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#tacco twins
noodyl-blasstal · 11 months
Note
okay perhaps: build a bear receipt, Mortified, perhaps to literal death, annnnnnd Barry :3
Did this get slightly out of hand? Who could say (me, it did.)
From this prompt list.
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Barry knew what Build a Bear was, well, conceptually. You went in, you spent an obscene amount of money, you came out with a creature - possibly one wearing sunglasses and a tutu. It hadn’t been a thing when Barry was a kid, not one his Mum could afford anyway. But now he was stood in one, overwhelmed, confused, and being pressured to make decisions quickly.
The type was easy, Beary Bluejeans had to be a bear. Tick tick, done. Or, it should have been done, but there were 18 different kinds of bear to choose from and no clear parameters for selection. Every single one of them was a sad deflated puddle of fluff, and sure, Barry could relate, but he also knew there had to be a right answer. Gifts were a test. Probably. Well, Barry thought they were a test, and he had never met a test he couldn’t worry extensively about. Lup probably wouldn’t mind, this was just a small gesture, a little joke between friends. She called him Bear, he was going to get her a bear with his signature jeans. Casual, fun, no one’s harbouring any massive crushes and may or may not be in love with anyone else. Lup saw him as a friend and that was fine. All good! What was not all good, was the crowd of children building up around him. He was finding this hard enough without kids bashing into his legs, all sharp elbows and whirling rucksack attacks. 
After intense deliberation he decided on a soft medium-brown teddy the shelf proclaimed was ‘vintage.’ Barry could relate, he was vintage too. The modern bears had intensely large eyes or fur that didn’t feel as nice under his fingers - this guy though, this little soft puddle could be him, could be Lup’s, he could be Lup’s… Another kid slammed their elbow into his knee and Barry staggered. How much did he actually need to be here? He could leave, he could put Beary down and go, Lup would never know, no one would know, he didn’t make any promises about doing this. ‘Man Incapable of Purchasing Bear’ would only be a headline in his brain. It might be nice to have a fun new failure to torture himself about at 2am when he couldn’t sleep? Something funky fresh to add to the flagellation rotation. Even as he entertained the thought he knew he wouldn’t do it. The gesture was good, the joke was good, it would make Lup laugh, he loved to make Lup laugh, it was worth some bruising. 
Barry finally escaped from the scrum round the toy pelts? Skins? It all sounded bad. He needed to stop thinking about it in taxidermy terms, but this sure was a skin without the meat. Build a Bear was taxidermy for babies and no one could tell him any different. At least he knew the next step, they probably weren’t working with armature, so it’d be stuffing. He had definitely walked past some kind of woolly slushy machine on the way in so he tried to retrace his steps. Did the shop actually need to be this big and this full of people? Maybe they should do adult-only hours where everyone could just pick their bears in silence and form orderly queues and not run into anyone else actually.
“Excuse me!” Someone tapped lightly on his shoulder.
“Sorry, was I supposed to pay over there? I didn’t realise, I thought I did it at the end.” He couldn’t call Lup to bail him out if he got arrested. He couldn’t ruin the surprise… also she’d want pictures, his mug shot would be on t-shirts, mugs, pyjama sets, pillows, he’d never ever live it down. “I’ll pay now here, let me just grab...” Barry nearly dropped Beary as he fumbled for his wallet, but he couldn’t afford to get arrested right now. The stakes were high.
“Oh, you’re not in any trouble Sir! You forgot to get a sound and you can’t forget your new friend’s heart!” She smiled so big that Barry didn’t dare ask what most of the words meant. 
“Ah, uh, okay… uh, where do I…?”
“I’ll show you, come with me! I’m Lydia.” Barry tried not to acknowledge the look on her face which clearly telegraphed This Idiot Can’t Bear.
“It’s fine, you can just, uh, point me in the right direction, I just need the stuffing and I should, ah, be fine.” Barry was going to expire on the spot and emerge a terrifying spectre, no one could grab him and make him keep doing bears if he was incorporeal. Lup probably wouldn’t mind, she’d probably think it was rad to be friends with a death spectre… in fact, Barry was fairly sure he remembered her saying something about it being cool to bang a ghost… huh… nope! He couldn’t follow that thought anywhere right now, because apparently he had to think about what sound Beary was going to make and also there was a heart and fuck fuck fuck. Lydia had definitely been explaining. Barry nodded enthusiastically, not wanting her to realise he’d been ignoring her, this wasn’t her fault and she had a job to do.
