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#take it to the bank boys! this ones a bart!
dairy-farmer · 3 days
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I call this the Highlander Au! >:Dc There can Be Only One! (Unless he REALLY enjoys the process and the world stops going to shit for like... FIVE god damned minutes!) (The second is sadly unlikely)
Tim? Fully Cis gendered male. Not terribly ATTACHED to this, physically, but certainly identifies as Male and has a male body.
Maybe it's been all the near misses. The "all my friends fuckin DIED on my and I mentally spiraled like you wouldn't believe". Could be him finally reclaiming his life. Or yet another horrible mental spiral. Who knows!
But he's decided.
He wants to be a Dad. *sound of various Bats choking and/or dropping things*
Is even seeing anybody? Nope. How the FUCK is he gonna get a baby?! Oh, normal, Bat Paranoid fashion. Cloning tube. Same way Damian happened. He just needs to figure out the maternal DNA and he's golden. Figure out where to hide his tech to stop Villainous Baby Snatching Plots.
Because that's a very real concern.
No you can't talk him out of this. Timmy want himself a baby. Is already designing a nursery and studying child development books. Parenting manuals, getting those little animal onsies, lazer death grids to ward of Ra's ninjas. The works.
Bruce is off to the side, quietly having an aneurysm and choking to death on his own spit. Baby boy? Fatherhood? OFFSPRING!? Alone and not going to LET HIM HELP!? But why would he help!? Bad idea! But. But he needs to BE THERE to TAKE CARE of TIM and the future BABY! Aaaaaaaaa-!!!!!
It's a... "Fun" time. Dick is nearing a nervous breakdown. Bruce not far behind. Damians having Feelings(tm).
Then! At a Wayne Charity Event(tm)? Small glowing child. Looks alien. Is getting upset. People backing away IN A HURRY because they just watched this child WARP REALITY to turn the nearest table into candy.
Tim is there as the face of the family. A hero. Already feeling generally Paternal. Upset baby is Bad. So he goes in, dispite clear protests. Gets low and talks soothing.
But the alien Wants Her MOMMY!
And? Oh. Well there goes the protective amulets JLA Dark made for him. Now he's in an alien dress and? Very much no longer Cis. Guess he would have and DID inherent from his dad's side of the family, no boobs. Tiny. At least he got his mom's killer legs.
And the kiddo isn't scared any more. Since he "looks like mommy".
Except not even remotely, because she warps into being an HOUR later, looking for her daughter and is made of pure light. Thanks him. Doesn't FIX anything. And just leaves. Gee, thanks lady.
There were REPORTERS there. Tim Drake has tits now. Front page news. Great. Ra's is GOING to know and get WEIRD about it.
Tim shrugs. Off to Leslie we go, though. Check up time!
Yep. Full lady bits action. And, hey! Shiny new spleen! So that's nice.
It DOES change his plan though. He didn't, you know, collect any "samples" yet. But? Does... does he NEED too? He COULD concoct a story of "rich person hires mystic to get penis back" after going and getting magiced back.... OR?
He could have someone put a baby in him! *simultaneous Bat Choking Noises*
MUCH easier to defend. THEN he could be changed back, after the baby is weaned. The problem is who to trust? Ra's is ABSOLUTELY going to do everything in his power to get his seed inside Tim new puss. So a seed bank is out. And-
*hands slam on the table*
Obviously! We can't trust anyone outside this house! Villian plots and Ra's specifically! Bat paranoia! W-we will just have to make this sacrifice for you!
.....Weirdly intense, but okay.
Objection! Says Tim's newly no longer Dead team mates. Tim tried to CLONE Kon! OBVIOUSLY it should be Kon! And Bart! Bro Threesome! Let nature decide! (Then kid number 2 is the other Bro, is only FAIR)
ALSO a good point. He did have that promise, if one of them ever got turned into a girl. And a Kon baby WOULD be nice...
Shit! Grayson pulls "last of my legacy and I have so much to make up for" cards!
Is betrayed by his OWN FATHER (Bruce! How COULD YOU!?) Who plays "you saved me from the time steam and nearly died for me, let me help(emotional)" to devastating effect!
Cheating! Howls the Speedster! You're CHEATING!!!
And Tim stands there... kinda confused but finding he's actually Really In To This as people argue over how much THEY want to be the one to put a baby in him? He's never felt this badly WANTED. Desired.
He may not want to go through the whole "actually carrying a baby for 9 months then pushing one out" thing more then once.... but the fighting over him thing? This might be awaking something.
And, well, Kon already made a good point. Why try to control it? Let nature decide~
Everyone can help.
The argument stops dead. For all of the seconds before "who goes first?" Occurs to everyone.
Sadly for THEM, Bruce is a bastard willing to play dirty to get what he wants. And his house his rules. He goes first. After all, he no doubt smirks, none of THEM have the... experience, to handle a virgin properly.
He refuses to allow Tim hurt on his watch.
Got it? Good talk. Tim, with him.
Which is what leads to Tim clawing at the bed and begging like his life depends on it, soaked in sweat, hours later. As Bruce STILL gently, teasingly, RUTHLESSLY eats him out. Puddles worth of lube ruining the sheets and easing his way, as he works calloused fingers DEEP to find spots Tim didn't know he had yet. As they rub and tease and fuck against those spots so relentlessly it feels like Tim's coming apart.
He didn't even know he could MAKE half these noises.
His hole is so wet and sloppy, it's like it's given up. Like his body can do nothing but quiver and twitch under Bruce's hands. Given how big he is? Probably the point. Because he crawls up to loom over Tim like a giant. Presses kisses to his whimpering, sweaty face. And rocks into his exhausted body, filling every inch of him.
It doesn't even hurt. Something that big probably SHOULD for his first time, but Bruce isn't a legendary playboy for nothing. And it just fills and Fills and FILLS. Rubs against everything in a way that makes his toes curl. Makes him want to gasp and cling, even though he's so exhausted.
Bruce just shooshes him. Pulls him close. He won't have to do a thing. He can just cling to Bruce and feel good. Bruce is here. He's got you.
And it's the best thing Tim's ever felt. Forget masturbation, sex is AMAZING. Bruce rocking then thrusting then pounding into his body. Holding tight like something precious. Hammering his good spots still he sees stars. Til he's nearly sobbing, hiccuping, from how good it feels to have his insides all messed up.
Bruce fills him up. All gooey and warm. Picks him up and carries him to a clean bed to get wiped down and tucked in. Cleans up then joins him. Fills him back up and tucks him close. He feels boneless and precious. Sleeps like the dead.
Discovers sex with a puss is AWESOME.
Next morning, he's barely out of Bruce's room before Dick is scooping him up and dragging him into his room. Almost franticly bending him in half as he presses him to the bed, kissing the air out of him. Holding his face as he whispers filthy praise into his lips. Hips relentless as they slam home, pounding at just the right angle.
Like he's trying to make for YEARS of mistakes by pouring it all into pleasure NOW. Clinging tight and trying to fry Tim's brain with how good he can make him feel. Dick buries his faces against Tim's neck and rutts like he's making up for lost time. Fucking Tim through orgasms, spilling again and again, like he's determined to drain his balls dry and wring every last bit of pleasure he CAN out of Tim's exhausted body.
Tim has to threaten to hit him with an alarm clock to let him up. Tim wants LUNCH damn it. They missed breakfast. By a LOT.
But then work calls. Damn it. So he has to get dressed. Double damn it. And he does it, but refuses to be pleased about it. Resolves things. Even gets ahead on work. Only for DAMIAN to walk stiffly into his office. Sus.
The gremlin hands him a frankly VERY well put together report on why he, Damian AL Ghul... should be allowed to fuck a baby into Tim. He has brought along a slide show and genealogical report.
.......Explain.
Damian does. He REALIZED some things about himself. When Tim was discussing becoming a Father. Using the same method as he, himself, was created. Went through a whole "go to the Kent farm and have a life change adventure" character growth arc, as you do. And? Now realizing that he potentially COULD be DIRECTLY involved in the Hypothetical Child's life instead of as an uncle?
He wants in. They could be glorious, combined. AND he firmly believes Tim will be a magnificent Mother. Let him Father your child.
It's a bad idea. Tim knows this. He literally JUST slept with Bruce yesterday and nothing good comes from sleeping with AL Ghul's. They Obsess. But? Fuck it. Maybe THIS is the thing that finally stops the Tim-Gremlin cold war and bring peace to house Wayne once and for all. He unbuckles his belt. Walks over to his resting room.
