i know but, — part one
pairing. jaemin x female! reader
genre. college! au, smut, fluff
chapter warnings. profanity, alcohol consumption, masturbation (f), racy dreams, making out, fingering, nipple play, oral (f. receiving), sexual tension, kinda mutual pining (?)
synopsis. heartbroken and skeptical about love, you meet na jaemin, a medical student when your friends force you to go out and socialise — and it didn’t take long for you to be smitten by the very introverted boy with the prettiest smile you had ever seen.
part one | part two
taglist. @fishjellyyt @subhyuck @daintyj4em @multieonnie @btssf9nct @sunshinedhyuck @nanadoux @girlzglogamez @yunodaze @rynshyuckies @yunhon0 @aedreamzy @skuezk @nominsgirl
author’s note. this is very loosely based on the kdrama ‘nevertheless’! please let me know what you think, it’s my first series ^_^
“Look, I found something for you.”
“Oh hell no.” You pulled yourself back from Aeri’s side immediately at the sight of the Tinder app screen and plopped down back onto your chair. Tinder was a mistake that you were never making again — the last time you encountered off-putting flirty jokes and you swiped left way too many times for your liking.
Aeri looked unamused as she ignored you and continued to swipe left and right on the Tinder app, giving up on trying to set you up with different men. She suddenly squealed just when you got back to concentrating on your work and shoved her phone onto your face before you could even process it all. “Look, he’s hot.” You leaned forward again and there was a picture of a man covered in tattoos on her screen.
You scrunch your nose in disapproval, “Tattoos aren't my thing.”
Aeri’s expression turned into a scowl as she swiped and showed you her phone screen again, “How about this one?” She asked and showed you a few pictures of a different man this time.
“Not my type.”
“You've been so boring ever since you broke up with that jerk,” Aeri muttered, continuing to swipe again. She glanced your way for a second before adding, “What happened to your one-night stands every other week before that asshole happened?”
“Character development.” You wiggled your brows, earning a few giggles from the girl across you. “I’m not really into those anymore.”
“Is Y/N coming tonight?” A voice spoke behind the two of you which belonged to none other than Donghyuck. Aeri rolled her eyes and went back onto her phone when she noticed him and Donghyuck on the other hand dragged the chair across you along the carpeted floors to sit beside Aeri across from you.
“Wait, coming where?”
Aeri locked her phone screen as the two of them leaned forward and she cleared her throat, “Donghyuck was asking whether you’re coming to the bar tonight or not.”
Removing the earbud from the right ear, you inquired. "What?" You stared at the two in front of you, watching as they shared an incredulous look and Donghyuck ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I’m serious, I have no idea what you guys are talking about.”
“God, she’s detached from reality. Are you still daydreaming about that asshole Jinyoung 24/7?” Donghyuck chimed with a grin on his face and you threw the closest pen you could find in your clutter of textbooks and pencils at him in response.
“Hyuck, you’re not funny.” Sarcasm rolled off your tongue as Donghyuck continued to chuckle. You absolutely despised the mention of that man. But, it wasn’t Donghyuck’s fault that you apparently had a shitty taste in men and always ended up with the cheaters.
Aeri on the other hand had one side of her face pressed against the table, waiting for you and Donghyuck to stop bickering. She sat upright when you both gave her a look of confusion and she started, “The science club is doing a barbecue night tonight for the STEM students. I’m not sure how you’re not aware of it, it’s all over Instagram.”
She paused when her phone buzzed and she quickly turned off the screen immediately after a small glance, “Anyways, it’s just pre-med kids and us probably. You should come.”
“I have some hot pre-med friends.” Donghyuck winked and the annoyed look on your face made Aeri let out a chuckle which she was quick to cover with a cough when you gave her a look.
“What are your thoughts on Lee Jeno?”
“I don’t care enough to have thoughts.” You retorted. “I don’t think I even know him.”
“Fuck, this is gonna hurt his feelings.” You sat back comfortably, stretching your arms out for the first time in hours ever since you started working on your assignment.
“You’re kidding, you don’t know who Jeno is?” Aeri’s eyes were widened as she leaned forward as if you just dropped a bomb. Donghyuck as well, looked at you the same way.
“No…am I supposed to know him? How do you expect me to know these bio majo—
“Jeno is my classmate,” Donghyuck said under his breath and scrubbed his hand down his face. “He’s sexy as fuck, and I swear if I were a girl, I would let him hit from the back.”
“Sexy people don’t study biology.” Aeri hooted, indirecting her ex-lover who was a biology major of all majors, and Donghyuck in the same sentence. “Look at you.” She pointed at the man beside her.
Donghyuck made a face of disgust at Aeri, who was seemingly enjoying the idea of teasing Donghyuck. He ignored her, only replying to her remarks with a nod and glanced back at you, “Dude, you’ve been dick deprived for the past 6 months, go fuck someone.”
Now, he was right. Ever since your asshole of an ex-boyfriend decided to cheat on you, you’ve been on your own — ignoring all the suggestions to get on Tinder and find a man to take you to bed for the night. You visibly shuddered at the thought of it, “No thanks, I’m fine.”
“She’d like that roommate of yours, don’t you think so?” Aeri asked Donghyuck as she sipped on her cup of iced coffee and boisterous laughter bubbled up from Donghyuck’s chest as soon as the words left Aeri’s mouth.
“Na Jaemin?! All that dude does is watch horror movies, edit photos, and studies like a freak. Y/N is never gonna be into him.” Donghyuck continued to laugh as if Aeri had said the most ridiculous thing ever. “Look, Jaemin is a funny dude, I like him a lot but he’s definitely not Y/N’s type.”
“Who’s this Jaemin guy?” You looked up from your laptop screen and asked curiously.
“Bio major slash Donghyuck’s roommate who never leaves the room apparently,” Aeri replied to your curiosity casually and you simply nodded. “I don't know much about him other than that, honestly.”
“Jaemin is nice and quiet, sometimes I don’t even know whether he’s alive or not. He cooks very well though, I make him cook for us every weekend!” Donghyuck had a sleazy grin on his face as he sat back on the chair and crossed his legs to sit comfortably. “It’s just that — I don’t think he’s single with that face,”
“Yeah, It’s impossible to be single when you look like that, I agree.”
“See, you know what I’m talking about!”
“Yeah,” Aeri rolled her eyes at Donghyuck and went quiet for a moment before she turned to look at you. "You’re coming tonight, right?"
“I don’t know, depends on this shit.” You turned your laptop screen towards them which displayed a slide of graphs and structures. “My creativity skills went down the drain.”
“Alcohol is the best when you’re having a slump and your brain doesn’t wanna cooperate,” Donghyuck replied casually, side-eyeing you in the process. You looked at him with an incredulous look on your face. The idea of going out to a bar with a ton of mere acquaintances whom you see once a year by chance around campus instead of staying under the blankets, finishing up your assignment (which was due in two weeks), and taking a cold shower sounded absolutely mortifying to you.
“Y/N, I love you but you are just gonna die alone like this,” Aeri warned when she noticed that you were lost in your thoughts as she got up from the chair. And damn, that did strike a nerve of yours. “Call one of us us if you change your mi—
“Text me the address later.” You cut her off.
Donghyuck exclaimed, “You’re coming?!”
“I have got a condition.” You gave a tight-lipped smile, “I’m not drinking any form of alcohol.”
“As long as you show up!”
Not even twenty-four hours earlier you would’ve thought of being at a bar at this moment. All you wanted to do today was stay back on campus till the evening to finish half of the assignment, go back home and take a shower, cook dinner for yourself and then slip off to dreamland peacefully.
“Come in, why are you standing out there?!” Donghyuck ushered you towards the table rather dramatically, completely unaware of the looks he was getting from the other patrons. “Chae, PayPal me my $20 later tonight, I told you she was coming!”
“I’m fucking broke!” Chaeyeon yelled back and raised her chopsticks to threaten Donghyuck from the other side of the table.
“You guys were having bets over me?” You grinned at your friends and so many unknown faces as your gaze swept around the table to find an empty seat. Served you right for showing up twenty minutes late because the only two seats available were at the end of the table where you’d be an outcast and the other one across Sujin from your class and a man you couldn’t quite recognise in a mint coloured hoodie.
