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#surprisingly the one he ends up bonding with the most is Iron Fan
ramzawrites · 3 years
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Familial Love - Dad!Badboyhalo and Reader Part 1
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Pairings: none
Characters included: Philza, Wilbur, Technoblade, Tommy, Badboyhalo
Warnings: n/a
Series: only a two parter
Summary: Having mischievious kids who were interested about the nether, Philza thought it would be the smartest thing to bring his whole family togther into the other world, so he could keep his eyes on them and satisfy their curiosity. Besides, they all could collect some resources while being there, though once in the nether they find more than they bargained for. Bringing in BadBoyHalo who might be able to help with this delicate matter.
Words count: 2684
Authors Note: It was a request ages ago but I sadly lost it, now I’m using it to slowly get back into writing and I know I’m horrible when it comes to multiple chapter fics but I am already almost done with the second part though I have to heavily edit it since I forgot something important. I can’t promise I’m turning back into an upload every week but I’m going to slowly inch my way back to it. I would appreciate some feedback on this one since it’s been a while :)
Philza was fanning some air towards his face using his hand. This wasn’t really helping, of course. The air in the Nether was way too hot for that but he had no better way to deal with the heat that he was currently experiencing. He used to be better at that but he has been spending way more time in the Overworld as of late due to personal projects and having to raise three kids, hence why it took him a bit by surprise with how much trouble he seemed to have to adapt to this environment.
This was also mirrored by his oldest kid Wilbur, which made sense seeing how he only spend minimal time in the Nether, meanwhile Technoblade did fine and interestingly enough, while Tommy was obviously also uncomfortable in this heat, he seemed to be doing better than Philza and Wilbur. Techno was born in the Nether so while it might take a moment he had no problem getting used to this, but Tommy? It was his first time in the Nether so it was a bit surprising. Philza just chalked it up to him being younger and able to adapt faster.
“You sure you guys want to help find the materials?” Philza was looking at both Wilbur and Tommy, though his attention was primarily on Wilbur who was once again wiping away the sweat on his brow.
Both nodded but only Wilbur spoke “Yeah! It’s usually just you and Techno, we want to help out for once as well.”
Philza squinted his eyes, staring his son down “This is bullshit but I’ll take the help nonetheless. I’m sure you will also find the things you both are looking for, would be easier if you would just tell me outright what though.”
“You knew?”
Wilbur clasped his hand around Tommy’s mouth and pulled him closer “It’s fine, dad! We’ll be fine! We’re gonna get that blackstone and the wood in no time!”
He then proceeded to drag Tommy off who begun to angrily yell at Wilbur.
“Remember to stay close!” Phil tried to throw after them but it seemed to go unnoticed, which meant he needed to stay close to them and not the other way around.
“They’ll be fine.” Techno suddenly appeared next to him. An iron axe in his hands.
Philza sighed “ I hope. It’s Tommy’s first time in the Nether and Wilbur doesn’t spend a lot of time here. We have to make sure to stay close.”
Techno nodded, he too was worried about his brothers as well after all “They have some Enderpearls should anything happen and Wilbur will make sure to look out for Tommy.”
He was correct. Philza went over this with all of his sons a ton of times. Teaching them how to enderpearl away while falling and training their aim. He also made sure to tell them all of all the dangers that would await them here. Giving them enchanted bows that could one hit a Ghast.
There was no sense in dwelling on that for now though, hence why Philza hesitantly approached a red tree. His diamond axe soon burrying itself deep into the surprisingly soft wood. Not only is this wood beautiful if used correctly but this wood was also fire resistant which could be helpful for some of his other builds.
Techno was also already on it. He was younger than Wilbur and yet he already showed greater strength than him. Though this wasn’t surprising seeing how Techno was a Piglin Hybrid. They usually grow up pretty fast and were known for their brute strength.
With one swing of his axe he was already pretty deep into the tree. He was just a kid and yet he could keep up with Philza’s rate of cutting down these trees pretty well.
All the while Philza would make sure to run after Wilbur and Tommy. Cutting down the trees close to them. Always making sure that all of his three kids were in his peripheral view. They were still clumsy young children and every time they would even just stumble for a small second his heart would drop.
At times Wilbur and Tommy would try to coax Techno over to show off a cool looking mushroom. At first he was unsure, just wanting to help gather the few recourses that Philza needed but the more his brothers asked the bigger his curiosity got. It didn’t take long for him to join his brothers to look at all the interesting plants and other things they found. Philza just gave him a nod as a sign he is allowed to go after them.
Of course, as a worried father, Philza would still keep his eyes on them.
Honestly this was probably a horrible idea to bring them all with him. The Nether is just too dangerous for kids but also they were so curious! And mischievous kids who are curious about something specific especially when their father doesn’t allow them to approach it? That seems to spell disaster, so, in his infinite wisdom Philza thought it would be a good idea to bring them in with him for a really small outing. Nothing special. He even made sure the portal was in a good place and made it as safe as possible before he took his whole family in.
So when he suddenly heard a scream his heart figuratively stopped. He was so preoccupied with his worry that he didn’t notice how the kids left his view. Without hesitating Philza dropped the heavy axe and instead opened up his wings. With just a few beats of his wings he flew up into the air. Frantically looking around for his sons, hoping they haven’t gone further underground. It calmed him down that there weren’t more screams which could mean one of them just got scared for a second, or they are all already dead not having a chance to yell out again.
Realizing that thinking about this would only make it worse he begun to fully concentrate on the environment, calling out to his sons in the progress. Sweat rolled down the side of his face, this time not only due to the heat but also due to the fear that seemed to fester deep down in his heart and bones with every second he couldn’t find his family.
Then suddenly he saw something blonde. Thank the End Tommy had such an easy to spot hair color. And next to him were Wilbur and Techno, all three of them seemed to look at something laying on the floor. Philza couldn’t make it out from up in the air since the kids put all of their heads together above the item of interest. Either way they seemed to be alright.
As Philza landed close to them he put his hand against his heart “By Ender you guys scared me. Are you alright? I heard one of you scream and I couldn’t see you. Didn’t I tell you guys to stay close to me for that exact reason?”
He kept on rambling along, more out of nervousness and guilt but was stopped as Wilbur looked up, turned around and just stared at his father with a confused expression. In this confusion was a worry there that made Philza almost cautious. Something was wrong after all.
Techno and Tommy followed suit, all of them finally forming an opening so he could see what they were staring at.
On the hot nether ground there was a bundle. A bundle that slowly moved around.
Philza slowly approached it, soon noticing two horns poking out of this bundle. Wrapped in this dirty brown cloth was a baby. A baby with two horns on their forehead and shimmering skin. It looked like there was shimmering ink buried beneath the skin that was now happily dancing across. There was no glow to it and yet he couldn’t describe it differently. There was a shimmer.
This was a demon baby.
His eyes widened as he realized this, fatherly instincts kicking in as he scrambled to get that child off the ground. It was most likely fine seeing how they are a demon but in his mind right now he needed to get the child off the hot netherrack.
“Dad, whose is it?” Tommy stepped closer, pulling on his fathers long sleeve. While young he seemed to understand the implications of a frail small baby just lying around on the ground, understanding that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
And he was correct. In Philza’s life he has met demons only a couple of times but has already read a lot of texts on them. While they can live in either the Overworld or the Nether most get born inside the Nether and just like humans, they usually grow up with parents at their side. Parents that taught them how the world works and showed them how to control their magical prowess.
They got the name demon by their unnatural ability and affinity for magic. Being able to control the magic of an enchanting table like no other, able to read the enchantments and crafting new ones. Some even showed outside of enchanting abilities like summoning forth fire for example.
This child was orphaned. Maybe the parents died? He has never heard stories of demons abandoning their own kin, though only because he hasn’t heard it, this doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. He just knew that they took their kin seriously and it was in their eyes one of the strongest bonds that you can have. If a demon called you their kin? That is something special and honoring.
Philza looked the child over one more time. No wounds, no jewelry not anything that could tell him what has happened here or whose baby it is.
As his hand came across the cloth, trying to see if there might be anything embroidered on there the baby instinctively grabbed for his hand. Holding on to his pinky for dear life. Accompanied by a few babbling baby noises. Melting his heart in the process but it also pulled him out of his frantic thoughts.
The next few minutes he ordered his boys to scour the place a bit. Trying to look for any hints of the baby’s parents but there was nothing.
“So, what do we do with them?” Wilbur asked, standing on the tips of his toes as he tried to get a good look at the baby again. The dark horns was what really piqued his interest. Realistically he knew things like this were possible, seeing how his father hand black wings, but it still seemed so magical and impossible.
“Do we have, uh, a new sibling?” Techno asked. His cheeks turning into a soft shade of red as he asked. His eyes darting to the ground. He still wasn’t used to this even though he was adopted and a Piglin Hybrid he was very much a part of the family.
With wide and hopeful eyes Tommy looked up at Philza “I can be a big brother?”
Oh.
Philza wanted to agree. Wanted to tell them, to greet the new member to their family but he couldn’t. Not in good consciousness when he knew there was a better option. An option that would teach the kid what they needed. He couldn’t teach them anything about magic beyond enchanting tools with an enchantment table.
Besides he did know a demon. He met him only a couple of time, so they weren’t particular close but he knew how to reach him and this seemed to be by far the best and most fair option for this baby.
So, he shook his head. All three kids almost seemed shocked at that.
“Why?” Wilbur asked, his hand now holding onto the cloth that the child was wrapped in.
“Because I couldn’t give the child what they needed but I know someone else who can give the child a proper chance at life. Listen, you don’t need to understand yet but trust me as a father. Besides I’m sure we can visit them!”
This wasn’t enough for the children obviously. Asking more questions, trying to get a specific answer. Just repeating the questions.
“That’s enough! This is my decision and as your father and as the resident adult who actually has to take care of all of you, this is my decision. You’ll understand when you get older, I promise.”
Of course there was still some groaning and mumbling but the kids noticed that this was not something they could change Philza’s mind on. Didn’t mean they have to like that though.
With that Philza guided his family back into the overworld as fast as possible. Once back out the nether he made sure to see if the baby was dealing well with the sudden environmental change but they just kept on smiling and babbling which he interpreted as a good sign.
With the help of a long range communicator Philza managed to send of a message to said demon who in return managed to visit Philza after a day using the nether as a hub to travel faster. Seeing how he needed a full day to travel using the nether roof just showcased how far he actually was.
It was Wilbur who opened up the door to him. A tall demon clad in black clothes that had grey and red accents. Two horns grew out of his forehead similar to that of the babies, his skin being a deep black vortex that seemed to swirl but whenever you tried to really concentrate on it , it seemed to disappear and move to the corner of your eye.
Wilbur rubbed his eyes “Um, hello?”
A bright and happy smile appeared on the demons face, a thin tail moving happily around in the back “Hello! Nice to meet you! I’m BadBoyHalo! Your father messaged me, can I talk to him? Is he here?”
“Dad! Someone is here at the door! Is it that guy that is gonna steal our sibling?”
It only took Philza a short moment until he arrived at the front door with the baby in his arms, washed and taken care of to the best of his abilities “Wilbur! We talked about it, he is not stealing them! I’m sorry, Bad but I appreciate you coming over.”
Both Techno and Tommy walked in behind him, obviously having caught on to what was happening. Their expressions sad and almost dark. Still thinking that this was unfair.
Bad curiously pointed at the child in Philza’s arms “That’s them? Can I take a closer look?”
He didn’t hesitate to give Bad the child. Bad might have only been an acquaintance but he knows for a fact that he is a peaceful person. Someone who only fights to protect but don’t let that fool you. He was still powerful and dangerous.
It didn’t surprise him at all when Bad poked lovingly one of the chubby cheeks of the baby and cooed “Aw, look at you! Aren’t you adorable!”
This seemed to confuse Wilbur though who saw Bad as a mighty demon, not as a demon that just melted at one look of a baby.
“What can you tell me about them?”
Bad’s happy, scrunched up face returned to normal, now looking with a serious expression towards Philza “They already have their horns which isn’t unusual but more rare. It’s close to how mine are formed so if we Demons weren’t spread thin all around the place I would say they would technically be in the same clan as me. It’s the typical form of pyromancers but that doesn’t have to be it. I can’t feel any spells on them not even any protective spells which is weird. Even if parents abandon their kids they still apply a few protective spells, hoping it will give them enough time for other Demons to find them.”
“So, you think their parents died?”
“I-“ Bad begun only to scrunch up his eyebrows, an air of sadness seemed to sweep through the room “We are so wide spread and don’t live only in the nether anymore, so, abandoning a baby hoping that another demon finds them is… rare at best. We stick together. Our kin is important to us. I don’t think this was planned. No, they would have given over their child to people they trusted. This feels wrong. Very wrong.”
His voice wavered a bit at the end. The sadness of the situation seemed to have hit him.
Philza crossed his arms as he listened, the kids now almost hiding behind him but still peeking at the strange man “That’s- I have hoped for something better somehow but I figured it would be something like this. Can you help? Will you think about my proposal?”
“I’m not sure-“ but he got interrupted by the cries of the baby but Bad reacted immediately. Slowly swaddling them and carefully wiping away their tears. Lulling them slowly to calm them down again.
“What was it you wanted to say?” Philza tried to get back on topic.
“I’m- I’m taking them home. I’ll be their father.”
A huge smile spread across Philza’s face “Well, congratulations and thank you. Do you already have a name for them in mind?”
It shocked him when Bad immediately answered “Y/N. Their name is Y/N.”
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reikuto · 3 years
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PETS THEY WOULD HAVE!
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WARNINGS! — mild cursing
CHARACTERS! — eren, armin, mikasa, jean, connie, historia, reiner
GENRE! — modern au
A/N! — wrote these in the span of half an hour at 3am because i was too impatient to wait until tomorrow, so i’m sorry for any grammatical errors. hope you enjoy!
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EREN would have a snake. season four eren is so edge lord that i wholeheartedly believe he’d invest in a snake. he wouldn’t settle for like, a corn snake, so he’d save enough to splurge on like, a mexican king snake. surprisingly, he actually takes really good care of it? like it’s almost weird how well him and his snake get along. probably names it something stupid like ryan, cause he’s terrible at choosing pet names. armin comes over and just cringes at the sight of eren sitting on the couch with his snake lounging on his shoulder. eren and ryan are inseparable <3
ARMIN would have a bird. i feel like he’d get into birds by accident. he’d be bird-sitting for a friend and realize they’re kind of nice to have. when the friend’s bird lays eggs, they promise to give him one once it’s old enough. armin ends up naming his new cockatiel sunny because she’s always happy and singing and it brightens armin’s day. always lets her out of her cage, and chuckles when he sees her waddle around the floor exploring his apartment. every time he comes home, she’s already singing, and when he opens her cage, she instantly flies to his shoulder. baby talks her a lot. he’s gotten used to her singing but whenever eren or jean are over, they whine about shutting her up and armin gets petty.
MIKASA would have a cat. come on now, why wouldn’t she have a cat? she’d have a strong bond with her cat and spoil him to no end because he absolutely deserves it. she also gives me very much black cat energy, and she’d probably name it something sweet like angel. and to be fair, her cat is an angel…with her, at least. her cat does not like eren, or jean, or connie, and it only barely tolerates armin. the only other person her cat likes is actually reiner. which mikasa finds extremely odd. he only ever came over once with eren and bert before they all went out to watch a movie. he was in the middle of a conversation with eren when mikasa’s “hell spawn of a cat” jumped on his lap and comfortably lied down. reiner isn’t much of a cat person so he wasn’t exactly a fan, but eren got extremely offended by it.
JEAN would have a dog. i think we all saw this coming. jean seems like the golden retriever or lab type, y’know? he just loves a good, loyal, family dog. he’s 100% the type to take his dog on long ass walks and go on runs with his dog. does he sometimes use his dog to pick up girls?….maybe. probably named it something basic like buddy or max. would for sure spoil his dog with gourmet treats and an expensive bed because his wing man deserves the best! likes it when he’s in bed, falling asleep and buddy just jumps onto his bed and lays beside him. it makes him feel like a good dog parent.
CONNIE would have a turtle. okay hear me out! connie’s mind is always running at 90mph and he’s constantly all over the place, so i think a turtle would really help balance him out. jean thinks it’s ironic that the most energetic mf he knows ended up with a pet turtle of all things. connie just flips him off because him and steven are very happy together. he doesn’t really know the gender of the turtle, he just sorta found it in a box in the middle of the road and panicked before bringing it with him. ending up wasting $200 worth of turtle supplies that same day because what else was he supposed to do?! whenever he’s upset he lays his head down beside steven’s little habitat and just vents. sasha is convinced steven is a girl, and it makes connie feel guilty for giving her the name steven.
HISTORIA would have a bunny. omg her and her bunny are so adorable, it literally melts everyone’s hearts (mostly ymir’s). speaking of, the bunny is not fond of ymir at all. it won’t even leave its cage when ymir is around, and she takes that personally. historia would assure her it’s just because she’s not used to strangers but ymir isn’t buying it. historia does everything with her bunny; homework, watch tv, reading. it’s all done with her bunny very happily on her lap. ymir also takes that personally, because she wants to lay her head on historia’s lap >:(
REINER would have a dog. like jean, reiner is for sure a dog person. i see him having like, a german shepherd, specifically a blonde german shepherd because it fits. like father, like daughter. yes, she’s a girl, what about it. might name her something classic like daisy or bailey. if his dog is afraid of stairs or if the pavement is too hot, he’d be the type to pick up this big ass dog and just carry her around like a baby. got her when she was a pup and they’ve been besties ever since. literally doesn’t leave the house without daisy, sorry not sorry. trained her so she knows like, all the commands; sit, stay, roll over, paw, you name it, she can do it. she’s an extremely well behaved dog. takes her to a groomer every month because she’s the best girl. loves going to the dog park with her and just playing for hours. daisy also loves annie, which is hilarious, because annie has a mild fear of dogs. daisy would run up on annie when she walks through the door and annie just pushes bertholdt in front of her. additionally, the ladies absolutely love daisy, she has scored reiner more numbers than he can keep track of and he is eternally grateful.
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Okay— weird scenario but— Your main 3 OCs. What would they do (in their respective universe/ fandoms) if they were in minecraft
oh anon, my beloved, your scenario-prompt/idea is wonderful. I’ll turn it into a hc for each individual tho. (Also I’m pretty sure cybertronians are able to connect themselves into certain stuff like games so let’s take that idea).
What would the Main Three do in Minecraft:
Quartzstreak — Transformers: Prime
With her universe being TFP, Soundwave probably made the server after the request of a few Vehicons (maybe Knockout too) and all other Decepticons decided to indulge it, even Megs (tho he barely plays on the server. Probably rage-quit after getting blown up by a creeper and decided to never play again).
Quartzstreak decides to join in after the persuasion of a few Vehicons and her Amica, Knockout.
She is a huge cottagecore-type person, so definitely expect to see her running around and collecting the hell out of any flower she sees.
Absolutely adores lush, and amethyst caves and stuff but definitely not a big fan of cave-noises (absolutely ZOOMS out of there at a single cave-noise).
Almost all of the Decepticons, who play on the server, also go to her for resources (but she will absolutely beat you up if you take her stuff without asking first >:[)
Likes axolotls, bees, snowmen, and iron-golems. Her base is filled with them actually, and she has two orange/yellow axolotl named “Sundrive” & “Thunderstep”.
Tends to go mining, a lot, as an excuse to go look for amethyst caves and underground lush caves.
Also one of the many cons who can build an actually good-looking house without having it look like a huge cobblestone base.
Managed to find the End: Stronghold but decided not to share the location of it with anybody (except Soundwave).
She is a huge pacifist when it comes to people wandering over to her secluded area of the map. Any approaching con she finds, she’ll immediately gift them some sort of flower she has on hand.
Explicitly uses Diamond stuff, not Netherite, she does not care if it’s stronger, it’s just— B E T T E R.
Likes working with Dreadwing and Predaking on the server, Starscream keeps trying to rob her stuff, Breakdown visits her for flowers and stuff, Knockout’s just often is there along with Starscream to try and persuade him not to rob from the same femme who’s got an enchanted firework crossbow pointed directly at him while he is looting out of her resource chests.
Titania — Beast Wars
• I’m pretty sure Rattrap managed to persuade some of the maximals (most easily Cheetor) to come join and play Minecraft as a “bonding” exercise, surprisingly Optimus allows it but is mostly tasked with watching everybody on the server.
Titania is just— the builder.
Every village she finds, happens to just go under reconstruction and somehow looks better than it did the last time (it’s probably even fortified too, to keep safe from Pillagers!)
Only problem is, she never spends time making her own house.
At one point, as she is in the swamp and manages to defeat a witch, she asks Rattrap prior to the defeat of said-witch “what’s that weird house doing in the middle of the swamp?”
“Oh, that? Don’t go in there. That’s the witch’s place. Unless you want’a come back all poisoned and scrap then I can’t stop ya,”
Titania decides to eventually live in the witch’s place, only because there was a black cat in there. Has not made changes ever since and only continuously fawns over the black cat.
She even at one point invites Dinobot over, (who’s been trying to understand the game and kill every mob in sight) to just ask in a very innocent way if they can put their Minecraft beds together. She just thinks it’s cute! (And also because Dinobot somehow manages to get killed every time he does sleep— but that’s also just because he places his beds outside where ALL THE MOBS ARE???)
Dinobot indulges but Rattrap or Cheetor always seems to take it the wrong way. (*bonk!* *bonk!*)
She’s also a very big animal-type person so do expect to see a witch-house full of every “tame-able” or passive mob
Really loves riding boats on the ice, and is terrifyingly good at it. She doesn’t ever fall off the ice or crashes— just… manages to get where she needs to be with ease or chase after people.
Ace — Robots in Disguise 2015
I actually can’t find a reason as to how the hell Steeljaw’s pack managed to get their hands on Minecraft or a working laptop or smthn. But for the sake of this scenario/hc let’s just say Clampdown was the one that introduced them to the game.
It took a little bit of persuasion to get Ace to try and play, considering all she ever does is really occupy herself in fixing up the Arsenal or street race but after Airrazor and Divebomb start pestering her about it. She gave in.
“Just before any of you say anything, I’m not really good at games.”
With that being said, Ace— in the moment that she joins, she immediately begins speedrunning the game.
