#taking self indulgent pictures in public makes me more powerful

[doctordbd]

Power struggle pt. 2

Since you guys wanted it so much I present to you power struggle. This is just the after math of what happened after part one, i actually don’t recommend reading the first one since it was so bad and that was more of a self indulgence for me. I was questioning my sexuality and gender at the time (lol) but if you want to read it it’s right here (I might delete the first one later and redo it)

: pt. 1

Warnings: belly bulge, sub frank, dom reader, hints of sexual favors, top reader, no pronouns used for reader but they have a ding dong, dumbifaction, Dacryphilia because Frank is a cry baby. Frank having a sexual crisis, public sex sort of, almost getting caught, drool, gapping. Cream pie, no proper after care, a lil bit of Dwight x reader?? 🤨 obvious NSFW below the line

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“Guhh!” The feeling of sweat ran down Frank’s neck, his body was hot. The smell of sex clinging onto his body like a deep cologne. His face flushed as he hid it in a pillow that occupied the bare bed in the house that sat at the top of the cold wind farm map. Body shaking as he tried to mimic the feeling of having something fill him. Inexperienced fingers working to find his sweet spot all the while lazily stroking his cock.

Frank didn’t know what was happening to him. After that trial with.. you, he hasn’t been able to do anything normally. The thought of you and the thought of you inside of him was taking over every waking moment. Making out with Julie has even become weird as he had never been on the submissive side before and now with this new found kink he doesn’t know if he wants to stop.

It was one time but ever since then he hasn’t been able to look you in the eye. Frank wasn’t clear if it was out of pride or embarrassment but he couldn’t bear to face you for a long time. Hell, he couldn’t even look at his teams face for a while, the thought of telling them or them seeing him in such a state haunted him.

That was why he was in cold wind, before Frank wasn’t scared to jerk one off in one of the rooms in Ormand. It was their sanctuary after all. Their place of rest. But now it drove Frank mad worrying someone might catch him touching himself in such a way. At least here he would be provided a little more privacy knowing rarely anyone comes up here.

The problem for privacy was solved, the main problem now is why is his orgasm taking so long? His slender fingers were all he thought he needed to get the job done, but it wasn’t working. It wasn’t you. The excessive spit that he used for a makeshift lube leaked out of his hole as he hopelessly tried to find the certain bundle of nerves that would have him seeing stars.

Frank choked out a sob, letting tears fall down his blotched face, growing frustrated at his feeble attempts of getting off. He tried to picture you doing it to him. Your hands on his chest, playing with his sensitive nipples. Your tongue tracing over the bite marks you would litter his body with. Frank shivered at the thought.

He wanted you to ruin him.

After a while of no progress and the constant thrust of his fingers started to hurt he pulled out. His walls clenching around nothing hoping for something to fill it.

Frank weakly sat up from the pillow, a grimace look found it’s way on his face as he saw how much droll and tears he left on it. He truly is pathetic, whining and crying for God knows how long for a person who fucked him just out of hatred and spite.

He wanted to hate you for it, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know what to do.

He flipped the pillow, using the dry side to wipe the spit that slid down his digits.

Pulling his pants up and placing his mask back on his face he walked out of the Thompson residents, stumbling a little after having toyed with his now sore hole for what he could guess was for hours. Hands in his pocket as he planned on what to do next. But one thing was for certain, he needed to see you.

Frank leant on a tree just outside of the survivors camp. There were too many damn cabins to tell which one was yours. Hoping to catch you leave the food hall as it seems all the survivors just finished eating and were making their way back to their individual cabins.

And that’s when he saw you. Did you get a new cosmetic? Because it seems there was something different about you today. You carried yourself with your head held high as you chatted with your fellow survivors. It irked Frank knowing his and your interaction made you that way.

He couldn’t help but also notice your ensemble; a military green shirt that warped tightly around your frame, him taking note of how good of a job it did showing your muscles. The dog tags bouncing up and down everytime you took a confident stride. Along with the army greens tactical pants and black combat boots to match.

You truly were a sight to see as Frank had caught himself staring just a little too long, too hypnotized by your strong arms that were littered with scars. Your hand that held flashlight with great strength.

With a painful punch to his chest he tried to collect himself. He needed to focus. But it was so hard when it came to you, evidence being he was becoming completely undone just by looking at you.

At this point you had seemingly said your goodbyes and was making your way to your cabin. The group you were with one by one slipped away into their own cabins leaving you the only one left. It was quite a ways to go to get to yours. You walked for a bit longer before hearing a singular “hey”. You turned around fully expecting to see one of your friends coming back to tell you something, but you quickly realized that the sound was coming from the thick wood that circled the camp.

It wasn’t the first time Danny or even Trickster would come over and try to scare you guys. So you were quite surprised to see the one and only Frank Morrison whispering to you through some bushes. Him obviously not wanting to be seen as he hid some of his body behind a tree.

It had been a while since you had talked with Frank and you couldn’t really blame him, the shame one would feel being completely plowed by someone that is supposed to be lesser then them would be unimaginable. A smirk had a way onto your face as you remembered the trial, truth be told it has been on your mind a lot too.

“Didn’t think I’d hear from you again, Frank.” you start, eyes musing on his mask that was slightly off his face revealing the visibly hate filled expression.

Frank gritted his teeth, he wanted to say something, anything, but his tongue suddenly felt too big for his throat. You tilted your head in confusion.

“You’re the one who called me over here, and yet you have nothing to say.” You crossed your arms as you waited patiently for an answer.

“If you’re worried I’ve told someone, don’t worry I didn’t. Wouldn’t want to hurt your killer rep, now would I?” You said in a fake concerned tone. A tone the Frank couldn’t stand. He hung his head low trying to figure out what to say.

After a few more moments of uncomfortable silence you decide to start heading back to your cabin, walking away from the flustered killer. Frank panicking knowing this might be his last chance getting to see you alone.

“Wait!” He whisper yelled you stopped in your tracks yet again. Turning your head towards the killer, a bored expression dressed your face as you were in no mood to play games.

Frank looked around one last time before extending his arm out to you. You looked at his hand and back to his face, he must’ve been out of his mind if he thought you’d follow him into the deep, dark wood.

In the camp you were safe, secure. Out there he could do almost anything to you under the entity’s rule. Yet, momma always did say that your curiosity would get the better of you one day. With a huff of disbelief mostly aimed at yourself, you took his hand. The familiar burn of power gracing your senses. Whatever gave you power that trial was definitely back and ready for seconds.

Frank must’ve felt it too, tugging your arm not in a demanding way, but in an almost servile way. Like you were in control and he was merely moving you along, like a child would do to their parent, rushing them along to get to their desired destination.

Reluctantly, you followed the young killer to wherever he wanted to take you, his eyes foward and his mouth shut, you decide to do the same thing as the walk there was dead quiet. The only noise being the twigs that snapped under your feet.

You make note of how far you walked from the camp, whatever he wanted to do he wanted to do privately.

All of a sudden, Frank stops in his tracks, you being unaware of the action knocking into him. Regaining your balance you apologize, only for Frank to grab you by your shirt and shove you against a tree, pulling you into a deep kiss.

The kiss itself was enough to make you throw him off of you but you noticed how his body reacted to the kiss, the hands that he used to shove you into the tree were now clawing at the fabric of the sleeves. His legs buckled and were seemingly about to give out. You gingerly grabbing his waist to help him as he leaned more into you. Exploring your mouth as he let out whorish moans, like you were the most addicting drug, he was craving more of you.

With a paining groan Frank detached his lips from yours, a string of saliva connecting you two.

Heavy breaths filled the air, your head leaning back against the tree eyes closed in bliss, been a while since you’ve last had this.

You opened your eyes and looked down at the quivering male, his once hate filled eyes now completely blown out and filled with lust. Tear collecting at the corners. Was he about to cry?

The sight itself made you groan, using the grip on his hips to bring them closer to yours. Roughly grinding against him as if you were in rut. Frank welcoming it with open arms as wrapped his arms around your neck, hiding his face in your shirt, his drooling problem coming back into light as he was quick to cover your shirt collar in saliva.

Holy shit did that turn you on

You used your strength to turn him over. Now he was pinned against the tree and your chest was to his back, not allowing much room for him, but yet again that was the point. Shoving past his belt of faulty bullets you ran your hand along side his leaking shaft. Frank bucking his hips to try and gain friction from your hand that you kept pulling away. Just enough were he was aching for your touch but enough were he could still feel you touch him.

His face was now in his elbow as he let out loud huffs of frustration from your teasing. A part of him just wanted to push you over and ride you in the middle of the forest. So he can finally itch the scratch you’ve left that trial. But he wanted this even more. He wanted your hands on him, the hands that would make his skin feel on fire every time you touched, squeezed and prodded at him. He wanted your face close to his like it is now. Whispering at him. Calling him a whore, a slut, your slut.

He wanted all of you and more, so he complied with your teasing. As much as it pained him to, deep down he really loved it.

Frank let out a strangled cry as you finally wrapped your large hand around his cock. His precum providing a good lube as you wasted no time moving your hand up and down his shaft. His legs buckled under him as you set a brutal pace with your hand. Frank bucking in your hands slightly, but enough for you notice and coo at him.

His face was hot even though his mask was long tossed away and forgotten. Your words making him even more flustered then he already was, if that was possible. 

The tightening feeling in his stomach made him let out an embarrassingly loud and pitiful moan. Something he would be embarrassed about later but not right now. Right now he was savoring the feeling of his rapidly approaching orgasm. 

You felt the thrusts in your hand speed up, slopping and uneven. He was fucking himself with your hand, your dick reacting with an excited twitch that Frank felt on his backside. Groaning at the friction while rolling his eyes to the back of his skull. He gave a final thrust before he released all over your hand and landing some on the tree in front of him. Pumping your hand a few times to help him ride out his orgasm.

After a while, Frank started to jerk away from your hand. You find it cute as his face contorts back and forth from blissed to overstimulated. Finally letting go of his cock, you bring your hand up to his face for him and you to see the glistening hot liquid seep down your fingers. He tried to turn his head but you were quick to grab his jaw and turn his head back to his mess.

“Don’t be embarrassed to look at the mess you’ve made.”

Frank groaned at your words. feeling you release his jaw and used your clean hand to shove his pants down even more along with his boxers, gripping at the firm mounds before stepping back and crouching down. pulling his hips towards you so he was now bent over. Franks hands still clinging onto the tree.

“W-what are you doin -NGH- ah!”

Frank tried to talk but was quickly silenced by you spreading his ass open and using Frank’s -now cold- load to trace around his rim. You had fun running your finger over the bumpy skin while listening to Frank trying to keep himself quiet. All the while trying to stand on his on two feet without your help. It was a real challenge not to just fall down on the moist forest floor and have you take him there. But he pushed through, or so he thought when you abruptly shoved two fingers into his hole. Franks back arched while his fingers dug into the tree bark, hanging on for dear life as his legs were now jelly.

the lewd shlick sounds made Frank whine as you teased around his sweet bundle of nerves, you knew where it was but you purposely ignored it, it made Frank look back at you with a weak scowl. You on the other hand watch with pure fascination at how eager his hole was. swallowing your fingers with such need to be filled, it nearly made you drool.

You knew his orgasm was coming when his long flustered moans turned to high pitched broken ones. Frank trying his best to hide it but failing miserably.

Your goal wasn’t to get another orgasm out of him but to prepare him for you. so you took your fingers out at a painfully slow pace. Watching as his hole clench around nothing. Only god knows how much you want to ruin this man.

You sit up and finally unzip your pants. Haven grown unbearably tight since the moment his lips touched yours. Freeing your cock out of it’s confining prison. Standing proud and tall, with your aching tip producing a hefty amount of precum. with a sigh of relief you began stroking yourself, smearing your pre all over your cock. Running your thumb over the slit a couple of times.

With a few more strokes you let it go and let it fall on Franks backside, Frank moaning at the hot and heavy mass on his back, feeling you move back and forth leaving a gorgeous trail of your semen on his back. After a few pleas and whines from Frank to quit your teasing, you eventually grab ahold of your throbbing member and align it to his hole. Pushing in at a slow speed, making Frank groan.

“S-stop fuckin teasIN. And just put it in already-”

With a huff you pushed the rest in, bottoming out fully. Setting a brutal pace as you forced his hips to yours at every thrust. Frank letting out a shrill cry that would wake any forest animal if the entity’s realm had any. The sheer power you had over him made Frank lightheaded. After ignoring you- ignoring himself for so long he finally had you. He finally felt content with himself. That itch was finally being scratched. 

Franks constant nagging was getting on your last nerve, so you were pleased to see he had his face in his elbow. Letting out a short moan every time you thrusted into him. Tears threaten to spill at the cover of his eyes, Frank was in total bliss. Havin being filled once more by you was a dream come-

“Are you sure you saw them go this way”

Frank froze, supposedly you too, as your thrusts slowed down, but not entirely stopping. There were people in the words.

People looking for you two.

“I’m sure Cheryl, Frank took them somewhere around here.”

Of course.

Dwight and Cheryl.

Frank would be glaring at them and run them off if you weren’t balls deep inside of him. If you two get caught what would happen to him? What would happen if the other killers found out? When they find out that a killer already constantly looked down upon gets caught getting his guts rearranged by a survivor? The one thing in this God forsaken world he’s supposed to hunt, torture, and kill? Everything that he’s worked hard to get will be in shambles. He is putting himself and his team at risk, so why did he do it?

Because it feels so good.

The tears that threaten to fall earlier quickly decide to finally spill past his eyes. He wasn’t in the right state of mind to do anything else so he did the only thing he could do at the moment, and that was to cry. You rip your eyes from the two curious survivors and back at Frank, this is the first time in your life that you wished Dwight wasn’t such a good friend.

So you snaked one of your hands that were previously grabbing his hips and covered his quivering mouth as you started to thrust your hips at a much faster pace. Frank moaning at the returning pleasure. His eyes foggy but not leaving the two people walking dangerously close to were they were. You saw Frank look back at you with pleading eyes. Those eyes, those eyes did nothing but make you want to fuck him even more. You lean down next to his ear and say:

: You -huff- don’t want to get caught right? Then I’m gonna need ya to -huff- stay quiet for me ok? Can’t have all your friends know what -huff- you do in your free time.” 

You watched as his reaction changed from pleading to absolute mess. Tears now streaming down his face and drool seeped through your fingers as your ruthless pace never faltered, your free hand now on his cock. Stroking it with the same speed you were fucking him in.

You had no intent on stopping till you were finished and satisfied. The two of you getting caught would be a minor inconvenience for you but you knew the fear Frank must feel right about now, You could’ve stopped but, at the end of the day it didn’t seem like Frank wanted you to stop all that much. You were in full control of this moment, it was your choice were this was going to go. 

This is the type of power that you’ve heard about that most grow drunken on.

You’ve made up your mind and continued to thrust into him. Your hand doing everything in its power to keep Frank’s noises in. As it seems like he picked this time to babble and moan the loudest.

You listen with open ears as you heard Dwight and Cheryl’s footsteps shuffle away, relief washing over the both of you. Or what was once relief now panic when one of your thrusts hit his special spot. The one leaving him seeing white. The one spot that made Frank let out a high-pitched moan the surpassed your hands and out onto Dwight’s careful ears, turning around momentarily. 

“Did you hear that?”

Frank didn’t know what did it, maybe it was the fact that he was moments away from being caught, and the fear of being caught excited him. Or the way your length stretched him out to the point it felt like you were fucking his brain, his hand on his stomach right over the noticeable bulge that would come to rearrange his insides one thrust at a time. Or maybe it was you, your large body pressed against his, as you work to pleasure him and yourself. Going the extra mile as to cover his mouth for him for his was too shaky to actually do anything. Whatever the reason it was enough to finally tip the scale. Frank shaking under you a -little more harshly this time-  before at last cumming all over your hand. His hips didn’t know either to buck into your hand or onto your cock. So he did a sloppy version of both. Legs shaking as his juices leaked from your hand and onto the ground, riding out his delicious high. 

You couldn’t really focus much on him because you watch with careful eyes as you see Dwight look around one last time before turning around and walking the opposite way.

“You’re definitely just hearing things, just like how your just seeing things. Besides what would [name] be doing with Frank anyway?” Cheryl said.

“*sigh maybe your right, I just.. I don’t know, I guess I’m just seeing things” Dwight said putting his hand on his head, his face a little flushed. Something Cheryl picked up on quickly.

The two survivors finally walking away finally leaving you and Frank to your own devices. You watched as they finally disappeared behind the tree line. Releasing your hand from Franks mouth, you looked down. Frank was immobile, cheek pressed against the rough tree bark and hands lightly pressed against the tree as well. Weak butchered moans left his mouth every time you thrusted into him.

He was a sight indeed, the very thing you needed to see to get you going again. Putting your hands back on his hips you used his body to get yourself off. Throwing your head back as his walls clamped around you, his walls shaped just for you and you only. He did come to you after all, he wanted you again, he wanted to be filled with you again. The thought threw you over the edge, your hips meeting as you burrowed yourself in him. emptying yourself into his warm hole. Frank letting out a long groan at the feeling of being full of your seed. You can tell it was too much for him to take as some of your semen escaped out of his hole. Droplets hitting the ground.

After a while you pull out, taking a step back to look at the mess you’ve made. The lack of support caught up with Frank as he slid down the tree and onto the forest floor. A firm reminder of the first night you had together. 

His gapping hole was your best work, Frank’s ass covered and dripping in your cum. As well as the red hand marks on his hips, a telltale sign of your former roughness. Marks that -if you weren’t in the entity’s realm- would definitely bruise later. 

And his face, his face was the embodiment of sexual bliss. Being satisfied to the point where one would pass out. It was almost endearing. But you had no plans but to be nothing more then just fuck buddies. Maybe sex for your life? it seemed like a fair deal. If he didn’t agree there was always blackmail, but you had a feeling he would agree. So with your last remaining strength you wrench his pants back over his waist. Picking up his mask and pulling it back over his face, moving the strands of dirty hair off his sweaty forehead. 

After that you pick him up and walk him over to a new area one where there wasn’t any semen on the trees. He reeked of sex and so did you so you took his jacket off and laid it next to him. Maybe that’ll air him out. You thought your plan was flawless till you saw a wet patch around his butt area.

Fuck

You totally forgot about the total cream pie you gave this guy about 20 minutes prior. You quickly took the jacket and put it over his lap. Maybe he’ll take that as a warning to walk around with caution.

You got up from your knees and dusted them off. Putting your hands on your hips while you look down at Frank. 

‘Funny how time repeats itself huh?’

You let out a snicker, Fixing up the best you can without really being able to see yourself. Buckling your pants to finish, you began to walk away from Frank. Before he called you into the woods you really had no plans, but now you were feeling rather drained, so now you were going to sleep good tonight. 

That’s what you thought before a singular crow landed on your shoulder. Looking right into your eyes with its beady little ones. You let out a little chuckle before letting the fog consume you. 

——————————

“I’m sorry for dragging you out into the woods off only a hallucination.” Dwight apologizes. His fingers fiddling with each other, head held low. They were nearly to the camp as the smoke from the fire can be seen close up ahead.

Cheryl looked back at him with a friendly smile.

“It’s no worries, you thought you saw someone you care about going into the forest with some killer. Your a good friend, Dwight.” She reassures.

Putting a hand on his shoulder her friendly smile quickly turned into a teasing smirk.

“But thinkin about Y/n so much to the point that your seeing them everywhere is quite suspicious don’t change think hm? Are we gonna talk about that? Why are they on your mind so much Dwight~?”

Dwight’s face flushed at the assumption. Pushing her away and covering his face.

“No, no! it’s not like that! W-we’re just friends!”

“Sure, sure you can lie to yourself all you want but I know the truth.” Cheryl teased, Dwight letting out an embarrassed groan, opening his fingers slightly. Peering off onto the vast forest. You two were merely just friends..

Right?

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AN:

So I sense some Dwight x reader chemistry?🤔 maybe, maybe not. You will never know. Have a good day/evening/night guys love you 🖤 might get another fic today if not today then definitely tomorrow

Edit: Im still editing this even tho I already published it. Im so bad at this. I need to reread my fics more often and not just when I finish uploading them

#dbd #slasher fucker #love you #fanfic #horror #smut #frank is a bottom #frank morrison #frank Morrison is bbg #dbd fanfic #dead by daylight fanfic #dom reader #top reader #top male reader #male reader #slasher x reader #sub character #amab reader #no gender terms used but I’m putting male because we need more fics

[transmissionsfromthebattlefield]

Swiss-Fig-Havarti

Ah, 2023. You came too fast.

