#takes longer probably but less stressful and i get more control

[actual-changeling]

we do not talk enough about the moment right before crowley puts his sunglasses back on. the "nothing lasts forever" is devastating and if you're like me your eyes were so full of tears you couldn't see the screen the first time you watched it (just like crowley, look at us all twinning in sadness!).

there is a shift that happens in his eyes and i think it is absolutely fascinating and heartbreaking at the same time.

we begin with crowley averting his gaze from aziraphale's face and staring off into the distance instead, and you can see his spirit break. that crowley just lost the one thing in the world he cannot live without and we can see it written across his face like a neon sign.

then, as you'd expect, he gives into the need to cover up his pain, to try and make himself less vulnerable, and even before he lifts his glasses he looks down so aziraphale can no longer see his eyes.

now, the next part is what would not let me out of its grasp all day. we know it happens because of his demeanour afterwards and up until the kiss, but you can actually watch as crowley makes himself numb to the world.

i am intimately familiar with dissociation as a trauma and stress response, and while you can never fully control it, you do eventually find the switch in your mind that makes you snap back into the haze. crowley has had six thousand years to get really, really good at leaving reality behind when he needs and/or wants to.

that's exactly what he does.

he still looks sad, and yet there's just something distinctly distant in his eyes, the shift from openly heartbroken to "i don't want to feel any of this let me leave".

glasses? on

emotions? off

hotel? trivago

i have stared at those four frames more than any person probably should and i don't know if it's the light, if i am going insane, or if there is a single tear sliding out of his right (our left) eye. i'm probably insane and the light is a bitch so if anyone has some high resolution shots or anything that could answer that question without a doubt PLEASE do add it.

by now you are probably ready to threaten me with a knife in a dark alley but before you do that or drive your car off a cliff, let me tell you the best part:

aziraphale notices.

they might be communicating on two different frequencies but aziraphale knows crowley. he knows and loves him, and, most importantly, over the last few years he has gotten used to seeing crowley without his glasses. aziraphale could probably write a book on the expressions in his eyes alone and watches that shift happen and is devastated.

look.

he tries to make himself hope the same second, tries to convince himself crowley is putting on his glasses so they can leave together, but he knows.

aziraphale sees the light leave crowley's eyes, sees crowley leave, knowing that he is quite literally running away from him. you and me against the world, angel, but in that moment crowley firmly pushes him back to "the world" (or tries to, anyway).

the entire season we see crowley take off his glasses whenever he enters the bookshop to the point where he's running around without them on in broad daylight with jimbriel right there.

can you imagine how hurt and confused aziraphale must be?

because what crowley is telling him, if we really, really break it down, is that aziraphale is no longer a safe person for him. and repairing that trust is going to take time and work, no matter how much crowley loves him, how badly they love and need each other.

anyway to seal this off and really rub in the pain - how it started vs. how it ended. <3

oh one last thing: now crowley no longer has a single person he can be himself around, no one that knows him, no one he trusts. no one in whose presence he can take his glasses off.

and outside of the bentley and his own flat, he no longer has a place to do so either. the bookshop was theirs. with aziraphale gone, is it really a safe place anymore? is it somewhere he can just let himself be knowing he will be looked after and protected?

easy answer: no.

alright, off i go. see y'all on the next angst post or in the tags.

#alex talks good omens #good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable divorce #the final fifteen #good omens meta

[eveningepiphany]

pirates gold | H.S series, part two

[part one]

[series masterlist]

summary: challengers are arising as life on the ship continues. not only that, but all kinds of tension is building between you and harry. good and bad... and something that feels forbidden to even entertain in your minds eye.

warnings: swearing, tension, fluff, sexual mentions, talks of violence, harry being so so fine, mentions of kidnapping, one bed trope.

a/n: i cannot believe how long this took me to write, I’m praying I can do part three in half the time. thank you for your patience my loves<3

———

There are plenty of moments you are left wondering how in control of your life you actually are.

If you truly have any power at all— because sometimes it feels like everything is spinning relentlessly out of your grasp.

Well, especially under your current circumstances. Since your last 4 days have been spent as someone else’s prisoner.

Which, you couldn’t have predicted would lead you into the bathroom of your own captor and being left to bathe with his own personal collection of things.

Being in there was a shock enough as it is because… of course you’d noticed how well-groomed he appeared. But to see that he actually had things like soap and hair wash…

Another stereotype you presumed, was that pirates were horrendous when it came to maintaining a sense of personal hygiene. But it was another thing you were evidently incorrect about when it came to Harry. And seemingly the rest of his crew as well.

As you washed off in the shower, scrubbing away the collected dirt, dust and sweat off of your body, you felt almost like a new person.

It felt inexplicably good to use soap again, which is a luxury you took for granted much too often back home. But finally getting rid of all the residue on your skin was an amazing feeling. Including washing away the salt from your ocean dip a few days ago. Which was stuck in the crevices and creases of your skin, like it was slowly dehydrating you from the outside in.

So you took probably longer than you should in his shower… but it didn’t seem as time ticked on that he was in his room or at the bathroom door.

Not even when you eventually stepped out from the water, drying yourself off with a rag-like towel. Looking at yourself in the mirror, taking in your frame, and how the skin under your eyes is a tad less sunken in after a long shower.

Maybe it was from stress, or lack of sleep. But either way, you rubbed your fingers underneath them. Attempting to smooth out the remaining darkness there, as if that would work.

Settling on the fact what was left of them was only temporary, you decide to just get into the clothes Harry had given you. Pretending it doesn’t weird you out as you slide his black shirt over your body.

It was far from tight on you, and the fabric probably could’ve swallowed you up as it clung to you. And as you pulled the soft pants up, they were equally as big.

You gazed in the mirror again, looking at how his clothes fit you. Struggling to envision him in such simplistic clothing.

Suddenly, his body filling out the once baggy pants and shirt is taking up the confines of your mind. They certainly would fit him properly. And likely hug the muscle built on his chest... you have to swat the mental image away, before it conjures into something more.

So immediately, you jump to distract yourself. Eyes roaming around the bathroom until they lock onto the cabinet beneath the bathroom bench.

Your hands don't hesitate, coming to the cupboards to open them, pulling the handles so they unlatch.

It’s sadly sparse inside. Almost entirely empty despite a few miscellaneous items. A hair comb, a dagger sheath and a… sewing kit? You frown at the sewing kit, unable to imagine him doing anything as delicate and time consuming as hand sewing.

However, he does wear intricate outfits. He seemingly prizes them, actually. So, it seems fitting that if wear and tear got to them, he'd be keen to fix them. That's the conclusion you're going to go with anyway.

But regardless, in the small wooden confines, there is nothing you can steal for your own benefit. You think of shutting it, but in the silence something urges you to open the small plastic box anyways.

You drop onto your knees, sliding the container to the edge of the shelving, and hooking your fingers into the latches and pulling the lid upwards.

There are several little threading needles— even clothing pins— placed among regular cotton thread in an array of colours. But there’s also multiple wads of fishing line, which immediately makes you wonder why it's in there. Trying to pinpoint what kind of clothing needs fishing line as a stitching.

You’re about to pull it out, but conveniently, there’s a rattle outside of the door. One that indicates someone is coming into his quarters. You hold back a frustrated sigh, suddenly wishing you had of taken a shorter shower.

Your body kicks into quick movement, hurrying to click his sewing box shut and put it back where it was in the first place. Pushing hard on the latches that now suddenly don’t want to cooperate with your haste.

It’s silent outside of the footsteps that trail to the bathroom door, making you wince as the latch on the cupboard echoes a tiny clack as it’s shut.

The feet stop at the door, and your breath is held from where you’re kneeling. Not sure if you’re hoping for Harry or not.

“Y/N?” His voice calls with a rap on the door, “y’decent?”

“I—“ you slowly rise from the floor, cringing at the creak of the boards beneath your feet as you stand.

“Yea… yep.”

The lock jingles and the door swings open, revealing Harry— who looks no different to how he did almost an hour ago. Black blouse, black pants. Nothing had changed.

You feel suddenly vulnerable standing in his clothes in front of him, and you have to force yourself not to wring your hands at the bottom of his long shirt.

“Mm, nice to see you actually showered, ‘stead of tryin’ to break out.” He comments, nonchalantly stepping in through the door. Eyes scanning you in his clothes.

As he steps closer, the only difference you notice is the red bruising around his knuckles, on the hand hung down by his waist.

“Oh, I tried.” You mused, attempting to push confidence in your tone— adverting your gaze away from his bruised hand.

He hums, still staring at your frame, “To no avail, I see.”

“I suppose not.” You remarked, to which he shrugs. His body language is casual, but you’re still unconvinced that everything is normal.

Now you're staring at him, trying to decipher what the fuck is happening right now. Given the fact nothing about this seems planned.

“But I am confused...” You prompt, and to it, he cocks an eyebrow.

He steps forward, “Go on.”

“What exactly have you done in the last hour?” It comes from your mouth as an accusation. One that draws out a rash laugh from him pink mouth.

“Why is it you assume I’ve done something?” He's awfully close to you now, and it highlights the features on his face. Ones you're desperately trying to pay no attention to. But it's much harder to ignore the fall of his hair over green eyes when its up close.

“Because that just seems the most likely.” You stated. Walking to brush past him—shoulder passing his chest with a light touch— the bathroom feeling far too cramped for the two of you. And the air around you had suddenly gone hot with tension on your end.

You make your way out into his quarters, making use of your need for distance, and deciding to inspect the room while you could.

Harry turns on his heel, watching as you now suddenly walk around his bedroom like it was your birth right. Hands trailing over frames on the wall, and picking up random objects he’d strewn on the floor.

He sighs at this, part of him wanting to stop you from snooping around his place, but he’s also undeniably curious at your mannerisms while looking around. The way your eyebrows pull down into a frown as you pick up an array of things. Including odd ones, like a bag of dried out barnacles, and whetstones block he uses to sharpen his blades with.

“I bought ya up here t’shower. Because unlike many, I have a hygiene standard, darlin’.” He says, and you turn from where you were touching the cover of his unmade bed. Fingertips noting the softness of it. He sleeps here… your brain announces as though it’s unfathomable to imagine him at rest in his own bed. Which was tucked into the corner of the all-wood room, three circular windows running beside its edge.

Looking at his hand again, finally getting the courage to bring it up.

“And your knuckles are swelling up. All bruised. They weren’t like that earlier.”

He smirks, completely bypassing your question, “looking at my hands, ay? Didn’t pick you to be that kind of girl.”

You sneer at his stupid tease, irritated at his arrogance.

“Just seemed all rather impromptu, and now you’re back here with bruised up fists that you didn’t have earlier.” You challenge, after walking slowly away from his bed.

“You don’t stop until you get an answer y’like. Is that right, princess?” He scoffs.

But he knows you’re brilliant at reading someone, tragically so. And it’s obvious you’re not as stupid as he wishes. Because he watches as your eyes narrow, clear that you know he’s dodging your questions for a reason.

“And you don’t give answers unless it suits you best, I take, captain?”

To that, he chuckles, and decides to prove you right, walking over to grab your wrist with the unscathed hand.

“M’clothes are a bit big on you…” he comments, partially using it as an excuse to drag his eyes down your body again. Completely changing the subject.

“Tomorrow, we’re pulling into port, we’ll buy some stuff that actually fits you.” Despite being the one to decide this, there's a pang of disappointment in his chest at you getting out of his oversized clothes. He ignores it. The hand that's becoming all too familiar to your wrist is leading you out of his quarters, and your eyes dart to take in the room a final time. Hoping to commit it to memory.

“That’s a bit doting. Are you going to take me with you, or is that a far fetched wish?” You drawl, already figuring you’ll be locked away while they roam about. Buying you clothes while you sit prisoner.

You should probably just be grateful for the fact he is willing to spend gold on you, given the circumstances. But who would you be kidding if you tried to portray that right now. ‘Thanks for buying me clothes while I sat locked up in your jail cell!’ He would audibly cackle if you said that.

He chuckles at your bitter sounding tone, “I’d bet you’d be rather upset if we went into town without you.”

You scowl at him, having to bite your tongue as to not say anything rash, choosing not to respond at all.

He’s taken you outside of his room, and locked his door with the small ring of keys he keeps on him. Beginning a slow walk along the corridors of the ship, seemingly in no hurry at all. He pulls your arm to rest firmly between his elbow and ribcage as you stroll the halls, as though you’re on some kind of leisurely walk.

To your silent annoyance, he rolls his eyes with amusement, knowing you'll hold quite the grudge if he doesn't take you out when the ships docks at Sintir. “I’ll think about it, dove.”

The two of you walk in quiet for a minute. Clacking of shoes against decking echoes through the hallways below deck. You get lost in thought, until his voice quickly coaxes you out it.

“We’re stopping for two nights.” He suddenly clarifies for you, “After we buy you some suitable clothes, maybe you can come into town after dark.”

You’re skeptical of his offer, given that it’s not a guarantee. But you’re desperate to just get off this ship for a bit. Not even in an attempt to escape, you know that wouldn’t work even if you tried. Purely to be on land again, and around people who aren’t felons at sea.

So you soften your frown a bit, going quiet for a few moments. You decide to try the hopeless approach, no matter how weak your faith is in it. But maybe you'll get some pity from the man beside you, “I miss the towns, and being on solid earth, that’s all. It's all I've ever known.”

You were already embarrassed at how the helpless tone sounded on your voice. Maybe because is wasn't genuine, but either way, internally you gagged a little.

He laughs abruptly at your words, almost shocked that you attempted to persuade him with that.

“No need to pull the damsel in distress card.” He’d shook his head, smiling wide with humor at your expense, “My decision is impartial to a poor attempt at manipulation.”

“It’s not manipulation!” You turn to snap at him, dropping the meek mannerisms just as quickly as you put them on.

“Oh but it is, darling.” He bumps your shoulder with his own, turning a corner that reveals another set of stairs, “y’bad as any other pirate. Outside of the shitty lying.”

You shake your head, huffing out air from your nose as he leads you up them. The annoying thing is that he's right. However you still fight to prove your point.

“Can you blame me? I just want to go into a town and do something normal. Have a little stability amongst this shit show!” Your grumble made him chuckle, as it seemed to always do. Like as if he could not take a word you say seriously, even if he tried.

“I suppose I can’t fault you for it.” He hums, pushing a hatch open after unlinking your arms. He went through it first so he could help you up. Hands steadying you once your feet come in contact with the floor. Because suddenly, you’re on the bow of the ship. The afternoon sun out and warm on your skin as the waves are calmly lapping over themselves.

You momentarily forget that you’re pissed off with him. All you can focus on is the fresh air and golden sun.

His eyes take in your deep inhalation, and the way you look so relieved to be outside. Understandable given the fact you spent 2 days locked in a tiny room.

A feeling he can’t name stirs in his chest. And the voice in the back of his head is suddenly encouraging taking you into Sintir while the ships docked there.

“It’s… nice out.” You exhale, your gaze veering to him momentarily as you speak. His green eyes are locked onto yours, and you quickly make to slide your attention back out on the blue water.

Which is easy to look at, since it doesn’t technically end. Just melts into the equally blue horizon where the sky meets the sea.

“It almost always is, up this far north.” He nods, pushing the sudden emotion away. “It won’t stay that way once we leave the port. There’s a storm well in due this week.”

You mentally file away that you’re up north, but a part of you gets anxious with the idea of being out while there’s a storm.

On land, you always enjoyed them. They brought a sense of serenity to you. The thunder and rain sometimes came so loud in Kelna it drowned out everything going on in your life. Temporarily, of course, however it was nice while it lasted. But on water was a different story. You’d heard they’re rocky rides, treacherous even. That ships often enter a storm, and don't come out the other side.

“Don’t look s’worried.” He comments at your suddenly terrified energy, he places a palm on your back to usher you forwards.

“Just that I really don’t want to die out here.” You sigh, not denying the fear since it’s clearly that obvious.

You walk willingly wherever he’s decided to take you, sharing a short wave to the man up by the ships wheel. He had messy head of hair, one that you imagined when it was windy, would blow all over the place.

“Have faith in us, Y/N. We’ve weathered many storms jus’ fine.”

“Oi, H,” the scruffy pirate you just waved at calls down to his captain, as he tracks down the stairs with you. Going from the steering deck to the main deck.

Harry tilts his head over his shoulder, pausing on the stairs where you both stand, indicating he’s listening with a nod. You briefly trail your eyes over his side profile. The curve of his nose, and the cut of his jaw.

But his crewmate barely gets a couple words out before he’s interrupted shortly after, “How did ya go wi—“

“Fine, Liam.” Abruptly, Harry cuts in. Not rudely, but curtly.

The man on the wheel, who now has a name to you— Liam— alternates his gaze between the two of you suddenly. Like he’s dawning upon why he just got interrupted.

“Ah, I see.” He nods, quickly busying himself with what he was doing beforehand.

Harry continues walking you down a set off stairs, back down to main deck.

“I’m going to assume that was about earlier, and has something to do with why you dragged me out of my cell.” You say, attempting indifference.

“You’d assume right.” He nods, but you wait for him to say something more— which he doesn’t.

You sigh in frustration, “I'll also take that's why I'm still up here, and not locked back up."

You're trying to gauge yet again how much of his actions are kindness, and how much of them are out of an attempt to gain something.

"Not why you're out here, 'm tryna give ya a bit of sun." He brings you to a stop at the far left of the main deck, smirking as he talks, "I've got to patch up a old sail, incase we need it. No better place to do it but out here."

He pays no mind to you as he kneels down to a storage unit a few feet away from you in the floor, unlatching it, and hauling out a huge canvas sail it. The sheet crinkles as he carries it out, and dumps it on the wooden deck.

You frown, wondering if he's the only one on the ship who can do any sort of needlework... because it seems like the only reasonable option as to why he's doing it himself. So you ask, "Why exactly are you doing it?"

