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#sweethartlullaby ꕤ
sweethartlullaby · 10 months
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venus is here
word count: 445 genre: angst?  you can always imagine whoever you would like. but i wrote this as inspired by Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton story. 
Slight BRIDGERTON spoilers...
Venus, it was known as the planet of love. And perhaps that was the reason why George adored it so much. It might have also been the reason why he was so certain that it was her. When she wrapped the blanket around his shoulders, and softly spoke to him. He knew she had to be the ultimate personification of the planet he had been studying. She was beautiful and bright, just as the planet was when she saw it. He wondered if she viewed it with as much admiration as he did. He reckoned it must have felt like she was looking at a mirror. He revered Venus, and he translated all he saw into her.
From the very first time he saw her smile, he had burned that image onto his being and every time he looked at her through his telescope, he could feel the warmth and love she had for him in that garden. And every time he thought of how he had shunned her, it sent him into a spiral that he was unable to crawl out of. He was at the bottom of a well, trying to reach out to Venus in a way that would make her understand that he didn’t mean to hurt her, that it was simply too difficult of a fate that he had subjected her to. He couldn’t face her after leaving her in that hall. But oh, the need for him to hold her again, to kiss her the way they did on their wedding day. He believed the only way he could ever meet her again was through the magnifying glass he had in his observatory. The only room where he felt free enough to be himself, away from the fear of revealing his being to her.
Yet, his joy poured out of him when she came for him. Supposedly, what he had failed to understand was that she did not see him as the same monster as he did. He was her Venus. And when he hid under that bed, hiding from the heavens, he was afraid of what would happen when she was so close. And yet, that was perhaps the first time he had ever felt so safe while so near to the one he adored. So as the heavens haunted him, and the world stood outside his door, his Venus laid next to him, holding his hand and smiling the same unforgettable smile he had etched onto his mind. In that moment, he supposed that the one he had been chasing had been her after all. His Venus, beautiful and loving Charlotte, everlasting and evergreen in his memory.
a/n: I absolutely loved this series and all the promos and edits afterwards. I was listening to my playlist I had of Bridgerton soundtracks and I had used Venus as the cover and “planet of love” as the description and it just got me to think about well, this. I hope it made sense and I am thinking of editing in maybe one day but I just want to post it because I’m so excited. I loved writing it and the idea of how he had been seeking her for so long and to finally be so close to her. I hope that you guys enjoyed this too and if you didn’t watch it, I encourage you to do so!      
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sweethartlullaby · 2 years
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real sweet but i wish you were sober
word count: 430 as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist
“I sleep better with you around.” 
He mumbled and you sighed. He never thought of the words he said when he was drunk; but then again, he didn’t really think of the words he said most of the time. The fistfights he was caught in because he yelled an insult too loudly. Or when his ‘compliment’ was taken as a catcall and was slapped across the face.
You watched his closed eyelids, the gentle rise and fall of his chest. His eyelashes and the one that had fallen onto his cheek. You wondered who missed him tonight, and you relished in the fact that you had this time alone with him. 
You wondered how lonely whoever missed him felt. Missing him, as you understood on your own, was always something that you never allowed yourself to dive too deep into. It was a dark and never ending well, to miss your best friend. 
Well, the best friend you had fallen in love with.
“You should learn to control what you say.” You said before you stood to leave him.
“Sometimes,” He started again before you could fully straighten your legs.
“I think you are my soulmate.” You stayed silent, because silence seemed to be a more rational response than the scream that would have erupted from your throat otherwise. 
It wouldn’t have been of excitement, or happiness. The pent up frustration in your chest from the day he introduced her to you had been growing every day; with every moment he forgot about you to spend time with her, or the never ending stream of apologies that you knew he never truly meant.
The audacity he had. 
To shower you with love to abandon you for another girl. To make the finest promises you had ever heard, and keep all but the most important one. To say you would never lose him to let himself slip through your fingers. 
The audacity he had.
To tell you the very thing you wanted to hear. 
His soulmate. 
God, the word wanted to make you cry. Often tossed around, but it always held a true meaning to the both of you. 
“A soulmate, two parts of one whole.” You recited.
“I would like to find my own soulmate someday.”
“Don’t get your hopes up, maybe you don’t have one.” You joked.
“Impossible,” He paused and for a moment you saw the way he looked at you; different, tender, sparkling, loving. And for a moment, you wondered if he meant you.
“I just know I have one.”
“You’re an idiot.” You hissed.
But you didn’t know if it was meant for him or yourself. 
a/n: hello everyone! this is a really short one this time. i think i might come up with a better scenario for the same title. but i hope everyone is well. and please leave a like and repost if you enjoyed this. thank you for reading!
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sweethartlullaby · 2 years
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i’m nothing without your love
word count: 1.2k inspo link: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSdfhVKwq/ as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist
“Are you sure about this?”
You nodded slowly, realizing it was almost finally over. 
“We could always use talent like yours, it is a shame to let you go like this.” You laughed nervously. It wasn’t as if you didn’t want to stay, but you knew it wasn’t right. 
His gaze had begun to be too strong, his scent lingering too long. You couldn’t escape the thought of him no matter where you were, and you craved the moments your finger would brush against his cheek as you coloured his eyelids, or when your eyes would touch for a moment before you forced yourself to look away. 
It wouldn’t be right to stay and indulge in such moment until it was too late to turn back. 
“I apologize for the inconvenience.” 
You had told your manager that it was time you opened your own beauty clinic. Of course your initial reason was to leave him, but you realized such a heavy decision could bring about opportunities; besides, you always did think of having your own little place and office. 
“Thank you for taking care of me, I worked with an amazing team and was always grateful.” 
“I wish you all the best in the future, I hope we can run into each other again.” You stood to leave and shook his hand before you bowed and left his office. The walk downstairs seemed like a walk in a desert, long and never-ending. Maybe it was because the hallways seemed to stretch before you, or it was because you were purposely walking slowly. You had to leave, you wouldn’t forgive yourself otherwise. 
But part of you wanted to turn back and snatch the retirement letter from his hands and take back your statement. A part of you that almost made you halt before your next step so you could stand there for a while longer, soaking in the air and the silence of the building you could call your second home. 
But your feet dragged on, and before you realized it, you stood in the parking lot, your eyes lazily searching for your car. You reached into your bag to find the keys, and pressed on the unlock button, in hopes of hearing where your car was instead of relying on your blurry vision. 
“I should get some ice cream as a treat.” You muttered to yourself, trying to think of other things to avoid the tears that would eventually fall. It would be quite pathetic to cry in a parking lot and you didn’t want someone catching you in such a vulnerable moment. 
“Did you plan to invite me?” You looked up and blinked once, hoping the wet drops would fall back into your eyes but instead they dipped out of your eyes and onto your cheeks. 
There he was, in the flesh, sweat dripping down forehead and temples, shirt soaked from what you assumed to be dance practice. 
You tried to find the words but you felt like sobbing when you opened your mouth. 
“I heard you’re leaving.” A solemn nod.
“Why?” The word sounded like a sigh coming from him, and you had to turn away. He couldn’t possibly be disappointed by the thought of you leaving. No, it didn’t make sense. 
“Is it because I jump too much when you’re doing my eyes?” Your eyes stayed planted on your feet. You couldn’t let a global superstar watch you cry, it seemed wrong. 
“Did I offend you?” If you told him, would anything change? If you told him, what would he do?
You sniffed and blinked once before you looked up, realizing he was much closer than before. His deep set eyes, the pair that you looked into ever so often, searching for an answer for how your heart fluttered every time you laid your eyes on him, were staring at you now. Once again, you hoped you could see a solution in them, but was left with nothing.
“I have to go.” You whispered, because if you spoke louder, your voice would crack. You passed by him, shoulders brushing one last time, scent wafted into your nose one last time, and being so close to him.
