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dantakeyoman · 8 months

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𝐉𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐘 | 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐨𝐧𝐞

♡ 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

♡ * 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈, 𝒔𝒆𝒙𝒚, 𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆, 𝒛𝒐𝒎𝒃𝒊𝒆-𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑱𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏. 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒔. *

♡ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦 (𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬), 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐞, 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐨𝐟 𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬), 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐬, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐬, 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐞𝐭𝐜.

♡ * 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒚: 𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏 𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒍 *

𝐒𝐈𝐗

The next morning was...shocking to say the least.

Columbus and Wichita were close to kissing last night, but Tallahassee, being butt-hurt that he got cock-blocked, decided to pay it forward.

If he couldn't get kissed, no one could.

And apparently, it was a wake up call for Wichita, because come morning, her and Little Rock were gone, along with a couple guns, some snacks, and the Hummer.

Tal and Columbus got into an argument over whether or not they should go after them, and it ended with the two deciding to go separate ways, you siding with the cowboy.

So now here you were, helping the man pack one of Murray's many cars for your trip to Mexico, which Tal's next stop in his search of a Twinkie.

As he loaded the last box, you turned around, walking over to Columbus, who was saddling up on a motorcycle.

"You sure you wanna do this? Y'know, there's always a seat open for you. Tex might not wanna admit it, but he enjoys your company," you started with a sincere smile, keeping your voice low, "...And...maybe you're not a complete pain in the ass."

He smiled, slightly taken aback.

That had to be the nicest thing you'd said to him...ever.

"Thanks," he smiled, "But, I wanna be with Wichita."

You sighed, but understood, "In that case....try not to die."

He nodded, and turned to Tal, who had just walked over and leaned up against the wall, clad in the snake-skin jacket he stole from Bill's closet, since you were currently wearing his.

"I'm, uh...I'm not great with farewells, so..." he sighed, "that'll do, pig."

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose at the horrible reference.

Why you liked this man, you would never know.

"That's the worst goodbye I've ever heard," Columbus shook his head, already half-way expecting something like this, "and you stole it from a movie."

Tal walked past, giving him a firm pat on the back, before heading towards the car, "Tell they girls I said hey."

You followed, giving him a much softer pat and a smile, before heading over to the passenger seat.

"Y'know," Columbus started as he strapped on his helmet, making Tal turn around, "their pictures were someone's wallet, too."

And with that, he rode off.

...

Right into the bushes.

You turned to Tally, your face saying he's not gonna survive two minutes without our help.

The two of you hadn't exactly hashed out what you were after last night, but you hoped, and halfway prayed, that your word still held the same merit.

He sighed, biting the inside of his cheek as he shook his head.

That boy was going to be the death of him.

He looked over to you, nodding to get in the car, and you smiled, quickly hopping in.

As much as you'd hate to admit it, the little geek had grown on you.

And as hilarious as it might be, you didn't want to see him get mauled by a zombie as he tried and failed to ride a motorcycle.

Tal turned on the headlights and pulled up the car next to the boy, rolling down the window.

"Hop in the car, Evel Knievel," he smirked, "Let's go ride the rollercoaster."

Columbus smiled as he stood up and dusted himself off, grabbing his bag and hopping in the backseat.

"Thanks," he nodded.

"You didn't break anythin', didya?" You asked, holding back your snickers.

He sighed, already knowing what was coming.

"No, Jersey, I didn't."

"Good, 'cause that shit was hilarious."

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

As the three of you pulled into the parking lot of Pacific Playland, your eyes went wide, and you turned to each other in surprise

Surrounding the park, and even inside it, was a large horde of zombies, seemingly agitated by the bright lights and loud sounds.

There was no way the girls had enough firepower to get themselves out of this.

"Columbus? Jersey?" Tal started as he stepped out the vehicle to get a better look at the murderous crowd of monsters.

"Tallahasse?" The two of you answered.

"I think they might actually require our assistance this time."

You and Columbus nodded in agreement, and he sat back down, shutting the door and switching gears.

"Buckle up."

