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taestefully-in-luv · 4 months

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Our Time | JJK (Seven)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 12.4k

Warnings: seriously depressing (for now) swearing, mentions of alcoholism, allusions to cheating

a/n: Hiiiiiii, long time no see!! Sorry for the delay and thank you for waiting. This story is at a depressing point (lol) so forgive me! I hope you guys can enjoy this chapter too 🥺 Well, I hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

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An eternity has passed since you’ve last seen Jungkook…a total of six weeks. Each day has gotten equally harder as it has gotten easier. You think it’s just your body slowly getting used to his absence but your mind is yearning. Yearning and hurting.

But there is something that’s also painful like missing your ex-husband—your best friend—and it’s the videos of your life. A life you know nothing of.

If you thought pictures were hard, videos are much harder.

But you asked for this. You asked your parents and your friends to send you old pictures and videos of times you don’t remember living.

You’re seeing pictures of you and your friends in restaurants you don’t know. Bars you don’t know. Concerts for artists you don’t know. Pictures of you in your bedroom, but it’s a bedroom you don’t know.

You have haircuts and styles you don’t know.

In the videos, you hear yourself laughing at inside jokes you don’t know. You’re using vocab and slang you don’t know. You see yourself giggling and joking around with people you. don’t. know. And you feel more like an outsider than ever. Not just to this world but to the girl you see on screen, you are an outsider to herworld.

Perhaps you’ve gotten too use to separating your different selves. And perhaps that makes it harder to unite with them.

Past you is current you but current you thinks of current you as future you.

It’s all a headache to think about.

You know they’re all you but because you’ve kept them separate, it’s somehow becoming the shackles that stops all the you’s from uniting.

And that’s what needs to happen for all of your memories to return. You have to unite 24 year old you and 33 year old you. It’s only your sanity on the line.

Now that you’ve discovered a couple of things, the only way to go from here is to intentionally spark your memories—in any way. You have to. Because you know 33 year old you has started something...

You quickly tear your eyes from the video on screen to take a quick peak towards the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. You’ve visited the attic a few times because of all of the memories that are stored in there.

But those boxes are filled with more than just memories.

Your eyes go back to your phone in hand as your thumb hesitantly hovers over the screen. You know you should move on to another video but it almost feels like you don’t have it in you. You don’t have it in you to stop listening to the sound of your child’s laughter when you can’t recognize it.

You don’t have it in you to stop the possibility of triggering your brain to suddenly remember him.

You finally force your thumb to the screen and you quickly pause it. You take in a sharp breath before exiting the video to scroll through the five videos your mom sent you. You see Haru in all five. And you can see Jungkook in three of them. You chose one where you couldn’t see Jungkook.

But this video of Haru’s giggles feels just as heartbreaking but more than anything, it feels frustrating. Because you don’t know him.

And that feels like an unbearable heartache on its own.

Suddenly, your eyes bounce from the video thumbnails to the text your mom just sent you.

Mom 7:28am

Good morning! We’re our way to the station and should arrive in Seoul around 2pm. You’re still picking us up, right?

You slowly close your already drooping eyes, the moment way too brief before you open them again, glancing towards the living room windows where the obvious sunlight comes through. Another night you didn’t sleep. Your eyes battling your brain. You might get a few hours if you try to sleep now, at the least.

“I just don’t understand how you can drink those all day,” Your mother’s eyes go from the knife in her hand to the iced coffee in yours. “I know it’s got to be giving you heartburn.” She laughs a little while shaking her head, eyes going back down to the cutting board where she chops onions.

You blink at your mom before dropping your eyes to the coffee in your hand, “Wait, is this why?”

She chuckles again, “Must be from your dads side of the family.” She shrugs now, letting the onions slide off the board and into a pan.

You roll your eyes at your moms playful comment before sliding the coffee away from you as you sit at your kitchen island, “Anyway, dad’s kind of taking a while, no?” You glance around the kitchen as if he would suddenly appear here.

Your mom smiles to herself while her hands remain busy with cooking dinner, “Yeah, he’s waiting for me to text him saying he can come back from the store.”

You can’t help but snort since you know exactly what she means.

Back when you were a teenager and going through life’s woes that made the whole world feel like it was ending, you would have your meltdowns. Period cramps that made you moody, a friend talking behind your back, the boy you liked was seen kissing someone else. All the things your dad left your mom to handle. He would suddenly want to go to the store and she would somehow signal him when it was safe to return—after the two of you got to talk out whatever was bothering you.

You realize she’s done it now.

“You never used to take this long to tell me what was going on though.” Your mom says quietly, eyes trained on the stove. “Especially not about Jungkook.” She sighs as she reaches for the wooden spoon before stirring the ingredients.

You feel something sharp inside your chest, just at the mention of his name, like there’s a sharp knife.

You turn your face to the side, something uncomfortable and electric tightens your jaw. As if it’s a burning signal that even the mere mention of Jungkook, makes you want to cry. But you won’t. “Well, mom.” You take a deep breath before looking towards her again with a sarcastic smile. “Our marriage wasn’t exactly as perfect as you thought.”

You hope this is enough for her to realize that Haru’s disappearance wasn’t the wedge that created such distance between you and your now, ex-husband.

You stare at the back of your mom’s head as she stands at the stove, still cooking. You wonder if she’s in utter shock at the revelation that perhaps Jungkook isn’t perfect. And your marriage definitely wasn’t. You wait and wait. But you see how she starts adding in a few other things.

“I said—”

“—What marriage is perfect?” Your mom finally turns around, cutting you off with a raised brow. “I never thought that. I’ll never think that. About anyone.” She scoffs before turning towards the stove again. “I told you that you didn’t usually take this long to talk about Jungkook with me.”

You don’t say anything.

Your mom turns her head towards you for a moment, you see the corner of her lip barely start to lift, like a knowing smile wants to form but her frown decides not to budge, “You were married to him for years…you don’t think you’ve come to complain to me?”

You understand her almost smirk now. She faces forward towards the stove again.

“Maybe around six months before Haru’s…incident. You came to Busan and I could tell something was up and you needed to talk.” Your mom rests a hand on her hip, while the other reaches for the stove knob as she turns it down. “But just like now…” She turns her head to eye you again, her worries pulling her lips into a deeper frown. “You took a while to tell me.”

You don’t really react. Not as your brain processes this information.

Your mom continues, “So I know your marriage wasn’t perfect. Jungkook’s not perfect. You’re not perfect.” She exhales through her nose in a half laugh. “I’m not perfect. Your father’s not either. But what’s between us…it has to be protected.”

“Unless that person betrays you.” You say in a low voice, eyes going to your fingers as you pick at your cuticles. “And you lose your trust in them.”

You hear your mom at the stove again as she turns it off and puts the lid on the pan. After a moment you see your mother in your peripherals as she comes to the other side of the counter and sits next to you.

“You mentioned something similar back then.” She says quietly, her face looking ahead. “But then I thought…well, that you thought it wasn’t what you thought.”

You quickly turn your head in your moms direction, eyes on hers. What all did you say to her? “Well, it was.” You say firmly.

Your mom’s eyebrows pull together slowly, something similar to confliction rising in her eyes. “And how exactly did Jungkook betray you?” She asks after a moment.

And it feels pathetic, the feeling of all the muscles in your face betraying your collected appearance. So pathetic that the answer to this question makes your expression twist and break off the cracking mask that is now crumbling and falling from your face.

It takes less than an instant for your heartbreak to be written all over.

Your mom puts a hand to your back, letting you cry it out.

Just like you did when you were a moody teenager and the only one who understood your meltdowns was your mom. She lets you know that once again, that no matter how small or how big—you had every right to feel the way you wanted to.

You cry, a soft pat repeating on your back as you mumble how sad you are and how embarrassing this is.

This short cry feels more like relief in the right company rather than something that is rocking your world in the worst way.

Your mom chuckles a little, pulling away from you. “Embarrassing?”

“Yeah.” You nod with a shameless smile and damp cheeks. “I know you know the me that’s been married to him for years but in my eyes we’ve been on one date and he was our neighbor. So I feel like you should be teasing me about us but you’re here with more knowledge about my marriage than me.” You laugh as you cry more, “So it’s a bit embarrassing.”

“Hm,” Your mom chuckles again, “I guess I can understand that.”

You nod while your fingers wipe beneath your eyes repeatedly, they’re only teary now.

Your mom brings her hand away from you, her fingers intertwining on top of the counter. You watch as she stares down at her hands in thought before she finally sighs and turns your way with a small smile. “Talk to me, y/n. You’re convinced Jungkook betrayed you in some way—ways I can only assume—but tell me, do you really think he’s capable of what you’re thinking?”

You study your mother’s expression for a long moment, brows beginning to furrow when you realize she doesn’t buy it. Tearing your eyes away from her, your lips twist in annoyance, “Are you saying I shouldn’t believe in my own memories?”

You hear your mom sigh again, “You remembered something unpleasant, y/n. I’m not saying I don’t believe you…but even back then,” She pauses, hoping you will look at her but you don’t. She finally continues, “Things just didn’t add up…”

You’re quick to find her eye again, “What all did I tell you?”

At this, your mother scoffs lightly, her small smile still on her lips. “Nothing that really made sense. Seemed like you just…couldn’t tell me things. But I’m not dumb, you know? You drop plenty of hints when you get talking.”

“Oh.” You blink at her, wishing you could even remember whatever hints she’s referring to.

“But the issue is that you stopped talking. You got quiet.” Your mother looks back at her hands again, her gaze hardening. “Then when Haru’s incident happened…you shut us all out. Everyone…” She whispers, lines between her brows forming, a hint of disappointment in her voice that doesn’t go unnoticed by you. “Even Jungkook.”

You can’t help but feel that same knife start slicing open the inside of your chest at the mention of his name again. “Probably because it’s his fau—”

“—He lost Haru too, y/n.” Your mom cuts you off, her eyes that are filled with something close to anger land on you. “You both did and what’s worse is that you both lost one another in the process.”

“I don’t remember the process but I’m sure I had a hard time even looking him in the eye.” You spit out. “You don’t know what happ—”

“—Do you?” She throws back at you. “Because you have yet to give me a story that makes even a little sense.”

Your heart starts screaming like someone just squeezed it way too hard. You force yourself to look away because tears that no one invited start to form. You feel done with this conversation but before you can announce its over, your mom sighs again and her palm rests against your back and you don’t have it in you to shove her off.

“I’m sorry.” She mutters softly, almost sounding regretful. “I am. You have no idea…” You feel her hand slowly retreat from your back, “How sometimes I would just pray you wouldn’t get your memories back. So you wouldn’t…”

Your mother’s voice grows much softer, almost too quiet to hear.

“Seeing you heartbroken all over again hurts us, y/n. I thought it would be easier…for you. But I guess it’s just easier for us.” She admits, a sharpness in her tone that indicates her regret. “There’s no way you would live happier if parts of you felt missing.”

You feel her words stick to your skin uncomfortably, like sweat from the hot sun rather than a run you worked for. It’s unpleasant but also unwelcomed.

Unwelcomed because you don’t want to accept a life where that could be the case—forced to live a life even with parts of you missing.

An uncomfortable reality and possibility.

“More than…” You begin, hands lifting to gesture towards nothing. “This is more than just Jungkook.”

Your mom chuckles to herself. “Of course I know that.”

“I’m starting to wonder what would feel worse,” You glance towards your empty hands before your fingers clutch nothing softly. “Remembering my child. Or not remembering my child.” Then your lips curl into a half smile that feels so empty as you silently cringe toward yourself, “It doesn’t even feel right saying ‘my’…” you immediately halt, teeth suddenly piercing into your bottom lip. You don’t even feel right calling Haru ‘your’ child. Because you don’t feel like his mother.

You try to keep the half smile plastered on your face but the sharp shock of tears that fill your eyes betray your wants. You quickly blink them away.

“I want to hate Jungkook so bad for so many reasons,” You admit before clearing your throat, “But I mostly hate him because at least he would recognize our sons laugh while I don’t. I hate him because I blame him but at least he knows the kid that I hate him for.”

Also an uncomfortable reality.

“Well,” Your mothers tone lets you know she’s about to change the subject. “You had a doctor’s appointment recently, right? How did it go?”

You shake your head, “He said the progress can be really slow…and that it’s normal for the brain to block out certain traumatic events. So much…” You pause.

“So much what?”

You sigh, “So much doesn’t make sense. It has me feeling so restless.”

“I’m sorry.” Your mom releases a shaky breathy before you hear her voice crack. “I’m so sorry.”

“You know what’s the worst part?” You decide to keep the venting session going. “I just feel ashamed. I’m a parent but I don’t even know about it. I feel so lost. I don’t think if I was given a child I could—”

“This doesn’t make you less of a mother, y/n.” Your mom snaps her eyes in your direction, a fierceness in them. “You are still a parent. A damn good one at that.”

You study your mother’s expression with a fondness, because you see her sincerity. This makes your eyes sting again. “Thanks, mom.”

After a nice weekend with your parent’s, you decide you’ve been resting enough. You want to start working again, having too much time on your hands seems like a problem nowadays. You find yourself back at that new café.

“I’ll take a honey lavender latte.” You tell the girl at the counter, her eyes immediately widening before she nods her head in approval.

“Great choice. A personal fav.” She grins before continuing, “And I make it the best.”

A new voice joins in from behind, startling you. “Make that two.” A man says. You quickly turn around, eyes rising towards the same man you spilled coffee on. “Oh, it’s you.”

He brings a hand to his heart, “I’m a you? That means you remember me!” He smiles at you, shaking his dark hair from his eyes.

You bite your lip, guilt sinking in from the last time. “Well, I thought you were gonna press charges for burning you last time. So, I guess I would remember.”

He looks taken aback, his eyes going round. “Press charges?” Then he laughs, “No, no. I wouldn’t do that, who wants to deal with cops, anyway?”

“Just the two lattes?” The girl at the counter speaks up in a sing song voice and you immediately spin in your spot to apologize to her but the man beats you to it while he pulls out his wallet.

“Should we get a cookie too?” He asks you, his head tilting a little and you start shaking your head. “You sure?” He smiles.

You’re the one taken aback. This guy is too kind. You wonder if he’s like this with everyone.

“Seokjin, you are going to buy us out again.” The girl sighs as she smiles before glancing at you. “He ordered us all out just yesterday.”

“It was for the elderly! You know they get a little cranky if they don’t get something a little sweet to eat! Hasn’t it brought more customers? You could say thank you.” He gets playfully defensive, pout on his lips and the girl gives a shrug while nodding. “Well, it does make my boss happy. And if he’s happy,” She leans over the counter and whispers. “It’s a better day for everyone.” Then she giggles.

“See!” Seokjin crosses his arms like he’s still offended. “I’m just trying to help you all have a better day!”

You guess he is this nice to everyone.

And before you know it, he’s taking out his card and paying for the drinks. You realize it but it’s too late.

“You didn’t have to pay for that…” You mumble, hand paused on your own wallet. “But thank you.”

“Hopefully you’ll have an even better day too.” He smiles at you and it feels warm.

You take a moment to get a good look at him and you realize just how handsome he is. You remember his chest and broad shoulders from last time but now you see just how full and plump his lips are but you also like his brown eyes.

He smiles at you again.

You’re staring.

“See you around, I guess.” Seokjin puts his wallet back into his back pocket before walking off towards a table near a window.

You know his name but he doesn’t know yours and that feels a little bit like a shame.

But there’s no time for harmless nice guys giving you warm smiles. You’re here to work. Or actually here to retrain yourself on how to do your work.

Your job agreed to help you relearn everything so today, you’re going to sit at a table and get trained. And the girl you knew from college that works at your job will be in contact with you if you have any questions. Mijoo. Apparently you two were a bit acquainted before you started working from home.

When you find a table near the bookshelves, you get to work. There’s updates on old programs you were familiar with but there’s new ones too. Plus, the market is a bit different. It’s a lot to learn but you think you’ll get the hang of it quickly. Just like you did back in the day when you were just starting out.

Two hours or more has passed and you’re buried in your work. But you see a man in your peripherals and a cookie wrapped in parchment paper suddenly on the table right next to your laptop.

You look up and Seokjin gives you that same warm smile before it turns sheepish. “I ended up ordering two for myself a little while ago but I’m too full. You can have it. Well…well, only if you want it, of course.”

You blink up at him before you look at the cookie.

“It’s okay, if you don’t!”

Your eyes go to him again and you shake your head before you give him your own smile. “No, no!” You tell him quickly, “I-I’ll take it. Thank you.”

“Oh.” His lips form the perfect ‘o’ and he gives you a nod. “Nice. See ya.” And he’s smiling again before walking out of the café.

His entire aura is warm and you realize you appreciate people like him even more now. With how cold life has been.

After a long day of sitting at the café, you’re now sitting on the floor of your dusty attic. It’s gotten easy to figure out which boxes were stored here by your own hands and which boxes are the ones that Jungkook packed up to avoid you seeing your life. It’s mostly obvious because Jungkook’s packing is much more organized than yours.

You wonder if this box of framed photos in front of you is so neat because he looked at each one slowly, taking his time as he looked at the memories he knew you wouldn’t remember.

You wonder if he took his time because he misses Haru.

And because he missed you.

You manage to conceal a bitter scoff as you lift your foot and push it flat against the box, forcing it back a few inches. Your concern isn’t Jungkook right now. Stop thinking about him. Stop looking at your photos with him. Stop looking at the life you lived with him.

Right now those are your priority.

A strained sigh leaves your mouth as you eye the boxes you’ve dragged to the other side of the attic. You’ve been trying to organize everything in here so you know what’s what. Eyes slide to the left where all your household memories are. Then they slowly drag across the attic, passing by an old, dusty desk to the right side where your personal mystery boxes are.

It’s taken a few days to really separate everything. Because this attic has more than just some boxes of memories and boxes of mysteries. It also has a few too many creepy crawlers hanging in the corners. And things you’re sure 33 year old you wanted to sell and get rid of.

Buzz.

Your eyes suddenly shoot down to your phone when it lights up and vibrates the attic floor, already seeing that it’s another message from Misuk in the group chat with her and Subin.

Last you checked they were gushing over a new song from an artist they like who you barely even know so you don’t rush to really look. Your eyes stay on the screen until the light dims and it goes black.

You’d be lying if you said you wish you didn’t have help. Someone to guide you to some answers.

Another strained sigh before a half assed chuckle barely rumbles in your chest.

Well, ‘someone’ could guide you to some answers. And that someone is 33 year old you but unfortunately you don’t understand majority of what you’ve found. As if only parts of the puzzle are in these boxes, just edges and corner pieces and you’re missing all the pieces that fill everything in.

Your eyes still linger on the black screen as they begin to lose focus as your mind whirls into your endless list of questions again. The boxes of mysteries are only three boxes. One of them having nothing to do with your son, you think. But the other two have caused some concern.

Something tells you that 33 year old you is really not convinced that your son is dead.

It’s clear you were investigating on your own. But your notes barely make sense. And it is more than fucking frustrating.

You’re about to close your eyes and groan but your phone suddenly lights up again as you feel a slight vibration next to your foot. It’s another text but it doesn’t look like its apart of the group chat.

You squint at the screen but it’s too far to really read anything so you finally give in and reach for the device and bring it closer to your face. And then you feel the sudden thump in your lower belly where your heart just landed.

Jungkook 9:19pm

How are you doing?

A razor sharp sting tightens every muscle in your body, the sudden tension making your breaths stop.

More than a month and a half since you’ve last seen and spoken to him and he’s finally said something to you.

Finally because as much as you hate him, his existence makes you breathe. And you have to breathe to live.

Buzz.

Your hand vibrates along with your phone and you suddenly clench your fingers around it.

Jungkook 9:19pm

I wanted to tell you how sorry I am.

Your heart suddenly leaps up into your throat, choking you a bit as you try to breathe. Is that a confession? It already bothers you that he barely tried to explain himself and now he’s been silent all this time. And now he’s apologizing? He’s guilty, isn’t—

Buzz.

Jungkook 9:20pm

I just wish you would talk to me y/n…

That concealed scoff from earlier has finally broken free, pushing past your lips in something like disgust. Talk to him? Talk to him? You feel an uncomfortable anger start poking your skin from the inside and you squeeze your phone harder in you hand. The fucking audacity.

There’s a brief moment when you consider chucking your phone across the attic but fortunately you only slam it to the floor. Frustration still hot on your skin, you quickly reach for a worn out decorative pillow and hurl it in front of you with a lot of strength, knocking against the old desk as it wobbles for a moment.

You release a short puff of air, head lowering and eyes closing as you try to calm yourself. You’ll admit, it did feel kind of good to release some en—

Thump.

Your eyes snap open as you tilt your head up towards the desk where the sudden sound just came. Did something fall inside? But what? You had checked the desk before. The top drawer only had a few pens and some sticky notes while the bottom drawer was empty minus some loose sheets of printer paper. And the left side of the desk is just two empty book shelves. It is basically empty.

It was probably nothing.

You’re about to move on, mind already wanting to go back to Jungkook when the sudden thump just can’t make sense. Something with some weight definitely fell in or on the desk, right? But you’re sure there’s nothing from when you checked the other week.

Doesn’t hurt to look again, you decide. Maybe this is your intuition talking to you.

You finally lift yourself from the attic floor, giving one last look at the boxes that are filled with your life with Jungkook and Haru before heading towards the middle where the desk is. It’s got an impressive layer of dust that you haven’t found any real reason to clean since the desk isn’t something you’d visit often.

Giving in, you reach for the top drawer and open it, just like you had the other week, but just like last time, the drawer only has three pens, some used sticky notes with doodles and numbers lying around and one black marker.

You knew there was nothing. Shutting the drawer, you quickly open the bottom drawer. It’s a deeper space, like you could fit a small filing cabinet. But instead, there’s only a few loose sheets of blank printer paper.

Not convinced, you shove your hand inside the drawer, feeling around for anything strange and even trying to reach behind but you’re met with nothing. Okay. You step away from the desk for a moment, eyeing it suspiciously because you’re certain something with more weight than any of those things fell. And fell here.

There’s nothing else here besides this raggedy pillow. You glance down at it, the pathetic thing on the floor before you groan, kicking it away from you.

So what? You just imagine all kinds of things now? Is that the new normal?

Suddenly not minding the thick layer of dust, you lean forward in defeat, hands gripping the edge of the desk as you support some of your weight onto it but the desk wobbles forward on its probably broken, unsteady legs. And you know you don’t imagine it when something with some weight definitely shifts inside.

“Uh, what was that…?” You mumble to yourself, eyebrows coming together slowly as you take another look at the desk. Your eyes immediately fall to the left side where the two empty shelves are. It definitely came from this side.

You quickly squat down, eyes trained on the shelves, inspecting every single inch of the empty and terribly dusty space. “Don’t tell me…” You whisper, expression highly focused as you look at the back panel of the shelves. The shelving space is not nearly as deep as of the width of the desk.

You blink at it, breaths now falling from your lips faster as your fingers quickly go to touch the backing panel and when it wiggles freely with enough pressure, you know you’ve found something. Feeling impatient, you jostle the thin wood around until you can figure out how to remove it.

And when it starts poking through the side of the shelf, your heart starts racing while you quickly slide the panel through the wooden desk. You feel it. Maybe it’s instinct because somewhere in your brain you know this is familiar and means something. The panel drops to the floor once its slid out but before it even touches, your hands are already digging inside.

“Okay, okay, okay.” You repeat with shaky breaths. Fingers already grasping what’s here and you feel yourself growing more and more anxious. A shoe box. An open shoe box that’s close to overflowing. You pull it out while you sit down onto the floor, the box settling right in front of you.

“Okay,” You sigh, reaching for the first item on top. It’s a small note book, the kind you’d use to make a check list of sorts. You take a deep breath before flipping it open and a few loose contents fall out. And then you feel the breath of a ghost at the base of your neck.

You pick up a folded sheet of paper along with a bent photo of Nabi. You feel the cold breath travel down your spine as you unfold the paper and read what’s written in someone else’s handwriting.

Yun Nabi

118, Seolleungro-150, Yongsan-gu, Seoul

010-6203-3087

010 3476 9876àweekends

010 9874 3456 new ##

You stare down at the worn paper, confusion clouding your mind. You want to rip her photo to shreds.

You quickly glance to the bent photo in your other hand and before you tell your hand what to do, it’s already crumbling it. Your dark gaze set on the now wrinkled woman who managed to gain Jungkook’s attention.

Maybe it’s not her fault if she’s great.

Maybe it’s your fault.

Your eyes stay trained on the crumbled photo but they’ve lost focus once again. Soon the balled up picture and the folded note fall to your lap as Numbness hugs you over your shoulders and as Insecurity sits next to you and whispers into your ear.

Why did Jungkook cheat on you?

You manage to blink but your throat feels dry.

Why did he do that to you? Why would anyone…?

You want to laugh at yourself. Because you know if this happened to anyone else you would know it wasn’t their fault. The person who cheated…it’s about them and no one else. And you want to tell yourself this, remind yourself, confirm that this isn’t your fault.

But why do you sit here, letting Numbness hug you tighter? And why do you sit here and wonder?

You wonder…you wonder where you went wrong that you were no longer enough for him.

And it doesn’t feel fair that you’re wondering that.

You take the photograph and crumple it even more before throwing it to the side and decide to open the notebook. And you see more puzzle pieces.

Routine

7 he wakes up….sometimes 8

Jungkook takes him to work sometimes for fun

Someone at work?? Who? Another list

Daycare usually Mondays & Thursdays for sure

Busiest days at work

You flip the page

Thursday the 14th, at the bus station,

The 18th when I was going home

There was a car parked outside on the street for 3 days

The 5th

The 8th

The 12th I ran into someone who knew me but I didn’t know them

A man with buzzed hair

Something hot bubbles inside your chest and it feels like it’s burning you. Anxiety has a touch of fire. You flip to the next page.

It just scribbles like you were frustrated.

Just like you are now.

You decide to close to the notebook. Discomfort swallowing you like a dry pill.

But you don’t stop looking through the box. Pictures of people you don’t know. More lists of times and dates. But no context. More frustration building.

Your head snaps up suddenly when you recall something falling so you quickly reach inside the secretive hole in the desk and feel around. Your fingers grasp at nothing until something cold is felt. You can tell what it is immediately as you wrap your fingers around the device. A phone.

You take the cold, shiny device in your clammy hands and rush to turn it on but it’s got a dead battery. You turn the phone upside down to check what kind of charger it takes and remember that downstairs in the kitchen there’s a drawer of random charging cables.

You need to get this thing turned on. Now.

“Are you okay?” You immediately straighten your back, phone dropping to the attic floor, the sudden voice a shock since you live alone. You quickly look around you, eyes darting from place to place but of course, there’s no one here. You feel sick. Especially because…didn’t that voice sound like—

“Are you okay?” Jungkook comes next to you, his eyes avoiding yours but he can’t hide the concern in his voice. You look at him, equally annoyed as he is. But still, you hear in his voice he doesn’t totally hate you.

“It’s fine.” You mumble, fingers picking at the bandage wrapped around your palm. “It just got scraped.”

Jungkook chuckles humorlessly, “Misuk said Subin threw up in her mouth because of the blood.”

You shrug, “Okay, it was pretty bad.”

Jungkook stays silent and the same tension that’s been building since Sana’s wedding is here again. You, Jungkook, Misuk and Subin came to Busan for the weekend to celebrate your mom’s birthday but today, the day of the party, has been anything but fun. One thing after the other, but the cherry on top was around 20 minutes ago when you accidentally sliced your palm open while helping in the kitchen.

Now you’re outside trying to cool off but the last person you want to see has come to check on you.

“Does it hurt?” Jungkook stares up at the tree you two are standing in front of outside your house. He doesn’t bother to try and soften his tone. Sure, it’s concerned but it’s also irritated.

“I told you it’s fine.” You answer, sounding clipped. “Just go back inside.”

“You’re mad at me if I’m inside. You’re mad at me if I’m outside.” He stuffs his hands in his front jean pockets and continues gazing at the tall tree. “I really don’t understand why you’re so up—”

“—Oh? You don’t?” You turn your head to glare at him, “Really?”

You watch Jungkook’s profile, his jaw tightening for a moment before he sighs out.

“I don’t know.” He tells you before turning to face you as well. Your eyes are narrowed but he sees plenty of disappointment in them. “Maybe I do. But I also seriously don’t.”

You look down to the ground, a moment of consideration because you kind of understand him. But then you recall last night and realize that no, he definitely should understand why you’re mad.

Things have changed between you two. Ever since Sana’s wedding, there’s been something different and enticing. Moments that feel way too charged to be platonic. But neither of you have spoken up about it. Maybe he’s afraid you don’t feel it. Or maybe you’re now just realizing you’re afraid he is the one who doesn’t feel it.

Because how doesn’t he understand that having his last serious girlfriend from Busan in your parents living room while they flirt with one another relentlessly in front of you, is not going to make you mad?

“You don’t think flirting with your ex-girlfriend in front of me wasn’t going to make me mad, Jungkook?” You throw the words at him without much care for his reaction. It’s an honest question, in your book.

“Okay,” Jungkook tilts his head back before running his hands through his hair, “So this is about Hanja.” He groans a little before giving in and taking a step closer to you. “I didn’t think it was a big deal…and you call her my ex girl-friend as if she doesn’t have a name. Hanja told me she had a lot of classes with you in High School!”

“And?” You deadpan. “Doesn’t make us friends.”

“Okay.” He nods but now he’s the one with disappointment in his eyes. “But that doesn’t mean you had to be rude.”

“You invited her to my mom’s birthday party!” You throw back, “And have barely even…” It sucks that your voice gets a little softer because you just want to make a point. “You’ve barely even looked at me since she’s been here.”

Jungkook’s lips part and he looks conflicted as he registers your words but you don’t wait for him to get it before you continue.

“Sure,” You manage a stubborn shrug, “Maybe you’re not flirting with her but you don’t stop her when she does with you.”

Jungkook’s brows furrow, “She hasn’t flirted with me, y/n.” He tries to assure you, his tone finally not irritated but instead the same soft as yours. “We just have history, you know? But that was what? 5 years ago? 6? 7? I don’t even know. We ended on good terms so I thought it was harmless. She’s in town too and had nothing to do…I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

“I just…” You finally meet his eye for the first time more willingly, “I don’t know.”

He finally relaxes his features and a pleasantly pleased smile starts tugging at the corner of his lips, “You’re…jealous.” He confirms softly.

You raise a brow at him, feeling annoyed. “So then you do understand why I’m mad.”

“Yeah.” He agrees but you see the uncertainty in his eyes. “But I wasn’t sure. Maybe hoping but I couldn’t be sure, you know?”

“Did you want me to be jealous?” You ask, unsure how that makes you feel but you see genuine and quiet panic all over his face while he shakes his head.

“No, no.” He tells you with big eyes. “But when I realized you were mad at me, I thought it could be because you were jealous. And,” He pauses, swallowing what you think is nerves. “That’s why I became hopeful, I guess.”

“And why is that?” A cool breeze suddenly picks up and it feels nice against your cheeks.

“Because it might mean…” His words grow quieter, seeking your understanding of where he was going. “But without being direct…well, I can’t really be sure, you know?”

“Then why can’t we be direct?” You gesture between your bodies, “I like you, Jungkook.” It doesn’t take a lot of effort to say it, to admit it, but it does take a lot of effort to not tear your eyes away from him in embarrassment. But your gaze remains on his.

“And there’s no way I’m imagining—”

“—You aren’t!” Jungkook panics, his fingers flying to your wrists, holding on to them as he persuades your eyes to remain on his again. “You aren’t imagining it. I know it, too.” He tells you but he looks and sounds conflicted.

“For months, Jungkook.” You say quietly, “I’ve been wondering for months if you’re going to make a real move on me.”

He can’t help but smile at you nervously, his clammy fingers still pressing into your wrists. “I just…” Jungkook’s smile begins dropping as he explains himself, “…I’m so afraid of talking about this because it might change our friendship and you’re just,” He pauses, eyes searching yours because he needs to see if you understand. “You’re too important, y/n.”

“You’d rather never tell me how you feel because it might change our friendship?” You ask him, ignoring the fire burning along the edges of your skin. “You would rather spend forever just wondering if I feel the same as you? Just like I’ve been wondering if you feel the same as me? Too afraid to talk about it because it…might change our friendship?”

Jungkook’s fingers finally disconnect from your skin and into his hair, his nerves only multiplying but he finds the courage to say, “If you didn’t feel the same, things would change.”

“If I didn’t feel the same then things wouldn’t have changed in the first place. Jungkook, things have already changed. And I don’t like wondering. We’re already past platonic so I’ll tell you—”

Suddenly, your head starts pounding.

A new memory unlocked.

And it only makes you sit on your attic floor and cry.

Great timing.

Your fingers feel frozen, maybe even numb as you dig through another random kitchen drawer to find the correct charger for the phone you’ve found. So far you haven’t been lucky. Then again, nothing feels lucky. You’ve been quiet to yourself all day after last night. Not even a thought out loud.

Your eyes grow watery again but you immediately slam your lids shut, squeezing tightly because you refuse to shed anymore tears. You might have to buy a new charger but you really aren’t in the mood to leave the house. You aren’t in the mood for anything except maybe hurling more old, worn out, decorative pillows at dusty furniture. But now you feel afraid for what you might find. The more mysteries you unlock, you’re afraid to unlock a memory along with it.

It's evening now, the kitchen clock says 6:13pm. The day has gone by. You watched the sun rise this morning and now you’re witnessing it set. You have yet to find it in you to sleep today. Maybe you’re afraid you’ll slip into your bed that you once shared with Jungkook and suddenly you’ll remember all the times you’ve slept in it with him. You can’t afford any more of that. Just yesterday you were begging 33 year old you to share some of the life you’ve missed and now that she is sharing some of the years…you’re realizing you aren’t ready.

You take a deep breath, shutting a drawer shut when you decide to order a new charging cable for the phone. Your eyes slide to the device that rests peacefully on the counter while your heart beats uncomfortably in your throat. You stare at it, wondering what contents lie inside but a part of you feels fearful of what you might find.

Taking another breath, you wrap your arms around yourself, hugging yourself for a moment before you decide to take care of this. Sitting yourself at the kitchen island, opening your laptop, you search the phone and get the cable ordered for delivery tomorrow. This is better than driving yourself nuts trying to find it.

You close your eyes, resting your head down to the counter, wishing you could turn your day around.

Ding Dong.

Your eyes snap open.

And something unsettling starts whirling in your belly. As if you can sense who is at your door.

Knock Knock Knock.

You groan quietly to yourself because you just know. You know exactly who it is for some insane reason. You just feel it. You stand from the stool and walk yourself to your front door. Swinging it open without even peeping through the hole to confirm your suspicions.

Jungkook’s doesn’t look too good. For as handsome as he is, he looks rough. His skin is dry, his lips are pale and the bags under his eyes give away how much sleep he isn’t getting. You don’t care though. Not about him. Your fingers grip around the door frame tighter, your skin burning at the sight.

“I just wanted to see how you were.” He tells you, voice so quiet you had to read his lips. You want to scoff bitterly in his face, shut him out and make him feel thrown away.

But your foot pushes the front door further open as you turn around to go into the living room. You’ve invited him in. Though, ‘invited’ feels like a strong word.

You can hear the door creak open even furth from behind you, shoes are shuffling onto the floor and the door clicks shut. You hold your breath as you walk to the sofa, sitting yourself down at the very end of it as your eyes glue themselves to the black screen of the TV.

Jungkook follows your lead and sits at the other end of the couch. In your peripherals, he looks like a big, black scribble of a thousand swirling lines and you don’t have it in you to focus your eyes on him and let him appear as Jungkook. As a person. So, you keep your eyes on the TV.

Nothing is said between you both for a long while, all your senses are heightened though as you anticipate his next words to you. The hairs on your arms rise when the click of the AC goes off as it turns on. You wonder if his next words have to do with apologizing about cheating on you. Apologize to you that you just couldn’t be enough. Apologize to you for losing your son.

Your head slightly tilts in the direction of the kitchen when you notice the soft drip drops of water from the faucet. The distant bark from a small dog. Jungkook’s fingernails scratching his forearm. Every noise is going off in your ears, haunting you, taunting you and driving you insane.

You only want to hear his voice.

“Why are you here?” You finally break the noisy silence.

“To see you.” He says, voice quiet and afraid. “You’re doing better than me, huh?”

Your palms are flat against the couch cushion before you slowly curl your fingers, grabbing nothing of the material at his words. “Do you really think you get to say that to me?”

“This isn’t fair for either of us, y/n.” Jungkook has the audacity to keep speaking. “You just don’t understand.”

You twist your head to eye him, your jaw tight as you watch him sit on the sofa, eyes cowering away from yours. “You’ll stop talking now.” You tell him as your voice becomes quiet and afraid as well. You’re livid but you speak like you’re hurt.

“Then…” Jungkook pauses, his eyes going all around the living room now before he sighs. “Then I’ll just listen.”

You push your head back in disbelief, “I didn’t ask you to come here so I can talk to you. In fact, I didn’t ask you to come here at all.”

He finally turns his head toward you, his eyes are red and watery and you hate that you hate seeing him on the verge of tears. You watch his throat as you pay attention to the hard way he swallows. “I know. But I had to see you.”

Suddenly, your head starts pounding, a harsh banging from inside your forehead. You quickly let your head fall into your hands when those words keep repeating inside your mind. I know. But I had to see you. I know. But I had to see you. I know. But I had to see you.

You groan into your hands. The pain erupting on all sides of your head. The words repeating over and over, making your ears feel like they’re bleeding. I know. But I had to see you.

“y/n?” You hear Jungkook’s quiet and afraid voice.

I know. But I had to see you.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me…” Jungkook’s eyes are blood shot. You know he’s been drinking again.

“I know.” You mutter, “But I had to see you.”

“Oh.” He stumbles backward, his hand widening his front door to his new, shitty apartment. You feel anger bubbling, because you know he’s drunk. You’re doing everything in your power to keep it together and he’s wasting his time drinking.

“You’ve shut out Jimin.” You tell him, cutting to the chase. “So you don’t know anything, do you?”

“W-What’s there to know? I don’t need them anymore. Also, I was fucking fired.”

You snap your eyes to his as he still stands at his open doorway. “You’re pissing me off, Jungkook.”

“I can do this on my—”

“—They’re closing the case.” You say. “They’re saying he’s…that he’s…” You pause, throat growing drier. “You know.”

“I don’t know.” Jungkook drunkenly shrugs, slamming the door shut, making you flinch. “They’re all wrong, anyway.”

You feel your shoulders growing tenser, your lips in a hard, thin line before they die into a frown. “They’re saying we should hold a funeral.”

Jungkook’s body goes still, his hanging arms at his sides suddenly rise to his face when he rubs his temples. “Excuse me?”

“They want to—”

“Just stop!” He suddenly cries out, voice shrill. You see his eyes growing redder and redder as tears fill them up. “None of you know what you-you’re talking about. Just shut up, all of you!”

You flinch.

Jungkook’s fingers go into his hair when he starts pulling on the strands. “This just isn’t right.” He keeps muttering to himself, “I got this. I got this. I got this.” He starts pacing back and forth in front of his coffee table. “Just stop. Stop talking.”

You stand in silence.

“I said stop talking!”

You watch him unravel.

“Jung—”

Glass breaks across the coffee table. A shattered soju bottle that he’s thrown.

You flinch again.

You take a step back.

Jungkook falls to the floor, crying and yelling at no one. The loss of your son is much worse than you could have imagined. But you knew telling Jungkook about the funeral was going to cause something more serious to unravel. But you didn’t imagine this.

“y/n?” Jungkook voice sounds sober now. “y/n?”

Your head is about to split into sections, the pain so overwhelming.

You lift your face from your hands, your cheeks overflowing with tears. Why did you have to remember that?

“Hey,” Jungkook stands from the sofa and comes closer to you. His hand hesitantly landing on your shoulder but just like in your memory, you flinch. He immediately frowns. “y/n…” He brings his hand back to his body. “Talk to me, I’ll just listen.”

“G-go.” You keep your head low as your eyes stay glued to your lap. “Please just go.”

His hands freeze at his sides, using all of his self-control. Even you can feel how tense his body is, just from the heat that radiates off of it. You’re being serious. He needs to go before you spiral into one of your throbbing headaches that give you a panic attack. The kind you can manage on your own—and prefer to.

“Please, Jungkook…” You squeeze your eyes shut. “I’m not feeling well now so pl—”

“—Okay.” His fingers curl into hard fists. “Call me if you need anything. Please.” He stands here for another moment, like his feet have become glued to the floor and he’s unable to move. But after a tentative sigh, they finally move. And your ears bleed again at each sound that can be heard. The click of the AC turning off, the small dog whining in your neighbor’s yard, each drip of water dropping from the faucet and finally the whoosh of the front door opening and closing shut. And you finally let go a long, long breath.

Your head hurts and your heart hurts, the memory fresh in your mind. You never imagined to see Jungkook…like that. You barely recognized him. Does he have a drinking problem? Or did? You need to erase these images in your head, or at least scatter something pretty over them. And that’s when you get an idea that you know is pure torture.

One of the boxes from the attic is sat on your living floor, with your bottom plopped right next to it. It’s a box you organized yourself, you can tell. Just a box of intimate memories with your ex-husband. You pull out a letter you’ve read at least six times now…might as well make it seven.

The envelope is pink with little hearts drawn all over it and though it’s only eight years old, it looks like it’s at least 20. The envelope itself is wrinkly with random water stains and the page inside is soft and used like you’ve read this letter a thousand times. Might as well make it a thousand and one.

You slip the paper out of the envelope, unfolding it carefully, the crinkling paper opening up with Jungkook’s handwriting written all over.

April 10 2015

Dear y/n,

Hi it’s me, your boooooyfriend. >.< sorry I’m still getting used to it. You’re probably wondering why I’m writing a letter when I could just call or text you but you seemed to think it was cute in that movie we watched the other day and so Im writing you one too!! Also, I think my peers are thinking Im working really hard on a case. I wish I was but they won’t give me anything good. I know it hasn’t even been a year since I finally landed here in the Investigation sector as a detective but they still treat me like such a rookie…blaaaahhhhh you know this already. The captain seems to think I have potential though. But ya know what? The guys here said the only thing ive done right so far is getting you as a girlfriend hahaha

Maybe they’re right I mean they’re definitely right

I miss you so much

Im sitting here at my desk writing you and its just making me miss you a kabillzillion times more…….i seriously aaaaahhhh im going crazy because I miss you that much

Im so lucky youre so amazing and my favorite person to exist and so pretty so pretty

I know we’ve only been together for a short while but what if I told you I know exactly how I feel about yoooouuuuu huh what if

Ask me about it when I see you tonight

Love,

Jungkook Your cheerios

You read it. Then you read it again. This is the Jungkook you want to remember.

It’s the next day and you’re opening the package you ordered just yesterday. Pulling out a small box, you get it open and unravel the charging cable to the phone you’ve found. Taking a look at the clock, you realize you’re a bit behind. You wanted to get to the café at noon for work but it’s already 15 after. You quickly plug the charger into the wall and get the phone charging. It’s dead so it’ll take a while to get turned on so you decide to leave it here while you head out.

The café is a bit busy today, more people than you’re used to, but thankfully you see an open table. You set up your laptop and get to work. Taking a pause to message Mijoo about needing some guidance if she can meet any of these days. It would be nice to have some help in person. After working for a bit, you can’t help but lift your face from the screen and dart your eyes around the place. No sign of Seokjin today. Not that it means anything but he’s got the kind of warm, reassuring smile that you could use these days.

And just like clockwork, the quiet bell dings when he walks through the café’s front door. He meets your eye immediately and gives you a small nod and the smile you were searching for. You nod back, eyes going back down to the laptop before you take another peak towards Seokjin. He’s walked up to the counter, talking with the young girl that’s always here. After a moment she hands him a box of what you assume are desserts. Maybe he’s giving them to the elderly again.

Then he walks out.

Oh, he isn’t staying today.

That’s okay, you don’t have time to chat with a harmless nice guy anyway. You have work to do. Something to truly get your mind off of everything else you’ve been going through. You think it’s a miracle you have it in you to try every day. In another universe, you might have already gone insane.

After working a little while longer, you pack your things up and head to your car. It’s a sunny day, barely any clouds in the sky and it feels warm. Warm enough to make you forget this coldness that lingers all around you, all inside you.

You start driving home when you remember you’re supposed to pick up a few groceries so you stop by the market first. It’s not too crowded and since you’re in an okay mood, you decide to put in your earphones and walk inside with a pep to your step. You needed zucchini…what else? Bread for sure was on your list. Peanut butter, eggs, oh yeah and some chips for when you get a craving.

You start heading to the aisle with peanut butter when you recognize someone familiar.

“Seokjin?” You mumble his name but he doesn’t hear you. His eyes fully focused on his jams. He stands here, deep in thought before he finally reaches for one.

“Hi.” You say a little louder and he jumps in his spot.

He turns to face you, ears turning red when he sees you. “Hi.” He stares at you dumbfounded for a moment, “I just realized I don’t know your name.” Then he chuckles.

You can’t help but crack a smile, “It’s y/n.”

“Ah, y/n. Yeah, that suits you.” He tells you confidently.

“Does it?”

“Do you usually shop here?” Seokjin gestures around the aisle, “I’ve never seen you before. Or are you…” He suddenly drops his smile and looks serious. “Following me?” Then he breaks into a huge smile before adding, “Dun, dun, duuuun.”

You feel your stomach swirl with something before you shake your head, feeling embarrassed. “No, no! I live around here actually. This is just a coincidence.”

“A coincidence, huh? A lot of those lately.” He gives you another smile, this time more teasing. “We should just meet on purpose, you know.”

You stand here, taken aback by his words. Is he implying meeting intentionally?

He seems to feel your shift. “Unless, unless…” His eyes avert yours now, his ears turning a deeper shade of red. “Sorry. Unless you don’t want to. Maybe you’re already seeing someone.”

You shake your head quickly, “No. I’m…I’m not.” You’re not but it feels wrong to say it. “But I wasn’t assuming…anything. Like, if you were implying a date or something.”

Seokjin pouts his lips before glancing up at the ceiling, “Why not? You would have been right.”

You blink at him, taken aback again. “Oh.”

“I happen to know a pretty great restaurant. Maybe we can not coincidentally meet there?”

He’s…asking you out.

And it pains you because… “I can’t. Sorry,” You look down at your feet before glancing towards the jams. “Umm, I’m kind of going through something and—”

“—Oh.” Seokjin nods his head quickly. “No, no. I understand…you don’t have to explain. I’m kind of going through something too and I know that a good way to get through it is some nice company every now and then.” He gives you a warm smile, all the teasing gone. “I understand you though. So don’t worry but…” He suddenly pats his pants pockets before looking delighted. “In case you change your mind…I’m learning to…how do they kids say…shoot my shot.” He suddenly pulls out a receipt and a pen and scribbles something on it before handing it to you.

His number.

“Just in case!” He cheeses harder.

“I honestly don’t think it’s a big deal.” Misuk looks at you through the camera, her face looking brighter. “It’s just a date!”

“It is a big deal.” You whine again, “I’m in love with someone else and I have a whole lot of mess going on.”

Subin nods her head sympathetically, “That’s true. But I think Misuk means it’s not a big deal because it could be…” She pauses, clearly thinking of the right words. It’s amusing to you to see they might agree on this. “A good thing? A simple thing! A little, you know, fun thing!”

“Exactly!” Misuk drags out the word, “You don’t have to fall in love but you’re so focused on…you know, your memories…that you aren’t living life.”

“Uh,” You begin to defend yourself, “I’m—”

“—Yes, yes.” Misuk waves you off, “You are getting back into work! And that’s good! But you really should start living a normal life again.”

“And…” Subin looks off camera, her eyes looking softer. “It’s kind of the same. You are missing your memories, yes, and I’m so sorry…but 33 year old you was the same. Divorced. And I don’t think you were in any headspace to even think about wanting Jungkook back.” She finishes quietly.

“You wanted nothing to do with him.” Misuk tells you. “So just live a little…you know, just normal things. And who knows, it might help with your memories.”

You sit still for a moment. You’ll admit that you haven’t exactly been living normally. You mostly sit around all day, alone, surrounding yourself with things you don’t understand and torture yourself with memories of Jungkook.

“Anyway, I’ll let you guys know if anything changes.” You chuckle after you focus your eyes on your friends again. “I just got home so I gotta put these groceries ...away" Your eye notices the list lying on the counter and you realize..."Damn, and I forgot the eggs. Anyway, I’ll call later!” You sing out.

“Okay! Bye!”

“Bye!” Subin sings back. And you end the call.

Maybe they’re right. Maybe you deserve a little break or something simple and fun. You bite your lip, thoughts still lingering but you decide to reach into your back pocket and pull out the receipt Seokjin gave you. You shake your head quickly but reach for your phone and input the number and press call. You need light in this darkness.

You hate feeling defeated.

Sitting on your sofa, blanket wrapped tightly around you as your hand clenches around this cold, empty and useless device.

The phone has either never been used or was completely wiped. You thought you could torture yourself with more information but you’ve come out of this empty handed. There’s nothing on here. No call history, no text history, no pictures or videos…nothing. You squeeze the phone harder, frustration still building. When your actual phone buzzes.

Your eyes shoot down to your now lit up phone and you drop the useless one to the couch cushion. It might be Subin gushing about this band she’s seeing this weekend. You’ll ignore—

Buzz.

You give in, reaching for your phone and your stomach does its usual uneasy swirling.

Jungkook 9:10pm

How are you feeling?

Jungkook 9:10pm

We don’t have to talk but at least tell me how youre doing…

Your eyes slam shut, the urge to cry too strong. Because you’re hurt. You’re hurting. You’re confused. You’re angry. And you’re sad.

Why are you so weak? You should delete him, block him and throw your whole phone away. Because your phone knows him and you don’t.

But you’re weak because you’re going to text back.

Except Jungkook beats you to it.

Jungkook 9:13pm

Did you get hit with a headache earlier? You okay? Have you seen your doctor lately?

All these questions are giving you different kind of headache.

You 9:13pm

Its fine, Im fine

You lie

Jungkook 9:13pm

Liar

You 9:14pm

Jungkook

You 9:14pm

Do you have a drinking problem?

You press send. You see the bubbles pop up your screen, indicating that he’s typing but they disappear. Then they reappear. And disappear again.

You 9:16pm

Jungkook?

Jungkook 9:16pm

Who told you that?

You feel your shoulders tense.

You 9:16pm

No one told me

You 9:17pm

I just remember when I went to your place…there was a lot of alcohol lying around and the place seemed rough

You 9:17pm

And idk I got thinking. Im not trying to accuse you or anything but…is what I saw…what I think it is?

You send. It’s not a total lie. Not what you’re referring to…but not a total lie.

You stare at the screen but there’s no indication if he’s read your message or not. No typing. Nothing. Your eyes glance at the clock and it reads 9:19pm now. It’s okay. Only two minutes. But why does it feel like eternity?

9:25pm and all you’ve done is sit, tightly wrapped in a blanket on your couch, and stare at your phone screen, touching the screen every time it times out. And still nothing.

But then you see bubbles pop up.

Back straightening, you breathe in and out as your eyes remain on the screen.

He’s been typing for three minutes.

You hold your breath now.

Jungkook 9:28pm

And if it is?

You let out a short breath, disbelief crawling all over your skin that you throw the blanket off of you and stand from the couch. Your memories are reliable.

You feel a sting pierce your eyes but you grit your teeth and hold any tears back. This is just too much for you to accept. You walk into the kitchen, frustration raging inside your body. You step up to the sink, hands gripping the edge of the counter before leaning forward, sighing out your anger.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Calming down, you immediately grab a bowl and sniffle to yourself. You’ll just do these dishes and forget all about this.

You take another bowl, the hot water burning your fingers and palms as you absentmindedly scrub it clean.

“Sometimes I think you wash clean dishes at this point.” Jungkook wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest.

You laugh, “Not true.”

“The water is too hot, baby.” He nuzzles his face into your neck, suddenly pecking it softly. “You’re going to melt the skin off your bones.”

You realize he’s right, the water is really hot but you were just lost in thought. Your wedding is in two days. You get out of your thoughts while you set the bowl back into the sink and turn the faucet off. “I’m just—”

“I know.” Jungkook nuzzles his nose into your warm skin. “I can’t believe you’re the one who’s nervous between us.”

You sigh, small smile on your face. “I’m not nervous. But I am, a little.”

“I know.”

“Not in a bad way.”

“I know that too.”

“In a…marrying the love of my life, wow life is crazy kind of way.” You dry your hands before twisting in Jungkook’s embrace and you lean in to kiss him. “You probably know what I mean.”

He laughs against your lips, “I would be the one who knows exactly what you mean.”

Your lips twist into a sheepish smile, “I missed you today.”

“I missed you more.”

You roll your eyes, a teasing smile forming now. “Liar.”

He looks surprised for a second before rolling his own eyes, “I’m serious.”

“You’re only serious about work nowadays.” You tease him, and you are mostly teasing. It’s only lately he’s been zeroed in on a case.

But Jungkook frowns, “It isn’t going well.” He admits to you. “I don’t know that we’ll get this one.”

“You will.” You lean forward more and nudge your nose against his, “You are the best there is.”

Jungkook chuckles, “Unfortunately I’m still in the ‘proving myself’ phase.”

“Here too.” You continue to tease him, “Still deciding if this wedding is happ—”

“—Heeeeey, don’t joke like that.” Jungkook nudges his nose against yours now, “Tell me I’m the best here too.”

Your hands trail down his chest, eyes focusing on his. “You are.”

“I wish Jimin would tell me that too.” He laughs a little but you know he’s serious. You take his hands in yours.

“You guys are new at being partners. Give it time, babe.”

“He hates me.” Jungkook sighs, “He thinks I mess everything up. And honestly, I can’t blow this one, y/n. The captain believes in me, which is good but my own partner doubts me.”

You understand this is hard for Jungkook to accept.

“Listen…” You give his hands a squeeze. “This is your first big one, right? Take it slow and I know you won’t get flustered like the last one.”

He immediately drops his hands from yours, “I can’t get like how I was with the last one.” Jungkook takes a step away from you, “This one is way too serious…the men I’m dealing with, y/n…you have no idea. I can’t mess this up.”

“Baby…” You feel bad for bringing up the last case he took with Jimin. He got too involved emotionally and when things didn’t end up well for the victim…”It’s okay. You have me to talk about this with and—”

“—But I don’t. I’m legally not allowed to. I got in trouble with sharing so much last time and…fuck,” Jungkook pauses. Closes his eyes slowly before taking a step forward and reaching for your hands again. “This is not what we need to be talking about right before our wedding. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” You give his hands another squeeze. “We share our lives. With or without marriage, right?”

“I only wanna talk about us.” He breathes out softly, his lips inching closer to yours. “Let’s focus on you and me.”

And your skin is burning again. It’s on fire. Too much fire, it hurts.

And that’s when you realize you’re still here at your kitchen sink, hot lava rushing to your skin, burning you as you hold the bowl you were cleaning.

You take a deep breath, taking a step back from the sink when you slam your eyes shut and let out a loud groan. You don’t even flinch when the sound of glass hits the floor because you’ve thrown the bowl. You don’t care.

Another memory.

And it seems they’re all out of order.

Another bead of sweat dribbles down the side of Jungkook’s face, rolling right off his skin. And another miserable night. He gently throws his head back against the bathroom wall, his hairline drenched from hour two of hurling in the toilet. He’s drank too much again. Maybe some bad food poisoning in there. But even still, he knows he’s drank too much.

He isn’t abusing the alcohol, really. Not lately. But he knows what it can do to him. He hates it. He hates himself.

He hates this existence.

Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut before he groans to himself, knocking his head back a few more times. What is he doing?

He misses you.

He wants to make things right.

How?

Jungkook wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before trying to stand from the floor. He’s wobbly but he manages. He’s tired and he isn’t sleeping and he can’t because he knows you’re not. This is how he feels like he’s with you, the only real support he can give.

He looks at himself in the mirror, his tired eyes staring back at him. He wants to tell that guy to fuck off, for some reason. He wants to scoff at him and offer him no sympathy. Jungkook wants to raise his hands to that man’s throat and squeeze. He wants to swear at him and curse him. His mouth twists and his eyes grow teary and he sighs. Because all he can do is cry for him.

His head snaps up when the bathroom counter vibrates from his phone. Someone’s texted.

Unknown Number

Its me

Buzz.

Unknown Number

We need to talk

#bts #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #bts angst #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts fanfic #jungkooks fics #Kim Namjoon #Kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #Kim taehyung #our time chapter 7

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seokjinsonlyone · 1 year

Text

this how i think bts would be if you both knew you liked each other but you weren’t dating yet

a/n: you guys been looking forward to this one hope it lives up to your expectations 🥹👉👈 and you should like totally lemme know what you thought about it after you're done

namjoon:

calls you on the phone every night; asks about your day and genuinely wants to know every little detail no matter how insignificant; gets shy when you ask about his

always extends an invite to you to join him at a museum; he goes to so many so often so he understands if you can’t go every time but he really likes it when you can go; likes hearing your thoughts on different pieces no matter how ridiculous bc you’re really not that well versed in art and architecture; he also likes the look in your eye and how intently you listen to him when he actually explains the intent behind the art

wraps his arms all the way around you, completely engulfing you when you hug; gives you an extra squeeze and rubs circles on your lower back before letting go

pet names start slipping out willy nilly; beautiful, princess, pretty girl, lovely; like the more and longer he likes you the less your name come out his mouth

he got mad rizz dog; like everyone once in a while he's gonna hit you with a pick up line that catches you off guard; gon have you giggling and blushing; but he also will be giggling and blushing afterward bc he gets shy after being cute

lowkey wants your approval for everything; doesn’t NEED it but he’d like it tho for sure; like would let you listen to his unreleased music and wait with bated breath while you listened until you gushed about how good it all was

if someone came up to him while y’all were hanging out and started flirting with him he would not notice at all; you’d wait until he was done carrying on the conversation and (semi)jokingly be like “so when’s the date” and he’d be soooo confused; “huh?” “they were totally flirting with you!” “really?” “if they smiled any harder they cheeks would’ve split open and did you see how hard they were laughing? you not that funny joon 🙄” “i’m sorry i didn’t notice. i promise i wasn’t flirting back tho. the only person i wanna flirt with is you.”

seokjin:

turns red whenever you’re around; like just constantly feels called out even if no one said anything bc it’s like he knows how he feels, all his friends know how he feels, and most importantly you know how he feels; embarazzing

becomes your local fruit dealer; like whenever his family or friends give him a bunch of produce from their various farms you’re definitely on the list of people he gifts them too; he gives you a bigger share than his members too <3

sends you pictures of the food he cooks and always saves you a plate after hearing you talk about how good it looks

asks for your switch code and invites you to play games with him whenever he has down time; like will stay up to 4am playing mario strikers or nintendo switch sports with you

gets really good at origami bc one time you met up and he felt awkward not having anything to get you so he used the gum wrapper in his pocket to make you a paper airplane; now every time you meet up he has a new paper sculpture; like you end up with a whole drawer of paper hats, planes, cups, flowers, frogs, ninja stars; has a cute little message written inside that makes you smile each time you unfold them

overly helpful; like he tryna do whatever he can for you; he’s holding your bag, opening doors for you, at one point he even goes so far as to lay his jacket on the bench y’all sitting on so your butt won’t be cold 💀

his number one goal when y’all are around each other is to make you laugh; like it doesn’t really matter if you’re laughing with him or at him as long as he hears that cackle he considers the interaction a success

yoongi:

not used to initiating any kind of interaction (outside of work) with people so he just lingers around you and hopes something happens; takes you a while to realize that’s his way of asking for attention

pretty much willing to go along with whatever to make you happy; like if you were complaining about never having anyone to go to the store with he’d offer himself up so fast and that’s how you’d end up with him in ulta helping you pick out lashes

has to get scolded by seokjin repeatedly bc the one text he sent him in the past month was left on read but he replies to you almost immediately every time you message him

silently takes care of you; like if you were eating together and got choked up on something he's just gonna get up and get you a bottle of water then slide it over without ever looking you in the eye; or if you complained about your hands being cold he'd start carrying around those hand warmer pouch thingies waiting for the next time you said something then he'd just put them in your pocket

starts opening up to you 🥺

it may not last for long but when you’re speaking with him he’ll look directly into your eyes

his hands flinch a lot when you're around; sometimes he's just hit with the inexplicable urge to hold your hand or touch you in some sort of way but he hasn't quite figured out y'all's dynamic yet so he's afraid to go for it

hoseok:

becomes zendayafied; like if you think it’s bad with jimin… you ain’t seen the worst of it; you might as well be richard pryor at the apollo the way he be cracking up over any and every little thing you do; his laugh can be heard halfway across the world

he stalks your ig page and replies to all your stories with a series of emojis; shows them to his friends and goes on and on about how cute you are

sends you a bouquet of flowers and texts you a little later on asking if you got them so you send him a picture of you holding them and he responds “☹️ i was hoping you’d be in the pic but all i see are flowers”

notices the little things about you; like he’s the type to compliment your earrings or your nail color

thinks everything you do is like super great; like if you drew a little doodle on a post it note or something he's gonna keep it and in his phone case; like 100% the type to actually display a painting you did in his house even if you feel like it looks like an 8 year old did it

has a special hyper focus on you; i just imagine y'all being at a party and you're in a group and he's being hobi ya know chopping it up with everyone kekeing and the like and you could be there next to him but not really actively participating in the conversation but if you tried to slip away to like get a drink or whatever he would grab your wrist and licherally stop mid sentence to ask you where you were going; would leave the group to go do whatever you wanted to do as well

adds a bunch of heart emojis to your contact in his phone; [yn ❤️😍💜🥰💞😘💖🤩💓😚💘]

jimin:

buys you a scarf when it gets chilly bc he notices you never have one on and he doesn’t want you to catch a cold; personally wraps it around your neck himself before you go outside

perpetual flirt; like there's some kind of innuendo to everything he says to you

is able to pick up on your moods scary easily so he knows when you’re a bit off and lets you know he’s willing to listen if u wanna talk; whether you choose to take him up on his offer or not he gives a really big, tight, long hug which helps you out more than you’re willing to admit

is easily flustered by you; like if you told him you liked his hair or his sweater or something he's gonna do that thing he does where he looks down, smiles, and then hides his face

always trying to impress you; like if you told him you admired people who were good at art he finna brush up on his skills a little and then next time you see him he gon have a sketch pad in fron t of him doing some crazy doodles; or if you told him you liked his voice when you're around he'll be acting like he's being nonchalant playing it cool but be putting in mad effort humming one of your favorite songs adding in some jazmine sullivan type runs

tries to meet up with you as much as possible; like your presence is addicting to him and he wants to take in all that he can; definitely calls you at some point if he can't see you that day even if it's like 1am and you're definitely asleep he's gonna chance it and call you; "are you awake?" "no" "oh i'm sorry i'm sorry i just missed you today" "missed you too mini" "i bet you looked pretty" "thank you but you have to let me get back to sleep" "alright alright imma let you go but one more question" "what's up?" *starts giggling* "what are you wearing right now?😏" "😐 i'm hanging up" *giggles even harder* "okay okay i'm done i'm sorry for waking you sleep tight beautiful" "night mini"; and then he's awake for another hour and a half staring at the ceiling with a big smile on his face thinking about how much he likes you

always walks you to your door when he's dropping you off home and won't leave until you inside with the door closed even if you insist on seeing him off as well so you just gotta watch him walk off from the window

taehyung:

gets shy after complimenting you; the “you look really pretty today” to tata mic face pipeline is strong

goes out of his way to find out when you'll be at certain places and then acts like it's a coincidence when y'all run into each other

feels all tingly inside when you like something he recommended; like if he recommended you a song and you listened to it later and then texted him about how much you loved it you would not be able to wipe the grin off his face

he fishes for compliments from you; like will get all dolled up in his 3 piece suit, hair slicked back just bc he knows you’ll be around and wants you to tell him he looks nice; if you don’t initiate it he will; will stand next to you and be like “ahh i just felt like wearing this today, it’s my favorite one. i think it looks nice. doesn’t it?”

squishes your cheeks between his hands when he deems you as being too cute

takes an active interest in your interests; like if you were really into some group and you told him about it he'd go and listen to their songs and send you his favorites and if they ever toured he's definitely getting y'all tickets to their show; or if you really liked to do paper mache or something he's gonna set aside a day for you to show him how to do it

has his arm around the back of your chair when y’all sit next to each other bc he can’t work up the nerve to actually put his arm around you

jungkook:

walks so close to you that your hand bumps together with every step; takes about five minutes of contemplation and hand flinching before he takes your hand in his; probably puts your conjoined hands in his pocket; looks down at you for about five seconds to gauge your reaction but quickly looks away when you make eye contact; tips of his ears are red the whole time

invites you over to play with his dogs, literally; no funny business is happening; he can’t be with you like that when he likes you as much as he does not until y’all are official just so he has confirmation that you’re on the same page

he be staring at you; like whenever you not looking at him he’s looking at you; watching, observing, admiring, mentally cataloguing all your little quirks, stockpiling them for a rainy day (re: waiting for the right time he can jokingly imitate you)

sometimes it feels like it’s one step forward two steps back with him bc every time he reaches what he feels is “the next level” he has to stop and reevaluate his feelings so he gets distant; but when he’s sure of how he feels again he goes back to following behind you like a lil puppy

his crush on you gets fatter whenever y’all are in a group conversation bc you always notice when he’s trying to say something but can’t find the right timing and create an opening for him to speak

always sits next to you; like there could be 10 empty seats in a room and he's always gonna jam himself as close to you as possible even if he doesn't plan on saying anything

y'all would have a couple late night convenience store dates; like y'all would be on the phone at like midnight talking about how you're craving ramen and snacks and next thing you know he's offering to pick you up and then you sitting next to him in da local 7/11 wit a cup ramen, a diet coke, and some sour gummy worms; he'd lightly gasp and go stiff for a second before relaxing a bit if you randomly laid your head on his shoulder after you finished your food complaining about how full and tired you were; would go back and forth with himself over whether he should just wrap his arm around you but ultimately just decides on leaning his head against yours in return

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #kim namjoon fic #jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook x reader #namjoon x reader #taehyung fanfic #seokjin fanfiction #kim seokjin x reader #yoongi x y/n #yoongi fanfic #yoongi fluff #hobi fic #j hope fanfic #hoseok x you #jimin fanfic #jimin x reader #kim taehyung x reader

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kooktrash · 11 months

Text

something about him | kim taehyung

summary: kim taehyung is nothing more than a man who works in the same office as you. he’s kind, charming, and unbelievably attractive but there’s just one downside to him. something feels off about the way he acts toward you and you’re not sure what but you know it has something to do with his little obsession with you. he acts strange at times, sometimes a little too lost in his own world, and changes his mood so fast you get whiplash trying to keep up.

you should feel scared or concerned but there’s just something about him that makes you ignore all the warning bells that go off in your head.

➢ genre/au: coworker au, office au, smut, heavy plot

➢ pairing: yandere!taehyung x coworker!reader[she/her. female anatomy]

➢ 16.7k words

warnings: smüt. angst. yandere themes but not scary. tae is highkey obsessed with reader and a little delulu. he’s manipulative and very calculative. doesn’t directly harm others but he sabotages them for y/n. handjöb/oral. cunnilingus. heavy makeout. taehyung can be seen as a dom. intense mood changes. rough missionary. jealous tae. extremely possessive and controlling but he’s good at hiding it. y/n lowkey lovebombs him too (but in the loosest of terms). y/n is a little unstable too but it’s barely noticeable.

song inspo: mascara — deftones [ but I’ll keep you because there’s something about her long shady eyes ]. female robbery — the neighborhood [ I think I can tell them, tell them they were made for me ]. are you mine — arctic monkeys [ in my mind when she’s not right there beside me, I go crazy ].

You know when you can just feel that someone is bad for you and you still won’t do anything about it? Yeah, that’s how you feel about Taehyung.

Maybe you’re being dramatic but also, you know there’s something about Taehyung that makes you feel uneasy at times. It could be the dark gaze in his eyes when a male colleague approaches you, or even the way he always seems to be where you are, watching. You wanted to say you felt unbelievably creeped out by him but you’re not and that’s the problem.

He’s just so gentle and kind when he talks to you. When your eyes meet he almost looks away shyly despite the confidence that radiated off him when he steps into a room. You don’t know what it is about Kim Taehyung but he makes you feel curious yet scared.

“How was your weekend, Y/n?” Taehyung asked in his usual deep and husky voice. It was early in the morning so a little bit of sleep was still laced throughout it.

You arrived at the office at the same time as him today and you’re not sure if it was planned or not. All you knew was that you two were some of the few here this early. You looked at him as you stirred some creamer into your hot coffee, “It was alright, yours?”

“It was great, I went to this new restaurant that just opened up down the street,” Taehyung said calmly, sounding rehearsed. Your eyes narrowed as you said, “Really? I went this weekend too.”

You felt like your suspicions were being answered. You went on some group date this weekend with a good friend of yours and you tried the new restaurant. At one point you could’ve sworn you picked up the scent of Taehyung’s cologne that you’ve grown used to at the office. You figured you were being strangely delusional about a man you work with until you heard his voice. It was the same tone he usually spoke to you in but a tad harsher—like he was forcing himself to be gentle but failing. You remember hearing a woman’s voice next but you let it go.

Now you’re sure he was there too and it was all just some big coincidence.

“Hm, if we had run into each other, we could’ve said hello,” Taehyung said slowly, mixing sugar into his tea trying to stay at your pace so you could leave together.

“So, did you catch up with any friends for dinner?” You asked, trying to see if he would admit to having someone there. You’re not sure why you’re curious but he peaks your interest for reasons you don’t understand. Hell, he creeps you out and yet you indulge him in conversation more often than not.

“No, I was on a date,” Taehyung answered honestly, feeling your eyes turn to him. He was fighting back a smile at your sudden interest. He’s spent months getting you used to seeing him and talking to him at the office that he’s ready to actually get you to go out with him. He’s wanted to take it slow but he realizes he can’t anymore.

When he overheard you and another discussing your plans this weekend he felt himself become uneasy. You told the girl you would be going on a date and that really pissed him off, but he couldn’t say anything. He doesn’t want you to think he doesn’t have trust in you. A relationship starts with trust and he’s willing to show it to you first.

He’ll make you his when you’re ready for the commitment he’s willing to give and ask for too.

Taehyung trusted you this past weekend, he knew you wouldn’t do anything on the first date but every time he thought about the guy you might be seeing, he would just fill with anger. The guy was probably trash, he couldn’t be trusted around you and so Taehyung did what only a sane person would do. He hit up some previous chick he slept with and offered her dinner with the hopes of sex. He brought her along so he could make sure your date was on his best behavior then had his way with the girl before dropping her off in front of her house like she was nothing more to him.

It was really only a thank you for helping him see you tonight without being too obvious. He hopes he’ll never see her again or else she’ll think he’s into her and cry when she finds out she disgusts him. She probably wouldn’t appreciate that he tried imagining you the whole time either.

The problem is that they’re nothing compared to you and although he’s never slept with you he already knows it’ll be perfect. Something in his gut tells him you’re made for him. He knew this the moment he first met you all those months ago in the elevator.

You hadn’t even done anything special to catch his attention, it was a very normal interaction between you two but he was completely infatuated. All you had done was bump into him, dropping your papers all over the floor. He was in a really bad mood that day but the way you cursed shamelessly made him smile in amusement and he ended up helping you clean up. He’s not sure what happened but from then on he had a school boy crush on you and it hasn’t gone away. He just thinks you’re interesting and he’s been waiting for a chance to make a move, the only thing holding him back is the thought of coming off too strong.

If only he could make sure that every other man who wants your attention got it through their heads that you’re his, it would be great.

“How did your date go?” You asked curiously. You’re not sure how to explain it but something about Taehyung really gets to you. He’s never made a move on you — which you’re thankful for — but there’s no denying the fact that he’s strangely intrigued by you. You can tell in the way he talks to you compared to others, or the way he always finds something to intervene with when you’re talking to another man. It’s like he wants you to think about him even when he’s not showing any signs. It’s all confusing and leaves you to overthink every interaction, especially now that he’s admitted to going on a date.

