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bleulone · 3 years

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i love your analysis so much! i have a question as well, like, how do you envision polin's sex scenes ? thanks for your answer (:

Hey! Thank you very much :)) I have no idea if they are that even good but I’m happy you like them. It’s just my brain tending to produce some iNsIGhiTfUL analyses though they usually end up drowned under a huge wave of stupidity and horrid spelling/grammatical mistakes XD. So, about Penelope and Colin’ sex scenes, I guess we’re getting spicy in this house 🌶. I mean, I don’t blame you. Who’s not hot for Polin ?! The steamy Polin hours have already begun and they’re legit challenging my patience. (Be still my Polin heart, be still).

Okay, without further ado, let’s talk about sex baby, shall we ? It’s a pretty long answer/meta so bear with me.

I don’t know if you’ve read Romancing Mister Bridgerton, but a quick reminder (for those who haven’t... yet), there are a bunch of iconic steamy scenes that I’m dying to watch on screen. First we have the famous “thank you” scene where Penelope, now a 28 year-old spinster, asks Colin to kiss her because she doesn’t want to die without having been kissed... then ends up thanking him— which happens to be humiliating for our 33 year-old boy because he thinks that she thinks he did it out of pity while he absolutely did not. The man definitely felt butterflies in his stomach... and in other places as well lol. We also have the ICONIC carriage scene where Colin gives Pen’s generous bosoms™ the attention they deserve. This is followed by his proposal. Later on, after the announcement of their engagement, there’s a pretty hot make-out scene on Lady Violet’s sofa. Finally, we have their first time in Colin’s bedroom, after sneaking out of their own engagement party... which leads Colin to push the wedding date forward. At this point, I just love their horniness, especially Colin’s who’s just so freaking amazed by Penelope for more than 300 pages straight (duh! who isn’t ???).

When you say envision, I suppose you mainly refer to the way those scenes will be filmed right ? I’m afraid I don’t have an advanced knowledge in film-making but let me start by telling you what elements need to be depicted. I would love Shonda and Chris to capture the real essence of our boos’ feelings : the yearning, the love, the respect and the guilt (specifically on Colin’s side) in their eyes. The more we move forward throughout the seasons, the more we see different layers of the perceptions of they have of each other, going from a childish idealization/immature ignorance to a sudden realization. A mature one. Penelope goes beyond the facade of the charming devil-may-care guy to meet the seriousness and temper of her significant other. Meanwhile Colin discovers how confident, powerful and attractive this woman is and always has been. It echoes what I’ve written about the importance of the gaze in Polin’s love story in this meta. By the time season 4 hits, man... their heart eyes and eye-fucking will jump OUT XD, all fibers of their beings, burning with need. The fact that this evolution took literally years is very emotionally painful, which is why I find it important to keep the slowness aspect of their relationship before and during their love making. I’m really looking forward a slow build-up toward their intimacy. It would differ from Daphne and Simon who merely shared one hell of a kiss in Lady Trowbridge’s garden then shared their sexy times after they married or Anthony and Siena’s rough sex... In fact, there’s a certain (sweet) ardent tenderness in Polin I like due to the fact that they’re slowly (re)discovering each other, as adults. Since they were both introduced in season 1, the audience will have all the time in the world to notice numerous evidences of the many natures of love they have for one another : from an affectionate and friendly love to a more carnal and enduring one.

Okay so, in terms of filming, with Netflix’s Bridgerton being a show which promotes the female gaze, it wouldn’t be that much of a surprise watching those sex scenes being shot from Penelope’s perspective, like it was the case with Daphne in the first installment of the series. Most of the time, sex scenes in Historical Romance are not gratuitous. Their presence serve an important purpose in a hero/heroine’s journey. In Penelope’s case, they’re here to help her learn to embrace and love herself. In other words, sexuality is synonym of freedom. I don’t know if they’ll show a lot of skin, but I won’t be complaining considering the fact that we’ll have the chance to get a chief kiss treat on screen : a plus size woman in a major successful Netflix period drama getting a love story as romantic and steamy as other more “fit” female characters. No, your weight doesn’t prevent you from being desirable at all. As far as I’m concerned, I haven’t watched a plus-size female character portrayed as an attractive protagonist in a period drama (please if you have, let me know, I can be wrong). Having a beautiful half bare curvy body like Nicola’s being equally filmed like numerous slim actresses will be so inspiring and powerful to watch, especially for (young) women who struggle, like Penelope, to love their body shape which, to them, doesn’t “fit” the “beauty standards”. By showing her female gaze and portraying her as seductive, Pen’s “supposed” imperfections transform themselves into mighty assets, loved and worshipped by our dashing Mister Bridgerton. That’s body positivity at its finest darling ;).

It will be deliciously erotic watching the undressing process being exquisitely slow, garment by garment, while their gaze are all heated and hungry. Their sex/make-out scenes should be tender and passionate, sweet and raw. The lightning, colored by a dark blood orange yellow or a blue depending the locations^^. Moreover, the depiction of the exploration of Penelope’s desire can translate itself thanks to multiple close ups. For instance, I can imagine a few ones on Pen’s fingers gently roaming over the smooth skin of Colin’s firm chest and back/touching his hair right after he removed his shirt. And a disheveled Colin letting his hands and lips making a journey of their own, mapping, conquering the alluring unknown territory that is her gorgeous voluptuous body... kissing her on the places he knows oh too well will give her pleasure (is this me wanting him to go down on her?— um yeah I sure hope it IS! If he doesn’t, trust me imma riot... AGAIN). Even a close up on her face while Colin is performing his addictively pleasing torment will be a marvelous proof of the female gaze. By the way, why not even adding a post-coital scene after their first time ? I can picture Penelope waking up first and contemplate her handsome soon-to-be husband. She’d bring her hand to his face and let it travel all around his forehead, his cheeks, his lips, his neck and let it rest on his heart— making sure that what she’s just experience was real... obviously, Colin will wake up in the process and he’ll take this as his cue to go for another round of sexy times under the sheets.

Showing Pen reaction is essential according to me because she was stuck with the idea that she would never experience the luxury of being loved, giving pleasure nor receiving it... she ended up being happily wrong. Throughout her multiple intimate encounters with Colin, I want her to progressively realizes that she can be an active partner. In the carriage, she knew she had an effect on him, but it’s not until their first time that she actually realizes it. Hence the reason why I WANT the mirror’s introduction in one of their sex scenes. Here’s as a little reminder an excerpt from chapter 18 :

“I want to see you sitting up," he groaned, "so I can see them full and lovely and large [about Pen’s breasts]. And then I want to crawl behind you and cup you." His lips found her ear and his voice dropped to a whisper. "And I want to do it in front of a mirror."

“Now?” she squeaked.

He seemed to consider that for a moment, then shook his head. "Later," he said, and then repeated it in a rather resolute tone. "Later.”

It would be such a shame if the show doesn’t use the incredible potential of this object (/kink). I mean, the symbolism is pretty clear. Penelope has always fled her “ugly” reflection but it seems like Colin wants to show the real her, the beauty that holds every single inch her alabaster skin and the effects they have on him. Thus, I would love to watch a scene where Colin just praises the alluring goddess and siren that is Penelope Featherington. Just imagine! Just IMAGINE the power of this scene : a shirtless Colin sitting behind her on a bed, meeting her gaze in the mirror, his lips touching her right ear, biting and licking the lobe sometimes, whispering all kinda of dirty yet poetic words to her while letting his hands caress her thighs, her hips, her arms, her lovely bosoms™... oof. At the same time, a wonderful and harmonic instrumental music will play in the background and match the melodic partition of shudders, breathes and moans let out by our lovers. I can imagine Luke inspiring himself from his performance in the 2019 short film, Youth In Bed. The way he conveyed the awe and the yearning on his face, in his eyes with his mouth slightly open when he knelt before his partner Shun Yin was just captivating and— and so Colin! I cannot help but bring myself to picture Ethan, the character he played in YIB, in a Polin steamy scene. I cannot unsee this anymore jsksk. I mean, all this gifset radiates this book4chapter18!Colin, you cannot tell me otherwise!

Also, I would love Shonda and Chris to keep Pen and Colin’s cute/emotional pillow talk. One thing I really love in JQ’s books is the concern she gives to her male protagonists about potentially hurting their partner during the act of penetration. Colin is a rake, and what his experience with women taught him is that he needs to be very gentle with the love of his life. It was so adorable seeing him not wanting to harm her and asking her to tell him if he does anything she doesn’t like 🥺. Plus, before actually doing it, Colin and Penelope shared a few kisses and just laid down side by side, confessing their love. Though our boy kept feeling guilty about not returning her love after all these years. He desires nothing but to make up for the lost time and show his love and desire during this special intimate moment. I hope they’ll keep all of chapter 18’s dialogue. It’s just so telling of our boos’ feelings, you see.

All in all, I can’t wait to watch those Polin steamy scenes. As much as I may sound crazy, I want them after two other seasons of pure pining and yearning in order to have a very good payoff. I’m not an expert on depicting intimacy on screen, but I loved so far what Lizzy Talbot, the intimacy coordinator who worked on the show, have done in season 1. Sex scenes in Bridgerton seem very real and dive you in the intimacy of the moment, leaving you all flustered and hot. So probs to her! I have faith in her work and have no doubts about what her and the directors will serve us in future seasons. Though, in the end, I think it’s mostly up to the actors, Nicola and Luke, to see if they’re comfortable filming sex scenes.

If you guys have any suggestions or wishes for those steamy polin scenes, please do share them :) by commenting on this post or by sending me asks! I’d love reading your thoughts/take on this very important matter ;))

#bleulone answers #meta and gush #polin #colin x penelope #bridgerton #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #polin meta #ask #anon #luke newton #julia quinn #nicola coughlan

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faakeid · 3 years

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fab nygmobblepot moments that remind you of kd uwu

OMGGGG AHDAHDUIADHAD

I want to use this moment to be sorry to everyone that follows me but keeps seeing my blog full of Nygmobs/Smaylor instead of kaisoo. I usually don’t get attached to otps like this and it happened in an unexpected way for me. But it’s here and I need to compensate for all the years I didn’t watch Gotham and had no idea about Nygmobs spamming everyone and making my heart warm.

But in general, nygmobblepot isn’t a vision of ideal relationship. Both Edward and Oswald (their surnames Cobblepot and Nygma were the ones who originated this name) are stupid and do stupid shit to each other during most of the series. So, a lot of moments related with the actors counterpart (Robin is the actor who plays Oswald and Cory who plays Ed) reminds me of kaisoo more. But a warning here! Although they have a HUGE chemistry on and off screen, they’re mostly friends. Robin is married for almost ten years so it doesn’t mean their closeness is romantic or sexual. But still, some details remind me of kd.

Similarities with nygmobs:

Height difference: it applies to Smaylor as well because it’s their height but it’s really visible in the series. Cory is a bit taller than JI I think and Robin is like 1.65 but KS is not that taller (I can’t believe he’s 1.73 at all, sorry). But, again, this factor is evident during the series and in some moments and it’s cute.

(the way he moves his feet to reach Ed’s head ;_;)

(when they hug, Oswald barely reaches his shoulders [their hugs are the equivalent to kisses in Gotham])

the closest gif I could find where we can see kd’s height difference without me stealing other people’s gifs.

Penguin reference? That’s pretty obvious. Of course I didn’t start shipping nygmobs because one of them is small and has the Penguin nickname but it made so much easier for me to read some of their fics with kd as characters because they fit the profile so much! And also, I believe KD would totally fit the “murder husbands” couple if someone did a fanfic where they just kill everyone. The closest I remember of a fanfic with this criteria is Juice Pouche where Kyungsoo is a vampire and he protects Jongin and Jongin is kind of badass as well. But the kd fandom needs more fics like this. There’s also “(Before the night is over) come see me” where KS is also a vampire and JI a young werewolf but it focuses more on their relationship than a murder husbands idea Gotham shows so well.

How they met: Gotham’s history has a lot of differences if you compare with other universes, so keep that in mind. In Gotham, Ed works with GCPD but doesn’t feel like himself with the good side. Oswald is the character that spices things up and is a rage of death and destruction and manipulation. But Oswald is infatuated with Jim Gordon (so isn’t the first time it’s implied Penguin is gay) but he goes to the police department to see him. Ed sees him and wants to talk to him no matter the cost. And he does that... And things don’t end that friendly for him because Oswald thinks he’s a weirdo and asks him to fuck off, basically. It reminded me of kd’s first meeting where KS was the one admiring JI all along but JI get frightned. But, during their second meeting, they bond and become friends. For Nygmobs it takes more time for their second meeting but they end up developing and being in good terms :’)

Their personas, sort of: Ed is the tall one, younger and logic. Oswald is the oldest, smaller and that thinks with his heart. I love how JI could show the more logic side of himself during the last few years and, again, while reading Nygmobs fics using kd names, it was easy to fit the profile for me (that was during the time I wasn’t too deep into nygmobs and I didn’t knok them that well. KS looks cold and deatached and that’s why many people got impressed when he said, during Knowing Bros that he would choose love over friendship. He doesn’t play the part but, considering all the context, it fits him pretty well and reading this description of Oswald made me so familiar because it fits KD well. Ofc I don’t know their private lives and whatever but it’s just the impression I had as a viewer and random person;

Drama issue: when I say drama here, it’s related with how people percieve the two OTPs and how different people visualize LGBT relationship in media. Nygmobblepot had a lot of drama involved because they’re the fucking Riddler and Penguin, two of the most famous Batman villains. People saw them in different sorts of media before and others idolize those characters because of videogames and comics. So, when Oswald mentioned expressedly that he was in love with Edward, it caused an uproar in the fandom. People accused the producers and Robin of messing with the comic canon because the fucking Penguin became gay??? Robin was outspoken about the homophobia behind those statements since he’s a gay man himself but yeah, the drama existed. Part of the people invovled with the series rooted for Nygmobblepot, including some writers and the actors (Cory was the one with ambiguous messages about the nature of their relationship but it’s not even close what happened with other series like Supergirl, Supernatural and Sherlock). But it was aired by FOX, a right wing channel and, as you may imagine, they didn’t become canon per se. Actually, after Oswald said he was in love with Ed and planned on confessing to him, the writers presented a clone of Ed’s ex girlfriend with no explanation and purpose, only to separate them for most part of the series future. After that, some people seemed to have FORGOTTEN Oswald was once in love with Edward, rationalizing many things that are hard to explain with a “bro explanation”, they had a scene where the characters would have evolved even more but it was CUTTED and CHANGED and execs added the sentence “we’re brothers” to make EXPLICIT that Nygmobblepot’s relationship wouldn’t be interpreted as a romance at the end of the series (but, honestly, the actors went for the romance path anyway, the deleted scenes and the final episode can’t convince me otherwise).

What’s related with KD, may you ask? I think you’re familiar with all the drama KD faced since 2016 and how many stuff exploded during that time. How many parts are involved into creating a certain image and shifting it to be appealing and “friendly” is similar with what happens with idols. It’s no secret now about many scandals of bullying and other issues that are considered problematic and how they need to be pushed under the rug for companies so idols can make money and be profitable. Especially for male idols, it’s important that they are viewed as desirable and an object of the fans affections. That’s why he needs to be handsome and kind and look like a person that doesn’t exist. If an idol is openly gay, this person isn’t viewed by the major public with the same interest because they can’t fit the fantasy. That’s why scandals involving idols being gay need to be forgotten and deleted from people’s minds, otherwise that celebrity is ostracized. Although we tend to see the Ocident as “progressive”, there’s similar things happening in that industry. If a celebrity is openly LGBT, they don’t receive certain roles or opportunities because of it. There’s still a huge stigma that needs to be broken and we, as a society, are so far way from it. But recognizing those differences exist it’s a step forward.

Similarities with Smaylor

For me, one of the reasons Nygmobblepot works so well is because of the actors. They portrait a good chemistry because of their friendship off screen and some non verbal signs they display around each other are amazing. Those are things that remind me more of KD as we see them in a lot of moments. So, I wanted space to show those comparisons below:

Mutual admiration: it’s something both Smaylor and KD display a LOT and is extrememly outspoken. I really love watching their old interviews because the affection and admiration is so genuine it makes me drawn to them despite not being romantically involved.

(full gifset)

(there are more moments than these but I don’t want to steal gifs and there’s not much on the gif research and that sucks. Same with KD’s).

Stares and touches: Robin was the responsible for the deep stares and Cory for the random touches. There’s so many gifs of it that is hilarious. It’s like JI divided himself in two cells because we know he’s more known for both >.<

(Cory was touching Robin all the way during this interview rip)

(the gifset!!!)

You’re pretty moment: Robin, like KS, is the one that mentions about Cory/JI’s physical attributes. They have a moment pretty similar and, for KD its famous among shippers:

(gif link)

(actually, Robin called Cory dashingly handsome but its okay)

Cory lost it

There’s another series of gifsets with Robin calling Cory handsome LMAOO

:))))

Synchronization: for specialists in body language, it’s a factor that shows two people are close. That’s because of the mirror neurons we have that makes us copy movements, actions or words that someone we have empathy/we are close with do or say. Both kd and smaylor do this and it’s really soft.

(one of the classics)

(classic 2)

whole gifset (i love this interview so much)

(gif)

The fact the actors came up with their OTP names: people tend to forget that KD’s real otp name (according with Jongin) is dika. Cory also came up with Nygmobblepot name and Smaylor too <3

So, meanwhile Nygmobs has thropies that work a lot with KD AUs, Smaylor has healthy dynamics seen in public appearances KD made. Like I said above, there’s a huge polemic about shipping Smaylor romantically because Robin is married. On social media, is visible he loves his husband and it’s pretty cute to see. Cory himself mentioned that their relationship was sort of a platonic friendship (whatever that means) but it’s really genuine in terms of affections and display of admiration, something KD has as well.

