? you can hit me all you want, but that won’t make it any better. you can’t whack away all the negativity inside of me, all of the emptiness and the sadness and the anger. does it make you feel better? watching me hurt. watching me cry because of the pain. watching me starve myself because i hate the way i look. if it does, stop trying to shove food down my throat, stop getting upset with me for feeling depressed and alone. i can’t help it. if i could, don’t you think i’d have made those feelings go away?? don’t you think i’d be happy rn? 
i wish i didn’t have to hide from my parents. i wish i could go to them when i’m feeling down. i wish i could tell them things without being a disappointment. i wish i didn’t have to be perfect for them to love me. but i could keep wishing and wishing and none of it will come true.
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There's nothing worth staying for now
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ariesvibezz · 5 years
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Do you know what it’s like to be suicidal?
It’s a presence that haunts you. Whether it be 6am, 11am, 3pm or 10pm. It’s there. The thought, lingers in the air around your head. To obsessively think about reason why you should just end it, take all the fucking pain away drown out the thoughts of why you should stay. You won’t tell anyone you have these thoughts, because you don’t want to be watched like a hawk. You won’t tell anyone your plan of attack, because you don’t want them to take that away from you. You won’t tell anyone when you’ll do it, because you simply just do not want to be saved. You just want all this pain to go away. You’ve tried everything, I mean EVERYTHING. To take the edge off the pain, just to feel numb, no emotion, no hurt, no love and nothing works. Distractions are a great suggestion, until you stop doing whatever it is that is distracting you. Because you always have to come back to the pain staking reality that you live in. Going and seeing a therapist works, for the half an hour you’re in there. But you still have to leave, you still have to get in the car he once sat in, next to you holding your hand. You still have to walk into the home, that holds all the hurt, angry and sadness you left. It never goes away. It’s. Just. There. Always. We might be okay for 5 minutes, while you’ve popped in, we are distracted for the 5 minutes. But we always have to turn away and be faced with the reality. Again. And again. And again. The only option we see, is suicide. Just to end it, just to stop the fucking pain, just to give in to everything that’s going on up in our heads is SO fucking appealing. The thought of peace, is just so appealing. But we don’t. We don’t know why we don’t. Because the reasons why we are still here and still haunted by the thoughts of that we are replaceable, that we are weak, that we are never good enough, still fucking haunts the reasons why we are here. Eventually, you won’t be able to save us. And if we want to go, we want to go. Just know we will be at peace, we won’t be hurting anymore, we won’t be living in our minds full of sadness anymore. We will be at peace. Please don’t try to save us.
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blindfoldedwitch · 5 years
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Waht if I would just jump now... Would it make a difference to the day of tomorow?
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shane-x · 6 years
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Fr though
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tayya-esthetics · 5 years
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Sometimes it’s nice to see those old Facebook status’s from years past. See how I’ve grown, the people I’ve lost and gained, see how far I’ve come. From the suicidal 16 year old who thought death would take her before she hit 20, to the now 21 year old woman who while still depressed has a loving support system and looks forward to her future.
Wish I could tell past me that life’s good despite a lil rain
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ao3feed-brucewayne · 2 years
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Please Don't Leave
by enby_lord0
In my head, this takes place a few months or even a year after the events of Arkham Knight. The Knightfall protocol was never activated because batman was never unmasked. Jason Todd is far away from being 100%, he struggles but tries every day to be better. Somedays he wants to be left alone and other days he craves any sort of human contact. I'm not sure where this going to lead I kinda wrote the whole cause I was bored and had a lot of ideas running through my head. I hope it isn't garbage and I hope someone can relate to this, just as much as I.
