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the-cult-of-russo · 1 year

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Just Beneath The Flames (Part 3)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: cursing, smut at some point probably lmao, zombie shit, typical canon violence. You know the drill.

A/N: Massive shoutout to @idaofinfinity for being my biggest cheerleader with everything I'm writing right now. I love all the kind words and hearing what you think, it always makes me smile. I'm so happy you guys are enjoying this story, so far, it's been fun to write.

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You had no idea how long you and Billy had been sitting there but it felt like forever and it had gone dark. Billy had gone from intently staring out at the dead, looking like he was ready to jump out of the treehouse, to just sitting there blankly staring at the wall opposite and the silence was uncomfortable.

“I’m sure they’ll be okay,” you murmured lamely, not even feeling comfortable saying those words but trying to be comforting anyway. All you got in response was a sniff and it wasn’t really directed at you. This whole thing was making you antsy and you shifted where you sat.

“Who’s that?” he asked after the longest silence in history. You glanced at what he was looking at, seeing a picture of you and your brother tacked up on the wall. It was the only proof he’d existed and you never traveled without it. Everywhere you set up camp it was there.

“Me and my brother Sam,” you replied, feeling your throat close up at even muttering his name. He glanced at you and seeing the anguish you couldn't hide on your face, he seemingly decided to shut up. He sighed, looking back outside. The sea of the dead had passed not too long ago but both of you knew it wouldn't do any good going right down. They could come back and then either go to the camp or you and Billy would be stuck here longer. You’d just been waiting for the roamers below to leave but it seemed like they were dead set on staying as they growled and groaned, stumbling around the tree.

“We should wait,” you cautioned lightly, knowing what was going through his head. He glared at you then, a bright fire behind his almost black eyes.

“I can’t wait. I needta get back to see… they could be…” his mouth clamped shut audibly, a dark look passing over his face. You felt bad for him, you knew this bullshit far too well. It was why you preferred being alone now.

“If you go down there now, you’ll end up getting your legs bit. What good would you be then?” you asked, giving him a firm look and a raised brow. He took a deep inhale and you idly wondered if he was refraining from clipping you around the head.

“I can’t just sit here with my thumb up my ass, Y/N,” he growled. You nodded, standing up and moving to the other side of the treehouse. You grabbed your bow and your arrows and moved back to the doorway with Billy watching you curiously. You crouched at the doorway, loading an arrow in your bow and focusing as you aimed it at one of the dead. You let your arrow fly and it went right into the temple, making it drop to the floor. You could have done this a little earlier but you didn’t want to risk anything drawing the crowd back. You fired arrow after arrow, some of the shots taking a little time to line up as they kept moving and being up here made it a little difficult. Especially when they went around the tree or under the treehouse. The darkness also didn’t help. But eventually, the last body dropped and you swore you heard Billy let out a sigh of relief. He didn’t wait or say anything before he was clambering down the ladder quickly. You left your bow inside before you followed him, you’d collect your arrows later.

You didn’t really need to go with him, these weren’t your people. Yet you did feel a pull to them and you also wanted to know if they were okay. A part of you also worried about Billy and what he might find if they weren’t. Billy didn’t seem to mind you coming along, he didn’t even acknowledge it as you walked side by side, both on high alert for any stragglers. It was just past halfway there when he started to slow down and when you looked at him, his face was pale and his eyes looked wild and panicked.

“Billy?” you questioned warily, wondering if he might have seen something. He stopped and a hand came to rest on the tree next to him, the other coming to his chest and then you noticed he seemed to be having difficulty breathing as his chest heaved.

“Billy?” you asked again, more firmly this time as you moved to stand in front of him.

“I can’t… I can’t breathe,” he bit out, eyes darting around. You blinked at him with a frown before realization dawned on you. He was having a panic attack.

“It’s okay, just take deep breaths,” you murmured softly, moving closer to him. His frantic eyes landed on you then.

“I just said… I can’t breathe…” he muttered angrily through his heaving gasps.

“Listen to me, okay? Just focus on me. It’s fine, you’re gonna be fine. Do it like this, in through the nose, out through the mouth,” you soothed in a gentle voice despite his tone, showing him what to do as you breathed in slow and deep through your nose and out through your mouth. His hand suddenly seized yours in a death grip and you’d admit he was squeezing it so tightly that it hurt like a bitch. You didn’t say anything though as he copied your motion and you repeated it with him. It took him a few goes before his breathing started to regulate and it was only once he took a few normal breaths that his eyes stopped looking so wild and he let go of your hand. He looked shocked almost by what had happened, frowning in confusion before he shook his head and started walking hurriedly again like nothing had happened. You caught up with him, keeping in step with him as you eyed him carefully.

“Sorry… I uh… I don’t know what the fuck happened,” he muttered, sounding put out as he refused to look at you.

“It’s okay, it was just a panic attack,” you reassured lightly. He didn’t stop walking but his head whipped to you with an offended look on his face.

“I don’t have panic attacks, alright?” he huffed and you rolled your eyes.

“There’s nothing wrong with having panic attacks, Billy. It doesn’t make you any less manly or anything. It’s normal in this world, the whole thing is pretty traumatic,” you frowned. He didn’t reply and you didn’t push it, he looked rather uncomfortable that you’d witnessed it.

Before long you were weaving through the trees to get to the camp and you saw everyone milling around, the kids presumably in the tent that seemed to be set up for them. Your body relaxed infinitely seeing that they were okay and Billy made a beeline for Frank, almost barreling into him as he gave him a hug.

“The fuck man?” Frank snorted, patting Billy’s back.

“Where have you been? We were going to send a search party out,” Karen asked, watching on amused as Billy wouldn’t let go of Frank.

“We started to take bets on if you two were banging each other,” Foggy grinned impishly and you gave him a blank look at his words.

“We got caught up in a herd,” you replied, a grave look on your face. Billy moved away then and Frank’s eyes assessed him carefully.

“We thought they mighta come from this way. We couldn’t uh… we couldn’t come right away ‘cause they took fuckin’ forever to leave. She has a treehouse and we were up there, we had to wait it out,” Billy muttered with a frown.

“Which way did they go?” Frank asked as his eyes went from Billy to you.

“South, past my camp. I think it should be fine though as long as nothing brings them back around this way. There might be a few stragglers in the forest but it should be safer now they passed through,” you explained softly. You felt a little better now they were gone, a little less like you were waiting for the other shoe to drop. You were just glad everyone was safe.

“Alright, that's good,” Frank mused, nodding seemingly to himself.

“Well, I’ve had too much excitement for one day. I think I’m gonna head out and get to bed,” you snorted ruefully, eyes drifting to Billy as he hugged Karen and they spoke quietly. You weren’t used to so much drama, not anymore.

“You just stay safe, alright? And thanks… for keepin’ Bill safe. I know what he’s like, I bet you had a real hard time of it tryin’ to get him to stay put and wait it out,” Frank said with a knowing smile on his face. Your lips curled up a little as you nodded.

“I’m just glad he listened,” you replied with a playful eye roll.

“Well, don’t be a stranger. Feel free to drop in at any time,” he smiled, patting your arm before he walked over to the others. You didn’t really want to stick around and get another round of goodbyes as you’d been here earlier so you turned to make your way home. You barely made it two steps before someone grabbed your wrist and you whirled around to see Billy.

“I just… Thanks… for… you know,” he muttered awkwardly. He wouldn’t look at you and you knew he was uncomfortable about the whole thing.

“Don’t have to thank me. Like I said, shit like that’s pretty normal in this world. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” you said softly, hoping to put him at ease. He nodded, still not looking at you and holding himself tightly. He was still holding your wrist so you were unable to leave. His eyes finally met yours then, obsidian orbs feeling like they were looking right through you.

“Be careful out there,” his tone was heavy and serious and you nodded.

“I’ll try,” you smiled, unable to give him anything better because it wasn’t like you could predict the future. Anything could happen. He nodded tensely again and finally let go of you.

“Don’t follow me this time,” you smirked teasingly, finally earning a smile from him.