As everybody is still figuring out how to do things and-or dying immediately while barely spawning in. Every occasion you’ll probably see an achievement pop up in the chat that goes along the lines of “Ace has just earned the achievement […]” and it doesn’t stop. Whatsoever.
At one point, the others tried to slow her down but it’s somewhat futile. The only people who’ve managed to successfully and almost kill her at one point was Fracture but she proposed a plan to team up with them. Fracture and his mini-cons accept the team-up request and— Steeljaw is left to feel betrayed (despite being also the one who asked the others to help foil Ace).
After Ace manages to finish the game in a brutal fashion (murdering everything she sees) and beats the game with Fracture and his mini-cons just tagging along.
There is no hesitation, she just leaves the game and probably goes to do something else but before she leaves the game she’ll probably say something like, [“I’ve reached my adrenaline rush. Adios”]
Really thinks that piglins are cool, and will always be down to wearing gold in the Nether and trading with them.
Enjoys playing “tennis” with the ghasts in the nether.
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boop-le-snoot · 3 years
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If life gives you melons...
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Ship: Loki x F!alt! reader
Rating: Explicit / word count 5,5k
Summary: You've heard about meet-cute, how about meet-ugly? Reader has tattoos and a tongue split. There's this joke that "bisexual alt girls go looking for a girlfriend and end up with sad, tall and skinny white bois" and boy did that hit home. Inspired by this cringy video of Hiddles [youtube link].
During a panel at a comic con, Loki notices reader and they go on a date, reader gets railed: top!Loki, choking, rough sex, unprotected sex, all the good stuff. Open ending, with a bonus of reader and Loki pranking Clint.
x. I usually fancy they/them pronouns for Loki but seeing as it's a smut-shot, I decided to go along with he/him for the sake of simplicity. Loki's at least 6'4 tall and you can fight me on that. Also, I write like a Tony stan - I feel the need to apologize to Loki stans for that. I love you guys! 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
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The long line of people appeared to be neverending. Loki was an enhanced, as the government recently had adopted a politically correct term for Earth's non-human inhabitants, but even his enhanced endurance had begun waning due to sheer amount of people wanting a piece of memorabilia signed by The God of Mischief. Loki had gained a considerable amount of fans after doing his part in killing the mad titan Thanos and by extension, saving the world. It turned out, humankind was a sucker for a good redemption arc.
Loki's hands ached where they wrapped around the pen that he'd been using for nearly 4 hours to neatly place his name, written in neat runescript, on various pieces of merchandise that his fans (and wasn't that a strange thing!) presented to him. He used to think that he would have actually succeeded conquering the earth if he had a grasp on how to use social media and his charm; now, he just wanted the torture to end. An involuntary sigh left his mouth when he saw another print of himself in full battle gear being placed in front of him by a reasonably attractive young woman.
"Um, thank you," She stammered, giggling softly, and Loki spared her a painstaking smile, scribbling his name once again. The woman briefly caught his eyes. "Um, you're the reason- the inspiration for me. I became a stripper."
Loki blanked, feeling his eyes widen and blink on their own accord a few times. He wasn't sure if he heard the woman correctly, as the unusual statement made his brain freeze.
Loud snickering from behind the blushing woman interrupted the system error that he was experiencing in his head. It wasn't often that somebody managed to render him speechless. It looked like whoever was in line behind the stripper woman had taken advantage of that. Loki's eyes snapped to the short-haired person, who looked torn between cringing and breaking into embarrassed laughter.
The stripper left without a word, and as Loki picked up the cursed writing instrument once again, the short-haired person smiled at him kindly. "That was a little weird," They snorted, "And thanks, have a nice day Mr. Loki."
"When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic," Another woman, that appeared to be the short haired person's friend, deadpanned and gave a cynical side-eye to the departing stripper. Loki heard snickering coming from the short-haired person and quietly joined himself. The woman noticed it, winking at him as she collected the newly signed t-shirt. "Bye," She smiled kindly.
It was a split second decision, really. Something about the cheeky way she addressed the situation sparked Loki's interest. "Wait, you forgot something, darling," His baritone called out to the departing woman. She turned around, confused, and hastily grabbed the standard issue photo that he was holding out to her. With a final grateful nod, she smiled and left.
If Loki's smile had returned for the time being, none of his teammates made any remarks on it. Only his brother, Thor, gave a couple of knowing looks to the Asgardian sorcerer.
The woman in question didn't think twice about the photo that she stashed in her backpack along with the signed t-shirt. The Comic-Con had been full of people and the lines were unfairly long. The sheer exhaustion after attending a 3-day long convention had set in and she was eager to simply come home back to her apartment and crash on the nearest soft flat surface. Upon arrival, she did exactly that, flopping down gracelessly on the couch, her backpack landing next to her with a careless thud.
Unloading her trophies was a short time affair: a single white tee with a dozen signatures on it, written in what she hoped was waterproof Sharpie; one mug, shaped like an Iron Man helmet; one poster, showing Spider-Man on a picturesque NYC horizon and a signed photo of one Loki. Strangely enough, she did not remember requesting it - not that she was complaining. Free merch was free merch.
The front side wasn't signed whatsoever. Overcome by curiousity, she turned it around. A phone number was written on the back of it, the handwriting neat and the letters obviously being inked out by a thinner, more sophisticated pen than the one Loki had used for scribbling on the tee. The woman gaped silently, not believing her eyes. Did Loki himself had given her his phone number?
One margarita and a hefty helping of Chinese takeout later, the numbers persisted staring back at her mutely, the neat cursive being almost mocking in its quiet. The woman's smartphone had found a comfortable place right next to the photo, equally mum regarding the unusual situation.
An additional margarita was needed to gather the courage required to actually type out the number in the receiver box. Fruity alcoholic concoction in one hand and phone clutched in the other, the woman's eyes squeezed shut tightly as soon as the dreaded "Hey, got your number today! :)" read delivered. She'd typed and erased the message several times, groaning in embarrassment. How the hell does one approach an alien god?
"Hello! May I ask your name?" The response came after a brief moment - a moment the woman had suffered through by taking too haste sips of her drink, her common since screaming her to not overdo it and wait at least a full minute before replying. Everything felt awkward and misplaced.
In no time, she was sending the screenshots of the conversation to her girl-advice group chat that consisted of her closest friends. Chatting with Loki turned out to be surprisingly easy and he was great at upholding conversation, something that couldn't be said about all those Tinder matches she had had back in the day.
Even if using proper grammar during a text message conversation was something she had to reacquaint herself with, she was glad he wasn't just another boring, shalllow, condescending-ass white boy. Despite the cultural differences and his lack of knowledge of things like pop culture and music - something he said he was working on since New Asgard became a sovereign state on Earth - they bonded over music and tattoos and generally being rebellious against society's standarts.
The invitation to dinner didn't come as a surprise for the woman. She agreed happily, looking forward to continue their conversation outside of the internet - if Loki's part of the chat was anything to go by, not only was he charming, but also quite intelligent. And easy on the the eyes, too. They had traded selfies at some point and the Asgardian didn't look any worse in a hoodie and sweatpants than he did in his battle leathers. Loki had appeared to truly have had integrated into Earth's society.
The night of the date, the continuous text exchange did very little to calm her nerves. Loki texted as much as an overeager teenage boy: every now and then he would double-text and grossly overreact to her sending a simple meme. In fact, he smugly conveyed the fact he'd single-handedly started a meme war between the Avengers and even Steve was forced to participate; something that was, allegedly, out of character for the blonde man.
She didn't mind. Not like she had many friends to have so much fun with. Even if it took her twice the time to do her favourite eyeliner style, it was worth it. She hoped Loki would appreciate the bold, but classy make-up and the dress and shoes combo that accentuated her assets. Her date expressed curiousity about her tattoos and the difference between her preferred style and the humans he spent most time with. She guessed secret agents were not particularly fond of anything that made them memorable so she held out quite the hope for... Showing off some of her tattoos in a more private setting.
In other, simpler words, the woman came in prepared for both a friendly, leisurely stroll and a quality night. Either way, it would be a time well spent.
Loki's shiny, raven hair was impossible to miss as he towered over the rest of the people waiting by the restaurant's entrance. He wore tailored black trousers and a simple cashmere sweater, perfect for the evening's damp, cool air. Tall and lithe, Loki was mouthwateringly handsome.
"Come here often?" She wormed her way through the crowd, causing the man to smirk down at her. Her cheeks flared from the tiny gesture alone.
"Just waiting for a friend," Loki uttered lowly, extending an arm towards the woman, which she gracefully accepted as they made way towards the entrance. "Reservation for Loki," The Asgardian stated to the hostess, who, after a rapid doube-take, led them to a private, secluded area in the back of the restaurant.
Loki shouldered the slightly awkward interaction with grace, paying no mind to the girl. His focus was solely on his date and he was nothing but gallant as he took the woman's purse and held out the chair for her to comfortably sit down. As a prince, he was taught well, she mused.
"Usually I would ask 'what brings you to our little ball of water and dirt?' but I think we can skip that part," The woman stated with a sheepish grin, idly flicking through the menu and curiously eyeing the items that were unfamiliar. The desire to try something new fought with the possibility of accidentally ordering something too far out - like snails or other things that rich people fancied, for some reason.
Loki's greens briefly appeared over the top of his menu, grateful and sparkling. "I think it's best if we do just that," For a second, he looked away, before returning to the menu. "I can think of better things to discuss. I recall you didn't finish telling me about that college friend of yours, who was an anarchist... I'm dying to know..."
The waiter came and went, barely noticed by the pair, as they both poked at something that sounded the most familiar for both of them. Stoically, Loki admitted that Tony Stark did the booking for him and the woman reluctantly acquitted she wasn't very familiar with upscale establishments, being of middle-class background and working a middle-class job.
Interrupting the story she began telling hours ago, the woman took the time to point out the things she was familiar with on the menu and advised Loki to stay away from - like the aforementioned snails, and other things, slimy and salty things that she considered to be 'disgusting but rich people liked it for some reason'. The conversation slowly progressed into Loki telling her the mischief he got up to at the feasts Odin threw. The Asgardian shared the woman's disregard for influential people doing gross things to show off.
The food was good - it was really hard to miss with a traditional Italian lasagna - and seeing Loki shovel an obscene amount of food was an experience, but she didn't comment on it, tactful enough to consider his alien biology might have different dietary requirements that her human one. It was great, really, that she could order dessert and not feel guilty about it.
The gelato melted in her mouth like sweet ecstasy and she moaned with her next bite, only partly aware of how obscene really was the noise.
Loki's hand stuttered on it's way to his mouth. Wide-eyed, he stared at her lips, at her mouth, where her tongue lapped up the small drops of dessert from the spoon. "Why the split tongue?" The Asgardian finally gathered his wits, having had a good look of what he was sure was a trick of the eye at first.
She grinned, acutely aware of the effect that particular body modification had on men. "I like being different. I embrace the weird." She giggled, not at all ashamed, sticking out her tongue and wiggling both parts of it teasingly.
Loki's Adam's apple bobbed; "Weird?" He raised his eyebrow, fighting to maintain his previous cool composure.
She nodded. "Weird," She retorted coyly. "I usually don't divulge the details at least until the third date. Wouldn't want to scare my potential suitors off," The playful wink was the proverbial cherry on top. He was hooked, his eyes darkened, following the plump arch of her lips as she took another spoonful of the treat and savoured it, closing her eyes for a brief moment.
It was pornographic.
"Obviously, Midgardians don't know what's good for them," Loki scoffed in his usual bored monotone, fully aware of how fitful his attempt to conceal his excitement was. He sounded needy even to his own ears.
"And you do?" She pushed away the empty plate, chastely patting her mouth with a napkin. The raised eyebrow and the little smirk spoke volumes.
The grin he wore was hardly anything but feral; he asked for the waiter's assistance by flicking his wrist in an impatient fashion. Once the bill was paid and the woman's cardigan found its rightful place on her shoulders, Loki once again took hold of her arm, this time holding her smaller body against his larger one, taking care to slow down and keep his strides shorter.
She found the coolness of his presence refreshing in the moist, heavy air of the New York city.
"Where to, milady?" Loki asked her, looking down at the woman fondly.
"My place is a block away. Walk me, good sir?" She gave a delightfully easy smile in return.
He nodded, letting her lead the way, allowing himself to get a little bit lost in their shared presence, a little bubble of them in the middle of a busy city. It was as if someone had quickly turned down the volume of the honking cars and noisy pedestrians around them, leaving the soft breeze and the sun slowly descending below the skyscrapers. It felt far too short, partaking in the comfortable silence together, skin tingling under the thin layers of cloth where they were touching.
The sun was trapped in the strands of her hair as she smiled at him from her doorway, worrying her lip between her teeth. It was a bittersweet moment.
"A kiss good night for the good sir?" She asked hopefully, eyes darting between his face and his mouth.
Loki obliged, resting his palm flat on the door frame, towering over the woman as he gently slotted his thin, cool lips against her warm ones. The woman stood on her tippy toes, eager, placing a hand on his chest. The pair melted into the kiss - it had no business being this mind-blowing, brain-freezing for two people that have not met until that very day. The woman didn't refuse when Loki probed with his tongue, requesting entrance to her mouth; she licked into his own with fervor, fisting her hands in the soft fabric of his sweater.
With the hand that was free, Loki pulled the woman flush with himself, feeling the heat of her start a fire of its own inside of him. Her breathing rapid, the gesture only served to tighten her hold on his sweater, until a soft, barely audible moan slipped into his mouth, causing his brain to quickly reassess the situation.
Regretfully, Loki pulled away, clearing his throat. "Perhaps we should take this elsewhere," He meaningfully looked at the array of doors around them.
"I thought you'd never ask," She retorted with a fond eyeroll, tightening the grip on his sweater once more, to pull him inside her apartment and shut the door behind her. The awkward moments were few and in between; neither knew who reached for the other first, mashing their mouths with less grace than before, clutching at the other's arms and hips with hunger.
This time, Loki didn't hold back his own muted groans of satisfaction, shivering when the woman's hands snuck under his sweater and the simple tank top he wore underneath. Blunt nails scraped along his abs.
Step by step, she pushed him further inside her apartment, determined in her small quick strides. There was no mistake of their destination; no mistake in her desire: she was as hungry and as impatient as him. The crease between his eyebrows deepened, long arms extending to unzip the top of her dress to reveal a simple but tasteful black lacy bra covering her breasts. The woman barely noticed the action, stepping out of her dress as soon as it hit the floor.
He admired her. Inches of soft skin covered by intricate ink, some patterns bizarre and complicated, some beautiful in their simplicity. Loki couldn't wait to find out about the meaning behind every one of them, to trace the lines with his tongue and sink his teeth into the heated flesh.
The hands that were holding onto him for dear life tugged on his sweater and he chose to simply vanish it, too preoccupied with looking at the view in front of him. She gasped and her eyes met his: uncanny, magnetic emeralds shone with magic and power and desire.
"Fuck," She more mouthed than said, walking backwards in a trance until her shins hit the bed.
Loki grinned, advancing on the panting woman with the grace of a predator. "Darling?" His tone was innocent; his expression was anything but. His large hand encompassesed the side of her face, thumb running over her bottom lip in a possessive gesture that had her squirming in her place. He loved the way she just melted into his touch.
Their lips met again, slower this time. The kiss was once again graceful and unrushed, allowing them to explore the softness of each other's skin, mapping the arches and valleys with gentle strokes of their palms. The broad expanse of Loki's back was uneven, riddled with scars and blemishes, and she mapped every single one, blunt nails raking down it as she pressed into him, arching into his hands where he held her.
The soft flesh of her ass, barely covered by a scrap of black lace, was shamelessly grabbed - the woman didn't doubt there would be marks left - letting her feel his arousal pressed against her belly, hard and twitching. She didn't resist her desire to ge handsy and palmed it, taking note of the gasp and the twitch coming from the man occupied with the clasp of her bra. In no time, it flew away, forgotten somwhere the very moment Loki's palms took over her breasts, running a careful thumb over each nipple.
"Fuck," She parroted her previous statement, equally breathy and considerably more aroused.
"That's the plan," Loki's chuckle was hoarse.
She huffed, biting her bottom lip before reaching out to swiftly pop the button of his trousers, smirking at the hiss the friction of her palm produced against his cock. It shouldn't have surprised her that Loki was a commando kind of guy, but still, she gasped, partially from the ministrations of his clever fingers, partially from the mouthwatering sight in front of her. The thick, flushed length made saliva gather in the corners of her mouth.
He must've heard the audible swallow. "Not so haste, darling," He tutted, giving her relaxed body a gentle push, causing her to land on her back, heated skin against the soft duvet of her bed. "Let me taste you," A thud; Loki had dropped to his knees, using his large palms to spread her legs, opening her up to his eyes.
If his previous work hadn't made her so pliant, so aroused, she'd have been rendered speechless; instead, the woman arched her back, presenting herself and the desire that had pooled down below. The Asgardian chuckled, fingertips soft against the scratchy lace.
"Tease," The woman moaned, outstretching her arm to guide him but quite unable to reach him. She had to settle for squirming in her place, receiving a fraction of the desired traction against her swollen lips.
"Am I, love?" Loki asked her sweetly, caving enough to dip a single finger to run along the outside of her slit. It glided easily thanks to all the moisture gathered there, lips parting easily before his touch. The panties were vanished away promptly, another finger joining in immediately to rub slow, precise circles around her clit.
She keened low and long, fisting the fabric in her hand until her knuckles turned white. Loki knew what he was doing. It didn't take him very long to slide his long digits to the welcoming heat of her opening, dipping them inside until she began to make the noises he so craved. His mouth followed after that, long agile tongue drawing senseless shapes on the inside of her labia and dipping deeper, where her clit stood out engorged and slick.
He could smell the bittersweet of her arousal, mouthwatering and hot.
"Loki, fuck," She moaned, only half-coherent and partially aware of her own hips following his every stroke, every flick. He only advanced, hitting that sweet spot inside her with every stroke; the sparks traveling up her spine quickened with each time she changed his name like a prayer. "Loki, Loki, Loki..."
He growled, attaching his mouth firmly to her clit, and she arched for the final time, coming undone, squeezing around his fingers and gushing in his mouth, the obscene sounds covered by her own scream of delight and his impatient growling. The growling that sent shivers of aftershocks throughout her body.
"Darling, you taste so sweet," Loki groaned, still panting.
She took the time to open her eyes: Loki looked comically out of place in her bedroom, he dwarfed her bed and made her feel small, but it didn't matter at all at that very moment. His erection stood out hard and proud; despite the leg-shaking orgasm just moments ago, she wanted more, she wanted to taste him, she wanted to feel him inside-
With unsurprising agility, one swift motion was all it took for her to rest comfortably against the pillows, his throbbing member resting against the juncture of her thigh. She tasted her own release on his lips, however brief, whispering a weak, "Please," aching to feel the emptiness.
"As my lady wishes," Loki's cool breath ghosted over her cheek. She waited with baited breath until the tip of his manhood breached her, exhaling a moan into his neck and immediately wrapping her lips around a patch of skin as he stretched her so sweet.
Loki's arms shook slightly as he waited for her to adjust. He kissed her, soft and sweet; there was something vulnerable in him, something as sweet as the ache he'd taken away. Once he began to move, slow and fluid, all there was left was an all-consuming need to feel. As graceful as dancer and with a deadly precision, Loki pounded gasps, moans and screams out of the woman's slack mouth, kisses turning hungrier and sloppier by the second.
"So sweet," He cooed, relishing in the snug grip of her cunt around him.
She only keened in approval, too far gone and unused to the intensity of the feelings from a man with centuries of practice and the power of a god.
His thrusts slowed gradually until he was rutting into her, grinding his pelvic bone into her clit. The gasps and screams turned into drawn-out, longing moans; her hips followed his, meeting in a slow, sensual motion.
Loki was not a patient man. He withdrew - she gasped in protest - flipping the woman over on her fours with ease, taking but a split second to admire the curve of her body presented on display for him. Just for him.
With that thought burning in his mind, Loki sheathed his cock deeply inside her spasming cunt. It was nearly unbearably stimulating and only his own desire to prolong the bliss held back his own impending orgasm. That, and his own ego; he was naught if not a generous lover.
She slurred something, quiet and incorrigible, fucking back onto his cock as eagerly as he was plunging into her heat. The hand he'd placed on her shoulder promptly wrapped around her throat in hopes of lifting her close enough for him to hear the words but instead, it sent a full-bodied shiver throughout her. Loki grinned, tugging her that much closer.
The arch in her back looked quite uncomfortable yet she didn't mind; it was the exact opposite, in fact, her cunt tightened around him, drenching his shaft down to his balls. Her fingernails dug into the flesh of his thigh, the sting of pain going straight to his cock-
"Loki, I'm gonna, I'm gonna-" She slurred, gasping for air.
He weakened his hold on her throat enough to let her gulp the so-needed oxygen. It was her undoing: was it the rapid pace of oxygenated blood traveling to her brain or was it his cock, mercilessly pounding against her g-spot - she was violently spasming around his cock, much like she did around his fingers not too long ago.
It felt like ages, her crescendo coming in waves with no signs of stopping any time soon. Loki's continuous thrusts, his hips slamming into hers, her skin feeling like molten lava.
"Gonna fill your sweet cunt with my seed," Loki moaned lowly, holding her up by the throat, the other hand leaving fingertip-shaped bruises on the outside of her hips. "Mark you from the inside out," His voice had gone into primal territory, growling filling up the room.
"Please..." The woman rasped, oversensitive.
And he pleased, with a series of sharp thrusts, he buried himself to the hilt in her, the force of his release making her shudder and moan once against, going limp in his arms. Loki kept her in her place until every drop was inside of her cunt. Nothing was sweeter than that.
The Asgardian didn't bother with getting under the covers to hold her, conjuring a soft, comfortable throw in modest green, to cover their nudity. He didn't need the extra warmth but his companion was by far more fragile and sensitive to these things- Loki's fingertips traced the array of bruises he'd left in the wake of their passion, expression surprised as he found the woman smiling.
"Feels nice," She supplied meekly, eyes half-lidded, face trusting and open towards him.
He gave a small grin in return, placing a chaste kiss atop her head. "Yes, it does, darling."
Time after time, she didn't expect much out if their date. The sex was nice, nice enough for both of them to want seconds and thirds after their rushed first time - but it wasn't like she expected him to hand around. It was a pleasant change from the usual mutual ghosting she'd done with her previous partners, but Loki had texted again and they had resumed their conversation via text like nothing had happened.