He laughs, striding back over to pull a much larger sewing kit from the bottom of the storage space, and also sheet of spare canvas.

"You are filled with clichés of us, darling. What is makin' y'ask that?" He chucks the kit and extra fabric down, following to sit shortly after.

You're still standing as you try to conjure up an answer that doesn't sound unbelievably stupid. But he is cross-legged, pulling the damaged side of the sail over his muscular thighs.

"Because..." You pause, still unsure how to phrase it as you stare at him. You're looking at his side profile again, and it's lit by the overhead sun.

He glances your way, essentially looking up at you from where he's positioned on the floor. He finishes your sentence for you, "'Cause I'm a captain? And why would I do something productive for myself and my crew when I could make someone below me do it?"

"Well... basically."

"You're going t’find out very quickly the dynamic between me ‘n my crew." he pulls open the sewing box, filled with larger needles, and thick thread.

"I may be their Captain, but we’re all like brothers. I see them as that, not as my workers. They are my team, and we help out whenever and wherever we can." He states, sounding completely sincere, "And, I'm the only one that can actually hand sew things, so here we are."

"Here we are..." you parrot quietly, almost finding it endearing the way he talks about his crew mates.

Delicately, he’s threading up a needle and starting to take it through the sail and its new panel, lined up over the relatively large tear. His hands are steady, hair fallen over his eyes as he concentrated on starting the stitch. You stare at the dark bruising over his knuckles, and you swear that wasn’t as deep a shade earlier.

Without thought, you slowly sink to the ground, back resting against the side of the boat, not waiting long before you start to ask him more questions.

“Whatever happened to put that large of a hole in your sail?” You’d quizzed.

He knew it wouldn’t take long before you started to pry him with more of your wonders, “A cannonball.”

Your face can’t hide the shock, because of how casually he answered you. Your lips were parted in surprise at his response when he glanced over to you. A smirk over his mouth, popping a dimple on his cheek.

“Jus’ a run in with another ship.” He mused, “They tore a hole in our sail, and we tore a hole into the side of their boat.”

You almost sputter a laugh, of course he has to brag about not having lost that altercation.

“I hope you have a winning streak under your belt.” You shake your head, smiling a little.

“Why? Because I’m carryin’ such precious cargo.” Alluding to you with a charming cadence to his voice.

You’re stretched out in the sun as he watches you, and you almost look happy. If he didn’t know any better. But maybe you are a little. Circumstantially, you’re probably far from it. But in this moment, you look calm in a way he hasn’t seen before.

“Obviously. And all this would be for nothing if I go down with your ship and you don’t get your gold.”

“Tragic really, after putting up with y’through all this. Including jumpin' off m'own ship.” He teases.

“It’s been like, 5 days. I cant have been that annoying outside of the jumping thing.” You can’t tell if you’re offended at his jabs like you should be. You wish you fully were, but the banter is almost pleasing to have with him. It gives you something to laugh at. And also gives you an excuse to be insolent with him.

“Mm, if only y’knew…” he sighs in faux exhaustion, a tiny laugh escaping through his façade.

The way the ship cruised through the waves was inexplicably calming to experience up here. With the sun and the warm around surrounding you.

His hands were weaving the needle through the material, it’s mesmerising to watch. He’s definitely skilled at it, since it has hardly taken him long to get one side sewed on.

“You look quite content over there.” He comments, not looking up from where he was.

The observation stuns you a little, because of how true it was.

“I… it’s hard not to be after being in a tiny wooden room for 2 days straight.” You answer, but it doesn’t feel like the only reason why.

“Y'know,” he begins, “I excepted someone like you to have the worst set of sea sickness, and to be constantly terrified, but you've seemingly proved me wrong.”

“Have you underestimated me?”

“Possibly.” He remarks. And you don’t answer him again.

You're struck with the realisation that you actually don’t hate being above deck. Or really on the ship— outside of the reasons to why you’re on it. You think you might have underestimated yourself.

Like a reel of film, your mind flashes through images of a life like this. Outside of the damn cell at the bottom of the boat.

One where you spend your days free on the water. Both free in regards to your imprisonment here— but also from your life and looming responsibilities at home.

You envision yourself suddenly in the most pirate-like attire, standing up on those huge masts like they do in fictions sold at the bookstore— the odd one that would romanticise the life of piracy instead of completely defacing it.

It hits you like a slap in the face. One that stings and burns on the side of your cheek, lingering for days after it initially impacted.

You have to forcibly squeeze your eyes closed, because there is no room to have feelings like that in your already muddled brain.

Harry speaks up from where you forgot he was sitting, “What exactly is Kelna like?”

“Prison.” You blurt, hand almost coming to slap over your own mouth in surprise.

Your head is in disarray, and that somehow slipped its way out. Because all the sudden, you realise you almost felt more trapped in your own home than you honestly do here.

You tried to escape this ship out of fear that you would be killed— or sent somewhere worse— but when that element is removed from the equation, you’re certain anything is better than Kelna.

“Im kidding—“ you hurriedly spew out, but his head is turned to frown at you, “it’s nice… it’s great. Very lovely people and we have… yea. It’s great.”

Of course, you love your family. Some of them. Your younger brother and older brother, your younger sister. But outside of your siblings, there were few people to love.

“Sound like y’trying to convince yourself more than me.”

You guess you kind of were in a sense. And a part of you wanted to just say how much you never wanted to go back, if that were an option. You only ever told your older brother Poe about how desperate you were to get away from the court. One person. One soul out of this whole world of them knows.

Only Poe knows how terrified you were that Misha— Kelna's infamous prophet— would come to the podium to speak the most misconstrued riddle, that supposedly announced you were to take the crown. Your own stomach churns at the concept.

But revealing that to Harry felt like giving away a vulnerable piece of yourself. He doesn't deserve to be the second person you entrust with something so pressing for you. Which you remind yourself that you swore not to lay an ounce of trust in this man’s hands. That your impartialness to a separate life here is due to your life at home. And that freedom on this ship is unlikely.

“I’m not…” you breathe out in defeat. Trying desperately to steer clear of the subject, because its easy to drag you into a pit of ever-welling anxiety.

However, he can sense your complete shift in energy. This is your first time really talking about home. And it seems like you have more than bitterness to it. He expected a whimsical answer. One that showed your longing for return, or that you even valued part of being in a court. But he got nothing of the sorts.

It slips from his soft mouth before he can stop it, “Are you not safe at home?”

He’s completely disregarded his sewing venture, and has turned to look right at you. His features have softened, and he looks genuinely a little concerned. But you brush it off for deceit. Of course he would want to know something like that. Want to pick away at your seams until all the sudden you're unraveling in the palm of his hands, tearing your whole village down with it.

“Yes!” You jump to clear that up. Secondly feeling like he's almost babying you.

“Probably safer there than I am here.” You bark, but it’s hardly true if you really think about it. Attempts on a royals life are always a threat, and it’s happened to your family members before. Which transcends into a whole other story, equally as painful for you as anything else at home.

His brows pull into a frown. He realises he’s struck something sensitive here. The topic seems to make you recoil completely. Your body language has changed, just like that. Straight from relaxed to on edge.

“I feel like there's a pretty equal risk." He provides, picking back up the threaded needle. Seeing what more he can coax out of you.

"I—" you cut yourself off.

"I am fine." Your tone is conclusive.

"Is that why you always sneak out of your royal residence in the middle of the night?" He pushes, a sarcastic lilt to his deep voice.

"That isn't any of your business!" You groan, "I'm not asking why it is you're a felon at sea, or your tragic past life that's lead you here, am I?"

"But you probably wonder..." he smirks, impartial to your jab.

"I don't, you ass!" You state defiantly.

"I'm just trying to gauge how much you actually like your homeland."

You scoff in disbelief, "Oh, piss off. You just want something to hold over me."

It's clear to him something much deeper is going on than what he initially thought. But its also evident that you are far from interested in talking about it now. So, he files away what information and suspicion he had, and finally allows the subject to change.

"Whatever princess... y'getting mouthy, and I've gathered that usually doesn't end well for either of us." he rolls his eyes in amusement, "You'll have to to tell me what kind of clothes you like, so I know what I'm in for."

"It only doesn't end well because you're so goddamn pushy." You huff.

"This is why you ended up locked in a cell for two days." his tone is airy, considering the topic, "Also, best of y'to recall I'm the one who decides whether or not ya coming off the ship tomorrow."

You hold back your bitter quip at his reminder, but not the deep sigh from your lungs. You feel stressed. Overwhelmed even. Which is the only good thing about your tiny room below deck, its stable. You know what you get down there. Yourself, and no personal questions that leave you reeling.

He finishes his double stitch in silence. Thinking of you, and wondering what exactly your perception of your home life is. In a long answer— not the short and guarded ones he's currently receiving.

You sit, still in the sun, but feeling significantly more riled up than earlier. That's when Harry stands from his work, and your eyes dart to the patch that's now one with the sail. Intricately sewed in place, with a clearly detail-oriented eye.

"An' she's done." He nods proudly, talking to himself as he picks the complete task up from where it was spread on the deck. Carrying it back into where it came from— along with the closed sewing kit. Laying it folded in the floor compartment and latching it closed.

His hands brush themselves off along his black pants. They admittedly fit him perfectly. Nipped in at his sculpted waist, and outlining his likely firm thighs.

His green eyes slanted down to you, as if he could feel your own gaze burning into his tanned skin. He smirks, a dimple popping out on his cheek as he looked at you.

He was trouble.

He looked at you like you were a game to be played. A challenge to be conquered. And somehow you met him right at that very level. You wanted to prove something to him— and the thing is, you don't even know what.

Its not something you can reverse, or take back. It's already long started, the second you pushed back from his demands when you first met.

His legs that you were just studying stride over to where you sit. He towers over you, examining you with a silent and smug smile.

"A corset, perhaps?" He proclaimed without context, and your face twists in confusion.

"Although, I've heard they are very hard to get on and off a woman." It clicks in your brain he's currently talking about you. Imagining you in the likes of a corset.

It's like he was pondering it aloud just for his own sick enjoyment, because he keeps going as your expression quickly bleeds into a scowl.

"And, there is no doubt in my mind you'd drive your own elbow into my stomach before you let me help lace you into a corset. Or out of it." His voice has dropped an octave, and his chocolatey hair has fallen over his forehead again. For such a heinous topic, he has the face of an angel. Maybe a fallen one... but an angel nonetheless.

"You would be correct." You confirm, "And I spend enough time in corsets at home. God forbid I wear one when theres no need for it."

He suddenly juts a hand out for you to take, which you stare at for an awfully long time, analysing the dark marks over his knuckles. Eventually settling to let him help you stand. It pulls you up effortlessly despite its visibly injury, and you feel the rough parts of his large hand as it cups yours.

"Espcially if im going to be laying around in a cell, whats the point in that?"

He still has grip on your hand, "Oh, dove, y'not going back down there for a little bit."

Your gaze narrows immediately. And you ask the first question and only question that makes sense in your mind.

"Who else is down there?"

"Someone who deserves to be left in the room with the cuff holders on the wall. Attached to them."

Your stomach sinks a little, recalling him saying thats sectioned off for people who have done truly bad things. Seems like it would explain his battered up knuckles perfectly.

But with the closest thing you’ve gotten to an answer all day, you’re quick to mentally move onto what the effects you the most.

"Where am i gonna..."

He says with a completely unfazed expression, "With me."

“With you?”

“That’s what I said, no?” He raises his brows, “unless you’d rather be down there with him. Who we’d then certainly have to kill once he knows you’re here.”

“Christ.” A wave of shock rocks through you at his vulgar wording, “can you put me nowhere else?”

“No.” He states, starting to walk with your hand gripped in his, “it’s just for the night. Don’t worry s’much.”

“Don’t worry? You just told me you would have to kill a man if I chose to stay away from you.”

You’re glaring at him as he holds open a door for you— one that leads to another kitchen room— despite you’re bitter look, he’s unbothered entirely.

“Let’s get you something to eat. Allow ya to process the fact you’re stuck with me for a night.”

———

Your night was significantly different to all the others you’d had on the ship this past week.

The evening had come on relatively quick. You’d sat above deck after he fed you some fruit, and watched the sun set as his crew gathered to share a pint.

You observed their dynamics, and the way a few men got themselves silly on one too many beers. Stumbling all over the deck.

Harry stayed closer to sober though—a bit tipsy, but nothing drastic— and as evening bleed into night, many of the boys had turned in for bed around midnight.

His blonde crew mate had shouted out for you to come down and have a pint, but you laughed it off. His drunken plea seeming far out of line considering the circumstances.

Not long after most of them had left, Harry came up to where you sat. You were perched atop a step on the stairs, and you know he’d been watching you. Making sure— as you stayed a fair distance away— that you didn’t disappear.

His hand had gestured out to you again as he had apparently come to collect you. You stood without it’s help, and he snorted a bitter laugh.

“You're infuriating, you know? Unbelievably so. And I feel it all the way in my stomach.” The lilt in his voice is intoxicating. He sounds like he disdains you, yet is addicted to the feeling all at the same time.

He’s standing the step below yours, and once you had fully straightened out, you were slightly above him. It almost gave you an added boost of confidence, “Right in here?”

Your hand reached out to breach the minimal distance, brushing your pointer and middle finger against where the skin of his stomach is.

His hand grabbed around your wrist, staring at you— he pressed your palm flat against his chest— you could feel the warmth of his skin beneath the sheer black blouse he was still in.

His bruised knuckles are pressed over yours. The dark spots a mosaic of blacks and blues— you wonder how bad it would hurt if you pressed down on them. Just out of spite, of course.

“Right there.” He affirmed.

“Too bad you have to room with me tonight.” You sigh in mock sympathy.

He looks like he’s about to say something else, when he bites his tongue and does his usual thing— tugging you along wherever he plans to go.

His leftover mates say goodnight as he walks past— all of them regarding you as well, surprisingly.

You’re lead to his quarters as you’d suspected, and you’re now faced with the situation of how this is going to all pan out.

Once inside the dark room, he lights a wall candle with a match— that he pulled from god knows where— casting the space in a golden glow.

He is quick to then shed the black material that’s covering his chest over himself without hesitation. Your gaze skates along the muscled skin of his back. Littered in black ink and scars that immediately piqued your curiosity. Ones that you undeniably want to trace over, and enquire how exactly they got there. Which feels like an odd thought to be entertaining considering how much you push to hate him.

His hands unlatch his belt, still adorning all its weapons. And he walks to the foot of his bed, laying it atop the cover.

“Would I be correct to assume I’m taking the floor?” You put forward, and his head turns over his shoulder.

“That one’s up t’you. Unless you’re that desperate to get away from me.” He drawls, the alcohol making him a tad drowsy now that the buzz has worn off.

A part of you begs to be stubborn. To say no. But the other half of you in rioting to lay down on a mattress for the first time in almost a week. Because you couldn’t physically sleep another night on the hard wooden floor.

You breathe outward, walking over in silence as you climb beneath his sheets without warrant.

He tries to ignores it, but a small smile breaks out over his lips before he can stop it. So he turns swiftly around, unzipping his black pants and shedding them off his long legs.

“What exactly are you doing?” You shrilly ask, palms ready to shield your eyes if he decides to strip the only remaining fabric below his laurel-adorning hips.

“You’re not sleeping naked next to me.” Certainty riddles your tone, and there is no way you’ll budge on it.

But to your statement he laughs, “M’not naked.”

“Not far off it either.” You murmur, observing as he walks over to the candle he not long lit and blows it out.

The room falls into darkness, all you can hear are the plodding of his feet on the wood floor.

Once he’s next to the bed, you hear his voice, “You’re on my side, by the way. S’budge up.”

You scoot over without words, and feel the mattress sink as his weight comes onto it.

“Better than the floor, no?” He asks quietly, and you can feel the heat radiating from his body.

“Undecided.” You whisper. “Comfier I suppose.”

His breath is quiet and consistent as you both fall quiet. You’re certain he falls asleep before you, because you’re awake for a while. Staring at the ceiling wondering how you got here yet again.

But eventually, the tiredness you’ve been feeling for the last couple days catches up on you, and it lulls you into a deep sleep. Unbroken from any uncomfortable surfaces or loud noises. Just peace.

Peace until you stir for the first time in the morning.

When soft light is shining through the circular windows, and you realise how truly warm you are. All the edges of your consciousness are blurred and hazy with your sleep induced state. You nestle into what you thought was the mattress, but register somewhere in your head that your body is pressed against someone.

And after that, it’s confirmed when they move. A slight roll, and a warm heavy arm that drapes over your waist, tugging you closer.

Your eyes dart open, and are met with the sideways view of a swallow on a collarbone. It stops you dead in your tracks. Because slowly you realise your plastered to someone's side. Harry's side. Legs thrown over his hips, head nestled into his neck.

You're frozen for a moment. Because he smells so nice. But alarm bells are sounding in your head. Too close to the enemy, they riot.

The rigidness of your body stirs him again, rolling him further into you. Legs intertwined, and the bridge of your nose bumping against the curve of his throat. Now he's truly swallowing up all your senses. His scent is genuinely intoxicating. Salty, just as you'd imagine a pirate would smell— of the ocean and all that lies beneath it. But it has a woodsy tone to it, deep and masculine. One you wonder how he just naturally carries.

His tattoos are gorgeous up close, chest chiseled and dusted with soft dark hairs. You use the finger that’s between your body and his to brush gently over the butterfly on his stomach. Tracing the details, despite how wrong it feels. In your moments of timid admiration, you don’t realise his eyes have opened. Green and glazed over with sleep, it takes him a solid minute to register what he's watching you do.

An intake of breathe, and his gravelly voice pressed out the only thing he can even think of saying, “g’morning.”

Physically, you flinch. Startled at his sudden consciousness. Finger withdrawing from its tender movements, your heart pounding.