Probably someone will question that it may changed the way I see KD or if now I ship them as bros. Nothing about that changed. With KD, although there are some similar details, there are internal AND external factors that made me support them in a romantic perspective in the first place. And it didn’t change.

But both of them (Nygmobs too) make me feel that I’m testimoning something genuine, which is really hard in both kpop and media universes. In one side, we have a LOT of fanservice. And, in the other, it’s mostly a work interaction with lots of queerbating. Yes, Gotham has queerbating aspects in it but it’s not full of queerbating, if it makes sense. The message the actors and some writers wanted to convey are there and really display a romantic direction with character evolution and growth. And, considering the way media is nowadays, it’s nice to see.

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onlyhereforangst · 4 years

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WWR

Let’s say I waited to get this out because of the hiatus, you know- stretching it, it’s definitely not because I’ve had zero time (& recently been obsessed with gif-making instead).

To start, them chatting about their woes is cute team stuff that I’ve been missing with the drama of that little hit&run the other day. Eeeeeeven if they didn’t give Jimmy the hug I wanted them too- it was fitting for the recent moods & them in general, frankly. And we’ve gotten back to a little friendly banter as well which makes my heart full 🥰 (buuuut a new side of Nick banter...keep reading ➡️). So Ellie shocked & then pushing Nick to go see the Navy museum and him just casually agreeing instead of poking fun or adamantly saying no (like he would’ve a few seasons ago) AND while he joked about the car being cheaper than his rent (cue the histerics at his “too soon?” ya little shit) but when Ellie tells him to stop teasing McGee- he immediately listens to his wife & stops???.......you know what we call that @indestinatus?.....GROWTH.

Then of course we get the sweetest moment of Nick telling Ellie to read aloud this romantic letter to “escape” because you know- doctors orders- not at all someone wanted to dream romantic thoughts about his partner, no not at all 👀👀 BUT THEN. Nick coming all the way across the garage just to be next to Ellie when she read that letter like he’s physically drawn to her *swoon* & then his face, he’s so enthralled by the story with a soft smile on his face—imagining two people falling in love it’s SO CUTE. NICHOLAS TORRES BELIEVES IN LOVE- IM NOT SOBBING YOU ARE. And not only love, but love at first sight. Because “Art got game” as he gives a side eye smirk to Ellie knowing he’s projecting himself on Art and saying that *he’s* got game in his classic slightly macho manner. But then realizing that two people can love each other so deeply even so quickly but still not end up together??? The sadness that laces his voice is palpable- he fears it could happen to him & Ellie but never before this moment had he realized that it could be an option. Yes he’s seen Ziva & Tony go through a lot of hardship, but remember that opening scene? Yeah the one we got confirmation that they’re back together as a happy family? Yeah, that one. The one where love still wins. But this is different.

Love didn’t win.

Love didn’t win until almost 30 years later when Art felt it necessary to take his own life. Love didn’t end up together until death, but that was unfathomable to Nick until this very moment.

Two people in love may not end up together. Game- fucking- changer, Nick Torres.

Moving right along to the heart of the matter for Nick...the scene with Art and Carter breaks my heart - and is such a transcendent metaphor for Nick. He’s just an “every day quarter and a tarnished one at that” in Carter’s words & his mind. That’s exactly how he views himself, not deserving of someone as special and unique and exquisite as Ellie. Likely the reason he still hasn’t decided to stop being a wuss. And that letter put all those worries into words for Nick even if it wasn’t about himself, hence his exaggerated reaction to it. It’s his biggest struggle with voicing his feelings. Ellie deserves a million dollar coin- not a sad, old tarnished one.

But that just fuels him to solve this case more- for the notion of true love exists. Because it’s Nick’s handwriting and heart on their case board - i don’t care what @thekeyboardninja’s handwriting analysis says 🙉 Theeeeeen, Ducky calling them out and Nick’s classic whAAAAAt is gold along with Ellie’s logical brain deflecting but then both being like OMGHEGOTARING...too freaking cute 😩🥰🥰 Y’all can’t tell me you weren’t invested, I see right through you. Nick wants this (and Ellie too) to have a happy ending because it means that he can have a happy ending.

Flash forward to the next day & Ellie says “when Nick and I left last night” my mind: ok y’all carpooling or living together or married or what now 👀 but them getting defensive over the team’s accusations of Art being guilty is so cute, they’re so wary of McGee thinking bad of “them” (even if it’s not them them, it’s Art & Annie- can’t keep it straight guys? 🤔🤭) And Nick saying Art gave his life to the Navy and that he wouldn’t mess that up is so much growth from his outburst when he first started of having no family, no wife, no kids- for what. Bro has come a loooong way to say things like that now, maybe a certain team or blonde agent changed his mind 😯😯😯

Nick looking so grim when he realized Art and Annie would’ve gotten together if she hadn’t been killed - boy you thinking oh shit Ellie could die and I might not get to be with her??? I see you looking at her, I see it. I refer back to my earlier words:

Two people in love may not end up together. Game- fucking- changer, Nick Torres.

Finally, the last scene together in Jack’s office...Ok Nick moves over for Ellie on the couch (it’s off screen and probably just differences in scene shooting but WHATEVER) because he’s a gentleman and so aware of her presence and space even in a crowded room (⬅️ hint for one of my next gifsets). And then they’re so close on that couch their knees and shoulders are practically touching 😭 can y’all not keep me swooning??

Once again missing ending scene but it is what it is (aka fanfic thank you very much) 😬😘

Side notes: I love the Ellie & Kasie dynamic, #girlpowerallday. Kasie is a flipping GENIUS. And also McGee’s “good idea boss” after scolding Jimmy had me cackling weeks later.

#WWR #ncis #ellick #torres x bishop #17x16 #it took me forever don’t hate me

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softjeon · 5 years

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Drown in me | Final

• Pairing: Pirate!Yoongi x Siren!Jungkook • Genre: Angst, Fluff | Pirate!AU / Siren!AU ( → Gifset Trailer) • Words: 9,1k | ↳ AO3 • Disclaimer: mentioning of blood, alcohol, abuse, nsfw content

written with @cassiavioletblue

↳ “When I sing…people do weird things. Strange things happen.” Yoongi laughed awkwardly but stopped right away when he realized that Jungkook was serious about what he had said. This wasn’t a scared little boy trying to make use of some fairytale to scare the captain of the ship he’s been brought on into submission. He believed what he said.

« previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter »

Jungkook woke up the next morning to the feeling of Yoongi’s hands soothing gently over his skin. His fingertips were drawing little patterns into the younger’s shoulder and Jungkook sighed softly, leaning closer (if that was even possible) for as long as he could until waking up was inevitable.

He stretched his arms, yawning softly before he turned his back to Yoongi and pressed his ass back against him. “Don’t wan’ wak’ up,” He mumbled into the cushion. The pirate’s hand found its way to the younger’s hip, putting a little more pressure to it than necessary as he enjoyed the feeling of the siren’s plump ass against him. “Oh, I could think of a thing or two to do to wake you up,” Yoongi’s voice was still gravelly from sleep and he used this to whisper seductively into the boy’s ear. “Or you could just close your eyes and nap a little longer while you let me have my way with you.”

Jungkook giggled happily, wiggling cutely for a moment forgetting all about his worries, before he looked over his shoulder. “A kiss might be enough for me,” He replied, leaning in to place a kiss on top of Yoongi’s nose, “There, now I am awake.” As much as he wanted Yoongi, the thought of letting the pirate have him once more would only break his heart further the moment they had to part. He couldn’t ignore the ache in his heart and the sudden sadness that washed over him, so Jungkook quickly nuzzled his face into Yoongi’s chest. “Is there still time for a breakfast…before we…you know.”

“I don’t think so.” He gave him a quick, apologetic kiss. The crew would be waiting already. As impossible as it was to wake them in the morning when they were at anchor to restock so easy was it to get them out of bed at the brink of dawn when there was a treasure mentioned. “We could have a celebratory lunch after we’ve inspected the treasure though. Deal?”

Jungkook hummed in response and got up to get dressed. He knew there was no arguing anyways and now that they’ve come so far he wanted to see the treasure for himself, too. He needed to know the answers. The more he thought about it, the more excited he got.

Jungkook jumped up the stairs to get up on deck where part of the crew was already waiting. Some of them stayed on ship, while others were preparing the treasure hunt and letting the ships boat down to get over to the cliff. It had become a habit for Jungkook to stay close to Yoongi no matter what, always staying close behind him until they reached the cave. It looked different in the broad daylight and still nothing changed. It was moist and slippery, and the stone was cold.

“And now what?” Hoseok asked looking at his captain expectedly.

“Don’t tell me we still have to search? You said you would find a way!” One of the other crew members added and Jungkook nervously bit his lip. Yoongi hadn’t mentioned anything to him when they had gotten ready, so he figured the captain knew what he was about to do, fully trusting him.

Yoongi knew that stalling it would only make it worse, but he had been scared that Jungkook would say no and how he would explain it to his crew. Now with all of their eyes on him it didn’t make it easier. If Kook sad no - which he had every right to - then he would offer to try and dive down with him, nonetheless. He had decided that it would be him to take the risk, not Taehyung because even though the younger could hold his breath a little better from diving for shells and his own little treasures of the sea he had been the one to initiate this. Also, he trusted Kook the most and if - for whatever reason - he would really drown now then at least he wouldn’t have to bear the burden of losing one or two people that were close to his heart while standing helplessly on this shore. Namjoon, as second in command would take care of his ship.

He swallowed harshly before pulling out a small dagger, the one with the sharpest edge so it wouldn’t hurt that badly. “Now, we need siren blood.” He turned towards Kook, reaching out for him with a guilty smile.

Jungkook had his eyes on the wall, letting his fingertips soothe over the cold stone when he turned back to Yoongi as he began to talk, and his eyes fell onto the dagger. His heart immediately sunk and the younger gasped, stumbling back a few steps until his back hit the wall that trapped him in like perfect prey. “Wh-what do you mean, Yoongi…y-you said,” Jungkook couldn’t believe it as he stared back in disbelief.

Had he been so wrong about Yoongi? But he had felt the good in him?

“You said I was s-safe,” His gaze flickered around the crew who looked just as shocked as he was as by now all of them knew how much the siren meant to the captain. A blind man could see that.

Yoongi could have hit himself for overwhelming him like that when he could have discussed it all in the calm and safety of his cabin. Of course, Jungkook had taken it the wrong way, looking as if his world was crumbling right under his feet right now. Carefully he reached out for Jungkook’s hand and placed the dagger into it.

“It’s your decision though as it is your blood. Namjoon thinks that a few drops should be enough, just for it to wet the stone. I won’t force you to do it if you don’t want to, no matter what. I gave you my word that you’d be safe, and I intend to keep it.” He was looking solely at Jungkook while he was taking however he placed himself right between Kook and his men as a silent threat that he would defend the siren from anyone who would impeach their deal.

Jungkook was shivering, looking at the dagger then back at Yoongi, repeating the motion a couple of times until he fully understood what the captain meant. “Hidden in my blood,” The siren whispered, as it all made sense and he was watching Yoongi stand right in front of his crew, Namjoon by his side and the others taking their stand as if to shield him if something would go wrong. Jungkook took a deep breath, trying to calm his fast heartbeat as he walked a few steps along the wall.

“Cover your ears, please.” Jungkook ordered and the crew instantly did as he said – they had learned from their past mistakes – except for Yoongi, who just looked at him reassuringly. He hissed as soon as the blade cut through the palm of his hand, warm blood oozing out of the wound. He figured it must be deep enough to not heal up as quickly right away again. The dagger fell right out of his hand and Jungkook tried not to concentrate on the sharp pain but on singing, placing his hand onto the wall. He could feel it pulsate again, warmth spreading through his body. A sudden quake got them shaking and Jungkook’s eyes widened in fear – but there was still no entrance opening for them. The pirate could see how Jungkook’s confidence crumbled when nothing else happened and the younger’s voice started wavering. Quickly he walked up next to him, placing his hand over the siren’s. It was to make sure that his palm touched the stone properly - just as it was meant as a reassurance for Jungkook. They were in this together and they would try to dive to find that treasure, with or without anything happening. The quaking could mean that the cave had already opened under water so even if it looked like nothing had changed maybe the path was already cleared for them. But It was like the moment Yoongi’s hand touched Jungkook’s everything around him stopped. Although he could still feel the quaking of the earth beneath his feet, Jungkook had stilled, his eyes gazing off into the distance as he listened. There was a melodic sound, something that called for him.

“Do you hear that?” Jungkook let go off the wall, the blood leaving a stain on the stone while his palm was slowly healing in the process. “I feel like I know that voice.” The siren smiled faintly, closing his eyes as he tried to detect where it came from. “There,” Jungkook grabbed Yoongi’s hand and pulled him along where a gap had opened itself. Small enough for a human to fit through.

Something was off when Jungkook talked to him, he sounded a little dazed, a little absent minded but still fixated on the treasure - exactly how the men had acted on the first night Yoongi had let Jungkook sing for them. He tried to turn the siren’s head towards him but Jungkook wouldn't let him, staring at the rift between the stones as if behind it was everything he had ever wanted. Yoongi gripped the youngers hand tighter, his palm tingling from where Kook’s skin was healing itself and then turned around to send one last look to Namjoon. The other nodded with a stern expression. They had talked about this before. If anything happened to him then Namjoon would be in charge. He took a deep breath - and then followed where Jungkook was leading him.

Jungkook was swaying softly while he listened to the voice that was singing for him, waiting for Yoongi to push through the small rift.

“I know her,” He whispered as if he was in trance walking closer to what seemed like a lake hidden in midst of the cliff. While Yoongi was rather wary, Jungkook was already ankle deep inside of the water and only going further. Some of the crew members followed after them, their eyes searching the cave for anything to take back to the ship but there was nothing but the clear blue lake. “Come, Yoongi!” Jungkook reached out his hand, now waist deep in the water a soft smile playing at his lips as he listened to the siren’s music that only he could hear, “Please come with me. I will keep you safe, I promise.” Jungkook’s giggle that followed echoed through the hollow cave.

“She’s calling for us.”

Yoongi hesitated, looking at Jungkook’s happy but dazed expression. He wasn’t so sure if he trusted the boy with his life right now, “Who is she? Jungkook, do you know what you are doing right now?” He wasn’t entirely convinced that the younger was in a state of mind where he remembered that they trusted each other and that it wasn’t his life goal to drown unsuspecting humans. Because right now it looked a little too much like a classic ‘siren drowns sailor’ story for his liking. “I don’t know if it’s the safest option to go down there. Maybe you want to go check for yourself first?”

Jungkook cocked his head to the side and pursed his lips into a pout. “I don’t know, but I feel like I know her.” He said and motioned for Yoongi to come closer, but the pirate seemed almost afraid. “You said we would do this together!” Jungkook’s voice sounded weaker, as he took a few steps back and sunk deeper into the water. “I thought you trusted me, too. I wouldn’t hurt you! Did I ever? I would never hurt someone I love.”

Jungkook still hadn’t told him who ‘she’ was and when the siren waded deeper into the water, pouting and acting all sweet and cute Yoongi could feel his suspicion rise. When the younger told him that he loved him though he knew that this wasn’t Jungkook - his Jungkook. He must be under the treasures spell or the ocean or whatever magic was going on here. They had never talked about ‘love’ before and Yoongi couldn’t imagine how it could be true after everything Jungkook had endured on his ship. Sure, he had let Yoongi fuck him but that had been simply for pleasure and nothing else, right?

“Yes, I wanted to find the treasure with you, and I do trust you under normal circumstances I just.. I don’t think you’re in your right mind at the moment. You don’t love me. You’re just saying this to lure me in. And I didn’t plan on being drowned by you.”

Jungkook could feel the hurt deeply inside of his heart and although parts of him was under a spell, hypnotized by the voice he heard it didn’t make anything else less true. “How do you know?” Jungkook turned to look at him over his shoulder and got out of the water slowly walking towards the captain. He ignored the stares of a few crew members and instead leaned into kiss Yoongi softly, whispering against his lips, “How do you know that it’s not true?” He pulled off a little, “You’re the first one who heard me sing after all…”

Namjoon’s eyes widened, his gaze going back and forth between Yoongi and Jungkook, squeezing Jimin’s hand so tightly that the younger pirate was writhing in pain as he waited for the moment for the captain to realize why he had been able to hear the siren.

“I hear her song,” Jungkook kept his voice down, not wanting anyone else to hear and think he was crazier than he already was in their minds, “She wants me to show you the way. I’m not sure but..” Jungkook gulped heavily, reaching out for Yoongi’s hand, “Do you remember when I told you I have these songs memorized because someone sang them to me? I think it’s her. Please, I can’t do this alone.”

It was stupid. It was utterly foolish and naive and dangerous to believe what Jungkook was telling him, but he couldn’t help but let the boy in; his sweet kiss, the soft voice whispering secrets to him.

Yoongi smiled when he took a step towards the water. So, this was the siren's secret. They didn't just attack your ears they also attacked your heart so that even after you had seen their power and knew the danger you were in you still went with them if they asked you to. Because they touched your heart in a way that no one else could. He gave Jungkook a little nod as a sign that he would follow and then walked into the water as if it was just air or grass.

Another quake hit them out of a sudden, stones falling off the ledges, as if the moment Yoongi stepped into the water had opened another entrance. Jungkook wavered a little, holding onto the captain’s arm to keep his balance. The quake stopped, ground solid once more and only Jungkook could hear a muffled tune, sounding like someone was singing underwater. He took Yoongi’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers tightly, walking deeper into the cold water. “I promise I’ll keep you safe,” Jungkook kissed Yoongi again, fleetingly, a little too hasty because he was frightened, too.