Aeri’s gaze followed you with excitement as you sat down on the chair across her, “I thought you were just fucking around earlier.”
“I thought I'd be bored alone at home.” That’s a fucking lie.
Aeri’s expression changed quickly as if she had suddenly remembered something. She turned to her side and put her arms around the mint coloured hoodie guy’s shoulder and you could tell he was definitely not enjoying the sudden skinship. “This is Jaemin by the way!”
You looked up to see him already smiling at you and fuck, he had one of the prettiest smiles you had ever seen. “Hey! I’m Y/N.” You waved and both Jaemin and Aeri on the other hand let out a few chuckles at your sudden change of attitude and awkwardness.
Jaemin smiled at you and scratched the back of his neck before starting. “Have you ordered anything?”
“Nope, not yet.” You replied and he immediately turned around to call for a waitress to get your order. You realised you really, really wanted to gasp. Donghyuck and Aeri weren't joking around when they said he was very handsome. Too bad, the chances of him being single were slim.
Just a moment ago, you wouldn’t have thought you would be sitting across the table talking with a man you’ve just met about anything and everything as if you two were the only people at the bar. Jaemin was bustling around happily before your arrival, and now he had his hand resting on his cheek across you, pouring you a glass of soju. Maybe he had his way in, because you promised to not take even a sip of alcohol for the night but here you were.
“I don’t drink that often,” Jaemin said, laughing as he took the shot in one go. “That was my first and last shot for the night.”
You smiled back at him, “Me too, we should probably pass the bottle to the other side then.”
“Yeah, let me just pour it for you.”
Jaemin shoved the shot glass towards you and you scrunch your face as that one shot sent a satisfying burn down your throat.
You coughed and stifled a few chuckles in between, “Yeah!”
Jaemin passed the bottle over and poured drinks for everyone beside him, he gave you a friendly look and a smile. You looked away, and glanced over at the other side where a drunk Renjun, Donghyuck, and Sumin were being the rowdiest they had ever been. It was loud, very loud, everyone was being way too noisy and as much as you enjoyed the company of your new friend, you wanted some fresh air. You got up quickly, half of the table including Jaemin shot you a look. “I’m just gonna go,” You pointed at the streets through the glass doors, “Take a walk for a few mins, I’ve eaten too much.”
It was a stupid decision to not wear warmer clothes today, you thought. You shouldn’t have underestimated the early winter times cause all you wore was a t-shirt with black pants. The pants were doing a great job in keeping your legs warm, but the t-shirt — you could feel the cold wind pierce through your t-shirt but no way you were going back to a congested bar with rowdy and drunk college kids
“It’s cold outside, you should come back,” Jaemin said as he was peeking through the glass door of the bar, a look of concern plastered on his face.
Nodding your head, you told him honestly, “Nope, I just feel very…stuffy in there.”
Jaemin let out a burst of breathy laughter, closing the door behind him to sit on the cold titled stairs beside you, “Not a fan of crowds?”
“Depends on the crowd.”
“It’s cold out here, you’re gonna catch a cold like this.” You hugged yourself and looked at him, “you should go back, your friends are probably looking for you.”
“My friends forced me out today, my plans were only to watch a movie tonight,” Jaemin replied, not bothering to take his eyes off whatever he was staring at on the stairs by his feet. “I’m not the biggest fan of crowds as well.”
You kicked at the pebble by his feet as the two of you burst into a fit of chuckles. Jaemin had a very contagious smile, you realised. Every time he smiled, you couldn’t help but smile as well.
Jaemin suddenly stretched his arms out and stood up on his feet. He brushed the dust off of his black pants as he looked down at your slightly confused expression, “Wanna go to the convenience store and have ramen?”
“I just ate though.”
Jaemin chirped, “Yeah, two single pieces of that kimbap because you weren’t asking the guy beside you to pass the plate.”
Standing on your feet as well to follow him, you laughed and continued with a smug grin, "You’re a very observant person." Halting, your shoes screeched against the concrete of the streets, you looked back at him. “You haven’t eaten as well.”
“Well,” Jaemin stopped in his tracks and scratched the back of his neck with a sheepish smile on his face, “I didn’t really like the food.”
The air of the convenience store was cold as well, and Jaemin himself shivered as he walked down the ramen aisle behind you with his hands stuffed into his hoodie pockets. You turned your head to glance at him for a second, “Are you one of those basic flavour people or do you like the spicy ones?”
Jaemin snorted before trailing off, “I like spicy ones…I guess.”
Before your inquiry, Jaemin had never thought of venturing outside of his usual and always opted to have bought the most traditional flavours. Despite his liking for spicy food, he never reached for the hot variety either. Staring at the packets of Hot n Spicy you just got for yourself, he grabbed one as well and walked past you towards the counter.
"Wait," You stopped Jaemin when he reached for his wallet in his pockets, and you unknowingly grabbed his hand in the process of stopping him. "Let me pay!"
“Um,” Jaemin awkwardly gazed at you and as you looked down, you realised you had still been holding his hand to stop him from handing his card over to the cashier.
You quickly let his hand go. “Oh my god, sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Shaking his head, Jaemin protested this time, "Y/N, I can pay."
“Pay me back later!” Jaemin suggested in hopes to calm you down whilst handing his card over to the annoyed and clearly sleep-deprived cashier behind the cash counter.
Sighing, you took a look around the convenience store as Jaemin finished up the process of paying for the two of you and boiling the ramen as well. You insisted on buying a drink for the two of you and you found out he isn’t fond of strawberry flavoured goods. At that moment, your phone buzzed and you quickly fished it out of your pocket.
aeri: where did u gooo
yn: convenience store
aeri: is jaemin with u
yn: its too loud there
aeri: have fun junhwan just
“It’s done.” Jaemin brought you back from your trance as he placed two cups of hot, boiling ramen on the table along with the two cans of cider. You looked up from your phone — Jaemin’s cheeks were a light shade of pink due to the cold breeze. You didn’t even realise you were shivering till Jaemin started taking off his hoodie to reveal himself in a plain white t-shirt.
“What are you doing?” You inquired when he motioned for you to take the mint coloured hoodie from him. “I’m not taking your hoodie.”
“It’s cold,” He paused to unlock his phone and show you the screen of the weather app, “It’s 9° right now.”
You really couldn’t tell if this was Jaemin’s way of flirting or he was really having genuine concerns about your well-being — but, whatever it was, you couldn’t bring yourself to take the hoodie from him. After all, you had known him for only an hour and a half at that point.
“I’m fine, don’t worry.” You replied followed by a small chuckle, bringing the hot cup of ramen closer and breaking the chopsticks. “It’s not even that cold.”
“Suit yourself, I guess.” Jaemin pulled the hoodie down his head and sat across you. “I can totally see you shivering but whatever you say!”
Jaemin leaned forward with a tight-lipped smile while dramatically fluttering his eyelashes, “You know I’m a pre-med student, right?” A future health care professional is right in front of you right now.”
“I’m happy for you…?” Confused, you laughed whilst continuing to stir the piping hot ramen with your chopsticks. “I don’t know, what do you want me to say?”
Jaemin now had a smug grin on his face, “What I'm saying is that, you should probably take my hoodie and prevent a major case of hypothermia.”
Another thing you had learned about Jaemin tonight besides the fact that he loathed strawberry-flavoured food was that he was a very stubborn person. You quickly chewed and swallowed the ramen and replied honestly, “I’ve only known you for an hour. I appreciate your kindness, but I can’t.”
Jaemin’s cheeky smile turned into a frown and that frown soon turned into a pout, “Oh. That makes sense, sorry.”
An unpleasant silence took over for a while till Jaemin started spewing out about his major. Jaemin told you he wanted to be a surgeon in the future, and that interest came from watching a ton of medical shows as a child. You also confided about your own major, telling him how much you hated maths while being an architecture student. Only God knew how you ended up in front of a convenience store, having a strawberry popsicle with a man you just met as the stars shone down above you.