"Yup, way ahead of you," Columbus nodded, tightening his seat-belt.

You rolled your eyes, clicking in yours, "Dork."

Once everyone was secure, Tal smirked.

"Time to nut up or shut up," he slammed the gas, breezing right through the open gate and towards some zombies.

"Holy shit," Columbus gasped, surprised by the sheer amount there was.

Quickly grabbing Tal's uzi, you rolled down your window, decimating the crowd with a smile on your face.

And Tally finished the job by rolling them over, making sure to crush all their skulls.

Columbus grimaced, reminded of how much you two truly scared him, "You guys are like...apocalyptic Bonnie and Clyde."

"Damn right," you smirked, already starting to load up the shotgun.

"My momma always told me someday I'd be good at somethin'," Tal smiled, driving through the park, "Who'd have guessed that somethin' would be zombie-killin'?"

"Probably nobody," Columbus nodded.

Noticing a destroyed game booth, Tal pulled over, and Columbus quickly got out the car.

"Oh, no. No," he panted, his breath picking up as he stared at the harbor.

You cocked a brow, slinging your rifle over your shoulder and picking up your AK, walking over.

Only to understand.

The Hummer was in the water, nearly completely sunk.

"Holy shit," you winced, wide eyed.

Where they in there?

Where they all right?

How the fuck did they crash the Hummer?

"Hey! Hey! Ohio!" "Help! Over here!" Two familiar voices shouted.

Looking around for the source, Columbus found it at the top of the drop tower.

They were stuck at the top of the drop tower.

"Oh my God," he turned around, walking over to Tal, who was suiting up his bullet-proof vest, "They're up there. They're okay."

"What are you waitin' for? That's your gal," Tal smirked, pulling out an airhorn.

He honked it, starting off in the opposite direction.

"Come on!" He shouted, "Come get a piece of Tallahassee!"

You rolled your eyes, grabbing your last two grenades out your bag and turning to Columbus.

"Go get 'er, Romeo. We'll be waitin' for ya when you get back," you assured with a smile.

He smiled back, giving you a firm nod.

"Anybody hungry?! Tallahassee's nice this time of year! Come on!" Tally continued to shout, honking the goddamn horn, "Come on, you ugly bastards!"

And like a giant dinner bell, a crowd of zombies came running after him, along with the horde that surrounded the drop tower.

'Shit.'

"Let me go before this man gets himself killed," you sighed, biting off the pin and tossing one of your grenades at the group.

Throwing your AK over your shoulder, you counted off in your head as you sprinted towards the duck shoot.

Jumping onto the counter, you grabbed onto the edge of the roof and hoisted yourself up, laying down on your stomach and propping up your rifle.

The grenade blew, and zombie bodies went flying everywhere, burnt to crisp.

You got way more than you expected, but there were still quite a few left, and all of them were now running towards your booth.

"Line up, duckies," you smirked, closing an eye as you took aim.

And with that first kill, you were gone.

You went crazy, looking, aiming, and shooting all in one motion, like a well-oiled machine.

Five on the left. BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!

Three on the right. BAM! BAM! BAM!

Eight heading straight for you. BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!

A fat one was hobbling quickly towards you, and you smirked.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

"Triple points," you smiled.

Just then, you heard a growl come from behind you.

Whipping around, you saw that a zombie was hoisting itself up.

Surprised, you pulled the trigger, but it made that heart-wrenching click.

You were out, and had no ammo on you

"Fuck it," you spat as it ran at you, jumping up and hitting it upside the head, cracking its skull.

Now that it was off balance, you kicked it off the roof, making it smash what was left of it's head on the concrete.

Expectantly, you turned around, drawing your glock from your pants and shooting the three zombies about to jump you.

Running to the edge of the roof, you jumped, grabbing your rifle and using it to zip-line down the string lights attached to the ground.

You tumbled, but quickly got back up as the sound of more of them was already drawing closer.

Quickly, you grabbed your last grenade, looking at it one last time.

