#take what resonates!

[vascelestine]

Cigarettes After Sex

𝑰 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝑪𝒊𝒈𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝑨𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑺𝒆𝒙 𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏.

𝖿𝗍. 𝖢𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗇𝖾𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝖨𝗆𝖺𝗀𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖲𝗈𝗇𝗀 𝖫𝗒𝗋𝗂𝖼𝗌

𝙋𝙞𝙡𝙚 1 - 2 -3

𝗣𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝗜

When I'm alone I hear & feel you

Wish that I could reach right out & touch you

But knowing you're the one to greet me & meet me

Two alone in the dark it may be

-𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗘𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗯𝘆 𝗖𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗔𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝗲𝘅

And I'm kissing you lying in my room

Holding you until you fall asleep

And it's just as good as I knew it would be

Stay with me, I don't want you to leave

-𝗞. 𝗯𝘆 𝗖𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗔𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝗲𝘅

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝑰𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒔:

𝗣𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝗜𝗜

Now you're above feeling it still

Tell me it's love, tell me it's real

Touch me with a kiss, feel me on your lips

-𝗛𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝘆 𝗖𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗔𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝗲𝘅

I loved everything you wrote

& when you would sing I felt that my heart was falling

You're all I want

-𝗬𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝗪𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗯𝘆 𝗖𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗔𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝗲𝘅

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝑰𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒔:

𝗣𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝗜𝗜𝗜

I've got a table for two

Way in the back

Where I sit alone

And think of you

I spent most every night

Beneath the light

Of a neon moon

If you lose your one and only

There's always room for the lonely

To watch your broken dreams

Dance in and out of the beams

Of a neon moon

-𝗡𝗲𝗼𝗻 𝗠𝗼𝗼𝗻 𝗯𝘆 𝗖𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗔𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝗲𝘅

Starry eyes

How can I get to you my true little

Starry eyes

What can I say or do for you my little

Starry eyes

Starry eyes forever shall be mine

Starry eyes

What can I say to make you listen

Starry eyes

What can I do for your attention

Starry eyes

Starry eyes forever shall be mine

But knowing you're the one to greet me and meet me

Two alone in the dark it may be

-𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗘𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗯𝘆 𝗖𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗔𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝗲𝘅

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝑰𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒔:

#Spotify #a little feedback is appreciated! #cigaretted after sex #channeled moodboard #channeled messages #pac #pick a card reading #pick a pile #pick a card #shufflemancy #take what resonates! #take what resonates and leave what doesn't!

[druid-for-hire]

[images ID: three images of a comic titled "one must imagine sisyphus happy" by druid-for-hire. it is a visual narrative beginning with someone with wrist pain (depicted by bright orange nerves) working at a drafting table. the reader is shown the same wrist as the person uses it for many everyday tasks such as carrying a grocery basket, pushing elevator buttons, typing, and doing dishes, until the pain dissolves all the panels into chaos. the person then performs several physical therapy exercises until the pain subsides. they sit back down at a desk with their laptop, sigh, and begin typing. a small spark of pain reappears. end id]

a fun little piece i made during the semester and submitted into our school comic anthology! (which you can buy at the Static Fish table at MoCCAFest in NYC ;] ). it's about artists and injury

#comic art #comics #original comic #chronic pain #carpal tunnel #tendonitis #my art #original #edit: what a delightful surprise to see this take off #this was made for class on very low fuel and very few thoughts and late at night and exhausted #the prompt was just a wordless narrative essay. three pages. and i had nothing and no ideas #and my head hurt and i was too tired to think about doing any of the like. research and mind mapping and ideating i'd do otherwise #but my arm hurt #so i decided to do a thing about arm hurty #i'm surprised to see so many people finding it resonating with them #but then again i shouldn't be. the universal lies in the specific #i should make more things about smaller stuff

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

Being fat, actually fat, with an eating disorder is fucking hell.

People assume you have BED, and if you actually do have BED people are so gross about it. If you have a restricting disorder people get concerned when you start eating more. People get concerned if you start to like yourself. People love to see you fucking miserable, and will completely ignore your misery in the same breath. It makes them feel good. They benefit at your expense through weight stigma.

So many physicians prescribe disordered eating to us. ED specialists in many places won’t even consider how EDs affect us. Our own community uses our bodies as inspiration to hurt themselves. Because nothing could be worse than looking like us, right? How are you supposed to love yourself when so many people actively don’t want you to?

To the fat person reading who needs to hear this, I give a shit if you recover. I give a shit that you are hurting. So many people don’t notice, so many don’t give a fuck, but I do. You deserve better. I want you to eat even if it means you gain weight. I want you to be happy in your body as it is. I want you to feel loved, I want you to feel seen.