Of course you don’t know that this is all part of a plan that Taehyung has meticulously worked on for months. He doesn’t want to scare you and if he told you you’re all he’s been thinking about for so long, surely you’d be creeped out. He’s only gone on two ‘dates’ in the past five months and both were for a specific reason. The first was at the company Christmas party where he overheard you would be bringing someone along, and the second was this past weekend. If he were to be honest and tell you that he hasn’t been sexually attracted to anyone since he met you, you would run off on him and he doesn’t want that. He has to act like a normal man at his age who goes on casual dates and doesn’t spend all his time finding out every little thing he can about you.

Now you’re curious about who he was with and he picks up on a hint of jealousy in your tone even if you can’t so he definitely thinks you feel something for him too.

“I was distracted,” Taehyung answered honestly, thinking back to when he saw the man you were with that night checking out the waitress when you weren’t looking. It had taken everything in him not to go over there and save you from that guy who couldn’t even stop his eyes wandering elsewhere when you were sitting right in front of him. Didn’t the guy know that there are others willing to do absolutely anything to be there with you?

You didn’t say anything for a long moment, both just silently staring into each other's eyes trying to decipher your minds. Taehyung isn’t actually sure how you feel about him but he knows there has to be some sort of attraction you feel for him or else you wouldn’t be so curious, right? He knows that if he asked you out for drinks right now you’ll probably say yes, but he doesn’t want to rush things.

He doesn’t want just one night of yours, he wants them all, so he has to be patient and see how long this can go before you’re equally as obsessed with him. He doesn’t want to scare you off after all.

Just before you could respond your department head came out of her office, already calling you over to discuss the plan for today. Taehyung waved you off knowing he would find an excuse to look for you later on.

You’ve never struggled much when it came to having a relationship. You’re not really ever looking for anything serious and the guys who do approach you never interest you enough to change your mind. Now, that doesn’t mean you don’t date. You’ll go on a date here and there but only if you’re interested in the guy and more often than not, you’re not interested. You especially hate it when a guy you work with tries to ask you out, just like Minho is doing right now.

Out of everyone in the office he annoys you the most. He’s still in his ‘college frat boy’ mindset that just pisses you off to the point where even looking at him has you bothered. You don’t know how you could possibly look more uninterested than you already do but this guy just doesn’t get that you don’t like talking to him. He’s had you cornered in the copy room for the past five minutes telling you all about the tickets he got to a musical theater that he doesn’t need anymore.

You’re sure this is his way of trying to invite you—well no, trying to get you to invite him. He’s giving you both because apparently he doesn’t need them anymore and doesn’t know what to do with them. You looked at him unamused as he put them down on your open hand and you forced yourself to smile, “Are you sure you don’t want them?”

“I’m sure,” Minho said with a little smirk as he looked around the room. Just as you did too, a familiar face walked in and you were far from surprised to see who it might be. Before you could offer a hello, Minho drew your attention back to him, “Plus, you might have better luck finding someone to go with you. You’re all I can ever think about, at least.”

Taehyung didn’t glance your way but his eyes focused in on Minho where it looked like he was holding your hand still and that made the guy smirk even more. Minho looked back down at you, as Taehyung came over to use the printer, making you both move to the side.

“So do you want to go tog—?” Minho asked as Taehyung slammed the paper tray in the slot loudly making you both look at him.

Minho rolled his eyes as he turned back to you to try again, “I was just thinking that you mig—“

His words were cut off by the excessive beeping of the printer as Taehyung typed in the settings he wanted. He looked over with a feigned innocent smile clearly amused with himself as he said, “Sorry, am I interrupting?”

You looked at Taehyung making his eyes meet yours and for a moment you could see mischief in them. You both knew what Minho was about to say but he beat you to it and interrupted you. You smiled as if understanding the way he was trying to understand you.

You turned to Minho,“Thanks for the tickets but I should get back to work before anyone starts looking for me. I’ll send you money for them, alright?”

“Wait Y/n—“ you left before he could finish and suddenly it was just Minho and Taehyung inside the copy room.

Taehyung couldn’t help but smile openly now as you made your exit despite knowing Minho was trying to ask you out. It had him giddy as he went to leave the room too before Minho called for him.

“I know what you’re trying to do, Taehyung,” Minho said as he walked toward him but Taehyung didn’t give a clue to what he was thinking, didn’t even bother responding to him.

“Everyone here knows you’ve got this little crush on Y/n,” Minho pointed out, “You’re so obvious with it and she doesn’t even give you the time of day so just quit cutting in and mind your business.”

Taehyung laughed dryly, “I was doing you a favor Minho, Y/n was going to reject you and then everyone in the office would know about it. Why don’t you focus more on doing your job than women out of your league?”

He made a move to leave but he turned back toward the room one last time and said, “And trust me, if I put effort into it, I wouldn’t be rejected.”

He left feeling annoyed at Minho’s audacity. Y/n would never go for a guy like him, he’s pathetic. He thinks he’s hot shit because he was popular growing up but this is the real adult world and in the adult world nobody cares about how many sports trophies he has locked in a shelf. You for sure wouldn’t care and yet Taehyung still felt himself annoyed at what he saw in the copy room.

What would have happened if he never showed up to save you? Would you have said yes to a date with him out of pity? You would be too nice to turn someone down, right?

He kept thinking about that all day, anxiously biting his nails and leg bouncing as he worked.

Would you have said yes to Minho?

Is he miscalculating? Is he assuming Minho wouldn’t be your type because he’s not him?

Is he that confident that you’ll come to him first?

Does he need to step it up?

“Taehyung?”

You stood in front of his cubicle, leaning against one side of the short wall looking down at him with soft eyes. He looked up from his computer where he had been stuck in a daze thinking about you and nearly stumbled over his single word, “Yes?”

You stepped into his space and leaned against one end of his desk making it seem like you two were the only ones around. He had to force his eyes not to trail over your exposed legs as he waited for you to say something.

It took you a second to speak up while you tried to figure out how to bring up earlier without letting him know that you think he’s got a thing for you. You smiled, “I know it probably wasn’t your intention but you really saved me earlier. I think Minho was trying to ask me out and I didn’t want to have to tell him no at the office.”

Taehyung felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders as you said that and he couldn’t help but smile too, “I thought that was the case, are you alright?”

“Me? Yeah, I mean he gave me these tickets so I feel bad not wanting to go with him but then I’d be lying to myself about wanting him there, y’know?” You asked and his leg bounced anxiously under his desk as you moved just a little closer.

“If I were to want to go with any man from work, I think I would prefer it to be you,” you finally said and his knee hit the underside of his desk as he nodded his head already agreeing before you could properly ask. This was exactly the way you imagined things to go. You knew that if you showed a little interest in him it wouldn’t take long for him to agree with whatever you propose. You spoke up again with a dragged out sigh, “But I’m sure you’ve got a lot on your plate and you just went on a date this last weekend so I bet you don—“

“Tell me the time and place, and I’ll be there,” he rushed out, making you smile.

“Alright, why don’t you write your number down and I’ll call you?”

Listen, you know you said there’s something off about Taehyung… and it’s not that you’ve just brushed it off as paranoia, but you really had no reason to be put off by him. He was an extremely attractive man who seemed to always be where you were and who would annoy Minho more for going on a date with you?

Taehyung would. You absolutely despised Minho and he hated Taehyung so it really worked out for you. Plus, if you want to know if he’s actually interested in you or not, asking him out was the way to go. You didn’t want to ask a friend to come with you and you for sure weren’t going to ask a guy who would just want sex so you chose Taehyung, and you’re happy you did.

Watching him meet you at the front of the theater looking like that, well it just made your night. Everyone’s eyes shifted toward him when he passed but his eyes were only on you. It was surprisingly boast worthy to know everyone can see he’s coming to you. You’re not sure how it will go but you’re bored and you want to see what would happen if you indulged in a man who seems mysterious to you and clearly attractive.

You’re not worried if the date goes bad, you’re not scared to completely ignore him at work if you needed to either. You just wanted to see if the night would be fun or not, of course you’re not aware that this has been all Taehyung has thought about since you asked him on Tuesday. If he has you now he’s not letting you go, especially not to ignore him.

“You look great,” Taehyung said softly as he placed a hand on your lower back giving you a side hug in greeting. He kept his hand at your waist as you leaned into him, “Sorry I’m late, have you been waiting long?”

Yes. “No,” he smiled, letting his hand linger on the silky fabric of your dress that hugged your pretty waist, “Shall we head in?”

Things were working in Taehyung’s favor and he didn’t even have to do much for this to happen. Sure, he’s spent months being the only man to not hit on you at the office so you could feel comfortable with him instead of another. And yes, he’s been finding every excuse possible to be around you so that you could think about him… and okay, he’s even followed you out of work before—but you asking him out was all you! He didn’t even have to say anything about your tickets, you chose him and he doesn’t care if it was for the right reasons or not.

“Is this weird for you?” You asked once you passed the ticket booth, “I know we work together and it was sudden so…”

“Not at all,” Taehyung said, taking you by surprise when he brushed a finger against your cheek to move a strand of hair behind your ear, “I’ve always said that I’d like to see you outside of work. If anything, I’m happy you asked me.”

“You make me feel the safest at work,” you said honestly as you took his hand in yours so that he wasn’t touching your face. You’re actually surprised by how touchy he’s being but you don’t know if you’re okay with it or not. You held his hand as you said, “And I don’t have many friends outside so I figured this is a perfect opportunity to get close to someone else.”

Taehyung laced his fingers with yours as he led you to the main theater, moving you to his side when a stranger passed, “I’d love to get close to you, if you let me.”

Taehyung was the perfect gentleman. He was respectful and sweet and just so gentle when he talked. Well, when he talked to you.

The musical was great honestly, you and him had light talk here and there and at one point his hand would brush over yours but you liked it. After the show you had both agreed on having Korean barbecue but you weren’t in the mood to wait in line at some fancy restaurant so you settled for one of those tent restaurants.

“Did you enjoy the show?” You asked him as you flipped your hair off your shoulders while thanking him for serving you more water.

“I’ll be honest, I wasn’t paying that much attention to it,” he smiled childishly as looked at you, “Very hard to concentrate on anything else when you’re around.”

“Really?” You asked amused and flattered, “You seem to do fine at work.”

“Things aren’t always what they seem,” he said casually as he looked over at a server who was making his way over to switch out your grilling trays. He didn’t hide the way his gaze traveled from your pretty head down to your legs then back up to your face, a stupid smirk on his lips.

Taehyung hates that you’re not just attractive to him, but to anyone who sees you. That’s why he needs to hurry up and make you his already. If it was up to him he would never let you out of his sight for this reason specifically.

“Tae?” You called for him after noticing the way he began to zone out and like it was nothing, his eyes met yours with a smile. You smiled too, “I can’t get over how handsome you are.”

He laughed softly as a blush crept into his cheeks, “I’m not used to you saying these things to him, but I like it. . I’ve been thinking about how beautiful you looked all nigh—“

“Are you going to be wanting any dessert, miss?” The guy asked suddenly as he looked only at you, “On the house, for you that is.”

“Oh?” You asked with a hint of amusement, “Why’s that?”

“Uh, well, you’re the prettiest girl to come in tonight,” the guy said nervously all of a sudden, very aware that the guy in front of you might not be a friend like he first thought.

You smiled but it didn’t reach your eyes as you said, “I’m not sure my boyfriend appreciates you saying that in front of him. Do you, Taehyung?”

It took everything in him to keep his composure as he looked at that guy with something dark in his gaze. He couldn’t even fully process that you called him your boyfriend. All he could think about right now is what would happen if he grabbed the guy by the back of his neck and bashed his head into the burning grill over and over and over—

“I don’t appreciate it all,” he said calmly, “Why don’t you let someone else help our table next time?”

You looked at Taehyung, impressed by the way he spoke so calmly yet you can see something in his eyes that wasn’t there when he looked at you. It excited you.

Once the server left, muttering something under his breath that had Taehyung staring after him like he was ready to confront him again, you had to say something.

“Sorry for calling you my boyfriend. I just figured that’s how the guy would stop,” you told him feeling a little embarrassed now that it was just you two. You can talk to someone bluntly but you don’t feel bold right now. Right now you’re a little nervous because you called him that not knowing how he would react.

Taehyung was flooding with warmth as he brought his glass of water to his lips, trying to hide his loving smile, “Don’t worry about it. I didn’t mind.”

He could be your boyfriend, he’s always known that but to hear you call him that in front of someone? Now that just makes him proud, the only thing that sucks is that he can’t fully appreciate your words.

You deserve all his attention but he’s so focused on the server not far behind him talking with another that he doesn’t know how to fill the silence that suddenly surrounded you two.

‘Aren’t you off soon?’

‘Yeah, in about thirty, what about you?’

‘I’ve got an hour to go. Do you wanna cruise around later?’

‘Yeah, I just got a new set of tires and rims that I need to show off.’

“I’ll be back, I’m going to wash my hands,” you said suddenly and Taehyung nodded telling you he’ll keep your purse safe. Ugh, he needs to pay attention to you and you alone but he just can’t stop thinking about what happened. It makes him think about how long you’ll be gone and how he’ll handle himself till then. You left to the restroom but because this was a tent restaurant you had to go inside another building for that. Taehyung acted before he could think and reached for the grilling fork that sat on the table, easily sliding it into the sleeve of his coat while coming up with something.

His mind was whirring with possibilities of how this could go while also counting how long it takes you to come back, acting like nothing was wrong. He continued to grill food till you returned and he smiled, “My turn.”

You let him go off to the restroom as you sat alone picking up your phone to see your texts. There were a few from your friends asking about how it’s going or sending you something stupid.

You’re actually very surprised that this… date[?] is going so well. It does feel a little stiff like you’re both still being friendly coworkers but you think it’s because Taehyung is holding himself back. You’ve gotten a couple blushes and smiles but he’s still very distant. He’s giving you compliments and he’s listening to everything you have to say but he’s not really talking about himself.

It’s like you still couldn’t tell what kind of guy he is.

Taehyung was moving quickly. The employee parking lot was small and dimly lit so it was hard to see anyone at first but he just kept repeating the same thing over and over again.

New tires. New rims.

New tires. New ri—

He came to a halt as he looked at the black Nissan Altima with brand new shiny rims and tires. He didn’t even hesitate for a single moment in case the car belonged to anyone other than the server who tried hitting on you. The grilling fork slipped out of his sleeve swiftly and before he knew it, all four tires had matching puncture marks.

Still feeling a little upset he dragged the sharp end of the fork along one side of the rim, scratching it repeatedly and mumbling words of hatred.

Once Taehyung decided it was enough he stood straight, looked around and combed his hair back into place, taking a deep breath.

“That was quick,” you said as he sat down in front of you again. He smiled, “Was it?”

“Are you ready to go?” He asked as a different server brought the bill. You nodded your head reaching for your bag to get your wallet when Taehyung spoke up again, “I’ll pay.”

“No, we can split,” you offered, still trying to take your money out.

“Y/n,” his voice was calm as he made you look at him and with hazy eyes he said, “I would like to pay. Will you let me pay?”

You opened your mouth to argue but Taehyung slid the check back to the server who had returned just in time. You released a small sigh standing up as Taehyung helped you slip your coat back on your shoulders, “Next time I’ll pay.”

He couldn’t contain his smile as he said, “We’ll talk about it then, alright?”

You’re not sure if it was the alcohol or the tenderness of his voice but you shined childishly, “Taehyung, I’ll feel bad.”

“Don’t,” he said, leading you out and thanking the servers as if he didn’t destroy their tires or toss the fork in the back dumpster. Nobody should go looking for them anyway. By the time the guy notices his tires are flat he’ll already be gone, Taehyung would like it if they completely give out on the road and cause him to crash but that’s just wishful thinking. He’s just a little too happy right now.

His night was great, he felt like he couldn’t stop his heart from racing the entire time. He loved your dress, your hair, the soft perfume you wore, the way you kept eye contact with him, laughed at his words… he could go on. He’ll remember this night for the rest of your lives together. He wasn’t going to let that little hiccup ruin it for him.

It’s just that Taehyung couldn’t just sit around and let a man try and hit on you while he’s right there. It only makes his mind stray to what already happens when he’s not around and he sees red. The guy is lucky that he didn’t have time to do much else than slash his tires. He wanted to be quick so he could return to you.

Now he’s standing in front of your place debating on what to do. You were standing in front of him looking so pretty waiting like you were expecting a kiss.

“Well, the night was fun,” you said shyly. You can’t tell what it is about his gaze that intimidates you but you know that it makes you curious also. You want to know what’s behind this distant exterior because he doesn’t appear all that he seems. You wanted to kiss him but this time you really do think it’s the alcohol. Usually you’ll remind yourself that you don’t seriously date coworkers and that this should be ended cordially.

Taehyung took a hesitant step forward, closing the gap between you, his eyes kept flickering to your lips, “Is it weird that I don’t want to go home yet?”

You were standing close now and you had to look up to meet his gaze only it brought your faces closer together, and this time it was him who made the first move. A gentle hand touched the curve of your jaw tilting your face up to look at him, he whispered softly, “Can I kiss you?”

You gave him a brief nod of your head and met his efforts halfway, feeling your lips brush against each other’s before he pressed them together firmly. The hand on your face grew more firm as if you would pull away any second but you were enjoying it too much.

As your hand curled around the back of his neck keeping him from moving back, Taehyung released a low groan into your mouth taking the opportunity to bring a hand down to your lower back wishing that you wore something other than a dress. He can’t feel your skin on his fingertips, only the silky fabric that got in his way. Your tongues met in a languid movement as his standing frame almost curved over yours, using rough hands to keep you against him while deepening the kiss.

“Taehyung,” your words came out breathless as you pulled away just a little, feeling him chase after your lips to keep the kiss going. You kissed back eagerly forgetting all about how you couldn’t breathe and there was a growing itch bubbling up inside your center that needed more. You tilted your head back as Taehyung kissed down the corner of your mouth toward your jaw, licking along your neck to your collarbone making your lips part in a silent moan. You brushed your fingers through his hair, licking your lips as you said, “Let’s go inside.”

As much as you loved how hungry he seemed to be for your kisses, it was very hard to ignore the fact that you’re still outside. He’s very intimate with the way he is holding you right now and you rather have him go inside with you than stay out here. The second those words left your lips, Taehyung was pulling back shaking his head no, hands squeezing your sides, “No.”

“No?” You asked in confusion as he repeated it over and over again quietly yet clinging to you too. You moved your hands down to his shoulders for more support, “What? You don’t want to?”

“I do,” he whispered, “But not tonight?”

You took a huge step back feeling annoyed as you scoffed, “What are you ta—“

“It has to be perfect,” he said more to himself than to you, “It needs to be perfect.” It was sort of alarming how he suddenly shifted to this from how he was just seconds ago and it’s like you can’t even get through to him. He’s in his own mind and you don’t know what to do.

You reached down for his hand but he was pulling away fully, repeating himself, “Not tonight, Y/n. It’s going to be perfect, okay?”

Your brows scrunched together trying to understand what he was talking about. He took a quick step down the entrance before rushing back to you and kissing you one last time, “Can I call you?”

“Yes, bu—“ he cut you off with another kiss and you knew he didn’t want this to end either so why was he leaving? You couldn’t pull him back in time as he drew back, repeating over and over about how it needed to be perfect before leaving you for the night.

“Wait, so he kissed you Goodnight and then left? I don’t see the problem,” your friend Jimin said through the phone as you used your badge to let yourself through the entrance of the publishing company you worked for. It’s the first time you’ve been able to talk to him in days so you answered when he called even if it was before work. You just had to fill him in on how the last few days have been.

You released a sigh trying to figure out how to word your thoughts, “Ugh the problem isn’t that he just left, it’s that… I don’t know, he started talking to himself about how it needed to be perfect.”

“What?” Jimin asked with furrowed brows as he got into his car on his end of the phone, “Sex?”

“I don’t know, maybe?” You told him honestly. He’s been a very close friend of yours for a few years now and you’re very comfortable talking to him about whatever is going on in your life.

“And this is the first date?” He asked, still trying to understand what you were telling him.

You bit your lip nervously trying to figure out what happened on Saturday, “I guess, I mean, I don’t know if it counts because it was so last minute and I’m the one who asked him out of the blue but…”

“But he’s the guy you’ve been telling me about, right? The one who creeps you out a little?” Jimin asked bluntly that you felt a little embarrassed. It’s very hard to explain what you think about Taehyung. He’s attractive and a good guy but there’s just something in the back of your mind that makes you think there’s something off about him.

“Yes, but look, he doesn’t creep me out like I’m scared of him or anything… he’s just intense,” you told him with a shrug of your shoulders that he couldn’t see.

Jimin laughed, “Okay so what now? Are you just not going to see where it goes with him? How’d the weekend go?”

“Well good, we talked a lot and he was really sweet but I don’t know… I mean we work together,” you whispered the last part as you made your way toward the elevator.

“That didn’t stop you from inviting him out and you did want to sleep with him, right?” Jimin asked making you sigh once more as you reached for the button to call for the elevator.

It dinged just as Jimin started talking again, “Yeah but, I was a little drunk, I mean that doesn’t change that I was ready to sleep with him but after thinking it over I really don’t want to be one of those people who fucks around with someone they work with and ruins the environment, y’know?”

Jimin was in his car now trying to connect to his Bluetooth, “So what are you going to do? Tell him that you’re better off as friends?”

You stepped into the elevator, “Yeah, I think I should—“

“Y/n?”

“Taehyung,” your eyes opened in surprise as you watched him step into the elevator with you. He seemed so calm and neutral as he smiled at you warmly.

“Jimin, I’ve gotta go, talk to you later?” You said through the phone and hung up on your friend. Taehyung’s eyes shifted down to it as it lay limply in your hand already letting his mind conjure up who this Jimin person is. He’s spent a fair share of time stalking your socials to know which friends are who and if it’s who he thinks it is, then it’s a man and he doesn’t like the idea that you spoke to another man first thing in the morning instead of him.

Once the elevator shut you two into its privacy, Taehyung didn’t hesitate to press you into the wall with a mouth watering kiss. You immediately clung to him, hands wrapping in his hair keeping him close as he invaded your mouth with his. His hands were so gentle on your skin as he whispered, “I missed you so much.”

You went to the theater together on Saturday so really the only day you didn’t see him was yesterday and even then you talked a lot throughout the day so for him to suddenly say how much he missed you… it’s definitely setting off warning bells.

You you ignored them, smiling into the kiss as you cupped his jaw trying to move him back as you absentmindedly said, “Missed you too.”

“Did you?” He asked seriously now as if the answer would be on your face but in reality you just said it because he did. You continue to say things that will make him think more and more about how you feel and it’s all very confusing. You looked at him searching his face for answers before nodding your head, “Yeah?”

Honestly, you were a little mad at yourself. You know there’s something about Taehyung that you don’t get and you should be a little worried by his behavior. The problem is that you keep saying you’ll stop enabling him by continuing to lead him on while telling your friend you don’t want him. It hasn’t stopped you from talking to him on the phone or kissing him and you just know you should put a stop to it.

“Good,” he whispered before kissing you again and you’re completely ignoring your brain to kiss him. Anxiety grew inside you at the thought of getting caught and just before the elevator came to a stop once more, you lightly pushed him away hurriedly.

Taehyung stood at the opposite end of the elevator biting back a smirk as a group of people flooded the elevator greeting you both. You distracted yourself with your phone in hopes of not drawing attention to the way Taehyung kept his gaze on you and you alone.

jimin: come over later

jimin: i wanna hear about it

jimin: ooo and drink

jimin: movie too?

You barely had a second to react as a tall frame crowded behind you and you jumped to the side slightly startled. Taehyung stood behind you looking at you curiously, “Who’s Jimin?”

“Um,” the elevator dinged on your floor and you stepped out with him on your side, “He’s a good friend of mine, he came with me to the Christmas party, you might remember him?”

Oh. The guy from the Christmas party.

He didn’t say anything, looking at you deeply as he tried to smile and nodded his head. He turned forward and pretended like he wasn’t going absolutely fucking insane thinking about those texts he just read. Why would another guy want you to come over so late? Didn’t you tell him that you’re seeing someone? Hell, you kissed him just as eagerly a few minutes ago so why the fuck is another guy…

“Shit, I have a meeting I have to start getting ready for,” you cursed as you checked the time on your phone, already picking up your pace.

“Lunch later?” He asked, watching you leave. You nodded your head waving goodbye to him quickly as if trying to brush him to the side and he didn’t like that at all.

He’s starting to feel like you’re blowing him off. All day yesterday you were ‘busy’ with work but then he would see you around the office talking happily to everyone but him. He couldn’t understand why. Was it because of the other night? He thought it had gone perfectly. Being with you genuinely makes him happy and on Saturday who couldn’t stop smiling. He knows there’s so much that he still needs to learn about you but he didn’t expect you to be such a flirt with other men.

Today it’s Minho again.

He hogged all your attention at the meeting today and you just let him. You sat there and politely talked to him like Taehyung wasn’t in the same damn room. It pissed him off to think that you weren’t as committed as he was. Would you let any man take your attention away from him and if so what should Taehyung do about it?

Once the meeting came to an end, Taehyung rushed out so he wouldn’t have to see another second of you two together. He needed time to cool off first before he acted negatively toward you. He just doesn’t get you. What’s the point in asking him out if you were just going to ignore him?

Does he do the same? Should he treat you the way you’ve been treating him just so you could see how he’s feeling? He doesn’t want to hurt you but you’re hurting him and you don’t even care.

You’ll never learn unless you go through what he’s going through right now and that’s the only reason why he agreed on getting lunch with a colleague of his. Sora was just a girl on his team who he believes has a thing for him. She’s always finding an excuse to stop by his desk whether it be to ask something stupid or just see how his day is going. This morning she asked for his help to fix something on her web design and in turn she said she would pay him back by getting him lunch.

Now, Taehyung’s original plan was to find you so the two of you could get lunch together but considering the fact that you’ve been cozy with Minho he doesn’t want to see you right now. He won’t respond to you right if he does, and maybe if you see him with Sora you’ll open your damn eyes and see how you’re acting.

The thing is, he can’t pretend to be interested in whatever Sora was saying to him. He’s barely bothering with responses and even then they’re mostly just ‘ah’s ‘oh’s and ‘mm’s. Nothing she says interests him like you. You’ve just got this way of speaking that captivates him every single time and with Sora it’s just not the same.

If he pretends you were her then he can put more effort into it but she’s not you and you’re not with him.

“Thanks for buying lunch, I’ll have to pay you back some time,” Taehyung said with a forced smile as they headed back to the elevator from the main floor. He’s been trying to feed Sora comments here and there so she would at least think he’s fond of her. The problem is that they’re all empty words that he doesn’t plan on holding up.

“Well maybe tomorrow you can buy me lunch and we’ll call it even,” Sora said with a blushing smile that made Taehyung want to throw up. He forced himself to smile and nodded his head, “I’ll have to see my schedule.”

Just as the doors were about to shut a manicured hand stuck forward to stop it and he felt his heart race. He immediately pushed for the doors to open back up and you thanked him before noticing it was even Taehyung. He smiled sweetly, “Hi.”

“Hi,” you said back as you looked between him and Sora who had matching boxes for leftovers from a restaurant. Sora smiled too, “Hey Y/n, did you just get back from lunch?”

“No, I actually had a meeting that went over time so I haven’t eaten yet,” you told her as you tucked yourself into the back corner, “What about you?”

“Oh! Yeah, Taehyung and I just tried this café a couple blocks down. I recommend trying it, it’s really good,” Sora said and Taehyung would have hugged her with the way your eyes narrowed in confusion. He studied your expression as you looked over at him but he kept his gaze on the changing floor numbers.

He wants to kiss you and hold you and tell you that it meant absolutely nothing to him but he was still upset. He couldn’t just let you think that talking to other guys who were clearly interested in you was okay. It’s just… you haven’t eaten and he wants to be mad but he wants to make sure you’re doing alright because he knows how busy you are and now he’s thinking he’s made a mistake in trying to upset you.

No.

Taehyung, you need to put your foot down. Y/n is a big girl, and you can’t let her walk all over you and everything you’ve done—everything you’ll do.

“Really? Did you like it too, Taehyung?” You asked putting a territorial hand on his bicep that had him leaning into your touch more. He looked into your eyes and he couldn’t quite read your expression yet, “It was alright.”

You weren’t jealous, alright. You don’t tend to be jealous because then that means you envy someone else and there’s no one worth envying but… but you do get possessive. Very, extremely possessive that you work very hard to hide that but he’s confusing you a little. You went out this past weekend and he kisses you like you’re all he wants, he follows you around the office and calls you all the time only for him to have lunch with another woman?

It’s no secret that Taehyung is handsome, everyone in the office thinks so and they all are very obvious with their interest in him yet he’s expressed to you that he wants you. Sure, it creeps you out just a tad bit how serious he is about it but why would he go get lunch with someone else while you’ve been stuck in meetings all morning? Now that just pisses you off.

Before he could give you an answer, the elevator dinged and the doors were opening. Sora made a move to leave and looked back at him expectantly but his eyes were on you. You wouldn’t even look at him and your expression was clear as day and it showed how unhappy you were right now. When it was obvious that neither of you were getting off yet she left with a mumbled goodbye and the doors closed.

Taehyung pushed down on a button and as you looked at it you noticed it was for the lobby, “What are you doing?”

“You haven’t eaten so let’s go to the cafeteria and get you food,” he said coming over to you. He was content now, all he needed was to see that you’ll get upset too if he talks with another woman and then you’ll see that he has a right to get upset with you.

Once he gets it through your head then he’ll be able to focus on Minho and how to show him that you’re Taehyung’s.

“I can go alone, you just had lunch with Sora,” you told him, moving away from him and he did not like that at all.

“I’m worried about you,” he said honestly as he tried to close the space but you still wouldn’t even look at him. Why were you so damn annoyed that a man you just started getting close to had lunch with someone else?

“So what made you want to have lunch with Sora?” You asked, completely ignoring what he said because for some reason you were very bothered.

Isn’t he supposed to be, like, obsessed with you or something?

Taehyung scoffed as he smiled, “Is that really bothering you right now?”

You didn’t say anything making him continue, “I wanted to have lunch with you but you seemed busy all day talking to Minho and I didn’t want to wait around for you to pay attention to me.”

“What? Minho? I was in meetings and he was in them too, I had no contr—“

“I don’t like you talking to him,” Taehyung spoke firmly that you were caught off guard, and this time he wasn’t going to wait for you to look at him. He had this dark look in his eyes that had you taking a hesitant step back but it was no use because he just followed, “It really upsets me, Y/n. Do you really want to upset me?”

“Taehyung…”

The doors opened once more as the elevator got flooded with people you and Taehyung left.

“We work together, I can’t just ignore him,” you finally said calmly despite everything inside you telling you that the way he sounded right now was unreasonable. You didn’t even like Minho.

He joined you in the cafeteria where they served meals cooked by chefs, “I know that but you know that he has a thing for you so it makes me uncomfortable.”

You stopped turning to look at him, “Taehyung… nothing is ever going to happen between him and I. I don’t date coworkers.”

You both were very aware of what you just said and what it could possibly mean with Taehyung. It’s true, it’s what you’ve wanted to say since he creeped you out the first night you kissed. It’s what you should have said first, or better yet, ignored Taehyung’s obsessive behavior in the first place.

At the same time though, you know you aren’t being fully honest. If Taehyung were to ask… well, you could see yourself with him again. He worried you but the way he’s so obviously interested in you and only doing things to get a side out of you, you kind of like that. It makes you realize that he’s constantly thinking about you in some way so you really only said it to see how he’ll react.

God, you can’t even believe yourself.

“What does that mean?” Taehyung asked, trying so hard to seem calm but you can practically hear his façade cracking that it made you want to keep pushing.

You weren’t even worried about how you two looked to others and you moved closer to say to him, “I’m just thinking that maybe it’s not a good idea to get involved with someone I work with. It’ll cause problems.”

Taehyung wasn’t even thinking about Minho anymore, he was trying to understand and think quickly on what to do.

“If you want me to quit so we can be together…” he said staring at the floor deep in thought, he’s already trying to think of a plan, “I can, I just worry that you’ll leave me if someone new comes in.”

“What? Taehy—I—why would I want you to quit?” You rushed out as you tried to walk again so the two of you weren’t just standing in the middle and wasting time.

Taehyung was following you a couple steps behind.

He can work it out. He just has to get rid of Minho before he does what you want. If you want him to quit he can easily apply somewhere else… but only after he figures out what to do about Minho.

“It’s what you’re saying, Y/n. You don’t date coworkers,” Taehyung said seriously, you had to stop and try to understand what the hell was going on now. Out of habit, you looked down at your watch—you were wasting time talking about this.

You looked around cautiously before moving closer. He looked down at you with a dead set look in his eyes. You released a soft sigh, “I’ve got to go. Can we talk about this later?”

Taehyung already felt annoyed but now you’re trying to brush him off when he’s trying to have a serious conversation with you about the future of your relationship and that really pissed him off. Before he could say anything, you quickly and gently asked, “Can I call you later?”

You had a soft look in your eyes that immediately made his walls crumble and it had him asking, “Will you, actually?”

You nodded and he smiled, resisting the strong urge to give you a goodbye kiss.

When you turned your back to him and left, his smile fell. You’ll be busy and try and get back to him later so he has to think right now.

How does he fix his Minho problem?

By the time Taehyung was ready to head home, it was late. He got busy with work because he had been too focused on you to be productive and he had a lot to do before he could leave.

It sort of worked out though—and for two reasons.

Reason one, it gave him something to talk about when you called, even if he lies just a little.

“At least you’re home now, right?” You asked through your side of the phone as you tried to think of what to make yourself for dinner.

Taehyung bit his lip as he looked at reason number two.

Right there in the break room was a shiny laptop that looked very familiar to him. He honestly couldn’t believe his luck either but he also knew what a fucking idiot Minho was.

Leave it to him to leave his laptop open and unlocked. It was just too easy.

“Yes, I’m trying to think about what to make for dinner,” Taehyung said as he checked the room for anything but there wasn’t a camera in here for privacy reasons, “Any ideas?”

You smacked your lips with a dramatic sigh, “Sadly no. I’m not that good of a cook to give you ideas.”

That made him smile because he’s not surprised nor bothered by it. He’ll happily do everything for you if you let him and he can start with cooking.

Taehyung sat in front of the laptop trying to read what was pulled up on a tab. It looked like a power point of some sort and the date for it was tomorrow. His fingers began to work before he could even think about it.

“How about you come over this weekend and I’ll make us something nice?” Taehyung asked casually as he put his little scheme in motion. If this doesn’t get rid of Minho he doesn’t know what will.

You took a deep breath, “Taehyung what I said earl—…”

“I get it, Y/n, but you can’t tell me you don’t feel anything for me,” Taehyung said, his face lighting up with the laptop screen that reflected off his irises, “Let’s just… you know take it slowly and see where it goes.”

“This weekend?” You bit your lip in thought and he smiled as he finished up and tried to wipe away any evidence that he touched it. He doesn’t want to be found out after all.

“Yeah,” He said as he saved his work and closed the laptop, “I’ll give you time to think about it, you don’t have to give me an answer right now, alright?”

“Alright,” you finally said and Taehyung did feel a little annoyed. Why was this a hard decision for you?

Look at what he’s doing just so you aren’t uncomfortable at work anymore.

Look at who he’s getting rid of for you.

He brought the laptop back to Minho’s desk and put it away, knowing Minho he wouldn’t have any clue where he left it last and this would look the most inconspicuous.

“So…” Taehyung trailed off as he left like it was nothing, “I know you were telling me about the project you’re working on but I want to know something not work related.”

“Oh God, what do you want to know?” You asked as you finished up what you were doing in your kitchen.

“Everything about you,” Taehyung said, finally going home feeling very accomplished.

You didn’t usually get to have late mornings so when you did, you really treasured them. You always feel so much more refreshed than when you get to work early in the morning, still half asleep. Usually your late morning days went by so fast but today was strange since the get go.

For one, there was a single cop car outside your building today that was parked out front like it was the most normal thing ever.

Second, there were groups of people huddling and gossiping on your floor that you knew something was up.

You walked over to your closest acquaintance, Yuna, “What’s going on?”

Yuna’s eyes shifted behind you instead of to you and it didn’t take much for you to know Taehyung has found you already. Yuna looked away blushing [this was the first time he’s ever been so close], “Um… someone was in a meeting and there was something on his laptop.”

Your brows furrowed as you looked around, “And there’s a cop here because of it?”

“It’s bad,” Yuna whispered, wincing as if she can picture what was found on the laptop. You looked at Taehyung who stared off looking indifferent but you can practically see his little smile.

You pushed your suspicions to the side as you tried to get a better look but you didn’t need to put much effort into it. Minho came out of your boss’s office with a cop at his side and a box of all his office belongings. Whispers surrounded him and his eyes met yours.

You took a step forward to see if what was happening was real when a strong hand tugged at the back of your arm keeping you in place. You glared at Taehyung who continued to act completely unbothered by what was going on.

The boss sent everyone one look to have them all scrambling to get to work but you paid your attention to Taehyung only.

“Did you do this?”

“Do what?” Taehyung asked as he walked with you, “Also how’s your morning going? You just got here, right? Lucky you.”

“Taehyung if you’re not honest with me right now then I’m calling it off right here, right now,” you said seriously as he dragged you into the break room where no one was.

His jaw clenched, “What are you trying to accuse me of right now?”

“Minho.”

“What about him?” Taehyung asked, “And why are you willing to throw us away over it? When do you I would’ve even had time to do anything? You and I talked on the phone all evening.”

He can’t believe you’ll even say that to him when he’s gotten rid of your problem for you in the nicest way he could. Sure, he had to dig up some dirty stuff to get Minho out but he left [and with a police escort]! Shouldn’t you be thrilled?

You scoffed, not buying what he was saying at all. You just had this feeling in your gut that he did something, “Did you have anything to do with what happened with Minho right now. And be honest or I swear I won’t talk to you again.”

Taehyung didn’t say anything for a long moment trying to read your bluff. He wanted to keep denying it but what if you meant what you said? What if you’ll really ignore him from now on?

With a cold expression that sent shivers down your spine he honestly said, “I told you I didn’t like you talking to him.”

You gasped in confusion, “What do—How—So what? You’re getting him fired because of it?”

“I would never,” Taehyung went back to lying, “I just found some stuff in his search history that needed to be seen. I didn’t know he’d get fired over it.”

You were completely speechless and confused. God, you need to get away from this man.

But.

But…you just can’t bring yourself to speak up and you wish it was because you were scared to but it wasn’t. You just didn’t want to, so instead you just shook your head, “For me?”

“Yes,” he said quietly, making sure no one was around, “He bothered us both, Y/n. Now you don’t have to worry about him.”

You didn’t say anything making him sigh, “Don’t be mad, please?”

You should get away.

You shouldn’t be thinking about how strangely endearing and caring he was for you. This is sick… but…

“I’m not,” you said, “I’m just… I don’t know.”

Taehyung laughed softly using your confusion and did you actually Ed mind to get you to move on from it, “Let’s get back to work, alright?”

You were a little nervous to go over to Taehyung’s place the next weekend, but not for the right reasons. You should be worried about your safety and his erratic behavior but you’re not. You’re more worried on how the night will go with him and what this means for you both.

You didn’t even have to knock for Taehyung to know you were here. The door opened before you could ring the bell and he stood there looking perfect.

Taehyung’s been preparing all day for this. He’s made sure everything looked absolutely perfect for you and he looked through your Instagram food posts a million times to make your favorite things. He’s cleaned up the place and changed his bed sheets because tonight’s the night.

Everything he’s done has led up to tonight and everything he’s done for you was all worth it because look at where you are now. You’re standing pretty in his doorway looking at him with awe that had him melting inside. As he let you in, he wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you close and leaned down to kiss your cheek. He couldn’t stay still watching you look around and take his place in.

He got rid of a lot of stuff today in case you were already trying to see where your stuff could go when you move in.

“Wow,” you said looking around, “You’ve got a nice place.”

Taehyung left for the kitchen where he served you both a glass of wine and brought it over to you. You thanked him and continued to snoop while he watched you from afar.

“Dinner’s ready for whenever you’re hungry,” Taehyung said pointing to the dining table and you went to sit. He didn’t sit across from you but he sat on the side closest to you on the square table. He began to serve your plate as you set your phone facing down on the table and got yourself situated.

“Thanks for having me over,” you told him honestly as you looked at him with soft eyes, “I know it’s been a little confusing these last few days.”

“Don’t even worry about that, baby,” Taehyung said, trying his hardest to avoid talking about whatever problems happened, “I’m just happy I have you here with me.”

“So tell me,” you rested your chin in the palm of your hand as you looked at him. You realized that if you’re actually falling for Taehyung despite everything then you have to try and really understand him.

“Hm?” He waited patiently to hear what you had to say. He kept your plate at his side as he went ahead and picked up the silverware. He cut into some of the food before raising his hand toward you.

At first you just stared at it trying to get what he was doing and finally you let your lips part enough for him to feed you. He was being so gentle and just doing everything for you. That’s why he sat so close.

“What is it about me that you like?” You asked once you finished what was in your mouth. Taehyung thought for a second as he ate, a smile appearing on his face looking down at his plate.

“It’s hard to explain,” Taehyung said honestly, “I was immediately attracted to you the first time we met.”

You looked at him curiously and to be honest you don’t remember how you met. He waited to see if you would say anything but when you didn’t he kept going, “It was in the elevator. You were running late for something and we bumped into each other. All of your papers fell to the floor in front of me and I don’t know… I was in a bad mood that day but you were so cute and clumsy and made me smile which is very hard to do when I’m not in the mood.”

You laughed softly because in truth you barely remember but you do remember seeing him around and thinking about how hot he was. It wasn’t until he started making himself known to you that you started realizing how much he must like you.

“I wanted to ask you out then but I figured I had to try and be acquaintances first,” Taehyung said as he continued to feed you by hand, “But then I’d see others go to you and try to flirt and… I realized I was taking too long to speak up. It’s like suddenly you were all I could think about and it was driving me crazy because I wasn’t making a move, I was wasting time.”

“You were,” you told him, “So I had to ask you out first.”

Taehyung smiled, feeling happy beyond belief, “I know, I felt really great that whole weekend. It was like… I don’t know, it was nice to know you thought about me like that too.”

After dinner the two of you sat in Taehyung’s living room talking and drinking wine. At one point he closed the space between you until your legs were on his lap and his hand was caressing your bare thigh. Your arm was on his shoulder for support and he was telling you about how he grew up.

He seemed completely normal to you and it made you wonder if everything you were suspicious about was just in your head.

You were running your fingers through his hair lovingly as you said, “You’re not what I thought you’d be.”

“What did you think I’d be?” Taehyung asked, completely relishing the way you touched him that he leaned into you even more until your faces nearly brushed against each other.

You released a low sigh, “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t realize how serious you were about me. I always had a feeling bu—“

“Y/n,” his voice dropped as he looked at you. There was a dark look in his eyes that wasn’t there moments ago, “Don’t ever think I’m not serious about you. You’re my everything.”

You went quiet as you looked back at him trying to read the expression behind his eyes. In a flash, the darkness disappeared and he was smiling adoringly at you. He knows you don’t feel the same yet but he also knows you will soon so he’s not worried about hearing you tell him anything back.

“Where’s your bathroom?” You asked him, trying to find a little bit of space to think. He pointed to the hall and let you get off of him.

The night was going perfect and he can just tell you’re falling for him almost as hard as he’s fallen for you. He is in love with you and soon you’ll be in love with him too, he’ll make sure of it.

Taehyung stayed on the couch trying to calm his own nerves but he had a huge smile on his face. Everything has worked out so perfectly. All his preparations, all his scheming and calculations has led up to this and now you’re in his bathroom freshening. You’re in his home, his home.

If this all works the way he plans it to then it’ll be your home soon too. He doesn’t mind being the only provider, you can just stay here and he’ll be the one going to work. He can’t risk running into more men like the server and Minho. He can’t get caught and he’s already been too impulsive with the way he’s handled things.

He’ll sit you down and have a conversation with you because he doesn’t appreciate when anyone else tries to come between you two and you’re a hot topic at work. It’s no surprise of course considering you attracted Taehyung instantly and for a reason too. You’re just so beautiful to him, sure sometimes he can just tell you’re annoyed or upset but even then you make him giddy.

He’ll talk to you about the time you basically tried breaking up with him when you realized he’s the one who exposed Minho, but he won’t get mad, he swears. He’ll just tell you that he didn’t appreciate the way you attacked him for something he did for you. Thankfully you realized his intention and let the topic go but he just wants to make it clear that you won’t act that way with him again.

Taehyung checked the time on his watch one last time as he waited anxiously for your return. He was looking around his own apartment trying to find something to distract himself with when something suddenly caught his attention.

It wasn’t hard to draw him in considering the screen was lit up on your phone with a picture of a man displayed as someone tried calling you.

Jimin.

God, he couldn’t stand the guy.

He’s gotten rid of the server and Minho but he hasn’t had a chance to see Jimin other than the Christmas party.

Taehyung clicked for the call to end and right after text messages were flooding in.

jimin: how is it with the freak

jimin: lol pls tell me you’re alive

jimin: I don’t want to have to file a missing persons report

His head tilted to the side reading the three messages over and over and over again.

With a clenched jaw and bated breath he set the phone back down and sat back.

He’s a freak?

This Jimin guy thinks Taehyung will hurt you? He never will.

He. Never. Will.

So why does this man think that? He doesn’t even know him, what have you told him?

You came out with a smile on your face, you spent a lot of time just thinking and looking at yourself in the mirror. You’ve decided now that, yes, sometimes he does very questionable things but at the end of the day he hasn’t hurt you by any of it. He seems to genuinely have feelings for you and you’re developing strong ones for him too.

You really think you and Taehyung could work and he makes your heart race a little bit. Of course you don’t fully agree with what Taehyung did about Minho but surely it wasn’t entirely his fault. He said it himself, hw only brought forward Minho’s own dirt and made sure he got caught. Plus, going to the office has been so much easier without him there to sexualize you every chance he gets. Honestly, you should’ve thanked him for giving you those tickets because if he hadn’t then you would have never asked Taehyung to go with you out of spite.

When you found the living room empty you looked for Taehyung, finding him in the kitchen dumping the glasses of wine down the drain. He finally looked at you but there wasn’t that usual gentle smile on his face. He nodded toward the living room, “You got a call while you were gone.”

“Oh,” you went to get your phone which was exactly how you left it last and checked it out. Once you saw it was from Jimin you immediately felt yourself panic just slightly. You quickly texted Jimin to stop joking and put your phone back down and went to Taehyung.

“Are we done drinking for the night?” You asked because you could just feel that he wasn’t as happy as he was earlier. He didn’t give you a response as he walked around you to continue clean up the mess from your dinner.

You knew something was wrong when you saw him, he didn’t look as happy and now you know why. If he saw what Jimin sent you then you can see him being upset even if it’s just a joke. He seems to be very serious when it comes to you so he probably doesn’t appreciate you talking about him to Jimin as a joke either.

Shit.

You had to stop and think to try and figure out what to do. You don’t want him to be upset if you’re trying to see where things go with him. You’re not even sure if you can handle what kind of guy Taehyung is when he’s mad at you so you much rather not have to see that at all. You rather just make him forget whatever he saw and try to show him that you’re here for him, that’s what you need to do.

With your thoughts more organized, you stood taller and looked for him. He was once again in the kitchen with the sleeves of his button up shirt rolled up and his back to the countertop.

Taehyung saw you walking over to him but he couldn’t even bring himself to smile. He doesn’t like your friend, he wants Jimin gone. His hands were holding himself leaned up on the kitchen counter as you stood in front of him. His jaw was clenched with tension he felt in his muscles and not even your pretty, sparkly eyes could make him relax.

He was using a lot of strength to not take your phone and break it or better yet find Jimin and ask him what his problem was.

“Tae,” your hands went to the counter, almost touching his and essentially trapping him between them.

“What’s your friend talking about?” Taehyung asked suddenly and it caught you by surprise just a little. He’s usually blunt but he’s been so sweet all night and right now his voice was deeper than it had been.

“I don’t know,” you laughed nervously as you looked into his eyes, “He was just joking.”

The corner of his lips turned up in a scoff, “Don’t lie to me right now. You think I’m a freak?”

Your eyes widened just slightly, “What? N—no, Jimin’s just joking, he just says shit he thinks is fu—“

“Does he want you? Is that what’s going on?” Taehyung asked, clearly not hearing you out, “Do you want him?”

“Jimin and I are just frien—“

“I don’t want to hear his fucking name…” Taehyung dipped his head down, eyes on yours and your foreheads touching making it obvious that your attention had to be on him, “come out of your pretty mouth again.”

Taehyung wasn’t scaring you and that might be the most fucked up part of the night. For some reason you already had it in your head that he wouldn’t hurt you so you didn’t feel threatened at all. Jimin jokes around all the time but Taehyung doesn’t know him so he doesn’t get it. You’ve already grown a custom to his somewhat erratic behavior and it would be a waste to back out now, right?

If it’s going to work you need to give him signs too, right?

“Taehyung,” your voice was soft as you let a hand trail up toward the back of his neck which was dipped down to be closer to you. You tilted your head upward but still came up a little short of his lips, “I won’t say his name again.”

Right now he’s just upset, once he cools down you’re sure you can further explain your best friend’s behavior so that when the two do finally meet there’s no unresolved tension. You’re just trying to tell Taehyung what he wants to hear and how he wants it to happen. He wants you to admit what you feel without him forcing you to but the way he acts already gives you a push to open up to him.

It was all kind of a fucked up little game.

Taehyung looked encaptivated by your proximity but he still came off as unamused while looking at your soft lips that he wanted on his, “I don’t believe you.”

Your thumb softly brushes along the hair on his nape, “Will you believe it if I told you I want to be yours?”

His entire body seemed to go still, only his eyes switched back and forth trying to read the sincerity in your own. There’s a shift in the air as he realizes that what you’re saying is true and it had him acting before he could think.

You gasped in surprise as his hand tilted your jaw upward until your mouths crashed into each other with want. He was quickly forgetting about Jimin.

He dipped his head lower to deepen the kiss, his tongue swiping against your lips. You had to take a step back to keep yourself from stumbling but Taehyung just followed after you, finally pushing off the counter.

His hands were running down your sides wrinkling your dress in the process as he stopped on your ass. There was no denying the fact that you just told Taehyung what he’s wanted to hear for some time now. He was in a frenzy, feeling you up as you made out with tongue.

When it became too much for one breath you had to push away but you immediately became breathless once more when his kiss trailed down your neck to your jaw. Your hands began to claw at his shirt trying to feel more and more of him.

Taehyung pulled out of the kiss with a low groan as if doing that wasn’t in his agenda but he needed to breathe. He looked down at you with that familiar dark gaze of his and breathed heavily, “Bedroom?”

You let him drag you away, literally, his arms circled under your thighs and lifted you enough for your feet not to drag against the floor and carried you down the hall. Before you know it, Taehyung was setting you down on the silk sheets like you were the most fragile thing he’s ever come across. His body quickly pressed against yours and your hands immediately came around his face to pull him into another heated kiss.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered against your skin as his hands roamed along your sides and his kisses ran down your collarbone to what was exposed cleavage to his hungry mouth. You sigh in content as he pulls at the top of your dress to lower it under your lacy bra that had him whining in his deep voice at the sight of your covered breasts. He continued to kiss between the valley of your breasts and you had to wiggle around to bring your hands up and push him back but he didn’t like that.

He stopped his hissing as he pulled up with a glare in his eyes but you just ran your fingers through his hair, “Do you believe me yet? That I wanna be yours?”

He laughed softly as he dipped down to kiss you one more time before finally got moving to sit back between your legs on his knees and watch you sit up, “You’ve been mine from the moment I saw you, baby.”

You went silent as you sat in front of him, not bothering to argue or confirm what he said. I stead you smiled, “Then will you let me show it?”

He moved off the bed to watch you more clearly and try and see if you were serious.

“Show me then,” Taehyung said lowly even as his fingers trembled with anticipation watching you move onto your knees and pull at the bottom of your dress before it went over your head and landed on the floor as you began to crawl over to the edge of the bed. He had to bite down on his bottom lip to stop himself from groaning at the sight. You looked everything like he imagined but better.

He watched your hands reach for the buttons of his shirt and he made absolutely no move to help you undress him, he focused on your lust filled gaze as you stared back at him instead of what you were doing.

Each button you undid of his shirt had you leaning closer to kiss down the expanse of his torso going lower and lower until you were at the final button just above his jeans. Taehyung let his head fall back when you kissed along his happy trail while your fingers began to tug at the hem of his pants.

You undid the button and pulled the zipper down before bringing them down enough to expose the waistband of his briefs. Taehyung loved every second of unbreakable eye contact you gave him as your hand ran down his navel to slip under the hem of his Calvin Klein’s.

He couldn’t hold back the low grunt that escaped his lips as your hand made their way to his naked member, palming him under the constricting layers he still wore. Your fingers wrapped around his hardening length giving him a cautious stroke. You kissed down his chest making him groan when he felt teeth nip at his skin playfully while your palm covered the top of his cock and smeared it with precum.

Taehyung ran his fingers through your hair as you slowly sank down to your knees and he licked his dry lips with want. If this was what it was like to be worshiped by you then he hopes he always gets to experience it. He’ll do the same every day to you if you let him.

He felt a shiver run down his spine when you finally tugged his jeans off along with his briefs as he kicked them off only leaving him in his open button up shirt. You sat pretty in front of him, a hand on his cock that felt heavy in your hold and as he combed your hair back so he could see your face better, you took the first taste.

Your tongue began at the base of his cock then licked all the way to his tip teasingly and Taehyung wasn’t embarrassed by the way his entire body seemed to react to the first wet glide. Both of his hands sunk into your hair to keep himself from doubling over and making you take more than you could. With a small tilt of your head you finally opened your lips enough for his tip to slip in. He couldn’t control the low groan he let out when you licked over his slit collecting the clear drops of precum.

You still had a hand around his waist, squeezing a little while you stroked his length with his cock head being sucked on. Little by little you began to sink more of his dick down your throat and it was creating a wet glide with spit. The hands in your hair were getting a bit more firm, keeping you in place but still allowing you to move.

Taehyung’s lips were parted with quiet moans slipping from them as he looked down at you with awe. He had to squeeze his eyes shut from the pleasure but it only intensified when all he could focus on were the lewd sounds your throat made as you bobbed your head along his cock.

“Oh, baby,” Taehyung couldn’t stop his body from folding over you as if he wanted to draw his hips away but he held your head in place.

He was so close, he’s been dreaming about this for days. There’s a reason why he didn’t want to do more the first night you went out and it’s because he wanted the moment to be right. It wasn’t right at the time, you weren’t sure of your feelings but now you are and bows the time he makes it official with you.

“So good,” the words came out slurred as he licked his lips, “So fucking good.”

Knowing he was close, you began to twist your wrists, jerking him off with both hands and as much of his cock as could fit in your mouth.

He didn’t give much warning other than his attempt to take his dick out of your mouth only to pull on your hair and make you swallow his release as he came down your throat. Once the initial shock at the sudden roughness had worn off, you continued to suck him off trying to milk him dry, feeling his thighs tense up and shake as pretty moans fell from his lips.

You’ve had sexual partners before so you know that sometimes it takes them a while to it back up or at least time to let his high down but Taehyung was different. His hands came down under your chin, almost grabbing at your neck as he pulled you up enough for your mouths to meet in a disgusting kiss that tasted like his own release and he didn’t even seem to care.

You had to stand up from the way he tried dragging you up and once you were on your feet, he had a soft gonna hold on your neck, “I love you.”

You seemed to freeze up at his words, trying to process what he just said. It was way too soon to admit something like that even if you had a feeling he felt that way for a while now. Taehyung didn’t even seem to notice your sudden hesitation and kissed you hungrily once again. You didn’t do anything but kiss him back with equal hunger and let him walk you back until you hit the edge of the bed.

Neither one of you broke away from the kiss as he swiftly scoot you back on the bed until your head hit the pillows. Taehyung licked your tongue with his, “I can’t wait anymore.”

You could feel the tip of his cock brush against your covered folds and it was still astounding to you that his erection never went away if anything it became harder.

“Condom?” You asked between kisses, head following after Taehyung when he tried to move back. God, you were being pulled in by his sexual advances. You wanted more and more of him too and he did seem to make you hesitate when he said he loved you but… but it’s doing things to you. You wanted him bad.

As he rummaged through his drawers for a condom you slipped your bra off half distracting him from his looking when he was met with the sight of your exposed breasts. Taehyung had to shake the image of you away as he found what he was looking for and cut into the wrapper like he was being timed. He came back between your legs and helped you slide your panties off, watching a line of slick connect your folds to the fabric. He let a finger run along then and gather some of your wetness before bringing it to his mouth.

He sighed in pleasure, loving the way you tasted.

Taehyung did most of the work moving your legs up where he wanted them and kissed you reassuringly. He had a hand on his cock giving himself a few strokes while running his tip between your pussy lips and coating his member with your slick.

His other hand was happily finding your breasts and cupping one as he let his fingers pinch at your hardened nipple. You released a quiet whine from the slight pull and the way his dick seemed to be teasing you to the point where your hips were trying to meet his efforts halfway.

“Baby,” you sighed breathlessly and he felt his heart swell. It was the first time you’ve ever called him anything other than Taehyung and he needed to hear it again. He needed to feel all of you so he lowered his head to place a kiss on the roundness of your tit. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders not wanting to stop when his tongue swiped at your nipple, licking it before sucking it into his mouth.

His hips seemed to sink down as his hand lined his cock between your folds more accurately. His knees dug into the mattress as he continued his assault on your tits and let only his tip slip into your entrance. Your hands were on his shoulder but soon moving along his back as if trying to hurry along and he let himself sink down more and more.

When he circled his tongue around your nipple he made your back arch into him, tightening around his cock with the new angle that had you both moaning softly.

Taehyung was careful at first, only steady thrusts, in and out, drawn back fully before pushing in softly. His body was so close, finally being inside of you felt like it was where he belonged. The way your bodies just fit so perfectly against each other was proof that you were meant to be. He had to try and be calm so you wouldn’t get scared when in reality all he wants to do is fuck you till you’re only thinking about him.

You grip his shoulders tightly, moving your hips in rhythm with him as you matched his thrusts, showing him that you wanted more. One of the hands you had on his bare back was coming up to the nape of his neck where you pulled on his hair hard enough to make him leave your breasts and crawl back to your awaiting lips.

"Why are you so fucking pretty?" He licked the corner of your mouth as you watched his hips draw back before pushing forward harshly. He was fucking you at a slower pace but still being a little rough, “So fucking pretty it hurts, baby.”

You smiled as your body seemed to move along the sheets with his harsh thrusts as you looked into his eyes, still holding the back of his hair, “Do you love me?”

God, it scared you but you wanted to hear it over and over again as he fucked you senseless.

“Yes,” Taehyung moaned out as a hand came to your hair grabbing a handful of it for control. He didn't pull but he just needed something to hold tight the way you held him, he let his hand circle around your thigh and bring it up to his waist where you wrapped your legs around him, "Don’t care if you don’t love me yet, you will.”

Warning bells went off but you weren’t listen because his thrusts became more rough, losing his rhythm in the process but passionately and aggressively fucking you. You lean up to kiss him for a moment and he releases a deep groan as he peeled his body off yours so he could sit back on his haunches and fuck you like that.

"Taehyung," you moaned again, hands gripping the sheets when he got too far out of your reach.

"I love you so fucking much," he growled as he moved so that a leg of yours fell back down on the mattress while he stretched the other one up to rest on his shoulder.

He leaned forward not caring much for your flexibility and cupped your chin between his fingers and thumb. Just like that, he began to fuck you in this new position that had you whining in pain and pleasure.

“Say you’re mine,” he said through gritted teeth as he felt your walls clench around him making it harder for him to grind his cock into your needy cock without feeling the need to release any second.

“I’m yours,” you whispered with moans falling from your lips, “I’m yours, Taehyung.”

Fuck, he hated how quickly he could cum with your words and he had to make you cum before he did this time. He lowered the hand he had on your thigh to your clit where he began to flick the hardened bud between two fingers, fucking into you the way you deserved and your head was falling back with a loud moan.

His face was pressed against your leg and his eyes squinted shut as he felt his release building up to the point where Taehyu f was fucking you so hard and fast that the pillows were falling off the bed along with some of the sheets.

“I’m gonna cum,” you finally said and with a swift push of your leg off his shoulder; he was hugging your body to him as he brought you both to orgasm.

The room was filled with a mixture of pants and loud moans from the two of you. Taehyung pressed his face against yours as he repeated in whispers, “I love you, Y/n. I love you. I love you so much.”

You never gave him a response but he didn’t need one to express himself to you. He knew that you wanted him by the way you cling to him even as he tries to dislodge himself so he could take the uncomfortable condom off his softening dick. He looked down at the mess he’s made of you and the way your chest rose and fell with each heavy breath you took and he couldn’t take it.

He couldn’t help but want to make you feel so good and it made him realize the mistake he’s made. In his rush to be inside you, he never thanked you for taking his dick in your mouth like the perfect slut you are for him. He got a small taste of your pussy on his fingers but he hasn’t put his mouth on it directly and that’s a damn shame.

He can see that you’re still coming down from the high of orgasm but he couldn’t help himself. He was crawling down your open legs to find himself face to face with your used cunt that pushed out cum even now.

You felt the movement down there but you still hadn’t fully been paying attention until Taehyung moved.

Taehyung was sneaky like that, he’ll make himself noticed only when he wants to and of course it was only when his wet tongue met your oversensitive clit with a long lick. You nearly yelped and had your legs squeezing around his legs, “Wa—wait.”

“Tae—Baby, I jus— ” You whimpered as you heard the slick sounds of his mouth eagerly lapping up your release from the good fuck he’s just given you, “Stop, pl—“

You bit back a whine as Taehyung suddenly pulled back. He crawled up to you with open eyes as he studied your face for any idea of what you might be thinking. You wanted him to stop?

He still had a hand wrapped around your thigh and he ran small circles into the side with the pad of his thumb as he said, “You want me to stop?”

You were abusing your bottom lip with the way you bit into it and it had his eyes zoning in on the action wanting nothing more but to pull out with his own teeth until your mouths clashed once more. But no.

No, he won’t. He has to see what you really want.

“I’m still sensitive,” you whispered as you cupped his face in your hands admiring how pretty he looked covered in sweat. He kissed the palm of your hand as it slipped lower down his cheek, “I’ll be gentle baby, I just want a taste.”

“Mm,” you moaned at those soft words and he smiled, “I’m tired though.”

He watched the way you turned your bottom lip out into a pout and he felt his heart explode as he whispered, “I’ll do all the work. I’ll clean you up.”

With a pleased sigh at his proposal you nodded, “Okay.”

He’s treated you right all night even if your friend might’ve put him in a bad mood. You knew just how to make him feel better and the things he’s said the entire time you’ve been having sex was finally getting to you.

That’s why, before he could go back down to eating you out, you made sure to say, “I love you too.”

Taehyung was like a devil in disguise and you’ve probably known this since the moment you met him. He played the charming, charismatic man too well.

He played the nice guy, the respectful one, the kind one yet that’s not the version of him that you fell for believe it or not.

The part that really made you fall for him was the way he lied and played with people like it was a game. He is picture perfect and you love that but you also love the fact that nobody but you seems to understand how crazy and calculative he is.

He can smile in someone’s face only to stab them in the back if they say one thing to him or you that he doesn't like. You learned to accept that after what happened with Minho. When he finally opened up to what happened that had him so on edge on your first date it all made sense.

He couldn’t end that first night perfectly when he thought that the server ruined it. You understood him now, so you should understand why he doesn’t want you around Jimin.

You know Taehyung could act like he’s gotten over his possessiveness and has learned to accept the years long friendship you’ve had with Jimin, but you know that’ll all be a lie.

You know that in his pretty little head he’s probably going to be thinking about ways to make Jimin disappear and you found yourself not really caring either way.

Jimin is a good friend of yours and you had every intention of communicating that with Taehyung after the first night you slept together but it was pointless. He already had it in his mind that he didn’t want you to see each other you could lie and say you were mad but for some reason you didn’t care much about it anymore.

Maybe Taehyung had been the right one for you all along and you just wanted to make up all these weird suspicions about him even if he was very obvious with the way he felt for months. It took him so long to be the guy you can be comfortable around only for you to fall for his more manipulative side instead.

“Do you love me?” You asked in a quiet voice as the two of you sat side by side in a booth at a café. You were tucked away in a corner hidden from the view of others and he had a leg of yours on his lap so he could run his hand along it. His nose brushed against yours, “Yes.”

You smiled, “I love you too.”

“Do you?” He asked more seriously, like he always thought you were lying to him, like he still needed to do everything in his power to show you even though you’re already isolating yourself from others for him.

“Yes,” you said with a nod of your head.

He pressed his lips against yours, still being gentle with you as you kissed him back.

Taehyung felt more at ease than he has in a very long time and it’s because he knew everything paid off. Every single calculation he did in his head on how to get you to be his was finally done. He doesn’t have to plot anymore or sabotage something in his favor, he’s done with those little games.

He has you and there’s absolutely no way he’s letting you go.

::.

a/n ok @aris-ink I tried my best at a dark concept so you gotta tell me how I did 😭

anyways I’ve been in such a Taehyung mood for weeks now and I haven’t written for him in a while since his special secret was a rewrite

hope this wasn’t toooo bad

personal taglist: @notmyfaultbutours @rerefundslocals @fandems @sugaluvmyg @guvgguk @kimyishin @libra04 @kooromiwrld @classycreationcupcake-blog @alwaysdreamingnotsleeping @cherrymonlightt @nikkiordonez12 @asking4-sanity @thvlover7 @saweetspoiled @uwu2rawr @shaybts-blog @babycandy111 @tearyjjeon @joons-uparupa @jeonninja @yellowcupid08 @02010802faves @knudsenheggedel @skzthinker @unnatae @aurorthi @beautywine @95ene @taekookstata @lilliankoo @shescharlie e @annenakamura @lesoleile @burnahtsw @babybella337 @kooloveys @ku-ku @chaelvrx @minnie-mouser22

#kim taehyung #Taehyung smut #yandere taehyung #taehyung angst #taehyung au #taehyun fanfic #kim taehyung smut #taehyung drabble #taehyung oneshot #bts taehyung #Taehyung fluff #taehyung #taehyung fic #bts drabble #bts smut #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #something about him

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oddinary4bts · 1 year

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Crazy for You | kth

☆summary: you’ve known Kim Taehyung your whole life. When you meet again at a party hosted by your best friend, alcohol looses your lips and you spill your secrets to your childhood crush. Will Taehyung give in to your desire, or will you be struck by remorse?

☆pairing: Kim Taehyung x female reader

☆rating: 18+

☆genre: best friend’s older brother to lovers, a little bit of fake dating trope, idol!au, angst, smut, fluff, snippets of life

☆warnings: alcohol consumption, getting ghosted before the story takes place, lying/hiding the truth to a best friend for months, unclear relationship (and what comes with it aka reader feels cheated on (rightfully so?)), sort of miscommunication? but not really, cursing, mention of a grandparent passing away, a very awkward dinner with all the members and their own readers (no one is named, gets a little redundant? but since everyone is a reader, it had to be done), pregnancy (at the veryyyy end of the fic), explicit content: virgin and unexperienced!reader, dom!tae, praising, fingering, ass slapping, tits play, oral sex (female and male receiving), tied-up sex, whip (not really used in the fic), dirty talking?, protected and unprotected sex, jerking off, taehyung is lowkey a freak

☆word count: 46.8k

☆a/n: as per usual, thank you to the beautiful @moonleeai for beta-ing this fic for me. Your work is forever appreciated <3. Also, I really hope you will enjoy reading this. It took me a lot longer to write than my usual fics because I was burned out in December and I just couldn’t function properly but I’m really proud of the result nonetheless! Enjoy your reading <3

Read the other establishments in the Life Goes On series here!

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

There was a small house at the end of a dirt road, surrounded by trees and fields. When the sun set, it coated the house with golden light, making it stand at the end of the road like it was straight from a postal card. Bushes sprinkled with wildflowers stood on the two sides of the red door that was always left open. It led into a kitchen that had held laughter, tears and late-night conversations, along with home cooked food made with love.

You had grown up in that house next to your best friend Eunjin and her two brothers, Taehyung and Jeongyu, and your own brother. Though Taehyung had left when you were still young, moving to Seoul to pursue his training. It had led to you being a lot closer to Jeongyu even though you were mostly Eunjin’s friend. Your own brother had followed after Taehyung, always being closer to the older Kim sibling in the first place.

The house at the end of the road was pretty, with a cozy look to it that made you want to settle down after a long day of work. As your car pulled in the driveway, memories of your childhood came back to you, bringing a smile to your lips.

You remembered playing soccer with Eunjin, her siblings and your brother, and chasing after frogs on rainy days. You had come home covered in mud from the fields more than once, yet Eunjin’s parents had always been nice about it. Same as her grandmother had been, though the older lady had passed away a few years ago.

Your car slowed down as you neared the house until it came to a full stop. You took the keys out of the engine, gaze wandering on the different cars you could see.

Eunjin had organized a small get-together with close friends to celebrate her getting the job she had always dreamed about. Some of her family was also going to be there, cousins that you had seen many times before. All the cars you could recognize, except the gray one that was the nearest to the house. It had your brows furrow as you threw your car door open and stepped out.

You breathed in the fresh air of October, eyes shutting as you let yourself absorb the cool aura of the countryside. You hadn’t been here in years, ever since you had moved to Seoul, and you were glad to be back. So you took your time to breathe in the air and the atmosphere, letting it bring you back to days when you didn’t know what it was to be surrounded by concrete, only knowing fields and open air.

Your eyes eventually fluttered open, gaze moving to the front porch of the house. There was a figure standing there, a man you hadn’t expected to see.

Kim Taehyung was leaning against one of the pillars holding the small roof of the porch, a quaint knowing smile on his lips. You didn’t know how long he had been standing there, and you blushed as you took in the sight of him.

Taehyung was wearing a pair of brown dress pants along with a pale loose shirt that was tucked into the pants. He had rolled up his sleeves, revealing the tan skin of his forearms and the expensive watch on his wrist, and his hair was pushed back as if he had run his hands through it too many times.

You met his gaze in the distance, gulping as he seemingly looked you up and down once before his eyes locked with yours again.

“Y/n”, he greeted you.

“Taehyung”, you said back, eyes falling to a puddle in the dirt in front of you. You bowed, just a little, before glancing behind you at your duffel bag on the backseat.

Taehyung’s gaze followed you as you grabbed it before starting to walk towards him. There was something weird about the aura surrounding him and you weren’t quite sure if it was because you hadn’t seen him in almost six years or because the confident smile on his lips intimidated you.

Maybe it was a little bit of both.

You met his gaze again as you stopped in front of him, offering him a tight-lipped smile. “I didn’t know you were going to be here”, you admitted and he shrugged his shoulders.

“Eunjin made me stop here on the way back from Busan”, Taehyung explained. “After the concert.”

You had heard about that concert. A free concert that had rocked the whole world for a time. It was strange to think that Taehyung was so famous, especially as he stood in front of you, with that same childish glint in his eyes that he had when he was younger. It was stranger to think that you were friends with his sister and that your life somehow was intertwined with Taehyung’s.

“Oh”, you let out. Your eyes slid to the door, right as it opened to reveal your best friend.

“Y/n!” Eunjin squealed as she ran out, wrapping her arms around your neck. “I’ve missed you so much.”

You chuckled, hugging her with one arm. “We were together a week ago”, you reminded her.

She tutted as she pulled away, grabbing your duffel bag from you and handing it to her brother. “Why don’t you make yourself useful and bring that inside, asshole?”

Taehyung rolled his eyes at his sister, before meeting your gaze. “I’ll do it for you, not for her.” He offered his sister a glare and then winked as he met your eyes over her head.

It left you with a dumbfounded look on your face as Taehyung disappeared inside. Eunjin’s brows knit together, and she turned towards you. “What the fuck was that?”

You were as confused as she was, so you simply shrugged your shoulders before motioning to the inside of the house. “Should we go in?”

