all of the reproductive system surgery instruments are the least upsetting to learn about somehow...

2, 19, 21 for the system ask thing

2) Youngest member? Oldest?

Es is about 5! So she's the youngest, and Dr Coomer is the oldest! Idk how old he is I just know he's old lol <3

19) Favourite part of the inner world/headspace?

My inner world isnt really that... Scenic? It's it's just a dark void with stuff in it sometimes? So it's wherever my friends are at that time :)

21) Running jokes within the system?

Radish discourse, Benrey Fictive Union Leader (that kinda became real tho ahshsjsvsvsh), that's all I can think of rn?

me: i think im gonna start being open about my system again, force me to stop convincing myself its fake and just. function okay with my headmates agai-

system: hey we got a factive here of a singer that like. all of your friends hate

me: im gonna never be open abt this system ever again

Fic WIP Game!

My dear friend @mintly invited people to join in on the WIP game! So I’m here giving it My Shot.

RULES: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and I’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

a map of stars

Date Night

everything hurts and im dying

its sad

Movin’

Reviewer 3

satanic pollen

Speed Dating

The Plants Ship It

Tony vol 2

Waiting

wessexy time hehe

ch 2 take [redacted] Shelled A Dolly

Holy water chapter 4 (shit version)

summer lovin happened so fast

Civero de Salvaticina

5+1 Bentley Times

Crazy Demonic Cult thing

What’s that? Stop starting new things and finish something? Sounds dumb.

I don’t want to tag 18 people, and also at this point I think most people have done this, so if you want in go ahead and feel free to tag me so I can see it and ask you stuff too!

hi guys i just wanted to say sorry im like behind on tag games and im not that active anymore rip, im not ignoring u if u tagged me in smth im just swamped with uni and stuff :’) (im literally so done with weeder classes) i’ll get to them afterwards sorry it just gonna be super late andddd hopefully by then i’ll have more gifs prepared to share 

and on a brighter note, wtf im like im shook /pos:

tyty for supporting me!! <33 i havent rlly been able to check follows to see if theres some i want to follow back bc again been swamped hahajksdlf but yeah i appreciate yall and thank u! idrk what to do to celebrate or smth so have a virtual cookie from me 🍪 and have a nice day!  

.

janna calendar-giles: jenny and giles’s problem daughter.

“That’s to be expected,” said Dad mildly. “Teenage rebellion is fine by me as long as you’re not summoning demons.”

“And I am obviously not,” said Janna, who had never been a very good liar. “Totally not summoning any demons ever. At all. Ever.”

the cohost is the only alter

Since learning more in therapy about how to validate the feelings of other parts, I’ve been realizing the extreme lengths that some parts go to to get their feelings across, since we tend to default initially to just ignoring, suppressing, or dissociating from emotions. Basically, if we’re ignoring the parts with strong feelings, they might up the ante by communicating through physical pain or through intrusive trauma images. But the cool thing is that just acknowledging, naming, and validating their feelings drastically decreases the physical pain or flashback symptoms??

Over the weekend we’ve been able to use checking in with parts and validating their feelings to significantly decrease our back pain, and we were also able to use validation to understand why a part kept sending forward images and sensations of one of our traumas in response to certain situations. We’re hoping that the validation will result in this part triggering us less often, since hopefully if we keep it up they can recognize that they don’t have to do that in order for us to hear them and take their concerns seriously.

I’m just sort of shocked at how much is shifting for us just by simply recognizing and validating our feelings. We’re so used to just suppressing everything because emotions can be so painful and passive influence can be so confusing, but then that gets us stuck in these cycles of chronic pain and dissociation. I just didn’t realize how much the emotions were living in our body and how we could move through them and let them go? And I didn’t realize how we can improve our relationships internally and decrease some major challenges just by validating another part’s feelings and experiences? It’s hard work sometimes and requires us to be in a quiet spot where we can go inside for a bit, but so far it’s making a pretty difference for us in terms of managing stressors and triggers.

some quiet n more personal thoughts under the cut (will probs b privated eventually, just wanted to briefly toss em up here)

wrt that last post i reblogged ... lately i’ve been thinking a lot abt my relationship with my first girlfriend, and how fucked up we both were at the time. there’s not a lot that can be done about it now -- i literally never want to talk to her again, so that kinda puts a damper on any potential apology -- but it’s just really hard and awful to recognize her as a person who was hurting and myself as someone who did contribute to that.

