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zurajanaizurakoda · 7 months

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A Villain With a Redemption Arc is Sometimes Still Just a Villain

Mature

Takazura NC Ginzura C

7285 words

non consensual/graphic depictions of violence/animal death/implied sex/explicit sex/implied rape/angst/series appropriate violence/canon major character death/child on child violence (non sexual)/hurt comfort/hurt no comfort/hurt with attempts at comfort/kids in a war/non consensual haircuts/healing/crossdressing/explicit language/sociopath Takasugi Shnsuke/top Takasugi Shinsuke/switch Gintoki Sakata/switch Katsura Kotarou/I’m trying to tag for everything I can think of/does anyone actually want this fic

In which Takasugi is a kid who breaks his toys and Katsura unfortunately fits his definition of a toy and Gintoki just doesn’t like to see Katsura hurt. A very messy TakaZuraGin triangle with a surprisingly fluffy GinZura ending. Starts at Shoka Sonjuku and goes past the end of of The Very Final.

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It happens the first time a few days after they join the school. Gintoki doesn’t get how things happened, really, they kind of showed up on their own and made themselves at home. The one with purple hair is an exceptional asshole, he’s known that since before they joined, but the one with long hair is a total enigma. All Gintoki knows about Kazura (Hashira? Something he can’t be bothered to remember) is that, like Gintoki, the kid is an orphan with no ties to the world, and unlike Gintoki, he’s got a talent for books that sets him apart from the rest of the class. Gintoki can’t tell if the kid is a genius or an idiot, but he keeps to himself and seems to have a sadness that Gintoki somehow wishes he could help with. Sensei saved him, he can help Zurrachi.

But anyway, it’s a few days after they get there that Gintoki sees it first. Katsuma is talking to one of the girls, probably about nothing, when suddenly Asshole stalks out of nowhere. Makes a beeline for the two, marches straight up to Long Hair, grabs a big handful, and pulls hard. Lots of people tug at his hair, it’s playing, but this is different. This is intended solely to hurt, badly. The kid stumbles, his head pulled back so he’s forced to look at The Jerk, and they stare at each other for a few seconds. Long hair glares. Asshole glares worse. Then Asshole lets go and walks off like nothing happened. Long Hair watches him leave, confusion on his face, and then goes to fix his ponytail without a comment. There was no need for that, Gintoki thinks, and feels a strange feeling that’s not quite pity. He almost goes up to the boy, but doesn’t. They don’t know each other. Those two probably won’t stay long, they’re used to nicer stuff than this.

It’s about a year later that the next thing happens. Zura (It’s Katsura, Gintoki knows that now, but hell if he’ll say it, that’s an old man’s name and Zura is no old man, even though he acts like one occasionally) has been taking care of a young bird he found out in the garden. Its wing is broken, and Sensei helped him set it right. He’s been so careful, scrounging for food and making sure to keep the box warm at night, and the bird seems to be improving. It’s sort of sweet, Gintoki guesses, and is sort of glad that the weird kid has a hobby besides studying. He doesn’t offer to help, but he finds himself keeping tabs on the box when Zura is busy.

So the next morning when the box is missing, he feels some of the panic Zura feels. Offers to help him search the entire school, the surrounding grounds. Neither of them finds anything, and Gintoki feels terrible when he sees the tears in the corners of Zura’s eyes. He wishes he could do something.

That afternoon, the bird shows up lifeless on the porch. It looks like its neck is broken.

Takasugi did it, Gintoki knows it, doesn’t know how he knows. Wonders if Zura knows, considers telling him, thinks better of it. He has no proof. He offers to help Zura bury his pet, but Zura wants to do it himself. He doesn’t cry, he cried while they were looking but now that it’s over he just seems sullen and resigned. Gintoki watches him from a nearby tree and feels something confusing. Not just sadness, but another feeling that seems to be specific to when he thinks of Zura. He gets in a fight with Takasugi later that afternoon, lets his fists a little looser than he normally would. It doesn’t help.

It’s not that Zura doesn’t think, Gintoki realizes eventually, it’s just that his thoughts go around in a different way, and sometimes something strange comes out. They’re Zura thoughts, and they’re not really right or wrong, they’re just different. Sensei seems to understand him best, and Zura is never happier than when he’s prattling on with Sensei about things no one else can seem to comprehend. His smile makes those weird Zura-specific feelings come back sometimes, but it’s warm and happy, not like the twisted ones when Zura gets hurt.

Hair-pulling is something boys do when they like someone and don’t know what to say, one of the girls tells him, and if that’s true then Takasugi must have a mountain of Zura feelings bouncing around in him. One day he sees Takasugi pull Zura’s hair so hard it drags him to the ground after Zura says something a little strange but inoffensive. He punches Takasugi right in his stupid face, and they both get in trouble. Zura brings him an onigiri while he’s in time out, but doesn’t bring one for Takasugi. He likes that.