If you are fat with BED, I see you. There is so much stigma and it is not your fault. Your weight isn’t “your fault”, you are sick. It’s not a moral failing. You deserve compassion, and the extent to which people project their own issues onto you is awful. You deserve to be comfortable in your skin, and your body is wonderful.

If you are fat with purging tendencies, or with restricting ones I see you too. We get praised for hurting ourselves, or no one notices. I see you. I’m sorry.

I wish so badly the world were more compassionate to you, but if no one else gives a shit, I do. Fight for recovery for me, even though I know that journey can be so, so lonely when you aren’t thin.

To those of you who have recovered, to those of you that may. You are worth it. You may be fat for the rest of your life, and that’s okay. It’s wonderful, your body is wonderful, and I see you and I’m proud of you. Sadly I know many of us recover alone, but I hope you know you aren’t. I’m rooting for you.

#take what resonates and leave what doesn’t babes #you can add onto it but don’t clown #skinny Ppl i’d apreciate if you reblogged this too #mod cass #ed tw #ed recovery #fat positivity #fat liberation #haes #health at every size #eating disorder #pro ana #actually ed #pro mia #meanspo #bonespo #og post #pro anna #bulimia #mental health #actually fat activism #fat activism #fatspo #atypical anorexia

[anxiouspotatorants]

Actually you know what I need to rant about this: while literati is technically a good girl x bad boy dynamic it is written so incredibly well and avoids so many pitfalls and stereotypes that it makes a good girl x bad boy hater like myself (I’m only half joking — I don’t think any trope is inherently good or bad but I tend to dislike most pairings with this dynamic) fall head over heels for their story and relationship.

So much of what makes the two of them work is the contrast between how others perceive them and how they truly are. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who understand who Rory is as a person (Lorelai, Lane, Paris, Richard and Emily to a certain degree for starters), but she's constantly met with the expectation that she just does good and is supposed to make everyone proud 24/7. Stars Hollow as a group especially are big on this, as seen f. ex. through how Taylor takes Rory's one comment about an inappropriate DVD and twists the whole thing into a censorship crusade and makes Rory its poster-child even though she wants nothing to do with it and tells him so repeatedly. But instead of hearing Rory disagree with him (like he would Lorelai and Luke) he assumes that she actually agrees with him - and why shouldn't she when she's the perfect sunshine paragon of good who would never disagree with her elders? Also her grandparents treat her as incredibly fragile and childlike, like she must be too innocent to ever do anything wrong and so whenever she does something it has to be somebody else's fault (usually Lorelai, but occasionally Jess or whoever else was present). Time and time again Rory is treated like something innocent and naive and weak — but not by Jess. He sees her as a person.

And it obviously goes the other way too. Jess is treated like shit by pretty much everyone else. Either people hate him unprovoked or very much provoked (he did do a lot of pranks in his first few weeks and while I'm a Dean-hater I'm not blind to how much Jess picked fights with him), or they’ve simply given up on him. He tells Rory himself that every authority figure he had back in New York gave up on him too, from teachers to principals to his very own mother. But Rory doesn’t treat him like a lost cause, she treats him like the smart, brilliant and asshole-ish teen that he is. By having faith in him she also often holds him more accountable than others. Where f. ex. Lorelai or the other adults just roll their eyes, Rory physically drags Jess into doing his shifts at the diner. While others write him off, Rory chews Jess’ ear out for not helping Luke more and for willfully making enemies out of the Stars Hollow adults.

They don't put each other on pedestals or below each other. Jess doesn’t try to make a sinner out of Rory and she doesn’t try to make a saint out of him. There’s genuine respect between them. They expect each other to have integrity and treat others with kindness and honesty, and the rest is good old chemistry and common interests.

I particularly love how in so many of their scenes (especially pre-relationship) when they spend time alone they just get to be these goofy nerdy kids. They argue about controversial authors and dig through records shops and eat hot dogs and make fun of each other and try to make each other laugh. It’s not just sexual chemistry as it too often is in a dynamic like this (and often uncomfortably sexual when writing teenagers - looking at you Gossip Girl), and not just well written intellectual chemistry — they have platonic chemistry too. A hell of a lot of it actually.

While I don’t think ASP wrote them through a purely deconstructionist lens on the good girl x bad boy dynamic (if she did plan on writing the dynamic at all), there is something to be said about how where many around them treat them like stereotypes they treat each other like people. To so many people, Rory is a perfect small town princess, a little miss sunshine with booksmarts for days but too delicate and sweet for anything with grit and weight. To a lot of the same people and many more Jess is a pathetic brutish and maniacal lost cause, hell personified in a chainsmoking leather-wearing teenager. But to each other they are actual human beings. Kind and mean and flirtatious and scared and reckless and smart. Rory really thinks that with the right motivation and mindset Jess can be the kind who does (and at the end wrote) incredible things. Jess really believes that with a little more practice and support to step out of her comfort zone she can be the amazing journalist she wishes to be.

