“it feels like my brain (was floating in a fishtank)”
(See warnings/summary on Ao3.)
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Chapter 6: The Nebbish Route
A couple weeks after Remus’s discharge, Remus seemed back to his old self.
But that only lasted another week or so, before he had grown distant again. When Roman tried to ask about it, “You’re making more of them, aren’t you?”
Remus snapped at him, “Don’t you have anything better to do? Like stealing mouse hats from babies?”
Roman matched him in frustration, “Look! That was just one time!"
He then softened his tone, "Taz, please, you know you can ask us for help?”
Remus looked to respond for a second, but stormed off without another word.
Roman noticed how his brother trembled as he lost line of sight. He was getting less sure about hiding things from the brood, but he feared he was pushing Remus away enough as it was.
-
Roman had committed to doing Janus’s job, despite his worries for his brother.
The target was in one of the richest parts of Newport Beach, much closer to the coast than Janus’s estate, but technically in the same community.
Janus told him one of the sources of information was one of the help staff, who had the misfortune of learning a little too much about their employer. Janus wanted Roman to find anything questionable about the homeowner’s character.
The informant told them when the help was dismissed and the next time the family was expected to leave for Disneyland again. Janus seemed to trust this person, saying, “They were risking a lot to tell me what they did. They’re under my protection, in case of the likely fallout. There is a small chance that this information isn’t bulletproof. Please, do be cautious.”
Roman probably should have had second thoughts, but he was itching for a good haul. Steve came from a rich family, but this was going to be another world entirely, if Janus’s place was any indication. “You will find the treasures you desire there, that’s guaranteed.”
Roman fidgeted nervously as he approached, he was starting to wish he asked Remus to join him. But Remus was still acting strange and Janus pressed that the operation needed far more discretion than Remus could provide. Roman swallowed down his thoughts of getting caught by the police. He’d fantasized about great heists before this, but this was getting all too real.
Roman scouted around for the best spot to enter, carefully listening to that intuition he had for blind spots in the security systems the place had. Physical barriers, cameras, keypads, all of it. It scared him, when he and Remus infiltrated Steve’s place. He knew what he did there wasn't a human thing. It was like his soul did a flyover, casing the joint a few steps ahead of him. It was thrilling and unnerving in equal measure.
He was hoping his atavisms would carry him through most of it in a pinch.
It was far more fortified than Steve’s place. He had his mp3 player on in one ear, set to loop the entire “Aladdin” and some of the “Indiana Jones” soundtrack at him, for morale. He had a backpack carrying a couple duffel bags, he wasn’t yet sure if he’d be able to carry them full, but it couldn’t hurt. He wore some loudly on-brand sneakers, but otherwise dressed darkly and put on a ski mask.
The place was well-lit and the landscaping was immaculate. It made it easier on Roman to see potential sensors, but it wasn’t easy weaving between those obstacles. It didn’t help when he swore he saw stuff moving in his peripheral, a few times. He wasn’t sure if his mind was playing tricks or if it was an actual threat.
He shook his head, deciding where and how he was going to break in. He had to stay focused and alert. There were trees hiding the walls around the back of the property. There was a pool in there, too. He honed in on the balconies to the top floors.
The adrenaline was kicking in as he found his way to another blind spot along the property’s walls. He saw into the fancy marble grand kitchen and dining space, the doors out into the back patio area. He swung around to the wall the oven was along, square between the two small kitchen windows there.
He glanced back up to the balcony, the side wall of the railing upward and toward his left. He looked down at his claws superimposing themselves into the real world and twitching with excitement. He could either go straight to the roof from where he stood and drop down. Or zigzag between all the windows and climb into it from the side. He grinned underneath the mask, picking the route most bound to confuse anyone investigating this mess afterwards.
It would make for a more fun story to tell Remus. He restrained himself from laughing too loudly as he unfurled his wings to assist the climb. His claws easily dug into the pristine, traditional stucco that definitely had some cement in it, as if it was mere paper mache. The climbing gyms he frequented were paying off, too. In moments, he was already looking into the master bedroom. The security up there was very light, but then, who’d expect someone coming in from up here?
