#suicidal ideations

[tench]

Today was shit. I'm tired and don't want to see anyone. And I have to, today and tomorrow. I caught myself thinking how death would feel like, that it's scary but it's actually fine if I won't have to be bothered with existing anymore, with figuring a way out. It's like I am so tired and always so low energy so I just don't see any future. Sure, if I keep doing what I have to be doing it might change, but for now. I am dead stuck. There's no point. It's done.

#personal #suicidal ideations

[maidofmetal]

i’m so sorry to everyone who has experienced suicidal ideations or suicide attempts. there is such little meaningful support for us. and it’s exhausting and traumatizing no matter if you’ve attempted or not. no one deserves to feel like that. <3

#metal speaks #suicide #suicidal ideations #actually mentally ill #ptsd #cptsd #sorry but no amount of it gets better is gonna fix me

[facesofone]

I'm not sure when this habit started, but I'm starting to realize where it comes from. I have started over on so many games it's ridiculous. Part of it is enjoying the challenge that comes from a new game, I like to strive and work for what I get and sometimes once you get far enough in the game the challenge of getting things disappears...but that's a digression.

What I mean here is that my own desire to remove myself from this life and start over another one, and do it right this time, is the driving force. I live vicariously through my character and have them make better choices. I'm starting to realize that. I'm not sure if others feel this way, just something I noticed and felt like sharing.

*I want to note that this is not a direct correlation between the two, just something in myself.

[ID]

Panel 1: Kyra is sitting at a computer playing a game and she says "*sigh* I guess it's time to start another character."

Panel 2: Jak is standing behind her and she bends her body to see him, he says "Why do you always do that? You play half the game and then start over from scratch." And she responds with "I'm...I'm not sure."

Panel 3: It is just their heads looking at each other as Kyra says "There's something about a second chance, you know? Starting again but utilizing the knowledge I've gained. I kinda screwed this character up because I didn't know what I was doing and it's too late to fix it. I just want to start over so I can get it right.

Panel 4: Ian now appears between them (they are looking at him) and he has the outline of sorrow as he says "I know exactly what you mean." This is an indication that he too would like to start over and do better.

#TW #Trigger Warning #Suicide #Suicidal Ideations #suicide tw #Suicidal ideations tw #dissociative identity disorder

[iibelieveitsnotyourfault]

I dream of waking up and being someone else. Someone better.

I dream of waking up not myself, because I'm not who I want to be.

#depressing quotes #mental health #mental illness #depressing shit #mental wellness #tw depressing stuff #depressive episode #depressing thoughts #depressive #depression #depressed #tw depressing thoughts #sorry for being depressing #suicide tw #tw suicide #suicidal ideations #suicidal #mental breakdown #mentally ill #actually mentally ill #poor mental health #bad mental health #mental heath awareness #mental heath issues

[krissonlythoughts]

Hes had ENOUGH !!

#disco elysium #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #poor kim #cw #suicidal ideations #alcoholism #smoking

[queerlilchinchin]

Totally not me on my way home from the boyfran's, screaming at my mother for not taking me with her like she promised when I was 8 years old...

Totally not me just having an absolute meltdown on the road while my car sputters to try to keep alive on the freeway.

Totally not me, screaming a dare to the universe to just let me get in an accident only to (apparently) tempt her into making my car on the brink of death the whole way home.

Totally not me, shouting out the lyrics to Numb Little Bug by Em Beihold on my phone because my car was too close to death to turn the radio on.

Totally not me ready to give up hope the entire way home and imagining if I could just.. swerve a little to the right.

Totally not me just absolutely losing my mind because every time my life feels like it's finally getting on track, it goes to shit again and something big happens.

Nope.

Not me at all. 😮‍💨

#tw suicidal ideations #tw suicide #suicide #suicidal ideations #personal #intrusive thoughts

[crayonssz]

the urge to drive a knife into my heart at any minor inconvenience

#ajax’s antics #suicidal ideations #tw depressing stuff #tw suicide #going through an episode rn #considering doing a silly

[wreckitremy]

#tw pet death #tw pet loss #tw death #suicidal ideations #february 2023

[everhaunting]

My brain is so fucjing dramatic. One bad thing happens and it starts telling me to kill myself. I DONT WANNA DIE. I WANNA SEE THIRTY.

