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#suicidal thoughts
support · 7 years ago
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Everything Okay?
If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. There are many support services that are here to help. 
If you are located in the United States, consider reaching out to the National Alliance on Mental Illness HelpLine.
If you are located in the United Kingdom, The Mix is here to help you with any challenge you are facing.  Reach out online, on social or through their free and confidential helpline.
If you are reading this from in any other country in Europe,  Mental Health Europe has compiled a list of helplines and other resources in your country. 
For more resources, please visit our Counseling & Prevention Resources page for a list of services that may be able to help.
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eeveearoace-creative · 2 days ago
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I wrote a continuation of this post :)
[CW: loss of limb/eye, slight internalized homophobia, suicidal thoughts]
Sasha had never liked hospitals.
They always looked so clean and pristine on the outside, but they were so often filled with blood and death. Unnaturally quiet except for the mechanical beeps and whirs, they gave her too much time to think.
Sasha nervously fidgeted with her short blond hair, trying not to think about everything that had happened just a few days ago. Which, of course, just made her think about it more.
She sighed, resting her chin the palm of her hand. Sasha was curled up in a chair – a perfect example of a gay person with no clue of how to sit correctly – and staring at Anne’s sleeping form, the other girl stretched out in the bed beside her.
Part of Sasha wanted to wake the brown-haired girl up, just because she couldn’t deal with being alone with her thoughts anymore, but neither of them had slept much recently, and she knew Anne needed all the rest she could get.
Neither of them had made it out of the fight a few days ago unscathed, but Anne was doing considerably worse, having lost her entire right arm, while Sasha lost her left eye. The blond-haired girl gently ran her fingers along the slash across her blind eye, still struggling to accept the fact that her vision would never be the same again.
But that wasn’t even the main thing on her mind right now.
Marcy was.
Sasha sighed as she shifted in her seat, pulling her knees towards her chest.
Marcy was alive, thankfully, but she wasn’t okay. Whatever awful creature Andrias had put in her mind was still in there, forcing the Newtopian doctors to keep the young human girl sedated for the time being. Sasha wanted to let herself believe that at least if she was asleep, Marcy wasn’t suffering, but she sincerely doubted that was even remotely true.
And the worst part was, there was nothing she could do about it. Sasha and Anne hadn’t even been allowed to visit her since their battle a few days ago, which just made them more anxious to see her again.
Marcy was trembling as tears rolled down her cheeks, her glowing green eyes wide with horror.
The small girl was begging them to let her die, terrified that The Night would take control over her body again.
The taunting words of the creature that possessed her best friend were echoing in Sasha’s head – how Marcy was gone, how they were powerless to do anything about it, how much she suffered –
Sasha couldn’t lose her. Not again.
Then a tranquilizer dart pierced into Marcy’s neck, and the black-haired girl collapsed while Sasha and Anne called out her name in panic.
Sasha was still surprised that Lady Olivia – a noble newt women – had been the one who knocked Marcy out.
In a way, it made sense – she had been Andrias’s trusted adviser for a long time, and she knew about The Night and how it was using Marcy as it’s host – but at the same time, she felt like yet another one of Marcy’s parental figures that chose to hurt her.
Granted, Olivia had pointed out that it would be easier to free Marcy if they didn’t have to worry about physically fighting with her body, but after everything Sasha went through in Amphibia, especially relating to Anne, the thought of Marcy or Anne getting hurt – even if it was ultimately to help them – made her feel sick.
Anne yawned, snapping Sasha out of her thoughts.
The brown-haired girl stretched, sleepily rubbing her eyes. She pushed herself upwards, yelping in surprise as she fell to her right side without her right arm to support her. Sasha lurched forward, catching the taller girl just before she hit the bed.
“Right,” Anne sighed, deflating as she looked over at the stump of a limb that used to be her arm. “Kinda’ forgot about that.”
“I get it,” Sasha admitted with a sigh, looking away. “I’m still getting used to having only one eye. Not that it’s the same as losing an arm, but you know.”