Eunjin didn’t seem like she wanted to let it go, yet she didn’t mention it again as she pulled you in behind her. “Everyone’s already arrived.”

Indeed, as soon as you walked in you were greeted by a crowd of friends, along with the family members Eunjin had mentioned would be there. They greeted you warmly, but your eyes diverged to the stairs as Taehyung walked down them. He pushed his hair back, his gaze meeting yours for a few seconds. He offered you a tight-lipped smile as he raised his eyebrows, but Eunjin pulled you away before you could reply.

All it did was bring a light blush to your cheeks, one you did your best to ignore as Eunjin handed you a bottle of beer.

“Drink up, you’ve got some catching up to do”, she told you.

You let out a small laugh. “I don’t drink beer.”

Eunjin rolled her eyes, fists resting against her hips. “You will today.” She glanced at a spot over your shoulder. “I have a feeling you’re going to need it.”

Her words were immediately punctuated by cheers, and you turned your head towards the sound to see some of your friends cheering one of Eunjin’s family members as he chugged a beer. Your eyes widened, and you resumed your attention on your friend.

“What is going on here?” you asked.

You had never done parties like that. Had never really been allowed to do parties like that. It surprised you that Eunjin’s parents were letting it happen under their roof, yet Eunjin just brushed it off with a shrug of her shoulders.

“My parents told me that as long as we don’t break anything I can throw a party like in the movies.”

You looked at her pointedly. “Don’t people always break stuff at parties like in the movies?”

Eunjin laughed heartily, shaking her head. “Not under oppa’s careful attention.” You followed her line of gaze to see Taehyung punching his cousin in the shoulder before leaning in to say something in the young man’s ear. His enthusiasm seemed to deflate for a time, until Taehyung offered him a winning smile that had the happiness bleed back into the young man’s features. “He’s telling everyone to stop when they get too intense.”

It was unlike Taehyung, or rather unlike the Taehyung you had known years ago. Taehyung had always been the first one to want to have fun, to pull pranks on his siblings or to tease everyone and everything around him. There was still that same mischievous glint in his eyes today, but as the oldest he seemed to take his responsibilities seriously.

You wondered what his parents had told him to make him behave like that.

“Good thing he’s here then”, you said, before taking a swig of your beer.

You winced at the taste and the bitterness it left behind and Eunjin laughed at your expression. “Oh come on, it’s just a little beer.”

“Drink it then”, you said, pushing the beer towards her.

She shook her head and before she could speak, her younger brother threw an arm around her shoulder.

“Y/n!” Jeongyu greeted you. He had a large grin on his face, one that made his eyes crinkle at the corners. “I’ve missed you.”

“And yet you choose to hug your sister?” you teased him. “Come here.”

Jeongyu laughed, a little drunkenly, before stumbling into your open arms. He hugged you firmly, lifting you off the ground. You let out a yelp and your eyes met Taehyung’s as he moved closer.

You couldn’t quite read his expression, but he seemed surprised. As if he hadn’t really seen you before.

“What’s gotten into you?” Taehyung asked. For a moment, you thought he was addressing you as his eyes still held your gaze, but he tapped his brother’s shoulder.

Jeongyu immediately put you down, before offering a small pout to Taehyung. “Just happy to see Y/n, hyung.”

Taehyung arched an eyebrow prettily. “No need to crush her like that.”

“It’s fine”, you reassured the man as Jeongyu let you go. You met his gaze, offering him a bright smile. “I’ve missed you too, Jeongyu.”

A crooked grin appeared on the younger man’s lips. “How has Seoul been, nuna?”

The three siblings put their full attention on you. Usually, when it was just Eunjin and Jeongyu, you found it easy to talk to them. But right now, under Taehyung’s attentive gaze, you found you didn’t really know what to say.

“Uh”, you let out. “It’s been good.”

“Do you still work at the same office?” Taehyung asked. He furrowed his brows slightly. “What was it again?”

“Yes, I still work at the same place”, you answered. You chuckled, and a slight blush moved on your cheeks. “Still work for Samsung.”

Taehyung pursed his lips. “I don’t know how I managed to forget that.”

“Maybe because you haven’t seen her in years”, Eunjin pointed out.

Your best friend’s words ended the conversation, and you looked down at the floor as you took a sip of the beer. The liquid was as disgusting as it had been a moment ago, but it kept you occupied for a time, as the siblings started bickering.

If one thing hadn’t changed between the three of them, it was their constant bickering. Taehyung looked a lot younger then, and you found it easier to hold his gaze. The blush stubbornly remained on your cheeks, but you had always been the type to blush easily. Especially when alcohol was involved.

And Kim Taehyung, apparently.

Soon enough, the group of you moved to join the rest of the people attending Eunjin’s celebration. You found yourself sitting together with the friends you had gone to high school with, while Taehyung and Jeongyu moved to stand with their family members. Eunjin kept going from one crowd to another, ever so the social butterfly, accepting the congratulations people were offering her without even batting an eyelash.

Every now and then, your gaze slid towards Taehyung. You caught the older man looking at you on more than one occasion, and each time he offered you one of his tight-lipped smiles. The times when he wasn’t looking brought you back to when you were younger. To when you were fourteen and crushing on your best friend’s older brother.

You hadn’t thought that that crush still existed until butterflies swam in your belly at the sight of Taehyung’s boxy smile as he laughed at someone’s joke.

You looked away then, figuring it was better to ignore Taehyung. And it was, as you were surrounded by a crowd of your friends, and everyone of them were buzzing with energy. Jests were exchanged between the group, inside jokes you hadn’t thought you remembered as you all reminisced about high school.

The party kept going on for longer than you thought, even though most people weren’t sleeping over. You found yourself drinking more than you had expected, as you realized that beer didn’t taste so bad after your third bottle. It had your mind swirling in the sweet ecstasy of alcohol, and your initial repulsion to the idea of drinking disappeared into thin air.

If you were to party, you’d party grandly until dawn would inch to the horizon, tainting the sky in bright colors. And you did just that, joining Eunjin in a couple of alcohol games. It was fun with her cheering you on, and you won more than half of them, beating most of your friends. Your successful streak ended when you played against Taehyung and Jeongyu, though Jeongyu didn’t contribute to the game a lot. Indeed, Taehyung told him to sit down on the couch, as the younger man was far too drunk to even stand straight. It made you laugh, and you stumbled a little, taking an unexpected step towards Taehyung.

Taehyung caught your elbow and you looked up to meet his gaze. He had a stern expression on his face as if he disapproved of you drinking. You furrowed your eyebrows, before shrugging off his grip on your arm.

“Is something wrong?” you asked.

He seemed surprised by the outburst, and his eyebrows shot towards his hairline. “Ah, no, everything is okay.”

There was an awkward silence between the two of you, and you only then realized that Eunjin had been pulled away by one of her cousins.

Taehyung had pretty eyes. A dark gaze, one that you felt as if you were falling in as you looked at him. It had your mind turning dizzy, which wasn’t quite a great mix with the amount of alcohol you had ingested. Taehyung must have noticed your face paling because he grabbed your hand ever so gently, before pulling you behind him.

“What are you doing?” you asked, even though you offered him no resistance whatsoever.

He glanced at you over his shoulder, a strand of dark hair falling in his eyes. “You look like you need some fresh air.”

You knew he was right, but something about him making the decision for you felt wrong.

“I can be the judge of that”, you said, planting your heels in the ground.

Taehyung didn’t stop, though he offered you a small laugh. That laugh did things to your mind that you couldn’t quite explain, though it made you stumble forward. You fell against Taehyung’s back, face digging in the soft fabric of his shirt.

You inhaled a whiff of his cologne as you tried to regain your footing, and when you finally were able to stand by yourself, you realized your hand had wrapped around one of his biceps. Your other fingers were still prisoners of his hand and you blushed before letting your hand fall to your side.

“Sorry.”

Your apology was uttered barely above a whisper, but you were standing so close you knew he had heard it. Or maybe you knew because his grip on your fingers tightened, his thumb brushing the back of your hand.

“It’s okay”, he reassured you. “Let’s just get some fresh air for you.”

This time, you obeyed, not feeling like making a fool out of yourself again. Your lips instinctively formed a pout, but you followed Taehyung across the living room, up until you reached the front door. He glanced over his shoulder and you tried to meet his gaze but he was looking over your shoulder. You followed his line of sight, though found yourself unable to figure out what he had been looking at before he pulled you out, shutting the door gently behind him.

The world outside was dark. Fresh, and it smelled of humidity and soil, and all the smells autumn holds. Taehyung had let your hand go as soon as you were outside and you took a step forward, moving away from the light of the porch as your eyes instinctively looked up to the sky and the endless blanket of stars. The moon was hidden somewhere and all you could see were all the little imprints of light up there, promises of worlds unexplored by humanity. Worlds that had maybe died a long time ago, yet their existence was just now reaching Earth.

You wondered if there was someone out there, looking out at their own stars and seeing the Sun. It was a strange thought to have for your drunk mind, yet it strangely sobered you up as you felt small.

“Do you think we’re alone in the universe?” you asked.

You glanced back at Taehyung. He was still standing next to the door, hands in his pockets, and he had a bewildered expression on his face. Eyes slightly widened and mouth hanging open, as if he was about to say something. Yet he remained silent and the way his eyes met yours felt intimate somehow. Like you indeed were alone in the universe, the last bastion of humanity, and Taehyung was taking the sight in.

It felt strange to be looked at like that when no man had ever looked at you for more than a few seconds.

“Sometimes I think we are”, Taehyung finally replied. He took a few steps towards you before craning his neck to look up at the stars. It had you resume your attention on the night sky, right as Taehyung spoke again. “But then I think the world is never-ending, and new stars are born every day and I realize the odds that we’re the only place that life happened are way too slim.”

You remained silent, taking his words in. They were weird in your dizzy state, though you did feel more sober now that you were outside. Now that you were alone with Taehyung and not stuck inside a too-warm house. A house that you would always consider a home, but really you weren’t quite sure you were one for parties like the one Eunjin was throwing.

Or maybe you just had too much to drink.

“When you begin to think about it, what were the odds of life happening?” you mumbled, a little more to yourself. “Like, what were the odds that our ancestors would exist and then have babies up until our parents and like…” you trailed off, brows furrowed as you tried to make sense of the thoughts in your head. “Like what were the odds that we both would be standing here tonight, looking at the stars?”

Taehyung let out a laugh. A clear sound in the fall night, that warmed it up just a little bit. “Are you drunk or high?”

“I’m just saying, life is a series of coincidences”, you said. You glared at him, brows knitted together, only to find him already looking at you.

You could only see half of his face in the dim light coming in from the porch. The half you could see was soft, the visible eye filled with an emotion you couldn’t decipher. All you knew was that it made the eye sparkle a little, with a glint that put the stars to shame. The other half of his face was casted in shadows, yet it didn’t hide how handsome Taehyung was.

And he really fucking was.

“Well, I’m happy this coincidence brought you here tonight”, Taehyung said.

You didn’t know what to say, only knew that you were weirdly attracted to him. Like a moth to a flame and you knew you were going to get burned. For some reason you couldn’t stop.

“I can’t believe it’s been like six years since we’ve seen each other”, you murmured.

Taehyung’s lips spread in the tiniest little smile. “I’ve been pretty busy.”

“I always thought we were friends”, you muttered, and your eyes moved away from his face, looking up at the sky once again. Maybe because you didn’t have the strength to look him in the eye while you were to speak your next words. “I was sad when you stopped replying to my texts.”

Taehyung tensed next to you. It made the night air a little colder, and you shivered as a heavy silence moved between you.

It was true. You had used to talk to Taehyung once in a while, encouraging him and congratulating him whenever BTS had won awards. You had acted with him like you acted with Jeongyu, treating him like someone you were close to… but then one day he had started replying with short messages instead of sentences, and then it had moved to emojis. And one day he had just stopped replying and you had been left wondering what you had done wrong.

For a long time you had thought he had known that you had been crushing on him. It had been over then, but you had always imagined it could explain why he just had stopped replying.

Eunjin had never known. No matter how close you were to her, you had never dared tell her that you had feelings for her brother, and you hadn’t mentioned that Taehyung had sort of ghosted you. If she had noticed she hadn’t said a thing.

“Life just got in the way, I guess”, Taehyung said. His voice was low, as if he too was aware of just how bad the excuse sounded. “I never meant to stop replying.”

You were pretty sure he had, but it was water under the bridge.

“Whatever, I don’t really care”, you joked, nudging him with your elbow. “At least I got to see your sorry face today.”

Your voice was strained, even to your ears. It felt awkward to be speaking to him like that and you wished you could take the words back.

“We were friends, if that can reassure you.” Taehyung ignored your last comment as he continued, “You were always like a little sister to me.”

The words didn’t sting like you had thought they would. Maybe because he had employed the past tense.

“Anyway.” You chuckled, granting him a glance. He was looking up at the sky, and you followed him, eyes moving to the many constellations that were lighting up the night. “How has this whole BTS thing been going? You are so big now.”

The atmosphere seemed to shift, falling back into a warmer state. “It’s been crazy. I still can’t believe I get to live this life.”

“I mean.” You paused, wetting your lips. “You worked hard for it, you deserve it.”

There was another silence, and a soft breeze moved on your features, though its coldness had you shivering again. You hoped Taehyung didn’t notice, because you didn’t feel like going back inside just yet.

“Thank you”, Taehyung breathed. “It does get…” He chuckled, as if he hadn’t meant to speak.

“What?” you asked, and your eyes trailed to him.

“It gets lonely sometimes”, he finished, meeting your gaze. The raw truth behind his words almost had you stumbling back. “Especially now that we aren’t doing everything together anymore.”

You felt sorry for him, yet you didn’t have any words of reassurance to offer. You lived a far simpler life than his, with a small crowd of friends that you kept close to you. You didn’t feel lonely, though at times you did picture yourself having someone around, someone more. It was a strange thought to have, one that had never really crossed your mind before. You didn’t know if it was because you were getting older, and everyone around you had already lived through many relationships.

Then again it wasn’t like you had ever been interested in a relationship anyway.

“I’m sorry”, you apologized. You didn’t know what for.

He shrugged his shoulders, eyes trailing back to the sky. “Don’t be.” It was his turn to nudge you with an elbow. “It’s not like it’s your fault.”

He wasn’t wrong and you had nothing to answer to that.

“Do you have anybody in your life?” he asked after some time.

Confusion moved through you, and a crease appeared between your eyebrows. “I mean, I have Eunjin and my family. Even Jeongyu and the rest of them.”

He threw you a no-bullshit look. “You know I didn’t mean that.”

That… That? Was Taehyung asking you if you were dating anyone?

“What?” you let out. You flushed red, and if it wasn’t for the remnants of the alcohol in your system you probably wouldn’t have been able to speak. “Why do you want to know that?”

He laughed at your flustered state. “I’m just trying to make conversation.”

You squinted your eyes as you looked at him, a little suspiciously. It had him laughing this time, boxy smile on display.

You were pretty sure that smile could stop wars.

“No”, you breathed out. “I’ve never dated anyone.”

Maybe that was too much of a truth, yet it fell from your mouth with nothing to stop it. Taehyung looked surprised, and his brows moved up.

“Why?”

You shrugged your shoulders, looking away from him as a warm flush coursed through your upper body. “I don’t know. I’ve never really been interested in a relationship before.”

He pondered about it for a time. “You sound like it has changed.”

“I don’t really know.” You pursed your lips, before saying, “It just feels weird to be twenty-six and to haven’t even had my first kiss yet.”

You hated yourself. You hated yourself and your stupid mouth that never knew when to shut up. You hated yourself even more as your words met a stunned silence. You wanted to decipher the expression on his face, but you couldn’t even bring yourself to look at him.

What a coward you were.

“There’s nothing wrong with that”, Taehyung said. He spoke carefully, as if he was afraid he’d speak the wrong words.

Oh.

“No I know.” You chuckled, wetting your lips before biting the bottom one in a nervous manner. “It’s just that I’d want to have done it all, just never had the opportunity.” You pursed your lips, furrowing your brows. “I mean, I had opportunities, just wasn’t interested until I realized I’m a little old for this.”

Taehyung chuckled beside you, a deep baritone sound that put a stop to the spiel of words falling from your mouth. “You’re not too old, Y/n.”

The way he said your name in that low voice of his… your mind went haywire.

“Everyone does it in their own time.” He turned until he was facing you, before grabbing your hand again, like he had been holding it when you had first come outside. “You’re freezing, we should get back inside.”

Only you weren’t ready to let the conversation go. “I’m fine.” You didn’t pull your hand away from his as you continued, “Do you think I’m attractive?”

From the way he was standing, more light was illuminating his features. So, you could see his jaw clenching as he held your gaze unblinkingly, eyes turning dark. “You’re drunk, Y/n, let’s get you to bed.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

He sighed, eyes dipping to your lips. “Yes, you are. Why would you think you aren’t?”

“You’re saying that just to make me happy.”

He chuckled, the sound a little bitter, entirely different from his previous small laughs. “I’m saying it because it is a fact.”

You took a step closer to him, angling your face up so he could gaze down at you.

Drunk you really was a menace to sober you, wasn’t she? Because you weren’t talking about kissing. You were talking about so much more, and you could tell Taehyung knew.

“Prove it”, you breathed.

His eyes widened again, but soon they were overcome by darkness, a cloud that covered the light you had seen there before. He wet his lips, looking at you, shaking his head slightly as if he didn’t believe you were real. He then leaned down to speak into your ear. “You just want to be touched, do you?”

Your blood started boiling in your veins at the feeling of his warm breath on the side of your face. “I want to know why people like sex that much.”

“I could show you.”

To have Kim Taehyung say that to you turned you into playdough. Playdough that he could mold into whatever shape he preferred and you didn’t even care. It was your teenager self’s fantasy after all.

And maybe you should have been worried, by his willingness to show you. Maybe you should have been ticked off by it, yet you still found yourself whispering, “Please show me, Tae.”

He didn’t move or say anything for a long time. So long that you found yourself pulling away, up until you could gaze at his features.

His eyes were closed but at the feeling of your gaze on him, his eyelids fluttered open. “You’re drunk”, he repeated his previous words. Yet the dark look hadn’t left his features, the low tone hadn’t left his voice. “Let’s see if you still feel the same tomorrow.”

There was a high chance that you’d just be embarrassed as all hell, yet you found yourself agreeing. Because really you wanted to die under the intensity of Taehyung’s gaze. No one had ever looked at you like that before, and you didn’t want him to look away. You were aware it was the alcohol singing in your blood, and it would all come crashing down when you’d wake up with a pounding headache the next day. Yet you found yourself agreeing.

Maybe because the devil had never looked as good as Taehyung did.

*****

Light poured through the window next to which you were sleeping, encasing you in a prison of warmth and brightness that made you wake up feeling dehydrated. Your blood was pumping in your ears and your whole body felt as if it was burning. You cracked an eye open, wincing as the sun blinded you. You put a hand on your face, letting out a small whimper, before sitting up on the mattress, face turning away from the window.

You only then opened your eyes again, freezing when you noticed where you were.

Taehyung’s bedroom. You were sleeping in Taehyung’s bedroom. You looked around, eyes skimming over the familiar furniture, heart beating out of your chest. It made you dizzy again, as you tried to remember what happened last night.

You didn’t remember a lot, after that conversation you had with him outside. But what you remembered of the conversation had you wanting to throw yourself off a cliff. You had flirted with Taehyung. He had flirted back, had told you he could show you…

Just the thought of it had you letting out a small curse, and your head fell into your hands. What had you done?

“Good morning”, Jeongyu said from the doorframe.

You startled, looking between your fingers. He had a shit-eating grin on his face. “What?” you let out.

He chuckled. “Why are you wearing Taehyung’s t-shirt?”

You glanced down at your chest and sure enough, you were clad in a white Celine t-shirt, one you knew fully well belonged to Taehyung.

“Aish, what is going on?” you mumbled, hands falling in your lap.

“Don’t worry, hyung slept on the couch downstairs. You were pretty wasted last night.”

Blood rushed to your cheeks. “Did I do anything weird?”

“Not particularly”, Jeongyu said, shrugging his shoulders. “I was pretty wasted myself. Honestly, only Taehyung was sober.”

Taehyung was sober and still had told you what he had? What hell had you stepped into?

“Why are you guys so loud?” Eunjin grumbled. She came into view, her hair a mess as she let out a yawn. It took her a moment to register that you were currently sitting in her brother’s bed, wearing one of his shirts. When she did focus on the scene, her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. “What the fuck?”

Jeongyu punched her in the shoulder. “You’re lucky appa didn’t hear you say that.”

There were so many questions in Eunjin’s eyes it had you chuckling awkwardly.

“I don’t know”, you said, running a hand through your hair. “I don’t know anything.”

“Bitch, you better have some explanation”, Eunjin replied and she walked in, making her way to you. She put her fists against her hips, and you let out another laugh as she stopped in front of you.

“Ayt, I’m out”, Jeongyu said before disappearing.

“Did you sleep with my brother?” Eunjin asked.

You winced at the sound of her voice, eyes shutting. “Why are you speaking so loud?”

She huffed, stomping on the ground. “Answer me, Y/n.”

You cracked an eye open, meeting your best friend’s gaze. “I don’t remember last night but I don’t think I did.”

“Where’s the fucker anyway?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “No idea.”

And really, Taehyung was nowhere to be found. Even when you and Eunjin finally made your way downstairs, Taehyung wasn’t there. A look out the window of the living room told you that his car wasn’t in the front yard anymore, and you tried to hide your disappointment as best as you could.

You hadn’t expected him to leave so soon after what he had told you that he could show you. Teach you even, about sex. It made your embarrassment ten times worse, especially as Eunjin kept pressing for questions. Questions you didn’t have answers to because, frankly, you hadn’t a clue as to how you had ended up in Taehyung’s room.

It was a confusing shitshow indeed.

It remained that way for two weeks, as you went back to Seoul and to your regular office life. Focusing on work helped to get your mind off of Taehyung’s words, and of the shame that choked you up whenever you thought about what you had said to him.

The worst part about it all was that Taehyung didn’t talk to you at all. Didn’t text you, didn’t call. Some part of you had expected him to, the foolish part of you that had been reminded of your crush on him. But no, Taehyung became a ghost in your life again, as if Eunjin’s party had never happened.

Eunjin, on the other hand, didn’t become a ghost at all. No, your best friend forced you to hang out far more than you usually did, as if she was still reeling from getting her new job. You didn’t blame her, it was her dream job after all. But it did get tiring, as you went out for drinks a couple of nights in a row, with people she knew and you didn’t. She always made sure that you felt included, but you had always been a little more on the introverted side.

Maybe that was why you found yourself deciding to leave early on the latest night out. You had been drinking soju with Eunjin and her new coworkers, playing drinking games that had your blood slowly fill with alcohol. The fresh air helped the dizziness that had taken over you and you walked in the night, content with your sudden loneliness. You watched the people around you, bowing your head politely, and soon enough you found a snack stand. You were ordering some tteokbokki for yourself when your phone rang in your purse.

You fumbled with the zipper of the purse, drunk fingers clumsy as they tried to hold on to it. It took you a moment but soon enough you fished your phone out of your purse, fingers holding onto it as if it was a treasure. The lady behind the little snack bar offered you a curious glance but you ignored her as you picked up the call right before it went to voicemail.

“Hi!” you let out happily, hiding your mouth behind your hand when you realized how loud you had spoken. There was silence on the other side of the line, apart from the sound of music. You furrowed your brows, assuming it was Eunjin. “Eunjin-ah, I’m on my way home.”

There was a chuckle. A man’s chuckle. A surprisingly deep chuckle. You looked at the screen of your phone, blinking a few times at the name you read. Taehyung. Why the fuck was Taehyung calling you now?

“Hi, Y/n”, he said.

You quickly put the phone against your ear again. “Why are you calling me?”

“I wanted to hear your voice”, he answered, his deep baritone voice sending shivers down your spine.

You scoffed. “You don’t talk to me for two weeks and then you tell me that?”

He didn’t reply for a long time, as if he felt guilty. You really hoped he did because he totally deserved it.

“I’ve been busy”, he replied. “But I’m hosting a party right now and it’s missing you.”

You barely heard his words as the snack lady offered you your tteokbokki. You thanked her before moving towards one of the empty wooden tables that stood next to the stand.

“What?” you said once you were sitting.

“Do you want to come over?” Taehyung asked.

You furrowed your brows, holding your phone with your shoulder as you opened the paper pack that held your chopsticks. “I’m eating.”

“Where are you?”

You looked around, startling when a car honked in the street. “At a snack bar next to Eunjin’s work.”

“I’ll come get you”, Taehyung said. He sounded determined, and it made you laugh. “Why are you laughing?”

“Why do you want to come get me?” you asked, digging your chopsticks in the tteokbokki. It was rosé tteokbokki, and you couldn’t help the little content hum you let out as you ate.

“What was that?” Taehyung asked.

He sounded like he was moving away from the music and soon enough all you could hear was the sound of his breathing.

“My rosé tteokbokki is hitting good”, you replied. “Please don’t come, though.”

“I want to see you”, he said matter-of-factly. “I’m coming no matter what you say.”

You pouted. “You don’t even know where I am.”

“You’re at the tteokbokki stand near Eunjin’s work”, he pointed out. “That should be easy enough to find.”

You whined. “Please, Taehyung, I’m drunk, I don’t want to see you.”

“Well good thing the drive is going to take a while, you’ll have plenty of time to sober up.” He paused, and you could hear a car door opening and closing.

“I’ll be gone by the time you get here.”

You could almost hear him rolling his eyes on his side of the line. “Do you even live within walking distance from Eunjin’s work?”

Your stubborn silence was answer enough.

“See, just send me your location and I’ll drive you home”, he said.

You looked up at the sky, watching the moon behind the clouds. “You said something about a party, no?”

The sound of the engine coming to live covered your words, right as the call switched to his car’s Bluetooth.

“What did you say?”

You wet your lips. “You mentioned a party when I got my tteokbokki.”

“I’m hosting a party right now, but it doesn’t matter”, he replied.

“Can you even drive?”

He chuckled. “I have stopped drinking for a little over two months.”

So he had been sober at Eunjin’s party? You winced, hiding your face in your hand. “Gosh.”

“What?”

You shrugged. “Nothing.”

There was a long silence, as you focused on eating the tteokbokki. Anything to not think about how embarrassed you were. Taehyung didn’t hang up though, as if he wanted to make sure you weren’t going to bail on him. Truthfully, you didn’t really want to walk home alone, not now that Taehyung had reminded you of just how long the walk would have been.

“Can you share your location?” Taehyung asked after a few minutes of silence.

You bit your lower lip, pulling the phone away from your ear so you could do so. “Did you get it?” you asked as soon as you were done.

“Yeah.” There was a brief pause, and Taehyung let out a small chuckle. “Eunjin got you drunk and left you alone once again?”

Your brows knitted together. “What?”

“Like at her party”, he pointed out.

You winced, shaking your head. “I doubt this is like her party.” You ate some tteokbokki, appreciating the flavor before swallowing. “How did I even get to your bedroom?”

“I carried you to bed because you were starting to pass out on the couch”, he admitted. “You don’t remember?” There was a vulnerability in his words, as if he regretted his actions.

“No”, you let out. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

He remained silent, but you could imagine the smile that was playing on his lips.

“When should you be here?” you asked after a time.

“ETA should be fifteen minutes”, he answered. “You still have some tteokbokki left?”

You looked down at the almost empty bowl. “There won’t be when you arrive.”

He laughed. “That’s okay, I’m not hungry.”

You nodded, finishing your bowl as Taehyung focused on driving. You brought it back to the lady before sitting back at the table, eyes going up to the sky. It reminded you of when you had stargazed with Taehyung, and all the things you had told him.

“I’m sorry”, you apologized.

“About what?”

You shrugged. “For what I said at Eunjin’s party. I shouldn’t have told you all of that.”

“It’s okay”, Taehyung reassured you. “That’s why I kept my distance.”

His words rang in your ears for a time, and blush crept on your cheeks. “Oh.”

“But I figured two weeks was plenty enough”, he added, as if he had sensed your disappointment. “I missed being close to you.”

Your blush only deepened as you played with the hem of your shirt. “Have you?”

“Of course I did”, he said. “You’ve always been important to me.”

You pursed your lips, suppressing the smile that had wanted to form on your lips. “Then it’s a good thing you called me tonight.”

“It truly is.”

You shared another silence, one so long you almost thought Taehyung had fallen asleep on his side of the line. Hadn’t you known he was driving you might have hung up, but you wanted to stay with him.

That damn crush.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes”, Taehyung said. “Are you asleep?”

“No”, you replied, suppressing the yawn that you had almost let out. “I’m just chilling.”

“Good.” He paused, and you wondered what he was thinking. You wondered what had made him decide to come back into your life like that.

It was hard to know, as Taehyung had always been private about his life. Even when he was younger he had never really shared anything with you. Maybe that was just because you were his sister’s friend and not his, or maybe it was the age gap. Not that he was all that older, but three years could be a lot sometimes, especially growing up.

“I’m parking the car”, Taehyung told you. “Are you okay with walking to the corner of the street?”

You glanced at it, noticing the same SUV that had been at their parents’ house the day of Eunjin’s party. “Are you in the gray SUV?”

“Yeah.”

A rush of adrenaline coursed through your blood. “I can see you.”

He chuckled. “I think I see you too.”

A shy smile broke on your lips as you got up. “Don’t look at me walking, it’s just going to be awkward.”

“I don’t think anything can be awkward between us after what you said two weeks ago”, Taehyung teased. You could hear the smirk in his voice and it made you stop in your tracks.

“Taehyung!” you shrieked.

He laughed heartily, a laugh that had your insides feeling weirdly warm. “I’m just playing with you, come here.”

You obeyed, eyes focusing on the cracks in the cement. You were too afraid to catch Taehyung’s gaze if you looked up. “I’m going to hang up now”, you mumbled, and Taehyung let out another laugh that was cut off by the line going out.

You reached his car, walking around it to open the passenger door. Taehyung offered you a warm smile as you got in, one of his boxy smiles that used to make you go crazy when you were younger. After what he had just said, all you wanted was to punch his teeth in, but you instead chose to stare at a spot on the dash.

“Hey there”, he greeted you as if you hadn’t been talking over the phone for a while already.”

“Hey.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Well, where do you live?”

You blushed, glancing at him once. “Let me put it into your phone’s GPS.”

He nodded, offering you his phone. You quickly put the address in, before handing the device back to him. His long fingers closed around yours as he grabbed the phone, sending shivers right through your spine.

Taehyung had attractive hands. You had always been aware of it, but having his fingers on you, even though it was barely a touch… it made your insides go crazy.

“Damn, it’s a longer drive than I thought”, he said.

You nodded, playing with the hem of your shirt again. “Yeah, I wouldn’t have made it home by foot.” You met his gaze then, right as he turned his key in the ignition and the engine sparked to life again. “Thank you for coming to get me.”

“Anytime”, he said, and his features melted into a softness that made you look away once again. “I’m sorry Eunjin left you alone.”

“She did not!” you quickly said, a defensive tone taking over your voice. “She would never leave me alone.” You threw him a glance, only to notice he had an eyebrow cocked and he was holding in a smile. “What?” you let out.

He chuckled, eyes darting towards you before focusing on the road again. “Why are you so quick to defend her when it’s clear that that’s what happened?”

A small angry pout formed on your lips. “I chose to leave because I didn’t know her friends and it was awkward.” You folded your arms on your chest, looking outside the window. “I’m a grown woman, I can make my own decisions.”

“Like telling me that you are a virgin?”

Your eyes rounded in surprise as you turned towards him so quickly your neck almost hurt. “Taehyung, what the hell!”

He laughed heartily again, and the sound had your insides filling with butterflies. “I’m just teasing you.”

“Please don’t.”

You exchanged a quick look before his eyes slid to the road again. You hoped he hadn’t noticed your turning a scarlet red from his words, but you were pretty sure he had. For all his teasing and childishness, Taehyung was a very observant person.

“I’m sorry”, he apologized after a time.

You sighed, pursing your lips. “It’s okay.”

Silence engulfed you, and you looked outside at the lights of the city again, leaning against the car door to get a better view. You could feel Taehyung’s occasional glance on your profile, and you tried not to let it get to your head.

Tried and failed, as you realized you were currently sitting in his car. Just the two of you, far from the usual setting that your friendship consisted of back in Daegu. As if time hadn’t changed anything between you, except where the friendship took place. In the neon lights of the world outside, Taehyung looked as if he hadn’t changed at all, as if he was still the boy you had had a crush on.

Or maybe that was only because your crush had definitely come back now, playing with your mind as you tried to ignore him.

“Do you want to listen to any music?” he enquired, his deep voice sending a chill through your spine.

You hadn’t expected the question, and your eyes slid to his handsome profile. “Uh, what do you listen to?”

“Lots of different stuff”, he said, catching your gaze for half a second before looking away. “Mostly jazz though.”

A soft smile grew on your lips. “Right, you’ve always loved jazz.”

He chuckled. “How do you know that?”

You flushed pink, once again looking away. “You’ve made it pretty obvious.” You cleared your throat, trying to hide the embarrassment that was choking you. “Don’t you play the trumpet or something?”

“I do.” He ran a hand through his hair, the motion catching your attention. “I play many instruments.”

You knew. You had heard him play many of them in the past, and had even played with him when you were younger, when he was just your best friend’s older brother.

“Do you remember when we did a show for your parents and your grandmother?” you asked, as the memory came forth in your mind, overpowering your other thoughts.

You could still see the scene. You had been in the field behind their house, with Taehyung playing the saxophone while Eunjin played the violin. You had just been playing around with your flute, and Jeongyu had refused to participate saying it was going to be a horrendous show, your brother tagging along with him. They hadn’t been wrong, and the whole thing had ended in a fit of giggles the adults had shared with you all.

“You were the worst flutist”, Taehyung said, a soft smile moving on his lips at the memory. “It was cute.”

Blush found its way back to your cheeks. “You thought I was cute?”

“Of course.” He nodded, before glancing at you again. “You’ve always been cute.”

His words stopped your heart in your chest, and when it started again you were pretty sure the erratic beating was going to kill you. It rendered you speechless, and your hand instinctively shot towards the radio display screen of the SUV. You clicked on the music app, quickly putting music on to hide the awkwardness that had filled the air.

Taehyung didn’t say anything right away, but you knew he had noticed. He probably had heard the wild beats of your heart too.

“Don’t be shy”, he murmured in a low voice. He wet his lips, before continuing, “I’ve been thinking about you constantly since Eunjin’s party.”

Could he see your hands were shaking because of how shy you felt?

“Ah.” You gulped as you tried to swallow. “Have you?”

“It’s hard to think about something else when you asked me what you did.”

For a reason unknown, his words calmed the shaking of your hands, heat trickling inside of you until you felt far too hot for your own good. “Forget about it, you know, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“What if I want it?”

This couldn’t be happening. Kim Taehyung couldn’t say he wanted you. He was too far out of your league, made of stuff women all around the world dreamed about. Just because you had known him before he was famous didn’t make you any different.

“Taehyung…” you trailed off, unable to find words to say. All you could do was stare at his profile, eyes falling to the lips he wet with a dart of his tongue.

“I know you drank tonight so not tonight, but I’d like to hang out with you, Y/n.” He glanced at you for a moment, long enough for you to see the intensity that had taken over his gaze. “If that’s something you would like.”

From the way heat was collecting at your core, you were pretty sure you couldn’t refuse the offer. “I’ve sobered up, by the way.”

You let your words hang in the silence that stretched between you, only interrupted by the soft jazz music that was playing over the car speakers.

“But we’re almost there”, he said, eyes sliding to you as his car slid to a halt at a stop sign.

There was courage in you. Courage you had never even thought you had, and you spoke the next words without an ounce of hesitation. “You could come up with me.”

He chuckled, as if in disbelief, looking away. “Ah, Y/n, you cannot do this to me.”

“You are the one that said you want to hang out with me.” You paused, heart beating wildly in your chest. “Prove it.”

“Are you sure you are not drunk anymore?” he asked.

“I was just a little tipsy”, you pointed out. “I never was drunk.”

He slowly nodded. “Right.” He ran a hand through his hair, before looking at the road again as the car started moving. “I’ll come up with you then.”

You nodded too, unable to find any words to say. All you knew was that you were going crazy inside, and that you weren’t even sure you’d make it up to your apartment. In truth, you were quite convinced you were going to have a heart attack right then and there.

You wet your lips, gulping as you swallowed trying to wet your throat that had turned dry. At the same time, knowing that Taehyung wanted to hang out with you… it made you warm inside. Made the butterflies feel safer, and the reciprocity of wanting to spend time with you made them realer. To think he’d step foot in your apartment… it filled you with an excitement you had never really known before, and all you knew was that you couldn’t wait for him to step in the private place that was yours. A place only your closest friends had ever been in before…

Yet there was a dangerous aura surrounding Taehyung. Something you hadn’t really seen before, an intensity to him that attracted you the way fire attracted a moth. It made your breathing a little shorter, and the beating of your heart a little faster.

What had you gotten yourself into?

*****

Your apartment felt small, now that Taehyung was standing in the middle of it. And really, it was a small place. A loft, with your bed in one corner atop a small flight of stairs, and a couch in the space between the kitchen and the so-called bedroom. There was a clock on the wall above the couch, and a TV on the wall facing it, though you never really watched TV all that much. Most of the time when you were at home was spent chilling on your laptop, watching k-dramas online or videos on Youtube.

The plant your mom had gifted you when you had moved to Seoul proudly stood under the TV, next to a TV cabinet on top of which pictures of you and Eunjin smiled back at you. There were pictures of your family too, and you knew that one of them held a very young Taehyung, along with Eunjin and Jeongyu. Taehyung hadn’t noticed it yet, but you knew it would only be a matter of time.

“Welcome to my humble abode”, you said as you motioned to the space surrounding you, trying to ease the nerves that were threatening to overcome your senses.

Taehyung flashed a grin at you, one that had your insides going molten. “It’s pretty cosy, I like it.”

His words made you redden, and your eyes fell to the carpet in front of the couch. It was a plush light gray carpet, on which you lay whenever things got too intense at work and you needed a break from life. You could almost imagine the shape of you in the carpet from the last time you laid there, and you focused on it as Taehyung’s heavy gaze moved on your profile.

“Thank you”, you breathed before looking at him. “It’s clearly not as fancy as where you live but it’s what I can afford.”

He chuckled. “Who says I live somewhere fancy?”

You threw him a no-bullshit look, folding your arms on your chest as a reply.

“Okay, I might live somewhere fancy”, he said, raising his hands in defense. “No need to glare at me like that.”

You flushed red again. “I didn’t mean…”

“Y/n, you’re fine”, Taehyung reassured you. “I’m only teasing you.” He flashed another one of his boxy smiles, and you couldn’t help but smile at him too.

“Do you want something to drink?” you asked, moving towards the refrigerator in the corner of the kitchen space. “I don’t have much but I think I have banana milk.”

“Are you Jungkook-ie?” he asked, taking you by surprise.

“What?”

He shook his head. “Never mind. It’s just that Jungkook always drinks that.”

“I don’t blame him, it is so good.” A small excited smile took over your lips as you grabbed the milk from the fridge. “It’s heaven in a bottle.”

“People usually say that about alcohol”, Taehyung pointed out.

“That’s because they’ve never had banana milk.”

He laughed again, and it made your apartment seem warmer than it usually was. It made you feel warmer too, and you met Taehyung’s gaze.

He was beautiful. Incredibly so. The kind of man you were convinced women wrote books about. A man with a softness to him, a vulnerability to him that had always made him attractive to you. No matter who he was now, Taehyung had been the center of your gravity when you were younger, even though you had tried to play it cool. Years of not talking had not changed that, and you found yourself gravitating back towards him as you started drinking your banana milk.

“Can I have a taste of that?” he asked, voice falling to his baritone register.

Even his goddamn voice was attractive to you.

You took a long sip, letting the taste dance on your tongue before you handed the milk to him. His eyes met yours, and he looked at you as he drank, gaze never once faltering. It was intense, the way he looked at you, and you found you were too much of a coward to hold it. But when your eyes fell to his lips, you realized maybe you weren’t a coward all that much.

Because you desperately wanted to step closer to him and feel his lips against yours.

He handed you the banana milk back before sitting on the couch. You carefully watched him, eyes going down to his lap as he spread his thighs just a little.

Manspreading had never looked as good as when Kim Taehyung was doing it on your couch.

You moved closer to him, sitting with the top of your body angled towards him. He glanced at you, a small smirk adorning his lips. It left you confused for a time, but then again you were fully aware of what he might be thinking.

Hell, you had all but told him you wanted to sleep with him a few weeks ago. And had reiterated it in his car a little under an hour ago.

“How’s work been going?” he asked, taking the conversation on an unexpected curve.

You were glad for it though, because you had no idea how to approach the other subject, the elephant in the room. “It’s been busy, but I’ve had busier weeks”, you admitted. “I imagine it’s not as busy as you.”

“I’m pretty sure working for Samsung can get busy.” He raised his eyebrows, offering you a tight-lipped smile as you were about to deny it. “Don’t lie to me, I know you too well.”

You didn’t know your body could tingle from someone’s word. “Do you?”

A lazy smirk grew on his lips, and your eyes fell to it. “Oh, I do. After all this time, I still do.”

You had no idea how to interpret it, but it did make you feel hot again, like he had made you feel in the car. It was strange to think that it came naturally to Taehyung – making you feel like that. As if he knew the ins and outs of your brain even better than you did.

And maybe he did.

“How is this going to work?” you asked, a little awkwardly as you motioned between the two of you with the hand holding the banana milk.

Avoiding the elephant in the room was pointless after all. You busied yourself with a sip of banana milk as Taehyung’s face fell serious, looking away from you as he seemed to think.

“What do you want to know?” he asked after a time, his words echoing the conversation you had had under a blanket of stars in Daegu.

“Everything”, you replied, throat going dry once again.

He wet his lips, eyes dipping to yours. “You’ve never done anything at all, right?”

As embarrassing as it was, you nodded your head.

“Then I can’t do everything yet, can I?”

You gulped, slightly shaking your head.

“Use your words, Y/n.” The low voice he had used to utter your name made your blood boil in your veins.

“Why can’t you?” you asked, voice small.

“You deserve someone that takes their time with you”, he breathed.

You wondered if he could hear your heart beating out of your chest. “Someone?”

“It’s a good thing I’m the kind of man that likes to take his time”, he continued, not really answering your question. Your teeth instinctively dug in your bottom lip, and you froze as he reached up, thumb releasing your lip. “Don’t do that.”

You slowly nodded.

“Why don’t you finish your milk so we can get started, mmh?” he said, his low baritone voice engulfing you in its warmth as his hand slowly fell to his lap.

You gulped once again, eyes falling down to the forgotten plastic bottle in your hand. You looked at it as if it was foreign, before taking a small sip. Taehyung carefully watched you as you did so, intense gaze observing your features in a way that made you feel seen, like you had never been before.

As if no one had really seen you until Kim Taehyung had been gazing at you.

“I can always finish it later”, you muttered, before putting it down on the floor next to the couch. You sat back, angling your body towards him even more.

“Look at you, so eager to learn”, he said, smirking again. “No wonder you told me what you did that night.” He wet his lips and you found yourself unable to look away from his mouth.

“Gosh, Tae, do you speak to all women like that?”

He offered you a secretive smile, hand moving up between you until his thumb was pulling your lower lip away from the teeth you had unknowingly sunk into it. “Only to the pretty ones.”

Your breath caught in your throat, though you weren’t sure if it was because of his words or because he slowly leaned towards you. Anxiety moved through you, and you widened your gaze as his eyelids fell shut, right before he gently pressed his lips against yours.

You froze, unmoving, not knowing what to do as the plumpness of his mouth met your lips. Taehyung let out a small chuckle as he pulled away, eyes opening to meet your gaze. “Close your eyes, Y/n”, he breathed, caressing your bottom lip with his thumb again. “Just follow my lead.”

You nodded, and your eyelids fluttered shut as he kissed you again, ever so softly. Lips establishing a slow rhythm, one you found easier to follow after the first few seconds. Taehyung’s hand cupped your cheek, pulling you closer, as he turned his head into the kiss, angling his mouth so it met yours in a more intimate embrace.

You sighed, blood rushing to your cheeks as your thoughts zeroed in on the fact that you were currently kissing your childhood crush. A man wanted by so many girls in the world it was hard to believe he had chosen to be with you right now, in this moment.

It almost made you pull away, but when Taehyung swiped his tongue against your lower lip, all thoughts exited your brain and your hand shot to his chest, resting flatly against it. You could feel the beats of his heart, a constant melody that seemed just a little too quick for it to be normal, contrary to the erratic beats of your own heart. You could feel every beat as it echoed in your ribcage, pumping blood to your whole body, and maybe a little more to the warmth between your legs.

Taehyung’s tongue tasted your lips again, and this time you parted them, allowing him entrance. You let out a small breathy sound as his tongue met yours, and you could feel his mouth stretching into a smirk as he continued kissing you, rhythm still ever so calm and soft. As if he didn’t want you to be scared or intimidated by the act of kissing him.

You were way beyond that now.

Taehyung tasted sweet. He tasted of strawberries and honey, and it reminded you of the farm. Of days of summers past, spent in his company and that of his siblings and your brother. It reminded you of sunrays and warm breezes, of leaves dancing in the wind and birds singing in the trees. Of laughter echoing in the house with the red door at the end of the dirt road, where you had grown into the person that you were today.

Taehyung was reassuring, in a nostalgic kind of way. And maybe that, most of all, was the reason why you felt so comfortable with him, so willing to give yourself away to him. You didn’t know if it was safe, if the Taehyung you were with right now was the same that you had known back then, but you found you couldn’t stop.

You found you didn’t want to stop kissing him. Not when the very act of it was intoxicating, liberating, as if you were a bird that had just learned how to soar up above in the clouds.

He brushed his thumb on your cheekbone, bringing you back to reality before gently pulling a stray strand of hair behind your ear. It made butterflies take flight in your stomach, right as you deepened the kiss, pushing your tongue in his mouth just like he had been doing to you a moment ago. Taehyung answered by sucking on it, ever so gently, before pulling away.

The absence of his lips against yours grounded you back into reality, but you kept your eyes closed, chasing the remnants of the kiss in your memory, letting his flavour linger just a little longer.

“You’re such a good girl already”, Taehyung murmured, and his words had a burning sensation take the place of the soft warmth in your core.

“Tae…” you breathed, opening your eyes.

You found him already looking at you, with a slightly widened gaze. As if you were a surprise, something he had never thought he’d see. And maybe you were.

“For someone that has never kissed before, you sure know how to do it”, he said, always a little tease, and his lips spread into a smile. Into a grin, even.

Your blush deepened, right as the corners of your mouth tugged upwards too. “I followed your lead.”

He smirked. “As I said, you’re already such a good girl.”

You chuckled, a small feminine sound you hadn’t expected to have in you. Taehyung echoed it by tilting his head to the side, watching you as if you were a curiosity.

“What now?”

Your question had his mouth parting, smirk disappearing. His eyes clouded with that same desire you had seen earlier, turning darker than they already were. And Taehyung had a dark gaze, a gaze so deep you knew you could get lost in it.

You wondered how many girls had gotten lost in him before. The thought was almost enough to shower your arousal away, yet it clung to you as Taehyung ran a hand along your arm, fingers barely even grazing your skin.

“You will have to be patient, Y/n”, Taehyung said, offering you a wicked smirk that had your insides turning gooey. “This was your first kiss, we shouldn’t jump into something more right away, mmh?”

You wanted to ask why not, but the sweetness that had taken over his voice at his last words stopped you from doing so. Because it was sweet, the way he spoke. As if you were worth all of his time, a show he wanted to appreciate in its full length instead of rushing to the end.

It was a dangerous way to feel. A treacherous one, and you could already feel the ground beneath you tilting, threatening to make you fall. You could only hope your feet wouldn’t give up underneath you, or else you’d slide down the slope.

“I’ve already waited my whole life”, you pointed out, your lust finally winning over your will to remain silent. “I don’t want to wait anymore.”

Taehyung’s mouth spread in a thin line, as if your words had threatened to make him fall into insanity. He tsked, slowly shaking his head in disbelief. “Then why don’t you take off your shirt?”

You paused for only a half beat before grabbing the hem of it, pulling it over your head. The discarded piece of clothing met the floor, falling softly. Like a feather would fall, a feather from one of the many pillow fights you had shared. It was as if time had slowed, and it really felt like it, as Taehyung’s gaze dropped to your chest, drinking in the sight of you.

“So beautiful”, he whispered, and one of his hands reached forward, palming your breasts over your bra. You stiffened a little, and he met your gaze again, hand pulling away, remaining close enough for you to feel its warmth still. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

You nodded, doing your best not to think more than needed.

He chuckled. “I want to hear you say it.”

“Please touch me”, you quickly said, voice hitching in your throat as Taehyung grabbed you with that big hand of his again, leaning forward to catch your lips in a passionate kiss. It didn’t take long for his other hand to grab onto your other breast, and he pinched your hardened nipples through the fabric.

You moaned. It was an unexpected sound, one that came from deep within your throat. It seemed to set Taehyung haywire, because he grunted into the kiss, biting at your bottom lip. It made you moan again, right as his hands reached to your back to unclasp your bra. He only pulled away once the piece of clothing met your shirt on the floor, eyes falling to your naked breasts for half a second before he moved down, licking at one of your nipples.

Your hand moved in his hair, digits slightly shaking as you grabbed a handful of it to pull him back into another kiss, one that had your teeth clashing together. It didn’t slow you down. Not even a little bit, as Taehyung played with your nipples again, rolling the hardened buds between his thumb and forefinger.

As foreign as the feeling was, it made you arch your back, moaning in his mouth again. He kept going at it for a time, until his lips left yours to move down your neck, leaving a trail of hot wet kisses along your jaw and down to your collarbone. He sucked on it, leaving a small purple bruise behind before going lower, catching one of your nipples in his mouth. You could feel every swipe of his tongue on the sensitive bud, and your eyes fell shut as you arched even more, pushing your breasts into his face as he massaged the free one with one of his hands.

His other hand hovered at your waist, holding you gently. As if he wanted to give you a chance to escape if you wanted to, but still needed to feel more of your skin against his careful digits. And you wanted to feel more of his, you wanted to feel all of his body pressed against all of yours.

A dangerous way to feel indeed.

“Tae…” you breathed again, pulling at his hair a little.

He looked up at you, lips glossed by his ministrations against your nipple, or maybe by the kiss you had previously shared. “Everything okay?”

“I want more.”

He smirked, that same wicked smirk that made you burn inside. “Be patient, Y/n.”

You let out a frustrated sigh, one that hitched in your throat as the hand that was hovering next to your waist moved between your legs, barely grazing your clothed pussy before resting on your inner thigh.

“I won’t have sex with you tonight”, Taehyung told you.

And though the revelation disappointed you, you slowly nodded your head. “That’s okay.”

“I didn’t bring any condoms”, Taehyung added. “Otherwise I’d fuck you all night long.”

His crude words made your eyes widen, right as you pressed your thighs together in the hopes of getting a little friction where you desperately needed it. “You can’t say stuff like that”, you complained.

Taehyung offered you a toothy grin that inched far closer to endearment than lust. “I can and I will.”

You rolled your eyes, though they rolled to the back of your head as he pressed his hand against your core again.

“So receptive”, he praised you. “Why don’t you lay on your back?”

It was a command in a clever disguise. You were pretty sure no one could ever disobey Taehyung, not when he spoke with that deep baritone voice of his. You moved, lying down, legs going on each side of him. He looked down at you, hungrily, teeth slightly biting at his lower lip as he drank you in.

And he did drink you in, making you feel as if you were the finest bottle of wine he had ever tasted. The nectar of the gods, ambrosia making him salivate with the thought of tasting you. Of tasting more of you, all of you, until he knew every flavour of you.

“What do you think of when you touch yourself?” he asked, tilting his head to the side as he ran a hand on your thigh.

Even though you were still wearing pants, the press of his fingers against you had arousal pooling at your core. Always more, your body responding to him in a way it had never responded to you.

You remained silent, half trying to think about a witty answer and half trying not to moan as he pressed a thumb on your clothed self, right on top of your clit. And he pressed hard, a shot of sensitivity running up your spine and making your legs tighten around him. He chuckled at your reaction, before releasing the pressure just enough for thoughts to start taking form in your head again.

And you didn’t know the answer to his question. Most of the time you just thought of romantic scenarios that you had seen in movies or read about in books taking the forefront of your fantasies. But as you looked up at Taehyung through half-lidded eyes, you knew your fantasies were going to change, to morph into the man between your legs.

“I don’t know”, you replied, breath itching in your throat as he pressed harder again.

“Should I give you stuff to think about?”

It was the low voice. The baritone timber of him. You’d let him tell you anything with that voice of his.

Blood rushed to your cheeks as he watched you pointedly, clearly expecting a reply.

“You already are”, you mumbled, and he offered you another wicked smile.

“Then let’s make this better, mmh?”

You would never refuse him making you feel better. So you nodded, arching your back a little as your hips instinctively grinded up into his hand. The dark gaze returned as he pushed you down, before bending forward to press a kiss on your jaw.

The proximity of his mouth to yours had your lips parting open, and a second later your mouths crashed, another passionate kiss searing the deal between you. Burning it into your flesh, turning you into his. Because the way Taehyung kissed you, the way he touched you… It made you feel as if you were his.

And maybe you had always been.

As he kissed you, Taehyung let his hand wander up to your waistband, fingers blindly searching for the button of your pants. Once that was freed, he slid his hand in, sighing in your mouth as you sucked on his bottom lip.

“Fuck, Y/n”, he said. “You’re dripping.”

The sound you let out was incoherent. Somewhere between a moan and a whine, and it disappeared into his mouth, swallowed by him as he kissed you again. And he kissed you for a while, his hand not moving from where he was touching you, above your panties, fingers pressed to your middle.

As if he wanted to feel your juice soaking your panties until they became uncomfortable.

“Do you want me to finger you?” he asked once he stopped kissing you, resting his forehead against yours.

The gesture was sweet even in the heated atmosphere, and a shy smile grew on your lips. “Please”, you murmured.

His hand left you and you almost whined at the loss of contact. You heard fabric rustling, and your eyelids fluttered open to the sight of Taehyung slowly unbuttoning his dress shirt, hungry gaze waiting for yours. And when your gazes locked, Taehyung wet his lips with a dart of his tongue, mouth falling open before it slid into a smirk.

That smirk was going to be the death of you.

“It’s unfair that I’m still fully dressed when I’m about to take your pants off, no?” he teased, even going to the extent of winking at you as he shrugged off his shirt, sending it right to your own shirt on the ground.

As much as his face was attractive, your eyes fell to his body. And it was your turn to drink in the sight of him, to admire the perfect sculpted body displayed in front of you as if it was fine art. Beautiful art, crafted into the shape of the man between your legs.

Once Taehyung was bare-chested, he moved back to your pants, thumbs hooking in the hem as he sent you a questioning glance. You answered by cocking an eyebrow, not really knowing why uncertainty had slid into his gaze.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he enquired, voice gentle yet firm.

Asking for consent like that made Taehyung twice as attractive to you. You nodded your head, biting your lips. “Never been so sure about anything.”

You were bold tonight. Bold under the dark gaze of your best friend’s brother. Someone that had once been the source of all of your daydreams. Teenage you probably was screaming inside of you, somewhere in the corners of your heart where she still reigned. Yet you felt courageous in the vicinity of Kim Taehyung, as if him being attracted to you made you feel twice as powerful. And really, it did. You felt beautiful in his presence.

“That’s good”, Taehyung said, a cocky smirk once again gracing his lips as he started pulling your pants down.

You helped him get past the ass area, before lying back down on the couch. Your gaze remained lost in his as the pants moved all the way down your legs. And he moved slowly, taking his time, enjoying every shiver that shook through you whenever his fingers pressed into your skin a little harder.

Once the pants were off – the socks had come off with them – Taehyung settled himself between your legs again. His eyes hadn’t left yours yet, but you knew that he wanted to look. Knew that he was fighting the male instinct to gaze down at your core, and at the wetness that was pooling on your clothed pussy.

His large hands slowly moved to your thighs, settling right above your knees. They were hot against your skin, burning even, and they remained unmoving for a time. When you shivered again, Taehyung let out a deep chuckle that had you seeing stars. He knew what he was doing to you, and he was enjoying it. Far too much for your own good.

His hands started sliding up, ever so slowly, right as his gaze returned to the dark dangerous look. It was even darker now, and he almost looked like a demon sitting between your legs. Like a starved demon that’d finally get a taste of a virgin soul. And though you were a virgin, you were not innocent. You didn’t have to look between his legs to see his erection pressing against his pants. You knew Taehyung wanted you, from the harsh set of his jaw to the slight tilt of his head to the side.

His fingers tickled your skin as they moved up, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. You didn’t dare move lest he’d stop, so you froze. Stopped breathing altogether as you waited for his touch on the place you wanted him the most.

Yet it never came. Taehyung stopped before he reached your core. You could feel the ghost of his touch between your legs, maybe because his thumbs were almost reaching up to your folds. But not quite, stopping just an inch from your pussy.

And then his hands left you entirely, and you shot a glare at him.

His face had turned serious, and he looked so different from how he usually looked you found your boldness fleeing from you.

“On your stomach”, he ordered. As you hesitated for a time, Taehyung cocked an eyebrow. “I want to see that perfect ass of yours.”

You flushed red, and if you hadn’t been as aroused as you were, you probably would have told him your ass was far from perfect. But you had no words left in you, only obedience. So you moved, awkwardly turning until your legs had switched places on each side of him.

Taehyung’s hands moved back on you then, grabbing your waist carefully as you looked at him over your shoulder.

“So fucking pretty”, he praised you, and the slap he landed on your ass had your body moving forward.

It stung, but Taehyung quickly massaged the hurt away. And then he kept massaging you, his big hands moving up until they found all the knots in your back, easing the tension out of you better than anything else could have.

Everywhere he touched you he left a burning trail behind, until you were pretty sure you were going to combust if he didn’t touch between your legs soon. It was like he had sensed it, because Taehyung moved back down your back, and one of his hands cupped an ass cheek while the other moved between your legs, skilled fingers immediately going to your clit.

You moaned, surprising even yourself, and you hid your face in the couch.

“Don’t muffle your sounds”, Taehyung reprimanded you, and he landed another slap to your ass. “I want to hear every little sound you make while I’m pleasuring you.”

Right on cue, his fingers moved on your clit again, and another moan found its way up your throat. You almost choked on it, yet the sound fell from your parted lips, and Taehyung slapped your ass again for good measure.

“Good girl.”

One of his long fingers moved up, between your legs. Touching your center, pressing on the wetness pooling there. Just enough for you to whine, hips moving instinctively again.

“Be patient”, he said, tutting. “I’ll give you everything you want.”

Your arousal was rising, inside of you. Reaching heights you had never seen before, and the sight of the world from up there was scary. You could only hope the fall wouldn’t be too harsh.

Taehyung kept pressing circles on your clit, playing with the sensitive organ. His touch wasn’t too hard, yet with your panties it felt uncomfortable. A little too much, and the friction of the wet fabric against you made you tighten your legs.

“Tae?” you breathed out. He stopped moving, expectantly silent waiting for you to continue. “Can you take off my panties?”

“You’re getting sensitive, mmh?”

You wanted to punch the male cockiness out of him but all you could do was nod your head as you glanced at him over your shoulder.

He was looking down at you with that half smile of his, and he wet his lips as one of his fingers hooked on the side of your panties, the pad of his digit resting on one of your folds. You gulped, trying to hold his gaze, but as he started slowly sliding a finger in, your eyelids fluttered shut, sealing together.

Suddenly, you couldn’t remember what you had just asked. You couldn’t remember anything, as your mind went blank. All that was left was the slow inching of his finger inside of you.

“You play with yourself like this?”

His question had you furrowing your brows. “Tae…”

“You’re so wet I could probably fuck you like that”, he said, sounding as if he was pondering. As if he was debating doing it and you almost wanted to beg him. To beg him to do it, and fuck you into oblivion. “But we can always do that later.”

As he talked his finger started pulling out, and he quickly pushed it back in before it had fully exited your pussy. You let out another breathy sound, though this time it took the shape of his name. He started pumping, slowly, and the squelching sound between your legs would have embarrassed you if you hadn’t already been too far gone to even acknowledge it.

Right when you thought you were going to be able to open your eyes and look at him, Taehyung pushed another one of his long digits inside of you. It stretched you, just a little, but it didn’t hurt. It just felt even better, all sensations doubling up inside of you until stars danced on the blackness of your tightly shut eyelids. He added scissoring motions to the whole ordeal, stretching you wide open as his hungry eyes looked at you. The way he moved made your panties rub on your clit again, and you let out a small whine.

Taehyung stopped moving, fingers knuckle deep inside of you, as he massaged your ass with his other hand. “Everything okay?”

“My panties”, you let out, unable to form a full sentence.

Yet it was enough for Taehyung to get the clue and his fingers pulled out of you as he grabbed the hem of your panties to take them off of you. You waited patiently for him to touch you again, eyes fluttering open as he struggled to pull your panties down your legs.

“Kinda hard in this position”, he muttered, and you blushed a little as you met his gaze.

He looked ethereal. Hair a little out of place with a dark strand falling in front of his eyes. His skin was glowing in a honey shade that gave him a warm vibe, that same warm vibe he had always been filled with back when you had been too young to know about sex and the likes.

And though you now knew, everything felt the same. Taehyung was always going to be his same self. Or so you hoped.

You moved, sitting up a little to help him take off your panties. It had your eyes slide to his lap, and to the prominent bulge that was pushing against his pants. He looked big, even hidden from your eyes, and you could feel your mouth salivating.

You wanted to get a taste of him. But you had no idea how to do it, no idea how to vocalize your want, so you only turned until you were lying on your back, half-lidded eyes searching Taehyung’s face for his own gaze.

But his gaze was elsewhere. His gaze was on the spot between your parted legs, where juice was slowly dripping. Your brain started forming a thought about your couch getting ruined, but before it could fully take shape Taehyung’s eyes snapped to yours.

“I think you’ve got the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen.”

The compliment made you blush, and your thighs instinctively moved to close together. He tutted, stopping them with his large hands.

“None of that, I want to see all of you.”

“You already have”, you muttered, cheeks turning a dark shade of red.

He let out a small laugh as he massaged your thighs up and down a couple of times again. “Doesn’t mean that I got enough.”

A smile pulled at the corners of your lips, but before you could say something one of his hands had found its way to your core again, and he slid two fingers in. Your mouth fell open as your eyes locked with his. He pumped his fingers in a couple of times before arching them, finding a spot inside of you that had the corners of your vision turning blurry.

“I think I could make you cum like this”, he said.

All you could do was nod because, sure enough, an orgasm was on the horizon, and you could feel the wave crashing towards you. But Taehyung slowed, almost coming to a full stop, before sitting a little farther away. You watched him curiously, until he bent down, his face coming dangerously close to your heat.

He blew a hot breath on your sensitive clit, and a hot shiver shot up your spine. “Can I eat you out?”

You nodded, quickly. “Please…” you breathed out.

Taehyung didn’t need any more to dive in. And dive in he did, lips closing around your clit as he sucked it, tongue flicking at it. You moaned, loudly, and one of your hands got lost in his hair. His fingers resumed their ministrations against that sweet spot inside of you, right as he rested his tongue flatly against your clit, rubbing it until the wave rushed closer to you. You could feel the orgasm taking shape in your lower stomach, a burning sensation that promised to wash away what was left of your sanity. And you didn’t even know if anything was left: all you knew was that your walls were clenching against his fingers, and the grunt he let out pushed you over the edge.

You came in a blinding flash of white light, your lips parting open on a silent moan as you pushed your hips up, pressing yourself harder against his tongue. Your pussy pulsated against his fingers and yet he didn’t slow down. Just kept on pleasuring you, milking every last drop of your orgasm out of you until you were pretty sure you’d die from the oversensitivity. But you didn’t want him to stop, only wanted to feel his fingers inside of you and his tongue against your clit.

Taehyung had other things in mind though, because he pulled away, pressing a kiss on the inside of your thigh as he moved up to a kneeling position. You could barely focus on him. No, you were blinded by the aura surrounding him. An aura of ecstasy that made you want to wrap your legs around him, until you’d feel the bulge in his pants pressing against you.

He bit his lip, though he let you pull him closer. Even pushed forward, and your eyes shut as his erection pressed against your sensitive clit.

“Way to ruin my Prada pants”, he stated and that most of all brought you back down to reality.

You released him from the prison of your legs, slowly pushing yourself up so you could sit. But your arms gave out under you, the remnants of your orgasm making you feel far too weak for you to sit yet.

“Sorry”, you mumbled sheepishly.

He bent down, pressing a kiss on your lips that had your eyes shutting instinctively as you wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him close to you. You wondered if your hearts were beating in synch as the warm skin of his chest pressed against your breasts, and before you could tell Taehyung pulled away.

“It’s okay”, he reassured you. “Where’s the bathroom?”

It took you a long time to understand why he was asking. And you only did when you realized he was holding his hand away from the fabric of your couch, not wanting to stain it.

“Oh”, you let out. You glanced to the side, until your eyes fell on a closed door. “Over there.”

Taehyung followed your line of gaze, nodding his head before getting up. “I’ll be right back.”

“I should probably get cleaned up too”, you said, and he offered you a warm smile.

“I’ll bring you back a towel.” It was said sweetly, and you couldn’t help the flutter that took over your heart as he turned around, exposing the skin of his back to your eyes.

You watched him go, and watched him wash his hands from the open door of the bathroom as he hadn’t shut it behind him. He threw you a glance, probably because he could feel your heavy gaze on the side of his face. He turned off the tap, cocking an eyebrow as he grabbed the towel you usually used to dry your hands. He walked back towards you, and his gait was predatory. Maybe because it was slow and he was goddamn Kim Taehyung, but mostly because his eyes still were set in that dark look.

You didn’t think you’d survive that look.

“Let me clean you up”, he said with that low voice of his as he stopped next to you, before sitting in the spot where he had been a moment ago.

As with everything that came with Taehyung, you didn’t find it in you to say no. You only winced when he pressed the towel between your legs, your overstimulated pussy feeling every tiny fiber of the cloth as he cleaned you up.

When he was done, he put the towel on the floor beside the couch. Your eyes followed his every move, and before you could realize it, you said, “I want to suck your dick”.

He paused as he was almost sitting back in his spot, and his head turned towards you.

“Do you?” he asked, as his two eyebrows shot up towards his hairline.

You had taken Kim Taehyung by surprise, hadn’t you?

“I want to make you feel good”, you said, and you had the decency to blush as you realized just how crude you were being.

He wet his lips, and one of his large hands palmed himself through his pants. “Do you think you could take it all?”

You looked down at his lap, eyes following the shape of his dick underneath the fabric. You actually didn’t know. He looked big, far bigger than what you thought was possible. Maybe because you had never really seen a dick before, not feeling like going to the trouble of downloading porn just so you could get off to it.

It wasn’t like you had really needed it to get off anyway. And with what had just happened, you didn’t think you’d ever need it.

“You can teach me how.” You said it innocently, teeth sinking into your lower lip.

Taehyung didn’t reply. He just stared at you until your eyes met his again. From the periphery of your vision, you saw him unbutton and unzip his pants. His hand slid in, probably wrapping against his dick. Most definitely jerking himself off, in all truth. It made your breath catch in your throat as you kept holding the intensity of his gaze.

He was going to make you catch fire soon.

“Had I known you’d be so greedy I’d have talked to you sooner”, he murmured, adding your name at the end in that low dangerous baritone of his voice.

You couldn’t resist. You closed the space between you, lips meeting his. You wondered if the salty taste that had overcome his mouth was from eating you out, and it just turned you on further. As if you weren’t already a wildfire.

You let one of your hands move until it was touching him. His dick was moving under the fabric as he jerked himself and you let out a moan as his tongue slipped in your mouth. He answered it by grunting, a guttural sound that had you see stars.

His hand moved out of his pants, moving up until he was cupping your cheek. You kept on palming him, and his dick twitched under your fingers.

“You’re so big”, you murmured against his lips.

He inhaled sharply, before pulling away from the kiss. “I want to see your pretty lips wrapped around me.”

He moved your hand so he could take off his pants. You couldn’t help looking down until your eyes caught sight of his dick. You were right: he was big. Big and angry red and leaking precum all over the head as his dick rested against his abdomen. A thick vein ran up and down his cock, and part of you thought you could see his pulse in it. You reached forward, fingers grazing the vein, following it until you moved to the head. You collected the precum on your forefinger, before looking Taehyung in the eyes as you sucked your finger clean.

Kim Taehyung tasted heavenly. Or maybe you were just drunk with lust.

Your little act had him rest his head against the couch, letting out a low curse that had you smirk.

“You’re so attractive”, he muttered as he looked at you through half-lidded eyes. You let your finger go as your lips spread in a smirk, before you moved off from the couch. Taehyung watched you as you kneeled in front of him. He spread his legs just a little to allow you easy access, and you caught sight of his balls. You wondered what it would feel like to suck on them and you instinctively leaned forward, licking between the two of them.

“Fuck.”

His small word had you let out a small chuckle. It made you feel sexy, powerful, and you wrapped your hand around the base of his cock.

“You’ll have to guide me”, you said.

He looked down, meeting your gaze as you pumped his dick slowly.

“First, you can grab it harder”, he told you. “I like when it’s tight.”

You shivered, obeying as your grip on his dick tightened. You licked your lips, waiting expectantly.

“You might want to suck on the head first. I don’t think I could stop myself from fucking your pretty mouth.”

“Then do it.”

It was too bold. You were too bold, a stranger to yourself. Maybe the demon inhabiting Taehyung’s eyes had inhabited you too, and it had made you go insane.

Taehyung hissed. “Let’s keep some stuff for another time, shall we?” He brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, fingers lingering against your cheek. “I just want to feel your lips and tongue on me.”

You wondered if he could feel the heat of your cheeks as you flushed red. You doubted so, as you had been flushed red with ecstasy all night.

“I don’t know how to do it”, you breathed, sounding a little more like yourself for once.

He smiled. “Just lick at the head. Taste me.”

You held his gaze as you moved forward, tongue darting out to touch the head. You didn’t blink once as you swirled your tongue around him, collecting all the precum until the salty taste had coated all of your tongue. “Like that?” you said, a little innocently.

His shallow breathing was enough of an answer. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you did it again, this time following the base of the head. You found a spot at the back that felt a little different, and you pushed on it.

Taehyung grabbed the side of your head, before closing his hand on some of your hair. It pulled at your scalp, but not enough to hurt. It only made your eyes open.

“Do that again”, he instructed.

You obeyed and he threw his head back. You made a mental note that that seemed to work, before moving a little closer to him, until your mouth was hovering over his dick.

“Suck me”, he breathed, right as you wrapped your lips around his dick.

You licked at the slit of his dick, cleaning it from the new precum that had accumulated there. Taehyung grunted, and a second later you were moving down his dick.

He hissed. “Careful with your teeth.”

You hadn’t realized you had grazed him with your teeth, but you assumed he was in a better position to tell. You loosened your jaw, before pulling away. Taehyung let you do it, but as you were about to entirely let go of his dick, he thrusted up.

You gagged and he let go of your hair as you sat back on your heels.

“I am so sorry”, he apologized, eyes round as you met his gaze. “I didn’t mean…”

You chuckled, blinking away the tears that had formed because of the gag reflex. “It’s okay.”

He wet his lips, nodding his head. “You don’t have to suck my dick.”

You rolled your eyes, before jerking him up and down a few times. It shut him up, and he rested his head against the couch again, eyes fluttering shut.

Taehyung was attractive, from this angle. Sharp jaw that could cut through steel, dark locks falling all around his face. His chest had taken on a red flush, and it moved up and down quickly with his quick breathing.

You licked the head of his dick again, focusing on the spot you had found earlier. You sucked on it, using your tongue to play with it a little more, before you took him in again. This time, you didn’t try moving down his dick again. You focused on sucking on the head, hollowing your cheeks as you pumped his cock, keeping the tight grip he seemed to like.