The exterior lights were all on, but it didn’t look like anyone was inside. Roman pulled out a flashlight, slipped on some gloves, and jimmied the lock with some of the tools he brought along, to get in there.
It was stunning, all the furniture was just so ritzy looking. A giant California King size bed with a velvety canopy and what he later learned to be real mahogany and ebony embellishments to it. Those woods quickly became a theme throughout the room. He kept sweeping the flashlight around for anything particularly eye-catching for his Horror to take. Nothing was calling to him yet, it was this man’s daughter that had the prizes he was most interested in.
He wasn’t even thinking about turning the room over for whatever Janus wanted him to look for here, he kept moving along.
Across from the master bedroom was a gorgeous bathroom, It looked like there were some closets sequestered away if he kept going along that path. He was going to save looking at them for later. Maybe. Maybe on his way out.
He went down the hallway toward the spiraling granite stairway in the center of the property. There were some walkways with ornate railing, peering down into the foyer and ground floor. He needed to finish exploring this floor first – he had a feeling he would find the daughter’s bedroom up there.
He wasn’t sure if he heard something going on in the lower levels, so he doubled his effort in being quiet as he went across to the other wing of the house. He was face-to-face with the most garish pink and sparkly door with “Princess Di'' brandished all over it. There were stickers of the Disney royalty on it too, there was a small part of him that wondered just how old this person was. But he was not in any place to judge.
His jaw dropped, once he opened the door. She was a true aficionado – unlike Steve. Steve only sniped ROMAN’S stuff to spite him, he swore. He was in a whole new world. He didn’t dare close his eyes. He had to resist humming that song, as he entered.
He was spoiled for choice, shelves upon shelves of tiaras, jewelry, cards, lanyards, patches, plushies – all unified in fashion to the ephemera of the House of Mouse. The only thing that really stood out as not belonging was a life-sized King Triton’s Trident - it looked and felt dangerous, heavy and sharp. He went to quick work unfolding one of the duffle bags from his backpack and grabbed pretty much anything else that wasn’t nailed down. And he had to do it fast, not just so he could get out sooner, but he didn’t want to deal with his anathema acting up if he saw any of those accursed pins.
He desperately wished he could take the wardrobe that was so lovingly modeled after Madame Armoire. There was no way in the Underworld he was going to get that thing out of here. The tragedy of it made him whimper and pout for entirely too long. He thought he heard a sigh and the brief shot of panic got him back on task.
In her closet, there were a few dresses, the most prominent being Belle’s ball gown. He grabbed all the hats, shirts, and purses stuffed inside, too. He even took all the Ariel themed toiletries from her bathroom. He was glad he was in the condition to carry that over-full bag at all, feeling electrified by the feeling of it all in his claws… hands.
He went over to the next bedroom in the wing. It wasn’t marked as obviously as the last one, but there were a few more of those stickers on the door. It was locked, but still pretty simple for Roman to crack.
Inside was also amazing. At first. There wasn’t a bed here, it was clearly being used as storage. Roman thought, “Maybe this is her spillover room?”
On multiple hangers, there were several decommissioned Character costumes. He was initially feeling the similar upset to the wardrobe – especially when he saw Mickey and Minnie’s distinct silhouette. There were some more vintage looking costumes too, maybe custom jobs. There was Robin Hood and that bear from Splash Mountain. There wasn’t enough room in the remaining duffel bag for more than one or two of these cartoon characters.
He looked closer and saw that there was something wrong here. Hidden behind the mouse couple was a Donald Duck framed vintage poster on the wall, it was for showings of “Der Fuehrer’s Face.”
Roman squirmed a bit, despite knowing that the original cartoon was technically against the Axis Powers. He hesitantly bagged it, hoping it was just some war historian stuff and not- he looked down at a desk underneath the poster. He found a book that had an angry red cover, with some kind of old-print-style picture on it. A bunch of people standing for cover with guns in hands, his guts churned, vaguely remembering learning about this book from somewhere.
Roman’s knowledge of history was heavily skewed toward Disney stuff, but he had to hit the books to beat his classmates in the honor roll. Some of that knowledge had gotten fuzzy for him, since he didn’t need it for tests anymore. That was until he looked inside. His guts churned leafing through the thing, shaking a little about the pure concentrated hatred within. Roman wanted to burn it so badly.