“I— hello.” You whisper, unsure how long he’s been awake.

He stretches, which in turn scoots his body down the bed, leaving you face to face with him. A pink tongue juts out over his lips— wetting them.

“I should’ve established a no-cuddle policy.” You state, eyes wandering the plains of his face.

To this, his morning voice rumbles a laugh, “are you trying to blame me for this? ‘Cause you’re on m’side, touching up my chest, dove.”

You turn your head over your shoulder, glancing to the gap from where you originally feel asleep and where you are now. Red flushed over your face, It does look incriminating on your end.

A guilty sigh falls from your lips before you purse them together. Not having an explanation for how you ended up like this.

“S’okay.” His voice was so deep, and it sunk into your ears. Almost drawing a shiver out of you. It was attractive.

You can’t tell if that observation is coming only from the fact you have just spent a night curled into his chest. But it’s all you can think about.

“Didn’t mean to.” You say, the closest you were coming to an apology.

“Mmm, I bet.” He murmurs, his hand leaving from where it was on your waist and going to comb through his hair.

Perfectly tousled from sleep, he brushed through it with his fingers. You take the opportunity now that his hand has left your waist, to sit up, averting your eyes from the way his touch glides through his soft hair.

You look out the window, and immediately you’re shocked. You see land. Not even that far away.

“Oh.”

“What?”

“There’s land…”

“Ah,” he also props himself up with his elbows, “so there is.”

“Best we get ready.” He shrugs his bare shoulders, and you quickly jolt your head this way.

We?

He’s far from shy as he threw the covers off himself, with the daylight streaming through the windows, his whole body was on display.

You wondered if he realised the kind of body he had on him. Because undeniably, seeing him in just boxers makes your throat bob.

“Do you say we because you intend on taking me off the ship?” You ask, a silent plea behind your words.

“Tonight.” He states, glances back to see the palpable excitement spread over your face.

You rush out of bed, a sudden burst of energy at his confirmation. He is shocked as suddenly your arms collide with his bare waist.

“Thank you. Thank you.” You really are grateful, and you’re so desperate to get off this boat for a bit.

His lips part in surprise, “that’s… y’welcome?”

You hold him longer than you should, a part of you a little ashamed at your lack of self discipline. Because you should be able to contain yourself. You eventually pull yourself from him, smiling in a way he hasn’t seen before.

“We’re probably gonna dock in… 20 minutes? We’ll be gone for most of the day. I’ll come back and get you at evening.”

It sounded like a long time to wait. But you are sure you could do it. So you nod, enthusiastically.

You go and sit yourself on the edge of his bed, wondering where you’re going to end up— what the town will be like, where you’ll go— all while watching Harry go through his closet for an outfit.

It reminded you almost of how a royal would dress, particularly about what came out and what would go with what.

He stands with his back to you, still just in boxers. He has a nice ass.

You mentally scold yourself, yet unable to look away from him as he pulls a maroon pair of pants over his hips. They’re left unzipped as he gets a off-white linen shirt to tuck into them. However the shirt was left almost entirely unbuttoned. And his cross necklace sits between his pecs that are on full display.

He belts his weaponry around his waist, taking it off the wall from where they were hung. Odd of him to leave them so in the open, when you could’ve stabbed him in the night while he slept.

“Are you leaving me in here?” You ask, watching as he collects a few last minute things from around his room.

“S’long as you don’t trash the place.”

You think about teasing him, but decide not to risk it. You piss him off, then you’ll likely get put somewhere without anything to snoop around. And also miss out on getting off the ship tonight.

So you just nod. And at that, he’s satisfied.

“Well, m’off then. Don’t do anything stupid, Princess.” He raises his brows, face serious until it breaks into a small smile.

“I won’t.” You lie, because how are you meant to guarantee that.

He walks out, and obviously locks you in. You wait an hour, until you’ve been docked for a while before you start to dig around his room.

Not forgetting to take some time looking out the window to figure out where the hell you are in the world. Nothing was geographically giving it away, but once you saw a small fishing cart on the pier, you read Sintir fishery.

Sintir is so far away from your homeland, you let out an audible gasp when you read it. There’s no fucking way, you’d thought.

But as you walk away from the window, you register that it has technically been a week since you’d been taken.

You ponder it as you start to go through his things. You feel like some kind of home invader. Rummaging through a trunk under his bed, raiding draws, and flicking through his racks of clothes. Digging into pockets as though you were waiting to happen upon something of value.

It turned out to be the smartest places you looked, because in a thick raincoat, you fucking found it.

A key. One he has to have forgotten about, since there’s no way in the world he’s left you in here without being certain there’s no way to get out.

You ran to the door of his room, and held your breath as the sharp metal got pushed into the lock by your eager hands.

You turned it, jostling it a bit. And it clicked.

Quietly, you reach for the handle, gently pulling it down and breathing out as the door unlatches.

There’s no time to wait as you slink outside. Clicking it shut, and slowly trying to recall your way back down to the chambers.

Every noise has you on edge, and you’re terrified to get caught. Waiting to turn a corner and one of his crew mates to be there, catching you in the act. But it’s not enough to stop you. You may have made a few wrong turns, but you end up in a hallway that jogs your memory.

You make your way down the stairs to the cells, unable to keep your footsteps entirely quiet. It’s without warning you realise the space down there is in fact still occupied by someone… just like you’d initially feared.

You’re met with a guttural groan, and suddenly your anxiety nearly triples. It’s masculine— and when you reach the bottom of the stairs, still out of view from the cell door— you can confirm it when the voice echoes out from the dim room.

“Let me out, you… you fuckin’ bastards.” Whoever it is sounds exhausted, like they’ve been teetering on the edges of life or death for hours.

When you don’t reply he lets out a wet and chesty cough as he continues, “I don’t care about tha’ whore no more! The princess means nothing to me.”

Your heart is racing at the mention of yourself, and the man sounds like he’s dying. It’s certain in your mind now this man’s face was probably what caused the bruising on Harrys fist.

A heavy bang comes from his cell, sounding like metal cuffs being slammed against a wall.

His speech turns to slur as you slowly back yourself back up the stairs. Curiosity always kills the cat, you think. And you wished you’d stayed in Harry’s room.

“Or jus’ kill me already!” He begs, tone shaking with exhausted rage, “already beat me to a pulp after I called that royal a good f’nothing slut. S’cmon!”

That was your cue to leave, and as you break off into a near run down the halls, you’re shaking the whole time.

Yet somehow, despite what anyone would’ve expected, you made it back to Captains quarters without a single run in. Not a soul knows you found a key.

You slide down the relocked door once you’re inside, and pant with not only the physical exertion, but the anxiety you just put yourself under.

It takes a fair while before you can move again, but your hands skate along the floorboards beneath you, tracing the wood grains to calm down.

Rising, you go back to his closet to put the small key back exactly where you found it. Not taking chances in trying to harbour it for yourself.

The room is deafeningly quiet, it forces your mind to hear the likely dying man’s words on repeat. And wonder if Harry really punched the man because he called you a slut…

The only person that knows is him.

He only knows that the second that sack of shit opened his mouth and said the only thing you’d be good for is ‘a quick fuck and some gold’ he absolutely lost it.

He only knows the feeling of pure, red-hot anger that took over him until he slammed the side of his fist into the slimy man’s face. More than once. He’s not sure how many times, until it was bloody, and until his knuckles already had a bruise festering below the skin— darkening by the minute.

And god, can he not stop thinking about how it made him feel. It was all consuming. It solidified that you were not going back down into the cells. He would rather have you in his own bed than within a 5 metre radius of that scum.

So as he walks through the town, splitting off from his crew to go by you clothes, he realises that you’re making more of an impression on him than he thought.

And while he piles up half a wardrobe for you, not even worrying about how much it’ll all add up to, he clocks just how… infatuated he’s possibly become with you.

Just how he’s suddenly ended up in this position. Where he hates you, yet wants to protect you— and even sometimes dote on you.

God— It’s dangerous.

That feeling that lingers when he thinks about you. Both a good and a bad one.

You were dangerous for him… and he’s still trying to decide how much, and in what way. But the biggest thing, is he’s worried for when he finds out.

Whether it’s going to be when you stab him in the back— either metaphorically or physically— or when you trace your delicate touch over his bare chest, so gently his mental resolve cracks along with the walls guarding his heart.

His conclusion as he checks out with a plethora of clothes for you, you’re either going to kill him, or he’s going to end up killing for you.

Oh, and that he’s certain he wants to kiss you. But that’s a whole other thing he has to mentally unpack.

———

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thank you everyone for your undying support, you are all the best!! i love you

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i really hope you guys enjoyed this part since i have rewrote it and reread it that many times i seriously have no idea if it’s any good HAHA

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #fanfiction #harry styles series #harry styles smut #harry styles imagine #harry styles oneshot #harry styles fluff #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #pirate harry styles #royal y/n #pirates gold #piraterry #eveningepiphany

[adelrambles]

I am so sorry I promise I’ll stop spamming you about Bishop now (maybe.)

Do you think Bishop could ever be in a healthy relationship? What would the dynamic be like with evil Bishop versus Fast Forward Bishop?

And no I don’t mean Stockshop. 😭

Oh no worries at all I'm enjoying your questions!! Please feel free to spam to your heart's desire. Sorry it took so long to get around to this one, I have admittedly not put much thought into Bishop in romantic scenarios, so I had to think on it a bit!

So, could Bishop ever be in a healthy relationship? Short answer NO. NOT AT ALL LOL

Slightly longer answer, there is some potential depending on how you like to interpret Fast Forward!Bishop. I think it's impossible for Present-day Bishop to be in any sort of healthy romance (and I'll go into way more detail than neccessary about that below 👍) but if you take FF's presentation of the character at face value, there's certainly a possibility.

So long answer, Bishop is one of the single most self-centered, unexamined people to walk the damn earth. There are a lot of factors that go into why he would be just, the absolute worst in a relationship, but the biggest issue is he doesn't give a shit about anybody but himself. If we throw everything else out and consider a hypothetical where he enters a relationship for the relationship's sake, he is not capable or willing to see things from a partner's perspective. In any disagreement he will be unwilling to consider he could be wrong, and will go to great lengths to ensure the other person concedes or backs down. He is a paranoid control freak who would not stand for anything less than being agreed with and obeyed, and he is perfectly willing to break someone down to achieve that. And in a scenario where, indeed, his interest is actually in the other person, we know he has a terrible possessive streak. As long as his interest holds, there is no out for the hypothetical partner. He is going to be emotionally and mentally abusive at best.

Moving more to the particulars of what he'd want a relationship for, it's worth pointing out that Bishop is very single-minded and relentless in his ultimate goal. I find it very difficult to consider a scenario where any single person would be considered worthwhile enough to distract him from that. We've seen him willing to sacrifice personal friends in-canon for the sake of his experiments, (if you ascribe to the theory that J. Finn was mutated on purpose to some degree,) so his work is ALWAYS going to come first. But that's the nicer option, because there is always the possibility that he would consider a relationship if it benefitted his greater goal (OR fed his ego tbh.) In which case, he's only in it for what he can get out of the other person, and the second they've outlived their usefulness to him, well-- I guess it depends on how much sensitive information they know, by that point.

But, okay! Let's consider President Bishop. He's certainly less likely to lure in a partner just to use them and then dispose of them, so he has that going for him. With him, there is a lot of room for how you want to interpret his "change of heart." You could take it at as presented in the show, or read more into his actions based on what we know about his past. Personally, I prefer the latter, but I'll examine both for the sake of thoroughness, and also for funsies.

So let's assume Bishop is being genuine in how he acts, first. In this case, I think there's a decent chance he could learn to be a good partner, though I don't think he'd start out that way and I doubt it'd come naturally to him loL. His job requires a lot of time and attention from him, and he is always going to prioritize it; he is, after all, "a bigger picture kind of guy." Kindness does not come naturally to him, so in times of stress he may default to meaner actions. However, he is also pretty effective in learning and adapting, so with good communication he probably won't make the same mistakes too often. In this scenario I think time constraint really is the biggest obstacle, given his job.

Now, assuming his Good Guy act is just a mask for politics? He's still pretty damn toxic. Bishop's tactics have changed, but his personality remains pretty similar. I'm not sure his pleasant demeanor goes that deep, once you get into more than small talk. It's a necessity for his job, but he still appears to be cold and utilitarian underneath it. He still thinks he's right about everything, and based on the insidious ways he phrases his own backstory to always shift blame away from himself, (even throwing Stockman under the bus, STILL, just to look better in comparison,) he's gotten a LOT better at making it feel like he is always in the right. What you've got is a Bishop who can lie, persuade and charm better, who also still doesn't care about much beyond protecting his territory and using the people around him. This presents us with a partner who, unlike 2000s-era Bishop, is far FAR more subtle with his abuse. And again, heaven forbid he actually genuinely has an interest in his hypothetical partner, because now he has galactic-wide surveillance and public sway on top of the immortality, and they're never getting away.

I hope that answers to satisfaction! Honestly while it's not my cup of tea it is really interesting to examine this facet of his character, so thank you for the question!!

#asks #I don't ship Stockshop anyway but if they were to be together it would be HORRIBLE #Bishop's already abusing the dude and he doesn't even like him #not uh. not that you asked. but #the way my friend Trauma characterizes them is excellent tho chef's kiss shoutout to that guy #I know there's been some new writers on the scene regarding this too that I've been meaning to check out! just haven't gotten around to it #Megaman has suddenly grabbed me by the throat #agent bishop #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2k3

[redstringraven]

an excruciatingly long ramble about the '03 turtles and the enneagram 🐢❤ pt2

[ intro + disclaimers post ] [ pt 3 - leo ] [ pt 4 - don ] [ pt 5 - mikey ]

raph, 8 with a 7 wing

intro + why raph

welcome to the first of these giant posts. i’m. not kidding, you’re gonna click ‘read more’ and see why this series is titled “an excruciatingly long ramble”. i’ve done my best to section it off so you might have an easier time finding your place again if you need or want to take breaks. there’s no way i’m going to cover everything there is to talk about, so i might write and link ‘addendums’ to these posts later on as i think of things.

since raph is the first one, his might be a bit longer than the other three because there are a few enneagram terms that i’ll define as we go. you can then take those with you to the upcoming three posts. so please bear with me, grab a snack, a drink, some nice background music, and WE RIDE.

• . • . •

i wanted to start this project with raph because i feel like we start the series at his lowest/unhealthiest point.

only four episodes into the show (meet casey jones, s1ep4) we see him lose control of his temper in a serious way: he attacks mikey. throughout the rest of the episode he's forced to ‘face himself’ in casey and start monitoring his anger.

while we see him continue to grapple with his anger throughout the series, this is his worst moment. he has nowhere to go but up. in contrast, we see leo in probably his healthiest state of mind at the beginning of the series only to be at his worst in the first half of season 4. but back to raph; we'll have time for leo later.

as the series continues, we see glimpses of this temper rear its head again, with some examples being at the end of their encounter with karai in city at war (s2ep16) or during his fight with traximus in the battle nexus (s2ep24). in these instances, we get a close-up shot of his eyes narrowing and, with traximus, the area around them darkening. this was something that was specifically focused on during s1ep4 whenever he began to lose control. the loss of control is still THERE, it’s just less frequent now. he’s growing.

i think it’s also important to highlight that mikey ribs on him during the battle nexus (s2ep25) not unlike how he does in s1ep4, too. sure, they might be in an environment that shields them from danger of serious injuries, but i think it says a LOT that mikey’s comfortable provoking raph to the degree he does. raph’s acted on his apology, has done work, and mikey knows this. he's watched him do it. it's time already to be The Worst™ again.

but enough about why i chose raph to go first; let's cover the basics of an 8.

bare basics of the 8

as stated in the introductory post, the enneagram focuses heavily on the why and the motivation behind your behavior.

8s are one of the three assertive types (along with 3s and 7s), and they’re a part of the gut triad (made of 8s, 9s, and 1s). assertives can be described as moving 'against people'. they respond to stress or difficulty by building up, reinforcing, or inflating their ego; they will expand rather than back down or seek protection. assertive types will often have issues processing their feelings.

the gut triad may also be referred to as the ‘doing’ or the ‘instinct’ triad, as they respond instinctively and tend to be honest and direct in their self expression. i’ve also seen it referred to as the ‘anger’ triad since these types tend to have problems with aggression and repression, and they can carry a great deal of rage. types in the gut triad seek autonomy and are concerned with resistance and control of their environment. an 8 externalizes it. a 9 forgets it. and a 1 internalizes it. there’s a lot more information about the triads out there, but this is what we’ll take with us for now.

an 8’s basic fear is that of being harmed or controlled by others, of violation.

their basic desire is to protect themselves and determine their own course in life.

they believe they’ll be okay so long as they are strong and in control of their situation.

childhood take-aways

at an early age, 8s begin to understand that in order to keep their environments, themselves, and the people they care about from being hurt, they have to have willpower, persistence, and endurance. 8s often “grow up too quickly” and focus on survival issues. they’ve picked up that “might makes right”.

we don’t get to see a lot of the boys’ youth, but we’re given an idea in the first episode, things change (s1ep1), of the perspective they were raised under. i’ll be referring back to that throughout this section of each post. master splinter states:

“your path in life will not be an easy one. the outside world will not be a friendly place for you. you four are different in ways the surface dwellers would never understand. to survive, you must master these skills i teach you: the powers of stealth and secrecy. you must become kage, shadow warriors, and you must never be discovered by the outside world.”

8s ask themselves “how can i--and the few people i care about--survive in a cruel, uncaring world?”. it’s possible that this way of thinking was only solidified by movies they saw growing up, or even witnessing what casey was going through during the lesson (s3ep13). if the outside world isn’t friendly to what it considers ‘normal’, then surely it won’t be kind to what’s different.

