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#tb karen
dreamypqulson · 10 months
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— my only sunshine
summary: you’ve been struggling in silence but it hasn’t gone unnoticed.
pairing: cordelia goode x reader
warnings: depression, anxiety, self-harm (pretty detailed, be careful)
word count: 2700
venting again lol
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Your leg shaking up and down was becoming excessive. You could see the girls next to you becoming annoyed, but you hardly realized that you were doing it. Tears pooled in your eyes and it burned so badly to hold them in. Why does Cordelia have to look at me so much? Why can't she just glance over me like everyone else and let me wallow away in the corner?
Everyone knew that you were Cordelia's special girl. You didn't think it had anything to do with your powers, she just liked you. And you liked her. But that was it; you were both too afraid to acknowledge it. What she wasn’t aware of was your history with mental health, which you tried so hard to conceal from her.
You don't think you were doing a very good job hiding it this time. How could you hide the fact that you don't want to live anymore?
Everyone knew you looked terrible lately. Madison had even pointed it out. Your eyes were dark, and hollow, and you just didn't look like yourself. Madison said you were just a freak that was too caught up in your studies to barely allow yourself some time to sleep, but Cordelia knew that wasn't true. Matter of fact, it was the complete opposite.
Cordelia dismissed yet another class that had completely gone through one ear and out the other. Spacing out is the one time that you actually feel safe and you so happen to be the best at it during class.
Everyone rushed out. You were a little slower because you were so exhausted and picking up your books felt like you were ripping open the cuts on your wrist. You thought you could feel like blood dripping down, but it might've just been your anxiety freaking you out.
"Oh, y/n, could you stay for a minute, love," Cordelia asked when you were by the doorway, ever so sweet but you still bit the inside of your mouth until you could taste blood.
You spun slowly on your heels. You loved Cordelia but you didn't want to stay. You were terrified of confrontation and you just wanted to throw yourself into your bed again.
You didn't respond and kept a great distance between you and Cordelia. She was so warm, she was your comfort, and you ached to have her hold you, but you just wanted the darkness right now.
She still walked closer towards you and you almost started to cry from the nerves. You started scratching at your band-aid covered wrists. You don't know why you do that when your nervous, it just feels good in the moment.
She looked down at your arms, then back up at you. Does she know? Did your sleeve rise when you went to reach for something? "Relax, honey. You're not in trouble. I just want to check on you."
"I'm fine," it came out weak.
She raised an eyebrow at you and gave you that look. Anyone could tell that you weren't okay, it was just a matter of who would be there for you when you fall apart.
Your bottom lip started to tremble. A clear indication that you were ready to break down. Cordelia just watched, letting you control yourself before she made you explode completely.
"How about we take a walk outside, around the house, and get some fresh air, yeah?" You nodded and you were suddenly following her out the door. Anything someone says to you hasn't really been processing in your head. You truly just feel like a leaf being blown in every direction.
It was nice out, slightly chilly with a breeze, but it did not seem to snap you from your state of mind. It was quiet for a minute before Cordelia began talking to you again. You knew she was trying to distract you from your thoughts, but it's not really want you want right now.
"So what have you been up to, missy? Are you still writing?" She looked over at you, gently smiling. She loved reading all of your work, but it had been a few weeks since she had. She's been a little bit busy and you've been locking yourself in your room.
"Yeah, a little bit, I guess." It was a complete lie, but your didn't feel like getting into the fact that you could hardly bring yourself to even get out of bed, let alone write.
She wanted to have a full conversation with you, but you weren't having it. She just became silent as you both finished the walk around the building. She always takes you to walk around the city with her, but she had an inkling that you weren't going to want to leave the property.
Cordelia didn't want to let you go yet. She had a bad feeling and she knew something just wasn't right with you. She felt uneasy. But she couldn't hold you back when you told her you had to go study. You would never pass up hanging out with Cordelia to study, and she knew that, but she just let you go.
When you got to your room, it was all messy. Had you had the energy to keep it as tidy as you always did then maybe your anger levels wouldn't have increased when you walked in. You decided to ignore it and step over the pile of clothes and make your way into the bathroom.
There, you dug through your drawer, looking for the blade that you kept hidden in the back. It was the one place that nobody could accidentally stumble upon it.
You sat down on the closed toilet lid and pulled up your left sleeve. Ripping off the bandaids had not even hurt as much as they should, you didn’t even flinch. You began cutting any free skin on your inner arms that you could. You hated that there wasn't that much room anymore due to all the other cuts, but you just couldn't seem to stop.