“Think I learned my lesson on that one,” he snorted, making you smile. You both looked at each other for a long moment and you felt that weirdness creep in, like you didn’t know what to say. So you just nodded before you turned around and headed back home. This time luckily you were unfollowed and there were no herds. You came across two stray roamers but you didn’t mind as you put them down. It almost felt normal once again.

Five days later you were sitting in your treehouse and sharpening your knife. You were feeling a little antsy. This was the longest you’d set up anywhere since you had a group. After the fall of your entire group, you’d roamed around like one of the dead ones until you found this place. But now you were feeling far too cooped up. You were considering hitting up some stores, always ready to go looking for something that might prove useful or food to store for the upcoming winter. But they were a while away on foot so you were trying to motivate yourself for the trek. The closest stores were all picked clean and you knew because you were probably the last one there to take what was left.

“Knock knock,” the voice floated from below and you stilled your motions, peeping out of the doorway to see Karen standing below your treehouse with a grin. You smiled to yourself and threw the ladder down.

“Come on up,” you smiled, making her grin widen as she made her way up. You hadn’t seen anyone from the other camp since the herd ordeal, you hadn't really had a reason to go. And while Frank had told you that you could go at any time, you didn’t really want to if you didn’t have a reason. It felt weird, like you were intruding almost. Karen was a little breathless when she got to the top and snorted at herself as she flopped to sit on the floor, wiggling out of her backpack.

“I hope you don’t mind me just turning up. Billy told me where you were, or more like he drew me a little map,” she laughed lightly, waving around a scrap piece of paper in her hand.

“But I’m not very good with directions and I got a little lost… found you in the end anyway,” she beamed and you snorted a little.

“I don’t mind,” you shrugged with a smile. It was nice to see her, you really liked her.

“I got you a gift,” she grinned mischievously, rummaging around in her backpack for a moment. You were about to tell her she didn’t need to get you anything but then suddenly, in her hand you saw a chocolate bar and you felt like the world had stopped turning for a moment. When was the last time you’d even seen one of those things? You couldn't even remember. She handed it to you and you took it carefully as if it was some sacred object as you blinked at it.

“Where the hell did you find this?” you asked incredulously, turning your eyes to her and her shit-eating grin.

“Some of the guys went on a run to the next town over, picked up some things. There were a few candy bars and obviously the kids got first picks and then me and Sarah. There wasn’t enough for everyone and the guys were fighting over the last one. Billy took it and we all thought he ate it, but when I asked him where to find you he gave it to me. So technically, it’s a gift off Billy,” she shrugged with a smirk. You were a little surprised at the gesture but you wondered if he felt like he had to make up for the panic attack thing after he’d handled it so badly.

“Well, tell him thanks,” you grinned, ripping it open. You didn’t even care as you ate it greedily with a moan, Karen watching you amused.

“I know, right? It was like the best thing I’d eaten in my life,” she giggled. She wasn’t wrong. Candy bars and snacks were something you took for granted in the old world, never really understanding that at some point in your life you’d never see them again. You doubted you’d ever see one again after this so you tried to savor it yet still ate it like a woman starved at the same time, unable to help yourself.

“Holy shit, that was amazing,” you murmured after you’d done, unabashedly licking the chocolate from the wrapper and she smiled at you.

“So, how have things been?” she asked amicably as she shifted to be more comfortable on the floor.

“The same old shit, you know how it is,” you snorted, making her laugh.

“Yeah, it’s kinda boring without TV and things to do now,” she mused with a sad smile.

“Yep. But the boring is a little better than the overexcitement of running for your life so…” you trailed off ruefully. You did miss it a little though. The being on the road constantly, the never having to sit down with nothing to do but have your morbid thoughts consume you. It had given your brain something else to focus on than all you’d lost and now it was all that was going on in your brain on a loop. You didn’t miss being hungry or feeling unsafe and tired, but you were itching to be out there once more. You didn’t like it but couldn't shake it. You should be happy you found somewhere safe, especially after meeting Karen’s group. But you didn't feel happy at all. You felt trapped and uncomfortable, it all felt far too stale.

“How’s Billy doing?” you asked, going back to sharpening your knife.

“He’s doing okay… Not gonna ask about everyone else?” she asked, a teasing lilt to her voice that made you look up. She had a sly grin painting her face that made you tilt your head as you realized just why she was looking at you that way. You huffed and shook your head.

“Not like that, I just… After the herd thing… he was a little… I don’t know,” you shrugged, not feeling comfortable with outright telling her he’d had a panic attack. With how he’d reacted with you, you were sure he didn’t want everyone knowing. It almost felt like betraying his trust somehow even though you were sure he didn’t really trust you anyway. Karen's amused face slipped as she nodded with a small smile.

“He’s been through a lot… lost a lot, just like Frank. I’m pretty sure he has some PTSD but he refuses to even acknowledge it,” she murmured with a frown. He seemed to type to do that, try and sweep his problems under a rug because he thought it made him seem weak.

“He seems okay though, things have gone back to normal,” she added at your thoughtful face and you nodded. You both spoke about mundane things for a while, both talking about your pasts. You learned she used to be a journalist and also worked for Matt and Foggy who had been lawyers back then. It was nice to get to know her better and you felt like you bonded a bit. It was both a blessing and a curse because it felt good to connect with someone again but you didn’t want to get attached. They’d probably all wind up dead at some point, everyone did. You convinced her to leave before it got dark, not wanting her to walk back in the blanket of the night sky and she’d relented, asking that you’d turn up for dinner at some point soon. You’d acquiesced to get her to leave before she wound up lost in the dark woods and then she left, refusing you to walk her back. Once she was gone, the treehouse felt uncomfortably silent and you didn’t like it. The silence only made your mind louder and you growled, getting annoyed with yourself. The whole time, with and without your group, all you’d wanted was to find somewhere safe to settle down and take root. Somewhere where maybe you could start a life of some kind, even if the world had fallen to pieces. But now here you were, mostly safe and in a good place, yet you didn't feel settled or satisfied. You hated how this new world had changed you, made you rougher around the edges, harder. You’d had to do things you never thought yourself capable of doing and it had changed you. There was a darkness lurking inside of you now that you couldn't seem to get rid of you and really didn’t like it. You decided to get an early night to try and avoid your thoughts and memories plaguing you. Maybe it was best if you left, best if you just looked at a map and picked somewhere to travel to. It would give your mind some reprieve from the constant attacks, give yourself a purpose. Maybe that’s what you were lacking. You’d finally achieved your goal only to find you had nothing left to do, nothing left at all.

You rummaged through the cupboards angrily, knocking things over in the process in your frantic search but you only came back empty-handed. Again. You let out a frustrated growl, slamming the door shut with a loud thud as you stood back up and raked your hand through your hair. You really had no idea what to do. Your brother was on borrowed time here and there wasn’t a damn thing you could do to stop it. He needed a lot of medication for his heart condition but when the world fell, he’d had some with him. Pretty soon into the hell the world had turned into, you’d been more than aware you needed to stock up and thankfully, you’d been able to since people hadn't cleaned out pharmacies completely. But after 7 months, his meds ran out and you couldn't find them anywhere. You’d find one but not others but he needed all of them to be able to survive. The most important was Warfarin and you hadn’t been able to find it in almost two months. This was the fifth pharmacy you’d hit up and yet again, there was nothing.

“We can’t find anything,” Lucas frowned as he came into the room you were in. You looked at him, anguish all over your face as he watched you sympathetically. You appreciated the guys coming every time to try and help the search.

“I don’t… I don’t know what to do,” you lamented, biting down hard on your lower lip as you felt it tremble.