Zura fights back sometimes, but he never returns violence with violence, and he never goes to Sensei with his problems. Gintoki thinks Sensei might have a suspicion, though, he seems to develop a sixth sense for appearing out of nowhere when Takasugi gets in one of his moods. Takasugi never acts up when Sensei is there, Sensei seems to calm that part of Takasugi that makes him a total asshole. Gintoki just wishes the effect didn’t wear off so quickly.

He hears a rumor a few months later. Someone says that Takasugi kissed Zura that afternoon, back by the river. Neither of them confirm it or deny it, but it sounds about right. Gintoki feels Zura feelings and begrudgingly hopes they’re happy. Sensei doesn’t say anything, but that night he rearranges the sleeping arrangements. Zura’s futon is no longer next to Takasugi’s, but across the hall, with Gintoki. Gintoki doesn’t like that, he hates the way Zura sleeps with his eyes open, but it seems a little weird that Sensei separated them. Maybe he thinks they’re too young for these things. If the kissing continues, Gintoki doesn’t hear about it. Zura seems his usual, spacey self. They certainly don’t act like a couple. Gintoki wonders again if Takasugi feels Zura feelings, assumes he does, and wonders why they don’t make him want to be nicer to Zura.

The night Sensei is taken, Takasugi flips his shit. Gintoki almost misses it because the world is fucking ending, but by the light of the fire he sees Takasugi go for Zura’s hair, pull him back until he’s almost bent in half, and punch him directly in the face. “You did nothing!” he screams. “You just let them take Sensei!” Zura was definitely crying before the punch, but he says nothing, just raises his arms to protect from further assault. Takasugi pauses, screams in anger, and goes for another punch. The second punch is worse, and they’re kids, they’re not too strong, but Zura is bleeding heavily from the nose as Takasugi lines up another punch. Before Gintoki can even think, he’s by their side, pulling Takasugi off the other boy.

“No one could do anything!” he screams, pushing Takasugi to the ground. Takasugi looks into his eyes, and there’s murder there. He stands, and Gintoki moves instinctively to keep him from getting to Zura. “It’s not his fault! The hell’s your problem?!” Takasugi says nothing, just glares, and they both know there’s no reason for it. Takasugi has something fucking in him for Zura, and Gintoki doesn’t know what it is, but he doesn’t like it. He briefly remembers the kiss they might have shared, and doesn’t wish them happiness at all. He wishes Takasugi would keep his fucking hands to himself. Behind them, Zura fixes his ponytail, crying quietly. He doesn’t say anything.

Gintoki catches them one day years later, while they’re supposed to be practicing. Takasugi has Zura pinned against a tree, a big handful of Zura’s hair like usual, and they’re kissing deep. Not the crush way, the lover way. Zura’s grabbing the tree tightly with both hands like he’s afraid his legs will give out. When they see him, they draw apart. Zura’s face is red as he turns, fixing his hair. Takasugi stares directly at Gintoki, and he hates it. The Zura feelings are back, churning his stomach, and he almost calls out. “Why this asshole? You deserve better.” But Zura is hurrying back to camp, and after a few moments Takasugi follows him. Gintoki goes for a walk, burying his thoughts and feelings. That night he moves his futon next to Zura’s, forget the weird wide-eyed sleeping. This isn’t right, he thinks to himself. This is wrong.

He doesn’t catch them again, and they still don’t act like a couple. Zura still spends most of his time alone, studying. He’s smart, Gintoki knows now, even if he can be a complete idiot and has terrible taste in men. He brings Zura tea and waits to see if Zura wants to talk about his interruption, but Zura wants to study.

It’s not until the war that he gets the next bad feeling. Takasugi and Zura left scouting in different directions, but they came back together. Not really together together, but close enough they had to be aware of each other. Zura is breathing a little heavily, his clothes look a bit disheveled for a scouting mission. His hair is a mess, Gintoki realizes, and he hasn’t bothered to fix it. He’s usually more careful about that. Not just the Zura feelings but the this-is-wrong feelings are back in full swing. Takasugi goes off on his own, Zura goes to his tent. When he comes back out, he’s perfectly composed, no sign of distress. He excuses himself to go to the planning tent. On impulse, Gintoki grabs him by the shoulder, turns him to face him. Zura’s eyes go a little wide, but he says nothing.

“You deserve better,” he says, and feels disgusted with himself. Zura just stares at him, those narrow brown eyes incomprehensible, and then turns away. He wonders if he’d feel the same way if he didn’t want to kiss Zura too. He’s pretty sure that he would. They never speak of it again.

But it happens again. Not often, but it does. The sight of Zura’s hair messed up in his ponytail gets Gintoki riled up and he doesn’t know why. No, he does know exactly why. He just doesn’t know what to do about it.