And Tim KNOWS, even as he's being urgently fucked into the fold out bed, that this is an AWFUL idea. No way in HELL, from the desperate and sloppy thrusts, clinging, panting and whines, is this NOT Damian's first time. He's utterly undone.
Pounding load after load into Tim because it feels too good to stop. All enthusiasm and no skill. Half the pleasure Tim's even GETTING is his own hand, relentlessly teasing his own clit. But? Oh. The feeling of being wanted so BADLY. Of cum, gushing and gushing into him. Knowing it's HIS hole that's so good, it's driving Damian incoherent.
He feels... sexy. It DEFINITELY does something for him. He may not be able to go back. Could see himself enjoying being a milf.
But of course. Business hours end. And he PROMISED! Is swept up by Bart for their threesome. Which, after several rounds and untold loads of near-no-refractary-period speedster cum dumped inside him? Is kinda spotty, in his memory.
All he knows for certain is he wakes up to his sheepish best friends, "Sorry we fucked you unconscious repeatedly" bribes, no voice, and a warm bath. He's also plugged up and FULL full of that premium speedster/half-kryptonian blend cum, because apparently his friend intend to WIN and nothing says victory like overwhelming odds. He'd call them fuckers, but they ARE and hold no remorse. He can't move.
Carry him you bastards.
When he asks where Cassie is, he learns she's apparently trying to harrass the magic users into a making her a temporary "turn me into a dude" amulet. Both as a gift AND so she can join the race for Father Of Tim's Baby. Huh. Interesting new options.
Obviously, throughout ALL of this, ninjas. Because Ra's has never wanted to smash so hard in his LIFE.
Instead, Tim is out here, on Jason's shitty couch. Getting lifted up and slammed down onto his cock. Called baby girl. Princess. Jason's never been harder. Already planning their kids graduation dinner and baby number three.
Tim feeling precious and taken care of and DESIRED. Like the young adult with a first shitty apartment he never got to be. Something so close to normal. Put a baby in him. Fuck him like you love him, like they do this every Saturday night, then eat pizza and watch trash TV. Fill him up.
And if course~ it's a VICIOUS game of Fuck The Tim keep away, up until one day he starts to show. Then Everyone is loving and coddling and in a "No I Am The Father" cold war. The birth is a nightmare, because Tim is slender and more scar tissue then not. But?
Adorable quarter-Kryptonian! With the biggest blue eyes and Tim's porcelain doll face.
Tim is NOT doing that again. Ffffffuck giving birth. And being pregnant! Granted, the EARLY part? He loved. He glowed. Getting pregnant was AWESOME. But later stages? God awful. Clone tube babies from here on out.
Absolute Devastation in the Tom Fucking Community. Babe no! You can't MEAN IT!
Woah, hey! He never said he'd STOP. "Getting Pregnant" is very, VERY enjoyable. He's just refusing to carry SHIT. Birth control for HIM. Scooping that slurry of "leave it up to Nature" out and storing it. Now... Kon stop being smug and hold your son.
-🐼🐼🐼
😭😭😭 tim getting everyone to come to dinner and they all think it was alfred and are like 'this was a great idea alfred! we should all get together like this more often' only for tim to cough and say well actually i called you all here, i figured you all deserved a heads up since i'm going to be undergoing some serious life changes. everyone's confused and then tim says he's going to have a baby.
immediate panic and some disappointment from bruce because he thinks this is a teen pregnancy and he expected better from tim only for tim to have to yell to interrupt everyone and say there is no 'girl', not yet anyway. he's just announcing that he's GOING to have a baby. they're not yet conceived and now the family is dealing with whiplash of how of course TIM would do something like this now they're sitting their listening to him talk about the ideal gene pool given tim's family has a history of mental issues and he's going into some very detailed things like nurseries and everyone just wants him to slow down because tim is still a kid!!! dick is older than him and even HE doesn't feel ready. so everyone is trying to talk tim out of it while tim insists he's ready, he's been going to a therapist for 11 months trying to deal with his issues so he COULD be ready to be a parent.
which of course baffles them even more because???? dick has been trying to get them all into therapist for years and tim just???? went??? on his own????
bruce is of course the least welcoming of tim's ideas of teen parenthood. because what about highschool, college? at least ONE of his kids has to go to college!
tim however says no, says his GED is more than enough.
bruce tries finding other angles, asking what if he just sets tim up with babysitting gigs? make him see kids aren't that great and tim just huffs and said he already did a bunch of babysitting and volunteering at the children's centers in gotham as part of his adoption application!
which ???? just stressed bruce out even more?! because tim had tried to adopt a baby first? but apparently got rejected because of his age, lack of partner, and lack of job which tim loudly says is unfair because bruce was in his 20s when he took in dick and HE hadn't had a partner or a job!
so the family is protesting, despertly trying to get tim to change his mind,,, then tim gets a womb and suddenly the protests die down VERY quick.
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anonymousewrites · 11 months
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A Study of the Heart and Brain (Book 2) Chapter Six
Father Figure! Sherlock Holmes x Teen! Reader
Chapter Six: Broken Code
Summary: Irene has returned, and Sherlock and (Y/N) face a puzzle that could destroy years of work.
            One wakeup call, shower, and change of clothes later, Irene was sitting across from Sherlock and (Y/N) in the living room as John hovered awkwardly in the kitchen.
            “So who’s after you?” asked Sherlock.
            “People who want to kill me,” said Irene.
            “Who’s that?” repeated Sherlock.
            “Killers,” said Irene casually.
            “Being more specific would be more helpful,” remarked (Y/N).
            “So you faked your death to get ahead of them,” said Sherlock.
            “It worked for a while,” said Irene, smirking.
            “Except you let John know that you were alive, and therefore, us,” said Sherlock.
            “I knew you’d keep my secret,” said Irene.
            “You couldn’t,” said Sherlock.
            “But you did.” Irene smirked. “Now, where’s my camera phone?”
            “It’s not here. We’re not stupid,” said John.
            “Then what have you done with it?” asked Irene. “If they’ve guessed you’ve got it, they’ll be watching you.”
            “If they’ve been watching us, they’ll know that I took a safety deposit box at a bank on the Strand a few months ago,” said Sherlock.
            A good diversion. Let them break into that instead of here, thought (Y/N). But I have a feeling Sherlock’s just going to hand it over to see what happens with this case.
            “I need it,” said Irene.
            “Well, we can’t just go and get it, can we?” said John, crossing his arms. “Molly Hooper. She could collect it, take it to Bart’s. Then one of your homeless network could bring it here, leave it in the café, and one of the boys downstairs could bring it up the back.”
            “Very good, John,” said Sherlock. “Excellent plan, with intelligent precautions.”
            “Thank you. So, why don’t—Oh, for the love of God,” groaned John as Sherlock pulled out the phone and handed it to Irene.
            Knew it, thought (Y/N). “What do you have on there?” they asked.
            “Pictures, information, anything I might find useful,” said Irene evasively.
            “What, for blackmail?” asked John.
            “For protection. I make my way in the world; I misbehave. I like to know people will be on my side exactly when I need them to be,” said Irene.
            “I guess when you mess with powerful people you need to have security,” murmured (Y/N).
            Irene nodded. “I like to slap them around, but I’d prefer them to not slap around me.”
            “So, how do you acquire this information?” questioned Sherlock.
            “I told you, I misbehave,” said Irene with a smirk and a wink.
            “You accidentally got something that’s more danger than protection, didn’t you?” asked (Y/N), leaning forward.
            Irene chuckled and smiled. It was softer, less conniving. If Sherlock was correct (and he would say he always was), he would say Irene seemed to like (Y/N). “Clever kid,” she said. “Yes, I did. Problem is: I don’t understand it.”
            “Show us,” said (Y/N).
            Irene reached out, but Sherlock held the phone out of her reach. “The passcode.” Irene just stared at him until Sherlock handed her the phone.
            She frowned as she typed in a code. “It’s not working.”
            Sherlock grabbed the phone back. “No, because it’s a duplicate that I made, into which you’ve just entered the numbers 1-0-5-8. I assumed you’d choose something more specific than that but, um, thanks anyway.” Sherlock pulled out the real phone and typed in the code. The phone beeped angrily.
            (Y/N) recognized it from his first attempt. This code wasn’t correct, either. And now only one try was left. If they got it wrong, the phone would destroy itself.