“We’ll head back home and look at the maps again, find another pharmacy,” he murmured as he rubbed your back soothingly. You sniffled with a nod but deep down you knew it was useless. Each time you went you had to go further and further out to find a new pharmacy and you hated being away from Sam not knowing if he’d be there when you got back. You were always aware in the back of your mind that this could happen to Sam, knowing how bad his heart was. He needed a lot of pills and a lot of monitoring but you’d stupidly convinced yourself he’d be okay. That you could handle it. But you couldn't handle it and if he didn’t get his meds soon then he’d be dead and you’d have failed him. Lucas led you out of the empty pharmacy where Oliver was waiting by the truck with a sad look on his face.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he sighed and you knew he meant it. Sam was amazing and everyone in the group could see it. There wasn't a mean bone in his body and he always made time to make people smile and try to brighten their day. They’d all seen his light get dimmer these past few months and everyone was worried. Sam was all you had left of your family, of your old life. You had no idea what happened to your parents but you knew they were most likely dead. You and Sam never spoke of them. But Sam was your entire world and he had been since before the end. You’d doted on him, being close siblings that helped each other with everything. There wasn’t anything you wouldn't do for him then and now but this was something out of your control and you loathed it.

When you got back to the camp, a bunch of tents near a quarry, you made a beeline for Sam’s tent, knowing he’d be in there. He’d been feeling pretty lethargic lately, looking paler than usual. You felt like a time bomb was waiting to explode, especially when you couldn't get the meds he needed to stop him from getting a blood clot. It was late, everyone else asleep with how long it had taken you to get there and back. Lucas and Oliver went to their respective tents as you moved over to where Sam’s was, next to yours nearest the water. You felt a weird sensation as you got outside his tent, like trickling water down your neck that made you feel uneasy. You told yourself it was because you knew you’d failed yet again and you couldn't face him and tell him. You knew how it would go, how it went every time. He’d smile at you and tell you it was fine, that you were trying your best. But your best wasn’t good enough and it sure as fuck wouldn't save him. You heaved a sigh and unzipped his tent, climbing in. He was on his side, half in his sleeping bag. He hated zipping it all that way up, said it made him feel trapped. You toyed with the idea of not waking him, waiting until morning to give him the bad news that you'd failed once again and that you’d be gone again soon to look some more. He hated you leaving, he’d tell you he’d rather you just stayed. But you knew you wouldn't be able to sleep at all if you didn’t tell him now so you crawled over to him and shook his shoulder.

“Sammy?” you said softly, giving him another firmer shake when he didn't move. But there was no response and your heart stuttered in your chest for a moment as you felt that sensation again.

“Sam?” you asked harshly, rolling him on his back. His eyes were closed, lips slightly parted, but again, no response. Your hand went to his neck quickly to feel for a pulse but you couldn't find one.

“No… no,” you muttered in horror, tears welling in your eyes as you gripped both of his shoulders and shook him roughly.

“Wake up, Sammy! You need to wake up!” you insisted, desperation in your tone because he couldn’t be gone. His body jostled with the movement but he still didn’t stir, still wasn't breathing and you let out a broken sob as you covered your mouth. He was dead. He was dead because you were a terrible big sister who couldn't help him. He was dead and you hadn't even been here in his last moments. You felt like you couldn't breathe through your heaving sobs and then his eyes snapped open. You felt a spark of hope hit you right in the chest but it was over before it barely began as milky eyes looked back up at you. You felt far too many things in that moment, mostly complete devastation that you’d lost your little brother who meant everything to you. But more than that, you felt blind rage that you’d failed him, that you hadn’t been able to save him or even be there for him. You felt anger at the fact his radiance had been reduced to nothing more than one of the dead monsters. He groaned, a snarl on his face as his hands reached for you and you grabbed your knife ready, your hand trembling.

“I’m sorry, Sammy,” you muttered emotionlessly, sniffling before you plunged the knife through his eye as he sat up and made a move to grab you. You let go of the knife as if it had burned you, his body falling back down with a thump. All you could do was glare at his body with your knife sticking out of his head until the sun came up and Lucas found you there.

The next day you were in an awful mood. Your night had been plagued with memories worse than anything your brain could concoct as a nightmare and it had left you feeling the same anger as you’d felt the day your brother died. Trying to clear your head, you’d gotten up early and decided to go hunting. It gave you something to focus on as you went after a rabbit that you’d been tracking for a little over an hour. You were a ways from your camp now but you didn't care, trying to only focus on the task at hand. While your brain was somewhat distracted, you still felt that simmering anger bubbling under your skin. The rabbit finally came to a stop and you were relieved and not all at the same time. You were relieved because you didn’t want to stray too far from camp and get caught in a bad situation or get lost, but you also hated the fact it meant this whole thing was almost over and soon enough you’d be back alone at camp and dwelling on everything. You got your bow ready, pulling it back as you looked at the rabbit. You let your arrow go and it hit your target, but less than a second after your arrow landed from the left, another one did and you felt your anger hit you again. You stomped through the trees, head whipping around to the left to see a bewildered Billy looking at you through the trees.

“Mine hit first, it’s mine,” you bit out, not meaning to sound so hostile but you really weren't in the mood.

“Right…” he drawled warily as you stalked over to the rabbit, crouching as you yanked the arrows out of it and tossed Billy’s behind you carelessly. You put your arrow back in your quiver and grabbed the rabbit by its foot, standing up.

“Everythin’ alright?” he asked, sounding cautious and your bitter laugh sounded rough to even your own ears.

“Nothing’s alright, Billy. I lost everyone I came to care about and now I’m alone. I finally have somewhere safe to call home but I hate it. I feel like my own skin doesn't fit anymore. I have nothing to fight for, nothing to live for, so no, nothing’s alright,” you hissed, clamping your mouth firmly shut after your rant as you realized you were ranting to someone you barely knew and it was ridiculous.

“You know what, it doesn't even matter,” you huffed, starting to stalk off back to your camp. It was a lot quicker getting back since you weren’t trying to be stealthy and your anger was making you practically power-walk all the way back. You dropped the rabbit on the floor, getting your knife out before you sat against the tree and started to prep it. It wasn't long after that Billy was there yet again, you hadn't even realized he’d been following you back.

You didn’t bother to acknowledge him as you worked on the rabbit. You knew it wouldn't take you too long, not like the deer had. Not only was the rabbit considerably smaller but you felt like you’d done this a million and one times before, whereas with the deer, it had been your first time. Billy hovered for a long moment before he heaved a sigh, moving to sit on the floor in front of you. You glanced at him briefly, not really in the mood for company, before you looked back at your task at hand.

“I get it, how you feel. Well, some of it anyway. I lost people too, some before the turn and some after, but I mean I got my group and that’s what I’m fightin’ for. Maybe that’s what you need too,” he murmured carefully.

“That’s the last thing I need. I already watched my old group get picked off one by one, I don’t feel like reliving it,” you muttered bitterly, finally getting the rabbit’s skin off and then working on the meat. You heard Billy blow out a sigh but you didn’t bother to look at him.

“That’s it, come on,” he said firmly, quickly standing up and finally drawing your eyes to him.

“What?” you asked confused, shaking your head.

“I said, come on,” he repeated firmer, holding his hand out to you.

“I’m busy,” you stated, like it was obvious as you gestured to the rabbit.

“I wasn’t askin’,” he smirked, raising a brow before he grabbed your hand and yanked you to your feet. He started tugging you away and you were far too confused to fight him as the rabbit lay half-done by the tree.

“Where are we going?” you asked, putting your knife away as he finally let you go when you seemed to be following him willingly.

“I know what you need. I remember back in the Marines, the whole time I’d be out there all I’d think about was finally bein’ back home. To get some rest, have some sense of security. But then I’d be home and I’d feel all kinds of wrong. It was like I didn’t belong there, didn’t fit in. I missed the… the adrenaline of it all. The fight to live, the constant battle. I belonged out there on the battlefield, not the streets of New York. I’m startin’ to think you’re a lot like me. This world… the way it is now, it’s a lot like bein’ overseas, like a warzone. And then you get that moment where everything seems to settle, where it's calm but it doesn't make you feel safe, doesn’t satisfy you. And I… I get that,” he rambled, glancing at you. You felt something wash over you and you weren’t sure what it was. Maybe it was relief at someone feeling the same way, someone who you related to.