Yoongi saved his breath because only Jungkook’s actions would show if he was truthful. One way or another he would find out the truth pretty soon. The pirate gulped in a few deep breaths to get more oxygen into his blood and then let himself be pulled along by the siren who seemed completely driven, lured in by the voice that only he could hear.

The siren let go off Yoongi’s hand the moment they dived under, so they could swim more easily. Jungkook couldn’t breathe underwater either, but he definitely had more lung capacity. It had been useful a bunch of times for him before. He lead the way confidently, following the soft voice and making sure the pirate could follow him too. There wasn’t much to see, but a small underwater tunnel that should lead them to the treasure. Jungkook was sure of that. Once more he looked over his shoulder, trying to see if the pirate could still keep up. He waved his hand, pointing towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

Diving into the water had meant to go against his human instincts already but diving into a tunnel where he couldn’t see the end clearly was even worse. Yoongi could feel the fear rising inside of him like bubbles to the surface however he didn’t want to turn back. Not now. Not when they might be so close to discovering what they had come for. The pirate tried to calm his raging heart because he knew it would just make him run out of oxygen faster and then swam after Kook who seemed a lot more confident and at ease than him under water. Maybe he had a little fish blood in him after all…

Jungkook could see the end, he could feel the excitement rush through him, and he swam a little faster, pulling himself through the small entrance. They still had to get back up as it seemed like they were literally on the ocean floor. Jungkook’s gaze switched back to Yoongi when he saw the panic written all over his expression as the pirate, who wasn’t used to diving like this, was struggling to get through.

As much as Yoongi enjoyed the calm under water it also just emphasized how loud his heart was beating. He could hear it clearly in his ears which was - together with the pressure from all the water around him - a pretty uncomfortable feeling. The urge to breathe in and get fresh air started to sneak its way into his mind and Yoongi swam faster, trying to get to the end of this diving journey as quickly as he could. The sincerity of the situation weighted down on him even more when he realized that turning around wasn’t an option any longer because it would be too long for him to reach the surface the way they came. The only way to get to breathe again was going through and hoping he’d make it in time. It would be that - or drowning in the water. At first it was just pressure in his lungs, then it started to hurt, like something ripping inside him until his lungs felt like they were on fire. Yoongi tried to keep it together and if he had been on land his eyes would have teared up. In the water his eyes weren’t the problem and still his vision failed him as spots started to dance in front of him. Somehow everything started to blur around the edges and Yoongi got dizzy as he let the last bit of air out of his lungs. He couldn’t breathe in. No matter how hard he wanted or needed to, he couldn’t… he shouldn’t… he just needed to..

He can’t make it without you. The siren’s voice was so clear in his head that Jungkook had jerked in surprise – just for a second and then he reacted quickly. Yoongi was struggling, his eyes wide in panic as the urge to just breathe was overwhelming him. Jungkook reached in, grabbing the pirate by his arm and pulled him out and against him. When Yoongi’s body took over and made his lungs expand without his consent there was something covering his mouth and only when he breathed in did he realize that it was Jungkook’s mouth on his, sharing the younger’s air. Yoongi’s fingers dug into Kook’s arm as he held onto him for dear life - quite literally, trying not to cough or lose the air he had just gotten. Even with this help he wouldn’t last long, and he was scared, utterly, surprisingly scared to die.

Jungkook pushed himself up from the stone underneath, holding onto Yoongi tightly, trying to get them up and over water as soon as possible. He only pulled off when Yoongi had enough air to make it a few more seconds, making sure the other was holding onto him while he was swimming as fast as he could. It was getting harder for him too, Yoongi’s grip tightening, digging into his skin and Jungkook had to fight the urge to cry out. When he broke through the water’s surface, Jungkook gasped for air painfully as his arm wrapped around Yoongi’s waist to make sure the other had something to hold onto.

When the sea finally gave them free again Yoongi breathed in as deep as he could, coughing and choking while he spat out water that he couldn’t even remember inhaling. Apparently he had been a little too close to drowning for his liking. The only good thing was that Jungkook was totally cleared from every suspicion now. He could have just left him there and it would have been over. He shuddered violently as he thought about how a few seconds could have made the difference. “Thank you.” He croaked, voice still a little too shaky to sound normal, “For not letting me die, you know.” He loosened the tight grip on Jungkook’s arm and tried to swim for himself again.

“Never in a million years,” Jungkook mumbled quietly and stayed close to Yoongi in case the strength left him again, but the young siren had underestimated the pirate’s will to find the treasure. Especially now that he’d seen a glimpse of it. Jungkook was relieved when he could feel solid ground under his feet again. Brushing through his hair, he wringed out his shirt when he noticed something. There was something shiny glistening under the water and he reached for it, a bright smile appearing on his lips when he noticed that it was a gold coin.

“Look, Yoongi! We must be close…we…,” Jungkook froze completely, when he saw another coin…and then another…all leading up to what seemed like the heart of the cave – the treasure.

Yoongi was speechless. They had found amazing treasures before, but nothing could have prepared him for this. The entire cave was glistening and every bit of land that was above the water was covered in gold coins or jewels and gemstones, some kind of glistening metal, treasure chests in all forms and sizes, some filled with even more coins, some empty except for one or two special artifacts. From where he was standing Yoongi could see a crown with emeralds, half hidden in one of those chests that looked expensive enough to be worth more than his whole ship. There were pearls of all colors and sizes everywhere, in between heaps of gold and collecting in every dip of the stones. There were also things that Yoongi wouldn’t have thought of as treasures at first but could understand why someone would cherish them; there were shells with intricate patterns, some gigantic corrals in fiery red and with a smooth surface or white and rough. There was something that looked like a classical trident lying around and there was a tank, big enough to fit a human, made from gold and glass that had a crack and therefore filled with water though it looked just as stunning with underwater plants inside that were gently swaying in motion with the tide.

Jungkook’s jaw dropped at the sight, reaching for Yoongi to hold onto him while the other lead him further. “Have you ever seen such a treasure?” He was whispering, not really daring to speak too loudly. “Is this all yours now?” Jungkook kneeled down, reaching for a few coins to let them fall through his hands.

“No, never before.“ Despite all this amazing wealth around him his eyes stayed on Jungkook’s face as the younger took in everything with awe, eyes wide and mouth slightly opened from how amazed he was. It was a beautiful sight and Yoongi wondered when the treasure had lost its priority to him. He shook that thought out of his head and picked up a small comb with intricate, carved little flowers made from mother of pearl. He brushed a few strands behind Jungkook’s ear and then fixed them with the comb so that it stayed in Kooks wet, slightly curly hair. “It’s ours I’d say. Yours, mine - and the crews of course. Unless someone else claims it, who is more powerful than us it belongs to us now. But as we can’t take all of this with us we’d probably simply take a few chests with coins and jewels and pearls to exchange them for food and clothes and maybe get some care for the ship…” The sea wasn’t friendly to the ones that sailed on her so the pirate ship could use some new canvas and sails and ropes...He couldn’t wait to see her in top condition again. Apropos ‘her’…

“So… where is your mystical singer now? Do we have to prove ourselves worthy first or did we make it?” He only half joked, hoping that the treasure wasn’t protected by siren magic again. Jungkook bit his lip. Talking about this had made him awfully aware again that they would part ways as soon as they would dock onto the next harbor. Then Yoongi had no use for him anymore and he was free.

“She is dead,” Jungkook answered as he walked ahead nonchalantly as if it had been clear all along, opening a few chests to look inside. “It was just an echo I heard…I think I know who she is.” Taking a deep breath, Jungkook closed his eyes and listened once more – but there was nothing but the waves crashing against the shore. They couldn’t be too far off from the ship. His eyes wandered over the treasure, searching, trying to find what they had been looking for in the first place. He let his instinct guide him in this, trusting the soothing words the voice had told him before. A flicker of light crossed his face and Jungkook blinked, shielding his eyes instinctively. He took a step back again and then he saw it. The gems glistening from the sunlight that peeked through the ceiling.

“It’s hers,” Jungkook reached for the handle of the mirror, slowly pulling it from underneath a bunch of coins and held it out for Yoongi to take. “My mother’s.”

Yoongi didn’t know what to say. If anyone else would have told him that their dead mother was singing to them he would have told them to get more sleep and would be worried about their mental health. But sirens were different and at least half of Jungkook was exactly like them, made from magic and unearthly power and so Jungkook’s dead mother leading him here with an echo of her voice suddenly didn’t seem that impossible.

Jungkook walked towards the mirror as if he knew exactly where to look for it and when he pulled it out Yoongi was surprised at how simple it looked. There was a rim of gold around it and only when he got closer could he tell that it was two mermaids, their tails winding around the lower part of the mirror while their flowing hair framed the upper part. Both of them held a pearl in their hands, the only part of the frame that wasn’t golden and Yoongi was mesmerized by how smooth and shiny they looked, gleaming and glimmering as if they weren’t made by shells but from a siren’s tears. He had heard that story, that sirens could cry pearls, but he had almost forgotten about it till now. He was glad Jungkook didn’t carry that part of his mother’s burden or else they would have found out about him and hurt him much sooner and he would have never ended on his ship - and here in this cave with him. He felt so thankful that he wanted to take Jungkook into his arms and kiss him again, just be with him in midst of the treasure.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook furrowed his brows eyeing Yoongi warily who was staring right back at him as if he was thinking about something important. “Don’t be afraid, please,” He misinterpreted the expression for Yoongi to be frightened of ghosts, “She is really not here. It’s just you and me.” Reaching for the pirate, Jungkook caressed over his cheek softly, “But it only makes sense right? Why I have the map and the songs...I recognized her voice, Yoongi.” His eyes teared up at the thought of his mother being here, alone, heartbroken and singing for her lost love, letting many ships and men drown to collect all of the treasures out of spite. “I wish you could have heard her, too.” His thumb soothed over Yoongi’s cheek while he lifted his wrist to make Yoongi look at the mirror instead of him.

“This is what you wanted, right?” Jungkook couldn’t tear his gaze away from him for a moment. He had to force himself to let go and leave Yoongi to the first look into the mirror. Jungkook walked over to the lake again, sitting himself down on a stone, reaching for another box on top of one of the piled up coins. It was made out of shells, beautifully decorated with gems and Jungkook opened it carefully to see that it was filled with pearls. With a smile, he placed it in his lap, thinking about holding it back for Taehyung instead of overthinking the moment that was about to come when Yoongi would tell him that he had it all - and it didn’t include him. Jungkook sniffled quietly, laughing humorlessly to himself.

“Is this what you felt like?” He murmured under his breath, not really expecting an answer of his mother - because he knew it already. Should he admit to his fate and just stay on this island? Jungkook sighed deeply. Then he could be sure that Yoongi would come back for him at least once - because he wanted to get the rest of the treasure. And maybe if he made more men crash against the cliffs, drown and steal their treasures, Yoongi would come back a couple of times. Jungkook almost laughed out loud at himself. Was he really that desperate that he would do anything to make sure the pirate wouldn’t let go off him? He wiped over his eyes. He would do it. People always said that if it is love, one would know it right at once. Undoubtedly recognize it. And Yoongi was his dream, the one who had promised to protect him and heard him, listened to his songs. He had a good heart. Jungkook had seen it multiple times and sometimes he wondered if he was dreaming with his eyes wide open. But maybe a siren’s story wasn’t supposed to have a good ending.

They were cursed after all.

Jungkook seemed different like this. More otherworldly and sad. But also, more confident. He wanted to talk to him about this, about his mother but he didn‘t know how or how to console him. The mirror however was something he could handle. Or so he had thought.

When Yoongi looked into the mirror his heart was beating hard against his rib cage in excitement of what he would see. He couldn‘t imagine a bigger or more beautiful treasure than the one he was standing in the middle of right now though there must be or else the mirror wouldn‘t show him anything. And as it was supposed to show him what he truly wanted and needed it might not be a normal treasure, maybe it was an island, or a house or an important artefact made from gold or... Yoongi focused on the reflection in the mirror and angrily narrowed his eyes. He couldn‘t see anything because Jungkook‘s reflection was blocking his view.

“I can‘t see anything like this!“ He turned around, about to scold Jungkook for sneaking up on him to take a sneak peek into the mirror himself when he saw that he was alone. There was no one behind him. He looked around and saw the younger sitting a bit away on a heap of gold. He was way too far away that he could have looked over his shoulder and back to where he was sitting without Yoongi noticing. To say that he was confused was an understatement.

Warily he held up the mirror again and there it was again; Jungkook‘s reflection, right beside him, a small smile on his lips, looking as content as one could be. The pirate‘s breath left him in a shuddering rush when he understood. The mirror showed you what you really wanted; what you really needed. And in his case that wasn‘t a treasure or more wealth. It was someone who knew him, who touched his heart and made him feel like he belonged. Someone like…

“Jungkook.“ The name came over his lips in a longing kind of whisper and the mirror-Jungkook smiled even more and hugged him tightly. Yoongi tried to reach out for the other but when he touched his shoulder where the mirror-Jungkook‘s hand rested there was nothing. It brought him back to reality, enough to put the mirror down and take another deep breath. He felt horribly overwhelmed and shaken. So, he did what his heart told him to; searching the closeness of the real Jungkook who had no idea of the revelation Yoongi had just gotten and who looked a little lost, a little lonely right now.

“Are you okay?“ When the boy looked up Yoongi could see the way his eyes were filled with tears and he carefully kneeled down in front of him, touching his hand reassuringly. “It must be tough for you, right? Knowing that this was your mom‘s place and that she left this echo for you.“ He tried to smile at Jungkook but the boy didn‘t react to it. “At least.. at least you know how her voice sounded now, right? You won‘t ever forget that. And you know that she cared about you – or else she would have never put up with all the effort to lead you there. I‘m sure she… loved you, little fish boy.“

Jungkook gulped heavily, trying to form words but there was nothing. Instead he just placed the other hand on top of Yoongi’s to close it in and just feel his warm touch once more. “I…I’m okay,” He mumbled quietly, sniffling a few times before he asked, “Did you see something? Another treasure maybe? Do you know how to find it this time?” His voice was shaking a little and the younger tried to calm himself by taking a deep breath, when a sudden loud noise was making him jerk. It sounded like someone was trying to force himself through the stone from the other side of the cave. Jungkook furrowed his brows watching stones tumble down and only now did he see that there had been a second entrance all along and over time it had just been covered – probably from earthquakes. The pirates had dug themselves a new entrance and the moment the crew fit through the hole, the quiet was over. Jungkook smiled faintly and motioned for Yoongi to get up and over to his crew. “Please, I think you need to make sure they don’t go too crazy or break the mirror. Take good care of it, okay?”

Yoongi was really glad that the sudden and loud entry of his crew members gave him an excuse not to answer because Jungkook’s concentration was elsewhere now. He would definitely think of a reasonable, believable lie that he could tell people when they asked him what he had seen in the mirror or else it would turn into a really embarrassing confession marathon. They didn’t know about his love for Jungkook.. love… he froze right in motion when he realized how easily he had chosen that word in his thoughts, without thinking really because it just came naturally whenever he thought of Jungkook, it had its place there, it was right…

He groaned internally, relieved that no one cared for his facial expressions right now as the crewmembers were too busy yelling in joy and surprise at the treasures size and worth. “Don’t worry, you can help me do that.” He quickly got his face back under control and then placed the mirror in Jungkook’s arms. “You led me to it, and it was your mom’s so technically it’s yours. You can handle it how you like.” It felt only fair to give Jungkook back what was rightfully his.

“Thank you,” Jungkook smiled, holding onto the mirror tightly as he watched Yoongi go back to his crew and trying to manage their crazy behavior. It was like watching kids that were allowed to eat all the sweets they could get. Nonetheless it couldn’t bring the joy back to him, because the more gold they carried out of the cave and back to the ship the heavier his heart got. Defeatedly, Jungkook sank back down onto one of the stones and observed silently.

“Where’s the mirror?” Taehyung asked, holding onto the chest with the shells, jumping from one leg to the other. “Yeah, did you find it?” Namjoon asked and placed a few more gold coins into a bigger chest to take with them, “What did you see in your reflection? Is there another adventure awaiting?”

“Yeah, I found it. And I saw gold... lots of gold,” Yoongi finished lamely, especially considering they were standing amidst a sea of gold, and so much more right now that “a bit of gold” would not be worth the effort. “I didn’t saw a face in the mirror it was just.. wealth and.. and our ship was renewed because of all the gold with fresh sails and her planks were freshly oiled and… we were about to sail into the sunset to… other adventures... captures. Conquests.” It sounded stuttery and insecure even to his own ears; almost as worse as if he had followed his instinct and just yelled, ‘I didn’t saw Jungkook in the mirror.’

Namjoon’s expression turned confused, before it clicked.

“But captain, no one said anything about a face?”

“And the mirror showed you all that?” Taehyung asked obviously just as confused about the mirrors reflection.

“Why would you see anyone in there anyways?” Jimin asked, coming up from behind with a bag filled with gems, diamonds and gold coins, “That’s like…stupid. You don’t have to look in the mirror to see Jungkook. Why would it show you something that you already own?” Namjoon sighed deeply, face palming himself. Sometimes he was going mad with how blunt everyone was.

“I wasn’t talking about.. hell, I didn’t even mention Jungkook why would I.. why would the mirror… I don’t own him, Jimin!” Nothing could hide how flustered their captain was and the three pirates stopped and stared at him as if he had sprouted a second head. Min Yoongi, the black captain, did not get flustered, especially not over a simple exchange like that. “Let’s not talk about the mirror and instead discuss how much of the treasure we will take back to our ship and what kind of it and how we will divide it exactly and.. all that.” Hopefully the outlook of getting a part of the treasure that solely belonged to them was more interesting than his strange love life.