"Make me proud," you wished, giving it a quick peck before pulling the ring and tossing it over your shoulder.

Now you kicked it into third gear, sprinting away as fast as your legs could carry you, turning every few seconds to shoot the last bit of ammo from your AK.

"Shit, shit, shit. Any second would be great!" You shouted, as if the grenade could hear you.

Luckily, it acted like it did, going off the second you finished.

The zombies were caught in the fiery explosion, killing them instantly, and allowing you to finally slow down and catch your breath.

"Finally," you panted, annoyed with the monsters' persistence.

'You'd think bein' all decayed an' shit would slow 'em down.'

"Why hello there, ma'm," a familiar voice smirked, you looking up to see Tallahassee standing on top of a booth with a mound of dead zombies next to him.

In a sort of sick way....it was kinda hot.

"Come 'round here often?"

You smiled in disbelief, impressed, as you walked up the dead bodies to get to him on the roof.

"I bet you feel like the belle of the ball," you smirked, crossing your arms.

"Darlin'," he grabbed you by your waist, pulling you into his chest, "You know me so well."

Your face suddenly felt flaming hot, and you threw an arm around his neck to ground yourself.

"You ain't had nothin' to drink, have you?"

You smiled, remembering the reference from last night.

"Not one drop," you assured, leaning your forehead into his.

He smirked, "Good."

Without a moments hesitation, his kissed you, so rough and passionately that he had to hold you by your back so you wouldn't go falling over.

Allowing your eyes to flutter shut, you rested your hand on his cheek, leaning to it with a smile.

It really made you regret not doing this last night.

He kissed you like you were the last woman in the world, and the only woman ever.

Because you were to him.

You were a strong, sexy, rough and tumble, zombie-killing Jersey woman.

And you were his.

Opening your eyes for a moment, about to separate the kiss, when you caught a glimpse of something too good to be true.

"Hey, cowboy," you smirked, pulling away and flicking the brim of his hat.

Tal cocked a brow.

"I think your search is over," you smiled, nodding behind him and towards a small store that sold fried Twinkies.

He whipped around, a wide smile spreading on his face as he got a look at the sign.

He turned to face you, "Imma have to put a pause on this-." "Go get your damn Twinkie, Tex."

Without another word, he jogged down the dead zombie pile, running into the store.

You followed him at a walk, meeting up with Columbus, Wichita, and Little Rock.

"Where's Florida?" Wichita asked, surprised he wasn't with you.

The entirety of the group, including Tallahassee, knew that the man was pretty much your husband and wherever you were, he was never too far away.

"He's gettin' his jollies," you nodded to the store, walking in with the group following you.

"Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards!" Tal shouted, kicking over a lollipop stand, "Where are you?!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Columbus tried to calm him down as he picked up a glass jar.

"False advertising!" Tal shouted, throwing the glass at the sign that said Deep Fried Twinkies.

It didn't satisfy him enough.

He threw a jaw of gumballs as well.

"Jesus Christ," you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose.

Columbus walked over to Tal as he approached the back room, "You want a Sno Ball or something?"

Tal turned around, giving him an annoyed look at the very mention of that disgusting excuse for food.

But before he could say anything, something moved in the back room, making a loud clang.

And jumpy as ever, Columbus shot at it, making two large holes in the door.

Tal approached, slowly pushing open the door and turning on the light, only for a couple rats to run out.

But he paid them no mind, going straight for the box that Columbus shot, sticking his hand in and pulling out the decimated remains of whatever Twinkies were left.

'Oh, shit.'

Tal held them tightly in his hand, slowly turning to Columbus with frustration stretched tightly across his face.

"Words cannot express," Columbus held up his hands in surrender, probably more sorry than anyone's ever been sorry.

But Tal shook his head, "It's too soon."

"Do you think you could just pick out the buckshot and just kinda eat around it?" The boy suggested.

Tal immediately threw it on the ground, and Columbus got the message.

Just then, you heard the rev of an engine.

Whipping around at the noise, you realized the girls were gone as well.