No, that would be incorrect. Now, she had a wonderful friend who was a great conversationalist and an even better lover. There was no pressure to put a label on their relationship so the woman didn't bother with it; it didn't seem like Loki cared about the label, either, so she left the topic alone and enjoyed things the way they were. It wasn't like she had a line of suitors anyway.
She couldn't help the smile that creeped onto her face when she unlocked her phone and saw a video call request from other than Loki himself. She still had thirty minutes worth of lunch break to waste and this was a wonderful time to chat with a friend.
"Stark, hand it back or I swear to Norns-" Loki's voice sounded agitated and far away, accompanied by sounds of a struggle; the bearded, smug face on the screen was not who she expected at all. Only years of customer service and low bullshit tolerance combined stopped her from freaking out seeing none other than Tony Stark smirking at her from the screen of her phone.
"Yes?" She arched an eyebrow, taking note of the anger of Loki's tone.
"Hi, I don't think I need to introduce myself," Stark babbled, eyeing her - disheveled and with a wall full of sticky notes and miscellaneous items acting as the background to her video. "Reindeer games refused to show you to us so we decided to persuade him," Tony's grin grew wider, muted whispers being rapidly exchanged in the background all the while Loki screeched "BROTHER!" and various expletives at the top of his lungs.
"You could've, I dunno," She paused, unimpressed. "Asked me to dinner, like a normal person. Instead of stealing, you know, like a thief," The eyeroll that she performed had the team worried her eyes would fall out of their sockets.
"I merely borrowed his phone, don't be dramatic," Stark huffed, and for a moment, she could see various other people trying to look at the screen and by extension, at her. "So, what is it that you do? Because Smurf over there wouldn't..."
"Oops, bad signal. Sorry, can't hear you properly," Her side of the call suddenly shook and in a moment, she ended the call, not at all willing to deal with people that lacked boundaries. Sure, it might have been Iron Man, but if he was planning on being a snooping asshole, she wasn't gonna go down with that easily.
Exactly five minutes after she had clocked out, an incoming call from Loki had her equal parts excited and mortified. What if..? But he was apologetic. And very angry, swearing in his native language - something that he'd promised to teach her at some point.
"So, Clint did it?" She sipped her beverage, strolling home with the phone pressed snugly against her ear.
"Most of it was his fault, yes," Loki grouched on the other end of the call.
"I vote we get back at him. Invite me over, if he's so inclined to see me, and watch him get humiliated in front of everybody," It wasn't a secret she had her own mischievous tendencies.
"As much as I appreciate your vigour, darling, I doubt the Widow will appreciate you verbally castrating the Hawk in public," He replied sourly, his voice still betraying the faint notes of interest.
"I have a backup plan!" She stated without a hitch. "He'll embarrass himself and I'll be your alibi."
"I'm listening," Loki perked up immediately.
They decided to not to stall and schedule the 'family dinner', as Thor himself dubbed it, for the next available weekend. Loki had made sure Tony's AI had been made aware the trickster would be gone all day, and it took him very little magic and effort to pop in and out of the tower for the five minutes that were needed to execute their prank.
His friend barely managed to keep the snickering at bay as they ascended the elevator to the common floor where the dinner was being held. Not only that, but the woman spouted an area of dark purple love marks, barely obscured by the low turtleneck of her blouse.
She made her introductions and they made theirs. "This affair could use some background noise," She remarked off-handedly, casting a meaningful glance at the TV.
Tony Stark was known for being a great host so he entertained her wishes, flicking on the huge flat screen with a flick of his wrist.
The team froze.
"I... -" The woman stared at the screen, mouth hanging wide open at the scenes that played out. "... am not going to kinkshame, but please turn it off," She stated in a small voice, seemingly unable to tear her eyes away from the mass of tentacles commencing erotic assault on a woman's body.
Wordlessly, the TV shut down, immersing the room in stunned silence. Loki face-palmed, the slap of his palm against his face echoing in the eerily quiet room.
"Loki!" Captain America, red as a tomato, instantly accused the most obvious person.
Except, he had forgotten one thing. "Loki was with me all day," The woman replied, unkindly. "Do you need more proof?" She tugged on the hem of her turtleneck, exposing an inch of skin marked blue.
The good Captain's face changed the shade once again, venturing very well into beetroot territory. "Who was the last one to use the TV?" Rogers asked, now with a hint of anger, as he stared at a guffawing Bucky.
"I believe it was Mr. Barton," The AI piped up, mechanical voice sounding almost insinuating. Or, perhaps, it just appeared that way.
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remmushound · 3 years
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Not a request, but a random bonding idea I came up with for my one-shots, so enjoy!! @assanmaharielsreblogs
Michelangelo was making dinner like he always did. While the brothers frequently indulged themselves in pizza and other fast food, that was usually a lunch thing for them. Breakfast and dinner always fell to Michelangelo, just how he liked it. On the odd occasional Michelangelo was hurt or sick or exhausted from a long night out on a mission— too exhausted to get up early or too tired to make dinner— Splinter or Leonardo always substituted (though Leonardo’s substitution was almost always takeout he tried to pass as his own cooking, even when Donatello’s cash count said otherwise. Leonardo always left a generous tip.) Splinter’s cooking wasn’t bad, but it was always some obscure, vaguely familiar dish from his heritage, such as unagi or tempura, that they almost never had all the right ingredients for. Splinter’s supplementation for the missing supplies never really turned out right, though he insisted it tasted just like the real thing. Still, if finances allowed, Donatello always made sure to splurge on supplies at the end of the month so that their father could make the dishes properly and bring some joy to his life. Something to hold onto from his human days.
One time, he remembered, Leonardo had a complaint about the dish Splinter had presented (hiyashi chūka, if Michelangelo was remembering right) and Splinter just about blew a gasket.
“You will eat what I served you..” the old, angry rat had said to his then twelve year old son, “...or you will eat nothing at all!”
Michelangelo carried a similar mentality into his cooking, though he’d always switch to Doctor Feelings before dinner to get everyone’s recommendations, and if they still complained even after the alterations were made, then Doctor Delicate would come out to play.
“Not all of us have your iron stomach, dad.” Twelve year old Leonardo had argued back to his father, to which Donatello had added:
“Only one of us did, actually.”
Then all eyes had turned to thirteen year old Raphael, who was onto his third bowl and was absolutely demolishing it with a savage, starving ferocity.
“RAPH STILL HUNGRY!” The teen had spat before throwing one of their good bowls at the wall, which earned him a time out (and also more soup to keep him content).
But that was then, and this was now. Michelangelo was cooking a new recipe— a four cheese ravioli with marinara sauce and pepperonis. He remembered the New Brothers asking about something called Pizza Gyoza and he wanted to try it out for himself. It didn’t take him long to realize he was being watched. Still with a smile on his face, he turned to meet the spy.
“Hey!”
Mikey gave a yelp and tried to shrink back out of view around the corner. Michelangelo frowned and tilted his head as he left the ingredients to go investigate.
“Hey.” He repeated again, holding a patient hand out to his counterpart, “didja wanna help?”
Mikey seemed surprised by the offer. “I’m not a good cook.”
Michelangelo shrugged. “And I don’t know how to play the tuba— doesn’t stop me from practicing every Sunday night! Just ask Donnie.”
Mikey laughed, and it made Michelangelo smile to see the other him not so scared anymore. Through the laughter, Mikey sputtered out words that Michelangelo couldn’t quite make out, but it seemed to bring the speaker joy so he didn’t mind.
“So?” Michelangelo prompted after the giggle fest had run its course.
Mikey gave a few last giggles before he was still and sad once more. “Are you sure...? You don’t think I’ll ruin it?”
Michangelo took the older turtle around the shell and began to guide him to the counter.
“There’s no wrong way to mess up a recipe you’re making up! Besides, even if it’s bad, raph’ll eat it like it’s five star lobster! I don’t even think he can taste anymore.”
“Really?” Mikey gave a look that showed he didn’t quite believe, “my Raph’s really particular about what he’ll eat....”
Michelangelo snapped. “Ah, a picky eater! I got one of those! That’s why I gotta make Donnie’s portion separate on most nights. Splinter tried to use the ‘can’t leave the table until you eat it’ technique and Donnie say there for almost two days refusing to touch it before splinter gave in.”
Mikey whistled. “I don’t think I could go two hours without food...” he clutched at his stomach, “let alone two days...”
Michelangelo gave a patient smile and patted Mikey’s shell to urge him closer to the counter. Mikey looked out over the perfectly laid out supplies, and then back nervously at the other.
“W... what are you making?”
“What do you think?” Michelangelo motioned to the ingredients. “Take a guess!”
Mikey narrowed his eyes as he took a second look. Several jars of Marinara, four different cheeses laid out... pepperonis and meat-cutting scissors... flour, salt, eggs, olive oil...
“Are... you making pizza gyoza?” Mikey could feel his stump of a tail beginning to wag excitedly at the thought of the soft, cheesy goodness of the treats his friend murikami often made for them.
Michelangelo tisked his tongue and bopped his other on the nose. “Close~ I’m making my own version! The best chef can improvise with what he has in his kitchen! The gyoza you described would be put in a dumpling, but this one will be improvised to fit in a ravioli! I could have done the traditional gyoza, but I like putting my own spin on things! It’s gonna be a four cheese ravioli with pepperonis mixed in and topped with marinara sauce! I call it Mikey’s Masterpiece!”
Mikey could feel his mouth running at the thought and swiped his tongue across his lips. “Sounds tasty...”
Michelangelo nodded, almost about to open his mouth to offer more praise before he saw that the poor mutant was still looking nervous and unsure.
“Here,” Michelangelo slid over several cups of flour and a measured amount of salt. “Mound them on the the counter and Make a well.”
Mikey poured the ingredients in the table and stared at them for a few seconds before Michelangelo recognized his mistake.
“Oh! Mm. We’re gonna make... a lake! See, the flour and salt will be our sand and the wet ingredients...?”
“Will... be our water?” Mikey offered tentatively.
“Exactly! So make the sand, but leave space in the middle so we can put in our water!”
“Oh!” Mikey giggled as he began to make a surprisingly well-crafted well, “this is fun!”
Michelangelo let the turtle have his fun before bringing over his egg mixture and offering it.
“Your ‘Water’ my liege~”
Mikey took the bowl and, after an encouraging nod from his other, carefully poured the mixture into the center.
Michelangelo cleared his throat. “OH NO! The tides coming in!”
Mikey gasped.
“And it’s taking a bunch of sand back with it!” He knew lakes didn’t really have a tide, but it worked for the euphemism. He took his hand and swiped some of the flour into the liquidy center. “Do you know how tides work, Mike?”
Mikey shook his head, his eyes in awe as he imagined the water cutting across the Sandy shores and taking them away into the cold depths.
“Well, tides come in a little at a time, so they can only take a little sand at a time.” Michelangelo explained, “and then!” He began to mix the liquid around with his hand, “the waves all get crazy in the middle and have a party! Now the tides gonna take even more sand! You try!”
Mikey knocked some of the sand into the mixture and, when he wasn’t scolded for doing something wrong, he began to carefully mix it. Michelangelo guided him through the rest of the steps until the ingredients were all mixed into a soft, doughy ball.
“What now?” Mikey giggled— his face and hands were now coated in flour to add to his genuine enjoyment of the activity.
“Now: feel how it’s all gooey-ooey?”
“Ya!” Mikey poked the dough.
“That’s like mud!”
“Mud?”
“After it rained all day and the earth got soft! But it’s January! What happens when night comes?”
Mikey scratched his head. “It gets all cold...”
“Aaaand...?”
“And the mud freezes!”
“Exactly!” Michelangelo folded the dough safely in plastic wrap and put it in the fridge. “So now it’s night!”
“So we go to sleep?”
“No silly! We’re ninja! We stalk the nights!”
“We own the night!”
“Exactly! So let’s own the night and keep busy while the dough freezes!” Michelangelo hummed as he looked over the cheeses. He took a handful and showed it to Mikey. “See these?”
“Cheese?” Mikey took a piece and ate it happily.
“No! It’s not cheese its... mystic crystals! Do you have those in your world?”
“No.” Mikey gaped, “Well, there was this one time that April got an evil Crystal from an alien planet. Does that count?”
“No. These are mystic crystals! They take on the properties of whatever they’re added to!”
“It just looks like cheddar to me...”
“That’s exactly what it wants you to think.” Michelangelo winked. “Now, we’re gonna make a magic potion with our mystic crystals!”
“What does the potion do?”
“It’s a... warmth potion! For when you’re cold! So we gotta add a lot of heat for it to form proper!”
Michangelo put a skillet on the stove and added olive oil, half a fan of marinara, and garlic. He offered a cup of heavy cream to Mikey, who promptly took a sip before pouring the rest of it into the concoction— it was going to get boiled anyway, so it shouldn’t matter. After a few minutes of standing over the heat, Michelangelo offered his friend the cheese.
“Now is the time to add the crystals— slowly!” He quickly added as Mikey went to pour the whole thing, “we don’t want the crystals to be on top of each other! They need to melt for the potion to work!”
Mikey nodded and obeyed, and while he did, Michelangelo started to warm up the rest of the marinara on a separate pan and preheat the oven. He checked in quickly on the brewing potion and removed it from the heat once it was ready, taking a wooden spoon to scoop up a small bit and taste before offering the rest to Mikey. The box turtle practically melted as the heat overtook his body in a pleasant mix of sauce and cheese.
“Mmmmm...” he moaned softly, “that’s really good!”
Michelangelo grinned, and began to sprinkle some pepperonis in and begin to mix it around. “Oh good other of mine~! I think it’s daaaaawn!”
Mikey gasped and hurried over to the fridge and pull out the flattened dough, giving it a poke. “It wooooorked...”
“Now! Roll it on the table, quick!” He tossed Mikey a rolling pin, “before the dough worms come out!”
Mikey’s jaw fell open. “The whaaaaat?”
“THE DOUGH WORMS! They live in cold dough and steal all the flavor! Now hurry and smoosh them before they can escape with the taste!”
“OH NO!” Mikey slammed the dough on the table and began to roll it out.
“No thicker than a nickel— the worms are really small and can survive otherwise!”
“I WONT LET ANY OF THEM ESCAPE!”
Mikey did an excellent job of flattening out the dough into a large, thin sheet. After reassuring him he had gotten all the ‘dough worms’, Michelangelo carefully cut the sheet in half and began to lay his cheese mixture.
“See these?” He held up the spoonful of the mystic potion, “when mystic potion is added to dough and boiled, it’s affects increase tenfold!”
“Ooooo!”
“So put them in piles like so...” Michelangelo began to lay out spoonfuls an inch apart, “so we can make a bunch and share it!”
“Good idea! We all need to stay warm and toasty!” Mikey grabbed another spoon and began to help.
With the playful assistance of Mikey, they had finished making the ravioli within two hours and Michelangelo let Mikey serve to to the hungry brothers.
“Mmm...” Leonardo moaned almost sensually at the explosive taste in his mouth. “This is really good.”
Leo had been hesitant at first when he found out it had been Michelangelo preparing the dinner, but a quick sight test showed nothing awry. A smell test yielded only a warm fragrance, and lastly a taste test...
Leo’s eyes shot open and he was sure they had fallen from his sockets in his surprise. One small nibble had turned into swallowing the chopstick-ful whole and almost purring in delight as the warm, perfect mix of sauce and cheese and dough rolled down his throat. Once their brother had taken the dive, Raph and Donnie exchanged shocked glances and began to scarf down their shares as if they hadn’t eaten in days.
Mikey didn’t open his mouth, except to eat his extra tasty dinner of course. Just seeing his brothers happily scarfing down something that he’d made was more than enough.
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Text
Tokito Muichiro x Fem! Pillar! Reader! [It Starts with a Piggyback Ride]
Reposted this here from my other account because it was broken somehow
Aaahhhh!! This my first time EVER writing something kny related. Is this a headcannon? A one-shot? I'm still pretty confused with the terms Woops-
I hope you enjoy!
WARNING: Slight manga spoilers and a long read ahead!
"I'm [L/N] [F/N]. I look forward to be working with you." You smile at your now fellow pillars sincerely. You're only 16, yet here you are; now called the Air Pillar.
In just a few days, Mitsuri, Rengoku and Shinobu has taken a great liking to you already. You can't say the same for Shinazugawa but you surprisingly spend a lot of time with him. You mostly trained and fought with him though. He was deeply intrigued with your breath style. Uzui and Himejima were close enough with you to let you ride on them and train with them for fun. Then there's Iguro, who doesn't really interact with you too much. The same for Tomioka, though you heard he was like that with everyone.
And as for Tokito-kun, he doesn't interact with you at all. You do see him often spacing out. You thought the two of you would get along better than the others since you're both the youngest amongst the pillars, I guess you were wrong.
° ° °
The first time Muichiro saw you, he felt odd. You somehow give off a vibe like Oyakata-sama to him. When you introduced yourself, he felt drawn to your voice. Your voice reminded him of something, but he wasn't sure what, since he lost his memories. He didn't like what he was feeling, what you were doing to him. He distanced himself from you as much as he can. Plus, he was taller than you. Sometimes though, he would watch you. He would watch you talk with Kanroji and Koccho. You always had a calm composure, and you seemed to have an easy atmosphere. He woyld also watch you play along with Uzui's 'I am a god' act, listen to Rengoku's telling you about his past missions and ecncouragement, make an effort to communicate with Tomioka and Iguro. Of course, you applied the same effort with Muichiro, but he somehow always finds a way to distance himself with you.
One day, the older pillars were discussing about something. You were curious as they didn't include you in the sudden meeting. Was it important? Was it about a mission too dangerous for a newbie like you?
Finally, Rengoku spotted you and waved. "Ah, young [L/N]! You're just in time!"
You walked closer and tilted your head in confusion. "In time? For what?"
"Looks like Tokito just arrived as well." Shinobu added.
Shinobu's tone was giving you a bad feeling. Tokito-kun is just as confused as you are.
"Hah! I've seen this kid fight a hundred times already. I'm betting my ass on her." Shinazugawa says with a little too much confidence in his voice.
"This isn't really appropriate for the children..." Himejima grumbles in response.
"It could be fun! Our two youngest, heading face to face head-on! Flamboyantly!" Uzui's eyes sparkled.
Bad feeling confirmed.
° ° °
Muichiro wasn't comfortable at the idea of having a duel with you. He didn't know why, as he never even gave the time to consider talking to you. But it did piqued his interest that Shinazugawa himself acknowledged your strength.
You unsheathe your sword. He had just noticed that a deep-blue ribbon was tied around the handle of your sword with its two tails flowing like a graceful wave behind you due to the breeze. The blade was a blinding silver and it's quite short compared to normal blades. Even as you are about to battle, you wore a smile. "I'll be in your care, Tokito-kun."
Muichiro twitched and initiated first. It was rare for him to attack first, but he wanted to end this as soon as possible. With a deadpan expression, he says; "Breath of Mist, Seventh form: Haze". He charges at you. Before he can even come close...
"Breath of Air, Fourth form: Ozone Deflection." You spin your sword in front of you with full force like a giant fan. You gripped the tails of the ribbon of your sword tighter as all the mist Muichiro created blew away. He falls back, realizing what you have done to his attack.
How can a girl like you were able to deflect his attack like it was nothing? And that calm with a mix of ease expression you always have. He's getting serious now.
"Sixth form: Moonlit Mist." He attempts to attack you from above--
"First form: Intoxicating Oxygen." You deflected his ranged attacks with your swinging the sword around. The slashes of your sword while deflecting his ranged attacks reaches Muichiro. Each slash didn't hurt him or wound him, rather it suffocates him more and more.
He noticed that you weren't holding your sword by the handle at all. You attack and use it like a single nunchuck by gripping unto the tails of the ribbon tied to the handle. If he can only get closer and cut that damn ribbon...
He barely lands back on the ground, coughing and wheezing as he did so. You took this chance...!
"Third form: Mountain Peak." You charged at him with great speed, he barely saw you move. You swung your sword at him consecutively, not giving him time to catch his breath.
Why is the air thinning? Or is it just the form you're attacking at Muichiro? Or is it just because of how fast and continuous your attacks are?
"Second form: Eight Layered Mist." His attacks were as equally fast as yours, but not a single attack from each one of you hits the other.
Soon, one of his attacks reached you and was able to slice the tails of your ribbon. You cuss in frustration and took your sword by the handle before it reaches the ground. You dodged his attacks as you rolled to the side.
"First form: Hanging Sky, Distant Mist." Your eyes widen in conflict as to what form you should use to deflect his straightforward thrust attack. You decided you didn't have a choice.
"Breath Technique: Atmoshpere."
Muichiro stopped in his tracks. You disappeared. He just blinked for half a second and you were gone. A breath technique? What the hell is that? And how did you move without barely--
Muichiro felt his body freeze up as he felt the cool iron of a blade. Your blade. You were breathing hard. The breath technique you used exhausts you too much, but it was worth it.
You won.
"Hell, yeah!" Shinazugawa screamed in triumph. "All of you dumbasses owe me a drink."
"You're surprisingly hyped up about this." Iguro implies. But Shinazugawa doesn't listen.
"I had faith in you, young Tokito!" Rengoku huffs jokingly.
"Ara ara, I didn't think you'd lose, Tokito-kun." Shinobu says with a tone that annoyed Muichiro.
Mitsuri slithered her arms around your neck, pulling you into a hug. "You did so well, [Y/N]-chan!"
"You have such a unique combat style though. What a flamboyant way to use a sword!"
You thanked them and laughed. After that, you all had dinner at the Ubuyashiki Estate. Everyone was talking about your fight with Tokito-kun, and how you defeat him. It was all flattering, but you just really wanted to have a bond with Tokito-kun. Tokito finished early and went outside. You followed soon after, not wanting to be dragged into the older pillars' drinking sesh.
You found him sitting on the engawa, staring at the star-filled sky. You sat a few meters away from him. Tonight, you were determined to at least start a short and small coversation with him.
Muichiro doesn't take notice of your presence on purpose. He knew he was gonna distance himself from you, but he was embarassed of his loss. Leaving might give you an impression that he's ashame of it. Truthfully, he kinda is.