            Dammit. Irene is clever. It’s impressive but annoying because she’s outplaying us. (Y/N) shivered. Moriarty outplayed us, too… Now that really ruined their mood.
            “I told you that camera phone was my life,” said Irene. “I know when it’s in my hand.”
            “You’re good,” admitted (Y/N).
            “You did your best,” said Irene. She smiled playfully. “And I’m sure you’ll get another chance to prove your prowess.” She held her hand out, and Sherlock begrudgingly handed over the real phone. “There was man, an MOD official,” explained Irene as she unlocked the phone and began going through its contents. “I knew what he liked. One of the things he liked was showing off. He told me this email was going to save the world. He didn’t know it, but I photographed it. He was a bit…tied up at the time.” She smirked before holding out the photo to (Y/N) and Sherlock. “It’s a bit small on that screen, but you can read it.”
            (Y/N) peered at the email curiously. They wanted to know what all the hubbub was about. What was the email that was going to save the world?
007 Confirmed allocation 4C12C45F13G60A60B61F34G34J60D12H33K34K
            (Y/N)’s mind automatically began dissecting and reassembling the string of numbers and letters in multiple attempts to decode the meaning.
            “A code, obviously. I had one of the best cryptographers in the country take a look at it, though he was mostly upside down as I recall. Couldn’t figure it out,” said Irene. “What can you do, Sherlock, (Y/N)? Impress me.”
            (Y/N) rearranged it. Seat numbers—Passenger jet—flight from Heathrow—007—They furrowed their brow. 007? Where have I heard 007? What’s that reminding me of? They were so absorbed trying to figure out what they were missing that they didn’t notice Sherlock beginning to speak.
            “There’s a margin for error, but we’re pretty sure there’s a 747 leaving Heathrow at six thirty in the evening for Baltimore,” said Sherlock. John’s face was blank, and Irene had raised her brow. Sherlock nodded to (Y/N). “They get it.”
            “Huh?” said (Y/N), blinking as they were pulled from their mind.
            “It’s a flight,” said Sherlock.
            “Oh, yeah, it is,” agreed (Y/N). They cleared their throat. “The numbers aren’t a code—they’re seat allocations. There’s no letter ‘I’ because it could be mistaken for a one, ‘K’ is the width of the plane, some groupings of numbers are seats grouped together, like couples or families. Only a jumbo jet is wide enough to need a letter ‘K’ or rows past fifty-five, which is why there’s always an upstairs. There’s a row thirteen, which eliminates the more suspicious airlines.” They paused as their mind circled back to the 007 number and the memory it was triggering, but Sherlock nodded at them to continue. And they wouldn’t disappoint him. “Then there’s the style of the flight number, 007, that eliminates a few more. And assuming a British point of origin, which would be logical considering the original source of the information and assuming from the increased pressure on you lately that the crisis is imminent, the only flight that matches all the criteria and departs within the week is the six thirty to Baltimore tomorrow evening from the Heathrow airport.”
            They frowned. “But—007…Why is that bugging me?” they murmured.
            John and Irene sat there, stunned. Sherlock grinned proudly. (Y/N) tapped the table angrily as the 007 number itched at them.
            “Please don’t feel obligated to tell us that was remarkable or amazing. John’s expressed the same thought in every possible variant available in the English language,” said Sherlock. He was supremely proud with how well (Y/N) had done. His brow furrowed slightly, though, seeing (Y/N)’s frustrated expression. Something was off, and they could sense it.
            “Wow. You’re completely right,” said John. He held up his phone. “Flight 007 from Heathrow to Baltimore.”
            “Damn it!” shouted (Y/N) suddenly. They stood up and turned on Irene, who was busy typing away on her phone. “No!” They grabbed for the phone, but Irene dodged.
            The telltale whoosh of a message sending answered them, and Irene switched off her phone, shrugging. “Sorry, dear. You’re clever, but that wasn’t quick enough.”
            (Y/N) turned to Sherlock, eyes wide. “Sherlock—007. ‘Bond Air is go.’ ”
            Sherlock sucked in a breath. Mycroft’s operation. They had just explained his entire operation to a woman who could now bring the entire British government to its knees. Sherlock could see (Y/N)’s nerves getting the better of them, and he cursed himself for pushing them to continue the deduction. He should have realized something was the matter when they did and stopped the whole thing.
            “Is something the matter?” asked John.
            “Nothing that matters now,” said Sherlock. They couldn’t change what had happened. Hopefully, however, Mycroft would figure out a solution to save his operation. He waved a hand at John. “Just go to work.”
            “Right…” said John uncertainly, but he left anyway.
            “I should have realized. I should have stopped speaking when I realized something was wrong,” muttered (Y/N).
            Sherlock shook his head and knelt by them. “No. It’s not your fault. I pushed you to keep solving the code. I should have noticed something was wrong and stopped you. I’m the one with more experience.”
            Irene grinned. “I needed intelligent people, and you both delivered.”
            (Y/N)’s narrowed, and they glared at Irene. That was it. They were going to destroy whatever she had planned.
            A knock sounded at the door, and it swung open to reveal an government official. The repercussions of Irene’s actions were arriving.
            “Have you come to take us away?” asked Sherlock, standing up.
            “Yes, Mr. Holmes,” said the official.
            “Well, I decline,” said Sherlock.
            The man pulled out an envelope and handed it to Sherlock. “I don’t think so.” (Y/N) looked over Sherlock’s shoulder as he opened the envelope and found to airplane tickets.
            “Tata,” said Irene, smirking and waving her hand.
            (Y/N)’s gaze was cold. They knew she’d be joining them soon. Unfortunately, it would be on her own terms. (Y/N) turned away and followed Sherlock to the dark car.
            As they drove, Sherlock spoke, “There’s going to be a bomb on a passenger jet. The British and American governments know about it, but rather than expose the source of that information, they’re going to let it happen. The plan will blow up. Coventry all over again. The wheels turn. Nothing is ever new.”
            No one answered, but (Y/N)’s mind was racing. There was more to this than just a bomb. Mycroft was cold and aloof, but he was smart. He’d have a way to not sacrifice so many lives. And they had probably ruined. (Y/N) narrowed their eyes. It just gave them more motivation to take down Irene.
            At the airport, Sherlock and (Y/N) exited the vehicle and walked towards the 747 Jumbo Jet. Agent Neilson of the CIA stood at the base of the steps.
            “Well, you’re looking all better. How’re you feeling?” asked Sherlock pointedly.
            “Like putting a bullet in both of your brains,” said Neilson. He watched them walk up the steps. “And they’d pin a medal on me if I did.”
            Sherlock’s hand went to (Y/N)’s shoulder and guided them into the plane. He wouldn’t let Neilson threaten them a third time. Inside the plane, (Y/N) and Sherlock walked through the corridors. Bodies were lined up in seats but…they were just that—bodies. They were dead.
            So that’s Mycroft’s solution, thought (Y/N).
            “The Coventry conundrum,” said Mycroft from behind them, and they turned. “What do you think of my solution? The flight of the dead.”
            “The plane blows up midair. Mission accomplished for the terrorist. Hundreds of casualties, but nobody dies,” said Sherlock in understanding.
            “Neat, don’t you think?” remarked Mycroft.
            “All of those cases. The girls not seeing their grandfather, the man claiming to have non-human ashes…” (Y/N)’s eyes widened as they realized those were some of the bodies Mycroft had commandeered. They looked at him. “The body in the boot of that car…Was that another ‘flight of the dead?’ ”
            “At least someone sees the bigger picture,” said Mycroft sardonically as he looked at Sherlock.
            “How’s the plane fly? Of course—unmanned aircraft. Hardly new,” said Sherlock.
            “It doesn’t fly. It will never fly. This entire project is cancelled. The terrorist cells have been informed that we know about the bomb. We can’t fool them now,” said Mycroft bitterly. “We’ve lost everything. One fragment of one email, and months and years of planning finished.”
            “Your MOD man,” said Sherlock.
            “No, Sherlock, you,” said Mycroft. “A man desperate to show off setting a terrible example to a teenager and a woman clever enough to play them like a fiddle.”
            “It’s not (Y/N)’s fault,” said Sherlock. “I pushed them.”
            “No, Sherlock. I could have stopped…” murmured (Y/N).
            “And yet my brother is the one who was played,” said Mycroft, sighing in disappointment.
            “It’s my fault, too,” said (Y/N).