Words: 1604, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Arkham - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics)
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Barbara Gordon, Alfred Pennyworth, Batman, Nightwing, Robin, Oracle
Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Alfred Pennyworth & Jason Todd, Barbara Gordon & Jason Todd
Additional Tags: Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, depresson, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Insomnia, Dick Grayson is a Good Brother, Good Grandparent Alfred Pennyworth, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Jason Todd Has PTSD, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Has Feelings, Touch-Starved, Childhood Trauma, Trauma in general, Serious Injuries, Depersonalization, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Jason is trying his best, Recreational Drug Use, Marijuana
source https://archiveofourown.org/works/38652984
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lovesaddemptyy · 6 years
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bluegrey02 · 3 years
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agirlwithablog143 · 5 years
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Schizophrenia
Schizophrenia is a chronic and severe mental disorder that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. People with schizophrenia may seem like they have lost touch with reality. Although schizophrenia is not as common as other mental disorders, the symptoms can be very disabling. Negative symptoms: “Negative” symptoms are associated with disruptions to normal emotions and behaviors. Symptoms include: “Flat affect” (reduced expression of emotions via facial expression or voice tone) Reduced feelings of pleasure in everyday life Difficulty beginning and sustaining activities Reduced speaking ( https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/schizophrenia/index.shtml ) What you see isn’t real, but the pain is, and that’s all you need to know to drive you over the edge. Sometimes it genuinely feels like the fierce pain is intenser than what it really is. Pain is unfortunately apart of life and there is nothing we can do to change that. So you keep forcibly moving and willfully ignore the deepening shadows that with ease keep popping up out of nowhere like it’s Halloween; usually on Halloween we get an impressive trick and a delicious treat but I haven’t found the sweet candy that is allegedly hiding under the floorboards in my room. There are miles and miles of the floorboard in my room and I can never walk far enough to get to it but maybe I'm just imagining terrific things. What if there’s just a yard of the floorboard and I'm not walking at all; what if the floor is actually covered in shabby carpet. I’m unsure what the floor is: I'm unsure of what I’m doing. I do imperfectly know I'm terribly scared. You ask yourself if you are real; you can’t feel the unspeakable pain or how scared you are. You start to feel numb, and you don’t know what to do. Then as you promptly enter the local store and anxiously watch as the shelves that pass you by but inevitably come across a razor but all you can undoubtedly see is the blade inside of it. Another remarkable thing you have merely learned from social media, where to get a cutting blade. Your body walks past it but your mind stays with it to engage in a silent conversation about something you can’t hear. Something you don’t want to hear. Talk to someone before your independent mind forcibly pulls you into the mighty deep and you question whether if you’re actually doing this. Because you are!
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blehbpd · 6 years
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Hella tw suicide and just generally talking about being in crisis! Mostly posting to help me keep track of everything
So ummm tonight was probably the absolute worst night of my entire life! I don’t think I’ve ever truly been this low and even now (maybe 20 min after the fact) it seems like a blur like I know shit went down and it was bad but I truly don’t remember what I said or what happened,, basically I was leaving work already feeling kinda crappy and stressed then Dillon started sending me texts that were just really honest I guess?? Idk they just hurt like hell and I got upset and was driving to the boat ramp to let off some steam and just chill for a bit after work! I think the first red flag was that after I read the first text I turned my music off while I was driving like it was dead silent and I was having intrusive/ suicidal ideation (?) thoughts about running through red lights and getting in a car accident and stuff,, but I went to the boat ramp and saw that he was there (I knew he probably would be) I got out of my car and sat down kinda by the water and tried to text to him a little but at this point I was already sobbing pretty much and was really upset! I think I one point I stoped even reading the messages because I was so upset and angry and pissed and just everything was too much! After crying there for a while I got up and started walking,, I walked all the way to the top of the bridge while still texting him (he didn’t know where I was) I got to the top and stood there for a while just looking over everything! I think he sent one message or something that really just got to me and I went off I lost my shit and this is where it gets kinda fuzzy,, I think I sat down on the sidewalk at the top of the bridge and typed out my response and was just sobbing up there for a long long time,, he called me and I told him everything I told him I was sitting at the top of the bridge and I was scared and I didn’t know what to do and nothing was ever gonna get better cause everytime I think I’m ok I somehow sink even lower than I did the previous time! I know I punched myself a few time at one point but I’m not sure when?? I remember him asking how he could help or what he could do and I just was sobbing and said “don’t hang up” and he said he would never ever! He tried to get me to go home multiple times and I told him I didn’t want to and I was just gonna sit at the top of the bridge alone all night! He tried to get me to tell him where I was and I told him I wouldn’t cause I didn’t want him to show up or the cops or to go to the hospital no matter how much he promised he wouldn’t! Eventually he convinced me to at least go back to my car so I walked down and talked to him or just cried I guess?? Idk I remember asking him why god would do this to people and he just said he didn’t know,, which is understandable i just wish I had an answer or knew why this was happening to me! I got back to my car and drove home while on the phone with him,, I apologized a million times and he made me promise I wouldn’t do this again (idk how realistic that is) I tried making a dumb joke about how at least I could breathe now cause I got all the snot out of my nose finally haha when I got home we talked for a few more min and now I’m in bed hopefully sleeping soon! I’m just grateful for him idk like holy shit I’m so awful to him and put him through so much and I stress him out so bad all the time I wish I could make him leave because he deserves better but I can’t,, not to mention I feel hella hella guilty because I know damn well that it was probably manipulative as shit and I’m literally the worst human being on the earth but I’m trying not To think about that too much rn!
Just to be clear I am ok and safe now I just don’t understand how it got so bad so quick when I thought I was doing ok
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