“You still didn’t answer my question,” you smiled wryly, already feeling a little better. He smirked as he looked at you again and you both broke through the treeline. You saw the black van you knew belonged to the group and he started to lead you over to it.

“You need a purpose, need shit to do to keep you busy, to feel useful. Somethin’ that’s not so safe. We need gas for the van before we wind up runnin’ out. Won’t have much to last us soon. There’s a highway about a 2 hours drive north from here, bunch of cars up there to siphon gas from. When we passed it, we couldn't even get through, looked like it’d been there since the start, when the rush happened,” he explained and you nodded. You remembered how frantic everyone had been when everything started going to hell, how everyone thought getting out of the city was a good idea, only to get stuck in a jam of cars. You’d seen those highway graveyards before and they were creepy. But the idea of a job to do did make you feel less tense and you knew Billy was right. You’d lost your sense of purpose now you had nothing to do and no one to help.

The ride there was mostly silent but it wasn’t uncomfortable, mostly contemplative.

“You should let go of that guilt before it buries you,” Billy finally spoke, a knowing tone to his voice. Your head whipped to him at his words as you just stared at him for a minute.

“What?” you asked slowly and he chuckled but it sounded a little sad.

“I know what it’s like… to carry around guilt for shit that honestly, was out of our control. Sometimes bad shit just happens and there’s not a damn thing we can do to stop it. It sucks and hurts like a bitch but drownin’ in the guilt won’t help anyone,” he murmured as he stared out at the road. You scoffed and shook your head, dragging your eyes from him to back out of the front window.

“Maybe it was my fault though. Maybe if I was better at my job I could have saved at least some of them,” you muttered bitterly.

“You were a vet, Y/N. And yeah, some of those skills is better than nothin’, but it ain’t like you were a fuckin’ ER doctor. We all have our limits, doesn’t make it your fault,” he chided, giving you a look.

“I just feel like… no matter what I did, it wasn’t ever enough. Every time I tried to help, it didn’t work. And with Sam… I tried for months to find the meds he needed and I couldn't find them and he wound up dead. And I wasn't even there when it happened because I was out looking for the shit he needed to stay alive. I feel like a failure,” you admitted, your voice cracking with emotion that you tried to stuff down.

“You’re not a failure, Y/N,” Billy frowned softly.

“Well I feel like one,” you countered with a huff.

“You did what you could, I don’t doubt you gave it your all,” he muttered, still frowning.

“Yeah and it wasn’t enough. I did my best and it wasn't ever enough. And I don’t get it… Out of all of them, I’m the last one standing? Seriously? We had a survivalist in our group for fuck sake and if I had to take bets on who would be the last of us, it would have been him, not me. I’m just some Vet from New York who spent her spare time from work vegging out in front of the TV and eating takeout. Why the hell am I the one that made it out?” you asked angrily as you shook your head.

“‘Cause you’re stronger than you think you are. You got a fight in you,” he argued, his tone light. Your head snapped to him again with your eyes narrowed to slits.

“My brother didn’t die because he didn’t have fight in him. He died because he was sick and I fucking failed him,” you hissed and he frowned at you.

“I don’t mean it like that. What I’m tryin’ to say is that you don’t need to be a survivalist to make it out here, don’t need a set of skills to get through. Yeah, it helps, but I ain’t all you need. Sometimes all you need is that primal drive to survive,” he said softly as he gave you a meaningful look.

“And I don’t know a damn thing about your brother but I’d bet my life on him not wantin’ to see you beat yourself up like this. He wouldn’t want you blamin’ yourself for his death. You said yourself, he was sick. That ain’t on you,” he insisted, glancing at you again. You looked away at the weight of his gaze, your fight leaving you as you knew his words were true. Sam would hate seeing you now, see you acting like this. It didn’t mean it stopped you feeling guilty though. The rest of the way went back to being silent and soon enough, Billy was pulling to a stop just before a sea of abandoned cars. You got out of the van, looking around at the eerie scene. Some of the car doors were left open and you could just picture all the panicked people fleeing as they couldn't leave in their cars as the dead rolled in.

Billy suddenly passed you two empty duffel bags and you looked at them curiously as he got out three empty gas cans from the back of the van.

“I’m gonna get the gas. You can look in the cars, see if they have any good shit. We need food, clothes, shit for the winter. Coats and all that, stuff to layer up. Make sure you get yourself some shit too, there’s more bags in the back,” he gestured to the van and you nodded. You got to work quickly, rifling through the cars as you looked at what they had. You’d found a bunch of good shit. There were a lot of canned goods and you’d managed to fill a bag with them. You’d also found some clothes and blankets which you knew would be helpful. You’d found yourself a thicker winter coat you were excited about and you’d even found some clothes for the kids. You weren’t quite sure what size they were, unsure of their ages. But you’d guessed by sight and you hoped they’d fit. You’d put three bags in the back of the van and now you were looking in the trunk of a car with another empty bag. You’d had to put down a few stray dead ones here that had been trapped in the cars. The smell had almost made you throw up. You grinned to yourself as you found a whole pile of comics in the boot, thinking the kids might like them and it would give them something to do. You quickly stuffed them in the bag as Billy approached you.

“I got the gas, we good?” he asked. You’d already informed him of the other stuff you’d found and he’d been pretty excited to get back to camp and show everyone what you’d found.

“Yeah. We could come back another time, look through some more cars. It’s like they're never-ending,” you snorted as you glanced out at the many cars you hadn’t even got to yet. Just as Billy opened his mouth to respond, the sound of tires squealing grated on your ears. It felt like time slowed down for a second afterwards as Billy shoved you to the floor, his body over yours protectively and then the sound of gunfire pierced the air, the bullets hitting the metal of the cars and shattering the glass. You were in far too much shock to say anything, blinking up at Billy who was wearing a thunderous face.

“Stay here,” he growled. Before you could try and stop him, he was off you and at the edge of the car. He grabbed his handgun and started shooting at the people who were raining fire down on you. It worried you even more how it was rapid gunfire, you had no idea what artillery they had but it didn’t sound good. You sat up, still hiding behind the car as you stared at Billy as he kept popping his head out and firing before retreating near the trunk. Billy reloaded his gun deftly and you idly wondered where the hell he’d be hiding the extra bullets. When he cocked his gun again, he peered out from behind the car and you grabbed his jacket, pulling him back just in the nick of time as a bullet whizzed right past and landed in the car behind. Billy looked stunned, completely shocked that they almost put a bullet in his head but it didn’t seem to make him see sense, it only pissed him off more as he started firing like a madman. There was so much noise it was making your brain hurt, but then it got even worse when Billy made a mad dash for a car a little in front to the right.

“Billy! What are you doing?!” you hissed, looking at him like he was crazy. The asshole was going to get himself shot at this rate. You had no idea how many there were of them but they definitely had more gun power than you two, you were both better off trying to make a run for it the other way with the safety of the cars for cover. He ignored you though as he did it once more, getting even closer to the gunfire. Your brain was going a mile a minute as you tried to figure out the best way to get Billy to see that he should be running away from the bullets and not towards them when you heard the tires screeching once more. Only this time, it sounded like two separate sets of them. You frowned and you kneeled up, peeping through the glass on the window to see them driving away with not only their own car, but Billy’s van too. Billy let out a feral yell, no longer hiding as he jumped up and started chasing them, firing his gun as they fired right back. You felt like you were on the verge of having a heart attack and the only saving grace seemed to be how bad their aim was as they reversed quickly before high tailing it out of there.

You stood up on shaky legs, eyes taking in the carnage of the graveyard of cars but a loud bang made you jump and whirl around. Billy was angrily punching a car and you loitered uncertainly as you watched him. His chest was heaving, eyes wild as he stopped and tried to compose himself. He rolled his shoulder before running his hands through his hair and making it all crazy.