They don’t have this stupid «we’re so bad for each other but we can’t stay away» thing that too many trope users rely on and don’t even justify in the plot. Everyone else might think they’re not fit for each other, but they knew they were each other’s person from the very first day.

#where a lot of good girl x bad boy dynamics are about opposites attracting #what draws Rory and Jess towards each other is how much they resonate with each other #the books the weight of expectations and assumptions the passion for more in life #they don't look at each other and see a sexy alien world they look at each other and see themselves #me rant because me unnecessarily passionate about this #again I don't inherently hate the good girl x bad boy dynamic #there's just so many examples of doing it badly out there #like I don't even need the dynamic to be morally good I just need it to be justified in the narrative #and to not just rely on the same old “it's so bad but it feels so good” and relying on stereotypes over actual character writing #Rory and Jess is one of the ways this dynamic is actually done right and it's because ASP doesn't dumb them down #or take the dynamic for granted just because it's popular and bound to have an audience #literati #gilmore girls #rory gilmore #jess mariano #rory x jess #gilmore girls meta #my meta #also extra because I can't contain myself

[rosiesriiveters]

Keep thinking of Rosie allowing everyone else to experience the trauma of war around him in any way they need to. Whether it be after listening to his crew member choke through the Munster story, reaching a hand out to comfort him, making sure the replacements are all settled and feel comfortable with him - establishing that he's someone who can be trusted with any issues - and listening to Crosby tell him he's scared he's becoming a monster and reassuring him, and yet refuses to give himself the same grace.

Thinking about how he doesn't tell Crosby about what he saw after he was shot down, what he witnessed in that camp. He's never really the one telling any stories in the series. He listens and watches, lets others say whatever they need to, all the while keeping his cards close to his chest.

Thinking about Rosie smiling while watching his crew and the other airmen enjoying themselves at the flak house, and yet not allowing himself the same enjoyment. Thinking about how the doctor at the flak house got Rosie to look after himself only when he framed it that looking after himself is looking after his crew.

Thinking about Rosie re-upping, choking slightly on his words as he explains he can't bare the thought of sending some rookie in his place to only get himself and his crew killed.

He won't give himself the grace or patience he deserves, but by god he'll take care of everyone around him.

#rosie rosenthal #masters of the air #robert rosenthal #rosie's love language is acts of service but his 'acts of service' are like. 'i will destroy the fascist regime for you' #like he doesn't judge others when they are upset/crying and yet!! will not let himself do the same #it's why i loved the doctor at the flak house... just figuring rosie out so well and taking the pieces rosie gives him and working out #what will resonate with rosie the best. and it was framing it so that rosie needs to look after his crew #which he WILL DO come hell or high water #i have to find the quote from the masters of the air book but at the very end rosie says the war wasn't over for him until he'd helped #prosecute some of the nazi's. that he could only move on from the war when he could see it through to the very end. his war was finally ove #and that just fits him SO WELL. #the horrors of war run deep but rosie rosenthal's love for his friends will always run deeper #these tags are so messy lmao just a jumble of thoughts #ch: rosie #tv: masters of the air #rosie mota

[birdricks]

thinking again.

#ASRGHHHHHHHGH. WHY DO YOU THINKING IM STILL FUCKING DOWN HEREEEEEE #also unrelated kind abut i like to imagine part of the reaosn behind ricks pause #after bp says hes waiting for his death to take effect #is bc it resonates with him. and hes also just like. upset #i wonder what he might have said if not prompted by memory rick

[alexkablob]

not to wade into discourse about shows online which I swore to stop doing but I think some of you need to recognize that not every piece of media is about you, and that focusing only on the themes that you personally identify with while erasing the ones you don't is Not Great

#some of you only know how to analyze things through a VERY specific queer lens that matches your own personal experiences and it shows #and I just think there is a lot more to enjoying narratives about having a complex relationship to gender in a very specific historical era #than arguing about what specific pronouns and labels they would use in 2023 #and that white queer people reducing stories that are about a character's struggle with being multiracial #to *only* the queer elements that we identify with is. not great??? #you can't separate these things you can't just ignore them #I'm obviously not equipped to do in-depth *commentary* on that aspect of mizu's character because I am in fact a white queer #that is for other people to speak about and I'm enjoying reading their takes on it #but like. you need to engage with media that is not about you. you need to assign artistic merit beyond what you personally identify with. #you can find things that resonate with you in them but you should not make the whole thing about you

[thepringlesofblood]

anyone else having to go through fhjy at a snail's pace bc every time there's a teacher-student interaction (even the positive ones!) you want to set something on fire because of how much you hate high school and american academic culture and it throws you back to the Bad Old Days of actually being in high school, but also you really like fantasy high and you really like the characters and their story and the players and the way they're exploring & critiquing the US school system and basically everything about the show but actually watching it makes your brain explode?