He grunted as your tongue circled his head. “If you want”, he said after a time, “you can play with my balls at the same time.”

You immediately reached up with your free hand, grabbing his balls in your palm. You tightened your grip around them, and Taehyung shuddered under your touch.

“A little gentler with the balls, baby”, he said, chuckling.

You pulled away. “Sorry.”

“No”, he breathed, shaking his head. “You’re doing great.”

You had no idea if that was true, but it made your mouth salivate for more of his taste. So you guided him in your mouth again, this time taking him as far deep as you could. He moaned, even while half of his cock didn’t even fit in. You jerked him off, resting your tongue flat against him until you found the thick vein you had seen earlier.

You hollowed your cheeks, and your gaze locked with Taehyung as he finally opened his eyes. The dark look in his gaze was different now, as if he was about to break. And maybe he was going to break, his cock getting harder in your mouth as you bobbed your head up and down. Once in a while, you choked on him, and he let out a deep grunt that only made you want to go faster, to take more of him in. It was hard in the position, so you kept using your hands.

Your jaw ached, from how large he was. From having to keep your mouth open so wide to be able to take him in. It was a dull ache, and you ignored it, focusing on him. Focusing on making him feel good as you moved to a quick rhythm he established by pushing your head up and down on him.

You didn’t mind. You liked that he took control. It made a new heat pool between your legs, and you moaned against his cock.

“I’m going to cum soon”, Taehyung told you, before letting out a broken moan that sounded like your name. “Are you going to be a good girl and swallow everything?”

You would have said yes had you been in a position where you could talk. Instead, you moaned again, sucking on him harder. Taehyung moaned too, in a deep sound that made you shiver with lust for him, and a second later hot spurts of his cum hit the back of your throat. Your eyes shut, and you kept on sucking him, swallowing everything he threw at you. And he came a lot, the bitter taste making it very hard not to gag. As he came, Taehyung’s second hand grabbed your head, and his hips thrusted forward again. Not enough to make you choke around him, luckily enough.

When you were sure you had milked the last of his cum from his cock, you pulled away, licking your lips clean once you were sitting back on your heels. Taehyung looked spent on the couch, yet he pushed himself up a little, until he was leaning towards you.

“Open your mouth”, he said, holding onto your jaw with a firm grip. You obeyed, showing him that you had swallowed everything. He smirked, patting your cheek. “The best girl.”

You nodded, blushing a little as your mouth fell shut. He held your gaze for a time, before glancing around your apartment. His eyes eventually fell to your banana milk next to the couch, the drink long forgotten in the heat and passion you had shared.

“You might want to drink that to change the taste”, he said, letting out a soft laugh.

Your eyes dipped to his softening cock, and you nodded your head as you got up. “Let me just grab a shirt to put on.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Put my shirt on.”

Still that commanding tone of his… it was going to make you go crazy.

Scratch that, you were already crazy. Far more than you had ever thought you’d be. Hell, you had just given a blowjob to your best friend’s older brother. To Kim Taehyung, a member of the biggest boyband in the world.

You grabbed his dress shirt. It was a soft pink colour. For a moment you thought you had seen it somewhere, but the ecstasy that still clung to you made it hard to think. You put it on, buttoning up until your body was finally hidden from his hungry eyes. Yet they didn’t look all that hungry anymore. They just looked tired, positively so.

“I can’t believe we did this”, he said, a little breathlessly, as you finally sat next to him again, banana milk in hand. While you had been putting his shirt on, he had put his pants back on, hiding his soft dick from view. Yet you still could admire the warm skin of his chest, and the red flush that adorned the top part of it.

“Eunjin is never going to believe this”, you muttered.

Taehyung met your gaze, eyes widening a little. “She cannot know.” You paused, banana milk halfway to your mouth. Taehyung must have read something in your eyes, because he continued, “She’ll kill me if she knows. She already was pissed that I let you sleep in my bed the night of her party.”

You were surprised at the disappointment that rose inside of you. It tasted bitter, but not the kind of bitter Taehyung’s cum had tasted like. No, it tasted of regret.

“Oh”, you let out. You busied yourself with drinking the milk to hide the disappointment. Taehyung noticed it, though. You were pretty sure he did, so you quickly said, “It’s okay. Just weird, because we tell each other everything.”

Taehyung slowly nodded, wetting his lips. “I know.” He once again reached up, putting a strand of your hair behind your ear. “I just don’t want the drama that would come with it.”

You didn’t really want it either. And he was right, Eunjin could cause a lot of drama if she wanted. You loved her endlessly, but you didn’t want her to scold you for achieving one of your teenage fantasies.

“Besides, I’d like to see you again”, Taehyung added. “I need to be alive for that, and we both know Jinnie will murder me if she knows.”

You laughed. Taehyung wanted to see you again?

“I’d rather you not die”, you said.

Taehyung offered you a secretive smile accompanied by a tilt of his head to the side. You held his dark gaze. Somewhere in its depth you could feel the demon watching you. And even though you were happy Taehyung wanted to see you again, the demon lurking in the shadows had your heart squeezing in your chest.

You were pretty sure it was just a matter of time before it ripped it from your ribcage.

***

Kim Taehyung was a kind human being. Sweet as honey, with a smile that spread warmth wherever he went. You had seen him again three times, after that very first time, and he still swept you off your feet. He took to caring for you – offering you food and letting you wear his clothes whenever you felt like it. But Kim Taehyung was a busy man, and weeks passed without you hanging out.

You never had sex. The three times you had hung out had just been filled with cuddling, holding hands and make-out sessions that left you breathless. The orgasms he pulled out of you contributed to it too, you were pretty sure. Never going further than preliminaries, Taehyung still managed to make you come undone under his skilled fingers. But he never gave in to more. Whenever you asked, he said that you weren’t ready, and that you had to be patient.

You were tired of being patient. But then he kissed your forehead, smiled that sweet smile of his, and your annoyance dwindled away.

You hadn’t seen the demon in his eyes again, after that first time. Or you had just become blind to it. Sometimes you thought it didn’t really show up because Taehyung appreciated spending time with you. And he did say so. He only looked slightly uncomfortable when you suggested having sex for real, so you had decided to stop asking.

He’d give it to you whenever the time was right.

The Holidays rushed in, a little under two months after that first time you had seen him, and as they did family traditions settled in. You moved back to Daegu for the week off you had – first time you had it off since you had started working for Samsung. You were excited for it, mostly because you’d get to spend it with Eunjin’s family and yours. Even your brother was coming, along with his fiancée.

It promised to be an exciting time indeed.

“Do you think I should wear this?” Eunjin asked.

You were currently sprawled on her bed, scrolling through Instagram as she unpacked her suitcase. Sung-tan-jul was on the morrow, and it seemed Eunjin wanted to dress up for it. Which was useless, because it was just going to be your family and hers, and none of you had ever really been traditional.

“Uh?” you let out, scrolling to the next picture on your feed. It was a BTS edit, and your cheeks flushed red as Taehyung appeared on the screen.

To think Kim Taehyung had been between your legs more than once was the strangest thought. It felt surreal, yet it was the truth. A truth set in stone, one he reminded you of as he texted you. Your phone dinged, and Eunjin threw herself on the bed next to you.

“You’re not even listening.”

You blushed, hiding the notification from her. “Just wear whatever, it’s not like it really matters.”

It was a lie, sort of. Because you had prepared your prettiest outfits for the week, knowing that Taehyung would be here. You wanted to look good for him, because God knew Kim Taehyung never looked bad.

“I’ve looked through your clothes and you just brought designer stuff.” She rolled her eyes as you glanced at her. “It’s like you’re trying to impress someone.”

You hoped she didn’t see you blanch because you sure had.

“You know I like fashion”, you said.

That wasn’t a lie. You had always liked fashion, and you had gotten a raise earlier this year at work that had allowed you to start indulging in your passion, buying clothes you had never thought you would be able to afford.

“You do, and it’s annoying because you have a better sense of style than I do and I always look bad next to you.”

You sent her a pointed glance. “Bitch, you are the prettiest. I don’t have the choice but to dress well if I want to compare.”

Eunjin tsked, yet she remained silent as a smile stretched on her lips at the compliment.

You fell into a comfortable silence, and you continued scrolling through your phone. Eunjin did the same next to you, and she eventually started filling the silence with talks of her new work crush.

Scratch that, she was complaining about the guy. But you knew by the way she was getting worked up that there was more to it. She was your best friend after all.

You were surprised that she hadn’t realized the change in you. The change Taehyung had brought to you. Maybe because it was hidden, that change. Just for you and him to know. It felt exciting, to have a secret to hide. Like you were doing something you shouldn’t be doing, and the thrill of it had you craving for Taehyung’s touch a little more every day.

“Does she always complain like that?” the man’s deep baritone voice said from the door.

It was like thinking of him had summoned him out of thin air. Eunjin yelped, jumping out of bed to embrace Taehyung.

“Oppa, you idiot!” she said. “I thought you were only coming tomorrow.”

He smiled at you over her shoulder. A secretive smile, one that had butterflies forming in your stomach and warmth blossoming between your legs.

The effect he had on you… it was dangerous, considering you were going to spend a week under the same roof as him without having the opportunity to really spend time alone together.

“I was able to come earlier”, he said as they pulled away from their embrace. “Hi, Y/n.”

You shut your phone, sitting up in the bed. “Hey, Tae.”

Eunjin had her brows knit together when she turned to look at you. You had messed up, hadn’t you?

“Since when are you so casual with him?” she threw at you, tone accusative.

You shrugged your shoulders, hoping she couldn’t see your heart beating out of your chest. “Maybe since the party you threw during which he had to take care of me because you got me too drunk?”

Taehyung stifled a laugh as Eunjin’s gaze widened. “I got you drunk? Girl, you did that all by yourself.”

Maybe you had. You just offered her a crooked grin, before meeting Taehyung’s gaze. The world seemed to slow around you, and for a moment there was just you and him. You wished you could close the space between you, press your lips to taste the honey sweetness of his, but you resisted, your grin melting into a tight-lipped smile instead. He replied with a wink that went unnoticed to Eunjin before saying that dinner was soon going to be ready. Eunjin pushed him out of the room, before shutting the door behind her.

“Let me get changed before we go down.”

And that was how the Holidays began for you. It was warm, fun and nostalgic, reminding you of younger days. As everything did, when it came to the Kims and their childhood house. Your childhood house too, as you had spent most of your time here. It was also the first time your brother’s fiancée, Choi Ryunjin, spent time like that with your family. She had been very shy around Taehyung at first, but she had soon melted under the warmth of his smile, and the group that had once been five was six.

It was perfect. Sung-tan-jul, that is. With laughter and whiskey, and gifts exchanged next to a plastic Christmas tree, as snow fell lazily outside. There wasn’t a lot of it, but still the world outside was soon covered by a white blanket that made for a perfect Christmas.

It was an idyllic picture, just as much as the new memories you were making.

Taehyung was warm. Warmth incarnate, even. You shared longing looks and quick touches, when nobody was looking. It made your heart race, but you knew better than to go to him in the middle of the night. Even though your body was aching for it, you just wanted to spend time with him as a friend.

A little foolish part of you hoped it would help with the relationship you shared. Though situationship was probably a more accurate word.

Eunjin didn’t seem to suspect a thing in the days that followed. Didn’t notice that Taehyung always managed to sit next to you, only so he could press his thigh against yours. Taehyung was a touchy man and you loved it to no end. It made you feel important, even if all you were was some sort of friends with benefits.

On the day before New Year’s Eve, the house fell silent for the first time in almost a week, most of everyone deciding to go enjoy the nice weather outside with a stroll through the fields, while the mothers made a trip to the market to gather whatever was needed for the celebrations the next day. You had stayed behind because you wanted to get some work done, and you were sitting in Eunjin’s dad’s office when Taehyung appeared at the door, cheeks pink from the cold outside.

“You should come with us”, he said, hands hidden behind his back.

Even dressed casually Taehyung looked good. Black jeans paired with a black t-shirt that he had tucked in his pants, and he had completed the look with a black belt made of real leather. His hair was ruffled by the wind outside, and the dust of pink on his features made him look so real.

Real and human in the most beautiful way, for a man that had been stealing your breath away for so long now.

“I’m almost done with work”, you said, stretching as you held in a yawn.

Taehyung leaned against the doorframe, his hands still hidden behind his back. “You shouldn’t be working during the holidays.”

“I’m pretty sure you are used to working during the holidays.”

He grinned sheepishly. “Not this year though. And I’d like to spend some time with you.”

It hit you then, that you hadn’t even had a second to yourselves since coming here. Just stolen touches and glances whenever you could, but nothing that you could add to the memories you had been making with Taehyung ever since November. Memories that were just yours to know, your little secret that made for the most beautiful garden in your heart.

“Do you?” you said as blood rushed to your cheeks.

He nodded, before pushing up from the door frame and walking towards you. “I haven’t even had the chance to give you your Sung-tan-jul gift.”

Your eyes widened as he revealed what he had been hiding behind his back: a red velvet box, with an elegant bow holding it close. It looked expensive, and you quickly shook your head.

“Oh no, Tae, you shouldn’t have gotten...”

The smile on his lips turned into a dangerous smirk that had your words die in your throat. He held out the box, and you knew you had turned a shade darker as you grabbed it.

“What is it?” you asked as you ran fingers on the soft velvet.

“Open it.”

You threw him a cautious glance, before gently pulling on the bow until it came undone. You hesitated for half a second before lifting the lid of the box and you were left dumbfounded for a time. Staring at the contents of the box without realizing what they were.

And then realization fell upon you, and you quickly put the lid back on the box.

“Oh my God, Taehyung, why did you give me this here?” you said, as your heart beat frantically in your chest. “What if someone sees it?”

He shrugged, a boyish smile gracing his pretty features. “Nobody is inside.”

“But someone could…”

“It’s just for you to know, sweetheart”, Taehyung interjected, and once again your words died on your lips. “I just thought we could take the next step in all of this.” His last words were punctuated by a motion of his to the air surrounding you.

All of this… Did he really think you would be willing to get tied up and blindfolded here? And you were pretty sure the leathery thing in the middle of the box was a whip of some sort…

Kim Taehyung was out of his mind, and you couldn’t even bring it in you to be mad at you. No, the blood that had raced to your cheeks had trickled down to your core, and warmth lit up your soul.

“But here?”

Your question lingered in the air, as you met his heavy gaze and tried to hold it. You were too much of a coward, and your eyes fell to the floor.

“Well, it’s my birthday”, he pointed out.

It was. You had wished him a happy birthday first thing in the morning, and had hugged him for a moment. A friendly hug, though he had held on to you for a little longer than necessary. No one had paid any mind to it, but the moment had been replaying in your thoughts on a loop ever since this morning.

“Someone could hear us”, you breathed, right as his hand reached for your chin.

He tilted your head backwards, until your eyes had met his again. “You’d just have to be quiet.”

“Eunjin will realize if I’m not in bed with her.” You were defiant, just a little. Something you had realized worked well when Taehyung desired you.

He wet his lips, before leaning down. To your surprise, the kiss landed on your forehead, and your eyelids fluttered shut instinctively.

“You know there could be a typhoon outside and she’d sleep through it.” He straightened, and your eyes fluttered open.

He wasn’t wrong, but he was still crazy if he thought you’d do anything with him when both of your families were under the same roof.

“You’re out of your mind”, you mumbled, and his thumb pulled on your bottom lip. Your mouth fell open, and he leaned down once again, this time kissing you softly before pulling away.

“For you?” He paused, as if to give emphasis to his words. “Always.”

Your hand reached out in the space between you, fingers hooking with the loop of his pants to make sure he wouldn’t pull away. Because you didn’t want him to pull away just yet. Not when your heart filled with warmth and butterflies rose in your stomach.

“You can’t say stuff like that”, you complained.

It wasn’t your first time telling him that. Whenever Taehyung said some stuff that made your heart race, you tended to remind him that whatever you shared was just physical. He was merely teaching you about sex, and you couldn’t let feelings intervene.

You knew situations like the one you shared never ended well when feelings were implied.

“Sorry”, he apologized, though he looked the least bit apologetic. “I’ve just missed being with you.”

He was letting you interpret his words however you wanted. You could tell from the way he was looking down at you. So you interpreted them as a craving of his body, and not something his heart might want. Because you weren’t stupid: there wasn’t a universe out there where Kim Taehyung might want you for more than that. You were both driven by lust, and by a teenage crush that had just held stronger than you had first believed. There was no affection between the two of you, other than that of the affection one holds for a childhood friend.

“So have I”, you breathed, pulling him a little closer.

His crotch was at eye-level with your gaze, yet you refused to look down. You knew the position was most definitely driving him insane though, and it made you feel powerful.

He often did that. Make you feel powerful, that is. It was addicting, like everything that came with him. Taehyung was like a cigarette, and the nicotine addiction was burning you from the inside out.

He grabbed your hand, pulling you up to your feet. You didn’t resist, following his lead until he had wrapped your arms around his neck and had put his large hands on your waist. There seemed to be a moment of the world holding its breath, and then Taehyung leaned down, pressing his lips against yours.

You melted into his touch, kissing him back with all the want in you. All the passion and the burning and the intoxicating feelings he brought up in you. He met your fire with a swipe of his tongue against your bottom lip, and you parted your mouth open for him.

“Oppa, do you know where eoma keeps the gloves?” Eunjin yelled, probably from downstairs.

You jumped out of Taehyung’s arms, face burning red, insides the temperature of molten metal. He had a startled expression on his face, but his voice didn’t waver as he replied to his sister, before adding, “I’ll be out in a second”.

You listened to Eunjin move downstairs, heart beating wildly in your chest. It didn’t calm down until you heard the door open and close downstairs, and the house fell silent again.

“That was close”, Taehyung said, boxy grin on his lips.

He took a step towards you, and you stepped back. “Nu-uh, no more of this until tonight”, you warned him.

His grin turned into a smirk, and he looked at you with his smoldering gaze for a time. “I’ll be waiting for you then.”

You nodded, slowly, taking a deep breath to calm the wild beats of your heart. Your gaze moved to the box you had left discarded on the desk next to your laptop. “And also hide that somewhere. Eunjin will see it if I put it in her room.”

“Yes, ma’am”, Taehyung agreed. There was a teasing undertone to his voice, and you folded your arms on your chest, getting ready to scold him when he stepped closer so quickly you didn’t have time to move back. He pressed a kiss on the tip of your nose, before smiling at you with that blinding smile of his.

You stood, stunned, as he grabbed the box before walking out of the room, throwing a wink at you over his shoulder. And then he was gone, and you were left fighting your treacherous heart.

You reminded yourself that you couldn’t fall in love. You’d never be delusional enough to fall in love with him. But when he acted like that, it made it far too easy for your heart to fill with endearment. It was dangerous ground to tread.

You didn’t want to set yourself up for a broken heart.

*****

The house was dark when you stepped outside Eunjin’s room, somewhere between midnight and one in the morning. Her snores had been keeping you awake, that was true, but it mostly was the perspective of meeting with Taehyung that had kept your eyes wide open, waiting until you were convinced Eunjin wouldn’t realize you were gone.

Taehyung had been teasing, all night. All smirks and winks when nobody was watching. He had caressed your thigh under the table during the meal, unbeknownst to everyone. Everyone but you, who had been forced to clench your teeth as you had tried to ignore the effect he had on you.

As if that was likely to ever happen. He was Kim Taehyung. You didn’t think there was a world out there where Kim Taehyung didn’t have an effect on the women surrounding him. Especially when he had been your childhood crush.

His room was down the hallway, and you had to pass in front of Jeongyu’s room to get there. Luckily enough, Jeongyu had lent his room to your parents for the weekend, and you knew your father’s loud breathing was going to cover the creaking of the hallway as you tiptoed towards Taehyung’s room. You could only hope your mother wouldn’t need to go to the bathroom while you were with Taehyung.

Yet… the possibility of getting caught… it made you feel hot, in some way. Because you were breaking rules. You, the perfect daughter that had never done anything she shouldn’t…

It was way past time to be imperfect.

You reached Taehyung’s room, heart beating wildly against your ribcage. You knocked, a gentle knock that probably hadn’t even sounded on his side of the door. Yet the door slowly opened, and Taehyung’s face appeared in the crack between the door and the wall. His eyes shone brightly, expectantly, and as soon as he focused on you, he opened the door for you to walk in.

Needless to say, he very carefully shut it behind you, as you took a few tentative steps in his room.

“You…” you breathed, a little louder than you had first intended.

“Shh”, he shushed you. He walked to you, gently grabbing your arm to make you turn towards him.

You obeyed, because you always obeyed whatever Taehyung told you to do, and you found yourself facing him. Well, tilting your head back to look up at him, as he stood closer to you than you had expected him to be.

Taehyung wasn’t a particularly tall man, but when he was next to you it felt as if he towered over you, with a dangerous look in his eyes that made you gulp.

“We don’t want someone to hear us”, he pointed out, before bending down to press a chaste kiss on your lips. When he straightened, his eyes had recovered their mischievous shine. “Do you know how pretty you were tonight?”

You blushed, wetting your lips. “I wanted to look good for you.”

“I figured.” He smirked, slowly nodding his head. He then grabbed your hand, looking around his room. “How do you like it?”

You liked it very much. Indeed, Taehyung had lit up candles all around his room, creating a romantic ambiance that made you want to be closer to him. To be entwined with him until you forgot where you ended and where he started. From the look on his face, you knew he wanted that too.

It was then that you realized he was highly likely to take your virginity tonight. Not that virginity was something that mattered, it really just was a social construct. But Taehyung was going to take it tonight, whatever it was, and heat immediately pooled at your core at the thought of it.

“It’s pretty”, you breathed, catching his gaze again.

The candles casted flickering lights on the side of his face, making his honey skin glow with warmth. You reached between you, brushing a stand of hair behind his ear. He carefully observed you as you did so, and you wondered if he could see your heart beating in your chest.

It really did feel like it was about to break free of your ribcage.

“It’s going to be prettier when you’re tied up on my bed.”

Taehyung’s words entirely stopped your heart in your chest. They killed you right on the spot, and maybe that was the reason why you found yourself grabbing the collar of his shirt, pulling him into your embrace.

Taehyung’s lips crashed against yours, and your whole soul caught fire. You let out a breathy sound, and he swallowed it hungrily as he grabbed your waist, pulling you flush against him. His body was solid, beautiful, against you like that, and you let your hands fall from his collar to his shoulders, before moving them to his chest. His heart was beating wildly under your fingertips, and you breathed out a moan again as one of his hands cupped your ass.

“Happy birthday to me”, he said, barely even pulling away to speak the words. No, his lips moved against yours in the shape of his words, and it made you chuckle shyly.

“Happy birthday”, you echoed, and the kiss turned sweeter. Slow, steady, like he had been kissing you that first time at your place.

Taehyung tentatively swiped his tongue at your bottom lip, tasting you, and you parted your lips to suck on his tongue. You could tell he liked it, and the sweetness of the kiss almost immediately returned to its previous fire, with Taehyung pushing you back towards the bed.

You sat on it, mostly because the back of your knees had hit the side, and you looked up at Taehyung, eyes round and innocent as he towered over you.

You couldn’t believe this man would be the one to fuck you for the first time.

“I want to tie you up”, he breathed, and his eyes shot to the headboard of the bed.

You followed his line of gaze, only noticing that he had already tied the silk ropes to it. All that was left to complete his fantasy was you, lying in his bed.

“But I need to undress you first, mmh?”

You were pretty sure blood had rushed to your cheeks again, but you didn’t have time to contemplate on it before he pulled his shirt over his head, and your gaze fell to the strong planes of his body. In this lighting, he looked sharper, as if he was made of glass. You could only hope he wouldn’t break under your fingers.

But then again, you were pretty sure you were the one likely to break when Kim Taehyung was looking at you like that. With pupils blown wide in his dark eyes, making them look like black pits in the middle of his face. His familiar lips kept the sight from being terrifying, but a tiny part of you knew you ought to be afraid.

You ignored it with all the lust in your heart.

Once his shirt was off, Taehyung started working on his belt, undoing it with skilled fingers as his gaze never left yours. You found it hard not to look away, but you knew Taehyung loved his eye contact. So you focused on him, even as his belt came undone. He dropped it to the ground, and the loop hitting the ground made a thumping sound that took you by surprise.

It was loud, in the silence of the night, and you could only hope no one had heard.

His pants were soon to follow, pooling around his ankles, and you couldn’t keep from looking down as the distinct motion of him stroking his dick caught in your peripheral vision.

Your eyes dipped down and his dick was free, half soft, yet he was pumping it slowly. Heat pooled at your core, and you moved closer to the edge of the bed.

Taehyung took a step towards you, and you didn’t even hesitate before going right in, licking at his head.

His eyes were shut when you looked up, and you took that as a cue to start working on him, just how he had shown you to. You wrapped your lips around the head, using your tongue to play with the sensitive spot at the back of the head, and you replaced his hand at the base of his dick with one of yours. That hand immediately started stroking him, with the perfect pressure, and you sucked on the head before starting to bob back and forth to the same rhythm, eyes looking up until Taehyung’s eyelids finally fluttered open to reveal his lustful gaze.

“Fuck”, he whispered, in that low baritone voice of his that made you go crazy inside.

You shut your eyes as he bucked his hips, hitting the back of your throat with his cock. It had turned harder in your mouth, and you gagged around it. Taehyung gently caressed one of your cheeks, willing your eyes to open until you met his gaze.

His gaze looked different, now. Still dark, but shining from within. Perhaps because of the candles, and of their soft glow on his honey skin. Or maybe it was the emotions in their depths. Emotions you couldn’t interpret, didn’t understand, but that made you pull away.

Sucking his dick while he was looking at you like that felt too weird.

“I should be the one going down on you”, he murmured. “Especially with all I have planned for you tonight.”

No sweetness coated his words. Just pure filth, and really it contrasted deeply with his soft eyes. Yet it made you gulp, and you slowly nodded your head, before standing up. Your hands instinctively rested on his chest, and his large ones found your waist. He pulled you in, going for a kiss that landed at the corner of your mouth. You barely felt its warm caress, especially not as his hands found their way under your shirt. He started drawing circles on your skin, gently, and he kissed the other corner of your mouth.

You breathed out, and he swallowed it as he pressed his lips against yours, moving them slowly. It was a steady rhythm you knew too well, one that had started feeling like home after the first few times you had hung out with Taehyung in the secrecy of your relationship.

He pulled away, offering you a small smile as he pulled your shirt over your head. You shivered without the fabric on your skin, nipples perked up in the space between you two. Taehyung glanced down at them, and his smile turned appreciative as he cupped your breast with one of his big hands while the other one worked to get you out of your shorts. Once they pooled around your ankles, you stepped out and closer to him, pressing your chest against his until he let your breast go to hold you flush against him.

He kissed you again then, wilder, with all the fire he had kissed you with earlier. It was hot, and you wondered if you would melt under his skilled digits. So hot he seared a mark on your lips each time his mouth moved against yours. You met him with the same fire, offered him that same passion, as you focused on the space between you. On where his dick was trapped between your bodies, standing proud and tall.

And very hard.

You moaned in his mouth, and Taehyung cupped your ass, before slapping it once. Still he didn’t pull away, and the breath in your lungs became scarce, yet you didn’t care. You would die kissing him if you had to.

There was no better way to go than kissing Kim Taehyung.

Unfortunately, he probably thought otherwise, because Taehyung pulled away, sucking in a sharp breath as your eyes fluttered open.

“On the bed, princess”, he said, gesturing behind you.

So it was time. You gulped, nodding, before climbing on the bed, nestling yourself in the pillows at the headboard. Taehyung kneeled in front of you, large hands grabbing your ankles. He caressed his way up your legs, up to your knees, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind his touch, before going back down to your ankles. He only then pulled on you so you were in a lying position.

The male chuckle he let out told you he had caught sight of the pooling wetness that had already soaked through your panties.

“You’re already so wet, aren’t you?” he said, baritone voice carrying to your ears in the silence of the night.

He had whispered the words, just for you to hear, yet they had sounded so loud. Loud and clear, and you instinctively brought your thighs together, looking for some friction.

“Don’t”, he warned you, before spreading your legs wide open. “I want to taste my birthday gift before I fuck it into oblivion.”

A shiver of pleasure ran up your spine.

“Please do.”

He smirked, tilting his head to the side. A predator eyeing its prey.

“Oh, I will. Should I tie you up first?”

He didn’t let you answer the question. Instead, he dove in, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the place where your juice was already soaking your panties. You would have moaned out loud had you been alone and not in his family home. Instead, you let out a breathy sound, something that resembled more of a whine.

Before he continued, Taehyung pulled your panties down your legs, observing you through half-lidded eyes. You held his gaze, giving in to his fantasies, but once his mouth found your pussy again, tongue dipping between your lips, your eyelids fluttered shut.

You bit down on your lip, hard, trying to hold in your sounds, as your hand flew in the space between you, finding a handful of his hair to hold onto. He let you do it as he made out with your pussy, his deep chuckle making your nerve endings light up.

Once he got tired of his tongue inside of you, Taehyung focused on your clit, flicking at it unforgivably, establishing a harsh rhythm that he soon accompanied with a long finger curling inside of you. It stretched your walls, but just a little. Nothing like his dick would.

The thought was enough to make you clench against him, and Taehyung hissed.

“Relax, princess, I want to be able to fuck you”, he said, before going back to your clit. This time, he moved slower, and your walls released him, enough so that he added a second finger. The combination of the two fingers spreading you wide open and the slow steady flicking on your clit had the corners of your vision turning blurry, until all you could focus on was his face between your legs.

He looked devilishly good down there.

“Tae…” you breathed out.

He glanced up at you, his lustful gaze burning into yours, and you felt an orgasm forming on the horizon of your conscience. It hit you head on when he pushed a third finger inside of you as he sucked right on your clit, teasing the bundle of nerves with the tip of his tongue.

Your eyes shut as you came, and your thighs tightened around his face. He worked you through your high, slow and steady, before pulling out of you once he was sure he had milked the last of the orgasm out of you.

It took a moment for your gaze to find his again, and you almost wished it hadn’t. Because Taehyung was holding the small leather whip now, and he ran it up your side.

“Can I use this on you?” he asked as he traced the shape of your breast, before caressing your nipple with it.

You held in the moan, or maybe the curse that had taken shape on your lips.

“Not to hurt you”, he said, almost like a promise.

“I don’t think I can stay silent if you use that on me”, you admitted, cheeks burning with the afterglow of your orgasm.

He pouted, looking at the whip, before slowly nodding his head. “We’ll have to save it for when we’re back in Seoul.”

You wet your lips, nodding before sitting up in his bed as he threw the whip to the side. He must have dried his hands of your juice at some point, because when Taehyung cupped your cheeks to kiss you slowly, his fingers were dry. Dry and gentle, yet he held you firmly, running his thumbs on your skin.

You reached between you, aiming blindly for his dick, and Taehyung jumped as you found its velvety softness, wrapping your hand around the base before pumping him a couple of times. He pulled away then, chuckling.

“You’re such a good girl”, he praised.

You melted under the praise, gripping him tighter until his gaze had turned even darker. You only understood what that meant for you when he grabbed your hand, pulling it away from him.

Away from him and towards the silk rope on one side of the headboard.

“You…” you let out, as he started tying you up with skilled fingers.

“I don’t want you touching me”, he murmured. “This is all about what you feel.”

“I like touching you”, you complained, with a little whiny voice that had him offering you a soft smile.

“I’ll let you touch later.” He held your gaze, before kissing your lips softly once. “Unless you are uncomfortable with me tying you up.”

As much as being tied up for your first time felt weird, it also felt right. Right because Taehyung was home, and you trusted him.

You knew he would untie you the moment you looked uncomfortable.

“No, it’s okay”, you said, offering him consent. “Just don’t tie it too tight.”

He smiled softly, pecking your lips another time. “I would never.”

He then guided you until you were lying down, before tying your other wrist on the other side of the headboard. The position was strange, but it didn’t hurt, and he had given you enough slack in the rope so you could pull on the restraints a little, keeping it from being painful for your shoulders.

Once that was done, Taehyung moved away until he was standing, and your eyes followed him carefully as he reached for condoms in his bedside table. He put a condom on, stroking his dick up and down a few times to make sure it was well in place, before moving back between your legs.

He was big. His large head stretched the condom thin, and you looked down at him as he positioned himself next to your entrance.

He caught your gaze, offering you another one of those sweet smiles of his. The ones that tugged his lips downwards a little, yet you knew they held happiness.

Or whatever happiness he could find in the act of having sex with you.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, holding your gaze.

You didn’t answer right away. Instead, you watched the shadows that danced on his features from the flickering light of the candles. He waited as you remained silent, patiently, hand still wrapped around the base of his dick.

Taehyung felt like home. Look like it too, familiar features that you had come to know growing up. He felt like innocence and nostalgia, in the right way. Even though the act you were about to do held nothing innocent.

“Yes.”

You had never been more sure of anything in your life.

Taehyung nodded slowly, and his gaze turned dark again. The sweetness was entirely gone from his face when he started pushing in, and you instinctively pulled against the restraints at the burn.

“Easy”, he whispered once the head was in. He let go of his dick, running soothing hands on your sides. “It will hurt a little at first.”

Your eyes fell shut as he kept pushing in, stretching you wider than his fingers ever had. It did hurt, a little, but mostly it felt strange. You focused on the strangeness, letting the pain go as he continued his way in, up until he reached your cervix.

That part hurt like a bitch, and you let out a small yelp of pain.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he pulled out.

“Sorry.”

“Are you okay?” he repeated, completely ignoring your apology.

You nodded slowly, but refused to meet his gaze.

“Look at me”, he murmured, and one of his large hands cupped your cheek.

Your eyes fluttered open instinctively. He was ethereal, kneeling between your legs, hair falling in his gaze. You tried to move the strand away, but the silk rope held you in place.

“Do you want me to untie you?” he asked.

“No”, you answered, with a small voice. “Can you go in again?”

He remained silent, but he obeyed, pushing his dick inside of you once more. You held his gaze until he bottomed out again, and the pain shot through your nerves. It was a little less this time, but still there nonetheless.

“I’m hurting you”, he stated.

You shook your head. “It’s just…” you trailed off, swallowing audibly. “It hurts when you are all the way in.”

He pulled out a little, and the sensation dissipated to nothing.

“Better?”

You nodded.

“Words”, he reminded you.

It made you smile. “Yes Tae, it’s better.”

He smiled too, before bending down. It made his dick move inside of you, but your eyes fluttered shut as he kissed you sweetly, before slowly pulling almost all the way out.

“Then I won’t go too deep for now”, he murmured against your lips. You nodded against him, before kissing him again.

It was a slow kiss, timed with the back and forth of his hips. The sensation still felt strange, not as good as what his fingers made you feel like, but it was a good kind of strange.

The kind that made your heart beat steadier in your chest as he kept on kissing you, swallowing every breathy sound you made.

It took a moment, but the sensation slowly changed, inching towards pleasure as he moved a little faster, shifting a little until he hit a different spot inside of you. It didn’t hurt, not even a little bit, but you could feel how big he was, how much he was stretching you.

You really had chosen a big dick for your first time, hadn’t you?

Taehyung moved from your lips to your neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses on the skin. You moaned softly, quietly, and he picked up the pace a little. You could feel his balls slapping your ass each time he went almost all the way in, but you were pretty sure there were still a few inches of his dick out of you.

You doubted he’d ever be able to fuck you with the entirety of it. But as you slowly eased into the sensation, you pulled on the silk ropes, fingers aching to be touching him.

“Easy, princess”, he breathed on the spot under your ear. His low voice sent shivers down your spine and straight to your core, and you wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer.

He reached deep inside of you. Yet this time it didn’t hurt, and you even let out a small moan that had him look up from your neck.

“Quiet”, he reminded you, before pressing a kiss on your lips. “Quiet or I’ll have to stop.”

“No.”

Your quick reply had him smirking, and he straightened until he was back to a kneeling position between your legs. His dick was still deep inside of you, where he had stilled a moment ago, and you wondered if this was still Taehyung.

If he was still the man you knew and had had a crush on. Because the next moment everything lost coherency, and the only reason why you couldn’t moan out loud was that he had pressed a hand on your mouth, holding one of your thighs with the other.

He fucked into you. Relentlessly. Pushing you to your limits, trying different angles that had you seeing stars. He was panting over you, sweat glittering on his brow with the light of the candles. But he never slowed down, keeping that same unforgiving pace that turned everything inside of you to liquid lava.

“Such a good little princess”, he breathed, and there was an edge to his voice. Maybe because he too was keeping his grunts and moans in, or maybe because he was on the verge of coming.

You couldn’t tell, and your brain had completely lost the ability to think a couple of moments ago.

“So tight”, he praised as he slowed the rhythm, and you met his gaze. “So fucking tight.”

He pushed inside of you harder, and a pained expression moved on your features. He immediately stopped, before bending down again.

“Let me untie you.”

You hadn’t realized that you were pulling on the restraints so hard, but as soon as your wrists were freed you wrapped your arms around Taehyung’s neck, pulling him into a kiss. He fucked into you again then, quick and hard and he swallowed the moans that escaped the confines of your mouth.

Your hands roamed his body, getting lost in his hair and caressing the skin of his back, until you were pretty sure you could mold his shape into mud. Until you were pretty sure you knew every little aspect of him, as his lips kept moving against yours. His tongue met yours, and he kissed you wildly, letting out a grunt that had your walls clenching against him.

“Fuck fuck fuck”, he cursed in your mouth.

You let out another breathy moan, and he pulled back to look at your face. He was so close you could count the moles on his features, and you reached to trace them, gently, as his rhythm slowed down.

“Everything okay?” you asked him, almost pensively, as he moved way too slow for pleasure to steal your thoughts again.

“You feel like heaven, princess”, he praised, and he landed a kiss on the top of your nose. “But I’m not sure I want to come yet.”

You bit your lip, before pulling him closer again. Not enough for your lips to touch, but enough for your eyelids to fall shut from the proximity. “Please come for me, Tae.”

“Fuck.” His curse held no bite as he nodded. You watched his blown pupils as he started moving faster again, until his balls were slapping your ass once more. It was a little loud, but you didn’t want to stop Taehyung from chasing his high, so you kept silent, holding your moans in as he dug his face in your neck, sucking a mark on your shoulder to keep his own moan in.

It hurt. Just a little. The kind of pain that made your nails dig in his back. Just a little. But that was enough to send Taehyung over the edge, and he cursed as he emptied inside the condom, stilling his movements deep inside of you. You could feel his dick twitching as he unloaded, and you held him close as he bit into the spot he had been sucking on.

Halfway through the ordeal, Taehyung moved his head from your neck. You barely had time to look at his glossy lips before he had them pressed against yours, and he kissed you through the remainder of his orgasm. Fast and wild and wet, with his tongue chasing yours in your mouth.

Once he was done, Taehyung rested his forehead against yours, and you breathed the same air until your heartbeats had gone steady in your chests again. Only then did Taehyung pull away, and his dick pulled free from your pussy, leaving you empty.

It really did feel empty after he had been stretching you like that.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as he rolled next to you, turning his face to look at you.

It took a moment for you to meet his gaze, and you just watched him carefully as he awaited your reply ever so patiently.

“Good”, you whispered.

He smiled, that same sweet smile that had stolen your heart when you were just a teenager. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

He looked away, eyes trailing to the ceiling. You watched the flickering lights of the candles on his profile for a time, before looking up at the ceiling too.

“For being here with me for my birthday”, he said. “But also for trusting me with your first time.”

You wet your lips, shrugging your shoulders. “I think some part of me always imagined that it would be you.”

You wanted to curse yourself the moment the words had left your lips.

“What?”

His eyes had moved back to you now, but you refused to meet his gaze. “I had a crush on you when we were younger.”

“Oh.” He remained silent for a time, and you wondered if he could hear every painful beat of your heart. “That’s cute.”

You blushed even though your cheeks were already flushed from the sex. “Cute?”

“Mmh”, he hummed in agreement. “You’re cute.”

You looked at him then, meeting his dark eyes. They were crinkling at the corners, as the corners of his lips tugged upwards on his handsome features.

“Am I?”

He nodded slowly. “Especially when I’m fucking you.”

A teasing glint had taken form in his gaze, and you rolled your eyes. “I should have expected you’d be an ass about it.”

“Hey”, he let out, and he rested a hand palm first on your stomach. “I’d never be an ass when it comes to you.”

Could he tell he had stopped your heart in your chest with that simple sentence?

“Never?”

He seemed to ponder for a time. “Not purposefully, no.”

It made you wary, and you furrowed your brows. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“That I don’t want to be an ass when it comes to you.”

You didn’t want to feel like you felt then. As if the crush had never left and was slowly blossoming into more. But he made it so damn hard.

“As much as I like hearing you say that, I should probably head back to Eunjin’s room”, you murmured, before cowering away from his gaze as disappointment filled it.

You were fleeing. You knew you were, but you didn’t have another option.

Kim Taehyung was far too dangerous for your own good.

*****

Days came and went, faster than you had ever imagined they could. Being held by Kim Taehyung felt like that: as if you were a fast car racing for the end of the street.

You could only hope the end of the street wasn’t made of a stonewall.

The rest of the Holidays had been lovely, with your family and his. You had then gone back home to Seoul, and your secret meetings with Taehyung resumed in their usual scene: him in your apartment, and occasionally you in his. You liked going to his place, and it was needless to say why: his dog was one of the cutest you had seen in your life. It was also reassuring, in some way, to know that Taehyung didn’t mind you being in his place. Even if what you shared was still but an illicit affair, being held by him in his bed while the alarm clock on his bedside table read the hour of early mornings felt just right.

You didn’t have a chance to meet up often. It made you wary, sad, and sometimes you thought yourself to be delusional. Because you wanted to see him more, wanted to share his days the way you shared his nights. The Holidays had given you a glimpse of that. A week, outside of time, where you had known you’d get to see him every day. Where he had brushed his fingers against yours when no one else looked, as if he just couldn’t resist closing the distance between you.

Months passed, and you wondered if there would be a day where you wouldn’t need to wait. Sometimes, you considered ending things with Taehyung, just because he was silent for a while. But whenever he held you again, you knew you couldn’t stop. Drugs were addictive, and Kim Taehyung was the most addictive drug this world held.

The devil through and through. Because he was sweet, giving in to your fantasies. Cuddling you when you didn’t feel like having sex, teasing you about shared memories or kissing your shoulder while you cooked food for him. Occasional meetings, yes, but all of them held feelings you had never thought you’d feel.

The months of winter passed, with icy winds carrying snowdrifts and staying in as cold reigned over the world. You worked a lot during those months, and maybe that most of all was the reason why you never found the courage to speak to Taehyung. Because even though you were growing wary, seeing him felt like a day of summer in the middle of winter, and you needed it. It wasn’t like he treated you badly. Taehyung was sweet, with everything he did. You just couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing when you weren’t together.

You knew some stuff from his public persona, but Taehyung was far more than what met the eyes of outsiders. His mind was complex, a maze you hadn’t been able to figure out. You didn’t know if you were to figure it out someday, and some part of you wondered if it would have been different, had he not become an idol. Had he stayed in Daegu, next to you. It was treacherous thoughts, so you pushed them away whenever they came.

Surprisingly enough, Eunjin didn’t notice the change in you. Or maybe she had chosen not to, and she never questioned you whenever you fell silent, or gazed in the distance longingly. It was the strangest thing to be hiding something so big from your best friend, but it had become second nature a while ago.

The month of April was pretty, in Seoul. With flowers blossoming on every street corner, and warm winds erasing the chills winter had left behind. They also eased the thoughts that held a dark corner of your heart, whenever it came to Taehyung. Shed light to the darkness, especially when Taehyung invited you over some early afternoon. It was unusual, as you always met later in the evening, but he had called you on one of your rare days off. You weren’t going to miss the opportunity.

You got ready quickly, dressing up in a black skirt that you paired with a dark cardigan over a white polo shirt. It looked preppy, a style you had realized Taehyung enjoyed. Though his clothing usually was far more expensive than yours, it still felt great whenever he complimented you for how you dressed.

Taehyung’s compliments hit differently than those of the other men around you. Not that there were a lot of men. Except for the males in your family and Jeongyu, you didn’t really talk to any men other than Taehyung.

You didn’t want that to change.

You made your way to Taehyung’s place slowly, enjoying the warm breeze the day held. The sun shone brightly, with only a few lazy white clouds streaming overhead. Birds sang their chirpy songs, accompanying the music you were bobbing your head to from the lone earbud in your left ear. You bowed at the sweet old street vendor that offered you tteokbokki, reminding you of that night Taehyung had come to pick you up. The first night something had happened between the two of you, when a whole new world had opened up to you. It plastered a smile on your lips, and you arrived at Taehyung’s place in a cheery mood.

It only swelled even more when he opened his door to you, with a matching bright smile on his own lips. He spoke your name softly, grabbing your hand and pulling you in.

You giggled as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “Hi”, you greeted him, hugging him back as the fragrance of his detergent hit your nose.

It smelled just like him, and you shut your eyes as you rested your head against his shoulder.

“I’m happy you could come over”, he murmured. He pulled away from the hug, just enough to press a kiss on the top of your head. “Yeontan missed you.”

Another light giggle fell from your lips. “Yeontan?” you questioned, even if you could hear the dog barking from the other room.

“Mmh.” Taehyung nodded, and he kissed the top of your head again. “I missed you too.”

“That’s more like it.” You said it teasingly, and Taehyung chuckled over you.

“Where did you get tteokbokki?”

You had all but forgotten the little plastic bag that hung from your hand, and you pulled away from the hug to give it to Taehyung.

“Some sweet lady offered it to me while I was on my way.”

A mischievous smile spread on his lips, one you echoed as you took off your shoes to follow him in.

Yeontan was on the couch when you walked in the living room, barking happily from the cushion he was sitting on. You made your way to the little dog, picking him up to hug him against your chest as Taehyung kept moving in, towards the kitchen area. You followed him as the dog tried licking your chin, which made you laugh giddily.

If the look Taehyung offered you over his shoulder wasn’t endearing, you didn’t know what endearment was. It filled your heart with warmth, and blush crept on your cheeks.

Taehyung put the tteokbokki down on his table, before moving to grab chopsticks for the both of you. You sat on a chair, putting Yeontan down on your thighs as you watched Taehyung walk back to your side. He sat on the chair next to you, leaving the chopsticks next to the plastic bag before bending down to press a kiss on Yeontan’s head.

He pressed a kiss on your cheek next, before moving to grab the tteokbokki from the bag. It smelled delicious as he pulled the lid off, and he smiled at you as he offered you a short glance.

“Enjoying the day off?” he asked, and a second later he was digging in the tteokbokki.

You followed his lead, and the sweet and spicy flavor filled your mouth as you chewed on the rice cake. Taehyung seemed to regret his decision, fanning his mouth as a disgusted scowl formed on his features.

“Why is it so spicy?” he asked after he swallowed.

You let out a small laugh. “It’s always spicy”, you reminded him.

He narrowed his eyes in suspicion, and you gently shoved him in the shoulder.

“Actually”, he said after a short moment of silence. “I have something I wanted to ask you.”

“What’s up?” you asked, without thinking more of it.

You were in a good mood after all. But when Taehyung didn’t reply right away, only watching you carefully, you turned your head towards him, putting the chopsticks down on the bowl.

“Is something wrong?” you asked, voice smaller all of a sudden.

“If I asked you to pretend to be my girlfriend for a dinner, would you say yes?”

You sucked in a breath, eyes going a little wide. Your heart skipped a beat, and you found you couldn’t hold his gaze.

“What?”

You could see him worry at his bottom lip as he thought, probably searching for the right words to say to convince you. “The members have been on my back about being single for a while”, he said carefully. “I just want them to stop.”

You could understand where he was coming from. People, mostly your family, often annoyed you about being single, about not having someone in your life. It got on your nerves sometimes, but ever since you had started seeing Taehyung, you had found that you didn’t mind all that much when they asked you questions. You only had to let your thoughts diverge towards the arms of the man sitting next to you and the annoyance disappeared.

But the word ‘pretend’ in his mouth sounded bitter. Sour, as if it had gone bad before leaving the confines of his beautiful mouth. Or maybe it was just the wariness that had been lurking at the back of your mind that suddenly grew stronger.

Taehyung was looking at you. With a small pout on his lips, an expectant look in his eyes. His cheeks were a little puffed up, and for a moment you wanted to reach out and pinch them. You resisted though, keeping one hand on the table and the other on Yeontan’s back. To calm the itch in your fingers, you scratched the dog, and your eyes moved away from Taehyung.

“For a dinner?” you asked.

Taehyung must have thought that meant yes, because a boxy smile made its way to his lips, making his whole face shine just like the world outside was shining. “Tonight, yeah. Jimin invited all of us over.”

“Tonight?” you repeated, eyes going round once again. “Tae, that gives me no time to get ready!”

He wet his lips, before glancing at you. “You look gorgeous, princess.”

You couldn’t say no. You couldn’t say no to his sweet face and his sweet words. You were pretty sure he could get you to crawl in mud if he wanted to.

“Tae…” you trailed off, and a small pout formed on your lips.

He echoed it with one of his own, and he murmured your name with a low voice that sent a shiver down your spine. It reminded you of the way he whispered it against your skin whenever you were entwined, and really, you couldn’t say no at all.

“What do I get in exchange?” you asked, looking down at Yeontan as you pet him.

“I’ll let you go on a shopping spree with my card?”

The suggestion made a small laugh bubble in your chest. “Tae, I can pay for my clothes myself.”

You glanced at him, but his eyes were looking at the tteokbokki as he furrowed his brows, lost in thoughts. “I can buy you food?”

You rolled your eyes. “Why do you think I want a gift?”

“What else could I give you?”

Your heart felt strange in your chest again. You. For real. You wanted to say it, but something kept you from doing so. All you could do was shrug as you looked away. Until Yeontan moved under the palm of your hand.

“You could let me have Yeontan.”

Taehyung gasped. “My dog? Never.”

“Then don’t make me pretend to be your girlfriend.”

“Please?”

You rolled your eyes again, before offering him a small smile. “I’ll just steal Yeontan without you realizing. But I’ll go with you.”

He smiled brightly. “I’ll ignore the threat, but I won’t forget it.”

He planted a kiss on your cheek, before grabbing more tteokbokki. You followed his lead, watching his profile carefully. Until an idea popped up in your mind.

“You know what we should do?”

He cocked an eyebrow as he looked at you, chewing the tteokbokki as quickly as he could to swallow before it burned his mouth too much.

“What?”

A wicked smile grew on your lips. “We should get matching outfits.”

His eyes widened, lighting up with agreement. “Oh, they definitely would believe us then.”

You ignored the ache that formed in your heart at his words as you nodded your head.

“You’re a genius”, he complimented you.

Your wicked smile melted softly. “Doing my best.”

And as Taehyung offered you one of his iconic grins, you realized that you cared about him far more than you even thought possible. Because his happiness made you happy.

Dangerous grounds to tread for sure.

*****

Turned out Taehyung had everything in his wardrobe to match his outfit with yours after all. His pants matched your skirt perfectly, and his no-sleeves wool cardigan was similar enough to yours to give the right vibe. He also had a white polo-shirt, one that almost looked like a golf polo, that worked perfectly to complete his outfit. A black belt hugged his pants to his hips, and the smile on his lips matched yours just right.

The perfect picture of a happy couple.

The elevator leading to Jimin’s apartment felt crowded, with just you and Taehyung standing there. Your eyes had diverged to a stain on the carpet, and Taehyung watched your profile for a time as the elevator shot upwards.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

You chuckled breathlessly. “I’m anxious. I don’t know your friends. And what if Eunjin learns that I was here?”

“She won’t”, Taehyung reassured you. “She barely talks to the members. They’ll never connect the dots.”

You knew he was right. Because there was no way in hell Taehyung would have asked you if he had thought it might reach Eunjin’s ears. Still, your previous wariness hadn’t let go of you, and you were pretty sure you were about to step in the biggest mess you had ever stepped in.

“Plus”, Taehyung added, and he turned to face you and grab your hands. “They’ll love you, I’m sure of it.”

“It doesn’t really matter if they love me or not”, you pointed out. “I’m probably never going to see them again.”

Taehyung remained silent, though he tried to catch your gaze as you stubbornly kept it on the floor. Once he understood you weren’t going to look up, he grabbed your chin to force you to meet his gaze.

“Let’s not think about that right now, mmh?” he murmured as soon as your eyes locked together. “We have to put on a good show.”

You gulped, glancing down at the lips you had kissed far more often than you should have. They looked just as soft as ever, and they glistened a little from when he had wet them just a few seconds ago.

“I’m not an actress like you…”

“Just follow my lead”, he encouraged. “You’ll do great, princess, I’m not worried.”

And as the elevator dinged and the doors started sliding open, Taehyung leaned down to press a soft kiss to your lips. It felt strange to be kissed by him somewhere else other than in your apartments, but your eyes immediately fell shut, and you let out a small sigh.

“Why am I not surprised?” a voice said from outside of the elevator.

You startled out of Taehyung’s arms, blush creeping on your cheeks. Kim Seokjin was standing outside the elevator, arm outstretched to keep the doors from closing shut.

“Hyung!” Taehyung let out happily. He introduced you, before pointing at the older man, eyes on you. “This is Kim Seokjin.”

“World-wide handsome”, Seokjin said as a way to introduce himself, a small smirk on his plump lips. “We almost thought you didn’t exist.”

You pursed your lips to keep in the nervous laugh that had almost fallen from your mouth. Because you actually didn’t exist, but they couldn’t know, right? “Nice to meet you.”

Seokjin chuckled. “Sorry, that was rude. Nice to meet you too, Y/n.”

An alarm started blaring in the elevator, startling you.

“I was on my way down to get some stuff Jimin forgot at the grocery store”, Seokjin said as he got in.

“We’ll come with”, Taehyung said, but it was useless, since the doors had already slid shut.

You were encased in silence, and your gaze slid to Taehyung. Seokjin stood between the two of you, with his face angled towards the floor. He looked sad, for a moment there, but when Taehyung asked him what he was supposed to get, the shadows lifted and his features lit up as he answered.

They talked for a time, and you tried to disappear through the carpet, not wanting to attract Seokjin’s attention. It was a failure because he glanced at you, offering you the whole of his focus. “How did you meet Taehyung?”

You really hadn’t planned this thing right, had you? Because you had no idea what to say. Taehyung looked at you, waiting for the lie you would craft, but nothing came to mind.

“Uh…” you let out, as your cheeks burned red. “We…” you paused, looking at Taehyung for salvation. He offered none, and you finally decided to settle on something that was as close to the truth as you dared to get. “We grew up together.”

“You’re from Daegu?” Seokjin asked, a soft smile on his lips.

You nodded. “My parents lived near Taehyung’s parents’ farm.”

Seokjin nodded, before starting to talk about his farmer uncle. You didn’t really have a chance to plug in a word, and Taehyung made sure to keep Seokjin going. Probably because that way he was off your back. And it worked, the grocery store trip being filled with stories Seokjin recalled about the farm, and eventually he moved on to stories about Taehyung in their trainee days.

Seokjin was funny. With an easy smile and an easier laugh that you found hard not to share. He was nice with you, and as you were riding the elevator back up to Jimin’s place, you found yourself more at ease. Still, you didn’t really know how to act around Taehyung, but you were pretty sure it didn’t really matter.

Some couples didn’t do a lot of public displays of affection, but that didn’t mean they weren’t dating, right?

Walking in Jimin’s apartment put you back to square one, as you saw most of the other members sprawled on the couches. Three girls were sitting with the members, and you could hear two women’s voices coming from what you could only assume was the kitchen, along with the unmistakable voice of Jeon Jungkook.

Most of all, every pair of eyes had turned to you, and you were pretty sure none of them were looking at Taehyung or Seokjin. No, it really felt as if you were the center of attention, and you hated it.

Until Taehyung stood closer to you, his large hand gently taking a hold of yours. He reassuringly brushed the back of your hand with his thumb, and you glanced at him. He had a soft smile on his lips when your gazes locked, but he quickly moved his attention to the group.

“Hey”, he simply said, and conversations immediately resumed, as if silence hadn’t been reigning a moment ago.

Hoseok, Namjoon and Jimin moved to you, hugging you as Taehyung did the introductions. Yoongi waved at you from his spot on the couch, and you waved back, eyes trailing to the girl at his side. She waved you over, and Taehyung tightened his hold on your hand before letting you go.

With cheeks burning, you moved towards the girl. She moved closer to Yoongi, as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder so she could cuddle into his side. You sat in the spot she had left for you, next to another girl that offered you a bright smile as you glanced at her.

“I know this might be overwhelming”, she said secretively. “When Namjoon got me to meet all of them, I almost thought I was going to die from the anxiety.”

You could understand.

“But you fit right in!” Yoongi’s girlfriend happily said. “And I’m sure…” she trailed off and you figured out she was waiting for your name. You offered it to her with a shy voice. She repeated it, before continuing, “I’m sure you’ll fit right in too.”

You could only hope they didn’t notice your discomfort because you were caught in a lie. “Thank you”, you breathed, meeting Taehyung’s gaze from across the room.

At the looks Jimin and Hoseok threw at you, you could only assume they were talking about you. Taehyung offered you a reassuring nod of his head, along with a small smile he reserved just for you. Then Namjoon said something, and Taehyung looked away, forcing you to go back to the conversation around you.

The girls offered an easy conversation, one Yoongi participated in with ease. That most of all brought you back to the ease Seokjin had raised in you, and you even found yourself enjoying their company. Hoseok’s girlfriend was just as nice, though she didn’t stay long, claiming she had to help Jimin’s girlfriend, Jungkook and his own girlfriend in the kitchen. Seokjin followed her, which left you with the rest of them.

Soon enough, Taehyung, Jimin, Hoseok and Namjoon moved back with you, and conversation flowed easily in the group. Surprisingly enough, no one really asked you any questions about you and Taehyung. They all just joked around, and shots of soju were passed around the group.

Min Yoongi surprised you the most out of all of the members. For some reason, you had expected him to be shy and cold, but he was all smiles and excited, participating in the conversation with everyone, even leading it sometimes. He was cute, and his girlfriend looked at him with soft eyes that made you jealous, in some way.

Because even though you were looking at Taehyung like that, it was an act. It couldn’t be more than pretending. Indeed, he really had just asked for it to be for one dinner. Nothing more.

You could hope, though. Because he acted around you with ease. Holding you close, kissing the top of your head or holding your hand whenever he could. When he pulled you up to your feet as you were moving to the dining room, he even kissed you in front of everyone, holding you by the waist with his large hands. When he pulled away, you found yourself unable to hold his gaze, instead busying yourself with pulling invisible lint off his cardigan.

It didn’t go unnoticed to him. The way you avoided his gaze. You knew because his hands tightened on your waist, as if he could bring you back to your senses. But your heart was aching in your chest, as it had been throughout the day, whenever you remembered that it was all fake.

“Are you okay?” he asked, voice low just for you to hear.

The living room had emptied a moment ago, and you felt comfortable to speak up. “I can’t do this, Tae…”

He pursed his lips. “You’ve been doing great.”

“But I hate lying.” You looked up once, before quickly shying away from his gaze again. “They all look so happy for you.”

“Which means it’s working”, he pointed out.

A question took shape in your mind, and you shut your eyes tightly trying to avoid saying it.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and he sounded a little exasperated.

“Why do you want this to be fake?” you enquired, and courage made its way to you, enough so that you met his gaze with a harsh look on your face. “I’ve been thinking about it all day and I don’t understand why you want to pretend.”

You wondered if he would answer truthfully. If he would finally let you see some part of the mystery that clouded him. Instead, he scoffed, looking over his shoulder.

“We can talk about it later.”

“Don’t dismiss me like that”, you said through gritted teeth.

“Y/n, Taehyung-oppa!” a female voice said from the hallway.

You tried to loosen the expression on your features as Jungkook’s girlfriend came into view. You didn’t know if you succeeded, but Taehyung’s cheerful tone as he told her you were on your way worked well enough, and the tattoo artist turned back on her heels.

“Now, let’s just pretend for a little longer and then we can talk”, Taehyung said to you, letting go of your waist.

“Please stop being so…” you trailed off, motioning between the two of you.

“So what?”

You met his gaze, letting out a long sigh. “Stop acting as if you’re in love.” And really, he wasn’t even acting all that different from what he usually acted like with you. It was pretty much the same, and that most of all was killing you. Because then it meant that the way he had carried himself in all those secret meetings meant nothing, even though you had been telling yourself the opposite for so long.

“How else can they believe me?”

“I don’t know, Tae, but I really don’t like it.”

He scoffed. “You’ve been a blushing and smiling mess, don’t tell me you don’t like it.”

“That’s exactly my point, Tae.”

You didn’t wait for him to say something else, instead moving around him to make your way to the dining room. You didn’t want to lose your cool, and you knew damn well a moment longer in that living room would have led to you bashing Taehyung’s perfect teeth in.

He was oblivious. Or you were just a game for him to play.

A game he had become a master at.

*****

Later that evening, you found yourself lingering at Jimin’s place, along with Jungkook and his girlfriend. Seokjin had left first – it was easy to know why. He was the only one that was unaccompanied, and that same sad look you had seen on his features in the elevator had come back frequently, as the evening had unfolded.

Whoever Kim Seokjin was longing for, they had broken his heart to pieces.

Namjoon, Hoseok, Yoongi and their partners had all left since they had early plans the next morning. Unfortunately for you, you were off from work tomorrow too, and didn’t have any excuse to give everyone as to why you needed to leave. So you stayed, even if the atmosphere between you and Taehyung had turned cold after your conversation in the living room.

He had continued his act after, even though you had asked him not to. You were aware you probably looked like an angry girlfriend, so you had tried to relax. Had let him do what he thought he had to, but focused on the conversation with the other girls. Mostly Jungkook’s partner, as she had been the one sitting next to you.

The tattoo artist had bright eyes. They shone brighter whenever Jungkook was close to her, and sometimes you thought you saw stars in her eyes. Mostly, the celestial bodies were visible when she was gazing at the man she loved, and he echoed them with galaxies in his own gaze.

Another reminder to you that for all the feelings you had for Taehyung, you would never be allowed to look at him that same way. Because you were aware that the hurt and the anger were coming from feelings. Affection you had been trying to push back to the very back of your mind, but that had refused to be forgotten all throughout the day. It was easy to ignore it when it was just you and Taehyung but pretending around other people was wrong.

And a mistake through and through.

You were glad when Taehyung let you out of his sight, after most of everyone had left. Jimin’s girlfriend had to go back home to call her mother on Facetime, and the boys were currently in the living room, joking around as long-time friends usually did. That left you alone in the kitchen with Jungkook’s girlfriend, and she sat on one of the high stools at the island as you washed the dishes.

Taehyung had done most of it earlier, but the dessert dish had been forgotten on the stove, so you decided to busy yourself by taking care of it. Mostly because Jungkook’s girlfriend had been looking at you curiously, as if she knew the secrets you had been keeping.

“Something happened between you and Taehyung-oppa?” she asked.

You startled, glancing at her before shrugging your shoulders. “Happens sometimes, doesn’t it?”

She pursed your lips, before slowly nodding. “Yeah.”

An awkward silence moved between you, as you focused back on the dish.

“I…” she started, but she never finished the sentence.

You looked at her again, this time catching her gaze.

“We didn’t really fight”, you admitted.

The truth had come out so easily your eyes widened.

“I know.” She did. You could tell by the way a careful look moved on her features. “Taehyung told Jungkook.”

You sighed, gaze dropping to the floor. You grabbed a towel to dry your hands, before leaning against the counter, folding your arms on your chest. “What did he say?”

“That he was tired of being laughed at.” The girl looked away from you, as if she felt bad to be the one telling you. “He and Sanghee had a really complicated story, and the boys have been trying to get him to move on from her.”

You had no idea who Sanghee was. Some part of you thought to ask Eunjin, but you knew that wasn’t even a possibility. The only person you could ask was Taehyung, and you weren’t convinced you even wanted to speak to him right now.

“By laughing at him?” you asked.

Jungkook’s girlfriend chuckled. “Not really, no. Mostly, they kept telling him to put himself out there. To go out with the girls that ask him out and stuff like that. He kept refusing saying he didn’t need it, then said he was dating someone earlier today. Then he brought you here.”

You didn’t really know if Taehyung had told Jungkook you weren’t really dating. So you chose to remain silent, as Jungkook’s girlfriend looked down at her glass on the island in front of her.

“I think I’m only telling you because Jungkook and I had a similar situation”, she continued. She then seemed to think better of it, meeting your gaze. “Well, it wasn’t all that similar. But Jungkook’s ex almost came between the two of us…” She shrugged, pursing her lips. “But I think you should tell Taehyung how you feel.”

“We’re dating”, you lied.

Jungkook’s girlfriend cocked an eyebrow prettily, letting out a small laugh. “You are not.”

You almost wanted to be angry at her for pointing it out, but she offered you a kind smile that only made tears prick at your eyes. You turned away from her, resuming your work on cleaning the dishes.

“But you could be if you actually talked to him”, she added. “I have a hard time believing that everything he’s done today is an act.”

You found it hard to believe too, yet you knew it was the truth. Because you could feel that Taehyung had changed after your fight in the living room. Even if he still was clingy, he was cold.

Kim Taehyung had never been cold to you before. No, ever since that night you had told him what you had, under the star-filled blanket of the night sky, Taehyung had always been warm when it came to you.

You were pretty sure it was coming to an end now.

“Taehyung is an enigma”, you pointed out. “He’s been that way since we were kids.”

Nothing interrupted the silence in the kitchen for a moment, except the sound of the water sloshing as you washed the dish through tears in your eyes. Jungkook’s girlfriend remained silent, so much so you almost thought she had left. But she seemed like the kind of girl that would stick up for someone else, and you were pretty sure she wouldn’t leave you alone right now.

It seemed you had judged her character well, because a second later she appeared at the corner of your vision. You glanced at her, and she offered you a gentle smile. “Jimin said he was going to take care of washing that.” She put a hand on your wrist, until you had let go and she could dry your hands with the hand towel. “Just talk to him”, she said gently. “It’s surprising what a good conversation can do.”

You raised your eyebrows, slightly shaking your head. “I think I dug the grave a while ago.”

“Why do you think that?” she asked as she put the towel back on the oven’s handle before looking at you again.

“He’s my best friend’s older brother”, you admitted. “I’ve known him forever.”

Jungkook’s girlfriend nodded, but didn’t say anything, letting you choose the rhythm at which you wanted to confide in her.

“Eunjin had a party in October, and it was my first time seeing Taehyung in years.” Images of the night came back to you: the beer pong, Taehyung holding your hand, the stars outside. How you had woken up in his bed the next day. “A few weeks later, he came to pick me up after I drank a little, we kissed and then we started…” you trailed off, as your cheeks burned red. “He’s my first. I don’t know why I chose him. Maybe because I used to have a crush on him, but…” You ran a shaky hand through your hair. “But he asked me to hide the whole thing from everyone. I did because I thought what we had was enough. But when he asked me to pretend to be his girlfriend tonight, it just felt wrong. It’s been feeling wrong.”

You finally fell silent, and Jungkook’s girlfriend waited a few seconds to make sure you were done before speaking, “This has been going on since October?”

“Well, more since November”, you said, nodding your head. “Why?”

She didn’t have time to speak before Taehyung appeared in the hallway leading to the living room.

“Hey”, he said, leaning against the wall.

Jungkook’s girlfriend kept her eyes on you, as if trying to tell you something. You couldn’t read the words behind her gaze though, and you eventually had to turn towards Taehyung.

“Hey”, you let out.

Jungkook’s girlfriend was pulling at some dry skin on her lower lip when she looked at Taehyung too. “Oppa.”

“Everything okay?” he asked, eyes focused on you.

It felt as if he was dismissing Jungkook’s girlfriend, and something about the way she stiffened next to you made you wonder what she had been about to tell you. What revelation her next sentence would have held had she had the time to tell you.

Instead, she only gently patted your shoulder, before walking away.

“Don’t hurt her”, she told Taehyung, one fist on her hip and a finger pointed at him aggressively.

Taehyung widened his gaze, but she was gone before he had time to reply.

“What’s wrong with her?” Taehyung asked as she disappeared. He pushed himself up from the wall, before taking a few steps towards you.

You shrugged. “I like her.”

“I usually like her, but she was weird tonight.”

Was she the only one that had been weird? Everything about the evening felt weird and wrong to you.

“Mmh”, you let out, turning away from Taehyung as he stopped next to you.

He murmured your name, hand shooting in the space between you… but he never touched you, letting his arm fall back at his side. “Do you want to go home?”

You nodded, avoiding his gaze. “Yeah, I think it would be better.” You sighed, folding your arms on your chest again.

Taehyung leaned on the counter next to you, hands disappearing in his pockets. He watched you carefully, with that deep gaze of his. You couldn’t resist glancing at him, and your heart stopped in your chest at the look on his features.

He had no business looking at you like that when you were alone.

“I shouldn’t have asked this of you”, he said, voice barely above a whisper.

You gulped, immediately looking away. “It’s whatever, Tae.”

“I’m sorry I was an ass earlier”, he continued, ignoring your words.

It brought you back to the night of his birthday, when he had said he’d never be an ass when it came to you. Had he only said that to ensnare you further?

You had never thought Taehyung would be the kind of man to make promises he couldn’t hold.

“You weren’t an ass”, you said, shrugging your shoulders. “You asked me something and I said yes. I’m the stupid one that let it get to my head.”

“But this didn’t start today, did it?”

“Can we talk about this at home?”

You met his gaze, holding it until Taehyung finally gave in, nodding his head. “Alright.”

You said goodbye to Jungkook and his girlfriend, in the living room, before moving towards the door. They walked you to the door, telling you that Jimin had gone to his girlfriend’s place across the hall, and that they’d say you had to go. Jungkook’s girlfriend hugged you before you left, whispering encouragement in your ear. You exchanged phone numbers, even as Taehyung seemed a little weary next to you, and soon enough you were on the way.

The elevator ride down to the underground parking lot was spent in a tense silence. So was the car ride, and you pulled at dry skin on your bottom lip so much you could almost taste the metallic tang of blood on your tongue.

It was only when you were standing in Taehyung’s hall that you finally turned towards him.

“Can I ask you a question?”

He tilted his head to the side, mouth parted just a little. Just enough for his tongue to dart out and wet his lips. “Yeah?”

“Who’s Sanghee?”

He immediately froze. One hand in one of his pockets, the other holding the sweater he had brought back from Jimin’s place – he had apparently forgotten it there last time he had gone.

“I knew Jungkook’s girlfriend was up to no good…”

He walked away from you, and you followed him to the living room. Surprisingly enough, Yeontan hadn’t woken up when you had walked in, and the dog blinked tiredly at Taehyung, getting up from the spot it had been sleeping in on the couch. Taehyung threw the sweater next to his dog before he picked him up, hugging him tight to his chest as he pressed a kiss to the top of the dog’s head.

“You know”, you said as he avoided your gaze, “you don’t have to talk to me about her if you don’t want to.” You looked around, surprisingly finding yourself memorizing Taehyung’s living room. “I just think it’s time we talk about what’s going on between us.”

He slowly nodded, and the motion caught your attention. “I realized earlier…” He chuckled, almost bitterly. “I hadn’t realized you were into me like that.”

You hadn’t really either. The way he said it sounded like an accusation, and you furrowed your brows. “It’s not really like I could control it. It just was too real.”

His lips were stretched in a thin line when you looked at him. “I didn’t realize…”

“So tonight was all pretend, right?” You waited till he nodded before you continued. “But what about all the times we hung out before? Was that all a lie too?”

“Why are you talking in the past tense?”

It was the first time he showed concern about whatever was between you. As if he was only now realizing that it was coming to an end.

“Because I can’t keep going on like this”, you admitted.

He sat down on the couch, and his eyes fell to Yeontan in his arms. The small dog was looking at you, tongue on the side of his mouth, head cocked to the side. You wanted to get closer and snuggle him, but for the first time in months, you didn’t want to get closer to Kim Taehyung.

“Understood”, he said, nodding curtly.

“That’s all you’re going to say?”

He focused on Yeontan on his lap, hiding his features behind his hair. “I don’t know what to tell you. You asked me to teach you about…” he trailed off, as if he didn’t want to say the words. “We never talked about feelings.”