”You know, I literally cannot stand strawberries.” He said, looking at you with a disgusted expression on his face. “Are you sure you’re enjoying that thing?”
You could not help with the laughter that bubbled up in your chest and came out loudly in your mouth. Jaemin’s eyes widened, then narrowed. “It’s good, you should try one day.”
“I’m very happy with my lemon, thank you.”
You two finished your popsicles at 11 PM and continued to make conversations with each other. You both get along pretty well and it didn’t take rocket science to notice that you both had a lot of similarities as well. Your mind suddenly raced back to the conversation with Donghyuck earlier and you turned your head to take a small glance at Jaemin, who was busy scrolling through his phone to find a taxi for you.
“Hey, won’t your girlfriend be upset?” You blurted out of the blue. There was no going back anyway, so you continued, “I mean, you’re here with me late at ni—
Jaemin looked up from his phone, confused. “What girlfriend? I don’t have one.”
That night you couldn’t get your new friend out of your mind. You wanted to know more about him — and that’s what you did, wishing you had gotten his number instead. Rolling over on your bed, you searched him up on different social media platforms only to be met with private and secured accounts everywhere. Even on KakaoTalk, the group chats the science club made for tonight, Na Jaemin had a blank display picture unlike everyone else. A public account was linked to his Instagram which was apparently his photography account. The entire account is dedicated to landscape photography and his friends. So he’s a photographer as well, you thought.
Sighing, you locked your phone and turned off the lamp on the bedside table, trying to drift off to dreamland for the night. Your mind raced back to him again and you couldn’t wait to see him sometime again on campus.
"Did everyone pay on Friday?" You leaned in and asked Aeri in a whisper during lunch break. You weren’t sure why you were whispering, to begin with, so you quietly leaned back and waited for her to reply.
Aeri looked up from her phone and put her chopsticks down, “Yeah, why?”
“I was just…curious.”
“Na Jaemin paid, if that’s what you’re curious about,” Aeri said rather abruptly with a playful tone.
“I didn’t ask about him!" You gasped, stuttering and skipping over words, your face already heating up with embarrassment.
To which Aeri kept wiggling her eyebrows teasingly. "Come one," she pleaded with a pout, “You disappeared with that dude for a hot minute that night, I was convinced you were having the best fuck of you l—ouch!"
“I wasn’t fucking anyone. We had ramen and then we called it a night.” You kicked at her shin under the table again, earning a yelp from her.
Aeri suddenly glanced behind you and waved her hands, and an oddly familiar voice was heard. You turned your head, and Na Jaemin was walking towards the empty table you were sharing with Aeri earlier with a packaged sandwich and a cup of coffee in his hand.
What a great fucking timing.
"Hey, do you guys mind if I join?" Jaemin’s voice requested as he made his way towards the small table whilst giving you a small smile. You looked back at your friend beside you, eyes widening and giving Aeri a silent sign to reject his offer.
“Jaemin! Sit down with us if you'd like!" Aeri welcomed him and gestured towards the seat next to you, turning back to you to give a cheeky smile.
As told, Jaemin threw his backpack on another vacant chair and took a seat beside you. You gave him an awkward tight lipped smile, fumbling with the hem of your sweater unconsciously. Aeri nudged at your elbows and stood up on her feet along with the tray of food in her hands, “I just remembered I had a club meeting, you two enjoy your lunch though!”
“Wait, I just ca—
“It’s a very important meeting! I can’t miss it!” Aeri cut Jaemin off and she made sure to emphasise the very. She even tripped a little over a pebble and earned a few stares from the other tables.
You watched her figure turn around the corner and Jaemin beside you took a deep sigh and leaned forward towards you, “Do you think she left because of me?” He leaned back again and proceeded to take off the plastic wrap off of his sandwich.
“No, it’s not you.” You replied honestly, still playing with the hem of your sweater. You didn’t even know why you couldn’t get yourself to make eye contact with him.
Jaemin had a grim expression on his face when you glanced at him. He noticed you and that grim expression turned into a small chuckle. “I’m sorry about that night.”
You faltered for a moment and you turned to completely face him this time, “Wh—wait, why?”
Jaemin chuckled again, quickly swallowing the remnants of the sandwich he had in his mouth. He handed you over the cup of coffee he had with him on the table, “This is for making you uncomfortable with my hoodie that night. I’m sorry I don’t know what kind of you coffee you lik—
“Okay, okay!” You snorted and took the cup of coffee from him and gave him a genuine warm smile. “I do like cappuccinos, thank you.”
Jaemin huffed, “Oh thank god, I was wondering whether I should get some fruit tea or straight up black coff—
You cut him off with a grin on your face, “I like iced americanos with an extra shot of espresso.”
“You’re kidding! That’s my regular order.” Jaemin gasped before he chuckled. “That’s crazy, I almost get bullied by my friends because of my order every other day.”
“They say it tastes like battery acid, right?” You said in between your laughter. “Cause that’s what my friends say.”
“Yeah!” Jaemin smiled at you, and at that moment you experienced an excited jolt of your heart. Boys will be boys, Y/N. He only wants to get into your pants, just like every other sex crazed man on campus. He will end up being just like him. You repeated the words over and over again to yourself in your head.
Maybe it was fate but the universe never worked the way you wanted it to. It had been two weeks and thankfully Jaemin was the last thing on your mind. Sure, he did accompany you during lunch a few times over the past week and made your heart do the thing. But all you had in mind was the model you presented during Mr. Park’s class today only for him to inform you that you should try harder and Personally, you and even your classmates thought it was neat.
You quietly stared down at the white model when Donghyuck muttered under his breath as he packed his backpack at the architecture studio. “Wow, Park is really a bitch.”
“I agree!” Yangyang hooted from the corner. “I agree, he’s a bitch.”
“Liu Yangyang, can you please just leave the fucking room?” Aeri retorted and threatened to throw her pencil case. Yangyang on the other hand dramatically pretended to dodge it.
“Why is Donghyuck here anyway?” Yangyang laughed and plopped down on the table. “You’re disrupting the peace and serene atmosphere of the archi—are you crazy?!”
Donghyuck threw the closest geometry box set he found on the table at Yangyang which fortunately flew past him and landed on the carpeted floor. You loved your friends, you truly did — but today wasn’t one of those days. The fact that Donghyuck and Yangyang now kept bickering over nothing wasn’t helping that throbbing headache of yours.
“Can you all leave?” You groaned, fingers pressing against your temples to soothe the ache a little. “I need to work on my model again and I’d appreciate it if you guys fucking left me alone!”
Yangyang and Donghyuck immediately froze as soon as the words left your mouth. Aeri got down from the table and walked over to you, a look of concern plastered on all of their faces.
Yangyang mumbled a few apologies and threw his bag over his shoulders, dragging Donghyuck along with him out of the studio as the latter protested. Aeri slowly patted your back for a while, telling you to call it a day and go back to your apartment just to rest.
“I’ll be fine, I just need to finish up a few more of those sketches.” You raised your head from the table, pointing at the sketchbook, and assured Aeri with a tired smile. Aeri on the other hand hesitantly left you alone in the empty studio but she made sure you texted her when you reached home at the end of the evening.
The next two hours went by a blur. You finished up more sketches than you thought you could, remodeled the entire project to satisfy Mr. Park for the sake of good grades, and even squeezed in a short nap on the uncomfortable chair.
“You haven’t gone home yet?” You turned around to meet eyes with Jaemin’s as he stood in the hallways and peeked his head in through the door. You could see the tiredness in his face — the dark circles under his eyes, his pale lips, messy hair while he was still clad in his lab coat and had a grey backpack slung onto his right shoulder.
Jaemin quietly closed the door behind him and walked over towards your table at the corner beside the windows, “It’s almost half past 7, you’re not done yet?”
“I could say the same for you.”
“I had toxicology lab work.” He replied calmly, dropping his backpack onto the table beside your backpack and sitting on the chair across from you. “What are you doing?” He eyed the pencil and sketchbook in your hands.
“Oh,” You chuckled nervously. “It’s roof planning and all that boring stuff.”
“Can I see?”