#dimension 20 #d20 #fhjy #fantasy high junior year #original post #look every time porter comes on screen i lowkey have a rage blackout #my hyperempathetic ass needs to watch recaps or read the transcripts or something #its too goddamn much #bc fantasy high has never actually been about like. the academics #but now that it is and now that aguefort is functioning more as a prestigious private school than as a lawless wasteland #its actually bringing back memories of me being in high school. the bad ones. #so its like. it turns out that the thing i liked about fantasy high was that it wasn't actually high school as i remember it #look i think what they're doing this season is genius #brennan is the perfect person to tackle this kind of topic #and each character has a different struggle that is both unique and yet resonates with the real world #and academic trauma is incredibly underdiscussed and i love that d20 has the guts to address it #i just need to take 3-5 business days to process every like. hour of content #so. we'll see how long it takes me to finish it

[itsmybirthdaythough]

Another dirk strider moodboard bc i cant stop thinking ab him

#homestuck #take what resonates lol #dirk #dirk strider #strider bros #dave #dave strider #hal #dirkjake #bro strider #ult dirk #moodboard #i love characters that control the narrative #alpha dirk #dirk death #just off of vibes

[transsextual]

had a really incredible moment this evening. went to my campus art market where one of my friends was selling the tank top i'm wearing - another friend bought it for me and i'm so overjoyed to have it. usually a fit that leans more Traditionally Masculine feels like a costume but tonight it just felt deeply correct and honest and warm. took the opportunity to take some indulgent little pictures because i do not think i have Ever looked more like myself. so happy.

#im like. slowly gently exploring butchness & ... what it means to me & ... trying to release the idea that it requires Masculinity.... #ive always felt pretty disconnected from masculinity as a whole but i'm starting to find points of entry that resonate really deeply #& along with that is like... esp when it comes 2 kink & leather & butchness - which r not intrinsically related but to me they r connected #theres this idea that like. i'm taking myself too seriously. and that nobody's gonna take me seriously. and that i'm too little too young #that im like #obviously inexperienced and a joke and failing and looking stupid . #but ... realized recently that . that's really just the trauma talking #and that i can just like. try shit out. and notice how it feels + what comes up #and then try it again if i so wish #and nothing i try has to be permanent or defining ... and that like . my desires and comforts and joys and needs Should Be Taken Seriously #soooo much of my like. impostor syndrome . has to do with worrying that im not doing it right when compared to other men #but like.... most of the kinky men / leathermen i see are 35+ and cis . #of course im not doing it like them . #so . looking to the queers i know. especially my fellow transmascs as well as lesbians . for like. reassurance and inspiration #has been very healing . & good for my heart & my soul. #:) #yeah . #i think i gotta go read butch is a noun. ... yeah #goodnight :) #speak #materialization #ok2rb

[perfectlyripeclementine]

there’s something so sacred about the relationship queer masc folks have to pleasure. i’m thinking folks on that spectrum between masc dyke/transmasc. in my experience because folks have such a nuanced relationship with their own bodies & varying levels of comfort with being touched, there is SO much emphasis on sharing pleasure, on mirroring the pleasure that they give.

it’s this incredible spin on the hetero thing of taking pleasure FROM someone, where pleasure is not a zero-sum game; their pleasure is the same as my pleasure, things that don’t feel good to me don’t feel good to them. it’s like when you put two mirrors in front of one another and they are refracted into infinity: turning me on turns you on, seeing you turned on turns me on, and it just escalates until we’re both shaking and satisfied and exhausted.

i see this so much in how ppl relate to their strap, or how they react when i’m riding and grinding on them - the times i’ve made someone come without touching them or even taken off their clothes, because seeing me and feeling my weight is enough to evoke the physical feeling of being inside me. i swear i saw God the first time i felt someone come inside me through the strap. these experiences have brought me so much closer to my own body and the pleasure i can not only experience but share. it’s so holy, and in the times when someone has wanted me to touch and pleasure them it felt so intimate and precious to be given that trust. no cis man could’ve helped me unlock this.