I haven’t had the time to sit down and pump out a blog post in a few days. That’s because I was spending quality time with a certain someone who’s long anticipated presence finally emitted in my house for ten days and granted me the satisfaction I had been craving for a good three months. So here’s the obligatory recap.

Overall, Max’s visit was an incredible time. Most of it consisted of me dragging him places to make him adjust quickly to the Pennsylvania landscape. We hoped for snow, but we instead were granted weather in the sixties on some days. Some of our time was spent inside, including for top secret recording sessions, the motive of which will be revealed to the public in a few months. (Ahahahaahahahah shit.) But most of our time was an excuse for me to subliminally flaunt my taken status to the world at large.

For example, my—or should I say our—last meal of the year was at Little Elephant, the best locally owned Thai place around. I got the yellow curry talay special, pictured below. Pure, earthy bliss. These are the types of things I enjoy.

We headed over to good ol’ Dave’s house for his new year’s eve bash afterwards. (You already saw photos from that night here or here.) Dave is a friend of our family, and his musical infatuations manifest in record parties where licorice pizzas are played by the side in the living room and charcuterie is bountiful in the dining room. (A lot of good food was eaten in those ten days, which should be obvious by now.) We effectively got to DJ for almost the entire night with zero vocal disapproval from anyone else, permitting me to infect my poor boyfriend’s ears with NoMeansNo and Alice Donut and the like. (Luckily, he got a kick out of them.) We danced to Captain Beefheart and overall had a great time. It was probably the most solid NYE party I could imagine. And I hate parties!

Had we stayed home we probably would’ve been watching Sia, who I didn’t even know people still gave a crap about, and David Byrne (hi, David Byrne) being excruciatingly awkward together on TV. We had to wait a few days to get to get that experience via YouTube and astounded friends, and we were geographically separated by that time. But I’m still mentioning it because I am not over how we allow such poor decision making to determine our television programming! Do you really think anyone wants to see Paris Hilton barely sing? At least, it doesn’t sound like anything’s coming out of her microphone there. I hate this culture.

We spent the first day of the new year sticking our tongues out at said culture in good old Baltimore. Our first priority was the American Visionary Art Museum, a current staple of preserving the city’s weirdo spirit. We spent most of our time in the gift shop ogling all the weird crap they have up for sale. We got matching JFK and Jackie O masks that we forgot to take photos with and a lot of other, smaller things.

The majority of the times I’ve been there were when I was much smaller than I even am now. Only one of the exhibits had been changed out since my last visit a few years ago, and a good amount of the museum is permanent. It felt so much the same that I felt almost out of place. This is no dismissal of the museum, and I recommend a visit to those who get the chance to stop in. But I felt overgrown there. The museum, which highlights ‘outsider’ and self-trained artists, revolves around the power and persuasion of innocence. I’m not so innocent anymore! It felt so strange even existing alone in such a complex, never mind leading a boyfriend around. I’m interpreting it as an experiential testament to how far I’ve come. And that’s a good thing. Living away for school, taking in things as myself, getting to share time with a worthy male companion—it’s what I wanted, and I’m happy to be having it. Getting to indulge in the latter after months of anxiety and anticipation was refreshing more than anything.

The rest of our excursion time was less philosophical. We stuck some stickers advertising Jerry Casale’s newest single outside the Sound Garden after dinner at our old Baltimore haunt, Papi’s, which received a much warmer reception from the man of the hour than I expected. You see, my boyfriend is San Diego born and raised, and he is a diehard foodie. If anyone is game to judge east coast Mexican fare, it’s him. He ended up raving to our waitress about how their street tacos beat some of the places back home in terms of their authenticity, which was kind of hilarious. Hey, it’s a point for Baltimore!

The next day we trucked through Amish country to get to the Record Connection up in Ephrata, where we dropped off a few of my boyfriend’s CDs as well as some by Monsieur Herr. Hopefully some “Pennsylvania Dutch” fraulein or freakoff hick gets their state altered by one of ‘em.

Max flew home on Wednesday. I adjusted quickly to not having him around—the internet does wonders, I guess—but I still miss him. Long distance relationships are wack. In a week I’ll be back in Kent, and I can’t be more excited. All the important emails are sent, the section of Music as a World Phenomenon I’m registered for STILL doesn’t have an assigned professor, and most of the anxiety is gone. If everything goes according to plan, I’ll see him again in due time. I’ll still long, but who wouldn’t?

It felt totally crucial to have him around, and I’m relieved that our time together was so enriching for us both. Yet it did not feel like some dramatic, radical upheaval to have a boyfriend at my side. In fact, it felt completely natural.

Which was exactly the way I wanted it to feel.

Happy 2023!

#blog #life #my boyfriend #vacation #new year #new year's eve #2023 #great food #Thai food #Baltimore #American Visionary Art Museum #my cats #Peewee the bengal

[wood01downs]

hermes crocodile birkin 16

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#hermes crocodile birkin #himalayan birkin #hermes himalayan birkin #crocodile hermes bags #himalayan hermes #himalaya birkin bag #crocodile birkin #himalayan crocodile #replica hermes crocodile birkin

[queer-reads]

Took some time to revisit Middlemarch and now I'm behind in every single one of my classes! But do you see how close I am to being done!

#booklr #novel #reading progress #i drank a decaf latte and it still made my head feel weird #i wish i could drink coffee like a normal person #Middlemarch #george eliot #oc #reading in coffee shops #taking self indulgent pictures in public makes me more powerful #the more people who watch me take a picture #the stronger i become

[bangchanswolfpelt]

i love your blog so much 😭 i scrolled through ur masterlist and everything you write is just👌👌👌 do you have any specific headcanons about joshua ?? like what you think he's into kink wise?

awww, thank you!! 🥰 UGH, i have SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT JOSHUA 🥵 he literally ruins me daily and at some point, i’m gonna do a whole nsfw alphabet for him, but UNTIL THEN 😈

starting with something basic—Joshua's super into fingering. seeing his fingers disappearing inside of you, watching you stretch around him as you take more and more, it all just turns him on so much. will definitely lead into him wanting to fist you; when he thinks about you taking so much of him inside of you, he almost literally can't think straight.

Joshua LOVES to see you off-balance and embarrassed, which means lots of dirty talk, lots of public/semi-public sex. he’s really good at getting away with it, too—he’ll make a show of asking you if you’re feeling unwell and ushering you away to 'get some air', only to stop just around the corner to back you up against the wall and make a mess of you. he's so convincing, too, only the people closest to him know what’s up; i feel like Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Minghao, and Jun can take one look at you know and immediately know what’s up, though some of the other members might put two and two together as well if he's not trying too hard that day.

so! much! dirty talk!!! Joshua will talk about doing the most depraved shit to you, stuff that he doesn’t even necessarily plan on doing, just to see the reaction it gets out of you—and maybe sometimes your reactions put things on his itinerary that weren't there before. will talk about making you lick/grind on/cum on his shoes, making you piss yourself, sending pictures/videos of him fucking you to that guy who was flirting with you earlier that night, bending you over and spanking you in front of all his friends. he's also really good at hitting that sweet spot between making you feel precious and valued, but also degraded and used—you're just a toy for him to play with, but you're his favorite toy.

Joshua really loves the idea of cumming inside of you; even if the two of you aren't at a point where that's something you're doing, he'll talk about it nonstop. it's not so much a breeding kink for him, but about the power and trust and vulnerability that goes along with you letting him do that. he also gets super turned on by the thought of his cum dripping out of you, especially if you're walking around in public together—it just really feeds into his dominant, territorial impulses (although it could very easily become a breeding kink thing if you're into that.)

he also really loves it when you’re vulnerable to the point of being helpless—somnophilia, dollification, and drunk sex are all BIG kinks for him. there’s definitely a point where you’ve been drinking, the two of you are making out and it gets a little sloppy, and you’re so giggly and warm in his arms, and Joshua realizes you’re a little too drunk and he’s a little too into that; boy has to take a step back and unpack some shit about himself when that happens. somnophilia's probably his favorite indulgence; he loves how sweet you look tucked away in bed, loves feeling you respond to him while you're still asleep, loves seeing your eyes flutter open as you wake up to him already inside of you.

Shua’s definitely a forever-dom, but i see him being very into exploring different kinds of dynamics within the structure of him domming/you subbing—would definitely dabble in petplay and/or daddy kink if that's your thing. his default style is a mix of mean and cool and condescendingly sweet, but his mean/sweetness levels will adjust based on how you’re both feeling that day. on days you’re feeling particularly assertive or he’s feeling indulgent, he might even let you take the lead for a while.

he's kind of funny, i see him as being possessive, but also so self-assured in his possession of you that he just. doesn't really get jealous? like, Joshua will mark you up and make you walk around with his cum dripping out of you, but he doesn't care at all who you talk to or hang out with—why should he, when he knows no one can make you feel the way he does? that confidence also means he'd be really comfortable inviting someone else to join you; he'll joke about sharing you with his friends to fluster you, but if you actually seem interested, he'll start trying to figure out who your favorite is immediately.

Joshua's also super into aftercare, i think—he loves putting you back together almost as much as taking you apart. he learns everything you need/want and goes all out: runs a bath and gently scrubs you down, cooks or orders your favorite takeout, gathers up plushies and wraps you in blankets, puts on your favorite movie or show to cuddle up and fall asleep to. it really feeds into his desire to see you vulnerable for him, and knowing you rely on him to take care of you sparks something very protective and sweet in him. if you feel up to it, soft sex with Shua is definitely on the table during aftercare, too.

#joshua smut #svt smut #seventeen smut #had to move things around to hide some of the wilder stuff under the cut🙈 #mail corner 📬 #svt💎 #cw breeding kink mention #cw somnophilia mention #cw urolagnia mention #cw omorashi mention #cw breeding kink #cw somnophilia #cw urolagnia #cw omorashi

[written-beyond-the-grave]

Mikaelsons Black History Month

First off, I’m starting by saying that even though it is no longer Black history month it will always be melanin everyday and black people every day. And everything else under the sun, and if you don’t like it then the exit is to your left. Everything you own in the box to the left

Being part of the Mikaelsons is very fickle business and be some bs. Like really, you’re here with supernatural beings who are over 1000 years old. Who have traveled the world, gained endless knowledge, seen a lot of bloodshed, but you know what they haven’t seen? Their token human (black ofc) being ignant for black history month, I mean who even fully celebrates? How does one even celebrate?

Granted, they’re not racist. But with the writing Julie Pleck did she was playing honestly. That was the worst writing I've ever seen since who knows when. Maybe the nine lives of Chloe king or something? But in my originals universe they were probably racist in the beginning to an extent then grew out of it.

Anyways, they never met someone who celebrated until they met you!

Now repeat after me: I’m black y’all, and I’m black y’all. And I’m black and black and black y’all! FYM

Now…. picture this: A moderately quiet day in the Mikaelson household. Kol is minding his business for once, Rebekah is trying to find the perfect pics for her next instagram post, Elijah is enjoying a good read, and Klaus is organizing his art materials. But then here comes you, the human, opening the door and walking right in like you pay bills (none of them do but you get the picture) in the midst of the most deadly people. Walking in and greeting everyone, walking in with the most hotep, Dr. Umar bullshit getup they ever seen. Coming to America headass.

They recognize your footsteps from a mile away, so when you walk into the kitchen and no one really looks up at first it’ll be a sight to see a whole ass pelted lion on your back. The kente cloth hat (no idea the actual name for it, sorry babes), a saber tooth necklace (for my mans T’Challa), and the red stiletto nails with the afro out here banging.

SHEEEEEEEEESH

Once Elijah is done with his page he looks up to greet you, but then stops… Bitch, fuck is you wearing? This was worlds away from the sweats, and skinny jeans you wore on the daily.

“Greetings Y/N you look…. Fashionable.” Mans didn’t know what to say. Did he miss something about your Africna roots? Was there a holiday he hadn’t heard of, doubt it, but what else was there?

“Thank you Elijah.” You fluff out your lion pelt for added effect, if there was ever going to be one time you outdo the Mikaelsons’ especially Elijah in being dramatic with a coat or cloak of somesort, it would be now.

At this point the Kol and Rebekah have already looked up and were confused. Why are you dressed like that?

Kol is the first one to speak up “Darling, Rebekah likes a fashion show more than anyone, but why do you have a lion… on your shoulder.”

Lifting up your large ass shades you supplied an answer: “Black History Month”

They all looked at each other… they didn’t get it. Like they know what it is, but never actually understood how to celebrate and all that nor did they ever actually give it mind. When you saw that they weren’t making a connection, you started phase 1.

“Alexa, you know what to do.”

And there goes their manor playing: NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA I’M ONE HUNDRED PERCENT NIGGA

LMFAOOOOO you got the white people shook. Klaus just dropped one of his expensive ass bottles of art sealants and is vamp speeding to the kitchen to figure out what the hell is going on. Elijah having a mid century crisis on how tf they even found you and deemed you worthy of being in their presence so casually. Kol is having fun in the back, still laughing at your get up. And Rebekah wishes she went to the mall instead, she wanted a girl bestie and got you instead rip

“WHAT IN BLAZES- Y/N WHAT ARE YOU DO- WHAT ARE YOU WEARING! ALEXA STOP THE MUSIC-” And the big bad wolf has arrived. You put your finger to Klaus’ lips which stuns him bc… you’re still HOOOMAN like damn, death wish much? And you look this man, straight in his mit and say “Looks at, look at me” and pause for dramatic affect, “I am the captain now”

Room silent as hell till Kol starts cackling

You’ve made Dr. Umar proud, the ancestors are shining on you once again

With that you lead into a whole speech about the black struggle and black history month, bottom line: REPARATIONS. Because being the only nigga in the Mikaelsons (we don’t claim Marcel) is exhausting, white people shit everyday that you complain about in their faces

TBH at this point they’re indulging you in this escapade.

First victim is Elijah, you ask for his wallet. He gives you a look, I mean he does technically give you what you want and whatever (when y’all dating, refer back to my dating Elijah post), so he ask you why. Reparations sis why, but then you stop yourself. This man gives you his wallet every other day, half the time you not even asking. What could you rob this man of…. Ah. You ask him for the deed of one of his estates in Prague, why? Because you bitches can’t even spell Prague. And under section S line 45 subsection Y it does state that estates are eligible for reparations. Fuck 40 acres and a mule, you got 300 acres, some stallions in the back, a quite possibly haunted mansion, and a heavy dicked (yeah I said it, a sis been trying to reality shift) original who will turn you out by the end of the day and the end of the month…. Wait till women's history month boo

We know his pockets figgity fat, and it would be figgity wack to not get some

Ngl you take Kol with you so he can buy you food. Granted, he knows what you’re doing, but if he’s going to spend money on anything it will be thawed and it will be music. However, one thing leads to another and you’re both at Wal-Mart waiting to find a parking spot. You stole one off a white minivan trying to move in. Not thinking anything of it because who in this small ass Mystic Falls ass, clown ass town really about it? Apparently Karen.

But you know who else what about it? Kol (tbh mans had nothing but time, and he claims you so why tf not.) he out here NY stomping on her and coming at her for badly glued extensions. Cheap ass bitch, ain’t even blend in correctly.

After that Kol and you left with some groceries, a new story to tell, and a chopped cheese.

With Klaus, he frfr wasn’t finna do shit. Being ordered my a human? Lmfao, go find another simp sis. But… once you suggest that his art skills may not be up to par on what you have in mind as a new family room piece for your house he’s all ears. He knows what you’re doing, but… he still wants to prove you wrong. But anyways, you give him a theme… reverse racism. IK y’all, it’s not a thing, but mans has ideas. And he outdoes himself. That and the recreation of the moorish chief bc that man...mmmmm that man was giving.

Ok so Google wanna hoe me, but there was a painting of a black man in a kkk cloak and behind him were white people being hung from a tree. Say what you want, but that photo was fire. If any of you seen it please share it below.

Anyways

Rebekah tbh wants no part in this, but I feel like she’d gave when you ask her to give you all the finest dresses bc it’s an excuse to exhaust Klaus’ money.

Through the month you give the Mikaelsons a run for their money, and maybe sanity. Klaus is in the back trying to research who tf Dr. Umar is and why is he your inspiration

They had to pull you back when the sheriff asked you for your ID. You ask why you needed white man paperwork!

You are pleasing the spirits, what bonnie could never do lmfaooooo. The powers of you enemies aren’t prospering this month nor next month.

You’re not poor this month, anything you poor of is pouring a little more (bars nigga)

LMFAOOOO imaging asking the fam to go to paris, like, they not invited it’s a self trip funded my the Mikaelson Y/N Trust Fund of Public Decency ™

Klaus would be the first one to speak because this man is TIRED, “Love, why do you need a trip to paris? What’s in Paris?”

Knowing better, you look to Kol to answer the question, “I don’t know, Kol, who’s in Paris?” Niggas b. Niggas in paris…. Lemme chill

LMFAOOO enjoy

#klaus mikealson x reader #klaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikealson x reader #tvd x reader #the originals #black reader #black!reader #poc!reader #poc reader #niggasbelike

[peach-pops]

Famous S/O HC

This is very self-indulgent cause I’m the type to make up fake scenarios where I’m famous and going on interviews and press tours asfjdks. If you guys want, I’ll make more of these! Oikawa+Tsukishima underneath the cut!

How The Haikyuu Boys Find out that You’re Famous

-Bokuto- (Pro-Athlete) 

Bokuto knew you were an athlete but he had NO IDEA that you were super famous. Like he always thought it was normal for people to come up to you after your game to ask for pictures or autographs ??? 

I mean that’s why he was so drawn to you because of how much passion you had for your said sport cause duh he could relate

One day when you two were out at the mall, he told you that he needed to get new shoes to work out in and so the two of you went into the Nike store so he could look around

He was looking through the shoe aisle and after almost two hours of looking through the same shelves, he finally found a pair he liked (shopping with him is so time-consuming but that’s for a different day) 

when he found a pair he liked, the two of you made your way to the cashier to pay for his shoes. As the cashier was ringing Bokuto up, his eyes traveled up to the large poster/banner that was directly behind the cashier’s area and smiled to himself

It was a colorful promotional banner with a bunch of top athletes from around the world and as he’s looking at the banner, he sees this girl and he nudged you like,” Babe, she looks like you!” 

You look up from your phone and sure enough, you’re plastered on the wall posing with other athletes

“ Oh yeah, I didn’t think this shoot would come out until next month.”

Bokuto didn’t even process what you just said but my dude behind the cash register stopped scanning the shoes to turn his head to the banner and he turned PALE. 

He even does a double-take cause hold up, is there seriously a pro athlete in front of him?

“ Oh my god...You’re Y/N L/N!”

“ How do you know my…” Bokuto furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the banner again and he even squinted like hold up

AND IT ALL SUDDENLY CLICKS FOR HIM

“ Y/N? That’s you!” 

“ Yeah-”

Bokuto can’t even believe it and he totally spaced out when you take a selfie with the guy behind the register with the banner in the background like UMMM HIS GIRLFRIEND IS FAMOUS WHAAAAAA

“ YOU’RE ON A NIKE POSTER OH MY GOD! LOOK YOU’RE ON THIS MAGAZINE WHA-”

Dude is totally making a scene in this store but he does not give a single fuck

As he’s walking you back home, he’s looking up all of your stats and even watches a compilation called “ 100 times Y/N L/N was a beast!” and he’s just shooketh 

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE A FREAKING PRO ATHLETE??”  

“ I didn’t think it was a big deal I mean, you’re pretty famous too babe.” 

“ I DON’T HAVE A PROMOTIONAL BANNER WITH NIKE!” 

He’s not salty at all he’s just a bit emo cause he felt bad that he never even noticed before

As your fame grows, so does Bokuto’s with his volleyball career. You and him are described as a powerhouse couple and it really hypes the two of you up like THE POWER YALL POSSESS TOGETHER ON AND OFF THE COURT/FIELD/WHATEVER

Lots of training together and joint interviews together like Wired autocomplete or your favorite ~THIRST TWEETS~

“ ~Bokuto could spike a volleyball in my face, crack my nose in two different places, and I’d thank him~ oh my god that’s horrible I would never do that.”

“ I mean, you’ve done it before haven’t you?”

“ That was different anyway, your turn Y/N!” 

*passes that clunky ass bucket*

“ ~Y/N L/N, please tie me up and- oh my god this is too dirty I can’t! My mom will watch this!” 