“Just a guess,” Jimin shrugged his shoulders, earning himself a push from Namjoon to make him stumble ahead and out of the captains view or else he’d be afraid that Yoongi would go all out if they pushed him too far. He ushered Taehyung to work as well and then turned to the captain. “Calm down,” Namjoon whispered, “Or else more will notice that you’ve seen Jungkook in your reflection.” He raised an eyebrow, looking at Yoongi before the other could even say something, “It doesn’t need a mirror to know that. But maybe you just have to get over it…you know. It could still be a spell right?”

“No, it can’t be…,” He answered immediately falling right into Namjoon's trap and basically confessing that the man was right about his feelings for Jungkook. “I’m just getting easily attached. As soon as Jungkook goes back to where he wants to be - now that we’ve found the treasure he’s officially free - what I see in the mirror will change. Jungkook can’t be more important to me than the ship, the treasure hunting… you people….”

“So, he goes back to…where? To get caught again. Kidnapped? Where people hunt him down again because he’s different? I wouldn’t be surprised if we find him again underdeck, tied up and bound in a few weeks.” Namjoon listed nonchalantly, “Who are you trying to fool? Just because you’re in love it doesn’t make anything else less important to you.” He sighed and turned Yoongi around with a grip on his shoulder, “Did you ask him where he wants to be? Did you listen to what he said to you earlier? Did the reason why you’re able to hear his voice without any harm still not come to you? Maybe the adventures, the ship and the treasure hunting becomes even more exciting with him by your side? Are you that foolish, Yoongi? He’s been your greatest adventure and now you tell me you don’t want to keep that kind of treasure?”

“Can you not…” He shrugged Namjoon’s hand off of him as if the other was at fault for the situation he was in. “He has been a victim to his circumstances all his life, who am I to decide where he should live. I promised him that I would let him be free if he helped me with the treasure and now that he practically led me to it you want me to take back my word and selfishly keep him for myself? I didn’t expect that from you of all people. Of course, I want him to stay on the ship and you bet that my life would be better with him by my side. He’s such a gentle, forgiving, generous person. He could make me better, more… more human I guess. “ He chuckled at the irony of it, “Though I won’t force him to stay and I also don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about with me being able to hear his singing. Did I miss something? Did I do something that made me immune to his powers? Could it have been like this the whole time? Will it stay that way?”

Now he was the one bombarding Namjoon with questions.

“Oh, Yoongi,” Namjoon shook his head, “I am not asking you to force him but to simple give him an option and see what he would decide if you’ll be honest with him. And no, you would not have been able to listen to him the whole time,” He chuckled softly before explaining, “Sirens are cursed. In a way, Jungkook is, too. For them to fall in love it’s something rare and they love only with true intention. That’s why his mother – I figured it must be her – when she lost her love made this mirror. Sirens are so caught up in manipulating other’s emotions that they forget about their own. She made it so whoever looks into it never forgets, and she could forever look at the face of her love. The one she truly wanted. Therefore, the mirror only shows itself to people who truly love each other. And the entrance only opened when you touched Jungkook’s hand and when you stepped into the water, right? You were only able to do it together. Jungkook already made you better. A better captain, a better pirate.”

“Are you a fairytale expert now?” He shot back cynically, just because he was overwhelmed. And a little angry that Namjoon hadn’t told him before when he must have known before him what it meant to hear Kook sing. Though he would have probably dismissed it a cheesy wishful thinking if Namjoon would have told him before that they were in love.

Love... there it was again, a word so meaningful and filled with expectations that it scared him a bit. And it was even scarier to know that someone else knew now which meant he couldn’t just ignore it and hope that it would go away. Though if he had chosen that way then he would have certainly lost Jungkook. His stomach clenched and honestly he was way past the point of pretending he wasn’t in love with a siren. So, should he just follow Namjoon’s suggestion and ask Kook to stay? Could he really do that? He hesitated and then decided: He would ask him - but only after he let Jungkook take a peek into the mirror himself. If the younger saw something like living peacefully on an island then he would help him find it and let him go, no matter how much it would hurt to have him leave. But if what Namjoon had told him was true and Jungkook loved him back and if he then saw something in the mirror’s reflection that could be accomplished while the younger was staying with him... then he would do it. He would jump over his shadow and ask the siren to stay.

“I’ll go and make sure the treasure gets onto the ship safely,” Namjoon nodded towards the captain reassuringly, before he ushered all of the crew out the cave, leaving the most part of the treasure behind as there was no way they could carry all of it. It was way too much for them to ever spend it throughout their lives and what they had snatched now was way more than they had imagined to find in the first place.

Jungkook got up from where he sat, when he noticed everyone leaving. His heart sunk, his hold tightening around the mirror.

“Do you want to leave?” He asked, his voice sounding unsure and wary, “Y-you will take me with you, right?” Jungkook knew it sounded dumb, but he had his fair share of people using him in the past and somehow the thought of Yoongi leaving him now that he had gotten what he wanted was too evident in his mind right now. Good and Bad were fighting. He wasn’t sure what to believe: if Yoongi loved him or played him. Jungkook was only sure of his own love for him and he was desperately holding onto that glimpse of hope.

Yoongi felt way out of his depth right now. Talking feelings honestly and without cynicism or sarcasm was pretty difficult for him and it felt like he was making himself incredibly vulnerable - which he was in a way. He swallowed harshly, voice sounding so soft that he internally cringed at it. “If you want to I’ll take you with me. But... you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. You... could go wherever you want... I’d take you there, obviously but... what I’m trying to say...” He stopped his useless rambling and instead cut straight to the point. “Did you look into the mirror as well? Do you want to tell me what you saw?”

Jungkook lifted the mirror, soothing over one of the mermaids with his fingertips. Of course, he had looked into it. Multiple times, while Yoongi was discussing the treasure with Namjoon but it hadn’t given him the answers to what he really wanted to know about, where he came from, what had happened to him and why he was left alone. Instead it only showed him what he already knew.

“So, you want to know what I saw but you didn't tell me before?” Jungkook teased the pirate, but his voice sounded way too off to be playful. He sighed deeply and smiled at Yoongi, “I didn’t have to look into the mirror to know what I deeply wanted. But yes, I did, nonetheless. I…” Jungkook gulped heavily, casting down his eyes, “I know it’s stupid. I should be afraid of you, scared, frightened to be used but I feel like there’s something I saw in you. Something soft and filled with light. You’re better than those stories about you that people tell in the streets. Do you remember when I gave you the oyster, Yoongi?” He blinked up, tears dwelling in his eyes, “You are my oyster.”

Jungkook chuckled softly when he noticed the expression on Yoongi’s face, “You’re rough and not easy to crack, but when one is gentle, you open up all by yourself revealing the most beautiful pearl inside of you. Sometimes you let me see it and I think I fell in love with it. With you.” Shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe it himself, he quickly added, “I’m not very useful and I know that I’m not something a pirate wants on his ship or anywhere in his life for that matter. So, I’m thankful that you kept me safe and held your promise.” Jungkook’s voice began to tremble and he held out the mirror for Yoongi to take. “Please, take it with you, so you can always find what you want. I don’t want to share her fate and get lost in the reflection of you. Your image is locked inside of my heart anyways. It will be more useful to you and then maybe you don’t forget me too easily.” Jungkook had to smile through the tears, his hands shaking when he tried to push the mirror into Yoongi’s hold but the other seemed frozen. So, the younger took his hand and placed it over the mirror so he could let go of it.

“Did you just call me a mollusk?” His mouth twitched in amusement at Jungkook’s expression of him reducing his beautiful, emotional and heartfelt confession to just that. It had taken him a while to answer because there had been a turmoil of emotions inside of him - disbelief, hope, then sweetest bliss - and now that he had pulled himself together he enjoyed this, because he wanted Jungkook’s eyes to light up when he realized that Yoongi loved him the same - just as Jungkook had light up his life with his words.

“So, what you are saying is that you are madly in love with me, so badly that you would give me your mom’s magic mirror just so that I remember you even if it’s the most personal thing that you have of her. And then you want me to take you on the ship to drop you off somewhere where you’ll stay, alone and heartbroken, probably singing your pain and heartache out at night and turning into a full on siren who drowns people just to share his despair.” He could see how much it affected Jungkook and he almost broke character because all he wanted to do was hug him and kiss him and tell him that he would never be lonely again because now that he had found the greatest treasure he would never let him go. Instead he just sped up a little.

“Sorry, pretty but I can’t have that. I don’t want to be held responsible for that. I guess I’ll just have to keep you on my ship then. I’m going to be your oyster or whatever else you need me to be. Though now that I think of it, it is pretty fitting for a fish boy after all.” His smile gave away how happy he felt as he went down on his knee to be at eye level with Kook. “So, in the presence of your mother’s magic and the biggest treasure that I have ever seen but fades in comparison to your beauty I’m asking you officially: Will you be my fishy companion?”

Jungkook gasped when the pirate so casually got down on his knees, looking at him with a smile. “M-my beauty?” He cocked his head to the side, trying to gather his thoughts and what Yoongi had just told him. “You’re talking rubbish.” He couldn’t believe that the pirate just wanted him to be his companion like that.

Yoongi groaned and got up again. There he was trying to be romantic and that’s what he got for it. He started to walk away, turning his head when the younger didn’t follow. “Are you coming or what? I thought I just made it clear, but I can also spell it out for you; you are already in my heart. Which means you can keep the mirror. And I’d like you to move into my cabin. Permanently. Preferably right now and ideally starting with you being naked in my bed so I can kiss every promise you need to believe me into your skin.”

Jungkook’s heart was starting to beat fast when he finally caught up to what Yoongi was trying to tell him. He loved him, too. Jungkook got up, stumbling a little as he ran after the pirate, holding him back by his wrist to turn him around just to press his lips onto his. The siren kissed him, sweet and only when Jungkook could taste the salt of his tears within the kiss did he pull off a little. “You really are an oyster and you’re really bad at this,” He softly laughed, “But I can show you.” Leaning in again, Jungkook devoured Yoongi wholly, wrapping his arms around him to feel Yoongi as close as possible.

“I love you, too.”

Yoongi smiled a little flustered and honest smiled. “I just thought there was no point in telling you when it was obvious already but if you want to hear it then I can do it. I love you, my little fish.” He kissed the siren on his nose, loving and tender. “Now let’s get back on board, let the crew celebrate on deck while we do our own kind of celebration.” He took Jungkook’s hand, “And after that we can think about what we are planning to do with all that gold. It’s a good thing that we will have lots of time together to spend it or else I would have no clue what to do with it. Though I’ll never give away the most precious part of it.” He subtly squeezed Jungkook’s hand.

“I’m not a fish,” Jungkook pouted but then smiled nonetheless, his heart doing somersaults. Before he followed him, he held Yoongi back once more. “One more thing,” Jungkook’s gaze wandered down to the mirror that the pirate was holding and back up again, “Tell me what did you see? You told them it was gold, right? What did you really see in your reflection, Yoongi?”

“It might have been something worth more than gold. Though I have a well-founded suspicion that his heart is made of it.” With a wink and a smile, he pulled his siren into a kiss.

The End.

A/N: Another story is finished! Ahhhhhh What did you guys think? Would you have trusted Jungkook when he was hypnotized? Anyways, thank you all so much for the love we got for this story!!! We really really appreciate it. Cat and I are so happy, really. We love you!

Oh and yes, there will be new stories coming soon like a Geisha!AU and much more. We will post a trailer for that one soon! Very, very soon and I just added two more stories that are upcoming onto my WIP list here.

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twdeadfanfic · 5 years

Text

Don’t look back Pt.3/3

*Summary: Daryl is used to his brother coming and going out of his life, leaving him alone, since he was a kid. He’s used to Merle meaning trouble too, and to be dragged into all his messes as Daryl loyally follows his brother. But this time Merle’s mess has reached top and has affected more people than the brothers, and Daryl finds himself wanting to step in and fix it, as once again he’s left alone by his brother. Inspired by me wondering how Daryl felt about having always done as Merle says and yet being always left alone, and especially by wondering how is Daryl so good with kids, handling baby Judith so good, like a pro since day one.

*Tags/Warnings: There’s cute stuff here, but the main tag is Angst. Daryl’s pov, there’s an OC (well…two…), but still, this is mostly a Daryl Dixon fic. Once again, this gets pretty angsty, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Last chapter! This is going to be very, very angsty people! You’ve been warned.

Also, I’ve been reblogging some pictures of Norman Reedus that I’ve called “young Daryl” and some gifsets that I think kind of have a bit of the vibe of this mini-series. If you want to check it, this is the tag: Don’t look back (Sorry but tumblr doesnt allow me to direct link it)

Link to my masterlist with my other works can be found on the description of this blog. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but tumblr doesn’t show posts with links in the tags.

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Months later, Daryl is still thinking about Claire’s words. He doesn’t know much about Merle’s situation, but now he knows he’s indeed getting an early release, though not until months. Daryl still means what he told Claire, he’s not going to stop being her friend, seeing her an Emily, but he can’t help but be nervous about what Merle is going to think and how his life is going to be with his brother back again.

He’s gone to the woods, further than usual, camped the night there, both to try and clear his mind and also to try and hunt a deer. He’s been only successful at the latest, and so now he’s trying to tie the deer to the bike, which is not that easy. Maybe he shouldn’t have taken the bike for this, but he wanted to ride.

He rides back, plans on going to see Claire and Emily, give them some deer. Between the kindergarten and Claire working more, he doesn’t see them as often as he did once, but still often enough. He doesn’t want to show up at her place with a dead deer over his shoulders and so first he goes to his place to get it ready. It takes him a while, so when he rides to Claire’s place he knows Emily would be back from the kindergarten and Claire’d have finished working too.

“Hi!” Claire grins when she opens the door. “How was your hunting?”

“Got a deer.” He hands him a pack with some of the meat he got ready.

He walks inside and finds Emily inside that kind of big cage that Claire calls park, playing with some toys. She smiles when she sees him, reaching out to him, babbling something that sounds like “hi.” She does that lately, she stills babbles nonsense but also things like no, mum, and some other little words. Claire has said she’s going to teach her to say ‘Daryl’ and he’s not sure if she was kidding or not, but the idea makes him feel giddier than he wants to admit.

“Hi darlin’, what did you do to end up in baby jail?” He asks as he kneels down next to the park thing, picking Emily up and placing her outside.

“I told you not to call it like that,” Claire says, humor in her voice, as she goes to leave the meat in the kitchen. “It’s a park.”

“A park, yeah, sure, does it looks like a park to you, sweetheart?” He wouldn’t be caught talking like that to Emily outside that house, the idea mortifies him. He’s still embarrassed doing it in front of Claire, but not as much as once he had been. Emily babbles a “no” and Daryl looks at Claire, smirking. She rolls her eyes but smiles too.

Emily holds on Daryl’s hands as she tries to stand up. Daryl helps her steady herself as she tries taking some steps, his smile going wide. She’s always been a fast crawler, but now she’s trying to take steps too. “I’m going to come one day and you’re gonna be walking already, uh?”

“Then she’s going to be spending more time in baby jail. She already manages to get everywhere just by crawling the moment I don’t have my eye on her, I don’t want to think about her walking.”

“Nah, I’ll bail you out.” Daryl keeps helping Emily stumbling steps until the little girl gets bored of it and she sits down on Daryl’s leg, reaching out to grab a stuffed bunny that was one of her favorites.

“Bun.” She babbles as she tries to push it onto Daryl’s hand, he’s not very sure as for what.

“Hey, that’s a new word,” he says as he holds the bunny, still unsure of what Emily wants him to do with it.

“Yeah, a bunny.” Claire goes to sit down next to them. “Like the ones Daryl hunts and I’ve been feeding you, doesn’t that seem conflicting to you?” She jokes, Emily’s little enough not to understand what she’s saying. “No? Then wait until you watch Bambi and Daryl takes you hunting deer.”

Daryl snorts, nudging Claire with his shoulder, but Emily just smiles, unaware, taking another plushy, a fish this time, and pushing Daryl with it again. “What does she want me to do?”

“Don’t know, ask her.” Claire smiles, seeming amused, and she grabs a plushy to throw it at Daryl too. He rolls his eyes at her but can’t even pretend to be annoyed.

For a while, Daryl is silent, holding toys that Emily passes him as she babbles its names, sometimes right sometimes not, half his mind in the little girl, half the other still on his brother.

“Merle’s getting the early release.” He finally blurts out. He waits for Claire to say something, but she doesn’t, so Daryl glances at her. She’s serious and thoughtful, and Daryl guesses what she might be thinking about.

“I meant what I told you, just cos my brother’s back doesn’t mean I’m not going to see you both anymore. That ain’t happening.” Daryl knows how Merle can be, but he’ll think something, he’ll make it work. Claire just shrugs in silence. “You don’t believe me.” He deflates. He holds Emily a bit tighter, like if that could shield him from his emotions, but it does the opposite.

“It’s not that.” Claire let’s out a sigh. “Just…I wouldn’t hold it against you, if you do.” She fidgets with one of the toys as she speaks. “You’ve done enough for us. And Merle’s your brother, and you were always following him before, so-”

“I ain’t my brother’s dog or nothing, woman!” Daryl snaps harsher than he wants without letting her stop, he can’t help it, he’s always hated how he indeed ends up doing whatever Merle tells him. Emily looks at him, startled, like if he had scared her, and it’s like a punch to the gut.

“I’m sorry.” He murmurs.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Daryl.” Claire begins speaking softly again. “But you guys were always together, you’re brothers, so if when he’s back Emily and I don’t quite fit in the picture…well, I understand, and-”

“Stop with that.” Daryl cuts her again, softer this time. “I already told you nothing’s going to change.” It wasn’t entirely true, things would change with Merle there, Daryl knew it, but nothing was going to change the fact that Claire was his best friend and that he’d always want to help her to take care of Emily and protect the little girl, not Merle, not anything. He was loyal to his brother, but now he was loyal to Claire and Emily too.