AND i see all of this mirrored too in the protector/carer dynamic - like i love the feeling of strong arms around me, love the emotion of someone wanting me to be theirs and wanting to keep me safe. and i love the squishy insides, love to be a source of sweetness and healing and regeneration, love to hold someone in my bare palms and be able to say this is for you, this care and pleasure i give you is yours to keep. i love how those things are seen and received rather than taken for granted the way that cis men do.

anyways when i hear people say femme/masc dynamics recreate straightness, or that thing of “well why don’t you just date a REAL man then?” i want to say that’s EXACTLY the point. queer masculinity gives me everything i cherish about men without the violence, the ownership that men are raised & trained for.

#ofc this doesn’t apply to every masc woman or transmasc person #take what resonates leave what doesn’t #this is just a thing i am Into and have met enough ppl this applies to that i think there’s a trend #if ur masc and this doesn’t apply to you that’s cool! that means i’m not taking about u! #this post is queer #nblnb #this turned out LONG #if ur anywhere on the queer masc spectrum u get a kiss & a snuggle #queer masculinity #queer love #queer sex #it’s hard to express this without implying that trans men aren’t Real Men #and that’s not at all what i believe or am trying to communicate #but i do think everyone who’s some kinda Gender Weird has a level of understanding of their own body that cis people rarely reach #ok i’m done #for now #idk if i ID as femme in general #but i def ID as a femme relative to the femme4butch dynamic #except maybe themme4queermasc #this post is about non binary love

[poorlydrawnandroids]

From the people who brought you: "Android detectives can't cook!" comes the concept: "Hank has a horrible food palate!"

He's happy to try anything once.

#the rainbow shrimp skewer is from worst cooks in america #it made me laugh so hard i had to draw this #also idk how egg correlates with cheese #none of them know what anything tastes like #and hank is like ‘i mean food is food’ #he's so valid #i'm the least pickiest eater in ever and will also try anything once #one time my starbucks coworkers asked me how much money it would take for me to put the sink discard in my mouth #i said $5 tbh #BUT IN MY DEFENSE it was like idk whip cream and fruit pieces like bfd you know yolo #also i love both the idea that they are all expert 5 star chefs who feed hank WELL #and the idea that they all are riding the thin line between edible content and something resembling sumo's finest backyard creations #of course the second one resonates well with my content so #incompetent chefs it is #rk bros #rk brothers #dbh hank #dbh nines #dbh sixty #detroit become human #dbh comic #comic #also sorry for the reupload the first version's quality was HEINOUS #hopefully this is better #dbh connor

[hella1975]

complicated relationship with taob be damned i have never peaked higher than i did when i was studying tragedies for my english class and wrote the fever dream chapter

#I WAS WRITING AT LEVELS NEVER BEFORE SEEN. OFF THE CHARTS CUNTISM. TRAGIC LEXICON LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE #'you scream with your lungs and you pray with your knees. but begging? #begging was in the hands. zuko's were empty. stained sunset red. /look. look at what you did/.' #'white bones charring until zuko remembered hearing of fortune-tellers - how they read the heat-cracks #of oracle bones. zuko wondered what the breaks in his skeleton lamented of. if he could read these scars #would they weep? /look. look at all that red/.' #'/look. cut-neck and red-stained. you wanted this/. the auditorium watched enraptured #whispering into ears. /this is the best part. the anagnorisis/.' #'this was a tale of honour and redemption. the playwright had woven zuko’s hamartia into his every action #doomed from the beginning. /you always thought it was anger that would damn you #that patronymic fury that snarls in your chest/. the director was grinning. /it is not. your fatal flaw has always been shame/.' #'redemption comes with the price of regret but you don't regret. you don't regret any of it' #'A GOOD TRAGEDY NEEDS A SCAPEGOAT; A TRAGIC HERO. ZUKO WOULD BE THEIRS. A MASK. A BOW. APPLAUSE. FURY. SHAME. #/LOOK/. THE THING WITH THEATRE IS THAT YOU PLACE A CHARACTER ONTO A STAGE WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE HIM #AND YOU SHINE LIGHTS ON HIM TO ILLUMINATE EVERY ANGLE AND YOU MAKE HIM SAY THINGS THAT RESONATE. A TRAGEDY IS JUST A DECLARATION #/LOOK. LOOK AT ALL IVE DONE AND GIVE ME REDEMPTION REGARDLESS. LOOK AT EVERY FLAW. TAKE ME AS YOUR ANTI-HERO. FORGIVE ME ANYWAY/ #IT WAS ABOUT BEING SEEN. IT WAS A CRY FOR HELP' #like???? GIRL OKAYYYYYY <33333 truly give me a theme i like and i will run fucking RINGS #taob