If you’re a pro volleyball player, you two get compared a lot and it bugged you at first since you felt like you two were two very different in terms of playing style but after a while, you both started to encourage the idea of your own playful rivalries like comparing stats and wins

But if you’re in a different sport, you two get asked questions like who’s sport is harder or what it would be like if you two switched sports like??? But because you two are in different fields, you both have such major respect for each other cause you can’t even imagine how much hard work it is 

He absolutely does not mind it at all when fans approach you two if you guys are on a date. He knows how important your relationship with fans are, especially if they’re younger girls who look up to you as a role model

Bokuto will fall in love with you all over again whenever you crouch down to a younger fan ughhhghgh

He doesn’t care for the paparazzi to be honest. he knows it comes with the territory but he will get a bit protective if they start to get too close to you 

“ Hey, we’re just trying to get back home so just let us through please,” but if it continues, he will not give a single fuck about being nice,” dude, what did I just say? Back off!” 

Mad!bokuto will be the death of me

He knows how stressful it is being a pro athlete but he will always remind you how proud he is of you and if he ever sees you overworking, he will make sure you take a day off even if that means just napping together all day

Long story short, Bokuto would be amazing to have by your side as you’re navigating being in the public eye and you may quote me on that

-Oikawa- (Actress)

This attention whore I swear 

So Oikawa knows that you act but he doesn’t know that you’re an actress (which is basically the same thing) 

Like as a kid you were in commercials and you had a small role in a tv show but it wasn’t like it was super popular. 

But what Oikawa didn’t know was that a couple months before you two started dating, you were flown out to America to star in an upcoming and highly anticipated movie 

since you were under a contract, you weren’t allowed to talk about it until the trailer dropped and it ate away at you because all you wanted to do was tell people especially your boyfriend 

ANYWAY He decided to take you on a date to the movie theatre and as you two were getting popcorn, these girls came up to you two 

“ Hi! Is it okay if we can get a picture with you?”

“Of course, how could I ever turn down my lovely fans-”

“ No, not you, Y/N!” 

Oikawa is just flabbergasted as the girls hand their phone to him so he can take a photo of you with your fans he deadass thinks it’s some prank

After the girls left, he gave you a weird-ass gaze and asked you what that was about but you just shrugged and told him that maybe it was because of ur mini part in that one tv show

So he thinks nothing about it and teased you that it was so cute how you had a mini fanbase and you weren’t going to lie, it was pretty freaking cool 

You guys entered your theatre and got settled into your seats as the movie trailers started to play. 

(Oikawa loves watching trailers like this dude is the type to take you 45 minutes before the movie actually begins JUST to make sure he doesn’t miss anything)

As you’re chilling in your seat, you see the trailer to your movie so you do your best to keep your eyes on your boyfriend and the screen at the same time cause you want to see his reaction

The trailer plays and Oikawa seemed to be interested in the movie but again, it’s like any normal trailer UNTIL he hears your voice coming from the screen and he immediately sits up in his seat 

“ Wait- was that your voice?”

“ My voice?”

“ Nevermind, I think I’m going crazy-”

AND THEN HE SEES YOU ON THE SCREEN! Since it’s a trailer it was just about five seconds of an intense/dramatic scene but it’s enough for Oikawa to lose his mind

“ OH MY GOD THAT IS YOU!”

This prompts some people in the audience to shush him but Oikawa doesn’t care

“ OH SHUSH THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND! Y/N! THAT’S YOU!”

“ Toru oh my god yes that’s me but stop screaming or they’re gonna kick us out!” You whispered loudly as Oikawa clamped his hand over his mouth 

He’s so happy and he’s beaming with pride so he pulls out his phone and  records the trailer to post it in his group chat cause duh he wants to show the boys how proud he is but when he sees you kissing someone else for .6 seconds, Oikawa just (ㆆ_ㆆ) and stops recording

“ Are you okay babe?”

“ Was that real or CGI?”

“ The building crumbling is all CGI-”

“ No...the kiss.”

THIS DUMBASS LMAO HE’S SO SALTY AND JEALOUS 

“ Why didn’t you tell me you were this good?” 

“ I- I was always this good! But I couldn’t say anything, I’m under a contract!”

“ But you could’ve told me! I wouldn’t have told a soul!” 

That’s a whole ass lie, if he knew, he would’ve bragged about it to Iwaizumi 

But foreal, Oikawa is such a supportive boyfriend like as months pass and your following gets bigger, he just gushes cause yep that’s his famous girlfriend ( he will 100% use you sometimes for clout)

this dude LOVES bragging to his friends that he’s dating a famous actress. Like he was always showing you off and hyping you up before but it gives him such an ego boost when people find out the two of you are dating

Oikawa is an attention whore like I said so you know whenever the paparazzi appears, he eats it up and will pose which is SOO embarrassing like pls why do u do this

But there are some days where you don’t want to get recognized and he 100% understands so the two of you will wear disguises as to not get recognized. One time you two ended up getting caught so he just grabbed your hand and the two of you SPRINTED back to the subway

He will have all of your movies on DVD and if your movie is on a streaming service, he will buy a membership JUST so he can watch your movie

Sometimes you’ll come over to his house and he’ll always try to make you watch your movie for the millionth time 

“ Toru, can we please watch something else?” 

“ But my extremely talented and beautiful girlfriend is in this movie why would I watch anything but this?” 

Don’t be fooled he WILL skip through any kissing scenes or scenes where your character shows any type of affection to another character

LOVESSS tagging along with you to photoshoots, interviews, red carpet events ALL OF IT

Red carpet events give him a chance to dress up and lowkey his outfit is always one of the best there. He won’t outshine you per se but fans actually look forward to see what he’ll be wearing and he’s not even in any of the movies I- 

Your schedule gets pretty busy once your career takes off and even though there are certain time periods where you’re across the world, it won’t stop him from sending huge bouquets to your set 

Basically, Oikawa is such a supportive boyfriend and is overall so proud of how you managed to juggle your studies with your acting career 10/10 best boy 

-Tsukishima- ( Musician/Singer)

You and Tsuki had only been dating for a bit and since it was all still new, he kept it on the down-low because the last thing he needed was his teammates pestering him about a girl 

Tsuki knew you liked to sing and write songs but you never told him about how well known you were simply because he never asked

He just assumed it was a side thing for you UNTIL he showed up to practice and some of his teammates were huddled around Noya watching something on his tablet

“ Move your elbow! I can’t see-”

“ Watch your hand-”

“ Shush! I can’t hear her-”

“ What are you idiots watching?” Tsuki asked as he craned his neck to look at the screen

No one answered him so he started to watch the music video and low and behold, your face popped up on screen singing along to your lyrics that he’s heard a million times

Tsuki is a bit taken aback cause why is his girlfriend in such a high production video and why is his heart feeling some type of way seeing you in that outfit

Like lemme just take off my glasses and see that again ( •_•)>⌐■-■

” Where did you guys get that video?”

“ What do you mean, it’s online? She’s trending right now-”

“ God all of her songs are so good I want to see her live-” 

“ I can’t believe she goes to school with us-”

“ I wish she would step on me-”

“ Hey, don’t talk about my girlfriend like that,” Tsuki said dryly as he glares at the back of Noya’s head, which prompted everyone to turn around

“ You’re dating Y/N L/N? Ha! That’s funny Tsuki!” Tanaka laughed as he slapped Tsuki in the back harshly

At first, even Tsuki was questioning himself like wait, is he even sure you’re dating? cause this girl in the music video was NOT the same girl he was on the phone with last night

 If you had asked Tsuki 10 seconds ago if he would ever reveal to the guys he was dating someone, he would say helllll no but now that he knew about this, he didn’t care about keeping the relationship a secret especially if they were thirsting over his girl

He had all the proof in the world that he was dating you but took the salty approach to prove it to them. He pulled out his phone and shot you a text even though you were in class

Tsuki: Come to the gym right now

Y/N: is everything ok?

Tsuki: just come quickly

You left your class to “use the restroom” and practically rushed to the gym thinking that something was wrong with your boyfriend. You slid into the gym, causing the boys to look up from the tablet and you ignored their shocked faces

“ Where’s Tsukishima?” 

The boys slowly did a doubletake from the music video back to you to make sure they were seeing correctly and even though you were a bit embarrassed to hear your song playing in the background, you were just worried about Tsuki

Tsuki walked out to you from behind the guys and you rushed over to him

“ Babe, what’s wrong?” 

“ BABE?!” 

The boys were shocked and the second years practically FAINTED in your presence 

Tsuki pulled the tablet from Noya’s cold, dead hands and showed you the screen,” Care to explain this?” 

“ I- Um, it’s my music video…”

“Well are you famous or something?” 

“ I wouldn’t say famous…more like upcoming artist?” 

And then the next week you’re a nominee for the VMA’s asjfkghdk

 honestly out of Oikawa and Bokuto, he probably handles it the best on the outside, he doesn’t make too big of a deal out of your fame but on the inside he’s can’t even believe it

He doesn’t go around shouting to the world that he’s dating the Y/N L/N but he has his own ways of supporting you. He’ll listen to your songs whenever he’s walking in the hallway or doing homework at home and he’ll catch himself liking tweets that are about you as long as they’re positive

He’s def the type to argue with people online if they say mean comments and will report/block them before you can even see it 

IDC how much he tries to hide it, he is deadass ur biggest fan. Tsuki will tease you about how nervous you act during interviews/award shows but he will ALWAYS go with you to ease your nerves even if he had prior plans

If you ever write a song for him, he gets SO RED AND EMBARRASSED so pls do that 

Will def call you baka for doing so but deep down, he’ll fall in love with you even more cause you’re able to put into words how he feels about you 

I don’t think he’ll be too comfortable with you posting about him but he knows he can’t do anything about people taking photos of the two of you out together in public

Tsuki would never be rude to your fans though like if you were recognized during a date, he wouldn’t make a fit and will take photos of you and your fans to speed the process along

He HATES HATES HATES the paparazzi’s like it’s one thing for fans to come up to you when yall are in public but he gets mad when the paparazzi harasses you with questions/pictures/comments

“ Y/N! Turn around and give a smile!” 

“ Not right now, I’m sorry.”

“ Oh come on, don’t be shy! Just show the camera a little skin!”

“ How about you shut the hell up before I smack that camera out of your face.”

Head empty, no thoughts, just thinking about Mad!tsuki

It’s a big adjustment for Tsukishima that he has a girlfriend in the entertainment sphere but he knows how hard you’ve worked for it and he would never tell you to stop living your dream 

Sometimes he’ll feel insecure because you’re so successful and he doesn’t want to hold you back but since he can’t imagine being without you, he just pushes those thoughts away and enjoys every minute with you 

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu headcanon #haikyuu!! headcanon #bokuto x reader #bokuto headcanon #oikawa x reader #oikawa headcanon #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima headcanon #bokuto scenario #bokuto imagine #kotaro bokuto x reader #kotaro bokuto headcanon #bokuto hc #fukurodani headcanon #fukurodani x reader #toru oikawa x reader #toru oikawa headcanon #aoba johsai x reader #aoba johsai headcanon #seijoh #karasuno #karasuno x reader #tsuki x reader #tsuki headcanon #kei tsukishima x reader #kei tsukishima headcanon

[vsilas]

Okay.... hear me out. T4T post-war Snarry where substance use starts them on the path to cracking their eggs and meeting as new people who are ready to give each other a second chance. A sickeningly self-indulgent fic idea, pure rambling. Target audience: me and me alone.

Transfemme Snape is on probation after the Death Eater trials and is stripped of her magic. It's temporary and much better than Azkaban but it also means that Snape is essentially a Squib for three years following the sentence. One of the things that happens as a result of this is that all of the subtle "notice-me-not" charms on the area around Spinner's End wear off and the local authorities finally decide it's time to get rid of that slum. Snape is forced to move, which is probably for the best, all things considered. Living with your abusive parents' ghosts isn't conducive to healing... and there's a lot that Snape needs to heal from. As things stand Snape really doesn't want to have anything to do with the wizarding world so she moves to a muggle town somewhere on the coast. What with not being able to do magic she also turns to muggle solutions for a lot of her problems. She makes a living tending bar (she's basically nocturnal, doesn't drink, and can quell unruly customers with a look, so it's a good fit). She starts taking medical marijuana for the chronic pain caused by her encounter with Nagini and it stops her from feeling mildly suicidal for the first time in ages. It's nothing like her life was before and so she slowly starts shedding some of the fear and pain that kept her in line and an effective tool... basically her whole life.

Trans guy Harry goes a bit wild after the whole "I died to save the wizarding world" thing. He feels like he's been robbed of his childhood, his adolescence, and basically all the experiences that "normal kids" should have, so he lets go of his remaining impulse control and starts to spiral. The summer of 1998 is rough. There's the funerals, the trials, everybody trying to pick up the pieces of their life. Harry doesn't think he has any pieces of himself left to pick up. He didn't really plan for a future after the war... he could never see himself grown up. Harry breaks up with Ginny because the way they are together makes his skin crawl, even if he can't put a finger on why that is. Ron gets really mad at Harry for dumping his sister and even more so when Harry says that he doesn't want to be an Auror anymore. He briefly goes back for his 8th year with Hermione but drops out in November when he only manages to turn in two assignments and spends most of his time finding ways to sneak off the grounds to get drunk in London clubs. Harry's friends worry about him but there's only so much they can do to help somebody who really doesn't want to be helped. Harry moves into Grimmauld Place, cuts his hair really short, and spends his nights "living" which mostly just means doing party drugs and having a few ill-advised one-night stands. When there is no one to party with, Harry gets drunk alone in Grimmauld Place and punches mirrors. He doesn’t see a future for himself so he decides to just live in the present, however long that's going to last him. He can feel a break coming, something terrifying but necessary. It feels like the only way to forward is to spiral down.

Snape, who has known something was off since she was a kid, finally lets herself accept what that thing is. It isn’t an earth-shattering revelation, just part of slipping off the masks of professor and spy and Death Eater until all that's left underneath is her. How the fuck did she fool everybody into thinking that she was a man for all these years? Maybe that’s why she was such a good spy. Started young. Hid it even from herself. It’s not really an easy thing to accept, but inevitable. Snape is already grieving everything else about her life so what's another lie, another chance at happiness that slipped away before she even knew what it was? She spends a lot of time in her shabby little flat getting stoned but she also walks along the beach and starts planning the rest of her life.

Harry cracks on another of his drunken nights out to some rather unpleasant consequences, including ministry officials having to obliviate dozens of muggles in a Camden club and a hangover so bad even potions don't help with it. Most of it gets hushed up but the yellow press takes the opportunity to start saying how the "Girl-Who-Lived" finally went off the rails, complete with an unflattering picture of Harry's new haircut (granted Harry was about to throw up when the picture was taken...). Harry lays low for a while but he is also a man of action and so he begins to research ways he could transition. St. Mungo's doesn't provide that kind of healthcare so if he wants to go the magical route he would have to figure it out himself or find an expert in gender magic... who doesn't seem to exist. There are references to a witch who brewed a potion to change her gender, but she lived in the 18th century. Being trans is stigmatized in the wizarding world so he assumes that wixen who have transitioned probably don't advertise the fact. Harry doesn't trust himself to do any magic or potion work that advanced without killing himself, so he decides to keep searching. He swears Madam Pomfrey to secrecy and asks her if she can help him. She's taken aback and tells him this kind of magic is not well studied and she doesn't know if there's a potioneer alive, other than Severus Snape maybe, who would even try working on something like that. However, even if Snape wasn't a squib and unable to brew anymore, Harry certainly isn't planning to have anything to do with his old potions professor. He decides that maybe he should just try muggle means.

Meanwhile Snape has been doing theoretical research on magical transition but hits a dead end. She needs access to a magical library, she needs to be able to actually experiment... Not to mention that she still has years of her probation left, which means years before she can even attempt transition. The only thing to do is turn to muggle means to both manage her dysphoria and maybe inspire the next stage of her research. It takes a while to secure an appointment, but one fateful day Snape walks into the reception area of a London clinic... right as Harry Potter is exiting the doctor's office after his check-in for being 3 months on T. To say that there is a moment of shocked silence would be an understatement.

They meet up for coffee and cautiously become a two-person support group for trans wixen who got fucked over by fate (and Dumbledore) and miraculously survived a war. Harry lets Snape use the library at Grimmauld Place and Snape promises to expand her research to try and develop something for him too. Harry apprentices to a curse-breaker and weathers the press dragging him through the mud every chance they get. Snape might have mellowed out a bit but she still gets on Harry's case about the drinking and not finishing school. They bicker a lot and sometimes Harry overcompensates on the machismo and acts like James, or Snape feeling a blinding rage that Harry is so fucking young and has his whole life ahead of him... but they end up coming around to each other every time. On some level, they are the only people in the world who can really understand each other.

Over the course of the next year and a half, they slowly get their lives sorted. And through that process, they become the most important people in each others' lives. What started out as reluctant solidarity grows until one day Harry can't imagine a future that doesn't have Snape in it, and Snape starts thinking of "home" as being wherever Harry is. It's not easy, considering how many issues both of them have, but it's the easiest thing in the world compared to the alternative. Cue resolution of them both magically transitioning, dealing with public perceptions, and leaning into being a scandalous power couple who doesn't take shit from anybody.

Now, if only I could write this as an actual story....

#the target audience for this is me #i feel like if i ever write a fanfic this would be it #except i can't make myself write #and if i ever do i will probably turn this into an original story #but here #i can think of maybe two people who will be into this #severus snape #serverus x harry #snarry #trans snape #trans harry potter #substance use cw #alcohol cw #self-harm cw #weed cw #idk #ask to tag

[pinof]

Under the cut is the full transcript for The British Get Talking Podcast episode on October 8, 2020 with Dan!

[Interviewer:] Hello everyone! I'm Kylie Pentelow and here we are again. This is the second series of the "Britain Get Talking" podcast from ITV where I talk to some amazing people who open up about the mental well being. Today, Dan Howell is a YouTube star. He rose to fame through his comedy videos that have had more than a billion views. More recently, he's opened up on his YouTube channel about depression and his video "Basically I'm Gay" has had eleven million views. Dan is now writing a book about mental health and is an ambassador for YoungMinds. Dan is obviously funny, but he's also clever and sensitive. To me, it seems he's using his huge profile among young people to really make a difference. I loved talking to Dan and I hope you like listening to this podcast too. Dan, thanks so much for speaking to me today! How are you?

[Dan:] I am a big fan of saying "I'm fine." And that is the absolute worst, most British answer to that question that anyone can give. And it's what people say all the time. And, you know, for me, it's definitely- It's something that instantly says way too much. *laughs* Doesn't it? I mean, you can write a whole essay about "I'm fine" as an answer. "Oh, I don't want to inconvenience you. Oh, I don't want to bore you by talking about whatever I'm going through." And that's very me. I accept that one of my flaws is I don't want to put something on the other person. I don't want to start a whole thing that might bore them. I don't want to sound like I'm moaning, so I'll just go, "I'm fine!" And usually the tone in which I say "I'm fine" immediately betrays the fact that I'm- You know, might be clearly very stressed about something. *laughs*

[Interviewer:] Do you think your kind of friends would pick up or people you know would say, "Oh wait, you sure?" or would they delve deeper?

[Dan:] Everybody I know! They just look at me like, "Okay, Dan." *laughs* Cool, okay. So in ten minutes, we'll be talking about how you actually feel. We just need to get through the kind of ice breaking- Cause, you know, I'm that introvert and I'm quite socially awkward so it takes a while to melt the ice to get through to whatever's there.

[Interviewer:] You're hugely successful! You rose to fame with your YouTube videos. They are very funny!

[Dan:] Mhm. *laughs* Thank you!

[Interviewer:] But you have a few small serious ones in there recently. And you've spoken very openly about your depression. What prompted you to do it in the first place?

[Dan:] Yeah, so that was quite a journey. In case anyone doesn't know- Uh, hi, my name is Daniel Howell. *laughs* And as you say, I was mainly known for being somebody who uploaded comedy videos to YouTube. Which I think, Kylie, is something you and I have in common! I'm aware that you have some toes in the YouTube space.

[Interviewer:] Yeah! Oh my goodness. Back in the day, yeah.

[Dan:] Look at us! We got one toe in traditional media and the other in the Internet.

