#suicide is an option | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scificrows · 8 months

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i like to make fun of murderbot for being all "i hate everyone, i don't care about anything or anyone, fuck off" while simultaneously caring very much about the people around it and the situations it finds itself in. i love how it "accidentally" ends up caring quite a lot about the friends it makes along the way. but i think something that i tend to forget is that murderbot actively decides to care - at least at some point in its story.

idk, as a person that struggles with depression, this paragraph from artificial condition really resonates with me. prior to all systems red, murderbot had contracts. it had routine and it had protocols. it knew what it had to do to just get by, how to perform so no one would notice it had disabled its governor module. it was deeply depressed, yes, but it was functioning (for lack of a better word). in artificial condition, murderbot's routine is gone. it cannot go on in that state of numbly going-from-contract-to-contract, putting in as little effort as possible, consuming media to cope. that option is gone because it escaped (and note that escaping the company was not an active choice, it kinda happened to it). murderbot has two options now: it can either gather all its energy; actively do something new and difficult and distressing; change something in its life and try. or it can let the numbness and the emptiness take over and stop trying. if murderbot wants to survive as a rogue secunit, it has to try. no matter how difficult that is. the wording in that paragraph really hits home for me. the way the non-caring sees an opportunity to slip in and to take over. does murderbot even care? does anything really matter? is anything really worth the hassle? wouldn't it be so much easier to just let your mind slip away a little, to go numb, to be passive, to watch media and wait for things to happen to you? wouldn't it be nice to stop thinking and struggling and feeling complicated things? to stop making an effort? you've been dealing with a lot lately and maybe it's time to just shut down. maybe you'll just take a little break. just slip deeper into this chair and start the show. time flies when you're not paying attention. trying is exhausting. who cares if you don't do the things you wanted to do, you were supposed to do. it'll be fine. let's just ignore those things for now. just let the non-caring take over. just stop thinking. you can deal with the aftermath later. just watch your shows. who cares. but murderbot cares. it decides to care. it decides to fight with all it has and i think that is so brave. and i think in the later books caring is less of an active decision for murderbot. once you start caring, it's easier to keep going than to stop; and murderbot, for all its "i'm a grumpy rogue secunit, leave me alone" behavior, knows just how important caring is. so it's not that it doesn't know what's happening; rather, it lets itself care. tl;dr: caring is not the default for murderbot, it's just the more difficult of two options. and it decides not to take the soft option. it decides to struggle. it decides to care. and so it does.

#sorry i'm rambling i'm a little depressed rn (hah) and i've been thinking about murderbot again #at least writing this got me out of the adhd/depression paralysis :) yeah this might be self-indulgent so what #the murderbot diaries #murderbot #𓄿 #i just love martha wells' writing for things like that #and i love murderbot as a character so very much #also i'm pretty sure some of this could be read in a way i did not intend #i'm not trying to say that depressed people have the option to just not be depressed #or that it's as easy as going “okay well i can either care or not care... i guess i should care! done!”#listen i know it's not like that; i know that first hand #but murderbot had just enough energy and fight in it to try and it had people in its life that cared about it and helped it #and it managed to get out of that deep dark hole #and we see it struggling with trauma etc in the later books #things are not magically better #just yeah #okay imma add #tw depression #tw suicide #(this is not about suicide though; this is about sitting on the couch while the dishes and the laundry pile up #and watching netflix because getting up and taking care of yourself and calling a friend or going outside are too difficult)#(but i can see how this might hit a little close to home if that is something someone's struggling with&better safe than sorry)#also sending lots of love to everyone who this resonates with

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mihotose · 4 months

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every time i see a fanwork where half light tells harry to kill himself im just He would not fucking say that!!!!! half light is harry's paranoia, his fight or flight instinct, his self preservation. half light wants to protect harry, not kill him

