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#t: ultimatum

I reach out my hands and feel the hard concrete ground below me. My head is to foggy and I have a bit of a headache. I try opening my eyes to a squint and lifting my head slightly. My headache immediately gets worse and I lie my head back down on the cool floor. All I saw was that I was in a dark red room with a couple of black doors in front of me. That can’t be right. My head is beginning to clear and I realize that this - this is not the place I was before. I sit up fast, which immediately invokes searing pain from my head. I press my hand against it and look around. The room is a deep, blood red and before me are two black, wooden doors. The ceiling is made of concrete and there is nothing else in the room. How did I get here? I pull my hand away from my head and see the blood on it. It is the color of the room and I put my hand back where it was. That’s bad. That is really bad. How did I get here? I remember taking a back route to get to my house and then - nothing. I force myself to stand up despite the pain. Now what?

“Welcome to my ultimatum,” booms a voice. Where is it coming from? I swing my head around trying to look for a speaker but I only managed to make the pain in my head worse. “Through those doors,” continues the voice, “is either your death or the death of another player.”

“What do you mean?” I call out to the walls. I finally spot a camera in the top, back corner. I directly address it when I say, “What do you mean my death?”

“Well it’s very simple,” responds the voice, mockingly. “If you choose the door that ends your life then you will be exposed to something that’ll kill you.”

“And if I open up the door that will kill the other person?” I respond.

“Then the other player will die,” the voice responds.

“What if I don’t choose either door,” I say. I’m not about to walk into a room that could result in my own or another’s death. No way.

“Then you’ll die of dehydration or that nasty head wound,” the voice responds in a tone that could only be described as jovial.

I turn to the doors. What awaits behind each of the doors. I have no idea what could kill me or what I could trigger to kill the other person. All I know is I have to figure out a way around this. I don’t want to die and I don’t want to be a killer. I walk to the back wall and stare at the two doors. Based upon the response the voice gave I have all the time my head will alout me. I stare down the doors for a long time. A pool of blood has begun to form next to me, I’m getting quite dehydrated, and I’m getting very hungry. How long was I out for? I think it was longer than a day because I shouldn’t be feeling the effects so fast. That means I have a lot less time then I thought. If I stay here, I’m guaranteed death but if I go through one of the doors my chance is fifty-fifty. I have to take the risk with the doors. At the rate I’m bleeding, I won’t have the strength to walk soon. I’m sorry other player. I’m certain they’d make the same choice if they were in my position.

I pull myself off the ground, already feeling the fatigue from massive blood loss. I walk over to the doors and give them a once over. They’re still identical. My right hand is preoccupied with holding my head together so I reach for the door knob of the left door. I feel a shiver up y spine as my hand shakes uncontrollably in fear. It could be my only chance. I turn the door knob and gently push the door open. It is pitch black. I can see more concrete floor directly behind the doorway but otherwise I can’t see anything. Leaning on the door frame, I walk into the room. “Shut the door behind you,” says the voice. It’s been quiet to this point but where it sounded jovial before it is pure malice now. I close the door and allow the darkness to consume me. 

A light turns on behind me and I turn around. I look over and see the other door. They both lead here. I turn around to face the room and see a table before me with a knife on it. I look up a bit further and see something rabid. It has the body of a human but it is covered in blood and has clearly lost its mind. I make eye contact with it and it charges me. The rabid being wields a knife of its own and I leap for the knife on the table. I need to protect myself. I get my hands on the knife and raise it as the rabid being leaps onto the table and runs its chest directly into the knife. I make eye contact with it once more. Its eyes have gone soft and it mouths the words “Thank you.”

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Dieter Kempf (67) seit 2017 Präsident des Bundesverbandes der Deutschen Industrie (BDI) in Zeiten von #corona
Die Politik müsse jetzt daran arbeiten, den Wiedereinstieg so schnell und so verlässlich sicherzustellen, wie es möglich sei. Unsere Unternehmen wollen und müssen wissen, in welchen Stufen das gesellschaftliche und wirtschaftliche Leben wieder anlaufen soll – und zwar nach dem Treffen der Bundeskanzlerin mit den Ministerpräsidentinnen und Ministerpräsidenten am 6. Mai.
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#Repost @sofibatt

• • • • •

I can summarize the difference in one word:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀


Boundaries are made out of respect for each other, for the relationship, and out of self-love.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Ultimatums are given out of lack of respect for the other, for the relationship, and out of self-loathing.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

If you “have” to do something in order for the other person to *consider* offering mutual respect, it’s an ultimatum.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

If you’re requested to participate in something, even if/when it’s not what you want, it’s a boundary.