Unfriendly reminder that sending syscourse here will get you blocked and we will simply ignore it

Hey all- just wanna remind you to read our BYF! We’ve noticed an account that’s in our DNI interacting with our blog, this person is someone we cannot block but regardless we’d appreciate it if said person and anyone associated with them to please stop interacting and following us- it causes us a lot of stress and anxiety! Thank you a lot

Adding on- this is the third or so time we have asked to be left alone and allowed to move on from the people in our DNI, it would be very much appreciated if people would respect our wishes

Me: Shakes Electro Swing like a bag of treats

The JJ's:

eren, armin, mikasa, & jean & kisses

i just needed to get this word vomit out of my drafts please, i’ll probs do a part two at some point with more characters 

warnings: lil spicy- like implied spicy but nothing crazy.  

· · ┈─────── ⋆៹ ✩۪۟۟≭ ───────┈ · ·

eren: okok so i know eren loves kissing but it's not his favorite thing if that makes sense?? that being said i feel as if eren is a really passionate kisser. he’s not really one for little pecks or anything ( of course unless you ask for them ) he’s more the type to grab your face in his hands and kiss you all deep- a little sloppy because he knows you like it that way, or you absolutely hate it and you sort of just deadpan then he’ll presses little kisses all over your face until you’re smiling and then he kisses you forreal. when eren kisses, he kisses with motive. lazy kisses are a thing too but they just don’t happen as often- or normally if he's in a mood he’ll sit you on his lap have his hands situated on your hips and he’ll lean in little and make you meet him in the middle and once you do he’ll press close lipped kisses against your lips and then one of his hands will travel up to the side of your neck and pull you into him. he’ll let out a huff of air through his nose when your lips mean and actually kiss you- teeth nipping at your bottom lip and little groans’ll slip through. eren loves when you whine into his mouth and at that point it turns into bruising kisses and bites trailing down your neck and oh man i think about kissing eren sometimes. 

armin: armin is so precious okay, he’s the type to still get really embarrassed when you guys kiss and it’s so cute???? ya’ll have been together for while and liked each other for even longer but whenever you go to kiss him- especially when it’s you initiating it right before your lips meet you can feel the breath he sucks in and despite him being so flustered he’s always so eager to kiss you. armin loves kissing your fingers like he’s the type to hold your hands ad kiss the pads of your fingertips. but like not even to see you smile or giggle or anything- he’s just showing that he loves you in every little way that he can. he gets a little bold in the morning and he’ll pepper kisses along your shoulders up to the spot right under your ear that he knows riles you up- until you’re stirring awake and scrunching your neck and its so cute pls. kissing armin, i swear to god makes you feel like an ethereal being- like, he’s so responsive?? you could just nip at his lower lip and he’ll be gasping into your mouth and you can feel the shuttering breath he lets out before he licks his way into your mouth. i’m 100% sure that armin could cum just from kissing you. 

mikasa: hear me out- mikASA IS SO FUCKING SOFT OKAY I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS PLEASE. her eyes literally gleam every time you kiss her. the first time you guys kiss her eyes stayed close for a few seconds after you pulled back and she took her bottom lip into her mouth and just sighed around a smile. mikasa like armin gets all shy about kisses but  really only the ones that catch her off guard. little cheek kisses are her weakness or the ones that always land right at the corner of her mouth when you’re rushing out of the house bc you're late for something- they never fail to turn her into a puddle. one of her favorite things is cupping your face at the end of the day and kissing you all soft like a “welcome home” and then it turning into an “i missed you” with her hands on your shoulders and she’ll nuzzle into your neck and place a little kiss at your pulse point and wrap her arms around your waist and then finally the softest, most chaste kiss slightly below your collarbone but above your heart as an “i love you”. juST imagine how soft kissing mikasa is please oh my goodness. which honestly just turns your entire world on it’s side when it’s not at all soft and she’s all biting lips and moans and perfectly timed grinds with wandering hands and fingers bruising all over you