Tears were pricking at your eyes. “So it’s just me?”

He didn’t say anything. Only pet Yeontan as the dog watched you carefully. You wondered if he could hear your heart breaking in your chest. Slowly at first, and all at once when Taehyung met your gaze.

His eyes held finality. Like the last line of your favourite song.

“What did Jungkook’s girlfriend say about Sanghee?” he asked.

You thought your blood had turned cold in your veins, and you felt an icy sheen of sweat forming on every inch of your body. “Just her name.”

Taehyung didn’t speak for a time. “She’s an ex”, he admitted. He put Yeontan beside him, and the dog made itself at home right next to him. “We dated for a few months, but…”

You clenched your teeth, waiting for what was to come next.

“When we broke up we kept seeing each other”, he continued. “Purely physical. That’s why the guys wanted me to meet someone else.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, but somehow these were the last words he spoke for a long time.

So long you figured he wasn’t going to say anything else.

“When did you stop seeing her?” you asked, with a wavering voice that made you feel weak.

You thought you already knew, but you wanted to hear it from him. Needed to hear it from him, no matter how much it might hurt.

“It…” he trailed off. “We haven’t really stopped seeing each other.”

You had been a fool to think your heart had broken earlier. Because now it was falling, heading straight to hell, and it tore your chest open. Bled you dry, as your lungs burned. Oxygen made it worse, feeding the fire until every inch of you was burning with heartbreak.

All Taehyung did was look at you. Look at you with the stupid dark gaze that had made you fall for him all those years ago, and once again these few months ago. He looked apologetic, sorry, as if he was a child that had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to.

Worse, he looked like someone that had been caught cheating. But it wasn’t really cheating, was it? You hadn’t been dating. Had only been seeing each other for sex. Yes, Taehyung was a respectful man, and had never forced you to do anything if you didn’t feel like it. But you had imagined it to be more, to be him caring for you the same way you cared for him.

You had been delusional to think Kim Taehyung would care about someone else than himself.

After a little eternity, of unsaid words and unrequited feelings, you chose to go. To let him go, and to do what was the good thing for you. Preservation, maybe, even if every single part of you wanted to cross the distance between you and lose yourself in him again. Because maybe then you wouldn’t be hurting so much. Maybe then you could pretend the last few hours had never happened. Had only been a product of your imagination, a nightmare brought to life.

But nightmares were real, and it was time your feet found ground again. Ground and reality, where you could go back to living your life without the sins Kim Taehyung brought to it.

So, you looked away from him and you turned around, making your way towards the door.

“Wait, Y/n”, he said.

You didn’t stop, but he was quicker than you. Maybe because you were weak, and you didn’t really have the strength to walk away. Maybe because you cared too much, and it was slowing you down. He grabbed your wrist, turning you around and pulling you into his arms.

“I don’t want you to leave crying”, he said, wrapping his arms around your shaking frame.

Because you were crying now, sobbing with your face hidden in his chest. He gently ran a soothing hand on your back. And you wanted to curse him for it, to push him away until his heart broke too. He didn’t get to be the one to comfort you. Yet you couldn’t pull away, wanting to enjoy these last moments in the warmth of his arms.

“I really didn’t realize you cared for me like that”, he said softly. “I’m so sorry.”

It made you understand one thing: Taehyung didn’t feel for you the way you felt for him. You had been stupid to think everything would be alright. He had always been meant to break your heart.

Maybe he should have stayed a ghost in your life after all.

“You…” Taehyung started, but his voice caught in his throat.

“What the fuck is going on?”

You startled out of Taehyung’s arms, for what seemed like the hundredth time today. As if you had never been meant to be in his arms in the end. Now you knew that was true. You quickly wiped your cheeks dry, and almost wished you hadn’t when your vision cleared up.

Cleared up to reveal a red-faced Eunjin, with a plastic bag seemingly holding containers.

“What the fuck is going on?” she repeated.

“Why did you just come in like that at this time of the night?” Taehyung asked in the same reproachful tone your best friend had used.

Her eyes moved between you and her brother a couple of times before they settled on you. “Y/n, please tell me this is not what I think it is.”

“Eunjin”, Taehyung said with a stern voice. “It’s none of your business.”

“Something’s going on between the two of you and you didn’t think to tell me?” Eunjin’s voice had gone a little higher.

“What are you doing here?” Taehyung asked again.

She slowly shook her head, before putting down the bag she was holding. “Eoma asked me to bring you some side dishes and I didn’t have space in my fridge so I thought I’d drop it off.”

“You can’t just come unannounced.”

“You can’t just fuck my best friend.”

“Eunjin!” you burst out. “Whatever was between us is over.” It made Taehyung tense next to you, but he knew it just as well as you did. Wasn’t it what he wanted?

Eunjin only then realized the tears you had failed at drying. Or maybe your eyes had gone bloodshot, as they tended to do whenever you cried. “Y/n…”

“And now I’m going to go home”, you added and you continued moving towards the door.

Eunjin quickly fell into step with you. “I’m going to kill him.” She let out a bitter chuckle. “Oh he is fucking dead.” This time she scoffed. “I can’t believe he would hurt you.”

“What makes you think he hurt me?” you said as you stopped at the door to put your shoes on.

“I know my brother”, she said, rolling her eyes. “It’s the only thing he knows how to do.”

You were almost offended by what she implied. You looked behind, hoping Taehyung would be there to defend himself, but he hadn’t followed you. It hurt and burned, and you wished you could go back to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. But you couldn’t. Especially not now that Eunjin was next to you.

“The only thing he cares about is himself”, Eunjin continued, and you hated that you had yourself thought so just a moment ago. “He uses people and drops them when he doesn’t need them anymore.”

The look you threw her finally made her shut up. She offered you an apologetic smile, but you ignored it as you stepped out.

“Let me drive you home”, Eunjin gently said once you were outside.

You nodded, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall again. Eunjin noticed, and she grabbed your hand reassuringly.

“I can’t believe I lied to you all this time”, you said, brushing the tears that had spilled on your cheek.

Knowing Eunjin and the grudges she could hold, you could only hope she wouldn’t hold this one. “You know what? I suspected it. During the Holidays. But I wanted you to tell me yourself and then I just thought it was all in my head.”

You chuckled sadly. “Wasn’t in your head.”

“Unfortunately”, she grumbled, looking behind her. “But let’s not talk about it tonight.”

“Aren’t you working tomorrow?” you asked with a small voice.

She shook her head no. “This is an emergency, work can wait.”

This time, you really couldn’t stop the tears that rolled on your cheeks.

“Oh Y/n”, she said, pulling you in her embrace. “I’m so sorry.”

You were tired of Kim siblings apologizing today, but Eunjin’s arms felt a lot more reassuring than Taehyung’s had felt just a moment ago. Strangely enough, just like a moment ago, this hug was interrupted by a Kim sibling, one you really didn’t want to see at the moment.

“Y/n”, Taehyung called from the door to his building.

Eunjin turned on her heels so quickly it almost made you fall. “You go back inside”, she said, motioning to the building. “You don’t get to hurt her and then pretend nothing happened.”

“Eunjin”, Taehyung said carefully. “I just want to talk.”

“Not today, oppa.”

She had her fists on her hips, standing her ground in front of her older brother. It was all for you, and it made a small laugh fall from your lips.

The two siblings threw you a surprised look, and when you met Taehyung’s gaze your heart constricted in your chest, reminding you of the reality of heartbreak.

“What do you want, Tae?”

You had barely spoken over a whisper, but you could see him gulp in the distance. “I just want to talk”, he repeated. “Just to explain myself.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re important to me”, he said. “I can’t just let you go like that.”

“Maybe you should have decided that before breaking her heart, asshole”, Eunjin grumbled.

“Eunjin”, you said in the same scolding tone she had just used.

She rolled her eyes, folding her arms on her chest. “Don’t make me angry at you too.”

You slowly nodded, before turning towards Taehyung again. He looked pale. As if all the honey in his skin had drained, leaving only a pale shade behind. A ghost of what you knew he truly looked like. He almost looked as if this was hurting him as much as it was hurting you, and it made you want to hate him.

But you didn’t really have it in you to hate Kim Taehyung. No matter how broken and jagged the pieces of your heart felt.

“Listen, Tae”, you breathed, and you blinked away tears – who knew you were such a crier when it came to men? “I don’t really want to talk right now.”

“But…”

“Not today, Tae”, you said, echoing Eunjin’s previous words. “I’m tired, and I want to go home.”

He ran a hand through his hair, pulling at the strands. It made them stand on his head, and he looked somehow desperate. As if letting you go was taking its toll on him.

A little dirty part of you was satisfied at the thought that he felt bad too.

“Okay”, he let out. He shut his eyes, cocking his head to the side. “Just call me when you want to talk.”

“I will.” It was a promise, more than you wanted to give him. But the part of you that cared for him really hated that he looked hurt. Deeply, just like you were.

Why would he have run after you if he didn’t care?

It was a treacherous thought to have, and there was so much to discuss between the two of you. Feelings you had ignored so well you hadn’t even realized they were there until it was too late. Stuff he had hidden from you, or that you had never thought to ask. That you had never thought you needed to ask. You had thought what you had with him was real, in some way. Had convinced yourself so well, you had never even seen the signs that it might not be.

Was she why he hadn’t sought to see you more often? The question was poison to your bleeding heart, and you pushed it away. You would have plenty of time to think about it tomorrow, or the day after that. For now, you needed to focus on mending the broken pieces of your heart, in Eunjin’s company. Someone you never should have lied to in the first place. After all, maybe she would have been able to save you the broken heart.

But maybes weren’t going to fix the situation, weren’t they?

*****

Heartbreak did a strange thing to the world. It made it seem colourless, as if the colours had leeched from your surroundings the same way the happiness had disappeared. Everything was meek, shining in shades of a morose gray to which melancholy clung. Sleep evaded you most nights, and you spent the darkest hours rethinking the events.

Wondering where it all went wrong. What you did wrong for him to keep seeing her. Were you bad in bed? For all his praise, had he only been lying to you?

All the questions spun in your head relentlessly. You were aware that it was toxic to think about it, but Taehyung was your first heartbreak. You didn’t really know how to act, and exhaustion was clinging to you.

It had been a week since you had left Taehyung’s place. He had watched you leave, and hadn’t Eunjin been by your side you probably would have run back to him. Instead, you had only looked at him while Eunjin had been driving away, and Taehyung’s broken eyes had made you burst out crying again.

You were glad for Eunjin. She had been picking up your pieces, slowly but surely. Spending as much time with you as she could. It made you feel weak, but this was your first broken heart. You didn’t really know how to heal it, and having your best friend by your side helped.

Especially since you didn’t have to lie to her anymore. You could tell she was disappointed, that you had kept everything silent, but still she was by your side, never pushing you to talk.

She hadn’t really needed to anyway. You had told her everything the next day, even if some parts had clearly made her uncomfortable considering Taehyung was her older brother. Even through all the wincing, she had held your hand, and when you had cried, she had dried your tears. Somehow, you hadn’t been able to talk about Sanghee though. The subject hurt too much, and you had chosen to wait. It wasn’t like it mattered anyway.

You were currently lying in bed. Eunjin was next to you, scrolling on her phone. Your own cell phone had been foreign to you since last week. Mostly because Taehyung had texted you the next day to ask when you wanted to talk. Eunjin had been the one to tell him you needed more time, and ever since then your phone had been silent.

The silence was like a colourless world. Morose, melancholic, and it made everything ache a little more. Because there were reminders of Taehyung everywhere, in this world. The perks of getting your heart broken by someone famous.

You sighed, running a hand on your face.

“Everything okay?” Eunjin quickly asked, concern laced with her voice.

Your hand stalled on your face for a few seconds before you let it slide to the bed as you nodded slightly. “Just feel lonely.”

It wasn’t your first time telling her that. “I’m right here.”

“I know.”

You let out a small bitter chuckle, because she knew just as well as you that the person you wanted to see was Taehyung, and not her. Even if you loved Eunjin deeply, she wasn’t her brother.

“Do you think I should talk to him today?” you asked, turning your head towards her.

She was already looking at you, with a somber expression on her features. “Do you feel ready to talk to him?”

All week you had told her no. But for some reason, your first instinct wasn’t to say no today. It wasn’t like you wanted to wait forever; if Taehyung had something to tell you, you wanted to hear it now. Not when talking to him would reopen the wounds.

You needed to truly put him in the past if you wanted to move on from him. A conversation would offer closure, and hopefully then it wouldn’t hurt as bad.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready”, you admitted. “I just want to get it over with.”

Eunjin’s features reminded you of Taehyung. The slight pout of her lips, her eyebrows raised just a little over her eyes… she looked a little too much like him.

It made you look away, and your gaze moved back to the ceiling.

“I get it, honestly”, Eunjin said after a few more seconds of silence. “Do you want me to text him to come over?”

“Uh”, you let out, before letting out a small laugh. “While you’re here?”

Eunjin nudged you with an elbow. “As much as I’d like to murder him, I think it’s a conversation you need to have with him alone.”

“Yeah”, you agreed. “That’s what I think too.” You paused, letting out another longing sigh. “I can text him myself though.”

Eunjin sat up, and her heavy gaze on you couldn’t be avoided anymore. “I’ll keep my phone close. If you need me, you call.”

You followed her, sitting up next to her. “I will, I promise.”

She slowly nodded, before glancing at the door of your apartment. As she remained silent, you grabbed your phone from the bedside table. It felt strange in your hands, as if thinking that you were about to text Taehyung was giving you a little life again.

It wasn’t all that much that you missed him. It was more of a relief, knowing that the pain was finally coming to an end. Or to whatever end a conversation with Taehyung could lead to.

You had talked to Jungkook’s girlfriend this week. She had been sweet and had offered to meet up for coffee sometime. You had agreed, and you were set to grab coffee with her next week. It showed you one thing: even if Taehyung might be about to get out of your life, there were still other people, new people that you would meet.

Your phone scanned your features, before opening to your home screen. You sighed, clicking on the text message app. It took everything in you to open the conversation with Taehyung, and you looked up to Eunjin as the conversation appeared on the screen.

“Gosh”, you let out.

She offered you an encouraging smile. “It’s going to be okay”, she reassured you. “Taehyung is an ass, but he’s willing to talk. That’s more than I’ve ever seen him do for someone before.”

You hated the seed of hope that it planted in you, but a foolish, stupid part of you clung to it. You needed hope after all the pain. But you tried to tame the hope, to push it away. Taehyung had been seeing someone else. All that time you had imagined to be special between the two of you, he had had someone else in his life.

You weren’t sure it was something you could ever forgive him for, but you were willing to listen to him. Maybe because you had known him for most of your life, and you owed him as much. Though you weren’t sure he deserved it, after all he had done.

His explanations needed to be good.

“Did he tell you about Sanghee?” you asked her.

You had avoided her mention ever since you had left Taehyung’s place, but you needed to know. Whatever Eunjin might tell you… because some part of you didn’t even believe Taehyung would tell you everything.

“Sanghee? He told you about her?” She looked genuinely surprised.

You shook your head no. “Not really. He just mentioned her because Jungkook’s girlfriend talked to me about her.”

“They were dating last year”, Eunjin said. “Sanghee was just in the picture for his money and fame. Taehyung broke up with her when he realized.”

“Did he tell you that he kept seeing her after that?”

Eunjin’s face was unreadable for a time. “I wouldn’t be surprised.” She looked sorry. Apologetic, at having to tell you that. Because she was your best friend: you knew she wished she could tell you that Taehyung was just rainbows and butterflies. She knew him better than anyone else though, and she wasn’t a liar.

You knew she would never lie to you.

“He told me he did”, you admitted. “That’s mostly why I ended things between us.”

It hadn’t really been the only cause. Because you still were ashamed to say you had fallen in love with him while he had only cared for you for sex. You had already told her enough about your story with Taehyung, and you didn’t want to explore it further with her.

It was something that was yours and his. You didn’t want to share it with his sister too.

“You know what?” Eunjin let out. “For someone that never dated anyone, you really know your worth.”

You furrowed your brows. “I let him string me along for months.”

Eunjin cocked her head to the side, her lips stretched in a white line. “You still ended things with him. The only other person that was able to break up with him was his first girlfriend.”

You remembered her, a little. Just that she had been in the picture. You had never really met her, but you knew losing her had broken Taehyung’s heart. It had been years ago, sometime around when you and Taehyung had stopped talking to you.

“Go me”, you said weakly, and Eunjin let out a small laugh.

“Go you”, she agreed. She threw her arms around you, hugging you tight. You hugged her back, nuzzling your face in her neck. “I still want to kill him for hurting you though.”

“I might kill him myself”, you mumbled.

She laughed again, a clear laugh that did wonders to your broken heart. “You should. Teach him a lesson. It’s time he stops being an asshole.”

You weren’t really sure you would have such an impact on Kim Taehyung. Even if you had known him before he became all that he now was, you were nothing compared to him.

You pushed the insecurity away. You weren’t nothing. You were your own person, and the fact you weren’t a celebrity like him meant nothing. In fact, you were glad for it. You didn’t envy his famous status, and the scrutiny under which he was forced to live his life. Maybe he would have turned out differently, hadn’t it been for all of that.

“Now, tell him to come over”, Eunjin said as she pulled away, still holding you by the shoulders.

You nodded, and you glanced down at your phone. The screen had turned dark, and this time when it scanned your features and opened, it opened right on the conversation with Taehyung. You quickly typed a message, something simple, because you weren’t quite convinced you would still have the courage to invite him over to talk if you wrote more than a sentence.

You watched the message go from sent to delivered, and then you met Eunjin’s gaze again. “Done.”

She smiled at you. “Good. Now I’m going to get a baseball bat in case…”

“Eunjin-ie!” you exclaimed, pushing her away. “You’re the one that told me to invite him over.”

Her smile turned devilish. “I’m just saying I really want to beat some sense into him.”

“I’ll do it myself, I told you”, you grumbled.

Before she replied, Taehyung sent a message back, saying that he was on his way. You worried at your bottom lip, putting your phone away.

“So?”

“He’s on his way”, you told Eunjin.

“Damn, this is not my brother”, she whispered. She shook her head, widening her eyes in surprise before glancing at the door.

“What do you mean?”

She shrugged sheepishly. “He doesn’t act like that with girls. And I really hope he’s not only doing this because you are my friend.”

You could imagine that he would. Family was important to Taehyung, far more than it was to most people nowadays. If talking to you could preserve his relationship with Eunjin, you were pretty sure he would. But Eunjin had been entirely loyal to you, ever since last week. She had told you she had ignored his calls, and that she would until everything was settled between the two of you. And for all her complaining, you knew Eunjin cared about Taehyung just as much as he cared about her.

No matter the outcome of your conversation today, you knew she would still remain just as close to him as she’d always been. You couldn’t blame her for it, he was her older brother after all.

Eunjin left a few minutes later. Hugging you tight to her chest, telling you once again to call or text if you needed to. You reassured her, telling her that you were strong enough to do this yourself, but as you watched her disappear, you fought an unexpected wave of tears. You blinked them away, cursing Taehyung under your breath, before moving to your couch.

Where this whole thing had started in the first place. You sighed deeply, wishing you could go back in time to erase what had happened here all those months ago. But as you waited for Taehyung, you tried to think about something else. About anything that wouldn’t make your mood fall lower than it already was. You didn’t want him to know just how bad you had been doing.

Taehyung arrived a while later. For some reason, you had expected him to get to your place in no time, but it took him almost an hour. When he knocked on your door, you paused the drama you had put on as background noise, taking a deep breath to collect the little courage that you still had.

You got up from the couch, pulling at some dry skin on your bottom lip as you slowly walked to the door. Slowly, because you dreaded the moment you’d open it and you’d be forced to gaze at his handsome features.

Your hand was on the knob when he knocked again, and it made you jump a little. You took another shuddering breath in, and then you turned the doorknob.

The sight of Taehyung wasn’t what you had expected it would be. His hair was ruffled, untamed, and he was plainly dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a white t-shirt. His eyes avoided yours, but you immediately noticed the dark circles that painted them, making him look dreadful.

Taehyung looked just as exhausted as you felt.

A little yelp attracted your attention, and your eyes fell to the floor. Yeontan was looking up at you, and as soon as you noticed him, he ran to you, begging to be picked up.

“Hey you”, you let out, surprised to see him there. You bent down, scratching the dog’s head. Knowing you couldn’t avoid it any longer, you looked up at Taehyung.

He finally met your gaze. “Hey.” His voice was small. Deep, deeper than the ocean, but it sounded empty. Void of the warmth it usually carried.

Whatever remained of your heart in your chest constricted, aching more than you had even expected it could. You had to gulp down a sudden lump in your throat, and you picked Yeontan up to busy yourself. To give yourself an excuse to look away.

“Why did you bring Yeontan?” you asked once you were standing, the leash hanging between you and him.

He shrugged. “I thought you might want to see him.”

You looked at him for a few seconds, before turning towards your apartment. “Come in.”

He followed you in, letting the leash go so he could take off his shoes. You brought Yeontan in, putting him down on the carpet next to your couch.

“Animals aren’t allowed here”, you said, and you dug your hands in the back pockets of your jeans so Taehyung wouldn’t notice they were shaking a little.

He shrugged. “If they complain I’ll buy the building.”

You cocked an eyebrow, tilting your head to the side. “That’s a bit excessive.”

He shrugged again, before walking in. He had put on the slippers you had gotten especially for him. They were BTS slippers, and you had gotten them as a joke in January.

You smiled a little at the memory, but froze as he moved closer to you.

“I don’t care.” He stopped about a meter and a half away from you, and the distance had never felt so wide. “Just a peace offering.”

You pursed your lips, slowly nodding your head. Yeontan barked, and a small smile broke on your mouth as you bent down to pet him again.

You didn’t see it, but Taehyung looked at your smile as if it was an oasis in the middle of the desert.

“You’re lucky I love him”, you said with a tiny voice.

Taehyung stayed silent, and you just played with the dog for a time. Mostly because you wanted to avoid the conversation. As much as you needed to talk to him, or to hear what he wanted to say, you also dreaded the end of whatever it was that you and Taehyung had shared.

But you couldn’t push the moment away for far longer. Soon enough, you had to stand up straight, and face whatever Taehyung had to say.

You schooled your features into neutrality, hoping he wouldn’t see the ache behind your eyes before finally straightening and meeting his gaze.

His dark gaze looked similar to what you were used to, but something was missing. The spark that it had held before was gone. It made Taehyung look infinitely sad. You hated it, and you clenched your jaw.

“Do you want to sit?” he asked.

You hadn’t expected it. You looked at your couch, remembering everything that had ever happened there. You shook the memories away, before sitting. Yeontan jumped on the floor, begging to be put on the couch too. You couldn’t help but laugh a little, before giving in to the dog’s desire. He let out a small bark, as Taehyung sat on the other extremity of the couch.

He had the ghost of a smile on his lips, and you quickly looked away at the sight of it.

You sat in silence for a while. Not knowing where to start, not wanting to be the first one to talk. You wanted him to talk first, to tell you whatever he had run out in the night to tell you the other day. But Taehyung seemed to be struggling to find words to say. You’d let him have all the time he needed before he collected his thoughts.

“How have you been doing?” he asked.

It took you by surprise, to hear him asking that first. You wet your lips, shrugging. “I don’t think you’re here to talk about that, Tae.”

He was looking at the floor, and a glance at him showed you the way his shoulders seemed to fall forward, making him look defeated. And maybe he was, after everything.

“Sorry”, he apologized. “I just… I don’t even know where to start.”

You worried at your bottom lip. “Why don’t you start by telling me what you wanted to say last week?”

He shrugged, and there was another long silence.

“Sanghee means nothing”, he finally said. “She never really did.”

You breathed in and out once, shakily. “But you never stopped seeing her.”

“It was entirely just physical. And it didn’t even happen a lot. She called sometimes and I just went because I was bored. I have and had no interest in her ever, if I’m honest.” He shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I called her at the beginning of the week to end things with her. It was stupid that I was still seeing her”, he scoffed. “I hate that I had to hurt you to realize that, but she never even mattered.”

He fell silent, and you just watched his profile for a time. Yeontan had crossed the distance to Taehyung, perhaps sensing that his dad needed him.

“It just feels…” you trailed off. The beginning of the sentence had been accusative, and you took a deep breath to calm down. “It makes me feel like I wasn’t enough. Or not good enough.”

“Trust me”, Taehyung said, finally meeting your gaze. “It has nothing to do with that at all. I just…” He glanced down at your hands. You were wriggling your fingers, anxiously, and he looked so full of hate for himself for a time… It made him look ugly. “I can’t really justify my actions. Because they have no reasons. She asked and I didn’t really care so I went. But…” He paused, wetting his lips, searching your features for a few seconds. “It never felt with her the way it felt with you.”

“What is it supposed to mean?” you asked with a weak voice you wanted to hate yourself for.

He looked down at Yeontan as the little dog struggled to climb on his lap. “That if all the times with her could have been with you, then I would have had them with you.”

Your eyes were sad when he looked at you again. But they held no tears, and you weren’t sure you would be crying more tears for him. You had cried enough.

“You could have had them with me, Tae…”

He shut his eyes, running a hand through his hair. “I know. I realize that now. I just always thought… because of Eunjin I just…”

He was at a loss for words. That much was clear. And you didn’t know what to do to help him.

“Do you want a glass of water?” you asked as he searched for words.

His eyes fell open, and a crease appeared between his brows. “What?”

“Do you want a glass of water?”

He looked at you with an unreadable expression for a time. “Uh yes, please.”

You nodded, getting up from your spot on the couch to walk the short distance to the kitchen. You could feel the weight of Taehyung’s gaze on your back, but you didn’t look back. Instead, you focused on pouring the water from your water filter pitcher in a glass. Once the glass was full and you had no excuse left, you turned around and walked back towards Taehyung.

He looked at a random spot on your wrist as you handed him the glass. He carefully took it, and your fingers touched for a moment. You hated that it made you want to reach out and grab his hand.

He said your name, his voice barely even audible to you. “Thank you.”

You nodded your head, offering him a small smile, before you moved back to your own spot on the couch. You settled yourself comfortably, sitting angled towards Taehyung. He noticed, and he also turned his chest towards you, resting his shoulder against the couch before taking a long sip of water.

“I thought that because of Eunjin, you would never really be interested in me”, he said once he had swallowed. “And I fully understand how stupid that is, I was an oblivious ass. Or maybe it was me and I didn’t want to think about anything more happening between us…” He trailed off, and he let out a little broken chuckle that made every inch of your body ache. “But the day of my birthday. Fuck, I wanted to hate you after. But I couldn’t and I kept coming back.”

“What?” you let out.

He wet his lips, and he searched your features for a couple of seconds. “You know, when I was younger, I always imagined myself getting married. And now, when I look at myself in the future, I see myself with someone like you. Someone that knows me from before, someone that cares for me for the person that I was back then. I think that’s why I was attracted to you in the first place.”

You were stunned for a moment, unexpecting the words that were spilling from his mouth now. And he didn’t seem like he could stop anymore, as if the glass of water had helped him to finally find the words he had been wanting to say earlier.

He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “Scratch that”, he added. “I don’t see myself with someone like you. I see myself with you. With you by my side, raising my children with me. I think you’re the only one that can understand why I want five children. Because there was the five of us growing up and it was perfect. You’re the only one that I can imagine sharing my life with that way.”

“Tae”, you let out. “You can’t just say all of that.”

It stopped the words falling from his mouth. Yet his lips remained parted, and you could almost hear the echo of his voice in your skull.

He was pale. He had been pale last week, but he looked even worse today. As if he hadn’t seen the sun in a while, and hadn’t eaten well since then either. He looked crestfallen, and all the fight that you had seen in him for the last few minutes drained out of him, leaving but an empty husk of him behind.

“I was falling for you”, you said carefully. “I fell for you once when we were younger, and then all these months… it was like my teenage dreams coming to reality. And it makes me uncomfortable that all along there was someone else…” You pursed your lips, searching for words, a little like he had been a moment ago. “Was there anyone else, other than Sanghee?”

You hadn’t expected the question. Clearly he hadn’t either, because his eyes widened and he shook his head quickly. “Never. Not even once. And you have to trust me, Sanghee means nothing to me. It really was just physical. Maybe I agreed to meet with her because I kept telling myself I couldn’t be with you. Because of Eunjin, and because of who we were to each other.”

Somehow it really didn’t make you feel better. But at the same time… he wanted to be with you. He imagined himself with you in the future, like you had been imagining yourself with him. Even if you refused to admit it to yourself, you had chosen Taehyung because, to you, there was never going to be someone else than him. It had been him once, and it would always be him.

You were weak for Kim Taehyung. Had been before you had even known what it meant.

“Where does that put us though?” you questioned. “You were acting weird with me, Tae. All these months. I never could have imagined there was someone else.”

“I know.” The look of defeat on him only worsened. “I can’t show you how I was with her because I’d never treat you like that.” He scoffed. “You could talk to Jungkook. I think it’s the first time in my life he actually was angry at me. But his girlfriend… She really likes you. She told me I was a disgusting prick and that I didn’t deserve you. She said I was stringing you along…” There was silver lining his gaze now. “I never meant to string you along. I didn’t realize that I was stringing you along until I understood how oblivious I’ve been.”

You would need to tell the girl you loved her. As soon as you could. Because having her stick up for you meant more than you could ever say.

“I wasn’t all that better”, you said.

It was true. You also had avoided talking to him about how you felt. Had avoided even thinking about it as much as you could. Funnily enough, it had never been about Eunjin to you. But you could understand why it had been that way to him. Eunjin was his little sister, someone he had taken care of. He would have never done anything that could put a wedge in his relationship with her.

Except he had, and that thing was you.

“I didn’t talk to you either”, you said. “I mean.” You let out a small anxious laugh. “I didn’t want to talk to you about how I felt, because I refused to even admit it to myself. But at Jimin’s dinner, I just couldn’t ignore it anymore. The more you showed me affection, the more I felt myself sinking.”

You fell silent and he just observed you for a time, with that deep dark gaze of his.

“I can’t really blame you”, he finally said. “Yes, I could see that we both have faults in this. But…” He slowly shook his head again. “Princess, I was using you.”

“Were you?” you enquired, and your heart beat quicker in your chest. “Were you using me, Tae?”

There really were tears in his eyes. It made his gaze dim, with sadness and melancholy. “No. I wanted to see you. If I used someone, it was Sanghee. Never you. I actually enjoyed spending time with you. You remind me of a simpler time.” He wet his lips. “I really like the time we spent together.”

“I liked it too.” You could admit that.

He held your gaze. “I am so sorry.”

He truly looked sorry. In all truth, he looked like a beaten puppy. Even with Yeontan cuddling by his side, Taehyung looked like a little lost boy. He was clutching the glass of water – he had only drunk a couple of sips, and the glass was still half full. You wanted to reach between you, to run a hand through his hair soothingly…

“What for?” you asked.

He laughed bitterly. “For everything. I was everything I don’t like about me with you. And I regret it.”

Could you forgive him? You really wanted to. You wanted to forget everything had happened, but you didn’t think you had it in you.

You still were aching, imagining him in the arms of someone else.

The silence stretched between you. You didn’t know what to say, and clearly he had told you everything. He sighed, and it left his nose shakily, as if he was on the verge of breaking. Yet you could tell he already had broken, much like you had.

It was surprising to think that you had broken Kim Taehyung too. Or maybe he had done that all by myself, breaking his heart as he tore yours from your chest.

“It’s okay”, you let out. “Thank you for telling me.”

There was a dismissal in your words. He heard it just as clear as you did. He ran a shaky hand on Yeontan, who let out a small sad sound.

“Thank you for listening.” He shut his eyes once more, the perfect picture of the fallen angel. You had thought him to be a devil once. You now knew that devils ached too. Had fallen just like everyone else. “You know”, he said, and his deep voice sounded oh so tired. “Watching you walk away the other day… it felt like I was dying. It made me realize that I care for you far more than I wanted to admit it to myself. And I’m aware that I took you for granted. I won’t ask you to be mine, because it feels unfair after what happened. I just…”

He trailed off, and his gaze met yours again. He wanted you to read the words in his eyes, but you needed to hear them.

“You just what?”

“I just want you to know that, wherever you go in this world, I will always be loving you.”

A tear slipped on your cheek, free falling, the same way you were free falling. Heading straight to the ground, yet…

Yet you didn’t reach it this time.

“Tae…”

“I’m crazy for you.” He said it like he had a hard time believing it himself. “I really am. I’m sorry I fucked everything up.”

You let his words sink in for a time. It wasn’t his first time telling you he was crazy for you. He had said so, on his birthday, when he had come to talk to you in his father’s office. You hadn’t thought his words had meant more than his sexual attraction to you. But you saw it in his eyes now. You saw the way they shone in the light. With emotion and intensity and regret. So much regret.

“Tae”, you repeated. “Do you…” You searched for the right words for a time. “Do you really think all of that?”

“Yes”, he said without a beat of silence. “It took me losing you to realize it. But yes, you matter to me. A hell of a lot.”

You tilted your head to the side. “You like me?”

He looked infinitely confused, with a crease between his perfect eyebrows, and a strand of hair falling in his eyes. “I just told you I’m in love with you?”

“Say it again.”

He understood. Quite at the same time as you did.

You weren’t going to let him go. You couldn’t let him go.

“Y/n…”

“Say it again.”

“I love you, princess”, he said, and he let out a small chuckle. A tear escaped the jail of his eyelids, rolling on his cheek until it fell on Yeontan’s head.

You folded your arms on your chest, then thought better of it and you hid your face in your hands, as a small broken sob shook your frame.

“No”, Taehyung let out.

It took a few seconds, but then he was taking you in his arms, crushing you against his chest. You laughed, sadly, as tears just cascaded on your cheeks. Taehyung was shaking, as if he was cold, and you let go of your face, only to bury it in his neck. You wrapped your arms around his waist, and one of his hands found its way to your hair. He massaged your scalp gently and you let him hold you. Let him comfort you. Because you wanted Taehyung to comfort you. You wanted to be with him.

But he couldn’t be with someone else at the same time.

“Tae”, you said against his neck.

He held you tighter. “Princess…”

“You can’t see someone else.”

He let out a small broken sound. “As if I’d ever want someone else than you, fuck.”

It was your turn to hold him tighter. Until Yeontan barked, and the two of you started laughing. You pulled away, trying to reach for the dog. But Taehyung was holding your shoulders, and a second later his hands moved to your cheeks. He dried your tears, and then pulled you in.

You let out a small, surprised sound as his lips found yours. But they were just as soft as you remembered, and you immediately melted into his touch. You kissed him back, with all the hurt that you had been carrying over the last week. Until Yeontan barked again, demanding attention.

“Wait, wait”, Taehyung said, pulling away from you. “Yeontan.” He used a firm authoritative voice, yet it only seemed to make his dog go crazy even more. Taehyung let out a long sigh and was about to turn towards his dog when you ran a hand through his untamed hair.

“You look like shit”, you said, and new tears rolled on your cheeks.

His eyes widened in fake offence. “Excuse me?”

“You haven’t slept and your hair is all a mess”, you tried to explain. “I’m so sorry I made you wait for a week.”

“Hey hey hey”, he said with a soothing voice, grabbing your wrists as you were once again going to run your hands through his hair in a hopeless attempt to tame the wild strands. “I would have waited for a lot longer if it was what you would have needed. It’s okay.”

Yeontan barked again.

“Let me just…” he trailed off, letting go of your wrists so he could grab his dog. “What’s wrong?”

Yeontan just looked at him with an innocent look on his face.

“I think he’s jealous.”

“Well, let me put him in your bathroom real quick”, Taehyung said with his classic small pout.

You loved when he looked at you like that. You watched him get up and move to the bathroom, while he murmured soothing words to his dog. Yeontan let out a single bark when Taehyung closed the door behind him, but then he fell silent.

You were thankful for it, because the look on Taehyung’s face had entirely changed once he settled his gaze on you again. You gulped as he walked back towards you.

He was yours. Kim Taehyung was yours. And it was true. The part he had mentioned about children. You understood why he wanted five kids. You wanted five of them yourself, just to offer them the childhood that you had yourself lived. You hadn’t told him earlier, but the urge to do so now was stronger than you.

“Tae”, you said as he sat back next to you.

“Mmh?”

You turned, facing him with your whole body. “I want to have children with you too. You’re the only person I could imagine a future like that with. I think that’s why I asked you, when I was drunk at Eunjin’s party.”

A small smirk had moved on his lips, and it gave colour to his cheeks again. To the whole world around him too, and your heart rate increased in your chest.

“Well then we better get started, mmh?”

Your mouth fell open. “Now?”

He shrugged, before leaning down to peck your lips. “Whenever you want, princess.”

“I’m on the pill so it can’t be right now. And I have my job so we would need to plan a little more but…”

Taehyung crashed his lips on yours, interrupting your rambling and you kissed him back, grabbing his cheeks to hold him close. He kissed you hungrily, passionately, with that same fire you had gotten used to with him. Only this time, the fire didn’t burn. It was like the fire a hearth held in the winter. It was welcoming, warm and made a home a home.

Taehyung was your home. He always had been.

Your tongue swiped at his bottom lip, asking for more, and soon enough he met it with his own. You sighed in his mouth, climbing on his lap as he pulled you, holding your waist firmly. As if he was afraid you’d go.

You wouldn’t be stupid enough to go again.

You moved from his mouth to his neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses on the warm skin. Wet kisses, and you sucked on his skin as you moved lower, where the collar of his shirt hid the rest of his body from you.

“Princess…” he breathed, and it almost sounded like a moan.

You sucked on the skin again, before moving up to his lips. Capturing them in another wild kiss, as Taehyung’s hands slid from your waist to your ass.

“Do you know how much I love it when you call me ‘princess’?” you asked him as you pulled away.

He was looking at you through half-lidded eyes, and you could see the lust burning in his gaze. A fire that was about to consume the two of you.

You had stopped caring when he had told you he loved you.

“I know”, he said, and a smirk moved on his glossy lips. “I know what my princess likes.”

You bit your tongue to refrain from moaning. Because he had grinded up as he had said the words, and the prominent bulge in his pants brushed against your clit.

“Tae…”

There was a moment where you just stared at each other. Gazed at each other, with longing and lust and love. Because there was love between the two of you, even if you had tried to ignore it for all those months.

“Y/n…”

You pecked his lips once, and the hands that had been holding you up on his shoulders slid down his frame, until you reached the hem of his shirt. With no hesitation, you pulled it up his torso, and Taehyung pushed up from the couch so he could help you get the shirt off. Once his honey skin was free from the fabric, you ran your hands down his frame again, enjoying the hard planes of his perfect body. He watched you as you did so, his large hands having found your ass once more.

He squeezed your ass as your fingers glided over his ribs. “That tickles.”

You let out a small feminine laugh. The laugh only he had been able to bring out of you. “Sorry.”

You dove in once again, kissing him slow and deep, with your tongues meeting halfway. You sucked on his, and he grunted in your mouth, before letting his hands wander up and under your shirt. He pulled it up your frame, and you pulled away just long enough for him to take it off you before crashing your lips on his again.

His skilled fingers reached to your back untying your bra, but before he had been able to pull the fabric off your body, your phone rang.

You both turned your head to the device. It was face down on your bed, where you had left it earlier as you had been waiting for Taehyung.

“Do you want to get that?” he asked, right as he took off your bra.

You hesitated a few seconds, before getting up. “It’s probably your sister checking up on me.”

You crossed the distance to your bed, climbing the small flight of stairs that led to it. You sat on the mattress, letting out a small laugh as your eyes fell to your naked breasts. Your nipples were perked up, and you didn’t need to look at Taehyung to know what he was looking at.

You grabbed your phone, turning it at the same time as it stopped ringing. It was a missed call from Eunjin. A slight blush crept on your cheeks, and you quickly opened the phone so you could text her that you were okay.

Her reply came in before you had time to put the phone aside.

Does this mean you’re going to fuck my brother again?

Your cheeks were burning red when you looked up towards Taehyung. “Gosh.”

He smiled. “Eunjin?”

You nodded. “Let me just…” you trailed off as you texted your best friend that she was disgusting, adding three little dots and the winking emoji. You then shut your phone off, until only a black screen was staring up at you, before you looked at Taehyung again.

“She will probably kill me”, he said.

“She can try”, you replied from your spot on the bed. You put your phone on your bedside table, before moving until you were lying on your side, looking at Taehyung. “Why don’t you come here?”

The smirk on his lips made heat pool at your core as he moved towards you. Ever so slowly, with that same predator gait that made your blood boil inside. You bit your lip, holding in your own smirk.

Taehyung stopped next to your mattress. He undid his belt, slowly, and you shamelessly looked down as he let his pants fall around his ankles. The imprint of his dick in his pale underwear had you salivating, especially as your eyes followed it to the tip, where a wet spot indicated that precum had already leaked from his dick.

“You’re already hard for me”, you praised.

He palmed himself through his boxer briefs, cocking his head to the side. “My princess likes me hard, doesn’t she?”

You sat up, before moving to a kneeling position beside him. Because of your mattress, your mouth was at a level with his stomach instead of his dick, so you pressed a kiss under his belly button, before sucking the skin in. Totally aiming to leave a love bite there.

He hissed, one of his large hands moving in your hair so he could hold it like a ponytail. “You’re going to be a good girl and suck my dick, mmh?”

You kissed the tip of his dick, licking your lips chasing the salty taste of him. “Will you be a good boy and fuck me after?”

He let out a small laugh. “Dominant might look good on you.”

You bit into the side of his dick, softly. “Would it?” You moved to the tip, licking it. “I wonder what you would look like with me whipping you?”

His eyes went ten shades darker. “We’ll have to try.”

He grunted as you sucked him through the brief, and your saliva added a bigger spot where the precum already was. Taehyung seemed to grow tired of your teasing, because he pulled on your hair, long enough so he could pull his briefs down. His dick sprung free, and you let out a small breathy sound.

“You’re so thirsty for my dick, mmh?” Taehyung said. “You’re going to be a good girl and milk it for me now.”

You whined a little, because he was still pulling on your hair. He loosened the grip, and you immediately moved forward… only you avoided his dick, and you planted an open-mouthed kiss on the base of it. Looking up at Taehyung, holding his gaze as his cock stood hard next to your face.

“Fucking tease.” Taehyung looked angry, somehow. The cursing turned you on, and you sucked on the base of his dick, as you wrapped a hand around his length. Slowly jerking him off, never breaking eye contact. “Suck me, princess.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, but you finally gave in to his desires, pulling away just enough so you could wrap your lips around the head of his dick. You sucked on it, hollowing your cheeks as you swirled your tongue on his frenulum. A satisfied smirk appeared on his lips, and it only encouraged you to take him in your mouth, going as far as you could without choking.

“Good girl”, he praised, eyes never blinking. No, he was drinking in the sight of you, and you could tell he needed more. But you wanted him too, so you obeyed. Shutting your eyes to focus on sucking him, using your tongue to pleasure him in time with your hand as you jerked off what didn’t fit in your mouth.

Taehyung grunted, hips bucking forward just a little, but you could tell he was restraining himself. He didn’t want to fuck your mouth. Probably because he wanted to fuck your pussy all night and needed all his energy for that. The thought made you moan around the length of his dick, and he grunted louder this time.

“Fuck.”

You moaned again, swallowing around his dick as you took it as deep as you could. This time, you choked around him, and tears formed behind your closed eyelids. He pulled on your hair, until your mouth was free of his dick.

“Princess.”

You opened your eyes, looking up at him as you kept slowly jerking him off.

“I can’t believe the only dick you’ve sucked is mine, you’re so good.”

The praise made you moan, and Taehyung pulled your hand away from his cock. You offered him a confused look, but he kneeled in front of you, capturing your lips in a heated kiss.

His hands were everywhere: on your sides, on your back, in your hair. They moved to the front of your body, grabbing your breasts, pinching your nipples between his thumb and forefinger. He pinched hard, enough to hurt, but it only made you soak your panties even more.

Taehyung knew you liked a little pain. And he knew just how to hurt you to please you.

He pulled away from the kiss, replacing one hand with his mouth. He sucked on your nipple, worshipping it with his tongue as you moaned, arching your back and losing your hands in his hair. He nibbled at the sensitive bud and you shook in his hold, pleasure already building up inside of you. He chose that moment to let the other hand wander down your body, and he struggled with the button of your pants for a few seconds before it came undone, letting him dive his hand in, until he was cupping your pussy.

“You’re dripping wet, aren’t you?” he said, pulling away from your breast long enough to meet your gaze. “You’re going to come in no time.”

As if he wanted to prove his words, he sucked on your nipple again, using his teeth just enough to cause that blissful pain you had grown accustomed to. You moaned as he started pressing circles on your clit, through the fabric of your panties. You grinded in his hand, and sure enough there already was an orgasm bubbling on the horizon of your conscience. It came to you fast, and right before it hit you, Taehyung pulled away, stopping his ministrations on your nipple and your clit.

You let out a pained whine at the denied orgasm, and your hand reached towards your clit in the hope that you could still hit your high. Taehyung stopped you, grabbing your wrists until you stopped resisting him.

“You’re going to come only when I tell you to come, alright?”

His baritone voice was even lower than it usually was. Filled with danger, and you nodded your head. You wanted to be a good girl for him, because you knew he always rewarded you with the best orgasms when you were.

You nodded. “Alright.”

“On your back”, he said, your favourite smirk back on his lips.

You obeyed, eyes never leaving his dark gaze. The fallen angel through and through, about to use your body for his sins.

You’d let him use your body for his sins for the rest of your life. He must have noticed the emotion move over your face, because he climbed on top of you, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead. Your eyes fluttered shut, and he pressed a kiss on your two cheeks before landing one on your lips. You kissed him back, sighing against him as he grabbed your wrists gently, pulling them over your head.

“No touching, mmh?”

He had barely pulled away, and you kept your eyes closed as you replied. “You should tie me up.”

“Don’t be a brat today, princess”, he warned. “I just want to enjoy you, I don’t want to have to punish you.”

You gulped, before slowly nodding your head. “I won’t touch you.”

“Good girl.”

He moved down your body, and your eyes fluttered open to look at him. He took off your pants, bringing your underwear down at the same time. His eyes were staring right at your pussy, and had you not known any better, you would have closed your thighs to hide yourself from his view. But clearly Taehyung was in a mood, and you didn’t want to anger him.

The denied orgasm still hurt deep down in your core.

You had expected Taehyung to eat you out. And he almost did, blowing a breath on your pussy, but he kneeled between your legs instead, letting his cock rest on your pubis.

“I almost want to fuck you like that”, he let out. “You’d be so fucking tight.”

But it’d hurt. That much you knew. And you also knew Taehyung would never hurt you like that. Still, your eyes fluttered shut as he moved back, just enough for his dick to move towards your entrance.

“And you’d let me do it, wouldn’t you?”

You would. “Yes”, you breathed, because you knew he liked it when you were vocal.

“Good girl.” He ran his hands on your thighs, pulling your legs up until he had them rested on one of his shoulders. “I’ll still finger you first.”

He had barely said the words before two long digits slipped inside of you. You let out a moan as he immediately curled them to hit the spot inside of you that made you see stars. And he fingered you relentlessly, and hard, until you were a moaning mess under his skilled fingers.

“You can’t come yet, mmh?” he let out as your walls clenched around him. “Wait until I tell you, princess.”

“Tae”, you moaned, and your eyes fluttered open.

He smirked at you. “Hi there.”

“I want to come”, you complained.

He pressed a kiss on the side of one of your legs. “You can wait just a little longer for me, mmh?” He landed another kiss on your calf. “I want you to come around my dick.”

The orgasm was close, clinging to you, making you ache from head to toe. You held it in, focusing on the strands of hair in front of his eyes. It moved as he fingered you, and he had to blink to keep it from touching his eyes. But he wasn’t slowing down, pushing against your g-spot until your legs shook on his shoulder.

“Do you think you can take me now?” he asked.

“Yes, Tae”, you said breathlessly. “Please.”

His finger left you empty, only to move up to your clit. He started drawing circles on it again, and you shuddered as he pushed his dick against your lips. He had barely pushed the head in when you let out a small cry.

“Just a little longer, princess”, he told you, with his baritone voice. It was soothing, somehow, but all your mind could do was focus on where he was stretching you wide open.

He slowly bottomed out, and it did hurt a little. Indeed, you were tight against him, tighter than you usually were. Because he usually took his time to spread you open before fucking his dick into you.

But he hadn’t been able to wait tonight, had he? You could understand why: he thought he had lost you. And you knew what that could do to a man. Fear was an ugly emotion, but it wasn’t really the time to think about that though.

“Tae, it hurts”, you whined.

He stopped moving his fingers on your clit, and you whined even louder. “You want to come?”

You nodded. “Yes.” There were tears in your eyes, from all the denying of your orgasm. You blinked them away frustratedly.

“Have I made you wait long enough?” he asked, and he started pulling out, ever so slowly.

“Fuck, Tae.”

“Such a pretty princess”, he praised. “You will come for me now, mmh?”

You moaned as he started moving his fingers on your clit again, with the perfect pressure. Your eyes fell shut, and your orgasm hit you as he thrusted all the way in again.

It was one of the best orgasms of your life. Blinding, deafening, muting. It took away all of your senses, and the only thing you could feel was the place where your bodies were connected. It was his fingers on you, and his dick inside of you. It was the clenching of your walls around his length, in time with every wave of your orgasm. And he worked you through it, never slowing down. Giving you what you had been denied for too long. He milked every last drop of it, and you were pretty sure you had squirted at the same time from the squelching sounds your pussy made as he kept fucking into you, slowly.

“Fuck”, you let out as his fingers finally left your clit.

“That felt good?”

A small laugh fell from your lips. “Fuck.”

It wasn’t just good. It was pure ecstasy, a drug that had ignited every single nerve ending in your body. All your senses came rushing back to you, and your eyes fluttered open to the sight of Taehyung gazing at you lovingly.

“You’re so beautiful when you come”, he said. He was hugging your legs to his chest, still fucking into you slowly.

“Tae…”

“I want to see you come every day”, he continued, ignoring the loving plea in your voice. “I want to feel you come every day.”

“You’re crazy”, you said, letting out another small laugh.

“Crazy for you”, he agreed.

And then he was fucking you again, chasing his own high. Holding your legs to hit that sensitive spot inside of you, until he chose to lean on top of you, kissing you as he slowed the rhythm. He made love to you for a while, your lips never parting for longer than a few seconds. Just long enough to suck in a much-needed breath, before he was kissing you again.

Taehyung hit his high a while later. While you were digging your nails in the skin of his back in an attempt to pull him closer. You wanted him closer, even if he was buried deep inside of you, reaching spots inside of you you didn’t even think he had reached before.

Taehyung painted the walls of your pussy white as he came, grunting against your lips as you kissed him through his orgasm. You were pretty sure he was whispering your name as he shook with the waves of his own high, and you only held him tighter, until he stopped moving altogether.

You remained unmoving for a time, save for the kiss that you didn’t want to let end. You wanted to kiss him until you would die, and he gave in. Kissed you back, poured his love for you in the muscles of his mouth. You ran a hand along his back, through his soft hair, before settling your arms around his neck.

“I love you”, you whispered as he pulled away to rest his forehead against yours.

He pecked your lips. “I love you too.” He went soft inside of you, yet he still didn’t pull out.

You only then realized that Yeontan was barking like crazy. “We should take care of your dog.”

Taehyung hid his face in your neck. “I don’t want to move.”

You laughed, hugging him close, even though he was crushing you a little. “I don’t want to be evicted.”

He raised his head to look at you. You read the words in his eyes before he even said them.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I won’t move in with you.”

He pouted, that same begging pout that could win wars for him. “Please?”

You couldn’t say no to him, could you?

“You really are crazy, aren’t you?”

He pecked your forehead. “How many times do I need to tell you that I’m crazy for you?”

*****

One year later

You looked at the pregnancy test in your lap. Though happy tears had been blurring your vision, there was no mistaking: you were pregnant.

You could hear Taehyung gaming from the bathroom, unaware that your lives were about to change. Unaware that in just under nine months you would welcome your first child. You had been trying for a couple of weeks now – now that you had finally decided to quit your job to raise your kids at home. Not that you had quit yet, you had decided to wait until you were married and pregnant before you did.

It seemed life had chosen for it to come sooner than later.

You blinked the tears away, letting out a small happy laugh. You imagined the child: would they look like Taehyung, with one double lid and a mono lid, or would they have your features? And their hands: their fingers would be so small, almost as tiny as grains of rice.

You couldn’t wait until you could hold those little hands in your own. For the moment, all you could do was land a hand on your lower stomach, stroking it gently. The next few weeks would be uncertain. You knew there was a possibility you would lose the baby, but something about the feeling bubbling in your chest reassured you.

There was a little bit of you and Taehyung, growing inside of you right now.

A happy tear rolled on your cheek and you wiped it with the back of your hand as you heard Taehyung cheer in his gaming room. He was playing Overwatch with Jungkook, and from what you could tell, they had just won a game.

You got up from the toilet seat, where you had anxiously waited for the results of the pregnancy test. It was your third time doing one, but the first time you had ever seen it positive. You clutched it to your chest, following Taehyung’s cheery voice as you made your way to his gaming room.

“We annihilated them”, Taehyung was saying. “Bro, I swear we could start a team.”

There was silence for a while, during which you assumed Jungkook was replying on his side of the call.

“I’m sure Jin-hyung would join.” It took a moment, but Taehyung burst out laughing, and the sound of his laugh brought a whole new grin to your lips.

He came to view, sitting in front of his gaming set-up. The only light in the room was coming from the two screens of his set-up, and he turned his head towards you as you walked into the room. Light flickered on his profile, and his mouth fell open as he noticed your teary-eyed smile.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

You let out a small happy sob.

“JK, I’ll be right back.”

He took off his headset, putting it down next to his keyboard before rolling away from the desk.

“Hey, princess, why are you crying?” he enquired as you remained silent.

You finished crossing the distance between you, handing him the pregnancy test. It took him a moment to connect the dots. But you had never seen anything as beautiful as Taehyung when he realized he was going to be a dad.

“You’re shitting me?” he said, eyes filling with tears.

You started crying again, shaking your head no. “I’m pregnant.”

“You’re pregnant?” His voice broke at the end, right as a blinding boxy grin split his face in half.

You nodded, and Taehyung jumped out of his chair to wrap his arm around you. He laughed and cried, and you held him close as you did the same. You didn’t think it was possible, but your love for him grew tenfold.

You were going to have a child. A little bit of the two of you.

“I can’t believe it”, he choked out through sobs. “We’re going to have a baby.”

You nodded again. “Our first one.”

“We need to get married”, he pointed out, pulling away from your embrace to look at your face.

You reached to dry the happy tears on his cheeks. “Should we get married before we tell the family?”

“I don’t know. Eunjin is going to be so happy”, Taehyung pointed out. “Your parents might be worried since we aren’t married though.”

You looked at him pointedly. “My parents adore you, they won’t give a shit.”

“Do you want to get married right now?” he asked.

“Tonight?”

He let out a small laugh. “Tomorrow, I don’t care.”

“Didn’t we just say we could wait?”

Taehyung picked you up and spun you around once, before letting your feet meet the ground again. “I want to marry you.”

You laughed through the new wave of tears. “We can marry when the baby is born.”

His eyes widened. “We’re going to have a baby”, he repeated, tasting the words carefully on his tongue. “A little boy!”

You furrowed your brows. “Why not a little girl?”

“I want a boy first.”

“I want a girl.”

“You say that just to oppose me.”

He wasn’t wrong, and you shrugged sheepishly, letting out another laugh.

“I fucking love you, you know that?” He pressed a kiss to your lips as if to give emphasis to his words. You kissed him back, but he pulled away after a few seconds. “I need to tell JK.”

“You didn’t mute yourself.”

He hadn’t had time to. You were pretty sure you could hear Jungkook screaming on his side of the Discord call.

“Aish”, Taehyung let out, and you shared a laugh as he moved towards his set-up. He grabbed the headset, putting it over his head. “Shut up, JK, I’m back.”

Taehyung nodded, as if his friend could see him.

“Yes.” He waited for a time, then nodded again. “Let me give the headset to her, I’m pretty sure she can answer herself.”

Taehyung took it off, handing it to you. You cocked an eyebrow in confusion, but still walked towards him, grabbing the headset and putting it on.

“What’s up?” you asked.

“Can I be the godfather?” Jungkook asked – or rather screamed – through his mic.

You winced at how loud Taehyung’s friend was. “Jesus Christ, I’m pretty sure my ears are bleeding now.”

“Can I?” Jungkook asked again, with a little voice that resembled that of a child himself.

“That’s a lot of responsibility”, you pointed out.

There was shuffling on Jungkook’s side, and then his girlfriend started talking. “Y/n, I swear to God if you say no to him I am going to tattoo you in your sleep.”

“You wouldn’t dare”, you said, pouting, but you already had a smile on your lips.

Taehyung and you had decided a while ago who were going to be the godparents. Eunjin and Jungkook. It was the easiest choice you had made about deciding to have a child together.

“Give me Jungkook back”, you told your friend.

She let out an excited yelp. “Hold on.”

It took a few seconds, but then Jungkook’s voice filled your ears again. “So?”

“Yes, you’re going to be the godfather, dumbass.”

Taehyung was smiling lovingly at you. He wrapped his arms around your middle, resting his head on your shoulder. You turned to look at him, offering him a lovesick smile.

“Thank you thank you thank you”, Jungkook kept repeating in his mic. “I promise I’ll be the…“ His words were cut off. “Ouch, that hurt.”

You heard his girlfriend’s iconic laugh and your smile only grew bigger.

You loved these people far too much for your own good.

“But JK?” you said as you listened to him bickering with his girlfriend.

The bickering ended, and he let out an, “Uh?”

“Please don’t tell the others for now. Just in case something happens.”

“I promise”, Jungkook said, voice filled with emotions. “Our lips are sealed.”

You smiled and then took off the headset. You handed it to Taehyung, and he took it with his bright, teary eyes. He put it back on, before sitting in his chair. He and Jungkook chatted for a while, and you sat on Taehyung, resting your head against his chest. You listened to his heartbeat as he ran a hand on your back, the other having found a home on your lower stomach.

As if he’d feel the baby kicking already.

Taehyung’s heartbeat was steady. A rhythm you had grown to know by heart, a melody that accompanied the nights when you couldn’t sleep. Your lips stretched into a smile at the thought that many sleepless nights were to come. But you could take a thousand of them if it meant building a family with Taehyung.

After all, you had always been crazy for him too.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

So, what do we think? One hell of a journey isn’t it? I hope you enjoyed it <3

Don’t hesitate to leave feedback by following this link! It always helped to keep motivated into writing more!

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chimcess · 3 months

Text

Waterlog || pjm (1)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader Other tags: Olympic Swimmer!Jimin, Ex Olympic Swimmer! Reader, Swim Coach!Reader Genre: Strangers to Friends to Lovers!AU, Coach!AU, Swimming!AU, Age Gap!AU, HEAVY Angst, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, fluff, eventual smut, I'm so soft for these two it's crazy. Word Count: 17.4k+ Synopsis: After a car accident ends her athletic career, Y/N has slowly started rebuilding her life again as a high school swim coach. That’s until she gets a request from an old friend and finds herself back in the spotlight as the new coach of Olympic swimmer, Park Jimin. Warnings: discussions of significant death (does not happen in story), talks of a bad car accident, talks of drunk driving (please drinking responsibly), more than likely wrong swimming terms and poor understanding of how the Olympics actually works (I did so much research, pls be nice to me lol), strong language, lots of mental health discussions, reader has mommy and daddy issues, Older reader, Jimin is a complete sweetie, the tamest chapter of them all A/N: Well, well, well, look who came back. I first wrote Waterlog back in 2021, and while I enjoy the premise, I hate the finished product. I wanted to go back and edit/fix what I originally had, but when I tried it became so different, I was better off rewriting the entire thing. I hope you guys like this mini-series. If you would like to read the original go to my blog archive. Thank you for reading!

masterlist || next || playlist

Staring at the pool, I managed to calm myself with relative ease. Jin had been right, physical therapy had made things easier. The water glistened prettily in the lights, and I waited with bated breath for my trainer to come in.

Emery was a sweet guy, pretty with a lip ring and tattoos, but with a surprising amount of shyness it was laughable. His softness was offset by his powerful muscles, and I enjoyed his never-ending sense of humor. Unlike Dr.Maddox, Emery treated me like I was a normal person. Not an Olympian who almost lost her leg in an accident, or the woman whose fiancé died. I was just Y/N, and it was a relief to be around him.

Running my fingers along the scars on my leg, I mindlessly drew patterns around them in the silence. It was not normal for Emery to take this long, but his assistant had said he was running behind due to another patient, so I was unbothered. I had planned my entire day around this, so I was in no rush.

Finally, the door swung open revealing a disheveled Emery. Breathing heavier than usual, he rolled his eyes at me in frustration before saying his pleasantries. Whoever it had been had gotten him worked up.

“Rough morning?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

With an annoyed sigh, he nodded.

“I shouldn’t say this, but I hope that woman never comes back here.”

I laughed, “We all have that someone. Don’t feel too bad.”

Shaking his head, I could tell it took restraint on his part not to rant and rave about the woman who had left. Emery and I were more friendly than most. I had been seeing him for over two years now, but we still kept a semblance of a professional relationship. Especially Emery.

“How’s the kids?” He asked, making small talk as we started getting ready for a swim.

I was the coach of a high school swim team in town, something I talked about quite a bit, and Emery always liked hearing about. He was a great water polo player but chose to go into physical therapy while he was in college. After seeing one of his friends get injured and how much physical therapy had helped him, Emery decided to change his major. Four years later, he says he could never see himself doing anything else.

“They’re doing well,” I said honestly. “We got a couple of freshmen on the team, but they’re doing a lot better than I thought they would.”

Emery hummed, offering me assistance getting into the pool. While walking had been mostly figured out, the obvious limp aside, I still had some trouble with getting in-and-out of things. Even my bathtub had to be switched out since I was unable to step over it. I still used the medical chair while in there, too.

The water was cool against my skin, and I felt instantly relieved. The dull aches and pains left as soon as I got into the water. Swimming to my usual spot, I waited patiently for Emery to join me.

“That’s great to hear,” He smiled.

Going to the edge of the pool, Emery grabbed a set of barbells and handed them to me. Taking them, the two of us went over the workout plan for the day. Pulling himself up on the pool’s edge, Emery picked up his stopwatch and told me to begin.

Getting on the interstate, I sang along to the radio as I made my way to Hoseok’s. The two of us had been friends since high school, our mutual love for swimming making it impossible to keep apart, and only growing with time. He was one of my biggest support systems after the accident. Both of us had retired years ago now, but I remembered our days as Olympians fondly. Those were the best years of my life.

A small group of our friends were getting together at his house to watch the summer Olympics this afternoon. The women’s swimming finals were happening today, and I knew two of the girls competing. Turning on my blinker, I quickly got off the interstate.

Pressing around my car’s radio screen, I went to my contacts and pressed Andy’s number. She was off today and in charge of getting everything together. Hoseok had tried to do it himself, but always seemed to forget who should do what and ended up buying everything himself. She picked up after the fourth ring.

“What’s up, sugar?” Andy greeted, her voice soft and light. Her Memphis accent was thick and brought a smile to my face. Everyone had made jokes about her being southern when we first met. “Don’t tell me you’re missing Nationals.”

I shook my head even though she could not see me.

“I’m on my way,” I replied. “What should I pick up? I completely forgot.”

Andy sighed, “You’re just as bad as Jin.”

Seokjin was Andy’s husband. The two of them had been together whenever they moved to Colorado, married before I ever met them, and became quick friends with Hoseok when they moved to the Springs. That was how I had met them. Whenever their daughter Dani was born, Andy had asked me to be her Godmother and I sobbed in her lap. They were my closest friends next to Hoseok. Jin was indeed very forgetful, though, and the jibe made me chuckle.

“Cut me some slack,” I argued. “I’ve been working out for two hours straight.”

I could hear the smile in her voice, “Just get some pizza or something. We’re picking up some wings and Hobi’s in charge of the drinks. Minho and Tilly are bringing… something. I don’t even know anymore.”

Fully laughing now, I saw a Little Ceasars up ahead and got into the correct lane. Minho and Matilda were loose cannons when it came to our parties. While sweet, and fiercely loyal, I found myself wondering why I hung out with them at times. We were night and day personality wise, but I loved them dearly. Minho would probably bring some Korean side dishes from home, and Matilda would pick up a few packs of ramen from the store. Andy was stressing over nothing again. I hoped she was getting proper rest on her days off.

“I’m at Little Caesars,” I told her, parking my car. “I’m going to get the basics. How many things of Crazy Bread should I get?”

She thought for a second before replying.

“Five?” She was definitely unsure about her answer.

It was hard to gauge just how hungry everyone would be, and Jin was a bottomless pit.

“Sounds good,” I said instead, already thinking about getting more.

“Drive safe. See you in a bit.”

“See you, Andy,” I unplugged my phone from the charger.

Pressing it to my ear, I pressed my start button and turned it off. I climbed out of my car and started walking to the store.

“Love you,” She sing-songed playfully.

“Love you, too,” I replied. Opening the door, a worker greeted me with a smile. “I’m about to order.”

Shoving my phone in my back pocket, I gave the worker an awkward smile before telling him my order. I ended up getting seven bags instead of five. Just in case. Dani really liked the stuff and Jin could smash an entire bag by himself. While I waited for the cheese pizza to come out of the oven, my phone started ringing.

“Hello?” I answered, unable to check the caller ID while the cashier shoved the crazy bread into my arms.

“I heard from a little bird that you’re thinking about competing again.”

I grinned and thanked the cashier as she handed me my other pizza.

“Hello to you, too, Frank,” I replied. “And your little birdie wouldn’t happen to be Hoseok, would it?”

Frank and Sarah Boone had become a part of my life after the accident. They ran a local support group to help those affected by drunk drivers to get connected with resources and therapy. The two had lost their son when he decided to drive home drunk from a party and used the group as their own coping mechanism. They were wonderful people and owned their own joint coffee shop and bookstore in Denver.

“Won’t say names,” He chuckled, “But it might have come from a certain part-timer. So, is it true?”

I placed the boxes in the passenger seat and rounded my car. This was not a conversation I was expecting to happen today. I had brought up the idea to Hoseok since the Olympics were coming up next year, but I was not committed to it. I was enjoying my new job coaching and did not think I was in any condition for competition. When he brought up the Paralympics I laughed. Those competitors were in better shape than I was, and I doubted I would qualify. I was disabled but my disability did not (as far as I knew) carry over into the pool.

“I was just talking shit, Frank,” Backing out of the parking space, I put in Hoseok’s address and started to drive. Switching over to my car’s phone, I put my phone down and looked at the road. “You know I’m happy with my life right now.”

He made a grunting noise that told me he did not really believe me. No one did. All of them were sure I was miserable about my career ending far before its time, and while that may be true, I felt more loss about the life I was supposed to have than winning medals. I missed Namjoon more than any medal. Frank and Sarah understood that.

“I know that,” He cleared his throat, and I could hear the congestion. Frank had come down with a nasty case of walking pneumonia two weeks ago and was still recovering. “Just got a little excited is all. It would be nice to see you putting yourself back out there.”

It would be nice to see myself back in the pool, I could admit that. I had dreams of it at times. Being a competitor was a part of who I was. From the first time my dad took me to my swim classes when I was six all the way until I claimed my eighth Olympic medal, everyone had said there was nothing I hated more than losing. I was fiery, free-spirited, and kept my eyes on the prize. It was the thing Namjoon loved about me the most. That made me frown.

“I left a champ,” I forced a laugh. “Need to save some gold for the rest of them.”

Hiding behind humor was a pastime.

Frank laughed, oblivious to the hollowness in my tone. “Heard they have a new guy taking your place.”

That made me snort, “He’s not taking my spot. Totally different competitions, my friend.”

“Winning gold like you, that’s for damn sure.”

It must be Jimin Park. The kid turned up on the scene a year after my accident. He was a very, very talented swimmer. Fast as a bullet with the best butterflies I had ever seen, Park was a force to be reckoned with in the men’s league. It was a joy to watch him swim and this year would be his first Olympics. Hoseok and I were very excited to watch him.

“If you’re talking about Park,” I chuckled. “He’s far from new. He’s been competing for a few years now. First Olympics, though.”

“He’s young, ain’t he?”

I nodded, “23, I think.”

Truthfully, I did not know how old he was. I remember the buzz around how young he was when he first broke out on the scene. He was eighteen when he took home gold all season before a family emergency took him out of the Olympics last minute. No one knew what really happened, but his team had said his brother was in an accident, tragically losing his life, and Jimin was prioritizing his family. He’s competed every year since and with the Olympics next year, I was certain Park would be there. He deserved it.

I was parked in front of the house now and from the cars outside, I was the last person to arrive. Frank and I talked for a few moments. It was cute how much he had learned about swimming so we could be buddies. Sarah was the only person who recognized my face when I first started going to the meetings and her husband was determined to get me to open after weeks of sitting in bitter silence in the back.

We hung up after I promised I would make it to the meeting next Thursday. Frank was not happy about me skipping the past two weeks, but understood I was taking some time to myself. My boys were going to compete this year, I had fought tooth and nail for that funding, and the extra hours at school were exhausting. Jeremy and Evan showed promise, but they knew how to drive me up the wall with all of their simple mistakes.

As I suspected, the party was in full swing. Matilda and Minho were laughing loudly on the sofa, Hoseok sporting a beer in the recliner next to them, and Dani practicing her gymnastics in the middle of it all. I could hear the commentators talking animatedly about the girls, who they believed would come out on top and highlights from the night before, but I never really paid them any mind.

“Pizza’s here!” Minho boomed, practically running to greet me.

I laughed, handing over the boxes, “Need help carrying the rest in.”

Matilda offered, happily taking my car keys and leaving the house. Minho had disappeared into the kitchen. Dani spared me enough attention for a smile and wave before launching into excited pleas for me to watch her new moves.

“Super cool, babe,” I smiled sweetly after her handstand. Dani was not particularly good at gymnastics. She started later than the other girls, rarely did anything she was actively afraid of, and hated her coach. Andy was already looking for a better gym, but I just thought she should start pointing her in another direction. Dani loved dancing and she would be a wonderful ballerina or figure skater if given the proper training. The Kim’s, however, seemed fine watching her deal with gymnastics and cheerleading. “You’re getting better.”

Dani beamed, “Daddy said the same thing.”

Flipping the right way around, her hair coming out of its messily tied bun and falling down past her shoulders. Brown, loose waves made her look so much younger than her eight years, her small stature only selling the illusion even more. Her skin was smooth, and she always looked as though she had been playing outside in the sun, a constant tinge of pink beneath her sandy skin. Her features favored her father, large eyes, long face, and plush, pillow-like lips, but after meeting Andy’s parents, I could see her grandmother hidden within the mischievous glint in her eyes and too small ears.

“Your dad’s a smart guy,” I joked.

She continued to babble away as I made myself more comfortable, kicking off my shoes and tossing my hat onto the small buffet table that sat above the shoe rack. Matilda came back inside, her arms filled with bags of bread, and I took two from the pile. With a thankful, thin-lipped grin, she also complimented Dani’s moves before disappearing around the corner in the direction of the kitchen.

“Dani,” Hoseok seemed to have finally grown tired of hearing the girl talk. I would imagine this was all he had been hearing since he arrived. “Do you want to color with me?”

The little girl clapped happily, her eyes bright and shining, before abandoning her mat to gather a few coloring books and her massive hoard of crayons. Hoseok looked at me then, a sly smile on his face before winking. I chuckled and shook my head. He always did that to make her shut up.

I left the living room before Dani came back. I loved her dearly, but I could admit she talked too much. It was a good thing for a kid her age to be so social but that did not mean I wanted to hear her every waking thought. Andrea and Seokjin were the only parents in our little group, and I imagined it would stay that way for a while. Even if my dreams of children were still alive, I did not have anybody I wanted to take on that responsibility with.

