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#suicidal ideation
support · 10 years
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Everything okay?
If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. There are many support services that are here to help. For 24/7 peer support and other resources, message KokoBot on Tumblr.
If you are in the United States, please try:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) The Trevor Project (LGBTQ youth, ages 13-24) National Eating Disorders Association (online chat, text) RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline)
If you are outside the United States, visit IASP to find resources for your country.
For more resources, please visit our Counseling & Prevention Resources page for a list of services that may be able to help.
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patronsaintofsacrifice · 11 months
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Replacing "I dont want to live" with "i dont want to live like this" was v helpful for me because it helped me figure out what parts of my life i was trying to escape and reminded me there are absolutely versions of myself i want to work towards and ways of living i havent experienced yet that i want to see
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thebibliosphere · 2 months
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You know the cluster migraine is bad when your significant other ends up holding you while you clutch your head and sob about wanting to kill yourself to escape the pain.
Twelve hours. Twelve hours I was in so much pain I wanted to die.
And yet I still don’t qualify for pain management treatment and keep getting prescribed preventatives that don’t work for me because “we prefer not to prescribe painkillers where we can.”
Fuck you.
This is how people end up self-medicating and overdosing.
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seananmcguire · 1 month
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I know I periodically ask people to look at Alice, but I would like to explain why.
That, above, is Alice when she was just ten days old. It was December 2008, and I had gone to Seattle to prepare to die. I was tired, I was dealing with a massive disruption in my social circle, and I was done. So I went to see friends, and to say my goodbyes before I went home and politely made my exit. I had a fully articulated plan, and no desire to tell people about it, which is not a good place to be.
Then we went to visit Betsy, who had recently ushered a litter of kittens into the world. And she put this little blue tabby potato in my hand and said "That's the girl."
And just like that, I decided to live. "Do you take checks?" I replied, and Alice entered my life.
(That makes it sound much easier than it was. Betsy was intending to keep Alice, who was without flaw by Maine Coon breed standards. Seriously, she was the kind of cat breeders work to produce for their entire careers. I spent two months wearing Betsy down before she agreed to let me have her.)
Alice was my first Maine Coon. Alice was my heart and soul somehow walking around outside of my body. She was without flaw. She was everything I wanted in this world, and she loved me as much as I loved her, and I would happily trade a year of my life for another hour with her in my arms.
In 2017, I went to Australia as a convention guest, and when I came home, Alice wasn't right. She was always food-motivated, and she was refusing to eat. I made a vet appointment immediately, and we started the necessary tests to find out what was wrong. Roughly a month later, while I was at another convention, my vet called me.
"I am so so sorry," she said, and the world ended.
Alice had large-cell feline lymphoma. It wasn't a surgically treatable cancer; we were going to have to go through chemo, and hope. So we did. And we did everything it was possible to do. Thanks to my Patreon, there was never a point where I had to decline treatment due to money, and I know what an incredible gift that was. Bit by bit, she faded, but she was still my Alice, and we were still fighting.
Then, on February 13th, 2018, I woke up and she was stretched out along my side from hip to knee, making the worst sound I have ever heard every time she took a breath. I didn't want to let her go. I could no longer make her stay. We left for the vet immediately, and my oncologist agreed that she was done; she was ready to go, and the last gift she gave me was staying by my side, not running and hiding like most cats would.
I held her. I sang "Beautiful Beast" for her. And she went ahead of me to the clearing at the end of the path, to the place she stopped me from going.
I miss her more than I knew I could miss anything in this world. She was my best friend and my favorite thing, and my mother told people I'd lost a child to explain why I would just wander around, dead-eyed and sobbing. Alice saved me when I didn't think it was possible, and I'm grateful; I have no such plans at this point.
But fuck my poor, broken heart, I just want her to come home. And in the absence of that as an option, I want everyone to look at Alice.
Please look at my poor girl.
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thehavenmh · 1 year
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adustoflove · 3 months
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I think dying would fix me immediately
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I'm proud of you for making it this far.