He looked in the inside cover to find it signed with a note, “WW, I know you lost your last copy. Hope to see you in the next cookout, after the wedding! -KM”
Roman suddenly understood a lot more about why Janus sent him here. He gulped and dug through the desk he just kept finding more books and ephemera supporting white supremacy and their ignominious ilk. Whoever this family was, Roman wanted to be nowhere near them after this.
He put all of it in the second bag – hoping that would be enough for Janus.
He buried it all under the Robin Hood and bear costume. He didn’t want to see it anymore. He didn’t want to be here anymore.
He left the room, thinking he would have to at least go down the stairs with this haul. As he approached he heard those noises again, there was a TV left on somewhere downstairs. He thought he was alone – that the family was on a retreat or something.
He tried his best to be quiet, as he tip-toed down the stairs. He stumbled a moment and without thinking let out a quick curse, trying to avoid falling down. He clasped his own mouth, froze and looked everywhere a moment, before continuing down.
He was going to take the back door out, along the way there was a spacious living room with a bar. The furnishing all still carried those mahogany/ebony features, the patriarch’s favorite look it seemed. The entertainment center and shelving took up an entire wall. There was a fancy big screen and it was tuned to the local news.
“… was reported missing yesterday. Her father has posted the reward to find her whereabouts no less than two million dollars, paid for by the generous donations of the Newport Beach Police Department and their patrons, some of whom wish to remain anonymous. If the viewers at home have any information, they should be calling the precinct’s tip line at…”
Roman felt like he’d seen the woman pictured. Before he could connect anything, his thoughts were interrupted by a rapid series of loud noises.
A voice he recognized, “OH, SHIT.”
Quickly followed by an explosion and a bullet in the TV.
More lights came on afterwards.
Roman whirled around to the voice he knew to be Virgil’s, whom was dressed to obscure his identity. Virgil wasn’t packing, so that left a remaining party who fired that shot.
There stood the police chief himself swaying unsteadily and glaring at the two of them. He reeked of booze. Mr. White couldn’t seem to decide where to aim his pistol at. Roman and Virgil froze, trying to think of how to get out of this.
As Wayne hesitated, he glanced at one of the bags and saw his daughter’s belongings. He briefly lowered his weapon with such a look of anger and despair that hit Roman’s appetite so hard it dazed him. He then understood why Remus didn’t like this state – he couldn’t summon his claws or breathe fire to defend himself. His mind was too overwhelmed to craft a proper Nightmare either, even though he briefly tried and failed to.
Wayne was back to pointing the gun at the two of them, rapidly swiveling the barrel back and forth. Virgil inched toward a dark corner of the room, as Wayne’s aim lingered on Roman more and more often, “WHO ARE YOU!? Do YOU have ANY idea WHO YOU’RE FUCKING WITH!?”
At that, Virgil briefly glanced at Roman and stared Wayne down, “HEY. Eyes on me, pig.”
Wayne squeezed the trigger, but Virgil melted into the shadows before the click. Virgil hissed as the bullet shattered the glass back door behind him. The panic in Wayne quickened as he frantically looked around for Virgil, “Where-!?”
Virgil surfaced when the man wasn’t looking their way and webbed the gun to disarm him. He then bound him up in more webs, knocking Wayne to the floor. Wayne’s eyes became saucers, unable to see or comprehend why he could no longer move, “What the fuck ARE YOU!?”
Virgil shot another wad of thread at Wayne’s face, gagging him. Virgil went cold in his answer, “Nobody.”
Virgil tightened the binds, White's painful scream muffled by metaphysical spider webs. Roman shuddered at the sound – it was like Virgil was sharing a meal with him for a moment.
Roman also noticed the man was looking at his shoes, things that had the Mickey Mouse emblem vibrantly printed all-over on a black backdrop, from his position on the floor.
Virgil looked at Roman and nodded his head toward the exit, “Allons!”
Roman shook himself out of the daze and followed Virgil to safety.
Virgil favored one of his arms, as the two of them ran toward a shaded corner of the backyard. Roman was worried, “Are you okay?”
“Not now. Lair. Safer.”
Virgil pulled Roman into pure darkness.