'No. Fuckin'. Way.'

"No!" Columbus exclaimed, running out the shop, you and Tally close behind.

When you got outside, right there was the car, about to be driven off with.

"I'm sick of this," you scoffed, pulling out your glock and aiming for one of the tires.

But, just as you were about to shoot, the car stopped.

Wichita stuck her head out the window with a sly smile, and Little Rock popped her head out the sunroof.

With a smile, Little Rock tossed Tal a single Twinkie, him catching it with a look of utter joy.

Opening the package, he took a bite, looking like he was about to be brought to fucking tears.

You rolled your eyes with a laugh, approaching the car.

"Thank you so much," Columbus followed.

"You had us goin' there," Tal agreed.

The three of you filed into the backseat, and then slowly pulled off, about to head who knows where.

Until some random fat zombie ran over, banging into your door.

"For fuck's sake," you yawned, quickly kicking out the door and knocking it down, shooting it three times in the head.

Lazily, you pulled the door shut, clicking the safety and tucking the gun in your pocket, leaning over to fall asleep on Tal's shoulder.

Not even noticing the look he was giving you.

...

He was in love.

No doubt about it.

You had literally just solidified it for all time.

Who knew that it'd take a zombie fucking apocalypse for him to find the love of his life?

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

#tallahassee x reader #tallahassee #zombieland x reader #zombieland

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dantakeyoman · 8 months

Text

𝐉𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐘 | 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐨𝐧𝐞

♡ 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

♡ * 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒚: 𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏 𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒍 *

𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑

"Looks like anyone who's ever been in a movie lives on this block," Columbus stated, reading the map he picked up as Tally drove you through the Hollywood Hills.

"What exactly you think we're doin' in the 90210, Sally?" Tallahassee smirked.

"I pictured Tom Cruise living somewhere nicer," Wichita stated as you passed his house.

"Definitely," you agreed, watching it go by.

After driving through Arizona and into California, the five of you agreed to keep your little troupe going until you reached Pacific Playland.

Though, Tallahassee had an idea of somewhere you all could crash for some R 'n R.

So that was where you were going first.

"He's a B-lister compared to who I got in mind, folks. We're goin' to the tippy top of the A-list," he assured

"Who?" Little Rock asked.

"You'll see," he cheesed.

Turning the corner, he rode up the driveway of a house with a golden BM on its gates.

"It's a big BM?" Columbus asked.

"And it ain't Bob Marley," Tal quipped.

He pulled over and the lot of you got out, heading in through the ornate front doors.

The place was beyond fancy with golden in nearly every corner, and big, beautiful archways.

It was a gorgeous house.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to La Mancion de Murray," Tal proudly introduced, walking the four of you into a room where a large painting of the famous comedian stood.

"You've gotta be jokin'," you smiled.

"No way. This guy has a direct line to my funny bone," Wichita gasped.

"Whoa, whoa, wait. Who's Bill Murray?" Little Rock asked, confused.

"Hey, I've never hit a kid before," Tal shook his head, disappointed.

"I blame you," you turned to Wichita, "Poor girl wasn't educated."

"I mean, that's like asking who Gandhi is," Tal waved off.

"Who's Gandhi?" The little girl asked again.

You cocked a brow at Wichita, and she scoffed, "She's twelve."

"And you're failing as a parental figure," you shrugged, heading towards the kitchen.

"There's no Twinkies in here," Columbus reported, already having checked every cabinet.

"Shit fuck!" Tally cursed, walking in and kicking a low cabinet.

"Told ya we shoulda gone to Russell Crowe's," you cooed, sitting yourself down on the counter in front of him, "But you don't listen."

"Excuse me for makin' mistake, Miss Perfect," he taunted, rolling his eyes and leaning against the side of the counter.

"Hello? Inside voices," Columbus reminded, picking up his gun, "At least until we know we're alone. Tallahassee, Jersey, take that way. Little Rock, Wichita, come with me."

"Why do I get stuck with her?" Tal complained.

Fakely, of course.