Zura is off limits. The new recruits often notice him, but he’s spoken for. Everyone knows it, although no one knows quite how this knowledge is passed. Zura spends most of his time alone, but sometimes when he’s not alone Gintoki notices Takasugi herding him off, keeping him separate. Zura never joins the fireside for drinks after a battle, always goes straight to his tent. Takasugi doesn’t even seem to want to spend the time together, he seems to just hate seeing Zura with others. Gintoki’s not sure if it’s because of whatever the fuck their relationship is, or that part of Takasugi that just breaks Zura’s toys to hurt him, but it’s wrong. He wonders how things got this way. Sakamoto and him are the only ones who seem allowed to socialize with Zura outside of meetings and training, but Zura’s still spacey and often thinking Zura thoughts when he’s not reading.

The hair pulling should have gone away with childhood, but it doesn’t. If anything, it gets worse. One day, in the middle of a meeting, there’s an argument about tactics. Takasugi wants blood, Zura wants safety for the troops. Neither is backing down, and the air is thick with tension, when suddenly Takasugi grabs a handful of the black hair and slams Zura’s head into the table at full force. He holds it there, that look he gets sometimes that’s just seething hate, until the feeling passes, and then he turns and leaves without comment. Zura’s fine, he’s always had the strongest forehead of anyone Gintoki’s met, but the glare he throws at Takasugi’s back as he fixes his ponytail definitely isn’t that of a lover. Zura continues his presentation like nothing happened, and his plan is ultimately chosen. Lives are probably saved. Zura knows he deserves better, Gintoki thinks, and it somehow brings him some relief. Gintoki brings him a bottle of pocari chilled to sherbert consistency and waits for a while to see if he wants to talk, but he doesn’t.

Zura is a genius at getting information. No one knows his methods, but he’s become a lead at intel. He likes costumes, goes out in weird outfits sometimes. One day he comes back to camp in a full western dress, complete with high heels, fuck knows where he got them. He walks well in them, even on the uneven ground of the camp. It makes him walk differently, swaying his hips a little. Gintoki doesn’t know if he likes it or not, but he follows Zura to his tent, transfixed. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Takasugi watching him as well, and when their eyes meet, Takasugi pulls his lips back in a sneer. Gintoki hates that. Hates it so much. He finds reason to hang out around Zura’s tent until he comes back out in regular dress, happily showing Gintoki the small, round bombs he’s managed to steal from an enemy supplier. His sleeves are full of them. Gintoki feels the happy Zura feeling for the first time in a while.

—

It’s another night, deep into the war, when everything breaks. They’re making their way back to camp separately after a battle, each on their own, when Gintoki hears it. “No! Shinsuke, no.” He didn’t realize they were so close, just beyond some bushes. He definitely didn’t realize they were together. He turns, and through the leaves he sees Takasugi grab the other man by the hair like he always does, dragging him into a clearing, out of Gintoki’s sight. Hand on his sword, Gintoki follows them, praying it’s not what it looks like. It can’t be what it looks like. Zura would have said something. Zura would have said something to him, right? His mind is suddenly going through a hundred conversations, trying to find a moment when he’d given Zura a reason not to come to him. He trips on some roots, but the other two are apparently too locked in conversation to hear him crashing around. He stumbles to his feet, cursing time lost.

“No!” Zura repeats again, forcefully. “It’s a fucking battlefield, Shinsuke. Have some respect for the dead.”

There’s a sneer in Takasugi’s voice. “You’ve always got to find something to bitch about.”

“I feel disgusting. I’ve been fighting since morning. No.”

“You’ve got a mouth, haven’t you? Don’t go getting prissy on me now, Zura. Be useful for a change.”

“It’s not Zura, it’s Ka-!” there’s the sound of a heavy slap, and Zura must be going to the ground. Zura’s a fighter, it takes a lot to throw him around. Gintoki’s blood has been boiling for the whole conversation, but his vision goes red. He rounds the corner to confront them.

Zura is on his knees, glaring at Takasugi. His cheek is bright red and his hand is on the hilt of his sword, although he makes no effort to draw it. Takasugi has his hand in Zura’s hair as usual, a big heavy fistful, and he’s holding Zura to his knees, close to his crotch. Zura notices him first. “Ginto-” he stops as the fist yanks him painfully, as Takasugi looks up.

“The fuck is this.” Gintoki hisses, drawing his sword. The hair on his arms is standing on end.

“None of your fucking business, Sakata.” Takasugi drawls it out, like he merely interrupted a private conversation, but he throws Zura back to the ground. Again, it’s not easy, it takes a lot of rage and muscle to throw the man and it must be fucking hell on his hair roots. Gintoki finally has a solid image of how Zura’s hair ends up so tangled, and he’s furious. Takasugi’s sword is out, and his stance tightens when he realizes that Gintoki’s out for blood. “Keep your nose out of things, Silver.” They size each other up for a second. In the back of his mind, Gintoki again wonders if Takasugi ever felt anything for Zura except the need to break, to destroy. His blood rushes in his ears. Zura gets to his feet.