jean: oh my, jean- kissing is his favorite thing. because there's so much under the kissing category he just never gets bored. but but just see jean like planting the biggest, most obnoxious kiss on your cheek while you’re in the bathroom getting ready or something and you’re just like ‘this goofball’ and roll your eyes and he’s like “what goofball?” and then he’ll just start smooching literally any space he can see/reach on you, until you’re giggling and begging him to stop and he’s just “wow a man can’t even express his love” and he’ll pout and make you kiss him to make it up to him bc he’s childish therefore he’s withholding from kisses. he’s so silly. but also, jean actually kissing you, is so tender- he’s such a soft guy and he kisses your hand and your forehead and the apples of your cheeks and the corner of your lips. i feel as if there’s a necklace, a ring, or a bracelet you both gave each other and he kisses that if you aren’t there. jean’s kisses are prayers, the praise, the thanksgiving, the confession, the amen. please he’s so- imagine you both joking around and he gets that look in his eye and he’s so soft and he just cups your cheeks or tilts your chin up to him and places a chaste kiss to your lips. which leads to him kissing your neck and he just trails down your body in soft fluttering touches and kisses it almost tickles. god i just see him- the both of you- one hand holding onto each other so tight and the light catches on the metal of the anklet he gave you and he squeezes your hand and he looks at you falling apart under him by his touch and he drags the anklet back up to your ankle, the one that's resting on his shoulder before placing a kiss upon it and then continues to unravel you. oh my god, this man- i see him- he's so. amen. 

Me: Hey guys we should probably get our life together and also I think we should start by making our room nicer, more organised, ect. What 'style' should we go for.

🌼: Minecraft!

🦈: Sharks. Maybe an indoor pool...

🪓+🐚: The blood of our enemies

💥: My room is fine

🔮: If I don't have a fur suit by the time we're 23 I sweat to fucking god

On that grind to get 100 percent completion in the cowboy game

i've been watching forged in fire lately

I find learning new things to be very exciting but it makes me feel sad that no one in my family seems to feel the same way :/ 

Floating Array Anon here! Those are all really good points! And I'll concede that "weapon" was probably not the best term to use. I just think there's a really interesting debate to be had about the moral implications of creating (or raising) a sentient being for a specific purpose, especially if that purpose involves violence and death. There's a conversation somewhere in there between Penny and Pietro that I really want to see, since Pietro might blame himself in a way for his daughter's fate.

Oh, absolutely! [And here’s that Floating Array post, for those of you just tuning in.]

Part of what’s interesting here is that the show has encouraged us not to think of Pietro that way, because Ironwood is right there. I was going to make a “Penny has two dads” joke about it, but the crux of it, really, is that she doesn’t. She has one boss, and one dad. Whereas Ironwood consistently talks about her like a tool to be used (“Penny is completely under my control”) or a robot as unfeeling as he is (“If there is no Mantle then there is no reason for you not to work with me”), Pietro unequivocally thinks of her as his daughter. That’s what he tells the kids-- “my daughter’s told me so much about you.” Obviously the big crowning moment of this is in Amity, when he straight up says he does not care about saving the world, he doesn’t want her in danger. He wants her to live her life. But that wasn’t an eleventh hour first-time admission. He’s been consistent about this as long as we’ve known him. I’m thinking about his conversation with Ruby in Worst Case Scenario as a sort of prime example. He frets over “what people want to do to my girl,” and then explains:

Pietro: When the General first challenged us to find the next breakthrough in defense technology, most of my colleagues pursued more obvious choices. I was one of the few who believed in looking inward for inspiration. Ruby: You wanted a protector with a soul. Pietro: I did. And when General Ironwood saw her, he did too. 

Every time Pietro talks about Penny in terms of what she can do, her purpose... it’s voiced through other people. The General wanted defense technology. Ruby’s the one who calls her a protector; he just agrees. 