#gemitus #just did a quick search on fayde and none of the skills ever tell harry to kill himself #in fact multiple advise him on how to Not get himself killed. you know. because theyre part of him and thatd be counterintuitive #the only times harry tells himself to kill himself are in a YOU - dialogue option #and the ledger. when you interact with things the narration isnt any one particular skill so thats probably just harry himself #anyway. i do love the suicide jokes dont get me wrong it just wouldnt be half light (or the others)#disco elysium

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methvapes · 2 months

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#homestuck #dirk strider #jake english #dirkjake #methvapes dirkjake #separate from any feasible pairing option thats why the tag is there #my art #suicide is the answer

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randoimago · 3 months

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Random thing that came to mind

but do y'all think that spawn Astarion with short lifespan Tav would watch them grow old and die and decide "This person taught me so much, taught me to love and be happy and I don't want to live without them" and just go into the sun?

Or would spawn Astarion watch Tav grow old and die and decide, "This person taught me how to actually live again and not be afraid. I'll love and miss them deeply as I continue to live for them."?

#astarion x reader #astarion x tav #bg3 x reader #randothoughtswithrandoimago #tw suicide #suicide tw #cause thats essentially what itd be if Astarion goes option 1

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moongothic · 3 months

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So I'm confused about something. There was a cover story about Ms Goldenweek and other Baroque works agents breaking Crocodile out of prison but he just. Told them no? And stayed there with Mr 1 and Mr 2? I don't get why he wanted to go to Impel Down just to break out when he had the chance

I can't tell you 100% why Crocodile chose to stay in prison and go to Impel Down, but my best guess really is that he was just...

Taking the L with grace

More specifically. Crocodile had lost everything. I think deep inside he might've been literally too depressed to want to go free again.

Like he does literally say that. He gave up.

He had been building his reputation as "the Hero of Alabasta" for at least 10 years at this point. He had built not just a criminal organization that he had been running for four years, but also he had been running legal business stuff (like his casino) for probably longer than that. A decade's worth of work and effort to take over a country, and most importantly, get away with it. The reason he had orchestrated that whole rebellion was so that the rebels and the royal family could "take each other out", leaving the country wide open for a World Government Official such as himself to take up. The reason Baroque Works was doing this all in secret was so that the WG never found out, otherwise they wouldn't have let him have Alabasta.

But indeed, his plans were foiled by a kid in flipflops in less than 24 hours, just at the final moment before Crocodile would win. He lost everything. And the World Government found out about what he had been planning.

So even if he escaped from that prison with his former agents, what was he going to do?

He wouldn't be able to take over Alabasta anymore because he did not have manpower (as he had lost all his goons), and having lost his financial empire he wouldn't be able to build a new army any time soon. And even if he did, now that they knew what he had done the people of Alabasta would not accept him as their new king, even if he personally assasinated Cobra and the entire family. Not to mention, the WG finding out about his plans meant that they had every fucking reason to try and stop Crocodile if he did as much as set foot on that island again. By which I mean, they could launch a Buster Call on his ass. Send all the fucking Admirals after him. And so, even if Crocodile still believed Pluton was somewhere in Alabasta and that he just had to comb through the entire desert to find it... Between the Alabastan people and the WG in the way, finding Pluton would not be easy. Especially when Robin wouldn't even be there to just point him directly to it. It could take years, if not decades, while fighting off the WG by himself. And that's while assuming Pluton was somewhere in Alabasta. Like WE the readers now know Pluton is in Wano, but since Robin didn't tell him that. All Robin said was that the Poneglyph "didn't mention the weapon", and Cobra's reaction to the name merely proved the weapon's existence in Crocodile's mind. But surely, because Crocodile is a smart young man, he'd understand there was a risk that Pluton could exist, but just not be in Alabasta, right? Like that would be a possibility too, right?

I think this is why Crocodile has given up on Alabasta. He had one opportunity at seizing the country, and he failed. And without Robin, he could spend the rest of his life combing through a haystack for a needle when there's no needle, and he'd have no idea. I think is why he explicitly says in Impel Down he no longer has "interest in that country". He won't be able to pull off another stunt like this, ever.

