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disabledunitypunk · 6 months

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I am once again thinking about the term "suicide survivors". How it's a term that rightfully belongs to those that lived through a suicide attempt, that literally survived suicide. How instead it means those that lived through someone else's death. How it neans "surviving" in only the archaic use 'survived by" used in obituaries. How suicide "survivors" lived through something that was never going to kill them, that was never even a threat to their life.

How we are only ever a footnote in the stories of others. We're a tragedy that happens to people, a cautionary tale if we die and inspiration porn if we live. How, forever long we do live, we were suicidal, past tense, because it makes people too uncomfortable too acknowledge that suicidality is chronic (whether pathological or environmental).

How everyone wants to do suicide prevention but no one wants to acknowledge the people at the center of it. How it's never actually about our needs - or even about our safety, really. It doesn't matter what trauma or pain we must endure - they'll have us live if it kills us. Never mind social programs to give us housing, food, security, to make us want to live - it's our responsibility to find someone to tell us it's all in our heads and we need meds to fix us, because it's CRAZY to want to die. Make sure the hotlines can all call the cops if we don't comply.

Don't we know how selfish it is to want to not be in pain and be so desperate that we're willing to die for it? Don't we know how selfish it is to not have any access to the things we need to survive? Don't we know that suicidal depression is really our duty to get over, because obviously if we don't take meds that don't work or that make us sick, if we don't submit to medical gaslighting, if we don't "try" to recover, it's not like it's an illness or a disability! It's selfishness, a character flaw.

Don't we know that we're the selfish ones, when they make our struggling, our illness, our deaths, about us and not them?

It's sanism at its most basic. We're not reliable narrators of our own experiences. We're not the main characters of even our own stories. We're there to be a single pretty tear rolling down the cheek of our loved ones. We're tragedy-as-an-object, as an object lesson. "Make sure you pick yourself up by your bootstraps seek help so you don't become an inconvenience for us hurt your loved ones." Even STILL the focus is not on the harm done to yourself, except as a moral failure in that it harms the healthy people around you.

Quite frankly, I'm sick of it. I don't ever want someone to call themselves a "suicide survivor" again who means it not as "I've survived BEING suicidal" but as "I lived through someone else being in so much pain that they took their own life over it". Not when there still exist people that have survived attempts or are actively suicidal. This is our narrative, not one for you to center yourselves in.

I will not go so far as to say your grief is selfish. That would be cruel. But your grief IS about someone else. This is still THEIR story.

It is likewise the same pain, the same trauma, and the same ableism and sanism we face over it, for those of us who have actually survived it, more than it is that of those who have never stood on that edge. It is the same decentering of our own stories when we go through the exact same thing.

It is the same surviving another day of being suicidal, another attempt, and hearing people who have either never been suicidal or simply are not talking about their own survivorship of suicidality, have the audacity to call themselves survivors of something that they never survived. To take something that KILLED someone they love and claim to be survivors of it.

Cancer survivors had cancer. Automobile collision survivors were in collisions. Survivors of critical illnesses or disabling/severe injuries lived through those illnesses or injuries affecting THEIR lives. But suddenly when a deadly chronic illness kills someone, in this one case, the survivors are the ones who watched someone die of it?

Nah. This isn't a mass threat like a shooting or a pandemic, where your life was ever in danger. You're not the survivor. Your grief is valid, and there absolutely needs to be times and places where being a GRIEF survivor is centered, where your healing and well-being is focused on.

But let those of us who we so sick we nearly died for it, or DID die from it, be the center of THAT story.

Dead men tell no tales, so at least have the grace to let the echoes of our voices remain, unspoken over. And for gods' sakes, remember that there are people that DID make it through alive, that we're still talking, that our voices are most important in a conversation about OUR potentially deadly illnesses.

We're still here telling our own tales.

#cw suicide #suicide #suicide survivor #sanism #ableism #psychiatric neglect #psychiatric abuse #anti psych #anti psychiatry #forced recovery

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worldbuildingwanderlust · 1 month

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No darkness can dim

The brighter light

Of a new day

.

Don't give up

#my writing #poetry #poem #suicide survivor #suicide prevention #inspiration #inspirational #stay alive #dont give up #depression #mental health awareness #creative writing #spilled ink #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #writers and poets #quick write

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willows-woes · 3 months

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surviving suicide feels like it leaves a deep wound inside you. you feel guilty for breathing, having a heartbeat. your blood isn't your own anymore. you feel like you really, really should have died. and everyone thinks you're better. but you're not, not really anyway.

deep down, you feel like you truly did die on that day. and nothing is real anymore. like you're just a ghost and nobody knows it yet. but your corpse is rotting somewhere.

tw // graphic descriptions of hanging

your body is hanging from the ceiling. your neck is being strangled by that godawful wire. you're limp and deceased. the door is locked. nobody has found you, and you're not sure if you've found yourself.