So you did as he asked. He moved over to the chair beside yours as you showed him an entire semester's worth of sketches, floor plannings, elements of buildings and you were confident Jaemin just found the aesthetic of it amusing. Jaemin seemed to look at them enthusiastically as you explained each and every sketch.
You also ended up hearing about his day — how he woke up earlier than usual today, how Jeno locked himself out of his apartment and how he almost fell asleep at the back of his lectures.
“Y/N, can I be very honest?” Jaemin snorted, tugging a hand through his hair as you packed your backpack.
“Like, very, very, very honest?”
You made a face, “Okay…?”
“I think I never realised how grateful I am. Whatever you’re studying would’ve cooked my brain within one semester.” Jaemin snickered. “Sorry, it’s just complicated, but they do look very...aesthetic. I’m proud of you for going through this every day though.”
You laughed for the first time since the morning, even if it was a tired one. Throwing your backpack over your shoulders, you pinched Jaemin’s cheeks and walked past him, “I mean, thank you for appreciating my work.”
Jaemin froze for a second before he jogged down the hallway to catch up with you, “You’re welcome!”
He always reacted when you touched him. You did the same to his touch as well, even if it was his hand brushing against yours accidentally. Jaemin was rather good at hiding it sometimes.
“Oh wow, it’s really getting cold nowadays.” Your arms wrapped themselves around your chest in search of some warmth. Your eyes swept around the rather empty campus as you leaned against the brick wall. “It might as well start snowing soon.”
Jaemin dramatically rolled his eyes. “It’s almost like it’s not winter.”
“You're not going home?”
“Donghyuck strictly told me not to show up before 10 today. He apparently has a girl over which I doubt.” Jaemin replied.
“Yeah, that’s bullshit.” You snickered at the thought of Donghyuck getting laid, when he had desperately been trying to woo Siyeon from your class for months now.
“No, I mean— I’m happy for him!” Jaemin waved it off. “Wow, I sounded very bitter. Didn’t I?”
“Why?” You paused to giggle. “Is it because you don’t get lai— sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
Jaemin was now leaning against the wall as he chuckled at your remark. His hands were stuffed inside his hoodie pockets when he started, “That’s half true.”
“Don’t remember the last time I got some action.” You kicked a pebble on the ground.
Jaemin laughed and thankfully he changed the topic of the conversation. “You should go home, it’s getting pretty late.” He pulled his phone out his pocket to show you the lock-screen which displayed the time.
”I can sit around for a bit and accompany you while Hyuck gets laid!”
Jaemin only huffed in response, slightly becoming irritated. “Yeah, but it’s cold as fuck out here.”
Again, you remembered Jaemin was one of the most stubborn people you’ve met in a while. A part of you wanted to go back to the warmth of your tiny one-bedroom homely apartment and lay under the blankets. Another part of you was deeply concerned over the fact Jaemin would be out in the cold alone.
”Do you wanna stay at my place till Donghyuck is done doing whatever he’s doing?” You blurted out and fuck, there was no going back now. “I live alone…”
Your words had caught him off guard.
“Actually, we can go to a cafe instead if you wa—
”You’re going to catch a bad cold,” Jaemin whispered as he leaned in to move the few strands of hair out of your face, almost closing the distance between you two.
Your lips became dryer the longer he spoke and you could feel the tension rise between. But it was different from how it usually was, it wasn’t playful. It was a different kind of tension, one you hadn’t experienced before.
You licked your lips to try and make them less dry and saw him trace the movement with his eyes. You found yourself up to unable to look away from his face that was now so close to your own and you felt his breath on your lips, making you slightly dizzy.
You didn’t know what to do and hoped that Jaemin would do something soon, because you weren’t sure how much longer you could take this. Both of you kept staring at each other for what seemed like forever, and you wondered if he was just as affected as you were.
That’s when Jaemin turned his head slightly, closed his eyes, and leaned in, closing the distance between you two more and you almost felt like you couldn’t breathe anymore. You lightly pushed his chest and backed off.
“I shou— I should go home.” You scratched the back of your neck and you clearly saw the confused expression on Jaemin’s face. You wondered if he could tell your cheeks were burning or not. “You’re right, it’s very cold.”
“Yeah.” He said awkwardly. “I can walk you hom—
“No, it’s fine!” You yelled back and walked away from him as quickly as possible — unable to think straight at that point, still dazed from what had just occurred.
Why did a part of you regret stopping him?
Weeks had passed since that incident on campus and neither of you dared to speak about it again. Jaemin talked to you normally, almost like he hadn’t tried to kiss you against the wall a week earlier. For the first few days, your cheeks burned, and walked away towards the other direction every time you’d see him on campus.
Jaemin was very….brazen, at least that’s what you thought. It didn’t take long for him to realise you had been ignoring him over the weeks and he decided to corner you after classes one day.
You lied through your teeth, telling him it was your assignment to be blamed for not being able to text him back and answer his calls. Jaemin seemed to buy it as he offered to take you out for boba. He insisted it wasn’t a date — rather it was to make your week less stressful. And it didn’t take long for you to go back to being friends with him, putting the thoughts from that day aside.
jaemin: hi :D
jaemin: are you free later
yn: im free depending on
what you want
jaemin: there’s an ice skating rink
jaemin: i wanna go
jaemin: with you :D
yn: i cant stake though
jaemin: im here duh
Jaemin always had his way in because now the cold in the air felt like it was sliding its way into your lungs. Snow was still drifting softly from the sky, but you could see the evening sun through the clouds. In the distance, the barrier surrounding the ice skating rink that had been set up for the yearly winter festival was crammed with onlookers and skaters. You frowned down at the challenging laces of your skates, trying to figure out how to tie them.
“Need a hand?” Jaemin asked gently and you looked up to see him in front of you, his skates already tightly laced. His regular attire of hoodies now replaced with a caramel coat.
“Don’t you feel cold?”
“A little, but we’ll warm up once we get moving.” Jaemin smiled and blew on his hands, then knelt in front of you. “Here, you want them tighter or else you will trip.”
You watched as his fingers worked the laces, then he pulled them tighter. “Ouch!”
“Right, not that tight then.” Jaemin laughed and after a pause, “Better now?”
“Are they supposed to feel that tight?”
“They’re supposed to feel supportive.” Jaemin tipped himself back onto his skates and stood with an ease. “Try standing up now.”
You did as he said, and immediately fell sideways as your weight transferred onto the skates. Jaemin steadied you, his eyes twinkling with laughter.
You cursed under your breath quietly, but wobbled yourself back into a straight position. “And people do this for fun?”
“It’s fun once you get the hang of it!” Jaemin pouted jokingly. “I’m going to warm up a little. You try to walk around on this carpet before you go out onto the ice.”
You complied and took a small step forward, catching yourself as your legs began to give up on you again. Jaemin was walking away from you, an easy saunter that made ice skating look so easier than it probably was.
You wobbled again, limping your way to the railing, clung onto it for what felt like dear life and watched Jaemin step onto the ice. Jaemin wasn’t bluffing when he told you he used to skate in middle school because Jaemin was moving, fast and graceful, snaking between the other skaters. You watched as he did two swift laps, then stopped in front of you with a spray of ice.
“I think the chances of me fracturing a limb or two is very high today,” You told him dryly. “Cause I can’t do whatever you were doing down there.”
Jaemin was laughing, snow crystals in his hair and caught on his long eyelashes. “I can help, that’s why I told you to come with me!” With a turn, he held his gloved hands out to you, inviting you onto the ice. “Ready?”
Oh hell no. “I guess I am.” Ignoring the fact that Jaemin held his hand out for you, you gripped onto the railings instead as you stepped onto the ice. It was exactly as slick underneath you as you expected, given that you only had a few lines of steel as a source of support. You almost tripped and immediately one hand of yours reached for Jaemin’s arms unintentionally.
“You know, you can just hold my hands right?” Jaemin held his hand out again. “Unless you wanna end up in the hospital with a fractured arm right before Christmas.”
You rolled your eyes and reached for his warm gloved hand and he tightened his grip on your gloved hand. “Come on, I’ll help you,” he promised but your face still looked apprehensive, “It’s easier than it looks, Y/N.”