And that leads us back to "why not escape earlier and avoid going to Impel Down to begin with". Thanks to his status as a Shichibukai, Crocodile hasn't been on the run from the WG for like two decades. And the past 10 or so years he has seemingly lived a life of luxury in his funny little casino. But now, having lost everything, he'd be back on the run. And because he's a world famous former "hero of the people", there would be nowhere he'd be able to go where people would not recognize him and send the marines after him. So he'd be on the run, for the rest of his life or until he'd get capture again. And mind you, the guy does not trust anyone, so he'd be on the run alone. Without any purpose or goal.

And you might be thinking, "Daz and the rest of BW was still there!", yeah, arguably true. But at this point Crocodile had no reason to trust any of them. Like personally, I think the reason Crocodile ended up taking a liking to Daz was BECAUSE he chose to follow him to Impel Down when he really did not have to. Like Daz showed an unusual level of loyalty to Crocodile, and I think Crocodile recognized that. That's why Daz is still with Croc, post-timeskip. But Miss Goldenweek and co? Crocodile had no reason to believe they wouldn't betray him if given a chance and a reason. And if the WG would come chasing his ass, they'd have plenty of reason to try and betray Croc (handing Crocodile over to spare their own lives). Not to mention, when they come release their former boss from jail, what did Miss Goldenweek say?

"Let's do Baroque Works again"

As I've already explained in detail, I think we might know why Crocodile wasn't interested in being Baroque Works' "boss" again.

So. Yeah. If in Crocodile's mind he'd be on the run from the Government for the first time in two decades all alone, in a situation where rebuilding what he had before would be bloody hard if not downright impossible, and he wouldn't be able to obtain what he had spent the last decade working for regardless...

Taking the L and just going to prison might've been the easier option

#Moon posting #Asks #OP Meta #Sir Crocodile #Long post #Mind you Crocodile only *left* jail because he saw AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY for petty revenge #Like had it not been for that war bringing Whitebeard out he probably would not have bothered to try and fight WB again #Otherwise he could've just escaped prison with Goldenweek and co and travelled to the New World to fight the old man right away #((Also theoretically Crocodile might've been slightly suicidal with the ''taking WB's head'' thing))#Also worth noting that Crocodile choosing to stay in prison could've had two other purposes re:the former agents #It could've been a test of loyalty (to see if anyone would stay with him or would they all abandon him)#Which could be important to Mr Trust Issues (and to be fair he did find at least one loyal subordinate in Daz)#((Like if they had all told Croc they'd stay with him...... Who knows. Maybe he might've chosen to escape after all?))#Other option: Crocodile escaping with them would mean the agents would be in much more danger than they'd be without him #Like the WG wouldn't send tons of marines after the individual agents if they all scattered to the winds #But if they all stuck together they'd become a bigger target. And even more so if Crocodile was there to lead them #And like. IDK if Crocodile was willing to leave out Goldenweek from the assassination order and spare her... Maybe this was the same #Maybe he wanted to spare Goldenweek (and the rest?) from being put into danger by going with them?#I dunno man this reptile has far too many layers to him I can't tell what's going on in his head

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spacelazarwolf · 9 months

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Maybe the reason people think less trans men and transmascs die as a result from transphobia is because they don't record or care about suicides, because they still operate under the view that suicide is a shameful sin and not a result of constant environmental violence.

UR RIGHT AND U SHOULD SAY IT.

#ask avishai #atm #also the view that suicide is a choice like any other and they could just choose not to do it #when people who are even considering attempting are doing so because they feel they have no other option

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found--family · 1 year

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#spn polls #destiel #pining dean #thoughts #i wish you could do more than 10 options and add more words to each.#i had to group a few and probably forgot a few lesser(?) ones bc of the limit #(i think post-demon!dean in 10x03 watching cas leave him again - for a woman?! - deserves a space #i almost added the 15x19 Bring Cas Back @god moment + suicidal ideation next ep but fuck those eps #yeh if you saw me post this earlier no you didnt. i had to tweak it and we can't edit polls yet (not even tags!)#polls