[Interviewer:] I love this. *laughs*

[Dan:] So yeah, these videos- They were something that I started when I was a teenager and they were just kind of comedy videos about everyday things. So I had like rants about how annoying people are at the airport or what it's like going on public transport. And then I'd, you know, move onto talking about things that people were arguing about in TV shows. It was all very funny. It was all very relatable. And as time went on, I started to be a bit more personal with the stories I was telling. I was saying, "You know what? I'm actually going to tell you today about the time I got fired." It was an awful time in my life but usually the things that are really awful are very funny to laugh at. And people liked that because I was sharing something personal. It was intimate. It made it even funnier because it was real and it was awful. You know, comedy is just tragedy and someone saying you're allowed to laugh at it. And it was in 2017- I'd gone through a few years where I really started to think about my own mental health seriously for the first time. Because I had quite an upsetting childhood, as someone who grew up gay. And I had a lot of issues with depression and various things and really had just never thought about it in my life until any point. And it was only when I was in my mid-twenties that for the very first time, I stepped back and I was like, "You know what? I'm feeling like this and this is something. It's not right and I should do something about it. I came to terms with the fact that I really had been struggling with depression for a very long time. And this is something that's obviously- It's quite hard to firstly accept on a personal level and then to tell anyone about: your friends and family. And for me, I was in this strange place because I had this career as this comedian who was known for sharing these things from my life and being very open and having this great relationship with my audience. And yet, it felt like there was this huge, kind of big secret dark cloud in my life that people didn't know about. And it was especially strange for someone who performs on stage and you know, who did jobs like the one I did on Radio One. And it felt like all the time, I was acting very funny. I was acting very happy and really there was this whole other side to me. And I just decided that for several reasons really, I had to get it out there just so people would know this fundamental thing about me so they'd understand a bit more about my story. But also that I felt, even in 2017, there was so much misconception around discussing mental health and what depression is. And so many people out there that felt like they needed to have this conversation held in a public place. So it was absolutely terrifying for me. But I decided to make one of my typical, you know, comedy videos where I tell stories and I talk about my opinions. Except I opened up about my depression and it was an absolutely huge moment in my life. And I remember being terrified when I hit that upload button. And the response I got was just so much more positive and powerful than I could've ever imagined. Not only because people were saying, "This is so much more compelling because it's real and you're being honest. But so many people had never really had depression explained to them? They were like, "I have loved ones that go through this. I have friends and I've seen it and now I understand it more." And so many other people said, "This is me. I was sat watching this." So people were saying, "I've been struggling with this for years and I didn't know how to talk about it to my family." Other people were saying, "I didn't even know this was me. Now I'm seeing it for the first time." And that really- You know, it was a moment that changed my life in my career for sure.

[Interviewer:] The thing I think you do really well in it is explain the difference between feeling sad and feeling depressed. Can you just explain that?

[Dan:] Well, we all feel sad many times. You know, we can watch a Disney movie and feel sad. *laughs* If something sad happens. But depression is when you notice for a long time that things aren't right. If you're not enjoying the things you should be enjoying. If you're having a real struggle just maintaining the basic things you should be doing: getting out of bed, feeding yourself, opening the curtains. If you feel like you've sunken into a hole. If you're not enjoying the things that you're doing. If you just don't have the energy- You don't want to socialize anymore. Then it's not just that you're feeling sad because an event. It may be that you are depressed and this isn't something that may just blow over. It's something that you need to really acknowledge and then do something to fix.

[Interviewer:] You also talk about how it affects things like your diet as well. Like that was quite a surprise to me. Sometimes you might feel like you might not want to eat at all. Sometimes you eat to try to make yourself feel better.

[Dan:] Absolutely. Yeah, some people when they feel depressed, they just can't eat because you know- I mean, cooking's an effort. I'm one of those people that hates cooking. I mean, I love eating. I hate cooking. So yeah. *laughs*

[Interviewer:] I'm with you.

[Dan:] And this was me sometimes. I would just go, "I don't want to cook." And then I would lay in bed all day and I wouldn't eat. And then another day, I would be feeling, you know, so self indulgent, I'd be like, "I'm going to order just the most decadent, gross amount of pizza no human should be able to consume in one sitting." And then do that just to fill the hole inside my soul with carbohydrates. And that may make you feel good for about ten minutes and then when you're digesting it all the next day, you realize that it's actually just another kind of self destructive behavior.

[Interviewer:] You also talk about medication as well, which I think was really brave. Cause even though lots of people might talk about feeling depressed, they don't share that they're talking any medication for it. In fact, the other day, my close friend shared with me that she was taking antidepressants. And I've known her for a decade and she's never told me that. Actually, it was because she's been listening to this podcast, which is great that she felt that she could share that. But do you think that is important to get the whole kind of picture out there?

[Dan:] I think there's a big stigma around taking medication, which is strange as an absolutely huge amount of the population are taking medication for all kinds of things. And antidepressants are very common. And of course we're saying this knowing that anyone listening- You should always consult a professional. Go to your doctor. Speak to them. For some people, medication works. For some people, it doesn't. It's one of many options but it's definitely something that- It can have big effects on how you behave. On how you need to live day to day. And you shouldn't be afraid of telling people that. It doesn't mean that you're broken. *laughs* It means that you're taking a step to try and get help and be better. And it's brave to share that, so I would encourage anyone that feels bad about the fact that they take medication to try to be more casually open about it. Which I appreciate can be really difficult because it just has this knock on effect of making everyone less ashamed.

[Interviewer:] What was that, kind of, first step like for you? Was it speaking to your family? Or was it going to the doctor when you sought professional help?

[Dan:] Well, the first time I sought professional help I think was when I was at University. I was going through a really hard- Kind of quarter life crisis time where I was thinking, "Oh, what am I doing with my life? Why am I enjoying what I'm doing?" And I just realized that I wasn't functioning on a day to day level. *laughs* And I spoke to one of the counselors at University and this was a positive experience. You know, sometimes if people talk about their mental health at their work place or their University, you hear these horror stories. I had one of those good examples where there was this lovely lady and she said, "It sounds like you have depression and if you need to take some time out of school to do that, then that's the right thing to do." And then I went to the doctor and then you know, we spoke and he said, "Yes, it sounds like this." And that was the first time I acknowledged it. And the first time for the few years, I kind of acknowledged it but I didn't actively work on it that much. And as I said, it was a few years later, when I was in my mid-twenties, when I was like, "No. If this is my normal, this isn't right. And it's something I need to make an effort to pull myself out of."

[Interviewer:] You are writing a book at the moment about this, aren't you? I wonder how that's been because sometimes, it's great, isn't it? To talk about stuff and other times, you actually just wanna be a bit quiet and deal with things, you know, in your own way. But I wonder whether a book has kind of open more things up for you.

[Dan:] Yeah, I mean, you know- Talk about coming out of the closet. Which is something I also literally did. *laughs*

[Interviewer:] We'll talk about that in a sec. *laughs*

[Dan:] Yeah, so the book is called "You Will Get Through This Night" and it is coming out in May next year. So it's only around preorder now, but people can find it on Amazon if they're interested. And it's quite wild for someone like me to write it. The book is a hand book. It's a tool for people to understand their mental health and to make changes to their improve their lives. And the idea behind it is that we are all kind of in this state where as humans in our modern society, there's various things that we feel ashamed to talk about. There's a stigma approaching various things. If we do certain things, we're viewed as weak. We don't want to admit certain things to ourselves and this is about breaking down all of those things and going, "Actually, all of these behaviors that so many of us do day to day are self destructive. These attitudes we have towards these certain things are totally wrong. We need to change the way we think about these things. We need to forgive ourselves slightly more. We need to be more patient." And also just understanding how all the things you do on a day to day basis affect your mental health. Sleep, exercise, socializing. Every single time you have a thought, you need to check that thought and go, "Am I being completely unreasonable and putting myself in a position where I'm going to have a crazy amount of stress or if I'm going to make myself really anxious." And the hope is that with this book, a lot of people will realize, "Oh my god, I do all of these things day to day and I had no idea what profound effect all of these things had on my life." I'm spicing it up slightly by obviously sharing my personal journey- *laughs* With all of these things and as you say- That is quite, uh, a strange experience for me because I- It's obviously been extremely helpful. I mean, it's been blowing my mind just writing this book. The whole thing done in consultation with a qualified psychologist, so obviously I know what I'm talking about when I'm giving this advice. And when I was reading all of the theory for me to turn into this book, I was just sat there myself- *laughs* As I would hope people would be when they read it thinking, "Oh my god, I'm awful! I need to give myself a break. We do all of these things all the time? And I'm making myself feel like this for no reason? That's crazy!" And came to saying, "Right, on this topic, I'm going to share with you what my journey has been dealing with this. Here's my stories about it. It's been simultaneously quite cathartic and to be honest, quite difficult revisiting a lot of these things. Especially if you go through things when you're younger or if you feel that there's certain things that you've moved past from. Then it can be quite upsetting to revisit these things and whilst initially, it was quite a jump to get into that, it definitely makes you realize that confronting things with a clear head, with the best of intentions and some honesty looking at yourself- It really makes you feel a lot better on the other side.

[Interviewer:] How do you cope with doing what you do because the industry you've chosen to work in- Not only like putting yourself out there on YouTube, but also saying, "I'm funny. Look at me, I'm going to make you laugh." You know, that must put a lot of pressure on you. But also, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing it can sometimes it can be a bit solitary as well? How do you deal with all of that going on?

[Dan:] Oh god, yeah. I picked as a complete introvert with crippling social anxiety and mild agoraphobia- I picked the absolute worst career possible. *laughs*

[Interviewer:] Yeah!

[Dan:] But maybe, that's why the material is so honest. *laughs* You know? That's why I have so much to work with. I think that, you know, there is an element of being forced to confront your demons that probably helps accelerate my internal growth process. And especially from the comedy perspective, there is a fine line between saying, "I'm going to open myself up for people to laugh at my stories and kind of appreciating that I need to save a bit vulnerability." And it- You know, it was crazy. I made a video called "Trying To Live My Truth" about the concept of authenticity and how in life, if generally, if we aren't being authentic- And this isn't just doing a career that we love. It may be being honest in the relationships that we have day to day in really being true to ourselves about what we want to be doing, where we want to be. If you kind of lie to yourself and go, "Oh, I'm just going to do this for a bit to do here. I'm only having a relationship with these people for now." Eventually, it'll get to you and it will wear you down. That was a really hard thing for me to talk about because I was saying, "There's so many aspects of my life where right now, I feel like I'm not being authentic and I'm realizing it's really taking a toll of me. So some people may have to appreciate that I'm going to have to tell them things and I may not be the person that they thought I was but this is something that I have to do if I need to be happier."

[Interviewer:] We talked earlier about how, you know, you've done some more serious videos. But actually, even your video about depression is really funny. And obviously it's really great to be talking about mental health but we need to not be too worthy about it, don't we? And just- I was watching that video feeling really connected to what you were saying and then a second later, I was laughing out loud and actually, it reminded me a bit of "After Life"- Ricky Gervais' show. I don't know if you watch that but.

[Dan:] *laughs* Yeah, definitely.

[Interviewer:] It's that very fine line that- You know, in one of his scenes, I remember when he was talking to his dad that I was crying and then literally the next second, I was laughing out loud. And I just felt- That's such a positive thing that you do and is that a real conscious thing that you do?

[Dan:] I mean, my default is to always kind of break the tension by making people laugh. And there's a side to that like, "Okay, we can laugh about it but eventually we're going to have to be a bit serious." So you need a bit of both but I think especially when talking about these difficult topics, just making it funny- It breaks that ice. And often by pointing out the silly things that happen as a result of these things, you know, I've been making fun of the fact that I'm depressed all day and my friend's just like pouring popcorn all over my head. Like, "Come on! Enjoy the things that you used to enjoy." It's like okay, that's really silly. That's really goofy. And it's like- But it kind of is silly, you know? And then me kind of taking a step back and realizing, "Yeah, me lounging around in bed all day. Yeah me being afraid to go outside for this reason or that." There are little things that are relatable. They're just a bit silly. And when you can laugh at that- I mean, just laughing or smiling once. We can talk about the health of people with depression. Sometimes putting on a bit of comedy and watching something can really save the day. So I think that there's a real benefit to even the most difficult topics, finding something to make people laugh. It makes it easier.

[Interviewer:] Let's talk about your video that's- I don't know how many millions of views it's got. "Basically I'm Gay." Tell me about that video and why that was important to make.

[Dan:] So that was essentially a coming out video. I mean, I would say it was the biggest moment of my life in a lot of ways. Because I've had a real struggle with sexuality my entire life. I think I've known, on some level, that I was some kind of gay since I was a small child. And I had an incredibly difficult time in school with bullying. I had difficult relationships with some of my family members and it was honestly- It was quite traumatic and I never really realized it because I got used to that state of just accepting that this is the way things are and getting on with it to survive. Kind of very extreme version of the British stiff upper lip to get -on with it. And it was only really when I reached kind of 27/28 when I was like, "Oh my god. No, this is awful! *laughs* I've got so much baggage. I've got a heathrow carousel in my cupboard over here." It was terrible. And I ran away from this entire subject of sexuality because it was just difficult. And there was so much wrapped up in it. And for any courage that it took me for me to talk about mental health or even just, you know, terrible things that happened to me that may be embarrassing when I'm on stage in a little routine or something. For me to not just talk publicly about my sexuality and everything that went into it but just to accept it myself was a huge journey. And you know, it's called internalized homophobia and it's basically from growing up in such a homophobic environment. I was brainwashed, really, to kind of hate myself and not accept the fact of who I was. And this was such a huge part of my mental health-  My entire life. To the point where I only acknowledge it truly a few months before I made that video. I think when I was talking about that authenticity thing, I was just like, "I'm a sham." I was on a world tour with my friend. We did a stage show and went to eighteen countries. Think we met about fifty thousand people at these little meet and greets before the shows. And so many people would come up to me and they would be so honest. Some people would cry and they'd just say, "You opening up about depression gave me the strength to turn my life around." Or, "You talking about athenticity made me quit my job." There were other people that said, "I want to come out to my parents just because you talked about being authentic and about your mental health and these things." And I felt like a complete fraud because here I was- I was supposed to be this guy who made the funny videos but at the same time, I was talking about these topics and I was being open about myself. And I was just like, "The hugest thing is still completely hidden and it's something that I know I'm hiding from myself." And I just felt like I couldn't do it anymore. So I uploaded this video saying, "I really just need to think about how I can be more authentic because I felt like I've hit this road block in my life where I just can't continue. I've done it for too long. I've put it off and I just feel like in every aspect of my life, I've hit that wall. And until I break through it, I just can't do anything." And I basically disappeared from the Internet for about a year. And in that year, it was a complete journey where I said, I needed to acknowledge it for myself. I realized if I ever wanted to talk about this publicly, there's so many things I need to do. I need to come out to my family. I need to tell friends. I need to think about how it's going to affect my work life and I really just went on this complete crash course of a life wrecking in the start of 2019. *laughs* And it was a huge journey. As I said, I'm this huge socially awkward person so the idea of coming out to my family. Oh, I just couldn't do it. It was just awful. I remember it was Boxing Day 2018 and all my family were just sat watching "Chicken Run" or something. And I was like, "I'm gonna do it. I have to do it at some point, you know? I have to tell the family." And it's this awful thing coming out- It's like nobody wants it to be a big deal. *laughs* It's just because that we live in this world where people are presumed to be straight, it's not like gay people want to cause a big scene by coming out. They have to. Because no matter what, when you tell somebody, it's going to be a big surprise usually. So I'm the last person that wanted to make it all about me. God, I just want to blend into the background. I was thinking, "I'm going to have to completely blow up this Christmas." And I couldn't do it. So I thought that was the perfect opportunity and it's gone now. My family- For about two months, I was just like, "Aw, I ruined it.  I ruined it. That was my one chance."

[Interviewer:] Oh gosh, that must have been so stressful! You're just carrying that around.

[Dan:] Oh, it was awful! Yeah and then I went for dinner with my mum. And I was like, "Okay, intimate. I'll do this." And then again, I was like, "I don't want to ruin my mum's birthday by making it all about me." *laughs* Then I left having failed to do it then and I went, "Right, this is getting stupid now." So you know what I did? I wrote an email to all of my family. Just CC'd them on an email and just said, "Hi. Basically I'm gay. Let me know if you want to talk about it. Bye!" And I just hit send and closed my laptop. That is very much- That is the Dan Howell strategy of throwing the hand grenade, closing the door, and going, "Whoops!" And then I got the phone calls and you know, thankfully I think that we're living in a much more kinder, accepting world than we did twenty years ago. I think that we can see when it comes to all kinds of things- The world is getting a lot more smarter and educated and just accepting and more kind. So the reception that I got from my family in 2019 was very kind and loving accepting. And it was really kind of wonderful. It felt like this huge, colossal weight had been lifted from me where I felt like there was this wall between me and my family my entire life, where there was just something that was unsaid. Something that would've explained so much. A fundamental part of who I was. It was so important to get that out there. And as you said earlier, just you know, as someone that as a public figure. As an entertainer who talks about myself for my career, getting this out there? I don't know. It was just absolutely profound so I spent months and months writing this video. And for people that don't know, you'd expect a YouTube video to be a twenty second video of a cat falling down the stairs or something. I ended up putting this forty five minute- *laughs* It was basically a stand up special that I filmed in my office. It was dense. I was like, "Look, if I'm going to talk about sexuality, I've got say strap yourselves in people." And yeah, the moment I hit go on that, it transformed my entire life. It was really just this feeling of this pressure lifting all around me and it felt like age 28, that I finally alive for the first time. And my life had only just begun. Because only now was I actually out there. People knew who I was and I could kind of begin living authentically in world where people actually knew who I was. And that's crazy.

[Interviewer:] Do you wished you'd done it earlier or do you think it was the right time?

[Dan:] *sighs* I do wish I did it earlier. What I would say to anybody- You may be somebody queer in the closet thinking about doing this or you may just be someone who wants to open up to your loved ones about the fact that you may be depressed. Or you just want to be honest about the things in your life saying, "You know what? I really hate my job and it's ruining my life." Or something about the relationships in the life or the friendships. They're just not working. You cannot sit on these things forever. Confronting them an be so difficult. I mean, look at me. I basically went into a cave for a year- *laughs* And had the most socially awkward time ever dealing with it. And it was so difficult but I cannot tell you how free it felt afterwards. So that's definitely something I want everybody listening to this to take away.

[Interviewer:] Did you look at the comments on the video? And if you did, what were they like?

[Dan:] Yeah. I mean, I try not to- *laughs* You know, see what people are saying about me too much but I did. It was all very nice and as I say, you know, I wish I would've done it earlier in my life but I don't think I could've done it earlier in my life. And I didn't. And that was for a reason. I just couldn't have. I just wasn't in the place to. I did it when I did and thankfully we're in a world now that's so much better. And my audience that I have is so kind and loving and accepting. Because you know, I cultivated a following of people that liked me being open about mental health and sharing the most awkward, stupid stories from my life. So when I shared the biggest thing, what was there waiting for me was a community of people that were there to be supportive. And that was just- You know, I feel so lucky that I had that really positive experience. So just like the depression video, people were saying, "I feel seen by this." Or, "I now finally understand what it's like for gay people in a way that I didn't before. I can talk to my mum. I can show my mum this. I'm straight and I had no idea. This is amazing." And just to see that a byproduct of me being honest about myself managed to help people- It really, you know, it helps! *laughs* Cause it's safe to say that I've struggled a lot. I'm someone that is very, very good at beating myself up. I don't ever taking a win. People always say that about me. If something goes very well, they'll be like, "How'd it go Dan?" And I was like, "Yeah, yeah. It was alright." "What do you mean? It went great?" And I was like, "Yeah, yeah! It's fine." *laughs* So yeah definitely, I feel very lucky it's gone as well as it did.

[Interviewer:] You're an ambassador for YoungMinds as well and you know, you're obviously speaking out, "Hey!" And for your YouTube videos. Do you think there is still a stigma particularly attached to young people and mental health?

[Dan:] I think that definitely young people- When you get into teenage years, everyone's very defensive and they're very aggressive. And I think that a lot of people go into- Especially the school environment feeling scared. They don't want to be judged by other people. They don't want to seem weak. They're proactively feeling scared and defensive and aggressive to protect themselves from being harmed by people cause you're just so scared. So definitely. People don't want to admit that they have anxiety. I think that young queer people might not feel like you know, "I can't do this now. It's not worth the risk." And I think that the YoungMinds charity, which is part of the Royal Foundation that Harry and Will support, does such amazing jobs cause they not only create material to help young people understand, "If you're feeling like this, you might have anxiety. That's not normal. And here's how to help." But they also reach out to parents to say, "This is how you can observe these things that may be happening in your family and realize it may be silent. It may not be talking about it. It may be this huge issue happening right in front of you." And as well, they're helping the schools cause I think it's definitely safe to say that schools could do it a lot better in protecting mental health of the young people that go to them. So it's definitely one of the off shoots of me opening up about depression. Being apart of this amazing charity that does such great work. It helps me sleep at night.

