Here is your request dear! I hope you like it … there’s a bit of everything you asked for … angst, fluff, soft loving at the end!
Let me know !!
Request by @zxddy-panther ❤
Warning: Some angst and Some very light smut at the end
Word Count: 2900
Taglist: @greenswishbish @royallyprincesslilly @captiansaveasmut @sisterwifeudaku @wakandanmoonchild @tchallaswife @kumkaniudaku @airis-paris14 @ashanti-notthesinger @brianabreeze @zforzathura @90sinspiredgirl @imgabbyrae @wakandanblogger @wakandawinning @heyauntieeee @brownsugarcocoabutterwildflowers @sarahboseman @skysynclair19 @angieswonderfulworld @ljstraightnochaser @mermaidchansons @qweentbh @stressedgyal @ashanti-notthesinger @starsshines-blog
Every time when this period of the year arrives it’s a nightmare, memories come overwhelmingly and you can’t help but thinking. One day, a whole night to forget, but you can not.
Your mood becomes dark and it’s increasingly difficult to hide it.
You tried and tried to forget, you tried to work on it, to work on yourself, but you can’t forget.
The wounds are there, in front of your eyes, every time you look yourself in the mirror. Wounds are not visible, but they have torn your soul.
You know it’s a psychological effect, everything comes out the same period for 3 years now, you have the same nightmares, those images in your mind still seem so fucking real.
You can feel his hands on you, his weight, those kisses you didn’t want, his breath on your face and his violence. Your screams that sound suffocated by his hand on your neck, but no one who comes to help you. A nightmare that reminds you the worst moment of your life.
You wanted to be alone for a long time, you felt safe being alone. But then your best friend convinced you to go to that party in honor of the coronation of the new King.
“Come on Y N, it will be fun, Shuri told me that I can take who I want, I don’t want to go there alone, but I have to go, I don’t want them to fire me. So move and get ready, I’ll be there soon ”
Before the party ended, when all the guests had left, he introduced you to the King in person, and you couldn’t resist that shy smile that was definitely in contrast to all the security he evoked.
After a long time, that smile seemed the most protective and reassuring thing in the world. And indeed it is.
After a while you’ve begun to go around with some friends in common, after all even the King is a sociable person who likes to be in the company, and lately he really likes YOUR company. He had asked about you many times and in the end you decided to go out alone.
You have accepted his invitations and the time spent with him is always very pleasant.
He’s the only person who makes you feel safe, protected and not judged after a long time. He’s the only person who can make you feel comfortable and when you’re in his company the bad memories seem to vanish.
After a long time dating someone makes you feel good and makes you feel happy … after a long time kisses seem to be still sweet as they were once … But … But every time T'Challa tries a more intimate approach, you can’t bear it.
Your instinct is to get away suddenly, move his hands away, inYou invent trivial excuses to prevent the meeting from becoming too intimate.
Whenever you feel your hands on your hips and squeezing a little more, you feel breathless
“Sorry, I can’t, I have to go … forgive me”
Or “I’m sorry, but I forgot a commitment, I can’t stay I’ll be late …”
These are the excuses you use very often to avoid his approaches.
He’s not insistent, is very polite, he always smiles and nods, tries to feel comfortable with what you can offer him for the moment, but you feel his frustration, you know perfectly that soon you’ll have to give explanations. You can’t pretend that it’s all just innocent kisses on the lips.
You feel so ashamed to tell him everything, you feel dirty and the King doesn’t need a person like that. The King of Wakanda, the King of your Country, doesn’t need a person to dirty his reputation. Even if you don’t have any guilt after all …
You can’t help but feel like that.
But that day had begun in the best way, you’ve been feeling pretty good for a few days, and even the nightmares seem to have disappeared, and you decide to invite T'Challa for dinner, cook something for him and relax in front of the TV to watch a movie or whatever he wants to watch. He accepts very willingly, very surprised by that invitation, you had never done before.
Fortunately, the dinner is very welcome, T'Challa covers you with compliments and then you curl up on the sofa. You don’t take much care of the programs on TV, because soon after, you start kissing.
After some innocent kisses, the atmosphere becomes hot and you feel his hands looking for you more intimately and you, as always, move away slowly.
He doesn’t say anything, he still tries another approach and this time he seems to be more insistent.
“Come on Y/N don’t be shy, I don’t bite …” he tells you between kisses and insistence.
You try to get away, but his grip increases and you panic.
You panic thinking about a whole series of things about violence, about strength. if now you need to defend yourself you couldn’t, because he’s strong, he’s the Black Panther, how could you defend yourself?
You open your eyes and literally you push him away from you, getting up from the sofa with tears in your eyes.
Your non-stop refusals, your continuous “no”, your constant lies and all his frustration lead him to the exasperation making him raising his voice.