"You're such a skillful swordsman, Tokito-kun!" you compliment him suddenly, almost startling Muichiro. "Even though you're just 14 and have a small build, you seem to have enhanced strength. It was fun clashing blades with you!"
He stares at you. "Fun? You find that fun?"
You nodded, smiling blissfully under the light of the full moon. For a moment, Muichiro was entranced. He never knew a simple smile out of pure joy can be so magical to look at. And he sees grateful faces almost everyday. The people who he have saved would always thank him and smile, happy to be saved and alive. That felt good for him, of course, but seeing you smile such a wonderful smile felt different. It felt foreign to him. Now, he thought if you smile like that and he was the reason...
He felt as if his temperature went up by a few degrees. Is he sick? What's with the sudden high in temperature?
"T-Tokito-kun! Are you okay?" You ask with concern clear in your voice. "You're face is red..." you scooch closer to him. It only made his temperature higher. "May I?" you ask, gesturing if you can place your hand on his forehead. He nodded slowly. You place your hand on his forehead; resulting to an even hotter and redder Muichiro. "You're hot...you should call it a day and get some rest."
Muichiro just kept nodding. He didn't know why his temperature keeps getting higher and higher. What made him question the most is his fondness of you getting concerned for him. Somehow, this felt different from Shinobu and the Kakushis aiding him after missions. He couldn't control himself and lets you pamper him more. This was such a nostalgic feeling for him. Unfortunately, he doesn't remember anything.
All he knows is that he craves for more of your genuine care and concern for him.
You stood. "I'll walk with you to your residence before anything happens to you. I'll tell the others that we'll take our leave-"
You stop mid-sentence, surprised. Muichiro was holding unto your haori, his head low. He was feeling ashamed and good of himself at the same time.
"It's fine, they're too drunk to notice we're gone anyway." He says softly. His voice alarms you.
"A-are you okay?!" You place both your hands on his cheeks and crouched a little to level your eyes with his. It was probably a bad idea because the only thing you can think of is...
Adorable.
A d o r a b l e.
Muichiro was so cute for you at that moment, being red in the face with an embarassed expression.
But you forced yourself to come back to reality. "Tokito-kun, you're burning up! Can you walk?"
His hands slightly shakes as he clasped your hands and put them down. You give him space to stand, flushed about your actions and thoughts earlier. He stands successfully, but when he takes a step, his face almost meets the ground before you catch him.
"How can you have a blank expression right now..." You mumble to yourself as you examine Muichiro to see if he hurt himself. "This will be embarassing for you, but I need you to cooperate with me before you get a fever or flu." He stares at you expectantly.
° ° °
This was definitely not what he had in his mind.
He was riding on your back. A piggyback ride.
You gave him a piggyback ride. He wasn't sure what to feel about this.
"Tokito-kun, hold onto me or you'll fall." You say.
"...o-okay." His wraps his arms around your neck as he let his head rest on you, feeling flustered.
He admits that you are strong. You've proven that to him clearly. And it somehow gave him a sense of security when you're like this with him. The feeling also felt...nostalgic. He couldn't remember what, but it isn't like he's trying hard though.
The crickets were noisy tonight, and the cool breeze is making the leaves of trees rustle. The wisteria trees seems to be glowing with the moon. Deep in his heart, Muichiro wished to stay like this for the rest of the night.
"Are you okay back there?" You ask quietly, in case he was asleep.
He hummed in response. Now he understands why he was so drawn to your voice. Your voice was like a soothing and sweet lull to him. He can listen to you talk all day without even trying. Such a sweet and kind sound...
"Keep talking." He says blandly. He craves more of your voice.
"Oh, okay..." You decided this was a chance to get to know him better! "Do you like to cloud-gaze, Tokito-kun?"
He wanted to listen to you, but he doesn't mind talking with you. "Mhm. They're nice to look at."
"They are since they can form into familiar shapes. I like the stars better though." You smile to yourself. Stars were very beautiful, and you can't help but feel jealous of their beauty.
"You said that you had fun earlier...why so?"
You give it a thought before answering. "Most people would feel anxious about being in a fight, but it's a different case for me. I feel excitement runnung through my veins instead. The sound of swords clashing, the raspy breathing I'll have because of exhaustion...it gives me such an adrenaline rush!" Your eyes sparkled. "Of course, I was against of the idea of fighting you though."
Muichiro stays quiet, waiting for a reason why.
"You're just so cute, Tokito-kun!"
He blushed. Hard.
His heart was beatung way too fast than it should be, and he was starting to sweat. He fiddled with his fingers and attempts to hide his face in your soft hair even though you can't see his reaction. But you can feel his heartbeat against you. You laughed is response.
"Cut it out."
"I'm just being honest."
"Yeah, cut it out."
You let out a giggle, making Muichiro blush even more. What the hell is happening to him?
° ° °
Everyday since then, he was clingy towards you. He was always beside you during meetings, eating meals with the other pillars, sometimes when you chat with Shinobu and Mitsuri. The other pillars were aware of what Muichiro is showing you, but they decided to shut their mouths to tease him. It was obvious he has no idea what he's doing, moreover what he feels about you. Whenever he would give you space, though, he would sit on the engawa and 'cloud-gaze'. That's what he claims. In reality, he would watch you. If he can't be beside you, it doesn't mean he can't watch you, right? Whenever you look at his direction though, he would look up and pretend that he's been watching the clouds this whole time.
"[Y/N]-chan~." Mitsuri calls you with a sly smile. "Have you not noticed it yet?"
You tilt your head in confusion.
"It seems like she has no idea, actually." Shinobu laughs.
You blink. "What?"
Mitsuri giggled like a five-year-old. "[Y/N], you're too cute for your own good."
"I think the right word is dense." Shinobu adds.
"Please don't compare me to Tomioka-san..." You sheepishly smile, half-joking. Shinobu is happy at your response.
She has a bad influence on you regarding Tomioka.
"Really though. You don't see it?" Mitsuri asks. Shinobu turns to Muichiro, who was looking at your direction. Shinobu waves at him with an innocent smile. He was about to hesitantly wave back, when you turned to him. His face was tinted with an obvious color of red and quickly looked down.
Oh. That's what they meant.
"Do you see it now?"
You nodded, feeling a bit flustered as well. Honestly, you've noticed this behaviour already last week. You didn't want to be full of yourself as you thought it was only you, so you shook the thought off. But knowing that the pillars noticed as well...
Your heart skipped a beat.
Muichiro is fun to be with. He had this side you never knew he had. And you noticed that he only shows that side to you. He was adorable, yes, but he had this charming side to him as well. And the smile he always gives you.
You fiddle at the sleeves of your haori, embarassed. You like him as well. Though all this time you kept convincing yourself that he only sees you as a big sister, since you're older and taller than him.
"[Y/N]-chan! You're sooooo cute!" Mitsuri squealed, pulling you into a tight embrace.
"M-Mitsuri-san!" You stutter. Shinobu just laughs. Your reaction was adorable for them.
° ° °
"Muichiro-kun!"
Later that afternoon, you dcided to spend it with Muichiro. Your heart is already beating out of your chest.
He was silent and just stared at you. You blink a few times. Did you do something wrong? Did he know what you and the other female pillars talked about earlier?
"W-what's wrong?" You ask before you sit beside him on the engawa.
He stares at the ground for a minute before answering. "Rengoku-san and Uzui-san told me something. I'm not sure if it's true..."
~
The Sound and Flame pillar had given Muichiro a pep talk this morning.
"Tokito, you like [L/N]." Uzui says bluntly.
Muichiro just stared at him. "I know that. Doesn't everyone like her though?"
Rengoku laughed heartily while Uzui face palmed.
"Young Tokito! It seems that you have not realized your feelings yet!"
"Yeah, no shit."
Muichiro just wants to walk away at this point, but Rengoku grabbed his shoulders.
"Tokito...you must know what love is, right?"
He nodded.
"Then let me rephrase Uzui's statement; Tokito, you love [Y/N]."
Muichiro processed what he said. After a few seconds, his face basically exploded. Does he love you? LOVE? Well, he likes the other pillars as well, but he likes you more though. He always wants to lean on you, smile with you, be safe with you...
...to be with you...
Muichiro wanted to stab himself with his sword.
"Question is, does she love you back?" Uzui adds.
Now Muichiro wanted to stab him.
"Why don't you ask her?" Rengoku smiles radiantly.
Now Muichiro wants to stab both of them.
"Just tell her this, then if she reacts this way, you'll know." Uzui winks. "We've got your back."
~
Can't he just stab himself right now?
"What's that?" You tilt your head a little.
You cute bundle of joy. How the hell is he supposed to say that to you?
He takes a deep breath. "[Y-Y/N]..." he started the statement, too late to back down now. "...I want to be with you."
You stare at him. His head was low, but you can see how red his face is. After some processing, you were a blushing mess.
"E-eehhh?!"
"B-before you say anything...!" he finally looks up at you. He froze. You were very red in the face. Your eyes were darting around. You were fiddling with your hands and hair.
All the reactions Uzui stated.
"...You're more beatiful than the stars!" He exclaimed almost too loudly. "You don't have to compare yourself with the stars. You're pretty just the way you are."
You swear, you're gonna have a heart attack soon.
"A-and I want to take care of you. You make me feel safe. You make me feel like I don't have to draw my sword when I'm around you, but I'll protect you too! My memories aren't back but that doesn't matter as long as I get to see you smile everyday..." he finished. His knuckles were white, anxious and afraid to what you will say.
You finally calmed down and smiled softly. You wrap your hands around his own, making him look at you. You were both a blushing mess, but you were more calm now. You kiss his nose and rest your forehead against his.
"I feel the same way. Thank you for coming into my life. Let's protect each other, Muichiro-kun."
Muichiro has never felt so happy, and hummed in agreement. You stayed like that for what felt like forever.
° ° °
"Muichiro-kun, give this to Tanjiro and the others at the Pillar Training later." You hand him 3 bento boxes and kiss him on the forehead. He was disappointed he can't do the same since you're taller, but you still appreciate his surprise kisses on your cheek.
"Can't you delay the mission just a little bit?" he pouted. You giggle at his cuteness.
"I'm sorry I have to go, Mui, but I promise I'll be back before midnight, okay?" he placed the bento boxes down and hugged you tight.
He regained his memories a while back and met a kind hearted boy named Tanjiro. Though your first meeting was a bit rough, the both of you were very fond of him and soon became close with him and his demon sister. Tanjiro and Nezuko, as well as most of the pillars, are supportive of your relationship. While Zenitsu, Inosuke, Shinazugawa and Iguro woukd either be pretending to throw up or disapproves, or just gets jealous and tries to snatch you away (mostly Zenitsu, and his reason would always be 'because you're the same age', resulting with Muichiro training him harder than ever.)
"You better be back. I'll be waiting for your return." he tries to sound intimidating, despite smiling.
You wave at him as he waves back. "Don't be too harsh on training today!" And you set off.
° ° °
"You're a strong one. You only survived from that attack."
The smell of blood was pungent as at least dozens of corpses clothed in either yukatas and kimonos or the black demon slayer uniform were lying on the cold ground.
"T-this was s-supposed to be a mission suitable for us Tsuchinoto, then an upper moon shows up...!" the demon slayer tells himself, shaking in fear under the intimidating eyes - 6 eyes - of the demon. He attempts to kill him, before--
"Breath of Air, Second form: Jagged Pierce Breathing."
You saved the confused and afraid demon slayer before the demon lands a blow. His arm sprayed blood all over in a zigzag, before the wounds completely closed.
"Run. Escape, and report immediately." You tell him. He didn't hesitate and ran away as fast as he can, but it was useless. The demon had caught up to him and killed him on the spot.
"Breath of Air? In all my years, I haven't heard of that one." he says, as if he didn't just kill a person. As if nothing happened.
His presence made your skin crawl with fear. You gripped tightly on the tails of the ribbon tied to your sword until your knuckles turned white. You can't move, afraid that a single step might do harm on you from him just by looking at you. You took in the scene - the horrifying scene. Adrenaline coursed through your veins. It was a different kind; it wasn't the same as you've always felt when you fight. A new emotion slowly envelopes you.
"I guess you're about to know." You say as fear turned to rage. Without you knowing, a demon slayer mark has appeared on your wrist. Then you see everyone's smiling faces flash before you one by one. Muichiro was last and the longest. Then it ocurred to you.
Upper Moon One.
You're not gonna survive this fight.
You weren't sure if you were gonna win or not.
But you'll die trying. You quietly apologize to Muichiro for breaking your promise.
The demon, with a blank expression, says to you;
"Don't disappoint me."
° ° °
Everyone was at their own home. Enjoying the morning, or eating breakfast, or training. Either way, everyone was calm and peaceful. Then the color of the crow, dark, have influenced the moods of the ones closest to [Y/N] as their own crows brought the news.
The pillars were in disbelief. Mitsuri cried while Shinobu was on the verge of tears, but tried to remain calm. "First, Rengoku-san, now..." She couldn't continue her sentence. Shinazugawa's hatred for the demons only increased as he almost grew violent to the point of almost destroying his own dojo. Uzui heard the news and visited the Ubuyashiki Estate, meeting the other pillars there. They also had a meeting so everyone was present, even Uzui when he's already reitred. Muichiro was the only one who didn't show. Oyakata-sama had exempted him from the meeting.
Muichiro was the last to hear the news. His crow brought along with the news a tattered and bloodied ribbon. Its natural blue color was barely visible because of the blood. He lost his brother, then Rengoku, then you...
You, who brought joy to his world. You, where he can only feel safe. You, who would braid your hair, gaze at the clouds and stars with him, train with him, eat with him and with friends, live happily with him...
At first, he couldn't believe it. But his crow wasn't done delivering the message as it didn't fly away yet. His usually obnoxious crow was quiet, as it can feel the tremendous amount of emotions he's feeling. He saw a piece of parchment tied to its leg. With shaking hands, he carefully unties the parchment from its leg and read what it said.
There, written in blood with your familiar handwriting.
"I love you."
That's where he broke down. The words he always wanted to say. You managed to say it to him first, even after you have died. His sobs were loud. He never cried like this. He never felt this kind of pain before since hmthe death of his brother.
He felt absolutely broken. He misses your soothing voice already.
Tanjiro arrives with Nezuko on his back, who seemed to have been crying on the way. He comforted him as best as he could.
His chest hurt as he brought the ribbon close to him. The only piece of your memory.
After a few months, Muichiro have regained himself and did his best at training the demon slayers, doing his job as a pillar, and making up to Oyakata-sama for not showing up to a lot of meetings. When he was done for the day, he would go straight home and hold your sword that has been delivered to him 2 weeks after your death. On display, a jar decorated with the tattered ribbon stood. Inside were your ashes. Luckily, your battle with the upper moon demon lasted until morning, so you're body was still there. He would always tell you about his day. But he always says the same sentence after he's done.
"[Y/N], you're so unfair..." he whispers. "...you met and seen my brother before me."
° ° °
Muichiro couldn't believe it. In the infinite fortress, there he stood.
Upper Moon One.
The same demon who killed you.
His hands trembled, gripping his sword. He took the ribbon from your jar and have tied it around the hilt of his sword. He can feel his blood boiling. He can feel the anger surge through him as memories of you become fresh on his mind. He was gonna lose it.
"Calm yourself." Your soothing and sweet voice echoed, sounding hollow and afar.
But then a breeze. A breeze that was never meant to be there. A cool breeze as if to cool him down. A breeze where he can breathe. A non-existent breeze.
He can feel your arms hug around his neck; the same way he hugged you that day being carried on your back.
"Breathe. Breathe, Mui, and you will win."
He closed his eyes. "I love you..." he can feel you smile. Soon, he couldn't feel your warmth anymore.
He's gonna avenge you.
Somehow. Even if it kills him.
496 notes · View notes
transbian-uprising · 3 years
Text
Some of my own Danganronpa non-despair AU headcanons/imagines this time! (THH edition)
I was inspired, so I decided why not write down some headcanons/imagines/character adjustments for my Danganronpa non-despair AU! I’m gonna be doing this as a series, starting with the THH characters, then the SDR2 characters, then the V3 characters (although I will mention characters from other games in my headcanons). Enjoy!
Makoto Naegi | 苗木誠
He’d definitely lend a listening ear to whoever wanted to vent to him.
When he first comes to Hope’s Peak, he’s such a fanboy over everyone
He has an inferiority complex and self worth issues because he’s surrounded by insanely talented students, but Sayaka and Kyoko quickly help him get over that
He’s pretty good at keyboard, and plays alongside Sayaka a lot
He actually got noticed by Kaede, who offered to teach him, which obviously he was ecstatic about
He’s the only one in Class 78th, and possibly all of Hope’s Peak, who is neurotypical
Sayaka Maizono | 舞園さやか
Her and Makoto are basically best friends
She’s still a total cinnamon roll, but she loves to play little pranks on the rest of Class 78th and have a good laugh over it
She, Ibuki, Leon and Kaede tried to form a music group together but they fell apart really quickly due to their different styles
She has a huge crush on Makoto, but she’s afraid to admit it
Leon Kuwata | 桑田怜恩
He’s almost always the only one in class, just so he can avoid playing baseball
Ibuki taught him guitar and he’s been playing nonstop ever since
He *tries* to get along with Sayaka, but prefers hanging out with Ibuki since they almost always end up playing together
Everyone in Class 78 calls him the Ultimate Guitarist because... reasons
Toko Fukawa | 腐川冬子
She doesn’t have the weird thing for Byakuya in this au
She doesn’t slut shame the girls either
She’s still really shy tho
She initially dislikes Hifumi for writing fanfic, but they eventually bond over their mutual love for writing
She’s also close with Tsumugi, and the two of them collaborated to write a book that was loosely based on Tsumugi’s favorite anime
Genocider Syo is friends with Sonia, but she’s a bit put off by Sonia’s obsession with her and other serial killers
Kiyotaka Ishimaru | 石丸清多夏
Initially, the rest of the class shys away from him because he has a stick up his ass about the rules, but Mondo and Chihiro quickly befriend him
After a while, he loosens up a bit, but he never stops being the Ultimate Moral Compass
He tries to bond with the class by telling jokes, but he’s always super awkward with it and is usually unsuccessful
He’s SUPER gullible — he’ll believe anything anyone tells him, and you better believe Class 78 uses that to their advantage
Once, he dyed his hair white on a dare, and ended up liking it and kept it that way
He also tries to do impressions of his classmates (mostly Mondo) but, again, is painfully bad at it
Everyone actually finds these funny tho
Mondo Oowada | 大和田紋土
He, surprisingly, likes to play card games, which everyone was shocked to find out
Except Celeste, who is fascinated by his interest
He’s very protective of his friends, and will do anything for them
Especially Taka and Chihiro, his two best friends
He’s an amazing hairstylist, and secretly loves to play with and style people’s hair
Everyone in all of Hope’s peak knows to go to him for hair care tips and tricks
He also taught Chihiro how to ride a motorcycle the two of them rode around together a lot, until Taka ratted them out
He still hasn’t forgiven Taka for that
Chihiro Fujisaki | 不二咲千尋
In this au, he’s a bit more open about his gender, but still has loads of insecurities
At first, he’s completely in the closet, but after rumors spread online about him being a boy, he decides to live as himself and goes to Mondo for help
Mondo became his first real friend to him because of this, and him (and eventually Sakura too) helped him become strong
Eventually, he became an honorary member of Mondo’s gang and would often hang out with them in his free time
His hidden talent is being a voice actor, but he’s super embarrassed to talk about it since he’s the Ultimate Programmer
His first voice role was in a video game he developed himself, which led some talent scouts to notice him
He eventually voiced in several anime and video games, some of which he also helped develop
He’s almost as passionate about acting as he is about programming, but the only people he feels comfortable talking about it to are Hifumi and Tsumugi, who both become huge fans of his, and Mondo and Taka
When he found out Junko had created Monokuma, he was fascinated and offered to help her with ironing out all his kinks
He, Chiaki, Mukuro and Miu also created the Exisals in this au, for the sole reason of fooling around
Although, Chihiro himself was a bit intimidated by his creation at first, but after Tsumugi and Junko pressured him to try one out for himself, he fell in love
Yasuhiro Hagakure | 葉隠康比呂
He’s less of a dumbass in this AU, although he still has a tendency to get himself in sticky situations
Celeste and Hifumi played a prank on him by getting him to dress up in the Robo Justice suit and go around scaring people, but it backfired after Hiro fell down the stairs and broke his leg
Being the only one in the class who can, he often buys wine for Celeste and Mondo (and whoever asks, but only those two ever do)
He and Mondo use the same hair gel, so sometimes he’d take Mondo’s without knowing, which would lead to some awkward misunderstandings
Interestingly, he once predicted the world would end and they’d all end up dead, but that never ended up happening
That’s where the “30% accurate” thing came from— before that he was almost always right
He constantly makes jokes about being an old man (even though he’s only in his early twenties)
Hifumi Yamada | 山田一二三
He’s no longer solely attracted to anime characters, but he still loves them very much
He’s also nicer in this au
He’s besties with Tsumugi, and they bond over their love of anime and fiction
He’s also a huge fan of Chihiro’s, after he found out Chihiro was on the development team for his favorite game AND voiced two of his favorite anime characters
Low key has a crush on Celeste
Angie constantly makes jokes about how his first name is just “one two three” in Japanese
Whenever he’s watching an anime Chihiro was in, he’ll hound him with questions about what it was like recording, which Chihiro doesn’t mind because he doesn’t get to talk about his voice work a lot
Someday he wants to write and direct his own anime, and Tsumugi and Toko give him a lot of writing tips
He formed a LARP group with Gundham, Tsumugi, Chihiro, Junko, and Kaito
Celestia Ludenberg
She doesn’t treat Hifumi like a servant in this AU, but she’s still mean af and has a superiority complex
She eventually revealed her true identity to the class after she got inspired by Chihiro, but it didn’t change anything with her classmates
Except Hiro, who constantly made jokes about them having the same name, much to Celeste’s annoyance
She occasionally brings Grand Bois Chéri Ludenberg to school with her, but she doesn’t let anyone except Hifumi, Sonia and Gundham pet him
She high-key has a crush on Sonia
She doesn’t actually know how to do her own hair, so she has to get Mondo to do it for her
Sakura Oogami | 大神さくら
She and Tenko become friends SO QUICKLY because of their shared passion for martial arts
She’s still friends with Aoi tho
The three of them hang out together a lot
She and Tenko developed a new form of martial arts combining Neo-Aikido and Sakura’s own style, which they named the Oogami Method
Junko bullied her because of her ripped uniform, but after she explained that nothing would fit her, Junko offered to have one made for her
Kyoko Kirigiri | 霧切響子
She and Shuichi are very close, obviously
She gives Shuichi a lot of pointers on improving his investigative skills, and they work together often to solve cases
She and Makoto still become close, but their friendship is overshadowed by her and Shuichi’s
She notices this after a while, and makes a concerted effort to spend more time with Makoto
She’s less distant in this AU, but she still tries not to show her emotions
Her hair is naturally black in this AU, she dyed it purple after she lost a bet (with Celeste)
Aoi Asahina | 朝日奈葵
In this AU, she doesn’t just love donuts, but she loves all sweets
She was a fan of Junko’s before coming to Hope’s Peak, and the two of them became friends quickly
She and Akane are also close, and everyone jokes that they’re sisters, though in reality they aren’t
She once got recruited by Kaito to be in a play his class was putting on, but she’s such a terrible actor that they gave her part to Junko
She once walked in on Junko and Mukuro testing out Monokuma for the first time, and they were super freaked out, but Aoi was fascinated and wanted to try controlling him
Mukuro was against it, but Junko was cool with it, so she got to in the end
Byakuya Togami | 十神白夜
He and Makoto are both obsessed with true crime, and the two of them actually become friends because of that
They both love digging into Hope’s Peak’s files and his family’s files to find mysteries they could try and solve
Sonia joins them a lot too
He unofficially became the class’s French teacher after they found out he was fluent
He’s nicer in this au, and he’s kind of the dad of the class
When the Imposter was impersonating him, the two of them got into a little mini-war over who was the superior Togami (Twogami surprisingly won that war, albeit barely)
Mukuro Ikusaba | 戦刃むくろ
She’s away from Hope’s Peak A LOT, usually doing soldier things
When she is at Hope’s Peak, she spends most of her time either developing new weapons or looking after Junko
She’s usually the one who has to clean up after Junko’s shenanigans, even though she partakes in them herself
She helps Junko with a lot of her projects, but usually she ends up working on her own things while Junko does her thing
Despite this, she loves working with her sister when she gets the chance
Her proudest achievement is the Exisals, even though she collaborated with Chihiro, Chiaki and Miu to create them
Junko Enoshima | 江ノ島盾子
While she’s obviously not Ultimate Despair in this au, she’s still very chaotic and loves causing shenanigans and playing (mostly) harmless pranks
She’s friends with Sayaka and Kokichi because of this (both she and Sayaka are members of D.I.C.E. too)
She still puts on different personas, but she does it as a joke
She’s actually a very good actress, and she loves to act, but just like Chihiro, that gets overshadowed by her Ultimate talent
She loves to build and create things, just like her sister, which is why she created Monokuma
She uses Monokuma for her pranks a lot
Sometimes she goes through severe depressive episodes where she doesn’t have the energy to leave her home, but she usually uses Monokuma as a sort of telepresence unit so she can still talk to her friends
At first, no one knew that Monokuma was her, but Aoi ended up spilling the beans
She also learned animation from Ryota, and wants to make an anime starring her, Kaito, Tsumugi, Chihiro, Mukuro and Hajime
She loves to share her projects with her friends, and often lets other people control Monokuma or model for her
She gets hurt a LOT, and usually Mikan has to care for her
Her proudest achievement is replacing the Exisals’ weapons with water guns (even though Mukuro did most of the work)
They actually decided to leave them like that afterwards, since the Exisals were only ever used by her friends to mess around in
She suffers from PTSD, and part of that is recurring nightmares that the world ended and all her friends were forced to kill each other
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numbaoneflaya · 3 years
Note
8, 21, 22, 26 for Caz , 25, 27, 29, 39 for Felria, 23, 30, 40, 43 for Suds, and 21, 25, 26, 35 for Nirn? 👀👀
HERE THEY ARE IM SJORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG GDSHEDG...