You two stayed towards the edge, trying to avoid all the children whose movements were unpredictable. You clung to Jaemin’s arm in an attempt to trip and land at the ER. He was surprisingly steady on the ice, while your ankles shook and feet struggled to stay steady.
“How in the world are you so good at this?” You asked, frustrated, gripping onto the railings for your dear life after almost falling onto your ass the second you let go of his arm.
Jaemin laughed as he glided up to you with ease and held his hand out for you again. “I used to take skating lessons till I was 15.”
“Dude, you’re just a natural.”
“Probably I am,” he replied smugly, “I‘m not trying to brag but I was actually really good now that I think of it.” Jaemin added as he broke into a big smile.
“Did you have a career in figure skating ahead of you?” You joked.
“Nope, I like medicine more.” He let out a boisterous laughter, causing his grip around on your hands to loosen.
You lost your balance yet again and lurched forward against his chest once Jaemin’s grip around hands which were keeping you steady loosened. He laughed, “God, this really isn’t for you.”
Your face warmed up a little, but you were sure Jaemin would simply relate it to the chill of the ice rink. You let out a nervous laugh. “Yeah, you might be onto something.”
“C’mon try a little,” Jaemin insisted and his grip around both of your hands tightened. You looked up at him, icy crystals on his long lashes and hair, realising how much more breathtaking he was up close. Sure, you had seen him up close before — but that was in the dark behind the building on campus, not a well lit ice skating rink with Christmas decorations. He looked down at you, tilting your chin up with his fingers. “You good?”
“Yeah,” You whispered and as if something had possessed you — you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in. Jaemin’s left hand let go of your hand and shifted to your waist as he closed his eyes, waiting for you to do what he had been longing for.
Someone bumped into Jaemin from the back making him lurch forward and you suddenly remembered you were in fact in an ice skating rink with children around you. You looked over Jaemin’s shoulder in embarrassment to see a kid who was surprisingly way too good at skating for his age apologising for abruptly bumping into him.
Quickly letting go of him and clinging onto the cold metal railings again, you cleared your throat. “This isn’t for me.” Still holding onto the railings you made your way towards the exit whilst Jaemin trailed behind you. “Do you wanna have hot chocolate?”
“Only if you’re paying.” Jaemin replied smugly.
You were laying on one of Donghyuck’s couches, head on one arm and legs on the other, looking through your phone, waiting for a certain someone to text you back. Yes, you had reached the point where you would stare at your phone, eagerly waiting for Jaemin to text you back every day. You were aware he went to visit his family over the winter break and he would be back in a week just before the new year’s eve but still the lack of texts about his silly anecdotes from back home, made you feel uneasy. Feeling sore from sitting in the same position for more than thirty minutes, you sat upright.
"Our life is so miserable," Chaeyeon groaned, sounding a little too sarcastic and then burst out laughing hysterically. “All of us are single, none of us bothered to go home this break and we all are faili—
“You guys are failing, not me.” You interjected.
Donghyuck interjected as well, “My family’s not even in town.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Chaeyeon rolled her eyes and continued. “Even that Sunwoo guy I was having a fling with turned out to be a loser!”
“I haven’t gotten laid in 3 weeks…” Aeri trailed off and fell back on the couch. Donghyuck on the other side started cackling, making the three of you shoot glances at him.
“What’s so funny?”
Donghyuck sat upright on the arm of the couch with a smug grin, “I actually got laid recently, unlike you femcels. So, Merry Christmas to m—
A cushion immediately hit against his head as soon as the words left his mouth. “What the fuck did you just call us?” Aeri retorted.
As if a bulb suddenly lit up in your head, you chimed in. “Jaemin told me you sexiled him?”
Everyone’s ears perked up and Aeri sat up straight on the other sofa. Donghyuck took a deep breath, “Yes, I did.”
“Oh, thank god. I thought Jaemin was talking out of his a— why are you all staring at me like that?”
“You talk to Jaemin?” Both Chaeyeon and Donghyuck inquired in unison.
Frankly, you had no idea why you hadn't told your friends anything about your encounters with Jaemin yet. You assumed Jaemin hadn’t either, considering how Donghyuck, his housemate, was equally as curious as everyone. Maybe it was the fear of being optimistic about your love life which developed from your previous failed relationships — you were experienced enough to know what the stage of pre-dating felt like. Your friends knew about your luck when it came to dating by then, and you’d rather prefer to keep everything to yourself now to avoid getting made fun of.
"Once in a blue moon." You smoothly lied through your teeth, throwing the cushion to the other sofa at Aeri. “We rarely talk.”
"Good. Don’t fuck my housemate." Donghyuck hooted, causing the other two to burst into a fit of laughter. He paused to chew his ramen then continued glancing back at Aeri. “Remember when I said he probably isn’t single? Yeah, I’m 100% convinced now he isn’t.”
“Wait, what did I miss?” Chaeyeon as well sat upright now, hugging the cushion in front of her.
“We assumed Jaemin wasn’t single and I might have gotten confirmation.”
You couldn’t tell if Donghyuck meant something about you or Jaemin was in fact a fuckboy and you should’ve just trusted your intuition at the beginning. You waited for either Chaeyeon or Aeri to inquire further to not raise any suspicions.
“What did he do?” Aeri chuckled, shoving the tteokbokki into her mouth.
“Dude,” Donghyuck put his disposable wooden chopsticks down on the table and took a deep breath as if he was going to spill the juiciest gossip of the town. “I got out of my room to get the charger from the living room at ass o’clock and there was this man, giggling on the phone in the kitchen. He literally ran into his room with his ramen after he saw me.”
Oh. You remember that day. You somehow managed to convince Jaemin into trying ramen recipes you had found online after he casually told you he wasn’t sure about what to have for dinner. Safe to say it ended up with you giving him instructions over the call while he complained about how ridiculous the combinations were.
"Mmm, let him be. He’s probably just in his honeymoon phase.” Chaeyeon agreed plopping back down on the sofa in her previous position. “Fun’s over for you when he starts bringing that girl over though.”
“No one wants to go to an apartment where Donghyuck lives just to get their backs blown out.” You laughed and replied instead of Donghyuck.
“I need to know how he’s scoring girls without even getting out of his room because I can't seem to do that.” Donghyuck frowned.
Even though your friends were with you, accompanying you during the winter break. Your mind kept slipping back to one particular person. You wanted him, scratch that, you needed him. Maybe it was just infatuation or lust or worse, the lack of sex in your life but whatever it was — it was impossible to get him out of your head. Sometimes you wondered if he felt the same as well.
Your eyes fell on the closed door across Donghyuck’s shared apartment living room and you pondered what Jaemin’s room inside looked like. He was a mystery now that you thought about it — you knew almost nothing about him. Jaemin did photography in his free time which you learned from a little bit of social media stalking and Jaemin himself, he liked to watch movies way too much and you wanted to know more.
"Earth to Y/N!" You heard Aeri saying, at the same time you noticed the girl was waving at you to catch your attention "You're listening right?" she asked once she finally had your attention.
“Yeah, I’m listening!” You replied, lifting the cup of beer Chaeyeon just gave you to your mouth. You made a face at the lipstick marks around the plastic rim, and quickly gulped down a fair amount.
You were so lost in thoughts that you hadn’t realised Donghyuck had gotten up from the couch till he came back from his room. He pulled three neatly wrapped small boxes before holding it out with beaming pride. “Merry Christmas, my friends.”
“Oh shit,” Chaeyeon looked away, muttering under her breath.
“I wasn’t expecting anything from you guys anyway.” Donghyuck retorted back at her. “Don’t act like this is some expensive shit cause I spent $10 in total.”
"Hey, thanks Hyuck," Aeri beamed, taking the pen and admiring it up close.
“Consider everything I cooked today a Christmas present for you all.” You grinned at your friends, trying not to feel guilty about the fact that you forgot to get them a Christmas present.
Donghyuck grinned back at you, “Merry Christmas to us, I guess.”
You gripped at the white sheets underneath and focused on your breathing, holding back moans and whimpers while Jaemin dipped his tongue in long enough to pull a moan from you.