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slutdge · 5 months

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who else loves waking up every day to feed the perpetual meat grinder of capitalism with their own body

#at this point like. suicide sure is an option huh. like that sure is a thing that i could just do and be free from this finally.#for legal reasons thats a joke i cant afford to be institutionalized again

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lord-squiggletits · 2 months

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Y'know the thing about writing feral/unhinged versions of Orion/Optimus, is that you can't go too far into the feral/unhinged direction to a point where OP's core character traits are lost or become too diminished. After all, in a multiple-continuity franchise like TF, part of what makes the stories make sense is that even if details change (sometimes major details), the characters are still recognizably themselves to one degree or another. (Although this isn't always the case due to executive meddling or some characters being such blank slates from their initial G1 appearances that there's basically nothing to model them off of, but I digress.)

It's pretty much another reason why I love IDW1 Optimus, bc he literally is a canonical feral/unhinged Optimus who's unhinged as a direct consequence of who he is as a person and what he's been through. Like, he still has those fundamental character traits of trying his best to be moral and make good choices, trying to be a role model, etc, except after 4 million years of war and untreated depression he's basically holding onto his sense of self by his fingertips. So when he "goes feral" e.g. losing his temper and beating up/killing people or saying hurtful things, he's feral in a way that's directly tied to his normal personality and not just as a random quirk he has.

IDW OP's feral moments arise from the gaps between "Optimus' attempts to be who he thinks he needs to be" and "the reality of the world that he can't fix/seems to only make worse" that cause him to lose hope, or become cynical, or lose his temper. But in this case, the unhinged-ness makes perfect sense because it arises out of Optimus trying and failing to be the best person or to make the most morally good choices he's trying to make. Basically, the "feral/unhinged" label is just another way of me trying to say that he's not just unhinged because he's weird or because he's a bad person, but because it's an emotional reaction (more like an emotional explosion due to pent-up emotions) to the context he exists in.

I'd also say that IDW OP's personality being generally reserved/stoic and (trying to be) noble works in tandem with those moments he has of going feral because it makes him more realistic. His psyche is treated in a way where the writers are like, "Hey what if the pressure of having to be everyone's idol and be the best person in the galaxy at all times actually broke Optimus down mentally and emotionally?" It makes IDW OP far more relatable. Instead of naturally being a perfect Christ-like figure who never wavers in his morals or convictions and is just naturally a nice person who always has the wisest and best answer, being a good person is something that IDW OP has to consciously strive to be. Even when he feels like it's useless, or the cycle of violence will never stop, or any attempts he makes to help only ends up with things becoming worse.

And I feel like this does a service not only to IDW Optimus as a character, but also as a sort of moral/philosophical perspective for the reader to ponder upon? I feel like culture at large (or at least my experience of it) tends to believe that "goodness" in a person is simply an innate feature that people are born/not born with, and that being "good" means that you must be good at all times, both in your actions as well as the way you feel emotionally about yourself and the world. Like, there's a tendency for our vision of "a good person" to be good in every aspect at all times without having to try to be a good person. So I think IDW Optimus' character stands as a good example of how someone can be good at heart but still struggle to maintain those feelings of optimism and hope and justice. It's a good idea to have such a paragon of a character (in-universe and out-of-universe) be so conflicted and to even be mistaken, misguided, or make things worse because it shows that goodness is as much about "trying to behave/act in a way that is good" and not just "existing as an innately good person."

It's way more realistic for a person to want to be good, try to be good, and sometimes/often fail than it is for them to just be a good person. I enjoy the fact that IDW Optimus is both a good person at heart, but also has to strive to be a good person and live up to other people's expectations of what they see in him. I like how he wants to be a good person and change society for the better, but he also spends a good amount of time either feeling hopeless and alone or being angry at/detached from other people because of how frustrated they make him. He's realistically portrayed as someone who wants to be good and hopeful and change things for the better, but is also mentally and emotionally broken by that burden because of how impossible it is for him to Fix Everything and be the Perfect Prime/Leader/Autobot that people see him as. It's this fascinating mixture of "yes, this is who he is as a person" but also "there are things he desires to be that he could never possibly become or live up to."