            “Poor dear,” tutted the voice of Irene Adler behind them. “Sherlock, you should really look after them better.”
            “I drove you two into her path. I’m sorry,” said Mycroft.
            “Mr. Holmes, I think we need to talk,” said Irene.
            “So do I. There are a number of aspects I’m still not quite clear on,” said Sherlock.
            “Not you, Junior. We’re done,” said Irene. She passed him and went to Mycroft. “There’s more. Loads more. On this phone, I’ve got secrets, pictures, and scandals that could topple your whole world.” She smirked. “You have no idea how much havoc I could cause, and there’s exactly one way to stop me. That is, unless you to tell your masters that your biggest security leak is your own little brother and his child.”
            Mycroft gritted his teeth and looked away. He knew he was beaten. He couldn’t throw his brother and his kid under the bus. They were his family, and as much as he preached that sentiment was foolish, Mycroft was protective of them.
            “I have a meeting house nearby. We can conduct our…negotiations there,” said Mycroft.
            “You better send for some paper and pencil. And some wine. We might as well make this fun,” said Irene. She smirked. “For me, that is.”
            Mycroft and Irene descended the steps from the jumbo jet. (Y/N) paused before they went.
            “Sherlock, if we could open the phone, that would solve everything, right? Mycroft would have information she is trying to hide, probably from other governments and organizations, too,” said (Y/N).
            Sherlock nodded. “Yes, but we have only one chance. Otherwise, the phone destroys itself.”
            (Y/N) furrowed their brow. I have to figure it out, then. I need to win this. It’s my fault this flight can’t go. I need to do this. Their eyes were cold as ice as they followed Irene’s smug figure into the car. She’s not getting away with this. Screw her protection. I’m winning here.
Taglist:
@stilesstilinskiforlife-blog
@im-making-an-effort
@ilse235
@schrodingers-intelligence
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sillymanwithocs · 6 months
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On today's weird rambling just listing different stuff from different stuff I've at some point been hyperfixated on
8 Characters who would absolutely be into wizardposting on Tumblr, some with more elaboration than others.
The arbitrary rules this time would be
A) The classic one I put to myself on posts like this about not using one same fandom for more than one entry on the list
B) To make it a bit less obvious, the character can't be a wizard or magic user in canon, however , they can be a nerd that loves magic and/or fantasy... or someone hanging out with magic users often.
1.- Bart Allen, also known as Impulse or, in rare occasions, Bartholomew Henry Allen III (DC comics)
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Based on vibes and autistic swag alone, this boi is the main reason I made this post.
2.-Lilo Pelekai (Lilo and Stitch)
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Based only mostly on vibes and autistic swag, also on the pickle jar scene.
3.- Buford Van Stomm (Phineas and Ferb)
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On an episode of the show there was a convention where fantasy fans and Sci-fi fans were sworn enemies, he was the leader of the fantasy fans.
4.- Wade Wilson (Marvel)
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I was originally gonna add Gwenpool, but I will take any opportunity to mention how the character canonically plays D&D and carries a 20 headed die in a pocket of his suit.
5.- Juanin Juan Harry (31 minutos)
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You may think he'd avoid magic stuff after the trouble with the Witch living next to the studio, the endless cleaning he has to do after Maguito's explosions or the time his friends got pissed at him for using their piggy bank money (intended to buy a new piggy bank) to buy magic beans that led them to another interaction with God.
You'd be wrong.
6.- Sammy Gutierrez (Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous)
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Yas introduced her to wizardposting and she loved it immediately.
7.- Vanilla The Rabbit (Sonic the Hedgehog)
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Her wizardposting isn't limited to Tumblr, she's also her wizard persona while streaming (sometimes with Cream joining her)
8.- Collei (Genshin Impact)
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She usually makes the most wholesome and positive posts she can, but sometimes she just goes all in, being absolutely fucking unhinged and fucked up (She's babey, but she's also SUPER traumatized)
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twistedtavern · 1 year
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So for your swap au how do you think do they react to their canon selfs
Ooooo now THIS is a good question. I don't have all the really precise details down, but here's the list
Riddle: Probably finds Swap!Riddle uncanny, but eventually they'd come to an understanding. He just deals with Swap!Riddle the same way he deals with Cater.
Cater: These two would end up on lawn chairs wearing shades and sipping some trendy drink together by the end of the day, trust. They're both just realizing how happy they both are to be away from their sisters. I just want them to be friends ok
Trey: A bit confused, because Swap!Trey is probably directly behind him with a pencil and notepad 24/7. But, when he asks why he finds the reason kind of endearing. If the other him wants to be a good brother so badly, he wouldn't stop him. Most likely ends up showing him the ropes in making small treats his siblings or underclassmen enjoy.
Deuce: Oh they'd fight. Lawful Good himbo vs Chaotic Good himbo. No notes
Ace: Typical highschool boy asshole vs uptight preppy asshole, no notes.
Leona: Swap!Leona would ong be disappointed by his canon self, but ends up leaving him with some ideas on how to build his support and reputation at home. Overall, they'd be decent with each other after a while.
Ruggie: Oh they're SCHEMIN. Friends, but only because they're both about to commit some crimes together. Not a single madol in NRC is safe.
Jack: At first thinks his swap self is cool, but ends up disappointed. He's not a "lone wolf" as much as he is just crabby, apathetic, and friendless. Probably tries helping him out, and it depends on whether or not his efforts are successful that he deems his other self a lost cause or not.
Azul: This boy is FLABBERGHASTED by his swap self's business practices. How the FUCK, over the span of a WEEKEND, did he change industries? One minute, Swap!Azul is running a miniature factory, the next minute a god damn BANK, all in the same area?!? Somebody's gotta pick his jaw up from the floor. FURIOUSLY taking notes on this man's work ethic. Everyone in the dorm has resumes half a mile long, and Azul honestly applauds him. Although on a personal level, he dislikes Swap!Azul's Floyd-like tendencies, but tolerates him.
Jade: There is not a force in Wonderland that can shut these two up once they encounter each other. All anyone is gonna be hearing until whatever interdimensional rift that brought him here closes is mushrooms, mushrooms, MUSHROOMS. Good GOD the MUSHROOMS. They're like the painting of the two scholar dudes talking to each other. Instant bond.
Floyd: For a twin, he sure does hate when someone else looks like Jade. He tries to get him to be fun, but Swap!Floyd is too much a mix of himself and Jade to be palatable to him. Not friends.
Kalim: Tried walking up to Swap!Kalim, but he assumed he was an assassin taking his shape to kill him and take his place without suspicion. So basically, BONK. Not even a chance to explain, just BONK. On sight, no questions asked. Next thing you know, Kalim's being chased down every hallway in Scarabia by a maniac trying to beat him over the head with anything in range. It would take Jamil intervention to get Swap!Kalim to save canon Kalim from getting choked out Bart Simpson style. After everything is cleared up, Swap!Kalim just ends up feeling annoyed by canon Kalim. Probably chews him out about his carelessness being the reason why he can't defend himself and tries taking canon Jamil to 'protect' him.
Jamil: I think they'd have somewhat of a mutual understanding and just vent to each other. I think they'd initially be like "man I would honestly prefer your Kalim over mine" but eventually they'd reach a part that's a deal breaker and agree to stick with their actual Kalims. They'd cook and gossip together ^w^
Vil: Oh. Oh no. Vil has never seen the purpose of carrying crosses and other such 'protection from evil' trinkets, but now he DOES. Swap!Vil makes canon Vil want to become a nun at Noble Bell, the vibes are THAT bad. However, he cannot seek his newfound passion for divine protection because he's trying to prevent his Rook from being tied up and dragged into a dark hallway every 5 seconds. Despite canon Vil's ADAMANT desire to be as far away from Swap!Vil as physically possible, Swap!Vil is actually very interested in canon Vil, MUCH to his dismay. Somebody save him please
Rook: Two jungle boys, chilling in a hot tuuuub, five feet apart so they don't fight. Tbh they'd get on each other's nerves after a while if things don't go right, but otherwise I think they'd be somewhat okay. They have so many contrasting opinions that canon Rook would find interesting, but Swap!Rook just thinks he's weird. All in all could go both ways
Epel: Oh they hate each other's GUTS. Nary a note in sight, there is nothing that will change that INSTANT hate.