“Okay.” Claire gives him a tiny smile.

“Only thing that can happen is that you will have to put up with my brother sometimes.” Daryl half-jokes, totally aware of how Merle can be sometimes, but Claire already knew him and she isn’t one to scare easy. Besides, Daryl doesn’t really plan on letting Merle around Emily too often.

“I can do that.” Claire’s smile goes a bit wider.

“Settled, then.”

They fall silent again but is not as tense as before. Daryl watches as Claire and Emily play with some construction blocks, passing them some from time to time as they build something without a defined form.

“What’s this supposed to be?” He asks as he passed them the block Emily pointed, way too big to place it on top of the other four that she has placed before.

“Modern art,” Claire replies, reaching out to stop the small tower from falling down. “She’s an artist, you see.”

“I see.” He smirks. “Gonna be a while until she can put a bike together.”

“She doesn’t want to put together a bike, she’s an artist, I told you.”

Emily doesn’t say anything, just passes Daryl another block, babbling as he waits for him to place it on top of the tower.

Daryl has gone out to the woods again, further this time, to the place where his uncle took him to camp as a kid to teach him how to hunt when his father was too drunk and too out of control. That, until his uncle left him too.

He likes the solitude, likes the woods and being out there, likes it better than the town, but after a couple of days he’s more than ready to go back to see Claire and Emily. He had just needed to clear his mind.

For all his words to Claire, Daryl can’t help but worry as days pass and Merle’s release date gets closer. It must be in a week or so by now, or maybe just days. Is not that he doesn’t want his brother to come back, he misses him, it’s just he can almost hear him making fun and what not of him and his friendship with Claire and her little girl. And he’s not sure how Merle’s going to take all the time he spends with Emily and Claire. He doesn’t think he’s going to like it, though. He’s unsure too of what his brother is going to want them to do once he’s back.

Anyway, there’s no point worrying about that now. It feels wrong, telling Claire that he’s not going to stop hanging out with her just because his brother is getting back and then spending more time in the woods, but he thinks she understands.

He has taken Merle’s bike again so he can enjoy it before he’s back, and he has left it hidden in some bushes at the outside of the woods. He should clean it before his brother gets back.

He makes his way back to where he left the bike but before he can reach it, he sees a man stumbling to him, seeming to come from the road. His clothes are ragged and bloodied, his face gray and splashed with more blood, his eyes clouded. Maybe he’s been in some kind of accident, he looks so bad Daryl doesn’t know how he’s walking.

“You okay, man?”

He doesn’t answer, and the more he approaches the more Daryl realizes he doesn’t look normal. Like, at all. A shiver runs through Daryl's spine as he looks at him, he looks beyond ill, dead even. The man begins reaching out for him, growling. Maybe he’s insane.

"Stop right there!” Daryl yells, raising his crossbow, and when the man keeps going Daryl loses the arrow, aiming to stop him but not kill him. The man keeps going though, doesn’t even seem to notice the arrow, so the next one Daryl loses goes straight through his chest. That doesn’t stop him either, and Daryl is dumbfounded for a moment. Before he knows what’s happening, the man throws himself at him with more strength that he seems to have and Daryl falls to the ground with him on top.

He struggles, trying to push him away but the man doesn’t relent, trying to bite him. Daryl manages to get out his hunting knife and stabs the man with it several times, but he doesn’t stop, and not knowing what to do, Daryl sinks it into the man’s skull as hard as he can. That finally makes him stop moving and Daryl kicks him off him when he drops dead on top of him.

Daryl rushes onto his feet, looking at the corpse, a thousand confusing thoughts racing through his mind. He doesn’t know what’s going on or what to do, but before he can think anything else, he sees another man and a woman looking like that going to him. He aims again, this time the arrow going straight to the woman’s chest but that doesn’t make her stop, neither the one straight to her heart and so Daryl aims at her head, and that makes her fall down. Her next arrow goes straight to the man’s head.

Daryl still doesn’t know what to do or what to think, all he knew is that he has to get out of there and back to the town. He takes the bike off the bushes and rides back to the road. There is a car there and two corpses lying on the ground, but Daryl ignores it, driving back to the town.

Halfway there he finds a couple of cars crashed on the road, and what it seems like one of those things, which Daryl is starting to doubt are people anymore, bended on top of someone, seeming to be biting him, or eating him, or Daryl doesn’t know what but he doesn’t stop, speeding up, going as fast as he can. Whatever is going on, Daryl needs to get to the town and check on Claire and Emily.

There are some more of those things at the town, roaming the streets, looking at him when they hear the bike, snapping, while others seem to be eating the people that are dead on the ground, and maybe Daryl is going crazy but he’s pretty sure those are people he knows. He still doesn’t know what’s going on, it just gets weirder and weirder, but whatever it is, it’s not good.

“Help!”

Daryl’s about to ignore the voice pleading for help but a woman runs in front of his bike, making him slam the breaks and almost falling down. Before he can yell at her he sees what seems one of those things, and this time he’s sure he knows her, he has seen her enough times at the park. Without thinking it twice, he rushes to take his crossbow and shoots at the head before she can get too close.

“The hell is going on?” He snaps at the woman who’s stopped in front of his bike.

“That, hell! The dead walking!” The woman seems out of herself but it’s not like Daryl can really blame her. “The end of the world!” Daryl scoffs at that, turning on the engine again. “I’ve seen it on tv, it’s not only here, it’s everywhere, people are going insane like that and attacking people everywhere!”

Daryl’s head has been on Claire and Emily the whole time, but it goes to his brother at that. Everywhere? Does that mean the jail where Merle is too? The knot of worry that’s clenching his stomach gets worse, he needs to go there and find his brother, and then Merle’ll know what to do. But first he needs to check on Claire and the little girl, make sure they are okay. Maybe she can convince Claire to go with him to get Merle or at least he needs to get her and Emily to a safe place, because that town is seeming crazier every passing minute.

Without any other word, the woman rushes into what Daryl guesses it’s her car to drive away. She should be good enough and so Daryl speeds up to Claire’s place. Those things snap their heads at him but Daryl ignores them, stopping just to shoot at them when they’re blocking the way, but he tries to just drive through them, afraid of getting out of arrows, and there’s not enough of them to actually block the road.

Daryl stops in front of Claire’s place, his worry going out of control when he sees the door is open and he straights out panics when he rushes inside and sees blood on the floor. He’s about to call for Claire but then there’s a horrifying gurgling sound and he sees her lying on the floor, hands clutching her throat as blood pours over them.

Daryl straight blacks out for a second but then he’s rushing to her, falling onto his knees next to her, pulling her into his arms. He doesn’t know what to do, panic gripping him as he takes her hands and sees her throat tore open. Claire looks at him with cloudy eyes as she chokes and gurgles, and Daryl thinks she chokes out something that sounds like ‘Emily’ but he’s not sure. He knows he has to find the little girl and keep her safe, but he can’t leave Claire.

He doesn’t know if Claire’s shaking or if it’s him, but his hands are trembling as he presses them to her throat and he’s sure his heart stops when Claire closes her eyes, lying limp on his arms. “No, no, no, Claire, hey.” He all but pants for air as his lungs seem to stop working, he has to do something but he doesn’t know what, the fear that grips his heart telling him she’s beyond help.

Claire’s eyes open to look at him as he shakes her and for a crazy second Daryl dares to have hope, but then she stops chocking and gurgling, her eyes fixed on him but empty, and just like that she’s gone.

Daryl can only stare at her body, his vision turning blurry as tears fill his eyes. He’s shaking, and his lungs burn as he gasps for air. It doesn’t feel real and at the same time it feels too real. It huts like it’s real. Daryl doesn’t think he can move, his body doesn’t seem to respond, but he forces himself to do it, he has to. He has to find Emily and keep her safe, though he doesn’t know what to do or where to go. He has to find Merle, take Emily with him, make sure both his brother and the little girl are safe, and then Merle will know what to do.

He’s holding Claire’s body against him but he makes himself lie her onto the floor to get up, tries not to look at her but he does and for a moment the pain overwhelms him again, threatening to make him crumble and fall again, but he forces himself to shut it and keep going. He rubs his eyes as he takes a deep breath, realizing too late that his hands are wet with Claire’s blood, smearing it over his face, turning his stomach.

Daryl chokes a whimper but he has no time for that, he has to find Emily. The little girl is going to be scared seeing him like that, though. At least she didn’t have to see her mother like that, she’s not around, and for a moment Daryl fears Emily’s not in the house and he’s not going to be able to find her, but it’s past time she was home from the kindergarten and he can see his little boots propped up at the side of the sofa. She has to be there, and this time it’s not going to be too late.

“Emily? Sweetheart?” He calls for her and there’s no babbly answer but Daryl forces himself not to panic and he rushes to her room. She’s in the corridor, sitting on the floor with her back to him as if blissfully oblivious to everything that’s going on, and Daryl lets out a relieved sigh. “Darlin’, we have to go, alright?”

Daryl walks closer to pick her up but stops, his blood freezing in his veins when he hears the growl coming from Emily. No, it can’t be that. She turns around and looks at him with those empty eyes, the same that the things on the streets have, her face drained of color but the red of the blood that has splashed it, contorting into something that terrifies Daryl as she snarls. It can’t be real.

Her little hands reach out for him as she growls and she tries to get up, stumbling a couple of steps before she falls down and resorts to crawling. Daryl can’t move, can’t think, can’t breathe, he feels as he’s as dead as Claire, empty, his mind numb.

Somehow his survival instinct kicks in through his shock, forcing him to stop looking at what is not Emily anymore, to turn away and run out of the house, but he’s not sure how he’s able to do it because next thing Daryl knows is that he’s on Merle’s bike riding as fast as he can, he doesn’t know where, doesn’t care. His mind is still clouded, making him feel numb, but that’s better than the pain. The pain is too much.

He takes a turn, just because, gets into the woods, keeps riding until the wheels of the bike get stuck in the mud and both the bike and him fall to the ground, hitting his head, but Daryl doesn’t care, doesn’t bother to try to get up. He wants his mind to be numb and the pain in his head is better to the one in his heart.

This doesn’t make sense. He still doesn’t know what’s going on but he doesn’t care, all he knows is that Claire is gone and that Emily is…something that is nor her, and it doesn’t make sense. Daryl curls on himself, closes his eyes. Maybe it’s a nightmare, maybe he’ll wake up, his nightmares are terrifying, painful, but they don’t hurt like this, and he knows this is real.

He can’t help his sobs, can’t stop them, neither the tears that burn his eyes. They are gone, he doesn’t understand how or why, but they are gone, his best friend and her little girl, the people Daryl wanted to protect, the people he ended up caring about so, so much, the people that made him happy, made his life better, the people he loves.

It hurts worse than if one of his bolts had gone through his heart, it hurts worse than if his heart’d have been ripped out of his chest while he’s still alive, his stomach clenches and turns, making him want to throw up.

Daryl stays like that, curled, eyes closed, fighting to breathe, until he hears a growl and knows that one of those things are close, but he can’t find the will to get up and fight it, he doesn’t want to move. His survival instinct kicks in once again when the thing gets close enough to reach him, though, making him move like a robot, getting up and facing the thing that growls and snarls, reaching out and trying to grab him

Daryl doesn’t bother to get an arrow on the crossbow and aim, he just bashes the crossbow onto the thing’s head, hitting it hard. The thing fells to the ground, probably dead, but Daryl keeps hitting and hitting, yelling at it, until what was its head isn’t recognizable anymore. He drops the crossbow and kicks the dead body until his legs give up and he falls to the ground.

He doesn’t want to feel. He wants to be numb again, he wants to shut it down, but images keep coming to his mind and there’s no way to stop them. He can’t get it out of his mind, the image of Emily, or the thing with Emily’s dead face.

He closes his eyes tight and he can almost see her when she was so, so tiny, wrapped in the scarf…the first time he held her…playing with her while she babbled…her holding onto his hands stubbornly trying to walk, but all those memories faze and all he can see is her dead face snarling as her dead body somehow crawled to him. Because Daryl knows it, knows that even though she’s moving, she’s dead, no matter he doesn’t understand how, and she’s not coming back

His memories of Claire smiling to him, joking as they three played together, talking with him for hours and hours as they walked, telling him he was his best friend, having his back in more ways than she knew, all them turn into her body dead in his arms, her empty eyes on him, he tries to hear her voice but all he hears is her gurgling as she chocked.

Daryl can’t take it and he curls onto himself again, shaking, his lugs burning as if his body doesn’t want to breathe anymore.

He was supposed to take care of them, to protect them, and he wasn’t there. He should have been there. He should have saved them. They should be alive. He failed them and now they are gone and he’s alone, and it hurts too much to keep going.

“And you call yourself a Dixon? You are a shame. Lying there on top of a pile of brains, whimpering like some pussy. This is all on you, Lil’ brother, all your fault.”

Daryl’s thinks he’s going insane when he hears Merle’s voice. Maybe he’s turning into one of those things too.

“You’ve been like this since you were this Lil’ brat, I always had to drag you everywhere with me, tried to teach you to be like me, and all for this…all I got for a brother is this whining, crying, useless, weak mess…I’m ashamed to call you my blood.”

Merle’s voice ranting again, so clear, and this time Daryl looks up but he can’t see his brother anywhere. He’s really going insane.

“You’re gonna be lying there, whimpering like a beaten dog, until you get your useless ass eaten? Nah, Lil’ brother, you stole your older brother’s bike and now you’re gonna get it back to him. So come on, get your whining ass on that bike and drive it to me, and without any scratch. Come on, Darylina.”

Merle.

He’s right.

His brother might still be alive, he has to. Of course he’s alive. He’s Merle. Merle doesn’t die.

Daryl has to find him.

He tries to get up but his legs are shaking too much. His head thumps from when he hit it when he fell off the bike but that’s good, that’s welcomed. He sits down, takes a deep breath. He wants to be numb again, he needs to be numb again, he doesn’t want to feel, he can’t.

He doesn’t want the pain, the hurt, the memories, the feelings. He shuts everything, he pushes everything down, somewhere where he hopes he won’t have to feel it or see it again. All his memories of Claire and Emily. He doesn’t want anything of that anymore, he can’t handle it. He needs it gone.

He struggles but at the end he manages to push everything down, to shut it down. He has to find Merle. Nothing else matters now but finding his brother.

Daryl gets up, takes the bike, drags it out of the mud. Emily liked to play in the sand and the mud, Claire never minded the little girl getting dirty if that meant she was having fun, she neither minded getting her clothes full of mud. Daryl can almost hear them laughing and tears burn in his eyes again as he gasps for air.

No.

That’s gone.

He has to shut that down.

Or otherwise he won’t be able to keep going, and he needs to find Merle.

He pushes it all down, all the pain, all the feelings, everything, shuts himself.

Daryl drags the bike back to the road, gets on it, kicks on the engine and seeps up, off to find his brother, fast enough he can’t think, fast enough he can’t feel anything that’s not the wind, and he doesn’t look back.

---------

Well...I told you this was going to be angsty :( I’m really sorry people, but I had this idea in my mind and I hade to write it down. I think it makes sense with how hard Daryl tried to find Sophia, he’s very protective and he likes kids, he didn’t want another one to die, and also it makes snse with how good and sweet he was with lil asskicker. Writing this killed me, I cried, but I also love it.

Next monday a liltte one-shot/imagine based on 9x09 is coming, and then on wednesday a new series begins. I hope you’ll like those! You can read the summaries in my masterlist.

Thank you all for reading! I hope you liked it! If you have a moment, please let me know your thoughts in the comments, your feedback makes my day!rry if there are mistakes.

If you want to be tagged (or removed from the tags) let me know!

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superchartisland · 5 years

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Super Mario All Stars (Nintendo, SNES, 1993)

Any overall roadmap for this project (and my brother’s related predecessor) is very lightly sketched, but this is a useful point to reflect on it. We grew up playing Dizzy games; part of what we’re doing is trying to reclaim video game history as we and many other Brits lived it, to demonstrate how the American-led received wisdom is a rewriting of the record. All of my research suggests that we were in the majority there -- in the UK the NES didn’t get a look in, and we’re not going to properly encounter the Game Boy until it’s a decade old.

Even this first Nintendo direct encounter is somewhat of a guess. Super Mario All Stars was a documented best-seller for the SNES, but in an absence of evidence I don’t know for sure that it was big enough to be an overall UK #1. I remember hearing about it a lot at the time, and by then the SNES had had a chance to build an audience, but remember that this blog covers games which were a #1 but not necessarily always the #1. Yet at the same time as I refute the story that Nintendo swept in to replace a dying industry -- neither happened like that in the UK -- we’re pretty keen on many things Nintendo. I have a NES Classic Mini, SNES Classic Mini and a Famicom Classic Mini sitting under my TV: loving recreations of consoles which I never owned.

In the internet era, this kind of adoption of history is probably more common. When I wrote the first version of this post I had recently watched the period piece music video for Satellite Young’s “Don’t Graduate, Senpai!” and was overwhelmed with contented nostalgic feelings, left with the power of a glimpse into a familiar and loved past. All that despite the fact I’ve hardly ever listened to the Japanese genre that it takes after, City Pop, or watched shoujo anime, and never when I was growing up. The person who it is precision targeting isn’t me. But it needn't be. There can be a feeling that is just as real, but second hand, a gravity exerted on adjacent culture that was invisible until something made me look over and notice its force.

youtube

There are lots of ways that the influences on the song and video reached me. My partner did grow up with a lot of Japanese pop culture in Hong Kong, and talking with her about that and having watched a couple of episodes of Creamy Mami means having a feel for her fond memories. I have years of happily browsing tumblr gifsets of Sailor Moon, absorbing love for it and its place in culture. I can still get good use from a “but you didn’t do anything!” meme even if I’ve never actually watched the show. I’ve listened to 80s referencing music elsewhere, and modern Japanese music taking cues from City Pop, and that has added up to giving the sounds of the song a similar personal gravity.