-
As Roman was Feeding, Remus was back at the hotel again.
He was shaking and in a haze. He forgot how he got there. Nurturing and protecting Jude was intense – doubling that effort for this new term was something else.
It didn’t remember when it even entered the Lair this time, it was simply pulled in.
The chamber with its eggs had changed to feel more like their incubators. The “smell” of marketplace churros and cheap car fresheners wafted around it.
When he was back in the hotel, he heard Cass. They gently held his face to make eye contact, “These are just growing pains, it will all be worth it in the end.”
It caressed the clutch. Something else was there- formless, familiar, and wrong.
He saw Cass giving the group, their followers, HIS followers strange capsules. The same kind he saw at the yacht party.
It knew there were just a few more days before its new children would take form outside of the Dream. It was filled with glee, knowing the faster development really was a sign of its own strength as a Beast growing.
Cass was so, so gentle. He was starting to forget how long he was in his Lair or at that hotel. Whenever he expressed some worry or confusion – Cass would reel him back and praise him for his labors.
“You’re safe here, I’ll protect you.”
-
It was too dark and Roman hated it. Remus’s Lair had some light, at least.
It was so cramped that he felt his sides brush up against the walls of the place, his wings catching the spiderwebs that lined them. He shivered, barely able to move in any direction but forward.
There were squelching and chittering noises ahead of him. Roman’s voice rumbled, mouth hanging slightly open, “Virgil?”
The noises became words, it was a surreal experience to Roman still. In the shape of their Horrors, neither had the same expressive nor vocal abilities as humans. Yet they could still talk in some weird way while in the Primordial Dream. “I’m here.”
Roman puffed a bit of fire breath to see better. Webs clung to everything, some of it singed from his flames. As the tunnel widened into a larger chamber – Roman saw cocoons lining the walls and hanging from above. He shivered again, not wanting to think of what could be inside them, “A-are you okay?”
Another brief light and Roman beheld Virgil’s true form. It was like a spider but wrong. Too many eyes and mouth parts. There was a hodgepodge of normal spider limbs and slime-covered tendrils coming from his body. A few of those limbs were bleeding a strange blue color. “Yeah. But, can you lay off the fire, Mushu?”
Roman snorted, accidentally making another flash of light.
Virgil drooped and groaned, “I’d very much like to NOT get blinded, or incinerated, while healing up over here. Jackass.”
“… Sorry.”
Roman immediately remembered when Steve very nearly killed him and went still. If Roman wasn’t a monster – he wouldn’t have been able to survive it. But if Roman wasn’t a monster, he wouldn’t have been put in that position in the first place. His thoughts went back to Remus and other existential what ifs.
There was some quiet as Virgil rested there. Roman was unable to join in the siesta. It was too dark in there and too much Not Roman, in Virgil’s Lair. Roman really wanted to be back in his own cave and savor the haul he recovered.
It was clear Virgil wasn’t nearly as badly injured as Roman had been – it certainly wasn’t a gunshot wound to the chest. It wasn’t long before Virgil stirred again, “I have a way to Jan’s place from here, come see.”
Roman wasn’t really sure if he had just adjusted to the dark or if Virgil turned up some dimmer lights in there. He then remembered how he could breathe in Remus’s Lair – because Remus trusted him inside there.
“Why were you following me into Wayne’s place?”
“Why do you think?”
Roman went quiet for a moment, before saying, “Thanks.”
Virgil had healed without much incident, though he clearly couldn’t hide that from Patton, when they returned. The kid really chewed Virgil out for it, embarrassing Virgil a great deal.
Roman was still digesting the heavy meal from the White family’s house. It was delicious – even though he was more than glad to hand off the hateful ephemera to Janus. He wasn’t prepared for how warmly Jan smiled at him for taking that on and for coming back in one piece.
-
Remus was elsewhere, physically and mentally, more and more often. Remus’s sense of time drifted before, back when he was incubating Jude, but not nearly this much. He seemed to get more and more confused when he was told what day it was.
Roman wasn’t the only one concerned about it. Vic noticed Remus wouldn’t show up at the zoo. Carrie noticed Remus missed more and more meals with the family.
Janus and Ellis were curious. Virgil and Patton seemed unsettled.