[Interviewer:] And we'll hear, um, about an appeal actually to raise money for mental health including Mind and YoungMinds in a minute. It's so important, isn't it? That they exist. That they're even out there for us.

[Dan:] It's a lifeline for people because I think that anyone who struggled with any mental health issue listening to this would know that that one conversation- That first conversation. First olive branch that you get reaching out to you. That could be what saves your life. So it may feel like, "Oh, we've talked about this enough. Doesn't everyone know about mental health right now?" And there may be someone listening to this that's going, "You know what? That's me. I've got that thing that I haven't shared yet. I need to have that conversation. I need to have that one moment where someone listens to me, acknowledges how I feel." And definitely, it's just such a huge part of everyone's life. And it's completely silent. There's still so much more to do.

[Interviewer:] I hate this word, Dan, but I'm gonna say it. It sounds like you've been on a real journey. *laughs* I can't think of a better word.

[Dan:] *laughs* Oh no. I've been full hobbit there and back again, yeah. It's been a real around the world adventure. And you can watch it all on the internet, god.

[Interviewer:] I wonder if you could talk about kind of just the lowest point but then the kind of real highs. Cause then, at the moment, it sounds like you're in a really good place.

[Dan:] I mean, I'm definitely in a better place. I think that none of us should ever feel like we've solved all our issues and we're fine. You know, that was me, age 22. I was like, "Cool! Apparently I've got depression. That's fine. I know what to do it." It's like no, you need to- You need to make an effort. You need to really think about all the things in your life. You need to talk to a doctor. I think that, you know, for me- My lowest point was definitely when I was teenager. There was a point where I actually tried to take my own life because the struggles that I had with my sexuality were just so extreme within my friend group and school and everything that I was hearing from the world. I just really felt like, "I'm broken. This is not right." I looked at the world around me and I thought, "There's nowhere to go. There's nowhere else. I know everything." So it was that impulse impulse is what I think people in this situation feel. Where they just think, "This isn't about anyone and this isn't a rational decision, but I just feel like there's nowhere to go. And I need to hit the escape hatch." And I was so wrong because as I got older and time progressed, I just realized that the world is so big. And even if you feel like you're trapped in a situation, time can change everything. And if I just knew how much the world would change. How much my life would change. Not just with my career, but just moving to a different city. Meeting new people. I wasn't stuck. There was nothing like that and that was definitely the lowest point. And I feel so glad that I managed to make through that time. And the fact that you know, I made it through all these years and- *laughs* This journey that I went on. Kind of very publicly. Going from like- I think I even made a YouTube video just before I got a job at Radio One saying, "I'm going to drop out of Law School to try to make it as an entertainer." And everyone at the time was like, "You're an idiot. What are you doing? What?!" *laughs* Cause this before anyone had a career on the internet, you know? They were like, "Okay,so the BBC wants to give you this job. That's kind of cool. But are you sure you don't want to be a lawyer? That seems cool." My granddad was not happy.

[Interviewer:] I'm bet. *laughs*

[Dan:] You can see this whole journey and you know, from doing everything I did with Radio One to writing a book and to end up in a position where me just going on the journey that I need to go on personally ends up being shared with the world- That can do something for other people is just a bonus that makes me feel just really happy. Not just personally, but for the state that the world is in.

[Interviewer:] Aw Dan, it's been so nice chatting to you today. Thank you so much for your time.

[Dan:] It's been really nice. It's been like a therapy session. It's very cathartic! [Interviewer:] That's good! I'm for me. Great! Dan, thanks so much.

[Dan:] Thank you very much. Have a nice day, everyone.

#dan and phil #daniel howell #danisnotonfire #dan howell

[crazy-loca-blog]

Spicy Newlywed Questions

A/N: Thanks a lot to the lovely @jamespotterthefirst for sending this weekly self-indulgence challenge. Please be advised that this is a 18+ edition of The Newlywed Game, so there might be some triggers if NS*FW topics make you feel uncomfortable. This time, all the answers will be below the cut.

Rating: 18+ (Mature)

Masterlist

~~*~~*~~*~~

Mild

Do you kiss and tell? Have you told your friends about your…"adventures"?

Ethan: I like to think that's where we set the limit on what we share about our relationship with our friends. So no.

Casey: Agreed... and yet, here we are publicly talking about our sex life... the hypocrisy...

*Laughs*

Casey: I'd say the closest we are to kiss and tell is when my brother guesses some of our "adventures" and he teases us about them... but we like to keep the mystery and we never confirm or deny anything.

My spouse looks the hottest in ____________.

Both, in unison: Naked!

*Laughs*

Ethan: No, for real. Seeing my wife naked every day is a blessing, but she's also the biggest teaser. Every time we attend some formal event, she makes her purpose to find the perfect dress to make me feel the luckiest man on the planet...

Casey: ...especially because you're the one taking those clothes off as soon as we get home...

Ethan: Exactly *smirks*

Casey: I have to admit there is something about Ethan when he's wearing his workout clothes... or when he's working out... he's lucky that Bryce and Raf are at the gym with him...

Ethan: How can you say something like that and then say that I'm lucky because Lahela and Aveiro are there with me?

Casey: You can always kick them out of the gym and tell them you're going to be busy with me... I'm sure they'll get the message.

What song best describes that night after the country club (1.15)? You know which one…

Casey: Fallin' For You by Colbie Caillat.

Ethan: *surprised* That was fast!

Casey: Yeah... the fact that I never pushed you away doesn't mean that I wasn't a mess about my feelings for you, and you know it. I think that was the moment where I realized that we were no joke and I stopped lying to myself and I just began to admit I was falling for you. What about you?

Ethan: I think Just A Kiss by Lady A summarizes very well how I felt about us at that moment.

Casey: Now... if you really, really want to make this question spicy... I'd say You're Makin' Me High by Toni Braxton *smirks*

Ethan: Should I listen to it?

Casey: At your own risk...

*Ethan listens to the song... Is he blushing?*

Casey: I told you so... *smirks*

Hottest thing my spouse has ever done is ___________. (Doesn’t have to be dirty)

Both, in unison: Existing!

*Laughs*

Ethan: *looking at Casey* Should I tell a dirty one or should I keep it PG?

Casey: *smiles* Whatever you want, babe... I'm fine with it.

Ethan: She made a professional photoshoot not so long ago... nothing explicit, but very suggestive... and whenever she wants to tease me, she sends me just one picture to my phone... all I can say is that I can't wait to find her to go home... or to an on call room... or to a supply closet... or to any of our offices... whatever is closest at the moment.

Casey: You really enjoy those, don't you? *smirks*

Ethan: I like to think we both enjoy them *smirks*

Casey: Oh, believe me, I do! Well, to keep a balance, I'll go with a PG one. Ethan fighting for what he believes in is one of the hottest things he'll do in public. Then in private, only a few people are lucky to see the real him. He goes full protective mode for those he care about, and that's irresistible to me.

Who said “Let’s make out” first? Where was it?

*Casey points at Ethan*

Casey: He didn't say it, but...

Ethan: I couldn't help it, she always looks beautiful, but that day... *sighs*

Casey: He surprised me... I mean, I wanted it to happen, but I didn't expect him to feel the same way about me.

On a scale of 1-10, what would you rate their seduction skills?

Casey: He is a solid 12... he knows exactly what to do... he has never failed, not even once... and it's frustrating...

Ethan: *laughing* Why?

Casey: Because I can't play hard to get...

Ethan: Casey is... *looks at her*

Casey: I know I'm awful at it, so be honest, I won't get mad...

Ethan: She is a 10...

Casey: *surprised* What? I expected like a 5 or a 6...

Ethan: That's exactly why you're a 10... you're not even aware of your power over me... when I tell you I'm not rational when I'm around you... I'm not joking, dear...

What bathing suit does your spouse look the best in?

Ethan: There is this white and brown that she wore during our honeymoon that fits her so well. But she has two that she literally calls the "RIP Ethan" bathing suits. She wears a trikini when we're at the pool with our friends and a very tiny red bikini when she's waiting for me at home by the pool after her shift... because yeah, she's such a teaser...

Casey: Does it work?

Ethan: We tend to disappear for a while when our friends are visiting, so what do you think? *smirks*

Casey: I'm picking this one at random because honestly, when you're wearing a bathing suit I don't care much about what you cover, but more about what you can't cover with it *winks*

~~*~~*~~*~~

XTRA HOT

What’s a surefire way to turn on your spouse?

*Ethan whispers something on Casey's ear*

Casey: *very uncomfortable* This... what he just did... he just knows I'm weak and I can't resist him when he talks to me like that...

*Ethan gives her a knowing look and smirks*

Casey: *even more uncomfortable* And that... that look... can I have some water?

Ethan: When she gives me a very seductive look and bites her lip... I just can't...

Casey: Like this? *She gives him a knowing look while she bites her lip*

Ethan: *very uncomfortable* Next question, please?

Who makes the most noise?

Ethan: *pointing at Casey* She does...

Casey: Guilty as charged... you should feel okay about it, it means you're doing your job perfectly

Ethan: I would never dare to complain... I actually love the effect of your moans on me... *winks*

Who loves foreplay the most?

Both, in unison: Both!

*Laughs*

Ethan: Really... we both love a good foreplay... not only we like trying new and different things, we really like taking our time...

Casey: And when we say "taking our time", it may even mean teasing each other all day... messages, kisses, some subtle touching, you name it...

Ethan: And it only gets better if the other part doesn't expect it... I really enjoy it when you can cut the sexual tension with a knife...

One round or multiple– Which do you prefer?

Both, in unison: Multiple!

*Laughs*

Ethan: Come on... again?

Casey: I think it actually depends... and I know Ethan will agree with me on this, so I think I'm speaking for both of us... it's more about quality than about quantity... we are lucky to have both, but if we must choose one, we'd definitely choose quality.

*Ethan just nods in agreement*

Best night/sex you’ve ever had with your spouse?

*They look at each other for a while*

Casey: I don't know actually... it's not like I have a list of our best times...

Ethan: Me neither... but I can think of a few times...

Casey: Yeah, me too... like our first time...

Ethan: ...after the attack...

Casey: ...that night by the river...

Ethan: ...when we disappeared for two full weeks, and no one knew we were together...

Casey: ...the diagnostics team office...

Ethan: ...the on call room...

Casey: ...that quickie at the museum...

Ethan: ...when we got engaged...

Casey: ...our wedding night...

Ethan: ...when we moved in to our new home...

Casey: ...pool sex... all the time...

Ethan: ...I think we could go on forever...

Casey: Agreed... next question?

Morning or night? What’s your favorite place to have sex in?

Both, in unison: Both!

*Laughs*

Casey:*laughing* Ethan, stop! We can't keep giving the same answers half of the time! This is supposed to be sexy and hot, not funny!

Ethan: *laughing* Don't blame me! Maybe we're just discovering why we work so well... *smiles*

Casey: Well... even though we both like to try different places, I think nothing beats our bed, at night, after our shifts, and when we can have all the time to enjoy ourselves...

Ethan: Agreed... but the early morning shower is a close second...

Casey: It has taken you a while, but I have to admit you're finally beginning to convince me of all the perks of morning sex... especially when it's you who wakes me up. *winks*

Ethan: It's been a real challenge, you're a heavy sleeper, so I feel honored...

Casey: You should...

Who dominates in the bedroom?

Casey: He does, 99% of the time. And who am I kidding, it takes me to cloud nine, so I really enjoy it. But I like to think I dominate the teasing that leads to him to dominate in the bedroom.

Ethan: I had never thought about it that way... that's actually a good answer, dear.

Casey: Thank you, babe.

Casey, what’s your favorite outfit to wear for him? Ethan, what’s your favorite Casey wears?

Casey: What I'm wearing right now... it's both my favorite and Ethan's.

Ethan: Your working clothes? No offense dear, you look really sexy, but I don't think that's my favorite outfit...

Casey: I don't mean this outfit, but actually the one that's under it...

Ethan: Are you wearing the...

Casey: Nope...

Ethan: Then, it's the...

Casey: Not really...

Ethan: You bought a new one that I haven't seen yet...

*Casey gives him a knowing look while she bites her lip*

Ethan: *very uncomfortable* How many questions are left?

What’s your favorite thing your spouse does in bed?

Both, in unison: Oral!

*Laughs*

Casey: *laughing* Shut... up! I can't be serious if we keep doing this! Well, I can proudly say that my husband knows how to use his tongue for more than just talking... and I wonder if he ever thought about becoming a surgeon because his hands are a close second...

Ethan: I can say the same... she's give me the best handjobs and blowjobs of my life, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. But when she is on top, things go to a whole new level for me.

Casey: I do enjoy when he is the one on top, so that I can look him in the eyes... and when he takes me against the wall... or against the window... or in the pool... *she begins to blush*

Ethan: *very uncomfortable* Are we done?

Casey: *very uncomfortable* I think so...

Ethan: *whispers on her ear* Your office or mine?

#newlyweds game with your host bree #newlyweds ask game #newlyweds game #ethan ramsey #casey valentine #ethan x casey #casey x ethan #ns*fw

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

The Best Things ~ J.V. (part 12)

A/n: I would like to apologize for not marking warnings on each part like I should have been. I get too excited to post and skip over them on accident. I’ll do my best to add them from here on! Also, I was adding the warnings as I wrote but then they didn’t save so I tried to remember them as best I could. If I forgot anything, I sincerely apologize.

Warnings: Recounting past trauma (physical abuse, homophobia), explicit talk of death, badly handling others’ trauma, light smut (foreplay: slapping, choking, degradation, daddy kink, handcuff restraining, brat/dom dynamic, punishing, teasing, masterbation)

Word Count: 5200+

MASTERLIST

The air was so thick with tension that a knife could have cut through it. No matter how much Harley was fighting his instincts to lounge and be himself - the self Jeremiah was used to, at the very least - he felt like he had to be the self he used to be. The one Bruce was expecting. Jeremiah knew Harley was trying too hard, and Jeremiah was far too easy to read - which meant that Bruce knew too. So Harley sat there trying to behave and Bruce sat there brimming with suspicion and pain and hesitation and Jeremiah sat between the two boys, wishing this had never happened and he could just escape the two brothers who seemed seconds from either running or fighting.

Echo, as if sent from God, walked into the room with a pitcher of water. They were at Jeremiah's instead of Wayne manor as Harley had absolutely no intention of being back there or anywhere near Alfred. The butler was far too good at accepting change, which meant that the man might pick up on the fact that Harley was no longer Y/n and the whole thing would fall apart. Honestly, it seemed like so much work. Harley wasn't sure why this plan was so important but Jerome was feeding off of it so Harley did it anyway because he'd said he would. If this is where Jerome lead, Harley would follow.

"So," Echo cut into the silence as she walked around pouring drinks. "How is everyone this evening?"

Harley smiled at her, amused. She was poorly hiding a sort of awkward expression that was dashed with a little humor. She was mocking them in her head; Harley could almost hear what she was thinking. A bunch of dumb boys sitting around a table unable to swallow their pride. Idiots. "Oh you know," Harley mumbled casually, shrugging. "Indulging." He motioned to his food but his words were obviously directed at the ambiance.

"Having a good time?" Echo asked.

"Not at all," Harley immediately answered with the same casual, chipper tone. Jeremiah choked on his drink as he laughed at the exchange. The humor delivered saltiness in Harley's voice and the passive aggressive mocking in Echo's had always been an exchange that could make Jeremiah chuckle at least a little. Echo and Harley were very good at banter and it lightened the mood significantly every time they went at it. After all, it was just in good fun. Bruce seemed to relax as a smile curled everyone else's lips. "So... Harley." His lips seemed to want to reject the name.

Harley's smile dropped. Hearing Bruce call him that made him uncomfortable. Not just because he was nervous about Bruce not calling him Y/n as he had all up until this point but because he had cut Bruce out of this new life very purposefully and now... he was in it anyway. "Yes?"

Echo sighed and left the room as she sensed Harley jerk back, even with her attempt to loosen everyone up. Jeremiah focused on his food. Bruce looked at Harley but Harley did not look back, instead choosing to stare at the door Echo had gone through. "Why Harley?"

That was an easy question. "When I was in Arkham, a few of the guards used to beat the shit out of me every single day to try and convince me to be straight." Harley looked Bruce in the eye when he said this, completely calm. He had long since gotten over it. "They even put me in isolation to keep me away from people who might protect me or care about me."

"Jerome." Bruce didn't form it like a question.

Harley answered anyway. "Yes. But see this is a smaller world than everyone thought and my therapist, Harleen Quinzel, became my friend instead. She's like me, but for girls." Bruce nodded, accepting that. "They couldn't kill me without having to mark me as a loss. That and they'd have lost their punching bag. To teach me a lesson, they killed her. And then made sure the TV that was never supposed to be on the news would be on the news, on just the channel and at just the time that would allow me to see her bloody, bruised, cold, dead body strewn out for the public to see. And no one gave a single shit because no crimes in Gotham get solved unless someone important is involved. And even then- well, you know first hand."

Bruce's expression grew very dark. "I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't," Harley purred, still eating as if he was talking about the weather.

Jeremiah has stopped eating. "People are really like that?" His voice was small and his eyes moved to Bruce, his hands tightening around his silverware as if picturing Bruce's face cold and dead and staring at him through a TV. Bruce felt his eyes and looked back to Jeremiah, but the red head averted his gaze to Harley instead. "I mean, people really act like that just because of... how someone loves?"

Harley nodded, swallowing the food in his mouth. It tasted like sand but he kept eating it. It made him feel powerful to while the others in the room had forgotten their food altogether. Although... Perhaps he hadn't chewed it as well as he thought because it felt as if it had gotten stuck somewhere along the way. A thick lump had lodged for a second and a sick feeling had settled in the bottom of his stomach. He hadn't thought about that image in so long... the daily bearings and the isolation and the one ray of light he'd gotten being extinguished and displayed because he had dared to be himself and therefore allowed her to do the same. Because they were different than how most people were.

"Do you know who did it?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah." That didn't seem to be the answer Bruce was expecting. "This isn't great table conversation," Harley eased, changing the subject. "But that is why I go by Harley. Do you like it?"

Bruce shrugged. "Do you still go by Wayne?"

Internally, Harley sighed. "Harley Quinn."

At that Bruce nodded. "You're not coming back are you?"

Harley laughed dryly. "You're not very good at casual, light conversation are you Brucey?"

"Don't call me that," Bruce snapped, body going stiff.

Rolling his eyes, Harley sat back in his seat. "Why not?" It came out harsher than Harley had meant it.

Meeting hostility with hostility, Bruce got angry as well. "Because that's what Jerome called me, and after how many times he tried to kill me it's not a name I like."

"Get over it," Harley sneered. "It's just a name and we're in Gotham. Trauma is kind of a part of life here. Adapt or get trampled."

Bruce jerked back. "Get over it? Since when are you...?" He trailed off, as if hesitating, before his face set and he finished his sentence with a much harder tone. "Like Jerome."

Harley felt his knuckles turn white. "Stop saying that like it's a bad thing." "It is!" Bruce hissed.

Harley shot to his feet, dropping his silverware on the table. Jeremiah flinched but Harley didn't notice. Bruce did. "Look, Jerome is fucked up and dark and broken. He doesn't have a grip on reality or know how to human because he wasn't fucking treated like one. He killed people. He was crazy and insane and unhinged and dangerous. Yeah! You know what else he was? He was understanding and accepting. He got why people lived their lives differently than he did and didn't really judge anyone, ever. He thought they were boring and chose to live differently, sure, but he lived to make people laugh and have fun. Maybe his sense of fun was fucked up, but he genuinely just wanted people to laugh along with him for once. He didn't hide who he really was. He wasn't ashamed. He didn't shun me and shove me in a corner and try to change me. He accepted who I was. He CELEBRATED me. I'd rather be with him than at this stupid fucking dinner or anywhere near you because I'm not some poor gay boy who needs saving. I'm strong and I matter and I FINALLY love myself, and you won't ever take that away from me because you see self respect and see Jerome because no one taught you that you are more important than everyone else. I refuse to sit here and let you try and turn me into some pathetic whiny brooding mess who's never happy because my priorities are fucked up. I won't be you. That isn't my goal anymore."

The room was dead quiet. For a long time, no one said anything. The brothers just stared each other down until Bruce shook his head. "Perhaps this was a bad idea."