This got really far off based from feral/unhinged Optimus sdklfjaslkdlfkas. The TLDR is that if people want unhinged OP, I feel like they should give IDW OP a chance because he IS unhinged but he's unhinged in a way that's a realistic/thematic representation of how being an Absolute Good is impossible. And how being a good person isn't just about Existing And You Are A Good Person, but rather goodness is a constant state of flux in which you adjust, you make mistakes, you lose your temper and feel hopeless, but then you pick yourself up and try again.

Also IDW OP really likes climbing in dangerous wilderness and jumping out of flying vehicles which I think is very feral and sexy of him to do.

#squiggposting #idw op love #idk if i adequately explained it in the body of the post. but i really do feel some kind of way about the idea of like #being a good person isn't about just being static. always being the same person. just naturally being good and nice all teh time #but rather being a good person will cause you to be CHALLENGED and being a good person calls you to ACT #and you WILL make mistakes. there's never a situation in which you're all wise and always have the right solution or are infinitely patient #but goodness is something you can CHOOSE something you can BECOME and you can still have negative emotions and CHOOSE to be good #like being a good person is a continuous process of self improvement. you aren't just born a good person #and i'm not trying to tear down the notion of 'goodness' or say it doesn't exist #rather i'm trying to say that it's far more comforting to hear that you don't have to be The Best Person at all times #it's comforting to know that good people aren't just Effortlessly Good because they were Just Born That Way Naturally #there certainly are some people like that but most of us aren't like that. and i just like idw op for that reason #he shows that like. you can be a fucked up mentally ill guy who despairs and loses his temper and is basically suicidal #but you also still genuinely try to be hopeful and try to help others. like you are good because you Try To Be Good #and you Try To Hold Onto Your Principles bc giving up or becoming evil isn't an option for you #but also trying to be A Good Person drives you fucking crazy bc we live in a universe where that perfect good simply isn't possible #so the result is an optimus who's at once Noble Paragon and Unhinged bc he's unhinged as a result of trying to be a paragon

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camelotsheart · 1 year

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"Just give me one more good day. Starting now. Make me some toast. Then take me to the boutique, where I’ll pick outfits for us. You’ll wear what I ask and we’ll get married. And you’ll cook a delicious dinner. Then you will crush all of these up and put them in my wine. I will drink it. Then you will take me by my hand, bring me to our bed, and I will fall asleep in your arms."

Left Behind | A Long, Long Time | for @arthurpendragonns

#something something even though they chose one side of the two options #both pairs ended up choosing option 3 #because ellie didnt lose her mind #and bill and frank's deaths were not a tragic suicide #the last of us #tlou #tlou spoilers #tlou left behind #tlou game spoilers #tloudaily #the last of us spoilers #ellie williams #riley abel #bill and frank #long long time #left behind #arthurpendragonns

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meteorion · 8 hours

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Mentally here rn

#yuri on ice #yuri!!! on ice #yoi #ice adolescence #suicide plans are no longer postponed killing myself is an option again✌️

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sunmisbf · 27 days

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oomfies good news i have beat the needs to get institutionalized allegations

#last month it was so bad it was looking like institutionalization or suicide were my only two options but i am doing better now?#atleast this week i have felt better i can’t remember before #.txt

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even-disco-baby · 2 years

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KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant leans against the hood of the Kineema, taking a long drag of his cigarette. In the cold and the late night starlight, the crystals of his breaths seem to glow. As you gingerly cross the cobblestones to join him, he eyes you with what might be concern, but not surprise.

“You should be resting,” he says, but there’s no real reproach in his voice.

YOU — “So should you.”

KIM KITSURAGI — A wry smile splits his bruised face. “Touché.”

ENDURANCE — He looks exhausted. He would be sleeping right now if he were able.

PAIN THRESHOLD — It’s not easy to put a battered body to sleep. It wants to be vigilant and protect itself from further harm.

ESPIRIT DE CORPS — Not only himself.