So, it was a surprise when Remus finally was back home again, in Santa Ana. He was unnervingly quiet.
Roman was there, helping Carrie get some inihaw going in the backyard. Vic was going to be a little late, but he promised he would catch the meal while it was still warm.
Things were in such a state of flux, that Carrie and Vic chose not to invite any of the extended family. They hoped they could eventually feel safe enough to join each other again, more often.
Chicken and milkfish were on the menu. Carrie had since cleaned the chicken and marinated it overnight in a banana ketchup based sauce. Roman helped clean and stuff the fish with ginger and veggies, around noon.
Roman wished he could show off, lighting the coals with his fire breath. But his Horror was still too sedate from raiding the Whites’ house for him to pull it into the real world. So he pouted, using the conventional means of striking a firelighter match into them. It was a waiting game for the grill to be ready, so he helped with other meal preparations like mixing up a fresh batch of toyomansi sauce to dip everything in and washing some rice.
Roman just loved cooking with his mom, it was a return to normalcy and comfort. The smells that swirled the kitchen and backyard made him drool a little. Remus typically occupied himself during most of this process – not much of a cook. He always declared his role was official taste tester, but today he seemed to be content lounging in front of the TV. No one there caught the way he just stared through the thing, nor his lack of movement.
Dinner was almost ready. The signal went dead on the TV, filling the living room with the sound of static. While Carrie was setting up the bench for dining outside, Roman walked over to Remus.
Remus was like a statue, not moving to do anything about the white noise in the room. Roman cautiously tapped his shoulder from behind, “Taz, are you-?”
The touch sent a full-body shiver through Roman. His brother already ran cold – ever since those nightmares started when they were small, according to their parents. Roman tended to feel that difference more starkly, constantly running hot – but this was different.
Remus was somehow a little colder to the touch than usual, and was sweating. Roman triple-glanced at the thermostat and looked at his brother – this wasn’t right. He looked ill. Roman was about to call out to their mom when Remus finally and slowly moved his head to face him.
The voice that came from Remus did not sound like him at all, “Está un poco ocupado. Would you like to leave a message?”
“N-not funny, Remus.”
Not-Remus tilted his head, “I wanted to see if he was lying to me about a few things, like…”
Remus dug into his pocket and dangled one of those blasted Disney pins. Another of that run of knock-offs with Stitch and The Tower of Terror that he just could never seem to escape from. The colors were all wrong, the enamel chipped, the metal had an unsightly patina to it. Suddenly. Roman was frozen, staring into all the details that made him so angry about it.
Roman’s Hunger was a distant echo in his over-full state – but so was the part of him screaming to move. Not-Remus got up, produced a knife, and approached him with a murderous smile. Roman couldn’t even scream – the anathema’s hold completely neutralized him like Virgil did with Mr. White.
Not-Remus took the knife and was about to mirror the scar from when Steve’s bullet grazed Remus’s face. That chase up the fire escape suddenly felt like it happened yesterday. Roman couldn’t do or say anything other than well-up, that vulnerability being trampled on hurt more than the knife biting his face. The two's history of roughhousing wasn’t anything like this.
As soon as the first drop of blood started to bead out, there was a shriek. It was their mom.
That seemed to rattle Remus enough to drop the pin and step back briefly. Roman still couldn’t move, his vision still tunneling on that pin on the ground. He was losing his awareness of what was happening around him.
Carrie had her hand on her estoc, ready to draw, fiercely staring down Remus, “Remus. Jonás. Espinoza. What. Are. You. Doing!?”
Remus blinked and looked around himself, as if realizing what he’d just done to his brother. And what his own mother could do to him. Guilt was not a face Remus wore practically ever, but it was written all over him. Guilt and confusion. He still held onto that knife with a white-knuckled grip.
He sounded so small when he asked Carrie, “Mamá, ¿q-qué me pasa? ”
Carrie shook with rage as the Bright Dream was screaming to her contradictions on what to do here. She didn’t want to hurt her own child! But then Remus’s expression changed to disinterest, “I suppose he did lie about some things.”
The instant after that, Not-Remus was charging at Roman with the blade. Roman, still frozen.