He jumps up from the sofa after you.
“WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU Y/N??? WHAT’S WRONG???!!!? Usually I’m not an insistent guy, but BAST! I DON’T GET IT!!!!
“THERE’S NOTHING WRONG T’CHALLA, LEAVE ME ALONE! Please … leave me alone!” you yell at him, putting your hands in your hair in frustration.
“We’ve been dating for weeks and except for kisses I CAN’T EVEN TOUCH YOU, YOU DON’T LET ME!! It’s SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING! You make me so crazy! Demethi!!”
“I told you NO, AND IT’S NOT, FOR THE BAST SAKE!!!!”
“Listen … You invited me here, you touch me, kiss me … but why the hell???!!!!”
“GO AWAY, LEAVE ME ALONE, GO AWAY!!”
"Well Y/N … Your dear friend could you tell me that you were out of your mind! I WOULD HAVE SAVED PRECIOUS TIME!!!!” He tells you screaming
“GET OUT OF HERE! NOW! You don’t have to touch me ANYMORE!” You’re hysterical.
He looks at you puzzled before taking his things and coming out of your apartment, slamming the door and murmuring something.
It’s not his usual way of doing, he knows perfectly to have exaggerated, but the whole set of things made him literally lose his patience.
After taking two steps out of the building he feels guilty. He feels guilty for telling you you’re crazy and he knows very well you are not. Those reactions are the effect of some cause.
The King returns to your door, knocks and waits for your answer
"Y/N … it’s me, please open, I’m an idiot”
“YES YOU ARE!!! GET OUT! GO AWAY!“
"No, I’m not leaving until we talk, please”
He puts his head against the door and knocks again slightly
"Please, Y/N open, let’s talk”
You hesitate a few minutes and when you don’t hear anything else you go to open the door, you don’t know whether to hope he’s gone or to hope he’s still waiting for you.
You open the door with your eyes full of tears and your cheeks striped with ruined makeup.
He’s not there, he’s gone … you breathe a sigh of relief for not having to explain.
“Can I come in please? I feel bad …”
You hadn’t seen him, he was sitting on the stairs next to your door.
You jump in fright and as soon as he looks at you he understands that there’s definitely something wrong. When he look at your face his expression changes.
“I told you to go, I don’t want to see you anymore T’Challa. If you’re an intelligent man just go.”
"I don’t care if you don’t want to see me, we need to talk…”
“Please T'Challa … go away, I’m not good for you” you say with a trembling voice, your lips shake.
He approaches you slowly so as not to cause extreme reactions in you, but you’ve softened up.
"Come on let’s get inside, let’s not make scenes out here … please Mnandi”
You look at him, his figure is a bit fuzzy because of the tears that still surface from your eyes.
“I promise I don’t touch you, you can talk to me from the other side of the house”
His words make you smile, you tighten yourself in the wide sweater moving from the entrance to let him in and close the door behind you.
He seems to have been there forever, he puts his jacket on the sofa and goes straight into the kitchen to prepare you something hot to drink, he knows perfectly where to put his hands.
You sit on the chair in the kitchen at the table behind him.
He doesn’t say a word, he stays silent, he gives you his back while he keeps working in your kitchen, you look at him and that feeling of calm reassures you once again. You know perfectly he would never hurt you and the problem is only YOURS.
Suddenly, after taking a breath, your low voice echoes in the silence of your kitchen:
“3 years ago, when I was abroad for work and to finish my studies, I was … I was attacked and abused by my ex-boyfriend on my way home from the office … it was late, very late, it was dark, nobody was there, I didn’t think he was so dangerous … “
T'Challa turns slowly and tries to keep a calm expression, while looking at you and listening to you. He knows that if he talked now you would be stuck.
"Our relationship didn’t end well, I ran away from our house because he started drinking and maybe even taking drugs. He became violent, he insulted me, nothing was good for him and surely he cheated on me. One evening he raised his voice and he hit me hard, knocking me into the bathroom, I got hurt and I realized that it had to end immediately. I left, and I went to stay with one of my colleague, in the meantime I decided what to do ”
You look at him to try to understand his feelings. He’s serious, but his expression is impassive, you go on telling.
“He kept to look for me, to apologize, he wanted to try to come back with me, but I changed my phone number trying to avoid him in every way. But …one evening I finished very late, it was a nice evening and I didn’t want to take a taxi, so I decided to go on foot. He was waiting for me a little further on the way. I didn’t deviate because I didn’t think he would come to do it …..” You stop and start sobbing, your voice trembles and you feel an illogical guilt in reliving those moments.