“Great, it’s 20 seconds. If you head to the bathroom it’ll be a bit quieter.” She shoved a contraption and Barry and nodded encouragingly. “Just speak clearly into it, and remember, 20 seconds. Once you’re done, come back and we’ll start the ceremony.” 
“Ceremony? I… wh…” She cut Barry off with a gentle shove towards the bathrooms. There probably wasn’t any point in arguing, he’d already agreed so apparently he was recording a message… a message for Lup. That was fine. He could do that.
Barry couldn’t do that.
Barry was seven practice recordings deep.
Barry was never going to leave the bathroom, he lived here now. If he didn’t record the message then it couldn’t be bad, that was just science. Flawless hypothesis.
He’d already tried something casual. “Hey Lup, it’s me, Beary. I think you’re Beary wonderful.” Bad. Awful. Terrible. D-, she’s never speaking to him again. Funny: “Bear with me, voice message loading…” also bad. Heartfelt… he couldn’t even think about what he’d said, he’d been rambling long after the 20 seconds were done. The bear noises had been fun, roaring in a toilet was a strange experience and Barry usually loved strange experiences, but this was absolutely not it. “Will you Beary me?” was great on the pun front, terrible on the we’re-just-friends-I’m-definitely-not-in-love-with-you side of things. Ghost noises almost won the day until he considered her accidentally rolling on it in the night and waking up spooked. The time he dropped the recorder and swore a lot while trying to pick it up was probably the best of the bunch.
Eventually he settled on Arrane Ben-Vlieaun, or, “the magic cow song” as Lup insisted. He found a corner next to the sink which seemed to have relatively reasonable acoustics and rumbled the first bit out “Cur dty vainney, cur dty vainney, choud's mish ta goaill arrane. Lhig yn curn nish goll harrish, lesh dty vainney my vooaveen.” There. That was probably fine. Lup sometimes got him to sing it when she was struggling to sleep, it made sense to pre-load it in Beary. He definitely didn’t have time for any more attempts, he was surprised Lydia hadn’t already burst through the wall like a terrifyingly peppy terminator.
She zeroed in on him when he emerged. “There you are! I thought you’d gotten lost, are you ready?” 
Barry hesitated, maybe he could try one more time… he pulled his hand back as Lydia reached out for the device. No, eight was enough, it had to be enough. The cow song was fine. He nodded and handed over the recording majigger. Lydia smiled even wider, Barry debated counting her teeth, she definitely had too many.
“Fantastic!” Lydia said, then set off towards the fluff box. Barry followed, there was no way off the ride at this point, he may as well keep his arms and legs inside the car. “Okay, so this is very important, we’re going to perform the heart ceremony.” 
Barry is fairly sure this is going to be different to the type of heart ceremonies in his books at home… probably? There definitely weren’t any ceremonial knives on display. “Okay?”
“You’re going to develop your special bond with your new friend…?” Lydia paused and looked at Barry expectantly.
“Beary.” 
“Beary. Huh…”
“He’s called Beary Bluejeans.” Barry added, thinking that might make her stop doing the squinchy face at him. It didn’t.
“That’s… super!” She said after a long pause. “So, we’re going to make sure you and Beary build a special bond and you always look after him and love him forever and ever.”
“It’s okay, we can just do the stuffing, that’s fine, I uh, I don’t need to, you know, do the uh, the bonding thing.” 
Lydia gave him a hard look. “We don’t send the bears home with just anyone, we need to know you’re going to look after Beary Bluejeans.”
Barry wasn’t sure he’d felt fear like this before… did he actually like Lup enough to go through with this? Was he scared enough of Lydia to do whatever she said? “What do I have to do?” He’d die for Lup, multiple times if necessary, and he was fairly sure Lydia would put him in the ground without a second thought - still smiling - if she felt he wouldn’t be a competent guardian for Beary.
Lydia solemnly handed him a small plastic heart. “This is Beary Bluejeans’ heart. We’re going to establish your bond now. Are you ready?”
Barry waited for further instruction.
“Are. You. Ready?” He wasn’t sure a polite tone had ever felt so much like knives.