Minho was eating the pizza, as expected, while Matilda had already claimed her own bag of Crazy Bread. Andy and Jin were snuggled up at their dining table, his arms securing her to his chest, and she curled into him. I loved watching them together. I had grown up in a house with two people who hated one another, barely kept up a facade of civility before my mother skipped down to be with her new boyfriend in Florida leaving my dad and I behind in Pennsylvania. We made it work but things were never the same after that. It made me happy to know little Dani would feel the love radiating in her home as she grew up. I had never seen two people so enamored with one another in my life- not even Namjoon and I.

“How was therapy?” Minho asked after we exchanged pleasantries. “Hoseok said you were talking about competing next season.”

I laughed in disbelief. That man did not know how to keep his mouth shut. I said the same thing I told Frank over the phone, and he scoffed. Minho never truly laughed, if I was honest. It was always a snicker, scoff, or chuckle. He was a man of little words and even fewer outbursts of joy, and I found his versions of those things just as reserved as the rest of him. He was the most expressive when he smiled, but those were just as rare as a genuine laugh. Dani managed to squeeze more out of him than anybody else.

“Stop meddling!” Andy scolded the other man from her spot in Seokjin’s lap.

“Never,” My friend replied, amusement clear in his voice.

“Never!” Dani echoed, voice louder than Hoseok’s. She was giggling happily alongside him, and I rolled my eyes. He was her favorite. “Never!” She repeated again, pleased when Hoseok laughed. “Never!”

“That’s enough,” Jin’s voice was even and smooth.

Dani did not shout again but we could all hear her and Hoseok attempting to cover up their laughter. Andy smiled fondly. Their little friendship had warmed her heart. After Dani, Andrea had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. It had come back six times before her doctor said she needed to get a hysterectomy. She grieved the children they would never have, the large family she dreamed of stolen from her, but once Dani was old enough to walk, she had been glued to Hoseok’s hip.

Hoseok for all he spoke about never wanting children, he adored Dani. His family was small, he and his sister the only children, but they were extremely close. She lived in New York City as a fashion designer and got married last year, and I always had the feeling Hoseok felt lonely without her. Dani was a welcome break from routine and made him feel special. It was sweet but I hoped my friend would find someone to share his life with someday.

“It’s starting,” Hoseok announced.

It was a great day for the U.S. Opal Simmons was one to look out for. She was the oldest woman on the team, a shocking 24, but she could out swim a vast majority of them. Her freestyles were amazing, earning her a gold with Japan just a few points behind. I was hopeful she would be able to come out on top in her distance swim. While not the fastest in the pool, the girl knew how to pace herself. The cameras cut to the shot of one of her coaches smiling triumphantly at the performance.

He was a good friend of mine, Oswald Bunch. He had been heavily involved with the Olympics for years now, promoted to one of the lead coaches back in 2020, but I remembered when he was still competing. A few years older than me, Ozzie was known for his backstrokes and long-distance swimming, and we bonded whenever we got the chance to meet in London back in 2012.

That was my first Olympics. I was a fresh-faced 20-year-old on a mission. My team at the time was stoked to have me around and I was excited to be there. I had built up a solid reputation over the course of two years, winning seven medals my first adult-competitive season, and the high was incredible. Back then, I was always the one to beat at the breaststroke and therefore, the medleys were in my favor as well. I walked away with 4 golds that year, and again in 2016. The accident happened a year later, but I left the competitive world with 8 gold Olympic medals and 19 world champion gold medals. Katie Ledecky held the record now, but for a time, I was the most decorated female swimmer in history. I was excited when I was finally passed up, happy for the younger woman.

Ozzie was the man, but sadly never got out of Michael Phelp’s shadow. It was not his fault. That man was insane in the water and would become the most decorated Olympian ever. Bunch was a great swimmer, but I did not know a single person who could compare to Phelps. Hoseok, maybe, but he only had 12 gold medals. Phelps had 23.

“Simmons looks great out there,” Hoseok praised, a large smile on his face.

“Her butterflies could use a little work,” I murmured back, already seeing how I could fix it with some extra exercises. “It’s slowing down her freestyle. What else is she scheduled for?”

“I think she’s doing the 200-meter freestyles and the medley relay,” He replied, taking a sip of his beer. “Bunch is banking on her pacing.”

“She won’t win those,” I was positive. “She’s just going to get tired. Breaststrokes are obviously not her thing.”

He laughed, “You’re the breaststroke queen, Y/N. No one's as good as yours.”

I shrugged, “Ledecky is a great swimmer.”

“Never said she wasn’t,” He sipped. “Her freestyles are killer. Girls could never beat you in breaststroke or a medley. You’re untouchable there.”

It made me smile despite myself. Hoseok was right, those were my competitions. Even if Katie had surpassed my record for most gold medals ever, I still had more Olympic medals than she did, and they were in completely different events. I could have kept my title had the accident never happened. I would have. Even if we were friendly, Ledecky would have been my competition, and I would have fought hard to keep the record.

“What’s Jimin doing this year?” Matilda asked as the women’s scores were posted. Opal would be a strong contender. “Anyone know?”

I nodded, “I haven’t watched every competition, but he’s sticking to what he does best. Didn’t he swim the 200 yesterday?”

“Yeah,” Hoseok replied. “He’s skipping out today and doing his individual tomorrow. Swimming back-to-back after that. Kid’s a fucking animal in the water.”

I couldn't agree more. As I stared at Opal’s smiling face, her pale blonde hair and bright blue eyes, I wished I had been able to watch Jimin instead. She was cold and impassive even with a large, perfectly white grin that took up most of her face. In fact, I found her quite boring outside of the water. No flair or features that set her apart. Just a tall, well-built blonde with a nice smile. Ozzie would have to work hard to make her memorable.

“Simmons did well,” I yawned. “It’s getting late, though, and I have work in the morning.”

The goodbyes were quick, and Dani made me promise to take her roller skating soon. There was a girl at school making fun of her and she wanted her “super cool” and “famous” aunt to tell them off. We all laughed, and I told her we could go this weekend after gymnastics practice.

My drive home was uneventful. It was already dark out, something that bothered me more than I would ever admit out loud, and I never turned on the radio. I preferred to drive in absolute silence, eyes and ears glued to the road. I had only started talking on the phone recently.

I was much worse after the accident. I refused to get inside of a car for weeks and if I did, I was a mess. No one was allowed to be a distracted driver either. No radio, no phone, no conversations. Nothing. Jin had been the default chauffeur during that time and put up with my anxiety better than the others.

It was close to a year before I tried to sit in the front seat again. Another five before I got behind the wheel. For hours I would sit in the garage with my hands on the steering wheel staring off into the distance. I was still in a wheelchair for most of my daily activities and a very obvious limp made me too self-conscious to be seen. Isolating was easy. Keeping the others away was more difficult.

My drives started with me just backing out of the driveway. I went around the block a few weeks later, hands shaking and Andy trying her best to soothe me in the passenger seat. I did not drive past the Whole Foods two minutes away from my house until after the second year. Things were easier after I ditched the wheelchair and got more open to the idea of therapy.

Moving out of Denver was the best decision I ever made, the Springs were easier to drive in and the traffic was not as awful. Andrea and Jin bought in Black Forest once I was settled in Briargate, so loneliness was never an option.

Matilda almost moved in after the housewarming party Andy threw for me. She said it was far too big for one person and the neighborhood was to die for. I laughed her off at the time not really wanting to admit how nice it sounded.

Nestled in Fairfax, my house was a beautiful piece of architecture. The striking brick and wood front exterior provided a warm welcome, with teal trimmings bringing a fresh feeling to the otherwise plain color scheme. With five bedrooms and four bathrooms, I dreamed of the day I was able to fill them all. A dream that I hoped would come before I hit 35.

Pulling up to the house, I waved to Chika next door. The old woman raised her hand, still nursing a large mug of what I assumed to be tea and smiled. They were lovely people and we often helped one another out whenever we could. Chika liked to bring over food if she cooked and I paid my landscapers to keep with their lawn.

“Late night?” Chika called out from her front porch.

“Went to a friend’s house,” I replied.

“Good,” She meant it. “Glad to see you getting out of the house.”

I smiled but was not sure how well she could see my face in the dark.

“Yeah. Night, Chika.”

“Night, Y/N.”

I showered quickly and sipped on a cup of chamomile tea before heading off to bed. After taking my night medications, one to force myself to sleep while the other blocked the never-ending nightmares, I climbed into bed. I was able to play a single game of solitaire before they both kicked in. I fell asleep with the sound of gentle rain humming in the background.

“Let’s go, guys!” I yelled, blowing my whistle.

The twelve boys waited, their small talk coming to an abrupt end. We had just finished warming up and I allowed all of them a short water break. I was a huge advocate for rest periods. No one needed to pull a muscle or fatigue early due to over working. I had a 2800-yard routine prepared, 800 of those done during our warm-ups, and the rest divided between our main set and cooldowns.

Jordan, our captain, was smiling happily. He was such an excited kid, and his positivity was contagious. While some of the boys were disappointed when I first chose him to replace our old captain after his graduation, I was sure his spirit would do everyone some good. It did not take long for the others to come around and he was beloved.

“Alright, so we have a 1600 main set. In between each of our reps, we will be doing a switch out of easy breast and backstrokes. Clear?”

“Crystal!” They all replied in unison.

“Alright. That's what I like to hear,” Flipping through my clipboard was more for show than anything. I used to rely on it heavily when I first started teaching since brain damage messed with my short-term memory, but I had been doing this long enough to know what was happening. Now it was just a way for me to write notes about their performances. “We’re starting with a 4x100 with 15-second rest; the first 25 butterfly. 3x100 with 10-second rest; again, first 25 butterfly. Following?”

No questions were asked, and a few guys voiced they were good for me to keep going.

“Good. Then we have a 2x100 with 5-second rest. First 25?”

“Butterfly,” Jordan replied.

“Thank you, Abbot. Okay, and we’re finishing up with 8x50 freestyle. Fast and easy.”

All twelve of them began to prepare to take their mark. One by one they stood on their blocks and waited for me to make the call. I admired them all for a moment. You could see the difference in each one of them. Those who were confident stood tall, their shoulders squared, and head held high. Newcomers were still figuring out their place on the team but were eager to prove themselves. Two of them would be leaving us this year, Gabriel and Marcus, and neither one of them were continuing to swim after graduation. It was a sad thought, but I was happy with how they carried themselves. They had both come a long way.

“Take your mark,” My voice echoed. Each boy got into their starting position as I watched them like a hawk. One of the freshmen, Phineas, needed major work on his form. I would talk to Jordan about it. Grabbing hold of my stopwatch, I took a deep breath. “Go!”

Marcus was the first in, like always, and I ignored him. I knew he was fully capable of taking care of himself. Phineas was the weakest link in my chain right now. He was struggling, his arms growing tired and his speed nonexistent. The other freshmen, Tobias, or as the guys called him, Twig, was not much better. He had more strength, but I chopped that up to his size. I would need to really start working some more beginner drills to get them in shape. Jordan and Gabriel would be more than happy to give up a Saturday or two to help out.

Marcus was the first one finished and I marked his time. Still a tenth of a second faster than Jordan. After Jordan came Gabriel and then Joseph and Anthony. I was disappointed in Jett’s time, but I would invite him to the weekend practices with the others. He needed some foot and hip exercises. Twig came in before Phineas, but every other boy was already out of the water by the time they made it back. Phineas was visibly upset, and I made a note to pull him to the side after practice to cheer him up.

Practices typically lasted two hours and the boys swam hard. Phineas did, in fact, perk up after I told him I was noticing tons of improvements in his performance. Twig just seemed happy he was not the worst guy in the water. After talking it out with Jordan, we decided on a good weekend time for extra practices, and I stayed behind to print off a poster and signup sheets for the rest of the boys. I had a feeling almost everyone except Marcus would show. He had a part-time job now and his weekends were full.

Sitting in my office, I poured over my observations and timecards. With a team this large I should have an extra set of hands to help with timing. I sent an email to the principal asking about helpers and got back to the nitty gritty.

All of them could work on something. Phineas might have needed the most work, Twig not far behind him, but my most seasoned swimmers had room for improvement. Jett was still struggling with maximizing propulsion, Anthony and Milo needed to get better water balance, and Gabriel’s pull could be better. Even my best swimmers, Jordan and Marcus, could use a bit of refinement in technique. It was nitpicking but they were too talented to give up on their potential.

It was close to nine when my phone began to ring. I knew it could not be any of my usual calls. Andy was working nights this week and Jin was fast asleep at home with Dani. Minho was in bed by eight, Matilda would never bother me this late, and Hoseok hated phone calls. Checking the caller ID, I was shocked to see Ozzie’s name.

“Hello?” I answered tentatively, afraid he might have called me by accident.

“Otter,” Ozzie greeted me happily. He seemed so delighted that I answered, I smiled even though I hated the nickname. “How’s life going?”

I chuckled, “Rockin’ and rollin’. Saw your girl last night. Looks great, Oz.”

“Appreciate it,” He was so dismissive of it I became interested. This was not a catch-up phone call or else he might have hooked onto the bait. My stomach twisted in anticipation. If it was not for pleasantries, then it was for work and that was something to be excited about. “Still teaching high school?”

“Mhm,” I fiddled with my pencil, papers forgotten. “My boys team is strong. I only have three girls that signed up so we’re just training during P.E. and hoping some more join.”

We chatted a bit more about the team. The longer it went on the more knots I had. Oswald was fishing for something, and I wanted to figure out what. After telling him about Phineas, I asked what the random call was about.

“Always cutting to the chase,” He joked.

I did not laugh.

“Alright, you caught me,” Ozzie sighed. “Look, the Olympic team is looking for another assistant coach and your name came up a few times.”

My mouth went dry. I had heard about Tiara Marsh leaving to focus on her family. She had a baby and stepped down a few months after coming back from maternity leave. I respected the decision and messaged her my congratulations. Ozzie had taken the lead coach position three years ago with Todd Packer as his partner. The other assistant, Drew Jones, was a sweet girl from what I heard and working with her would be a dream.

Still, it was an impossible task. Trying to imagine myself on the sidelines, coaching the next big names in sporting history with a massive squad behind me made my stomach queasy. I doubt any of them respected me. My leg was ruined, my career burned out just as quickly as it started, and I never had the chance to reach my peak. Now I am a 30-year-old washed up recluse. Just thinking about the media frenzy made my breathing get a little heavier.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Oz,” I murmured.

“I told them you wouldn’t go for it,” He replied, unsurprised. “They’re going to approach Storm Kline instead.”

“Oh,” Now I was confused. “Why’d you bring it up then?”

“Because I got to thinking,” I braced myself. Ozzie was known for his big, bright, dumb, impulsive ideas. “I knew the Olympics would be asking too much of you. Cameras and interviews are the last thing you want after the fucking circus you went through last time.”

That was an understatement. Circus did not even begin to describe the absolute hell the media put me through after the accident. So many speculations and insensitive remarks managed to ruin any peace I could have gotten during that time.

While I was in a coma, no one knowing if I would ever wake up again, the news thought it wise to harass my friends and family. My old coach, Victor Stanley, was assaulted whenever he left the hospital. When news got out that Namjoon was pulled off life support, his mother and father were so sick and tired of people parked outside their house they packed up and moved away before I even woke up. I wanted nothing to do with the media after that.

“It’s a little different but I think you’d be a great fit for the job,” Ozzie continued. “One of my boys, Jimin Park, is in need of a personal coach. His mom is sick and he’s wanting to stay in Michigan for as long as he can before coming out to the Springs to start training for Paris.

“I almost called Jung, but I don’t think the two of them would get along well enough for this to work. You’re the only person I know I can trust with him, and from what I’m hearing, you’re one hell of a coach already.”

This was somehow even more nerve wracking than the assistant position. I had never trained one-on-one before, at least, not long term. I was sure I could do it, but a high schooler was very different from an Olympic athlete relying on me to keep him in shape for the season.

“What happened to Hamilton?” I asked, still unable to wrap my head around the situation. “I thought he was Park’s personal trainer.”

“He was but the two fell out when Jimin decided to stay in Michigan. You know how Matt is.”

That I did. Matthew Hamilton was a massive asshole, and that was putting it lightly. He was one of the best trainers around and got results which was why he still had a job despite his rotten attitude. I had the misfortune of running into him quite a few times over the years and my distaste only grew with each passing. I could imagine that conversation not going over particularly well.

“But what about my team?” I asked, staring at my desk. All of my plans and strategies were mapped out and I was ready to put them to use. My boys were counting on me and leaving them felt wrong. “I don’t want to leave them high and dry, Oz.”

“Ask Hoseok to cover for you,” I rolled my eyes at his blase attitude.

“This is my team.”

“And this is Jimin Park.”

I hated that I understood where he was coming from. Most of my boys would never go off to swim professionally and their skill set was not on par with anyone out right now. They were not committed to the strict regime that would take and I did not get paid well enough to justify the extra hours. Jimin, however, would pay me extremely well and I would get that experience under my belt. I might even learn a few new things to add to my own drills.

“Give me a few days to think about it,” I finally conceded. “And set up a phone call, or meeting, or something with the kid. Need to make sure we’re on the same page before we waste one another’s time.”

Ozzie laughed, “I think you’ll get along just fine, but sure. I think he’d appreciate the gesture.”

Nothing of much importance was said after that. We hung up with promises of talking soon and then I was alone once more. My office was still just as messy and swamped with paperwork as it had been before, but it all looked different. It felt like I was already gone, and a deep homesickness settled in my chest. I stared at the papers in front of me and sighed before shooting a text to Hoseok.

As I expected, everyone had told me to jump at the opportunity. Hoseok even said if I didn’t, I would be the biggest idiot he had ever met. Matilda asked if she could come (I told her no), and Dani just seemed bummed that we could not hang out anymore. Andy and Jin were the most supportive of the situation while Minho the most cautious. He was worried about the media catching wind of something and causing a frenzy. After Matila pointed out how old news I was, I felt a little less afraid of that possibility even if it was a hit to my ego.

Ozzie seemed pumped when I told him I was open to the idea if Jimin and I seemed to mesh well. I was firm in my decision to talk to him before making any concrete plans, and from what Ozzie told me, my future student was extremely receptive to the idea. I also learned that Opal was jealous of her fellow Olympian, but I tried not to let that puff up my chest.

That was why I was sitting in my home office, hair nicely styled and a light layer of makeup on waiting for Jimin to join our Zoom call. I wore blue since Ozzie said it was his favorite color, but the material was slowly driving me insane. While the color was nice, deep blue and sparkled whenever the light hit it, it was scratchy and irritated the skin around my chest and shoulders. I almost got up to change but a small icon with the letters ‘JP’ in the center popped up before I could.

“Hello?” A soft voice called out.

“Hey,” I replied with an awkward wave. “Can you see me?”

“Yeah, can you see me?”

I shook my head, “Just your icon.”

Cursing under his breath, Jimin apologized for the tech issues. I adored how nice he was to listen to. It was unique, gentle and raspy, but also feminine in its softness. There was no bass or hardness, every sound and syllable light and airy with self-depreciating laughter after every insult he threw at himself. Apparently, Jimin was not great with technology and always had a difficult time with cyber meetings.

“This is fine with me,” I tried to reassure him. “I don’t need to see your face to talk.”

“No,” He agreed, “But it’s a little awkward for you to have your camera on and mine’s off.”

I could hear him clicking around. “I’ll turn mine off, too, if that helps.”

He shut that down immediately and continued clicking and typing. After a few more minutes, he found his problem. Then the icon was gone and there he was.

His face was round, his cheeks plump, and chin soft. The first thing I noticed about him was his lips. They were rounded and plump like a baby duck with a soft, heart shaped cupid’s bow that led up a small, button nose. Everything about his face was soft except his eyes which were almond shaped and flicked outwards like a cat’s. His hair was pitch black and parted down the middle, framing his face and making his pale skin look like snow. When he caught a glimpse of himself in the camera a large smile took over his face and I felt the wind get knocked out of me.

“Can you see me?” He asked.

I nodded, “Yeah, I think we’re in the clear.”

Neither one of us knew what to say for a moment. He swirled around in his chair in search of his water bottle. He stood up, excusing himself for a moment. He was also wearing a blue shirt, a pair of black pants, and seemed just as nervous as I did. He left the room while I sat and thought about him.

There was one word to describe Jimin: pretty. His soft lines and tiny waist made him look so much smaller than I had imagined him. All of the years seeing him on the tv did nothing to compare to watching him walk around a little room in his home. Without a cap and goggles, Jimin was angelic, and I felt uneasy. How was I supposed to work with someone I found this attractive?

“Sorry,” He was back now, a large Yeti cup in hand. “I should’ve made sure I had this already.”

“No worries. I’m not in any rush.”

He sat back down, and I finally noticed the large oval necklace he was wearing. I did not know what it could mean to him, but I had seen him with it a few times at events. It was simple and silver, no gem in the center of the pendant, and sat directly over his heart. He took a sip from his cup, snapping me back to action.

“How’s your mother doing?” I asked. “Ozzie told me she wasn’t well.”

His expression saddened me, and I hated that I brought it up. I knew how much I did not enjoy talking about Namjoon’s death, and while his mother was still alive, she was not well. Unfortunately, I could not take the question back.

“I’m not sure how much you know,” He started, leaning back in the leather computer chair. “She has melanoma and isn’t doing chemotherapy anymore. I’m staying in Michigan so I can spend as much time with her as possible.”

My heart ached for him and his family. Cancer had a reputation for ripping families apart and I could only imagine how this was affecting the young swimmer. My own grief was long and drawn out, guilt and shame hanging over my head for years before I was finally able to let it go, but the death itself was swift. Joon was dead and buried before I woke up from the coma, but I could recall every detail of that hospital room when Victor told me what happened. I hated to think about watching the life slip from him, knowing he would die, and knowing there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

“I understand. I’m really sorry to hear that.”

I knew it was inadequate, but I did not know this man well enough to say my thoughts out loud. Maybe later, after a few weeks of training together, I could get the courage to let him know I would be there if he needed someone to talk to. I knew all about navigating grief and I would happily help him stay motivated through this horrible, tragic time. Jimin stayed quiet so I took it upon myself to get the ball rolling again.

“I know you’re going through a difficult time right now, and I just want you to know that I get it and I see you. If we work together, I will make sure your mental health comes first. Whatever you need, whatever your family needs, will always come before getting in the pool.

“You were working with Hamilton before this, and whatever happened between you two- I don’t know, that’s none of my business, but I can promise you I will try my best to make sure our professional relationship doesn’t reach that point. Just tell me what’s up and I’ll make it work.”

Jimin smiled a small, sad smile that paled in comparison to that blinding show of teeth earlier. My eyes could not help their roaming and I felt guilty. There was a chance we would be working together, and I could not feel this way about him if that time came. I could only hope that if we did decide to move forward with this arrangement, any affections I could have for him would get buried. I would have to talk to Hoseok about this.

“I have to take her to appointments once a week,” He replied, voice small and eyes staring at something off camera. “She’s not getting her chemo anymore but still goes to see her doctor often to manage symptoms as best she can. She also has a dance class every Sunday morning and I will be going with her.”

I nodded, “I can live with that. As long as you’re still putting in work you can take your mom anywhere.”

He took a deep breath and finally looked at the camera again. The vulnerability I found there took me off guard. Jimin must be someone who wears their emotions on their sleeve, and I would have to learn to nurture that. Namjoon always told me I needed to work on being more sensitive to others, a skill I had yet to master.

“Matt didn’t like how much time I spent out of the pool. I understand where he’s coming from but I’m hoping we can come up with a training schedule that works well for the both of us. I feel bad enough pulling you away from your life, and I don’t want my personal shit to bleed into what you’re going through.”

It was a kind gesture, one I appreciated, but he needed to get over it. I told him in so many words that I was happy to help him.

“Trust me,” I said. “If I didn’t want to do this then we wouldn’t be talking.”

Jimin seemed to like my bluntness and I was fond of his over-analytical anxiety. The way he fidgeted reminded me of Namjoon, his forward and direct confrontation of his emotions and needs so strikingly similar it made it nearly impossible for me to dislike him. I don’t think a person alive could dislike this man.

“I can be in Ann Arbor next week,” Jimin had gone on another rant about inconveniencing me and I shut it down. “Everything here is already squared away. We can discuss it more later, how does that sound?”

He smiled wearily, his nerves causing him to squirm in his seat.

“I’m really looking forward to working with you, Y/N.”

I hoped my expression looked as sincere as I felt, “I’ll take care of you, kiddo.”

Pulling a face, Jimin laughed heartily. Triumphant, I smiled brazenly, his laughter contagious. I made a note to pull out a few age jokes now and then if it meant making him smile like that.

“I’m an adult man, I’ll have you know,” He was still laughing.

“Could’ve fooled me,” I teased.

“We’re going to get along just fine,” He seemed more confident than ever, and it warmed my heart. “Let me know when you’re expected to get here. Do you have my number?”

We exchanged our contact details. After days of talking over email, I finally found a smiley face emoji in my notifications, a Michigan area code attached. Saving his number, I replied with the old woman emoji earning myself another laugh.

“Talk to you later, Park.”

“See you, coach.”

I left the meeting, my chest much lighter after talking to him. He was a sweet man and not half bad to look at. I was a few years older but not disgustingly so, and he was more than available from the sound of things. Realizing the direction my thoughts were going in, I stood up from the chair to start writing out some drills and scheduling prototypes. Before I could get out of the door, however, my phone vibrated in my hand.

Jimin: 👶

I did not respond until I had my flight booked.

Me: I’m flying in on Tuesday. Know a good place to stay?

He replied a few minutes later.

Jimin: Do you need a lot of space?

Me: Not really

Jimin: One of my neighbors has their mother-in-law suite for rent. I could probably cut you a good deal with them.

I smiled. He really was a sweetheart.

Me: Thank you. And no deals. I can pay for myself.

Jimin: My mother would be very upset if I didn’t at least try.

Jimin: I was raised to respect the elderly.

I laughed out loud, thoroughly amused. I had a feeling he was testing the waters after I poked fun at him earlier. Jimin was probably used to the stick stuck up Hamilton’s ass. He was in for a treat. At the pool I was cool and collected but I could cut up with the best of them.

Me: Sorry, couldn’t hear you over the sound of my hip breaking

I was practically giddy with excitement waiting for his response. It had been such a long time since someone joked around with me like this. Hoseok tried but he was awful at taking a joke, so I stopped poking the bear. It was refreshing and all too familiar.

Jimin: I’ll get you one of those life alerts just in case.

Was he flirting with me? Did I care? Shrugging, I went along with it. I would remain strictly professional while we worked together, but if things developed after that I would let them. Happily. I barely knew this guy, but I remember this feeling. It was the first time since Joon’s death that it showed itself to me and I wanted to hold onto it.

First work then play, I told myself.

Who knows? This little bit of infatuation could fade just as quickly as it came, and I would leave Ann Arbor with a new friend instead. Might even be able to score a steady job with the kid if things worked out. My life in Colorado would remain untouched, my friends happily accepting a new kid in the group when he came to visit, and my house just as bare and empty as it always had been. The years continuing to pass me by.

I tried not to think about why that thought made me want to cry.

“I told you I’m fine,” I sighed into the phone, waiting at the baggage claim for my things. “You’re in rare form today.”

Andrea laughed, the sound slightly hysterical and I winced. That was the wrong thing to say, but she was driving me insane. I had traveled around the world multiple times, and she was acting like Michigan was going to kill me.

“Well excuse me for worrying,” Andy bit back, her tone clipped and harsh.

“I’m sorry,” I heaved one of my bags off the conveyor belt. “I know you’re just looking out for me, but I promise you I’m fine Andrea. You’ll be my first phone call if that changes.”

The other bag finally popped up and I quickly snatched it. Slinging the large duffle bag over my shoulder, I adjusted it until it rested comfortably on my shoulders. Lifting the handlebar off my large suitcase, I drug it behind me while I followed the signs for the exit. Jimin said he arranged for someone to pick me up but did not specify who. He was busy with a few interviews this morning and could not get me himself. He had been very disappointed about it.

“I know I’m nagging,” Andy groaned. “Scratch that. I’m acting like a total helicopter parent.”

I laughed, “Your husband had been even worse. The man tried to book me a charter flight because he was worried about my leg in an airport. What the fuck does that even mean?”

Everyone had been super happy for me, especially my team. Those boys almost cried when I told them who I was helping out and Jordan begged me to bring him back something autographed. None of them seemed as familiar with my own background but I was fine with that. All of them took to Hoseok rather well, except for Marcus who made me swear to come back before school let out. I did not tell them I was planning to make monthly trips to give Jimin some space with his mom. I was sure that surprise would go over very, very well.

Despite his indifference when I was first talking about the job, Seokjin became an overprotective dad as soon as I made him aware my flights were booked. He was quick to cancel them and put in a few calls of his own. Jin was an operations manager for Delta airlines and knew plenty of pilots. He was able to get me a plane to land in Willow Run out in Ypsilanti, but I quickly intervened and told him a normal flight was perfect. I rebooked my tickets and flew into Detroit Metro at 10 am.

Andy snorted, “He means well.”

It was snowing in Michigan, and I was finally hit with the realization that I would be seeing far more of it here than I ever did back in Colorado. It was only mid-September, so it was still light and melted away quickly. I would have to ask Jimin if it stayed this calm into December, but I had a feeling things would pick up by late November.

It was a very cold morning in Detroit, and I was excited to get into a heated car. Getting off the phone with Andy, I quickly sent Jimin a quick text message letting him know I was outside and looking for my ride. A loud honk made my jump, almost dropping my phone in the process.

Pulled up at the curb was a navy-blue Volkswagen Beetle. I could tell from its body that it was an older model, and it was a convertible. Sitting behind the wheel was a little old lady, a pair of gardening gloves on her hands and a pair of large, hexagon sunglasses taking up most of her face. Her face was familiar, and it hit me. Sitting behind that wheel was Jimin’s mother.

She smiled at me and waved, beckoning me closer to the little car. I forced myself to smile back. My nerves made it feel damn near impossible, but I managed. Opening the door, I did not know where to put my things. The backseat was so small.

“There’s a lever on that side that’ll push it up. You should be able to get everything to fit if you try hard enough.”

Fumbling around, I finally found the little handle and pulled up. The seat lurched forward, folding in on itself, and I clumsily shoved my suitcase into the backseat. It smelled like stale cigarettes and fake pine, but when you had a car this old it usually had history. I was excited to pick up my new car from the dealership. My Porsche already had a difficult time driving around Colorado and I did not think it would survive the heavy winters in Michigan, so I decided to leave it home and get an Altima. I had the money and could easily get rid of it. Tilly had been talking about needing an upgrade.

Finally managing to get both bags into the backseat, I put the seat back and got into the car. Closing the door, I sighed in content. The heaters were at full blast and pointed directly at my cold face. Buckling my seatbelt, I leaned back and tried to relax after the long day of flying. Jimin’s mother pulled off the curb.

“It’s cold out there,” She laughed, her voice just as sickeningly sweet as her son’s. “Glad you were able to make it okay.”

I nodded, “I’m surprised to see it snowing so early. We don’t usually get anything until closer to Thanksgiving.”

“Colorado, right?” I could hear a faint accent and I remembered that Jimin was first-generation Korean American. Both of his parents moved to the states before he and his brother were born. Media outlets loved talking about it, but I was not sure how much he enjoyed discussing his personal life. While he came off as a sweet and mild-mannered man, he kept his personal life private. “I’ve heard it’s very pretty.”

“It is. Too expensive, but very, very pretty.”

Then she was fiddling around with the radio, and I finally cracked a genuine smile. I was not sure how much work had been done on her car, but I was positive the sound system had been completely redone. A brand-new radio, complete with a touch screen and Bluetooth, lit up at the touch of her fingers. A man’s voice serenaded us through the updated speakers, and I was in awe at how beautiful it sounded. I assumed he was speaking Korean and Jimin’s mother sang along fluently.

“What’s your name again?” She asked once the song was over. Another, more upbeat song started, and she increased the volume. “Jimin told me but I’m horrible with that sort of thing. I’m Na-Yeon, but Audrey works if it’s easier for you.”

I pulled a face, “Audrey?”

“It’s my American name. It’s easier for people to pronounce and more convenient. All of us have one. Jimin’s is Christian.”

It was odd to think about. A name that was mine but not mine. Christian did not suit Jimin, but I could imagine growing up with a name that other people made fun of would be difficult. Maybe even impossible. Still, I did not feel comfortable calling the woman Audrey. She did not seem to particularly care for the name and I did not want to alienate myself from their circle for convenience's sake.

Namjoon’s mother had been similar to Na-Yeon, always afraid her culture and customs would make me uncomfortable or burdened, but I managed to calm her fears and reassure her after years of showing up to Chuseok with a smile on my face and food in my hands.

“I like Na-Yeon,” I finally replied, voice small. “It’s nice. I’m Y/N.”

“I like Y/N,” She echoed back to me, making me grin. “It’s nice.”

It was a long drive filled with K-pop, ballads, and sporadic conversation. Na-Yeon was very funny. She sang along to every song, dancing as she went, and calling on me to sing alone. Of course, I could not speak Korean very well and hummed the melodies instead, but it appeased her. When she did speak to me it was to ask me questions about myself.

“You’re that swimmer, aren’t you?” She asked, sparing me a look once we stopped at a redlight. “The one everyone’s trying to beat.”

I shook my head, “At one time, sure, but not anymore. I’m retired.”

Squinting her eyes at me, Na-Yeon pursed her lips.

“We used to watch you. Haru called you a mermaid.”

That was not too much of a shock. Jimin was swimming at that time. While I am a few years older than him, he would have been in middle school when I went to my first Olympics. He had told me he joined the swim team the year before. He said that watching Michael Phelps win 6 gold medals changed his life forever, and I could not help but agree with him. I had a huge amount of respect for my fellow Olympian and wished him well in his retirement. What shocked me the most was the mention of Jimin’s little brother. The dead brother.

“That’s sweet,” I did not know what to say. “I felt like a mermaid back then. I’m not that good anymore but I still like to swim sometimes.”

“You were in an accident,” It was not a question. “We saw it all over the news. Couldn’t believe all of those people harassing your family like that. So sorry for your loss.”

It was strange to talk about it again. I appreciated her keeping it vague. I had gone through a tremendous amount of change and growth since then, but it was nice to hear someone else validate how crazy the media frenzy was. I would not wish it upon anyone, and I was happy her family was allowed to grieve in peace. Neither Namjoon’s nor my own were allowed that luxury.

“Thank you,” I replied. “I’m sorry about Haru. I can’t imagine what your family went through.”

She smiled sadly, “I think you can.”

We did not talk much after that. The music still played, Na-Yeon still sang, and I still hummed, but we did not ask any more questions. Neither one of us wanted to bring up those hurt feelings. It was not until we turned down a long, empty road that I realized I had yet to ask her about her cancer.

“Are you feeling okay?” I asked.

“As good as I can,” She breathed. “My boys are both worriers so don’t take anything they say to heart. Bunch of hypochondriacs.”

And even though I laughed along with her, I knew that she was lying. They were not overreacting. She was sick, refusing treatments, and letting herself die. Anyone would be worried about her. Na-Yeon must dislike being taken care of. Well, I thought she would need to get used to it. I loved spoiling others.

“Eloise and the kids must be here,” She muttered to herself, pulling to a short driveway.

I did not know who Eloise was, but I would soon find that out. There were two cars parked out front. One was a simple, black Tahoe with a brightly colored steering wheel cover. The other was another vintage model. Painted a pretty light, muted green the truck was in pristine condition. It was an old Ford, the branding written across the tailgate, and a spare tire was bolted to the side. I asked Na-Yeon about it and she smiled happily.

“It’s Jimin’s,” I felt my heart rate increase. “He must’ve gotten back. Pretty thing, huh?”

I nodded, not really paying attention to the truck anymore. I was about to meet Jimin for the first time and my nerves were taking over. I knew how much his looks affected me over video chat and I was afraid I would not be able to control my facial expressions in person. I was resolute not to act on whatever attraction I may have felt toward him. My professionalism would not allow it. It did not mean, however, that I wanted to discuss it with Jimin at any point. It would make him uncomfortable and affect our working environment.

“Keep your bags in the car,” Na-Yeon told me. “Jimin’s going to take you over to meet the Andersons this afternoon.”

Walking up to the house, I was first struck by two things. The main one being the impressive teal it was painted and the other the loud talking and laughter coming from inside. It was odd. Thinking about my own parents I knew we had never been so happy. Mom had left when I was so young that I could hardly remember her, but I could recall the screaming and shouting. Dad was quiet after she left, spent most of his time locked away in the garage watching sports channels and leaving me to my own devices.

When I started swimming it helped for a time, but when I was old enough to leave, we spoke two or three times a year. After he met Danielle, his new wife, he stopped reaching out altogether. The accident had spooked him enough to warrant holiday and birthday calls for a time, but when he had another baby those slowly faded away. My half-sister and I had never met, Danielle did not like acknowledging that my dad had a child with another woman, and it seemed as though my dad was fine with how things turned out. I dealt with it.

The laughing echoed through the house, and I could hear loud foot-steps pitter pattering on the tile floors. The house smelled heavily of kimchi and lemons making my heart ache. Joon and I used to keep the windows open for days after his mother came over to make kimchi with him. We would squat on the floor for hours, laughing and talking. I missed those days more than I realized and I smiled involuntarily. For the first time in years, it felt like coming home.

“Sorry about the smell,” Na-Yeon whispered to me.

I shook my head and took my shoes off. “I love kimchi.”

She smiled brightly, her shoulders immediately relaxing. I was glad I had spent so much time with Namjoon and his family. Na-Yeon was someone who wanted to make others feel more comfortable even if it put her own peace at risk, but I would never ask her to change her routine for me. I loved learning about other people and her little house brought me more happiness than I thought possible.

“Sounds like we have company!”

A short, stocky man came into the living room. He was wearing a white polo shirt and khaki shorts; his hair was very short with silver streaks starting to take over the once very black strands. Catching sight of me he smiled.

“You must be Y/N,” The man said. “I’m James.”

His accent was much thicker than Na-Yeon’s and he introduced himself in his English name. He seemed much happier about it than his wife did, and I decided to go along with it. If he wanted me to call him James, then I would.

“Nice to meet you,” I replied, giving him a small bow.

His smile got even bigger somehow, and he returned the gesture. Na-Yeon chuckled beside me and started to speak to her husband in Korean. I picked up a few words and deduced that he was supposed to make sure I was going to get a nice lunch, and she wanted to know if he had taken care of it. He nodded and told her he had.

“Hungry?” James asked, Na-Yeon already disappearing into the house.

“Yes,” I quickly followed behind him.

“I made jjigae,” He frowned. “I can’t say it in English. Sorry.”

The house was small and warmly lit. Cream tile flooring, exposed wood beams, and white walls. Whatever loud conversation they had been having before I got here had died down, but the footsteps did not. I could hear children giggling somewhere in the little home and my curiosity peaked. I did not think they were Na-Yeon and James’s.

“I want to say it’s soup,” I kept my voice down not wanting to make him feel awkward. “Or stew, but I don’t think it matters that much.”

“What’s the difference?” James asked, just as amused as his wife at my vague knowledge of Korean words. “Soup and stew the same, no?”

I shrugged, “I have no clue. I’m a miserable cook.”

That made James laugh. We passed all of the rooms in the house, the kitchen, living room, and dining room all in the back of the house. As we passed the second room to the left, James said it had been Haru’s photography studio before he passed away, but they ended up converting it once Eloise gave birth. He did not say it out loud, but I had gathered the kids running around had been their youngest son’s. I did not know how old Haru had been when he died, but it was far too young to be having children. I was 31 and still felt ill equipped for the job.

It was a small kitchen with very simple and plain colors. The countertops were obviously laminate, but someone had taken the time to stick on a marble patterning to make it look nicer. Black appliances clashed with the chestnut cabinets. The tiles were no longer cream but hideous black and white checker printed that clashed heavily against the olive-green backsplash. While the rest of the house seemed to go through renovations at some point, I had a feeling the kitchen remained largely untouched.

Sitting at a small table on the other side of the room were Na-Yeon, Jimin, and a young woman. She was a cute girl, long brown hair and blue eyes, a large number of freckles across her cheeks. Her outfit was very modest, a pair of flowy cream pants and an equally flowy olive shirt. Her hair was tied back with a ribbon that matched her pants, and taking a closer look at her, she wore no makeup. A classic girl next door.

“Come sit,” Na-Yeon waved me over, her voice showing no room for argument. “Hyun-Soo is in charge of lunch.”

I was only briefly confused, the name completely unfamiliar, but by the time I sat down I was sure she was talking about James. It made sense for her to call him by his Korean name, and since I had shown no qualms about using their proper names, she saw no need to bring them up herself.

“Nice to finally meet you,” Jimin’s sweet voice reached me, and I smiled at the sound. “I hope getting here wasn’t too bad.”

He reached out to me, and I happily took his hand in my own. The skin was soft, perfectly smooth, and warm. It was over far too quickly but my displeasure was easily hidden. Andrea always complained about my poker face and how difficult it was to get past it. She said it was too good and thus refused to ever play poker with me again.

“It was nice,” I meant it. Na-Yeon was wonderful company.

“Hope the concert was nice.”

That made me and Eloise laugh. Na-Yeon smacked Jimin’s arm playfully, unable to keep the smile off her face, and the two began to bicker. Having them in the same room highlighted the differences I hadn't noticed before. Jimin’s nose was closer to his father’s, his eyes, too, and both of them had a slight lisp. Na-Yeon’s teeth were perfectly white and straight while one of Jimin’s front teeth was slightly chipped. Jimin had a dimple; his mother had none. Their English soon turned to digs in Korean and I could no longer follow. A few words here and there but nothing substantial. James joined them.

“Hi,” Eloise shyly greeted me, obviously used to being left out of conversations.

“Hey,” I replied lamely. “Eloise?”

She nodded, “Cam and Harper are playing but you’ll meet them in a bit.”

I nodded along and cemented the names into memory. It would look bad if I forgot them and kids had an ability to remember the worst things about a person. I did not want them to dislike me this quickly. Their giggles and feet were still going, and I suspected they had their own rooms on top of the little playroom in the hall.

“What do you do for work?” I asked Eloise, hoping my attempts at small talk were going over well. The other three were still chatting and I stopped paying attention long enough to be completely lost. Their dialect was different from Namjoon’s family, and I gave up entirely once they switched in and out of it with ease.

“I’m taking over Audrey’s restaurant,” Eloise, it seemed, preferred to use their American names. I wondered if she called Jimin ‘Christian.’ I really did not like the name for him. Not at all. “We used to be co-owners but she’s preparing for…” Eloise’s eyebrows scrunched together as she struggled to come up with a way to voice her thoughts, “her next steps. You know what I mean?”

I nodded. It was so easy to forget why I was really here when Na-Yeon was so full of life. She laughed and joked easily, sang off-key in the car without a care in the world, and called the shots at home. I had hardly noticed any sickness, but I knew better. I already figured out she hated being cared for and our trip in the car could have taken a lot of her. More than I realized.

Wanting to change the subject, I asked about the kids. Eloise was more than happy to talk about her little ones. Cameron and Harper were twins, names that she had originally been very against but when she lost Tony (Haru preferred his American name, Anthony, and all of his closest friends called him Tony), her opinions changed. Harper was the bigger, older baby, while her brother needed to stay in the NICU for a few days after birth due to his weight. They were joined at the hip and rarely seen without the other, something Eloise was happy about given she was usually too busy to spend as much time with them as she would have liked.

“How old are they?” I asked.

“Almost 4.”

Jimin was 19 then. I shuddered to think about how old Haru was, or Eloise for that matter when they became parents. When I was their age, I had been at the top of my game, though not what I would call my prime. If I had gotten pregnant my career would not have been over, but meeting Joon never would have happened. That was a travesty regardless of how things turned out. Trying to picture a life without him touching it made me physically ill and so I pushed any of those thoughts away.

Cam and Harper came out of their room when dinner was ready. They were both very cute, loud, and dressed identically. Harper’s hair was braided down her back while Cam’s was in a bowl cut, and I laughed every time the little girl made a big show about her sparkly red shoes.

James made a very spicy fish stew. It was delicious, so salty and hot, but I needed multiple glasses of water as I ate. He used red snapper adding a sweet, nutty flavor to the otherwise savory dish and I loved the zucchini. Like many Korean meals there was an array of side dishes surrounding the large pot of stew. Tonight was braised potatoes, steamed eggplant, a radish salad, and, of course, kimchi. A small bowl of rice was given to all of us to eat the stew with and the rice cooker was filled if any of us wanted more.

The Parks were a lovely family. Jimin was quiet and did not talk to me much but his mother more than made up for his silence. After getting all of the details about my coaching job she moved on to my life back in Colorado. We talked about my friends and what they were like, my house, and even my neighbors. Na-Yeon seemed particularly interested in Hoseok since Jimin had been such a fan of his growing up.

“You need to get her over to Calvin and Violet’s,” James told his son, scraping up the last bit of the soup out of his bowl. “They’re expecting her soon.”

Jimin looked at me, eyebrow raised, “Are you ready?”

I nodded, “We can leave whenever you’re done.”

He smiled and went back to eating his meal. Eloise left before I did, Cam was tired and Harper was bored without her playmate, so she decided it was time they went home. Cam liked an afternoon nap still, but his sister could run all day if you let her. Harper gave me a big bear hug before she left, something Na-Yeon said she did to everyone, and held her brother’s hand on their way out.

Na-Yeon eventually got up from the table, James followed after her, leaving Jimin and I alone. I did not know what to say, if he wanted me to say anything at all. He had hardly spoken to me since I arrived, and it left me feeling out of place. I was here for him, and he wanted nothing to do with me. He kept eating, the spice unfazed him, and getting bowl after bowl of rice.

Watching him walk around I was struck by how short he was. Most male swimmers were huge, well over 6 feet, and broadly built. Not Jimin. He could not be any taller than 5’9” with a thin, tiny waist. I could see defined muscles hidden underneath his white t-shirt, but nothing spectacular. Even his body was soft and elegant, moving gracefully and quietly, and absolutely none of it would give away that he was a world-class athlete. As if he could feel my eyes following him, Jimin’s eyes snapped to meet my own.

“Sorry,” He pulled his spoon from his mouth. “I’m sure you’d like to leave and here I am gorging myself.”

I stopped him before he could stand, “No, no. I’m fine. I was just thinking about your workout routine.”

The lie felt heavy on my tongue, but I could hear how natural it sounded. He sat back down and took another bite of his food. His workout regime was standard for most swimmers. Pull-ups, bench, squat, lunge, power cleans, power cleans to overhead press. After that he was in the pool for a few hours before going about his day. He usually added in another swim at the end of the day, but he had recently given it up to have dinner with his family.

“What are you doing for your core?” I asked.

“I stick to pull ups, crunches, thrusts, and back extensions.”

I nodded, frowning, gears in my head turning. I have always believed the core was the most important part of swimming. Arms as well, but I have seen many overwork those muscles and lose from weak turns. Hoseok used to joke about my performance and how I only won because of my turns. I would make sure he would be able to see a little bit of me in Jimin’s swimming. There was a reason I won gold.

“You don’t look very impressed.”

I chuckled, “Just thinking. You need more variety than that.”

“Gym snob, are we?” His mouth stretched into a playful smirk, and I could not help but smile back. “You must be an animal in there.”

“I don’t work out like I used to,” I admitted, averting my eyes. “Most of my exercises are yoga and running now. I swim twice a week.”

I was hoping to get back in the pool more often, but I was not sure I was ready for the disappointment that would follow. My sessions with Emery were simple, exercise-focused, and had little to no expectations behind them. They were there to help me gain strength and confidence in myself. Saturdays were spent with Hoseok doing laps around the pool and shooting the shit. It was just enough to get your heart pumping but never went past that.

Failing was daunting. I could not remember a time before swimming consumed my life. My dad always said I was afraid of the water; it was the biggest reason he placed me in lessons. He did not have the time (nor patience) to teach me himself, and after I saw younger children getting into the pool I was determined to act like a “big girl.” I was only three at the time, so the memory was lost to time, but I went every week after that. It gave my dad a break and I had friends for the first time. I learned later that mom had left for a few months and dad was drinking again, but at the time all I knew was that I liked swimming, and I was good at it.

It was frightening to believe that all of the time, energy, and hard work went to waste. 30 seconds. That was all it took to destroy my life. 30 seconds and all of my joy, love, and happiness was gone. My career, my health, and my Joon. I hated the man who hit us. Hated the way his family cried for me. For him. For Joon. Squeeze my hands into fists, I was glad they were hidden underneath the table. Getting in the water and realizing it was truly over would only make that hatred worsen, and my therapist told me I needed to let go of my anger.

“Violet and Calvin are excited to meet you,” I did not know if Jimin could see something in his face, perhaps my eyes, but he changed the subject. The look on his face made me feel exposed. “We should get going.”

No one was around when I left so I did not get to say goodbye, but Jimin yelled that we were leaving. We did not get a response and I wondered if his mother had actually gone to do laundry or take a nap. She looked tired when she left the table. Jimin told me to get into the truck and laughed when I said I could grab my own bags.

“Your hip might give out, granny.”

Off guard, a strange, loud noise came out of my mouth. He had yet to start up our playful banter and my heart soared. Jimin was a very cheeky man, his tongue sharp, and with a quick snapback time, he was difficult to take down. Our text exchanges were always brief and about work, but he managed to squeeze in at least one teasing comment about my age. He said calling him ‘kiddo’ is what started the whole thing.

“Just get in the truck,” He sighed melodramatically, rolling his eyes.

Huffing, I went across the lawn and got into the unlocked truck on the curb. The interior was just as refurbished as the exterior. The bench was covered in a dark green vinyl, and I could tell the rubber carpet mats were new. It smelled much better in Jimin’s truck. Less like cigarettes and more like the cologne he wore. It was floral, powdery, but with a subtle spice that made it bitter-sweet. It had a nice scent. It suited a man like Jimin whose own spice was buried underneath his pretty visage.

Watching him jog across the yard, I suppressed a sigh. It was easier to ignore how pretty he was when we were around other people. Now it felt impossible. His clothes stuck to him like a second skin, the black leather pants (which I had only just noticed were leather) making his thighs bulge and accentuating his backside. He was gorgeous and I felt sorry that I would have to keep it to myself. Jimin deserved to be told things like that, but it was not my place to do so. Not as a coach, trainer, or otherwise.

He tossed my things into the cab of the truck as if they weighed nothing. Arms lifted; his shirt rose revealing a delicious patch of skin. Watching him in the rearview mirror, I swallowed audibly. A thin, almost nonexistent patch of hair touched his belly button. Forcing myself to look away, I took a few deep breaths.

This trip was going to be long. Very, very long.

The drive down the road was quiet. Jimin’s radio was out, and he needed to replace it, so music was not an option, and he did not seem to want to fill the space between us. Neither did I. My growing bashfulness around him was distracting and strange. I had always been surrounded by attractive men, all of my friends back home were very good looking, but none affected me in the same way Jimin had. Perhaps it was due to my relationship with Namjoon that made all of the other men pale in comparison, but I could never know for sure. Either way, it was incredibly frustrating.

We drove for less than ten minutes. Calvin and Violet were the elderly couple renting out the small house in their backyard. Jimin had spoken to them for me, and they were all too willing to help me out. Violet nearly cried when I told her I was going to pay all of my rent up front, and actually did when I told her that I would help her fix up some things around the house while I was in town. The Andersons seemed like lovely people, and I was happy to know them.

Pulling up to the house I smiled. It was exactly how I imagined it would be. The Anderson house was a simple, All-American home with a front porch. The window trimming was black, house white, and a beautiful garden wrapped around the front at either side. The roof and front door were the same color green as Jimin’s truck, and it helped the otherwise unnoteworthy home feel more inviting. Sitting on the porch swing was Violet, her silver hair braided down her shoulder.

“Before we get out,” Jimin mumbled, waving at Violet through my window. The old woman waved back, a large smile on her face making her look twenty years younger. “The Andersons are great people, but Calvin’s starting to forget stuff. Violet won’t admit it but it’s getting hard on her to deal with him. He can become very angry so keep an ear out. Last time he had an episode, Violet called my dad crying. She’s not handling it well.”

I frowned, my heart hurting, “Sure thing. I’ll let you know if anything happens.”

“Thanks.”

He was out of the car a few seconds later, voice so sweet and bubbly you would have never guessed what we had been talking about. Staring after him, my eyes squinted. I would have to keep my eye on him. Jimin was a great actor.

Getting out of the truck, I took out my bags and slung my duffle on my back. Jimin was quick to take my suitcase away once he caught me in the corner of his eye. Violet seemed positively giddy about it and made a few inappropriate comments about Jimin needing to settle down.

“I’m just saying,” She laughed when Jimin scoffed, face flushing the prettiest shade of pink. “You’re going to make a young woman very happy. Might as well get started.”

It was strange to think about my trainee seeing someone. He had made it very clear in his interviews over the years that his dating life was on hold until he was finished swimming. He did not want the added distraction and his family life was far too chaotic for him to focus on someone. This did not seem to deter Violet and her comments about his love life, or lack thereof, continued until we got inside of the house.

“Well,” Violet acknowledged me for the first time since I arrived, “This is the main house. It’s not much but it’ll work. Christian, take her stuff out back.”

I cringed. It really did not suit Jimin at all, but he seemed completely unfazed. Violet used his names interchangeably, sometimes calling him Jimin and other times Christian, but his English name rolled off her tongue more often than not. I wondered why she even bothered calling him Jimin at all. He did not seem to care either way.

Looking around the little house, I was pleasantly surprised by how clean it all was. The floors were carpeted and the walls a bright white, family photos hung up alongside landscape paintings. During my two-hour phone call with Violet, the woman talked my ear off, she bragged about Calvin’s art. I had to admit they were all very beautiful and I wanted to know where he had found all of the slices of heaven he captured. I hoped the places themselves were more colorful than he depicted. The muted washes of color made them blend in with the rest of the boring house even with how nice they were.

The furniture was just as boring as the house itself. All of it was cream or beige, nothing of importance really stuck out to me, and I was disappointed. All I could figure out about the couple was one was an artist and they had children and grandchildren they loved displaying. Even the smell of the house lacked character. No air freshener, no food, and no perfumes. Nothing to give away that people actually lived here. The Anderson home was a foil to the Park’s in every way.

“Come on out back,” Violet was already across the house, standing in front of a door beside the kitchen. “This is the utility room. You can do your laundry here.”

Following behind her, I felt even more depressed looking at her kitchen. It was nice, new appliances and a pretty coffee station on the corner closest to the utility room door, but it was bland. All white cabinets, white marble countertops, and stainless steel everything. Even the curtains hanging around the windows above the sink were dreadfully plain.

The utility room, like everything else, was plain. The washer and dryer were white, the floor concrete, and the shelving barebones. The detergent was the most colorful thing I saw since arriving. Somehow even this room smelled like absolutely nothing. Directly across from the door we entered was the backdoor and Violet told me where they would hide a key for me to be able to get inside.

“Ready to see it?” She asked, smiling politely.

I nodded, “Thanks again for renting it out to me.”

She chuckled, “No thanks needed. You were paying, that was enough for me to say yes.”

The back porch was tiny, just barely big enough for the both of us to stand on. There was a small vegetable garden along the side of the house, but it was empty. Noticing my wandering eyes, Violet told me all about the turnips and gourds she had been planting this season. She had watermelon and tomatoes in the summer, but they were long gone. The rest of the yard was taken up by my home for the next few months.

It was small, but that was to be expected. What disappointed me, though I should have not been very surprised, was how white it was. The windows were a dark gray, a small porch was set up with enough room for one of those hanging egg chairs, and two built-in planters. They were empty and Violet told me I was welcome to give gardening a chance if I was interested. She was planning on growing some flowers eventually, but she was not sure what she wanted.

The front door was open, Jimin already inside, and Violet and I went in. There was a small entryway, two doors leading to rooms I would explore later, and a small shoe rack. I took mine off and put them up. Violet watched me and took hers off as well.

“Audrey told me I should put one in here,” I was learning that Violet enjoyed meaningless small talk. “Glad I did. Don’t think Christian took his shoes off, though.”

I shrugged, “No biggie. I was going to clean up around here anyway.”

The house opened up to my right and I was happy with the space. I had a fully functional kitchen and enough space for my coffee cabinet along the wall. The living room would be able to fit a small loveseat, television, and coffee table. It was white and plain, but I was very happy with the floors. Whoever picked out the dark vinyl flooring must have had me in mind. I would go crazy if this place was as sterile as the Andersons’.

“I put your stuff in your room.”

Turning I grinned at Jimin. It was sweet of him to help me out. I was going to pick up my car tomorrow morning and he had volunteered to drive me. We would be starting our training next week so I could have some time to settle in. All of my furniture was arriving either tomorrow or the day after and my hands would be full. I was counting on Jimin and his friends to help me unpack. His manager was going to make himself known as well, but would not be staying for long. Apparently, according to Jimin, Sejin was not one to get his hands dirty.

“Thank you.”

“I’ll let you get settled in,” Violet was already scratching to leave, and I wondered why. She had been very hospitable over the phone. “You’re welcome to join us for dinner. Calvin is going to bring the air mattress out here tonight, so you have someplace to sleep.”

With a kiss on Jimin’s cheek, Violet slipped on her flats and left. Alone with Jimin again, I found it hard to speak. We were much better over text. Looking just as lost as I was, Jimin scratched the back of his neck and looked down.

“My, uh, my mom offered you her couch if you want it,” He stuttered, his face turning red. “Or, uh, um, you can take the spare room at my place,” He let out a huge gust of wind. “It’s a bit of a drive but I do have the space.”

Flustered, I quickly declined, “Thanks but I’ll be fine here.”

“Oh, yeah,” Jimin shook his head, the redness spreading down his neck. “For sure. Totally.”

The air was awkward now and I could not figure out how to fix it. Jimin was the one always breaking the ice between us, and now that he was acting like this I was stranded at sea. Even when he warned me he was more reserved in person I had not expected this. He was so quiet and skittish. How was I supposed to work with him if I could not get the courage to speak?

“Thanks for the offer,” I cleared my throat. “Are you staying for dinner?”

He shook his head, “I promised Jungkook we’d go out tonight. Any other time I’d say yes.”

I asked my disappointment. The thought of spending time with Violet and Calvin alone made me deeply uncomfortable. Their house felt like a hospital room and her weird behavior was unsettling. I could only hope Calvin was nicer but from what Jimin said he was a ticking time bomb. It would be nice to have someone act as a buffer.

“Why was she acting so strangely?” I asked, hoping Jimin had picked up on it as well. “It was like a totally different person.”

He frowned, “I think she’s just on edge since Calvin went to the doctor’s today. Their daughter took him, and she hasn’t heard anything. She’s a sweet woman, don’t worry.”

Now I felt like an asshole.

“That’s understandable,” I murmured. “Do you think she’ll be upset if I order food for all of us? If she’s stressed out, I don’t want her feeling like she has to cook for me.”

Jimin smiled, “She would appreciate it. I’ll go talk to her, how does that sound?”

I nodded, grateful. “That would be nice. The house gives me the creeps.”

That made him laugh, “What? Why?”

I shrugged, giggling with him.

“Feels like a funeral home or something. I hate the minimalist aesthetic.”

Jimin bit his lip, “You’d probably hate my place, too, then.”

I chuckled. It was easy to imagine Jimin inside of a huge modern house, dark wood and barely anything in it. He was a single man, busy, and spent so much time at his parent’s house it did not matter what he had inside of his own place. Not wanting to make him self conscious, I bit my tongue.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

He cocked his head to the side, and I laughed.

“Fine,” I conceded. “I would probably dislike it, but I don’t think it looks like a white padded cell.”

I may have been exaggerating a bit, but it was not that far off from how the Anderson home looked to me. I hoped by asking me to help fix up a few things, Violet meant giving the house a much-needed makeover. If I was lucky, I might be able to convince her to get a few throw pillows to break up the monotony.

“Jeez,” Jimin laughed. “Harsh critic.”

“Well, is it?” I joked, glad to have found our footing again.

“No,” He shook his head in thought. “It’s mostly gray and black, but still just as empty. Probably emptier, honestly. I don’t have as many pictures as Violet does.”

Smirking, he snapped his fingers, “My trophy room is pretty colorful. I have a lot of pictures and shit in there.”

That made me smile. I was not bringing any of my memorabilia here, but it was nice to hear him sound so proud of himself. I kept most of my competition stuff in my basement, a large China cabinet displaying all of my awards. My favorite had to be the small, cheaply made trophy sat at the very top. It was beside my Olympic medals, worn and dull beside the beautiful necklaces, but I loved it all the same.

It was the first trophy I ever won. I was seven and my dad convinced me to sign up for a swimming competition my swim class was hosting. He promised to come. I practiced a lot preparing for it and made use of the new above ground pool my dad had bought. I won the race. My own joy and happiness made me forget that he never showed up until it was time to go home. I had to wait with my coach for two hours, and by the end of it she felt so bad for me she took me out for ice cream. Dad never apologized, I don’t even think he acknowledged that I won at all, and I never tried to bring it up again. Still, I loved that stupid thing. It was the reason I wanted to compete. That little pocket of happiness between winning and realizing that no one cared was precious to me and I held onto it.

“I need to get going,” Jimin sighed, reaching into his back pocket and snapping me out of my thoughts. “Jungkook’s blowing up my phone. Just got broken up with and needs a drinking buddy.”

I sucked in air through my teeth, “Well, your services are needed. Don’t let me hold you up.”

Jimin smiled at me, “See you tomorrow, yeah?”

I nodded, “See you.”

He lingered in the entryway for a moment more before shaking out of whatever trance he had been in. Slipping his converse back on, Jimin waved at me before walking outside. His face was buried in his phone, so he never saw me wave back. He shut the door, the sound echoing in the empty house, and I was once again left alone.

Violet came out a few minutes later to discuss take out until we finally landed on pizza. She never said thank you, but her offer to give the tip since I was paying was more than enough. Then later when a few of my boxes came in early she happily carried them to me. She even helped me put everything away. When Calvin came home, she led me back inside and said with so much affection it made my heart melt.

"Calvin, this is Y/N. Sweetest woman I ever did meet. Bought us dinner."

Calvin reminded me of Namjoon in a way. His soft eyes and gentle voice. He took my hand when I introduced myself, his hands cold and soft. Wrinkles and sunspots went up the length of his arms.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," He said.

"Likewise," I replied.

We ate in silence, the three of us watching Jeopardy on the sofa. Even though I had been nervous about eating inside, Calvin's presence warmed the place up. Once a prison now felt like a poorly decorated home. A home filled with love.

As I watched them together, Calvin reaching out for Violet's hand and her giving it to him without question, I felt myself getting choked up. There had been a time I had that. Joon would be on the floor, book in his lap, while my hands were in his hair as I studied my training tapes.

I left early that night. I blew up the mattress, the house quiet, before sending out a few texts to my friends to let them know I was getting on alright. After that, I put on nature sounds to help me drift off to sleep. I had not felt this lonely in a very long time.

Taglist: @ownthesunshine @screamertannie @lovelytaes-blog @pernesianparapio

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borathae · 5 days

Text

“You and your lovers visit The Plains, a magical realm created for the souls of witches and warlocks and home of your dear grandmother. She welcomes you with raspberry pie and tea. You come with many stories to tell and eager hands to help on her cottage. Golden sunlight, blue moonshine and green forests await you alongside early morning snuggles and late night kisses with your lovers.”

Pairing: Yoongi x f.Reader, Jungkook x f.Reader, Taehyung x f.Reader, Yoongi x Jungkook, Taehyung x Jungkook, platonic Yoongi x Taehyung

Genre: Magic!AU, Vampire!AU, Polyamory!AU, Slice of Life, Fluff, Romance, Smut

Warnings: This is meant to be read after the official Duology and is to be seen as a comforting spin-off. This is a very feel good story meant to comfort the soul, however it includes non-sexual nudity, swearing, mild depictions of PTSD, as well as mentions of minor injuries and sexually explicit scenes. If you are sensitive to such topics, I advise you read with care.

Wordcount: in progress

《 To the Duology 》

#01 - Besuch

#02 - Chapter 02

#03 - Chapter 03

#04 - Chapter 04

#05 - Chapter 05

#06 - Chapter 06

#07 - Chapter 07

#08 - Chapter 08

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namfinessed · 7 months

Text

peek-a-boo! - j.jk.

genre: fluff, very mild angst and suggestive content (mentions of sex) (4.8k)

summary: at a camp that you hated, you find yourself falling for a man that tries to sneak into your tent.

masterlist

you shivered as you returned to your tent, you could not believe how you ever let your snake of a best friend, faye drag you into camping. everything was wet and cold and your skin was starting to itch beneath the layers of clothes you had adorned.

and you know how spoiled you might sound to another person, but you couldn’t help it, you missed your aroma candles, your fluffy slippers, your nighttime skincare routine, your fluffy sheets, your lam-

okay, you missed everything back home.

thankfully, you would leave this horrid place right in the morning and you swore to yourself to never listen to your best friend ever again, you might just kill her when you go back.

as you reached your tent, you dreamed of your room and your comfort back home but your steps slowed as you got closer.

was this your tent?

you looked around and sure enough, all of the tents were exactly the same in pattern and color, the only difference was the number propped on each tent.

39? 24? 46?

since when were there so many tents here?

why were so many people voluntarily torturing themselves?

all of the numbers sounded like it could be your tent and panic started to rise in you as your eyes darted pathetically towards each tent. this couldn’t be right, how could you not remember your own fucking tent?

deep breath.

“faye!” you whisper-yelled into the night, your hands shaking by your side and crickets answered, “FAYE!” you walked around all the tents, trying to find your tent and your friend, who apparently didn’t give a fuck about where you went.

you huffed after calling her name out for the 100th time and bent down on your knees, you were going to die before you got to go home.

then, like a halo light descending on you, you saw the number 54, and out of all the numbers you saw so far, that seemed the most right to you so, without caring or fact-checking, you ran to it at full speed.

as soon as you reached it, you zipped down the entry and looked around for your belongings and sure enough, your charger, your heat pack, and your phone were lying inside and you felt a rush of relief flood in you.

you smiled, thinking how silly you had been when you got lost, and happily set the alarm for the next day, snuggling into your very uncomfortable sleeping bag and kicking around until you fell asleep.

you never noticed that a very important part of your tent was missing.

your best friend.

a shuffle stirred you in your sleep, and your sleeping bag shifted with you as you moved, there was something in the tent that was keeping you away from your dreams and you groaned in frustration as you kicked your feet around in the bag to adjust again.

“woah, woah!” you heard someone exclaim as they grabbed your foot and you could feel your sleep slip quickly at the sound of a voice you didn’t recognize and the grip on your skin. you jolted awake, sat up, and came face-to-face with some man.

you did the smartest thing you could.

you screamed.

and screamed.

and kicked your legs forward with all the strength in your body.

you heard him groan in pain as he fell back away from the tent, you crawled forward to get out of the tent and run away and possibly kill faye.

“please calm down, let me explain” he breathed out while clutching his stomach, “why should i listen to you? you just tried to crawl into my tent in the middle of the night, you pervert!” you whisper-yelled at him, punching his arm as you got out of the tent and into the cold night.

you almost dropped dead at the wind that breezed past you, freezing your every bone.

“your friend faye told me to come here!” he protested, rubbing his arm and wincing while sitting up and at the mention of your friend’s name, you pause the plan of running away.

did no one in this camp care for each other, how could they all sleep through this?

the reality of the safety precautions here was enough to send another chill down your spine.

“before you explain, tell me what faye looks like” you needed to know if he didn’t just say her name after seeing it in a logbook or something, “light brown hair, blue eyes, and tall” he recalled off the top of his head, desperate to keep you from beating him up again.

the description was right but it still made no sense that he was here on her command.

“why the fuck would she tell you to come to our tent? wait! where even is she?” you frantically looked around, you didn’t want the last memory of your friend being wanting to kill her.

“you didn’t notice till now?” he quirked an eyebrow at you, clearly judging that you slept while your friend still hadn’t come back.

and you knew what that must tell about your character but in your defense, you were too busy dreaming of getting out of here.

“you don’t get to judge, you still haven’t told me why you are in a tent where a girl was sleeping” you pointed a finger at him accusingly and he rolled his eyes as he got up.

he held his hand out, “my name is jungkook, my friend and your friend somehow hit it off, they went skinny-dipping apparently and now they’re in my tent, doing things i would rather not discuss with a stranger, they sent me off here when i came back and that’s all there is.”

you stared at his hand, heat pooling in your cheeks.

that did sound exactly like something faye would do.

you just kicked the shit out of an innocent man.

you wanted to jump in a lake and never float back up. you hesitantly shook his hand, mumbling your name and hiding your face behind your hair. jungkook stares with mild annoyance as his arm stays wrapped around his stomach. though he has to admit, your strength was something to admire, jungkook wasn’t an easy man to hurt with a few kicks but he’s sure you have given him bruises.

“can we please get in and get some sleep?” he yawned, stretching his body and waiting for your response, you only glared at him. “are you crazy? i’m not getting into a tent with you, i don’t care that faye sent you here, there’s no way in hell that i am getting in there with you.”

jungkook blinked at you.

he waited for a beat, two beats, and then got into the tent, zipping it shut as he went.

you stared with your jaw at the floor at how he had just hijacked your only sleeping arrangement. you could hear him groan and stretch before his snores replaced the silence around you.

you scoffed in incredulity, he couldn’t be serious, faye couldn’t be serious, this entire night had to have been some wild dream you were having because you couldn’t wrap your head around how everything was going wrong.

well, you could stay right where you stood.

you didn’t mind that the night was chilling your bones, or your lips were fully chapped, or your teeth clattering or your arms shivering, it was all fine, you didn’t need to stay in some tent with some strange man, you could just spend one night out in the freezing cold.

maybe if you just relaxed and pretended to be carefree like faye for a few hours, you could manage with this.

you wrapped your arms around yourself and sat down on the chair outside your tent, folding your body to generate some warmth in you but you couldn’t ignore the prickling on your skin.

why weren’t you cool like faye?

she would’ve gotten into the tent and fallen asleep by now, maybe even make the strange man her friend, maybe have conversations into the night and here you were, being as uptight as ever, on a chair that was killing your back.

“are you seriously going to be this stubborn?” you whipped your head to see jungkook poking his head out while rubbing his eyes, and you scoffed, looking away from him. you heard him groan in response and step out of the tent.

“okay, get up,” he said, you frowned at him as he stood in front of you with his arms crossed.

“what?”

“go in.” jungkook pointed to your tent, “i already told you-“ you started to argue again and he ran an exasperated hand across his face, “i’m not getting in again, you go in there alone.”

“then what about you?” faye hadn’t returned, it didn’t seem that she would until morning so, he didn’t have anywhere to go, jungkook looked at the chair you were sitting on, “i’ll take the chair.”

“you’re sure?”

“yeah, just go in.” as soon as you got up, he plopped down on the seat and you entered your tent, zipping it up, and sighed at the warmth surrounding you. you grabbed your sleeping bag and slipped it on your body, noticing a faint scent of cologne on it, you knew it was jungkook’s and you strangely liked it.

shaking your head, you settled into your bag and shut your eyes to finally catch some sleep.

but it never came, you tossed and turned and kicked and moved, but you couldn’t sleep.

a nagging feeling occupied your stomach at the thought of leaving someone in the cold outside, even if you didn’t particularly like him, even if he was a stranger, your heart tugged at you to be more understanding of your situation.

you weren’t at home, of course, you won’t be completely comfortable in a campsite, sacrifices have to be made, and it wasn’t jungkook’s fault that your friends were horny idiots.

before you knew it, you poked your head out to look for jungkook, only to find him exactly where you left him, but he was asleep already, his head kept lolling back and forth as his neck stretched forward and the nagging in you bled into guilt as you watched him frown in his sleep, clearly uncomfortable.

you got out, hissing at the wind, and stopped where jungkook was sitting, wondering how you could wake him up without touching him.

“jungkook!” you whisper-yelled, hoping that would be enough but he didn’t even stir, you rolled your eyes, “jungkook!” you yelled again but to no avail, he stayed uncomfortably asleep.

you reached out and poked his shoulder, but that also didn’t work and you were starting to get frustrated again, being nice and understanding was starting to look like a very stupid decision.

in your irritation, you grabbed his shoulders and shook him and that did the trick, his eyes blew wide open as he started to look around him in a hurry, his gaze landing on you and a frown quickly found its way on his face.