8s were often independent, adventuresome, and assertive as children. they'd be found running ahead of the pack. they’re the kid who will stand up to the playground bully without flinching. they might have questioned authority, trusting themselves more than most adults, which lead to being punished frequently.

8s often find themselves in the role of the scapegoat, the “black sheep” or problem child. raph even calls attention to this, himself, in his ‘03 profile: referring to himself as “the angry young man” and “the dark one”.

it's brief, but i think we get a glimpse of this in s2ep23 at the start of the battle nexus arc: master splinter starts to express his disappointment in leo for following him to the nexus, but raph steps in immediately to shoulder the blame. he could have stayed quiet but, no. he’s the ‘problem child’ here. he can take the heat.

raph as an 8

now that we've touched on the basics of an 8, as well as a few things they may have picked up early in life, let's take a look at raph and his 8.

8s can sometimes be nicknamed: ‘the challenger’, ‘the leader’, ‘the protector’, ‘the provider’, ‘the entrepreneur’, ‘the maverick’, or ‘the rock’.

i’ll continue to refer to raph by his numerical type because, while the nicknames that grant a surface idea of their behavior, most users of the enneagram prefer to avoid descriptive labels. one 8 might feel being called ‘the provider’ suits them while another 8 might not see themselves in that label at all. nicknames are quick summaries/general ideas, but it’s good practice to use the number type itself.

an ‘average’ 8, in terms of their mental and spiritual health, tends to be a steamroller rather than a diplomat and have a black and white way of thinking: people are good or bad, an opinion is right or wrong, the answer is yes or no, etc. this isn’t to say raph can’t acknowledge nuance (far from it), but rather that 8s believe not having clarity or absolute certainty about your position and viewpoints represents weakness or--worse--cowardice. the rest of us have opinions, the 8 has facts. they don’t have a lot of patience for indecisive people, and they might use aggression to emotionally protect themselves. many exhibit an abundance of common sense.

8s are extraordinarily tough, physically and mentally. they can absorb a great deal of punishment without batting an eye. raph has a tendency to be the one catching blows for his brothers or guarding them during fights. we can refer back to being the 'problem child' as well; he can handle the heat. he’s an anchor who keeps his brothers grounded when worries spike, and he tends to be blunt, to the point, and possibly the most ‘world-wise’ out of the four.

8s want to be loved but often feel rejected or like misfits, which becomes more evident in their “take it or leave it” attitude as they get older. you can accept them as they are, or you can get out. they attempt to protect themselves by rejecting others first, and they might develop a fear of dependency. the “i don’t need you guys” sort of mentality. during tales of leo (s1ep19), raph even says “who needs you?” to leo before he tells his story.

it likely goes without saying that raph, like many 8s, admires strength. since their basic fear revolves so much around maintaining what power and control they have, 8s are the types of people who can walk into a room and immediately know who holds the most ‘power’. they’ll just as likely be deciding whether or not that power is deserved, and if they’ll be with or against it. it probably took raph like, what, five seconds to realize that one big alien was the head honcho in the big house (s2ep3) and he took them out first excuse he got.

raph wants people to challenge him back; an 8 can quickly lose respect for you if you’re unwilling to stand toe-to-toe with them (even if the 8 disagrees with you, they'll respect that you held your ground). they also want the truth. they don’t want you to ‘protect’ them from unpleasant details or facts. if they don't have all the information--no matter how harsh or unpleasant it may be--they can't control the situation or hope to reach their desired outcome.

let’s elaborate a bit on what the hell a ‘wing’ is. the enneagram is depicted as a wheel--kind of like a clock, if that helps you picture it without a visual aid (albeit i’ll link one here; ignore the arrows for now, we'll return to them).

a type’s wing are the two numbers that neighbor it on the wheel. the wings for an 8 are: 7 and 9. when someone says they’re a type “with a wing”, that means that they feel influenced in some way by that neighboring type. since the enneagram looks at ‘why’ and motives, you might find that the wing you lean toward more might fluctuate or change as you grow and experience life.

i'm confident raph is an 8w7, meaning his enneagram type is an 8 but he takes influence from 7. delightful, then, that mikey’s a 7. i think it’s a nice little way to tie them together when it’s time for Shenanigans™.

8s who have 7 wings are sometimes called ‘the independents’. along with being one of the most energetic and sociable types, people of this subtype tend to be risk-takers, adventurous, and combine the 8’s need for intensity with the 7’s love of anticipation. they’re practical, pragmatic, competitive, and not concerned with pleasing others, but also tend to be lead by their feelings, resulting in them being impatient and impulsive. they might be more confrontational and aggressive and are less likely to back down from a fight than an 8w9.

i remember seeing a link to one of those character… personality across all quizzes type of wikis somewhere and if memory serves raph was listed as an 8w9. i can’t help but wonder if that decision was made because it would give him two types on the instinct/gut triad, verses an 8w7 where his core type is on the instinct/gut triad, but his wing is in the thinking/head triad. we’ll discuss that one more when we get to don and mikey. *murmuring from the audience* yes, mikey is on the thinking/head triad. he’s actually fully on it, wing and all. *more murmuring from the audience* i’ll get to it, i’ll get to it.

but, no, 8s with a 9 wing have an almost deceptively laid back quality to them and are much more willing to be open and affectionate around their loved ones. 8w9s are sometimes nicknamed ‘the bear’ for that reason and, while highly protective and aggressive in being so, i don’t really think of raph when i think of that (you can see where labels might cause a problem). 8w9s are more willing to let their walls down in safe spaces; raph appears guarded and careful just about every time we see him no matter whose company he’s in. his walls only come down in periods of high emotion and, even then, he’s either reluctant to let them show or tries to hide them immediately after the moment passes, even getting angry that they managed to surface at all.

the wing isn't the only other type that influences your core number, though. let's talk about the other two.

stress & security numbers

as i said at the beginning of this post, raph’s is likely going to be the longest because i’ll be introducing various enneagram terms as we go along that you can apply to the other posts going forward. bear with me, please, this information is going to help in the last three sections of the post.

i stated that the enneagram can be compared to varying colors, or even a color wheel. There can be an infinite different types of red, but they are all still expressions of the same base hue. maybe an orange-red, a violet-red, a pale pink, the list goes on. likewise, the enneagram types take influence from the other types, even ones that wouldn’t be considered their wings. these would be their ‘stress’ and ‘security’ numbers.

‘stress’ and ‘security’ are meant to refer to the current mental health level of the individual, with security representing--as you might have guessed--the healthiest state of mind you can be in and stress being the unhealthier side of that. when a type is in an unhealthier state of mind, they begin to adopt the negative traits of their stress number. vise versa, when in a healthier and secure state of mind, they begin to adopt the positive traits of their security number. you may have noticed on the wheel i linked earlier all those arrows in the center. those point to a type's stress and security. let’s start with raph’s stress number.

raph’s stress number is 5. this means that in a stressed or unhealthy state of mind and spirit, raph begins to show the negative behaviors associated with 5s.

(i love looking at raph and don from the enneagram perspective because it’s a common misconception that don and raph are polar opposites. i think their link in their stress and security numbers illustrates that they have a lot more in common than seen on the surface. because raph’s stress number being 5 means that don’s security number is 8. but more on that when we get to don).

in times of high-stress or low-spirits, 8s will become solitary. they’ll minimize their own comfort, take poor care of themselves and may succumb to insomnia or unhealthy diets. they might spend more time brooding or strategizing to size up a situation than they might actively engage with it. they can become extremely cynical and contemptuous of the beliefs and values of others, nihilistic, and have little hope of reconnecting with themselves or those around them.

i'll cover this more in don's post but for some examples: don, being a 5, will often withdraw to his lab and overwork himself (we can see examples of this in s2ep13 return to the underground, or continuing to push himself despite being sick during the second half of season 4).

when it comes to raph, we have a few examples of the 5’s negative traits showing through in periods where he would be unhealthy mentally and spiritually:

when he realizes his temper’s getting out of hand, he’ll isolate himself and “get some air” (some examples, s1ep4, s1ep24)

he’s the most reluctant to talk to leo during tales of leo (s1ep19), and after his story he separates from the group to stand by the window (while not fully leaving the room to isolate, it’s the farthest he’s willing to go from leo's side)

he spends most of the city at war arc (s2ep14-16) retreating from the conflict, where leo is actively engaging with it

in same as it never was (s3ep21), raph has isolated himself from leo and mikey. he expresses contempt toward leo’s decision to leave master splinter behind. he’s the one who calls the situation “hopeless”.

an 8’s security number is a 2. when in a healthier state of mind, they take on the positive traits of a 2; they have the ability to see potential in people and want to help those people recognize resources and strengths they didn’t know they had. a key word for a healthy 8 is “empowerment”. they would agree with the phrase “give a person a fish and they eat for a day; teach them to fish and they can feed themselves for life”.

8s allowing their 2s to surface means learning to open their hearts to others, letting their guard down and expressing the tenderness they’ve so carefully hid away. it’s important to understand that this movement is not accomplished by imitating the qualities of a 2. an 8 must have greater contact with their hearts and grow comfortable with their gentler feelings. they need to stop equating vulnerability to weakness.

i think some good samples of raph’s 2 coming to the surface might be found:

the exchange with mikey as they're cornered by mousers; “well, it’s been fun, guys” “even me?” “especially you, mikey” (s1ep3)

helping leo recover in monster hunter (s1ep20) and forging a new set of swords with him

every fucking time he gasses don up, but for a specific example, return to the underground (s2ep13)

everything with mrs. morrison in touch and go (s3ep8)… just all of it. don’t even look at me.

throughout all hallows thieves (s4ep12) he’s cheery and even a little nostalgic toward halloweens past. we get an earnest, unguarded laugh out of him.

healthy, integrating 8s make outstanding leaders; they’re able to communicate their profound respect and admiration of others, and they better recognize boundaries and limits--especially their own.

HEY, LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT LEADER THING. i'm sure some of you locked onto that when i listed 'the leader' in the nicknames section.

raph’s temperament and unwillingness to let his 2 surface often gets in the way of him taking a leadership position. he once expressed a desire to be the ‘top turtle’ but made the decision to follow leo. at the end of his flashback during tales of leo, we see him eagerly asking leo what he did to stop the alligator and enthusiastically following him back out of the tunnel. not a smidge of negative feedback in sight. i believe he recognizes and respects leo’s ability to lead, be it by strategy or morals, more than gives into his desire to lead. remember that as far as the 2003 series is concerned: leo is the UNOFFICIAL 'leader'; this is a role he naturally steps into, not a responsibility that was directly assigned to him (i think raph might even be the only one who refers to him as 'fearless leader' or a 'leader' at all, but i could be wrong). 8s don’t need to BE the person in control, they just don’t want to be controlled. they will follow other leaders who are decisive and have earned their respect. to anyone who wants to point out that leo and raph still argue a lot, don't forget about what i said in regards to holding your ground with 8s. they may not like it in the moment, but your ability to hold your ground will be recognized. leo more than often holds his ground when raph challenges him.

(when raph and leo butt heads it’s not because they’re at odds with each other because raph wants to lead or because leo doesn’t consider raph capable of leading, it’s because they’re both stubborn fucking idiots who’re thoroughly convinced their way is the right way; for raph admitting he’s wrong is a show of weakness and surrendering control which is a fear for 8s and for leo it’s a kick to his pride and ability to be ‘good’ which is a fear for 1s. simplifying it down to a power struggle between them drives me up a wall, iN THIS ESSAY I WILL--).

while a small example, a moment from the first notes from the underground episode (s1ep13) has always stuck with me when it comes to raph’s potential and ability to lead: he’s not only the one to throw the grapple to get them across the bridge, but when they’re dangling from a stalagmite after the bridge collapses, he’s the one who gathers them together to do ‘crack the whip’. leo actually doesn’t have any dialogue in that whole sequence; raph’s the one who takes charge and gets them safely to the other side.

it’s also interesting that in cases where leo’s not present AND raph’s in the company of someone similar in behavior to him, his 2 seems to come out on its own. when running around alone with casey, raph is the one reining him in. similar case with godman falcon in across the universe (s3ep20). you could use tyler in lone raph and cub (s1ep24) as another example, but i’m not fully counting that as tyler is like. ten. and stinky.

cardinal sins - 8 and lust

here's term that, on the surface, might appear a bit self-explanatory, but it tends to be a bit more nuanced than that. at least as far as the enneagram is concerned.

every type on the enneagram comes with its own ‘cardinal sin’; you might recognize seven of them from the traditional deadly sins. a type’s cardinal sin is less of a ‘sin’ and more of an almost addictive, involuntary and repeated behavior that we can only be free of when we learn to recognize and manage it. learning to manage your type’s cardinal sin is one of the purposes of the enneagram as a tool.

an 8's cardinal sin is ‘lust’. don’t mistake this for lust purely in its sexual definition; this is ‘lust’ as in the drive and need for intensity. 8s want to feel solid and alive; interactions must be intense, play must be intense--there’s something of a daredevil in 8s as they're looking to experience what life has to offer at 110%. it’s ironic that giving into lust is the antithesis of the control raph’s 8 demands he maintains; lust after a person or object is to be under its power, the opposite of what an 8 truly wants.

i’m sure at least some of you are wondering about ‘wrath’. something that might be important to keep in mind, here, is that 8s reach for rage in place of other emotions; not only is rage easy to access, it’s also an intense and overwhelming emotion. we'll talk about this more when we get to leo, but his 1 makes him a member of the 'anger' triad as well. where raph takes any emotion he feels intensely and replaces it with anger, leo will often take his anger and replace it with a less harsh explanation. but again, we'll get to that.

something else i think is interesting to consider are the cardinal sins associated with the other types that 8s are connected to. in raph’s case, it would be his wing, 7, with his stress and security numbers 5 and 2. the other cardinal sins in his main circle would be gluttony, greed, and pride respectively. when it comes to raph, 'gluttony' makes more sense in application than a 9's 'sloth', which contributes to why i disagree with him having a 9 wing.

sooooo, now that we’ve gone over a lot of information about 8s in general and some samplings of where i see an 8 in raph, i wanna look at three specific points in the series to just kinda pick up and turn around in my hands like a little puzzle box. i’m sorry, i know this is long just--AUGH. i could sit here and run characters through an enneagram lens all day, i'm the worst.

city at war

for me, city at war is a fantastic example of an 8 and a 1 colliding. this is also an arc i see discussed frequently, and often those talking about it have an easy time seeing the perspective of one brother but not the other. for complete disclosure, i’ve always been in raph’s court with this one; even as a kid i'm pretty sure i agreed with raph that they should stay out of the fight (but i’m also a 9, and we tend to avoid conflict of any kind however we can).

we’ll be talking about raph’s perspective here, obviously, and we’ll return to this arc in leo’s post to discuss it from his perspective. remember that one of the enneagram's uses as a tool is to grow in compassion for others and allow us to understand why they act and react the way they do.

a big thing to keep in mind when looking at this arc from raph's perspective as an 8 is that we need to look at the last time they dealt with the foot specifically. while there are five episodes between shredder’s supposed death in secret origins' ending (s2ep8) and city at war beginning (s2ep14), it’s important to consider the sheer weight of everything that lead up to this point and the amount of time passed as those events transpired. remember that an 8’s basic desire is to protect themselves--and the people they’ve come to care about--as well as determine their own course in life. the foot completely uprooted all of that for raph.

we’ll say the shredder strikes back (s1ep17) is the starting point. the boys may have faced the shredder for the first time in shredder strikes (s1ep10), but i don’t think they fully understood what the FUCK they were doing. because they’re fifteen year old boys. with weapons. they think they’re invincible. they’re very stupid, and it's a miracle master splinter hasn't developed like six ulcers.

shredder strikes back is a brutal wake up call to the fact that… NO, ACTUALLY, y'all are pretty fragile. this was the closest they’d probably come to having a family member taken from them. like, all things considered, leo should be dead. he was only “returned” to them on the brink of death to rub salt in the wound. and with the 8’s ability to sniff out who has the most power in a room, i doubt this detail was lost on raph. his brother is only still alive because shredder allowed it.

enough time passes for leo to recover, and we’re right back in new york using the fact we’re ‘dead’ to our advantage to take down shredder once and for all. the next three episodes all occur in the same night. but we did it! we’ve defeated shredder--we thought we’d gained control--but, just kidding, dad’s gone and disappeared.

our search for master splinter over the next few hours sends us to space. the next five episodes are desperately trying to get back to earth and their father. the turtles are in space for a few weeks, but only a few hours have passed on earth.

all of secret origins happens in the span of another few hours and ends with the shredder dying once and for all. he's totally dead, you guys. for real this time. no way in hell he survived that. ...foreshadowing is a literary device whe--

for us, that’s eighteen episodes (which if you were watching back in 2003 in the way the episodes were released would have not only been about eighteen weeks minimum, but the waiting period between two seasons as well). as viewers, it feels like a lot of time has passed. because it has. for them? that is a LOT of shit--again--over a relatively short period of time.

for an 8, this has been a ton of shaking around their control over their course in life. it’s been a huge threat to both their own security and that of the few people they hold dear. going from having to avoid their home and hiding away in april’s apartment, to almost losing leo, to almost losing splinter, to being blasted across the galaxy, discovering their ties to the shredder… but now. FINALLY. shredder is dead. they’re free! ...they should be free to once again determine their own course.

i can only imagine raph is eager to find some semblance of control and grounding again. the world has proven itself in many ways to be cruel and uncaring, just like he’d learned to believe. his 5 probably has him in a bit of a choke hold. and now, as the foot and the mob and the dragons are in a turf war, for SOME GODDAMN REASON his brother--who he almost lost--wants to get involved. raph, usually the first into the ring of conflict, slams the brakes on. this isn’t our fight, and we can just let them weaken each other and eat themselves alive. we gain safety by not involving ourselves, we have control again. to throw ourselves into that is risking another loss. returning to the cardinal sins, the 5’s greed/need to protect their resources and their energy, could very much be in full swing here.