One last time.
“Please just tell me why.”  You stopped when you were a step behind him and you wanted to keep moving forward. But you thought about what you had to lose. Would it matter what you said at this point? 
“Because,” Your heart was rapidly beating in your chest. 
“Because,” 
“Because I don’t know how to be in the same room with you and not want to be close with you.” The confession was over before you realized it. It felt relieving, as if you could properly breathe again. But you couldn’t look him in the eye, and you realized that may be another burden to overcome if you stayed. 
What would you miss the most? 
The way he stared at you? The way he joked with you? The way his lips moved the way he spoke? Or was it when your body was squished against his in a sea of people in a dressing room, trying your hardest not to blush? 
“Goodbye,” You whispered and walked to your car. Why had he come out to meet you? Did he feel he needed to right a wrong?
Your eyes couldn’t stop crying as you searched for your keys and it felt embarrassing to fumble through your bag to not be able to find it. This always happens. But you’d have to turn to him again to retrieve your keys. 
Again, no choice was given to you here. 
So you turned and he was right in front of you, lungs heaving and lips parted, eyes trembling. You looked at his hand and realized your key was there. 
“You forgot again.” 
You bit down on your lip and reached to get it, but he took his hand away and shook his head.
“Don’t leave.”
“I have to.” You didn’t even realize what he meant until you replied. 
“You can work for another member but don’t leave, please.” His eyes were pleading you this time and noticed the gloss of his eyeballs. Every time you watched him cry as he received an award, or when he lost, you always felt like comforting him. You thought it was normal to feel that way. But then you realized you would do anything to make sure he wouldn’t cry again, whatever the meaning was behind those tears. 
And that’s when you understood you had fallen for him.
Not because of the smudged makeup you would have to fix, or because you felt for his hardships, but because you truly wanted nothing to harm him. You loved him, and you wanted to wipe his cheeks, comb your fingers through his short hair, let him lay on your shoulder until he felt better. 
And you realized, if any time was a good time, it was now. 
So you brought your fingers up to his chin and lifted his eyes before you smiled and kissed his cheek. 
“Thank you for being so kind to me. I’ll never forget.” You whispered before you pulled back and gently took the keys from his hands, and he didn’t fight you. The realization that it was over hit you like a crashing wave once you were inside your car and driving away. 
You braced yourself to look into the mirror and saw him standing with his head bowed, hand to his eyes as his shoulders shook. 
Your own tears only left your body once you reached home. 
a/n: hello!!! omg it’s been literally sooo damnnn longgggg. but anyways, i quickly wrote this because i was just sad watching that tiktok. but i think that what that employee did was really admirable. being able to make a professional decision despite your own emotion is something that i think is quite difficult to do and it is amazing that she was brave enough to do that. kudos to her! but yes i do hope you enjoy this and as always, leave a like and reblog if you liked it! hope everyone has been well too.
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sweethartlullaby · 2 years
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vampire brothers - jjk and hjj
genre: fantasy (?), fluff, this is a drabble, maybe a little angst warnings: none! characters: jeon jungkook (bts) and hong jisoo joshua (svt) sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist
jungkook
- tiktok - you already know he’s a damn flirt - will purposely invite you to dark corners and tease you with his red eyes - you will ask what’s that and he just laughs it off as contacts - does he use his athletic powers to an advantage? - yes, of course, he does - he loves using his little physical features to scare people too (mostly when it’s needed...mostly) - halloween is never hard for him - he just puts on a cape and calls it a day - more playful out of the two  - doesn’t feast on humans out of the oath both of them swore to but craves the taste of it sometimes  - has to stop himself when he’s inches away from your neck  - he’s forward about his emotions too - visibly irritated if he hasn’t had any blood in a while  - happier when he has it  - likes to hang out with humans even if he has to resist the urge to sink his teeth into everyone’s necks  - not completely reckless but lives life on the edge - loves learning new ways to have humans coexist in a world with vampires - always relieved when they find new ways to keep each other safe - he loves love - pains him to think he can’t get a permanent partner because of his immortality - you’re his guilty pleasure - he dreams of forever with you and sometimes he is willingly ready to give up immortality for a normal life with you  - as open as he is with his emotions, he keeps his cries to himself - he never wants to trouble anyone, not joshua, not you - he likes being seen as the bubbly vampire who sees too much good in the world  - the playful kind that always keeps everyone happy  - his deepest fear is everyone knowing what he is and pushing him away  - he doesn’t want to be alone - but he knows you and his friends aren’t forever so he cherishes each moment  - has gone to too many funerals to count  - he confesses his true nature when he stops by his friends’ graves and he begs them for forgiveness - has nightmares of people casting him out  - sometimes he has days where he is the complete opposite of himself and he ends up pushing you away  - sometimes doesn’t believe you can ever truly love him 
joshua
- tiktok - the calmer of the two  - doesn’t really find the purpose of mingling with a lot of humans - but he does care for his friends (a mix of humans and vampires) dearly - has lived long enough to know nothing is permanent - loved someone once and decided that it was enough until he met you  - can’t describe how much you bring out of him - he used to warn jungkook about falling for mortals until you - very cautious  - he doesn’t want to hurt you - he doesn’t want his own family to get hurt either - understands that there are sacrifices to be made in his world for you to still live in it - he gladly makes them - extremely selfless even if he doesn’t show it that often - seems intimidating but he’s so fun once you get to know him  - most people don’t try because they think he’s going to ignore them  - but you did  - and he is grateful for it too - he is a quiet lover  - but he never fails to reassure the people he loves, that he loves them  - sometimes catches you and jungkook plotting against him to get him drunk and all emotional  - tried human blood once and didn’t find the appeal - he has tried to convince jungkook that it really isn’t as amazing as he thinks it is - more reserved than jungkook and it takes a toll on him a lot  - if they lost someone they both cared about, his first priority is looking after jungkook  - he puts himself last too many times and it makes him feel invisible a lot  - finally admitted it to jungkook when he almost lost him  - he loves that he can be free when he is with you - his laugh is the best thing you can hear  - he keeps his true identity a secret because he’s scared he will lose you  - never catches himself slipping because he knows that jungkook might need him and he can’t fathom leaving him alone  - he has his fun  - but because of the role he carries he knows how to limit himself - always asks why he has to live to this fate - doesn’t wish to be human but rather to turn you together
- when jungkook comes to him to rant about this bully, joshua takes action  - he manages to calm jungkook down when he’s angry and also stand by him when he needs it - but joshua also acknowledges jungkook is more than capable of handling his own problems - jungkook knows joshua hides too much so he always does check-ups on him  - they both joke and talk a lot about the past and what could have been  - hold each other back from the bad decisions they would have made otherwise - their synergy is extremely powerful  - the combined intellect these two have together is unmatched - if anyone tries to cross them, they make them regret it - keep being put into situations where they have to choose each other or their lovers - both think this life is painful but the brotherhood they have makes up for it greatly - love each other so much  - love their lovers so much 
a/n: this is just a drabble! idk how i feel about it but i hope you enjoyed! i’m trying to think of new things to write but i’m just digging through the old stuff haha. but yea! a like or reblog would be highly appreciated if you liked it! thank you for reading!
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sweethartlullaby · 1 year
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invisible people
word count: 207 genre: angst sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist
“I just wish you saw me.”
“I wished for once, that it wasn’t about her and what she lost or what she felt. I wished for once, it was me you listened to. I answer the same questions she does and yet I still feel so...small. What should I do? What more should I give up for you to notice me? 
Is it my fault? Why do you dismiss me so? Why do I not matter? Am I too quiet? Am I too replaceable? Am I that forgettable? Need I scream? Need I beg? Why does it matter more when it happens to her?