It didn’t take long for your first orgasm to take over your body, you breathe heavily and whimper quietly at the sight of him holding your waist down and legs open with force — Jaemin refused to pull away, over stimulating you in the process. “Jaem— Fuck!” You arched your back and tried closing your legs. Jaemin groaned against your heat and pulled away to let you calm down.
“I need you. Please I'll be good, I promise.” You begged him with a whimper, breathing heavier and pulling him back up to your mouth — you kissed him passionately and roughly, whispering how badly you wanted him.
The bed creaked and the headboard rammed against the wall but neither of you cared enough to stop. You were a mess underneath him — squirming around, scratching his back and squeezing your legs around his waist to feel all of him.
“I’ll fuck you so good, no one—
You suddenly woke up in cold sweat, heart pounding, breath racing and legs shaking. You were tingling all over, a shiver going down your spine, and you felt something else too — the dampness between your legs. Stunned and genuinely shocked at the rather explicit dream, your hands found themselves over your mouth.
There was no way you were having wet dreams like a hormonal teenage boy going through puberty while taking a nap.
You could feel your core aching and the needy pulsing that cried out for relief. Lacing your fingers together, you pressed your knuckles against your lips, refusing to let your hands stray down for some relief. Guilt gnawed at you — how the fuck were you gonna face Jaemin after this?
Sleep would not come easily nor could you try to focus on anything else. Even if it did, you could not guarantee that the lustful feeling would leave you be. Your mind felt foggy, hazed with guilt and lust.
With a frustrated groan, you pounded the bed with a closed fist and sat up, shifting to the edge with all intentions of relieving the ache down there. You pulled open the drawer, intended on bringing out the vibrator you used once…quite frequently and as the wood creaked, you froze. Guilt seriously gnawed at you and it suddenly hit — you were about to get yourself off to the fantasy of Na Jaemin fucking you.
Setting a few boxes aside, you hesitantly reached for the vibrator — both from embarrassment and guilt. You had been single for a long time, not interested in hook ups like you were a year and a half ago and the vibrator had been a close companion since then.
Fuck it, Jaemin would never know. He was back at home celebrating Christmas with his family. You weren’t even going to see him before the New Year’s eve party anyway.
You sighed as you removed your shorts and climbed back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. Masturbation wasn’t anything new to you, but you always focused on feeling good yourself rather than imagining a man fucking you into oblivion. When you hesitantly touched your clit with the tip of your finger, your mind raced back to the images from your dreams — the way his lips were covered in your slick as he came closer to kiss you, his soft touch.
As your fingers slowly circled on your clit, you whimpered at the very vivid images in your head and you knew how wrong it was to think of Jaemin like that. You wanted to stop thinking about him like that, but every time you wanted to think of something else, literally anything, your mind still flew back to him.
“Oh fuck,” He would never know anyway. You whined, as you slowly plunged two of your fingers inside and pushed your camisole top down to tweak your hardened nipples. Jaemin was never gonna know that you were thinking about him and his fingers plunging in and out of you at a rapid pace. You mewled, your hands moving on and speeding up on their own.
You absolutely despised the fact that you couldn’t stop yourself from imagining how Jaemin’s fingers would’ve felt instead of yours. You felt filthy. He wore rings frequently, that’s something you’ve noticed and you wondered how the cold metal would’ve felt against your core.
Pulling your fingers out with a moan, you stuttered out as you pressed the vibrator set on the lowest speed to your clit, making yourself whimper in pleasure and gripping at the bed sheets with your other free hand. You hated your mind and imagination for making you visualise Jaemin’s cock. You moaned loudly, just thinking about how much he could probably stretch you out, more than your fingers could ever.
"Oh my— fuck!” You whimpered, as you slowly inserted the vibrator inside yourself, making you arch my back slightly. You closed your eyes and turned the vibrator to the highest setting, before fully thrusting the whole toy inside. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head with a moan.
You fell back down the bed so you could lie down comfortably as your hands found themselves round your tits, tweaking your hardened nipples. You were a moaning mess by now, the thought of Jaemin out of the window as you tried to reach your high. The toy still vibrated against your walls and you could feel yourself getting closer and closer and you released one of your hands from your tits to circle at your clit rapidly.
You moaned loudly, burying your face in your shoulder, your legs shook and thighs pressed together, the pleasure from your own orgasm becoming too much for you. You quickly pulled the vibrator out and it continued to vibrate against your bedsheets.
Laying down against the pillow, you tried to catch your breath as embarrassment, guilt and shame all washed down over you at the same time. Your brain suddenly processed everything that just happened — you just got yourself off to Na Jaemin.
Embarrassed, you shoved your head under the pillow with a groan. How the fuck were you gonna face him?
Your phone on the other hand buzzed on the bedside table. With a grumble, you rolled over and almost dropped the phone back down when you saw the notifications popping up from the message app on your lock screen.
The universe truly seemed to loathe you right now because why was Jaemin of all people sending you an audio message suddenly?
jaemin: play audio (0:29)
jaemin: play audio (0:13)
You sat upright against the headboard and fixed your camisole top to cover up your exposed tits. Tapping on the play button hesitantly, you played the first audio message from him.
“FaceTime me if you’re fre— Wonnie, I’m talking to a friend. I’ll play with you in five minutes!” Jaemin’s regular deep voice suddenly changed into one of a high pitched, kindergarten teacher like voice — and you found yourself smiling at the sudden change. “Sorry, that was my baby cousin. I was telling you to FaceTime cause, remember I told you about my dog? She is somewhere…” He trailed off and paused for a few seconds. “Has anyone seen Yiseul?”
“She’s in the living room!” Another voice which belonged to a kid replied excitedly.
The audio ended and the smile on your face grew bigger and bigger as you played the second message.
“Sorry for the commotion, I’m babysitting my cousins today and all of them are hanging out in my room on their iPads. FaceTime me if you’re free though, and let me go get my Yiseul from the living room.”
You wanted to FaceTime him, you really did. But it dawned upon you that just masturbated to the vivid images of him fucking you. You’d be way too embarrassed to see Jaemin’s face anyway and the call would end up with you making excuses to hang up quickly rather than aweing at his white fluffy dog through the screen.
yn: kinda busy rn ): sorry
yn: send me yiseul pics tho
yn: and tell your cousins i said hi!
You saw the typing bubble pop on screen and Jaemin replied rather quickly.
jaemin: oh its okay i can do that
jaemin: i will! merry christmas :)
jaemin: or should i say late merry
Liu Yangyang’s house was packed with all kinds of people going crazy, drinking, some even seen smoking in the corner. When you entered the house earlier, the smell of alcohol was quick enough to reach your nostrils and make you gag slightly — you were never a heavy drinker like your friends to begin with. You put your right hand reflexively on your throat and closed your eyes as you took in the scent that would surround you for the rest of the night. When you opened them again, your friends were already chattering over the loud music.
Aeri was nowhere to be found by that point, probably she finally found someone to hook up with after weeks of whining and complaining. You and Chaeyeon on the other hand laid low, just sitting on one of the many couches and sipping on your drinks. Frankly, you would’ve gone socialise — but the idea of staying away from Jaemin as much as possible sounded more pleasing.
“Remember to gather at the backyard for the fireworks at 11:55 PM!” Yangyang reminded you all and you shuddered at the thought of possibly being surrounded by couples kissing into the new years while trying to enjoy the fireworks.
“Yeah, yeah, got it.” Chaeyeon hushed Yangyang away before he could start offering drinks to you or Chaeyeon.
You loudly spoke over the music, “What’s the time?”
“It’s 11:20 PM right now!” Chaeyeon yelled back. “Shall we split up? I’m trying to get some….” her eyebrows wiggled playfully and you laughed when you realised what she was referring to.
“Yeah, good luck with that!” You burst into laughter whilst you jokingly patted her back.
“I’m coming back in ten minutes if I don’t find someone conventionally attractive.” Chaeyeon announced, already disappearing into the crowd.
Everyone was going crazy. The music was so loud that it made your skin tingle and your lungs felt like mush. The bass thumped in time with your heart beat as though they were one, filling me from head to toe with music. At least you liked the song.