Idia: He is nerding OUT over Swap!Idia's tech, but the sort of okayness between the two of them is INSTANTLY soured when he gets near Swap!Ortho and immediately gets a murder lazer pointed square at his head. Maybe they'll patch up, but I severely doubt it now that I think about it. There is definitely potential for a dynamic between canon Shroudbros and swap Shroudbros though
Ortho: Would probably be friends with Swap!Ortho because they'd hit it off pretty quick. Ortho is naturally friendly and Swap!Ortho just instantly trusts robots. It's cute, really. Until Swap!Ortho meets canon Idia and they both just cling to each other and leave canon Ortho feeling like he was abandoned. Very much like that one song in Corpse Bride where Emily is sad because Victor only loves Victoria for the fact that she's alive. They might have a chance to patch up, but only if the right things happen.
Malleus: Goodness, Swap!Malleus is LOUD. But, when it comes to their dorm members, they both can agree that they’re the best ever ^w^!! Fast friends, these two. Despite their differences, they both talk about gargoyles together and enjoy having the company of someone new. They compare and contrast their lives and families, and find that really, they’re not so different after all. I’m sure there is absolutely nothing that can break this friendshi- Wait a minute- NO THAT'S MY CHILD OF MAN! PUT THEM DOWN YOU BASTARD
Lilia: Ah, yes. Two old men just chilling together, sharing war stories and being proud of their babies. Wholesomeness incarnate, no notes.
Silver: Would probably get dragged into one of Swap!Silver's pranks, either as an accomplice or a target. Other than that, I think he'd admire how his other self had learned how to master many fae abilities, and try to learn from him. They are friends, very nice.
Sebek: Oh Sebek is SO jealous of Swap!Sebek, it's unreal. He wants to feel the young lord's protection as well!! I think he'd be jealous on more than one front, because his swap self has a much calmer and more approachable disposition and appears more disciplined and mature. Meanwhile all of this goes completely over Swap!Sebek's head. They're kind of hilarious
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harrywelsh · 13 days
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take it to the bank, boys: this one's just like bart
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starlightshore · 2 years
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what exactly are we taking to the bank
On one hand I'm truly saddened that it's been long enough that not every single tumblr user knows the iconic "Take it to the bank, boys, just like bart!" quote from monster factory ),:
But on the other hand, I'm DELIGHTED I get to share with you bart!
youtube
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So you mentioned a while back that you thought the Simpsons Movie was bad why is that?
The movie went through a major development hell and it shows. The themes and characters and plot are all over the place. The movie initially feels like it’s going to have a heavy focus on Bart and Homers relationship what with Bart turning to Flanders to be a father figure, but that’s ultimately cast aside when the family leaves town. Then there’s Homer and Marge who break up in the second act but their relationship doesn’t have any tension that breaks meaning the scene comes out of nowhere, and I don’t think Homer and Lisa speak a word to each other the whole movie.
Homer is selfish but to a larger degree than usual to fit the scope of a movie. Fine. But they don’t make the resolution big enough to justify him near killing the town, nor do they make any of his reactions feel particularly on board for his character. In fact, none of the characters feel like themselves. I know we were firmly past the Simpsons best years for consistency by the time the film came out but everyone in the movie is so shallow and feels so off.
Marge is just kinda there to go “We GOTTA save Springfield!” Lisa has a thing for an Irish boy made solely for the movie so that’s all she gets to talk about despite that not being compelling, and again, they set up a really strong relationship deep dive with Bart and Homer in the beginning but drop it near immediately when the movie starts proper.
And speaking of starting proper, Jesus this movie has no idea where it wants to go. I am aware that a movie like this should be little more than joke fodder, but the Simpsons IS more grounded than its Family Guy surrealist counterparts. It doesn’t have to make grand sweeping statements about anything more than its characters and it doesn’t have to flit from joke to joke. The Simpsons can be slower and sweeter when relevant, and this was relevant. But no, instead we sprint through like 5 plot lines before settling on…vaguely gesturing to the EPA??? Who are the villains??? I’d say this is politically motivated but it’s so out of the left field and says so little I kinda can’t. And then it’s a road trip movie but the road trip takes up very little time and also there’s a B plot about the town trying to survive in the dome but not really and then the movie is about saving Springfield in the 3rd act and I just don’t care. We’ve had no set up in this movie for me to care because the movie expects to care based on Simpsons episodes from years past, but it’s also so not the Simpsons tv show that it feels weird to bank on that. The humor and storytelling style are wayyyyy different.
The movie notoriously went through a lot of ideas over several years, scrapping every single one until it got here. This was mostly because any good idea the team could drum up they had a hard time writing to movie length. But the initial idea always sounded more interesting and like you could do more with the characters. That being a Camp Krusty movie. It’s been a few years since I danced on this soap box so I don’t remember every detail but in general I would pitch an A plot very similar to Boy Scouts in the Hood but with the emotional through line of Bart and Homers relationship being more prevalent. Homer and Ned both become camp counselors at Camp Krusty and the kids are all going. Bart and Homer are butting heads as usual but without the buffer of Marge or the ability to get away from each other they’re reaching a boiling point. As such Bart starts to feel more comfortable and safer in the outdoors around Ned, who’s more openly kind and responsible. Focus the movie on Barts feelings (a nice nod back to how the show began by being centered around Bart) and how he feels like his own dad isn’t a good father to him but Ned doesn’t get him. Have the film end during a big 3rd act ‘act of god’ like a massive storm where Bart gets lost in the middle of the danger. Ned tries to look for him but Homer is ultimately the one who knows his son best and actually manages to find him and they both whether out the storm alone together. The two have a talk about Homer doing his best even if he messes it up a lot and Bart is trying to meet him where he is but doesn’t feel seen.
I’d even have a small through-line be Barts now seldom-seen sling shot. Ned confiscates the slingshot at the beginning of camp claiming it’s dangerous and could be used for pranking, but to make it up to him he teaches Bart how to use a real pocket Knife. The scene with Homer and Bart then culminates in Homer giving Bart back his slingshot saying he knows he’ll always cause trouble but it’s his and no one should be able to take away part of him. Besides, he’s a Simpson, he’ll cause trouble with anything he has. Maybe it’s engraved with ‘El Barto’ with the idea that Homer knows his son so well he knows he’s the one leaving graffiti all over town. And then Bart uses the slingshot to save them from some kind of danger and they get back safely, now understanding each other more.
Then the other plots can just be fun and silly. Rod and Todd being jealous of the attention Bart is getting from their dad, Lisa and Milhouse going on a friendly adventure in the woods that leads them to discover some incredible thing, back at Springfield Marge and Maggie are having a wacky adventure as a runner, etc.
But you now have a movie with one really distinct setting, that allows for the more segmented storytelling the movie goes for, and has a thematic through-line that makes sense of the show it’s for.
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radgritty · 1 year
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Take it to the bank, boys, this one's just like Bart.
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yrhuef · 1 year
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St Louis Baseball Albert Pujols 700 Home Runs T Shirt
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St Louis Baseball Albert Pujols 700 Home Runs T Shirt
Glioblastoma (GBM). GBM is the most St Louis Baseball Albert Pujols 700 Home Runs T Shirt and most aggressive brain cancer. It’s highly invasive, which makes complete surgical removal impossible. And because of the blood-brain barrier (BBB), it doesn’t respond to any chemotherapy. The standard-of-care entails multiple rounds of surgery and radiotherapy, yet the five year survival is lower than 5%. Pancreatic cancer (PDAC). PDAC is a notoriously stubborn cancer. The only effective treatment is a very painful and very complex operation called “the Whipple procedure”. However, only 20% of patients are eligible for such operation. And even for those lucky patients, only 20% survived more than five years. For the rest majority of patients, the chance of survival is negligible, because PDAC hardly responds to any form of chemotherapy or radiotherapy. The five year survival overall is 6%.
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mcrcenario · 5 years
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skylordhorus · 6 years
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TOE TO TIP JUST LIKE BART
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weedbong · 6 years
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the bogos binted post is like a virus that infects my brain every time i see it for DAYS after even weeks i just cant fucking stop thinking hey did you get those photos printed? bogos binted? 👽 over and over wow. bogos binted
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sbnkalny · 6 years
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Take it to the bank, boys. This one's just like Bart.