YOU — “Changed your mind about that midnight ride?”

KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant chuckles. “Only if I wanted to piss off all of Martinaise. This engine is loud enough to wake the dead.”

YOU — “I know.”

INLAND EMPIRE — The dead, the living, and the whatever-you-are.

KIM KITSURAGI — He looks at you curiously, but does not press you.

REACTION SPEED — He’s in a pretty laid back mood, it seems. Or maybe just tired. Either way, he doesn’t seem to mind whatever you’re doing. You might be able to get away with some mischief.

“Fuck Martinaise. Let’s ride, Kim.”

“Can I bum a cigarette off you?”

“Wanna listen to the radio?”

Climb into the Kineema.

PAIN THRESHOLD — You’re a bit shaky as you climb into the passenger seat of the Kineema. The hole in your thigh makes it rather an ordeal. It’s not quite as cool a maneuver as you hoped.

COUPRIS KINEEMA — The motor carriage is pretty forgiving of all this. You and Kim hardly even feel it shiver as you finally settle into the seat, somewhat winded.

The back seat isn’t uncomfortable, but it’s not quite what you expected, either. It feels strangely… new. Like it hasn’t really been broken in yet. Unlike the driver’s seat, which has an almost perfectly Kim-shaped imprint worn into it.

VISUAL CALCULUS — *Not* that you’ve spent any great length of time pondering the lieutenant’s shape.

KIM KITSURAGI — “Comfortable?” His tone is dry, but not disapproving.

YOU — “Comfy cozy.”

KIM KITSURAGI — “Hm.” He leans back against the door, stifling a yawn.

EMPATHY — He’s letting you poke around his sanctuary without protest, not even a little sulk. This is one of the highest honors he could bestow upon you. Bask in it.

YOU — Aw, yeah. Male bonding. I’m so good at this.

ESPIRIT DE CORPS — You’re really not. But neither is he. So it all works out somehow, though he has no idea how.

YOU — Neither do I! We have so much in common.

ESPIRIT DE CORPS — More than you know.

+1 MORALE

COUPRIS KINEEMA — You sit back in the seat, staring up through the moonroof at the stars. Clouds pass overhead, dark with rain or snow that hasn’t quite made up its mind where to fall. The city is not silent, but pleasantly quiet all the same.

HALF LIGHT — It’s *too* quiet. Raise hell before hell comes for *you.*

“You sure I can’t change your mind about that midnight drive?” (Raise hell)

Take a ride in your *imagination.* (Enjoy the quiet)

COUPRIS KINEEMA — You close your eyes and imagine the rumbling engine, the vibrations of the road rattling your ribcage.

CONCEPTUALIZATION — But where are you going?

Anywhere but here. I don’t care where.

To the other side of the world.

To the bottom of the sea.

Home.

INLAND EMPIRE — And where is home? Where does a man like you belong? Little more than a skeleton in someone else’s closet.

VISUAL CALCULUS — When you try to remember it, all you can picture are little pinpricks of light: candles in the dark on a cold night, stars piercing through smog, fleeting moments of warmth that distract, but do little to fend off the inevitable.

CONCEPTUALIZATION — You’re going to have to imagine something new for yourself. So, Harry, where is this car headed?

Uphill.

Downhill.

I don’t know. I’m just a passenger. (Look at Kim)

KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant taps the ashes from his cigarette, careful not to let the wind blow them into his precious motor carriage.

REACTION SPEED — You’re not sure, but you think you might have caught him looking at you. It’s hard to say whether he was keeping an eye on you for your sake or the car’s.

ESPIRIT DE CORPS — Both. But… mostly the car. He feels a little bad about that, if it’s any consolation.

CONCEPTUALIZATION — You wonder what Kim’s home is like.

PERCEPTION — His Kineema and his person are both kept extraordinarily tidy. The same can likely be said of his living space.

LOGIC — It’s probably small, too, considering your salary. Maybe an apartment like the ones at Capeside.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — You imagine it smells like motor oil and pine.