At that moment T'Challa comes closer, sits near you and takes your hand. You want to tell him everything at this point. You need to get everything out
"He was very drunk, I could feel it, he wanted to take me home with his car, but I didn’t want to. I speed up my pace, but he took me with strength and pushed me into an alley and … and … I still have nightmares, I tried to forget, I even tried to forgive him, but I can’t … T'Challa I’m sorry but I can not…”
You start crying and he hugs you tightly, he’s so incredulous and so angry for what happened to you.
"That’s why I came back, why I came back home, I wanted to leave everything behind, but I can’t do it, I don’t know how to do it” you tell him in tears, while he tries to comfort you in some way, but he feels so impotent in front of your story. He feels so stupid too.
As soon as you finish sobbing you break free from his embrace, you realize he too has tears in his eyes, he looks at you but not with pity or even with rejection.
“I’m sorry … I had no idea. I told you some terrible things before, forgive me” he tells you feeling so guilty and even more powerless.
“That’s why every time you approach me I’m afraid, every time you come closer or try to touch me with more intimacy, I stop … because it’s like I still feel his hands and I panic. I HATE myself for this, I’d like all this to disappear immediately” You tell him with your eyes closed squeezing his hands.
"I’m ashamed, I feel dirty, I’m sorry but I don’t think I’m the right woman for you and if you want to go now, I understand perfectly. The King doesn’t need someone like me”
"Someone like you? Look, you didn’t do anything wrong … it’s not your fault. Why should you feel so inadequate? Your reactions are perfectly normal, but you don’t have to feel guilty Mnandi … you didn’t do anything wrong, you’re not the wrong one.”
“I feel …”
“You don’t have to … and then … I decide who’s good for me and who’s not”
“Y/N just tell me how I can help you …”
He’s standing in front of you, who are sitting on the chair, you’re a mess, you dare not imagine your face right now, but he doesn’t seem to care.
You know that you have to unstuck yourself, you know that he’s not your enemy. You know you have to let go those bad memories and that now nobody can ever hurt you again.
His warm hands are on your cheeks and he keeps your face in safe, gently kisses your lips and takes away the tears still falling involuntarily from your eyes.
You let yourself be kissed, try to relax. After telling him everything you feel as if that huge weight were gone. You feel free. Still a big mess, but free.
While he kisses you, you put your hands on his slim waist and then put your hands under his t-shirt. At this moment you feel the only way he can help you is to show that there’s nothing to be afraid of, that there’s another way to be loved, that there’s still someone who knows how to love you in the right way. He’s a good man and he can love you good.
He hesitates a little, opens his eyes and looks at you, he studies you and waits for your reaction, any reaction of yours that makes him understand what you want to do, what you want from him.
Now it’s T’Challa who panics.
“Keep kissing me please”
His lips move in unison with yours, you take his hesitant hands (he’s now almost afraid of your reaction) and you carry them on your hips as you get up from your chair and hug him. He doubts for a moment but then gets you intentions.
With a gesture of your body you make him understand he has to move towards the bedroom. He says nothing, follows your movements and lets you do it
When you reach the bed, your lips break the kiss, remove your sweater and take off his t-shirt.
“Be gentle please” you ask
He nods and seems a little stunned, a little embarrassed, but as soon as he perceives a little more security in you, he takes control of the situation.
“Now promise me to focus just on you and me. No memories are allowed, only the present is admitted …” he tells you with such sweetness.
You nod and kiss him, while lying on the bed, he slowly removes all your clothes, kissing every inch of skin that is slowly exposed.
You try to let yourself go, you’re a little stiff at the first touches, when you feel his weight on you for a moment you feel your breath missing, you feel afraid and freeze.
"Look at me, open your eyes Y/N. It’s me”
You understand perfectly what he wants to tell you and you calm down as soon as you look him in the eye. You let yourself be kissed, you let yourself be touched and caressed in places where, for a long time, nobody was allowed, not even allowed to yourself.
T'Challa takes his time, he wants to make you understand that there’s no danger, that he can take care of you in any way you want.
"If there’s something that bothers you, stop me, ok?”
“Go on … don’t stop, I like it … do you?”
“Of course I like it, you have no idea how long I wanted to do it … if only you had talked to me before, I would have avoided to you so much discomfort” he tells you as he begins to make love with you.
His words are stifled as he tries to control his pleasure.
He slips inside you, slowly, giving you time to adapt. It hurts, it burns, after a long time, it seems like the first time. You are so tight and he is …
But you relax and, after a while, the pain disappears, you feel full as he stretches inside you.
“Mka … you feel so good, are you good Mnandi?”
“I’m perfect, Uyamangalisa (you’re amazing) …”
“Y/N … it’s … oohhhh yes”
That night you know for sure that you won’t have nightmares and maybe you won’t have any more, and no bad memory comes up in your mind as you fall asleep hugging him with your head on his chest. You finally feel good and safe.
“Nothing and nobody will do you more harm, I promise … now I’m with you”