“Yeah, uh, yes Lydia.”
Her smile was back. “Fantastic, take Beary’s heart and rub it on your toes so he’s totally awesome.” 
“I’m… what?”
“Rub it on your toes so he’s totally awesome.” Lydia repeated, then mimed the action. Barry looked longingly towards the exit, it wasn’t that far, he could probably just drop Beary’s floppy corpse and run. “Sir, on your toes, so he’s toe-tally awesome.” 
Barry bent over and ignored the rice crispies and milk noises his back made in protest. He swiped the plastic across his shoe.
“Now rub it on your cheeks so Beary gives warm smiles.” Barry didn’t think it was particularly hygienic to rub something on his toes and then his face, but who was he to fly in the face of the experts? He rubbed the heart quickly on his cheek.
“Rub it on your hip so he’s hip and cool.”
Barry was at least 90% Lydia was messing with him by this point. Barry wasn’t hip, he wasn’t cool, and he certainly wasn’t funky fresh. If Taako was here Barry could probably scoop up some of his vibes, but Barry certainly wasn’t a reliable coolness supply. Beary was going to get Barry’s clicky hip, lose all the street cred he’d earned in his short life, and say goodbye to his fuzzy charisma.
“Nearly there! Rub it on your arms so Beary always gives good hugs.”
Barry promised himself he was never going to return to Build a Bear, this was hell, Lydia was the devil. He swished the heart near his arm.
“Like you mean it, Sir. You want him to give good hugs don’t you?” Lydia sing songed, loudly enough for the line behind him to hear.
Barry quickly rubbed the heart more forcefully across both arms.
“Now spin around to make him magical!” Barry was not going to spin around, he was going to think heavy thoughts and let himself sink into the floor. He wouldn’t have to exist in this room or any room ever again, he wouldn’t have to spin around with a stupid anatomically inaccurate heart, or deal with the line of children who were probably staring and laughing at him right now. Floor Barry, Flarry, he’d never have let this happen. “Don’t you want Beary to be magical, Barry?” No. He wanted Beary to be finished so he could leave. But Lup, Lup would probably want Beary to be magical… fine. Fine! Barry was going to spin around. He shuffled in a begrudging circle.
“And lastly, make a big wish!”
Barry wished this was over. That he was at home. That he hadn’t decided to get Lup this stupid bear. He wished he was brave enough to tell her he’d been in love with her for the last 8 years and probably would be for the rest of his life. But none of these wishes seemed like something he should wrap up in Beary. Barry considered for a moment, then wished, and wished hard that Lup would like him. Beary… obviously. The wish would know who he meant, it didn’t matter how he phrased it.
“So lastly, I need you to promise to always care for Beary, and seal the magic promise with a kiss.” Lydia was dead behind the eyes, Barry could tell, no one could be this chipper, not for the 6 years her badge said she’d worked there.
“Okay.” Said Barry. There was an excruciating pause. Lydia looked at him expectantly. Was he supposed to say more? Were there proper words? “I promise to, uh, to, take care of you Beary?” 
“Are you asking, or telling?” Lydia said sweetly.
“I promise to always take care of you Beary.” Please let this be over.
“Now kiss his heart.”
This definitely wasn’t hygienic, not with all the rubbing and spinning. Barry decided to keep those concerns to himself. Lydia finally seemed satisfied, and instructed him on the foot pedal that would help him add the fluff to Beary.
They stuffed, fluffed, stopped for hug tests, and decided on the appropriate firmness. Barry could feel the heat in his face, but at least no one he knew was here to see it. Taako would never let him life this down. But it was fine, he was a 50 year old guy cuddle testing a bear which occasionally sang about milk at him in his own gravelly hum when he pressed the voice chip by accident and that was fine. Twenty entire seconds of excruciating singing while he waited for it to shut up and Lydia pretended not to be laughing about it. He was totally fine. 
Lydia deftly stitched up the hole in Beary and handed him back. “Now I’m going to shoo you off to the grooming station so you can get Beary all fluffed and puffed and ready for snuggles. Have a wonderful day now!” Her relief was palpable.
Barry fled as soon as Lydia dismissed him, maybe he could skip the grooming, he didn’t really need to do that, surely? Beary seemed fine.
“Over here Sir! I’m Edward and I’m here to help you get your new friend looking their very best.”