I grip the counter until my knuckles turn white. I’m too angry to cry. I’m too proud to admit my jealousy out loud. I’m too weak to hate. 
I’m too tired to keep feeling this way too. I’m tired of feeling so empty, so useless, so helpless. I despise the rising green in my throat when I hear her name. This toxicity, I must escape. 
I look in the mirror and I see the red fade away from my face, and I feel my body relax. The sadness, the anger, the acceptance; all familiar stages of being what I am. 
Another invisible soul. 
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sweethartlullaby · 2 years
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on the surface
sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist sometimes, i like to think the strangers watching us wish they were us
when i crashed into your arms to surprise you after running through a crowd when i kissed your cheek quickly as people passed when you covered my mouth after you made me giggle loudly, so those same strangers don’t stare when you leaned your head on my shoulder in that restaurant
sometimes, the memories hit and i smile and i find myself being like those strangers wishing we were us again
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sweethartlullaby · 6 months
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i thought i was yours
word count: 872 genre: angst, cheating boyfriend as always, imagine who you would like... find part ii here sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist
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“I can explain!” The sounds of his shouts won’t stop anytime soon but you can’t bring yourself to open your door for him. Not yet.
“Please just hear me out!” 
The neighbors have stopped yelling at him by now, but he hasn’t lowered his voice at all. It’s slightly embarrassing but you are hoping he had gone by now. 
“Baby please, just let me…” 
“Leave or I’m calling the cops!” Someone yells out. You look out your window to see him facing towards the building next to him, arguing with the man on his balcony. This goes on for another five minutes, and you see more windows light up, indicating the many people having their sleep interrupted by this boy of yours. 
With a shake of your head, you grab your jacket and head down the stairs. 
“Go on! Press the button! Yeah, I see you!” He’s still yelling when you approach him. He only stops when the man goes back inside his room, leaving the fool alone. 
“I knew it.” He says and he turns, presumably to start yelling for you again. But then he sees you in your robe, arms crossed and clearly tired. 
“Baby,” He breathes and even though the word sends chills down your spine, you don’t falter. You just turn back to your building and start heading back up to your room. It takes him a second before he follows, like the puppy he is.
He takes his shoes off before he goes into your apartment and it makes you think that even though he was such an asshole, he had his manners. You lock the door behind yourself and tell him to take a seat.
“Thanks for letting me in.” He says quietly. He looks nervous, just like the day he asked you out officially. Elbows on his put-together knees, the uncertain look on his face. This was the man you fell for. 
“Are you cold?” You ask. Everything is so silent now and you feel yourself holding your breath. 
“N-No.” He looks up at you and you have to tear your eyes away from him. It makes you want to forgive him for all the heartbreak he has caused you. It makes you want to crash into him again, despite all the cuts that it will give you. 
“Have you eaten anything lately?” He looks around your apartment and only then you realize the large pile of fast food bags in the corner. You grimace to yourself, a small reminder to clean this place up later. 
“You can’t have McDonald's every day you know.” He says softly, looking back at you.
“Yeah, you know how I am when my boyfriend decides to cheat.” You say, a small, nervous smile on your face. Even saying the word makes you want to vomit and makes your skin crawl.
“Baby,”
“Don’t call me that.” You feel your face heat up and your fists are starting to clench.
“Makes me sick knowing you probably called her that too.” You laugh a little before you bring your knees up to your chest. He was the one who told you to do this. When he was away for long weeks and you missed him, he told you to hug yourself like this so you feel warm. How can the same person that you felt loved by be the one to erase your sense of being at the same time?
“That’s not-”
“Oh? Did you call her something else?”
“Baby-”
“You’re not here because I want reconciliation.” You say, voice fueled by anger and sadness. His face drops and it hits you that he too is realizing this is truly over.
“Wait no please,” He falls to his knees in front of you, fingers away from your body. “I promise, it was one time.” He pleads, but you stand and walk away from him even though he chases you. You can’t share the same air with him, it breaks you to even have him here.
“How am I supposed to trust you again?” Your voice is breathless as you ask the question, not the rhetoric. You desperately want the answer. You love him. You want him to stay. You’re silently begging him to give you a solution, to convince you that it might work.
But he stays silent, just as speechless as you are. 
This is it. There’s no answer. There are no makeup kisses, nothing that can get you to truly forgive him. You will always have doubts. You will always be on the edge. You will never be able to let go with him. 
It’s late, and he doesn’t have a car. The buses will come later and he can’t be walking around at night like this. You hate that you still worry for him. 
“Just leave in the morning, you can take your stuff with you.” You say and you stand aside to show him the box that you compiled over the past week. All his clothes, his gifts, all the letters he sent that you thought meant something. Then, you head back to your room without looking at him. As you close your door, you take a deep breath and you finally feel the tears on your face.
a/n: hello hello! i was thinking of a more "breakup and makeup" scenario but this was just what came out at the end. let me know if you still want to read that! i might make a second part to this but we will see! thank you so much for reading!
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sweethartlullaby · 6 months
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was it worth it?
word count: 684 genre/theme: angst, dating as a bet as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist
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He sees her standing there, and his heart drops. The cash roll is slipping through his fingers but he cannot bring himself to tighten his hold. 
He opens his mouth to call her but she’s already out, and the bell ringing signals her exit. He takes a heavy step towards her but she’s already running and getting smaller in his vision. Before he can think, he’s already running after her down the street. 
He yells her name when she’s back in sight, but she doesn’t stop. The streets are emptier, and the pavement still smells wet from the rain earlier tonight. 
He shouts as he picks his speed up, determined to catch up to her. He has to explain, he has to get his side of the story out to her. He can’t let her leave with the thought that she is nothing to him. 
He keeps chasing her, and the smaller alleys make him nervous. But she won’t stop and he has to get to her. And it’s not just because he needs to explain himself, but he doesn’t think it’s safe for her to be alone here. He finally pushes himself to run to her, and he grabs her wrist before turning her to face him.
“Listen to me.” She won’t face him, but he sees her tear-streaked face and his heart breaks.
“You lied to me.” She murmurs, and he loosens his hold on her small wrist, but not letting her go.
“It’s not like that.”
“Then, what is it like? You didn’t date me for money?” She nudges her chin towards the cash in his other hand. Wordless, he almost loses his grip on her. But he remembers that this is about more than that. She is worth more than the amount he holds. She has to know.
“Why me? Why couldn’t you just break another girl’s heart and stay out of my life? Why approach me?” She sobs. 
He remembers the day he asked her out when it was just a bet at the time. He didn’t need the money, but he couldn’t forever be seen as the boy who can’t speak to a girl. So his eyes searched the room until they stopped at her. The girl he always had an eye for but could never find the right words for.
Yet that day, he didn’t know what came over him as he approached her; as if he had done it a million times. He opened his mouth to introduce himself but the words got caught in his throat and her friends started giggling amongst themselves. Yet, she just smiled at him. 
She introduces herself.
He does the same, with a nervous grin. 
“Nice to meet you.” She shook his hand and that was the beginning. 
And now, it is all in shambles in front of him. How can he explain himself? Anything he says will sound like an excuse.
“Did you ever even like me?” She asks, disappointment clear in her voice.
“Yes, I did. Please,” He gets closer to her, as he begs her with everything he is.
“This is real. You and I, we are real to me.” He whispers and brings her face up to his. But all he sees is anger and agony and his hand trembles despite his effort to hold his ground. She releases herself from his grip and shakes her head.
“I don’t ever want to see you again.” She hisses, and time suddenly freezes. He hopes that he’s dreaming because he can’t find a way out of this otherwise. He chokes on every word he wants to scream and he watches as she slips into the darkness again, leaving him to mourn in the silence by himself. He can’t feel anything, not the ghost of her hand still in his, not the warmth of her body next to him, not the tears on his cheeks, not the numbness about to swallow him whole. 
