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#take a guess babe

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#sometimes i see those ‘my parents traumatized me and it will take a lifetime to overcome’ posts and i’m like nah that doesn’t apply to me, #but very recently i’ve been thinking about the way i eat/my relationship w food n i’m like Hmm... Much 2 Think About, #i’m not blaming me being a fat bich as an adult on my mom bc i’m like. 24 it’s in my hands now but i guess when i was younger there were, #certain things she and my bio dad (when he was around) did that affect my relationship w food now and i didn’t realize it until literally, #this year like umm those 2 years of therapy and that psych degree and for what babe? i’m just kidding we didn’t even discuss my food stuff, #in therapy bc like i said i didn’t even think about it until this year even though my anxiety/self hate (???)/perfectionism (my therapists, #and psychiatrist all said i was i’m not calling myself that but they did lol) all were heavily tied to me feeling ugly bc i’m fat etc, #i wish i had realized this sooner when i had medicaid i’d love to go back to that free therapy life and see what my therapist would say, #it feels very personal to talk about and i’m super emotional writing this (yeah i’m on my period) so i don’t wanna give too many details, #i’m not trying to paint my mom as doing these things maliciously she was a single mom in her 20s raising 2 daughters and she had a super, #strict mexican mom that she tried to distance herself from but inevitably some of those principles sneaked into her own parenting styles, #like ... if i didn’t like or want to finish eating something she would make me stay at the table until i finished it all and my stubborn, #ass didn’t just give in so i would be there until it was dark ajsndnnnn..... and then either i’d give up and finish my plate or she’d give, #up and let me leave the table. and now as an adult it’s hard for me to .... know when to stop eating if i’m full? or if i don’t enjoy it?, #like only this year i realized sis if you don’t like this or if you’re full you don’t have to finish. i know that sounds so stupid and, #obvious but it literally did not click that i could do that and i didn’t make the connection w my childhood until literally this year, #on one hand i get it we were poor and money was tight so i can see how important it was to her that we didn’t waste what little we had, #but on the other hand.... here i am at 24 almost 25 w this ugly weird relationship w food to the point where i hate eating around my own, #family. there’s other stuff from my childhood and other weird habits i have but writing this much about it has been emotional enough, #plus i’m in a super horrible mood from my period. i think i’m gonna go restore my phone to factory settings just to feel something, #imagine telling my mom about this... LOL, #idk if i even wanna tag this as m*** bc i don’t necessarily want a lot of people to come across this post but if i change my mind i’ll come, #back and tag it like i do for all personal posts. it’s time to take a nap to stop feeling for an hour or two thanks 💖
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