#vent #mentally fucked #mental illness #suicide attempt survivor #suicide survivor #i want to die #trauma #traumatised #actually traumatized #<< i want attention thats why all the tags are here. gimme notes

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monsteracademy · 7 months

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today has finally been a day where I've evolved from "I don't feel like killing myself" to "I don't want to kill myself"

#positive #suicide survivor

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giannic · 25 days

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I'm grateful for her showing me how to organise clothing into simple categories, i.e. "winter clothing" & "summer".

I wish she hadn't gaslighted me, messed with my mind, helped to isolate me, gone behind my back to reinforce the idea in my family's minds that something was wrong with me.

I'm grateful she went on walks with me in parks. I'm glad for the memories of eating out, going to museums, movies, even cat shows. I'm sad to remember how she said horrible things to me, things that weren't true, e.g. "everything I said went through the filter of my mental illness". I wish I hadn't told her anything about me.

I'm grateful & glad how she taught me to care for cats and dogs. But I wish she had shown the same passion for me.

I'm so confused. Sometimes I wish I had never met her. I don't want to feel the sorrows anymore. Sometimes I wish I were dead.

#narcissistic personality disorder #emotional abuse #psychopathy #journal #youtube #suicide survivor

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smeetlinglord · 26 days

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If you think you don't have a bias against me you need to think twice. Think about the things you say to me. The ways you act around me. Your attitude towards me. And then work to deconstruct the ways which you interact with me that aren't kind, helpful or necessary. I would love to be doing the legwork right now but I have a severe trauma disorder and I am in squalor. I need other people to be examining their behavior because I'm doing it every second of every day only to survive another day, not even coming close to living comfortably! Please, I need this from you, not because I think you're shit or cringe or bad or secretly a psychopath or what the fuck ever, it's because I believe you can do better because you're smart, cool and sexy god damn it! So do yourself a favor and grow a relationship with me if you're starting a friendship with me. I need you to water the seed, and I need you to consider what kind of water you're using too. I'm sensitive in general, not just about myself. Meet me where I'm at. I'd do the same for you.

#actually bpd #disabled #chronic pain #autistic adult #chronic illness #sick AF #cannabis patient #legalize it #eds #pots #mals #head injury #suicide survivor #abuse survivor #dbt #anti capitalist love notes #op #implicit bias

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fem-blade-adept · 2 months

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Gonna be real with you here.

CW: mentions of suicide

I’ve been there and I know what it’s like. It’s not a fun place to be.

But when I am trying my damnedest to help you out, raise your confidence and be there with you to get you though those depressive states and try to raise your confidence and you just keep saying no? I’m gonna be blunt, eventually I just stop trying.

If your depression is that bad, there are facilities for that. There are therapists for that. There are institutions for that.

I know. Money is hard to come by these days, but it’s rough to be a post-suicidal person and have to come back and relive it all over again as your friend won’t help you lift as you’re trying to pull them out of the well.

I understand life can be difficult and that is seems like ending it all can seem like the only option some days, but it doesn’t get better if you don’t help push your own car.

There are hotlines, therapists, facilities, institutions, friends, loved ones, neighbors, all kinds of people who you can go to for support.

However, if you’re bitching and moaning over social media that “life is hard” and you “can’t find the motivation to go on anymore” and making post after post about your problems, you’re not doing it as a cry for help, you’re doing it for attention so that someone can come shower you in compliments you won’t accept and magically fix your problems for you not really.

Trust me. I’ve been there. Social media did not help and in fact made it worse. If you’re really on the edge of just giving your life away, call 988. Or get on the phone with your therapist.

I know this sounds brutal and like a lot of VERY tough love, but believe me when I say that I cannot help you if you’re unwilling to help yourself.

There are reasons to live if you’re willing to search for them, but refusing to put in the leg work won’t help you and it wears on the people that are trying to help you when everything we say to try to make you feel better gets met with disregard and rejection.