He stands there, helpless as the woman he wants forever with walks away from him. And the worst part is that it is all his fault. 
a/n: hello!! i made a few changes to my blog and i added a masterlist which i will pin! you will be able to find all my works there. i hope you enjoyed this and since i am on a break right now, i am trying to write as much as possible so that i can just post those stories later on! thank you so much for your support and for reading. i hope you enjoyed!
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sweethartlullaby · 6 months
Note
omg i loveeeed the cheating boyfriend scenario! so well written! please make a part 2 🥹🥹
word count: 1063 genre: angst this is part ii to the cheating boyfriend scenario!find part i here find part iii here sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist songs: too sad to dance - jeon jungkook
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He’s stumbling a little too much and that means he has drunk too much. The bottle in his hand is slipping and he knows that he has to go to the bank if he wants some more. 
It’s been three weeks now since you chased him away and he is still trying to live with his stupidity. He cannot believe he has lost you. He cannot believe he let you go. He spends his days at work, slaving away to avoid the single thought of you. And he usually spends his nights drinking alone at home, fixed in front of a screen playing a video game or a movie. He tends to avoid the latter, since all he has in his home are the ones you like.
He trips over his feet and laughter escapes him. The sloppy kind that makes it clear he is too wasted to be on his own. He throws the bottle down the street, hearing it crash against a lamppost. 
How similar we are.
He keeps walking, tripping over his steps every now and then and having to hold onto door handles, lampposts, and trash cans to gain his balance again. He finally stops when he sees it. The warm orange light pouring onto the streets, welcoming him inside. 
The man goes in before he takes a look around. He doesn’t know how he got here but it must be fate. Whatever it is, he is too drunk too care. Everything sways around him as he staggers into a seat. 
As he figured, there’s not a lot of people left. You two would often meet here, in the 24 hour library that the both of you call your home away from home. He lays down on his arms placed on the table and looks at the empty seat across him. If he squints, he can see you typing away on your laptop or writing in your book, murmuring things to yourself that only you understand. 
He sighs and buries his face into the bend of his elbow. Why is he here? He isn’t supposed to be thinking of you. It hurts him too much. 
He hates that he’s a shitty person. He hates that he cheated. He hates that he hurt you. If he can go back to change it all, he will. If he wakes up tomorrow and you’re next to him again, he’ll never let you go. But instead he’s here, crying across the seat you should be in, sobbing as quietly as possible because he’s scared that if he cries too loudly, he will not stop. 
I miss you so much, damn it.
He wishes the alcohol was enough. He wishes that it can erase you. He wishes it can take him back. He wishes for so much. He wishes he can meet you and start over. He wishes that you were here to comfort him. He wishes that he wasn’t him. He wishes that he did better. He wishes that you got a better version of him. 
He cannot count the amount of times he has cried for you in his bed, or the amount of times he has woken up startled, hoping he can feel your warmth. The amount of times he has murmured apologies in his sleep. 
He closes his eyes and prays that you’re okay. He shuts them tight and hopes to rid himself of his sins. 
And soon enough, he falls asleep. 
He wakes with a backache and with blurry vision. Then he looks around to check where he has ended up this morning. He doesn’t remember anything from last night. After a stretch in his seat and a sigh, he reckons he probably smells like alcohol and dirt so he gets up to leave. 
But something catches the corner of his eye and he sees a book. He must’ve been staring at it for too long because a worker calls out that someone had left that for him last night and told them it isn’t to be taken away from him. 
The man opens the book and as soon as he reads the front page, he feels as if his head clears. 
“Isn’t this the sweetest thing?” You show him an opened book and on the front was a message along with the title, ‘learning from your mistakes’.
“You weren’t one” He reads and he shrugs.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask, looking over the page fondly. 
“Well, what if it’s stupid to forgive the person who made the mistake?” He asks, setting his book down then going to wrap his arms around you.
“Well you see…” 
He doesn’t remember much of what you said. Fate and whatnot, all he knew was he didn’t ever have to worry about losing you because he would have never made a mistake like that.
He traces the lines written on the page and he feels like crying again. And this time it’s sober and raw and real nonetheless. His chest heaves up and down as he sobs onto the book. 
He misses you so much that it aches inside of him. He cannot breathe through his tears and all he wants is to reach into the pages to go back to that moment. He wants to hear your voice again, telling him the exact words that are on this page. 
It’s the only way he can learn to forgive himself. It’s the only way he can live on without hating himself and every fiber that he is made of. It’s the only way he doesn’t tear the skin that holds him together. He doesn’t know if you will ever forgive him. He doesn’t know if you will ever trust him again. 
He knows he has to try; that this is a sign to do so. But he’s afraid that you will shut him out and that this is in vain. But love, love is often a shot in the dark. He can only walk through these steps with caution until you tell him that you’ll let him in again. 
He brings the book home and he places it by his nightstand. Every night before bed, he looks at the words and he remembers you. He’s trying to not make it hurt anymore. He’s trying to be stronger for you. 
And every night, he prays he will be that man for you. 
a/n: AHHHHHHHHH MY FIRST ASKKKKK i was so excited when i saw this that i just had to write it immediately. please pardon any mistakes. i hope you enjoy this! i didn't want to write a makeup scene because i feel that it will be too fake but if that is something that you want please let me know!
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sweethartlullaby · 6 months
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༊*·˚ sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist ✧.*
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·˚ ༘ over here!
if the ask button isn't showing up, please use the link above to ask me questions and request stories!
·˚ ༘ series
┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐ 17 again with you 17 again with you ii ┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐ you, among the art you, among the art ii you, among the art iii you, among the art iv you, among the art v you, among the art vi you, among the art vii you, among the art viii you, among the art ix ┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐ i thought i was yours i thought i was yours pt ii i thought i was yours pt iii i thought i was yours pt iv
·˚ ༘ general
˗ˏˋ angst ´ˎ˗
what i wanted you to tell me let me be your heather too little too late the coffee shop where she worked almost home was it worth it? never more you will always be mine found soulmate ghost of you from people you know to people you don't if putting oneself first is so great, then why do i cry so much? so you remember to miss me on the drive home loving me is something you can never do hanahaki alternate ending hanahaki bittersweet blood loving you was always a losing game if only real sweet but i wish you were sober i'm nothing without your love stupid boy making me so sad
˗ˏˋ fluff ´ˎ˗
your hidden words head over heels love in the rain
˗ˏˋ random´ˎ˗
but you liked me bad the just world belief
·˚ ༘ specific
˗ˏˋ bts ´ˎ˗
after us (vocal line) vampire brothers (jjk and hjj) last 24 hours with them spidey kook missing pieces part ii (ksj) missing pieces (ksj) my angel, don't cry (kth) you and the drugs (jjk)
˗ˏˋ svt ´ˎ˗
vampire brothers (jjk and hjj)
˗ˏˋ bridgerton ´ˎ˗
venus is here
˗ˏˋ attack on titan ´ˎ˗
dancing with another man (ej & jk) all i want (ma)
·˚ ༘ drabbles
everything hurts more in the cold youth invisible people sometimes ruminations i think i love you overthoughts on the surface the craving christmas tree when we meet again i hate dreaming of you
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sweethartlullaby · 5 months
Note
Are you gonna do a part 4 of the cheating imagine? I don’t mind if they don’t get back together, but I would at least want to see YN happier :(
word count: 515 genre/theme: angst, fluff (?) as always imagine who you would like... find part i herefind part ii herefind part iii here sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist
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You check your phone…again. Still nothing. 
Maybe he isn’t coming, 
Maybe he forgot. 
He probably did. 
You’ve left the movie tickets in your pocket, knowing well that it’d be crumpled up if you are holding onto it. Most people have gone in and the room feels colder. You feel lonely, standing here in the center, with all the ticket booths facing you. 