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Microchipped? I'm pretty sure Pryde doesn't live in a rescue shelter. Or do you?

Angelo: My dear Anon, Pryde is a valued member of the Inner Circle! It would be a tragic loss if he suddenly went missing! People microchip their beloved pets all the time in case they lose their collars, it seemed like a reasonable option!

Pryde: Angelo, stop. You’re confusing them.

Angelo: I mean, dog tags are out and a collar-

Pryde: *ears flatten* Do NOT go there. *to Anon* And no, I do not live at a shelter. I have my own place. I’m a grown man, not a shelter nor house cat.

Angelo: *looks thoughtful* Well, they do have radio collars for animals in the wild… those lovely ear tags too for identification.

Pryde: …. *wonders how they even got to this point*

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Don't worry Pryde, I'm afraid of needles too.

Pryde: I’m not afraid… just… they’re unpleasant.

Angelo: *eases his way in, smirking* Aw, you’re not still mad about that time I almost got you microchipped in case you ever got lost, are you?

Pryde: …. *has a mixed expression, side-eying Angelo*

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August has always been my favorite month. August of the previous years has been quite a journey of finding and losing love, tales of beginnings and endings where I find myself caught up in the middle.

Interestingly, it’s also the season when I start to get the feeling that I should be getting my life together. I cannot avoid nor postpone this any longer. It is time to start hustling and working my ass off until I achieve my goals.

I feel like I’ve lived the “it’s okay not to know what you want” and “allow yourself to rest” advices for far too long and too much already. I’ve been way too relaxed to an ugly point of complacency that I stopped stressing myself about adult matters like finances and the future. I still have a vague concept of what’s gonna be like for me in five to ten years. I’ve got some ideas though I am not sure how they’d materialize and come into fruition.

I’ve been through some serious existential crisis few years ago where I questioned WHAT THE HELL AM I EVEN DOING WITH MY LIFE. I had so many conversations about this with my friends and at some point, we just stopped wondering what the hell we are doing. We stopped stressing out and complaining about how we’re not living our best life and just live the life. It was fun for a while; not worrying so much as if I learned to put away the stress of the future somewhere far and live my life on a day to day basis, hoping to never have to deal with it again. But who am I kidding?

Life has been kind in the past year especially since I moved jobs (hello corporate work!) allowing me to adjust to the changes with a few travel opportunities in between.

But life also has its way of catching up on you one way or another and to me, this is it.

I celebrated my first year at this new job this month. January of next year (which is less than five months away) I’ll be turning 25. Then March 2020 will mark my fifth year of working. Already. Five years has passed. Just like that.

It’s like a wake up call. I can’t stall this any longer.

The year/s I rested are what I like to call the “gap years” and I think I’ve quite enjoy it well and had enough of it. Now it’s time to take things seriously.

So this my way of giving myself an ultimatum.

By January 2020, I’m twenty-five already.

By March 2020, which marks my fifth year of working: WHERE DO I WANT TO BE?

Maybe the pressure is coming from seeing people around me hustling and working on their goals and investments, getting insured and all. And quite frankly it’s equal parts envy, motivation, and inspiration to have these adult things in order too.

The wanderlust season has subsided. It’s time to really sit down, map out my plan on how to reach my goals and never stop hustling until I achieve them: personal and career-wise.

I don’t want to be the same person I was five years ago who didn’t know any better, no savings, and no plans.

This is why I am also writing about it.

I feel like the clock is ticking and I really need to wake up and get out of the all too comfortable burrito blanket I wrapped myself in for the chill season.  It’s starting to get stagnant again and I need to fight my way out of it.

If there’s anything good that came out of the feelings I caught this August, hopefully like common colds that would go away eventually– is an epiphany and a wake up call to get my life together.

Where do we even begin?

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when ever I’m around my mother I get feelings of sadness and anger as I think to myself what kind of mother would make her husband choose between his wife and his daughter, she gave him the ultimatum like it’s either I kick her out and she leaves or I leave. He said her for sure as long as our marriage is ok and mother said yes she just has to go

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