Take it to the bank, boys. A big fortune will descend upon you this one's just like bart
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ragingbookdragon · 3 years
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The Daughter Of Superman, The Adopted Son Of Batman...What Could Go Wrong? PT. 1
Jason Todd x Kryptonian!Reader One-Shot
Word Count: 3.8K Warnings: Explicit Language
Author's Note: I totally forgot about this one! If you like how cute and fluffy it is, just wait for PT. 2! It gets angsty >:) -Thorne
**********************************************************************
They were pretty lazy teenagers when they weren’t busy saving the world with super speed, strength, and smarts. Even if their textbooks were spread all over his bed they were still too lazy to actually do their homework, instead scrolling through social media apps and trolling all the citizens of San Francisco about the identities of the Young Justice Team.
She glanced up from the advanced calculus textbook and stared at the boy laying across her thighs. “Tim, isn’t your dad hosting a gala this weekend?” he hummed in response, and she asked, “Are we allowed to come?”
He didn’t bother looking up from the tablet he was tapping at and nodded. “Yeah. Bruce already added your names to the list, (Y/N).” a flicker of a smile came over his lips and he added, “Of course I had to wear him down in order to get Bart on the list.”
She looked over at their speedster and grinned. “I’m kinda surprised Bruce actually let you on the list Bart.”
A shocked expression etched across his face and he questioned, “Why do you say that?”
(Y/N) shifted Tim’s head, smiling as he grunted from being moved, and rose from the bed, walking over to the minifridge. She pulled out a soda before jumping back on the bed. “Because between you, Tim, Conner, and me, you’re the one who gets us into the most trouble.” She shifted Tim’s head back into her lap, petting his hair until he smiled.
“I do not!”
“Oh really? Do you remember prom night? It’s been almost two years and they stillcall us and talk about the absolute mess we—well, you caused.”
“That cake wasn’t there when I started running, I swear!” he pointed at Tim. “Tim it wasn’t! You know that!”
The others cackled at his protest, and (Y/N) glanced at Conner. “You gonna bring M’Gann?”
A faint pink tinged his cheeks, and he shifted his gaze down at his physics textbook. “Uh…maybe.”
(Y/N) leaned forward, poking his cheek. “Your heart’s beating pretty fast, little brother.”
He swatted her hand and glared at her. “Shove off.”
She snorted and glanced at Tim. “What about you, Timbers? You going to go with Stephanie?”
“Steph and I aren’t dating anymore, (Y/N).”
“For now. But you two like each other.” She smiled and singsonged, “She’s your first love~”
“What about you?” Tim scowled. “Who’s your date?”
She grunted at him and laid flat in the bed, Bart’s legs under her back. “Are you kidding me? You know my dad won’t let me get a boyfriend, let alone a date to a gala for a night.”
“You’re nineteen, (Y/N). I think you’re allowed to start dating.”
“And my parents help pay for part of my utilities. Does it look like I’m going to do anything to tip that delicate balance of not having to pay for all that?” she sighed. “Dad’s always been that way when it comes to me.”
“Daddy’s little girl.” Conner grinned.
(Y/N) grunted and reached over, shoving Conner off the bed. “Don’t call me that. I am not a daddy’s girl.”
The others laughed at her and Tim quipped, “Yes, you are. You two go on father-daughter dates every month and take pictures to show everyone.” She glared at him and he smiled, continuing, “Maybe we can find a date for you at the gala.”
“You can try. But mom and dad are going to be there. If dad sees me with a boy, he’s liable to lose his mind.” The others laughed again, and (Y/N) rested her head down on Bart’s lap. “I need a dress, Timmy.”
He glanced over at her and tapped a few buttons before showing her the screen. “How does this look?”
(Y/N) took the tablet from him and looked over it, taking in the image of the navy-blue dress. “I like the color, but this is a Cinderella dress. Give me something not as…poofy.” He nodded and took the tablet back, tapped on it, then handed it back to her. “Hmm…too booby.” The other two boys giggled at her answer and Tim sighed, taking the tablet again.
He handed it back to her once more and she looked at the dress. “Mermaid silhouette…sheer side…strappy back…” She glanced up at Tim and nodded. “Got a pair of shoes to match?” He hummed and she grinned. “Then I’ll take it. Thanks Timbers.” He nodded once more, and she nudged Bart. “Oi Allen.”
“What?”
“Don’t run into the cake at the gala, okay? It’ll probably cost more than you.”
“It was an accident! Stop bringing it up!” The others simply laughed at him.
***At The Kent Farm***
“Mom! Dad! Jon! I’m home!” She shut the door behind her and turned, catching Jon who’d launched himself at her. “Kid you’re getting too big to do that.” He laughed at her and she let him down, ruffling his hair. “Where’s mom and dad?”
“Out back with Krypto.” He tugged on her sweatshirt. “Did you bring me anything from the tower, sissy? Did ya? Did ya?”
(Y/N) snorted and rummaged in her pocket, pulling out one of Tim’s crimson shurikens. “Tim gave this to me to give to you.” She handed it to him but held it when he reached for it, “Do not,” she warned firmly, “cut yourself with this or mom and dad will make you give it back after they finish tearing me a new one for giving it to you.”
“I won’t!” he promised and she watched his eyes light up in wonder when he took it. She ruffled his hair once more before walking towards the backdoor.
She stepped outside and saw her dad throwing a ball with Krypto, her mom watching from the back porch; she walked over and leaned down, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Hey, mom.”
Lois glanced up at her and smiled. “Hey, sweetheart. You’re home early.”
(Y/N) nodded, sitting down beside her. “School let out for the week, and we didn’t have any missions from the Justice League, so I figured I’d spend a few days here instead of cooped up in the tower.”
“I’m glad you decided to come home, hon. It’s always nice when you come back.”
She looked up and saw Clark walking towards her. “Hey, dad.”
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Hey sweetheart, how were the boys?”
“They’re good. We did our usual thing.”
Clark sat on her other side. “Collapse on Tim’s bed and lay around like lethargic teenagers?”
(Y/N) snorted and shoved his shoulder lightly. “We were productive young adults. We finished over-break assignments and reports. Well…mostly. Still got that thirty page physics paper I have to write but…I’ll let that stew awhile.”
He chuckled. “Anything else happen today?”
“Talked about the gala this weekend.” She paused. “You guys are coming too, right?” They nodded and (Y/N) laid back on the porch, pulling out her phone. “Ugh…I remember how badly the Wi-Fi sucked out here. I don’t have any service at all.” She looked at her mom. “I don’t how a journalist like you manages to live in the middle of nowhere like this and still stay sane.”
Lois snorted and thumped her leg. “It’s called satellite service. Now c’mon, let’s go inside. Dinner should be done by now.” (Y/N) rose from the porch and they all began walking in when the sound and feel of rushing air came over them. She and Clark immediately spun, ready to defend themselves when they saw Conner hovering in the sky.
His eyebrows were drawn in slight concern. “(Y/N)! We need you!”
She nodded, shucking off her sweatshirt and pants, revealing the blue suit underneath. The crimson cape billowed around her and she glanced up at him. “What’s the situation?”
“We’ve got simultaneous bank robberies all over SF. Bart and Tim are already on the first few. I came to get you.”
(Y/N) turned to her parents. “Rain check on dinner guys.” She turned in the direction of San Fransisco, eyes darting wildly as she viewed her teammates positions. After a second, she nodded. “I’ve got em, Bart’s on the east, Tim’s on south. You take north and I’ll take west.”
He nodded and she shot up from the ground. They were almost in San Francisco when her father’s voice reached her. “Be careful, (Y/N).”
She curled her fists when the bank doors came into view and responded, “Always am, dad.”
***
“The dress looks fine, (Y/N).”
She glanced up at Tim who was smiling at her; she let out a sigh, letting go of the side strap she’d been tugging, still semi-uncomfortable with how it fit. “I know it does. But I feel like it’s still a little…grown up for me. I’ve never had a dress this open in the back or the sides since…ever.” The boys laughed and she smiled at Bart and Conner. “I forgot how well you two cleaned up.”
Bart pulled at both sides of the bowtie and winked at her, while Conner merely grunted, “I still hate tuxedos.”
“You’re definitely going to hate the long hours of your wedding then.” They laughed once more, and the car pulled around the venue.
Tim looked at them and grinned. “Show time, lady and gents.” They followed him out of the limo, grinning at the cameras as they walked inside.
Immediately, the view made her eyes go wide and she gaped. “Damn…this place is…really big.”
Tim shrugged nonchalantly, “I dunno, the ballroom in Wayne manor is bigger, but definitely more expensive.”
Bart shook his head. “Tim, my dude…we live on minimum wage not a billionaire’s salary.” (Y/N) and Conner simply nodded, still dumbfounded at the sheer size.