Over the roar of music, a distant, hazy chatter could be heard. You couldn't make out any words, but a familiar laughter rang in your ears and wouldn't seem to stop. You looked around and your eyes met with Jaemin. He was sitting in the living room, surrounded by Jeno and some other people you couldn’t recognise.
"I finally found you!” A singsong voice called out, loud enough for you to hear over the music as Jaemin came and stood beside you. He looked…very seductive — Jaemin was clad in a black leather jacket with a plain black shirt underneath and a thin silver chain on his neck. You prayed he wouldn’t notice your cheeks heating up and the awkward eye contact you were trying to avoid. "I thought you didn’t show up," his voice drawled.
You awkwardly glanced up. "Hey, sorry I was just hanging around here."
Jaemin grinned, a twinkle in his eyes and smile while you shrank slightly under his gaze.
"I almost gave up on trying to find you," Jaemin declared, "Been trying to look for you since 8." He nudged someone who had stumbled to his side.
You laughed at his desperation, trying to find you, “Why though?”
“Oh wai— about that,” He scratched the back of his head and took a look around his crowded surroundings before looking back at you. “It’s way too crowded here…rooftop? Only if you want t—
What else could go wrong? You wouldn’t mind even if he wanted to make moves on you and take things further tonight. You laughed at Jaemin blabbering, “Sure.”
The cold December air outside was quick enough to pierce through your dress. You kicked at the snow, Jaemin started rummaging through his pockets as soon as the door closed behind and he pulled out a charm bracelet wrapped in a see-through small plastic bag. He held out the bag in front of you with a sheepish grin on his. “My 12 year old cousin makes these and I helped her make this one. Think of it as a Christmas present from me.”
You broke into a smile as you eyed the colourful beaded bracelet. You could tell it was handmade from the uneven placement of the beads, some barely hanging onto the elastic for its dear life. Glancing back at Jaemin, you gave him a big smile. “Thank yo— God, thank you so much. It’s pretty.”
“It’s not, you don’t need to lie to me.”
You glanced at Jaemin, a face of regret and alcohol showing in his eyes, and you waved your hands in front of his face. "I’m not lying! It is pretty, and it’s the thought that counts anyway, right?”
Jaemin raised his head and laughed heartily at your words. "That’s true…”
“And it turned out to be cute, thank you to your cousin!”
"But I…" Jaemin’s voice trailed off as you leaned against the cold wall and gazed at him to continue whatever he was about to say. "Nevermind." Jaemin sighed.
You laughed, looking up at him after neatly wearing the bracelet on your left wrist. “What?”
“Nothing, forget it.”
There were 10 minutes until midnight and the noise downstairs still hadn't died down. You could see some people going crazy in the backyard already even before the scheduled time for the fireworks, some in the swimming pool on one of the coldest days of the year but who were you to judge? Jaemin followed the trail of your sight and chuckled. “These people are gonna catch a cold and start their new years with a high fever within the next 2 days.”
“We get it, you’re a pre-med student.” You playfully hit him on the shoulders.
“Sorry, I can't help it.” Jaemin laughed heartily and stretched his arms out. “Wanna go back downstairs?”
Overall, the party's atmosphere had been a horrific pain to you and your head ever since you stepped in through the doors. Loud music had been playing the whole night, there was too much yelling and everyone had too much to drink for their own good. So you told him honestly with a tight lipped smile, “You can if you want to, I like it here.”
Jaemin leaned against the railings as well and replied in a sing-song voice, “I’m not leaving as well!”
"This is my second New Year’s party in college," Jaemin confessed as the two of you leaned against the railings. "Last one must've been…" he paused for a second to ponder. “Freshman year, then I just went back to my hometown every year.”
You couldn't help but frown as his smile faded. “It’s not really that fun. I come because my friends are…you know.”
"Yeah, I can tell." Jaemin chuckled. “You’re like…very introverted. I’m surprised you’re friends with Donghyuck and Chaeyeon.”
You laughed, a joyful sound that could melt the snow underneath Jaemin’s shoes, and gave him a playful shove. "I wouldn’t say I’m an introvert, I just like a quiet and peaceful environment!”
“I think we both have got the same issue.” Jaemin looked at you. “I would rather stay in my room in peace than go out, you know.” He paused when realisation dawned upon him and laughed. “No wonder I’m single.”
"Wow," you muttered, just loud enough to be heard over the sounds of the party downstairs, "I wasn’t really like this till last year.”
Jaemin looked back at you, intending to give you a reassuring smile for you to continue, but it shattered before even being formed.
The look on your face could only be described as heartbroken. Pity and anger flashed through your eyes, as the images from last year kept flashing in front of you. “I—
Jaemin suddenly squeezed your hands with his cold ones, pulling your attention back to him. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Y/N."
You nodded. "Thank you." After a moment, you seemed to snap back into reality and looked up at Jaemin. "Sorry, it’s just very stupid. Forget we ever had this conversation.”
Jaemin couldn't help but chuckle lightly. "Whatever it was, I just hope you’re happy now.”
The comment was met with silence, but not one of awkwardness. It was a rather quiet and tender moment, one of understanding and trust.
You were snapped back into reality when you heard the countdown to New Year’s downstairs, the crowd chattering got louder and louder.
Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
Fireworks exploded in the sky, and you were briefly mesmerized by the display. It was grand and luxurious, just like everything else in this luxurious house of Yangyang’s. Jaemin chuckled behind you as you heard the shutter of the camera app go off and you quickly turned around to see him snapping pictures of the colourful sky on his phone with a fond smile on his face.
“Happy new year!” Jaemin exclaimed when he noticed your gaze on him.
Something about him was particularly very enticing at that moment, so you leaned in and kissed him long and deeply. Jaemin seemed surprised, but quickly reciprocated your affections, as you guided his hands around your waist. He deepened the kiss while you savoured this moment by wrapping your arms around his neck.
Jaemin pulled away first, and he gazed at you with his eyes widened. A few seconds later, you shyly backed away and covered your face, which was growing hotter and hotter.
"Oh my god, I shoul—
Jaemin cupped your cheeks with his cold hands, sending shivers down your spine and interrupted you with a kiss this time. He barely registered the fact that you had kissed him first and the sound of people cheering and welcoming the new years downstairs.
Reluctantly, and much too quickly for Jaemin’s liking, you pulled away. He blinked stupidly and opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn’t manage to form coherent words.
You took a deep breath and chuckled awkwardly, looking at everything and anything while refusing to make eye contact with the man in front. “I think I should go downstairs. Aeri and Chaeyeon are probably looking for me.”
"Oh?" He was struggling to pay attention, still a bit dazed. “Ye—yeah, have fun.”
What have you just done?
You should’ve known staying up at the rooftop in the snow on New Year’s eve wasn’t the best idea. It hadn’t taken long for you to develop a blocked nose and a mild fever within two days and you were now stuck at home, blowing your nose and sneezing continuously while Aeri and Chaeyeon went café hopping around the town without you. They offered to come visit you, which you refused — because honestly, you didn’t want to be the one to be blamed if one of them caught the flu as well.
Binging on Netflix’s Christmas movie collections was what you did the entire day besides scrolling through Instagram. You shuddered when you came across a picture of Jaemin from Yangyang’s party with his friends on your newsfeed, he still looked very seductive, you wouldn’t lie — but it all came crashing down when you remember it was you who kissed him first.
You hadn’t talked to him since that night, you couldn’t get yourself to do it. You feared the worst, what if it ended up like your last relationships this time as well? Na Jaemin was enigmatic yet very irresistible to you at that point — the more you saw him, the more you wanted him.
Just then, your thoughts were broken when your phone vibrated beside you on the bed. You rolled over and rushed your hand over to it, picking it up only to see an incoming call from Jaemin. After hovering your finger over the screen for a few seconds, you hesitated and answered finally.
“Hello!” Jaemin greeted and you could hear his low chuckle.
“Hey.” As soon as you opened your mouth, you started coughing.
“Oh— are you sick?” You heard shuffling from his side and he sounded rather concerned now. “Hey, are you okay?”