Barry couldn’t outrun him, Edward was at least 30 years younger than him and looked like he’d be able to tackle Barry before he could make it three steps. “Okay.” His voice cracked. Maybe this was hell? Barry couldn’t leave, there would always be another step and another smiling assistant to help him.
Edward pointed at a large fake bath which swarmed with children. “You can give your new friend a bath and then we’ll dry them off and get them combed nicely for you.”
“Jeans!” Barry refused, he absolutely refused to pretend to bathe Beary surrounded by children who were no doubt just as sharp of elbow as the first group.
“I’m… I’m sorry Sir?” Edward looked nonplussed, but Barry refused to get suckered into this one. Next they’d tell him he could get custom smells.
“I.. uh, thanks Edward, but Beary’s good, he doesn’t need a bath, see! Super soft. He just needs some jeans please, then I’d like to check out. Thank you very much for your help.” There, he was doing it, Barry was a guy who could say what he wanted.
“Oh, sure, no problem, the clothes are over here!” Edward grinned easily and indicated a towering wall of options. “Have a great day, you can register Beary there when you’re done.” He pointed at a large bank of computer terminals. Of course, of course there were more steps.
“Then I can leave?”
Edward frowned. “I’m sorry.”
“I can pay and go, when I’ve done the computers bit?”
“Yeah?” Edward raised an eyebrow at Barry as if he was being insane, then remembered he wasn’t allowed to do that. “I mean, yes Sir, of course, the tills are just on the other side of the computer terminals.”
Barry grabbed the first denim he saw, shoved Beary into them at speed, tapped Captain Professor Dr. Beary Bluejeans esq.’s details into the computer terminals and finally, finally, smelled freedom. Beary was safely ensconced in his ‘house’ (which Barry was apparently allowed to colour in), Barry was handed a birth certificate, rinsed for more money than he anticipated, and finally allowed to leave. He blinked groggily as he emerged into the daylight. Barry was never ever ever returning to that cursed shop. Even for Lup. He could have sworn he’d lost years of his life wandering around that maze and trying to complete all the stupid tasks.
_________
Barry left the box on the doorstep, rang the bell, and fled. This was how friends delivered gifts, it was fine, in fact, Lup didn’t even have to know it was from him. His phone rang, Lup’s ringtone dragged his hand to his pocket before he’d even thought about it. 
“Hey Barold, what’s in the goth box? I love the paint job, flame decal door is going right onto my Lup’s Dreamhouse wishlist.”
“I… uh.” Said Barry, intelligently.
“I can see you fleeing down the street, wanna turn round, Bluejeans? Not that the view is bad from here. Wink.”
Barry wheezed down the phone, turned, turned back, and debated throwing himself into a bush. If she couldn’t see him she couldn’t tease him, right?
“Okay… You continue rotating, my guy. Lup’s cracking into goth house of wonder to see what you got me.”
“I… I, well, you see… It’s… er.”
“Barold… Barry…” Lup gasped for breath. “Barry, why… why is this bear wearing hot pants?”
“Yes.” Said Barry. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe if he explained? She didn’t understand how much he needed to escape by the trouser selection stage.
“The bear is wearing denim hotpants.”
“They’re blue jeans.”
“My guy, they are blue jorts.”
“He’s called Beary.”
“Beary Bluejorts?” Lup cackled so hard he had to move the phone away from his ear. He moved it back just in time to hear “I love him.”
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Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 2
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Propaganda
Lup (The Adventure Zone: Balance):
Is somehow the hot twin between her and Taako
Lup Bluejeans (née... Taaco? Tacco? Taco? Tako? who tf knows this is why I'm going with her husband's last name. doylistly she gets her last name from her brother whose last name is given as "Taako again but spelled differently"): Hot, funny, smart and undead. Is there anything else you could want in a woman?? Well, in case there is: she's also canonically trans
Sans Undertale (Interstitial: Our Hearts Intertwined: Authority):
He's Sans Undertale and he's dating John Cena.
sanscena is an all time podcast ship and i truly believe he can stand up to the more popular podcasts through the power of old man yaoi
Anon, math wise, I think we can still beat Lup. It'll be hard, but every challenge is. If it was easy... anyone in the world could do it... sans.. will win...