Caz
8. How does your character feel about religion?
Not a big fan! Hates the chantry and Andraste and the Maker and the Qun. Being raised in the circle run by templars and nuns and seeing the corruption of the church firsthand from the inside really left a bad taste in her mouth for organized religion.
21. What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?
She has the ability to flip her manners on or off depending on who shes with. If shes comfortable then shes going to be more crass and impolite, but shes capable of really cleaning up her act and pretending to be professional if she needs to be. Her type of hero is anyone who goes against the status quo and disrupts systems of oppression- She considers Thurwen/the HOF and Hawke personal heroes (if Hawke sides with the mages) as well as Anders. Has read all of Anders manifestos and reports on Thurwen and Hawke and would geek tf out meeting them.
22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?
Friends are anyone who accepts her for who she is and doesnt snitch on her, people she can trust to do the right thing or atleast try to, and people she can have a good laugh with. Lovers are only a couple in the past as she needs to get to know someone well/find them interesting to want to sleep with them. Her type is large, charismatic and rugged. Anyone who looks like a good brat tamer but is also intelligent and keen. Iron Bull.
26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?
Everything is covered in tomes and journals but theres a method to the madness. She likes to keep her things organized, surprisingly. She likes cool colors like greens and blues, likes dressing comfortably. Oversized shawls that second as blankets and loose pants. Her hair she likes to keep down with the sides pulled into little braids in front of her ears.
Felria
25. What are their hobbies and interests?
People watching and painting! She knows how to blend into a crowd pretty well or how to find a hidden vantage point where she can just sit and watch people… for hours. She finds peoples behaviors/reactions fascinating and makes little journals of interesting things she sees. Finding how other people work differently than her is vital to figuring out how best to manipulate and control them and she loves learning new ways! And painting because she has an artist's eye and enjoys beautiful things. A few bottles of blood and a quiet evening in front of an easel is a great way for her to unwind.
27. How do they relate to their appearance? How do they wear their clothing? Style? Quality?
She relates her appearance with how easily she will be able to blend in or stand out of her surroundings, and how to dress in order to play the role she wants to play. Because of her line or work (professional assassin and information gatherer) she has to have a lot of costumes available to fit the personalities she plays. Shes a performer at heart but only for herself and the joy she gets in deception. Her own style, if shes not performing, is simple reds and blacks and silvers. She keeps her hair long so shes able to do more with it.
29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?
Her pride could definitely be her downfall as well as her curiosity. She believes shes just better and different than everybody else and that its her right to play with people as much as she wants, I can see her eventually trying to play with the wrong person. She believes she can get out of any situation by herself without help and that she deserves the finer things in life, and if someone gets in her way, they deserve whatever harm befalls them.
39. What do they like to ridicule? What do they find stupid?
She will really ridicule anything and anyone because she finds most things stupid or benign. She likes to ridicule any of the gods and aedra, and anyone who worships them. She ridicules mortals and werewolves and any other creature that's not a vampire.
Suds
23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex?
Back in his youth he wanted spontaneous fun, a charming and outspoken person to sweep him off his feet. He always wanted someone to take him on adventures and be dangerous and in the moment. Now? Poor guy just wants commitment and someone genuine. Hes tired of charismatic liars who he always seems to fall for. He wants someone to help tend his garden and bond with the bees. He feels that sex is a sacred thing to be shared with people you trust, not something thrown around haphazardly. Relationship and trust come first with him, and he casually waves any flirtation most of the time as if he hadn't noticed it. He's been hurt too many times to trust easily like that.
30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?
Yeah hes holding onto a long ass past full of betrayal from the people hes held dearest to him :/ He by nature is a very forgiving person and believes one must be generous in forgiveness. Hes holding onto his past hurt from Felix and cant seem to get away from it- hes forgiven him many times and each time Felix just does the same things as before.
40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?
A little dual natured in this aspect. Generally pretty reserved and soft with other people and can seem serious to those who dont know him. Underneath that is his reputation as a trickster- fond of pranks and revelry. The little twinkle in his eye is the only thing that would give him away as the culprit when everyone is looking for who filled a bucket of mud over Nirns chamber door. His favorite kind of jokes are the really long ones, the ones that have a seemingly normal storyline and go on forever and then end in a way where the joke is really on the person listening. And everyone around goes “AAAUUGHH!”
43. Does your character have any secrets? If so, are they holding them back?
A lot of them! Hes a very good secret keeper as hes who many people go to with their problems. After being alive so long and being somewhat involved with politics he probably knows more than a few that could take down nations, and always seems to know whats going on wherever in the world. He has his connections, his mushrooms and his bees and such have eyes everywhere. And don't tell anyone but he is an ardent fan of juicy gossip.
Nirn
21. What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?
Impeccable manners. The posture of a God, obviously. Always eloquent and polite, knows which spoons to use for certain dishes and common diplomacy practice from all over the world. Nirn has no heroes, hes never held anyone to a pedestal or been one for hero worship. If he had to choose hed say his mother, for how graceful yet ruthless she was in politics and trade. He also does not hate anybody, he considers strong feelings a weakness and to harbor such resentment would only make him act rashly. He dislikes the slovenly, though. Not the common man but the drunken aristocrat with wine breath who gambles his savings and acts impolitely.
25. What are their hobbies and interests?
Chess and games of strategy are some of his favorites in the odd chance he has any free time. He also plays the violin and the harp and the lute, instruments he's known since he was taught them as a child. Wine tasting as well! Hes one of those mfs who can just sniff a certain drink and say with precision the date time and location it was made.
26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?
Everything is refined and elegant with a certain air of someone who enjoys the arts. Many expensive paintings and sculptures on display. He prefers the colors red and gold and white, sometimes a darkish blue or purple. He is always dressed to impress, satin and velvet and exotic leathers. He keeps his hair long to the small of his back, or tied up in a bun. In appearance hes intimidatingly tall and knows how to stand to look even taller, does not tilt his head down to you but moreso stares down his nose.
35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?
Failure is only a means to greater success to him. To win a game sometimes you need to sacrifice a few pawns, etc. Takes them calmly and with little indication that hes upset at all. He usually has four or five backup plans for any endeavor, so hes able to quickly jump tactics if something isn't working. In game or battle hes typically a good sport at losing, though he very seldom does. Hed be more impressed that someone managed to make him fail, and get to thinking on how to get them in his employ.
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obeymeoof · 4 years
Note
how the brothers + simeon and solomon would be or react with a gender neutral idol mc that is surprisingly famous in the realms? considering a headcanon that human idols are a new trend for non-humans lolol
Lucifer
He found out about you while looking through your documents
Admittedly, he thought it would be a bad idea to pull someone with so much influence on the human world into the devildom. But Diavolo insisted that it’d make a stronger bond b/w realms so of course it happened anyways.
Little did Lucifer know about the influence you had on the devildom AND celestial realm.
He had heard a few of your songs but had never put the songs to a face. He just thought it was another devildom singer.
He appreciates the work you have put in to come as far as you have but most likely won't treat you any different.
He’ll still threaten to kill you during those first few days when he’s suspicious of your intentions or try to attack you when you touch the grimoire.
Although he will (after you guys get more accustomed to living with each other) ask you to sing for him from time to time. He finds it calming and it helps him focus on his work
Mammon
mammon had heard of you of course.
Being the avatar of greed, he had dreamed of living a good life like you, raking in the big bucks.
Of course, he didn't want to put the same amount of work in. He just wanted money to give to his first love, Goldie.
When he hears about your planned arrival in the devildom he gets dollar signs in his eyes.
When you get there and are released into his care, he immediately wraps you up into his money schemes.
Will get gigs for you at Hell’s Kitchen and The Fall and act as your ‘manager’
Make sure you’re always paying attention because he has trouble fighting his sin and will take more than his fair share if he thinks he can get by with it.
If you decide you don't want to continue with doing this he won't force you...but he will definitely try to change your mind.
He has fun during these times to be honest. At first it was all about the money but he ends up having fun and growing super close to you.
In all honesty, sometimes he finds all the attention and publicity you get annoying. He gets greedy and doesn't want to share you so sometimes he’ll get pouty. but it's nothing a head pet cant fix
Levi
Oh, Levi knew about you. As a matter of fact he is the leader of your fan club in the devildom.
He is elated. And that's putting it lightly.
He’d always been envious of those who got to meet you face to face and now?! You were coming to LIVE with him! for an entire year!!!
He's going to ask for your autograph, selfies, and just be an overall fanboy
May ask if he can record you singing/dancing to one of your songs
He is DEFINITELY posting this. “Omg, cannot believe (MC) is staying at my house! Literally dying!#omg #HatersGonnaHate #Trending #MC”
Eventually, he will settle down and treat you a more equally as time goes on but he will keep you on some sort of a pedestal for a while.
Satan
He knows who you are but he acts so nonchalant around you that you're not too sure that he really does know.
He doesn't bring up the whole “idol life” in conversation or really bring any part of your fame up at all.
He doesn't do it to be rude he just doesn't see the point of treating you any differently than he would anyone else
It'd be a nice change of pace to not have everyone all in your business all the time and only seeing the idol side of you
That being said, he will sneak around and listen to your music and play it while he reads because he's secretly a big fan.
Asmo
This is the demon that keeps up with all things trendy.
He knows all of the popular human idols, including you, and their songs.
Reads about human idols im the devildom magazines
He follows the fashion trends that idols set as well so don't be surprised if his current apparel very closely resembles yours
He wants whatever gossip or stories you got on other idols/celebrities
Has more than likely been with a few or a lot of your coworkers or celeb friends
Will ask to song a duet with you and if it ends up being really good you guys may just make it an official song.
Asks if your managers and stuff are treating you good because he know that stuff can get shady sometimes he will NOT hesitate to set things straight one way or another.
Beel
This soft big boi would be clueless on the whole idol thing but he will show his support none the less
Will sit and listen to your celeb stories/rants or really anything you want to talk about. He just likes being around you in general
Now, if you want to catch his attention for real, tell him about all the exotic and high class food youve had the opportunity to try.
You'll have him drooling before the end of it
He may attempt to drag you back to the human world so that he too can experience these delicacies
He doesn't worry about being rushed by a crowd of fans since big boi can just give you a piggyback ride and walk through the crowd. nothing can keep him from his food
Belphie
Listens to your slow tempoed songs to combat his insomnia
He is no fanboy by any means but he does take somewhat of an interest in your idol life.
Asks you questions about your everyday life like “how do you run off of such little sleep” and “how do you keep up with everything without crashing”
Respects the grind. What you do is pretty tough for any average human to do so kudos to you.
Is definitely going to ask you to sing him sleep. Depending on how close you two are he may ask you to lay/cuddle with him while you sing
Ironically enough, he tells you that you have the voice of an angel.
simeon
He is somehow the most unmodernized, technologically impaired, being in the game.
hes caught up on exactly 0 trends, despite Luke’s best efforts to teach him.
He does take an interest in your life and interests so he will insist that you explain EVERYTHING to him.
It’ll feel like you're talking forever because there's so much he doesn't get but the sparkle in his eye makes it worth it and hard for you to say no.
He supports you even if he doesn't quite get it.
Loves to hear you sing and may even join in
Cups your face in his hand and smiles and tells you about how he can't wait to see you in the celestial realm so that you can show all the other angels how beautiful your voice and soul is...bold of him to assume you'll be going to the celestial realm when your time comes.
Solomon
Solomon would take a major interest in the whole idol thing.
He thinks it's neat but it's just not one of the things that sparks his (shady) interests.
If you seem hurt by this he may make an attempt to seem like he's more amazed by it by giving you little words of encouragement,advice, or praise but don’t expect much more from our mysterious sorcerer. His priorities lay beyond the human world, that's all
3/23
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drawlfoy · 4 years
Text
The Wonders of Ohio P.4
masterlist - find parts 1, 2, and 3 here
request guidelines
did you miss me :P
Tumblr media
pairing: draco x reader
requested: by prepubescent me
summary: american high school student y/n y/l/n’s senior year gets turned upside down when her family hosts a british exchange student that’s clearly keeping some secrets.
warnings: language and drug use mentions
a/n: hi everyone...i know that this has been a long time coming but. here she is. i finally finished this after the draft sat for over 6 months...here she is though! i’m excited weeee
tags tags tags
word count: 2k
music recs: hate candidate by BLOODHYPE, archie, marry me by alvvays
“No, no,” Y/N interrupted,  gently pushing Draco’s hands away from his locker. “It’s right to the number, left past the next number once, and right straight to the last number. You twist it right to reset it...no, like this...”
“This is pathetic, I don’t even need to put anything in a box in the wall,” Draco snarled, his gray eyes flaming.
“It’s really not that deep,” she said, snorting at his attitude. “Do they not have locks in England?”
Instead of answering, he huffed dramatically and scowled. “Open it up for me, will you? It’s not worth my time to learn.”
“You’re going to be here for a whole year, you know.” Y/N’s remark contradicted with her actions as she reapproached the locker and twisted out the combination. “But how can I say no to you, ever the gentlemen?”
She held out a hand out expectantly as he stared at her, his eyes full of confusion. 
“Your phone,” she said.
“My...my what?”
“I know, it’s weird, but they prohibit phones in orientation. Something about bonding or whatever. Just give it here, and we’ll keep it in here. If it goes off in any of the activities they’ll take it from you.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Okay, okay, I respect that attitude.” Y/N smirked, patting him on the shoulder as he flinched away from her. “Just don’t be mad at me when they confiscate it until 2.”
He stared at her for a few seconds longer before clearing his throat and nodding. 
<^>
The speeches at the beginning were always the longest part--the unnecessary dramatization of the importance of high school, the faux motivation mantras, the “love yourself” bits ironically being performed by some of the most insufferable members of the ASB--and Y/N was ready to get it over with, Draco seemed to feel the same way, as every time she looked at him, he looked another shade of uninterested.
She tried poking fun at the performances a couple times to see his reaction, and surprisingly enough, it was slightly well received.
“You see the redhead down there?” she whispered to him, gesturing towards the current speaker with her chin. He gave her a tight nod in response. “That’s Heather, our ASB president. She’s a total tool. Spews all this ‘vaping in the bathrooms isn’t cool!’ shit but one time I walked in on her doing lines in the performance wing bathrooms. She’s crazy, I’m telling you.”
Draco seemed amused at this, resting his cheek in his palm and watching her intently. “Lines?”
“Cocaine.”
“Cocaine?”
“You know what? I’m gonna quit while we’re ahead. I don’t want to be the one to corrupt you.”
Draco scoffed. “You’re worried about corrupting me?”
“Well, yeah,” she said. “I’m not the one who doesn’t know what cocaine is.”
He sniffed at this, turning his attention back to Heather’s mind-numbing anti-bullying presentation that was clearly put together moments before. Silence ensued for the next few moments before Draco sucked in a breath and turned to look at her. “What’s an ASB?”
“Oh, you should be so glad that you have to ask that,” Y/N stage whispered. “It’s student government. It’s an acronym for something. I never cared enough to remember it. The elections are super corrupt--it’s basically a popularity contest. They don’t do anything either...I don’t even know why it exists anyways.”
“So I take it you’re not popular?” 
“By choice, I’ll have you know,” Y/N pointed out. “I just made friends with the people I had stuff in common with. We all just happened to not be big fans of putting vodka in our Hydroflasks and the like...What I mean by that is that we aren’t big partiers.” She was quick to clarify when she saw the confusion on Draco’s face. 
He didn’t seem to understand any more of what she had said, or at least didn’t show any interest in it, scooting away a few inches from her and turning his head back to Heather’s speech.
The presentation ended within another 10 minutes, much to Y/N’s delight. One had been enough for her--two orientations was pushing it.
Maybe that’s why all the ASB kids are so awful she thought to herself as they made they way to Draco’s first class on the schedule. If I had to be here every year, I’d probably be a grade A rat as well.
“How’d they put you in AP Physics C?” Y/N asked him as they walked into the science lab. “I’m in your same period...and I had to take two years of physics before that to be qualified to take it. Did you take a Physics A level or something? Is that what they call it?”
Draco blinked twice. “Er...sure. My professors told me that I was skilled in Arithmancy, if that’s what you mean..?”
“Arithmancy? Is that just a fancy word for math?” she pressed. “I thought you guys just called it maths.”
“You could say so.”
Before she could push for any more answers, someone behind them cleared their throat. Y/N spun around, her face lighting up when she saw who it was.
“Mr. Whitacre!” she exclaimed. 
“Y/N, my least favorite student,” he greeted, a cheeky smile concealed by a rather bushy black beard. “I’m surprised they haven’t kicked you out of orientation. Haven’t you head? This is supposed to be an event for new students...not jaded old souls such as yourself.”
“Oh, you know me.” She rested one of her hands on a lab table, raising an eyebrow. “I just couldn’t stay away from the thrilling suggestion of physics.”
“Sure. And you are...” 
Draco just stared at him for a few seconds with a disgusted expression until Y/N elbowed him in the side, hard. “You’ll have to excuse Draco. He’s still going through jet lag. Aren’t you, Draco?” 
Y/N sent him a death glare until he wiped the expression off his face and uttered an awkward, “Er, yeah.”
The rest of orientation was just as uncomfortable and unnatural as Draco’s introduction to Mr. Whitacre. Y/N was surprised to see that they had a very similar schedule as Draco seemed entirely clueless to what the subjects even were. She mentioned her concerns to him briefly, but he seemed entirely unbothered.
“It can’t be any harder than school back home,” he told her in his prim and proper voice, prompting a small smile to grow across Y/N’s face. 
“Oh, I’m sure,” she said, her voice hardly containing her sarcasm.
The rest of the morning was spent toiling around each of the empty classrooms and memorizing room numbers so Draco wouldn’t be lost come Thursday morning. Y/N wasn’t having an entirely terrible time, as, much to her surprise, Draco wasn’t a complete dickwad. There were moments where he actually had something interesting or worthy to say, and when he didn’t look like he just stepped in something disgusting, she enjoyed the walks between classes. By the end of 5th period, she had concluded that Draco could make absolutely anything sound beautiful in his accent.For once, they were both being entirely civil to each other, and Y/N found herself wishing that the school day went on a bit longer. At least...until the walk to French.
“Excuse me,” a voice carried over Y/N’s as she was in the middle of telling Draco some particularly hot gossip from last year. “I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.”
Heather stood to their left, leaning coolly on the wall of lockers, her right shoulder just subtly dropped in their direction. 