“They took the van. I can’t believe they… It had… all the food to last us through winter, fuckin’ clothes… Curt’s medical supplies,” he sounded a mix of upset and beyond pissed and you felt the guilt start to eat away at you. If he hadn't brought you here then this wouldn't have happened. Not only were the group now without transport, which was hard enough to come by these days, or at least hard enough to find reliable transport, but they also lost a bunch of supplies. Not only the stuff you’d just loaded into the van but apparently there had already been things in there. The medical supplies were the worst, you knew from experience how hard it was to get those back. You weren’t really sure what to say to him to make him feel better, not when this was because of you. So you just watched him pace hopelessly, looking like he was lost and full of rage. What the fuck were you supposed to do now?

Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)

@firexfate

@blanchedelioncourt

@ariesbutalibra

@sunshinedaisies-anddeath

@snowkestrel

@music-indie-tv

@idaofinfinity

@sweetserendipity65

@ramadiiiisme

@k-marzolf

@celestialams

@woowwwee

#billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfic #billy russo x reader #billy russo

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scottsumrners · 2 years

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okay, i admit that i went into “love and thunder” a little biased, because i had read the reviews that said it sucked ass, but girl... i didn’t expect it to suck ass this badly. it doesn’t feel like “a movie” so much as it feels like pieces of different movies stitched together in a half-coherent plotline?

the god butcher plotline...works. it works because it’s simple. the character itself has barely nothing in the way of development because he is very one-note, but considering the constant tone-shifts and mismatching vibes, he is the highlight of the whole thing. christian bale sweetie you were NOT paid enough to shave your eyebrows.

100% of the movie (that isn’t the god butcher stuff) is jokes, but... 85% (and i’m being generous) don’t land. almost every moment where it was supposed to be a “joke”, there was dead silence in my session. i heard one guy in the restroom saying that the movie was the second best marvel movie, after endgame, and considering endgame is a shitshow...yeah

the fight scenes are cool, but they are almost entirely cgi. i think all except for one in the omnicity, and even then....eh.

it definitely felt like both a sequel to ragnarok and a taika production, but in the worst ways. it took all the bad bits of ragnarok and made them doubled down on it. also it will be interesting to see their defense of how the russos “undid everything taika did”, when taika also ignored most of his own set ups.

i can see the stans will eat it up though, because valkyrie kissed a “zeuszette”’s hand and the rock monster got gay-married to another rock-monster (he was a dude because he had a moustache!). they did talk about valkyrie’s girlfriend and used the word girlfriend, so i guess that’s a step up!

things i liked:

- the scene where thor makes all the kids little thors

- the final scene with “love” and “thunder”

- the fact that they didn’t censor thor’s ass in the actual theatrical release

- brett goldstein as herkules

things that i didn’t like:

- valkyrie basically plays second fiddle the whole movie

- actually, remember how valkyrie was supposed to be a set up for thor’s love interest? never mind all that! thor has been, still is, and will always be in love with jane! she is, like the fandom wanted, just his lesbian bff!

- i don’t understand why they changed the gender of gorr’s child from boy to girl? it didn’t really add anything to the plot aside from tacking another OC daughter to one of the original avengers. but i guess if they made the kid a girl it would be more “sensitive”?

- i think it’s insane that in the comics, when jane is dying, she lost her hair, lost weight, and is basically a walking skeleton the more she uses mjolnir. in the movie - because women aren’t allowed to be ugly - she has.... bags under her eyes. that’s it. that’s literally it. maybe her cheeks are a little sunken in some scenes. she has stage four cancer, but you would never be able to tell just by looking at her. not even when she was dying she was allowed to be ugly

- the movie keeps the tradition of introducing a villain who is, by all accounts, in the right, never giving any kind of counter argument to them, and then just killing them off anyway. the gods in thor are shown to be petty, if not downright evil; they don’t care about their subjects, and they just use them to feed while the people who worship them suffer. there’s a brief argument that the gods are protecting the people, but that’s never really brought up to, like, try to change the guy’s mind! it was the same deal with thanos. why shouldn’t the god butcher kill off a guy like zeus? also why is an earth god the most powerful god in the universe, anyway?

overall, if this movie had been put in the hands of a director that could commit to give it the gravity it deserves, it would have been AMAZING. that director is not taika waititi. he’s good for comedy, but this was not a movie that worked as a comedy. hell, it barely even worked as a movie. if anyone was the god butcher, it was taika

#thor love and thunder #love and thunder #thor love and thunder spoilers #thor 4 spoilers

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bettsfic · 6 months

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⭐️⭐️

i actually put way more work into my gray man fic than i intended to and i'm pretty proud of it as a character study. and like, yes, it was inspired entirely by six's canon oral fixation but still. the russos gave me a shitty action hero with trauma and i decided to tack on some mommy issues and throw him in a peruvian underground fighting ring.

the process of writing it was interesting; i went into it with nothing but the idea of a time skip and hiding out in peru. no real conflict or story premise or anything, just writing out vibes, and so i ended up with something like four drafts even though i knew nobody was probably going to read it. the first draft was just paragraphs of character thoughts, and then i started trying to string those into some logical order and a sequence of escalating events. and because i don't like to make anything easy on myself, i also added in vignette codas of the movie's past timeline. so there's the present timeline of the fic, which creates a frame story around the past timeline of the fic, which refers to the present timeline of the film, and within the film there's a past timeline that i fill in with additional details.

so, yeah. a lot of work for a story that only has one other fic in the tag.

#sns

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fapangel · 2 years

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May 6th to May 12th (D+70-D+76) Maneuver Update:

This took me all goddamned day. Fairly significant Maneuver update to follow. I'm going to tack on the latest misadventures on Snake Island to that one as well.

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theseventhoffrostfall · 2 years

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I unironically want to Balkanize russia as a punishment, let them have Stalingrad through st-petersburg and maybe arkhangelisk or whatever but if they wanna play the race/ethnicity game that is the extent of the "Russo-slav" area, IDGAF what happens to the south and eastern regions but not enough people understand how utterly fucked russia is. Maybe force them to let NATO/the US industrialize Siberia for the oil and resources to counter China/MENA, but as a power, Putin (and admittedly the West really hasn't talked about it much) has fucked up so badly that the coming treaty when they lose is going to be gigantic

I dunno, considering the response thus far and the fact that western Europe still hasn't shaken their reliance on Russian imports, among other factors, while sanctions and other measures are pretty likely to stay in place to wear out Russia economically in the long term, we're unlikely to see immediate punitive measures and some neo-inter-allied-control-commission or anything like that. Closer to like in 15 years of infighting and economic near-collapse and isolation the West "generously" offers enormous chunks of money for "stimulus and reconstruction ", and as a helpful bonus offers an extra few hundred million to help the new government safely dispose of all those nasty nukes their predecessors left lying around, like post-soviet Kazakhstan.

Short term though, nah. There's drums being beat about investigating war crimes and atrocities and so forth, those aren't going to accomplish diddly. They'll call it a win when Russia withdraws, tack the atrocities on to the list of reasons to continue sanctions, and never convict any individuals or commands

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bugsbunnyblogsstuff · 6 days

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Samurai Quack (Part 1) (This was a book idea that came weirdly to me, was it wrong I wanted a ancient Chinese version of our favorite looney tunes?, p.s, this or my other breaks don't connect to the story line)

(Narrator)

It was a great time for the harvest, grains were plentiful, and berries were ripe, not all, though, was well.

In the Kuku dynasty, there was Empress Tina (Tina Russo), a fair and powerful ruler who was ruling over the city of Nara.

All was supposed to be just. until Shogun Sam (Yosemite Sam) attacked the palace and captured Nara's one and only ruler.

It unfortunately is up to a.... *sigh* Samurai to save our queen and her concubines.

(End of narration)

In a dojo, not too far from here, there were many young men present and eager to be samurais, but one lacks more stupidity than the rest.

"Let's review you mowon, we stawt with the left foot!" Master Elmer barked, his hands firm on his hips. He was determined to make the boys into men.

Now Master Elmer loved all his pupils. it's just that daffy was clearly the most stupid of the bunch——I mean, can you blame him?

But the lesson stopped as one of Tina's concubines arrived at the dojo.

"Master Elmer, my Empress Tina has been kidnapped by the Scarlet Clan, lead by the fearsome Shogun Sam. You must help me!"The frail woman cried, her face was pale, body was slender, and her feet were practically bound together.