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glitter-alienz · 1 month
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CW suicidal ideation
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he's trying 👍🏾
[start] [next] <- this is the start of an era... i have a bunch of comic wips about donnie being mentally ill <3
original under the cut
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its by @mewechy but their blog got explded i think
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incendavery · 4 months
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the internal dialog corvids in: 'tis the season(al depression)
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slyandthefamilybook · 1 month
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I'm gonna say it
as someone who has had suicidal thoughts as recently as yesterday, the primary factors keeping me personally from killing myself are:
It would make other people sad
I can accomplish more by living
From my conversations with other depressed people, these seem to be similar threads. It's well-known that the majority of tumblr users suffer from one mental illness or another, with depression being arguably the most common among them. Whether this airman was mentally ill or not, and whether that mental illness played a factor in his suicide or not, the example being set by tumblr users is incredibly dangerous. The reactions I've seen to his death have made two things very clear:
People are proud of him for his actions
People think his suicide has helped in an important way
If you're paying attention, you will have noticed that those two reactions exactly contradict the reasons why many depressed people abstain from suicide. This is going to put people's lives at risk. People with depression do not need another reason to think they should kill themselves. Gazans have already spoken out about their disapproval with these methods. This needs to stop before more people die
If you or a loved one are considering suicide, call 988 to be connected to the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
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synap · 8 months
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I’ve spent the past year working on this comic on and off! It’s such a relief for it to finally be finished. It was a massive labor of love for my two favorite bugs. Here’s hoping silksong comes out before I spend another year making the sequel! (Don’t get your hopes up)
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stevieschrodinger · 7 months
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Eddie finds King fucking Steve Harrington crying in a bathroom. It's the last fucking thing he ever expects to see and he really, really wants to laugh about it. Really, he does.
But Steve's a perfect Omega in his perfect cheer leader get up and even with his face blotchy and red he looks fucking beautiful. And Eddie might think King Steve is a bitchy piece of work, and he might think that Steve almost definitely deserves whatever is happening to him...but Eddie's just a weak ass Alpha, and the whole bathroom reeks of distraught Omega, and Eddie finds himself saying, 'hey, man, are you like, okay-'
'Just fuck off!' Steve snarls back at him.
And, yeah.
Okay.
Eddie gets it.
Just as the door is swinging shut on him he hears Harrington shouting suddenly, 'wait! Munson! Hold on-'
So Eddie goes back in, 'yeah?'
And Steve has his wallet in his hand and is pulling out a wad of cash and is fixing to buy every pill Eddie has. Which, wierd enough to maybe clang a tiny alarm bell in Eddie's head but also, like, fuck it. This isn't his problem and Harrington's cash is as good as anyone's, 'you planning a party?'
'Sure,' Steve replies, pocketing the baggies somewhere in his cute as fuck cheer skirt, 'it'll be a rager.'
'Whatever man,' Eddie says as he leaves.
'Oh yeah,' Tommy fucking Hagan. Eddie hates him, but it's hard not to overhear, 'he cried he was so fucking desperate for it.' And all the jocks laugh.
Turns out there is a party tonight; Steves not here yet though, not as far as Eddie can see, at least. Not that he'd thought about it. Not that he was worried about the Omega, or anything. Just stupid instinct.
'It'll be the end of the cheerleading, that's for god damn sure, no Omega of mine will be walking around dressed like a slut.' And Eddie paused, deliberately stops to listen.
'Where is Harrington then, since he's so yours then?'. Some stupid moron pipes up.
'Piss off,' Hagan snaps back, 'doesn't matter where he is; that's my pup in him. He's not gonna have a choice, I'll have him bit by this time next week.'
It takes about four seconds for Eddie to put it together, and then he's running, pushing and shoving people out of the way to get out. He knows Exactly where Steve lives. He's been there to sell at a couple of parties and he probably breaks fifty speeding laws on the way over. The house is dark and no one answers and panic is truly clawing up Eddie's throat now.