"I'm not jumpin' to be put with you, either, cowboy," you scoffed with a smile, hopping off the counter and bumping him with your hip, heading off in the direction Columbus pointed.

Before he followed you, shut his eyes and took a deep breath, regaining his composure.

You had to be doing this shit on purpose.

No way you weren't.

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

Walking into one of the bedrooms, the two of you shared a look, glancing at the bed, before looking at each other again.

You booked it, but Tal, already guessing your plan, grabbed you by your waist and tossed you back, running for the bed himself.

"Fuckin' cheat!" You exclaimed, recovering and chasing him.

"You snooze, you lose, sweetheart," he smirked, flopping belly first onto the bed.

But you walked over and grabbed him by his ankles, flipping him over the side.

He landed on the floor with a groan, and you happily crawled on the bed, leaning over the edge to look at him.

You grabbed his hat off his head, carefully placing it on your head.

"Guess you could say I gotchu floored, huh?" You smirked.

He looked up at you with a smile, caught off-guard by the horrible pun.

God, you looked so pretty with his hat on your head.

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that," he denied.

"Oh, c'mon, you've said way worse," you scoffed, crawling over and putting down your feet.

"I just add that charm to it," he smirked, standing up and dusting himself off, "S'a me thing, y'know."

"All right, then. Let me try," you cleared your throat, prepping your voice for his country accent, "Guess you could say I gotchu floored, huh?"

He shook his head, throwing an arm around your shoulder, "Needs work."

"I think the hat should give me extra points," you adjusted it as you two walked into the next room.

It sounded like the other three were watching Ghostbusters somewhere, 'cause the theme song could be heard crystal clear in this room.

Tally threw off his jacket as he shimmied, throwing himself onto the couch and holding up his feet.

"Help me with the boots. C'mon," he bicycled to the music, clapping.

You rolled your eyes and grabbed the things, yanking them off and tossing them somewhere.

"Thanks, doll," he smiled, sitting up.

"Sure," you blushed, quickly covering by picking up the golf club and balls you found in the corner of the room.

You set up shop were you found them, picking out a ball and winding up your swing, smacking it into the fireplace.

Tally was back up again, horribly dancing to the music still playing, humming along here and there.

You wound up another swing, hitting the ball into the wall, making it roll off somewhere.

Behind the music, you could've sworn you heard the sounds of footsteps, but you paid it no mind.

Probably just one of the others.

Or maybe some sort of creaking.

This place was abandoned, after all.

You didn't really care either way.

It was the one time you could finally let your guard down, finally let loose and live life past the nightmare outside.

You already had enough to worry about.

You wound up again, a little anger fueling your swing as the ball smacked into the window sill, ricocheting off a whole bunch of things until it hit Tallahassee in the face.

He groaned, and dropped to his knees, before allowing himself to fully flop on the ground.

"Shit!" You winced, quickly running over, and kneeling down in front to him "Tally, I am so sorry. It was an accident."

The footsteps had gotten louder but you still ignored it, more focused on making sure your cowboy was all right.

You lifted his chin, checking his eyes to make sure he didn't have a concussion, and they looked fine until they went wide, landing on something behind you.

"Bill Murray, you're a zombie?" He winced.

You quickly whipped around and grabbed your club in one motion, using it to hit Murray in the knees and make him fall.

"Auugh! Ow! I'm on fire!" He shouted in pain, rolling over and clutching his ass, "Ouch!"

"You're not a zombie, you're talkin'....you're okay?" Tal asked, confused, as the two of you stood up.

"The hell I am!" He exclaimed, slowly and painfully, pulling himself up.

'Coulda fooled me.'

"I'm sorry. I didn't know that it was you you," you apologized.

"Are you...? What's with the get up?" Tal asked, referring to the zombie makeup the actor had on for some reason.

"Oh, I do it to blend in. Zombies don't mess with other zombies," he panted, breathing himself through the pain, "Buddy of mine showed me how to do this. Cornstarch. You know, some berries, a little licorice for the ladies."

You nodded, not understanding a single word of what this man was saying.