8s and 1s are, unfortunately for everyone else involved, both types who unrelentingly believe they’re correct in an argument. and to back down from said argument could mean submitting to a part of their basic fear. raph’s 8 recognizes this as a moment for them to regain control of not only their own lives, but also as an opening to just let potential future enemies use up resources and wear each other out. and leo’s 1, as we’ll get to, refuses to listen to this on the base that it wouldn’t be right to sit back while people are getting hurt because of an imbalance ‘they caused’.

karai showing up in new york to take shredder’s place leading the foot (giving them a leader and direction again would be empowering them) was the final straw for raph. because what does he do? he isolates. fuck this shit: i’m out.

cards on the table? i’m not too keen that the narrative made it seem like leo was ‘right’ and raph was ‘wrong’, especially with casey stating that “the way he was raised, you fix your mistakes”… like… killing the shredder was a mistake. idk. clumsy choice of words on casey's part or mishandled writing, i'm not fond of it. and raph saying he was being an idiot at the end… honey, sweetie, darling, gravy, you were not being a full fledged idiot. you were both right and you were both wrong and you were both idiots; the situation is complicated and they can be both at once ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ gray is a value that exists, and you’re both grounded. equality.

anyway. next topic.

darkness within

this will be shorter than the last one because it’s more of a five minute encounter than a span of three episodes with a history, but i think it’s an interesting thing to look at anyway.

i know that from a meta perspective, raph’s nightmare in darkness within (s3ep14) was more a nod to another incarnation, but the fact his fear of becoming anything remotely like the shredder speaks to how self-aware of his anger he might be at this point in the series (note: this is not me saying ch’rell is also an 8; this is a warped fear that came from raph's subconscious, not a direct ‘prediction’ of things to come).

more in-depth views of the enneagram include the levels of development, which is a scale of one to nine how healthy or unhealthy the type is. at their healthiest, 8s can be described as self-surrendering and heroic. self-reliant and strong. self-confident and leading. but at their unhealthiest? 8s can become ruthless and dictatorial. megalomaniacal and terrorizing. sociopathic and destructive. sounds a lot like our favorite chewed up piece of stale cinnamon gum.

raph is aware that his anger--as well as his need to be strong and in control of his situation--could lead him down an even vaguely similar path. we saw glimpses of that, as i said, as early as episode four of the first season. losing grip and control of his temper and attacking mikey. his worst moment. the foot were barely even part of their lives at that point. that happened during what should have been a mundane little training session between brothers, where there was little to no outside influence. while not the shredder exactly, he is aware he has the potential to become something similar if he allows himself to give in to his anger and fears.

the first half of season four and leo’s… gestures vaguely

i think the last thing i want to talk about is the first half of season four and just generally dealing with leo at HIS worst. specifically cousin sid (s4ep1), i, monster (s4ep5), grudge match (s4ep6), samurai tourist (s4ep13), and scion of the shredder (s4ep15).

in cousin sid raph’s reaction to leo’s shift in attitude is, at first, positive. he goes as far as to jokingly state that karai should stab him more often if it means leo’s going to be less hesitant to fight (think his 7 wing was showing itself in that moment tbh; trying to make a joke out of something he shouldn’t have).

by i, monster, i think he’s started to notice that something’s wrong. he holds the others off as he recognizes that leo's fighting something more than just the rat king.

in grudge match, he starts to confront leo on his shift in attitude only to be interrupted by master splinter. by the time we get to samurai tourist, raph’s had it with this 'new leo'. he goes as far as saying leo's "going mental". mikey shuts this down (and boy, we'll get to that), but it's clear that raph's standing with leo has only gotten more and more tense.

i doubt it was intentional, as the writers focused more on leo’s handling of their final confrontation of the shredder, but… with all due respect to master splinter, i don’t agree with him when he later tells leo that his brothers have healed. i don’t think they’re in the unhealthy zone as deep as leo is, but given raph’s more negative and almost accusatory approach to leo’s state, i can’t help but tilt my head and see his 5’s influence beginning to color his perception. he’s having a hard time connecting. digging his heels in, becoming uncompromising. his 2 is hidden away and preventing him from showing vulnerability or gentleness toward leo's state. an 8’s antagonism can lead to self-sabotage when it comes to relationships, and leo’s reacting differently to raph’s attitude or not reacting at all. leo’s sudden change in attitude paired with any healing raph has left to do has likely raised his walls in a place he thought he was safe in. his 8, which is so focused on protecting himself, no longer feels like it has any control over the situation--he doesn’t know how leo’s going to act, how receptive leo will be to his own behavior, or even what to do to get leo “back”. and, obviously, leo’s worsening state is doing nothing to help any of this. raph's falling toward rejecting leo first so leo doesn’t have the chance to reject him. playing into that fear of dependency by continuing to push leo further away from him before leo has the chance to do the damage himself.

we see in scion of the shredder that he hasn’t completely given up; playing into his 7, mikey makes a coo-coo motion at his head in reference to leo and raph promptly smacks him for it. i think this says a few things: that raph took what mikey said in samurai tourist to heart and, because of that, he’s now at least trying to be more nuanced about leo’s state, verses basically having said the same thing mikey just did two episodes back… even if it might be ‘too late’ for that considering leo’s already had his worst moment and gone to japan.

when we roll around to prodigal son (s4ep16), raph’s likely on a big emotional ride over here. some of this i have to point at rushed writing and also the general vibe of early 2000s media, but some of it can also be directed at raph’s 8. we see him very briefly express “””weakness””” when leo assures him that the rest of the family is okay (he braces his hands on his knees), but upon returning to the reservoir station all the walls are right back up and he just walks right past don, who’s relieved to see him, and, boom, he’s right back on the attack--angry that the foot destroyed their home. defenses up. i’m not relieved, i was never worried, i was never scared, i’m just MAD.

conclusion

as mentioned in part 1, the two books i referenced and heavily pulled from in the more enneagram-focused sections of this project (the parts where the enneagram itself is explained rather than how it applies to the turtles) were:

the wisdom of the enneagram by don richard riso & russ hudson

the road back to you by ian morgan cron & suzanne stabile

gonna be real with you, lads, i have no idea how to properly close this out, i just looked at the page number and word count and muttered to myself "jesus christ; girl, shut up".

as i said at the start of this post, if i have anything to add/more observations regarding raph's 8 in the series i'll link them here as addendums.

for now, we're going to stay in the instinct triad and move over to leo. and from leo, we'll go to don because they both have a foot in the feeling/heart triad.

see you in the next one and, if you read all this, here's a platter of warm cookies of your favorite choice. and your favorite drink to wash it down. you're the realest.

#tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt raph #tmnt raphael #tmnt #;hannah's meta #;tmnt #;raphael #;tmnt enneagram #[ MY GOD ] #[ i am so sorry (i'm not) ]

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Breaking down the comics: BENDIS. PART 3. 

READING THINGS SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO! 

Part 1 HERE. 

Part 2 HERE. 

This is the final bit! The last three! You ready? I can’t stress how much you aren’t ready for this. 

Issue #10

This cover is kinda meh. They could have done better. Maleev really likes drawing those steel beams though. He went “Man, you know what’s fun and cool? BEAMS.” I can respect that. 

Alright. Reading the title page to make sure nothing else changed when I wasn't looking... 

Looks the same. Just an added line. 

"In the ensuing battle through the streets of Los Angeles, Echo dies at the hand of Nefaria and Moon Knight falls into an uncontrollable berserker rage." 

Makes it sound cooler than it actually IS. 

So we get the same picture we left off with in the last issue only this time they've edited in a dead Echo at the forefront. I don't need to show you that. Seems like they could have given us something different and just used one of the alternate images for dramatic effect. 

We get a collage of action. We see bloody claws, glowing Count eyes attacking, blood across Marc's chest, red explosions, Marc screaming, more blood, and a dead Echo. 

It's dramatic and has a certain flow to it. It does encapsulate Marc's current state of mind pretty well. 

And then... 

We cut to a street and see a TAXI CAB. And a man in a flat cap!!!!! 

….I swear my heart just skipped a beat and I got SOOOOOO fucking excited and then I remembered what was actually happening and now I'm just MAD again. Because… Even after ALL THAT. After everything that happened in the last issues… If somehow…SOMEHOW…Jake suddenly actually stepped in and then we saw Steven… It would have saved this. That Marc didn’t need Fake Cap and Wolverine and Spider-Man. That what he needed all this time was right there… Sure, it still would have been messy, but it could have been explained as Marc breaking down and Fictives coming in or Persecutors or SOMETHING. And I’m sitting here crying because THAT could have been good. And instead we get…THIS. 

Because...This isn't the TV show. This is real. 

"What have you been doing all night, Marlene?" 

He asks Marlene. 

"Waiting for you, Steven." 

ALRIGHT. Let's break this down page by page. 

So Bendis is FINALLY acknowledging that Jake, Marc, and Steven all exist. 

We see Jake coming home in his cab to Marlene. 

It's very reminiscent of Moench. Jake takes them home. Jake always takes them home. There's something to that. 

And once he walks into the house with Marlene, he's no longer Jake. Jake very rarely liked interacting with Marlene, much less hanging out in any of their posh homes. 

And just like in Moench's run, she addresses him as Steven. She always waited for Steven. 

She asks who they destroyed this time. 

He says that isn't fair. 

And it isn't fair. But Marlene started to get bitter towards them in the end. She suffered her own losses and she started to blame him for them. She always hated Marc and loved Steven. And Marc destroyed so much of their life. 

We see Moon Knight asking to go in, but we see the Avenger's masks in the background. 

Notice how Wolverine is on top. 

Marc assumes that Frenchie is the one in the costume. He knows Frenchie left him a long time ago. His oldest and closest friend. The only one that knew Marc Spector as Marc Spector. 

The insistence that "SOMEONE" has to go out because they don't know what's happening implies that someone else is in control and they are all locked out. 

The costume is empty. He doesn't know who'se wearing it. He doesn't know who is inside it. Maybe no one. 

He's confused because he's lost control of his own situation and lost control of everything. 

Because it doesn't matter who he tries to be, who he loves, or what he does... Marc Spector still "Ruins everything he touches." 

He wakes up in a hospital bed, RESTRAINED to the bed with a security guard outside. 

The implication is pretty obvious. And honestly, this is something Marc has dealt with before. And probably something that brings back a lot of bad memories for him. 

He's waking up somewhere he doesn't know where he is, he can't remember how he got there, he doesn't know what happened, he doesn't know who has been out, and he's locked up. 

He's able to make a phone call. 

Detective Hall shows up! 

"Where is he?" 

"He's down the hall." 

"Has he said anything?" 

"He's in pretty bad shape." 

"When do his prints come back from the lab?" 

"Prints?" 

"You didn't fingerprint him? A costumed hero lies dead and bloody in the street and you don't print him?" 

"He's in bad shape. We thought--No one said--" 

"You have Moon Knight in custody. And you didn't think to PRINT him." 

Remember, Hall is from NY. He's familiar with who Moon Knight is. What he can do. What he's known to do. 

"We--We secured the hallway. We have all of the other patients moved to other floors. I mean, it's not like we were--" 

Hall turns the corner to find at least five guards and staff knocked out in the hall, and Moon Knight's room and bed empty. 

Slowly the other officers start to get dizzy and also fall over. The hall has been gassed! 

Hey it’s Buck! 

I appreciate Buck. 

Buck: "Let's move along now..." 

Marc: "I'm beginning to love you, Buck." 

Buck: "Well, that takes the sting off the fact that I know I'm going to hell for this. I just sleep-gassed a hospital." 

Marc: "Seriously...Thank you." 

Buck: "The girl didn't make it." 

Marc: "I told her--I told her to run." 

Buck: "I ain't blamin' you. She's a big girl. I'm just saying." 

Marc: "This is going to...haunt me for a while." 

Buck: "Imagine how she feels." 

Marc: "What happened to...@$@@ing Count Nefaria?" 

We head to some place where we find the Count in pretty bad shape and having a tantrum. 

The...I don't know what this guy is.. Butler? We're going to go with butler. The butler tells the Count's visitor that "He's going to need a minute. It's been a very rough night." 

LOL I bet he had a rough night. Moon Knight tends to do that to people. Moon Knight beaten up and bleeding? Imagine what the other guy looks like. 

"From what I understand, this Moon Knight character got in what can only be called a lucky shot. He stabbed Lucino just as he was preparing a fatal blow. The blow backfired. The police arrived to find Lucino struggling to regain his...Composure. You see, he is not a young man. Containing this kind of power is a true effort in the best circumstances. That's why he needs you." 

We get the identity of the visitor and...Ugh. Okay. THIS Villainess I know. 

Madame Masque. 

If I know her, why don't I know the Count? These are the questions I ask myself. 

She's apparently his DAUGHTER. 

Some of you more well read comic fans may recognize her or her name. ALRIGHT. She was created by Stan Lee and co. back in 1967. Originally named Giulietta Nefaria, but later changed to Whitney Frost. 

She's the daughter of Count Nefaria...And she's historically been the occasional love interest of Tony Stark, Iron Man. 

(Yeah... Tony gets around ALMOST as much as Matt Murdock. ....almost.) 

Originally she wore a golden mask to cover her disfigured face. Her face has since healed, but she still wears the mask. 

Apparently her mother died giving birth to her and the Count wanted her to live a respectable life so he adopted her out to Byron Frost, who worked for Nefaria. 

She's had some back and forth with being a villainess and showing compassion to the heroes (mostly Tony. She’s got a love hate going on with Tony). 

All that aside, we head back to Marc's mansion. 

Marc is listening to his voice mails. 

His assistant is calling to check up to see if he's still alive since she hasn't heard from him in a while. 

He's still healing and in pain. It was a pretty hard fight, after all. Not to mention Echo... 

Wolverine shows up and tells Marc to get up. 

"I can't. You're the reason I'm here!" 

"You're the reason you're here, Bub. You better get up because I guarantee you, Nefaria is up and looking for YOU." 

"And what would you hae me do?!" 

"Finish what you started." 

"I hate you." 

"I don't care. Finish what you started. He's got an Ultron. You're an Avenger. Echo was an Avenger. Avenge her. Save this city." 

Honestly, Marc needs time. He never gives himself time. And for once, Marc is in bed TRYING to give himself time. Trying to feel things and heal and he isn't getting to. I feel for him. 

We head over to the morgue where an autopsy is being done on Echo. I don't need to show you these pictures. 

The doctors discuss who has authority over her body. FBI or the LAPD who brought her in. 

Just as they are about to start, Madame Masque busts in and shoots everyone. 

She recognizes Echo's body, but can't place who she is. 

She finds the weapon staff that Buck outfitted with Vibranium. 

It's a lead and she calls her people to check the black market for rescent buys. She's going to trace it back to Marc. 

We head to the police HQ to find the Detective Hall interviewing Snapdragon again. 

He has a still image of Madame Masque in the morgue. He asks her to identify her. 

Snapdragon does so. Noting that "Her and her dad have what you'd call a strained relationship." 

Snapdragon urges Detective Hall to either bust the Count quickly or get her out of there because she's terrified of Madame Masque and she's a sitting duck there. 

Detective says he's doing his best, but there are stops in place above him. 

We head back to Marc's place. We see Buck parking outside and about to open the garage when he notices red dots, indicating he's in someone's sights. 

"Son of a--" He reaches for his gun. 

"Rrr! N'me!" 

"What?" 

"Don't worry about me! She got the Ultron head! She has Ultron! It's out in the open!" 

Poor Buck. 

Poor Marc. It’s about to get a lot worse for him. 

END ISSUE. Two more to go. 

The hospital scene gets to me. They find Moon Knight near death in the street next to a badly injured Count and a dead Echo and they cuff him to the bed. And then Bendis BLATANTLY showing us Jake. Letting us know that he’s aware of Steven and Jake and that they DO in fact exist in this story, but he’s not going to give them to us? That they just aren’t there? Also, Did you see how wonderful that cap looked? HOW WONDERFUL THAT JAKE LOOKED?! I will forever be angry that we are denied Maleev drawing us Jake or Steven. …And giving Marc a Goatee when Jake isn’t there to enjoy it. >:(

ISSUE #11! 

There the guys are staring again. 

But I DO like this cover. Black and white and the single pillar in the middle. It's a cover of mourning. 

And the folds in that cape? LOOK AT THAT CAPE. 

Marc's in for a bad time. It's about to get REALLY bad for him. 

Alright title page... Oh look, they're changing it just enough to make his deal with Echo even more potent. 

"He has teamed up with (and fallen in love with) another former Avenger, Echo.

Echo dies at the hand of Nefaria, driving Moon Knight off the deep end and setting him on a course for bloody vengeance. Before he can do that, however, Nefaria's daughter, the assassin Madame Masque, breaks into Spector's house and steals the head of Ultron..." 

Not to mention shooting Buck. I hope Buck survives. I like Buck. 

We open on SHIELD Helicarrier 1000 Feet over the Pacific Ocean. 

Hey, it's commander Hill! Nick Fury's right hand man and replacement after he died/ranoff/did his thing (dude does all of the above SO MANY TIMES all the time). 

Moon Knight is trying to call SHIELD. 

"They're using one of Captain America's secure lines." 

"Moon Knight." 

"It's coming from the Los Angeles Area. He's using old codes. From a discharged agent by the name of Buck Lime." 

"Okay, well, put him through. This should be annoying." 

I hate how much no one respects him and thinks of him as just that crazy guy that causes problems.

First of all, RUDE. She knows exactly who Moon Knight is and what his problems are. He had a psych eval when he joined the Avengers the FIRST time. You know she’s read the file. 