And all of that has been made easier by the world getting smaller, by the internet giving providing an easy route to interests you share with people elsewhere in the world and from there to interests they share that you don’t. Look at it negatively, and it means a winning narrative can travel faster and become more comprehensive than ever, reaching into places where it doesn’t belong. But at the same time, it gives us a Japanese band and some Swedish animators uniting in their shared nostalgia, and it reaching out to me through next door culture which I’ve taken in via friends from all round the world, and me having feelings shared with those friends. That’s an amazing thing.

In common with most people I knew, we didn’t have the internet when Super Mario All Stars came out, and the world was still huge. Nintendo had other tools to work with, though. Their games were successful enough to reach out and have an outsized cultural impact beyond the limits of people actually playing them.

When I started primary school, before football stickers, there was a craze for Nintendo sticker books, and friends and I collected images of all of their games. People tried to negotiate enhanced swaps for stickers of Game Boy screenshots by maintaining that they were gold stickers, even more valuable than the special silver ones. I knew more about the characters and background for Mario through Saturday morning cartoons, and I remember watching American TV programmes where people competed through playing Super Mario Bros. levels. I assume it made it to the UK’s own Gamesmaster at some point too. And of course, many of the European games we were playing took their own influence from Nintendo. I may have been unaware of Metroid until years later, but hours spent playing Turrican still gave my first impressions of it that nostalgic gravity.

Mario was Nintendo’s most successful reach out to the wider culture, and that wider culture drove people back to Mario’s original form. That could work better for Nintendo if Mario games were easier to access, and so we get Super Mario All Stars. What to do when moving on from the NES to the SNES? Reissue, repackage, re-evaluate the games! Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 2, and Super Mario Bros. 3, now brought together in one place. With an extra track, no less, in the form of Japan’s very different Super Mario Bros. 2, new to the rest of the world and hence called The Lost Levels. From 2019 the very idea of levels being lost feels faintly absurd – someone will dig it out in a mod, or you can just log onto your alternate Japanese online console account, surely? I guess a handful of British people probably did own imported Famicoms even in 1993, but everyone else got their cross-fertilisation of culture mediated by Nintendo’s eccentric international release schedule.

Super Mario All Stars presents each game in its entirety, complete with newly upgraded graphics. Yet, in some way, the games seem to shrink in the transition. The act of selecting a game to play from a menu, turning them into pinned specimens labelled by year, emphasises the overall history and starts you off with a reminder that each world is only a part of a newly defined whole. Maybe that's why there is no Super Mario All Stars on the SNES Classic Mini, an assessment that the bird-inside-a-bird effect of featuring a retro collection on a retro collection would be that bit too spookily recursive.

And that idea of recursion is where the realisation struck me as I played Super Mario All Stars. It wasn't the first version of Mario I played, (it was the first Super Mario Bros. 3 that I ever played, though, the briefest of enchanting glimpses). But it feels absolutely right as my version of these games, even for Super Mario Bros. 2 where I'm pretty sure I'd never played this version before. The very sense of diminished scale, the way that All Stars exists as a Mario game aware that not only each individual game, but the games as a whole, are but a small part of the Mario out there in the world, feels totally fitting. The feeling runs through everything. The upscaled renditions of the music which expand on it but nonetheless can't escape how iconic the basic originals were. The decision to put Super Mario Bros.’ underwater waltz on the title screen with the new confidence that duh, it rules. The little portraits of what to expect that have been added to the start of each level, not spoilers but cute reminders. This is a Mario for the late to the party, an artefact of the games' immense second hand cultural gravity, reflected back into the games themselves. It's a sign of so much to come.

In reflection of it being the first time these games have come up on my route through history, here are miniature entries for each of the four games on Super Mario All Stars, pinned to one place:

Super Mario Bros.

It’s all about the movement. Specifically, the jump, the balletic means of progression which sits at the tempting boundary of predictability and control. It is not the only game jump, it was not the first game jump, but it is somehow still the Jump. When you press the jump button the moment stretches in time, a repeated joy that resounds slightly differently from Jump to Jump. Sometimes the Jump is relaxed, sometimes the Jump is tense, sometimes the Jump is a celebration of achievement. Gravity and momentum make their claim on you, and you must not reject them or bow to them, but turn towards them, take their hands, and dance. Only when you are the lead in the dance can it proceed in its full majesty. All of the subtle design, killer music and cleverly revealed secrets play their part too, of course. The richness of the world, day and night, water and dungeon, clouds and green groundclouds, isn’t to be underestimated. The dance wouldn’t be as kaleidoscopically beautiful without all of that. Fireworks might not always be necessary, but they are still fireworks. And yet it is the dance of the Jump that gives meaning to it all.

The Lost Levels

It’s common in games for many a character or object to be accompanied by its inverse, its mirror, its shadow. Maybe it’s a product of how games are made, were made, of the commonality of repetition and the short distance from repetition to repetition with a twist. Super Mario Bros. 2 (“The Lost Levels”) introduces one such shadow as almost its first move with the poison mushroom, power-up turned to power-down. It takes that to a whole new level with the negative warp zones: welcome to warp zone, now a trick on you. The whole game, in fact, is a cruel mirror held up to Super Mario Bros., a reflection that looks right but doesn’t wave back. Much of its cruelty comes from luring players into familiar actions and then turning them back against them. This game is a dance too, but it’s one where the floor is trying to throw you off, where the steps and flow that you have learned are not only impossible to use but will quicken your downfall. But for some people who already know the dance back to front, perhaps trying to freestyle your way through some spiky math-rock is an enjoyable next step.

Super Mario Bros. 2

It’s common in games for many a character or object to be accompanied by its inverse, its mirror, its shadow. Maybe it’s a product of how games are made, were made, of the commonality of repetition and the short distance from repetition to repetition with a twist. Super Mario Bros. 2 (“Super Mario Bros. USA”) is the Waluigi of early Mario games, a mirror of a mirror. It doesn’t focus on the shadows of objects and characters, though, but whole shadow worlds. Pick up a magical potion and you can open a door anywhere, take a subtle knife to the fabric of the universe, walk through the doorway and find yourself literally in shadow. Even outside of that mechanic, there are doors everywhere, and each one could go anywhere. This is the world of the subconsciousness, where possibilities extend to such things as a playable princess and gliding across the world on a gravity-resistant egg. Super Mario Bros. 2 is barely even a Mario game, and handles more awkwardly than one. Yet among all of its doors, it opens one to one of the series’s futures, platforming which is first and foremost a series of puzzles and doors to unlock.

Super Mario Bros. 3

This is the game where Mario learns to fly, tail flapping, on unseen wires in front of platforms casting shadows on a sky painted on sheets. The game is a show, and it’s some production. It has a cast of thousands and is the introduction point for almost as many iconic series images as the original. Its brilliance as sequel and as theatre is in taking the solid and dependable gameplay and mechanics of the original and using those as building blocks, the platforms of its stageset, then rearranging them. Each world rejigs and relights them and makes them interact with new props and characters for a set of dramatically different scenes. Water levels go from brief distractions to an entire world; the desert and an idyllic grassland emerge; World 7 turns off all of the lights to interact with the bare mechanics of pipes. The transitions between levels feel like curtains down and a chance to move things round. And then occasionally it breaks all the underlying rules and throws you into giant world or climbs up through the clouds, and there is nothing to do but laugh in delight. This is the game where Mario learns to fly.

SNES chart, Edge 004, January 1994

#every number one #retrogaming #SNES #Super Mario Bros.#Super Mario All Stars

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favficarchives · 7 years

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Tactile Engineer (One-shot)

Pairing: Pietro Maximoff x Reader Summary: Tony Stark calls in his favorite tactile engineer to help pull together some wardrobes for the new team members. Wanda is simple enough, but Pietro’s enhancements give the reader a run for her money. Genre: Fluff Warnings: None Word count: 3,316

[Masterlist]

A/N: This was inspired by a gifset I saw ages ago and can’t find anywhere for some reason. It was all about the different parts of Edna Mode’s (from The Incredibles) job beyond “fashion designer,” and it really resonated with me. If I ever find that gifset again, I’ll link to it.

Was there anything worse than being woken up 30 minutes before your alarm by the shrill ringtone of your sometimes-boss?

Probably. But at this point, you really didn’t care to think too much on it.

“This is Y/N,” you answered, trying desperately to disguise the grogginess in your voice.

“Morning, sunshine!” The annoyingly chipper Tony Stark responded. “How are you on this lovely day?”

You groaned, shifting to sit up in your bed. “Tired, overworked, and underpaid. And yourself?”

“Well-rested, living large, and extremely wealthy.”

“You suck.”

You pulled the phone away from your ear as boisterous laughter rang through the phone. It wasn’t like Mr. Stark to be so… perky. Something big must be going on. Which meant you were more than likely to redefine the very word “overworked”.

“What do you need, Mr. Stark?”

“We got two new team members,” he explained, bringing down his tone to suit your own, “They’re going to need some special uniforms, and you know I only go to the best.”

You smirked. “So what the hell are you doing calling me?”

“Haha.”

You’re smirk turned into an easy smile. “When do you need me in?”

“The kids are –“

“Kids?”

“Sorry, ‘young adults,’ are still pretty jet-lagged, so they won’t be up for a few more hours.”

“So why the hell am I up?”

“Because I love you?”

You refused to dignify that with a response, glaring at your phone and ending the call. With an aggravated groan, you crawl out of bed and wander over the bathroom, shooting a text to your actual boss before hopping in the shower.

“This is Y/N L/N,” you heard Natasha say. “She’s our designer and will get you two suited up in no time.”

Maybe it was your early morning wake up call, maybe it was your boss’s unnecessarily snarky response this morning, or maybe it was being reminded once again how underappreciated you were, but her comment really rubbed you the wrong way.

You were not a designer, you were a tactile engineer. Designing is simply part of that.

You did not belong to them. You didn’t belong to anyone.

You wouldn’t have anyone suited up “in no time.” You would take you time and do it right.

“Y/N,” Natasha called, causing you to turn in your desk chair, “This is Wanda and Pietro Maximoff.”

You greeted them with a tired smile and a nod. Wanda nodded back. Pietro studied you silently.

“I’ve read through both of your files,” You said, rising from your seat and walking towards them. “Wanda, you should be pretty simple. You won’t need much more than the average agent, just fitted and suited to your personal tastes.

“Pietro,” You announced playfully, looking the speedster dead the eye. “You are my white whale. You need a wide of outfits designed for aerodynamicy, as well as comfort. We’ll also need to create a variety of friction-proof fabrics. We will either succeed, or we will kill each other.”

The Sokovian man smirked and raised a thick, dark eyebrow. “Sounds like fun.”

“Sounds like hell,” You corrected. “Wanda, you’re first.”

You’d been working at Avenger’s Tower for over two weeks. Your boss at the luxury boutique was on the brink of firing you last week – until, of course, a generous donation came from the ever-fabulous Anthony Edward Stark.

Wanda’s uniforms had been simple enough. All you needed were her measurements, aesthetic preferences, and texture preferences. Your sketchbook was full of basic work out essentials, battle suits, artic climate suits, tropical climate suits, basic espionage attire, formal espionage attire, and so on. You began creating the outfits – usually a stressful time for you, as a person can only handle so many busted sewing machines and needles to the finger before snapping – as a way to relax. Because, by God, Pietro’s suits were killing you.

You gave him an assignment at the beginning of last week. You wanted him to run through two pairs of shoes and his current workout clothes so you could determine the patterns of the friction damage.

The patterns on the clothes were what you expected, so there was no shock there. After that, though, came the shoes.

Once you got the wear patterns down, you took him out to get different shoes from different brands to test the integrity of the various inserts, soles, and treads. It was hellish for Pietro, who was running his heart out day after day, and it was hellish for you, being crouched over your desk for hours on end analyzing wear patterns and trying to figure out how the hell to create a material that could withstand his fucking running.

Just the thought of another full day working on this damn project had you exhausted. You took a deep breath as you approached your office, emotionally preparing for the hell that awaited you on the other side of the door.

You opened the door and immediately set your bag on the corner of your desk. Your eyes began searching for the pile of notes you’d taken yesterday, only to be immediately drawn to the bouquet of flowers that stood in a delicate glass vase in the center of the desk.

Weary (because who would be giving you flowers, and who would send them to the Avenger’s Tower?), you approached the bouquet and searched for a note. Tucked away among the petals and leaves was a little white card.

Flowers must smell better than old shoes, right?

-Pietro

You barked out a laugh, soon dissolving into giggles. The very cute, very funny man that you were sure was going to hate by the end of your time working with him had gotten you flowers. You never got flowers, and certainly not from a client. ‘Thank yous’, sure, but never anything beyond that.

You wandered out of your office and down the Avenger’s living room, your smile never leaving your face. You found Pietro munching on a bowl of cereal and sitting around the television with Steve and Sam. A small part of you wanted to go up to him and thank him with a kiss a cheek. However, you reminded yourself that there was no reason to think that his unbelievably sweet gesture was based in anything more than appreciate, and a kiss would cross that line.

So, you kept your distance, staying in your spot by the hallway.

“Pietro,” you called out, hesitantly toying with the small card in your hands. You promptly cast your gaze downward when his eyes met yours.

“Thank you,” you said, “For the flowers.”

Ignoring the rising heat in your cheeks, you risked a quick glance up. Pietro smiled back at you, his own cheeks dusted pink. The simple thought that you had a similar effect on him as he did on you sent your heart rate soaring.

You held his gaze for a few more moment before the beating in your chest became too strong to stand. Trying (and failing) to bite back your dopey smile, you left the room and returned to your now much livelier office.

Pietro POV

You’re smile knocked him out. Metaphorically speaking.

Unfortunately, though, Pietro was still very much conscious for Steve and mostly Sam’s incessant teasing that commenced immediately after you left.

“Seriously man, flowers? That’s old school,” Sam said with an approving look.

“No school like the old the school,” Steve mumbled through a mouthful of his cream cheese bagel.

“What’s your next move?” Sam asked eagerly, his breakfast forgotten on the coffee table as Pietro’s pseudo-love life became the focus of his attention.

Pietro’s face grew hot at the unwanted attention. “Nothing,” he muttered, rising from where he sat and walking towards the kitchenette.

“Nothing?” Sam and Steve responded incredulously.

“It was just a way to thank her,” he said quietly as he rinsed his cereal bowl in the sink. “She’s been working hard, and I wanted her to know that I appreciate it.”

He didn’t want to admit that your smile and blush gave him hope that maybe he didn’t have to convince himself of that excuse. Maybe you felt the same way.

Maybe.

“Flowers do not say ‘thank you,’” Sam told him with a smile. “A gift card says ‘thank you.’ Flowers say ‘I’ll still buy you dinner, but only if you I get to join you.’”

Pietro rolled his eyes, still facing away from the living room to avoid the other men seeing him blush. He wanted to believe them, to believe his own memories when he thinks about your sweet, shy smile for the fifteenth time in five minutes, but he couldn’t take that risk. He couldn’t believe that someone like you – someone so strong, so sure, so capable, so beautiful – could feel that way about him.

He grew up a poor orphan. He is living as a mutated freak. And he seemed to be making your life hell.

He couldn’t believe that you felt anything but contempt for him.

“She feels the same way you do, kid,” Steve said as he approached the sink, the smile evident in his tone. “But don’t believe us. You’ll figure it out.”

Patting the younger man’s shoulder, Steve left the living area, a still-grinning Sam in tow. Pietro was grateful for the silence, spending several more minutes standing over the sink, thinking through every interaction the two of you had over the past two weeks, and falling in the love with the memory of your smile.

It had been a month and half, and you were still spending your days at the Avenger’s Tower. At this point, Tony half-joked about hiring you on full time.

“It’d be nice to have you in-house,” he said one night – or way too early morning, technically – as the two of you bonded over coffee and another sleepless night. “You could spend more time on your research and developing different fabrics and stuff, and we could have someone on staff who actually know exactly what they’re doing instead of kinda what they’re doing.”

You smirked. “I thought you only hire the best?”

He smirked back. “That’s why I want to hire you.”

The thought made you smile. Working with (or for) the Avengers had some obvious disadvantages – ridiculous hours, potentially hostile work environment, getting a top spot on the shit list of every big bad guy in the world – but it may have been better than what you currently doing. After all, working as a “team member” at an exclusive boutique didn’t even offer you much in the way of design work, much less tactile engineering. And you didn’t even get dental coverage.

Still, you tried to rein in your excitement at the possibility of moving on to bigger and better things. Tony had mentioned his desire to hire you on full-time exactly once in the past six weeks, then never spoke of it again. And in your experience, that usually means someone isn’t interested.

As disappointing as it was, you couldn’t let it get you down. You had a job to do, and a white whale to conquer.

You had some of the test fabrics for Pietro’s suits ready to go. Now, you just needed to make the actual suit.

You called him in today to take his measurements, and the poor guy couldn’t stop blushing. Part of you wanted to giggle at how endearing it was, but another part reminded you how couldn’t stop blushing for a week after he gave you those flowers and he was kind enough to bite his tongue.

You measured his neck first, then his chest, shoulders, and back. You tried to ignore his intoxicating scent, but you made a mental note to be on the lookout for any candle or wax melt that mimicked it because damn.