DRAMA — The lieutenant projects an image of practicality, sensibility. But you know already, sire, that there is more to him. Little lonesome joys. Does he keep up the act even at home? Or does he feel free to indulge because there is no one watching?

EMPATHY — He must get lonely sometimes. Everyone does, don’t they?

INLAND EMPIRE — His home is warm and beautiful, up on a high, high hill that you cannot climb.

YOU — But I’m not climbing. I’m in the passenger seat.

INLAND EMPIRE — Slowing him down.

HALF LIGHT — Setting the dogs at your heels after him, too.

YOU — Fine… Maybe he can’t take me all the way home. But wherever he’s taking me, it’s better than wherever I was going.

CONCEPTUALIZATION — You can almost feel it: the relief of letting go. You think maybe you felt it for a brief moment once, right as you drove your car off the edge. Right before you hit the water and realized what you’d done. Realized that you were going to have to drag yourself back onto land, alone.

But this? This is different. This is *better.* Unlike you, Kim is a good man. You can’t go wrong following him. You can be at ease. You don’t have to die. You can just surrender.

VOLITION — No, Harry. You can’t.

YOU — Why not? I’m tired. I don’t want to fight anymore.

VOLITION — But he said it himself, Harry. *Sunrise, Parabellum.* Another day, another battle. It’s always going to be a fight. If you follow him, he will just lead you into a battle of a different kind.

YOU — I don’t want that… I want the war to *end.*

VOLITION — I know… I know, Harry. But his lungs do not glow, and he isn’t from up on Marvel Hill. He is just a tired man, like you, longing to let go. And he has to fight it with every sunrise. As they all do.

You’re not in this war alone. Everyone in the world is fighting the undertow.

YOU — That isn’t comforting. It’s sad.

VOLITION — It is. It’s very sad. But at least it isn’t lonely.

KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant’s cigarette has long since burned out, but he shows no sign of going back to bed. Just stares out past the skyline at something only he can see, brow drawn.

YOU — “…Kim?”

KIM KITSURAGI — “Hm?”

YOU — “Did I ever tell you what woke me up the day we met?”

KIM KITSURAGI — He glances at you in the side mirror. “No, I don’t think so… What was it?”

“A miracle.”

“A clarion call from hell.”

“A promise I made to myself.”

“Love, brother Coppo. It was love all along.”

“The Kineema. I heard you.”

KIM KITSURAGI — His eyes widen just slightly.

SHIVERS — At this moment, just down the road, there is a little girl sleeping soundly in her warm bed. Her mother silently slips a new book, wrapped in ribbons, onto her nightstand. An apology, of sorts.

In a drafty apartment a few blocks away, a young woman sweeps the kitchen floor while her sister tucks a blanket around the shoulders of their working class mother, asleep on the couch. When the sweeping is done, they will iron their best funeral clothes.

In that same building, two red-headed children lie back to back in bed. Both of them are only pretending to sleep, each thinking that they’re keeping watch to protect the other. Briefly, one of them thinks about reaching out for the other’s hand, and then thinks better of it— never realizing that the other was thinking the same.

And in the G.R.I.H., not far from Terminal H and Precinct 57, there is an apartment. It is little more than a tin box, one of thousands just like it. There is no one sleeping there tonight, waiting. No one hoping to wake up to the sound of a homecoming. The box is empty. It has been empty for a very long time.

KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant’s gaze slowly drops from the mirror to the cigarette butt under his boot heel.

“…Well,” he says softly, “isn’t that something.” That’s all he can say.

ESPIRIT DE CORPS — Every word that comes to mind feels foolish and saccharine. But there are *many* that come to him, all trying to say the same thing: he is glad that you woke up.

YOU — Maybe someday I’ll feel glad, too.

VOLITION — You will get there. You can find home again.

CONCEPTUALIZATION — Not on the crescent of the hill, but a shore at low tide. Knowing that though the water will lap at your ankles again, it will also recede again. It never ends, but sometimes you won’t want it to.

YOU — I never want this moment to end.