“Gintoki, don’t-!” It’s Zura’s plea for peace, of all things, that breaks his fury. He swings at Takasugi, going straight for his heart. Takasugi sidesteps, parries, thrusts. They’ve fought before, even with live blades, but this is different. There’s no camaraderie, no sport. This is life or death. He takes a deep cut to the arm, screams, charges. Zura tries to get between them. Gintoki gets Takasugi in the side, turns his sword, goes for the throat. Zura’s sword is drawn, but there’s not much he can do. He calls again for an end.

Gintoki is disarmed, and for a second it’s over, it’s all over, but he’s too fucking furious to die here and he launches himself at Takasugi, sword and all. Knocks them both over. Catches Takasugi off guard, straddles his chest, punches him full in the face. Keeps punching as the blood spreads everywhere. He’s going to obliterate that stupid fucking face, punch it until there’s nothing left, no skin, no bone. He feels arms around his chest and almost takes a swing at Zura in his fury. He’s dragged back. “Fucking hell, Zura, let me go!” he screams, thrashing to get back to his prey. Zura is strong, as strong as either of them, and he pulls Gintoki off. Gintoki screams in frustration.

“We need him! We need him!” Zura’s voice suddenly reaches him, and it’s such a fucking Zura response that it breaks him out of his stupor. He looks at Zura, numb and broken. “We need him,” Zura repeats, his eyes averted. “He’s the best general we have. His troops are unstoppable.”

“Fucking Zura…” he breathes, heart pounding in his chest, feelings screaming in his stomach. “He…” he can’t find the words. “He hurt you.” he finally says.

“You think I don’t know that?” Zura replies, quiet and unknowable. He doesn’t release his grip on Gintoki. “We can’t have infighting like this, Gintoki. We need to remain united.”

“How long? How fucking long?!” Gintoki yells, turning and grabbing Zura by the shoulders. “How long has he been-” he stops, teeth clenched.

Zura’s silence speaks volumes. It’s always been like this, Gintoki realizes, there was no puppy love, no romance that went sour. Because Zura always knew he deserved better and Takasugi never fucking cared. It’s always been Takasugi claiming what he thought was his, breaking for the sake of breaking. Because whatever fucking beast got into him that sends him after Zura is always howling, be it for blood or otherwise. And Zura, gods bless him, is just trying to make the best of a fucking terrible situation. Maybe still trying to play the peacekeeper. He thinks back to the day he found them kissing and wishes desperately he had killed Takasugi then.

Takasugi groans behind them. He’s done, he’s barely conscious, and Gintoki turns to him. Picks up his sword, fully intending to thrust it directly into Takasugi’s bastard heart.

And then Zura is between them, sword in hand. “We need him, Gintoki.” he repeats. “Please, don’t make me do this. We have few enough men as it is.” he shifts, feet going into an attack stance, and Gintoki knows he’s serious. He’s dangerous. “Don’t make me do this,” he repeats, voice wavering. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Zura!!”

“It’s not Zura,” Zura hisses, “It’s Katsura.” he’s not backing down.

Gintoki goes through a thousand emotions at once. He lets out a strange whine, finding no words. Zura hesitantly lowers his sword slightly, steps forward. His face is conflicted, like he’s seeking approval, god knows what for. Zura’s been through fucking hell, he probably doesn’t want to lose his one real friend.

Gintoki grabs him by the wrist and runs.

“Gintoki, wait! Gintoki-” Zura trips after him.

He won’t allow it. He can see Zura on his knees, treating Takasugi, washing the blood from his face, bandaging him with strips of his clothing. Playing the goddamn peacekeeper because he doesn’t know how else to live. He can’t take that, Gintoki knows. He’ll go insane if Zura nurses the man from the wounds he got trying to hurt him. He doesn’t stop running, doesn’t listen to Zura until they’re at his tent, safely back at camp. He stops there and lets go of Zura’s wrist, and stands there uselessly, not sure what to say. They both stand there, catching their breath.

Zura finally meets his eyes, seems to have questions, decides not to ask them. He enters the tent without complaint and lights his lantern. Through the fabric, Gintoki can see him sit at his trunk of belongings, combing his hair back into place like it’s any other night. He reads before going to sleep. Gintoki feels sick, feels furious, feels lost. The Zura feelings are choking him and he doesn’t know what to do. He sleeps outside of Zura’s tent that night.

Takasugi stumbles back into camp the next day like he’s drunk. They fight again, but there’s no teeth to it, it’s just going through the motions. Sakamoto breaks them up, and Gintoki makes sure to eat dinner with Zura, although they don’t talk. He moves his tent next to Zura’s that afternoon, not really knowing what he’s doing. Something has changed, something they can’t get back. He just doesn’t want to see Zura hurt.