Jeremiah pinched the bridge of his nose. "You guys are idiots." The other two in the room looked at the red head with shock. "My brother is dead, and honest to god it's a relief that he is. He's out of my life and I'm safe from him. I never had the chance to have a real relationship with him. I used to read the newspaper about your family and think that you guys were some kind of dream. Two brothers that loved each other despite everything and parents that were like... actually good people on any level." He sighed. "Obviously I was wrong. You're too busy trying to make him how he used to be." This he directed at Bruce. "And you're too busy hurting and bottling up your emotions and pushing everyone away to let anyone care about you or see the real you." This was for Harley. Jeremiah didn't stop when both other boys went to speak though. "Just shut up and make this work because you guys are the only true family you each have left. Harley, you grew up and I have to say you wear your changes very well. You're happier and sturdier and if someone isn't happy about that then they're insane. Right, Bruce?"

The Wayne boy hesitated before giving in. "Yeah. I am happy for you. I should have started with that. I just... I'm scared for you."

"Why?" Harley demanded, exasperated.

"Because I don't want you to become Jerome. I don't want you to end up like that. I don't want you to be some criminal, when you used to be the best person I knew. You said your life goal used to be being like me? No. I wanted so much to be like you. You couldn't speak about a huge part of you, but you accepted it with the knowledge no one else ever would. I refused to even look at the fact that I'm attracted to guys until you and Jerome got together and then..." his eyes shot to Jeremiah and then back. "Things happened and- and you were always so bright and happy and free. Like a bird in flight or- something." He shook his head. "You were inspiring, Y/n. Seeing you like this... it looks like you've been broken. And I just want to bring back that light you had before. When you seemed so much happier."

"I'm not broken." Harley looked at the boy who was supposed to be his brother. The boy who used to be his best friend before one lie after another had pulled them further and further apart until they were on completely opposite sides. Secrets had torn their relationship up into so many little bits it could never be repaired. They were just too different now. "I'm not lost or struggling. I'm just not... sitting there and pretending all the bad things aren't happening. The friends I have now actually like and respect me as a person, not just because I'm Y/n Wayne. I'm myself, proudly, and I wear my experiences as a reminder of what I can endure. Things hurt less. What you see isn't some poor boy waiting to be saved. It's darkness. And maybe that scares you, because you're used to hiding your darkness. But darkness, Bruce, isn't a bad thing. Darkness is what makes us who we are. Like everything it can be used as a weapon, but Darkness itself isn't dangerous. What you do with it is."

Bruce considered that for a long time. "That... is a good point."

Jeremiah released a breath. "So... truce?" The boys looked at each other before shrugging. Harley sat back down. Jeremiah seemed pleased. "Okay, now lets talk about something a little more pleasant."

"So you mean literally anything other than what any of us have been up to recently?" Harley sassed. Jeremiah shot him a look. "Okay fine whatever." He searched for some light conversation. "So you guys are like boyfriends now or what?"

That seemed to make Bruce and Jeremiah both blush and the air in the room cleared significantly. Harley pulled off being cheery and invested as he teased and prodded and asked questions and engaged. Things almost seemed like they used to be when Bruce and Y/n would sit with their parents and Bruce mentioned a girl and Y/n would go off about how he was going to be the best man or the world would surely end... but Harley wasn't Y/n and Jeremiah wasn't their parents. This wasn't Wayne Manor and as good of a server as Echo was, she wasn't a butler. She wasn't Alfred.

Under the light tone, Harley formed a plan. A plan he carried out as he and Bruce began to hang out more and more as time passed that night and stretched for a while. Jerome became nocturnal in favor of being awake when Harley finally returned at home. The boys would spend some time together and then sleep and then Harley would wake up and go out and spend time with Bruce and Jeremiah again. Slowly the time with the other boys began to cut into Harley's time with Jerome and both he and Harley were getting restless. They'd begun arguing about it.

"Stay in tonight," Jerome whined.

"Bruce wants me to come back to Wayne manor tonight." Harley sighed, an odd expression on his face. "I've finally earned his trust and am getting along with him - as much as it pains me. I think Jeremiah is talking to him when I'm not around, convincing him to behave and respect my boundaries. He calls me Harley and has stopped expecting me to be the person I used to be. I don't know, I think he'll be enough to convince Alfred though I might have to try a tad harder." He rubbed his forehead. "Soon I'm sure I'll be chummy with them again and that'll definitely lead to interacting with all of Bruce's friends - which will be a whole other adventure of its own."

Jerome huffed. "If you're going back to Wayne manor, won't Bruce want you to move back in?"

The thought had occurred to Harley if he was being honest. Where did he draw the line in being buddy buddy with his brother again? Where did he stop things? How far did Jerome want him to go? "Probably," Harley voiced, shrugging. There was a long pause. Jerome was more guarded than he usually was and it set Harley on edge. When the red head did speak, it was in a dangerously quiet tone. "Would you go?"

"W- would you want me to?" Harley was distracted by the way Jerome's Adam's Apple moved when he swallowed.

Jerome hummed. "So this is still about what I want?"

That made Harley defensive. "You think I'm dealing with my arrogant brother because I want to?" It had a biting edge to it.

"And what about my brother?" Jerome pushed.

Now Harley was confused. "Jerome I did all of this for you. To convince them you were dead so you'd be free to have some free time and then make your grand entrance whenever you wanted to. I did this because you asked me to." Jerome rolled his eyes. "You've been gone a lot. You come home... lighter. You enjoy your time with them."

"I'm sorry, you WANT me to come home miserable?" Harley sneered, his hands coiling into fists.

Jerome's eyes darkened. Harley realized what was happening. Before he could react, Jerome's hand shot out, fingers curling around Harley's throat. Jerome pressed his boyfriend against the closest wall, his face close and words sharp like knives. "You're getting angry again. Talking to me like that, as if I'm one of our dumb brothers or that blonde idiot Jeremiah carries around. You might have been gone for a while now, but SURELY not long enough to have forgotten to respect me."

Harley gasped, eyes fluttering closed. Jerome's grip wasn't dangerous but it could go that way if Harley wasn't careful. Jerome only ever got like this when he was frustrated. Usually when he was bored and wanted to do something other than sit around. To be fair, he was cooped up which was something he HATED to be. He hated feeling trapped. And on top of that Harley had been spending less and less time around the place. It was a miracle the redhead had behaved so long. Harley had spent more nights with Jeremiah, talking to Bruce so late into the night and fake catching up and playing nice that it was just easier for them both stay at Jeremiah's. Alfred had even gotten used to a simple text from Bruce letting the older man know where he was and that he was safe. If Bruce wasn't home by 10pm Alfred had come to expect that he wouldn't be back at all. It had become a sort of habit.

Perhaps Harley had been a tad neglectful.

He sighed, letting his guard down and releasing all the tension he'd gained from being around Bruce. Jerome didn't deserve this. "I'm sorry, you're right." Jerome didn't let up. "Oh so you shoot me puppy dog eyes and say sorry and that's supposed to be it?" Harley could feel his insides warming as Jerome grew closer, the air in the room slowly becoming infected with sexual tension. The sudden mood change was hard for Y/n to switch gears to, even though he was immediately eager. "You've forgotten who you belong to."

"I-"

Jerome's hand tightened on Harley's throat, cutting off any attempt to speak. "What was that?" Harley coughed a little as the initial shock took him off guard. His eyes fluttered but he could still breathe which is what mattered. "Come on, Harley. Come on, Y/n." Harley jerked at the name. "Is that what you want me to call you? Is that who you want to be?"

Harley wasn't dealing with that shit. His body jerked, arms wrapping around Jerome. He pulled hard, twisting to turn Jerome around so he'd have to let Harley go, or risk hurting his arm. As predicted, Jerome let go. Harley twisted their bodies with extreme force, pushing Jerome's face into the wall aggressively. "What the fuck did you call me?" He growled. The words were raw from his throat being a little sore. It made Jerome smile. "Answer me. Now." Harley let his free hand thread into Jerome's hair. He pulled, the red head squirming underneath him as it began to hurt. "I said, now."

"I called you Y/n," Jerome answered softly. His tone was half reluctance and half defiance. He didn't want to answer Harley like he'd been told to, but saying the name again did give him power.

Harley leaned back, pulling Jerome away from the wall just by his hair. He dragged him over to the bed. "Kneel. Now." Jerome was giggling as Y/n hurt him, getting off on the pain. "NOW, Valeska!" Jerome smirked, taking his precious time with following the order. When he was down, Y/n maneuvered his face into the bed. "Stay there. If you move, I will know and you will be punished. I will be back in a moment." He left Jerome there, ducking out of the bedroom to the trunk in the bathroom, shoved in the closet. He opened it, pushing around some things they'd collected in their time together. This was the stuff they used when things got more kinky. Handcuffs Jerome had gotten from cops even before he and Y/n were together. Rope from a construction sight. Some things were specifically from sex stores - stolen of course.

Ignoring most of it, Harley grabbed the handcuffs and went back into the room. He returned to see Jerome had indeed moved. In fact he was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning back on his hands. He was smirking at Harley, a dare in his eyes. The red head seemed to be expecting Harley to lose his shit, but Harley didn't. Instead, he got very still, thinking. That seemed to actually make Jerome nervous.

Slipping the handcuffs into his back pocket, Harley slowly approached Jerome. His eyes cut into Jerome's soul, his jaw so tightly shut that Jerome shivered. "What, you think you're going to look at me and-?"

Jerome didn't get to finish his sentence. Out of nowhere, unexpectedly, Harley backhanded Jerome, causing the sitting boy's head to snap to the side. The red head was shocked, but found his stomach twisting with the familiar sensation of arousal. This wasn't like when he was a kid. Harley was calm and controlled - even his hit was direct. There was a safety in the way that Harley controlled himself. Jerome didn't fear him. It left room to enjoy what was happening. Harley gripped Jerome's jaw, bringing the red head's brown eyes around to meet his. "What did I say when I left the room, Jerome?" Harley not using a pet name in a sexual situation made Jerome shift nervously. Was Harley actually mad? "You told me not to move."

Harley released a breath, smirking as he got turned on just by getting Jerome to answer his question without being pushed. When Jerome was being bratty, he refused Harley any amount of control. So when he let up even the smallest amount, it never failed to excite Harley. "And what did you do?" Unwilling to let Harley win twice in a row, Jerome shrugged. Harley slapped him again. The red head blinked, breathing sharply outward as he felt the stinging on his face. "I moved."

A hum came from Harley as he stood, crossing his arms. "You know I had to punish you for using the wrong name, but it was going to be pretty light. Now..." Jerome shivered under that look - like Harley was trying to figure just how to kill him. "I'm going to take your clothes off Jerome. If you fight me, you'll get immediate punishment do you understand?" Jerome nodded. Harley rose an eyebrow.

"Yes, Daddy."

That seemed to please Harley. He stopped glaring at least. First Harley removed Jerome's shirt. Then he gently nudged Jerome, and the redhead followed the flow and laid back on the bed. Harley then removed his pants, and his socks one at a time. Slowly. Jerome felt himself get antsy. "Do you want something, baby?" Harley asked evenly.

"I'm fine," Jerome responded.

Unfortunately for him, his erection gave him away. "You don't want me to do... anything?" Harley asked again, pausing to look at Jerome very carefully.

The redhead looked back for a long time, a battle happening between the two men. Jerome lost. "Jesus Christ Harley, touch me."

That got Harley to smile. "Ask nicely J, or I'm going to have to punish you." Jerome went to glare but Harley reached up, threading his fingers through Jerome's hair and pulling roughly. "Listen here bitch, I'm not here to mess around. You're going to listen to me or you're going to regret it, understand?" They had come a long way since having sex in a cell and trying to keep quiet. Back then, Harley had fumbled and blushed a lot and been overwhelmed very easily. Back then, Jerome would stretch out, getting comfortable as he bossed Harley around - a true power bottom. Or, he would top, and then he'd get very soft and quiet and affectionate... Well, compared to how he usually was when he was impossible to please and degrading to an extent that had driven Harley insane.

Now adays, things were different. There was a huge power play between the two men constantly, and endlessly pushing buttons. What would often happen was that Harley would be a bit of a brat but otherwise let Jerome blow off steam, unless it was a day that Jerome desperately wanted Harley to "take hold and ruin" him. A direct quote from the ginger. On those days, Jerome did what he did best: he kept talking. He said all the things he knew would piss off Harley the most, like calling him by his old name. He would make Harley snap and then Harley would retaliate exactly how he wanted.

Not today.

"Fuck, you're such a baby," Jerome grumbled, rolling his eyes. "I'm bored with you playing daddy, I already know all your moves and we both know that you're just going to give me what I want anyways. You're a soft top, Sweetheart." He was smirking, proudly flaunting the power he usually had over Harley.

Today though, Jerome had pushed him too much. After all the shit he'd gone through with Jeremiah and Bruce, hearing Jerome call him Y/n had pushed him in a way that had sent him over the edge. And if he was being honest, he had his own frustrations. He wanted to run free as much as Jerome did and break things and scream as loudly as he wanted and sock his stupid brother in his face any time he dare even mention Jerome's name in Harley's presence. He was tired of behaving. He was tired of feeling like some toy. He was tired of being used. He was really, REALLY fucking tired of being ignored, too.

Harley's smile was dangerous. Jerome looked at him, unsure of what was going through the other boy's head. "You know, you have a little too much attitude for someone who's currently desperate for me to touch him. You want something from me? You need to learn some respect." Harley reached over, grabbing Jerome's wrist and forcing it toward the top of the bed. It happened so fast that only when Harley had used one cuff to get Jerome's right hand, and then had threaded the second cuff through the bars at the head of the bed, did Jerome react.

"HEY!"

At the outburst, Harley didn't hesitate to slap Jerome again. The redhead gasped, body shivering. He would absolutely never admit it, but this kind of aggression had always turned him on, when he was comfortable with the person. He'd wanted someone to be like this with him for ages, but not many people were willing to go far enough to please Jerome Valeska. By the way Harley was looking at him right now, this time might be different.

"I didn't give you permission to speak. Granted, I didn't tell you to shut up either so I'll be forgiving, but if you shout at me one more time you will regret it." He gripped Jerome's other wrist, cuffing that as well. Now Jerome's hands were over his head, trapped by the cuffs and the bar. "If you want to say something, I want you to address me first. I will allow you to continue then. Or I will not." Jerome hesitated, then nodded, intrigued by this side of Harley even he had not the pleasure of exploring before.

What came next surprised Jerome. Harley didn't take him right there, rough and hot. He didn't move slowly around and tease until Jerome wa a desperate mess of begs and whimpers. Harley didn't touch him at all. In fact, he moved off of the bed completely. He left the room even, returning a moment with a chair. Only then did he undo his own clothes, only lowering his pants enough to allow himself access his erection. He didn't even pull his pants off all the way! Jerome felt completely exposed, tied up and naked for viewing pleasure, when Harley was so far away and completely dressed.

To Jerome's intense frustration, Harley sat down on the chair and began stroking himself, eyes on Jerome. Harley's eyes were wide and lust blown, his tongue flicking out every once in a while to wet his lips. After a while, his eyes fluttered shut and his head tilted back just a little as a small moan came from him.

Jerome shifted. He was getting uncomfortable with how long he'd been hard without being touched, and watching Harley be like this was not helping. Jerome really liked to be involved in sexual acts. He had gotten rather pouty anytime Harley was caught masterbating, and there had been an unspoken rule that Harley didn't really restrain Jerome for stuff like this. If Harley wanted to be touched, Jerome would touch him. They both preferred it that way. This was ridiculous, and frankly rude. Jerome wasn't going to give Harley the upper hand. This was a low blow and he wasn't going to let Harley get away with it.

As Harley continued though, getting more into it and completely ignoring Jerome, it was becoming increasingly hard to keep his mouth shut. Trying to play it off like he didn't care as much as he did, Jerome finally spoke up. It had seemed an eternity for him, but it had actually only been a few seconds and Harley had to swallow his smile to not give himself away. "Okay Harley, very funny. Let me touch you. I'm sorry I called you the other name. You know I can do this better than you can. Let me out." When Harley continued to ignore Jerome, the cuffed ginger raised his voice. "LET ME OUT!"

"Why?" Harley growled, eyes finally on Jerome again. "Because you told me to? Because you asked me to?" He stood, pulling his pants up again. "I'm not your little bitch Jerome, you're mine. You want to kill someone? Fine. You want to steal or break something? Fine! But you don't call me by that name. You don't mess with me, because I'm all you got. If you want me to leave, you ask like a big kid."

Jerome's lips twitched, slowly rising into a smile. "Are you actually mad at me?"

Harley grinned. "No, not really." They both cracked up, losing it for a few extended seconds. Then Harley cut off and Jerome faded into quiet, soft chuckles as Harley began to speak. "I respect you, J. My little joker." He moved towards the bed, caressing Jerome's cheek. The ginger leaned into the touch, his eyes closing. He fed off of the contact, as if it was a drug or he was starving and the gesture fed him. Harley smiled softly. "You gotta respect me too. You don't have to piss me off to get me to break you, joker. All you have to do is ask me nicely, like a good boy. Do all the bad things you want. But not to me."

A sigh escaped Jerome, and then he finally gave in. "If I behave will you let me out? I want you to touch me. Please."

That pleased Harley. "That's what I wanted to hear." He leaned back a little, eyes scanning Jerome's exposed body. "I will let you out. And then it's time to play for real." His eyes glinted with a darkness that made Jerome jerk in expectation. Needless to say, Harley didn't disappoint.

-

Story Tags: @wanna-plan-world-domination​

#jerome valeska #jerome valeska x male reader #jerome velaska imagine #gotham #male reader #cameron monaghan #joker #joker x reader #joker imagine #joker x male reader #gotham x male reader #gothem imagine #gotham x reader #cameron monaghan x male reader #cameron monaghan x reader #cameron monaghan imagine #valeska twins #valeska twins imagine #valeska twins x reader #valeska twins x male reader

[c-c-cherry]

Jojos Doing Jojo Things (with each other)✨😌

*sweating as the part 5 hc asks start piling up in my inbox*

 *looks at the one that mentions Jonathan*

Hello~~ I’m sorry for being criminally inactive here, I forgot during that long 6 month lockdown that I actually had a real life outside of the internet and now I have to go do real life things?? Instead of doing nothing but writing?? Crimes, I tell you.

I love the idea of Jonathan interacting with all the other jojos so I thought I’d take a little break from part 5 whump headcanons to fulfill this one :D SO HERE’S SOME SELF-INDULGENT HEADCANONS ABOUT JONATHAN DOING FUN LITTLE ACTIVITIES WITH THE OTHER JOJOS BECAUSE I KNOW WE ALL NEED IT RIGHT NOW😭😭😭

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Joseph (lets say Youngseph in this case because shhh)

-Hear me out but KNITTING

-Let this man do some nice calm things please

-Joseph has absolutely no way to connect with Jonathan. Like. Nothing.

-He doesn’t see the two of them as anything alike even though they both have the star, and when it comes to connecting with such a righteous, nice dude he’s a bit :/ about it

-He also doesn’t want to do anything stupid (In his words.) He hates baking, he’s never been into reading and school, and the two can never really click with sports

-Our man Jonathan has searched his heart and soul for something to bring the two of them together but Joseph is always just not into it >:(

-He’s almost given up on connecting at all BUT—

-One thing they do have in common? Erina.

-BOOM. Johnny-boy suddenly has ideas >:)

-Joseph is really put off when Jonathan shows up with a ball of yarn and needles and in the most innocent way possible he’s like “I have something to show you ^-^”

-the first thing Joseph thinks is NO FUCKING WAY. If Caesar or his mother or anyone caught him fucking knitting he’d never be able to live it down

-So instead he just watches as Jonathan sits by the fire, and it looks really boring at first but he just starts going at it

-And of course the gears start turning and all his brain sees is “fast task?? task I can be good at? something quick my hands can do??”

-And Jonathan looks up to take a break to see Joseph perched on the edge of the chair in complete awe, but the moment he asks if he wants to know how to do it, Joseph gets really withdrawn :/

The rest of their conversation goes a little like this:

“Isn’t that meant for girls?”

“Why would hats and scarves be only for girls?”

“But its—”

“You know...I’m making Erina a matching hat and scarf for her birthday. I could use a little help with the scarf…”

“...”

“We can make it a race.”

And with a fire lighting in his eyes, Joseph accepts the contest even though he has no idea what he’s doing. But isn’t that what he does best?

-Needless to say, he becomes obsessed.

-When his greatest fear comes true and Caesar finds out, he’s too obsessed to care about the teasing

-Joseph is good at something that Caesar isn’t. Caesar is jealous. Caesar picks up knitting.