I have an incredibly vivid memory of walking laps in the park in the pouring rain listening to Interstitial because I was so engrossed in Sans Emotions, having to stop and go "what the hell am I doing", and then continuing to walk laps in the rain because I realized I knew exactly what I was doing and it ruled actually. I promise you he deserves this for Interstitial
We are the most contentious poll... we can do it, gamers. Sans can win!!
vote for sancena.
Vote Sans Undertale Gaster Cena Interstitial. The five-named Sans. The best Sans. Undertale or otherwise.
Also make sure you don't tag any of these for the game, we have to win this on the back of the podcast... we can do this... it's an uphill battle... every obstacle a mountain... but we can do it if we believe... magic is real love is real Sans Undertale Will Win
my psionic pokemon warriors. can i trouble you to cast a vote for sans undertale in this trying time
imagine not voting sans
hey everyone. i am speaking directly into your ear now. friends at the table has a billion characters in this bracket, but sans undertale is only here once. and he's married to john cena.
SANS GANG... HE DESERVES THIS.... WE CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN. THINK OF HIS BOYFRIEND!!!!
Mod Note: This is a poll for podcast characters. Please vote and offer propaganda for the Sans Undertale that is dating John Cena and appears in the podcast Interstitial: Our Hearts Intertwined: Authority.
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jerreeeeeee · 1 year
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also on a similar note ive seen multiple people compare the abernant sisters to the tacco twins and i just wanna say in what world. theyre siblings elves and wizards and that’s the end of the similarities. they’re as different as its possible to be
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bitemarx · 4 years
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local twins cause mass magical chaos
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zai-doodles · 5 years
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pride twins
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queensdogcosplay · 5 years
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No I’m pretty on my grind
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themetalhiro · 6 years
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Just my opinion
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descendingfrost · 6 years
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My favorite chaotic duo.
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iletarwa · 7 years
Conversation
Barry: How's the most beautiful person in the universe doing today?
Lup: I don't know, how are y--
Taako, from the other room: I'M FINE, THANKS
Lup: TAAKO WE HAVE THE SAME FACE
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Oh Twins?
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caitmayart · 7 years
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Some scrappy twins - always looking out for each other. I will probably color this later!
(requested by @majesticbutter)
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noodyl-blasstal · 5 months
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Oops, Come Dine With Me
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It's @taznovembercelebration day 7! Today I got "Cooking" and drew another card, "Bakery AU"
You can read yesterday's prompt here and today's below.
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Taako answers the phone, tucks it between his shoulder and ear, grabs the cookies, and closes the oven door as quietly as possible with his knee. "Go for Taako."
"Tah-kow, darling, how are you?" Asks an overfamiliar voice. Definitely one of the twins from the production company, Taako isn't sure which one, maybe Edward?
"Cha'boy's just wonderful, thank you so much for asking. How about your good self?" Taako rolls his eyes, but it’s worth playing the game as long as this pays off.
"I'm splendiferous, just peachy, and so thrilled to tell you the outcome of your interview."
Taako waits, there's so much riding on this. If he can just get the money he can afford the bakery. There's no way he's letting Jenkins get it instead, but Jenkins has family money and Taako has one sister who’s as broke as he is. If Jenkins gets it Taako's going to have to leave, going to have to charm his way into another restaurant or bakery because boy does he not have the qualifications for it. His macarons can only take him so far in life. But if he gets to own the shop? Then he can branch out. Taako can bake better than anyone, but he cooks too. He's a baller chef and once the bakery is his he can prove it.
"Are you still there dear?" Edward asks, Taako's fairly sure it's Edward, not that he’ll gamble and use his name yet.
"Yeparooni."
"Aren't you going to ask what the decision was?" Edward sounds pissed off, but Taako hates playing games. It's worth it though, well, if he's got the spot.
"Sure. Did cha'boy knock yours socks off?"
"We were impressed by your skills, and very intrigued by your husband's menu theming - a fan of the macabre you said?" Shit. He didn’t think they were going to ask about it… maybe Taako didn't completely totally and fully think this plan through.
"He sure is!" Taako says brightly. "Big fan of death. Loves a goth bird too, you can probably tell." Taako had channelled him hard when he wrote that menu.
Edward laughs, polite and insincere. "Yes, well, such a shame he couldn't make it to the interviews."