“I don’t hate him,” Zura says out of the blue one day, while they’re scouting. He says it like they’re discussing the weather, and it takes a minute to realize who he’s referring to. “I don’t like him, but I don’t hate him. It’s complicated,” he drinks a can of Pocari. Gintoki grunts, not knowing what to say at first.

“I hate him,” he announces. “I’ll hate him enough for the both of us. I’ll kill that fucker one day.”

Zura turns to him. “Do you… hate me?” he finally asks. He’s thinking Zura thoughts, as usual, and he seems troubled in a way only Zura can be. He makes eye contact, a rarity these days, and his eyes are full of secret conflict.

Gintoki snarls, goes through a levy of emotions. Draws Zura into a hug before he realizes he’s doing it. “Like I could ever hate you, you idiot,” he breathes, looking into the deep brown eyes. Zura is still thinking, he doesn’t know what about, and he wants to kiss him more than he’s ever wanted anything but he doesn’t know how to ask and he doesn’t want to take, so he kisses Zura’s dumb forehead gently through the thick bangs and then releases him. Zura continues watching him until he turns and goes back to camp alone. Another understanding passes between them, though he’s not quite sure what it is, and Zura stops acting like he’s walking on eggshells around him. Gintoki is silently grateful.

It doesn’t happen again, at least Gintoki doesn’t think it does, and he’s been keeping an eye out for it now. He finds reasons to stay with Zura, even when they’re fighting. Every time he sees Zura’s hair disheveled, bile rises in his throat, even when he knows it’s not Takasugi’s handiwork. Takasugi continues to fight like a demon, his favorite distraction taken from him. He doesn’t confront them, although sometimes Takasugi looks at Zura and it makes Gintoki furious. He hates how cold the eyes are. Takasugi’s never felt fucking Zura feelings in his fucking life.

He’ll kill that fucker someday.

But they’re all Shouyou’s students on the hillside, and he can feel Takasugi’s pain when he howls for their master. He unties Takasugi first, gods know why. He’s hurt badly, he needs to punch Gintoki. Gintoki gets it, he really does. A few punches will do wonders for him.

Takasugi pushes him out of the way and goes straight for Zura who’s still on the ground, still bound. “This is your fucking fault!” he screams, his voice as broken as it was when he was yelling for Gintoki to stop. “You were the one that got captured! We were rescuing you!” he grabs a huge fistful of Zura’s hair and pulls him to his knees, drawing his sword. “This is your fucking fault!” Zura doesn’t react.

He’s going to kill Zura, Gintoki thinks, heart in his throat. Takasugi’s going to fucking kill Zura and I’m going to kill him and this whole fucking thing will have been for nothing. It’s his own fucking fault, he knows fucking Takasugi has it in for Zura, what the fuck was he thinking?! He killed sensei for this! But as he raises, drawing his sword, running to help, his mind already focusing on losing the last two people he knows in the world, Takasugi pulls back harder and draws his blade through Zura’s long, beautiful hair.

The ponytail comes off in his hand, and Zura falls back to the ground, his face covered by his now short hair. He doesn’t struggle, doesn’t even move. Takasugi stands up, throws the ponytail on the ground and spits. Gintoki doesn’t know why he did it. Likely Takasugi himself doesn’t know. He’s just always had it in for fucking Zura, breaking things just to have them broken. There’s something strangely intimate and violating in the action, something very Takasugi about it. He’s always gone for Zura’s hair and now he’s taken it all. Gintoki still rises, puts himself bodily between the two men in case Takasugi isn’t done yet.

But something has changed, something in Takasugi has snapped, even more than it had been. His beast has grown too savage to be quelled by Zura’s blood, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. When Takasugi speaks, he addresses Zura, not him. “You’re no samurai. You’re fucking dirt. You’re nothing.” he snarls. “Don’t ever show your face before me again.” he storms off.

Gintoki stays, unties Zura, who looks strange and somehow vulnerable with his hair shorn short and uneven. Zura doesn’t cry, still does nothing. He thanks Gintoki blankly, looks at the handful of his hair like he’s debating picking it up, and then turns to go back to camp without it. Gintoki follows and hates himself.

Zura goes back to camp to stay, goes back to his position, back to his job. Gintoki sticks around for a few days, just to make sure Takasugi Isn't coming back. He’s not. His reasons for staying are gone. Zura evens out his hair, but it’s still a reminder of things they lost. There’s not enough for even a small ponytail, and he seems unanchored, his hands twitching to the short strands often. There’s a loss there he’s still processing, both tangible and intangible. Zura thoughts. They don’t discuss Sensei. They don’t really talk at all. Sakamoto has been gone for a while now. Zura seems to spend a lot of time thinking Zura thoughts, and Gintoki suspects that those thoughts are bad. It’s not something he can help with.

“I’m sorry,” he says, the day he leaves, his few possessions on his back.

“I’m sorry too,” Zura says before turning back to camp. That’s what a general does. The war is effectively over, but a general doesn’t abandon his troops.