Elmer desperately looked at the other boys, but they hadn't had as much skill as the rookie Daffy.

Elmer sighed,palming himself as he turned to Daffy with a scroll, unfolding the papyrus paper.

"My young sapling, you out of all my men, are chosen to be out on a special mission, you are tasked with finding Sam and potentially creating a Alias with The genewals son———whom I shall not speak of yet, be caweful my boy"

He commanded as he extended out his hand to give daffy the scroll.

Daffy nodded, "Your dutifulness, I shall swear on all my heart that I will search for the greatest, great, Shogun Sam!"

"You will need a guide, Lola, a friend of mine, is a great tour guide, she knows the woods and the beasts that encloak them, twy to stay to hew" (I love making his accent motherf*cking ridiculous) He said, watching Daffy's copper eyes twinkle with hope as Lola pulled up to the dojo in a stagecoach.

"Hop aboard, the names Lola, and you handsome stranger?" Lola asked. As Daffy blushed, the both were good friends. From the get-together, as Daffy gently hoisted the concubine into the carriage, the horses sped off as the carriage rattled after it.

Soon, the group will get the advice of Prince Bugs; who was Generals son, Tack, a Cobbler, and many other outcasts from beyond the palace walls.

The end

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sabrinawitcher · 24 days

Text

Samurai Quack (Part 1)

(This was a book idea that came weirdly to me, was it wrong I wanted a ancient Chinese version of our favorite looney tunes?, p.s, this or my other breaks don't connect to the story line)

(Narrator)

It was a great time for the harvest, grains were plentiful and berries were ripe, not all though was well.

In the Kuku dynasty, there was Empress Tina (Tina Russo), a fair and powerful ruler, who was ruling over the city of Nara.

All was supposed to be just. until Shogun Sam (Yosemite Sam) had attacked the palace, and captured Nara's one and only ruler.

It unfortunately is up to a.... *sigh* samurai to save our queen and her concubines.

(End of narration)

In a dojo, not to far from here, there were many young men present and eager for to be samurais, but one lacks more stupidity than the rest.

"Let's review you mowon, we stawt with the left foot!" Master Elmer barked, his hands firm on his hips, he was determined to make the boys into men.

Now Master Elmer loved all his pupils, its just that daffy was clearly the most stupid of the bunch——I mean can you blame him?

But the lesson stopped as one of Tina's concubines arrived at the dojo.

"Master Elmer, my Empress Tina has been kidnapped by the Scarlet Clan, lead by the fearsome Shogun Sam, you must help me!"The frail woman cried, her face was pale, body was slender, and her feet were practically bound together.

Elmer desperately looked at the other boys but they hadn't had as much skill as the rookie Daffy.

Elmer sighed,palming himself as he turned to Daffy with a scroll, unfolding the papyrus paper.

He commanded as he extended out his hand to give daffy the scroll.

Daffy nodded, "Your dutifulness, I shall swear on all my heart, that I will search for the greatest, great, Shogun Sam!"

"Hop aboard, the names Lola, and you handsome stranger?" Lola asked, as Daffy blushed, the both were good friends, from the get-together, as Daffy gently hoisted the concubine into the carriage, the horses sped off, as the carriage rattled after it.

Soon the group will get the advise of Prince Bugs; who was Generals son, Tack, a Cobbler, and many other outcasts from beyond the palace walls.

The end

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noahlivingston · 2 years

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ok I think that min would be obsessed with everything everywhere all at once, tack would be obsessed with moonrise kingdom, and noah would be obsessed with tetsuo: the iron man. all three of them would find each other's weird emotional issues movies desperately boring and borderline unwatchable. it causes genuine strife between them. they compromise by watching the swiss army man together.

#project nemesis #noah livingston #min wilder #tack russo #the swiss army man combines everything all of the first three movies offer and also adds some fart jokes for flavor so it works well #im half joking bc i cant imagine anyone not enjoying any of these movies #but i recognize at least for tetsuo that thats not a universal opinion #eeaao is an infallible masterpiece tho

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hiramstolowitski · 2 years

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ofmd tag meme

tagged by @montygreen, tagging @lavender3lf and @pilotpower7

your name: max

how many sugars: i put an embarrassing amount of sugar in my tea. seven sugars is not unreasonable by my standards

characters you relate to most: lucius for sure and…ed, maybe? also stede a little bit?

otp? — ed and stede

notp? — izzy and stede. i respect where you guys are coming from but absolutely not

if you were a pirate captain, what would you call your ship? — i would call it russo. because then i would be able to tell people to tack russo. which would make no one except me laugh but the pun is worth it

what position would you have on a pirate ship (bosun, captain, powder monkey, master gunner, surgeon etc.) — can i just have lucius's job of walking around writing everything down? or just sit up in the crow's nest and look for other ships?

favourite ofmd fics or arts? — oh there was a really excellent fic about izzy as an artichoke that i keep recommending to people. unfortunately i haven't actually read a lot of ofmd fics. but here's mine i guess? just because there's no way i'm going to link it anywhere else

biggest wish for season 2? — another badminton sibling, some really weird shit to happen with izzy and ed, i don't care what i just want it to be messy and dramatic, and for ed to hear that stede is dead

favourite quote: m'NOSES is a classic. i also like izzy's "no, shut up" and ed's "not bloody optimal," "dickfuck no it's not," and the whole turtle vs crab bit

favourite minor character: how are we defining minor? if we can include people from the crew, roach. if not, probably mary

favourite episode: this is happening

has ofmd caused you to re-evaluate your gender: uhhhhhhhh. um. well. it might have. nothing ended up being different but there was definitely. some thinking. anyway

favourite cast/creator quote or interview: literally anything that comes out of con's mouth about this show. and when nathan posted the "if i woke up straight i would simply smack my head against a wall until i passed away" which wasn't about the show but was deeply relatable

do cats have knives in their feet? — yes. also frenchie needs a cat in season 2

song that makes you think of stede bonnet: st. augustine by band of horses

song that makes you think of ed teach: death wish by bowerbirds

song that makes you think of izzy hands: i hope you weren't expecting me to take this question seriously

#ofmd #i guess i do tag games now #this feels so 2018

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eisiramdeus · 8 months

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PRETTYTM, continued from this.

✯ THA'S THE THING WITH DESIGNER SUITS... YOU'RE ALWAYS INCLINED TO WORRY THAT THERE JUST MIGHT BE SOMETHING. THE NEED TO BE FLAWLESS, WITHOUT CREASE NOR STAIN, OR MAYBE A PRACTICAL PRANK KICK ME TACKED ON STICKY NOTE: you must impeccable and unassailable to exude power. WORRYIGN TOO MUCH GETS YOU FACE DOWN ASS OUT ON THE DESK, HOWEVER. THAT'S EISENHOWER'S BUSINESS. Tearing corporate & diplomatic men inside. Also your briefs.

He may not own the world and everything in it, but he does own you. See any other bared asses out around? No argument about it. You like that about him. He knows it, too, that's the danger about him. Calvin ain't got nothing to say, he dives right in, leaving Billy little to mourn the tragic loss of expensive, cool fabric guarding his ass. No time for veils of decency barring him from what he wanted, veni vidi vici type of man. You like that about him, c'mon. I would. Nose dives right in, fitting right on his tail, tongue not shy to slide out and work Billy over. One, two, practiced entry, the technique is a Navy SEAL wartime secret. Calvin's wanting, calloused hands gripped a greedy handful of Billy's cheeks over the remaining silky-smooth fabric, one each side, securing down his feast, lion's paw on prey. Tongue tastes Billy with fast, long vertical strokes; left, right, higher, lower, leaving nothing dry or dignified--every last square inch is desecrated, savage, messy job, coated thoroughly with saliva, marked by this dog of a man. Face backs out to appreciate the work in full view, a nasal chuckle as he sees the mess he's made, and proud of it. Hands on Billy cheek's give the briefs another quick, strong tug apart, lengthening the vertical slit he's torn, fabric's end approximating the waistband, exposing Russo just a bit more, enough to reveal his taint but still keeping the front tucked away. Billy won't need it.