#cw suicide #suicide survivor #please take care of yourselves

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thisextensiveuniverse · 1 year

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I know I've posted one of these here before, I made a lot of people worry when I did so, so I think it's probably best if I post another that I give a bit of an explanation. The embarrassment of having to reach out and ask for help in such a manner is on par with the reason itself. The year ended with a bang for me but not in the way a year should. I had to take a leave of absence from work for a time due to my, then, steadily deteriorating mental health. It's a slow fall, a darkness that slowly but surely creeps into your world view until at long last the remaining shimmers of sunlight are nothing more but cold, all consuming darkness so dense you can't see your own hand before your own eyes. My family doesn't know the true extent of how bad things had gotten through that period, heck up until this moment they didn’t even know I took a leave of absence, the fact that I was out of work for a period would’ve heavily outweighed the reasons why. And why would they? When their response last time was “you’re not asking for help, you’re asking for money, you’re panhandling!” and “Do you know how embarrassing this is for me!” and best of all “You won’t work because you’re sad!” (Oh, yes, they'll deny until they're blue in the face, but those are exact quotes.) My response to the person who would make such statements is: “Do you know what it's like to want to die? To uncap that bottle of Valium you just got refilled, down the entire thing, lay back against your pillows, and let Fate take over?”Depression isn’t just sadness, not for some people, for some it means not wanting to be alive anymore. It’s hard to explain that to someone who pretends they understand when they really don’t and don’t want to stop and listen to you try and explain it in the best way you can. That is the sadness that sometimes keeps me from being able to function like an ordinary human being and causes me to miss work every now and then. Thankfully, this time my body was already used to a higher dose that’s taken regularly, all that happened was I was knocked out for a good time before resurfacing. Things aren't better, that's a bit of a ways off, but I am steady now. I applied for short term disability for the time I was out of work on my leave, and though I did meet the requirements, the benefits are paid out to full time employees only. Ultimately, this led to my short term disability claim being denied, because I’m part time. The amount listed is for my rent, what’s due to bring me current once more and back into good standing, back into a stable living situation without fear of losing it. Any help is more than appreciated and I'm always forever thankful. I love you all, more than I can verbalize and express. If you have any concerns, I would appreciate it if you reached out to me personally, as reaching out to certain family members has proved to be more of a hindrance than the other way around.

#Gofundme #donations #please help #might become homeless #suicide survivor #mental health #mental illness awareness #Mental illness recovery #recovery is hard #rent help

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malliestop · 1 year

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there's something bothering me about suicide prevention campaigns and suicide survivor literature. you often hear: reach out, help is available, mental illness is treatable. but once you're dead it becomes: there was nothing you could've done, it was a cumulation of circumstances, statistically inevitable.

fight for your life, but if you die you were gonna die anyway and nothing would've saved you. suicidal thoughts are unacceptable but being dead from suicide is acceptable.

i have to wonder how much of suicide contagion is fueled not by the action of the person who died, but by the actions of everyone around them.

#dear diary #depression #suicide #suicide survivor #death #tumblr don't terminate me for talking about health #open discussion

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lifewithchronicpain · 2 years

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I fucking hate the term "suicide survivor" because it doesn't mean what it should. I remember trying to Google stories or advice for people who had attempted suicide and lived. I used the search term surviving suicide and only found results for family members and friends of people who died by suicide. I don't resent their need for community and help, I resent the fact that they have overtaken the discussion that I can't reach out to other survivors. That they've taken a phrase that literally describes my experience and made it about their experience only.

This doesn't even touch upon the usual shit people say about those who have committed suicide, but that's another reason I resent the use of suicide survivor for friends and family. No one knows what it's like to survive suicide than people who actually fucking tried to kill themselves. We exist and deserve to find support beyond a therapist.

#suicide #surviving suicide #suicide survivor #ableism #mental health

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stayalive9129 · 1 year

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Molly Russell: Social Media a Factor in 14-Year-Old’s Death

#DearMolly

In 2017, Molly Russell, a typical 14-year-old British teenager with a seemingly ‘normal’ life took her own life. After an investigation into her death, the coroner deemed her suicide a product of an overload of access to harmful images, videos and text sound on Pinterest and Instagram that glamourized and promoted #self-harm and #suicide to deal with the pain of her deppression.

Note: This blog is a compilation of messages to our #DearMolly, to my inner Molly and to all the 'Mollies' out there searching for an answer. It will include songs, words of encouragement, videos, pictures, memes, and any other means of exploring what it means to feel suicidal and hopeless…and how to cope.

#DearMolly…please stay alive

#molly russell #dearmolly #suicide survivor #suicide prevention #self harm prevention #social media toxicity #deppresion #anxienty #howtocope #cyberbullying #mentally unwell #hopeless #overwhelmed #988lifeline #stay alive

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worldbuildingwanderlust · 6 months

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One step forward

Into one more day

That otherwise

Wouldn't exist;

Each breath

And heartbeat

A note in a song