#depression #suicide #suicidal ideations #no one cares rinuh

[lesbiangummybearmafia]

Feeling every alone and anxious this morning. Took my meds, there not really helping. Wish I could get on some oxy just to feel no pain mentally or physically for awhile. It's far too quiet, have no one to talk to like a real voice on a phone. Not text or messenger that almost makes me feel invisible or not real in a way. It's not what I need right now. I don't want to feel this way. As insane as this going to sounds this nothingness, this gray fear, this constant anxiety is almost... almost worst then feeling suicidal. At least with that feeling as horrible as that is there's an end to it. Not a good end, not an end I want to choose really but a finality of knowing all the pain can go away. But this nothingness, this gray fear feels like there's no end in sight. It's wearing on me, making everything seem pointless...

#mental health #anxiety #depression #suicide #suicidal ideations #nothingness #gray fear #how long will this last #seriously over this bullshit #tried of my mental diseases #mental diseases suck #mental diseases #wish i had someone to actually talk to #alone #loneliness

[maidofmetal]

DOCTORS WHO REFUSE TO GIVE PAIN MEDICATION KILL YOURSELF CHALLENGE

#metal speaks #suicidal ideations #IM SORRY U DONT BELIEVE IN PAIN MEDS LIKE I GUESS ILL JUST KILL MYSELF ?????????? #i’m above saying this now i don’t care

[facesofone]

It was hard, making long term plans and goals, having self-maintenance to keep healthy, avoiding risky and/or life threatening situations, all of it was painted on the backdrop of "F--- it, I'm not living past 13...past 20...past 25". Thankfully we are no longer of that mindset, we have patience and realize it will happen when it happens, whether we look for it or not. So as a system we work together to keep us alive.

[ID]

Panel 1: Ian is walking, head slightly down and hands in his pockets. Above him it says "When I was my own age, only a child, I knew I would die before I became a teen. I could only see myself living for a decade at most."

Panel 2: Jak is standing still, his head gazing further downwards, his outline is very shaky. He says "In my teen years I was so suicidal I didn't plan to see my twenties. My vision became a handful of years."

Panel 3: Kyra is crawling on the ground, reaching upwards, her outline becoming a puddly mess. She says "In my early twenties it was a dire struggle to make it to my mid-twenties. My vision dropped to a matter of months."

Panel 4: Atom is leading the group, pulling Kyra in tow as she cradles Ian, Jak walks behind, and Luna is perched atop his head, pointing the way forward. Atom says "Working together as a system has helped us protect each other. We no longer look for an end date, we choose to survive."

[END ID]

#did #osdd #system #trigger warning #tw #tw suicidal ideations #trigger warning suicidal ideations #suicidal ideations tw #suicidal ideations #but y'know #with a positive message

[iibelieveitsnotyourfault]

got ten weeks worth of antidepressants behind me and some ThoughtsTM in my head :)

and like 3 drafted su*cide notes so that's cool cos at least I wouldn't have to write another one lol

#depressing quotes #depressive #depression #depressed #i wish i was dead #dead #death #trigger warning #sh trigger warning #depressing thoughts #tw #i'm so tired #depressing shit #self harm #tw suicide #suicide tw #suicidal ideations #suicidal #i might do it #i might die #god i hope i do

[blow-a-kiss-make-a-wish]

highkey wanna kms

#I’m over this #i’m emotionally exhausted #idk what to do anymore #suicidal ideations #personal #text post

[cutelilbubbles]

Can you tell I was a bit of a “troubled” teen?

#Zoloft #sertraline #antidepressants #anti-depressants #suicide #suicidal thoughts #suicidal ideations #suicidal tendencies #depression #major depressive disorder #mental illness #mentally ill #art #drawing #illustration #collage #found my old art #found my own old art

[wreckitremy]

So my coworker is going on vacation next week and I'll be having to do some socializing with people I don't normally talk to, to do tasks I don't normally do.

Trauma anniversary is also next week.

my period is due to arrive any day now, and it tends to make me more likely to be suicidal

I might be okay, its been 8 years since the last hospital stay, but I'm still so nervous.

This time of year is always bad for a lot of reasons, that will never go away. Mother's day, father's day, graduations, and the start of summer.

11 years ago around this time of year I was moving in with my best friend, and out of an abusive household. Less than a year later I was no longer living with or talking to him.

I know now, how to handle and recognize alot of the things that led to my hospital stays in 2013 and 2014, but I'm still lacking the stability of a support system irl, that heavily contributed to those stays.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say at this point.

Maybe I'm just hoping that by talking about it here, it won't bleed into irl and get me locked up again. Maybe I'm hoping this time I won't get useless platitudes and pity. Maybe this time I'll get understanding instead of worry.

Maybe if I just keep talking the right words will come out and fix this. Maybe not.

#personal #trauma anniversary #cptsd #suicidal ideations #suicide mention #june 2022