Sometimes it made you feel crazy but it mostly made you get some release. You knew you should at least try to stop with summer approaching but getting clean is never your top priority in the moment. Not when your arms start aching for more.
You just sit there with a blank face and watch as drops of blood start pooling at the thin lines and then you start dabbing it away with a tissue and apply some pressure.
Your heart absolutely drops when you hear a knock on your bathroom door. You weren’t expecting a visitor at your room, but living in this busy house, you never really get alone time.
"Y/n, it's me darling. Dinners ready." How could you have been so in your head that you lost track of time. You hardly even had an appetite but you knew that Cordelia was already having suspicions about you. You just had to act like everything was alright.
"Okay I'll be right down." Instead of wrapping your arm up, you simply just ran it under water for a moment and then pulled your sleeve down. It definitely stung, but you were starting to enjoy it.
When you walked out of the bathroom, Cordelia was waiting on your bed for you. You were expecting her to already be downstairs with the other girls, but she clearly had other plans.
"You're always neat, sweetie. What's going on with you?" You shrugged again, and soon, you thought, she's going to forget what your voice even sounds like. You began to walk out your room, and you can hear her shuffling behind you before she finally catches up. "Not in the mood to talk today?"
You'd rather Cordelia just hold you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear without expecting an answer. But at the moment, she's completely worried and just wants you to open up. "Not really, Cordelia."
She lets you slide again, but she can't take her eyes off of you all throughout dinner. She's sitting at the head of the table and you're at the first seat next to her. When you reach for your plate, she notices something that she wishes she didn't. She wishes it wasn't even there.
Your sleeve slides up, only slightly, and she can see smeared crimson on your wrist. Her heart sink and she has to swallow down the lump in her throat. After that, she cannot even look at you, or anyone for that matter, for the rest of dinner. She wasn't angry or embarrassed of you. Just so, so upset over the fact that her girl was hurting so badly.
Dinner finishes fairly fast. You notice there's not much chatter, and it must be from Cordelia's lack of interest in any of the conversation. You start worry that you hurt her feelings. She's always catching up with you and the girls - mostly you - during dinner, but today she hadn't even said a word.
"Y/n, meet me in my room please," Cordelia says, and it sounds almost cold compared to her typical soft voice. She walks away and heads towards her bedroom and your heart completely sinks. You fidget with the hem of your shirt and make way towards her room.
The door is ajar and by the time you're there, Cordelia is sitting on her bed in tears. This is it; she's going to kick you out.
"Cordelia?" You say and gather her attention back to you. She quickly wipes away her tears like you weren't supposed to see that, but there's no hiding her red, puffy eyes.
"Sit down please," she hardly looks you in the eyes. It's terrifying.
"I—" you attempt to argue. She has no part in that.
"Just sit down, y/n."
You sit beside her and it's so close that you bunch up your sleeve in your hand. You're consistently terrified of it rising. "Show me your arm."
"What—"
"Show me, y/n. I know what's going on. I know that you are hurting yourself."
You hug your arm closer to your body and can feel the sting like it's mocking you. Tears are instantly sprung to your eyes and it's clear that this situation isn't just a big misunderstanding.
"No! Leave me alone, Cordelia. What is wrong with you? Why would I ever do that." But you do do it and those words hurt so much. You wouldn't ever be so harsh to Cordelia, but you're not in the right mental state right now.
Cordelia's crying again and all you can think about is cutting up your arm for making her feel like that. You need to hurt yourself to pay for the faults you're causing and Cordelia can see right through that.
Her voice is very quiet and desperate as she speaks, "Baby, please. Please let me help you, I can't just pretend that it's not going on. I care about you too much."
This completely causes you to break down. You never had someone truly care about you. This is something that you've been yearning for forever.
You melt into Cordelia's body and she hugs you tightly, as if she let go, all of the pieces of you would just shatter everywhere. You can feel her tears start leaking through onto your shirt and you know she feels it too. "Please, y/n," she whispers, "I love you. Let me in, it's just me, it's only Cordelia."
You finally pull back and wipe away your tears. It doesn't stop another fresh batch of warm tears to roll down your face. You don't want to keep hiding this anymore. You need help. You need someone. You need her.
You take a deep breath and tug up your sleeve. You can't even bare to look at her face. Ashamed, and embarrassed, and scared. But you hear a sharp intake of breath from her. The bleeding from the cuts before dinner only made it look far worse on your fucked up skin.