“Yeah!” You coughed again, “I’m good, just a mild flu. Don’t w—
“Have you taken any medicine?”
“Yeah, just a cough syrup.”
You heard him audibly sigh and take a deep breath, “Do you have a fever?”
You really didn’t want to tell him any further about your well being because he started sounding way too concerned. Giggling at his antics you replied, “It’s not that bad, don’t worry.”
“What’s your address?”
You sat up straight on the bed as soon as the words left his mouth, “What?!”
“You know what, never mind.” Then he suddenly hung up on you, leaving you confused with many questions on the other side. You laid down, wondering what made him hang up abruptly. Jaemin was stubborn, you knew that but it was 11 PM and he didn’t know where you lived anyway.
You expected Jaemin to do a lot of things but what you weren’t expecting was a doorbell and Jaemin walking into your apartment with two plastic bags in his hand. You panicked, “How did you get my address?”
Jaemin took the medicines and a takeaway package of warm soup and rice from the plastic bags, placing them on the table. “Kim Yerim gave it to me.” He pulled the chair out and sat you down.
You let out a weak laugh, which devolved into a cough, making Jaemin eye you with concern. It took you a few seconds to compose yourself. "I already had dinner…”
Jaemin’s smile dropped, “Oh.” He rummaged through the packaging and placed a bottle of paracetamol in front of you. “Then you should take the medicine now and go to sleep.”
You complied, taking the pill from his hand and gulped it down with water in one go. He still stared at you as if he wanted to say something. Your eyebrows furrowed and you poked at his arm, “Do you wanna say something?”
“Um,” He scratched the back of his neck. “Can I have the soup then? I haven’t had dinner yet.”
You happily let him have dinner as the two of you ended up gossiping while he ate. Jaemin wouldn’t seem to shut up about his baby cousins and his dog which you found quite endearing — the way his eyes sparkled with happiness every time he mentioned his dog kept making you smile unconsciously. He promised he would only leave after tucking you to bed when he had made sure you were fast asleep while stifling yawns in between himself.
As sunlight filtered through the side of the blinds, you found yourself slowly waking up. There was a weight on your hand, and for a moment you almost panicked, but then everything fell into place when you saw Jaemin lightly snoring at the edge, his head resting on top of your hand while the rest of his body was still on the floor. Your eyes softened as you watched him, so he really did fall asleep later.
You didn’t want to move and take away from the unknown bliss that you felt in the moment. But the sun had bothered Jaemin as well — he cleared his throat, slowly raising his head so as to not wake you up. You quickly shut your eyes close when you noticed how desperately quiet he was being. The cushion he was sitting on was quietly placed on the bed, and then Jaemin’s presence moved as he slowly closed the bathroom door shut. You wanted to call out to him, but after seeing how considerate he was being for your sake, you couldn’t get yourself to do it.
Jaemin came back after a while and quietly put his warm hand on your forehead to check the temperature. That’s when you broke and opened your eyes. Jaemin flinched but was quick enough to gain his composure, “Are you feeling better now?” He asked, still caressing his hand over your forehead as he climbed onto the bed.
Now that you had opened your eyes and took a better look at Jaemin, you realised he looked way more attractive in the morning with his messy hair. Jaemin clicked his fingers, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Are you feeling better?” He repeated again.
“Yeah.” You blinked, looking down at him from where you were on the bed.
“That’s great then, I should get go—
Jaemin then lowered himself down, his breath fanning over yours. His eyes shifted from your shaking ones to your nose, cheeks, and just about anywhere his eyes could land on that was you. He smiled before pressing one soft kiss on your lips and teasingly pulling away.
You frowned, eyebrows coming together, and before you could complain about how short lived the kiss was, Jaemin dived in again. He pressed his lips on the corner of your mouth before he moved to capture your lips, his hands finding themselves on your cheek, deepening the kiss.
You pulled away and moved on to nibble on Jaemin’s arlobe and a low guttural moan ripped through his vocal cords. You jolted, shivers ran down your spine — that was one of the hottest things you’ve ever heard.
Jaemin’s hand soon found themselves on the back of your head as he connected your lips together. He tilted his head so your mouths could fit better, noses brushing and bumping before he tried to push in his tongue. And you let him in without much of a hesitation, wrapping your arms around him to deepen the kiss — the proximity almost at none. You pulled away from him briefly to tug your shirt over your head to expose your breasts and nipples hardened immediately.
It was probably the realisation which dawned upon Jaemin when he saw you like that because he suddenly backed off, “He—we don’t have to do anything if you don’t wa—
You eyed him humorously, “I haven’t had sex in over 6 months, let me have this.”
“Wow, you’re very…honest.” Jaemin chuckled, pulling his shirt over his head as well to reveal his toned body as his mouth immediately went to your neck, and you yelped when he bit down on the sensitive skin and sucked, probably leaving bruises in the process.
You let him continue to trail wet kisses until his lips were on your nipples, sucking them into his mouth slowly. You let yourself close your eyes and bite your bottom lip as he rolled his tongue over the buds and fuck, why have you never tried this before with your ex boyfriends? You knew for a damn fact that Jaemin hadn’t just unlocked a new kink for you.
The thought was tempting to let Jaemin continue and when he dragged a hand down between your thighs, you breathed out. Jaemin slipped his hands in between your shorts and fingers down to your clit as he rolled his fingers in deep circles over it. You gripped at the bedsheet and let your head fall back at the pleasure coursing through your body. His middle finger was the first to slip inside, as you scrunched your face at the feeling of the stretch.
Jaemin halted immediately and voiced concern, “Do you want me to stop?”
You lightly chuckled, “No, I’m just a bit…rusty.” Jaemin almost pulled his middle finger out as soon as the words left his mouth and you stopped him. “Jaemin, I don’t know how to say it in the nicest way possible but I might start crying if you don’t fuck me within the next 5 minutes.”
Jaemin laughed and gently moved his finger in and out. “Tell me if you feel uncomfortable.” And as soon as he picked up the pace, he inserted a second finger inside. Your moan got louder when he curled his fingers to hit the spot that always made you squirm while his lips found themselves on yours.
You felt the familiar knot tying at the pit of your stomach. Jaemin continued to pump his fingers in and out at a rapid speed, “Oh my god, fuc—” and then he kissed you again.
“Are you close?” Jaemin pulled away and whispered as his lips moved against the skin of your neck. You couldn’t get yourself to reply so you nodded your head, which seemed to make him pump his fingers into your wet pussy vigorously.
Your back arched as you loudly whimpered and finally came undone around his fingers, your whole body shook and he took in the moans, kissing you through your orgasm. When your body finally relaxed, you lifted yourself up to kiss him passionately again, your hands trailing down to the pull at the drawstrings of his sweatpants.
“Fuck, you’re so hot.” Jaemin breathed, discarding his sweatpants somewhere in the room and hovered above you, slowly stroking his cock as he kept his eyes fixated on you. You were nervous — nothing of a significant size had been up there in a while and wondered whether it would hurt or not.
“Please tell me you have a condom.”
Fuck. You wanted to scream. “I don’t think I have one…” Maybe if it was a year ago, you’d have a whole box of condoms sitting inside the drawer of your bedside table. Still, rolling over, you rummaged through the drawer to find everything but one single packet of condom. You felt like a hormonal teenager and you wished you were on the pills right now.
Jaemin was confused, “You don’t have one?”
You felt pathetic, almost begging to get fucked. “Please, just pull ou—
“Y/N, pulling out is very risky.” Jaemin sighed and sat in between your legs, running his hands up and down your thighs slowly.
“I’m gonna start crying.” You dramatically groaned into the pillow, voice muffled, you added, “Do you think the 7/11 down the road will have condoms at this hour?”
“I’m not going to buy condoms at 7 in the morning.” Jaemin burst into laughter and pulled you closer by your thighs, positioning himself in between them comfortably. You looked down at him, “What are you doi—“ your words were cut short when Jaemin started peppering kisses on your thighs, near your core and you suddenly felt his warm tongue glide through your wet folds, you moaned out his name, throwing your head back at the sensation.
You knew there was no going back now, and you hoped whatever you had with him currently wouldn’t end like how it did every single time.