Two workers have come to tell you that the movie is about to start but you keep saying you’re waiting for someone. The movie should be starting in about five minutes. 
And he’s still not here.
You feel weird and your legs feel like they’re going to buckle underneath you soon. So you quickly make your way to the bathroom, trying to look as least awkward as possible. 
You fix your hair for about five minutes, changing the way it looks every few seconds. And you keep washing your hands. You check your reflection every time you’re about to leave to make sure you still look decent. When your mind is occupied with whether the shirt is on right, you don’t feel like crying. 
When you finally come out of the bathroom, the lobby is still empty. You take the tickets out of your pocket and stare at them. Out of all the thoughts running in your head, the only one that feels justified is how your money is going to waste. 
You’re about to throw them away when you hear your name being called. Without a second thought, you look up to see him running through the entrance. In his hand, he holds what seems to be a small bouquet of flowers and in the other, a card. 
You blink at him, tickets on the edge of your fingertips.
“I…” He pants.
“It took…longer than ex…pected at the…florist.” He lets out, breathless between each word.
“I’m sorry, I thought I’d make it.” He takes a deep breath and hands you the two objects. The flowers are yellow and just looking at them made you feel a little better inside. The card had a cartoon bear holding a heart at the front. When you opened it, you saw the scribbled words ‘I’m glad we are doing this. I hope you are too.’ in his signature handwriting. 
You smiled, and the urge to cry washed away. 
“I know the movie started a while ago, but I’d still like to watch it with you.” He says. You haven’t seen him like this, shy and timid, in a while. It makes your heart flutter.
You nod.
“I brought some snacks too.” You show him your bag full of treats, illegally brought in from outside. He laughs and you feel his smile is the brightest it has ever been. Then, he does the unexpected.
He wraps his arms around you.
“I know I say this a lot, but I’m really thankful you’re here. I won’t screw this up, I promise.” He whispers into your hair. 
You melt into his embrace before bringing your arms up to hold him. And even though you don’t say it, he knows.
a/n: hello!!!! i've been soooo busy with so many things so i am so sorry for disappearing. but i saw the asks and i had to come back just for a bit to write! i hope you like this. when i read the ask, i was laughing a bit from the excitement (of getting an ask) and also because my page is mostly angst and i rarely end with happy characters haha. regardless, i am open to almost anything so please keep asking! if you have a song recomm for this part or any of the parts at all, please comment or send it over! i always love hearing what you guys thought or felt when reading my writings! thank you so much for asking (they always make my day) and thank you for reading! i apologize for any mistakes and the delay!
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sweethartlullaby · 5 months
Note
hi again! i really loved part 2 of the cheating scenario i loveee your writing! i think the breakup and make up idea is good, could u write it ? 🥹
word count: 1027 genre/theme: angst (ofc), new beginnings as always, imagine who you would like... find part i here find part ii here find part iv here sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist songs: can't go back - troye sivan (recommended by anonymous!)
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He has anemones today. 
No yelling. Just wait for her.
He sits on the bench just outside of your apartment and he waits. It’s a Friday, which means that you’ll be home early, which is soon. He checks the flowers and makes sure that they aren’t wilting. He used to buy flowers for you early on, but after a while, he just stopped.
He got comfortable.
He hasn’t touched a drink in months but he still finds it tempting when you reject him. He has been in this exact spot for weeks now. Every Friday, he sits there and he waits for you to come back home, wishing that this time, you’ll look at him and hopefully speak to him. 
All the times he has done this, you walk past him and never come out again. He waits outside for an hour or so before he leaves the flowers on the bench and walks away. And every Friday, he tells himself that he has to try, that maybe this time it truly is different. 
He keeps checking the flowers, sometimes standing to stretch out his legs as he checks the time. It should be any minute now.
And then he finally sees you. 
You are walking slowly this time and he fights the urge to call you. He sits there and he wishes and waits. And then you do the impossible. 
You approach him and he is too startled to say anything. He just moves to the side as you sit and leaves ample space between the two of you. 
“What are they?” You murmur.
“Uhm,” He can feel his heart thump against the flesh in his chest. 
“A-Anemones.”
You only chuckle weakly.
“For new beginnings?” You finally turn to him and he has to keep it in himself to not burst at the seams.
“Yeah, the old man told me they were his wife’s favorite.”
“Did they break up too at some point?” You ask.
“Didn’t get to ask.” He places the flowers near you and retreats back to his own space.
It’s silent for a while and he can feel his hands shaking but he isn’t sure if it is because he is excited that you’re finally acknowledging him or because he’s too nervous for what you’ll say. 
“I keep all of them.” You suddenly say.
“Sorry?”
“They’re all, at least the alive ones, in my living room. You give so many that I have some in jars that I saved.” You laugh a little and he finds himself smiling as he fidgets with his fingers.
Silence again. 
“I thought you’d have lots to say, considering you’ve been coming here for a long time.”
He only nods slowly. He had so much to say before but now that he’s here, he can’t find the right words to blurt out. His silent stature now is quite a contrast to the thought that he would be on his knees, begging her to take him back. 
“So, do you?” 
“Hm?” He asks. 
“Do you have a lot to say?” Your eyes are glassy and all his nervousness has washed away. He just stares back and he finds himself lost in you. He has looked at you a million times, kissed you a hundred, and held you for longer. Yet he feels that he is looking at you for the first time again. He is just as drawn, just as enticed, and just as helpless around you. 
“I…” He takes a deep breath and he is about to speak when she bursts into tears. He can only stare for a moment. He doesn’t know what to do as you sob in front of him. 
“Why’d you even do it? Why’d you cheat?” He opens his mouth to speak.
“Why couldn’t you just break up with me like a man or tell me how you felt?” You beg and he shudders. He thought that you were better, that you had moved on from him. 
But you look so torn here now. And he feels so helpless, just like that night you told him to leave. He sees the tears in your eyes and he tries to stop himself from blurting out the tells of blame he used to say to himself each night. 
You pick the flowers and caress the petals gently. 
“You could’ve just left.” You murmur, shaking his core. You were right. He could have. So why didn’t he?
“I-”
“No,” His voice trembles.
“No, I…need to say this. I am sorry.” He looks right at you. He hopes that this reaches the both of you. He doesn’t want nights of torment anymore. And he knows, he knows it is unfair for him to ask for forgiveness, for so much from you. But he needs to hear you to say that you forgive him. 
But he doesn’t. 
You sob silently across him and he feels that it’s hours before he decides that he should leave. He wants to stay but your cries have died down and only the moon sits by with the both of you. He should let you be. This was a mistake. He shouldn’t have gone to see you. Maybe he is pressuring you too much. 
He stands to leave. 
“Stay.” You say.
He stops.
“Just stay with me for a while.”
He sits. 
“Just be here for a bit. I’ll probably still be mad at you tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, all the way until Friday where I’ll see you here again.” 
“And then I’ll be sad again before the cycle begins again.” 
He stays silent. 
“But I don’t want it to stay that way forever.” You say softly. The two of you sit there, with only each others’ breaths audible. He is trying to take in that you want things to change between the two of you. 
“And yet, I don’t know what I can change.”
You finally stand and he thinks that you’ve changed your mind. 
But then you say, “So I guess I’ll see you next Friday then.”
He looks at you with wide eyes and a small smile breaks out of him. 
“I’ll see you next Friday.” 
a/n: thank you so much for requesting again! i know that this one took a while but i'm off my break so i have less time! but i will still try to write a bit :( i also wanted to say please drop in the comments any thoughts you had about the fic! whether it's song recs you think fits well with this one, or who you imagined. i'd love to hear what you thought about it! hope to see you soon!