❝Told ya I had t' see ya right away.❞ Said before lips close in a smirk that Billy could not see, but can imagine just how smug the bastard is. He swishes around before spitting at Billy's hole, real precise marksmanship, audible deep breath before he dives right on back. He rubs his beard in this time, tilting his head up to press the scruff on his strong jaw & chin in--the hardest area where he can put in more substantial pressure, the hundreds of tickles of his bristles in such a sensitive area. Ain't it fun to trust a liar? Look where, and what, it gets you. It's like a reward.

@prettytm

#𝐈. IN CHARACTER.#𝐗𝐈. VERSE. MODERN.#suggestive /#prettytm

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irondeficiencygirl · 3 years

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That one meme but it's Tack and his map

#project nemesis #brendan reichs #tack russo #quick doodle bc exams are finally over

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princecupid · 3 years

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i want to give tack russo a hug and tell him it’ll be okay :( he deserves better

#please #he deserves so much more #tack russo #project nemesis

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doitwritenow · 4 years

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How long did Stephen spend in the 14,000,605 futures?

So, I was doing some thinking. 14,000,605 is a big number--big enough that it’s meaning sort of becomes unquantifiable, just like the blank looks you get when you try to explain how far the sun is from Earth. And remember, it’s canon that Stephen didn’t just see the CliffsNotes of those timelines:

"He has to physically live them, and then die in each of them, and right before he dies, he has to reset it, as we saw at the end of Doctor Strange, and do it again. And take copious notes each time he does it." - Joe Russo

So, if every one of those timelines was a life Stephen lead, what does it translate to? What, in terms of time, is the value of all those realities?

Math time.

There are two broad designations we can sort Stephen’s ultimate futures into. The first are futures where Stephen focuses on preventing the Snap, and the second are futures where Stephen focuses on undoing a Snap that did happen. I can only imagine it takes a significant number of futures for Stephen to give up trying to keep Thanos from getting all the Stones. I’ll call that 3/5 of the futures; little less than half of them spent undoing as opposed to preventing.

Within those two broad designations, there’s another set of factors: the Dusting itself. Assuming the Blip is truly random, we can generalize that in 1/2 the futures, Stephen was in the dusted 50%. By definition, if Stephen (and indeed anyone) is dusted in the prevention futures, it’s game over and he abandons that timeline. That leaves us with three vague situational constants:

Okay, great. Now for the part where I get to make a couple of educated guesses.

How long, then, is a “prevention future”? The shortest one probably starts around the length of the battle on Titan in Infinity War. From the moment Stephen returns from the time projection to the moment Thanos supposedly kills everyone and takes the Time Stone is, by my estimation, at least 45 minutes. We all know Stephen Strange is a self-sacrificial bastard (I will cite canon for this if you truly need me to but I choose to assume you aren’t blind), so he wouldn’t have considered this a true loss until Thanos retrieved the rest of the Stones in Wakanda. (The events on Earth aren’t a variable in this; Stephen can’t influence them when he’s not actually there). Let’s tack on another 45 minutes for Wakanda.

Shortest prevention timeline: 1.5 hours

What about the longest time, then? The longest possible situation I imagine goes something like this:

Stephen & co. leave Titan and hide in the reaches of the universe

Thanos goes to Earth, kills everyone there, and probably mind-controls Wong using the Mind Stone into disclosing who has the Time Stone and preforming some sort of tracking spell to find it.

Thanos tracks down Stephen & co.

Thanos captures Stephen (”You’ll find removing a dead man’s spell troublesome”)

Torture. Extraordinary amounts of torture.

Snap

OR:

Stephen & co. portal back to Earth and collect all the remaining Infinity Stones

The Guardians help them hide the Stones amongst various parts of the universe, in pocket dimensions, behind containments, etc.

(Now I think this is a great plan, but canon dictates it has to fail so:) Thanos eventually finds the Stones.

Pain, suffering, death of Stephen & co.

Snap.

Now, Stephen spent a whole other blog-post worth of time repeatedly dying inside a time loop to save the dimension as we know it, so we’ve got to assume he doesn’t break quick under torture. Therefore, I’m going to call the longest prevention future 7 years.

Longest prevention timeline: 7 years.

That’s quite a difference! I’m going to assume that most of the futures fall on the shorter side, and these higher futures are outliers. By standard distribution and some rather arbitrary bounding of graphs, I find the average time spent in these futures to be about 10220 hours, or approximately 1 year and 2 months. (There’s 8760 hours in a year, and in favor of underestimating instead of overestimating, I chose to assume that very few futures drifted in the 7 year direction.)

Alright, so, Stephen spends an average of 1 year and 2 months in each of the the prevention timelines. Remember, we decided about 3/5 of the 14,000,605 futures are prevention futures. That’s 8,400,363 futures. 1 year and 2 months in those futures means Stephen lived 9,800,423 years and six months in just the prevention futures. That’s a hell of a long time.

But now, let’s do the undoing futures.

So, in 50% of these, Stephen gets dusted. He has to stick around these futures a while after that before abandoning them as failures--and a really long time to be sure, as well. So depending on how long it takes him to realize the consistent factors that lead to undoing a snap (Tony being alive, Scott coming back from the Quantum Realm, Nebula in general), he’d have quite a long time to wait in these. He’d only know to abandon them when those critical factors were undermined/killed/prevented by Thanos or other means.

In the One Future, he would’ve had to stick around for 5 years because of that stupid rat. But Scott’s escape from the Quantum Realm could have been hurried by Stephen mentioning that fact to Tony or somebody before Thanos Snapped. Remember, though, that Stephen would have had to live out timelines, probably a good number of them, where the rat thing happened all on its own to even know it was important. Let’s say, then, that the One Future was on the higher end of the spectrum for the length of this type of future (undoing: Stephen dusted). On average, the length of the dusted undoing futures was about 2 years.

Blah blah blah, math math math. 2/5 of 14,000,605 is 5,600,242, and half of that is 2,800,121. 2 years in each of those futures gets us right back to 5,600,242, but years this time.

So what about the timelines where Stephen lived? Since he knows the way the future will play out, it’s safe to assume his existence speeds those futures. I would say the longest of these (undoing: Stephen lives) is around a year. Giving up the Stone means Tony doesn’t trust him and hesitates at the wrong moment, etc. etc. etc. Stephen is killed by other factors besides the Snap in some. Thanos still has the Stones when they try and kill him to take them. On and on and on and on.

The shortest ones would probably be no longer than a month--those Infinity Stones can really do some damage. Which means the average time in the non-dusted undoing futures is around 6.5 months.

14,000,605 * (2/5) * (1/2) = 2,800,121. 2,800,121 * 6.5 = 18,200,786.5. 12 months in a year means approximately 1,516,732 years.

Adding all those sections up gives us 16,917,397 years.

That is 208,857 lifetimes. That’s longer than humans have existed on earth. That’s about 84.6 times as long as humans have existed on Earth. If Stephen truly lived through all those futures, he’d be 1/250 the age of planet Earth itself.

Even if we take the very bare minimum and say Stephen spent only a day, on average, in those 14,000,605 futures, that’s still 38,357.8 years. If we say he only spent an hour in each of those futures THAT’S STILL 1,598.2 YEARS!!! WHAT THE FUCK????

*a series of deep breaths*

And in every single one of those futures, in every one, Stephen fought and died and killed and lived beside Tony Stark, Peter Parker, and the Guardians of the Galaxy. In every single one, he got to know them, got to understand them. Thousands upon thousands of lifetimes, and Stephen Strange grew to know the Avengers like he knew himself.

Think about that, and think about the look on his face when he kneels to Tony’s dead body, mmhmm?

(Thanks, I’ll just be crying for 14,000,605 years).

Tl;dr: 16,917,397 years is a reasonable, even low estimate for the years Stephen Strange lived while viewing ultimate futures. Give my sorcerer the recognition he deserves.