The arm measurements went off without a hitch (another damn for those biceps). The waist measurement, in particular, had your face heating up; you couldn’t help but notice how incredibly… firm his abdomen was. You could probably count his abs with a light brush of your fingers, if you were so inclined…

‘But that would be unprofessional,’ you remind yourself, your blush deepening.

After you pulled yourself away from him and wrote down the measurement on your notepad, you lowered yourself to your knees and announced the next measurement: hips.

You wish you’d missed how wide his eyes got at the announcement. Maybe if you had, you could have pretended that everything was going to be just fine. As you wrapped your arms around his lower half, however, bringing your face uncomfortably and far too comfortably close to his... ahem… nether regions, you realized there was never going to be a way to pretend this was going to be just fine.

But damn, his ass was fine enough to make up for it.

‘Stop it!’ you scolded yourself. ‘He is a client and you are a professional. It’s just a sizing. Behave.’

Besides, he didn’t want you anyway. At least, not that you think.

The flowers got you excited, maybe a little too excited, but nothing else came from it. You thought maybe all of the blushing and smiles shared between the two of you (not to mention the Cheshire Cat grins on several of the other Avengers when they saw you two together) meant that you weren’t alone in your feelings. But, just like Tony had mentioned hiring you and then forgot about it, Pietro seems to have forgotten about whatever spark you felt.

Unless, of course, Pietro Jr.’s stirring is any indication.

You glance up at him in amusement as you pull away and move to do his outseam, biting back a grin at the poor man’s tortured expression. He looked absolutely mortified, but you couldn’t be happier. He definitely felt something, and that gave you hope.

You completed the outseam, ankle, calf, knee, and thigh (again: damn) measurements without issue. Pietro tensed considerably when the inseam measurement came about, but made it through.

As you wrote down the information and went through your checklist, a tag-team assault of delight and dread hit you full-force. Delight because of how amazingly embarrassed Pietro was going to be – the poor man – and dread because of how amazingly embarrassed you were about to be.

The crotch measurement.

That’s the one they never show on TV.

You took a deep breath, trying to calm your pounding heart. Ignoring the heat in your cheeks and thrill in your veins, you looked back up at Pietro. He seemed to finally be relaxing. You almost felt bad for ruining it.

Almost.

“Pietro,” you began softly, choking back a laugh, “there’s one more measurement I still need to take.”

He looked down at you a cocked an eyebrow.

You looked up at him, muffling your sheepish laughter as best you could.

“The crotch measurement,” you whisper through your mortified smile.

In an instant, Pietro was on the other side of your office. With his back flush against the wall and eyes wider than saucers, he looked like some poor bunny that just came face-to-face with a fox.

“Pietro,” you began softly, “I have to do it.”

He shook his head vigorously.

“Yes I d-“

“No you don’t.” He said immediately.

“I do if you want pants,” you told him with a wide smile.

“Who needs pants?”

You choked out a laugh.

“You do,” you told him, a smile still plastered on you face.

“Can’t I take it myself?” He whined.

Slowly, your sympathy for him began to break through the humorous awkwardness of the situation.

You shook your head lightly. “You don’t know how, and I’m the only one who knows what I have in mind for your pants and how they should fit.”

Pietro groaned in agony, his head falling in despair.

“I’m sorry,” you said lightly, a sympathetic smile replacing your earlier grin. “Please come back to the platform.”

Pietro groaned again, but did as you asked, looking every bit like a man who was walking to the gallows.

“So how much longer do you think this will take?” Pietro asked, glancing over your shoulder as you cleaned up your sketches and finished up your notes.

You paused, considering his question.

“Well,” you began, “It’ll take a few hours to make each outfit for you to test. From there we’ll work with different fabric combinations and work through any immediate complaints or concerns you might have. All in all, a few days to a few weeks, depending on our luck.”

“Days?” He asked in shock. “So I don’t have much time then?”

You halted your movements.

“Much time?” You asked. “Much time for what?”

He blushed again for the umpteenth time that day, and your heart was going wild. You didn’t want to get excited again and set yourself up for disappoint, but there was no way he’d be blushing this much if he didn’t feel something, right?

“I wanted to…uh,” he began, looking down and running a hand through his wavy hair. “I want to see if… if maybe you would… like to… go see a movie sometime… with me.”

You swear you might actually hurt yourself with how big you’re smiling.

“Well I don’t know, Pietro,” you teased. “That depends on the movie.”

A playful smile quickly replaced his bashful blush. He leaned over your chair, bracing a hand on the back of it and hovering over you.

“And what movie would appease you, Y/N?”

You chuckled and rose from your chair.

“Oh, I guess any movie will do,” you sighed dramatically, turning to face him. “As long as you’re there.”

He chuckled, approaching methodically and closing the distance between the two of you. You reveled in the closeness, and in the almost predatory look in his eyes. Just as he was about to say something, you cut in.

“It can’t be until after I’m done with this project, though,” you told him in all seriousness, placing a hand on his chest to keep some distance between you. “Technically, you’re a client, and the idea of dating clients weirds me out.”

Pietro nodded in understanding.

“That’s fair,” he said, smirking. “We’ll wait until you are back at the boutique. I guess we’ll just have to hope luck is on our side.”

You smiled and rolled your eyes, ready to tell him that luck was never on the side of a perfectionist, when Tony burst through the door.

“Y/N!”

He stopped.

“Maximoff?” He asked with a shit eating grin.

You wanted to die.

“What do you want Tony?” You asked.

His grin turned to you. Yup, you definitely wanted to die.

“I want your signature on these employment contracts,” He said simply, waving around the papers in his hands.

You shot him a confused look as you walked over and took the papers from his hand. “I already signed all of the NDAs and stuff for contract workers?”

“I don’t want you to be a contract worker,” he said simply. “I want you to work for us full-time. I told you this.”

You shook your head in disbelief.

“Tony, I already have a job-“

“No you don’t.”

“I don’t?”

“They fired you.”

“They what?!”

“FRIDAY didn’t give you the message?”

You groaned and collapsed in your chair.

“I told her to,” Tony said. “They called your cell last week. I picked up. They were really snotty about it. Not good people.”

“No, they’re not,” you said. “They fired me over the phone?”

“Yup.”

“Through someone else?”

“Yup.”

“Dickheads.”

“Yup.”

You snorted out a laugh, briefly glancing at the employment contracts in your hand. Well, fuck it, why not?

You turned to Pietro.

“How about we just go out this Friday?” you asked. “I don’t think I’ll be going back to the boutique anytime soon.”

He smiled, walking to where you sat in your chair and placing a chaste kiss on your cheek.

“That works just fine for me.”

#pietro maximoff x reader #pietro maximoff #marvel fanfic #mcu reader insert

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orionsangel86 · 7 years

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12x11 Episode Review - What a Ride That Was!

Having just completed my second watch of this episode I have to say I am slightly stunned. I guess the best way to put it is ‘not what I expected’. But then what did I really expect? I was expecting pain, heartbreak, drama, interspersed with some humour and a big “no homo” scene to counteract last episode. I was expecting some dudebro Dean to appease certain types of viewer, along with a nice helping of deep subtext into Dean analysis for us to eat up that would go straight over that type of viewers head. I was certainly not expecting… Larry.

I haven’t looked at tumblr yet, except to glance at my askbox. I assume that you are all suitably going mad over Larry. Over the implications of Larry. Over the sheer insanity of the episodes biggest innuendo fuelled moments and probably laughing about it. I expect a hundred gifsets. I want to reblog those gifsets. I am also sure that Larry has already been meta’d to death… But what’s the harm in a little more meta to add to the massive pile gonna do? Because I wanna meta the FUCK out of Larry.

But there is a lot more to this episode than just Larry. We did get heartbreak. We did get drama and we did get some really nice character moments. Rowena particularly was amazing this episode (who am I kidding though she is always amazing) and I loved learning more about her thoughts. Overall I think it was entertaining, though not one of the best episodes, but that could be because the writing was a bit sloppy and sometimes the story didn’t make sense. I’ll get to why in a bit. Let’s just say that Meredith Glynn isn’t my favourite of the new writers by any means. I didn’t even review The One You’ve Been Waiting For because I didn’t feel particularly inspired by it at all.

But having said that she gave us Larry, and for that I will forever be thankful… even if she didn’t intend for us to take it the way I have (and I am guessing most of you reading this have too).

Anyway, main points to take away under the cut:

Regarding Dean

Obviously the main point of the episode was to delve a little further into Dean’s head and explore a very unconventional and unexpected fear. The fear of losing ones memory is actually horrifying. It is even more horrifying because this is something that the majority of us will have had at least some experience being first hand witnesses to. I am of course talking about dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. My grandmother had it, and in the later days when she didn’t even know who we were it was completely heart breaking. The fact that this is something that many of us fear as we get older is something that certainly wouldn’t be lost on the creators of this show, and with many many references in the later seasons to Dean’s getting older (including one in this episode) it is quite a fitting topic to explore. What if he doesn’t go out with a ‘bang’ the Hunter way? What if they do both end up in the Lebanon retirement home where Mildred currently hangs out enjoying sunsets? What if Alzheimer’s becomes an actual legitimate fear for them? This is most definitely the episode that Jensen talked about at a recent con that explores a very big fear. Because this fear is huge and very prevalent in society. It also makes me think of the film The Notebook and how that story deals with a loved one having to watch the person they care about most in the world forget all about them. (FYI I have never been able to sit all the way through that film without crying even though I usually despise sappy love stories).

Dean’s whole existence in this show revolves around his love for his family. The found family that he keeps close by that is. Sam and Cas and now Mary are his world, losing that would utterly destroy Dean. It is why that scene in front of the mirror is so so heartbreaking to watch. Next to Larry, it is the most memorable moment. Though I do think that the deeper themes and meanings to this particular MOTW story were a bit lost in all of the lighter humour. Hence why I said I wasn’t a huge fan of the writing. It could have gone deeper, it didn’t quite reach the impact that Yellow Fever had even though it tried very hard to pay homage to it.

Starting at the beginning then, Dean wakes up after being wammied by some mysterious witchy guy with a bunny rabbit by his side. I don’t get the point of the rabbit at all. I’ll be honest. It was completely non relevant to the plot. I thought at first that maybe the witch had turned himself into a rabbit but it was literally there for us to all “aww” over. For that reason though, have a pic:

Awwwwwwwwwwwww so CUTE!

It was interesting that this scene came so shortly after the “then” sequence which included a young and much less gruff voiced Dean saying ““Why does a rabbit always get screwed in the deal? Poor little guy”. Have we had many other rabbit references in this show? I don’t think so… except maybe Bugs Bunny in Hunteri Heroici which immediately brings Cas to mind “So we are dealing with some insect-rabbit hybrid?” Though this episode does also feature a character happily watching cartoons so maybe the connection there is totally valid. Rabbits are also a symbol of fertility, spring, new birth and most obviously sex. In an episode absolutely chocablock with innuendo. That is also an interesting point. Though I have no idea how to connect it to anything else so I am just throwing all this stuff out there for you guys to pick at. By all means tell me if you have any ideas!

Dean losing his means of communication means reaching out to people in other ways… A lady with a pram comes by and rejects him as a bum. Gives him money instead of even trying to listen. A guy comes along with a dog (our famous white dog whose name I can’t remember) and gives Dean his attention… before doing some stretches, jogging on the spot and wiggling his hips. (I found this guys movement kinda um… suggestive when considered in the context of the rest of this fucking episode). Without going into too much detail here, I just thought I’d point out that Dean is rejected by the woman and child (traditional family) but accepted by the guy with the dog. Because of course he fucking is.

The waffle house brings us our first promo scene, but knowing the context now makes it so much clearer. I was guilty of making assumptions. Just like Sam does. Thinking that Dean went out, got drunk, had a one night stand… he did no such thing. The promo mislead us and I think it did so deliberately. It is getting clearer and clearer all the time that that version of Dean that Rowena so kindly spells out later in the episode “manners of a Neanderthal and the dining habits of a toddler” the “season 1” version of Dean, if you like, just isn’t the guy we see on our screen anymore. We aren’t getting these moments anymore. Have we even seen the Asian porn yet this season? Personally I hope it never makes another appearance.

Sam’s comment “Dean, you’ve had a good run, but maybe lets pump the breaks a little bit I mean you’re not 20 anymore…” is pretty much what I was thinking the whole promo. The waitress is far too young for him, that kind of behaviour fooling around in bars just isn’t really any kind of behaviour for a man his age, and in an episode with a heavy underlying theme that could easily be compared to the worst potential problems that come with growing older I don’t think it was accidental.

“I would be dead okay, I wouldn’t be Dory.”

“Dory?”

“Not gonna apologise for loving that fish. Not to you, not to anyone”.

I love that we have yet another thing to add to the list of things that Dean Winchester loves that don’t fit in with his macho image. This is wonderful. Dean likes Disney films. This is canon. If he can admit to loving that fish, this means that at times he will go out and watch Disney films and get excited about them and actually have strong feelings about them. Now I am totally headcanoning that he forces Cas to watch them with him and I BET that Cas’s favourites are The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast. Why I hear you ask? Because they would resonate with him. If you don’t get it, rewatch those movies from a destiel perspective.

“smooth like a Ken doll” This is the second time the show has compared Dean to a Ken doll. Probably just a tease at Jensen Ackles very perfect features, but I keep thinking about Ken from Toy Story 3 and after the Finding Nemo/Dory reference a moment ago I think it is valid. Ken in Toy Story 3 had a very... um... loud personality.

The cowboy bar… How do I even BEGIN to meta the cowboy bar? All I can say was this seems like the kind of place that Gabriel would send Dean in fanfiction to work on his gay panic before ultimately hooking up with Castiel.

The third place they come to (and I’ll talk about Sam’s lack of Dean knowledge a bit later) and the first thing we see is a shot of:

Well that’s a rather large phallic object hanging over the Winchesters heads! Yeah this is totally Dean’s kind of place. He does have a cowboy fetish after all. This sign also caught my eye:

Because Chuck is certainly off having some “R&R” right now with his sis… It also seems to be the kind of place that Chuck would have hung out in his stint living on earth… ya know, playing his music, since there is clearly a stage set up with band equipment, picking up girls… and guys. Like we are ever gonna forget that GOD in the Supernatural universe is bisexual.

Lets talk about Larry

Consider this a sub point to my “regarding Dean” point because it all technically falls under the same category.

“he’d ordered burgers to go, it was gonna be a minute, we were slammed, then you knocked back four shots of tequila? Put some “sick jams” on the juke and then you hit the bull.”

“oh yeah, you had the hots for larry as soon as you walked in”.

Now, there is innuendo, and then there is this line. Why give the mechanical bull a guys name? Specifically so you can make this into one big innuendo. This entire scene is about Dean riding dick. I’m sorry, deny it all you like but that’s the joke. That’s the bottom line (pun unintentional until reread then found hilarious). On checking my ask box yesterday once I first watched the episode this is what I got:

Thanks guys by the way for sending these. I am with you. Consider this review your asks answered if that’s okay (I’m being lazy because I still have a load of asks to answer and I have no idea when I’ll get to em). So Dean rode Larry. Haha. It gets brought up again later in the episode by Sam when he is trying to tease Dean about it. What I am interested in is Dean’s reaction. When Sam first asks “You rode Larry?” Dean hesitates, but he isn’t embarrassed. Yeah he’s still hexed at this point and regressing but he doesn’t get defensive about it. Just asks if he was good. This is then revisited later on once Dean is cured “I can’t believe you rode Larry” and Dean’s only defence is “I was awesome on that Bull… like a God.” Which is also a call back to Chuck again, in the bar that had a Chuck sign and really did seem to be Chuck’s kind of place… Is Dean like God? Well yes. For one thing they are both bisexual.

Perhaps mechanical bullriding isn’t seen as homoerotic in the kind of places where you would actually get mechanical bullriding. It could even be considered as a very macho thing to be able to “tame the bull”. But the way the episode frames it… the way they shove the innuendo at us over and over again. It is intentionally played out to be a gay joke. What I can’t decide is whether or not this is the creators joking along with us or whether they are doing it to take the piss. There is a level of regression here back to the pre carver era spn where the gay jokes were rife and not ever really taken seriously. Dean’s subtextual bisexuality used to be a joke in the show. It hasn’t been framed as a joke since pre season 8 and yet I can’t help but wonder if this new writer hasn’t yet got with the programme. Because Dean’s bisexuality is not a joke. Especially when this episode is framed by two very Cas heavy episodes, the first of which was loaded with destiel subtext that was deep, meaningful and very very serious. Looking at the promo for next episode, I have a feeling that we are only going to get more of that. So why sandwich a Dean episode full of gay jokes in between two Cas episodes full of serious destiel heavy storyline? If their intention was to make it into a joke again, they have failed. Because when taken with 12x10, the humour is stripped away and what is left is the viewer wondering whether Dean really does have a hankering for dick? Specifically Castiel’s. I know that my language here is very blunt. I also know that the chances are this review could find its way to some antis who would like to take the piss out of this… but seriously? Go ahead. Try. With the show playing up to the things we like, and with very little “no homo” moments to counteract it, I don’t see how you can view this any other way than the way we do.

Dean left Sam, went to this specific bar, had some Dutch courage and rode the bull. He also flirted with a waitress but that never went very far. His main concern was how good he was with Larry…How good his riding skills were… and spoiler alert… he was awesome.

(yes nonny - Dean could totally ride dick like a porn star. This is now true. Since we have seen him in action with our own eyes. Its not like most of those ‘Larry riding’ shots at the end even had the bull in them. It was all Dean from the waist up just having the time of his life and going up and down... up and down... like this wasn’t subtle. This totally wasn’t subtle.)

I also need to point out that all this happened before Dean got hexed. This was all Dean Winchester. This wasn’t performing Dean. The Dean who puts on a mask which half the time seems to be specifically for Sam. Nope. This was Dean as himself, the same Dean that owns booty shorts, likes ballet and has a thing for Dr Sexy.