[carefulfears]

the biggest thing about elegy is that it takes all of that unspoken isolation of this arc, and it slowly lets the audience in. the first thing that mulder says about the apparitions, is that they seem to be an "omen." an impending prophecy. and carefully, throughout the episode, both the audience and scully are waiting to see, not who the killer is, but what is being foretold. when they're going over records, and scully's nose starts bleeding, it's the one thing that they can't ignore. she wasn't even there in the previous episode. she was in the hospital. alone. they don't talk about it. she's "fine." she has "always been the strong one." just like in irresistible, years earlier, she does not want him to know how much she is struggling. but she doesn't have any control. it is dripping out of her. the sound of his voice when he says "oh, scully." and how quickly she responds "it's okay. i'm fine."

it's that kind of childlike grimace in him, the same man who flinches away from dead bodies and stares at the ground before his father. and she's so fast to try to restore order. it's okay. i'm fine. don't worry, i'll clean it up. i'll make it go away. when she disappears into the bathroom and sees an apparition there herself...i think she decides to go to the hospital because she just needs space, honestly. she's scared. he offers to drive her, to go with her, twice. asks, "you sure?" and she says, twice, "i'm fine."

elegy builds to two separate climaxes: the first, when mulder comes to scully's apartment. but before that, we see scully in karen kosseff's office, the same therapist that she had gone to in irresistible, and presumably has kept a relationship with in the years since. she tells karen that she's been diagnosed with inoperable untreatable cancer, and when karen asks, "you've kept working?" she answers, "yes. it's been important to me."

she's taken aback when karen asks why, is surprised at the question, and tells her "agent mulder has been concerned. he's been supportive, through this time."

KOSSEFF: Do you feel that you owe it to him to continue working?

SCULLY: (quickly) No. (pauses) I guess I never realized how much I rely on him before this...his passion...he's been a great source of strength that I've drawn on.

KOSSEFF: What happened last night, Dana?

SCULLY: I saw something. I, I don't know what to trust. If I saw it because of the stress, because the image had been suggested to me or if it was a suggestion of my own fears.

KOSSEFF: Your fear of failing him?

SCULLY: (exhales emotionally) Maybe.

this is such a rare admission from scully. first of all, she's being confronted. this is not normal. it is not normal to work to your death. it's like bill tells her, a couple of episodes later, "what are you doing at work, getting knocked down, beaten up? what are you trying to prove?"

(she hadn't even told bill about her cancer. she'd been sick for months. she thought she was going to die in memento mori, she knows she's going to die sooner than later. and she instructed her mom not to tell her brother. from the moment that mulder said "i refuse to believe that," it really was only going to go one way.)

she's being confronted. why are you working? (for mulder). do you feel you owe him? (no, i need him).

she's really alone. she's sick. like, she's really sick. she spent the last case in the hospital. she's having a hard time keeping up. she's thinning, and bleeding, and struggling. but there she goes, every day, at every hour. monster chasing. telling him she's fine.

(so much conflict comes from the way that mulder's ignorance perfectly enables scully's repression)

when he shows up, late, at her apartment, he comes in a mile-a-minute, about how he needs her "help" on the case, before asking her what her doctor said. (her answer, of course, being, "i'm fine.")

he tells her that everyone who has seen an apparition, was dying. every person who reported a premonition, was near death themselves.

SCULLY: Harold Spuller is dying too?

MULDER: Well, that's what I need your medical opinion on.

SCULLY: Well, what if he isn't?

MULDER: I would be very surprised. What is a death omen if not a vision of our own mortality? And who among us would most likely be able to see the dead? 

this is one of the most hauntingly isolating moments of the series...he has just told her that she is going to die. and he doesn't know, that that's what he said. she is forced to process it, completely by herself. and she doesn't believe in ghosts, or "premonitions," but she knows that he is right. (when is he not?)

("maybe harold is sicker than we thought he was.")

the second moment that this episode builds to, is the final confrontation between mulder and scully. after the murder is solved. after harold dies.

SCULLY: I saw something, Mulder.

MULDER: What?

SCULLY: The fourth victim. I saw her in the bathroom before you came to tell me.

MULDER: Why didn't you tell me?

SCULLY: Because I didn't want to believe it. Because I don't want to believe it.

MULDER: Is that why you came down here, to prove that it wasn't true?

SCULLY: No, I came down here because you asked me to.

MULDER: Why can't you be honest with me?

SCULLY: (defensively) What do you want me to say? That you're right, that, that I believe it even if I don't? I mean, is that what you want?

MULDER: Is that what you think I want to hear?