He's imagining Steve dead on the floor somewhere, mouth frothing from the overdose.
He doesn't think twice about throwing himself over the back fence, Harrington had big fancy sliding doors out onto the back yard and if those are locked Eddie will just smash them-
Steve's sitting there. Just sitting there. He's got a beer and his feet are in the pool and Eddie can hear gentle splashing where he moves his feet around.
As Eddie gets closer he sees a little pile of baggies and...they all still have pills in them. Eddie's never been more relieved in his entire life.
Steve startles when he realises Eddie's there, must have been so in his own head he didn't even notice Eddie scramble over the fence.
'Hey, Steve, sorry, I just- I was- I got worried.'
Eddie crouches next to Steve, sweet Omega who smells so desolate; he hasn't even opened the beer.
'I, ah, heard Hagan, you know, he, uhm, anyway, got a little- thought I'd check on you, you know.'
Steve's voice is cool and emotionless when he answers, 'he telling everyone about my heat?'
Eddie nods, Steve snorts derisively, 'didn't even want him, just got caught out and he swore he'd use a rubber, lying fucking prick.'
'You don't have to do this, though -' Eddie starts to slide the little stack of pills away, but Steve gets him by the wrist.
'No take backs no refunds, right? That's what you tell people?'
'Well, yeah, but, I mean, I'll make an...an exception.'
'No thanks. Not like I got a lot of choices right now.'
'Steve...there...there's got to be something-'
Steve kicks a little, splashing the water. It's dark now, the stars are out, and he cranes his head back to look at them. 'I'm pupped. Without an Alpha I'll get separation sickness and all that shit. He's going to want to bite me, so my choice is let him, die to the sickness, or just do it now. And like fuck am I letting Hagan bite me, that's a fate worse than death.'
Eddie privately agrees, 'but what about, like, a different Alpha?'
Steve snorts a laugh, 'someone I know? Going against Hagan?'
And Steve is right, there's no one around who would do that; pretty much the whole school would turn on them at Tommy's whim. They'd be a social pariah; Tommy would do his best to make their life not worth living.
Fortunately Eddie knows an Alpha who is already in that position. 'What about me?'
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longreads · 6 months
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I Remember Arthur
(CW: suicide, suicidal ideation)
This essay is Kevin Sampsell’s most deeply personal yet. For Longreads, Sampsell remembers his enigmatic friend Arthur and examines the right-to-die movement, writer’s block, and his own struggles with depression and suicidal ideation. 
As much as I hate to say it, I was the one who sold Arthur his copy of Final Exit, about three months before his death. I was working at the bookstore when I spotted him near the health section. It felt odd to see him unannounced since he usually texted me when he was coming in. I snuck up and tried to surprise him. He seemed a little annoyed, like he was in a hurry, so I offered to help him find what he was looking for. We didn’t have it in stock, and it was unusually expensive online. I saw in the description that it was something about the ethics of suicide. Arthur said it was something he wanted to read for a class, so I didn’t question its subject matter. I thought of Final Exit and asked him if he knew about it. He did not. I found a used copy of it for him on the shelf. He went to the cashier and paid less than $10 for it. I think I gave him a discount coupon. It was, at the time, probably the most forgettable 10 minutes of our friendship. His hug was quick before he went into the night.
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thebibliosphere · 1 year
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Hi new friends. Please don’t censor words, especially triggering ones. Seeing trigger words written l!ke th!s doesn’t stop them from being triggering.
It just stops Tumblr’s built in filter (see under settings) from working which many of us have in place to protect ourselves.
This has happened to me multiple times this week, and as someone currently struggling with suicidal ideation, has not been great.
You are not on TikTok or Insta, please use the full words so people can protect themselves. Thank you 💖
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From the bottom of my worthless heart, I genuinely don’t know if I can survive another year.
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grendel-menz · 1 year
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three-footed bowl
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