'Maybe he hit his head, too.'

"Suits my lifestyle, y'know. I like to get out and do stuff. Just played nine holes on the Riviera. Just walked on. Nobody there."

Tal smiled his shouting smile, and you took a deep sigh, prepping your ears.

"Goddamn it, Bill fuckin' Murray!" He exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air, "I had to get that out. I don't mean to gush. This is so surreal. I mean, you probably get this all the time. ....Well, maybe not lately, but I'm such a huge fan of yours."

Bill smiled, bowing a humble thanks.

"I've seen every one of your movies a million times. I even love your dramatic roles and just everything," he continued, "Seven people left in the world, one of them is Bill fuckin' Murray. I know that's not your middle name but I just...I been watching your movies since I was...er...since I could masturbate. Not that the two were connected."

You could tell he was going off the rails a little, so you rested a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Tal, hon, I think he understands," you snickered, hopefully reeling him in a little bit.

"It's all right. That's why we do it," Bill smiled.

"I love you, Bill. I love you," Tal finished, giving him a quick bow.

"Thank you," he turned to you, noticing that your eyes had set sights on his unruly hair.

"You are staring at me. It's a hairpiece," he assured, lifting it and putting it back down.

"Sorry, no, it was just that you look remarkably like Eddie Van Halen," you laughed.

"I just saw Eddie Van Halen" he nodded.

"No way," you gasped.

"Where?" Tal asked.

"At the Hollywood Bowl."

"How was that?"

"Well, he's a zombie."

You sucked your teeth, "That's a tough break."

The three of you stood there for a moment, awkwardly, until Bill broke the silence.

"Well, how about a little West Coast hospitality. Can I get you something? What would you like?"

You and Tally turned to each other at the same time, sharing the same devilish smirk.

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

A bunch of weed and couple reenactments later, and the three of you were now right outside the home theater, getting ready to send in Bill.

Wichita, Little Rock, and Columbus were in there, watching Ghostbusters, and you and Tal planned to have Bill walk in and scare the shit out of them.

Everyone will scream, everyone will laugh, it was gonna be a grand ol' time.

"Wait, wait, wait," you stopped them, "I saw a Polaroid in the other room. I wanna get a pic of Doofus' face."

The two men nodded and you quickly scurried off to find the camera, excited.

They both were warmed at how giddy and relaxed you looked, but Bill could tell that Tal was enjoying it a great deal more than him.

"Your wife's lovely. A very kind woman," Bill complimented, leaning against the wall.

"Oh, you're seein' her happy. Wait 'til you piss 'er off," Tally scoffed with a smile.

After a moment's delay, he finally processed the sentence, snapping his head over to the actor, "Wait, wife?"

"Yeah," Bill nodded, cocking a brow, "You guys are married, right?"

"Oh, no, no, no, we're not like that," Tal assured, "Just very good friends."

Bill's eyebrows flattened almost immediately, and he gave the man a very sarcastic look.

People were still doing this shit at the end of the world?

"You're joking, right?" He asked, wondering if this was all a big joke.

Tal shook his head.

Bill sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "That's impossible. You two are very obviously in love."

"Nah," Tal shook his head again, crossing his arms, "I mean, don't get me wrong, I may be sweet on the gal, but she's too good for me. She deserves someone better."

"Don't know if you took a look outside lately, but last I checked, there is no one better," Bill corrected.

"And even if there was, that woman is still blatantly in love with y-." "Sorry for the wait, I got lost," you came back, camera in hand.

The two men quickly clammed up, covering any sort of hint as to what they were talking about before.

"So Columbus is the scared one?" Bill asked, slipping on his wig as if nothing happened.

Must be all the acting.

"Yeah. He's like a little mouse," you nodded, holding the camera at the ready.

Tal was still lost in deep thought, replaying his conversation with Bill.

Him being in love with you? ....Possibility

You being in love with him? No way in hell.

Bill had to be pulling his leg. It was impossible.

If it was true, surely he would've seen some sort of sign from you.