The moral quandary Pietro needs to reckon with isn’t that he made a weapon and called it a girl (see: Rhodes and Cinder), or that he raised a girl and called her a weapon (see: Marcus and Mercury Black). It’s that he was asked to make a weapon, and instead he raised a girl, and now he buries his head in the sand and despairs when she and everyone around her still talks about her in terms of violence and utility. Penny believes she’s not a weapon, most of the time, but she’s a little shakier about what she is, instead. And no wonder, because Pietro’s been dodging the question since day one. He delivered the opposite of what was asked for and then let himself pretend that’s not what happened. Ironwood asked for a thing-- a thing that would stand between Atlas and the darkness, a thing that could protect people... ostensibly so PEOPLE wouldn’t have to get hurt. But Ironwood isn’t squeamish about this because of human cost, he’s intent on it because of efficiency. What’s better, squishy soldiers or an army of combat drones? A dozen tiny Huntsman or one fuckoff giant mecha? Of course he greenlit the Penny Project; it’s all the benefits of a human combatant-- the improvisation, the discernment, the ability to prioritize-- with, as far as he’s concerned, none of the risks. There’s no death for a thing that can be rebuilt, and no pesky feelings to deal with. As far as he knows.

But the problem is Pietro made a person instead, and loved her. But everyone else still needed and expected her to be something else, because that’s what was commissioned. And I don’t know that Pietro knows how to process his own hand in that, and how poorly it went, without framing it as regret for making her, which he absolutely doesn’t. So what would coming to terms with that look like, instead? If Pietro were to blame himself, he’d say something like “I never should have let them use her like that.” But she was made to be used-- he would never have had a Penny to lose in the first place if he hadn’t agreed to make a military asset. There is no scenario where he could have woken up one day and made himself a daughter; he’d never have gotten the funding or materials. He must learn to accept the chicken with the egg. How does he square his complacency with the Atlas war machine with his pride in what he did in spite of it? How does he make amends to someone he doomed by making, when she became so much? I don’t know. That’s not an easy question to answer. Ozpin’s had thousands of years to dwell on it and he still hasn’t figured it out.

Because the thing is, Pietro’s waffling over her purpose got Penny’s sense of identity caught in the middle. She’s getting mixed messages. So many of her most important conversations are about her struggling to figure out if her experience is universal or only her burden to bear. Ruby (and to some extent, Winter) must reassure her over and over: no, that’s normal, everyone feels like that, your emotions are relatable and also valid. She feels so much guilt-- for not being optimal, or for not following orders. She wasn’t able to single-handedly keep the Grimm out of Mantle and therefore ensure everything else could go as planned; she wasn’t able to save Fria; she stole Winter’s destiny from her. If she were what they made her to be, surely she wouldn’t have failed, right? It’s why it’s heartbreaking when she pulls Ruby aside in Refuge:

“I was the protector of Mantle, but now, I am much more than that... and I wish I was not.”

But the thing is, if they bring her back-- and this is one of the many reasons I believe they have to-- she won’t be.

Finally.

This has been the goal all along. Ruby outwitted Ambrosius because she was desperate to get Penny out from under the burden of her terrible purpose-- to do what she’s ordered to, to be at the beck and call of those who outrank her, or die trying. And then Penny went and sacrificed herself anyway, which: of course she did. Because she was taught it was all she was good for, if you want to be mean about it, or-- or because she thought it was the right thing to do, if you’re forgiving. It’s the same thing any of her friends would do, if they were in her shoes. I’m giving you a head start. That’s what love looks like; it’s the choice heroes make. Isn’t it?

But to get at the root of the problem, we have to rewind back further. Penny was reactivated the first time not because Pietro wanted her to be (though surely he did), but because she had a job to do. The contract wasn’t finished; Ironwood wasn’t going to give up on his fancy new toy just because it fell apart. But now? There’s no more Mantle to protect. Atlas has fallen. And beyond that-- her friends don’t need her to be the Maiden, either. That’s a mutable title, and one that has passed her by; they still have one, even with her gone.

So this next time around... she’ll have the chance to process why she made the decisions she did, and to move past it, because she’ll know how much she’s worth to them. Not the Penny Project, not the Winter Maiden, but Penny Polendina.

Which is to say: they don’t need her, they just want her. 

They want her. 

Adgssjhdsr Your tags on the transitioning is fascist post are great

People learn words and just decide they have whatever meaning they want to justify their unbelievably niche agenda. Twitter clowns fed nothing but a diet of buzzwords and Imaginary Discourse runoff don’t get to have opinions, i am homicidal.