“Hey Heather,” Y/N greeted. “This is Draco. He’s our exchange student this year.”
“Hello.” Draco’s voice was stiffer than usual.
She smiled, her lips stretching out over perfectly straight white teeth. “Hi Draco! Listen, I know it can be hard here at first, especially if you haven’t grown up around here, but I swear we’re all super friendly.” She held out her hand, smiling even wider. Y/N hardly managed to hold back a laugh as Draco took it and limply shook it like one would fondle a dead fish. 
Heather’s face remained just as cheery. “I just want to say that, as ASB president, it’s my job to make sure you feel like you fit in. Let me give you my snapchat, so if you ever need anything, I’m just one snap away.”
“Oookay, thank you Heather,” Y/N interrupted, wrapping her fingers around Draco’s sleeve and pulling. “I’ll give it to him tonight if he wants it. We have to find French now.” She couldn’t tell if it was just her imagination, but she swore that she could see Draco send her a slightly grateful look.
“AP French? Quelle coïncidence! I’m headed there too.”
No matter how briskly she dragged Draco along, Heather was able to catch up and chatter away, asking him about life in the UK and how he found Americans. She couldn’t help but allow a little smirk when he answered, telling her “a little annoying, quite frankly.” 
French was even more insufferable than she was expecting it to be. The strict teacher, M. Smith (despite being more American than everyone in the room, yes, he did insist on being called Monsieur), coupled with the weird, forlorn glances Heather kept sending Draco made Y/N feel crushingly uncomfortable. With the way that Draco was fidgeting, she could guess that he felt the same way. 
Suddenly, 2 couldn’t come soon enough.
<^>
“So, what’d you think?” Y/N asked as they made their way back to Y/N’s car. She toyed with her lanyard, turning and twisting the keys until they couldn’t twist anymore. 
Draco stepped over to the passenger side door, waiting for her to press unlock. “Your friend Heather is very friendly.”
“She’s not my friend, Draco, I already told you that.”
“She certainly comes up to talk to you a lot for someone who isn’t your friend.”
She shifted into drive and began pulling out of the parking lot. “It’s an American thing. And plus, she wouldn’t be talking to me if I didn’t have a pretty boy with an accent living with me.”
Draco froze up, sending her a weird sideways look.
“Don’t be so overdramatic, kiddo,” she continued. “American girls go crazy for British accents. Trust me. There’s going to be so many girls throwing themselves at you come tomorrow that you won’t even know what to do with yourself.”
Y/N tried to keep the bitterness from creeping into her tone as she told Draco this. It wasn’t like she liked him or anything--no way--it was just frustrating to know that the moment he stepped foot on the school grounds tomorrow, he would be snapped up into a flurry of admirers. These few days had felt like she was keeping a delicate, sophisticated secret in the guest room in the hall over, but it was time for her to snap out of it. 
“The feeling certainly isn’t mutual,” he finally said. Y/N could see that his head was rested against the window as he looked out into the trees as they passed by a particularly wooded area. “American accents give me a migraine.”
“Funny, me too.”
“But you have one.”
“Your point? Pass me the Advil.”
“The...the what?”
Y/N sucked in a deep breath and tried to keep herself from bursting out into a cackle. “Paracetamol, maybe? I think that’s the British version.”
“Er...I’m sorry?” Draco had moved his head from its resting place on the window to send her a confused look.
“Forget about it.”
The drive back was silent for the rest of the way. Upon arriving, Draco made a beeline for his room and made no indication of wanting to come back out, so Y/N spent the rest of the evening ironing out her physics problem sets and getting her backpack ready for school. 
My last first day she thought to herself as she zipped her binders and pencil pouch up, a hint of nostalgia threatening to choke her up for a moment. 
The entire situation felt eerie and strange. All her life, she’d been waiting to get out of school so she could go to college and meet new friends and have her fun life experiences, and now it was all beginning to happen. She tried to imagine how Draco must’ve been feeling in that moment and could hardly manage to come up with anything she could relate to. He’d been uprooted from his home, his family, his life, all to move to fucking Ohio of all places to finish out school. Y/N would feel a twinge of pity if he wasn’t such a prick.
Which, by the way, now that she really thought of it, was perhaps becoming overshadowed by all the little things she noticed about him. Obviously, he was very pretty, but there was something else just magnetizing about him that she’d never seen before in a person. The way in which he carried himself, the regal manner he spoke in, the delicate and practiced motions of his hands whenever he did anything menial--it all added up to paint Draco as the picture of elegance. She came to the realization that she’d never met anyone quite like him before as she was getting into bed and turning her lights off. He seemed so incredibly detached from reality, but decidedly so, that she couldn’t help but feel fascinated with it all. 
And he was all hers to figure out for the next 9 months. 
final a/n: huhhhh isn’t that funny that i actually came out with a different fic than i said i would? i think i want to do that quarantine thing a little bit later and make it a series. i’ve planned that i want to finish mirror, mirror in the coming weeks and then transfer to writing the “one shot” that was scheduled to be posted today as a series as well as this. exciting stuff to come!
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popculturebuffet · 3 years
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The Critic Valentine’s Day Double Feature (Pilot/Sherman, Woman and Child)
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Vivia Jay Sherman! Viva Quebec! Viva Valentine’s Day! And Viva WeirdKev who as happens for a good chunk of my content payed for this wonderful double feature for one of my favorite shows.  The Critic was created by Al Jean and Mike Reis of The Simpsons fame, a comedy team supreme. While I knew the two wrote for the simpsons, more on that iin a minute, I had no idea just how many classics the two churned out: There’s No Disgrace Like Home, Moaning LIsa, The Telltale Head, The Way We Was, Stark Raving Dad (Sadly tainted by it’s guest star being a horirble monster but that’s not their fault), Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington, the treehouse of horror segments The Bart Zone and Clown Without Pity (The second of which may be my favorite treehouse of horror segment), and later coming back to write the story for one of my all time favorites Round Springfield and to outright write the classic “SupercalfragalisticexpalliDOHcious”.  And to his credit Jean would later go on to write some classic post-golden age simpsons episodes during his tenure as producer: Lisa’s Sax, Mom and Pop Art, and Children of a Lesser Clod, which is notable if nothing else for this gag. 
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So yeah the guys are legends and were right to start their own show under Simpsons producer James L Brooks over at ABC. The show followed the adventures of film Critic, Jay Sherman, a parody of film critics with high brow tastes, impossibly high standards, and a huge opinon of himself, having won the pultizer at least once.  Despite this he was also constnatly spat and shat on by society, divorced, lonely, depressed and eats like a thousand pigs combined in some horrific science accident. And given the last three parts describe me, as well as my profession of b eing a critic, naturally I love the guy and this show. I’ll get into his cast as we go as the first episode does an excellent job of introducing the entire cast so there’s no sense repeating myself.  But the show’s style I can and will talk about: It’s basically Golden Age, i.e. season’s 1-10, simpsons, but with more pop culture refrences and movie parodies, since the show would often feature multiple on Jay’s show coming Attractions and took place in the celebrity hot spot of new york and was a love letter to the city.. and sometimes a hate letter but only when those digs at the city would be funny, which to be fair depsite never having been to or lived in new york most really are. That’s the series key asset: while a LOT of the jokes haven’t aged well as a lot of the celbreity refrences are dated as are some of the movie parodies, most are hilarious wether you get what their making fun of or not and to me tha’ts a good parody: where knowing what their making fun of HELPS, but you can laugh regardless. The show had the charm and pace of the Simpsons while having it’s own unique style and cast that was just as charming and I love it dearly.  The show sadly only lasted two seasons, with ABC canceling it after one, and Brooks having it moved over to FOX, which was a good idea and lead to what’s probably my faviorite simpsons episode, a Star is Burns. Ironically despite you know, the show being created by two simpsons writers, backed by one of their producers and perfectly in line, creator Matt Groening was against the idea, publicly ranted about it to the press, and generally was an ass about it. Look I love the guy and even Brooks, Jean and Reiss were all nice enough in thier criticsim of the guy, but sitll very much understandably pissed off. .and i’m with them. 
It gave what’s again, my faviorite episode and what is not a “30 minute add” but an episode that easily stands on it’s own and also you know, pokes fun at itself for being a crossover a few times. You don’t need to see the critic to enjoy it, and episodes most iconic gags, Boo-Urns, Man Getting HIt by a Football, Senior Speilbergo, all don’t involve jay. And again the shows were not at all dismilar: While the critic was it’s own thing it still had the simpsons sense of humor and pacing so I saw it more as a petty rant against having a crossover in general more than a legit critcisim. Especially since Groening had no such complaints decades later with the family guy crossover after both shows had all tehir talent surgically removed and had the gall to NOT remove a cheap shot at Bob’s Burgers. And yes i’m still bitter about seeing that in a promo for the special, Bob’s Burgers is fantastic, to the point that now, in a fabulous case of history repeating itself, it’s got it’s OWN show like the critic made by talented former crew members using a similar but sitll throughly unique comedy style , The Great North. My point is that controversy pisses me off, and The Great North is spectacular go watch it while you read this. 
So yeah the Critic is awesome, me and Kev are both fans, and there are plenty of romantic episodes abound as the show digs into Jay’s love life quite a few times and has episodes about his son’s first love, his boss finding a wife towards the end of the series, his parents rekindling their spark and in what’s easily my faviorite episode, his sister dating a grunge rocker. So there was no shortage of choices but the choice made was brilliant.. and i’m not saying that because i’m being paid to, as my review of splatter phoenix’s first episode in darkwing duck and woops should show, paying me does not guarantee that I have to LIKE what your paying me to review. But here I did and he pointed out the first episode of each season, with season two being a soft reboot that while keeping the premise and supporting cast changed a few things around and added two new main characters, and both involve jay finding a new love intrest and intorduce a lot of the cast. I found him to be right, so where we are and after the cut i’ll dive into the good and bad of both episodes and see what changed inbetween seasons. 
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That gag will make sense.. later. Right now it’s time for our very first episode, the show’s very first episode as you could probably tell by the title. 
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Pilot:  The pilot starts with Jay getting touched up by his Makeup Person Doris. Jay is played by legendary comedian John Lovitz, who this show gave me a deep and lasting appreciation for. Lovitz was at the time best known for his 5 year long stint on SNL, and film wise is best known for Three Amigos, the Brave Little Toaster, The Wedding Singer and Rat Race. Sadly while I do geninely love the guy.. he has been in enough crap to destroy the New York Sewer system, as everyone needs money and sadly not everyone appricates the talents of John Lovitz like I do. 
So naturally he’s also been in The Stepford Wives remake, Grown Ups 2, The Ridiculous 6, Eight Crazy Nights, North, Benchwarmers and Benchwarmers 2: Breaking Balls. Yes that’s an actual movie, though it’s already better than the first one for virtue of not having Rob Schnider and David Spade starring in it despite.. that title. The irony is not lost on me that Lovitz has essentially made his money starring in the kinds of films Jay was forced to see for his job.  Still a VERY talented, very lovely man.
Before we get to our next voice actor up, no profile of Jon would be complete without mentioning that time he slammed Andy Dick’s face into a bar. To make a very long story short, Lovitz was friends with the late great Phil Hartman, who even did some voice work for this very show, whose wife who had severe drug and mental ilness killed them both. Phil had told Lovitz he saw Dick give his wife cocaine, so after Phil’s tragic murder when Lovitz and Dick ended up on the same show, Lovitz ended up exploding at the guy out of grief and blamed him for her death, but later apologized like a gentleman.  Living up to his name though Dick later went up to Lovitz at a restraunt Lovitz owned and said “I’m giving you the Phil Hartman curse, you die next”. Granted he was drunk but still...
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Naturally Lovitz banned the guy and Lovitz later demanded an apology when the two ran into each other when they ran into each other at Lovitz regular gig at the comed store. Dick not only refused to apologize even when Lovitz put him against a wall, but said it was because “you blamed me for her death”... which was a decade ago with change by this point, the actions of a man GREIVING for his best friend whose wife’s relapse you caused which inadveradntly lead to her and her husband’s death, and something HE APOLOGIZED FOR. Naturally Lovitz took this how you would and did what we’d all like to do in general and broke the shit out of his face and only didn’t do more because they were seperated. IN short this man is a hero and I wil lbring up this story at every opportunity.  Doris was played by the late voice actress Doris Grau, a script supervisor who worked on a LOT of films as one , the most notable I could find on wikipedia being Clue. This is a fact I just learned today but boy if it isn’t neat. Grau mostly did aditional voices for shows, most notably Ducktales and the Simpsons, where she played Lunchlady Doris, and of course this show. Still she seemed like a very funny and talented woman and it’s sad she’s gone.  The two start the series mostly sniping at each other and while that never ENTIRELY goes away, Doris gets more supportive after a spotlight episode where she and Jay bond and Jay thinks she might be his mom. And while she’s not this surprisingly sticks and for the rest of the series while still not above making potshots at him on occasion, she’s far more supportive. She also informs him she’s out of spray on hair “I’m bald and ugly, get more!”. This show is naturally comedy gold and a lot of it relies on Lovitz sense of timing, though the rest of the cast aren’t slouches but we’ll get to them as we go.  She ends up putting a hat over him and we get our first film parody, Rabbi PI starring Anuld, which is alright. Not one of the series best but passable and gets the gimmick of having film parodies on jay’s show across, which was a nice way to set it apart from the Simpsons. Jay reviews it on the Shermometor, a gimmick jay hates and that disappeared by season 2, giving it a bellow zero to the ire of his boss Duke Phillips.  Duke is one of the best parts of the show, an unhinged southren billlonare who was a modeled after Ted Turner, down to the mustache, who built up his fried chicken franchise into a multimedia congrlomorate and is also mildly nuts, though that part would be more of a thing in season 2. In season 1, he’s mostly there to make Jay’s life hell, with about half of the seasons episodes having him either fire jay or put his job in jeapordy versus 2 the next season. He’s still not unfunny, but most of his best stuff is in season 2 when Charles Napier’s allowed to cut loose a little more and the character wasn’t shoehorned into just being a clueless executive.  Charles Napier is a longtime character actor who showed up in TONS of films and tv shows too many to list.. and trust me with some of the lists of credits before and after this that’s saying something, his biggest voice rolls being in this series and Men and Black the Series as Zed. But needless to say he was ALWAYS this awesome and sadly passed in 2011.  Jay’s guest for the day is Valerie Fox, an up and coming actress whose first film kiss of death is coming out soon.. and whose age is an engima and it’s only a problem because if she’s 20, like the episode mildly suggests giving her starting career and her voice actress being that age, then this gets really gross as jay is 17 years older than her then. But given she looks older than that and sounds certainly older than that, i’m going more with 30, since she looks more like it, and sharon stone, who she’s mildly based on given she stars in a basic instinct knockoff and does the leg thing, was 32 at the time of basic instinct.  Valerie is voiced by Jennifer Lien, aka Kes from star trek voyager who I only know about because of reviews done by SF Debris and Allison Pregler. She was the childlike love intrest of Nelix, the ship’s resident pain in the audience asses who made them BEG for early seasons wesley crusher and who once, and I saw footage this wasn’t SF Debris exagreated, lunged at a crewmate in a jealous rage, unfounded by the way since Tom was AVOIDING kes depsite being attracted to her as he just wnated her to be happy and to not mess up her relationshpi, and screamed “i’ll kill you!”. Point is she hasn’t had a huge career, but was still worth noting and does a fantastic job here. Again I did not realize she was that young at the time by her voice, and that means she did a great job. 
So Jay’s smitten with her, finds her super attractive and she asks him out.. but to the show’s credit, and Jay’s he does try to rebuff her because he knows ther’es a conflict of intrest there.. but ends up giving in. However at least the show not only is upfront that there’s an issue here but that ends up being the thrust of the last act. Granted there’s still some.. questionable stuff like when she does the basic instinct leg cross and he says “can we get a shot of that”, which no.. Jay.. no you can’t. Ewwww. Seen far worse, like It’s Pat, which was a VERY real SNL sketch about people trying to guess the titular pat’s gender because that’s not creepy or invasive even for the time. And they made a movie out of it because Wayne’s World was popular forgetting that Wayne’s World, one of my faviorite movies by the way and one I need to cover here sometime this year now the thought’s occured to me, was a labor of love, with a talented director and actual ideas from it’s two leads who actually fleshed out the character versus a concept that was NEVER funny to begin with and has gotten down right horrifying with age. And wasn’t I talking about the Critic? Not the abusive jackass mind you, Jay Sherman. 
Ah yes so Jay takes Valerie to a date at Lane Riche, the rich jackass where we meet Vlada, a vaugely european man whose your typical hollywood suckup. As Jay puts it in a later episode  Vlada: I love you too Jay: You only love my money Vlada: That’s true but it is a love that will never die.  He also naturally scoots Jay to a less nice table in the Critic’s section once Conan O’Brian shows up... which WAS supposed to be a different kind of joke, as at the time Conan was just a writer on the simpsons and SNL, but now given he has a decades long career in late night and famously said fuck you to NBC during that whole Tonight Show debacle, which netted him his own show on TBS, it comes off more as the kind of self deprciating gag Conan makes about himself. So in other words it’s actually funnier now? 
As for the critic’s section that’s a part of the series I’ve neglected to talk about so let’s do that: The kind of critic Jay is, one who plays clips of the movie and reviews them.. on television. And were usually academics who looked down on popular film, the kind Siskel and Ebert popularized, and both suprisingly had a huge guest apperance in season 2 and even reviewed the show on their show. This kind of film criticism just dosen’t exist on tv that i’m aware of anymore, and mostly lives on with internet reviewers , many of whom were inspiried by critics like this, and who range from acadmeics to average joes to some mixture of both. It never went away just simply went to a younger generation. Some of which squandred it and somehow still have a career like certain abusuive jackasses i’ve mentioned enough with that one gag a few paragraphs ago. Point is it’s a much more varied and different game now so the critic ended up as one of those shows or movies where the main characters very job feels like an artifact of it’s time, like our heroes in Wayne’s World hosting a public acess show, when nowadays they’d just put it up on youtube or the entire idea of a UHF station in well.. UHF. It’s not a BAD thing, just something to note. 
But the date goes well as Valerie shows she’s really into jay and even takes him oggling her in stride, though we do get an utter classic of a gag when Jay says something about women being drawn to him.. and cue an old woman asking to rub his nonexistant hump for luck “You hunchbacks are all alike”. She does so anyway to his understandable annoyance. 
But the two go back to Jay’s place, talk about his acomplishments including a pulitzer and then well.. the obvious happens they go to bed together and the next day after Valerie is horrified at his just woke up fac,e he gives her an easy out but she’s fine with it. It honestly shows just how low the poor guy’s self esteem is that he just.. assumes a woman will regret having slept with hima nd walk out and while played for laughs it really gives a clear look into Jay’s mental state: He’s so full of self loathing, not helped by the world being out to get him, that it’s really oddly endearing. And VERY releatable.  The two are interupted by Jay’s son Marty. Marty is played by the very recognizable and very wonderful Christine Cavanagh, who sadly passed away in 2014. She voiced Chuckie Finster, Gosalyn Mallard, Oblina, Dexter from Dexter’s Lab and the titular pig from Babe. She decided to retire in 2001, so while her career was only about a decade she made quite the impact and is sorely missed. Unsuprisingly her usual voice is perfect for the very awkward Marty, who Jay asks to tell eveyrone about the beautiful woman in his bed especially his unfaithful and utterly loathsome ex wife ardith. 
This scene demonstrates two problems. The first is just the pilot as Jay’s kind of sleazy. While Jay being thirsty wouldn’t go away, especially in the episode Lady Hawke, it’d be made more awkwardly endearing. Here there are moments of him just plain being creepy like the aformentioned oggling, which while not bad in itself, if a bit awkawrd, also has him creepily muttering to himself while doing so which removes any charm or relatability and just sends it straight into needing 10 showers just to wash this scene off. The rest of the series would just turn him into a bit desperate at worst.  It also explains why the only other romantic story the guy has in the season is a pastiche of misery. Thanfully this would be GREATLY adjusted next season but we’ll get to that. 
The other problem is just the tone... we get a good half a minute of Marty talking about how he calls Ardith’s boyfriend “Uncle Al” because he likes him a lot.. to his dad’s face. And granted his dad is being creeptastic this episode but the early episodes just pile on the Jay hatred by the world a bit thick, to the point one episode puts him as “worse than hitler”. Granted the audience is full of idiot teens who have no idea who hitler is, and the gag is kinda funny, but it makes my point: Jay is just utterly shat on by the world, and while he does get a few wins, most are undercut by something awful and it gets taxing sometimes. The guy is just too loveably pathetic to hate, too relatable even as a teen and not snobish enough to be really loathsome or WANT to see him knocked down by the world. It’s not overwhelming enough to ruin the first season, it still has good episodes but this episode does highlight a LOT of these problems.  He does get to spend the day with val though, dancing outside the trump buliding, seriously even back then he was a joke and his lack of money half the time was well known.. how did the last four years happen, and they tell each other they love each other. I’d aww if I didn’t know how this ended.  So jay relates the good news of how he feels to his best friend, Jeremy Hawke, played by Maurice LaMarche. LaMarche is one of the most talented voice actors alive, a master of impersonations paticuarlly orson welles, who was naturally brought on board because they knew they were going to need a lot of celebrity voices for the film parodies and needed one or two guys to do them to keep it cheap. The guy is like most of this cast a legend in the industry, having voiced the Brain, Squit, Dizzy Devil, the Human Ton, Big Bob Pataki, Egon Spengler, Sleet,  Kiff Kroker, Headless Body of Agnew, Morbo, Various other Futurama characters because that list is long, Mortimer Mouse, Blue Falcone, Father, Yosemite Sam, Vincent Van Ghoul, Doctor Doom, Abradolf Lincler, and Odval. Point is the guy has been engranged in my childhood and adulthood and will probably even after he’s gone come back from the grave to do some voices. He even got the part of Jeremy Hawke here because he happened to do a REALLY good australian accent depsite not being australian. Jeremey was a combination of paul hogan, the star of the Crocodile Dundee movies and at the time sex symbol and at this time known anti semite Mel Gibson. Obviously neither of those refrences has aged paticuarlly well, but since hollywood ALWAYS has room for a super hunk from australia, just ask Chris Hemsworth or before him Hugh Jackman, the character still works and his breakout role, Crocodile Ghandi is so ludcrious it works. I.e. a white australian man playing the mahtma and saying before he brings peace “First a tasteful shot of my bum for the ladies. Jeremy, while sometimes increidbly oblvious, is still a fairly nice easygoing guy and an extremley loveable character. And whie Jay worries about Valrie meeting him because he’s sex on a cracker she ignores him and jay gloats for a bit, paticuarlly with the great bit “take your genatalia right back to australia”. And while Jeremy’s happy for him he tries to reign Jay in when Jay talks asking her to marry him.  As Jeremy later relates on Jay’s fire escape “Bubala, i’ve learned there’s two things you should never do: Marry an actress and wear blackface to the naacp image awards. Two things I found out the hard way. “
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So Jay takes her to meet his parents and finds out he’s adopted.. and their also rich. Jay’s waspy parents are his cold and overly honest mother Elanor, played by  Judith Ivey, his kooky dad and THE best part of the series Franklin played by Gerrit Grahm and his loving and free spirited teenager sister Margo played by Nancy Cartwright.  Okay (cracks knuckles) here. we. go. Judith Ivey is a tony wining stage actress and has also directed numerous plays and is mostly known for her stage work but I know her from Designing Women where she played BJ in the last season. Garret Grahm apparently shows up in a lot of brian depalma movies, including Beef in phantom of the paradise, a lot of tv work and to my shock the asshole dad from Child’s Play 2. Another thing I genuinely love I wasn’t aware an actor or actress from this series had a part in.  Finally there’s Nancy Cartwright, who you DEFINTELY know from the Simpsons, where she plays Bart, along with Nelson, Ralph, Kearny, Database, and Maggie, and Kearny. Other credits include Pistol Pete, Mindy from Animaniacs, Chuckie Finster picking up for Christine Cavanagh ironically enough, Lu and Rufus from Kim Possible. She’s a talented lady and i’m glad sh’es still around. Whew. 