Second of all, Captain America should have informed SHIELD of the Count’s actions and locations just in case things DID get out of control. He seems like the sort of villain that they’d want to know the location of at all times, even if he wasn’t being active! 

She berates him for losing the Head, even though the plan was approved by Captain America. 

Buck tells htem that he put a tracker in the head, but when she blew up the garage, the responder was also blown up. He needs them to pick up the signal and send it to them. 

"No. You give ME the signal and I'll send a battalion of Hulkbuster Agents down there to--" 

"All due respect, but I think a lighter touch is needed." Marc makes excellent decisions. 

"Oh, you do? Says the man who 'lost' an Ultron." 

Back with Madame Masque, we see her with the Ultron head. She calls her father to tell him she has it. 

But... "I won't be meeting you. No. Not until you tell me the plan. What do you plan on doing with a homicidal artificlal intelligence you can't possibly control?" 

He tells her the plan (We don't get to hear it) and she suddenly changes her mind. 

"I didn't know that. No. Oh. Okay. Yes sir. I'll see you soon." 

Just as she's about to pack up and head out, a shadow catches her eye. 

Moon Knight pounces from above. 

He attacks with the shield, the webbing, and the claws. 

Wolverine yells to cut her and finish it. 

Marc forces her to get up close and personal and they both take some hard hits. 

Just when it looks like she has the upper hand, she looks back and suddenly realizes the Ultron head is gone! 

Buck has snatched it and is running away. 

Moon Knight manages to distract her until Buck makes it to the car and starts to drive away, her running after him. 

Moon Knight is still recovering from his earlier injuries so he's slower to get up and give chase. 

"Agh! Okay. That really hurt-" 

Wolverine: "Shut up and get up!" 

Madame Masque manages to shoot out his tires and stall his car. When he doesn't get out of the car, she starts trying to shoot his gas tank. 

Gas is now dripping heavily from his car and there are sparks all over. 

A silver Crescent shape appears above her and she shoots it up. 

It's just a cape! 

Spiderwebbing wraps up her guns and Moon Knight attacks. 

Just as he strikes, the car explodes, sending them both flying. 

Ah yes, the seeing the dead girlfriend telling you not to let her death be in vain and to make it mean something trope. 

Marc wakes up and forces himself to move just as Madame Masque is about to stab him. 

I'd again like to remind you that Marc Spector is specially trained in hand to hand combat. Everyone goes on about "Oh yeah this villain is a skilled fighter!" but they still don't have the training Marc has. Marc didn't just wake up one day and put on the mask with a little boxing degree under his belt. 

Boxing, street fighting, Army/Marines, Special ops, SHIELD, underground fight rings and cage fighting...And THEN his years of Mercenary training and how to get out of shit situations because he puts himself in BAD situations constantly and has to dig himself out. 

Not just that, he's a stubborn asshole who would 'rather take the punch than learn to duck' as Taskmaster once said. (My favorite depiction of Marc.) 

So a scary lady like Madame Masque means nothing to him. 

And I appreciate that Bendis and Maleev recognize this. Another point in their corner. (Unlike with Bendis and Burrow who showed him getting his ass handed to him by some no one over and over again.)

“And that’s why you don’t steal from the craziest Avenger on the West-” 

Marc, don't encourage this. 

Marc takes off her mask and finds a beautiful perfect face. 

"She doesn't even need the mask. She's crazier than you are." Wolverine snerks. 

What's this? Echo has joined the commentary. Is she a 'voice/personality' now too? 

"Well done, Spector. Don't forget Buck. ANd the Ultron Head." But why does she speak like Captain America? 

"Oh No...Buck." 

Marc finds Buck laying next to the exploded car. 

"Oh no. Not you too, Buck. Not you too. I'm so..." 

Buck turns around with his gun at the ready. "NGYAA!" 

"HO!" 

"AGH!" 

"It's okay. It's me." 

"Whee is--Did you--?"

"I got her." 

"That--!" 

The police arrive via Helicopter and Marc tells them it's time to go. 

He helps Buck get up and they make a run for it. 

And I must say… The writing between Buck and Marc is top notch. I appreciate the humor they have. The banter. Even Marc poking fun at himself. He’s relaxing around Buck and you don’t see him do that often with people. He’s told Buck that he has problems and Buck still accepts him (even though he hasn’t really said the full extent of his problems). I’m going to give Bendis another point for giving us Buck. 

Thank you Buck. 

Back with the Count! He's watching the breaking news on TV about the latest thing with Moon Knight. 

The Local police arrive at his place. They have a warrant and subpoena. 

"There's quite a few of them. They said it had something to do with Moon Knight." 

"Moon Knight..." Yeah... Count is learning what it means to get Moon Knight under your skin. 

Do you have any idea HOW MANY major marvel hitters have come up across Moon Knight and gone, "Please. Let me face ANYONE...ANYONE...but Moon Knight again." They'd rather fight the Hulk than end up in Moon Knight's sights again. 

Even if they 'won' or kicked his ass... At what cost? This man knows how to be a PROBLEM. It's what he's best at. Marc Spector: professional problem. 

Anyways, END ISSUE. ONE TO GO. 

ANd this is the problem. I liked that issue. It was fun, it was quirky, it had Buck, it had Moon Knight doing what he does best. But then you add in the Wolverine aspect and also the discrimination and then the potential that Echo is ALSO now joined his voices/personalities in his head? 

LAST ISSUE

Issue #12! 

I really love his use of grays and whites. And he draws a fantastic moon. The framing of this image is just spot on. 

Alright. Let's get this bread. 

On the title page! 

We got the usual false info on the start of Moon Knight (I can't believe they changed the story and how wrong they made it.) 

The usual bit about his TV show, Count Nefaria, his hidden new split personality disorder (LOL no). His love with Echo and her death... 

And lastly we have him "ruthlessly" dispatching Madame Masque to get the Ultron head back. 

Then the police catching up with Count Nefaria and making him even more pissed at Moon Knight. 

HERE WE GO! 

We open with the police serving the warrant and trying to get into the house to find the Count. 

Just then, the COunt takes off, flying away and destroying a Police copter in the process. Which was totally unnecessary cause they were just there for light and had no weapons. 

Back at police HQ, Snapdragon hears about the Count getting away and tells the police they had a deal to get her out of there. 

The captain goes to get her. It's time to transport her to protective custody. 

And then the Count shows up. 

"Captain Quaid. You and I had a deal. Payments were made." 

Yeah, that's what I thought. 

The Captain tells the officers to stand down. 

There's an argument and the Count laser eye blasts the Captain to death. The police open fire and Snapdragon takes cover. 

He's pretty pissed at Snapdragon, telling her that he hadn't plan to leave her there to rot after all. That he was going to get her out later and she betrayed him. 

As he's ranting, someone comes up behind him. "Hey, Nefaria..." 

The art here. The action pose. The detail in the rubble… The SASS. The absolute frustration that someone as small time as Moon Knight is this much of a problem. 

This gives me joy. 

Also, in the last Issue, Marc's outfit was pretty torn up. And the issue before that his outfit was pretty torn up. 

He must keep on hand SO MANY outfits. Not to mention capes. 

So here we are again... Marc going up against an over powered villain up close and personal. 

You know what his only advantage is? 

(Look at him. Sitting there on all that rubble like a trouble maker. )

The fact that he is such a problem. 

"Marc Spector: Profession Problem" really should be on his business cards. 

While the Count is distracted by Moon Knight, Snapdragon takes up hier own offense. She shoots at the Count then opens fire on Moon Knight too. 

"Nice. Real nice." He blocks her blows with his shield. 

Then we see Wolverine and the newest member to the innacurate Headmate group: Echo. 

Echo has taken up the voice of reason, since Wolverine killed off Captain America and Spider-man in a previous issue, I guess? 

"Tell him it's time to make a deal." 

Marc tries to make a deal with Nefaria. "Kill me and you'll never get the head of Ultron. And I mean NEVER." 

He then tells him that he's going to lose his empire, his daughter, and his west coast bragging rights. 

Yeah... Count isn't listening. He's pretty enraged. 

It’s kinda funny really. Like he can’t even believe he’s never considered that Moon Knight could ever be his problem.

(Dude’s starting to sound like talking to me must sound like.) 

Moon Knight keeps his paces, but this dude is fast and strong. 

He snaps the claws apart then throws Moon Knight around a bit. 

"Here's what's going to happen according to me. You're going to give me my Ultron head. You're going to give it to me and then you are going to pay off the sizable debt you've racked up. Not with money...but with service. Do I need to explain myself again?" 

He trashes Marc around a bit, ripping up that nice new outfit. 

"And maybe I won't kill you like I killed your little Girlfriend. You have no idea what's at stake here, boy. You have no idea how important that head is." 

Marc tells him that the head is outside. in the parking lot. "No more killing...No more..." 

So the Count drags Marc out of the station to the lot. 

"Yeah, he called the Avengers." 

Oh look! The Avengers! Who we got on the team today? Let's see... Thor, Wolverine, Spiderwoman, Captain Marvel, Beast, Iron Man and...Someone I don't recognize. And they've also apprehended Snapdragon too. 

And Marc, bless his Sass... 

Beaten to a pulp he looks up at the Count: "You see them too, right?" 

Now, according to the things I looked up so I could figure out just WHO the Count is.. He's fought Thor more than a few times and it was mostly an even match, but Thor usually got an upper hand. 

The Count goes on the attack and Thor lays him out with a good ol' Thor hammer. 

Marc takes the opprotunity to crawl over to him. "That's for Echo, you son of a bitch." 

And he punches out the Count. 

And that would be great if that was it. But it isn't. 

We head back to Marc's partially blown up house. 

Tony Stark wants to see the head. 

Marc hands it over. "Ta-Dah!" 

"It's the real damn deal." 

"Thanks for coming to take it off our hands, Stark." 

"Hey, thanks for keeping it out of that nut job's hands. Thanks for calling us when you did. Sorry we didn't get there five minutes faster." 

"What did Nefaria want with it?" 

And Tony tells him. 

Ultron is a highly advanced artificial intelligence that is far smarter than any of them and keeps getting smarter. It wants to wipe out all of humanity. 

It's also out there. They destroyed all the avatar bodies, but the program is out there hiding and waiting and planning. 

Tony speculates that Nefaria either knows 'something we don't--like where Ultron is or what the Ultron plan is...Or he's trying to get ahead start. Trying to get in on the ground floor or when the big bad robot comes to kill us. Maybe he wanted something to Bargain with." 

"I really don't want that in my house anymore." 

Does he think that you can’t have mental health issues and still have a normal conversation or do a normal job? 

The second mental health is breeched no one trusts them to do anything. Or they look the other way then if anything goes out of the normal they go “Oh yeah I always knew he was trouble. He’s crazy, you know.” 

Pisses me off. 

I love Buck. He gets it. He notices when Marc is having a moment and he also knows that exhaustion isn’t great for things. Despite it all, Buck is there for him and he’s willing to help him along the way. 

(And you are never going to see Buck again. He’s quickly erased thanks to the 3 year gap after Moon Knight is canceled. Moved on or like he never happened. This upsets me.) 

You know what else upsets me? 

There's a new headmate now. He just had a frank discussion with Tony Stark. Captain America and Spider-man headmates were killed off. So now he has...

Wolverine, Echo, and Ironman. Three personalities that are NOT going to get along and have VERY different instructions and opinions. Back to square one. 

wtf

THREE MONTHS LATER. 

Studio Back Lot, Marc arrives and is told by his assistant that the show is canceled. 

Not making enough money or something or other. 

(The joke here is that he’s crazy so they expect him to do crazy things.) 

Marc. Let her go. Remember how we talked about you making BAD DECISIONS? 

Marc… MARC. 

Okay. Hold on a second. I need to look something up. 

So, as I noted in part 1... This was one of Bendis' less successful revivals. He re-wrote Moon Knight's past, gave him a new location, and then completely redid his character and D.I.D as well as getting rid of without explaining Steven and Jake. In fact, it's implied that he never HAD Steven and Jake and that they were only used as "Cover personas" and that his "Multiple Personality" issue is new and hidden as he 'imagines' the Avengers working along side him. 

It's used as a ploy to keep the crazy in Moon Knight while also trying to make him interesting when he was ALREADY interesting and Bendis just stripped what was interesting about him away without explanation or cause. 

You don't take the stripes off the Zebra and call it a fancy horse and still expect people to be interested in it like they were before. 

According to one review write up: "It never really caught fire with new fans, and longtime devotees didn't love the concept of tying him into some of Marvel's biggest heroes." 

It was a huge flop. 

During this run, Moon Knight also had a major team appearance (first in over 20 years) in "Secret Avengers". In fact, he was popping up all over the place in this time frame in small side projects and background things. 

And then.... NOTHING. But what about the promise of "He will return in Age of Ultron"? 

WELL....

Age of Ultron, 2012. He appears prominently in Issues #2, 4, 5, 10, and Avengers Assemble Age of Ultron #14. But it is not considered a canon timeline for him and has no affect on the main story. He’s just kinda there. You KNOW how I feel about Marvel events that just take all the characters and mash them together with writers that don’t know how to handle these characters. They just kinda go off of cliff notes on the most recent run that’s been published. 

Let's take a peek at how Moon Knight was handled after the failed Bendis run...  

Avengers Assemble: Age of Ultron

Written by Al Ewing

Art by Butch Guice

Editor by Lauren Sankovitch 

…..THANKS BENDIS. I HATE IT.

Dialogue here because I had to squint:

"Marc Spector. Moon Knight. I've worked with him. Unstable, but useful. So long as he can keep himself together. Right now, he's not doing well. He's breaking. It's in his voice. He needs something certain. Something he can rely on. He needs the Black Widow. The one in his head."

So this is what happens when someone mismanages a character like Moon Knight. The stigma…and it is stigma…sticks. It’s harder to make the good things stick than it is to make the mad things last. Just look at BEMIS. 

Up to this point, there had been a LOT of misrepresentation for Moon Knight. He just kept getting crazier and crazier. More and more violent. Some writers took it to the extreme and others tried to mellow it out but gave him less of Steven and Jake and more of rageful Marc. 

When Bendis redefined Marc’s mental disorder, there was only one way to go with it and it was right into crazy town. The Avengers treated him with kiddie gloves and ‘played’ to his delusions. 

This is how bad depictions of disabilities can snowball. And snowball it did. 

THREE YEARS. No one knew what to do with him. Did they take him back to where he was, cutting faces off of people? Or into the wild and angry phase? Or did they try to carry on what Bendis did here? 

It’s any wonder that it took three years for someone to step up and say “Let me try.” and is it any wonder that their arch was so PASSIVE? 

So here I am with a question: Was this a good run? 

Pros: The art was good and consistent. The dialogue was good and believable. The action was balanced. The stillness was balanced. We had very good fighting scenes with good combat. I FELT for Marc. We got to see Marc in vulnerable situations trying to deal with his failing mental health and his grief. He broke my heart. We also got Buck! It made me legit laugh a few times. 

Cons: VERY POORLY DONE REPRESENTATION OF D.I.D AND MENTAL HEALTH IN GENERAL THAT GOT IT CANCELED FOR THREE YEARS AND SPIRALLED US INTO SUCH POOR DEPICTiONS AND STIGMA. 

The hardest part is that when it was good, it was AMAZING. But when it was bad…. 

So do I forgive Bendis? Do I forgive him for taking on a project he should NOT have taken on? Is it enough for me to enjoy the run and recommend it? Is it enough for me to say “It’s great if you overlook the piss poor representation of D.I.D and Ableism.”? 

I can see why after reading this run, I set it aside and marked it as ‘the worst’ and refused to touch it again. Was it bad enough to warrant that reaction? At the time… Yes. But looking back on it… Perhaps I was a little harsh? Holding it up against Aaron, BEMIS, and even Pepose… It’s top of the line. But how sad is that? 

How sad that we have to hold up something so wrong and say “Hey, it wasn’t the worst so I give it a two thumbs up”? 

We should expect better. Because this comic deserves better. This run should have been up there with Lemire. Instead, it’s down here with “Skip this one”. And that makes me sad. 

What do you guys think? Do the pros outweigh the cons? Is this run still a skip, or is it a read ‘but don’t pay attention to these things’?

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight comics #Analyzing the comics #Marc Spector #BENDIS #It could have been so good and I'm so upset

[royalsy-queen]

Hello! I know you were asking op on that post, but I thought I'd offer the way I've anaylzed it over time and good points I've seen others make for you to see if it helps! I personally think will would be way more ready to bottom by the time he gets with mike. he's known how he feels for so long, and with that acceptance comes considering your preferences - especially as a horny teenager. me personally when I watch the show, nothing about will screams "yes I want to do that to mike", I think he leans towards "I wish mike would do this to me". I know some people like subverted expectations, and some fics explore it and shape that opinion, but I don't give that much weight because I prefer looking at the show! there's nothing wrong if there's an obvious choice yk?

There's also the fact mike for most of his life thought he'd be with a woman - aka giving during intimate times. he'd be more prepared for that and probably even itching/excited for exactly that sensation, which is lucky will is prepared for the opposite! And sure, some would say "well once he realizes he's not sleeping with a girl he'll want to do the opposite role!", no, I think given the time period he'll have a mental hurdle, and that's why will goes hell yeah don't even worry!

to use your words about mike being shaky and nervous - i agree and think that's why he wouldn't bottom at the start, there's more going on with that which is where me saying will is more prepared physically and mentally came from :)

And while he's still nice and soft, but not entirely shy anymore, I dont know if will is a total "take the reins" type either. In fact, I like helping people understand he can actually take the reins with mike's nerves, while receiving! it's easier for him to soothe mike by telling him he's okay. I think it'd be more stressful for mike who's had less time with his sexuality to immediately receive and learn how to prep etc. Op acknowledged in their post that will was bottoming and they had the right idea - mike would be so nervous (both would) but that's why it works with Will trusting him and is so sweet, mike's the perfect gentle boyfriend. Nobody is being babied, and Will doesn't need to prove that he isn't a baby through anyone insisting that he top. Will gets a lot of control over his experiences from the bottom too.