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sweethartlullaby · 1 month
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your hidden words
word count: 952 genre/theme: fluff as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist
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The snow falls gently outside of the window and you wonder what each snowflake feels when it touches the ground. 
“You ready?” His voice pulls you back to the studio, where all the blinding lights are pointed at both of you. You smile at him nervously and he returns it. 
“3.”
Two.
“1.”
“Welcome back to the final season of our podcast…” You smile at the camera as your counterpart introduces the both of you. After your introduction, he brings up the phrase of the day. 
“We’re learning how to use ‘I’m not…’ today.”
There’s something strange about how you feel today. Maybe it’s because it’s because the podcast you’ve held dear to your heart is ending soon. But you know it’s probably because this is the last week you will spend with him. 
Your heart aches at the thought that’s been keeping you up at night.
“So, how do we say ‘I’m not lying.’ in this language?” He turns to you for an answer that your mind is scrambling to get. Your eyes drift to his flashcards and immediately answer, smile and all.
He grins at you and turns back to the camera. When the camera pans onto you, he grabs the hand on your lap and gives it a light squeeze, shooting a blush up your cheeks. He pulls away as soon as the camera zooms out to the both of you. 
“And a lot of boys like to use, ‘You’re beautiful, I’m not lying.’ as their pickup line.” You say and he laughs. 
“Do you disagree?” You turn to him and he shakes his head.
“Just so our viewers know, I’ve never used such a tacky line before.” 
“Oh, really?” You ask sarcastically and he raises an eyebrow at you, the grin still plastered on his face. “Tell us, what is your secret technique.” He resists at first but when he eventually gives in, he turns to you and says…
“I’m not lying, I think your hand fits perfectly with mine.” His eyes burrow into yours and it takes you a few seconds to tap out and chuckle, trying to wave off his strong gaze with your hand. 
“I hate to break it to you, but that’s just as tacky.” You say and he laughs. You’re fidgeting with your own fingers underneath the table as you struggle with not bursting at the seams for the last five minutes of this episode.
When the lights come back on and everyone starts packing, you finally let out a short breath and your co-star turns to you, still grinning. 
“You can stop smiling now. The cameras are off.” You joke and he shakes his head.
“You haven’t answered me.” 
“I wasn’t aware you asked a question.” You raised an eyebrow and he chewed down on his lip as his arms crossed upon his broad chest.
“You’re right, it wasn’t really a question, much more an invitation.” You’re still lost, so you lean in and look up at him, raising both eyebrows this time. He chuckles and lowers his lips to your ears, whispering sweet words.
“Do you want to check if your hand fits perfectly with mine?” Your cheeks warm and you have to clench your hands again, but before you can, his fingers have slid into the gaps between yours, eliciting a short gasp from you. 
You turn to him sharply, eyes widened with alert, but he looks calm and if anything, his smile is wider.
“Someone will-”
“Bye you two! Thank you for your hard work!” The last crew member leaves and it is just the two of you. He pulls you just an inch closer and he can’t seem to take his eyes off of you. 
You, likewise.
“A-Aren’t you going home?” You raise yourself high, even after stuttering.
“You’re so cute when you’re nervous.” He whispers and he brushes a few strands of hair away from your neck, tucking them behind your ear.
“The episode is over. You don’t have to tell me more of your tacky one-liners.” You mumble and you feel yourself closing in on him. 
“Then tell me,” He pulls away just as you feel his breath on your skin and he sits on his chair. “Do you think I’m saying this for the episode?” His hand is still holding onto yours as he gazes into you endearingly. He pulls you closer and you let him, close to sitting on the chair next to him…
Or his lap.
You try to hide your smile and he pulls you onto his seat, letting you rest on top of his thighs.
“You’re not fighting me.” He mumbles.
“Maybe I’m just too nice.” You say and cock your head to the side.
“Or maybe you want to accept my invitation?” You can’t tell if it’s him being a tease or if it’s hope that you let him in. Regardless, you find yourself nearing your lips to his. Your eyes flick to his and you have to hand it to him, he’s hiding all nervousness really well, even though his pupils are shaking.
“Don’t look at me like that.” He begs and you can’t help but smile.
“Why?”
“It does things to me.” His words come out hot and breathy, and you feel a swirl in your stomach, a tingling in your fingers.
“Oh,” Your eyes soften. “What’s going to happen if I actually take your hand?” His lip darts out to lick his lower lip, to which the swirling intensifies.
“Please do it.” He pleads and you almost laugh at how quick he switches. “Please take my hand.”
“Okay sweet boy.” You mutter and slowly take his free hand, lining your fingers up with his. “Ask me out.”
a/n: yay! she finally wrote!
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sweethartlullaby · 4 months
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but you liked me bad
word count: 664 genre/theme: toxic reader as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist
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You could only lean over the edge a little bit before he pulled you back. 
“Are you stupid or crazy?” You looked into his eyes. He was concerned, exactly how you wanted him to be. 
You leaned in close to him, lips inches away. 
“Are you worried?” You muttered.
“Stop that.” His cheeks blushed. He looked cute when he was worried about you. You took a step back from him and then breathed out a cloud of vapor. Winter wasn’t here and yet, your heart was already ice cold. 
You took a seat on the edge, legs dangling over the city beneath you. It took him a few moments before he sat next to you, cross-legged. He was probably wondering the same question as you. What were you guys? What was this magnetic pull you seemed to have on him? Why did he show up? Why couldn’t he keep away?
Then he asked the most important question of all.
“Why did you call me?” You were impressed. His voice wasn’t shaking and he had the guts to speak up. 
“I wanted to.”
“You said you had something to tell me.”
“I lied.” 
“If you’re going to act like this,” You immediately faced him. 
“You’re going to leave?” You challenged him. He was frozen, between the colder air and your words, you were hoping it was the latter.
“I…” You stood up and brushed your clothes.
“Go on, leave then.” You nudged towards the door. He sighed before he stood up. 
“You can’t keep calling me just to chase me away.”
“If you want me to stop, then don’t pick up.” You said before taking a step towards him. 
“Unless,” You placed your hands on his shoulders and leaned in close. He still had the same perfume. He still used the same soap. He smelled like home, but you would never admit that out loud. 
“You don’t want me to stop calling you?” You mumbled, tracing your lips against his skin. 
“Stop.” He breathed but you knew him too well. It came out like a gasp, a secret signal to say he wanted more. 
“Or what?” You looked up at him with those eyes he adored so much. 
“We’re not good for each other.” He whispered but you didn’t look away. 
“I know.” You left a soft kiss on the corner of his lip. 
“But you want me, right?” 
He was right, or rather, half right. You weren’t good for him. You knew which buttons to push to make him come back, you knew the right things to say and do to make him want you again. You knew it would all end in flames but you still wanted it. You wanted the pain, the fights, the storms in your relationship. You wanted to see him beg for you, devour you with each kiss, hold you like this was the last time he would. You knew what made him tick. 
But he didn’t deserve that. No, this was where he was wrong. See, it wasn’t that he wasn’t good for you. In your world, where everything had a clock, he had always seen you as eternity. He wanted you, wholly, fully. He truly loved you. 
And even though you knew that, you couldn’t bring yourself to give it back. So you twisted him around and you played him like a fiddle. Even when he left, you didn’t wake up. You pulled him back in your bed and you did what you pleased. 
Some part of you wished he would just say-
“No.”
“I don’t want you like this anymore.” 
He took a step away from you. It was a strange feeling as if you were looking at yourself from another perspective. You could see your confusion. You could feel the heat of embarrassment. The air was suddenly colder and you had the urge to laugh or cry. You weren’t sure.
“This is the end. I hope we don’t meet again.”