They don’t see each other for ten years.

—

Gintoki isn’t surprised at all to see Zura’s a terrorist, he’s seen the wanted posters the last few years, hasn’t he? Zura’s buried hundreds, maybe thousands of comrades over the years, and it obviously still affects him deeply. He’s still a goddamn general, lost war and all. Gintoki is actually a little surprised that Zura specifically seeks him out, he figures he’s nothing but a very bad memory. He tries to talk some sense into Zura, tries to get him to put down his unmanageable burden, and isn’t surprised when Zura bristles in response.

He is surprised again when Zura remains in his world, albeit the very furthest reaches. When Zura helps him rescue what he's begrudgingly beginning to see as his children. He gets a massive space duck, of all things, and somehow that seems to mellow him out. The duck seems to be able to keep up with his weirdest thoughts the way no one but Sensei has, and they’re a dangerous pair but Gintoki’s glad he has a hobby that’s not twisting the knife in his own back.

The Zura feelings still bubble up occasionally, and sometimes, especially when Zura is being particularly silly, he’s surprised to find he still wants to kiss the man. And sometimes, especially when Zura is being particularly silly, he gets a strange feeling that Zura wants to kiss him too. He doesn’t act on it, doesn’t believe either of them ever will, but it’s nice.

He wonders idly what the duck would say.

Gintoki goes crazy when he sees the hair in Nizou’s hand, sees him rub it against his face. He knows Zura isn’t dead, he can’t be, Zura’s gone through worse shit than this. Gintoki has seen Zura’s intestines peeking through a slash in his stomach, prayed to gods he didn’t believe in, and grieved for the loss of his friend, and Zura has gotten better. Zura’s alive somewhere, and he’s been savaged again. Something’s been taken from him. He’s probably alone, and Gintoki wishes he could be wherever that is. He swings at Nizou blindly, he fights on instinct, he doesn’t really realize how badly he’s injured until the fight is over. Zura is alone out there somewhere alone, while Gintoki’s friends care for him.

Then Zura’s on the boat, and he’s injured, but he holds his head high and his sword steady. Gintoki knows something has transpired between him and Takasugi again, but it doesn’t seem to rest heavy on Zura’s shoulders. They fight back to back for the first time in ten years, and Gintoki realizes he knows the familiar footwork like it was yesterday. He’s hurt badly, but he’s enjoying himself. He wonders briefly if Takasugi ordered his minion to take Zura’s hair, or if there’s just something about massive assholes and Zura’s topknot. Zura doesn’t seem as bothered this time and Gintoki is just glad to see him in one piece.

Zura jumps off the boat, and Gintoki follows him, not quite sure what his plan is. It doesn’t seem quite as stupid before he realizes they’re hundreds of feet above the water. He clings to Zura for dear life and wonders if this is the end.

Then a parachute opens, and they’re gliding. He continues his death grip on Zura as they float to the water. Zura talks to him, words tearing away in the wind, something about their books from school. Gintoki’s is gone. He’s not surprised that Zura still has his. Zura doesn’t let go easily.

They reach the ground, and Gintoki is slow to let go of Zura. They’re both alive, against all odds, and he hasn’t felt this weird rush in years. The parachute ride only seemed to intensify the feeling, and literally clinging to Zura’s body for several minutes has had an effect on him. Zura’s hands are on his shoulders, but he’s not pushing him off. They stay that way for a while.

The Zura feelings are stronger than they’ve been since the war, and Gintoki doesn’t fight them, just lets them flow through his body. He runs his fingers through Zura’s cropped hair and catches his breath, feels Zura’s chest heaving against his. He still doesn’t know how to ask and he still doesn’t want to take, but when Zura pulls him closer their lips meet and something breaks and he’s clawing, grasping desperately for Zura, who holds him tight. They kiss like they’re fighting, rough and needy, and nothing’s felt this right since before the war, since they were somewhat innocent kids against a heartless fucking world.

They make love for the first time in the rocks by the harbor, smelling of blood and sea breeze, loving and hurting and feeling, and it’s awkward and uncomfortable, but it’s wonderful. He loves the noises Zura makes, the way he moves against him, the obvious need in his actions. The tired smile Zura gives him at the end is amazing.

They don’t spend long there, they’re both bleeding out, and Zura’s men are apparently searching for them because by the time they reach pavement there’s a truck there with men and medical supplies and the weird massive duck that’s always following Zura. Who knows how it got here from the ship. He doesn’t really know what Zura’s up to these days, doesn’t really want to know, but he’s got enough power and connections to get a sterile blood infusion started in the back of the truck, and Gintoki badly needs blood. Zura holds his hand while the liquid fills his starving veins, and it feels nice. The hand, that is, he can’t really feel the blood. Zura drops him off at his place with hospital grade antibiotics and painkillers that he thinks are amanto, but gods they work well so he doesn’t care. Zura goes back to his insurgents and his duties and his space duck, and Gintoki goes back to his kids. But there’s been yet another shift in his relationship with Zura, and this one seems like a really good thing.