Tim rolled his eyes and looked around. “There’s Bruce and the others.”
She glanced in the direction he was looking and she saw her parents with Bruce. “Looks like mom and dad are busy chatting.” The others nodded and she turned to Tim. “What exactly are we supposed to do at a gala?”
“Have fun?” (Y/N) heaved a sigh and stared at him until he said, “You dance and drink and eat. That’s all you do.” He waved his hands. “Go knock yourselves out.”
They started to fan out when (Y/N) called out to them. “Wait!” They paused, turning back around. “We should go talk to Bruce and tell him thanks for inviting us.” They nodded and followed Tim over to Bruce.
He saw them coming and turned, holding out his hand to her. “Good to see you, (Y/N). You look wonderful this evening.”
Her cheeks warmed at the compliment and she smiled, giving his hand a firm shake. “It’s good to see you too, Mister Wayne, you don’t look too bad yourself. Thank you for inviting us to the gala.” The others shook his hand, and she turned to her parents. “Hey mom, dad.”
Lois walked around her and squealed, “You look so beautiful!”
(Y/N) cleared her throat, feeling her cheeks warm as the others smiled in her direction. “Mom…chill out, you’re embarrassing me.” She merely laughed but stepped back over to Clark’s side and (Y/N) looked around. “Bart have you—and he’s already at the buffet table.” Snickers sounded behind her and she sighed. “I’m going to make sure that the bottomless pit doesn’t devour all your food before your guests can eat, Mister Wayne.”
They watched her walk off and when she got over to the table Bart was standing in front of, she saw him shoving food in his mouth. “Oh my god…Bart, what are you doing?”
He turned to her, and swallowed, a sheepish smile crossing his face. “I haven’t eaten anything today,” he licked his thumb clean. “I’m hungry.”
(Y/N) rolled her eyes and sighed. “Just try not to eat your fingers, would you?”
He snorted and pointed to an appetizer. “You should try the pigs-in-a-blanket. They’ve got this sauce on top that’s just—.”
A low voice cut him off. “They have pigs-in-a-blanket! What!” They turned to see a young man a couple years older than them reaching over. “The old man’s never had something this plain at a gala.” He popped one in his mouth, then turned to them. “You’re Timberly’s friends, right?”
They nodded and (Y/N) gazed, something about him tugging at her mind. “I know you from somewhere.” She stared into his teal eyes and suddenly she remembered where she knew him from; she’d never forget those teal eyes and how angry they’d been. “You’re Jason Todd, aren’t you? Bruce’s second son.”
He grinned. “That’s me. Have you and I met before? I have to agree with you, because you look really familiar.”
(Y/N) glared at him and crossed her arms, spitting. “We met in the Hall of Fallen Titans three years ago.”
Jason’s eyes briefly widened, before they narrowed in amusement. “You’re the one who threw me out the third story window after I kicked Timber’s ass.” He chuckled. “You don’t have to worry about all that, doll. Timmy and I are good now. You can ask the speedster about it.”
She continued to glower at him until Bart leaned over, propping his chin on her shoulder. “He’s telling the truth, (Y/N). Tim told me a while back that he and Jason are brothers now.”
Jason nodded and she finally stopped glaring at him. “Just so you know Jason, I can still throw people out windows.”
He smiled and held out a hand, watching her place hers in it; he brought her hand up to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, doll.”
Bart poked her side and grinned. “I’m gonna go see Tim and Conner. I’ll leave you two alone.”
He wandered off and (Y/N) pulled her hand back. “So, why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be dead?”
Jason chuckled. “Oh, I was. I got better. We just made up a story about me getting lost, yadda yadda yadda, I’m not important.” He propped his elbow on the wall above her and grinned. “But what is important, is how pretty you look in your dress.”
(Y/N) cocked a brow. “Is that supposed to flatter me?”
“Is it not?”
“It could be a little better.”
He laughed and she found herself smiling along with him. He nodded towards the balcony. “Wanna get some air?”
She nodded, and they walked out into the night. (Y/N) gazed up at the stars and sighed in wonder. “There’s billions of them out there…I’ve never tried to leave earth and go search for them on my own.”
Jason leaned on the railing and gazed at her. “How come?”
(Y/N) shrugged, leaning against the railing too. “Dad’s full Kryptonian…me and Jon are, to use a less than favorable term, half-breeds.” She paused. “I’m not sure if I would survive like dad does out in space.”
“Won’t know ‘til you try.”
She huffed a laugh and looked at him. “If I’m wrong, I might die.”
“And if you try and you’re right, you won’t be dead.”
She shook her head at him, a smile playing at her lips. “You’ve got answers to everything, don’t you, Jason?”
He grinned at her. “I find that being sharp and witty helps with the crowds, doll.” The music sounded from inside the ballroom, and he stepped back, offering her a hand. “May I have this dance?”
(Y/N) rested her hand in his, feeling him pull her close, his other hand resting on her lower back; it was warm against her open skin and she cleared her throat. “I should warn you, I can’t dance to save my life.”
A cocky smirk crossed his lips and he leaned down, his lips brushing her ear. “I can take the lead, doll…all you have to do is give it to me.”
“Your flirtations need work too.”
Jason chuckled in her ear, making her shiver as he pulled back. “I don’t think they do.”
“Arrogance isn’t attractive, Jason.”
“Mhm.”
“It isn’t.”
“I heard you the first time, doll.” As they swayed to the music, he asked, “So, how’d you and Nerd-bird become friends?”
“We met through Conner.”
“The clone?”
“My brother.”
“Sorry.”
“He introduced the two of us, and we’ve been friends ever since.”
“Only friends? Nothing more?”
It was (Y/N)’s turn to smirk and she looked at him. “Are you asking because you want to know if there’s competition?”
He stopped moving and they stood still, her in his arms. “Just want to know if there’s anyone between me and first place.”
She huffed a laugh. “God, you’re something else.” Her eyes found his and she asked, “Do you want to get out of here?”
Jason nodded and stepped back, holding out his hand. “Where do you want to go?”
(Y/N) smirked and stepped forward, closing the distance he’d created, and wrapped an arm around his waist. His teal eyes widened, and she looked back at the party; no one noticed them, and she turned back to face him, “Up, up, and away.” They flew upwards, and she felt him latch onto her. “Why are you acting like I’m going to drop you, Jason?”
He made a waring noise in his throat. “I have a friend who’s an Amazon, and she is…very fond of throwing and dropping me.”
(Y/N) giggled. “Sounds like we’d get along spectacularly. She likes dropping you…I like throwing you out of windows…”
“That was one time. And you caught me when I was off-guard.”
“Uh huh, sure. You got your ass kicked by a sixteen-year-old and I think you’re just bitter.”
He grumbled at her. “Rub it in, why don’t you, doll.” She laughed and lowered them down; their feet hit the roof and he looked at it. “Wayne Enterprises? Why?”
She shrugged. “Cool tower…nice view.” She took a seat on the ledge, listening to him sit beside her.
He leaned over. “Almost romantic…don’t you think?”
(Y/N) eyed him, seeing a goofy smile on his face; she snorted, shoving him lightly. “You’re cheesy.”
“So I’ve been told.”
She glanced back at the water. “You know if this goes anywhere, my dad and your dad aren’t going to be happy.”
Jason snorted, nonchalantly replying, “Doll, there’s a few things I’m afraid of in life. Superman and Batman…are not those things.”
“Is that arrogance or confidence I hear coming through?”
He shrugged. “Probably a bit of both.”
(Y/N) smiled, then she felt his hand rest on hers, letting him link their fingers; she turned her face to him. “Is this the part where you tell me I’m beautiful and ask to kiss me?”
Jason grinned. “No, this is actually the part where I tell you you’re drop dead gorgeous…can I kiss you?”
She giggled, leaning in, and just before his lips brushed hers, she whispered, “You know I can kick your ass, right?”
He groaned. “Should I mention that strong women really do wonders to me?”
(Y/N) huffed a laugh and brought her free hand up, curling in his shirt. “Shut up and kiss me, Jason.”
“With pleasure.” His lips met hers, and she felt him bring his hand up, cupping her cheek. She pulled back ever-so-slightly, but he chased her, pressing his lips to hers again. He let go of her hand and brought his other hand up. He lowered her down until (Y/N)’s back was flat against the ledge; the chill from the stone made her arch her back off it, and press into his chest.