The moment that the waitress says “you were…amazing” can be taken as the “no homo” to the Larry narrative of course. The way she says those words can easily be taken to be a comment on Dean’s sexual prowess. But its only there to cover up the underlining sexual nod to Dean’s “amazing” ability to ride the bull. The bull being called ‘Larry’ and therefore along with all the other phallic references this is, as I said previously, all one big “Dean rides dick” joke. And I can’t actually fucking believe the show did that.

Actually that’s a lie. I fucking well can. They have been flirting with this idea of Cas being a top and Dean being a bottom for AGES but THIS takes the biscuit.

So Dean rides dick. Thanks for confirming bottom!Dean show. Great job.

I wonder if even this went over poor ‘innocent’ Jensen Ackles head… Is he Charlton Heston? REALLY? Or is he 100% on board with this because how can you possibly act this out. INCLUDING THAT RIDICULOUS MONTAGE AT THE END and NOT see it? You do realise how fandom is gonna take this Jensen? You do realise this will probably DOUBLE the number of destiel fics where Dean is happily riding Cas’s dick all night long?!? (as a disclaimer here that is not what destiel fic is all about but there is still a lot of smut out there so I feel like the show is only encouraging this) (on the other hand I expect to find 20 12x11 coda’s on my dash where Dean goes home, finds Cas, tells him about Larry and how he wants to “show Cas his skills” *nudge nudge wink wink* and Cas will be like “oh. yes please!” and yeah... that happens. That totally happens.)

The other takeaway from this scene so loaded with meta potential is the waitress’s explanation of what happened. Because it seems weird and makes no sense. The question I’m sure a lot of people will be asking is Did Dean sleep with the waitress? But when you consider her explanation of what happened, how could he possibly have?

Ooh I actually got an ask about this too:

She said they were slammed, Dean had to wait for his burgers, hence he had time for 4 shots of tequila and a ride with Larry. So how did they get talking and “blew off some steam”? Because she didn’t even see him leave, it was her bartender that saw him run out of there like his pants caught fire (liar liar)

Is that the hint? Liar liar pants on fire? Was she lying about fooling around with Dean? If so why did she slap him earlier? She must have been insulted that he didn’t remember her and didn’t meet up with her later but it still doesn’t make any sense. How did she have time to fool around with Dean somewhere if they were slammed? If the place was slammed they surely wouldn’t have been able to find a quiet space to actually do the fooling around either? This whole thing smells like a lie and when you consider Dean’s later line “first action in I don’t know how long and its like it never even happened” seems to me that the writer wanted us to consider that maybe all is not a it seems. The only action Dean got in that cowboy bar was from Larry.

Consider another ask answered! Dean did not have sex with the waitress! They possibly squeezed in a kiss when she was on break but there is no way they had time to properly fool around.

Another thing I liked about this scene was the way the waitress then apologises for possibly taking advantage of Dean when he was “roofied”. After the mess and drama of the Amara stuff last season this is refreshing. Dean gets an apology for being sexually harassed, which from a meta perspective could also be the writer apologising for the Amara situation. I dunno if that’s really the case but I like the idea of it so I’m sticking with it.

Back to Regarding Dean

Once the Winchesters start tracing Dean’s steps into the forest Dean loses more memory. We have another call back to season 4 and Yellow Fever with the flashlight moment and Sam has to remind Dean what they do since he has now forgotten all about witches and monsters. The difference between his reaction to being a monster hunter here and in yellow fever is huge though. In yellow fever he thought they were both insane, horrified at the thought of actively going after these dangerous supernatural beings. In Regarding Dean he is excited about the idea, finds it awesome and calls them both “heroes”. It’s nice to know that without his memories of the horrible things they’ve done Dean is able to accept that he does something good and is able to be happy about that.

Another call back to season 4 with the mention of the Siren “Siren’s aren’t all hot chicks?” Nope. Sorry Dean some of them are hot guys who are totally your type. To bring up the Siren (an episode absolutely full of homoerotic subtext) in this episode (an episode absolutely full of homoerotic subtext) seems like another subtle nod to Dean’s bisexuality. Like a ‘hello! Remember this? Dean’s siren was a dude come on guys catch up!’ At moments like this I feel like the show is specifically trying to tell the audience what we (as fandom) already know. Dean is bisexual, like last episode they were trying to tell us that Cas is in love with Dean. This is all extremely promising.

THEN right after we are reminded of the Siren, but right before Dean totally randomly brings up Cas we get this:

I mean of course I was gonna bring up the handprint! Although I admit I have been lacking in my watchfulness lately for any hand or hand print symbolism in the show. But this is definitely meant to pique the audiences interest. Because why is it there at all? Why bother with the hand print if they are gonna find the sigil shortly after? It doesn’t seem to add much to the plot except to be there to ping a memory in Dean’s mind. Of Castiel.

“And our best friends an angel! Whaaaaatt!”

This is another season 4 callback after all. Season 4 being the season of Cas’s handprint. When their ‘profound bond’ was formed. There is no way this handprint isn’t supposed to invoke the memory of that most famous of handprints. Dean remembers Cas fondly. Even when he doesn’t remember him he still thinks he is awesome. This makes me so happy. As Cas fans we are so used to Cas just being forgotten about in MOTW episodes, but like I have been saying for ages now, Andrew Dabb is the biggest Cas fan and he won’t let our angel be forgotten about at all now that he is showrunner.

Moving on and Rowena shows up a her awesome self and Dean is nice to her. His base nature is actually to be nice to people regardless of who they are. Its something we don’t see very often from our very grumpy and deeply traumatised monster hunter. “your hair it’s all so bouncy” he says. Noticing the smallest things. Its cute. Its so very un-dean-like and yet at the same time it is exactly the kind of thing Dean would do. We know he likes to take care of his own appearance, his room, and often teases Sam about his hair and Cas about his trenchcoat. These are more in-sights into how Dean’s mind works.

Dean is sat down to watch an episode of Scooby Do whilst Rowena and Sam talk about the curse, firstly thinking he gets to watch porn. Nope. Instead we get this:

Which… in an episode full of sexual innuendo is *ahem* something I’m not going to comment on. Yes my mind did go there. No I am not specifying where “there” is. Look at the picture and figure it out for yourself. Flowers and dogs also have specific symbolism in this show. Maybe this wasn’t intentional but with everything else? I think it is. I am partly laughing and partly crying at how obvious this is to me at least. But like I said I ain’t going there. LOL.

Then, once Sam has explained to Dean once again what is happening we get this beautiful scene:

Honestly Jensen killed it. The fear in his eyes, the horror and confusion. “My name is Dean Winchester. Sam Winchester is my brother, Mary Winchester is my mother, and Casti- Cas is my best friend” This was beautiful and painful to watch. My heart breaks for him. Amongst all the humour and silliness of Larry and Rowena and Sam’s squabbles, this moment showed the truth. That the situation is dark and terrible and frightening. I wish they had given us more moments like this than all the humour to be honest. Because this was real. This was Dean vulnerable and terrified. Once again a scene where he faces his reflection and struggles with what he sees, though this time for a totally different reason. Dean has never had a good time with mirrors in this show. Ever since Bloody Mary they just tend to be bad luck for him. This moment is no different.

As Dean continues to forget more and more Rowena leaves him to go and save Sam (how awesome is it that Rowena is technically saving them now?!?) and leaves Dean in the Impala surrounded by notes. This is where Dean really has forgotten everything and yet his hunter instincts still kick in.

We get another moment where Sam denies the use of the grenade launcher. Three times and it’s a pattern. I would bet money on Dean getting to use that thing by the end of the season.

Dean finds his way to the witches mansion and is able to save Rowena and Sam by firing the gun and killing the witch. Proof that hunting really is in his blood, part of his soul. He will always be a hunter. No witches spell can take that away. In a way it is quite sad because it kind of implies that however this show ends, it won’t be with Dean giving up hunting. Even with the talks of retirement in previous episodes, I can’t see Dean doing it. Its who he will always be.

Once the witches are dead and the spell reversed, Dean admits that he wouldn’t be better off forgetting all their crap, because he would have forgotten everything else too. No matter how happy he might have been.

“Was it nice to drop our baggage? Yeah maybe, hell probably, but it wasn’t just the crap that got lost it was everything, what we do, all of it. So, that’s what being happy looks like, I think I’ll pass.”

Of course Dean wouldn’t choose to forget everything. Like the previous scene proved, Its in Dean’s blood to be a hunter, and he wouldn’t ever wanna forget his family. The people he loves. Forgetting the people who love you is not happiness in any way shape or form.

I feel like maybe this episode was lacking an emotional final scene. This was short and sweet but it didn’t seem to have the satisfaction that I thought it would, regarding Dean’s memory loss and fear and dependence on his loved ones. But it was still a great analysis of Dean’s character nevertheless.

Sam Winchester isn’t looking hard enough

This episode was predominantly about Dean, but there was a lot of stuff about Sam in here too. Specifically how he doesn’t really seem to notice much about his brother. I don’t mean this as a dig, but it’s honestly quite surprising. When we compare episodes where Sam has been changed somehow, it has taken Dean no time at all to realise something is wrong. Sam however, seems to shrug it off as Dean being a dumbass, or Dean being drunk, or Dean doing something to make Sam roll his eyes again. It seems like Sam has got an idea of who Dean is in his mind and it is so deeply ingrained that he is kinda blinded by it. He has his expectations of his brother, and he has got it so so wrong. Sam judges Dean. He doesn’t mean to, but the problem is that Dean has been building on his ‘character’ on his ‘performing Dean’ persona just for Sam for his entire life. Sam sees the performance, he doesn��t see what’s underneath. Its episodes like this that make me question all our fics with “shipper!sam” because I sometimes doubt if that’s the case. Does Sam actually see it for what it is? Or is he so blinded by his version of Dean that he cannot see the truth? Clearly Cas and Dean’s tension makes him uncomfortable, as last episode all but proved. But does Sam really understand what is going on here?

If he can be surprised that Dean loves Dory, what else surprises him? How much of Dean does he not know about?

What I found really striking in this episode is how Sam doesn’t find it easier to track Dean’s movements of the night before, because if it was the other way around Dean would have figured Sam out straight away. This was shown to us back in season 4 (again with the season 4 references in this episode!) when Dean was able to locate Sam based on how well he “knows that kid”. If Sam had truly known his brother well, he would have known that the cowboy joint was the first place he’d go. Sam knows that Dean has a ‘cowboy fetish’ and therefore it make the most sense? Dean wanted to ride the bull, but Sam was so surprised that Dean rode Larry that he “couldn’t believe it.”

Even the end scene, Sam admits that he was kinda jealous. For him, forgetting everything they have done is a weight off their shoulders. Something he would like to experience. I think this is also a hint towards Sam not entirely accepting that hunting is his life. Whereas Dean is generally happy with what he does, because it is in his blood Sam doesn’t feel that way. I know we have seen previous episodes where Sam has seemed to accept it. But he only accepts it if he can do it with Dean. The co-dependency is extremely strong with Sam at the moment. Sam also always seems to be looking for something more. I don’t just mean relationship wise, though he did admit this in 11x04, but something more than just hunting.

We have always known that Dean was more like Mary. Mary’s family are the hunters. Dean is one of them. Sam though? Sam was all John. And John might have taken to hunting once his revenge had consumed him, but hunting was not in John’s blood. Nope, John’s blood is all Men of Letters. This is the path that Sam seems destined for.

What also seems to encourage this theory is that it is usually Sam who is paired up with Rowena in any of her episodes. It is common in this show for most side characters to develop a better relationship with Dean than to Sam. Dean is charismatic like that, but Sam has ‘bonded’ with Rowena if you wanna call it that, far more than Dean has, and it is always Sam who calls Rowena in to help. Is Sam attracted to magic? This is something that we have been speculating for a while. The Men of Letters use magic this we know, even their grandfather Henry was able to “harness the power of his soul” to cast spells. It was Sam who spoke to Lily last episode about how she developed her power. It is Sam who finds all of that stuff very interesting, and it is Sam who holds on to the Grimoire at the end of the episode. Will we get witch!sam in the future? I think it is still a possibility, but if nothing else he will become a true men of letters eventually… that I am sure of.

I said I was slightly disappointed with the end of this episode as it seemed to brush over the deeper, more meaningful conversation that could have been had. Another moment of missed potential I think was this one:

“Brother. Witch”

Isn’t it all a bit too easy? What if the witch had turned around and said “no! I’m your brother! He’s a witch!” and it could have got confusing for Dean. I think this moment could have really been great for Sam to have to convince Dean somehow why he was indeed his brother… revealing something about himself and their relationship? It would have been nice to see that moment of doubt from Dean followed by pleading from Sam to believe him rather than the witch. It’s an old TV cliché though so maybe that’s why they didn’t do it.

The next great Sam moment was this one: “Who’s this hippy?”

Sam looked broken here. For a moment he was really worried that his brother had forgotten him… that is the moment I was talking about earlier about the horrors of Alzheimer’s. Thinking that your loved one doesn’t know who you are is horribly painful. Jared did really well to capture that moment, even though it turned out to be Dean joking around. I’m with Sam here, that wasn’t funny Dean. That was mean.

Rowena’s future

Rowena was totally awesome in this episode. We first see her playing poker with some shady characters and cheats her way into winning. I’m so interested in what Rowena is up to off screen. First the rich businessman who Crowley blew up, now this. She is clearly completely done with other witches, but she isn’t quite ‘out completely, and still comes to Sam and Dean’s aide even though she could easily tunr them down. Like Crowley, could Rowena be starting to care for the Winchesters?

“Am I saved to your contacts now? Tell me, have I got my own ringtone?” Lol. So Rowena is flirting with Sam. Which is fun but also reminds me of 10x19 and Sam’s hallucination of Rowena that got all flirtatious with him. That was Sam’s mind remember so is there actually something in this? Oh god do we need a ship name for this now? We had Drowley now we have Samena/Sawena? Eek I dunno about this! Though I might just go with it purely for the look on Crowley’s face.

Anyway I just love Rowena and Sam’s banter okay?

Then she turns up at their door and as much as Sam brushes it off as Rowena having her eyes on the Loughlin’s book, partly I think Rowena actually enjoys their company.

“altruism isn’t exactly your style”

Isn’t it though? Because she seems like she is also putting on a performance of villainess when really it’s not who she is at all. Like Dean, it’s all a performance.

“You’re a killer, Dean Winchester”

“But, though you may be a stubborn pain in the ass, with the manners of a Neanderthal and the dining habits of a toddler, everything you’ve done, you’ve done for the greater good.”

“Oh and that’s supposed to make it okay?”

“I wouldn’t know. You help those other than yourself, but me? I’ve done horrible things. I told myself it was fine. It was the price of power and powers what matters right? Then I meet god and his sister, the two most powerful beings in the universe, wasted on squabbling with each other. I thought if they can’t be happy or at least satisfied how can there be any hope for me?”

This is such a fascinating insight into Rowena’s mind, how she thinks. For ages it was all about getting power but since God and Amara she has given that up. It’s not about power. She still wants money so she can support herself, but like her son what she is missing is love. This is why I think she helped the Winchesters. She likes them, even if she acts like she doesn’t. They are technically the only people she really knows and I can see this being part of her storyline that she tries to build on a relationship with Sam and Dean. As an ally at first, but then at some point a friend.

After all, when she hears Sam is in trouble, she goes to rescue him. She doesn’t flee and decide it’s not her problem. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t have put herself at risk for Sam. She doesn’t even get the book in the end. So what did she possibly risk her life for? If not to save Sam. This is a huge turning point for Rowena. She made a decision to save Sam’s life. So much for being a villain.

When Rowena does face Catrina, her story is horrible and sad, we are starting to learn more and more why Rowena is the way she is. Though nothing has come too close to her speech to Crowley in 11x10. Rowena hated being weak, being at the mercy of others. Her experience with the Loughlin’s shows just how awful it was for her. The way she was treated does not excuse the horrible things she has done, but it seems as though since meeting God and Amara she is trying to make up for some of that. She is not unkind or uncaring at all. She has always cared maybe too much. Otherwise she would have easily left both Winchesters to die.

This goes back to her speech to Crowley. “If I didn’t hate you, I’d love you. And love, love is weakness.” This I think is the theme of Rowena’s arc. For her to learn that love is not a weakness, that to have people who love and support you only makes you stronger. It coincides with Cas’s arc as well, where he is constantly being told that his weakness is his love for “humanity”. Castiel already said himself that “my friendship with Sam and Dean makes me stronger”. Rowena just needs to learn this too.

Overall

This episode wasn’t one of the strongest but it had some very good moments. I didn’t like the villains. I found them rather boring, but then they weren’t the focal point of the episode. The writing was sloppy in places and some of the plot didn’t quite make sense, but ultimately it worked. Just, what the hell was the end montage? I get that it was supposed to be another call back to Yellow Fever but seriously? The song was kinda fun. About innocence lost by the sounds of it.. but seriously? I was suffering from a bit of second hand embarrassment I’ll be honest. I think they just really needed an excuse to put Dean riding Larry into the episode for real.

This makes me think that we totally missed out on a booty shorts dance from Dean at the end of 11x04.

Main takeaways from the episode?

Meredith Glynn binge watched season 4 and used it for all her references.

Sam really needs to pay more attention to what Dean isn’t telling him.

Sam may be tempted by witchcraft.

Rowena cares. A lot.

Dean likes to ride dick. (but then we already knew that.)

#supernatural #episode review #spn meta #dean winchester #destiel #sam winchester #rowena #12x11 #spn spoilers #season 12 #dean is bi #destiel dreaming #my thoughts #dean analysis

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