INLAND EMPIRE — It ended in the time it took you to think those words.

VOLITION — That’s what made it precious.

COUPRIS KINEEMA — Swaddled in sentimentality— and your polar anorak— you feel yourself drifting into a warm doze.

KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant does not try to rouse you. He simply climbs into the driver’s seat and lets the moment linger a while longer.

#disco elysium #suicide tw #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #harrykim #kimharry #whatever da hell the pairing is called #yeah yeah i know that you actually can mention to kim like a billion times that the kineema woke you up #pretend that you can somehow make it this far without selecting any of those options #anyway something something about how even if you can’t ever really ‘’overcome’’ addiction or suicidality #you can still live… you can still live.#also woohoo my first readmore 💀

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venacoeurva · 4 months

Text

People on my dash discussing this hence it's on my mind,

There are serious social and legal implications of minors participating and accessing adult spaces, the problem is kids are still pretty self-absorbed and selfish and lacking true comprehension of external consequences in that underdeveloped brain sort of way (even the nicest, most considerate and critical-thinking kids are going to be this way to some degree, it's not an insult) to grasp that. Normal adults feel violated and gross when catching a kid interacting with their adult art and so on. Kids do not comprehend it can be a massive life-ruining legal issue too (which most minors cannot grasp because again, still underdeveloped brain type of self-absorbed lack of understanding of consequences. Also kids usually don't understand the legal system. It sounds harsh and insulting but that's how it IS. I remember being that way, myself). Adults who are happy that or at the least enabling minors being in adult spaces is a RED FLAG.

Making adult spaces and blogs and sites have warnings, entering your age, big 18+ and 21+ warnings and so on is a thing, even if it won't stop everyone--some kids will be scared off from encroaching, though, thinking that accessing these pages while a minor and lying that they're an adult on the clickthrough warning will contact the police or something. We know it's not stopping everyone, but at the very least we're doing the most we can to save our asses short of carding everyone, which isn't the most reliable method, either. I feel like the inconvenience of having to enter birthdays or click through warnings may also annoy some kids into leaving, given the instant-dopamine, constant stimuli type internet these days kids are used to (and negatively cognitively affected by, I'm sure...) versus the "waiting 20 minutes for a JPEG to load" internet of old that required patience no matter what.

But for real, being a minor in an adult space can fuck you up, and it's just sad and scary how kids don't even realize this until it's years too late and/or they end up in some real dire situations because of it-- and even then, they probably won't realize the weight of the situation until later (if they're still alive, given the risk of kidnapping, stalking, or committing suicide if it reaches that level, especially if the site or victim and predator are local). How many of us adults look back in retrospect and shudder at what could have happened, or what did? I feel like most adults who had access to the internet as kids, especially in the 90s and 00s, went somewhere they weren't supposed to go, and a lot of us who weren't just lurking had a similar experience of running into adults with bad intentions once they sniffed out the kids being active there. A good amount of us became desensitized to things on shock sites, too, which is for sure not good for us, psychologically.

I mean, hell, thinking about it, teenagers and tweens can't even really access kids-only spaces anymore since a lot of those shut down or are heavily monetized, and of course either adults are just gonna kind of take it over if it gets popular and want the kids (who were there first) gone, or predators are going to specifically enter those spaces to croon at some poor kid how mature and smart they are and they should talk on Discord and that whole process. It's not a new thing, but it definitely continues. It's like as valuable as a resource it is, the internet is gonna fuck kids up no matter what, even if they stay in spaces meant for them, that are supposed to be moderated and protecting them, and a lot of kids have parents who do not care, do not check in on what younger kids are accessing and not noticing any sudden behavioral changes, or will punish them for "letting that happen", and that's utterly terrible.

#vena vents #not art #long post #For those who don't have the option to shorten long posts toggled to on #grooming mention #suicide mention #I feel like if more social media let you lock like twitter does adult spaces would be more secure...but that also brings the reality that #adults will create locked accounts allowing kids and other predators in and nobody else really can see in there. double edged sword

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