I see them switching eventually like you do, but I think I still see mike preferring to top and will preferring to bottom mostly. I personally dont find the desire to flip everything about mike and will that's established (for eg. mike happily protects will so it must mean it's turn for will to do it for mike etc) which I think people sometimes do in terms of their sexual life too.

actually I think people do that because they get worried they're stereotyping? especially with Will which... your not guys and it's okay even if sometimes it happens. like Will receiving during sex. nothing wrong with a stereotype at all! (Unrelated completely but this is also me sorta hoping people start embracing the fact will is gender non conforming in general one day, it's not stereotyping him when he is visibly gay!)

Sorry I word vomited here, I just enjoy discussing this! hope it wasn't too crazy or that i overstepped! ^-^

Hey! Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I see your points and honestly they make so much sense lmao. I'm pretty sure Will has known about his sexuality for a long time, considering that Lonnie called him a queer when he was a child and Troy, who I'm assuming he's been bullying the party for a long time sadly, always went for their physical appearances, however with Will he always resorted to slurs about being gay. So yeah, Will has known for longer he was gay and Mike is honestly still processing that about himself, Mike would likely be the top most of the time. About Will "taking the reins", I actually meant it the same way you described! Will would be bottom but knowing Mike's probably so nervous he would gently guide him through the whole thing, telling Mike what he likes and what he doesn't, what feels good and reassuring him that he's okay and he can keep going most of the time, because like the headcanon said Mike would be the type to stop every 5 seconds to ask if he should continue lol. About the switch, I think it wouldn't happen until further down in their relationship, Mike always has been top but there's this itching curiosity of what it feels like to be "the girl" and to see a Will a bit more dominant than usual 👀

Personally I have even MORE headcanons about these two that are WAY more explicit, because I am a horny bitch lmaoooo

Thanks for sharing your thought process and don't worry, you didn't overstep anything. I enjoy word vomiting about Byler with people on the internet XD

#stranger things #stranger things headcanons #byler #established byler #will byers #mike wheeler

[idolish7imagines]

Could I request aged-up Tenn, Riku, & Iori drunk headcanons? including how they would interact with their sober S/O. thank you!

Drunk Headcanons for 21+ Tenn, Riku + Iori

A/n: this ended up being so much longer than i thought it would be so i hope you enjoy it

tw: alcohol

.::.

Kujo Tenn

Tenn thinks he has SUCH a good control on how much he drinks, but really its just that he isn't a lightweight so he can drink more than say Ryuu or Sogo and be fine

Usually stops once he feels slightly tipsy, which can lead to him being seen as a bit of a buzzkill when someone offers another drink and he declines

He likes the more fruity and fancy alcoholic drinks, making Gaku roll his eyes thinking he has 'higher standards for alcohol than the rest of them that just swig down beer'

8/10 in terms of handling after drinking, Tenn is typically at least fine enough to drive after waiting a half hour

With his s/o however, it depends on what kind of night he's having when they take him home

Sometimes he becomes flirty (a pretty obvious sign he's drunk because he would never, at least in public) if you approach him and doesn't care if there's one or two people nearby (meaning idol coworkers not a staff or anyone else thats too risky-)

Not in a lewd or terribly risque way though, he'll whisper in your ear or wrap his arms around your waist

On nights like a wrap party or concert afterparty though, he's tired. He's happy to go home with you so the two of you can lie together in bed and cuddle. Bonus points if you're taking care of him even though he isn't even fully drunk. He's very open to letting you do that as opposed to having a few protests normally.

Nanase Riku

Riku is the happy, emotional drunk; a little similar to Ryuu and Sogo

however, he crashes quick.

After a burst of spontaneous ideas and telling everyone how much he loves them and that he's happy to just be there, he's asleep before you can even process it

He's not picky with his drinks, he'll try anything anyone recommends...unless Tenn tells him not to

He can drink a lot if he does it quickly, but he is a lightweight

Riku's face flushes an adorable shade of pink up to his ears once he's fully drunk and usually can't stop giggling; also thinks everything everyone says is funny for better or for worse

6/10 in terms of handling, he'll usually do what you say after you tell him he's drunk, but you'd wish he'd stop laughing. Or if he's already asleep its hard to wake him back up to leave

With his s/o, he's usually latched onto them for the rest of the night after they come close for literally whatever reason. He'll hug you from behind and rest his head on your shoulder, just wanting to be close and touching you. Unfortuately he probably smells like alcohol all over.

As stated earlier, if you tell him its time to go he won't argue on it or even try to convince you he isn't drunk; the most you'll get is probably a pout.

On the bright side going home means more cuddles with you and thats what he wants.

Izumi Iori

Like Tenn, he thinks his alcohol intake is carefully calculated just because he doesn't get drunk as quick as everyone else

His intake is probably as good as Mitsuki's, or even better

He doesn't drink often and claim he doesn't care for it, but once there's a party or other event with alcohol he ends up with a drink at some point (after shaking his head at Yamato and his brother for being the same way-)

Usually starts off light and gradually goes for more heavy drinks if he's in the mood for it

Honestly is probably the type that drinks because of stress and less because he enjoys the taste

Because he doesn't seek out alcohol himself he just drinks Mitsuki's reccomendations (stopped taking Yamato's because 'he'll drink anything as long as alcohol is in it')

8/10 to deal with, he's a little quiet and a bit sleepy after drinking

Sometimes he spaces out after having a considerable amount of drinks and someone has to ask if he's alright

Face only turns pink around the nose area, his whole face doesn't turn a different shade even when drunk

With his s/o, most times he wants them to take him home so he can go to bed. He's good enough to drive but simply doesn't want to at that point.

Will actually ask you to stay with him and rests his head on your chest (he will scream about it in the morning)

#idolish7 #idolish7 x reader #ainana #idolish7 headcanons #idolish seven #i7 #kujo tenn #kujo tenn x reader #izumi iori #izumi iori x reader #nanase riku x reader #nanase riku

[sassy-seungmo]

Overworked-Bang Chan

chan x reader

genre: angst ig & fluff, established relationship

warnings: none except chan being a bit of a dick

It was ultimately hard to balance, you knew it would be, but never wanting to make a wrong move proved harder and more tolling than originally. When everything was going fine and you and Chan seeing one another was so common, caring for someone was easy when you were getting along without a hitch and they had time for you. Feeling like a walk in the park when you’re both making it that way.

It only begins to feel like nagging when the time you spend together is less and so the worry increases when you are unaware of what the other is doing. The texts of reminders to eat, drink, sleep or simply take time away from the screen can no longer be spoken in person, so the endless stream of messages are physical proof of the constant nagging, if you could call it that. The more he seemed to look at it, the more it frustrated him on the bad days, he had millions of people asking him these questions and treating him like a child, he had convinced himself that he didn’t need anymore.

“You’re being unfair you know,” Jisung’s eyes wide as he blinked confusedly, he had always been under the impression that having someone care for you the way that you cared for Chan was something good, something that would make you feel loved, not annoyed. “She can’t see you to say all of this when you’re both so busy.” To him the concern was warranted, especially considering who she was worrying about.

“It’s all we ever seem to talk about, and this wasn’t how it used to be. I just wonder if she’ll ever stop nagging me, I already have a mum for that.” Chan sighed and turned back around so that he was no longer looking at Jisung, he had turned away from his laptop, not truly being able to focus as his phone had beeped once again, seeing your name he presumed the message was what the last few had been, not realising you had taken time off to go and see him that day.

“Except that your mum doesn’t do that because you hardly see each other and she trusts you to take care of yourself, probably because she doesn’t see you dozing off through the day like we do.” Jisung commented, the door was slightly ajar as you walked towards it, having originally seen Minho and him reporting that father and son like duo were in Chan’s room and you could just go up. “I get why it would be frustrating.”

“She never shuts up about it Hannie, kill me for wanting half a minute where we can talk about something that isn’t how much food I’ve ingested or how much sleep I’ve had. As if I can even control that.” Your hand falls as you were about to knock and you frown at the broad shoulders that admittedly seem tight in stress and discomfort, as well as bad posture from the seat he had been in for what you assumed was too long.

“Right.” The younger boy nodded, turning his head at the feel of eyes on him, they once again widened as he caught sight of you and grimaced apologetically, it was clear that you had heard what had been said about you, and he wasn’t going to try and hide that. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Chan responded, making you roll your eyes in exasperation, seating yourself beside Jisung on the couch who was smiling at you sympathetically. He wrapped an arm around you and allowed you to rest your head upon his shoulder. You were already exhausted and now regretted coming to the building once your long day had finished. “It just wouldn’t hurt her to leave me alone for one minute. I have enough on my plate.”

“I wouldn’t..” Jisung trailed off halfheartedly, sharing a look of frustration with you, as well as a bit of disbelief that your presence hadn’t yet been noticed. Quietly you got to your feet and made your way behind your boyfriend, placing your hands on his back, successfully scaring him. It wasn’t exactly what you had in mind, but after what he had been saying, you were more than happy for that to have been a side effect.

“Tell me that you’re not working yourself down to the bone and I’ll stop. Tell me that my texts don’t remind you of the basic human functions that you should be doing but just aren’t.” You spoke, hands finding their way to multiple knots instantly internally you sighed recognising that he's probably acting like this with the stress constantly building up on his tight shoulders.

“Why would you even talk to him?” The shocked question of Jisung, made you laugh under your breath as he excused himself from the room, knowing that they could work on things another time.

“He’s right, you know, I shouldn’t be talking to you right now. I should be crying on his shoulder and cursing you out.” You agreed, still a bit upset over the comments that he had made as you continued your attack on the knots.

“Then why aren’t you?”

“Because I can’t, not when you need someone.” You sighed. “I can stop if you want, Lix just told me that it actually helped you sending them, I thought I was being helpful.” You rested your chin on his head, before he leant his head back and looked up at you. A swirl of emotions appearing in his chocolate eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Chan apologised, you sighed as he didn’t elaborate on that, allowing him to turn the chair around and pull you onto his lap as you moved your hands to now play with the ends of his hair. “I know you just care about me. So much is just happening and I felt like I was falling behind when you were pulling me out of the moment.”

“I’m just trying to help you, I get it. You have so many people worrying about you, I just assumed you didn’t mind. I should have asked.” You said, burying your face into his neck with a deep sigh.

“I’m sorry, it’s just overwhelming sometimes. I should be grateful.” Chan sighs, kissing your head. “I think we don’t see enough of each other anymore.”

“We can change that, even a little bit. Make time for each other.” You suggested, the feeling of being in his arms washing away any doubts that may have started to crawl into your mind.

“We will, I promise.”

master list

#yang jeongin #seo changbin #han jisung #hwang hyunjin #lee felix #kim seungmin #bang chan #lee know #skz #stray kids #skz imagines #chan imagines #bang chan fluff #cb97 #3racha

[walnutcookie]

i need to talk about almond again

clearly the people who draw him as a tall muscular wrinkleless perfect handsome faced buff hot guy know jack shit about almond cookie cause that is NOT him . hes a weirdo hes a loser hes fucking pathetic hes not even a good guy hes a cop and hes literally canonically arrested children And also tried to arrest a whole fucking dragon this guy is so sick in the head he looks like a poor little cat whos been stuck in the rain but if you brushed its fur back and now it looks even weirder. he canonically tried to buy butter pretzels painting with coffee cups and i tjink thats so fucking funny

look at this . Fuckinf thang okay hold on im gonna get a little sidetracked here but this pisses me off sooo bad

they changed his line because it was too sad or some shit but ONLY IN THE ENGLISH DUB . this line is canon TO ME and nobody can tell me otherwise Fuck you he hates his job so much he started it when he was in his 20s because he was following in his moms footsteps and then she died from a fleeing wizard soon after he started his job and he was left without guidance to his job or life in general because she was his only local family and he hates his dad so hes completely alone and scared and eventually he does get used to things but he no longer uses magic and doesnt consider himself a wizard and he trusts them considerably less

and then things get better and he feels like hes stable enough to have a kid maybe ! so all by himself he bakes walnut and hes doing a little dancey dance around the kitchen as she cooks hes so excited to have a lil daughter and when the magic settles in and shes alive and in his arms he Absolutely melts . she is sooo tiny and delicate and tinspney he is just like Oh my fuckign god i will kill for this thang .he watches her grow up and raises her all by himself (well he gets babysitters since he cant always watch her as a single dad, usually latte) and hes soo proud of her and shes just so smart and cute and also is scarily similar to his mom . he'll never admit it out loud but hes scared of how ambitious and brave walnut is. shes awfully persistent on her dream to grow up to be a detective like her dad and it scares him how smart she is but also hes sooo proud of her shes AMAZING and solves every case shes ever gotten . but he always makes sure to protect her however he can, he controls all the cases she handles and stays very involved to make sure things dont go wrong. rogueforts antics are usually the least dangerous so hes fine with her taking on their antics ,, and despite him swearing to never use magic again when walnut came out as trans to him he did a little spell to help get rid of some of her dysphoria like his mom did for him :] (and then proceeded to pass out becausr he hasnt done a spell in 20 years and magic is incredibly draining)

hes so so scared that shes going to meet the same fate as his mom and he'll be alone again . granted he has close friends to support him this time but it hurt so bad when he lost his mom hes horrified to have it happen again. and after walnut gets cursed and he almost loses her he snaps. suddenly hes obsessed with his job. he has lost ALL TRUST in wizards (other than latte and bus other really close friends) where before he was a lot more laid back, had a dad bod, was much more cheery and took care of himself, now hes starting to neglect himself in favor of his job. just like his lines in crk, he skips his lunches so he can take on more calls. now he feels obligated to do it, to protect the streets of parfaedia so he doesnt lose someone again. mans ages 30 years in a few months because he refuses to sleep and eat and relax. mans is stressed as fuck holy shit he needs a vacation hes geeting sooo many gray hairs. his detective work has started to interfere with his teaching job too, and his classes are getting cut short. his entire life is crumbling apart because hes so desperate to make sure walnut is safe and eventually it probably gets to the point where hes convinced himself that this is what his job is all about and he forgets the reason WHY hes working so hard (to keep walnut safe) he ends up just believing that hes always needed to do this and hes not overworking himself and he needs to try harder and it isnt bad for him . he only takes breaks so he can spend time with his daughter and go to amusement parks nd stuff with her . he has a hard time staying awake but he'll fight the drowsiness to make her happy

hes grumpy as shit man before he was pretty chill and outgoing but now hes just a big old grump . partially because hes sleep deprived but mostly because he hates his job soo much. he hates it he hatee his job sooo much but girl hes convinced he has a responsibility to protect the city and if he leaves it alone for 2 minutes itll burst into flames and also the fact that walnut would be SHATTERED if she found out he quit because her dream job was too hard . so he pushes through

hes soo clumsy he'll trip on THE AIR and fall and scrape his chin and break his arm and then he'll get up and run right smack into a pole . the reason i draw his nose bandaged is because he breaks it like every three weeks hes the bisexual man whos wiping his bloody nose seductively but its not seductive its because he just ran into a wall all of his senses are fucked up btw. his sight and hearing isnt so good because of old age (hes like 40 btw and he has glasss but refuses to wear them) and hes burnt the nerves on his tongue and fingers with coffee he cant feel or taste for shit and his hands feel like sandpaper and hes broken his nose somany times that his breathing is shallow and raspy God damn this guy is pathetic. miserable little wet cat of a man. he has so many scars and they arent impressive at all tjhey all come from tje stupidest things ever and he has the WORST FUCKING LUCK TOO he'll be walking under a line of trees and get hit by a falling acorn TWICE.

anyone who draws him muscular is WRONg SO VERY WRONG hes built like a twig hes weak as shit and can barely lift a rock he cant pick up walnut anymore the only tjings hes good at are running and throwing handcuffs. also he does NOT have a smooth and clear handsome face he looks incredibly tired (he is) he has eyebags and wrinkles and his nose is broken and his face is scarred Fuck you

the only times hes not grumpy is when hes with a loved one or with a kid . hes actually pretty sarcastic and sillay around walnut and latte and eclair (and later roquefort) and he chuckles a lot but hes always very nice around kids . Aside from arresting them in all of his canon art and even the cutscenes he really only smiles around cream puff/walnut/the player (whos mesnt to be a student),,, especially with walnut he looks so happys in the canon art :] AND in the newest detective event whrre he helps the little kid GWA (ALSO IF YOU TAKE HIM BEING FRIENDLY WITH KIDS THE WRONG WAY IM MAULING YOU HES NOT A CREEP HES JUST A DAD WHO DOES DAD THINGS BITING YOU BITING YOU BITING YOUT) i think hed be the type of guy to see a student crying at their desk and pull them out of class to ask whats wrong and give them a pep talk if tjey need it ,,,

also he definitely has a sweet tooth and he denies it . he wants to keep that cold hardened detective look so he stays away from sweets but girl walnuts halloween candy isnt just disappearing out of nowhere . I was really happy actyally because the cake shop thingy confirmed my hc and HE ACTUWLLY SAYS HES NOT A SWEETS GUY AGAKWBFLDH (he doesmt show any sign of denial but shhhhh trust me he secretly looves sweets)

and tjen . His health gets soo bad one day when he gets home he actually just passes out. Not just in a "i am tired" way he literally hits the floor hard (this also happens to be on the same night he confessed to roguefort). he wakes up in the hospital and walnut is Traumatized (thats for another ramble) and now is trying to help him better health by doing things like leaving sticky notes reminding him to eat and urging him to sleep and he feels HORRIBLY GUILTY that his own 12 year old daughter has to help him with self care but hes made these horrible habits for himself that are hard to break . and he struggles a lot!!! but hes trying

then soon he starts dating roquefort (secret identity of roguefort if youre new to my blog) and with their little family of three theyre all a little better :] with the efforts of walnut and roque combined almond is back into Healthy habits . woohoo!

and then he sees the wizard that killed his mom and chases her and Fucking Dies

which like . man he spent so much time worrying about losing walnut and having to feel the pain of losing his family again that he forgot she might feel that pain if she lost him.

anyways if you read all of this i am Kissing you on the lips . keep in mind none of this is canon im just rambling about my interpretation of almond (which is the correct one /LHJ)

ASKS ARE VERY VERY WELCOME Idk if i missed anything

#almond cookie #roguefort cookie #walnut cookie #cookie run #tw blood #almond rambles

[psychelis-new]

Hi 👋

Its not about dream but i just want to ask that every time i travel mostaly in public places i feel my energy drained. I aslo start doing meditation 🧘‍♂️ but still the intensely i do meditation the more i fell energy drained. I hope you tell me about it ?