“what are you doing? is everything okay?” his eyes darted over your face as if trying to find something that upset you, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit shy as he stared at you, “get inside” you pointed to the tent and his frown got deeper.

“just get inside while i’m still being nice.” you saw his eyebrows rise at you as a slow smirk grew on his face, then he raised his hands in surrender and did an ‘after you’ motion, as soon as you got in, he followed and zipped the tent shut.

now that he was breathing right next to you, you knew that you were going to kill faye later.

you two sat across from each other, not saying a word but also not sleeping or doing anything else, just watching the other with cautious eyes and curious hearts.

in the small space, his breaths were loud, every shift in his body resonated and his cologne was wafting around you. you waited for him to speak, to do anything really except look at you.

“who’s your friend?” you asked, after silence stretched for too long, jungkook’s eyebrows raised in surprise but he answered, “mingyu, he’s insane,” he said with a chuckle and shake of his head.

a smile grows on your face as you notice his dimples for the first time, “so is faye, it must be nice to be them” you can’t help the bitter undertone your voice held.

“i’m assuming you’re the not-insane counterpart in your friendship.” he said and you nodded, “unfortunately or fortunately, i am.”

“unfortunately or fortunately, so am i.” he hummed with a cheeky smile and you rolled your eyes, a grin threatening to break across your face, “i find that hard to believe, jungkook.” you eyed the tattoos decorating his arm and the confident glint in his gaze, there was no way he was more like you than he was like mingyu or faye.

“if i was like mingyu, i would be off having fun and living in the moment of the night instead of trying to sleep anywhere i could.” jungkook scoffed and you noticed the bitter undertone in his voice too.

maybe he was more like you.

“does this happen often?”

“we live together so, all the time.”

your eyes widened as you exclaimed in excitement, “so do faye and i! i can’t remember how many times i’ve had to hear someone’s moans from behind the wall” jungkook started to laugh as your face grew more animated, the more you spoke.

as his laughter fades and a smile replaces, your body loses the caution and you sink into the pillow behind you.

suddenly, the man sitting across from you was all you wanted to talk to and about. a certain vulnerability settled in the air around you as silence stretched, but this time, there was no caution or wariness, there were only one million questions that you wanted to ask him.

“does it bother you, whenever this happens?” jungkook breaks the silence while leaning forward as if he was sharing a secret, even if it was the just two of you in here, and looking at the sincerity in his eyes, you wanted to tell him every buried truth in you, “i love her, i really do, with all my heart but i’m not like she is, i don’t have as much fun, i don’t go out as much, i’ve never been able to let loose or let myself go, i always feel like i’m missing out on all the fun that she is having.”

“i just wish i was more like her” you breathed out, feeling the weight of the world lifting off your shoulders, your gaze flickered to gauge jungkook’s reaction, maybe you had spoken too much and bored him, maybe he wasn’t like you at all, but jungkook nods with an understanding that fills you with relief.

“mingyu became my friend in the first year of college when i didn’t know anyone else and he would constantly try to get me out of my shell, in my best interests of course but i wouldn’t budge, soon he accepted that i didn’t like the same things he did and stopped pushing me. but i still felt as if i was disappointing him by not doing the ‘fun’ things he was doing, even if that feeling wasn’t fair to me and even if i knew that he never thought of me like that.” you felt your eyes get teary as jungkook spilled his guts, the same way you had and you nodded at him as well, letting him know that you understood completely what he was feeling.

“i always feel like my life is passing me by, even here, i can’t wait to get out and go back to my home but look at her, she’s off having fun, not worrying about anything and she’s going to have these stories to tell forever.” you sniff as a boulder of new sadness places itself into your stomach and jungkook’s heart pinches in his chest at this.

not many things made you cry but the feeling of seeing your friends live life the way you wished to, always was a sensitive topic for you.

and jungkook doesn’t know much about you, he knows just enough to know that you were like him and he was like you.

“you have a story too, you know?” he smirked at you and you tilted your head at him in confusion, “you could always tell people how you beat up a guy when he tried to enter your tent,” you broke out in laughter and seeing the smile on your face, jungkook continues, “then how stubbornly you stayed in the cold night, had him send you back in but then go back out for him, it’s a hell of a story, if you ask me.” your laughter bubbled out of you without control, he wasn’t totally wrong, you did have a story.

“not as wild as faye’s but i guess it’s good enough” you nod in recognition, your smile refusing to budge from your face and jungkook leans back, satisfied that you aren’t as sad anymore.

“you could always tell people that you got beat up at a campsite, by a girl.” you quirked your eyebrow at him, amusement dancing on your skin and he mock gasps at you, “after everything i’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?”

“you didn’t do anything, you gave me my tent back, that doesn’t make you mother teresa” you enjoyed teasing jungkook as he shook his head, faux disappointment hanging his head down but you could see the ghost of a smile on his face.

he looked back up, eyes twinkling even if exhaustion clouded his face, and you had an idea, “hey jungkook, do you want to do something wild?”

jungkook’s hand tightly held yours as you two tip-toed across the campsite, barely holding back your giggles, trying to stay as quiet as you could, as if you weren’t yelling at each other an hour ago.

you reached his campsite, where your friends lay blissfully unaware of what was going around them, jungkook let go of your hand as he circled the tent carefully, and you tried not to pout about it.

then, you heard a moan, and your eyes snapped to jungkook, he was staring equally wide-eyed at you and both of you held your hands to your mouths to keep from bursting into laughter and ruining your plan.

guess your friends weren’t done getting busy.

jungkook came back to you, you wanted him to hold your hand, you swore you even saw his hand twitch in your direction but instead, he leans in to whisper, “this makes everything a million times easier.”

you agreed with eager eyes and you could see the excitement in his eyes too, which made this plan way better.

“you’ve got it?” he asked, leaning over as you pulled out your phone and wiggled your eyebrows at him, “just wait and watch.” he shook his head at you with a huge grin on his face.

you searched for the music box audio from the movie, the conjuring. faye had always been terrified of that movie, and as it turns out, so was mingyu.

“mingyu, wait, i hear some rustling outside” you heard faye speak from the inside, and sounds of them moving, “maybe just someone walking by.” mingyu seemed to try and reassure her but there was alarm in his voice too.

jungkook’s reached out for your hand and pulled you to bend near the side of the tent, you clicked the video, and the haunting, slow music filled the air around you, it was loud enough for the people in the tent to move quickly.

“what is that?” faye screeched and mingyu didn’t answer her this time, jungkook saw that your giggles were going to be out of control so he pressed his hand over your mouth and you nodded, gratefully to him.

you increased the volume of the song little by little and you heard screams from both of them as they got up in the tent and ran around in the little space, seemingly stumbling over each other and soon, the zip of the tent flew open and the pair rushed out, breathing heavily and thankfully, partially dressed.

they looked around in a rush, heads whipping in every direction and it didn’t take long for their eyes to zero in on you two crouching beside the tent, sheepish smiles on your face.

“jungkook?”

“it was you?”

they yelled at the same time as the fear in them dissolved into anger, their arms crossed across their chests, ready to pounce on you two.

jungkook tugged on your hand, leaning forward and speaking right into your ear, you resisted the chill down your back for entirely different reasons as he spoke, “run.”

he pulled you up and soon, you were running through the many, many tents around you, giggles disappearing into the night and hands refusing to loosen their grip on each other.

you peeked back to see your friends, not following you, both of them seemed to be endeared as they shook their heads and smiled at the pair of you. your friends, though different from you, knew the two of you and knew this wasn’t something you usually did so, it filled them with pride that you two seemed to have a good time, even if they were confused as to how it all started.

the wind kept freezing your face but you didn’t stop smiling, you didn’t want to tell jungkook that they weren’t chasing you, you wanted to run with him for as long as you could. you reached your tent soon enough and jungkook quickly unzipped it, grabbed your hand, and pulled you in, zipping it back up.

as soon as you two looked at each other, a new wave of laughter washed you two over as you heaved over, grabbing each other for support and laughing your lungs out, you couldn’t remember a time you had felt this happy and more importantly, you couldn’t remember a time you had felt this free.

“we missed them! the plan was genius, did you see their faces?” jungkook cheered, raising his hand for a high-five and with pursed lips, even if you knew there was nothing to miss, you slapped your hand against his.

you two leaned back on one side of the tent, catching your breaths with pure bliss on your faces. “i wouldn’t have done that without you.” he spoke up, running his thumb on the back of your hand, “i wouldn’t have even gotten the idea without you.” you admitted and a shy smile took over jungkook’s face as he looked away.

“now, you have two stories to tell.” he held up two fingers in front of your face and you pushed them away with a giggle, “i think i like the second one better,” you hummed back, jungkook quirked an eyebrow at you, “oh yeah, why?”

“it was fun” you shrugged, even if the actual words you wanted to say were much more than just fun.

because i was wild with you, i was free with you, i finally lived a moment for me, with you.

the words never came out of your mouth but you had a feeling that jungkook knew what you really felt, as he nodded at you, “i think I like this one better too,” he gave you a toothy grin, and this time, you were looking away with a blush rising on your cheeks because you knew what he meant as well.

of course, as all good things do, the night slowly started to lighten up and you could see jungkook’s face more clearly and he could see you more clearly.

he was beautiful and he looked at you as if he was seeing beauty for the first time.

but it was the last night and jungkook’s eyes flashed with recognition of that, you could feel your heart tightening in your chest when you saw his eyes turn down, knowing exactly what that meant. you couldn’t stop the night you loved from becoming the morning you dreaded and that knowledge lay heavily between you two.

somewhere in the dawn of the morning, your eyes fluttered open to see faye lying next to you, blissfully asleep, you assumed she must have come back at some point of the night after you slept, you couldn’t help the disappointment that washed you over.

you put your arm on your friend, who stirred but pulled you closer, you buried your head in her shoulder and thought back at the man who should’ve been there.

the buses lined up in front of you, all of them waiting for people to board so, you could all finally leave the campsite and go back to your homes, you should have been ecstatic to return home, to your comfort but your heart tugged on you to find jungkook.

but what if he didn’t think of this as seriously as you had? what if it was just supposed to be last night only? what if he didn’t stay up all night, thinking of you, as you had of him?

“you know, i could just call mingyu and ask him where they are, right?” faye rubbed your shoulder with sympathetic eyes, ever your cheerleader, but you shook your head, you didn’t know what you would say even if you saw him. “let’s just go, it isn’t a big deal,” you pushed her to the door of the bus and she got in with a sigh.

you stepped forward to the bus, only to hear your name resonate through the area, you whipped your head around to see jungkook running towards you, telling you to wait up and your heart dropped to your stomach, in the best way possible.

with bated breath and a blooming heart full of hope, you watched as he reached you quickly, stopping only a step away from you.

“do you always like making things hard for me?” jungkook heaved on bent knees, calling back to how you never showed him mercy since the moment he stepped into your tent and you bit back a grin, “i guess, i do.”

he gave you a crooked smile, “you guess you do” he hummed, a teasing lilt to his voice, and your cheeks heated up again, and your hands started growing clammy at the sight of him.

he really had come back for you, you should’ve known because jungkook was just like you.

“you can’t just leave me like this, after the best night of my life.”

the best night of his life.

“what do you want me to do?” you challenged, jungkook smiled as he fished out his phone, “i want you to do one wild thing for me.”

“what is it?” you asked, breathless, with your heart beating in your ears.

“let me take you on a date.” he pushed his phone into your hands, sounding sure and confident as ever, but then you saw his hands, which were shaking, much like yours and you typed in your number, saving it as the ‘girl who kicked you’.

you handed his phone back to him, jungkook barked out a laugh, his head falling back as he saw the name you saved yourself with. then, as he calmed down, he stepped forward hesitantly, hands shaking again, he leaned towards you and planted one, gentle kiss on your cheek.

he stepped back with red cheeks and you hid your face behind your hair, your entire body lit up with that simple kiss and you had to stop yourself from making happy sounds.

the bus honked behind you, breaking the tender moment and you rushed forward to wrap your arms around jungkook and stepped back just as quickly. wordlessly, you waved him goodbye as you got on the bus with fire on your cheeks and you turned back just once, to see jungkook, standing there with the goofiest grin and one hand held up to wave back to you.

as you settled into your seat next to faye, you ignored her knowing smile while glancing out the window, your heart filled with the giddiness and excitement that you had always dreamed of.

you had two stories of your own to tell and even if it wasn’t much, you had something after all the years of just wishing for stories to tell.

you had a feeling that with jungkook, you would have many more.

and you knew that he was thinking just the same thing.

note: hello everyone, it's been long since i've published something and i apologize for that, i've been experiencing some writers block and this wasn't the story i wanted to publish but i couldn't finish my original fic the way i wanted to, so i wrote this, in hope that you will enjoy it and that it will help me with my block, i'm always grateful for every read and like, thank you ❤️

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jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue · 22 days

Text

Severance - BTS OT7 CEO au Chapter 16

So did anybody guess what was on the news? I thought it was rather obvious (it’s getting harder and harder to find gifs I haven’t used)

Prev / Next

“Care to explain this Y/n,” Junmyeon says, reaching for the remote and pressing play.

You feel your world freeze, the newscasters lips moving but the thumping in your ears drowns her out. Footage after footage of your dates, the three maknaes and you at the airport, date stamped proving you played hooky, there was nothing you could say to disprove the videos, not when in every single one they steal a kiss.

Your mouth opens but nothing comes out, not even a breath goes in, you’re stuck. You don’t see anything but the screen where the secret you so desperately wanted to keep was aired out for the world to witness. You don’t see Jongin desperately texting Jimin under the desk, what you do see is the channel cut to a newscaster introducing the last woman you ever expected to see, the shock filling your lungs with air so fast it makes you dizzy. Your eyes sting with tears as she starts talking, was this karma? Was this the universe telling you you made the wrong choice, that you should never have fallen for them, that you were too greedy for their love. Was this the price, the consequences?

“I think she’s hyperventilating,” the voice sounds muffled, your ears feel like they're full of burning cotton but at least someone has the sense to turn the screen off. Baekhyun fills your vision instead, hands on your shoulders with worried eyes on your form.

“Cars coming to pick her up, back entrance,” you recognise it's Jongin that’s speaking but the word’s go over your head.

Someone hands you a tissue but you don’t register the gesture until you hear a sigh. Chanyeol gently wipes your tears away, the stern look on his face softening when you look up at him. The sound of the phone ringing sounds so distant, like it was at the end of the tunnel. Jongin answers it before handing it to Junmyeon.

“Namjoon,” he greets through the line, the sound of his tone cutting through the fog you were drowning in. Joonie, you wanted nothing more than to be buried in his arms away from all this, but he wasn’t here. Whatever he was saying though the line made your current boss stare at you with an accusation that didn’t budge.

“We need to get her out without any more commotion,” he says to the others stiffly after he cuts the call.

“I’ll sort out the employees,” Kyungsoo states walking out.

The silence that follows is palpable, the lead CEO breaks it with a sigh, and you know it’s due to the aftermath he would have to deal with because of your decisions. He moves to walk past you, but you grab his sleeve before he can. You try not to flinch under his stare, your hands trembling where they hold him.

“I’m so sorry,” you say as sincerely as you can through a hoarse whisper. He acknowledges your words with a nod before he leaves. You’re quickly ushered to the corridor by the others, the sight of them shielding you like your own personal bodyguards would make you chuckle on any other day, but you were still shaking like a leaf.

All that work, all those years of making something of yourself, all the sacrifices and it came to this. Your life exposed to the world in a way that would cause it ruin. Your future at e.xo was done, no other company would ever employ you, you could never go back to work for bangtan. Everything was gone.

—

“Yeah we’re in the car, we got her out safe,” Seokjin says through the phone while Yoongi drives, his eyes glancing at you with worry.

A question Namjoon asks on the phone had Jin tensing, looking at you hesitantly. Is she okay?

“She’s not saying anything, she’s just shaking,” he sighs, he wanted to say more, how you were staring at the floor despondently, how when Jin tried to hold your hand to comfort you, you tensed and turned away.

The fear in their hearts that you regretted everything you had with them made Jin pull away, all he could do was be grateful they got to you before the media did, and in the tinted vehicle you were at least safe.

“It’s safe to go back to the mansion,” Jin tells Yoongi when he hangs up the call.

The drive is silent, they didn’t know what to say, everytime they tried the words died before they could form. Security was back in full force at their estate, running out any media outlet that tried to sneak close, their lawyers were having a field day. Not to mention the commotion at the office as they walked out, the whispers conjugated together so loud, not even Namjoon’s glare could silence them.

The gates open to the estate, and Yoongi can hear his heartbeat thumping faster and faster in his ears, it felt like they were coming to an impasse and there was no going back. The car slows to a stop, and as he kills the engine all they can do is stare at you.

Move. You had to move.

You could hear a faint commotion outside, the three maknaes running towards the car but a stern look from Yoongi stopped them in their tracks. Worry, anticipation, anxiety, no one knew exactly what concoction of emotions paralysed them, what made them hesitate to reach out to you.

“Kitten,” Yoongi starts softly, “you need to talk to us.”

That made you move, the door opening without a word in return. Your legs work against you, feeling like lead on twigs, a second away from collapsing. You couldn’t speak right now, your whole body felt empty and yet the weight of thoughts in your head made you need to bury it. You wanted your bed, you wanted to hide, and you wanted to be alone.

Yoongi shares a look with Jin, the hurt flashing between both of them at your rejection but they try not to take it to heart. You never wanted your relationship with them made public, not yet at least, you weren’t ready for the backlash, but now the choice was taken from you in the most heinous way.

“Noona,” Jungkook calls for you gently, a sadness in his eyes at the way you were walking with your head hanging low. Jimin holds him back, understanding better than anyone how you were feeling. He used to do the same, when something went wrong, when he made a mistake, he cut himself off from everyone, it would be a mistake to approach you until you were ready, until the voices in your head either broke you or quietened down.

The steps to the front door took so much energy from you, you didn’t think you had any left. You could feel them walking behind you at a distance, and yet it didn’t feel far enough or close enough. Something inside of you was tearing its way out and you didn’t know if you wanted to be embraced through it or to suffer it alone the way you had before so many times.

“Y/n,” Namjoon didn’t get the memo, he tries to embrace you but feels you stiffen against him, letting go immediately to look at your face with worry. “Baby girl, we'll fix this, okay? We-”

You push him away and he looks at you in shock, you didn’t want to hear it right now, you were barely holding yourself together. Voices were pounding inside of your head, the same repeated phrases over and over about how all your work was ruined, it was all for nothing, all your dreams, all your efforts. You couldn’t handle anything right now, you just needed your bed and to cry yourself to sleep alone.

“Y/n talk to me,” Namjoon says sternly, brows knitted at the way you didn’t even look at him.

He blocks your path when you try to walk past him, why didn’t he understand what you needed right now? You hear him sigh, as if his patience with you was wearing thin.

“Baby girl, you always do this,” he says, holding onto your shoulders to ground you, to keep you from leaving him. “You shut yourself down, you punish yourself, you push us away and then you break.”

“You can’t do that anymore sunshine,” Hoseok says standing beside you. “We’re in a relationship, we’re in this together, your pain is our pain Y/n.”

They watch you shake your head, bowing your head down so low as they hear the telltale sniffle that turns into a violent sob. Namjoon is quick to catch you in his arms, hushing your softly, stroking your hair until you calmed. All the while guilt ate him up, this was his fault, he could see it in all of their eyes as they watched you fall apart.

—

The house was solemn and quiet, you had retreated upstairs to your room, Jimin staying beside you while you slept.

“We underestimated that bitch,” Yoongi breaks the silence with what they were all thinking. They’re all scattered around the living room, Jungkook sitting deep in thought on the headrest of the sofa, Yoongi on the seat beside him. Namjoon sat opposite them with Hoseok on the armrest, Jin pacing the room slowly while Taehyung sat on the floor with his face in his hands. The black face of the TV on the wall stared at them, taunting them with what it held inside. The face broadcasted alongside yours and theirs was one that they barely remembered, but she had the audacity to be interviewed by any news outlet desperate enough for a story. They didn’t want to turn on the TV and see her face.

“She signed an NDA,” Namjoon says, a headache forming, “we didn’t think she was going to be a problem.”

“That’s where arrogance gets us,” Jin scoffs.

“Flower worked so hard for so long,” Taehyung says quietly, mourning for you. They all knew it better than anyone.

“We’ll fix this,” Namjoon states, he wouldn’t rest until they did.

“Namjoon be real for a second,” Hoseok sighs, “we might not be able to fix it.”

“No company is going to take her without an agenda,” Jungkook pipes in stoically.

“Or without thinking she’s a corporate spy,” Jin agrees.

“We can’t control everyone and everything,” Hoseok finishes, patting the lead CEO on the shoulder sympathetically.

“And we definitely can’t ignore a problem away,” Yoongi scoffs, staring daggers into Namjoon.

“Let’s not start this now,” Jin warns, feeling Namjoon’s guilt from a mile away.

“What does he mean?” Jungkook asks, feeling confused.

“Namjoon’s been burning threats concerning us,” Yoongi continues accusatively.

“We never opened those letters,” Namjoon argues back, “we don’t know what they contained.”

“Well we know now,” Yoongi says mockingly. He hated when you were upset, the feeling made his own claws unsheath, ready to tear into anyone who was held responsible.

“We don’t know the two things are connected,” Hoseok tries to defend their lead.

“Don’t be stupid Hobi,” Yoongi seethes, “Kitten’s whole career has gone down the drain because of us, what the fuck is she going to do if she finds out?”

“You best hope she doesn’t,” Taehyung snapped, his earlier melancholy now fueled by fear.

“We can’t keep this from her,” Hoseok shakes his head, disregarding the point.

“She’ll hate us,” Jungkook states, terrified it would manifest before his eyes soon.

“She’ll be angry at us,” Jin corrects him, “but we have to tell her.”

“Not now, it’s too soon,” Namjoon says quickly, his own fear warping his judgement.

“You should’ve opened one fucking letter,” Yoongi can’t let it go, all of this could’ve been avoided if it wasn’t for Namjoon’s stupid stubbornness.

“What good is bringing that up now going to do?” Hoseok sighs again.

“We don’t know if it’s connected!” Namjoon yells exasperated. “What we do know is Shin Suran leaked the photos and the story, and she is going to fucking pay.”

—

“So you’re saying the CEOs fired you because you threatened to expose their relationship to HR?” Solar, the newscaster asks her aghast.

“Honestly, I didn’t want to expose their… relationship,” she can’t hide the disgust in her voice at the word, “but I was concerned for Y/n’s wellbeing, I thought maybe they were holding her job over her head until I found out she was only entertaining them to climb the corporate ladder.”

Both anchors were shocked, the information sending them reeling.

“I mean what self respecting young woman would sell herself like that? Y/n was never a team player, or very good at her job but somehow she was always favoured by the CEO’s. It should have been obvious really.”

“Wow, that’s a lot of information to unpack Suran,” Solar says. “Aren’t you scared of the repercussions, these are the world’s business leads you’re going up against.”

“I only want to convey the truth,” Suran lies through her teeth. “It isn’t fair that the women who have worked hard and devoted themselves to Bangtan corporations are not appreciated or given the opportunities they deserve.”

“But Miss L/n left bangtan corporations,” the other anchor Hwasa finally speaks after having watched the little snake for so long. Something didn’t sit right with her and this woman’s sickly sweet attitude, it stank of deceit and she wasn’t blind to it.

“I have it on good information that she was sent to spy on the competition,” Suran’s eyes narrow, not liking her tone of voice.

“That’s a wild allegation,” Hwasa replies, every bit the professional. “I hope you have the evidence to back it up.”

—

“Bangtan corporations are under serious investigation after allegations of corporate espionage came from their former employee…”

She smiles at the screen plating in front of her, the chaos unravelling in so many wonderful ways. The Sun was shining despite the winter air, how many interviews could she fit into one day? Many it seemed, and while the day was over there was always tomorrow to cause more havoc to your life. Now she would sit and bask in the TV light, watching all of her fire ignite.

She had only gotten cosy when the doorbell rang to her little flat, groaning as she went to the door to answer it.

“Shin Suran?”

The three piece suit should give away something serious was in the brown paper envelope in his hands but she couldn’t bring herself to show any respect to the figure. She sneered and rolled her eyes, this man might’ve looked intimidating but she was currently on a high from ruining your life, nothing was going to bring her power trip down.

“Wi HaJoon,” he continues in the absence of a greeting, handing her the envelope. “You’ve been served.”

“What?” That elicits a reaction out of her, for some reason she didn’t even contemplate there would be consequences for her actions, deluded into thinking she was untouchable.

“You’re being sued for stalking, defamation and breaking the nondisclosure agreement you signed.”

That wasn’t part of her plan, her jaw drops to the ground and she realises maybe she played her cards all wrong. In the violent web of wanting to destroy your life she didn’t realise all her defences were gone. Maybe he was right after all.

—

When you wake up, the sun begins to set and Jimin’s warmth engulfs you. The feeling is comforting but fleeting, unfortunately real life problems don’t fade just because you’re in his arms. You wanted to bury yourself in his hold, have him take everything away until you were ready to deal with it. Jungkook’s favourite grey sweatshirt swallows you whole, his smell calming your senses, you try to focus on it when your mind tries to swim through the thoughts that wanted you to drown.

The door creaks open, two figures cautiously peaking in whispering to themselves. When Tae notices you’re awake he takes a seat beside you, caressing your cheek in his palm gently, his thumb soothing your skin. His eyes are downtrodden.

Jungkook kneels on the floor next to you, taking your hand in his and covering it with hard kisses, resting his cheek where they intertwined.

You try to get up but Jimin beside you grumbles in discontent, shuffling closer mumbling something under his breath without opening his eyes. A chaste kiss to your shoulder where the fabric hangs off your skin, lets you know he’s awake but refusing to let you go. The gesture brings a small but genuine smile to your face, one that turns into confusion as the commotion downstairs gets louder.

The younger two give each other knowing glances, one you don’t miss.

“What’s going on?” You ask, voice still hoarse from crying.

The hesitation in both of them fills you with dread. Did something else happen?

“They’re just trying to sort things out bunny,” Jungkook tries to reassure you, “it’s nothing to worry about.”

Despite Taehyung not wanting you to find out, something sickened him at the idea of keeping secrets from you. He knew how the truth always found its way out, and he knew if you didn’t hear it from them, it would have worse repercussions.

“Tae?” you could see a storm in his eyes, a battle between the loyalty to the others and his love for you.

“The hyungs…” he hesitates, Jimin now fully awake and sitting up at his deep uncertain tone.

Jungkook looks at him imploring him not to say it yet, it was going to be too much to deal with so soon after this morning. You grab Jimin’s arm, pulling yourself up closer to Taehyung who now avoided your gaze.

“Guys what’s going on?”

“I’ve been here with you,” Jimin mumbles half asleep, his hair a soft mess on his head.

“Kookie?” you turn to the youngest who bites his lips nervously, doe eyes begging you not to ask him.

“You’re worrying me,” your nerves were shot, the trauma from this morning making you beyond paranoid. What could be worse than this morning, what weren’t they telling you.

“Jimin, Jungkook and I didn’t know,” Taehyung starts slowly, not wanting to put his hyung’s under the bus but he wasn’t going to let them shoulder the blame when they were innocent. Plus when this was over he had a feeling you would ostracise the older four for a while, he couldn’t handle being a part of that.

“Didn’t know what?” you ask tentatively, urging him to continue.

“I still don’t know,” Jimin grumbles, getting annoyed with the suspense.

“Namjoon Hyung has been getting letters,” Jungkook says when Taehyung pauses for too long. He sighs, cursing the hyung’s for keeping this from you when he knew the betrayal would crush you.

“What letters?”

Something ticks in Jimin’s brain, his sleep filled eyes going wide with realisation. The other day in the office, when the hyung’s went solemn, it was to do with that?

“We think…” Taehyung tries not to stumble over his words, “they were threats, about you or us, but we don’t know because…”

Threats? You’re sent reeling, did Namjoon know this was coming? And he did nothing to warn you, or confide in you?

“Because what?” you breathe, your voice heavy, eyes watering as your thoughts ran away from you. Jimin places an arm around your shoulders, trying to soothe you.

“He burned the letters before he opened them,” Jungkook finishes, feeling a deep rooted shame for his favourite hyung, and for selling him out.

“Angel…”

Jimin calls after you as you throw the covers off of you, storming downstairs to confront the men hiding things from you.

“Sunshine-”

“You’ve been getting threats and you didn’t tell me?”

They startle at your accusation, as right as it was, the four of them confounded until the younger three stumble in behind you. All four hyungs glance at them disgruntled and disappointed, this was not the way to handle things, the thought was hypocritical but justified in their minds.

“You didn’t tell me?” Your teary eyes pierce Yoongi with so much sadness, of all of them you never expected him to keep it from you, and for some reason it stung the worst.

“Kitten,” he tries reaching out to you, a vulnerable edge to his voice. He would let you scratch and claw at him until you were satisfied, anything to keep you from looking at him like that again.

“Babygirl it’s my fault,” Namjoon sighs, taking the edge of his hyung and shouldering all the blame. “I told them not to.”

You turn back to him with anger in your eyes.

“Namjoon you’re the lead at work but that doesn’t make you the lead in this relationship,” you snap. “You had no right to keep this from me!”

“I know,” he says, his voice small.

“How long have you been getting these letters?” You ask and he hangs his head in shame.

“Months…” he replies, “since you left the company.”

You stare at him appalled and it wounds him.

“You have the gall to tell me how to behave in this relationship Kim Namjoon,” Your voice is strained through the onslaught of angry tears. “And you keep this from me?”

“I didn’t know what the letters said,” he says as an excuse, and he knows it’s a feeble one.

You shake your head in disbelief.

“I thought you of all people would get it Joonie,” the way your voice breaks cuts through him with shame. “You built everything from the ground up, I admired you long before I loved you. So how the hell could you play with my future like this?”

“Baby girl that was never my intention,” he begs you to understand him now, that he didn’t behave nonchalant with a potential threat, he thought he was doing what was best.

“It doesn’t matter what your intention was! There was a clear right and wrong, and you know it.”

He bows his head again, you were right, he disrespected you when he didn’t discuss the letters with you, you should’ve made the decision together as to what to do with them. But in his heart he thought he was protecting you, protecting your peace and happiness, but all of that was a bubble set to burst.

“We don’t know that it’s connected beautiful,” Jin steps in between you, speaking as softly as he can knowing you were full of rage and sorrow, but he watched Namjoon take the blow and needed to shield him a little.

“We don’t know that it’s not,” you argued back. “We have no way of knowing, because instead of talking to me about something unpleasant, you guys decided to bury it.”

“Sunshine, I get that you’re upset-” Hoseok tries but the look of incredulous shock shuts him up.

“Upset?” you repeat, the strain in your voice carrying tears. “Everything I worked for, all my dreams, are gone.”

It was a struggle to get out every word, having to take a breath between each one, but you were determined to.

“No company is going to employ me, even if they do I’ll be subjugated to whispers and isolation and we know how that worked out last time.”

You sniffle, wiping your nose and tears with your sleeve. You wanted to appear strong but you were breaking down, didn’t they understand what they had done? Didn’t they care? Or were they so comfortable in their gold seats so far above you they forgot about their struggles on the way there?

“I didn’t join your company to seduce you, I wanted to work hard and make something of myself, maybe start my own company one day, but all of that is gone.”

“Kitten,” Yoongi dares himself to try again, to console you even if you pushed him away. He walks over to you, remembering all the times you seeked him out for comfort. It used to confound the others, how Mr Stoic Stone was the one that you reached for, and even though it was unusual for him to step into those shoes, with you it came so naturally. He wanted to be the one you searched for when you needed soothing, he never wanted to lose that connection he built with you, ever. He knew it was a privilege, one he never took for granted.

He hates the way you look at him now, it breaks his heart, those watering eyes showing how truly hurt you were while you tried to control the trembling of your bottom lip, tried to look strong in front of him.

“Whatever you think is gone, we can rebuild,” he takes your face in his hands, kissing the top of your head softly before looking into your eyes. “I am so sorry for not telling you, but I promise you whatever dreams you had will come true. It's just going to suck for a while and that’s our fault.”

“We know better than anyone how hard you work sunshine,” Hoseok smiles at you sadly, regretting not telling you.

“If you want a company babygirl, we’ll get you a company,” Namjoon’s own voice thick with remorse. “Whatever you want.”

“There’s enough space in the office for another desk,” Jimin tries to lighten the mood with a teasing lilt to his voice, but he’s not joking at all. “No one would dare to whisper about our angel CEO.”

You shake your head, removing Yoongi’s hold on you. They didn’t get it. You’ve worked for everything you had, it was how you had always been. You didn’t want to be handed a title you didn’t earn, or have your powerful boyfriends buy positions for you.

“Why would that be such a bad idea, beautiful?” Jin asks softly. “You’re more than capable.”

“I don’t need anyone thinking I slept my way to the top,” you scoff.

“Who cares what other people think, Kitten?” Yoongi sighs. “No one can deny you deserve a CEO position.”

You shake your head again, breathes of humourless laughter escaping your lips. They really didn’t get it. It was so easy to say that when you were untouchable to people’s words.

“You guys made the decision by yourselves to keep this from me,” you state, not looking at them but to the ground. “My career has nothing to do with you, whatever happens next is my choice.”

“Kitten-”

“You don’t have the right Yoongi,” you try to keep the anger out of your voice. “None of you do right now. I need to figure this out alone.”

“Are you breaking up with us?” Jungkook asks in a panic, not moving from the doorway, he would block your exit, he would fall to his knees and beg you to stay.

“No,” you reassure him with a syllable. “I love you, I always will, I’m just angry right now.”

“And you have every right to be,” Namjoon agrees solemnly.

“I just have one last thing on my mind,” you frown, an obvious question was left unanswered.

You face Namjoon, knowing he would hold the answer.

“You destroyed the letters before opening them,” it’s not a question but it sounds like one.

He nods, wondering where you were going with this.

“So how did you know they were threats?”

He hesitates, trying to build up the courage to tell you how he knew exactly who they were from.

“The return address,” Jin answers for him. “It was from the penitentiary.”

The realisation hits you, and for some reason it makes the whole situation so much worse. The accusation in your eyes returns as you gaze at Namjoon. He knew exactly what he was dealing with when he got rid of those letters, and looking at you now he knew he would have to beg for your forgiveness.

—

Bonus scene flashback:

Dear Kim Namjoon,

You haven’t responded to the last 6 letters I have sent, so either you’re not taking me seriously, or you haven’t read a single one. Both choices are not in anyone’s best interest, I don’t think you realise the situation you’ve put me in, I have nothing to lose.

The deadline is approaching for you to transfer the funds and secure my release. I am not spending years in jail because of your jealousy. Enclosed are copies of the images I will release to the media, I bet you’re wondering how I was able to get these when you locked me away.

It seems I’m not the only one you thought you could cross and toss away. For your sake, I hope you make the right choice.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Alexander Pettyfer

“They haven’t responded to a single one of your stupid letters, what makes you think they will now?” Suran scoffs at the news that he sent another.

“Just be patient,” he replies, the usually clean cut male looking rugged and rough. “We need something out of this other than just ruining their lives.”

“Look, the images I got are proof enough about what that whore is doing, I say we release them.”

“Not yet!” The rise in his voice gets the guards attention, and he takes a deep breath to calm down. Stupid woman didn’t know when to listen, it was unfortunate that he had to use her, although he should count his blessings the day she came and visited for the first time with an idea to take the CEOs down.

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whyse7vn · 21 days

Text

BABY? -

[ot7 x reader]

something quick something silly :p DEFINITELY NOT POSTING THIS TO DISTRACT YOU FROM THE OFFLINE POST NOOOO NEVER WHATTTTT

NAMJOON -

SEOJKIN -

YOONGI -

HOSEOK -

JIMIN -

TAEHYUNG -

JUNGKOOK -

—

forgot i had this omg ☠️☠️

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @blairebangtan @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie @threeopossumsinacoat @cynicalyoongs @lightningpussy54 @eunthv @gigiiiiislife @lowkeykin @elissasimp @socksfirstalways @knjlvr06 @lailaisarmy @thvkives @xstfudaisyx @xxxanimangxxx @solstice34 @ml8dy @hoeforseoks

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taestefully-in-luv · 2 years

Text

Rule #5 | JJK (2/2)

Summary: You strike up a fwb deal with your childhood friend Jungkook after kissing him one night after a dare. But you have rules…5 of them to be exact and it seems Jungkook doesn’t want to follow any of them.

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader

Genre: fwb au, friends to lovers, fluff, maybe a little angst (barely), SMUT

Word Count: 22k (twc:42k)

Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, bit of jealous!jk, jk is a little dry with oc, mentions of discomfort & vulnerability, lots of discussion over ‘control’, open communication :], Taehyung is a meddler. Okay…smut warnings: so much kissing (cute & sloppy), lots of teasing, teasing use of the word ‘slut’, technically switch!oc and switch!jk, finger sucking, dirty talk and comm in general, lingerie (tearing of it too), jk is demanding but so soft, use of restraints and blindfold, boners, vaginal fingering, oral (fem rec), overstimulation, edging, multiple orgasms, multiple orgasm denials, cum eating, clit slapping, cream pie (?), protected sex, rougher with multiple positions. But still so soft. Oc describes feeling of vulnerability during sex. (positive)

Part One

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s over an hour into this double date and you aren’t having a horrible time. Not an amazing time…but not a horrible time. You can see Ara is clearly into the guy across from her, he is handsome and seems to be pretty funny. Even you’ve laughed quite a bit at his playful banter with Ara.

Now, the guy across from you is not as outgoing as Ara’s date. He’s almost intimidatingly handsome, sharp eyes that come across off as judgmental. But you realized the judgmental one is you because as soon as he talks he is soft spoken and kind. He’s just a bit shy.

Chul, Ara’s date is sharing a few stories about a disastrous holiday work party last year. You and Ara both cracking up when Ren, your date, chimes in. “I just hope this year isn’t as bad.”

“Well, maybe it won’t be if these two wonderful ladies accompany us.” He winks at Ara who just rolls her eyes, but you can see the blush on her cheeks.

“It’s summer.” She points out, “You’re already trying to plan for something so many months in advance?”

“Is it bad to be that hopeful?” Chul eyes Ara innocently and you can’t help but snort but you quickly cover your mouth.

“Sorry, sorry.” You conceal a smile, “I didn’t mean to make that sound.”

“It’s okay.” Ren chuckles quietly, “Chul really is that hopeful.” Then he leans over the table a little, eyes on you. “He’s been talking about Ara nonstop since they started chatting.”

“Oh.” You glance at Ara who is giggling to something else Chul said, “It seems like they’re hitting it off then.”

“Yeah.” Ren takes a look at the other two as well before whispering, “Should we give them some space?”

You turn your head back to Ren with wide eyes and then decide maybe he’s right so you nod. He smiles as he stands up and gestures towards the bar instead of the table you four are currently occupying, “We can grab another drink.”

You stand as well and you both make it to the bar top and take a seat at the stools, “I don’t think they even noticed that we left.” You laugh.

“Highly doubt it.” Ren shakes his head gently, “He was nervous to come by himself, honestly. So he asked me to come too.” Then his eyes expand, “But I mean, after seeing your photo it’s not like he had to force me.”

You giggle at this, “It’s okay. I get it.”

He relaxes, “If I’m being honest with you…I’m kind of going through a break up.”

“Ah really?” You tilt your head, “Rough breakup?”

“Yes and no.” He sighs out, smile tugging at his lips. “It was clean and mutual but for some reason that’s what’s making it feel so rough.” He laughs. “Sorry, probably not the topic of conversation you are wanting to have.”

“Can I be honest too?” You show him a crooked smile and he nods. “I wasn’t necessarily thrilled about going on a double date. Like, in general.” You decide to clarify, “Nothing against you, of course. I’m also helping out a friend.” And he nods in understanding since he’s doing the same thing. “But it feels strange for some reason. Being here.”

“Strange?” He lifts his brows in concern, “Did I do something?”

You’re quick to wave your hands around, shaking your head. “No. No.”

“Then?”

“Fine, I’ll tell you but you cannot tell anyone.” You chuckle to yourself, “Well, not Ara, anyway.”

Ren eyes you curiously, “Are you seeing someone else?” He guesses almost correctly.

“Yes and no.” You repeat his answer from earlier. “It’s complicated but not complicated.” You shrug now, “I have a friends with benefits?”

“That’s a question?” He grins at you. “But wow, good luck with that.”

“Good luck?” You ask, amused.

“Yeah.” He nods. “I mean, unless your relationship is strictly the benefits and hardly friends then I guess it could work.”

You blink at him before your cheeks heat up and you frown, “He’s one of my best friends actually. Not to mention my friend since we were kids. Super close.”

“Then I will emphasize my ‘good luck’ because you’ll need it.” He chuckles. “Be prepared for chaos.”

“Actually that’s highly unlikely.” You say confidently. “We have rules in place. So things don’t get chaotic. Everything is under control.”

“Rules?” He raises a single brow, “Which are?”

“Well,” You look up, trying to recall the rules. “First one is that we can’t tell anyone and the sec—”

“—Didn’t you just break the first rule?” He snorts, “No offense, but I don’t feel confident in your other rules now. You’re probably breaking those too.”

“Wow,” You look at him, surprised. “How dare you call me out? I thought you were shier than this?”

“Well, considering we’ve been honest about why we’re here, I feel more comfortable” He smiles at you.

“So comfortable that you can tease me like that?” You laugh, “But you’re the first person I’ve told!”

“Regardless of your other rules,” Ren softens, “Going out on a date feels strange? Are you not overthinking yet? You know, the ‘why’?”

“Why would I?” You ask and Ren studies you for a moment. He doesn’t know you like that but why do you look so genuine, like you really don’t understand.

“How would you feel if he was out right now? With someone else?”

“Like on a date?”

“Yeah.”

“He wouldn’t.” You shrug, “He—”

“—Maybe that’s why you aren’t overthinking it.” He realizes, “Because you feel like you don’t have to worry about him getting busy with someone else. And this double date doesn’t have meaning for you so what’s to overthink, huh?” He chews on his bottom lip, “But does he know you’re here? How would he feel?”

“He…” You pause, trying to really think about it. Well, he wouldn’t mind. Just a week ago you were both going to hook up with other people. He doesn’t get jealous. He doesn’t care. “He wouldn’t care.” You finally say, “He would probably brush it off.”

“Because he knows the context or because he doesn’t care if you see someone else?” Ren questions you, small grin. “Because those are two different things. And if he finds out, do you think he will assume the context? That you’re just here for you friend. Or will he assume you’re wanting to see other people?”

“Why do I feel like I’m speaking to a therapist?” You joke.

Ren laughs, apology in his eyes. “Sorry, sorry. It’s easier to focus on someone else’s problems instead of my own.”

“Oh, right. Your clean but rough break up.”

“Exactly. Together two years but going on different paths.”

“Ah,” You nod in understanding. “Aka, you’re still in love but the logical decision is to part ways.”

“Exactly.” Ren looks shy again. “What’s the saying? Right person wrong time?”

“I guess they say that for a reason.”

“I feel like we should probably order a drink now.” Ren chuckles, “And don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

It’s a little after 9 when the double date comes to an end. Ara is definitely giving you the look. She’s totally going to spend more time with Chul so you give her a hug and wave bye to the two men. Ren was super nice the entire evening. You two continued to talk at the bar but it’s clear there isn’t anything there between you both. You’re relieved he wasn’t interested either.

Once in your car you try to decide what to do—go home or call Jungkook. You’re honestly proud but upset with yourself, for yesterday. You loved teasing him but his offer to finger you quickly in his closet also sounded tempting and nothing feels better than Jungkook making you come.

You won’t lie…you feel a little needy and getting touched by Jungkook sounds like the perfect Saturday night. Plus, you kind of wore what you’re wearing for a purpose. You perhaps planned ahead—you’re wanting to see Jungkook. Pulling out your phone from your bag, you find Jungkook’s name and press ‘call’. It’s ringing and ringing and you think he won’t answer. Maybe he’s busy? Then Ren’s words from earlier make you stomach do its usual twisting. No, he wouldn’t be out with someone else.

“Hello?” He finally answers. He’s quiet and his voice came out in a mumble. Maybe he was asleep..

“Hey.” You respond, “Were you sleeping?”

“No.” He says simply. “What’s up?” Still mumbling.

“Well,” You press the phone harder to your ear, his voice is too quiet. “Are you busy?”

“Nah.”

“Okay…” You say slowly, “Want to hang out?”

He silent on the other end, soft breaths barely even heard. “Hello?” You check to see if he’s still there. “Jungkook?”

“What?” He asks with a bite to his voice. “What’s up?”

“No, I was just seeing if you wanted to hang out, jeez, never mind then.” You respond equally annoyed.

“No, wait.” He sighs out, “Sorry, I was just—sure, you can come here if you want.” He tells you.

“If I want?” You frown to yourself, “I’ll only go if it’s what you want.”

“You’re so annoying, y/n.” He kind of laughs to himself but it’s distant. “Yeah, I want you to come over.”

“Hmm,” You try to tease him, it sounds like he’s in a bad mood. Maybe he had a long day. “I don’t know.” You hum. “Should I?”

“Yeah,” He tells you dryly.

You try to brush it off, “Okay, well, I’m actually nearby so I’ll be there in like ten.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” You take a breath, “See you soon.”

“Just let yourself in.” He says before hanging up.

Well, okay. You’re wondering if he had to go into work today and it was long and stressful…hopefully seeing you could make him feel a little better. He can get moody sometimes so it’s not like you aren’t used to it. But it always sucks when he’s dry with you.

Before you know it, you’re entering his apartment. It’s dark inside, all of the lights turned off in the living room as well as the kitchen. Once you’ve slipped your shoes off you start walking towards the back, a soft glow coming from the long hallway where his bedroom is located. You get closer to his bedroom, his door only cracked open, where the only light in his apartment is spilling through.

You gently push it open and see Jungkook laying on his bed, propped up on the pillows while he scrolls through his phone. His eyes lift from his phones screen and checks you out shamelessly but he keeps his face neutral.

“Nice dress. New?” He asks before his eyes go back to his phone.

“Oh.” You look down at your outfit. A black dress that falls right above your knees, it hugs your body in all the right ways with a revealing neckline. “Yeah, I was shopping around before I came over yesterday.” You tell him.

“Right.” He answers, eyes on his phone. “Cool.”

“Yeah.” You say the word slowly, eyeing him as you continue to stand by the doorway. “Are you okay?”

Jungkook sighs before clicking his phone off and throwing his legs over the edge of the bed to sit up, “I’m great.” He says with a straight face. “What about you?”

“I’m good.” You walk closer to the bed, hesitantly looking at the spot next to him before taking a seat. “You seem annoyed.”

Jungkook chuckles dryly, “What, that’s crazy.”

“Jungkook—”

“—But enough about me,” He turns his head towards you and smiles. “How was your date?”

Your eyebrows climb up your forehead in surprise, “Huh?” You blink at him. “How…how did you know about that?”

“Taehyung.” He keeps his eyes on you. “He mentioned it last night after you left.”

“Taehyung?” You look more confused.

“Ara told him, I guess.” He shrugs, “Anyway, how was it?”

“It—”

“—You look really nice. Bet the dude was all over you, huh?” His expression is completely unreadable but you’re trying to understand his annoyance. You can read into it that much.

“He wasn’t.” You furrow your brows, “It really—I’m sorry…” You shake your head just slightly. “Are you mad about this?”

“Do I look happy?” He narrows his eyes. “You didn’t even tell me.”

“It wasn’t…I didn’t think it would matter?” You mumble, “I didn’t think it was something you’d mind?”

Jungkook’s eyes somehow narrow more, a look of disbelief on his face. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously.” You answer, your own annoyance starting to build. “Why should—”

“You know what,” Jungkook releases a long puff of air, his eyes leaving yours to stare down at his lap. “I mean, you’re right. Why should I mind? It’s always been clear I have no control over you and what you do, who you see—”

“Oh my god,” You huff out, eyes rolling. “You realize controlling someone like that is bad, right?”

His eyes widen before he’s snapping his head to face you, “No, no. I know.” He rushes to say, “Not what I meant.”

“Then what do you mean?”

“That,” He stares at you, his eyes are now doe like and innocent and you see some guilt swirling in them. “I don’t know.” He admits.

“You don’t like that you didn’t know I was on a date with someone?” You ask him directly.

“Yeah, no, I did not like it.” He tells you honestly. “Not just that I didn’t know. I don’t like that you went out with someone in general.”

“Oh.” You nod your head a little, trying to understand. He doesn’t look away from you, his eyes boring into yours and you stare back just as intently.

You didn’t think he would care. Especially because this double date wasn’t like…it was literally meaningless and for Ara. But he doesn’t know that. You continue to look at him before softening, “Why?”

“I don’t know.” He tells you. “I’ve been sleeping with you for like 4 months now. Kind of hate the idea of sharing at this point.” He scoffs to himself before glancing down again, his voice gone quieter. “You make me feel like I don’t have any control over anything.”

You frown a little at his words, “Jungkook…” Your hand goes to his thigh. “Last week you didn’t care though? If we—”

“—I knew damn well we weren’t actually going to hook up with anyone else.” He cuts in, looking dejected.

“Oh.”

“I might not be cut out for this kind of arrangement.” He tells you, eyes still on his lap. “I thought I was but finding out you were out with someone else made me feel like…” He looks back up, contemplating his words. “Like you’re just playing with me.”

You push your head back, confusion on your features. “I’m not.” You say quickly. “God, I would never—”

“—I know.” He cuts you off, “But I’m so into what we do but you aren’t satisfied with me?” He looks hurt as he asks that. “You feel the need to—” “—No.” You squeeze his thigh. “It wasn’t a real date or anything. It was just for Ara…the guy and I both made it clear we weren’t interested in one another. Seriously, Jungkook.” You gaze at him, trying to get your words across. “I’m telling the truth.”

“Not a real…date?” He questions you, “Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think to say anything because it was barely on my mind!” You lean into him, “Seriously, Jungkook. I don’t want you to feel like I’m not enjoying this.” You squeeze his thigh again. “I am. More than anything else right now.”

He raises a brow at you, his expression looking less serious. “Yeah?”

“Yes.” You nod. “So…” You start nibbling on your lips, feeling anxious now. “Don’t say something like you aren’t cut out for this…we’re having fun, right? You’re enjoying it too, right?”

He looks wary to answer for a moment.

“Jungkook?”

“Yeah.” He blurts, “I am but I think this whole day I had a different mindset and it kind of fucked with me.” Jungkook admits, “I really don’t want to share what we’re doing with anyone else. Is that unfair? Plus, it’s safer that way…” He glances to the side, “But I just feel like I have no reigns over you.”

You stare at him before your lips curve into a subtle smirk, “Is this because you want to make me feel I only belong to you, Jungkook?”

He look taken aback, head already shaking. “I told you, I’m not saying I want to—”

“Do you want to make yours tonight then?” You ask, your voice calm, which only makes him more nervous.

“What are you talking about?” He whispers, brows pinched together.

“You feel like you have no sense of control when you’re with me, right?”

“Okay…” He says slowly.

“Then I’ll give you the control.” Your hand leaves his thigh. “Tonight.”

He leans in a little, eyes boring into yours before he softens, “That’s what you mean…” He pauses. “No.”

“No?”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“There’s always going to be a little discomfort when it comes to vulnerability.” You tell him. “But it’s not like I haven’t fantasized about it. You’re the only one who comes to mind too, when I think about something like that.” You look off to the side, feeling a little embarrassed for admitting that. You aren’t sure you’re a fan of giving up the control to someone else but when you fantasize when you’re alone, the thought of Jungkook makes your body set itself on fire.

Jungkook is quiet as he stares at you, his eyes studying your face with such intensity. “You want to let me have my way with you?” He asks in a whisper. “You want me to be in charge of your pleasure?”

“Believe it or not, but you’ve been in charge of my pleasure for a while.” Your eyes go back to him.

“How so?” He looks down at your lips before going back to your eyes.

“Since you’re the reason for it.” You give a small shrug, “No one else has been a reason for so long.”

“Ah, right.” He smiles, “Around 4 months, huh?”

“Something like that.” You admit and his brows pull together before you speak again. “Don’t overthink that.”

“You want to be mine tonight?” He asks, genuinely. “Because if you give me that permission…god, are you really letting me have that kind of power, y/n?”

“I’m giving you tonight.” You say. “To do whatever you want with me. I’ll be good for you. Just like how you want.” You have a teasing glint in your eye. Like you’re mocking him but you’re also so serious.

His fingers go to your jaw, “You’re always good for me, baby. Believe it or not.” Jungkook smirks and your stomach twists. Again. But the way your stomach is turning isn’t totally uneasy. It’s flopping and making you feel something so strange as it shakes up. You want to think it’s nerves but instead it feels like excitement.

“What exactly do you want to do?” You lean into his touch.

“I want to see you like I’ve never seen you.” He leans in more, his lips ghosting yours. “I want to see you completely lost, completely gone, completely fallen apart. Completely mine.”

“Why do you want me like that so badly?” You whisper against his lips, your eyes beginning to shut.

“Because I’m the only one who will know that side of you, right?”

“You think no guy has ever had me—”

“—No.” He stops you from finishing that, his lips pressing against yours. He’s kissing you slow before pulling back, lips still brushing yours. “Because you only want me to have you, don’t you?”

You exhale a deep breath, your hands going to his neck, fingers gripping his hair as you push your lips against his. Kissing him while breathy moans get shared between you both. You feel needy as you slip your tongue into his mouth, your fingers lost in his hair and an undeniable ache between your legs.

Jungkook’s hands are all over your waist and hips and finally one hands slips behind your neck as well as he deepens the kiss more passionately. He groans into your mouth when he feels how your hand slides down and you cup him over his sweats. He pulls away from you, breathless and you can’t help but look disappointed.

“You really want this?” he asks, eyes on you. “My way?”

“Yes.” You breathe out, “Fuck, yes. I want this, Jungkook—I want you, I want you so badly.”

“Tell me a word you’ll remember.”

“What?”

“A word. Safe word.”

“A safe…” You mumble, “Uh,”

“It’s just so I know if it’s too much, baby. I won’t do anything to hurt you.” His expression loses some of its lewdness as he stares at you. “I’d never do anything to make you uncomfortable, y/n. I just want you to feel good. But if it’s too much, I want you to tell me.”

“Then I’ll just tell you.” You say, “Who says I’ll remember a word if you’re making me fall apart for you, Jungkook.”

“You’re talking like you know I will.” He smirks, lewd expression returning.

“I know you will.” You bite your lips before speaking so slow, the teasing only continuing. “Do you want to fuck me like I’m your slut?”

Jungkook’s eyes widen at your words. Oh. You’re teasing him. Maybe even mocking but it’s working for him. He sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, taking his time to breathe. Fuck, you’re something else. “Would you let me?” a sly grin grows on his face. “Hm? Would you let me treat you,” His hand goes to your thighs where the dress rides up, his fingers inch closer to your core. You still, breath hitched as his fingers find the band of your underwear and he dips inside. “Like you’re mine?” Two fingers rub at your clit and he smirks at the wetness that’s pooled. “Someone who is dirty for me? Nasty?” He asks slowly with his deep voice before he’s pulling his hand away and putting his two fingers to your lips.

You glance down at his fingers before your big eyes go to his dark one. “You’re the one who wants me to fuck you like a slut yet you can’t suck on my fingers?” He teases you, softly nudging your lips apart. “I thought you said you’d be good for me, baby.”

You keep quiet, eyes still on him as you let his fingers push through your mouth. Your taste spreads instantly, your tongue recognizing your flavor. You finally lick at his fingers before sucking on them.

“Do you taste good?” He asks you, “You look a little shy like this, y/n.” Jungkook pulls his fingers back, the wet digits outlining yours lips. “You’d rather taste my cum, huh?”

The corner of your lips lift before you answer, “I hope you’d let me.”

“Let you?” He quirks a brow, “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t let you do.”

“Okay.” Your hands go to his chest, before you lean forward and give him a simple kiss. “Then there is nothing I won’t let you do to me too.” You whisper against his lips, “In fact, I am hoping you do everything to me, Jungkook.”

“If I’m lucky you’ll say something like that to me again.” He sighs out when your hand goes back to the bulge in his sweats. “And again.” He closes his eyes now. “And again.” You rub his erection over the clothing, the feeling of it hard beneath your palm. “All,” His breaths become more bated, “The fucking time.”

“If I’m lucky,” You plant another kiss to his parted lips. “Then you’ll make me want to say it to you over and over.”

Jungkook releases a long breath before opening his eyes again, his fingers wrapping around your wrist, guiding your hand away from his body. “What are you wearing under this outfit of yours?”

“Something you’ll like.” You admit almost sheepishly, “It might have been a part of my shopping yesterday.”

“That I’ll like?” His eyes scan your figure, “Yet you wore it on your date?”

“Didn’t wear it for him.” You nudge your nose against his, “Not saying I’m wearing it for y—”

“—No, no…” Jungkook’s hands go to your waist, “I want you to tell me the truth. Did you wear it for me?”

“I’m just saying I know you’ll like it.” You lean away from him a little, eyes looking playful.

“I’ll play along, babe.” Jungkook’s fingers go to your thighs again, his fingers riding up your dress even more, fingers working up your thigh when his expression shifts when he notices something. “But with how this night is going to go, I want you to know that you’ll be admitting every little thing you do that is to please me.”

“You sound confi—”

“—I want you to take off your clothes. Leave on whatever it is you think I’ll like so much. And then lean back on the bed for me.” Jungkook’s hands leave your body and he’s standing from the bed. “I’ll be back.”

Your eyes follow him as he goes into his closet and you’re quickly standing as well. You go to unzip your dress, shrugging it off your shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. Leaving you in nothing but the lingerie you bought.

You look down at your body, fingers tugging on different parts of the lingerie because suddenly you’re feeling more nervous. Not bad nervous. Thrilled nervous. Your skin feels like it’s on fire, an undeniable warmth surrounding you but god, it feels exciting. You make your way onto Jungkook’s bed, propping yourself up as you lean back on his pillows. One leg down while the other is up, bent at the knee. Then you slide it back down. Then up again. Okay, maybe you are nervous, nervous.

Your eyes trail down your body again, making sure all the lace material is sticking to you in the right ways when you notice the closet light turning off and Jungkook is making his way out. His eyes are on his hands as he inspects the box he’s holding. He comes to the foot of the bed, “Okay,” He starts, “Took me a second to find what I was look—” He lifts his head to lock eyes with you but he’s lost the words he was wanting to say. Lips slightly parted as his eyes widen at the sight. “Oh, fuck.” He swallows.

You stare at him, breaths getting stuck in your throat. “Is that good or bad?” Your hands go to hug yourself a little. He stares back before rolling his head back and he chuckles.

“In what world would that be a bad thing?” He laughs out, his voice sounding deep. “You were right though.” He takes a breath before looking at you again. “I do like what you’re wearing. A lot.”

A small smile begins spreading on your lips before your hands go to your sides, “Oh.”

“I change my mind. Come here, to me. Stand up my pretty girl.” He orders you softly, your body tingling. “I need to see you properly.”

“Jungkook…” You glance to the side, “That feels—”

“—It feels like what I want.” He cuts you off, his eyes darkening. “So be good for me and come here.”

Well, this is what you asked for. You take a deep breath before lifting yourself from his mattress and you try to feel confident even though his eyes are glued to you…it feels like he’s sinking his teeth into every inch of skin your body offers.

“You know, when you look shy like this it only makes me want to have more fun with you, you know that, right?” He smirks, eyes going to your eyes finally.

“I’m not shy.” You mumble, “I’m just…”

“I know.” He softens, he drops the box he’s been holding to his bed before his hand reaches out for you. “Now come here.”

You stand from the bed, legs slowly taking you closer to him. He keeps his hand extended for you and you finally reach for it and he guides you closer and closer. “Let me just look at you.” He says, eyes leaving yours.

Jungkook sees the black straps that cling to your shoulders, raking them lower to see how this lacey black bra is completely see through. He bites down onto his bottom lip, seeing how your nipples poke through the material. His eyes go lower, a brow raising for a moment when he sees the black garter belt wrapped around your waist, above your black and completely see through panties.

“Hm.” His fingers reach to touch the garter belt, he traces one of the suspenders down to where it connects with the lace garter around your thigh. “I knew I felt this when I touched you earlier.” He hums, referring to the garter. “It’s why I asked what you were wearing.”

“I figured.” You say quietly. Breaths bated.

“You look so beautiful.” He tells you just as quiet, “But I need you to turn around for me.”

You feel the heat rush to your cheeks, your own teeth nibbling your lips and Jungkook suddenly looks amused.

“Embarrassed?” He muses, “Here.” He reaches for your hand and lifts it above your head. “Spin for me, baby.”

You exhale a deep breath…you know he’s going to like this. But you feel fucking exposed like this. “Okay.”

You turn slowly, feeling his eyes on your backside. His hand leaves yours before both his hands come to your shoulders and he’s leaning forward, lips pressing against your shoulder. “I thought so.” He whispers. “A thong, huh?” Jungkook chuckles darkly, “Your ass looks amazing.”

“Yeah?” You whisper, cheeks still on fire.

“Mhm.” He says, his hands brushing down your back before he’s cupping your ass in his hands. “You know how badly I want to fuck you?”

“Then fuck me.”

“No.” Jungkook steps away from you, hands going to your shoulders again when he turns you around to face him. “Not yet.”

“Not yet?” You gaze at him, “Don’t tell me something like you want to take your time with me?” You tease. Jungkook lightly scoffs, his hands dropping and fingers curving around your waist.

“That wasn’t going to be my answer but it also works.” He whispers, his eyes are filling with something you don’t totally recognize. “But,” One of his hands leave your waist, fingers trailing up your body before he’s got his fingers brushing one of your cheeks. “My original answer is that I have to ruin you first. Get you so desperate that you’re begging and crying for my cock.” He tells you slowly, fingers still stroking your cheek. “Get you saying and doing anything I want.”

You lick your drying lips, heart rate speeding up in your chest. “You think you’re capable of that?” You aren’t even challenging him. You’re genuinely asking.

“It’s for me.” His fingers stop stroking your cheek, instead he cups your jaw before leaning in and placing a long kiss to your lips. You close your eyes, staying closed even when he pulls away from you. “I think you’d be surprised what you might do for me.”

Eyes opening as you stare into him. Your breaths aren’t as even as you’d like, his words always make your body react even when your brain tells you to calm down. But he might be right. You are also questioning it…what all would you do if it’s with Jungkook?

“Now you can lay on the bed.” He tells you, backing away from your body when he glances down at the mattress where he placed the box he got from the closet. “Once you’re laying down, put your hands together above your head.”

Your hearts stops. “W-What? Why?”

“Because it’s what I want?” He looks at you, “And you trust me, right?”

You sigh out, “Okay, yeah.”

“Then lay down. Put your hands together. And put them above your head.” He grabs the small box from the bed, opening the top and you see exactly what you figured. “Also, have your legs spread a little.”

You can’t help but swallow hard, your knee lifting to the mattress as you make your way to the head of the bed, laying down against his pillows. You look down at your hands, hesitantly connect your wrists before slowly raising them above your head. You see how your chest rises and falls heavily, your breaths coming out almost harshly—the anticipation is killing you.

Jungkook sets the box down, his fingers inside, moving some things around before he’s pulling out a couple of things. You gulp, knowing this was his plan…your hunch was correct. He’s got some silky material rolled up before he unravels it, smile on his face, looking satisfied. He sets it down before pulling out something else silky. You aren’t dumb. You can recognize a proper blindfold anywhere.

“Don’t worry,” Jungkook lifts his eyes to you, “We won’t jump into this quite yet. Got to get you comfortable first with the idea…but this…” He grabs the other silky material from the bed, unraveling it further. “We can start here.”

You take a deep breath before nodding your head. Jungkook smiles at you before he closes the box and sets it down onto the floor. He grabs the two items he took from the box and walks to your side of the bed. “Okay,” He sets the blindfold down onto nightstand. “It’s very convenient my head board is like this, huh?”

“I’m starting to think you bought it like this for this reason now.” You tease him, your hands resting against his steal railing head board.

“Nah,” He shrugs cutely, “I like the style. But like I said, very convenient.” He leans over you, grabbing your wrists gently. “Also, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t imagined you like this when I bought it.”

You laugh, “You bought it like two years ago.”

“And?” He chuckles, bringing the silk restraints to your wrists, wrapping the material somewhat tightly around them. “If you think I only started imagining what it would be like to fuck you since a few months ago then you are gravely mistaken.” He ties the ribbon tighter, then he is lifting your hands a little higher, “Tying you to the bed now.” He says, making a knot around the steal rail.

“You…thought of me—”

“—What can I say?” He pulls your wrists away from the rail, making sure the restraints are secure. “I’m a man with taste.”

Your breaths become a little heavier, a flame burning at your skin. “Oh.” Then you crack a smile when he leans back and gazes at you. “You must be horny if you admitted that.”

“Well, I am fucking horny. Look at you.” He chuckles, his hand going to his sweats, trying to adjust them. “But you should know I admit anything I want whenever I want.”

“Question for you,” You roll your lips together, “You aren’t going to wear all of that right?” You nod towards him, “I would prefer if you lost some clothes.”

Jungkook’s lips curve up, “Would you? Hm,” He lifts his shirt off his body, “I can give you a little bit of a view, I guess.”

“Pants too?” You ask him innocently, making him exhale a long breath.

“Keeping my briefs on.” He narrows his eyes, “It’s only fair. You’d be wearing more than me at that point.”

“That’s fine with me.” You bite your lip, “At least I can see your thighs like that.”

“Oh?” He chuckles, “Yeah, you’ve gotten off on them a few times, huh?”

“Yeah.” Your eyes drop to his lower half when he starts dragging his sweatpants off. “You’re so fucking hot.”

Jungkook pauses, mouth falling open in slight surprised. “You think so?” He asks before slowly finishing taking off the pants, kicking them away.

“Of course.” You nod, “You’ve always been cute.”

“Nah, you said hot just now. Not cute.”

“You’re both.”

“Hm, okay.”

“Um,” You pull at the restraints for a moment, “I have an itch.”

Jungkook raises his brows before laughing, “Tell me where.”

“Left cheek.” You whine, “Hurry.”

He leans down a little, fingers going to your cheek before you whine again, “My left.”

“Oh.” He laughs, “Okay.” He’s scratching your other cheek and you sigh in relief. “Is it fucked up that even seeing how you feel good from just that made me want to fuck you more?”

You snort, “Jungkook, what the hell?”

“I mean, because of the noise you made.” He explains, “Can you see how hard I am already?” He looks down at his crotch, your eyes following. You definitely see a bulge. “It’s too bad you’re not allowed to touch me for some time.”

“You know, as much as I love talking to you…you do have me here, in these kinds of clothes…with my hands tied together to your bed…and you haven’t done anything to me yet?”

“Maybe I’m giving you time to get comfortable with it.” He smiles at you. “Nothing matters to me more than your comfort. But if that’s you saying you’re ready for this night to begin…then I am happy to oblige.”

“Then oblige.” You take a deep breath. “I don’t want you to hold back.”

Jungkook laughs a little, his hand going to your thigh, fingers sliding down until he’s wrapping them around your ankle. “Didn’t I tell you to spread your legs?” He asks, tugging your leg closer to him. “We’re barely getting started and you don’t even know how to listen…thought you were going to be good for me?” His fingers unwrap from your ankle before they travel up your thigh again.

“I am…” You sigh out, his fingers playing with the garter. “Not sure I’d let anyone else do this to me…ever.”

“What happens when you like it?” He asks lowly, fingers now barely skidding across your hips.

You slowly close your eyes at the feeling, “I would just have to keep coming back to you.” You say. Jungkook pauses his ministrations, his eyes shooting towards your face when he looks at you with a certain hopelessness that you completely miss.

“And I’d probably never turn you away.” He whispers, fingers going back to touching you.

You lift your lids to eye him, “Probably?”

He smirks, “Oh, should I tell you that I definitely wouldn’t turn you away?”

“It’s preferred.” You say before your body tenses. “Oh.”

Jungkook’s fingers have made their way to your breasts, the thin material does little to stop the feeling he’s causing. The tip of his finger circles around your covered nipple…Jungkook stares down at you, your chest rising at his touch, back arching and head falling more into the pillows behind you.

“Prettiest girl.” He tells you, his own breaths picking up. You think this is one of those times he is saying it without him trying to sound teasing. Maybe he was right. With the way he’s staring down at you, maybe he does mean it. And that just makes your body feel even more on fire.

“Jungkook…” The breathless way you say his name makes him shut his eyes and sigh out.

“I know.” Is all he says before he maneuvers his way onto the bed with you, his knees between your spread thighs as he leans down, arms on either side of you. “y/n.”

Jungkook’s face is just inches from yours…you wish you could wrap your arms around his neck and pull him in so you can kiss him but…you fucking can’t. His eyes dart up where he sees you slightly pulling at the restraints on instinct. “Already?” His lips turn up. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”

“Jung—”

His lips connect with yours, soft against your mouth but still so firm in the way that makes your toes curl. He moves his lips against you slowly, his breaths and taste feel hypnotizing, as if your inability to touch him has made you focus only on his lips. You felt tense at first but the moment he sighs into your mouth, you feel the way you melt. Body turning to goo on his mattress.

Jungkook pulls away for a moment, eyes studying your face with such a lascivious expression. His hand comes to your jaw and he angles it up towards him, eyes growing heavy. “You need to breathe.” He tells you nice and slow.

You blink at him, not realizing you had even been holding your breath. You breathe out a heavy puff of air, your own eyes half lidded and furrowed brows. “I wish I could touch you.”

“I know.” He licks his lips, “I love your touch.” His fingers grip your jaw a little tighter, turning your face to the side. He leans in, mouth at your ear. “I get so fucking weak when you touch me.”

Jungkook lowers his head more, lips going right below your ear before he kisses it. Then a little lower, more kisses. Your eyes flutter shut at the softness of his lips, breaths still heavy. But your brows really pinch together when he starts sucking on your skin, teeth nipping and you release a moan in response. One hand on your jaw and the other behind your neck as he continues kissing and sucking. You squirm beneath him, toes curling in and out and your wrists softly pulling the restraints again.

The hand on your jaw lowers until you feel him massaging one of your breasts, thumb brushing against your nipple and you start to close your thighs around him from how good you feel, the ache between your legs only growing stronger.

“No.” Jungkook lifts his face, eyes going to yours. “I don’t think so.” His fingers travel to your inner thigh. So fucking close but not close enough. “Spread them again.” He softly demands, fingers pushing your thigh away from him.

“Jungkook.” You look up at him, the way he’s hovering over you makes you feel so helpless.

“Yes baby?” He leans down, nudging his nose with yours. “Be a little more patient,” He whispers, “Because the more impatient you act…the more I will make you wait.”

Your breaths are erratic now, your expression shifting into something more desperate than before. “It’s not my fault.” You whimper and he swears the way you sounded makes him want to forget all of this and just fuck you, fast and rough.

“I know it’s not your fault.” He shuts his eyes, body lowering itself closer to you. “It’s mine.” He says it so proudly, lips colliding with yours, the action rougher than before. You react quickly, kissing him back harder. His hand is at your jaw again, tight and possessive. He barely pulls away, lust completely taken over as he traces your bottom lip with his tongue. God, the action feels so lewd.

You’re struggling beneath him, body on fire from his touch, his kiss, his expression, his smell, his taste. You feel completely out of your element, helpless as you let him do whatever he wants, taking his fucking time and making you lose your mind.

Jungkook smirks at you, planting one more kiss to your lips before he starts kissing down your chest. Your heaving chest, with a lace bra that does nothing to cover your tits. His hands are busy, lifting the bra above your breasts, his kisses landing everywhere, tongue flicking your sensitive nipple. You arch your back more, breathy moans beginning to slip out.

He doesn’t stop there, he continues kissing down your stomach, in all the places the garter belt doesn’t cover. Hands gripping your hips tightly, stopping you from moving them so much. You look down at him and bite down onto your bottom lip, hard. His hair is messy, falling into his dark eyes that concentrate on your body.