"Mmhmm." Taako replies, attempting the most mournful voice he can muster. "It was deeply difficult to do something so important without him there, but, you just can't argue with explosive diarrhoea, can you?" Well, hopefully he wouldn’t.
Edward makes a choked noise of disgust on the other side of the phone and it fills Taako with vindictive glee. Serves him right, honestly - how dare he ask Taako about the husband he’s entering Couples Come Dine With Me with and mentioned multiple times throughout the interview.
"How..  ah... romantic." Edward's clearly struggling not to let his disgust shine through and failing miserably.
"Thank you, we're very deeply in love." Taako says, doing his best impression of Taako Tacco: married guy.
Edward chuckles. "I'm sure you are, and that you'll be delighted to hear that you get to demonstrate that love to the nation - you’ve been selected for the show!”
Edward’s so effusive that Taako feels he should do more to celebrate than a silent fistpump. “Wowwee! Golly gee! What wonderful news!! I’m jumping for joy!” Taako does jump, three times, just in case Edward can hear somehow.
“I’m so glad you’re excited. We’ll just need you and, Kravitz to meet with the producers to hand in your final menu and we can discuss filming your sections.” Edward’s in business mode now.
“Just to check…” Taako ventures. “... just in case, you know, it comes up, what would happen if my beloved, darling Kravitz were still too unwell to take part?” Taako tries to sound as innocent as possible, it’s a perfectly ordinary question, anyone would ask it.
Edward laughs once. “He won’t be, Taako.” 
“I’m sorry, what?” That sounded like they’d marionette his corpse round if he tried to back out.
“It’s <i>Couples</i> Come Dine With Me, Taako. No husband, no shot at the prize, we’ve got back up couples.”
“Uh huh.” Says Taako, cool, totally normal, nonchalant, in fact. “So, if he were ill, could I bring a friend? My sister would do it.”
“That’s not really the kind of show, not to judge of course, but the couples do have to be legal. Anyway, ta ta! Watch out for the email from production.” 
Edward’s gone. Taako stands alone in the kitchen with a tray of cookies and the mess he created. He pulls out his phone:
Taako [15:27] Hey Krav, wanna get married?
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Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 1
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Propaganda
Lup (The Adventure Zone: Balance):
Is somehow the hot twin between her and Taako
Lup Bluejeans (née... Taaco? Tacco? Taco? Tako? who tf knows this is why I'm going with her husband's last name. doylistly she gets her last name from her brother whose last name is given as "Taako again but spelled differently"): Hot, funny, smart and undead. Is there anything else you could want in a woman?? Well, in case there is: she's also canonically trans
Sago Glegg (The Rotating Heroes Podcast: Arc 6):
for the furries 😘
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faerynova · 7 years
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taako and lup are autistic and they stim by laying on top of each other for literal hours.
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little-klng · 6 years
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The idea that Lup is almost 200 years old but still makes her brother do her hair because she either can't or won't do it herself will never not be hilarious
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6 (naturally goes along with a white lie you told and cover up for you when people question it) w taako and lup, please :O??? -ise
Davenport squints at the pair sitting in his office. “I must say, this is highly unusual, we normally prefer to conduct these interviews separately.”
“Well, Captain Davenport, we’re a package deal so we figured it’d be dumb to waste your time.”
“Right, you both noted that on your applications. Lup, right?”
She nods vigorously, sending a few strands of hair in her face.
Davenport turns his gaze to Lup’s brother. “And you’re Taako.”
“The one and only,” he says, giving a smile that’s two parts earnest and one part smug.
Davenport nods and scans his eyes down the paper. “The two of you have incredible credentials. Consistently top of your classes here at the Institute, the two highest grades we’ve had on our entrance exam, glowing letters of recommendations from each of your professors and supervisors, it’s all very impressive.”
Taako bumps Lup’s knee with his own, his gaze remaining fixed on Davenport. “Also, not to fan our own fires or anything, but we’ve been doing some reading up on this engine you’ve got going on. I think we’re gonna be the best assets you’re going to find,” Taako says casually. And it’s true. The two of them had managed to corner some of the head scientists and engineers on the project a few months back while they were waiting to hear about an interview. They learned every single thing they could about the engine. Powered by bonds? They could do it in their sleep.