Okay so yeah I do love the shermans and fraknlin is again easily the best part of an already excellent series and unlike Duke that’s in full display here, with him saying, when his wife mentions they were going to give jay back at one time, “Son if I’ve said it once I said it a thousand times.. who are all you people. “ and he’d only get better. Sadly he’s NOT in sherman woman and child. Our loss really. But he’s in pretty much every other episode of season 2 thankfully and most of this season so eh, fair trade off. Also we get the classic line, after Jay says he’ll love valrie even when he’s decaying in the ground, his mom quips “Cna’t we go one meal without talking about your rotting corpse?” Though Eleanor understandably thinks Valarie is using jay for a good review. Margo suspects her of the same and takes her on a horse ride, though all she can gleam is that Val genuielly loves jay and welcomes her to the family.  Jay however does decide to duck out of the inteview by faking sick, which leads to a really sweet moment where Valerie visits him and they dance, in a hilaroius but oddly sweet parody of Beauty and the Beast, Beauty and King Dork. Despite the title and the song insluting him a LOT it’s still just endearing. This is a problem but we’ll get to in just a moment WHY all these touching moments are a problem.  So naturally things don’t go that well for Jay as Duke has a tape of the film sent to him “My shrink was right: GOd does hate me!”
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Naturally kiss of death is bad and valrie is bad in it and Jay is left uncertain what to do, but eventually decides he has to do what he feels is right,.. though he does take a picture of her while she’s sleeping. “In case you do leave”
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So in a tender and heartbreaking moment Jay is honest, the movie does suck and she’s not good but he does compliment her, for her personality not her body despite his skeevy behavior and say she could get better. Instead when he arrives home.. she dumps him to his face and leaves never to be seeen again while he assumes she’ll come back. And that’s the issue it’s GENUINELY hard to tell if we’re supposed to side with Jay. On one hand he genuinely loves her and does the right thing and on the oth er he’s kinda creepy. It’s a mixed tone that just sorta hurts thing and something the series DID fix after this, as it found a better ballance of the guy being pitable while also still being an ass and ONLY usually being punished when he does something actually wrong, the only exception being Dial M for MOther which is easily the weakest episode of the series. The episode does close on a really funny moment as Jay’s dispondent because “I’m sitting on top of a volcano of rage and I don’t knwo where to direct it”. Marty mentions a new Sylvester Stallone movie where “He plays a concert pianst who” And jay dosen’t even need the rest of that to shout “To the multiplex!” The man is back
Final Thoughts for Pilot: This episode is not bad. It has it’s flaws as I said, mostly in tone, but the series would iron that out and it’s still a great pilot that organically introduces the entire main cast in one episode and really gives us the full idea of who Jay Sherman is. It’s also REALLY funny, as the series should be and it would get better, but i’d still put it over some more awkward first episode like Letterkenny’s “No Reaosn to Get Excited”, even with it’s brilliant ending or Bojack Horseman’s first episode  whose title is way too long to put here in an article that’s already long as hell about about to get longer. But like those series this pilot worked pass the awkwardness and the result is a damn good series. but if you want a better idea of what it became.. wellllllll
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Sherman, Woman and Child: So yeah as you can tell JSUT by contrasting images a few things were changed up between seasons, part of it at network instance. The designs were softened , the color palette was brightened with jay being the most noticably alterted between seasons. 
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The execs wanted jay a bit warmer, so his face was given wider more expressive eyes and was also scrucnehd down a bit. He was also made slightly less of a jackass, with his elitisim toned down a bit and his creepeir moments gone. For instance he no longer had a split personality/imaginary secretary named ethel. That was actually a thing. It didn’t even really change Jay as a person, this very episode mentions him not liking the Lion King, and he’s still snooty, he’s jusst not as punchable about it and that was for the best.  But the cringe comedy in general was taken down a peg and replaced with more fun weirdness, which wihle present in season 1 really pops more here, especially with Jay’s dad who sadly dosen’t show up in this episode, but at various points dresses up like El Kabong, puts on the mask from the mask (”He did the same thing at Nixon’s funeral”), and blows up famous works of art while babysitting. But yeah things get a bit more surreal like the simpsons from season 4 onward, ironically enough given these guys left to make their own show, and it’s to the show’s benefit. 
But besides a lighter tone, they also wanted two things to hook viewers in: A permenant love intrest for Jay, and an adorable kid character. The former.. was acutlaly quite resonable, as i’td both give jay a “win” as it were, allow the cast to have another femlae character and give him someone else to confide in besides Doris or Jeremy, to give those characters a break. The other was less so and we’ll get into why when we meet her. 
This episode really is a second pilot, reintroducing about half of the main cast. Marty, Elanor, Margo and as I said Franklin are all absent. But their reintroduced soon enough with the fourth episode in both broadcast and dvd order, and my personal faviorite “A Song for Margo, is entirely focused on Jay’s parents and sister, while Lady Hawke has marty breifly at the start for broadcast order and he’s in the frmaing device for Sherman of Arabia in dvd order. So the characters all get a proper reintroduction to new audiences, but it was the right call to NOT shove them into this one, still introducing new people to the new cast, but letting the two new additions to it breathe and get properly intergrated into this universe.. well more Alice than Penny but we’ll get to that. It’s part of why, besides the genuine extra coat of polish aand seasonal changes I feel this is the better episode. 
So we open with Jay on his show and two parodies in a row. The first is a few good men but with Jack Nichelson making fun of Christan Slater for sounding like him even though. they honestly aren’t too similar other than both doing that pause thing a bit. So yeah not their best but the second segment makes up for it “The Nightmare Before Channukah” a parody of the nightmare before christmas that was so beautifully animated and funny, that they actually bumped it up to the season premiere.  But while the parodies are good Jay’s show is once again, this happened a LOT in season one, in jeapordy, being beaten by the Benedictine monk variety hour. Which while the Bendictine Monks are VERY much an artifact of the 90′s a choir of monks that somehow went mainstream, the whole segment is so absurd and wonderful it stands on it’s own and is still funny to me in 2021. Duke comes in anda fter trying to softball things shows the change I mentioned: He’s actually sorry the show is in danger and is genuinely sincere that he’s sad he’ll probably have to cancel it versus season 1 where he was ready to cancel it what felt like every other episode. And I prefer this, where he can still mess with jay or flex his power over him, but is more cordial with the guy and it allows more jokes between the two. 
So Jay’s not doing so good.. and during his crappy day he spots a 30 something woman and her young daughter struggling in the rain and stops his cab to help. And gets maced for it “MMM, Jalapeno”. Though Alice does apologize and Jay does understand as it is New York and she graciously takes the offer. It’s in the cab their properly introduced. Aliice thompkins and her daughter penny who in a great bit punches jay in the nose for not liking the lion king (”rex reed did the same thing”) and then kissing him on the nose in apology (”Rex did that too” And he acompanies them in.. and also gets conked on the head by a potted plant and put in a materinity dress. 
So we get to know Alice and what her deal is: Alice was once married to and supported the career of country star Cyrus Thompkins who was.. less than subtle in his music about how faithful he was
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Easily one of my favorite gags of the series if in part for Pat Overall’s delivery. So she moved from Knoxville to New York to prove to her daughter a woman can make it on her own, and proves she’s smart, talented and driven she just needs a break. She seemingly gets one in a man in a bright white outfit who says “this is your ticket out of this rundown flophouse” only for him to cheerfully exclaim “Your being evicted!”... PFFFTT. Cue where the commerical would be
So during this lull in the action let’s talk about Alice and Penny’s voice actresses: Alice is voiced by Park Overall, though for some weird reason I thought she was voiced by Hollly Hunter. Dunno why. Park is an outspoken liberal, supporting my boy bernie sanders in 2016 and in general seems like a fascenating lady. Naturally like with Jay’s parents I know her from something more oddly specific, the sitcom Reba, as I did not realize she voiced alice depsite using a similar voice for her character there, Reba’s best friend Lori Ann.. And while Park TRIED her best.. the character didn’t work out: a combination of it being simply funnier that barbra jean tried to wedge herself into the roll and the fact Reba really didn’t need a horny abrasive sidekick meant the charcter had a very short shelf life and the audience had very low patience for her.  I did like her constnatly insulting Brock as he was not a good person andi t was nice SOMEONE besides Reba actually got to roast him on a regular basis. 
Penny was voiced by the one and only Russi Taylor, who sadly passed in 2019. She voiced Huey Dewey and Louie, Webby Vanderquack, Minnie Mouse, Fantasma, the imcomprable martin prince...
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Among tons of smaller rolls. She’s sadly missed. We’ll get more into what they add or subtract from the show in a minute, as the next day at work Jay wonders how to help, though Duke’s interjection gives us two great gags: his “30 second workout” which involvees throwing jay around like a medicine ball and.. well this. 
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The man is a legend for a reason. He earned that golden statue. So Jay TRIES slipping alice the money only to give it “To my good friend crazy postman”, and Alice refuses the money due to pride.. even if you know, she has a small child and new york is expensive but Jay finds a better solution, hire her.. even if it’d make it impossible for them to date. For all of one episode. What keeps the power dynamics from feeling EUGUUUUGGHH here is that Jay treats alice like an equal partner at work and dosen’t let their relationship really impact things outside of one episode, and dosen’t use his position to get into a relationship with her nor does she use being responsible for a turn in his fortune for hers. 
And yes turn in fortune, as a makeover and a change of attidue under Alice’s direction, which is utterly amazing to watch and wow’s duke and hte audience, wins back his fans and his job is secure. Duke meets alice and we get more great duke stuff. including something truly iconic...
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I want bears who sing for me, doo dah, doo dah. But yeah things are well though Jay ends up admitting to Jeremy he can’t stop thinking about her “Her merest smile is like pedals of the empreror’s bathwater, BATHWATER I TELL YOU BATHWATER. “ So Jeremey encourages him carpe canum “Seize the dog”. He does so.. and the day but instead finds Alice with her ex Cyrus whose trying to win her back. Wuh oh.  Once the asshole leaves, and agrees to give her the night to think, Alice admits the only reason she’s considering it is she has a weakness: his singing melts her like butter on a bagle (”God i’ve been in new york too long”. )  Jay tries to talk her out of it at the critics meeting for “Dennis the Meance II Society” which involves Dennis pulling a drivebye on mr wilson.. why wasn’t this the second live action dennis the meance movie? WHY I ASK YOU. But Jay gets a good idea, as Alice TRIES to tell the asshole to get to stepping (And to see penny often, she’s not a monster), he works his evil song magic.. only for Jay to undercut it with his own amazing song on acordian. “Cyrus is just a virus, he wants to tie you down while your still young. Your potetial, is what’s essential, you could someday be another connie chung!” And that ultiamtely shows WHY jay is the better man. He just wants what’s best for her and dosen’t care if it’s him, he just wants it not to be THIS asshole. He’s not even trying to win her over, which a lot of these gestures creepily lead to. He just wants to help her be who she’s MEANT to be. And that’s why this works better: Instead of a fake relationship built on lust and someone conning the other person, it’s a real one built on genuine chemistry. Also Alice you know dosen’t just.. vanish after an episode but is a permenant part of the cast. I mean she does for the webisodes but we don’t talk about those. 
So our hero undercuts Cyrus one more time  Cyrus: “Loverrrr, without you there’s no other” Jay: Give him a chance he’ll do your mother....
I mean he’s not worng, So Cyus is sent packing and we get a nice romantic moment between the two. 
Final Thoguhts: Sherman, Woman and Child This one is truly excellent. It relaunchs the show on all cyllanders. And frankly Alice was a fine addition to the cast: her own fully fleshed out woman with her own personality outside of jay, who was tough, smart and a good counterpoint and confidant to Jay and it felt like she’d always fit. Penny on the other hand, apologizes to the late Russi Taylor who tries her best, just dosen’t work and feels ultra cloying and out of place in the series and unspurisingly is barely used after this. But overall a better pilot than the actual pilot was already pretty good and a fine pair of episodes. Check em out whenever the series eithe rgets on a streaming platform or pops back up on youtube as Sony’s struck it down... despite not putting it up anywhere i’m aware of. Seriously sell it to HBO Max or Disney I want a reboot. But for now this series is awesome check it out and until the next rainbow, it’s been a pleasure. 
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allykakamatsu · 3 years
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Fire Emblem Three Houses X Persona 5 Doodles
First post. So, a few nights ago I dreamt up an AU where the Phantom Thieves ended up in Garach Mach and I decided to come up with some art for it, along with some descriptions.
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Black Eagles:
Ren Amamiya: Leader of the Phantom Thieves and the one most dead set in getting back home. Doesn't talk to too many people from Fodlán as a result, but gets along well with he faculty, especially Shamir. Also loves how many cats are at the monastery. Has the Crest of the Fool, a crest given to all wild cards that lets them use multiple personas. Is strong in swords, authority and bows and has no weaknesses or hidden talents.
Sumire Yoshizawa: Curently dating Ren. Wants to go back home but also really likes it here, especially the food meaning the kitchen staff have one more nightmare to deal with. Tries to get along well with all the Black Eagles but is best with Petra and Ferdinand. Has the minor crest of Aubin. Is strong in Swords, faith and flying, is bad at brawling and Heavy Armour, and has a hidden talent in lances granting the Sol combat art.
Haru Okumera: Despite being stressed that Okumera foods is currently without a CEO, is otherwise having a lot of fun in Fodlán. Thinks everyone is nice, but is particularly close with Caspar, Linhardt and Ashe. Has the minor crest of Glouster. Is strong in Axes, faith, reason and bows, is weak in authority, lances and swords, and has a hidden talent for brawling which gets her the Quick Riposte skill
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Blue Lions:
Yusuke Kitagawa: Loves the monastery given how much inspiration it gives him, however due to a misunderstanding due to sketching without permission turned apology training session, he also has a lot of fun sparring with Felix. Due to hanging out with Felix a lot he is quite wary of Dimitri and also has to deal with a loli in his head though he doesn't mind too much. Has the Crest of Flames. Is strong in Swords, Faith and bows, is weak on axes and brawling, and has a hidden talent for reason getting him the defiant magic skill.
Goro Akechi: After Ren figured out he was still alive and tracked him down he begrudgingly rejoined the Phantom Thieves, just in time for their forced Fodlán trip. Not super crazy about the Monastary, but due to not having a positive connection to the present he has no strong desire to get back. When not getting dragged into group bonding sessions he's trying to help Dimitri not go down the same path he did. Has the minor Crest of the Fool and the minor Crest of Blaiddyd. Strong in Swords, reason, bows and authority, is weak to faith, axes and brawling, and has a hidden talent in faith granting the white magic crit +20% skill
Ann Takamiki: Isn't the biggest fan of being dragged back to the past, but since she knows it'll take a while to get back she's trying her best to roll with it. Gets along great with Annette and Mercedes, and surprisingly Dedue who she tries to help feel like he has more worth than just serving Dimitri. Has a minor Crest of Dominic. Is strong in swords, lances and authority, is weak to brawling and heavy armour, and has a hidden talent in flying granting the darting blow skill.
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Golden Deer:
Ryuji Sakamoto: Wants to get back home so his mom doesn't get worried about him, but also kinda loves it at the monastary, cause the only people who judge him are the super stuck nobles unlike back in Japan, and has a great friendship with the rest of the Golden Deer, and even has a bit of a crush on Hilda. Doesn't have a crest but doesn't let it get to him. Is strong in axes, brawling and flying, is weak in faith and authority, and has a hidden talent for reason getting the dark magic avoid +20% skill.
Makoto Nijima: Very stressed about being stuck in the past, and as such does the most research into getting back, which often leads to her sneaking off to the Abyss to check its library once she finds it, leading to her befriending the Ashen Wolves. On top though she also gets along great with Lysethia and Ignaz, though she has some issues with Lorenz's flirting and Claude's scheming. Has a minor Crest of Timotheos. Is strong in Brawling, faith, authority and riding, is weak in lances and heavy armour, and has a hidden talent in reason gaining the Warding Blow Skill
Futaba Sakura: Is somewhat miserable due to being homesick and missing her technology, but is trying to make the best of the situation, which includes helping Claude with a dining hall raid which lead to the two becoming friends. Is also trying to help Marianne with her self esteem issues. Has the Crest of Blaiddyd. Is strong in reason, faith and flying, is weak in swords, axes and brawling, and has a hidden talent in bows granting the spark strike combat art which grants +3 might and deals adaptive damage.
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Heroes Relic's, Sacred Weapons, Sacred Relics and Personal Weapons:
Staff of the Moon Thief: Arsene's cane that got turned from a pair of daggers to an actual cane. Grants whoever wields it +3 range on spells, and grants whoever has the crest of the fool recovers +10 hp at the start of every turn.
Fists of Thunder: Ryuji's personal weapon. Since he doesn't have a crest he had a pair of gauntlets custom made for him. They have the same night as steel gauntlets, the same weight as iron gauntlets, and also has adaptive damage.
Slasher: A sacred weapon of house Dominic. Think the rapier but just super effective against armour and has 1-2 range in exchange for loosing the cavalry effectiveness.
Sword of the Creator: Works just how it did originally, however im giving it 30 durability to start with and once it unlocks its full power it goes up to 50, cause 20 is NOT enough.
Azure Gem: The heroes relic of Timotheos. It's just like the Rafli Gem, but it cancels cavalry weaknesses instead of flying.
Ruler of Lion's Shield: Think the Aegis Shield, but with half the weight and a slight boost to its Pavise and Aigis effect in exchange for half the protection.
Wings of Dromi: It has the weight of a training sword, in exchange for barely better might, but it also works like psystrike in Pokémon, where even though it targets the defence stat, it calculates The damage based on magic instead of attack.
Axe of Ukomasara: Always found it weird that Lorenz wasn't strong in axes yet his house's sacred weapon was one. Welp, time for Haru to make up for that.
Lion's Falchion: Yeah I'm going to be blunt, think the royal sword from echoes, double lion and all, and add dragon effectiveness. Overkill, maybe. But on maddening overkill is kinda mandatory.
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First Meeting:
Yusuke met Sothis in his dreams on the PT's first night. While they were both weirded out, Yusuke got inspired and decided to draw her and the bored Sothis agreed.
And that's it for now. If you liked let me know and maybe I'll do more.
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aion-rsa · 3 years
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Why Jack Bauer Is America’s James Bond
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Despite what Marvel might have you believe, not all film franchises are perfectly serialized.
Take, for example, another kind of cinematic superhero: James Bond a.k.a. 007. The MI6 spy created by Ian Fleming and brought to screen by Harry Saltzman and Albert R. Broccoli is timeless in the most literal sense of the world. Since Sean Connery passed the role of James Bond to Roger Moore for good in 1973’s Live and Let Die (Connery previously gave way to George Lazenby in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service before returning in Diamonds Are Forever), James Bond has become unstuck in time. 
As played in subsequent films over several decades by actors like Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig, Bond remains the same while the world around him changes. Some fans like to theorize that “Agent 007” and “James Bond” are aliases used by different MI6 spies throughout the years. But within the context of the series, there is only one Bond…James Bond. Bond is always middle-aged, looks good in a tux, enjoys stiff drinks and beautiful women. 
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James Bond Movies Streaming Guide: Where to Watch 007 Online
By Don Kaye
The Cold War ended in the ‘90s and yet Bond, perhap the ultimate cinematic representative of its aesthetic, just kept calm and carried on as usual. Save for a handful of Craig’s latter year depictions, James Bond rarely learns any new tricks. He doesn’t develop. He is what he is – a hero of espionage and action. In that regard, the James Bond series is a surprisingly honest exploration of the occasional propagandistic aims of major blockbuster filmmaking. Bond isn’t a character in a story. He’s the United Kingdom’s idealized version of itself writ large on a canvas widescreen: a suave spy who is welcomed into every country to get laid and save the world. 
But what about the United States’ idealized version of itself? How has the Cold War’s lone surviving superpower let itself go without a similarly iconic (and occasionally nakedly jingoistic) cinematic creation? The answer is that America already does have an outsized action icon…he was just on television. 
Jack Bauer of early 2000s Fox thriller series 24 is American James Bond whether we want him to be or not. Just as Bond is the idealized Englishman, with his martini lunches and quick wit, Bauer is the America’s warped ideal of itself: angry, merciless, focused, and unfailingly effective. 
As portrayed by Kiefer Sutherland (who won an Emmy for the role), Jack Bauer started off as a fairly three-dimensional character in 24’s first season. That season picked up with Jack as a family man and a glorified pencil pusher at the fictional Counter Terrorist Unit’s Los Angeles office. Over the span of the first season’s 24 hours (24’s hook, of course, is that each season takes place over the span of a 24-hour day in real time), Jack slowly lost grip of his humanity, culminating with his friend Nina Myers turning out to be a mole and murdering his wife Teri. 