Then he just left you.
a/n: i honestly thought this was going to be a good challenge for me, to write something with the reader being in the wrong. but i actually really disliked the experience. i kind of felt like scrubbing my brain clean after this. i kept thinking of people i didn't want to think about and it messed with me so there's that. but at least i tried it! thank you again for your support and i hope you liked this and that it turned out well. i might try this again in the future but right now i need a full cleanse. i will try to go back to my angsty writing soon!
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sweethartlullaby · 4 months
Note
omg how about unrequited love but fluff at the end
word count: 2341 genre/theme: a little angst, fluff at the end, unrequited love, fake dating songs: heather - conan gray as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist
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“You’re lying.”
“Why would I do that?” His head tilts backwards a little as he laughs and you can’t help but smile too. 
“I know you have a +4 in there! It’s all over your face.” You point at the last card in his hands and he shakes his head again. 
“No, I swear on my life. You can put your card down and you’ll see.” He says. You glare at him before you take a matching card and place it on the pile. 
“Bet it’s a four-coloured one too.” You mutter and just as you finish speaking, he slams the predicted card onto the pile, declaring himself the winner. 
“I knew it!”
“And yet you still lost.” You throw your cards at him. 
“That’s the fifth lost now. I’m assuming you’re giving up?” He asks. But when you open your mouth to answer, his phone rings. He takes a look at it and you aren’t sure if it’s his screen or his face actually lights up. 
He doesn’t need to say it for you to tell him.
“Go ahead, she’ll stop texting if you take too long.” You gather the cards into your hands and stack them neatly. He’s putting on his jacket when you place the cards back into their box and onto the shelf.
You can’t even look at him. 
He should’ve left moments ago, but you haven’t heard the door click. 
“Hey, tonight was fun.” You brace yourself to meet his eyes. 
“Let’s do it again.” And there it is. 
The glint of mischief that draws you in every time. You never know what he means when you see that look in his eyes. Does he want to spend more time with you? Wasn’t this supposed to be a strictly professional deal? He gets the girl and you lose the ex. Why does he come to your house, eat dinner with your family, play cards with you; if at the end of it all, he just runs back to her? 
Why do you feel this ache every time he leaves? And it grows even more when it’s because of her? Why do you not want this to stop…ever?
“Yeah, stay safe.” You mutter and he gives you half a smile before he leaves. 
 You don’t want to be here. 
You don’t like the flashing lights, the muffled noises that seep through the cracks and spaces of the house. You don’t like the amount of people that have tried to dance on you this past hour either. But most importantly, you don’t like the way your mind, hazed with alcohol, is paired with the drink in one hand, and your phone in the other, scrolling through your contacts. 
Where is it…
You know you can’t but you have no sense left in you. Your friend is who knows where, probably with another in the bathroom, kissing the night away. You giggle as you click on his contact. It’s almost like a game. Do you dare to press call? What will you say? Whatever it is, it can’t be good. 
You sigh and laugh a little as you place your phone’s face down, away from you. 
“I wish I was kissing someone.” You say to yourself. 
“No, I wish I was kissing him.” You sigh as you trace the invisible lines of his lips in the air. You don’t usually talk about your feelings out loud. But you’re alone in a room, on the grand floor of this glorious spare room that no one has bothered to check. It’s a good thing. The silence is your friend and you are able to say what you think with no cost.
“I should call him and tell him to pick me up. Tell him I’m lonely and that I need him. Maybe then…” Your words trail off and your fingers are frozen in the air. 
“Maybe then, he’ll choose me.” 
“I can treat him better. I won’t throw him aside, or push him away.” You roll onto your side and your palms are flat on the cold floor. 
“I’d love him the way he wants to be loved.” You whisper and close your eyes. 
You can’t tell the exact moment you liked him. You just started to feel so good around him. You seem to smile more when he sends a text. And you laugh at his jokes more. You ask him for his opinion on things and he does the same. 
Maybe it was the time he took you to eat things you hadn’t before. Or it was the time he immediately called you when you told him you were scared after watching a horror movie. Or was it the time he called you pretty? 
He probably does it on purpose. He’s trying to pair the good chemicals in my brain with the things he does so I like him. 
He just wants me to like him. 
“All to leave me high and dry.”
You can’t remember anything from last night. Your head is a mess and everything anyone says is a bunch of jumbled words. Why did you do that when you have a 10 a.m. class?
You stumble into your seat, which you shrink into to avoid the prying eyes. The back row is usually empty, and you thank the heavens for it because you cannot talk to anyone today without vomiting the words, and although hopefully not, possibly your dinner from last night. 
Thirty minutes in and you are fighting the urge to doze off. The only reason you are here is for attendance. You can’t comprehend anything the professor is saying and your hands are struggling to write. 
“Hey,” His voice makes you jump from your seat and you turn to see the rest of his very real body next to you. 
“Please don’t yell, my brain will explode.”
“I wasn’t-”
“Shh.” You shush him and he shakes his head before he takes a thermos out from his backpack and places it on your desk. 
“What’s this?” You croak.
“Hangover soup.” He whispers as you twist the bottle open. The steam wafts into the air before you take a sip, loving the warmth it gives your body. 
“God, I love yo-” You stop yourself before you finish. It must be the leftover alcohol chasing the words off your tongue. 
“The soup. I love the soup.” You whisper before placing it back down on the desk.
“Well, I’m glad. Mom says it might’ve been too unbalanced.” He sinks into his seat and that’s when you realize.
“You made this for me?”
“Yeah, I mean…you sounded pretty drunk last night and I thought-”
“What?” You interrupt. You pray you didn’t hear that right.
“Oh, no I meant your friend told me you got pretty drunk and she called me because she couldn’t find you.”
“Oh.” You relax back into your chair.
“Yeah, she said you were wasted and was worried about you. Glad to see you made it back safe though.” He says and you nod.
“I don’t even know how I am alive right now.” You groan before pulling your hoodie down your face. He chuckles and pats your head.
“There, there, we all make mistakes like these. Next time, bring me along so I can keep you in check.” You nod slowly, keeping your blushing red face away from his view.
How does he know where to poke you, making your insides turn? How does he make the butterflies flap again and again? How do you never get sick of it? 
“Don’t you have class?” You ask after you clear your throat.
“Yeah, I don’t know.” You look up at him.
“Just felt like being here today.” 
“You’re lying.”
But there is no laughter in his tone, and no smile that goes with it. His eyes are pleading you and yet you cannot bring yourself to say the words.
“No.”
“Yes, you are. Just tell me.”
“Tell you what?” You demand. Your chest is heaving and your hands are trembling as you pace the room. It feels like you can’t breathe properly. 
You stop in a corner and lean against the wall, taking in as much as you can in every single breath. You wish you had more to drink or just any way to get out of this. He approaches you and holds you by the shoulders. 
“Tell me,” He says firmly. Your eyes can’t leave him and he isn’t backing away. This cannot be real. 
“Tell me that you want me because I swear,” He’s trapping you into the corner, and every breath you take draws him closer. 
“I’m going to lose it if you don’t.” 
You have to stop yourself. 
You can’t do what you want to do. You can’t kiss him, you can’t let him push you against this wall with his lips, oh his soft lips. You can’t let his hands do the things you want him to do. You must control yourself. You must stand tall. You must not give in. 
It’s another one of his tricks. 
He’s going to back off and laugh at you later. He’s going to trot away with the girl he’s been wanting for months now, the girl he used to drone on about for hours, the girl…he seems to have rarely brought up lately. 
Strange.
“You’re lying.” You whisper. Your heart is thumping out of your chest and it’s almost as if you can feel it touching his. 
“You don’t want me. You want her. You’ve always wanted her.” He doesn’t move. 
“You can’t want me.” You feel your cheeks getting hot. Was it the drinks you had with him just a while ago? 
“She’s prettier, she’s Heather! She’s the one you’ve-”
“Shut up.” He breathes and your lungs almost go still. 
