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In the midst of the battle between the New Mutants and Freedom Force, the ice that Dani was trapped in thaws out, and possessed by Hela, Dani breaks loose and starts going crazy again. As the New Mutants (sans Rusty and Skids who got left on Ellis Island) retreat to X-Factor’s ship for help, Ship mysteriously shoots off into space, abandoning our heroes (I suppose we’ll see what that is all about when we get back to X-Factor). Then Dr. Strange teleports the New Mutants to Asgard to deal with the issue, sending them helpfully on their way but also completely abandoning them to fix the problem on their own, because they’re smart kids and Hela going crazy is an Asgard problem, not an Earth problem. Or, if Dr. Strange was Ben Shapiro, he’d be saying “that’d be a ‘you’ problem”.

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God he is such a spiteful little douche bag. Ben Shapiro, not Doctor Strange. But sort of Doctor Strange too. (New Mutants #78 – Aug 1989)

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AHHHHH JESUS HER GOD DAMN MOUTH IS ON FIRE!! This… this is basically how I feel when someone squirts a medium spice sauce on my barbeque beef brisket. Screaming. Spitting. Mouth flames. Anyway, at a complete loss over how to deal with Dani’s affliction, the New Mutants seek out the help of Dr. Strange, only to have Dani go completely crazy once she comes in contact with the mystical forces surrounding his mansion. As the story plays out, we learn that Dani is actually possessed by Hela, the Asgardian goddess of death, as a result of Hela’s overarching assault on the Asgardian Valkyries in retaliation for something Thor did.

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This was some creepy shit. (New Mutants #77 – July 1989)

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Dani Moonstar’s been feeling a little sick to her stomach for about 30 issues now, ever since she got mystical Valkyrie powers when she was in Asgard. But there’s been so much shit going on since then with mutants falling and getting massacred and demons infernoing all over the place that we all forgot about it. Welp, this is what happens when you ignore a sore throat so long that you become the goddess of Hel. This is basically how Jim Henson died. (New Mutants #77 – July 1989)

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Hey here’s an idea. How about you DON’T let the New Mutants watch the fucking baby. I mean, unless you want it to get SHOT. Seriously, what have they ever done to earn any responsibility? When Magneto was their caretaker, they couldn’t stay in their rooms for 5 god damned minutes without sneaking off to a mutant animal reserve and as a result they killed Doug Ramsey. He gave them like a million chances and they kept disobeying him, and it turned him into a motherfucking super villain again!! Jesus these New Mutants. (X-Factor #41 – Jun 1989)

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This is a nice callback to how Boom Boom has been dropping time bombs into peoples’ pants since the second she showed up on X-Factor’s doorstep, but honestly if this comic was at all realistic I’m pretty sure Beast would be strangling that kid by now. Like, how much of that shit can one Beast put up with. (X-Factor #41 – Jun 1989)

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Dang. The damage has been done between Magento and the New Mutants, and there is no coming back from this. From the very start, this didn’t seem like a good idea. The kids never really trusted him, and Mags attempting to assert authority over them always felt awkward in that substitute science teacher sort of way. Now that his master plan has been laid out in detail, it’s obvious that Magneto hasn’t learned anything from this experience, and of course Xavier’s students aren’t going to fall in line behind his plans of world domination. Sheesh what a tremendous exercise in futility. (New Mutants #75 – May 1989)

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[ID: page from New Mutants #2 showing Roberto da Costa outside a mall grabbing a sentinel by the foot.]

Roberto: That, robot, remains to be seen. You fail to consider human force of will… and determination! [Roberto throws the robot into the mall] No! I threw him the wrong way–towards the mall! [end ID]

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not to be judgemental or whatever but this feels like a really serious (and difficult to make) mistake…..

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There has been a lot of tension building between Magneto and the New Mutants, ever since he took over as guardian of the school. It’s felt more like when you get an aged war vet as a substitute teacher in 7th grade who doesn’t have a lot of people skills, than it does a respected mentor dynamic. The New Mutants haven’t listened to a god damned word he’s said, sneaking out at night to go on missions, using their powers despite being grounded from them, getting Doug Ramsey KILLED. Meanwhile, Mags has been getting shadier and shadier, keeping his plans close to his chest and joining teams of super villains. It’s about time that we resolve this mess, so we can all move on with our lives. And as much as I can relate to the New Mutants when it comes to this situation, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to crack that little punk Bobby with a left hook to that pretty little puss of his.

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Ooo so satisfying!!! (New Mutants #75 – May 1989)

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