You watch him, breathless, anticipating for his lips to find your wet cunt so you can finally feel some sort of relief but much to your dismay…he completely skips over your center. His fingers continue to dig into your hips as he lowers himself more, biting at your thighs as you whine for him.

“Jungkook…fuck, please.” You struggle to hide your desperation now. “Please, Jungkook. I need you. I don’t know if I can handle this pace anymore…please…”

Jungkook does stop…a smile forming on his lips as he lifts his head to look up at you. “Did you finally just beg? Properly? For the first time?”

You continue to bite your lips, hips still trying to move but he’s firm in holding you down.

“You did.” He tells you, clearly satisfied. “Okay, babe. I think it’s time I give you what you want.”

Thank fucking goodness because you are honestly feeling pathetic at this point. And you hate that it makes your lower belly swirl in desire because Jungkook looks so fucking pleased with it.

His fingers go to your inner thighs, his eyes glued to your pussy, the see through panties showing him everything. “Spread your legs further apart.” He orders and you listen. Jungkook’s fingers get closer, trailing slowly towards the most sensitive part your thighs have to offer.

He takes one finger and barely brushes it over your underwear. Your hips buck up, a soft cry leaving your lips. “Fuck, Jungkook.” You moan.

He bites his lip, eyes concentrated on you. His fingers pull your underwear to the side, exposing your wet heat that immediately makes him gulp. “Fucking hell, y/n.” He struggles to breathe evenly, “I can’t believe I was worried today. Look at what I do to you.” His cheeks are blazing. “I’m the only one who can do this to you, aren’t I? With you spread like this, your pussy is on display for me.” He keeps the underwear pushed to the side as his other hand come towards you, a single finger touches you. You tense, once again feeling so helpless.

Jungkook gently strokes your pussy with his one finger, getting it soaked in your juices. You feel like this one motion alone could have you trembling. He uses two fingers now, the digits exploring everything between your folds. You’re unable to keep quiet, being touched by him feels like heaven. You shut your eyes, hips circling.

Jungkook keeps playing with you, his fingers finally lowering until he’s toying with your entrance. You squeeze your eyes, teeth digging into your bottom lip, waiting so fucking patiently to feel him enter you. And he does, both of his fingers push inside and you let out a long, drawn out moan. He momentarily looks away from your heat, eyes going to your face when he sees how fucked out you look.

“Do you know how much I love your pussy?” He asks you, the tone of his voice makes you clench around his fingers. “So fucking much. Love eating it, making you come on my tongue.”

Your wrists pull at the restraints again, the urge to just push his head down with your hands and pull his hair as he eats you out is strong. But of course you cannot. He smiles when he sees you open your eyes to gaze down at him. His fingers begin sliding in and out of you, your walls tight around them before he’s curling them…you finally feel more of a relief.

“I know exactly what you like, hm?”

“Yes.” You sigh, content that you’re finally being touched like this.

He keeps moving his fingers expertly before his face comes closer to your core, he breathes you in and licks his lips. “I want to cover your pretty pussy in my cum…” He breathes out roughly, “I bet you’d love that, huh?” His fingers move faster.

“Yeah, I would…” You admit, biting your lip to conceal a smirk. “I would love to have your cum anywhere on me.”

“Yeah?” He looks up at you, nose so close to brushing against your clit. “Hmm…”

“Jungkook…” Your eyes roll around, pleasure building but you want more. You’re about to tell him but he’s not dumb, he knows exactly what you want. And he gives it to you. His tongue is suddenly dipping between your folds, pressed against the place that is throbbing, aching, screaming in desperation.

You don’t mean to cry out, the feeling so overwhelming after all his teasing. He licks your clit with calculated strokes, pressed against you, so warm and wet and god, the way his tongue starts moving around, swirling and flicking…you swear you could finally come.

His fingers don’t stop as he groans into you, the sound only turning you on even more. You’re going crazy, squirming and struggling to stay still as the pleasure builds and builds. You feel so good though, surprised how being restrained has made this experience much more exhilarating.

“Fuck, that’s good…Jungkook, yes…” You whine, “Mm…” Your hips rise and his free hand forces them back down to the mattress, his tongue absolutely about to bring you over the edge. “I’m so close…” You watch him, brows pulled together with sweat at your hairline. “You’re going to make me come.”

He keeps working his fingers inside you, feeling the way you pulse around them. He wraps his lips around your clit, sucking on it as you cry out loudly. Yeah, you’re coming. You move your head around, unable to control how strong it is…wrists knocking against the steal rail, body finally going tense as Jungkook’s name falls from your mouth over and over.

The high has infiltrated every part of your body. The feeling so good, coming all over Jungkook’s tongue. You’re panting, thighs squishing his cheeks as you ride it out, the fall of your orgasm happening so slowly but god, it feels incredible. His fingers leave your core and you almost miss them.

Jungkook looks up at you, the lewdness in his eyes only grows more and more before he’s letting go of your clit and flicking his tongue over it again and again. Your soft cries turn into full on whimpers when you get hit with a different feeling…

“W-What are you…” You continue to pant, “Fuck, what are you d-doing?” You look down at him, face twisting at the new feeling. “Fuck…w-wait, Jungkook…” Your head falls back, deeper into the pillow as your eyes roll around.

It’s almost painful, the way he’s still eating you out. You’ve never dabbled in overstimulation before, not even to yourself. But you’re choosing to trust him even though you think you cannot handle it.

“Fuck.” You almost scream out the word, body set on fire until suddenly…the warmth isn’t blazing, instead it feels good. “Jungkook…” You say his name in a content defeat. Pleasure taking over anything that was once uncomfortable. He moans into your pussy, clearly satisfied that you’re being good for him…just like you said you would be.

You had no idea what to expect but coming again just a minute after your last orgasm wasn’t something you thought would happen. This time though, it’s more intense…the buildup was quick but fucking powerful and you aren’t sure you’ve ever came this hard before. Moans and words that make no sense leave your mouth.

You grind your hips against Jungkook’s face and he lets you ride it out exactly the way you want, he hums, praising you for being so good. When your orgasm finally comes down, you finally relax your body and manage your breath control. It’s hard because you feel so weak now.

Jungkook rises from your body, a small smile on his shining lips. “You’re so perfect.” He rasps out, “I’ve been wanting to do that for you for ages.”

“Jungkook…” You say his name so softly, your voice almost shaky and he feels his heart swell in pride. Your head sunk into the pillows behind you, your hands limp above you, eyes closed as you still try to even out your breathing.

“Hm?” He rises from between your legs and crawls over you until his face is over yours, “What is it, my pretty girl?” And then he leans in slowly, pecking your lips a few times. You don’t kiss back but you do start to smile between his kisses.

“Are…” You finally start to open your eyes so you can look up at him, his gaze already on you. “Are you going to untie me now?” You ask, fingers twitching above you.

“Why would I do that?” He leans in again, lips finding yours for a firmer kiss before he pulls back, “One more thing before I do.”

“Which…is?” You blink at him, “You aren’t done?”

“Done?” He pushes his head back slightly, a sign of disbelief on his features. “I am not done with you, y/n.” Jungkook’s eyes are so soft on you, a small smile on his lips before he lowers his head into the crook of your neck. “…Will I ever be done with you?” and then there’s a barely there kiss being placed right below your ear. You aren’t sure if it’s the action or his words just now that is making your insides feel all jumbled.

“I want to touch you…” You mumble, cheeks feeling warmer than usual.

“I know.”

No, he doesn’t know. You know he’s thinking about how you probably want to touch him in the way that has his head being thrown back, curses leaving his mouth as you make him feel good. But that isn’t even what you meant. You almost hate what you did mean.

“Want to touch you so bad, Jungkook.” You murmur quietly, eyes closing again.

“I know you do.”

He still doesn’t know, you think. A slight frustration building but you can only settle for defeat. You want to touch him, yes. But in the way that has him staring into your eyes with his usual look of tenderness and understanding. You want to touch him, yes. But in the way that it’s just your fingers stroking his cheek as you praise him, words letting him how well he treats you and how good he makes you feel. That’s how you want to touch him.

Jungkook lifts his head, eyes on yours again. “But I told you, your touch makes me weak, y/n. And I can’t give into you yet…I’m still making you mine…” He pauses, tongue poking out to lick his lips, almost anxiously before he continues with a hushed tone, “You’ve already made me yours, it’s my turn…”

It’s quiet between you both for a moment. He’s staring into your eyes and you aren’t sure what you’re feeling. You want to feel anxious because this feels too much. But the urge to reach out and touch his cheek is still here and you don’t know what to do with that.

“You still trust me, right?” He smiles again now, “And are you feeling comfortable again? We can continue?”

You blink in slight surprise, he’s changed the subject. But right, this is about sex. “I do trust you…and yeah, I’m feeling better.”

Quick kiss to your lips before he’s lifting himself away from you, his feet landing on the floor. You turn your head to the side to see him standing in front of the night stand, he’s chewing on his lips, clearly thinking. “Okay…” He breathes out.

“Oh…” You realize he’s staring at the blindfold. The thought of not being able to move your hands but also not be able to see…is a little interesting. And also a little scary. But it’s Jungkook.

He reaches for the blindfold, fingers grasping the silk material before he glances at you, “I know you might be tense at first,” He speaks calmly, “But it’s just me. Remember, my goal is to make you feel good. Trust me…and I promise, I will give you everything from your fantasies.”

“I do trust you.” You assure him, “I just hope…” Your voice gets quieter, “That I am also something out of your fantasies.”

Jungkook’s lips part but he doesn’t speak. He keeps his eyes on you and you can tell he’s wanting to say something but no words leave him. It makes you feel dizzy. Did you say something wrong?

“I just mean—”

“—This doesn’t compare to anything my dumb imagination could come up with.” He says quickly before clearing his throat. “Believe me.”

Your body relaxes instantly at his words. “Okay.”

Jungkook’s lips curve and then he’s getting closer to you, the blindfold being fiddled between his fingers, “Going to cover your eyes now. Answer me this…do you want me to tell you everything I want to do before I do it? Or do you want the element of surprise but I walk you through it? Might do things you don’t expect…but I will not hurt you…” He assures softly, “I will check in with you and never hesitate to tell me if you don’t like something. Okay?”

“Yeah.” You nod, “Element of surprise.” Your stomach tightens at the sight of the blindfold, his fingers playing with the material and suddenly there’s a welcomed sensation beginning to electrify your body again.

Jungkook smirks down at you before he’s placing the blindfold closer to you, your eyes focused on him before your sight goes dark and his fingers are at the back of your head, tying it. Your eyelashes flutter against the silk, the new darkness suddenly feels strange to you. “I’m still here, baby.” Jungkook whispers, his fingers now at your cheek. “Try to relax.”

Once again, you haven’t realized you were holding in a breath, stomach still tensed but his voice and touch is all the comfort you need. You try to relax your muscles as you release a long breath. “Will you kiss me?” You ask him, your eyes darting around but it’s just the darkness that has you.

“Yes.” He responds, his fingers leaving your cheek. You feel strange again. The absence of his touch has you moving your head around, as if looking for him. But still, the silk over your eyes takes that away from you. One moment. Two moments. Three moments. Still nothing.

“Jung—”

And then you feel his warm breath over your lips…he’s close, obviously. But he still isn’t touching you. The feeling makes you feel almost antsy, it’s still strange but your lower belly is starting to swirl like lava. You swallow hard, lips parted as you try to breathe even once again.

Suddenly, Jungkook’s finger, you’ll assume thumb, comes to your bottom lip, pulling it down. He’s still softly breathing over your mouth as his thumb softly tugs at your lip…and now you can feel how your breaths pick up because his pacing is driving you mad.

They say that depriving one of your senses can heighten your other senses but you’re learning quickly that anticipation is another sense. And it is a highly sensitive one. His breath is warm on your lips and suddenly you can feel the tip of his tongue sliding over your bottom lip, it’s wet and soft and you feel your heart start to race.

Jungkook’s tongue is barely touching you though, the way he glides his tongue, tracing your bottom lips feels so featherlike. Then you are silently gasping when his teeth nip at you before he’s sucking your lip…your stomach tenses again. Lava still swirling and the feeling between your legs is a subtle but taunting tingle.

You release a breathy moan, unable to stop yourself. But it gets swallowed, his thumb quickly dropping from your mouth and his lips land on yours as he groans, his hands cupping your jaw now. You feel completely enveloped in his touch. Back arching as you push your chest up into his. His lips are perfectly slotted between yours. But he’s he is quick to pull away.

And then you feel nothing but coldness again. His hands leave you, his lips leave you, his breath that brought you comfort…leaves you. You’re left breathing heavily, surrounded in darkness with no way to even reach out for him. “Jungkook?” You call out.

“Still here, baby.” He tells you but his voice sounds more distant. “Wait for me for a minute.” And then you can hear his feet quietly shuffling away and suddenly you feel strange again. You feel stuck, lost, helpless. But instead of fear you feel that new sense, the anticipation. And it feels scary in the way that feels exhilarating.

Your body does feel a sense of comfort, your skin rubbing against his sheets and it’s like your skin knows these are Jungkook’s sheets…your head leaned against his pillows and it’s the same feeling. You know it’s his pillows. The smell of the room, it’s him. It’s all him. He’s everywhere despite the fact he is not near you. Your breasts are still exposed, nipples perked at the AC blowing into the room, small goosebumps beginning to infect your skin.

You slide your feet towards you, knees bending as you wait. Your panties are covering your heat again since Jungkook’s fingers are no longer pushing them to the side and you feel the stickiness of your previous and current arousal on the material. You wait. And wait. Focusing on listening for Jungkook’s footsteps. You miss him.

You think you hear that box from earlier being opened again, the same sound of his fingers scrambling through it. It doesn’t last long…the sound. Quiet footsteps again. You’re wondering if he’s being this quiet on purpose, yes, you know he wants to make you as comfortable as possible but he also wants to make it fun too. You kind of appreciate it, if you’re honest. Comfort is nice but the way he’s making you feel from all the mystery is also making you ache in the best way. It’s quiet for some time and you think he’s left the room. Waiting and waiting…sounds in the distance. More waiting.

Suddenly, you can feel the bed dip near your feet. Your head turns in the direction, lips parted as you try to breathe again. You know it’s him, obviously. But being left in the dark creates this doubt that eats you from the inside.

“It’s me.” He whispers, his warm hand landing on your ankle. You can feel the bed dip more, his body going between your legs again. His hands on either side of your ankles, his fingers wrapped loosely around them. “You don’t know but,” His fingers unwrap themselves from your left ankle, fingers sliding up your leg. “You look so beautiful like this.” Suddenly, he’s urging you to lift that same leg, he bends it back until he’s lifting it over his shoulder.

“You like it that much?” You bite your lip, concealing a smile.

“Can you admit it now?” His fingers drag over your leg until you feel them tugging at the garter on your thigh. “You wore this for me, right? You wanted to please me?” He asks you, voice husky.

“Did I?” You breathe out, “I don’t—”

He pulls the garter back before snapping it against your thigh, a slight sting. “Tell me.”

You gasp quietly at the action, breaths picking up more before you decide to be honest. “Fine. I did. I knew you might like it and I wanted you to think I looked nice.”

“Good.” He says, fingers messing with the garter, you can feel how he unclips the suspender. “I’ve enjoyed how you look with all of this on. You look more than nice. You look…” He pauses, fingers beginning to drag the garter down your thigh as he slides it up, getting if off you at your ankle that rests on his shoulder. “You look obscenely indecent.” He says slowly, smirk in his voice.

You laugh a little, the sound is airy. “Indecent?”

“Yes.” He murmurs, “I don’t want anyone else to ever see you like this.” And then he’s lowering your leg and giving attention to the other one. He repeats the actions…lifting it over his shoulder, unclipping the garter and sliding it off of you. The leg lowers back as well.

He’s still in between your legs, but you feel how he moves closer. Suddenly, his hands are around your waist, your body tensing at the way he lightly grips you. You feel how he falls forward, his head burying in your stomach before you can feel soft kisses over your skin.

“Pretty,” He says, fingers playing with the garter belt, “But it has to go.” He lifts himself before sliding it down, over your hips. You lift your ass some to help, his hands pulling down the material quickly. “These too.” He says, snapping the band of your underwear against your skin.

You can’t help but moan, feeling breathless. “You want me naked, huh?”

“Yeah.” He says, urging you to lift your hips again so he can drag the panties off of you. “It’s a view I love even more.”

The air is chilly against all your exposed skin. You want to close your legs together but Jungkook’s body between them does cause a nice warmth but you aren’t sure if it’s from his actual body heat or because it’s Jungkook…you know, between your fucking legs. You feel his fingers at your breasts, your chest rising and falling quickly when he barely drags a finger over your nipple.

“I will buy you more lingerie.” He tells you in a whisper. “So don’t be mad.”

“What—”

His hands pull your bra towards him, stretching the material before you hear it rip. He is tearing the flimsy, lace bra in half.

“Jungkook!” Your eyelashes flutter against the silk quickly, “Why did you—”

“—Your hands are tied up.” He lets the bra fall before he’s dragging it from under you. “This was the easiest way to get it off.” You can hear how his voice sounds so fucking proud.

“You’re right.” You pout. “You are buying me more.”

“Without a doubt, babe.” He chuckles, “But whatever I buy you is only for me.”

You release a long sigh, “Baby…babe…you really don’t follow rule number 3, do you?”

“Nope.” He says cutely, “Just like your other rules, it’s stupid.”

“Jungkook—”

“—And that’s me being easy with you, I have to hold myself back from calling you a million other things.”

“Oh,” your lips lift a little, “Like what?”

“No, no, no.” He sings, “Don’t want to break your rules too crazily.” His hand comes to cup your jaw, “You’re feeling more comfortable, right?” He asks, voice not teasing anymore. “Because I want to ruin you, the prettiest girl in the world, god, I want to ruin you.”

Your breath hitches, your eyes focused on the darkness the silk offers, wrists straining against the steal rail above you. “Do what you want with me, Jungkook.” You finally say, voice close to shaking. “Anything you want, anything…”

Jungkook is quiet, his hand leaves your jaw and you start tensing again. He’s still hovering over you but he isn’t speaking, he isn’t touching you, he isn’t giving you anything to work with. One moment. Two moments. Three moments.

Finally, you can feel the back of his fingers at your elbow, his touch lightly cascading down your inner arm. It tickles but there is no sense to laugh, it tickles in the way that makes your heart start racing, tickles in the way that feels like this tingle is traveling across your entire body. His fingers continue to dance down, falling down your side now, passing the edge of your breast, passing your waist, your hips.

“You like being touched by me?” He asks, lowly.

“Y-Yeah.” You gulp, “It feels good.”

Jungkook lowers his head, lips ghosting over your lips before he speaks again. “What else do you do to please me?”

“What?”

“I said,” His other hand suddenly comes to your breast, fingers pinching your nipple before he softly rolls the nub, leaving you gasping. “What else do you do to please me?”

“I don’t know.” You respond slowly, your eyes finally closing, a pitch black darkness. “Maybe everything.”

“You’re admitting something like that?” He chuckles over your mouth, lips brushing against yours with each word he speaks. “Did you answer like that because you know it would also please me?”

“I answered like that because it’s the truth.” You whisper, “I like making you feel good too.”

Jungkook’s slow to move his lips over yours for a kiss. He loves kissing you, he loves your lips, he loves how you sound when you get into it, he loves passing moans between your mouths, he loves tasting you. You kiss him back just as slow. Mouths moving together languidly as he barely slips his tongue into your mouth, nice and smooth and lazy.

His hand tightens around your jaw before his fingers go to your lips, keeping them spread, forcing your mouth to fall open when he sucks on your tongue more messily. God, the feeling is so lewd but you can only imagine how hot this looks.

You moan out loud, playing with his tongue just as expertly, the feeling feels like velvet. He lets go of your face, his lips slotting over yours again and then he’s really kissing you, faster, rougher, messier. He’s moaning into your mouth and you eat them right up. You aren’t sure how long you two have been kissing for but it’s long enough to have the ache between your legs start to feel mind numbingly painful.

Your hips are stirring, your wrists are pulling at the restraints and your vision is nonexistent. Jungkook pulls away, breathing heavy over your mouth, a quiet whine leaving his lips. “I can’t wait to fuck you.” Is all he says, leaving you more breathless than before.

And then there is coldness again. He’s leaving you. And he takes all the heat with him. “Jungkook?” You call for him, still trying to catch your breath. “Jungkook?” You bob your head around but of course you cannot see. You squeeze your thighs together and you are met with your arousal, the stickiness coating your skin.

Suddenly, there is something dripping onto your lower stomach. Some kind of liquid? It’s warm…really warm. The new feeling shocks you, something new and unexpected. You can feel this liquid dribbling over your skin, sliding down your sides, a heat following it.

“I heat up some oil,” Jungkook’s voice is suddenly heard. “It’s going to be really warm but it should feel good…to relax you.”

Your mouth has fallen open, slow, deep pants following. It does feel good. Suddenly, more oil is dripping, you feel the wet warmth fall to your breasts, down your sternum. It rolls over your skin, probably dripping to the sheets but you don’t think Jungkook cares.

You can feel each droplet of oil on your skin. It’s hypersensitive. It’s like you can imagine the thick liquid rolling down your sides, tickling you, a path of fire in its wake. “Is it too warm?” He asks “Or is it good?”

You’re still breathing heavily, “It feels so good.” You squirm a little, the oil tickling your skin.

“Good.” He says before you feel his hands on you, fingers spreading the oil into your hips. It feels even warmer, like it’s spreading into the wildest of fires. “I wasn’t sure if it cooled down enough. But I tested it, I thought you might like it this warm.”

“I do.” You sigh in content now that his hands are finally on you again, “It feels amazing.”

His hands explore more, he’s spreading the oil down to the tops of your thighs, fingers digging into your skin, the heat following. Then his hands are on your chest, the oil coating your breasts, he’s massaging your nipples, a drawn out moan leaving your lips.

Suddenly, His hands leave you and Jungkook is in between your legs again and your ears perk up. A sound you weren’t expecting gets your attention…a sound that is slick, fast and unholy. Is he…? You’re still breathing roughly when you can hear the consistent sound in front of you and Jungkook is moaning himself.

You know exactly what he’s doing. And you fucking hate that you cannot see him.

“Jungkook…” You whine, “Take this blindfold off…I need to see you.”

“Too bad, y/n.” He groans out, the slick sound is obscene. You know he has his oiled fingers wrapped around his cock and he’s stroking himself above you. “Just to clarify,” He moans again, “You are on birth control still, right?”

“Are you going to—”

“—Not going to come in you.” He says, struggling to keep his voice clear. “But you are, right?”

“Yes.” You feel so helpless and upset you cannot touch him or see him. “Are we—”

“—No.” The sound suddenly stops. “I’m not fucking you yet. But,” He lowers himself a little closer to you, the subtle feeling of his hard length brushing against your inner thigh just barely. “I am going to enjoy this view as much as possible.” He says before your body finally sets itself on fire. The head of his cock rests at the tops of your folds, suddenly, his length is moving side to side, spreading your folds apart and he’s rubbing against your clit. You both moan in unison.

“Oh fuck,” He cries out softly, “I make you this wet?”

You only whimper in response, his cock sliding vertically now, just moving against your folds. He’s whining above you, moving his hips to barely brush against your wet, dripping cunt, rubbing against every nerve in your clit, the feeling making you go crazy. You move your legs, wrapping them around Jungkook’s waist, trying your hardest to push your heels into him so he will lower himself even more but he’s stronger than you.

“No, baby.” He pants out, “This is for me. Not you.” Suddenly, he stops moving and you’re left feeling insane, wanting nothing more than to continue the feeling that was starting to build. His cock leaves your heat and you hear him breathing erratically above you. Then, the head of his cock drops to your clit, the feeling is heavy. The action repeats. He’s slapping his cock down onto your clit, repeatedly dropping it making you gasp as he moans.

He starts rubbing against it more roughly now, quick and heavy. You’re squirming in your spot. Jungkook is still panting, his fingers wrapped around himself so tightly as he stares down at you. Your mouth has fallen open, your entire expression is wonton and dreamy. He wishes he could see your eyes now, he wants to see your entire face, he wants to see you and how good he makes you feel. He’s stroking himself as he rubs your clit repeatedly, his fingers moving faster and faster and he’s squeezing his eyes shut for only a moment, listening to your moans with all his focus. He’s so close. He’s going to come. He is going to come because of this view that is just for him. He is going to come because you did this for him. And he just wants to respect that.

“Ah, Jungkook…” You moan out his name, fuck, you must be close too. “Rub it faster, I’ll come…” You let him know, erratic breaths filling the room.

Jungkook opens his eyes again, gazing down at your pussy. “No, baby.” He strokes faster, slightly lifting his cock from your folds. “This is for me, not you.” He groans, gripping the head of his dick and rubbing it quickly. He starts moaning continuously, the sound is whiney and salacious. He finally slows his movements as he loudly groans, pushing his cock back down to your folds again and warm cum starts spilling from his throbbing member.

You’re met with such a hot, wet feeling. His cum coats and soaks the top of your pussy, the seed dribbling down your folds. Jungkook is still moaning above you, wet sounds as he still slowly strokes his dick. His eyes focused on the way his cum covers your cunt in white. The sight alone could make him come again.

“Jungkook…” You cry out, “Holy fuck,” Your hips stir like crazy, swiveling in dire need. “I was so close too…”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be coming soon.” He sighs out, his hand finally coming to a stop. Eyes still on your pussy that is coated in his cum. “And I will finally give you something you want.” He tells you, out of breath.

“What?” You ask but then suddenly you feel his fingers at the back of your head, untying the blindfold and it drops from your eyes. You shy away from the sudden brightness the room offers, not yet totally adjusted to the light.

“I wouldn’t take this from you…” He whispers, lowering himself to kiss you. Lips barely giving you a proper kiss since he’s still breathing so erratically. You blink at nothing until he raises his head to look down at you. He’s got a layer of sweat coating his skin, beads gathered at his hairline and they slide down the sides of his face.

“You look so fucking sexy.” You breathe out, eyes on his eyes.

“You.” He whispers, lowering his face to your chest to kiss over your breasts. He goes lower and lower, lips pecking your hips, your pelvis. You watch as his dark eyes stare up at you before he’s licking his cum off the top of your cunt. He looks forever lost in you. And then your body goes rigid the moment he’s wrapping his lips around your bundle of nerves and his tongue is lazily moving. The right amount of pressure though. Pleasure instantly returning as he eats your pussy.

“Fuck,” You relax, eyes filling with more lust he’s ever seen. His tongue moves faster, harder against you and you’re squeezing your thighs on either side of his face, hips moving in rhythm. You’re moaning again, louder this time and he’s groaning so heavenly. The pleasure is building fast, it’s climbing and ready to jump off the highest of cliffs. You can’t wait to feel the sensation of free falling as you come all over his tongue. “Close, close, close.” You pant.

And then he fucking pulls away. You almost want to scream, the pleasure comes to an abrupt stop. You’re left with desperate movements and moans and he does nothing but smile at you. “Look at you, y/n.” He wipes his mouth, “Look at what I’m doing to you, my baby.”

“Holy fuck, Jungkook…” Your wrists are pulling so hard at the silk tied around them, your brows pulled together in painful frustration.

“Your eyes are watering.” He tells you proudly. “Going to cry for me?” He taunts you, “Going to cry because I ripped away the thing you wanted most?”

“Jungkook, Jungkook…” You feel dizzy.

“I’m going to fuck you now.” He says, voice deeper than before. “Going to fuck you really hard. Going to fuck you so hard that you do cry.”

You blink back the sting in your eyes, “Jungkook…”

“Could you imagine that?” He continues to taunt you, expression growing darker. “Miss little control freak crying because I own the pleasure she wants to feel so badly? You’d look a little pathetic, wouldn’t you?” He asks before speaking slowly, “And so fucking sexy.”

You stare up at him, brows still furrowed as his words process in your mind and you feel your pussy throb. Why are you enjoying this so much? Why are you ready to give yourself up for him? Why? Fucking why are you losing yourself to his words alone?

Jungkook’s lips curve into a dark smile, he reaches over you, fingers at your wrists as he quickly undoes the knots he created when this night first began. You’re free. Your wrists are free. And you don’t waste any time in pulling him down, crashing your lips to his, moaning into his mouth with zero shame. He’s never heard you like this. So fucking needy. So fucking loud.

He pulls away, dark eyes piercing into yours. “Turn over and raise your ass for me.”

You gulp, entire body weak yet it listens to Jungkook’s demand, shaky limbs turning until your knees land on the mattress. Ass raised for him. His hands go to the sides of your hips, rubbing your skin so soothingly. He gets on his knees himself, positioning himself behind you.

“Ah, fuck.” He rubs his hardening cock against your cheeks. “You’re all mine…” He says, hands rubbing the swell of your ass now, massaging your skin. “Are you enjoying this?”

“Y-Yes.” You moan, cheek pushing against the pillow. “You can…you can spank me, if you want.” You close your eyes in satisfaction at the way he’s massaging your cheeks, cock rubbing against you.

“Yeah?” He sounds pleased. “Good to know.” He squeezes your ass in his hands. “I have the condom here, hold on…” He reaches down to the mattress and you hear the packet rip and you imagine he’s rolling the condom on. “You’re still feeling okay?” He asks, one hand going to your ass, fingers exploring before you feel the tips of his fingers between your thighs, brushing over your folds, spreading them.

“Yes…” You sigh in content, “I really need you.”

“Yeah?” He asks you, his other hand wrapping around his hard length. “You miss my cock inside you, huh?” “Fuck, I do…” His fingers rub against your clit for a moment before he’s pulling his hand away. “I need it so badly, Jungkook…I need you so badly.”

“Careful, baby.” He releases a long breath, position his member at your entrance, the tip poking against you teasingly. “Almost sounds like you’re getting desperate for me.”

“I am, Jungkook.” You moan, squeezing your eyes shut when he starts pushing himself forward. “God, I am…you’re making me go crazy.” You admit, breathing heavily as you feel the head of his cock get sucked into your pussy, walls hugging him.

“Oh, y/n…” He tries to breathe, “Fuck, you feel…” He pushes forward more, also using his hands to guide you backwards, pushing yourself onto his cock. “Amazing.”

Your legs are weak, shaky, your pussy stretching as he inserts himself more into you, inch by inch he is disappearing. It burns, his size splitting you apart but it feels so good. He’s thrusting forward softly, sighing heavily as he gives you time to adjust.

“How are you feeling? Hm? My pretty girl?” His hands rub your hips soothingly again, his body so tense as he controls his desire to fuck you.

“Good.” You swallow hard, “Fuck, Jungkook, please, please, please…” You push your ass back more, “Fuck me.” You plead, your body moving on its own. You start moving your hips, needing more friction but Jungkook grips your hips tightly, stopping you from moving.

Then one hand leaves your hip and you’re gasping, tightening around his cock the moment you feel his palm slapping against your ass. “I’m fucking you.” He groans. “Not the other way around.”

Your legs shake more. Your walls gripping his length with insane arousal. “Jungkook…” You cry out, “Please.”

“I know, baby.” He rubs the spot he just slapped. “I’m going to make you feel,” He starts pulling out of you, cock brushing against your walls with tender movements. “So fucking good.” He pushes forward again, pelvis meeting your ass, making it jiggle. “So good.” He slides out again slowly before slapping his hips into you more roughly.

You moan, body jolted forward when he starts repeating that same motion. He’s slow to pull out but he’s quick to thrust into you. Hitting you deeper and deeper each time. Your elbows are barely holding you up, your arms slide up, head completely buried in the pillow. Jungkook rocks into you, fucking you in rhythm now. His moans mix with the sound of his skin slapping your skin.

“God, I love having you like this.” He almost growls, voice so deep, rumbling in his throat. “Fucking you like this, yeah,” His breaths are heavy, rough, almost a cry for help. “You look so fucking gorgeous…” He thrusts faster, “Your ass…” He squeezes it before slapping it again making you cry out. “Fuck.” He yells out aggressively, “My baby.”

Your stomach tenses, your knees wobble, your throat feels rawer from how loudly you’re moaning for him. The angle he has himself in is making you feel like you could come around his cock alone. He’s hitting the spot inside that you that has an orgasm threatening to erupt. “Jungkook…” You whine, eyes still slammed shut. “Fuck,”

Jungkook hands going under you, at your lower stomach before he’s urging you to lift yourself, “Come on, baby.” He groans, “Come on…”

“Can’t,” You whimper, “So fucking tired.”

“Baby, come on…” He keeps fucking you, cock sliding into you roughly, no pain, just pleasure.

You try your best, weak arms lifting your upper body and he helps you, his arms wrapped around your waist, lifting you towards him, back meeting his chest. Your head rolls back, landing above his shoulder, neck completely exposed as you breathe heavily, moaning with furrowed brows.

“Jungkook.” You quietly cry out his name, barely even a whisper. He keeps rocking into you from behind, sweat dripping from his hairline. His lips connect to the side of your neck, sucking into your skin and you moan more. “I—”

Suddenly, his fingers find your clit, wet and messy as he rubs it with his usual skill that makes you feel even weaker. Brows pinched together so strongly, pleasure skyrocketing. “Come like this first,” He says in your ear, lips kissing down your neck again. “Come for me, fuck, want to feel you squeezing my cock.” Your hands go behind you, feeling the back of his head, fingers threading through his damp hair.

He’s still fucking you so deeply, fingers bringing you somewhere so dangerous. Jungkook starts fucking even faster when he feels how you get tighter, your drawn out moans almost sounding like you’re on the verge of ecstasy. You’re saying words neither of you understand, eyes opening to glance down at his tatted hand at your pussy, fingers lost between your folds.

Your orgasm is around the corner, building up so nicely, your teeth digging into your bottom lip, shameless cries leaving your mouth as he pushes onto your clit harder. And that’s it. Your mouth falls open, heavy pants escaping as you start coming. You come and come, squeezing his cock and he groans loudly at the feeling.

“Fuck, yes.” He moans for you, “You’re amazing, baby…keep coming for me.” He keeps fucking into you, your body so tense as you continue to come around him. You’re unable to make another sound. Lips parted, breaths erratic. Vision blurry. Your body goes limper, growing so weak as Jungkook holds you up.

“Jungkook.” You moan his name, “Fuck…” You drag the word through your teeth, your grip on his hair loosening. He slows down his thrusts, kisses on your neck and shoulder. Jungkook eases you back to the mattress, his chest still sticking to your back as he keeps fucking you, slower, deeper. You’re dizzy again. His cock is making you dizzy.

“Let’s turn you around again,” He kisses the back of your shoulder before rising from your body, cock momentarily leaving your hole as he tries to flip you over carefully. You’re tired. Fucked out. Eyes so heavy but lust still lingers. He’s at a loss of words because he’s never seen you look this incredible. “Are you losing yourself to me, y/n?” He whispers before sliding his member back into you, making your eyes open wider, your hands going to his chest, fingernails digging into his skin.

“You’re…” You struggle to speak, “Not done with me, are you?”

“No.” He leans down, kisses your parted lips. He grabs your leg and lifts it to his shoulder, his cock sliding deeper than before. You gasp, eyes stinging again. “You’re going to cry for me.” And then he’s moving into you, faster, deeper, rolling his hips as he struggles himself. He’s so close, closer than close. He’s going to come. But he needs you to come again first.

“Fuck, Jungkook…you’re—” His fingers are back on your clit and you slam your eyes shut.

“No,” He leans forward, rocking into you with enough force. “Look at me.”

You struggle to pry your eyes open, tears filling them because you think you’re going to explode. Your body is on fire, flames surrounding you both. He gazes into your teary eyes, an excited but endeared glint can be seen before he’s kissing you. Lips devouring yours as he fingers work so expertly and you’re whimpering into his mouth, a few tears sliding down your cheeks as you come again.

Jungkook pulls away, his own eyes heavy, “Good girl.” He moans, his hips slapping into you before he’s groaning loudly. “I’m coming.” He cries out, hips stilling. You feel dead but you still manage to wrap your arms around his back, fingers stroking his skin as he comes.

His face is barely distanced from yours, his hot, heavy breaths fall to your lips. His entire expression so focused until he’s kissing you, smiling as he does so. His body losing all energy as well before he’s struggling to hold himself up. You both wince the moment he begins to slip his softening member out from you, a soft whine leaving you both. Another peck to your lips before he rolls over your body, fingers on himself as he discards the used condom.

“Wow,” You murmur tiredly, eyes closed as you remain dizzy from everything.

“I’m going to grab some water, we need some.” Jungkook says, still uneven breaths. “Just relax, don’t get up.”

Well, you were not even planning on it. You don’t think your body is even capable of moving. Your limbs have retired, giving up and leaving you useless. You hum noncommittally, too tired to even drape your arm over your eyes to save you from the light.

Jungkook isn’t gone long, you feel the bed dip near your side as Jungkook sits next to you. You crack open an eye and you see a tall glass of water in one hand. “Drink slowly.” He nudges the cold glass against your cheek and you groan. “Come on.”

Tired, you try to sit up a little, still dizzy. In multiple ways. “Okay,” You reach for the glass but he still holds on to it too, helping you sip the water. Almost instantly, your body and head start to ease from the dizziness. Damn, you really did need some.

“How are you feeling?” Jungkook’s hand brushes against the top of your leg. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah.” You glance at him before taking another sip. “I’m really tired though.” You chuckle at your own admission, “You really did a number on me.”

Jungkook grins a little at this, a brow lifting. “Did I?”

“Mhm.” You sink back down, head in the pillows.

“And how did it feel? Did you enjoy yourself?” He asks you, fingers still stroking your leg. “I didn’t cross any lines, did I?”

“No,” You weakly shake your head, “You made me feel really good…I enjoyed it. Enjoyed you.” You mumble quietly, eyes closing again. “I do feel kind of gross though…but god, I am so tired.”

“Don’t worry, I came prepared.” He chuckles, hand leaving your leg to wave around a wet towel, despite the fact you aren’t looking at him. “We can shower when we wake up,” Then he looks down at the sheets. “But we should still change the sheets regardless.”

“Good idea.” You whisper, “Help me up then.”

He smiles down at you, his hands going to your body to help you rise from the bed. He’s so gentle with you, his warm hands feel like your safe zone. You laugh because it almost tickles how weak you are, Jungkook keeps his hands on you. He passes you the towel as he starts cleaning up around the bed, replacing the sheets and all. You clean yourself up.

After everything is replaced and you’re both not totally gross…he hands you some boxers and one of his t shirts, you easily slide back into his bed, body relaxing against the fresh sheets. And then you get the shock of your life—Jungkook’s hands reach for you, his arm sliding beneath you before he’s pulling you into him. A content sigh leaving his mouth.

You blink at nothing, the dark room in sight but you’re still trying to process the cuddling. You two never cuddle in bed. Never. After sex, you’ve always just felt good enough to be near one another. But you ease into his body very naturally…his scent and touch enough to make you close your eyes again. If you’re honest, this kind of affection after the night you two have had, feels good. Feels right.

You wake up with the featherlike feeling of Jungkook’s fingertips outlining the curve of your figure, soft strokes on your hip. Your shirt is has ridden up, his hand coming from behind you as he touches you so innocently. You’re facing away from him, his body forming your own as he snuggles into you from behind.

“Hi.” You speak groggily, turning in his embrace to face him. “You’re already awake?”

“Yeah.” He hums, eyes finding yours. “For a little while now.”

“Oh.” You swallow, “Sorry…you should have waken me.”

“When do I ever wake you?” He smiles lazily, “I was just relaxing so it’s okay. But I am getting hungry…should we make breakfast?”

“Br—oh, yes.” You return his smile, “What should we make?”

“Lots of stuff. To…you know, replenish the rest of our energy.” He winks at you and you feel an undeniable heat creep up the back of your neck, spreading to your cheeks. “Come on.”

It took more than one ‘come on’ for Jungkook to actually get you to get out of bed, but finally, you decided to get up and wash up before heading to the kitchen. Jungkook is already at the stove, eggs in a pan as he sings some tune. You step towards him, making it to his side and as soon as he feels you, he glances your way.

“Can you make me a glass of water?” He asks you, eyes going down to the eggs.

“Sure.” You nod, about to turn away from him before you feel his hand on your lower back, you look at him and he’s leaning in, lips finding yours for a kiss.

“Thanks.” He mumbles against your mouth, “Should be done soon.” And then he turns back towards the stove, a satisfied yet soft smile on his face. You stare at his side profile for a moment, warmth enveloping you as you watch him. As always, he’s making your body react in ways that you don’t feel like finding an explanation for. Parts of your body that don’t require to be physically touched to feel good. Places like your heart but that sounds lame so you’ll push that thought away.

You shake your head a little, forcing your feet to move away from him.

After a little while, you and Jungkook are sitting at his table with plates of food in front of you. He’s already digging in, mouth full and content hums as he enjoys it. You laugh a little, taking a few bites of your own breakfast. It feels nice. Just sitting together, eating, enjoying the company. The peace.

“So,” Jungkook lifts his big eyes towards you, a loud swallowing sound as he downs his food. “Can I ask you something?” He takes another bite of his eggs, chewing, waiting for your answer.

You raise your brows a little, head nodding. “Sure.” “Your rules,” He says, still chewing. “Um,” He finally swallows. “Can you give me an actual explanation for why they exist? You know,” He lightly gestures between you both with tender eyes, “Between us.”

You gaze at him, sighing in defeat because it’s not like you can’t talk to him…him of all people. So, you slightly nod, shoulders shrugging. “Expectations. Disappointments.” You say simply, as if the two words go into a deep explanation.

Jungkook narrows his eyes, frown on his face. “What about them?”

“So there isn’t expectations.” You mumble, “You can’t expect anything from me…me for you. And no one can get disappointed.”

“I don’t really get it.” He admits, carefully.

“Example,” You exhale a deep breath. “Rule number 3. A rule you always break, by the way!” You playfully roll your eyes, small smile on your face before your lips drop. “Say I get used to it. I would start expecting it, wouldn’t I? Then I would start overthinking if you suddenly just stopped.” You shrug again, “I don’t know, that philosophy works for all the rules I think.”

“Oh.” He subtly nods, eyes going down to his food before he’s eating again. He’s quiet as he eats, chewing as he thinks.

“Anyway—”

“—You think we would end up disappointing one another somehow?” He swallows his food, eyes going back to you. “Isn’t that a really negative way to think about it?”

“Negative or realistic?” You chuckle bitterly, “That’s life, Jungkook.”

“That’s not life, actually.” He furrows his brows, clearly concentrating his attention on you. His gaze makes you feel smaller. But then he brushes it off, small smile before he’s going back to breakfast. “Sound like you already have expectations, y/n.”

“I don’t—”

“—It’s not a bad thing,” He assures you softly. “And for the record, you wouldn’t disappoint me. Not when it comes to the rules.” Jungkook tells you, “It’s funny…sometimes you lack confidence,” Then he smirks. “Yet you still know how to act so cocky.” He lifts a thumb to the corner of your mouth, “You’re cute. But let’s work on that.”

He watches you, lips curved into the cutest smile as you give him the middle finger. His insides are melting, turning into gooey liquid and he’s wondering, truly wondering, if this is something he can actually do. His smile only grows and his heart only beats faster when you stick your tongue out and go back to your food.

Yeah, he isn’t so sure he’s cut out for this. Because this just might not be enough. But he doesn’t want your ‘expectations’ and ‘disappointments’ to make sense. Because he is the one most understanding how they make absolute perfect fucking sense.

~~~

“I am crazy proud of you, dude.” Taehyung is still hugging you tight to his body, “You’re going to do amazing!” He still does not let go. He rocks you back and forth and his arms are wrapped so tightly. “Proud, proud, proud!” He chants.

“Okay, okay.” You laugh into his chest, patting his back. “I get it. Thank you, thank you.”

“I’m proud of you too, y/n. I’d also give you a hug but Taehyung might start barking and growling at me or whatever.” Yoongi tells you with a gummy smile. “Still, accepting your promotion is a huge deal.”

“Of course it is a huge deal.” Namjoon takes a seat at the table that the server just brought you all too, “Hence why we are celebrating.”

“Sorry that only we could make it, y/n.” Jimin pouts, taking a seat next to Namjoon. “Jin and Hoseok feel terrible about not being able to come.”

“Ah, it’s not a big deal.” You keep patting Taehyung’s back. “Okay, let go of me already, dude.” You tell him but he doesn’t let go of you fully, just placing you at arm’s length.

“See? I was being hard on you because I needed you to open your eyes! Now look how excited you are about this promotion!”

“Yeah, yeah.” You roll your eyes, “Right.”

“You don’t believe me?” He cocks a brow at you, “You know what they say about me. I have a method for everything, y/n.”

“Totally, totally.”

“For real though…” Taehyung gets more serious, “You’re going to love this new position…you were made to shine like this.” He smiles now, finally dropping his hands. “What did Jungkook say when you told him?”

“He’s proud too.” You smile, “He should be here any minute…Ara too.”

“Oh.” Taehyung smirks to himself, “Ara, Ara. The love of my life.”

“Stop.” You glare at him, “You just like that she hates you.”

“Hates me?” He pretends to look shocked, “She’s totally in—”

“—Finish that sentence and I’ll consider murder. Super planned out, never get caught kind of murder.” Ara cuts in, heavy sigh leaving her mouth as she walks between you both.

“That’s so flattering,” Taehyung puts a hand over his heart, “You’d plan something that meticulous for me? You’d spend that much time on me?”

“Something is seriously so wrong with you.” Ara shakes her head.

“Yet is does it for you, doesn’t it?” He grins at her.

“Anyway,” Ara turns to you, giving you a quick but tight hug. “Congrats on the promotion!”

“Thanks, thanks.” You tell her, gesturing towards the table so you can all sit with everyone else. “I was so nervous when I was going to accept it! Ah, but when my boss came to check on another project…I kind of just blurted out that I would take it.”

“Seems like your subconscious made the decision.” Ara laughs, taking a seat next to you.

“I guess so.” You giggle, “He says I can give the main presentation tomorrow to one of our teams as like a test run. So I was preparing all day!”

“You’re going to kill it!” Taehyung takes a seat next to Ara, “And—”

“—Why me?” She groans, “Sit on the other side of y/n.”

“Uh,” Taehyung gives Ara a pointed look. “Jungkook is going to want to celebrate right next to our promoted princess.”

“Oh yeah.” Ara blinks, head nodding. “So true.”

“Jungkook would survive not sitting next to me guys.” You deadpan.

“I don’t know,” She shrugs. “Even yesterday when we met for drinks…Jungkook didn’t want be anywhere if you weren’t right there.”

“T-That’s not true.” You defend, cheeks heating up.

“It is true.” Taehyung says nonchalantly, he and Ara share a look, “Childhood friends are close like that.” He nods, “I’m actually going crazy because I’m not right next to y/n either.” Taehyung offers a very straight face and Ara returns it.

“I can imagine.” She nods.

“You guys are annoying.” You laugh, “But speaking of Jungkook…” You pull your phone out, “He’s taking forever. Oh he called. Let me send him another—”

“—Well, maybe I would have been here earlier if you would have told me where this table was located! Or you know, answered my calls.” Jungkook suddenly has his hand on the back of your chair, “I’ve been searching for you guys everywhere.”

“Hey man.” Yoongi nods up at Jungkook.

“My bad…” Jimin looks at his own phone, “Didn’t feel my phone.”

“You’re here.” You turn your head to look at him, bright smile. He immediately looks down at you and he returns your smile.

“Hi.” He says, eyes only on you now. “Congratulations.” He grins, hand going to your shoulder as he squeezes it gently. “I’m really happy for you.”

“Thank you.” You answer, hand patting the seat next to you. “I’m a little nervous.”

Jungkook sits next to you, his fingers itching to give you comfort but he is trying to respect rule number 2. “That’s normal. But you’ll be great.” He assures you with just words instead. You gaze at him, eyes clearly still holding some doubts but you take a long, deep breath before leaning into him, head resting on his shoulder.

“If you think so maybe I will be.” You tell him, trying to gain some confidence.

“You will be.” He tells you quietly, a little surprised you’re leaning against him so openly but what really shocks him is when your fingers find his on his lap, you grip them softly before you lean away from him again, your attention on Ara when she says something. But your hand remains on his.

Jungkook tries to breathe normally. It isn’t a big deal. But these sudden nerves remind him of the first time he ever kissed you when he was 14 years old. All nerves and no chill. He clears his throat, his hand giving yours a gentle squeeze as he tries to join in on the conversation Namjoon and Yoongi are having. But then, you pull your hand away to reach for a water the server just brought as you continue chatting with Ara

He hates that he feels disappointed.

Oh. Wait. No…he gulps, throat drier than before.

He stares at nothing for a moment, trying to rid that thought with the shake of his head. “Jin and Hoseok couldn’t come or?” He asks Namjoon.

“Jin is on a business trip until Monday and Hoseok is sick.” Yoongi answers for him. “Hoseok wanted to come anyway but he sounded horrible on the phone.”

“Eh, probably for the best then.” Jungkook chuckles. He glances around the table, watching how Namjoon and Yoongi continue to talk, Jimin and Taehyung chatting about going out this weekend and Ara telling you about some guy.

He stares at your side profile as you speak, your hands moving around animatedly, words falling from your mouth…something about how this guy is funny and cute…and then he’s noticing an uneasiness. What guy? Expectation and disappointment lingering as he tries to listen more carefully.

“You guys really seem to get along,” You continue, “A perfect match!”

Oh. Jungkook relaxes. You’re talking about the guy for Ara. Disappointment averted. Expectation rising. He continues to gaze at you, a lazy smile starts growing on his lips as he watches and listens to you. You’re so cute. Pretty. Bea—everything. He wishes you’d believe him more when he says that to you. He rests his chin in his hand as he keeps staring.

“You’re so pretty today.” He suddenly blurts. You whip your head towards him, blinking repeatedly before you snort.

“Oh.” You laugh awkwardly, “I look the same as usual.”

Ara and Taehyung look at you both as well. “So you’re pretty every day.” Ara sings out.

“Well, according to Jungkook.” Taehyung whispers towards Ara and she swats his arm and he pretends he’s wounded, chuckling to himself. “But anyway, Ara…” He pouts at her. “Who is this guy you are even seeing?”

“Someone who really likes me.” She grins at him, proud glint in her eyes. But Taehyung squints at her.

“But you like me.”

“Nope.” She raises her nose in the air, “Not a chance.”

“So,” You eye Jungkook over, “You think I’m pretty today?” You ask him, voice directed only towards him as everyone chats. He doesn’t doubt the blush on his cheeks.

“You know this already.” He tells you, “But I still like telling you.”

It’s like his words are the match that lights a fire to your skin. You try to conceal an undoubtedly shy smile. Hating that like usual, he gives you such reactions. “Then thank you.” You mumble, still trying not to smile. You lean into him again, hand landing on his thigh. “Sometimes I can tell you aren’t teasing.” You say playfully, fingers squeezing his muscular thigh before bringing your hand back to your own lap.

Jungkook feels the absence of your touch again. And again, he’s disappointed. And then your words on expectations ring louder than ever. He finally gets it. Because he wants to expect this—your touch, words, anything. He wants that and he’s disappointed otherwise. He hates that you were the one with the worries but all along he’s the one understanding them.

“You’re affectionate today.” He mumbles quietly, eyes locked on yours. You raise your brows a bit, trying to think about it when you smile, looking a little embarrassed.

“Sorry, sorry…I didn’t—”

“—It’s okay. It’s kind of a relief I’m not the only one who broke a rule today.” He says, eyes looking a little more distant as he stares at you. “But…” He looks down for a moment, brows furrowed. “I think I broke a whole new rule. Well, I’m admitting it but it’s probably been broken.”

You study him, confusion falling onto your features, “What do you—”

Suddenly, his eyes rise again and he looks more determined. “Can we talk? Outside?”

You blink a few times, mouth fallen open. “Now?” You look around, “But—”

“—Please.” He says the word softly.

“Okay.” You sense how serious he is about talking so you agree. You excuse yourself from everyone else with Jungkook following. You both head outside of the restaurant, finding a quiet and empty spot on the side of the building. Jungkook leans against the wall, his eyes so focused on your face.

“So?” You sway into the wall as well, “Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know.” He takes a breath, “Maybe?”

“What’s going on?” You take a one step towards him and his hands want to reach out for you but he controls them.

“I broke all of the rules.” He tells you simply. His eyes serious, with the slight furrow of his brows. “Every single one.”

“What?” You ask, looking genuinely confused. He can’t help but crack a smile, a weird relief flowing through his veins…because you’re just you.

“I had a hunch I was breaking it but I I’ve confirmed it.” He smiles at you. “Rule number one, I broke it a while back. I told my mom.” He grins now while you gape at him.

“What?!”

“Not a big deal,” He shrugs, “She liked the whole idea.”

“Jung—”

“—I guess I broke the second rule a few times. Rule number three, I clearly just didn’t believe in that one. Rule number four, first of all, fuck that rule.” He keeps smiling at you.

“You break it!” You scold him.

“Thank god that I do.” He shrugs again, devious smile on his face but then he softens considerably. “And rule number five,” He takes a deep breath. “I broke that one too. I’m breaking it now. It might even be the first rule that I broke.”

You process all his words very slowly. Starting from the beginning…but your brain is catching up. You don’t even separate your lips. They stay glued to one another as you look at Jungkook with pure confusion.

“I know you don’t really get it.” He says softly, lips spreading into a barely there smile. “Since you’re such a stickler for the rules.”

“Are…” You finally try to speak, head shaking a little. “Are you saying you …?”

“That I have feelings for you?” He looks up at the night sky, “Yeah, breaking rule number five would mean that, wouldn’t it?”

“Jungkook…” You say his name slowly.

“I know. I get it.” He looks back at you, nothing but a content expression. “But for obvious reasons we should stop this fun little arrangement because I was right…” He chuckles, “I am not cut out for it.”

“Then—”

“—And please don’t hate me. I want to stay and celebrate but I also want to give you some space to think and process and what not.”

“Process?” You blink at him.

“I don’t really know. Maybe it’s me…is it okay if I go home for now? I promise,” He looks at you sincerely, “This won’t change our friendship, y/n. But can I have just a couple days to work through it by myself?”

You really don’t know how to respond. Your throat feels dry. You only nod at him.

And just like always, he makes you entire body react. Including your fucking heart.

You’re sure everyone could tell you were acting strange during your celebratory dinner. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that after Jungkook left you got into a down mood…no one knows why, of course. You still tried to have fun with your friends despite the giant hole that’s broken your chest apart.

You told everyone that Jungkook had a sudden work thing he had to take care of and they bought it—well, you think so anyway. Doesn’t matter. It’s now almost 11pm and you’re trying to focus on tomorrow’s presentation but Jungkook is the only thing you’re really thinking about. You keep opening and closing your laptop, thinking maybe you’ll get something done but you keep glancing at your phone. You need to talk about this.

Finally, you reach for your phone, fingers poking at the screen harshly as you try to make the phone call you are trying so desperately for. Ringing. It’s ringing. Still ringing. Words risen from your throat, so close to spilling shamelessly from your mouth. You take a deep breath…you need an answer.

“Hello?” Finally.

“I lied earlier.” You blurt quickly, needing to get things off your chest now.

“Hm,” Ara hums out softly, “Let me guess?”

“You won’t—”

“—Just get into why Jungkook left earlier. Wasn’t for work, so…?”

“Oh.” You grip your phone a little tighter, pushing it against your ear. “You knew I lied about that?”

“I didn’t think you were so freaking sad just because he had to leave for a work thing.” Ara chuckles softly, “You’re more easy going than that.”

“I wasn’t that sad.” You keep your voice even.

“You took two bites of your food, y/n.” Ara says with the kind of tone that you know she rolled her eyes. “What happened?”

“God, okay.” You sigh out, “Remember how you thought…or you know…you know how I’m hooking up with someone?”

“I do know that, yes.” She responds calmly. “You’ve been seeing someone for a little while now.”

“Well,” You take another deep breath. “I’ve been sleeping with Jungkook. Since the night of the dare…when Taehyung made—”

“Yeah, I know the night.” She laughs into the phone, “We knew it was going to turn out like this.”

“Yeah, so—wait, what?”

“What?”

“What do you mean?” You ask her slowly, “Knew what?”

Ara is quiet for a moment before you hear her release a long breath, “It’s not like we didn’t know.” She says.

“Who the hell is ‘we’?” You furrow your brows, phone pressing closer to your ear. “Ara?”

“Hmm,” Her voice is light and airy, “Well, you know what they say about Taehyung.”

Your brows only pull together closer…what does that mean? You try to think about it because what do they say about—oh. Your mouth falls open as realization hits you. “That he has a method for everything.” You say, putting it together now.

“Mhm.” Ara laughs faintly, “So I’m probably not the one you want to be talking to. You thought cupid was a little angel baby. But he’s actually a tall, hot devil. Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.”

“Wait—”

But she hangs up as you hear her laughing on the other side. Wait, wait, wait. You want more time to think and process what she just said but your fingers are moving faster than your brain.

“Hey,” Taehyung answers on the second ring. “What’s up—”

“—Are you home? I’m coming over.” You rush to speak, legs already moving as you find your bag and keys. “I’m leaving now.”

And not even 20 minutes later you’re standing outside of Taehyung’s front door, foot tapping against the ground as you not so patiently wait for him to let you in. You feel like you have waited an eternity but the reality is probably around 15 seconds. But finally his door swings open and Taehyung is here.

“Hello…” You narrow your eyes at him, speaking slowly. “Cupid.”

Taehyung’s eyes go wide before his lips settle into an annoying ass smile, smug and knowing. “Oh?” He crosses his arms over his chest before continuing, “I’ve been found out?”

You squint even harder at him, lips set into a firm line before you push past him, making your way inside his place. “Please explain to me whatever the hell Ara said about you.” You walk inside, getting comfortable on his loveseat. But then you tilt your head, “Why does Ara know? You told her?”

Taehyung closes the door before following you inside, “Uh, I praise Ara all the time for her incredible intuition. Her and I would make the smartest fucking kids.”

“You know what…whatever. Just explain to me what she means when she says you have a method for everything.”

“Well, where to start?” He asks, voice all cocky before he sits next to you.

“Uh, the beginning. So the day I got dumped. The night you dared—”

“—You think that’s the beginning?” Taehyung cuts in, laughter threatening to erupt. “Oh wow, no.” He shakes his head, “I’ve been playing the long game.”

“What?” You look at him incredulously, “What does that even mean?”

“It means you guys are dumb and I’m the best friend ever.” He says lightheartedly.

“You are the last person I would think would play cupid, Taehyung. You don’t even like romantic love!” you shout at him.

“But you guys do!” He shouts back. “Um, news flash, you guys are my best friends and I wanted to help out.” He shrugs now, “It all started back when Jungkook was 14.”

“Huh?” You blink at him, mouth open. Not totally getting it.

“Oh, poor Jungkook had the hugest crush on you, y/n.” Taehyung shakes his head, eyes down at his hands, looking solemn. “It was genuinely tragic because you didn’t even register he was of the opposite sex.”

“For real?” You deadpan.

“For real.” He nods, still solemn before he lifts his head and smirks. “But I had a genius plan.”

“The fucking first kiss.” You tell him.

“Yup, so genius.” Taehyung looks proud, “He still hadn’t had his first kiss because only lips he was thinking about was…” He pretends to gag, “…yours…”

“Shut up.” You roll your eyes, “But continue.”

“Anyway, I told him we should just ask you!” He gestures towards you, “It’s not like it was a big deal to you anyway. He was like guy number 4 for you.”

Your cheeks grow warm, “Well...”

“So yeah. Genius plan. But I didn’t know you were going to stick your tongue in his mouth and I didn’t know he was going to bite you.” Taehyung cackles, shrugging his shoulders. “Classic, classic.”

“Oh god…” You feel yourself grow embarrassed.

“Anyway, you vowed you’d never do that again and poor Jungkook was so traumatized from your reaction but well,” Taehyung shrugs again. “At least he got over you for a little while.”

“Taehyung—”

“That’s when I helped Jungkook.” Taehyung leans back onto his sofa, “I helped you the night I made you guys make out.”

“What are you talking about?” You ask him slowly, body tense but you try to mirror his body as you lay back into the couch cushion as well.

“I was helping both of you actually.” He chews his lips for a moment, “God, I would have done so earlier but you kept wasting your time with guys you didn’t even like. Jihoon, for example.”

“Oh.” You nod subtly, piecing it together.

“It was pretty obvious you two started hooking up after I dared you guys to make out.”

“How was it obvious exactly?” You eye him suspiciously.

“First, goodness gracious, the sexual tension was…” He brings his pinched fingers to his lips and gives them a kiss. “And also, I have both of your locations. You were always at his and he was at yours…especially at 2 in the morning…technology wasn’t on your side.” He says with a straight face.

“Damn…it never is.” You say with an equally straight face.

“So…you guys are…” He motions his hands around.

“Yeah, we were hooking up, Taehyung.”

“Were?”

“I had five simple rules.”

Taehyung looks at you, almost comically ashamed. “Should have guessed.”

“Rule number one, no one can know.” You begin listing them, “Rule number two, no pda. Rule number three, no pet names. Rule number four, not often, just three times a week.”

Taehyung looks at you with obvious disapproval before he silently mouths, ‘lame as fuck’. But you continue, “And rule number five…no feelings.”

“Okay…” He says slowly.

“He broke all of the rules. All of them. He told me.”

“…Okay.” He says slowly again, as if waiting for the point. “Is that supposed to be bad?”

You stare at him before snorting, “Uh, it’s weird! We’re best friends and now he apparently…it’s weird, right?”

“Uh, you guys are already fucking. Not sure it could get—”

“—I’m serious!”

“I’m serious too!” Taehyung starts laughing. “Y/n…be honest. You broke all the rules too at some point, right?”

“Well,”

“And if I helped you out doesn’t it just mean I’ve known about your feelings before you? Stupid, stupid.” He keeps laughing. “y/n, you broke that fifth rule before you even created it.”

“What?” You look at Taehyung, disbelief on your features. “I did not…well,” You suddenly glance to the side, teeth nibbling into your bottom lip. “Well, I don’t…I don’t know.”

“You do.” Taehyung shrugs. “You know exactly when you realized your feelings for him. Right?”

“No?” You blink at Taehyung, restless eyes now darting all around his living room. “Do I?” You question yourself quietly. “Oh…” You begin to chew on your lips again. “If I had to guess—”

“—You made those rules because like usual…you put restrictions on yourself.” Taehyung cuts in, his voice much softer now. Not much of his usual playfulness. “But the rules don’t matter, y/n. Jungkook was honest with you. Why don’t you try being honest with yourself as well?”

“Are you…” You look at Taehyung, choosing to be careful with your words when you decide you don’t want to be careful with them. “I have feelings for Jungkook too and I should tell him.”

“Well, yeah.” Taehyung chuckles, “He would probably like that.”

“I…” Your body goes limp against the cushion. “Honestly, you’re right but wow, I felt like this would be a bigger revelation.” You mumble more to yourself. “Why doesn’t it feel like I just realized something so insane?”

“Because you realized it years ago.” Taehyung answers you carefully. “You aren’t dumb, y/n. You know exactly when your feelings shifted…I saw it happen but after that it was lame guy after lame guy.”

You stare at the floor, teeth still digging into your lips. “Yeah, maybe.”

“You already know how he feels so isn’t it easy to just…tell him too?”

“Not really.” You sigh out, “I don’t have the confidence to tell him anything to make it all make sense.”

“It’s Jungkook…” Taehyung conceals a smile. “He gets you, no matter how much your ass doesn’t make sense."

~~~

You almost cannot believe it. You killed that presentation. Your boss sat at the end of the table, eyeing you with pride as you spoke so smoothly, going over the presentation like you knew the ins and outs with such expertise. Probably because that’s true. You were awesome, it’s true. You spoke clearly, smoothly and did the right things to keep everyone engaged.

“I knew this was going to be the perfect fit, y/n.” Mr. Kim tells you, big grin on his face. “You were a natural in there and you really know how to lead the team. I got a few new projects I want you to work on…I know you’ll do incredible.” And then he’s giving you a pat on the shoulder before heading to his own office.

You take a seat at your desk, legs shaking in obvious excitement. You can’t contain it. All the praises and the high you feel from presenting in front of a room of a dozen people is so fresh and contagious. Your entire body is tingling and you feel such a sense of motivation. The confidence is continuing to sky rocket and the only place you want to put this energy is into Jungkook.

It's Friday and you aren’t sure if he has plans or not but you have decided to go straight to his apartment right after work. Taehyung was right…you know exactly when your feelings shifted and you know exactly how to word everything. The high you feel has suddenly given you the confidence you need…you’re going to wing it. But somehow you know it will all makes sense.

It’s after 5pm and you’re sitting outside of Jungkook’s apartment door. You aren’t letting yourself in because somehow that feels wrong at this time. But after checking his location you can see he’s still not home from work. It’s after 6pm now. He’s still not home. You check his location again and you see he’s at the store…probably grocery shopping.

Almost 6:30pm when you start to feel anxious again. Too much time is passing and you’re growing further apart from all that confidence and motivation that was running through your veins earlier. You sit here, leg shaking in nerves now. Finally, you hear the distant ding of the elevator down the hall and you just know it’s him. You take a deep breath before standing up from the ground and leaning against his door. He comes towards his door, hands carrying several bags of groceries while he looks at you with big, doe eyes.

“y/n?” He says your name and you feel your muscles tighten. “Why…” He glances around, “Have you just been waiting here?”

“Yes.” You blurt, “I was waiting for you.”

He gazes at you with curious eyes before he lightly snorts, “Why did you wait out here? You should have waited inside.” He smiles now. “But uh, can you actually open the door. My hands are…” He lifts the bags with a sheepish expression and you immediately nod and turn to unlock the door.

“Umm, how was…” Your fingers are pressing against the key pad, “um, your day? How was your day?” You finally get the door open, holding it so Jungkook can slip through.

“It was okay.” He walks past you, his scent hitting your nose. He takes the bags into the kitchen and you follow him. He sets the bags onto the counter before facing you, his attention nowhere on the groceries. “How was yours?”

“Good.” You nod, “I did the presentation and it went so well and now I really need to talk to you.” You step closer towards him and he takes a step back, hands going to the counter as he leans against it.

“Oh, I knew it would go well.” He smiles, eyes sliding to the side. “You just needed a little—”

“—Not here to talk about the presentation.” You cut him off, taking another step. “I—”

“—Well,” His fingers grip the edge of the counter a little, “What exactly—”

“—Rule number one.” Another step, eyes boring into his. “I broke it when I went on that double date.”

Jungkook blinks at you, looking caught off guard. “Huh?”

“Told my date about you. Me and you.” You lift a second finger, “Rule number two, I broke that rule numerous times, didn’t I? First time was when we went to the movies with Jimin and when he wasn’t looking I kissed you. It was in public so I broke the rule. And last night…” You sigh, small smile on your lips. “Broke it again without realizing.”

“What—”

“—Rule number three, I broke that rule the night we were celebrating Jimin’s new found singleness.”

“Or you know, mourning his new found sadness.” Jungkook cracks a smile.

“Oh, right.” You nod, “Sorry I guess Taehyung wore off on me.”

“It happens.” He chuckles, “But—”

“—Rule number four. I broke that rule every single time you wanted me to. You’re right, that rule is the stupidest one.” You smile wider now. “Three times a week? What was I thinking?” You begin to make fun of yourself. “No wonder I didn’t really try very hard to keep you from breaking that one.”

Jungkook eyes you carefully, smile on his lips but it looks unsure.

“And rule number five.” You pause, taking a moment to take a deep breath as your eyes fill with sincerity. “I broke that rule a long time ago.” You admit to him and he scrunches his brows together, almost looks like he’s doubting you.

“Yeah.” You continue, “I broke it the day I graduated from University. The same day I tried to drunk kiss you.” You look at him with a serious expression now and he raises his brows in slight shock and realization. “I was devastated about my mom…but you made me feel like I could move past that sadness because you made me feel so much better.” You frown a little, “That night alone I realized if the only person in this entire world who cheers me on is you…then I could probably be happy about it.”

“y/n…”

“These rules were stupid excuses, Jungkook.” You take another step now. Your eyes going to Jungkook’s hands that grip the counter. “I’m sorry…” You watch as his hands fall from the counter and to his sides. “I was never a stickler for them…god, I am just as bad as you are.”

Jungkook stares at you with big eyes, his fingers twitching because he wants to reach for you.

“Also,” You bite your lip, trying to stop a chuckle from leaving your mouth. “I have another confession.”

“What’s that?” Jungkook’s expression looks soft as his fingers finally go to your waist. Your body losing all of its tension as soon as he touches you.

“You were also my first kiss.” Your entire face feels hot. “I lied about my other kisses…everyone else was always talking about it so…”

“Wow,” Jungkook’s fingers hold onto your waist tighter as his lips spread into a knowing grin. “That explains so much.” He teases you, “I mean…the sudden tongue in my mouth…”

“Hey!” You pout at him, “It wasn’t—”

“—Hey.” He cuts you off, fingers spreading over your blouse before his hands find your lower back and he’s pulling you closer to him. “If it makes you feel better, you’ve really improved.”

You frown theatrically at him before he starts really laughing now, one of his hands leaving your back to come to your face. “Really improved. Best in the world now.” He whispers, playful glint in his eye.

“You’re just saying that.” You roll your eyes, your own hands finding his chest. You splay your fingers across his shirt. “So,” You bite onto your bottom lip.

“So.” He strokes his thumb over your cheek. “I have feelings for you. You have feelings for me.”

“Yeah.” You breathe out, eyes trailing across his face. “What does it mean?” You ask him slowly, carefully. Fingers right over his beating heart. His cheeks turn rosy as he gazes at you, a blush turning him into a pink dream.

“It means we have new rules.” He smiles, teeth poking out adorably. “Five to be exact. And we actually will follow these.”

You quirk a brow at him, “Which are?”

“One…we tell everyone. Everyone has to know you’re mine now. Officially.” He smirks at you, his hand guiding your face closer to his before he plants a kiss to your lips. “Two…I’m going to hold your hands, hug you, kiss you…all the time. Everywhere” Another kiss.

“Jungkook.” You laugh into his mouth before he pulls away again.

“Rule number three…all the fucking pet names. You’re my baby and I’m going to call you that all the time.” Another kiss. “Rule number fucking four.” His hand tightens over your jaw a little, “We are fucking all the time. Like, all the time.”

You laugh, eyes staying on his before he kisses your lips again.

“And rule number five…” He leans back a little, soft eyes gazing at you and you can feel your body react like usual. Heart going crazy. “You should probably go ahead and tell me you’re in love with me now. Have feelings.” He looks at you so lovingly before leaning in again, lips slow to find yours for a long kiss. You sigh into his mouth, heart thumping wildly. “And,” He barely pulls his lips off yours. “You can never break that rule. Because for once, I think we finally found some rules I could follow.”

You pull away from him, just a few fingers lingering on his chest. “You think you can finally listen to me?” You ask him, cocky tone in your voice. “We should put it to the test.”

The corn of Jungkook’s lip start to turn, crooked smile forming on his face. “Yeah? Go ahead and test it, baby. Tell me to do something. You know I would do anything you wanted me to.”

“You would, wouldn’t you?” You can’t help but smirk, front teeth digging into your bottom lip. “Okay,” You slide your fingers down his chest, eyes following as you start messing with the zipper on his pants. “You’ll really do anything I want?” Your eyes rise back to his.

His mouth falls open as he exhales a long breath, eyes already filling with desire. “Anything.”

“Hm,” You lick your lips, eyes glancing around. “Then put away your groceries.” You tell him with the nod of your head, “I can see there’s ice cream. Don’t let it melt.” And then you drop your hand from his body and turn to walk away from him.

Jungkook blinks at where you once stood. His mouth shuts and he conceals the smile that wants to spread so badly, “Fucking tease.” He huffs out, slightly shaking his head.

“I know,” You call out, stopping at the entry of the hallway, a hand on the wall. “But if you want more demands from me, you can meet me in the bedroom when you’re done.” You wink, disappearing into the hall.

“Cocky.” He talks to himself, rolling his eyes and turning his body towards the counter to start putting away the groceries. He chuckles, an endeared smile on his face, “But just like the new rules, I’d follow her to the ends of the Earth.”

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