“Just shut up and answer me. I didn’t ask about her. Don’t mess with me. How do you feel?”
There are about a hundred ways that you can answer this. You’ve collected them over the past year. There are the answers of truth, the lies, the ones you wish were true, and finally just nothing. 
You wish you were over him. You wish that his gaze didn’t pierce into yours like a hook, pulling you closer. You wish this was easier. You wish you had forgotten him. 
Because then you won’t want to kiss him. You won’t want to wrap your arms around him and let him lift you. You won’t want him whispering your name into your ear. You won’t want him to be the one to bring you hangover soup every time you get drunk over him. You won’t want him to be the one who answers your call when you’re sad, alone, or scared. You won’t want him to be the one who finally loves you back. 
But deep down, you know there’s no potion that can undo this knot of anguish, joy, laughter, and tears inside of you. There’s no spell that can ever make you forget the way he is looking at you right now.
With desperation, hunger, and need. 
After almost three months of going back and forth, unsure of how to escape the prison of one-sided love. How do you answer to him? 
“I…” You look up at him. What if it’s the wrong answer? 
“I don’t.” You breathe out. He looks stunned as if he wasn’t expecting that answer. 
“She’s the one you like.” You whisper as he backs away.
“But-”
“I’m telling you the truth.” You say, clenching your hands into fists. You have always been the better liar.
You get your things and head for the door. You have to leave now, or he will see the hesitation in your glassy eyes.
“I’m assuming our deal is off. Good luck.” You leave the room and the man inside, hoping to never see him again. 
A few weeks pass and you find yourself in the back row of that lecture again, scrolling through your phone as you can’t be bothered to listen to the professor. He didn’t text you nor did he call. It stings, but you know you can’t hold yourself together like that again if he-
You see a figure, two seats away from you. And you turn to see him. 
Of course, it’s him. 
It’s the second time this month now that you want to sink into this very chair. He doesn’t say anything. You’re thankful. 
Ten minutes later, he passes you a note. 
You hesitate before you take it in your hands and open it. 
Three words, and you hate that it makes you smile.
“I knew it.”
optional ending!
“Hey, I found this great movie for us to…” You enter the kitchen to see that he has set up candles and bowls of noodles. You sigh as your lips curl into a smile. This feels like a dream. 
“Happy anniversary darling.” He offers you a glass of wine and you take it before he takes your hand and gently twirls you around. 
“It’s been a little over a year since you lied to me about your feelings. And if I weren’t the smart boy that I am,” You laugh. 
“Then I wouldn’t be the happiest man alive.” He kisses you with lips that still feel like clouds.
“I still don’t know how I got you.” He mumbles before he nuzzles his face into your neck.
“And I still don’t know how it took you so long.” You roll your eyes. He immediately pulls back.
“It’s only because you lied!”
“Oh, so you always liked me and never thought of the other girl?”
“Never! I only had eyes for you.”
“Who’s lying now?” You tease. He takes your glass of wine and places it on the counter before he lifts you into his arms and smothers your face in kisses. He whirls you around the room, making you clutch onto him for dear life.
“You make me so damn happy, you know?” He says once he stops. 
“Same for you.” You grin before pressing your lips onto his.
a/n: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING! i know this is so late but i do hope that you like it! i don't usually write fluff because i don't want it to sound cringe or anything like that so i tried to kind of keep it light fluff! i don't know if this was angsty at all but i do hope that you guys enjoy! as for the 'i knew it' part, if you didn't get it, it's basically supposed to be like "i knew you liked me. you can't lie to me." anyways! finals season is coming up (can you hear my tears falling onto the floor) and i've been swamped with work. but thank you so much for all your support always. i love getting the messages you guys send and all the comments! thank you, thank you, thank you. you give me reason to write and keep this account alive. i hope you have a good day/night!
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sweethartlullaby · 2 months
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what i wanted you to tell me
word count: 860 genre/theme: angst, language! as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist
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He looks furious and the pinch in your gut is telling you to run, but you stand your ground, with tears slipping down your skin and shaking fists.
“You used me.” You whisper and he whips his head to you, eyes blazing with the utmost fury. “You can’t even lie to yourself about it because you know it too.” Your lungs heave as your eyes burrow into him, digging into his icy heart.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“How can I not?” You demand with a roar clawing out of your throat. “I thought you were everything. I wanted you to be everything.” You almost yell. “And you,” The sigh that comes out resembles the gust of winds that accompany tornadoes. “You saw me as nothing more than just some hotel; that you could stay in when you wanted and you just left when you felt like it, no commitment, no strings, just when you wanted a change of scenery.”
He shakes his head and sighs but his sounds like laughter, and it makes your stomach churn.
“You don’t get it.” He says and there’s an upset smile on his face.
“No, you don’t get it. You don’t get how you treated me like absolute shit and you’re still in denial about it.” Anger boils within you as you point an accusing finger at you. His head shakes the whole time you speak, even as he drags a hand down his face. “I don’t understand what ego you must have for it to be this difficult to admit that you fucked-”
“I would have fucking stayed.” 
The air seems to whoosh out of your lungs within the second that follows his words. He is looking anywhere but you and when the light shines on his face the right way, you see the wet streaks under his eyes.
“I wanted you.” He looks down and for some reason, you find yourself making your way to him. “As much as you wanted me.” The steps stop. You’ve heard this before. It was there when you asked him that night in the empty restaurant, whether he really loved you. And when the both of you walked along the beach, and you asked if this was all a dream. But it was there when he left you and told you that he didn’t want this anymore. 
It was then you questioned whether it was all a lie.
Your senses can’t lie.
But he can.
And just like then, you still find yourself drawn to him. 
“I wanted it to be us.” He finally faces you and the smile is gone.
“You’re lying.”
He sighs out and he shakes his head. “You know what your problem is?” He clenches his jaw and you cross your arms, all sentiment of him erased.
“You don’t fucking see yourself the way everyone else does. You keep talking about how no one likes you back and how no one would ever appreciate you in the way that you wanted to be appreciated.” 
“And you know what that does? That clouds your fucking vision.” 
You try not to shake from his words.
“No, I wanted you. I tried my ultimate best to give you what it was you deserved. But I can’t fucking change your mind! I can’t erase all the evidence that you have in your head for you to just see me!” He waves his arms in the air. His eyes haven’t left you until now.
“I loved you and that night broke me as much as it did you.” 
“But you still did it.” You quickly say.
“I had to.” You shake your head.
“That’s where we’re different. You would’ve fought for me because you knew I was doing the same for you. You would’ve told me what you were so afraid of because then, I would’ve held your fucking hand and I would’ve walked us through it.” 
“You’re right, my vision is clouded. But you can’t blame me when you added to this pile of evidence. There were a hundred different ways you could’ve done it. There are tons of possibilities that could have emerged from us.”
“You could’ve not been an asshole. You could’ve stayed with me. You could’ve just left me alone. You could’ve spared me from yourself.” His face drops at the last few words and you feel a twinge of guilt.
“You don’t get to blame me after everything. You don’t get to walk away and put it all on my soul, on my doing, on my being!” You hiss. “I spent years trying to erase you while you threw yourself into other’s beds. It doesn’t make sense. I can’t see the way your words and your actions tie together.” You sigh.
“Most importantly, if you really loved me, you would’ve come back.”
“But seeing this,” You feel your heart drop as you realize that it is never going to happen. This isn’t going to be the fairytale ending you wanted all those years ago. “I know that we’ll never work.”
You feel it, in the air, in your bones.
It isn't only your heart that broke from those words.
a/n: a short one! i did want this to be a makeup story but for some reason i'm kind of leaning more into these sad ones more hehe. maybe i might write like a makeup thing but i'm not sure yet! so if you really want it, then let me know <3
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