can we. can we talk about how in the final lucien fight, Essek failed to resist the slow effect from one of the eyes (he rolled two natural 1s in a row). canonically, he was weighed down with with so much shame and guilt that he could barely move—the same guilt that he is seriously considering going back in time to undo—and he didn’t use his fortune’s favor reroll to try to alleviate it.
but he did expend his mote of possibility when he struggled to pull Caleb out from under a building. no hesitation.
so. so. was he saving his fortune’s favor for the mighty nein? had he already decided not to use it for himself?
homeboy really said “I would break the world to undo my sins, but I will bear them if it means you survive.”
Fanbinding: am i a stranger to you? by @chasingfictions
Summary:
Just then, the last of the blood slipping from that boy into Spike, him and Dru grabbing for each other with their fangs in each other’s mouths, then walking hand in hand up Fifth Avenue, all the way back home, a little prayer croaks out of him, before he realizes enough to grab it back—
Please. Please, let it be like this always.
-
(In which New York City is one of the various loves of Spike's unlife, he can’t stop thinking about the Slayer, and in which, mostly, he just really wants to belong somewhere, if anyone will have him.)
link here
I was inspired by the folks at the Renegade Bookbinding Guild and their Binderary 2024 events to try my hand at binding some of my favorite works of fanfiction. This one is the fifth part of chasingfictions my blood tastes like laughter series and has had a special place in my heart since 2021. I'm from NY and I read this between classes my first semester back at school during the pandemic and Spike's love for the city seemed to perfectly resonated with my own so I wanted to commemorate that in print!
This is the first text block I've ever sewn by hand. At four signatures, this seemed like a perfect starter project. I'm learning that part of designing books is doing it by ✨vibe✨ The gray/white/silver/gold marbled cover said New York to me, sort of a glass and concrete with a bit of shine aesthetic. I went with red end papers because vampires. The typesetting isn't too fancy but I really wanted to find an art deco ornament to separate sections of the fic. It took me a while to figure out how I wanted to decorate the spine. I originally used a gold foil quill to trace the text of the title and author but then went over it with a paint pen recommended in one of the Binderary sessions last month and fell in love with the effect. I can't believe my hand was steady enough to get it that clean 😅
There was one picture I took of John at Paul's house when he was half-dressing, putting on his shirt. And he hated it. He said, "Look, Dezo, you say you want clean-cut pictures of us, so why do you use this? I look like a tramp!"
I replied, "Yes, but your face... I never saw you look so human as on this picture." And it's possible that this word "human" made him think, because eventually he loved that picture most, much better than the rest of the portraits. After that he always said, "Why didn't you get the rest of the shirt in the picture?"
Why do I need a job why can't I just take art lessons and baking lessons and scuba diving lessons and piano lessons and figure skating lessons and woodworking lessons and bushcrafting lessons and pottery lessons and horse riding lessons and sailing lessons and archery lessons and foreign language lessons and climbing lessons and welding lessons and fencing lessons and cooking lessons until I die?
Marine Biologist Regulus who can't swim and is terrified of the ocean so he started studying it so it wouldn't scare him as much and he ended up loving it. He's still terrified though.
It's like the whole Astronaut vs. Astrologist situation. Just because you love something and it fascinates you, doesn't mean you'd be willing to risk your life for it.
Bonus:
James is a scuba instructor and Sirius asks if he'll help Regulus learn to swim and get over his fear of the ocean so that he can go on this once-in-a-lifetime trip. He wants to go so badly but... So obviously James agrees to help, and things start off rough, but eventually James figures out what works for him, hijinks ensue, and they fall in love and Regulus asks him to go on the trip with him because James is the only reason he feels safe.
It sends me a little spinning right now to realise just how much us trans men and trans mascs are erased and ignored.
Not only the amount of historical figures where every clue points to them being men where people insist they are women who wanted more rights. Like yes that existed but someone living his entire life as a man, referring to himself as a man in diaries and such and wanting to be buried stealth (which was ignored which is the only reason we know he was trans to begin with) does not scream "woman".
Then the next point, how people always say that there weren't any historical trans men, and how we know about such few of them. It's because people assigned female at birth back then didn't have rights. It's hard to run away and start a life as a man when you legally can't open a bank account ir get a job alone and are maybe stuck with unsupportive people or in an abusive marriage. And i didn't even realise how much this would have hindered historical fellow trans men's expression until recently because i hadn't seen anyone talk about this before that.
The fact that i thought it was common knowledge that hrt and surgery bans are more targeted at trans men, especially by TERFs, and sports bans and bathroom laws are more targeted at trans women, but somehow the first part always falls under the table in discussions about it. As if the one of the most influential books amongts transphobes in general isn't "Irreversible damage", a book that targets specifically trans men and our reproductive ability and "female pretty body". As if Ms Bossterf herself doesn't focus on trans men, and AUTISTIC TRANS MEN, for the bigger part of her manifesto. Them claiming to "protect" us against our own decisions doesn't actually mean forced detransition is protection just because they call it that. How can someone say that TERFs only focus on and intend to harm trans fems, and ignore the purposeful damage towards trans mascs?
And i want to make a short announcement that this post is not to ignore the transphobia against trans fems, because i know someone will claim it is, i am just focusing on trans men right now. People can talk about more than one topic at different times.
i’ve been trying to watch the shadowgast tower conversation in my ongoing c2 rewatch for like DAYS and i just can’t watch this normaly they are SO INTENSE AND FOR WHAT I’M JUST HERE AND THEN I HAVE TO PAUSE AND START GIGGLING BC IT FEELS SO PERSONAL AND I CAN’T WATCH THIS?? I’M GOING INSANE THEY-