But you'd done nothing out of the ordinary....to his recollection.

"I'll get him," Bill assured, holding up his arms like a zombie, "Watch this.

He skulked into the theater, loudly groaning and grunting like a zombie.

And Columbus yelped in fright.

But just as you popped in the door to snap the picture, Columbus picked up his gun and shot Bill square in the chest, your camera catching the whole thing.

He let out a loud shout of pain and dropped into the closest chair.

"Holy shit!" You exclaimed, everyone quickly rushing to his aid.

"No, no, it's okay, it's okay. I got him," Columbus assured.

"Is that.... how you say hello.... where you're from?" Bill asked, weakly.

Columbus' eyes went wide in realization, and he raked a nervous hand through his hair, "Oh my God. I can't believe I just shot Bill Murray."

Tal shook his head sadly, turning to the poor man, "Mr. Murray?"

"I'm just Bill, I think, now," he sighed.

"Bill...I don't think we're gonna be able to stitch this," Tal admitted.

You rested a soft hand on Bill's shoulder, "You think you can pull through?"

He turned to you, and shook his head, "No."

"If it's worth anything now, I am so sorry. It was just instinctive," Columbus quickly apologized.

"It was my bad," Bill assured, "I was never a very good practical joker."

Little Rock crouched down to his eye level, "So, do you have any regrets?"

He paused for a moment, thinking.

"Garfield, maybe."

'Very fair.'

And with a final, incredibly long breath, Bill Murray, the zombie-impersonating actor, was dead.

Wichita let out a snicker, and everyone turned to her with disbelief.

"I'm sorry. He just gets me," she apologized, her smile quickly falling, "But it still is sad."

You nodded, "Even worse to have a polaroid of it."

You somberly held up the photo, which showed the flash of the gun and Columbus' terrified face, along with Bill's body falling into the chair.

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

After giving Bill a proper send off, and disposing the body, the crew decided the best way to cancel out the depressing end of the day was to play some late night Monopoly.

So here you were, curled up next to Tallahassee as you did your best to stay awake through the painfully boring game

"Ooo, free parking," Wichita commended Little Rock as she landed on the space, "Which is the best thing about Zombieland."

"No, best thing about Z-land, no Facebook status updates," Columbus chimed, "You know, Rob Curtis is gearin' up for Friday. Who cares?"

"The best thing is no more flushing," Tal corrected, taking a bite of his Ding Dong, "Epic."

"And the worst thing about Z-land?" Wichita asked.

"You mean, other than the fact that I shot Bill Murray?" Columbus hung his head.

"That's easy," Tal nodded, "Losin' Buck."

The girls looked confused

"S'his puppy," you yawned, trying to stay awake and present in the conversation.

"I'm gonna tell you, I never thought I could love anything like Buck," he sighed, "He was just...the day he was born, I just lost my mind."

Wichita looked down, guilty, "Sorry."

"We were two peas. He had my personality, my laugh, my appetite."

...

'Laugh?'

And that's when it hit you.

Buck wasn't a puppy.

Buck was a boy.

Buck was his son.

'Holy shit.'

You felt like shit. Pure, bonefide shit.

How had you not noticed the signs?

How had you not noticed that outside your own selfish pool of despair, there were others circling the drain, too?

Tal had gotten choked up, his eyes glassy as he fished something out his pocket.

"We made this wallet together out of duct tape," he sniffled, handing it to you.

You carefully took it, tearing up at the pictures of the little, blonde boy, who was nothing but smiles.

It was adorably homemade, the tape not uniform at all and still a little sticky. But it was clear that it was well loved and held a multitude of memories for Tal.

'Fuckin' hell.'

You handed it back to him, giving his shoulder a comforting rub and shooting a sincere look.

He gave you a small nod of thanks, and started to pull himself together, sniffling for the last time.

"I haven't cried like that since Titantic," he sighed, dabbing away a couple tears with some cash.

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

#tallahassee x reader #tallahassee #zombieland #zombieland x reader

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