“Yeah, but... still.” Anne grabbed Sasha’s hand, making the blond-haired girl blush.
There was so much Sasha wanted to say to the girl holding her hand, so much she wanted to ask, but the words died on her tongue, and the memory of her last major emotional confession – when she and Anne were trying to snap Marcy out of her possession and had both admitted their feelings – came flooding back, and Sasha paused for a moment before pulling her hand free.
There’s no way she loves me, too. Besides, the world barely accepts two girls in love – it would never accept three.
“Hey. Are you okay?” Anne asked gently, blinking sympathetically up at her. “I mean, not okay, but…”
“Not really.”
“Do you wanna’ talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“Sometimes you have to talk about stuff, Sash,” Anne pointed out, sighing. “But I won’t push you – not right now, anyway. There’s just…”
“So much going on.”
“Yeah.”
“Sorry. I’m… still not good with emotions,” Sasha admitted with a nervous laugh.
“I can tell,” Anne joked. “But, seriously, you don’t have to be perfect. Just, make an effort this time, please?”
“I will,” Sasha promised.
Sighing, the blond-haired girl grabbed onto the bar on the side of the hospital bed with one of her hands, secretly wanting to be closer to Anne but being too afraid to initiate touch herself – even if Anne had grabbed her hand earlier.
“I was… so messed up, you know?” Sasha stared downward, not sure if the injured girl would be okay with Sasha looking at her. “And I… I don’t think I was really ready to be better until recently.”
But right when I was starting to question myself, that’s when I lost you both. And for Marcy, I thought it was going to be forever.
“I’m not saying I forgive you,” Anne began tentatively, “But if you’re going to try to be better – which you’ve already proved by protecting Wartwood – I’m willing to give you another chance.”
“I won’t mess it up this time,” Sasha nodded gravely. “I promise.”
Anne took a deep breath and reached for Sasha’s hand again – and this time, the blond-haired girl didn’t pull away.
At least, not until the door swung open and three frogs hopped into the room.
“Anne!” Sprig cried, the young pink frog throwing his arms around his adopted sister.
“Sprig!” Anne yelped, her eyes instantly lighting up. “Polly, HopPop!”
Sasha bit her lip and glanced nervously over towards the door, trying to ignore the conflicted looks the Plantars were giving her.
Maybe it’s time I get out of here.
“I’m just... gonna’ go...” Sasha muttered, making awkward finger-guns towards the door and heading towards it. Before she could leave the room, however, a newt doctor walked in and over to Anne.
“How are you feeling, Ms. Boonchuy?” the newt asked.
“You know, I think I’m supposed to say ‘I feel fine!’ but I actually feel horrible, so...” the brown-haired girl trailed off, laughing. “Yeah. I’ve been better.”
“That’s understandable,” the doctor pointed out, checking over Anne’s right shoulder.
“How are you, Ms. Waybright?” a second doctor asked, startling Sasha.
“Err, uh, I’m fine,” she stammered. “I really should probably be getting out of here...”
“Let me clean up your eye first, then,” the newt insisted, leading Sasha over to a chair. The blond-haired girl sighed, knowing it would be easier to just cooperate, even if being around the Plantars made the hair on the back of her neck stick up.
I can’t even imagine what they must be thinking.
Sasha sighed, staring down at the floor.
“This might sting a little bit,” the first doctor warned, applying some kind of medical product to the wound on Anne’s shoulder. The brown-haired girl gasped in pain, squeezing her leg with her remaining hand.
“Yep,” she hissed. “That certainly stings.”
The second newt started applying a paste to the injury stretching over Sasha’s left eye. It felt like an army of wasps stinging her eyeball, and she inhaled sharply to keep from crying out.
The doctor finished up with dressing her eye, but Sasha hesitated a moment before leaving the room, glancing longingly over at Anne. She and the Plantars were chattering about something, but Sasha was trying not to listen and give them space. Taking a deep breath, the blond-haired girl headed towards the door.
