I know we already have retail Steph, but could we also have substitute teacher Jason? (how did he get this job? he's a bat), the reason? he really enjoys the idea and the bonus of annoying his younger siblings and keeps the eyes on them
[art class]
Jason: What'cha sculpting?
Damian: Your updated tombstone.
———————
[English class]
Jason: Jon, can I talk to you for a sec?
Jon: Is it about my book report?
Jason: Yes. You were supposed to write a report on The Outsiders, but instead, you wrote about the menu at Outback Steakhouse. However, since it's really well-written, I'm giving you a B.
———————
[math class]
Colin: *raises his hand*
Jason: Yes?
Colin: Can I go to the bathroom?
Jason: What do I look like, your handler? Just go.
Colin: *leaves with his backpack*
Colin: *walks out the school to patrol while Jason watches from the window*
———————
[health class]
Jason: Can anyone tell me the most important food group?
Billy: Your mom.
———————
[social studies class]
Jason: Who can tell me Nanda Parbat's biggest export?
Suren: Assassins.
Jason: Other than that.
Suren: Zombie assassins.
———————
[science class]
Jason: Today we're going to learn about the circle of life.
Maya: You would know a lot about that, wouldn't you?
———————
[music class]
Jason: Girls' side, can I hear that first verse from you again?
The girls: *singing*
Maps: *inhuman screeching*
———————
[gym class]
Jason: Where are your gym clothes?
Kathy: At home.
Jason: M'kay, go get some extras from the lost and found.
Kathy: No thanks, black's not my color.
———————
[recess]
Jason, on the phone: I think my first day's going pretty well—
Jason: *gets hit by mud*
Jason: ...I'm gonna have to call you back.
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Jon: Hey, I haven't seen Maya in a bit, what's up with that?
Damian: Uh...she's...been busy...
Jon: Oh okay. What about Goliath? Where's he?
Damian, starting to sweat: ...With Maya...
Jon: And that Suren guy you said I was going to meet? We still gonna do that?
Damian, nose bleeding: I...I don't...
Jon, getting suspicious: Alfred said you were friends with a kid named Colin right? He still around? Why don't I ever get to meet any of your friends?
Damian, starting to shake: Jon...you...you...have to stop asking these questions...they're going to...they're going to make me do it...
Jon: What? Do what? Hey, what you got there? Is that a cannon? Why does it have 'narrative butcher' written in crayon on the side? Why are you pointing it at--
Damian, tears in his eyes: It's...it's going to be okay Jon. I'm not allowed to have consistent relationships. But at least you're marketable, you won't go away completely...but I'm going to have to derail your arc.
Jon, backing away slowly: Damian, what are you--Ow! Augh! My character development! What's happening to me?! What's this about a volcano--
Damian, openly weeping: Goodnight, sweet prince.
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Commission by @carrotkicks
I was thinking about what Pokémon the R:SoB trio would own and I just knew that Sprigatito for Damian, Litten for Suren & Toxel for Maya would be the perfect choices.
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Damian: How did none of you hear what I just said?
Suren: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.
Maya: I think it's the big words you use.
Jon: I got distracted about halfway through.
Toussaint: I think it's because your short.
Milagro: Can't understand what I can't see.
Collin: Maybe it's your "I'm superior to all" voice. It's pretty low.
Billy: Here no evil, see no evil.
Jai West: That's right.
Alex: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.
Damian:
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I always think that lazurus tournament would have been better if it was more about Damian being reunited with maya and suren then him making new friends again
Like I feel that they could have found a reason as to why they would join the tournament
And that would be how they brought them back permanently
Idk just thoughts
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I don't think I'm ever going to get over the missed comedic potential of giving Damian a wizard friend with unexplained animal claws who is a lil stupid and has almost the same backstory as him but is somehow much more of a sappy disaster. I need you to imagine subjecting Constantine to them for an issue. This shit writes itself.
(Also justice for Maya she could easily carry her own mini)
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