Jason pulled away slightly and smirked at her. “Cold?”
She rolled her eyes at him. “If you want to keep making out, jokes aren’t going to do the job.” He snorted at her and leaned forward again, intent on kissing her senseless when someone cleared their throat, startling them.
They sat up quick as lightning, turning in the direction of the sound. “I wondered where my daughter had flown off to.”
“Oh my god,” she hissed and covered her face with her hands. “Dad. C’mon…seriously?” Clark stepped onto the ledge and walked towards them.
Jason leaned down, whispering, “Is he going to throw me off the ledge?”
This made her giggle despite trying not to and she shoved him. “Shut up, Jason.”
He grinned at her and rose from his position, standing in front of her father. “Mister Kent.”
“That’s my daughter.”
“Oh, I know it is. I still remember how she threw me out of a building a few years ago. I get teary thinking about it.”
The corner of Clarks mouth rose, but then dipped back down, and (Y/N) stood up. “Dad, I’m nineteen. This whole, ‘daddy’s little girl can’t date’ bit, is getting old.” A hurt look crossed his face and she stepped forward, taking his hand. “To you, I’ll always be your little girl, dad. But sooner or later you’ve gotta come to grips with me dating and having…mature relationships.”
Clark held her gaze, then glanced at Jason who grinned and gave a thumbs up. “Does it have to be one of his kids? I mean if it’s going to be, I like Tim.”
“Ew, gross. Tim’s my best friend.”
“What about Dick?”
“Nice butt, but he and Kori are dating.” She paused and smiled at him. “The only one left is Jason, dad.”
Clark eyed Jason once more, then Jason offered, “If it makes you feel any better, I’m slightly afraid of your daughter.”
He sighed. “Thank you, Jason. I can tell.” Turning to her, he cupped her cheek. “It feels like yesterday I was bringing you home for the first time.”
“Dad…stop…we don’t need sentimentality right now.”
Clark hummed and smiled at her, pressing a kiss to her forehead; he turned to Jason and leveled him with a hard look. “I don’t think I need to warn you about what happens if you make her sad.”
Jason gave him a mock salute. “Chances are I’ll be in ICU after I was thrown out a building.”
“Oh my god. Let that go.”
They laughed, and Clark rose from the rooftop. “I’ll need to get back to the party. Don’t do anything crazy.”
They waved him off and (Y/N) turned to Jason. “Do you want to get something to eat?”
He nodded. “There’s a pizza shop down the block from here.”
“Sounds great.” (Y/N) rose a few feet off the roof when she heard a cough behind her.
She spun around and looked down at Jason. “Doll…I don’t know if you know this…but I can’t fly.”
“Whoops. My bad.” She lowered back onto the rooftop and held out her arm.
He walked into it and wrapped an arm around her waist, then tipped his head to her. “Up, up, and away.”
(Y/N) snorted as she rose. “You’re still cheesy, Jason.”
The grip on her waist tightened as he murmured, “I know.”
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carbunclewitha · 6 years
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What’s happening, gudes?
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strideofpride · 3 years
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Gossip Girl and Old Money vs. New Money
tldr: I broke down the family background and class status of the Archibald/Van der Bilt, Bass, Rhodes/Van der Woodsen, and Waldorf families. Because even among the 1%, old money vs. new money is still a very real difference to them.
Archibald/Van der Bilt (aka Vanderbilt) family: In the world of the show, Nate's family is presented as the oldest money of them all. His mom is a Vanderbilt (spelled Van der Bilt on the show presumably for legal reasons) a real wealthy American family. Although, among the insanely wealthy, the Vanderbilts are technically not old money. In America, old money technically refers to families who made their money prior to the Revolutionary War. Anything else is technically new money (although one anthropologist has stated starting from the 1930s on you can refer to the Vanderbilts as old money - they would just be Lower-Upper compared to an Upper-Upper family that made their money in the 1600/1700s). The Vanderbilts didn't make their money until the Gilded Age and they did it by building a shipping and railroad empire. To my knowledge, the real Vanderbilts are not a political family; the show probably took from the Kennedys there.
The Archibald family, on the other hand, are clearly not old money. I don't remember specific scenes or episodes off the top of my head, but that's implied throughout all of Anne and Howard's interactions and you can just sense it in their dynamic. I do think Howard probably still grew up rich what with Dartmouth and all (also let's be real, Anne wouldn't have married him if he wasn't), but he was probably a first gen rich boy, and I think that tracks with him going into Wall Street and investment banking instead of something more "proper". Also I think it's canon that William Van der Bilt purchased the family home and boat for them? So yeah.
Bass family: The Bass family on the other hand is as new money as they come. Bart might be evil sure, but he's truly a self-made man (or as self-made as a billionaire can be - no one earns a billion dollars without exploitation of their workers - but Bart was canonically born poor). In 107, it's established that a lot of Bart's resentment of Chuck comes from the fact that Chuck was born and raised in privilege while Bart came from nothing.
The Bass family is primarily a real estate family, owning hotels and buildings. Obviously, I have to make the most obvious family comparison here: the Trumps. The Bass family is a rival of the Trumps in the show and I think there is an obvious parallel of Bart as Fred, the shady developer who built his family fortune from the ground up using dubious methods, and Chuck as Donald, the son who earned none of what he was handed, a sexual predator, and all around asshole who ended up taking his father's company and running it into the ground multiple times. (God I'm just realizing that if Chuck was real and ran for president he'd unfortunately probably win too).
In the books I think the Bass family even owns the Plaza, just like Trump did, although this was probably changed to the Palace in the show since they were more willing to let them film regularly there.
Rhodes/Van der Woodsen family: In reality, the oldest money of them all would probably be the Van der Woodsens. Van der Woodsen is a Dutch name, and that implies that they are a family that has been in New York since it was New Amsterdam, such as the Stuyvesant, Gansevoort, Schuyler (yes like the sisters from Hamilton), and Van Cortlandt families (I believe this is the case in the books). And yes, doctors make good money, sure, but you can't afford a penthouse apartment in Manhattan on a doctor's salary, let alone yachts or private jets or anything else Serena and Eric seemed to have grown up with. I think it's safe to assume that William comes from a very wealthy family.
Now the Rhodes family on the other hand is more complicated. Cece married a record executive and moved out to California with him. However, she clearly came from an elite Upper East Side family and I think this tracks with her choosing to raise her children in Montecito, a classier, more traditional and conservative neighborhood up in Santa Barbara compared to rich Los Angeles neighborhoods such as Beverly Hills and Brentwood. (Although did she live in Los Angeles with Rick pre-divorce and only moved herself and the girls up there after the split? Unclear.)
In 113 though, Blair makes reference to the Waldorf name and reputation while disparaging Serena, implying that her and her family have a trashier reputation. So my guess is that Cece marrying a record exec and raising her kids out in California probably knocked her down a peg in Upper East Side society. Lily probably gained some of that prestige back by marrying a Van der Woodsen, but then the three divorces by the time of the pilot probably sunk them back down again.
Waldorf family: The Waldorf family is the most confusing one to decipher. The name Waldorf obviously makes you think of the Waldorf Astoria (I'm sure that's where Cecily von Ziegesar got the name from) and the Astor family, one of the Upper Upper old money families of America. Waldorf actually comes from Walldorf, the name of the town in Germany the Astors were originally from. However, the show Waldorfs seem to bear no relation to the Astors or the hotel.
Harold almost certainly came from money. He went to Yale, and I believe he was a lawyer? Which again, sure, lawyers make good money, but not Manhattan penthouse, French chateau, and private jet money. There must have been family money involved.
Eleanor, on the other hand, I'm not so sure. She seems like a self-made woman and she makes a big deal in season 2 when Blair considers not going to college and going down the Maureen van der Bilt path about how "Waldorf women are not socialites". Also it does not seem to be a big deal for her at all to marry a Jewish man (Cyrus), something that might be different if she was a true born and bred blue blood WASP.
And certainly successful fashion designers can be extremely wealthy (Ralph Lauren's net worth is estimated at 7 billion), but Waldorf Designs is clearly a much smaller company than Ralph Lauren (it's not even public). She probably has a net worth in the tens of millions, but believe it or not that's still not regular access to private jet money. Which makes me think Harold almost certainly does have family money. And again, this tracks since in 113 it's made clear that the name Waldorf means something in Upper East Side society. So my guess would be that the Waldorf family is closer to old money than new money. But still nowhere near the level of the Van der Bilts.
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