“Sasha, wait.”
The human girl spun around, blinking in surprise at the old orange frog staring at her.
“You might want to hear this,” Hopediah grumbled.
“Um, okay.” Sasha shifted nervously but made her way back to the frogs and their adopted family member.
Polly, the youngest Plantar, was glaring at Sasha with narrowed eyes. The blond-haired girl swallowed and squeezed her own arm, trying to ignore the hostility in the polliwog's eyes.
“So, anyway, you said Maddie should be here soon?” Anne piped up, breaking the silence.
“Yep,” Sprig nodded. “I think they took a falcon or something, so travel should be fast.”
Maddie Flour was a young frog from Wartwood that Sasha had only interacted with a couple of times, but she seemed to know her stuff about potions, curses, magic, and other weird, witchy stuff. After everything with Marcy went down a few days ago, some newts had been sent to Wartwood to bring the frog back to Newtopia – apparently curse-wielders were really rare in Amphibia, and Maddie was the first name that came to mind, despite just being a kid. But with how little they knew about The Night, they needed all the help they could get.
Sasha really hoped Maddie knew something about how to fight possession. And that she would actually agree to come to Newtopia. And that her knowledge would apply to humans. And that they could still help Marcy. And –
Okay, I really need to stop spiraling.
“Have you heard anything new about Marcy?” Anne asked, her eyes and voice darkening.
“Not yet, kiddo,” Hopediah sighed, sitting down next to the human girl.
Anne frowned, looking distant.
“She’s stronger than she looks,” Sprig pointed out. “Besides, you never gave up hope in your world – you can’t give up hope now.”
Anne nodded absentmindedly.
“I mean, she got impaled!” Polly yelled. Anne and Sasha both stiffened.
“Polly!” Sprig protested. “Not helping!”
“I just mean to say, humans can clearly survive a lot,” Polly amended.
“Not necessarily,” Sasha sighed. “I still don’t know how she…” she trailed off, painful memories from the day she thought her best friend died rushing back. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind.
“She’s gotta’ be okay,” Anne murmured, squeezing her eyes shut.
Sasha wanted so desperately to hug the brown-haired girl and promise her that Marcy was going to be alright, but she couldn’t.
Because what if she wasn’t going to be okay?
All I know is that Marcy is hurt and there’s nothing I can do about it.
As the two humans and three amphibians sat in uncomfortable silence, the Plantars eventually moving over and pressed up against Anne, providing her with physical comfort.
“I, um. I’ll get out of your way,” Sasha muttered eventually, attempting to leave the room for the third time in the few minutes.
That’s when she bumped into a blue frog with a head full of pink hair.
“Maddie Flour has arrived.”
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sydneygremlins · a day ago
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a bit dark, and straying from my usual content, but i want to remind everyone that you have much more impact than you think.
you affect people.
people notice you.
people miss you.
people WILL miss you.
not everyone will naturally show you how much you matter to them, but most people do care. and if you doubt that, just ask. please, ask. know that people love you and care about you. learn it. write it down over and over. internalise it.
i know you’ve heard this so many times it becomes hollow but i promise. it’s the people you don’t expect. it’s the girl who you always see at the crossing while you walk to school. it’s the cat you pet every time you see it. it’s the teacher who you have an ongoing pun battle with. it’s the person you’re not quite friends with, but you did a group project once and you talk every now and then. it’s the little kids who you helped in the schoolyard. it’s everybody whose life you’ve touched in some little way.
you affect the world a lot more than you think. people will miss you if you go.
[please feel free to rb, screenshot, repost, etc, this post.]
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sad-empty-lost · 2 months ago
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I don’t get mad anymore, I just get really quiet. Why keep talking when nobody is really listening to you?
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sa-dnesss · 9 months ago
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desultory-suggestions · 4 months ago
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Thank you for staying alive today! I love you so much and I’m so glad you’re here.
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betyourefine · 5 months ago
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I'm strongly starting to believe that life isn't meant for me.
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