He finds out later from the kids that Zura went after Takasugi, tried to talk to him like a comrade, and only got his head promised to the Harusame out of the deal. Gods know what he was thinking, maybe about their childhood, maybe about Sensei. Maybe just some missguided need to play the peacemaker again after all these years. Maybe because, despite everything that happened, Zura doesn’t hate Takasugi. It’s complicated, Zura had said, and that’s likely the tip of an iceberg that will never quite surface. He doesn’t ask.

The sex happens a few more times, and they don’t really plan it, but it’s nice. Zura shows up for no reason out of nowhere more often, space duck normally in tow, and that’s nice too. Gintoki doesn’t like the war and doesn’t like that Zura’s still fighting it, but he does what he wants and he can’t really give Zura shit for doing what he wants. Zura never stopped fighting, doesn’t know how to stop fighting, Gintoki knows. But sometimes when he rests, he rests with Gintoki, and it’s nice.

One day he happens upon Zura, In full women’s clothes, again with the heels. He’s off gathering information, somehow, but when Gintoki meets him they end up paying for a sleazy hotel even though both of them are flat broke. Gintoki isn’t confused this time, he really likes the way Zura can walk in the shoes, the swivel it puts in his hips. He laughs when Zura won’t let him tear the pantyhose off him, says he still needs those for his mission. Zura laughs too, and Gintoki loves the sound as they both work to get the garments off without leaving runs. He doesn’t mind a bit when Zura takes control of the situation and fucks him roughly in a skirt that barely covers his toned thighs.

He feels weird on Rakuyou when they meet up with Takasugi again, but Zura takes it in stride. He spits in Sakamoto’s face just like Gintoki, and Takasugi doesn’t go after him like he used to. His beast has shifted, smelling new blood, and he pursues Utsuro with his usual single mindedness. Gintoki still keeps between them, feels his blood racing when they get close. It almost seems unfair that Takasugi takes so little interest in Zura after all the shit he pulled. Gintoki wonders again if he ever had feelings for Zura besides the desire to see him break, and it makes his blood boil. Zura’s good, though, and if he’s having his Zura thoughts it’s not overwhelming him. Gintoki’s surprised when Zura engages in some light flirting, but it warms his heart. Life goes on, and flowers can bloom in the worst adversity. He still hates Takasugi.

Something has passed between Zura and Takasugi again when he wasn’t looking, but he doesn’t get the chance to ask. The assassination wasn’t real, Zura is still here, the feelings that he felt about Zura’s death are over before he has a chance to process them. He thinks Takasugi’s taken something from Zura again, or at least tried to, but Zura’s gotten stronger. He hasn’t given anything. They run for the terminal, reunited as Shouyou’s students once more.

He doesn’t approve when Zura decides to stay in the ship as it’s coming down, but he does his own shit and he can’t really say anything when Zura does his own. Zura’s the lowest in the ship when it goes down, and it takes a while to find him under the wreckage. He’s fine, not a scratch on him despite the literal tons of metal that fell around him. His brown eyes find Gintoki’s, and he’s obviously still processing what happened.

Gintoki offers him a hand. “Takasugi is dead,” he says, although he’s pretty sure Zura already knows, and Zura just nods absently in response.

“I didn’t hate him,” Zura replies after a long bout of very strong Zura thoughts, his hand raising to his hair and running his fingers through it distractedly like he’s surprised he kept it this time. “I don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t hate.” he twists a finger in his long hair and he tugs it. “In some ways, I pitied him.”

Zura takes his hand, and Gintoki helps him to his feet. “I hated him,” he says, and finds it’s true even if it’s not as strong as it used to be, “but I think I understand him better.”

“He always had a beast in him,” Zura replies, head still very much full of Zura thoughts, hopefully not too bad, “even when he was little. Something he couldn’t control.” He looks over the wreckage with his eyes that always seem so old and wisened yet blissfully empty. “You were right, Gintoki. Sensei was still there. I didn’t expect to see him again.” He closed his eyes. “Thank you, Gintoki.”

Gintoki smiles, feeling an openness he hasn’t felt in years, and impulsively places a kiss on Zura’s long hair, somewhere around his temple.

“Do you two need a moment?” comes a voice from behind them. He forgot he has his kids with him. He turns.

“Come on, you’re sixteen now! That’s old enough for an R15 doujinshi! You can handle a little kissing!” he protests, and then, because it feels like an important moment and he doesn’t want to let it slip away, he turns Zura’s face and kisses him properly on the mouth for good measure. Kagura whoops, Zura blushes slightly, Shinpachi just seems like he saw it coming. He puts an arm around Zura, both supporting him and being supported by him. They’ve been through some shit, yet again. This time, however, it seems like things will finally go back to normal, or a new normal. And, hey, maybe Zura can be a more prominent part of this new normal. “Are we done here?” he asks Zura.