-Are knitting contests even a thing?? I don’t care because Joseph and Caesar could probably open a fucking etsy shop with all the stuff they make (and absolutely shamelessly at that)

-Anytime they meet someone new it's immediately “which hat is better?” “Joseph’s is worse, right?” “Can you start the stopwatch for us?”

-Even in his older years, he never actually stopped making things for Holy, Suzi, and even sometimes Jotaro (thought Joot wouldn’t be caught dead wearing any of it in public)

-He actually progresses past knitting and making clothes in general becomes a secret passion of his

-The hat he’s wearing in part 4? He definitely made that. And don’t even think he doesn’t send Josuke the tackiest shit in the mail

Jonathan is very proud :)

Jotaro

-Animals. Is that even a question?

-Jonathan was always more of a dog or cat person, but the moment he finds out that Jotaro’s interested in marine life? MAN GOES ALL OUT

-He not only researches the shit out of marine biology just so he can hold up a conversation with him, but he also buys A SHIT TON OF BOOKS for his favourite angst man

-We all know that Jotaro isn’t exactly a man of words, but his heart is touched when they exchange a few sentences and Jonathan shows up the next day with a book all about what they were talking about🥺

-Like—Jonathan was always scolded for never listening to his father, but when it comes to stuff like this, Jotaro swears he’s able to read his mind

-Most people can barely get him to utter a sentence, but when these two are alone they’ll talk for hours about the ocean

-Holy was actually pretty worried for a while that Jotaro rarely ever opened up to anyone, but after seeing the two of them talk it was like a weight lifted off her shoulders :)

-They go on trips all the time to study water life. First, it's just to the river a few minutes away. Then they start going out to the lake nearby, and then they’re suddenly borrowing Joseph’s private boat and going on all these “research trips” together

-Which just consist of Jotaro taking hundreds of pictures and surprisingly never shutting up about what he sees (which is definitely a first)

-They pass by snooty, rich fishermen all the time who make fun of them for only looking at the animals, and Jonathan secretly uses Hamon to attract the fish to anywhere but where the fishers are lol

-I can blame snipster on instagram for introducing me to Smiletaro but the pure happiness and smiles of happy Joot on this boat with Jonathan is like a DRUG

-Star Platinum is absolutely thrilled, and when Jonathan realizes that Star is an amazing artist, he actually buys the stand a cute little purple notebook to draw all the ocean life they come across :3

-The moment they get back to shore Jotaro’s all -_- again around people, but you can still see the excitement in his eyes if you look hard enough

-When he gets into school for marine biology, Jonathan is so fucking proud

-This is an au which means anything can happen so I formally declare that Jonathan definitely got Jotaro those golden dolphin-shaped coat pins when the man first goes off to Uni

-He wears them as a good luck charm :3

Josuke

-Josuke is soooo easy to get along with, especially since both of them are such warm people :)

-Jonathan figures that it wouldn’t be hard to find something fun to do together, but when he actually thinks about it...he really knows nothing about what Josuke likes to do

-He ends up just asking the kid next time they see each other, and they end up just agreeing to teach each other one thing the other doesn’t know

-Because the power of KNOWLEDGE BABYYY

-Josuke shows up the next day with an entire fucking Nintendo 64 and is absolutely set on teaching him how to play something

-Erina just kinda watches like 👁👄👁 as Josuke plugs it in and Jonathan is confused but also SUPER EXCITED because he barely even knows what a video is but there are also video games??

-After much internal debate, Josuke decides on Ocarina of Time because he’s worried Jonathan will have a fucking heart attack if they play something like Mario Kart

-Also he thinks Jojo would enjoy the whole “righteous hero coming of age” archetype thing because,,,you know,,,

-They start it up and immediately Jonathan is like WHAT and has no idea how to play and dies in ways that Josuke didn’t even know were possible, but they somehow make it to the first temple with a lot of help from Josuke

-Right before the boss fight, his mom pulls up like “bitch we gotta go come on” so Josuke sees no harm in leaving the system at Jonathan’s and coming back next week

-Oho,,,ohohooo,,,

-He comes back a week later to a dark house,,,Erina’s off on some trip, and he can hear the faintest “HYAH!” coming from the living room

-He walks in to find Jonathan in the exact same spot he left him, ALL OTHER SAVE FILES ARE COMPLETE, and he’s in some obscure location doing a side quest Josuke didn’t even know existed

-Turns out he’s really good at quest games

-After Josuke realizes that Jonathan’s managed to beat the game more than once, he asks if he wants to try out another game

-To which Jonathan replies: “There’s MORE?”

.

-Aside from giving Jonathan a crippling video game addiction, Josuke also learns a vital thing about Jonathan Joestar

-Hamon ^-^

-Josuke’s a little surprised that Jonathan can even see his stand, and Jonathan has no other way to explain it than that it must be connected to his Hamon somehow

-To which Josuke is like “what” and Jonathan realizes that his stupid fucking grandson decided not to tell ANY OTHER Joestar about Hamon

-He’s no Zeppeli, but he could try and teach him...even if it didn’t work, it would still be a nice bonding activity

-When Jonathan finds out that Josuke’s stand ability is revolved around healing, he’s overjoyed because he might have a better chance

-They start small with breathing exercises and meditation, which eventually lead to Jonathan trying to teach Josuke how to make things like flowers

-Since it doesn’t exactly come naturally to Josuke, things don’t exactly work out,,,but both are unsurprisingly happy when Josuke manages to make a single flower bloom :3

-It’s not much, but it’s there and it honestly makes Josuke feel much better knowing that he could eventually learn how to heal himself, too :)

Giorno

-Jonathan considered teaching Giorno Hamon a while ago, but he realized that his stand already has the properties of Hamon, if not just in a more humanoid form

-And when Jojo puts two and two together that he and his son can both grow a lot of plant life, he has the perfect idea

-Garden buddies!!!! :D

-They grow everything you could possibly think of, and to top it all off, Giorno fills the garden with all this animal life :)

-When it comes to biology, Giorno never shuts up about it. He’s the quietest kid when it comes to virtually anything else but prepare for MAJOR info dumps about frogs and his vast knowledge of flowers

-Speaking of flowers, them just sitting and growing them together and talking about all of their favourites? Yes please

-Although they love to accelerate plant growth, there’s one patch in the middle of the garden that they’re determined to grow naturally

-Also them growing and eating carambola (star fruit) together because it’s my pocket dimension that makes no sense and I get to decide what fun fruits the Joestars get to eat together

-the garden becomes a great place for picnics and outings and the best place to go when things get too chaotic

-Giorno starts a plant journal where he records everything that ends up growing there, and Jonathan starts impulse buying all these flower guide books so they can look at pictures of them and put their favourites in the garden :3

-They end up creating a little pond in the middle of everything, and Giorno puts a whole bunch of frogs and fish in it and it's all very tranquil and calm and nice :))

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

I was gonna do part 6 (maybe part 7 too?) but mental energy? I don’t know her, sorry y’all :(

Feel free to add on though!! I wanna see what y’all would think Jonathan would wanna do with Jolyne or anyone else I missed :D My first thought for Jolyne was Rugby because Jonathan was a rugby KING and I feel like she’d be really good at it lmao

#jjba #jjba headcanons #jonathan joestar #joseph joestar #jotaro kujo #josuke higashikata #giorno giovanna #jojos's bizarre adventure #ask-c-c-cherry #headcanons #anime #erina joestar #family feels #long post

[nuitapp]

💖 Summer Love Horoscopes 2021 🪐

What do the stars have in store for you and your love life this summer?

Whether Single or in a Relationship, read your Summer Love Horoscopes for 2021 and get insights for your perfect date, you summer song anthem & how this Cosmic Energy will manifest for you, primarily based on your Rising Sing (+ Sun Sign)

Aries ♈

Aries, you are in for a passionate, romantic summer!

Your ruler, Mars, will be in Leo for the majority of the summer, gathered with romantic, beautiful Venus. Since this will be transiting your 5th house of romance, fun, and entertainment, you can expect to feel much more flirty, creative and in the mood to party.

If you’re single, this is a passionate time of putting yourself into your hobbies, saying “yes” to the party and flirting unabashedly. You may not be in the mood for commitment, as you’re more inclined to keep things light and fun during this influence.

If in a committed relationship, this is a positive energy to reinspire the playful energy within your union.

Perfect summer date: Laser tagging so you can get a little competitive AND flirty!

Song of the summer: Kiss Me More by Doja Cat feat. SZA, the perfect flirty, romantic, and passionate anthem for your summer 2021

Taurus ♉

Taurus, this summer is about expanding your networks.

With Jupiter expanding the sector of your chart governing friendships, groups, and communities until July 28th, you are in the mood to network, socialize and widen your social circle, whether it’s in person or online. This is your summer for saying “yes” to the social invitations, as you never know how those connections can blossom!

Single Taureans can find love in unexpected social gatherings this summer, such as the business happy hour or saying yes to that open-air concert an acquaintance invites you to.

Committed Taureans, socialize with your partner’s friend group, or plan an event where your social networks can intermingle.

All bulls can expect the flirty creative energy to radiate significantly after July 22nd, when Venus enters fellow Earth sign, Virgo, impacting your 5th house of romance and flirting.  Connect, flirt and shine your light this summer, Taurus!

Perfect summer date: Group date to the movies, so you can connect with your friends AND your crush!

Song of the summer: Best Friend by Saweetie feat. Doja Cat is the perfect jam for the bulls social summer

Gemini ♊

Gemini, this summer, you have high standards and you’re looking for your partner to meet you at your current level of independence, ambition, and intelligence. As it should be!

This summer, you’re prioritizing yourself and your needs, and if the right person fits into the picture, great! But you aren’t stressing about making it work with anyone else, rather putting that energy into your passions and your life, which is making you even more magnetic. Much of your attention is being drawn to your career and to your knowledge base.

Single Geminis could have a social summer, of meeting love interests online, in-class, or elsewhere, as they pursue a topic that interests them.

Committed Geminis may want to learn with their love, enrolling in a joint class, and perhaps embarking on learning a new skill together.

Perfect date: Trivia night with your beloved 

Song of the summer: 34 + 35 by Ariana Grande is just the confident summer tune to remind you that you’re the main character of 2021

Cancer ♋

Summer 2021 for the Cancers is about building your confidence and connecting with your spiritual beliefs!

With the Venus-Mars conjunction in Leo lighting up your 2nd house, you may be putting much of your energy this summer towards investing in your confidence, self-esteem, and self-expression. You may be experimenting with new clothes or a new style to find what authentically feels best to you. With North Node in your 12th house, you may not feel as social this summer, but honor this call to come within and heal - true confidence is built from the inside out, and this is your focus this summer! Single Cancers could connect with someone like-minded while they’re on their spiritual journey, working to heal and build confidence. Committed Cancers can experience an incredibly soulful summer with their love, so long as they are forthright about needing space and time to invest in themselves. 

Perfect summer date: Taking a meditation class with your crush

Song of the summer: Good Days by SZA is the soulful song you’ll resonate with this summer. 

Leo ♌

Leo, are you ready for your hot girl summer? Because this summer, you are taking center stage...as it should be!

Venus and Mars will illuminate your 1st house of identity and appearance, so expect your confidence to skyrocket. You may feel more inclined to want to experiment with your style, stepping out in the boldest of styles, starting trends left and right.

Some Leos may get more into fitness, makeup or hair. One thing is for sure - you sun-ruled natives are going to shine in Summer 2021, and you aren’t willing to dim your light for anyone or anything.

Single Leos will have enormous amounts of romantic attention that they can pick and choose who is lucky enough to be a witness to their glow!

Committed Leos may be more into dressing up to the nines with their lover and heading out to the best restaurants and clubs, wanting to be seen. 

Perfect summer date: At the club, being seen by everyone in your finest 

Song of the summer: Up by Cardi B is the perfect song to hype yourself up before a fun night out

Virgo ♍

Virgos, this can be a MAJOR summer of deep, soulful love for you all, if you are open to explore it!

With Jupiter exploring your 7th house for the majority of the summer, you are lucky in attracting new partners to you and may feel extra inspired by the people you’re surrounded by. You may be getting tons of romantic attention, but you aren’t just satisfied with any old union - with Venus and Mars in your 12th house for the first part of the summer, you could find you’re craving a deep soulful bond, the sort of connection that inspires you to expand your mindset, the sort of relationship where you don’t even need words to express yourself.

Expect to feel more confident and beautiful after July 22nd, when Venus enters Virgo.

Single Virgos could find that they have a multitude of options, should they choose to move forward in a relationship.

Committed Virgos could travel with their lover, or have a desire for more freedom within their union.

Perfect summer date: Beach date, so you can be calmed, soothed and inspired by the waves while getting to know someone

Song of the summer: Peaches feat. Daniel Caesar and Giveon by Justin Bieber is just the flirty, upbeat song to accompany your expansive summer

Libra ♎

With your Ruling Planet meeting up with Mars for part of this summer, you’re in for a passionate season! You may notice you’re a bit more forward in pursuing the people you’re interested in - don’t fear being direct, Summer 2021 is about being bold! 

The two planets will meet up in your 11th house of friendships, groups, and networks, so single Libras could definitely find love when they ask a friend or coworker to set them up with someone.

Trust in your community - your friends know you better than everyone, and you can find a great match when you dare to let your friends play matchmaker.

With Jupiter expanding your 6th house of health, you could feel more inspired to work out with your partner or meet someone special at the gym. 

Perfect summer date: Fitness class, then grabbing smoothies afterward

Song of the summer: Solar Power by Lorde, to inspire you to let your light radiate out as you socialize 

Scorpio ♏

Scorpios, you are a deep and intense sign - but you’re finding that this summer, you want to have FUN!

With Jupiter in Pisces deepening your 5th house, you are feeling more creative and more in the mood to party.

Scorpios are the most magnetic this summer when they are expressing themselves unapologetically, following what makes them happy and creating just for creation’s sake. ! Since your ruling planet, Mars, will mostly be focused in your 10th & 11th houses, which is largely associated with work and legacy, this is a work-hard / play-hard summer. Indulge in your hobbies, invest in your career, and be open to a fun time! You may be feeling more romantic and sensual, since your ruling planet is gathered with Venus. 

Single Scorpions could even meet someone when they choose to immerse themselves within their hobbies - meeting a fellow cinephile at the movie theater, or a fellow rollerskate enthusiast at the rink.

Committed Scorpions should indulge in their creative and entertainment pursuits with their partner

Perfect summer date: Drive-in with ALL of the snacks!

Song of the summer: Levitating by Dua Lipa feat. DaBaby is the perfect jam to dance to before creating some new art or going for a light-hearted date

Sagittarius ♐

Sagittarians, you ALWAYS are the life of the party, and this summer is no different!

You’re open to love, but it’s important that your lover can keep up with you. Your ruling planet is moving through your 4th house of home, so you can be feeling rather restless, wanting to move, renovate or even set up abroad.

With Venus and Mars co-transiting your 9th house, you may want to embark upon travel with your lover. You’re looking for someone who can keep up with your spontaneous summer adventures. You want to learn, explore and expand your wings and want an adventure buddy who’s down to be along for the ride.

Committed Sagittarians may want to plan a trip with their partner, single Sagittarians may meet their perfect match ON a trip!

When Venus moves into Virgo on July 22nd, you may find you’re more inclined to put time and energy into your career and public persona - you could even meet someone at work. 

Ideal date: Going on a cross-country travel with your lover

Song of the summer: MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name) by Lil Nas X is just the carefree summer song to accompany all of your adventures 

Capricorn ♑

This summer, love can be in the cards for you, but it needs to be the right kind of love for you to feel inspired.

You’re looking for a deep sort of intimacy, both physically, mentally, and spiritually. Otherwise, you’re content in stacking your money and focusing upon work, with your ruling planet in the 2nd house of money and resources and North Node in the 6th house of work and service.

You aren’t willing to lower your standards, so single Capricorns may find they aren’t interested in talking with people JUST to talk or flirting JUST to flirt. But the odds are, if you are open to a deep union, you can absolutely find it.

Committed Capricorns could experience a major deepening of their union, increasing the intimacy and depth they experience. 

Ideal date: Playing a question card game to learn more about your date or partner to see if it’s a match

Song of the summer: telepatía by Kali Uchis

Aquarius ♒

You’re in for a romantic summer, Aquarius, with the two passion planets, Venus and Mars, meeting up in your 7th house for the first part of the summer!

While typically Aquarius is more logical than emotional, this summer flares up your passionate and romantic side!

You may find you are feeling much more romantic, wanting to elevate every date and experience to make them as sensual, beautiful, and lovely as possible.

Single Aquarians could absolutely find that this summer, they commit to someone they’ve been crushing on.

Committed Aquarians could find the passion in their union is intensified. 

Perfect summer date: Going to an art museum with their lover, to witness beautiful art and hold hands

Song of the summer: Leave the Door Open by Anderson.Paak, Bruno Mars, and Silk Sonic is the perfect smooth song that describes Aquarius romantic summer

Pisces ♓

Pisces, you’re in for a dreamy summer!

With Jupiter in your same sign, you could be feeling more optimistic and faithful regarding your future. You’re willing to put in the time and energy to be the best version of yourself.  You may be feeling more independent, more inclined to want to invest in your healing and spiritual journey.

Honor your calls to spend more time in solitude, as you’ve been investing energy into your hidden, private world.

Single Pisceans could meet someone in their pursuit to be the best version of themselves.

Committed Pisceans may want to embark upon this journey of self-improvement with their lover.

Ideal date: Taking yoga class with their lover 

Song of the summer: Save Your Tears by The Weeknd & Ariana Grande is just the song Pisceans could benefit from while they working to process their emotions, and heal themselves, mentally and physically.

👉🏽 Check your Daily Horoscope, Astrology Forecasts & your Personal Traits in the App.

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#nuitapp #monthly horoscope #Daily Horoscopes #horoscopes #horoscope signs #love astrology #Synastry #astrology compatibility #astrology dating #astrology signs #astrology posts #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer sign #leo #virg #libra #scorpio #Sagittarius #Capricorn #Aquarius #Pisces #love horoscope #love horoscopes

[heavyarethecrowns]

Forget Wills and Kate - it's Harry who's found love - May 2007

Gazing into the flames of a campfire on the banks of Botswana's Okavango River, a scruffily dressed young man took a sip of his beer and let out a prolonged sigh.

Minutes later, he was pouring his heart out to the three strangers sitting beside him.

"Apparently, he had fallen in love with some girl in Cape Town who was the daughter of a rich businessman in Zimbabwe.

"He seemed really serious about her, saying he couldn't understand how he had fallen head-over-heels only four days after meeting her," one of those fellow travellers later recalled.

The love-sick youth was, of course, Prince Harry, then on holiday in Africa during his gap year. And the girl who made such an impact was Chelsy Davy.

Three years on, almost to the day, Harry is preparing to wave goodbye to his girlfriend and march off to war.

Much has happened to the young prince in the intervening period: officer training at Sandhurst; periodic brawls with the paparazzi; and his father's marriage to the woman Harry once blamed for causing his late mother so much anguish.

But, to the surprise of many observers, one of the few constants in Harry's life has turned out to be the coltish, snub-nosed girl he met in Cape Town.

Indeed, some of his friends believe that an engagement is almost certainly on the cards, though probably not for a few years yet.

Of course, feelings can change. A tour of duty in Iraq, fighting for his country, may accelerate the progression from pampered prince to more mature man of the world: he may want to close the book on his youth, open a new chapter, find a different kind of soulmate.

But maybe not. Even 12 months ago, few could have predicted that Harry's long- distance relationship with the coquettish daughter of a Zimbabwean wheeler-dealer and former Coca-Cola model would outlast William's romance with the eminently proper Kate Middleton.

The truth of the matter, however, is that Harry has always seen himself and Chelsy as better suited and more capable of going the distance.

"And now," said a well-placed source this week, "he's been proved right."

The 22-year- old prince has become increasingly irritated by what he saw as the "hype" surrounding William and Kate's relationship.

A friend of Harry's says: "Harry doesn't want to be subjected to the level of interest people have been taking in William and Kate.

"It's his idea of hell. But he also feels very frustrated at the way people are so dismissive of him and Chelsy.

"They are always portrayed as a pair of poor little rich kids who will burn themselves out sooner rather than later.

"In Harry's mind, there is nothing ridiculous whatsoever in the idea that one day, in the not-too-distant future, Princess Chelsy could be standing on the balcony at Buckingham Palace - even though she would probably be hiding a cigarette and a bottle of Malibu behind her back."

Despite the stream of paparazzi photographs that reveal a fondness for partying and a distinctly beach-chick style, the 21-year-old Zimbabwean has been an "A" student at school and university.

Harry would not want to change anything about her.