Hello :)

I think you mean also when you are around crowds, like you walk around people? That's probably cause you are an empathetic soul, and you were (and are ofc) used to try to read others' energies (and intentions) in order to prevent possible dangerous reactions/situations for you and save yourself. Maybe you learned you have to take care of others and also behave in a certain way out of fear of someone around you? I'm so very sorry if that's the case (it generally is). Try to hold something over your stomach anytime you have to walk or be in public places plenty of people, focus on your feet and feel the ground you're walking on. And think about something else like maybe revise your lesson in your mind, count, tell yourself jokes or sing a song... It may sound dangerous to you cause this way you are not keeping too much attention to what's around you, but it will save your energy. Also try to remember that even if there are so many people, you're pretty much safe: people don't generally go out to get you and you don't have to control them to save yourself (but still please keep an eye around ofc when you cross streets and all!)

As for meditating: maybe you're trying too hard to focus on something, on meditating itself, but this is not how it works: it has to come naturally. And it's okay if you cannot make it at first: maybe your mind is a bit too confused or you're nervous or something and it's hard to calm down in this situation. If you try to convince and oblige yourself "I have to meditate I have to meditate" it will only stress you more and drain you. Sit or lay down in a comfortable position, breathe and focus on your body, how it moves while you breathe. Try to not oblige yourself: relax your muscles and either imagine being in some nice place or keep focusing on inhaling and exhaling (exhale for a longer time). It doesn't matter if you cannot keep the focus for more than 1 minute or even less: it's okay. Try the next day but do not insist immediately. You need to adapt to meditating, it's not something that can come easily for everyone: with our daily life we're all pretty much busy and bombarded with infos, not to mention anxiety and worries can come in between, so our minds go miles per hours and it is hard to calm them and shut them for a while. But keep trying everyday for as much as you can and before you know, it will be something natural and not a draining practice. There's a guided meditation here maybe it can help you? But there are others on youtube as well ofc. Maybe following instructions can help you to start.

Take care<3

#asks #.

[stupid-sloot-headcanons]

Hello, can you write general yandere headcanons on amai mask please?

He's a yandere that won't hesitate to be sadistic and punish his Darling. He'll berate them, manipulate them, keep them confined, threaten them, or even hurt them. But he also will lovebomb them, spoil them with gifts and affection, and be extra gentle in order to manipulate them again and keep them from hating him completely.

How mean he is depends on how he became obsessed with them. I could see him getting fixated on someone he finds beautiful, and wanting to keep them for himself; or, maybe he becomes fixated on someone who wants nothing to do with him and actively thinks he's repulsive. Normally that wouldn't bother him (a beautiful idol like him just naturally attracts jealousy), but...something about this one just digs under his skin. Maybe he overhears or sees a comment they make about him "probably being ugly on the inside" that hits too close to home.

For the first Darling, he's much more doting and affectionate. Any punishments he gives them will be guaranteed not to alter their appearance much; he'll never hit them in the face, but he will bind them for several days or be rough during sex to leave a few marks that'll fade with the right skin treatments. And he forces them to take VERY good care of their health and appearance with all sorts of beauty products, tells them what to wear, etc. They're his doll to keep and he wants them kept beautiful.

The latter Darling will endure a much worse experience. He'll inflict pain on them as a first resort, and won't give a shit how it affects their looks. They're already ugly, after all. He'll strike their face, mark them up with rough sex and (unless they've gotten some kind of Stockholm Syndrome or have become docile) berate them all the time as a way to de-stress and wear them down.

He'll soften just a little, bit by bit, the longer he keeps them after stalking and kidnapping them. They're the only person he can be ugly with, who can see what he really is. And with that comes a sick form of companionship. He'll use them however he likes and control their every aspect of life, and then wind up pulling them close out of nowhere when they're alone. And then quietly remind them that he'll never let them leave him alive. Over time he'll become more kind with them, or as kind as he can be: more affection, less rough treatment (only doing it as punishment instead of as a way to vent), extravagant and expensive gifts, etc.

The first time his Darling gets a glimpse of his real face, he involuntarily snaps and would go to kill them. But then he'd realize that would mean losing his doll/possession...so he'd release his hands from their neck and then pull them close. They're going to live. They're going to stay with him. And if they ever try to leave, he'll break their legs, arms, and if that doesn't stop them, their family will die. He'll cover it up using his connections and nobody will ever know the truth. They've seen that he's a monster, so he never has to hide that part of himself from them ever again.

#.opm #yandere opm #.amai mask #yandere amai mask #tw: noncon #.myshit

[shesthespinstersimmer]

Tagged by the illustrious @cinamun (thanks friend!)

🎼Getting to know yooooooouu 🎶

1. What’s your favorite sims death?

I can tell this is gonna be a tough list already. Lol. I don’t have a favorite sim death as I have a very hard time with letting go of my sims.  I guess the only time I’m less affected is in THE DEEP DOWN, where victims were collateral damage. Still, I had control over that. Random Sim deaths? Traumatized.

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

Absolutely both. Maxis mix all the way.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? 

This is an interesting question. Usually, no. But if the character tends to be fit by nature, and I come back and they’ve gained weight, I’ll cheat for story continuity. However, in gameplay mode, I’ll just have them work out.  If they are not into fitness, I just let it go and see where it leads. 

4. Do you use move objects?

Without a doubt

5. Favorite mod?

 Tossup between Basemental and Wicked. Because, reasons.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got?

Whatever the first one was. I just got the first one when it came out. 

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing?

Alive.

8.  Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? 

Jude Mann from WEIRD & WONDERFUL. (Secretly in love with Drucilla Bathory from THE DEEP DOWN, but I realize she’s toxic ☠️)

9. Have you made a simself?

No - I think I’d take it too personally.

10. What traits do you give yourself?

Loner, adhd, bookworm, creative, music lover

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color?

Before I started using cc, it was always the teal or the light gray swatches (the black swatch was never dark or consistent enough)

12. Favorite EA hair?

The snowy escape buzzcut - I give it to sooo many men & townies lol

13. Favorite life stage?

Young adult

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? 

I secretly wish I was a builder, but the process stresses me out too much.  I like to decorate when I don’t have the mental bandwidth for writing (I find it calming).  Gameplay is fine, but the curveballs, get to me sometimes. 

15. Are you a CC creator?

As I am currently struggling to recolor something right now (and gave up), I’m going to go with no. #sendhelp

16. Do you have any Simblr friends/ a sim squad?

My mutuals, NSFT discord, and the readers that keep me going 🖤

17. What’s your favorite game?

The Sims 4 is the only thing I play right now; I have the Sims 3, but only half of it on digital. So even though I loved it, I haven’t bothered  to fix it.

18. Do you have any sims merch?

No, but I wouldn’t be opposed.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims?

No, but I kick the idea round from time to time.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?

I’ve always loved playing with fashion and fantastical looks / characters, but as my storytelling has grown, I am enjoying making more “everyday” sims. My latest obsession is middle aged and elder sims.

I started off very alpha, but the sound of my laptop weeping softly in the distance made me reevaluate.

21. What’s your Origin ID

Pleading the 5th on that one (it’s a mess)

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator?

Also pleading the 5th (Not sure who’s problematic and who’s not right now 😬)

23. How long have you had a Simblr?

At least five years, probably longer. I had another Simblr a while back and then started over when I got serious about posting my story. I had one for years and didn’t even post anything; I just read stories and looked at cc (I didn’t even use it then).

24. How do you edit your pictures? 

Gshade, Studio and Procreate

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? 

That’s a tough one. I’ve always loved city living, but if I’m being honest, I do love the world of Tartosa, even though we all know the gameplay is tragic. I’m loving growing together though.

26. What expansion/games/staff pack do you want next? 

I try not to think about it; sad that every new pack elicits such anxiety. New packs = week of playing my vanilla save, then another week of rebuilding my main save, then finally seeing if the pack is even worth it. Okay, rant over.

Whew! I feel laid bare.

Anyone else wanna share? Tag, you’re it!

#ask game #shesthespinstersimmer

[babyminty]

Cg Barbatos/Little Lucifer

Diavolo was currently away on business, so Lucifer had taken over the work that Diavolo had left behind, as well as continuing to do his own. What didn't help Lucifer's situation at all was the fact that his brothers had decided that most of their work wasn't important enough to do whilst the ruler of the Devildom wasn't present, so Lucifer had made it his duty to get all their work finished himself as well.

All the stress of having to do all this work was starting to weigh down on Lucifer, paired with the fact that he hadn't regressed at all recently, was starting to make Lucifer feel small. Luckily, or unluckily, if you asked Lucifer, Barbatos noticed.

There was a light knock on the door. "Come in." Lucifer called. The door opened, and Barbatos stepped into the office. "Barbatos? Why are you here? Is there anything you need?" Lucifer asked. "No, I'm fine, thanks. I just came to see if you needed help with some of the work." Barbatos answered. "I don't need help, thanks. I've got it under control." Lucifer replied.

Judging by the heaps of papers covering the desk and floor, he did not, but Barbatos thought it was best not to push the matter. "If you say so." He said instead. "Is there anything else you came here for?" Lucifer asked him. "Well, I did make some treats, but I guess you are not in the mood for them." Barbatos told Lucifer.

Not in the mood for them? Lucifer was speechless. No one could possibly in their right mind turn down treats that Barbatos had made. "No, it's fine. You can just give some to me and then be on your way so that I can get back to my work, thanks." Lucifer said. It did sound a bit rude once it was said, but Lucifer couldn't care less. He needed to keep doing this paperwork, or there would just be more and more, and he could feel himself starting to slip. He could probably keep himself from regressing if he was alone, but Barbatos being there would just make him feel smaller.

"No, I insist we sit down and talk whilst we eat them. After all, we haven't talked just us two alone in a very long time." Barbatos said, and Lucifer could say nothing against that if he didn't want to give himself away, and if Barbatos knew he was slipping, he would probably stay even longer, so Lucifer agreed, and they sat down at the table, Barbatos placing the baked goods down in the middle.

"Please, help yourself." He said as he selected one of the treats for himself. Lucifer listened, taking a tart from the selection. He and Barbatos talked for a while, but Lucifer started to mess up his words and sentence structures more frequently, as he was getting closer and closer to being fully regressed.

"You can be small, Luci." Barbatos told him. "I don't mind." With those words, Lucifer fully regressed. "Barbs." He said, as he started to make grabby hands towards Barbatos. "Hi, Little One." Barbatos said as he scooped him up, placing Lucifer in his lap. "Do you want another treat?" Lucifer nodded, and Barbatos took a biscuit off the table and held it in front of Lucifer with his other hand beneath it, palm facing up to catch any crumbs as Lucifer took a bite.

They continued like this, Barbatos holding the treats whilst Lucifer ate them. Barbatos did occasionally take some for himself, but not as many as he gave Lucifer. Barbatos had also at some point started to rock Lucifer back and forth as he humed, and a combination of the two eventually resulted in a sleeping Lucifer on Barbatos' lap.

Barbatos shifted Lucifer onto his hip so that he could easily stand up without waking Lucifer, and moved over to the desk that was stacked with paperwork. He sat down at it, picking up a pen, and started to do the paperwork, all whilst making sure that he wouldn't wake up Lucifer.

#obey me shall we date #obey me #agere #age regression #little space #fanfiction #fanfic #Lucifer #lucifer #Barbatos #obey me barbatos #obey me lucifer #oneshot #obey me agere #obey me age regression #age regressor lucifer #caregiver barbatos

[wallflower-collection]

Auror Ron Weasley Drabble

You continued to pace around your living room, being sure to  keep the front door in your vision. This isn’t the first time your husband had been late from work, but even on his late days he usually found his way home by now. You knew that being married to an auror would be filled with tense moments, yet it never caused you to worry any less. Of course, you wouldn’t have it any other way as Ronald Weasley was the love of your life. You also understood that Ron wanted to become an auror to protect everyone he could from harm. A sharp pain from one of your fingers drew you out of your thoughts momentarily. You didn’t realize just how badly you had been biting your nails and quickly crossed your arms over your chest. A familiar creak came from just outside of your door. You drew in a deep breath as you heard the door begin to open and quickly let out gasp. “I’m okay, I promise,” Ron said, trying to ease your nerves. His robes had a light layer of soot on them and appeared to be both singed and torn. You felt as though you had no control of your body as you ran over to him, throwing your arms around his neck. Ron placed one of his hands on the back of your head while his other arm snaked around your torso. As you looked at his face you could see the faint discoloration of bruises, “ Are you really okay,” you asked him. 

“I am now,” he said, “The gits we were after are in much worse shape than me.” 

 You moved slightly from your position to place a soft kiss on his lips then said,” I’m sure you’re exhausted. Why don’t we get you cleaned up and have some dinner? Then we can try to relax a bit before bed.”

“You do know the way to my heart, don’t you,” Ron said with a grin on his face. “Would you have it any other way,” you teased.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, love.”  You took Ron’s large hand in yours to guide him down the hall. You split up as he went to your shared bedroom and you headed straight for the bathroom. As you began to adjust the temperature of the water Ron appeared with a change of pajamas for you and a pair of pajama pants for himself. “Go ahead and get in,” you said to Ron.

“But then I won’t get to watch you take your clothes off,” Ron responded

“What a creep,” you said with a chuckle. 

“There’s no denying that I’m your creep,” he cheekily said. He quickly pulled his clothes off and got into the shower. The feeling of the hot water on his aching muscles caused him to release a sigh of relief. As soon as you removed your clothing, you joined him in the steaming hot water. You made a point of looking over his body to be sure he didn’t have any injuries previously hidden by clothes, plus there would never be a moment of admiring his physic you would let pass by. You caught him biting his lip as his own eyes wandered across your body. “Not even going to hide that you're looking,” you commented.

“Why would I? You should know by now I can’t keep my eyes off of you,” Ron responded. A blush began to form upon your cheeks. You took turns washing each other's hair and body as you let the water wash away the stress of the day. Showering together was a routine for both of you and one of the best parts of the day. For a few moments, the two of you stood in an embrace under the water, as neither one of you were ready to get out just yet. Eventually you spoke first, “We should probably get out and eat some dinner.” Instead of speaking, Ron responded by holding you more tightly to himself. You gave in and stayed with him for a few minutes longer before untangling yourself from his arms. Soon after you began to dry yourself off, you heard the running water stop and Ron stepped out of the shower.

When you both had slipped on your pajamas you made your way to the kitchen and heated up some leftover pasta from your date night the day before. As you ate, you made small talk about your day and he gave a few details about his own. Ron  told you about the wizards he and Harry had dealt with that day. Which led him to bring up Ginny’s pregnancy and how excited everyone is to be adding a new member to the Weasley clan.  “I think we should get snuggled up together in bed,” you suggested as Ron was throwing away your empty take out containers. “That’s one of the best plans I’ve heard all day,” Ron answered. 

As you lay in bed with your legs intertwined and your arms wrapped around each other, you couldn’t help to think of how lucky you are to have Ronald Weasley in your life. Yes, there would be moments of great worry, but there were even more moments of great happiness. In this moment, you felt completely calm and safe. “ I love you,” Ron spoke and buried his face in the crook of your neck. “I love you too,” you responded. Ron’s breathing began to deepen as he drifted off to sleep. You didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, however you did know you would do anything for moments like this with your husband.

#Ron Weasley #ron weasley imagine #ron weasley x reader #ron weasley drabble #ronald weasley #ronald weasley imagine

[kuwdora]

For Talk Shop Tuesday: When you have a new fic idea, are you a planner who outlines things, or do you just wing it and let your story go where it will?

I've been both a pantser and planner over the years. I used to go naked into a draft and to see where it takes me. I find that really fun and interesting to explore. But these days I'm very scattered and unfocused since my writing habits have been messed up by stress. I find myself needing a little structure to get me started and help me remember where the idea might be leading me. So these days I'm doing more outlining. I love me a good list of bulletpoints. When I'm starting out I usually just have sparse ideas I jot down and the outline will grow from there. While drafting I'll prune and start tossing things into a separate idea bucket as things evolve, 'cause I still wander off the beaten path and end up writing things that don't end up fitting for that particular story but would probably make a nice little ficlet or another long story. For instance: I was stuck on my geralt/jaskier scribe fic and I tried to write what happened before the fic started so I could understand their headspaces a little better.... I had no outline, just an idea and a question in mind. In like a week I ended up writing 18k of backstory of what was feeling like a new 50k story that would also lead to two other stories. I just end up having too many ideas for most of the fic I end up starting. I've found my messy gardening process works best for my stories that are in the 10k-25k range. Stories that are longer I end up with a bloated outline that isn't benefiting me as much as it should cause it just gets out of control. Which is probably why I haven't managed to finish or post any of my longer fic. My stories that are less than 4k are easier for me wrestle without much detail in ye olde bulletpoints.

#ty for such a good ask!! #talk shop tuesday #writingdora #answerdora #textpost