SCULLY: (softly) No.

they come really...close here? to talking about it? she almost baits him several times this season. she spends so much of this arc thinking...maybe, this will be it. maybe if she fucks off on assignment, gets a tattoo with another man, he'll say it. maybe if she calls him out for never celebrating her birthday, he'll acknowledge why this is the year he did. maybe if they spend a friday night with a bottle of wine, they'll talk. maybe if she tells him, those things you believe are death omens? i saw it. he'll know.

i can't remember which one of you said that all of their arguments are just how to love each other. she doesn't want to believe. but she's there, because he has asked her to be. even in all of their repressed denial, there is no escaping what's happening. it hangs over both of them.

i love the moments in this arc where she just snaps. in this scene when she says, what do you want from me? do you want me to just believe you? and her quiet resignation, when he makes her answer her own question. no. she knows that's not what he wants.

MULDER: (his voice softens) I know what you're afraid of. I'm afraid of the same thing.

SCULLY: The doctor said I was fine.

MULDER: I hope that's the truth.

SCULLY: (whispers) I'm going home.

"i know what you're afraid of. i'm afraid of the same thing."

except, no, he doesn't. and no, they are not.

but she knows what he's afraid of, just as her therapist had known what she's afraid of ("your fear of failing him?") and so she dodges his admittance with reassurance. she's fine.

that last scene, when she goes out and cries in her car, and she sees harold's ghost in the backseat. she is so alone. she's working on her deathbed. they don't talk about it. she's afraid, and she's not fine, and she is going to "fail" him because she cannot keep herself alive for him, and she can't avoid it. it's in the backseat. it's in the bathroom mirror. it's bleeding out of her.

#here trish #txf.txt #elegy #DANA LOOK OUT!!! YOUR ELEGIES ARE EULOGIZING YOU!!!!!!!!!! #i was saying last night how much i love ‘gethsemane’ as an episode title #and i think that may be my favorite one #but i love ‘elegy’ a lot too #‘a lament for the dead’ #this whole episode is sorrow for the dead and dying #how we cannot catch up to them #and our dying girl at the center. seeing the omens. knowing what’s coming. crying alone in her car. #this show was always so so so resonant and impactful when it came to themes of grief and loss #anyway. there is no beyond the sea etc etc #also i noticed last night that scully mentions how long they've been together a lot during this arc #'in the four years i've known you' in tempus fugit #'i would think after four years' in elegy #'everything that we've done over the past four years' in reduxii #she's taking stock

[cleric4vampire]

what kind of love are you?

Aune: Love as a Choice

You choose to love. Love does not come to you easily, but every day you wake up and choose it. It would be so easy, wouldn't it, to grow cold and callous and grim. But you rise to greet the world, making the conscious effort to find something, anything to love. When you fall for someone, you do not kid yourself of their flaws. Instead, you resolve to see them for who they are, mistakes and all and you love them all the same. Your love is work, and it does not come easy. Your love sweats and toils. It is calloused and sunburned; it bears scars and comes with stories. Your love is worn, but no less valuable for it. Being loved by you is like being loved by a gardener, a mother, a teacher. Your love may not always be the simplest, but it is worth the effort.

Aune (as Durge): Love as Religion

Devotion, that is the name of your love. Your love is an act of worship. Your love is like witnessing the birth of Venus, like seeing the sun come alive, or the stars fall. When you love, it is because you have found God in a lover. You have found the meaning of life itself in the heart of the one you adore. They are everything to you; they are your Maker, you are their lamb, their flock, their first and holiest worshipper. When you fall in love, it is a baptism. You are born anew, made a believer in the divinity of the one you love most. Being loved by you is an ascension; it is holy and golden. It is all-consuming and all-faithful, loyal as the dog. You will never, ever bite back.

Don't mind me. Just thinking about how the Cleric to whom freedom of choice means Everything and is going through a crisis of faith did not get "Love as Religion"; But the Bhaalspawn to whom choice was never an option loves like religion — because the idea that anyone could love someone as wretched as them must certainly be holy and worthy of devotion. And to be devoted is to choose to surrender - knowing your lover could be the end of you - and still doing it. Because you have FAITH

aaaaaaaaaaa

tagged by @dolceaspidenera; thank you for tagging me!!

if you haven't done it yet and want to — tagging @bhaalsdeepmuse @justabiteofspite @thehightiefling @dragon--sage @witch-from-a-block-of-flats @birb--birb and anyone else who wants to do this!!