While others - including his own father, according to Harry - find themselves transfixed by Chelsy's more obvious charms - the prince has always believed that his girlfriend has some sterling qualities that Kate probably lacked.

"Harry has always been quietly very proud of the fact that Chelsy - or Chedda, as he affectionately calls her - loves him for who he is.

"In fact, she sees the fact that he's royal as more of a hindrance than a help," says a confidante.

"As the hugely popular daughter of a multi-millionaire businessman with homes in at least three different countries, she doesn't really need to take advantage of Harry's birthright."

One source close to the prince suggests that he actually sided with members of William's circle who felt that Kate Middleton had started to take advantage of the relationship.

"Harry had sympathy with those of William's friends who felt Kate had begun to rather enjoy her fame by association a little too much - unlike his own girlfriend, who he thinks is a 'real class act'," the source explains.

'When she first met William, Kate had few friends of her own - but over the years, she carefully assimilated herself into his circle.

"There was a feeling among some of William's friends that Kate had become a little too self-aware - she even had the cheek to bag herself a cut-price Audi, thanks to her royal links - while publicly insisting that she wanted to be treated as an ordinary girl."

Although Chelsy and Kate were photographed together on several occasions, most notably at the Beaufort Polo Club last summer, Harry's girlfriend apparently didn't particularly take to Kate.

"It wasn't that she disliked her - it's just that they had nothing in common. One only has to look at them to see it," says the source.

"Chelsy is a lot sweeter than she looks, but she is still a very outgoing girl who likes a beer and a fag.

Thanks to her rather indulged upbringing, she is incredibly sociable and self-confident - qualities that don't come naturally to Kate."

Others more sympathetic to Miss Middleton's cause, suggest the reality is that Chelsy has been just as keen to turn a royal relationship to her advantage.

She may protest about the attention, but she has not raised objections about her new status as international cover girl.

Last year, the society magazine, Tatler, even bracketed her with the Duchess of Cornwall as one of the most powerful blondes in Britain.

Her brother Shaun, meanwhile, has taken to styling himself as one of Harry's official bodyguards, and has been known to chase after photographers when they try to take the prince's picture.

Yet, in Harry's besotted eyes, Chelsy and her family can do no wrong.

Courtiers who have expressed concern about the Davys' controversial business links to Zimbabwean despot Robert Mugabe, have been told that she is a "non-negotiable" part of his life.

And he is undoubtedly entranced by the relative normality of his girlfriend's close-knit family.

Which is perhaps hardly surprising. By the age of 13, Harry had weathered not only his parents' separation but had also been forced to cope with the tragic - and endlessly raked-over -death of his mother.

Since then, his upbringing has been marked by a lack of parental discipline, thanks to his loving but laissez-faire father.

Even those with reservations about Chelsy concede that she has had a positive effect on the headstrong, devil-may-care young prince.

"It's far from a coincidence that when Harry does slip up - the times when he falls out of nightclubs drunk and brawls with photographers in the streets - Chelsy isn't around," says one who knows them both well.

"Believe it or not, he has matured in recent years - in large part thanks to Chelsy, whom he is incredibly protective of - and really does try to keep his head down.

"They are so besotted with each other - like a couple of lovebirds, really - that when they are together, nothing else really matters.

"Their body language is so different from that of Kate and William, who always used to look more like brother and sister.

"The trouble is that when Chelsy isn't around, Harry is easily led astray."

On their recent jaunt to the Caribbean, the couple barely left their luxury condo in the exclusive Glitter Bay resort in Barbados, preferring to lie, holding hands, by the pool.

And at last Friday's raucous Blues and Royals party to celebrate Harry's deployment to Iraq, it was William who stayed out clubbing until 4am with a bevy of beautiful girls.

Harry and Chelsy quietly sipped cocktails in a private booth before slipping off discreetly at 1am.

Lately, friends have noticed that the relationship seems to be deepening - although that is not to say there haven't been some pretty intense spats.

Unlike William, who was accused of leaving Kate to flounder under the weight of expectation while he forged on with his own life, Harry has been actively encouraging Chelsy to make solid plans for their future.

Bristol University has flatly denied rumours she plans to do a postgraduate degree there in the autumn, but friends say she is definitely planning to spend more time in England, where she has many friends from her days as a boarder at Stowe, a co-educational public school in Buckinghamshire.

She has even cancelled her plans to return to Africa over the summer and will instead wait for Harry to return from Iraq on leave.

"Chelsy hates the weather here, but is desperate to be nearer to her darling Haz. She is willing to make sacrifices if it takes their relationship a step forward," says a friend.

And Harry has already asked Chelsy to attend the memorial concert in July that he and William are organising to mark the tenth anniversary of their mother's death, though they are still discussing whether she should attend the formal church service later that month.

A Clarence House source says: "The problem is that every senior member of the Royal Family will be there, and Harry knows that taking her is tantamount to making a public statement on the future of their relationship.

"He doesn't think that it's fair on her to open the floodgates just yet."

In the immediate future, he knows that he needs to concentrate on leading his men in Iraq.

The highly charged public debate over his deployment to the Gulf has radically increased the pressure on him to make a success of his career - and he wants to show that the Army's confidence in him has not been misplaced.

"After what happened to my mother, I'm not afraid to die - but I am frightened for those around me," he recently confided to one close friend.

Although he did once petulantly threaten to quit if he were not sent to Iraq with his troops, his attitude has changed in the last few months.

"He knows that the situation is bigger than him now, and he'll take whatever he is told to do on the chin," says a royal aide.

Indeed, those who know him well say he is haunted by the fear that one of his men could be captured or even killed because of him.

"That's something he just couldn't bear, and he knows he would be held to account for the rest of his life.

"The men in his troop have tried to reassure him - joking that they will all wear ginger wigs to confuse the enemy, which is typical of Army gallows humour - but he is wracked with guilt," says another friend.

Iraq, however, is also Harry's big opportunity to strike out from under his elder brother's shadow.

For the first time in his life, the spare to William's heir will be taking centre stage.

"Harry loves his brother very much, but he is acutely aware of the way in which he is overshadowed by William.

"He is determined to go to war and make his family proud," says a friend.

But unlike William, he will have a long-term sweetheart to sweep into his arms when he returns.

#duke of sussex #prince harry #chelsy davy #article

[heresathreebee]

A Real Date

[Ava Starr x Female!Reader] 

Summary: You and Ava trying a dinner date that goes very wrong (just kidding it's actually fine). 

Previous Masterlist Next

Word count: 1.8k words

Warning(s): 13+ | no-snap au, post-Ant Man and the Wasp, swearing, internalized homophobia(?), I think I’m working through something here this might be a little personal (sorry in advance), past relationship angst, presumed past of dating multiple genders but there is no definitive sexuality established for reader in the present, this was going to be something else but the story took over and I had to roll with it. 

Author's note: no-snap au, post-Ant Man and the Wasp. I’m sorry I do not edit anymore, it only serves to stand in my way. This is part 3 of Ava Starr series beginning with Strawberry Soda. Art by Artmilla on DeviantArt (correct me if I’m wrong please)

It's important to note that not everything you see in media is the hegemonic truth. Take sapphic dating rituals for example: in media it’s a constant joke about how fast people move in together and own pets and plants like they were soulmates and always meant to be together. Which is nice to see– it’s not meant to be a cruel joke– but it does paint a picture of perfection. It doesn’t explicitly state whether your future wife is your first or fiftieth girlfriend but it sure as shit might lead you to believe every girl might be your last. 

Real people don’t work that way. Real people have different interests, different lives, different traumas, different styles and needs. Every relationship is new and it has to be done deliberately and with care for what you and your partner want. So when you think about your relationship with Ava you can’t help but feel a little guilty. 

Ava seems to like to take things slow. Your relationship prioritizes quality time over physical touch which you're fine with, but you can’t help it if you compare the details to other people you’ve dated. You’ve known each other for three months and in every other relationship by this time, you and your previous partners had hit a ton of milestones that you and Ava had just… not. So when you bring up the prospect of a ‘real date’ to Ava one night while cooking pasta in your kitchen, Ava chuckles. 

“And what exactly constitutes as a ‘real date?’” 

The television is playing some daytime television game show and the volume’s on low. You pass her the salt and take a swig from your beer with a shrug. Already you feel silly for bringing it up. 

“Dinner. A movie. Sometimes both, I guess,” you say, flustered. 

Ava raises an eyebrow at the softening bowtie noodles in the pot. “We’re having dinner right now…? Name one time we haven’t come back to your place to watch a movie.” 

“The time the power went out and we played jenga by candlelight. But I– I mean like a date outside of the house.”

“We go to out to parks, the antique mall, lunch, the arcade–” 

“Well, yeah I guess you’re right I just don’t know I still feel like–”  

“Again, how is any of it different from a ‘real date?’” 

“I don’t know! Just… just forget it.” you’re trying not to be bitter about it but you don’t even know what you mean so how could you explain it? 

Ava calls your name softly and you already feel hot shame lick up your neck when you see her face. “I didn’t mean it like that, I– I just don’t think I understand what you mean and I want to! Honestly…” 

You sigh and lean closer to her, careful not to touch but you want her to know you’re not mad. “No, I’m sorry. I just… I’ve been stuck on it for a week but I can’t seem to figure out why. Everything you’re saying I agree with but there’s still this nagging voice in my head telling me it’s not fair or I’m doing it wrong but I don’t know what it even is and I–” 

You collapse onto the kitchen floor breathless. What the fuck were you even saying? Why was this bothering you so much? What ‘s different about this relationship than any other relationship you’ve already had? Your eyes are darting back and forth and your head is a million miles away. You keep talking as if saying it out loud will make your impulsive and intrusive thoughts and motivations clearer to you. 

“It’s out of order. No, it’s not but it’s… with Jordan and Becky and Hal, I went on three dates before it felt normal. We did the traditional getting to know you stuff. Damien and Palavi were straight physical– not traditional at all but that still felt good enough somehow. And– and it’s not that I don’t believe what we have isn’t real, I just–

“Fuck, I don’t know! It feels a little like my relationship with Kat.” You can’t believe it but then the words were out there. You had never told anybody about Kat– Ava was still learning about the rest of them– but the instant those words left your mouth you regretted them. Ava was not Kat. 

For instance, Ava slipped down to sit beside you on the floor– Kat would never lower herself to meet your eye. Ava looked at you and she saw you– Kat chose to ignore your feelings whenever it became more convenient to do so. Kat made you feel special and yet not special enough– OK maybe they shared a little bit of that. A tiny, micro piece of that. 

“What was Kat like?” She said the words softly and without an ounce of jealousy. 

You gather your mind with a deep breath. “Dating Kat was like being strapped to a rocket. It was like being a part of something bigger and stronger than me. Being with her made me feel inconsequential and sometimes I liked that, but then… then I realized I was just a dirty little secret. Kat liked me because I was convenient to her, not because she actually cared about me. 

“When we talked or hung out, it had to be on her terms. No public, no friends or family, no social media. No one was allowed to know. She passed it off as just wanting me for herself but after she dumped me for something better I realized she never saw me as her equal. And it just… I was already in a dark place and that place just kind of got a whole lot darker after that. I felt especially not special.” 

You lean back and rest your head on the cabinet under the sink. “I know that’s not you. Maybe I’m just tired of feeling like I have to hide a part of myself. I did a lot of stupid things in the public eye with Palavi, maybe part of that was because I was proud of who I am and I wanted everyone to know it?” 

“I think I care too much about what other people think of me,” you said closing your eyes. 

You didn’t expect to feel Ava lean her head against your shoulder but you don’t pull away. God, you could never pull away even as you worry she may be causing herself harm just to comfort you and your rambling. Her hair tickles a bit and smells like strawberries and lavender. 

Ava lifted her head after a moment. “Let’s go on a real date then.” 

~

Why the fuck were you so nervous? This was your idea! You had trouble picking a restaurant and picking a day and picking your clothes out and picking where to sit. So many choices with so much meaning or none at all. You just need this to be perfect because you hoped maybe this is what you need to stop that nagging in your head. 

You made the call to meet each other there. You made the suggestion that it had to be somewhere nice– as in get dressed up nice. And darling, sweet, patient Ava let you have the control you so desperately needed. She offered suggestions here and there, and it helped you narrow everything down to a science. You feel a little self conscious sitting by yourself in your get up but you knew she'd be there on time. 

It's just a matter of whether or not you could sit still for five more minutes. 

You hold the cloth napkin in your palms to try and soak up the sweat. Forcing yourself to sit unnaturally still and you haven't touched your wine because you just know you'll get it everywhere somehow. Your eyes trace over the table to stop yourself from meeting the eyes of other patrons. Do nothing, wait it out. 

Ava is stunning and you don't know she's there until the wait staff places the dinner menus in front of you. So much for pulling out her chair like you wanted to– but she's here and you break out into a big smile. 

"You look amazing," you tell her. 

Ava smiles and takes a sip of the rosé you ordered. The dim lighting in the room seems to soften the contours of her face but never the sharpness of her bright eyes. Something blossoms inside you and you feel it– that thing that's been bothering you like a knot in your stomach turns into a seed and its flowering now. This is your girlfriend. Not your friend who is a girl– your significant other. She's important to you and she has decided that she feels the same way about you. 

You feel your body unwind, reaching across the table like you might touch her hand then stop an inch from her empty plate. She watches you curiously but without fear. After a beat, it's Ava who finishes the contact. She slips her hand into yours and you are delighted to discover she's not a corporeal being you've convinced yourself is real. Her skin is a little dry around the palm and she has calluses you never knew were there and she's real and this is happening. 

You resist the urge to squeeze her fingers. Let her lead. Trust her to move away if she experiences any pain. She looks away from you with a flustered face you've never seen her wear and takes another draft of her wine. 

"This is nice," she says softly. 

You eat off each others' plates and you laugh together, and if anyone's watching you wouldn't know because for once you couldn't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks. You're with your person, for now or forever doesn't matter because she's letting you hold her hand and talk about a play you want to take her to on Saturday. Your heart flutters in your chest the whole way home and it’s not until you’re standing at your front door does her hand finally slip from yours. The feeling lingers though and your face hurts from smiling. 

“This everything you wanted,” she asked. 

“Yes,” you reply, “yes it was. Thank you for indulging me, it’s exactly what I needed.” 

“I enjoyed it too.” She steps closer, seemingly reluctant to leave just yet. “We’re still going to see Rocky Horror Picture Show, right?” 

“Absolutely,” you beam, “trust me, you’re gonna love it, it’s wild.” You blow her a kiss to send her on her way and spend the next hour giggling to yourself until you finally pass out from exhaustion.

#three bees writing #ava starr #ava starr x female reader #just girls being girlfriends #I'll make a masterlist for this soon I just want like two more fics

[alietohelpyouseethetruth]

Where do I even begin.

My best friend and I bonded over a English band called Hurts. By that I mean she did not like me but then found out I was the only other person she knew who listened to them and gave me a chance. She has become one of the most important people in my life and has helped me more than another human should ever be expected to help someone. And she loves me now because I am super cool. That band has a been a fun and exciting note of our friendship, something that bonded us because it felt like it was only our thing. I know there are thousands of people listening around the world to this band but in my little world, it’s just me and her, it’s ours, and it is special.

This music video hurt my feelings.

I had just come out of a pretty severe depression, and I was still pretty fragile. My friend came over after going to therapy with me (yeah, we’re that close) and we chilled out and watched Hurts music videos like we do every so often to celebrate the blossoming of our unlikely friendship. Neither of us had kept up with the band super well so we hadn’t seen this one yet. It absolutely floored me. As soon as it was over I replayed it. Wow.

Theo Hutchcraft said in an interview that this was the most honest song he had ever written. And it is so beautifully and bravely honest. It felt universal when I watched the video and listened to the lyrics, and yet it also felt very personal, like he wrote it for me to hear so I would feel understood.

Lyrically the song is pretty simple and that is the way to write a depression song. There is a place for fantastical words and poetry, but when you are trying to communicate so big, the best way to do it is to take the big thing and condense it into something simple. That is what is most powerful. That is how it is best understood, and more importantly felt.

It broke my heart to hear it, to know that he was feeling like this. That single emotion he captured and built around, “It might not be good enough, but it’s all I have to give,” is so universally felt. It really gives insight into where he was at in the feeling of being depressed, not the beginning when you’re ashamed and trying to deny it, not the middle where you feel sorry for yourself and indulge in feeling sick and self-destructive, but the end. The part where you come to realize this is who you are. This is what it is. This is all you’ve got. You look in the mirror and realize that you can’t hide from it.

“The walls are closing in” is a line that might easily be ignored, but it really sets the tone and helps people see from the outside how strong the effect the sickness can have on your mind. You feel like its all coming down around you, even when the room is still. I also really appreciate the underlying positivity and hope that he has weaved into it, lines like “make the best of the state I am in”, “I don’t know why I’m hiding from the truth”, and “I’m destined to suffer until I discover the reasons I’m afraid”, that make you feel like he is ready to look into getting help.

The video itself (spoiler alert) is so phenomenal in the message it communicates because it shows Theo beaten, broken, in a dirty bathroom trying to recover from a open wound. That is the drama we want to see as consumers. We want the blood and the shaky breaths to communicate to us the intensity of the emotion. We want it to look big and dramatic. But that’s not what it’s like. That’s not what depression is. There’s no production to it, but it is just as painful as bleeding out alone in a public bathroom. As the video progresses and the illusion breaks down, with people taking down the set and even removing the bandage to show there’s no wound, it brings that I’m-about-to-die-alone-in-a-gas-station feeling into reality. Theo really brings it home, standing there shirtless at the end of the video, not stylized to be sexy, but just exposed. This is what it is. This is what it looks like. As he sings the last verse he can’t even look directly into the camera, because the shame of being that honest in that state can be so overpowering. It was so genius the way he was able to take the pain and intensity of the feelings, and show them to us, and then slowly break them down, showing that such strong feelings can be so easily hidden behind a pretty average expression.

Bro if you relate to this song please get help because you deserve to not feel like that.

Another thing I love is the notion that even in this broken state, Theo still wants to give. He still wants to “be there for his brother and strong for his mother,” he still wants to connect with others and help even in that state. He writes that he’s pushing his friends away and keeping things from his mother not because he doesn’t want to be close, but because he knows the intense pain he feels will hurt them too and he wants to protect them. That feeling of “you may be right…I never open up, but this is all I have to give,” that feeling when you don’t even feel like you have the inner strength to ask for help, and there’s a part of you begging that this version of you is enough for the ones you love.

Depression isn’t beautiful. Theo and Adam mentioned in an interview that they weren’t really able to be creative in that state. It didn’t inspire them, it suffocated them, and it wasn’t until it lessened that they were able to express it. Depression isn’t beautiful. It’s not fun being heartbroken. It’s not glamorous to grieve. So why do we write about it? Why do we turn it into art? I think it is of course because we are seeking to be understood, to express ourself, to connect with others. But there is also something empowering about taking something like this, something with no joy, no pleasure, and turning it into something that is beautiful. You took something awful and made something good with it. You took a negative and squeezed out some little ounce of positivity. That is what it means to be human.

Anyway here are the lyrics in case you don’t feel like googling

You're staring in the mirror

Watching as the walls are closing in

A shadow of a figure

Tryna make the best of this state that I am in

I guess I could do with the friends

I've been pushing away

But I'm destined to suffer

Until I discover he reasons I'm afraid

God knows I try

It might not be good enough

But it's all I have to give

This is all I have to give

You might be right, sometimes

I never open up

But it's all I have to give

This is all I have to give

You're staring in the mirror

Picturing the face of a younger man

He buries it away

'Cause he's gotta try and cope in a way he understand

Be there for your brother

And strong for your mother again

'Cause he's too young to get it and she'll get upset

If she knows you feel the pain

God knows I try

It might not be good enough

But it's all I have to give

This is all I have to give

You might be right, sometimes

I'm too scared to open up

But it's all I have to give

This is all I have to give to you

I tell myself there's nothing left to lose

I don't know why I'm hiding from the truth

I face myself and all I see is you

Is you

You're staring in the mirror

Watching as the walls are closing in

But God knows I try (God knows)

It might not be good enough (might not be good enough)

But it's all I have to give

This is all I have to give

You might be right, sometimes

I'm too scared to open up

But it's all I have to give

This is all I have to give to you

To you

This is all I have to give

#hurts #songwriting #lyrics #music videos #allihavetogive #allihavetogivehurts #allihavetogivemusicvideo #depression #helladepression #supersadmusic #theo hutchcraft #adam anderson #rambleingsofagirlwithtoomanyfeelings #art #ART! #yeah #Youtube