Zura looks like he’s burying a lot of things that needed to be buried, both in life and in his private Zura thoughts. He smiles at Gintoki. “I’m done,” he says. They leave together, and Zura spends the night at the Yorozuya even if Gintoki doesn’t have a room anymore and they end up sleeping across the table from each other on separate couches. Elizabeth shows up in the morning with lots of questions about the happenings after the assassination attempt, and the four explain it together. It’s nice, Gintoki thinks, and feels the warm Zura feelings of childhood.

Zura (It’s Katsura if he really wants it to be, Gintoki has finally decided, he just doesn’t know how to break the news. It feels like it has to be special, like pulling out a ring) is doing some weird vigilante shit, and Gintoki doesn’t really understand it but he guesses it’s fine. Zura always had a lot of weird Zura energy and weird Zura thoughts, and they need an outlet, even if he’s conquered the country and reformed the government he was trying to change. It gives him time with his precious duck, and that seems to be important for proper Zura enrichment.

The duck, by the way, turns out to be a more enthusiastic wingman than even Kagura is.

Zura’s still wanted, maybe, it’s hard to tell, but it’s difficult to arrest a guy who has coffee with the princess on a weekly basis and constantly texts Shimaru memes. He doesn’t bother to wear disguises anymore, although he sometimes does for fun, and Gin isn’t a bit surprised when he comes to Zura’s apartment and sees a pair of red heels next to the sandals in the entrance. Zura’s a champ in them, and they make his calves look nice.

He’s been spending a lot of time at Zura’s place. Can you blame him? He doesn’t have a room anymore. They have sex, and sometimes it’s still frantic and needy, but sometimes it’s also gentle and silly. Sometimes they just make out and watch reruns. He’s learned the ins and outs, the scars and muscles of Zura’s body, and he finds it’s comfortable to just be with the man for the sake of being with him. He gets the warm Zura feelings in his chest often, and he’s beginning to admit that it’s what he always suspected: love.

And Zura? He still has Zura thoughts, a lot of them, and Gintoki doesn’t really understand them any more than he did when they were kids, but he doesn’t seem to have many of the bad ones. He doesn’t just go away from himself for no reason. He’s healing, Gintoki realizes, and maybe he doesn’t have to keep busy every second of his life just to keep from thinking bad thoughts. Zura enjoys being with him just for the sake of being together. Zura, Gintoki thinks, probably loves him at least a little too.

Sakamoto said that Sensei was living in the altana of the planet, watching over them, and that he wants them to be happy. Maybe, just maybe, he’s smiling at the thought of his students finally finding some real happiness after all the shit that’s happened.

And that’s not a miracle. That’s just what Senseis do.

—

This is partially because I went trolling through Gintama doujinshi and most of the Katsura ones seem to be him in a fucking awful toxic relationship with Takasugi and that’s just the way it goes and I know that’s kind of the point of the doujinshi because that’s just how they are but it somehow got into my brain. Then it went Ginzura because that’s the way my brain goes these days and I’m secretly terrified that Katsura is in love with Gin and Gin isn’t in love with Katsura and I just want my boy Zura to be happy (despite the fact that all my fics right now are about him being miserable) I think the end is too fluffy for the beginning, but it’s hard not to get a little silly when you get into the actual series and I can’t just write Elizabeth off because I’m convinced Elizabeth is essential to Katsura’s mental health. Speaking of Katsura’s mental health, I don’t have any official diagnosis but he’s definitely got some PTSD (who doesn’t in this series) and he’s definitely disassociating during some of his Zura moments but he’s also neurodivergent and probably genderfluid. Poor boy needs someone to understand him.

I’m going to be real, I have no idea what happened during the Prime Minister Assassination scene. I’ve watched the movie and read the manga several times, but I’m not sure what’s in it for Katsura (He says they were working together?) and I’m not really sure if Takasugi came into it with an intention to kill, but it seems like he did? But my boy seems to have gotten through it just fine? I really like to think that Gin went in to kill when he thought Takasugi killed Katsura, although I don’t know if he even knew.

And I’ll be real, I didn’t really think about medically inadvisable grievous injury sex after the Benizakura Arc but I watched the movie version while I was writing this and you can’t tell me at least one of them didn’t get a boner during the parachute scene. Even if they were both stone cold straight it would happen.

Sensei totally ships GinZura. Not up for debate.

If you like the idea of Katsura and Gin fucking more explicitly and with less angst, I’d recommend you check out my blog because I’m bad at math but I think it’ll be about a month before I get an invitation to AO3 so I don’t really know where to post fics. Political Lessons are Only Important if you can Hold Your Listener's Attention in particular I’m proud of.

#gintama #ginzura #katsura kotarou #sakata gintoki #takasugi shinsuke #takazura #elizabeth gintama

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