The death of Teri fundamentally changed Jack. For eight subsequent seasons and a movie, Jack became an Uncle Sam-style cartoon character obsessed with protecting his country from terrorists all over the globe, because his family was already taken away from him. Elisha Cuthbert as Jack’s daughter Kim was a prominent character for a few seasons, but as she was phased out so too was Jack’s grip on reality.
Unlike the James Bond series, 24 was particularly devoted to its chronology, with the very premise of the show meaning it had to have a close relationship with time. Jack Bauer would in theory grow as a character from season to season. But rather than developing, he mostly devolved into the most base version of himself. 
It’s in this way that Bauer actually became more like James Bond than one might initially expect. Regardless of who is playing him or what time period a particular film is set in, Bond’s characteristics remain static. By the end of 24’s run in 2014, Jack was similarly a Bond-ian relic of the past. Though the country was still feeling the effects of it, “The War on Terror” seemed as dramatically quaint for 24 as the Cold War did for James Bond. And yet here was this rugged American in the miniseries 24: Live Another Day, gripping the life out of a pistol and barking at perceived London terrorists in a gravely timber like a psycho.
24: Live Another Day was the last appearance for Jack Bauer and rightfully so at the time. The character had become a bit too anachronistic and his show, quite frankly, was frequently xenophobic. Still, as the continued success of Craig’s Bond films indicate (with No Time to Die finally set to arrive this October) perhaps there is still room for walking anachronisms in the entertainment world, as long as they’re approached correctly.
Fox has repeatedly attempted to rejuvenate the 24 brand. In 2017, the network greenlit a spinoff starring Corey Hawkins called 24: Legacy. Like its forefather, 24: Legacy, utilized a real-time format, only condensing 24 hours into 12 episodes like Live Another Day did. The spinoff was not successful and was quickly canceled following the conclusion of its first season.
Ultimately, Fox (now owned by Disney) hasn’t made any subsequent reboot attempts work yet because it has misidentified the appeal of 24 as a franchise. While the ticking clock aspect of telling a story in real time is novel and interesting, it wasn’t the reason the original series lasted for nine seasons. The real reason for 24’s success was Jack Bauer. Viewers are typically attracted to characters, not concepts. In Jack Bauer, many an American viewer likely found the embodiment of a paranoid nation they recognized.
There’s an undercurrent of anger and indignance in the American psyche. Exactly why is a question best left for sociologists. Perhaps it’s misplaced guilt over displacing a society to create a new one, or maybe it’s just the disappointment of being promised a Manifest Destiny and getting Wyoming. But whatever the reason, Jack Bauer is as apt a cartoonish American avatar as James Bond is a British one.
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So why then doesn’t 20th Television (again, now owned by Disney) just formalize the comparison and make Jack Bauer literally American James Bond? Just as Connery once handed off the baton to Lazenby and Moore, have Sutherland hand the role off to someone else. That actor would preferably represent the American physicality that Sutherland brought to the role (despite Sutherland being a Canadian, which is somewhat fitting given that the Scottish Connery was the first to play Her Majesty’s favorite spy). The new Jack Bauer would be played by someone who is short, stubbly, and angry rather than Bond’s tall, dark, and handsome. Throw the new Jack back into the field in a modern day ticking time bomb plot without bothering to explain why he is still middle-aged after 20 years. 
The answer to why Disney wouldn’t want to do such a thing is almost certainly all that aforementioned racism and torture. That is admittedly a, uh…roadblock. It really can’t be overstated just how xenophoci 24 was at times and how cruel it could be to characters and actors of Middle Eastern descent. Jack Bauer’s reliance on torture wasn’t just a dramatic crutch, 24 co-creator Joel Surnow genuinely believed in the value of torture as a foreign policy tactic. 
Suffice it to say, the series has not aged well. Then again, however, neither have many of the earlier Bond films. To a certain extent that’s the point of the Bond franchise. It understands that making movies is making myths. James Bond is every bit the mythical figure that Captain America or Iron Man are. The fact that Bond is so obviously an exaggerated character now has helped soften some of his more problematic edges. 
Bauer, on the other hand, comes from an era where Americans were both terrified of the looming threat of terrorism and were starting to invest in television as a more “serious” art form. As such, not everyone of the time was prepared to accept Jack Bauer as American James Bond, that is to say a cheesy cultural figure, not a vital supersoldier of freedom. 
In The Atlantic’s 2007 article “Whatever It Takes” about the politics of 24,  U.S. Army Brigadier General Patrick Finnegan, the dean of the United States Military Academy at West Point, recounts Jack Bauer’s effect on enlistees.
“The kids see it, and say, ‘If torture is wrong, what about 24?’ The disturbing thing is that although torture may cause Jack Bauer some angst, it is always the patriotic thing to do.”
The world has changed since then, obviously. But even now, it feels like it hasn’t fully set in that Jack Bauer is the American James Bond and should be treated with the same amount of reverence, which is none at all. Perhaps the only responsible move left is, in fact, to continue the increasingly ridiculous stories of the character with new actors.
In the right hands, Jack Bauer could be put to use as a blockbuster magnet and an appropriate critique of American foreign policy. In the end, icons don’t matter so much as what you do with them. 
The post Why Jack Bauer Is America’s James Bond appeared first on Den of Geek.
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sebeth · 4 years
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Fantastic Four #17
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Warning, Spoilers Ahead…
 “Defeated By Doctor Doom!” by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby
 The issue begins where the previous one ended.  The Four wave goodbye as Ant-Man launches from the building. Reed apparently built a “little launching platform” for An-Man. I hope it comes with a parachute or else Hank is going “splat” when he lands.
The Four recap the previous issue and Johnny unveils a bit we didn’t see: Johnny was knighted by Princess Pearla.  He graciously doesn’t demand that the rest of the team call him “my lord”.
Shouldn’t Sue be the one that was knighted? She is the one that came up with the escape plan.
Reed has invented a gadget: “a highly sensitive radar set, extra sensitive to human flesh covered by steel”, in an attempt to track down Doctor Doom. Or Iron Man. Or one of the dozens of villains that wear armor.
The rest of the team decide to split up and search the city for Doom.  Johnny uses “sonar heat waves” to detect “the vibrations of Doom’s steel outer covering”. Not surprisingly, it doesn’t work. How would heat waves even create sonar?!
The team meets up later in the night – they have a social engagement they need to attend.
The lobby of the Baxter Building is crowed with fans of the team. Ben refuses to descend: “I ain’t going down there! Some of ‘em may be the Yancy Street Gang, and I’m liable to get jugged for manslaughter!”
Ben continues: “I wonder if I could talk the mayor into declaring open season on the Yancy Streeters – just for one rip-snortin’ day!”
Yep, Ben’s true arch-enemies: the Yancy Street Gang!
An elderly janitor directs the team to a freight elevator to escape the adoring crowd.
The team leaves the building and splits to go to their respective engagements.
The elderly janitor reveals himself to be Doctor Doom. Reed’s fancy radar devise is a complete failure.
Doom sends “lighter than air robots” after the team. The robots have a marshmallow man-type appearance.
The robots attack Johnny who is on a date with Helen.
Helen is not impressed with these shenanigans: “If this is your idea of a fun evening, Johnny Storm, it isn’t mine! I’m walking home! Goodbye forever!”
Ben’s on a date with Alicia and battles a robot. Fortunately for Ben, Alicia has a calmer reaction and doesn’t stalk off.
Sue’s in the midst of a photoshoot for a U.S. savings bond and can’t ditch the robot – even when she turns invisible.
Reed accepts an honorary degree at a “dignified lecture hall” and is attacked by the robot.
Reed retreats to his lab at the Baxter Building while being pursued by the robot.
Reed regroups with the rest of the team at the Baxter Building and creates a device to deactivate the robots. He deduces Doom is behind the robots.
Doom pursues the next step of his plan: kidnap Alicia Masters.
The team doesn’t realize Alicia’s been kidnapped until it appears as the front-page headline on the Daily Herald. Way to pay attention, team!
Doom appears and warns the team not to interfere with his plans or he will “unleash an illusion-ray upon New York – a ray which will give the entire population mass hallucinations” or “I can drop fast-growing spores upon your unsuspecting city, spores which can grow into giant vines within minutes, vines which will choke off all traffic, all commerce, the very heart of the city itself” and finally, he can do bad things to Alicia.
An offended Reed proclaims: “Does he really think he can threaten us? Does he think anything will stop me from tracking him down, from ridding the world of the threat he poses?”
I can understand why Reed isn’t threatened by Doom. He’s been completely ridiculous up to this point.
Doom sends a “specially prepared tape to Washington, outlining my demands”. One of Doom’s demands is to have “at least a cabinet rank in the government”.
Since when would Doom settle for a cabinet rank? It would be President or nothing! It’s also clear Lee & Kirby haven’t created the country of Latveria at this point.
The United States government reject Doom’s demands causing him to create electrical failures across the United States including “America’s defensive missiles” suddenly “going out of control”. Said loss of control doesn’t seem to result in any actual damage or fatalities.
Reed’s plan of counter-attack involves a serum that temporarily transforms Ben back to his human form in order to penetrate “Doom’s disintegrator defenses”.  That doesn’t seem like a great plan.
The team invade Doom’s headquarters, briefly separate, get ensnared in traps, and re-unite.
Doom witnesses this on his monitors. The only member of the team doesn’t see is Sue: “I do not see the girl, but she is unimportant!”
Poor Sue, she receives absolutely no respect.
Johnny reveals he can make “lifelike images” out of his flames and did so to fool Doom. Umm, no, fire doesn’t work that way. Did Stan Lee not know anything about science or just not care?
Sue frees Alicia from her imprisonment and brawls with Doom. She throws Doom across the room: “Don’t forget that I was taught judo by one of the world’s greatest experts: Reed Richards! And in my book, anything you can do, Mister Fantastic can do better!”
I love Sue, a Marvel Silver Age heroine, gets physical with Doom.  DC’s most prominent Golden Age/Silver Age heroines – Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Batgirl – were super-strong and/or trained fighters that would brawl with the bad guys. Marvel’s early Silver Age heroines – Sue, the Wasp, Jean Grey, the Scarlet Witch, were all energy manipulators who would fight from a distance. Sue physically fighting Doom is a nice change of pace for Marvel. And Doom deserves it for the dismissive tone he takes with Sue.
However, I have a hard time believing Reed is one of the “greatest experts in the world” at judo. I can accept Reed having some hand to hand combat knowledge due to his time in the armed forces but an expert? I’m sorry but nothing can convince me Reed being dragged away from “science!” to devote the time necessary to become an expert hand to hand combatant.
The rest of the team rampages into the room and Doom bails: “I shall never suffer the humiliation of being captured by the likes of you!”
Ben and Alicia reunite, along with Sue and Reed. Johnny’s done with the sappiness: “What a lot of mush! I don’t blame Doctor Doom for jumping!”
Another medicore appearance by Doctor Doom. He’s appearing way too frequently in the early issues, and it diminishes his threat level.
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rainhalydia · 4 years
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Because I need to hear my boy praised: fandom ASOIAF; ship: Throbb; character: Theon Greyjoy
Hi, anon! Great to know I’m being recognized as the local Theon-apologist, you’re absolutely right in your assessment!
001 | Fandom: ASOIAF
Favorite character: Theon Greyjoy
Least Favorite character: tough call, but I guess Littlefinger in terms of who I hate the most. In terms of who doesn’t work that much as a character for me, Garlan Tyrell
5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Throbb is the OTP, then in no particular order: NedCat, Sansan, Asha x Qarl and Jaime x Brienne
Character I find most attractive: Theon is my type to a T, physically. Personality wise, probably Asha.
Character I would marry: Oddly enough, Renly! He could go off with Loras and leave me to be a powerful lady and he’d probably be okay with recognizing any bastard I could get as his.
Character I would be best friends with: Sansa. Playing harp and doing crafts are my ideal bonding activities. My sense of adventure also begins and ends with stealing stuff from the kitchen.
a random thought: the world building is seriously lacking more of a merchant class and artists, but it’s something that’s only really noticeable when you’re a hardcore fan. I feel like people reading casually won’t miss it because Martin’s writing is just that good.
An unpopular opinion: Probably very unpopular, but I’m not bothered in the slightest with all the rape and sexual violence towards women in the books, except for maybe the Dothraki. With the Dothraki, it feels like a way to signal how violent they are as a society, but it’s too caricatural to work for me. They rape people in the middle of a super important wedding, come on! But with the rest, I find it sadly plausible. ASOIAF also deals a lot with sexual violence towards men, in a more nuanced and respectful way than most media, so I feel like sexual violence is a theme in general, not just something thrown in for shock value or to degrade women.
My Canon OTP: Throbb is canon probably Ned x Cat.
My Non-canon OTP: Asha x Alysane.
Most Badass Character: There are so many! I guess Tyrion wins because he’s going to ride a dragon with no magic
Most Epic Villain: Euron Greyjoy
Pairing I am not a fan of: Robb x Margaery, Sansa x Margaery, Robb x Jon
Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): the Dothraki as a whole are very under-developed when compared with the rest of the cast, though Irri and Jhiki arguing over Rakharo is a breath of fresh air.
Favourite Friendship: probably Arya and her Riverland gang
Character I most identify with: Theon and Sansa, maybe Sam
Character I wish I could be: they’re all much braver than I am, but I’ll pick Brienne
002 | Ship: Throbb
When I started shipping them: I don’t really remember? It was on my second read of the series, because I barely remember the first read. ADWD was already out, so after 2011 for sure... If we’re talking about a moment in the books, when Theon thinks he should have died with Robb.
My thoughts: They’re really, really good together. It’s surprisingly balanced for the circumstances they’re in. Even if you don’t ship them, their affection for each other is plain in the text and it drives me up the fucking wall when people say they didn’t like each other. They did! Theon still does! They’re important to each other!
What makes me happy about them: How much they loved and trusted each other. That they really knew each other, in ways other people mostly didn’t.
What makes me sad about them: I mean, theirs is a tragic story, so everything? But especially that Robb died thinking that Theon killed his brothers, and that Theon knows Robb died thinking that about him. That there will be no reconciliation.
Things done in fanfic that annoys me: With the caveat that everyone can do what they like, Robb is not a goody two shoes, his patience is not endless, he has a temper and he thinks Theon is awesome and it’s not a fucking favor on his part being friends with him. Theon, on his side, mostly fools everyone with his cool persona, except for Robb, Asha and the rest of his family.
Things I look for in fanfic: Theon being a charming asshole is my number one priority. I can roll with most scenarios, though.
My wishlist: Let’s see... my favorites things ever for Throbb are friends to lovers, mutual pining, secret relationship, preferably with smut.
Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Jeyne W. is alright, but I can’t help thinking Robb is gay, so Robb x Olyvar. For Theon, Theon x Jeyne P.
My happily ever after for them: They reunite in the afterlife after Theon dies of very old age.
003 | Character: Theon Greyjoy
How I feel about this character: I love him! My problemaic squid son! He does not deserve a tenth of the hate he gets!
Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: In order of preference: Robb, Jeyne, Kyra, Patrek Mallister.
My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Dagmer, Asha and Wex. The Thramsay dynamic is terrible but interesting, if done well. I wish Theon had never gone through any of that, but at the same time, where would his story even be without it? And he could have been real friends with Patrek if they had time.
My unpopular opinion about this character: He owned the Starks, including Robb, nothing. He did nothing worse than other characters fighting a war until he killed the miller boys and raped Kyra - not to say his actions were good or anything, but they’re about the same as other characters’, including fan favorites. It’s awful but understandable that he didn’t visit his Mom. He’s actually pretty competent as a warrior, but he doesn’t think long-term when making plans. And probably most unpopular of all in my corner of fandom: though he has all the identity issues and belonging issues, he’s actually very ironborn, and his ironborn upbriding, while terrible and abusive even by in-universe standards, actually helped him survive being a captive for so long.
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish someone who loved him had gone to met him when he arrived on Pyke and that Asha hadn’t pulled that “prank” on him. I wish him to live to an old age with people who love him, to get his teeth fixed as much as possible, and to do something important for the Iron Islands.
Favorite friendship for this character: Robb and Wex. I love Asha, but she’s such an older sibling that they’ll always have that dynamic first and foremost to me.
My crossover ship: Super out there, but probably Olivier Mira Armstrong. Theon will drink that respect women juice if he wants to or not!
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edelgoth · 4 years
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hihiii! I was wondering if it was possible to get a matchup for FE:3H or DA:I (male characters pls!!)? i'm an ESFJ!! i'm shy around people i'm new to but, with my small group of friends i'm usually quite loud/laugh ALOT, crack a ton of jokes. i'm told i look intimidating at first because of my height but actually i'm just a big ol'teddy bear! i often look out for my friends and help them out if they're down- the mom friend! but add a magarita glass in my hand.
(2) i often underestimate my strength as well by a TON because whenever i playfully slap my friends on the back they tell me i have the strength of 10 men FJDSK my hobbies include drawing, occasionally rollerblading and exercising! :} sorry if this ask was long and thank u!!! have a lovely day !!!!
HI THIS IS AWFULLY LATE I’M SO SO SORRY 
oh your description made me laugh~ i dub thee margarita mum 
so for fire emblem three houses, i match you with…
raphael!!
mum friend and dad friend,,, match made in heaven,,, my PARENTS,,,
you may be tall but raphael’s probably taller, so you guys would have this incredible aesthetic of “accidentally intimidating but actually the biggest softies you’ll ever meet” going 
you’re shy around new people, but that’s not going to be a problem with raphael. he’s just so gregarious that i think you guys would hit it off very quickly!! 
everyone can always hear you guys because you’re constantly laughing together. everyone’s accustomed to the sound, and honestly? it’s kind of comforting to hear 
no seriously, you’re always cracking jokes,,, you have so many inside jokes that sometimes it feels like you’ve got your own language
cuddliest couple around,,, raphael honestly looks so nice to cuddle with, and you described yourself as a teddy bear, so,,, 
you’re both the sort to look out for people when they’re down, and you think you guys would be absolute angels. you adopt half the monastery and you’re always checking in with them, making sure they’re eating well and that they’re feeling okay please adopt me
i feel like raphael would probably be impressed by your strength, and would always be encouraging you to come and train with him; finding out you like to exercise would probably seal the deal for him 
even when you’re not training yourself, he likes it when you’re there; it helps motivate him to work harder, and he’ll constantly be grinning at you whenever he does anything impressive 
okay just bc of the “strength of ten men” line, i can imagine him always challenging you to arm wrestles. it becomes a tradition for you guys; whenever you finish a training session together, it’s TIME TO WRESTLE 
oh you bet he’s a big fan of all your hobbies. that drawing you’ve done? this is amazing! watching you rollerblade? that was incredible! (i hope you read that in his voice bc i certainly did)
i just love this pairing so much,,, i hope you love my boy because you two would be incredible together,,, 
alternative matchups
sylvain: i think the fact that you don’t seem to take life too seriously would be surprisingly charming to sylvain. while he plays off that he doesn’t care about anything, he does, and there are undertones that hint at him being very bitter about life. having you around would help lift his spirits a bit, i think? and you’re both the sorts to look out for your friends! i feel like you might miss it when he flirts with you a first? i don’t quite know why but that’s the vibe i get, and i think that has great comedic potential. 
lorenz: i feel like you’d be a very surprising pair; you’d be able to bring lorenz down a peg, and show him that there are things to enjoy about life outside of being noble. you seem very affable and i think that’d help break through lorenz’s pretenses, and whoops he’s fallen in love with you now,,, i just think you guys would have such a funny, endearing dynamic
idk how old you are and he’s married but i think you and alois would get along really well,,, my emotional support parents,,, 
dragon age matchup under the cut!
and for dragon age inquisition, i match you with… 
iron bull!!
OH BOY i love this concept,,, you’re also my new parents now 
again, bull is a big boy, so you’d have that same “we look super intimidating but we’re actually the coolest, most caring people you’ll ever run into” vibe going 
bull is less overtly caring than you, but i think you’d help to bring that side out of him. like, you guys’d be helping out more subtly? i don’t know if that makes sense, but i think you guys would always be helping out in “sneaky” ways
bull has a tougher exterior, and it’s one he’s honed and worked on for quite a while. but, he does genuinely care a lot about the people in his life, and i think he’d always be coming up with ways of letting you know he loves you (without having to say it) 
look,,, the man probably names his weapon after you. he says it’s a joke, and that it’s to tease you, but come on,,,
on that note,,, bull is going to tease the hell out of you. i hope you’re ready for that. he’s very clever and perceptive, so be on your toes! 
you both like to laugh, and that’s something else you’d bond over! you’d always have a joke for each other, and you can bet on the chargers getting involved. it becomes a competition. you must out-joke each other. krem has a tally. 
OH MY GOODNESS you become the second mum of the chargers (bull is their first, of course),,, they all love you,,, you’re always checking in with them and sharing a drink down at the tavern,,, they love you and bull together and they always let you know you’re welcome,,, 
i think bull’d also be impressed by your strength, and honestly? he’d always be challenging you to a friendly fight. like always. it usually ends up in a tie. he tries to mix up the weapon of choice to throw you off but it never works. unstoppable force meets immovable object. a match made in heaven. 
bull is less openly affectionate, but i think he’d get quite cuddly later in the night. he’s actually super clingy when he’s asleep (it’s one of the things you actually tease him for)
oh you are absolutely a power couple, on the battlefield and off. you’ve both got the strength of ten men, after all
you’d be such a great pair,,, my other parents,,, 
alternative matchups
varric: my reasons for matching you with varric would be very similar to those listed for bull. i just think you two would have a lot of fun together!! i think your dynamic would be quite similar as well, but varric is more likely to engage you in wordplay than swordplay. you’d be the funniest couple around, and everyone loves hanging out with you because you always have the best jokes and stories. also you’re both mum friends, so you’re constantly looking after Everyone. 
blackwall: i think you’d have a nice balance!! blackwall definitely enjoys some levity and banter, but i think he tends to hold back a bit. i think he’d be quite comfortable around you, and you’d get to see more of that light-hearted, playful blackwall! i like this concept Very Much 
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