Carrie wasn’t thinking, as she took in her surroundings and commanded Remus, “Before I-we do anything I’ll regret. REMUS! You NEED to LEAVE. NOW.”
The footfalls stopped. The knife dropped.
Carrie looked at Remus again. Remus was scared of her, wearing the same look as Rich did when he fell from the overpass. The same look Roman had when she was Called. Immediately, she knew she had just cursed her own son.
Remus took off out the door, without another word.
She shoved the pin under the sofa, hoping it would knock Roman out of his trance. Instead, he instinctively jumped for it and was about to upturn the furniture. The only thought in his mind was to hold it and protect it – the reassurance that it was intact and real overriding everything else.
Immediately, Carrie went to halt him. Before he could process anything else and stop squirming in her cradling him, she simply wept. It was probably for the best that he couldn’t claw at her in the state he was in.
She was worried about Roman, whom had taken the longest time to calm down from the spell she’d ever witnessed. She was also already worrying for Remus’s safety and whether she’d see him again, after that.
The dinner was going cold.
-
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I posted 6,896 times in 2022
12 posts created (0%)
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I tagged 2,836 of my posts in 2022
#toh - 215 posts
#art - 208 posts
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My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
My effort at organizing and analyzing all of the Sweepstakes links and Q&A. I was finding other guides to be less thorough or less clear than I wanted.
12 notes - Posted September 18, 2022
#4
I am still listening to TAZ Ethersea and mostly enjoying it, but it might be the arc I like the least, even if I think the plot is stronger than in Graduation.
The big thing is the characters. They act so jaded, quick to anger, and use various kinds of force to get what they want. Because of that, no other characters really like them! Except for people established in their backstories!!!
As a group they never really connected and it’s only gotten worse lately. The Balance trio bickered but you always got the sense they still cared on some level, even from the beginning. This group is just... fighting. They don’t feel like a found family, they feel like coworkers who often, don’t even like each other.
13 notes - Posted July 13, 2022
#3
you know how in school how every class would assign an hour+ of homework, claiming “it’s not that much” but seemingly forgetting that every other class is also assigning homework...
that’s exactly how all these adulting tasks you’re “supposed to” be doing add up. and you get well-meaning experts each telling you doing X only takes 30 minutes a day, seemingly forgetting that there are hundreds of important things you should do daily that only take 30 minutes.
mental health professionals talk about the benefits of meditation, journaling, creative expression. hair stylists warning you against going to bed with wet hair. physical therapists reccomend a 15-minute stretch routine. nutritionists toute the value of cooking your own meals. professional cleaners will tell you ten things you didn’t know you should be cleaning! dentists remind you it would be better to brush multiple times a day. basically everyone telling you to exercise.
obviously a lot of these things are important and none of them are that difficult in and of themselves, generally speaking, but it all adds up. each of these requires time, energy, or even money. plus all the stuff you’re already doing.
I feel like these kinds of professionals can get frustrated with people STILL not doing what they’re supposed to be doing. I just wish they would consider that every other area of life has a similar expert, who is similarly telling people to do more.
17 notes - Posted February 7, 2022
#2
something I've been thinking about for a while is, the gap between thought and action especially with social justice or creating positive change in the world
or to put another way: how do people get from hearing about an issue, and actually doing something? from watching a video essay about walkable cities, to petitioning their local government for specific changes. from hearing about trash getting into the ocean, to attending a beach cleanup. from watching a tiktok about the bees disappearing, to planting native flowers.
I believe this gap is a HUGE part of why people feel hopeless about the future. because they see the problems so clearly, but either don't know how or don't believe they can do anything about it.
and of course disclaimer, there are some people who probably really can't do anything, and they need to focus on their own life for a variety of reasons, that's totally fair. But most people will be able to find *something* even if it's "small".
It doesn't really matter what it is--I mean, make sure it's not actually harmful (e.g. supporting autism speaks)--but other than that, just, pick something and make it your thing! do it when you can. it doesn't have to be challenging; in fact, it's better if it isn't, because something you can maintain is more important!
if this post can get even one other person to figure out soemthing concrete they can do, that would be amazing.
21 notes - Posted November 26, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
credit to my brother for this excellent edit idea
44 notes - Posted April 1, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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