#stephen strange #meta #14000605 futures #mcu #infinity war #tony stark #ironstrange #scott lang #nebula #marvel cinematic universe #film analysis #ramble #marvel #dr strange #doctor strange #peter parker #dr dad #supreme family

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flashbang-througthe-door · 3 years

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A/n: this is a Lear/Hudson fic...I was curious...if your reading this that means I actually posted it and I'm sorry, also why is this like my magnum opus

Lear/Hudson

Tw: Swearing, smoking, a description of being left for dead

implied past relationship between Lear and Hudson

Description: The others left Lear and Hudson alone in a foolish attempt make them get along but something else happens

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Lear and Hudson were left alone in the safe house in an attempt to make them get along, but it was hitting an interesting moment. The two men one leaning against the desk in front of the office the other leaning against the evidence board puffing away on a cigarette. To an untrained eye, they looked like they were staring at each other but to anyone who knows these two would know this is a staring contest. Whoever lost would hear about it for days. "Giving up Italy?" "Not on your life America...." Lear responses neither of them had blinked yet.

Hudson starts heading towards Lear still not blinking "Hey, remember no touching it's not fair" Lear reminds Hudson, who gave a slight nod remembering the few rules they set. "You remember when we first met?" Lear asks he missed the time back then "Eh, Italy right?..... Florence....that uh" Hudson tried to think back to the place "The abandoned church...your government wanted me, they sent you and a few agents I ran into the church after uhhh" Now Lear couldn't remember what happened before the church "You tried to throw us off by throwing your shirt into the water" Hudson reminds Lear right as he blinked. "Ow, hm...yeah by the time you and your lackeys got to me...I was almost out the window" Lear's eyes stung a bit "Why do we always fight?" "Because it's all we know anymore" Lear recalled being handcuffed and dragged out kicking and screaming, Hudson wasn't much help at that time. "Right..." Hudson took his sunglasses off and rubs his face "I feel like I shou-" "I don't want to talk about it anymore" "See then you shut down" "I just don't want to talk about" "you never want to talk about it" Hudson growls and Lear chuckles "Italy? Or after the fact?" Lear lights a new cigarette blowing the smoke into Hudson's face "Both, whenever I bring it up...you completely shut down or we squabble about who's more useless, why?" Hudson inquires then waves his hand getting the smoke out of his face. "Because what happened leading up to you and your barbarians catching me for that mission...and after that..." Lear shakes his head "I woke up in a dumpster...bleeding out. Adler saved my life when you were busy with someone else...in that office...we were perfect but when I needed you the most you weren't there for me" He felt tears starting to come up he walked away from Hudson it was wasn't the best time to recall. Sure the time they worked together before this was nice they got along with each other too....even dated for a bit, but like most good things it ended. Time became timeless and the others weren't back yet. Lear was writing down some info he found out and tacked it to the board he and Hudson weren't talking yet. After Italy was brought up the memories came back to both of them.

Hudson was in the office going over some files trying to keep himself busy but every once in a while out of the corner of his eye he would see Lear walk by. He was wondering what the other was up to, but he had done enough damage for today. He honestly felt bad for Italy and what followed after.

Flashback, Florence, Italy

Lear was racing away from a group of agents one being Hudson. Lear quickly lost them in a quicker attempt to throw them off he yanked his shirt off threw it into the river. He bolted down a barely used path cuts and scrapes on his body, his raven black hair was messy and there were some sticks and leaves in his hair. His brown eyes barely took in the area around him but he quickly chooses paths and ended up in the abandoned church. Against his better judgment, he ran into the church climbing up the stairs he heard the others crashing into the church. "Fuck me" he mumbles starting to climb out the window but arms went around his waist and threw him to the floor. "Hudson, up here we got him" One of the agents call out putting their boot on Lear's back pinning him down. "Vincent Russo, You're in the custody of the United States government. You will help us" Hudson kneels next to Lear "Help you? Fuck that!" Lear spits at Hudson and misses "You will help us, whether you want to or not" Hudson sighs handcuffing Lear and slowly taking him to the helicopter "Stop! Struggling" Hudson tried to get a better grip on Lear but it was very difficult because Lear was kicking and screaming.

End of flashback

Hudson heard a loud set of thumps coming from outside of the office. "...what the fuuuu" he walked out to find Lear laying on the floor with the punching bag on top of him. "You uh...hehe...you okay down there?" He chuckles crossing his arms watching Lear struggle "No, I'm not okay" he mutters trying to get the bag off of himself "I think we've been here before Vincent" Hudson kneels next to Lear "You pinned to the floor, me winning..." Hudson chuckles now sitting next to Lear "Hey...Jason..." "Hey Vincent" "what happened to us?" "Uh...well" Hudson rubs his neck he pushed the punching bag off Lear and thought about it "Well you didn't make the car ride to D.c easy" he points watching Lear sit up "Did you really think that I'd make it easy?" Lear sighs looking at Hudson put his hand on the other's shoulder "I owe you a car window...I remember that..." He chuckles softly "And a rearview mirror" Hudson adds "Wait was I really that bad?" "Well...if you remember..."

Flashback

"Jason, you sure you want to take him alone?" "Yeah, how bad can this be? He's still asleep" Hudson chuckles softly and gets in the car this was going to be a long ride. As time passed and Lear slowly woke up of course was groggy. "Where are we?" He mumbles slowly sits up "West Virginia" Hudson answers turning the radio down as Psycho Killer started playing. "Mhm..." Lear lays on his back starting to slam his feet against the window. "WHAT! KINDA GOVERNMENT AGENT TAKES MY SHOES! KEEPS ME HANDCUFFED! AND DIDN'T GIVE ME A SHI-" Lear stopped shouting once his feet went through the window. "Come on, Vincent calm down" Hudson pulls over and turns the car off making sure the back doors were locked before turning fully around in his seat. Hudson stared at Lear, who was shifting positions to get a good angle for his next kicking fit. "Your bleeding" "uh-huh" "You'll need stitches" "Uh-huh" "What are you doing?" "Uh-huh" "Vincent!!!" now not only was Hudson out a window he was now out of a rearview mirror "That's it" he climbs into the back and took his tie off using it to tie Lear's feet together.

End of flashback

Lear rubs his neck looking down as he lights a new cigarette "I fucking hate it here, it's so cold" he pulls his knees to his chest "Here" Hudson did something that hadn't happened in a long time, he pulled Lear into his lap resting his head against the others back. "In the forest after we lost contact...me and the team went to do the mission...we got caught under a lot of fire and..." Lear stops for a second putting his hands on top of Hudson's. "I got the bright idea to cause a distraction...it worked surprisingly, the plan I did worked...but I was caught and tortured..." With each part of the story, Hudson could feel Lear shake worse and worse "If you don't w-" "I need to tell someone" Lear collects his thoughts "I didn't know what fucking day it was...some grunt of Perseus...didn't like the answers I was giving so she...or he, I don't remember...they had a mask on...poured gas on my chest and lit it up" Lear was pouring tears but he wasn't finished "I got the shit kicked out of me when they tried to put the fire out...I'm so lucky....to have lived" he was done talking now exhausted he felt Hudson shift him so he could rest his head on Hudson's chest. "I didn't know, I should have done more to help you" Hudson was trying to comfort Lear but he hadn't done it in so long it was almost like he forgot, but it slowly came back to him remembering that Lear liked it when he ran his finger through his hair. So gently Hudson ran his finger through Lear's hair whispering comforting words as the door swung open. "I'm telling you there is almost n-" Adler stopped dead in his tracks as Bell bumps into him "What?...oh" Bell watches from behind Adler. "Woods owes me fifty bucks" Adler had a huge grin on his face, for two reasons one, he was going to be fifty bucks richer but secondly, because seeing Lear and Hudson cuddling meant no more fighting for now.

#lear #hudson #lear/hudson #why #why did i even write this #i should have kept it in my head #why did i share this with the world?#why do i kinda like this ship #Look i wrote hudson being nice #why isthis some of my best writing?#adler #male bell #we love them #the bis

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