“That was another thing that kept pulling me towards your applications,” Davenport acknowledges.
Lup glances over at Taako and grins. She’s certain they’ve got this shit on lock. They’re really gonna do it. All the fucking work they’ve been putting in is going to pay off.
“However, there are some things here that are a cause for concern.”
The smile slips off Lup’s face faster than a baby deer on a sheet of ice. “Like what?”
Davenport raises his eyebrows at her in sheer disbelief. “You’re kidding, right?” The twins stare at him, blank innocence a mask on their faces. He blinks slowly and nods before pulling out a not insignificant packet from a desk drawer. “You’ve both got a long history of troublemaking, a number of demerits and write-ups during your years at the Institute. And before that, you had a laundry list of run ins with various militias across the country. Illegal gambling, minor arson, impersonating a government official, squatting, selling of counterfeit goods, and more instances of petty theft than I can possibly count.”
Lup looks at him meekly. “We were young. Didn’t you ever make a mistake when you were young?”
Davenport sighs. “We all make mistakes when we’re young, sure, but this is a clear and constant pattern of misbehavior and disrespect for authority. Furthermore, while you’ve done exceptionally well during your education and training here, we have literally no information about either of you prior except for your rap sheets. It’s hard to make a case for the two of you. Everyone thinks you’re not worth the risk.”
“You don’t have to take us but you’d be making a massive mistake, Captain.” Taako’s jaw is set in a firm line, a whisper of hardness settling around his eyes. “Our ‘crime streak,’ if you want to be reductive, has a clear start and end date. Yeah, we’ve gotten lectures from professors and all that but we’ve not committed a single crime while at the Institute. And you’ll notice that the first instance of our crime coincides with the termination of our time spent with a private tutor.”
Lup dares a glance over to Taako, wondering just what the hell he’s talking about.
“A private tutor,” Davenport echoes.
“That’s right. None of our family was particularly interested in magic but we were passionate about trying to learn. No schools around us offered the well-rounded magic education we were so hungry for so our family found a tutor for us. Arwen. They were like a part of the family.” Taako doesn’t look at Lup though she can see his ear twitch. That’s all she needs to know.
“Yeah, you can’t exactly homeschool magic. Not well, anyway. So Arwen taught us. And they were great. But eventually our family couldn’t afford to keep them employed with us. Broke our little hearts. We were just knowledgeable enough to be nuisances at that point,” Lup offers smoothly. Gotta give it to Taako, this bullshit story gives them a lot more credence than the fact they did just teach themselves through books they swiped from family members. They’re good at magic, they just don’t do it the proper way, apparently.
“I see. And why are there no records of any of this education? Arwen sounds to be world class, surely they would have kept records.” Davenport regards them suspiciously.
“Housefire,” they say in unison.
“See, we had all the records but there was a small accident during our training and they went up in flames,” Taako says, giving a good-natured shrug and tilting his head in Lup’s direction. “You know how it is, you give an eight-year-old access to evocation magic and stuff’s bound to go wrong.”
Lup rolls her eyes and waves her hand as though to physically shoo the thought away. “Captain, honestly, it’s when we’re understimulated that we get a little mischievous. After Arwen left us, we stagnated for a while which led to a lot of those dumber crimes you mentioned.”
“Earnestly, I feel like being placed on this mission would keep us out of trouble. It’s kinda your civic duty to do this,” Taako gives Davenport a lopsided grin. Lup crosses her arms and smiles sweetly.
Davenport glances between the two of them and back at their rap sheet. “You said you’ve been studying the bond engine?”
They both nod. Davenport scratches his mustache, considering the rap sheet and then their applications. “And you understand it?”
“About as well as you can when you’re not a lab coat clad nerd,” Lup says easily.
“Yeah, it’s all about finding personalities that mesh well, right?” Taako asks. “I will say, we do work well with strangers.”
“He’s got a point, we’ve spent years getting to know various groups and ingratiated ourselves in said groups to varying degrees of success.” Lup feels a little funny pulling out all the interview buzzwords in the same five minutes or so but Lup is fairly certain she’d kill a man for this position.
Davenport nods and regards the rap sheet for another second longer before promptly dumping it in the trashcan next to his desk. “Why don’t you both tell me a little more about how you found yourself at the Institute?”
The twins grin at each other. Victory is within their grasp.
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