#URGGHGHH feelings!!! these are so spot on #I usually take these quizzes multiple times per character if I feel like they could have gone one way or another with certain questions #and it helps me determine how accurate a result is. without fail I always got Choice for Aune and Religion for Durge!Aune #italicized text is what resonates most with the character #(also the irony of tav!aune being covered in blood but not durge!aune in the pictures lol) #oc: aune #oc: durge!aune #bg3

[thedreadvampy]

btw about Neil Gaiman I periodically agree with the 'Neil Gaiman is annoying' stuff bc I feel like both he and Amanda Palmer seem like people who I would go insane stuck in a room with bc we have very different ideas about art and suchlike. and I also do think that the career trajectory he's on lately is cynically redoing his greatest hits and pretending that was the dream all along when it clearly was not. which is at best meh.

having said which

as far as I can tell by far the most common complaint about Neil Gaiman is "Snow, Glass, Apples is problematic/gross/it's got incest and rape and frames the child as the aggressor"

which strikes me as a weird complaint to pull out of a 40 year body of work tbh when that short story is pretty clearly coming from a place of 'how far can I push this'. like you don't have to like the story. I don't really like the story. but it is. a horror story.

like and this is the thing with particularly 90s alt horror right? a lot of the interest is in transgression and sitting in the worst possible perspective and seeing what happens if you pull those strings. like I really like Clive Barker for example but there's a good chunk of his short stories that I'm like I'm not picking up what you're putting down Clive this seems Kinda Off. but that willingness to write some trite or Bad Message horror fiction that doesn't land is imo a side effect of being willing to try writing uncomfortable and unpleasant fiction at all. which is what horror is for, among other things, it's for creating discomfort as a form of catharsis or engagement.

like I am not a huge fan of the type of sex-horror that pops up in a lot of Gaiman's work and other contemporary horror writers - to me I don't find it upsetting or horny it just ends up feeling kind of edgy and tryhard - but I'm also a bit like. it does seem like a lot of people's beef with Neil Gaiman is that In The 90s He Was A Horror Writer

and this approach to Problematic Horror in Snow, Glass, Apples I find kind of microcosmic of how The Discourse often approaches art in this kind of 1:1 way. if you write a story which seems to line up with rape apologia it can only be because you agree with it. if you write a story about transphobia you're a transphobe. if you write a story that makes me genuinely uncomfortable you're attacking me.

but artwork, especially art like horror that's not necessarily trying to provoke enjoyment as its main response, is necessarily hit and miss. and if what you're shooting for is discomfort then whether it works, falls flat or goes too far incredibly depends on your audience. and making good art - as in art that makes its audience think, art that opens the audience up to discomfort and catharsis and sticks with them and changes them - requires the space to experiment and tbh the space to fuck up. like they aren't all going to be winners and they certainly aren't all going to work for you as a singular audience.

personally I don't see the appeal of Snow, Glass, Apples, less cause it's nasty and more cause it's hack. ooh an edgy monstrous version of a fairy tale where there's lots of rape and cannibalism? you're soooo original Neil. but like. that's fine. I don't really vibe with like 70% of Neil Gaiman stuff I've read but I still like Neil Gaiman because the stuff that works for me really works for me.

idk I think there's a lot of folk on this website who shouldn't interact with horror cause they clearly aren't interested in being horrified. that's not everyone who dislikes Snow, Glass, Apples, but it's a real undercurrent to a lot of the criticism and tbh this kinda vibe is shit for art. making standout art What Is Good also requires being ready to make art which stands out for the wrong reasons. sometimes they'll be the same art to different people.

#red said #not to Cancel Culture this but isabelle fall springs to mind in a lot of how folks talk about stuff like this #like she wrote a transgressive piece exploring her own negative feelings about transness and her anger around a transphobic trope #and she made something which i found really resonant and interesting #and she got torn apart for it because it Might From Some Angles Agree With Transphobia #and I'm not making a direct comparison. because i think attack helicopter is a really GOOD story and i think SGA is gratuitous and hack #but that's the thing right? transgression and discomfort and speaking about unpleasant things in an openended way are KEY #to making art that engages directly with your own pains and angers and discomforts #and that's hard to mediate tbh. but it's also very necessary. #i think as well thinking about Gaiman this is also a thought I've often had about Amanda Palmer #who over the years has written a lot of songs about things i find genuinely uncomfortable or offensive. #and i can engage with 'it's fucked up to tell your ex they transed their gender At You' or 'your partner's suicide is not about you' bc yeah #but #you can't celebrate someone for making confessional music then get mad because you don't like everything they confess #if you only take about your socially acceptable thoughts it's not really confessional is it? #if you only talk about discomforting things that people are comfortable hearing about its not really discomforting #and you can only really discern what's Good Transgressive and what's Damaging Transgressive through doing i think #so if you want challenging art you are going to have to get some art which challenges you and you go hmm no i still disagree #is what i think #so yeah you can hate the artwork but when an artist is specifically setting out to make challenging art it's weird to hate them #for making 50 pieces of art you like and 1 you hate