"Oh, my baby," she sniffles and grabs your arm, gently. Your heart is too heavy. She's trying so hard to be strong for you. "Why," she looks up at you with watery eyes, waiting for an honest answer.
"Everything's just too much, Delia. I don't want to be me anymore. I hate being me, I hate living!" You started sobbing again and the crack in your voice doesn't go unnoticed. This is new and weird and you don't like it. You don't want to talk about yourself anymore. You can see her heart breaking in half from your words.
"My little sunshine...do you know I love you? I love the person that you say you hate so much." You don't have anything to say to that. Cordelia loves you. And you don't know how, but she does. You don't know how this whole could have any room for the broken half of you. “I couldn’t live without seeing your pretty smile and listening to you ramble to me about all the little things you love. So if you hate living so much, then let me love it for the both of us until you learn to.”
It’s silent for a couple moments that pass by until she looks back down at your arm again. It's a bloody mess and you don't want her to look anymore but she's still holding on. "Can I clean it? Can I do that for you?"
You nod and then you're being walked to her bathroom. It's bigger than yours and the entire room smells like her lavender shampoo that you always love taking in when she hugs you. She helps you to sit up on the counter. Your arm feels heavy from all the attention being on it but she so carefully cleans away the blood and it makes you feel a little bit better.
She covers it with bandaids. Not because she is disgusted by it. She's not at all. She just doesn't want anything infecting the fresh ones.
When she’s done, she lifts your arm up to her lips and, so delicately, kisses the covered cuts. A few tears start rolling down your face again. You’re too emotional for this. “Delia…”
“I love you,” she looks back up to you. Her words are so clear and genuine. “Come to me. I don’t care where we are or what time it is. Come to me whenever you feel like this.” You nod, your bottom lip trembling. She reaches her hand up and brushes her thumb over your lips. “It’s not going to be easy but i’m going to help you. We can make a plan and safe alternatives, anything that’ll help.”
She leans in and kisses your forehead, slow and light and your heart beats a little bit faster. “I love you too, Cordelia,” you croak out and she gives you that little smile.
“Come on, my little sunshine, let’s get some rest, hm?” She grabs your hand and brings you to her own bed. You’ve never slept with Cordelia before but it all feels natural. You lay your head on her chest and her arms wrap around your body. For once, you feel a sliver of happiness that you’ve been deprived of for so long.
The room is silent besides her soft breaths and the sound of cars rushing by. You finally break that silence after a few minutes.
“Delia?”
“Hm?” She peaks down a you and a small smile is present on her face again.
“Why do you always call me your little sunshine?” You say it with a slight giggle in your voice. You love all the nicknames she has for you, but this one stands out and makes your heart warm.
“Because, sweetie, I was in a very similar situation as you. But then you came into my life and suddenly there was light again.”
You looked up at her and bite your lip. You could’ve never imagined a woman like her feeling as terrible as you do. She’s too…perfect. But maybe, suddenly, you won’t feel so ashamed of your emotions anymore. You lean forward and place your sweet lips on hers. Just for a moment, for the first time in your life, you see a bit of sunlight shine through the cracks of your eyelids.
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safic4-m · 1 year
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~Master list~
😁🌈List fluffy
🔥😏List of obsenity
Lana Winters
❤️🚬Did you find everything you were looking for?
❤️🚬I would love that
Cordelia Goode
💛In love with Cordelia
💛So beautiful
💛💜You were different.
💛Just don’t look
💛I think I love you
Sally McKenna
🚬🦁Yes honey?
💜🚬🦁Put me down!
🚬🦁Are you going to finish me?
🚬🦁You promised
Audrey Tindall
💛🎭Oh my God
💛🎭I am
💛🎭Please don’t go on..
Ally Mayfair-Richards
❤️What are you two up to?
💜❤️She’s ours
❤️I like it
❤️Honey
Wilhemina Venable
💜 Hug me
💜The perfect life
💜🚬🦁Put me down!
💜Good girl
💜Hello my dear
💜Can I kiss you?
💜❤️She’s ours
💛💜You were different.
💜Hello pumpkin
💜It’s time, let’s go
TB Karen
🚬💔Stop mocking
🚬💔Take off your clothes
🚬💔She’s not my girlfriend.
Alma Peregrine
💙I am Catrina
💙Happy Anniversary
Alice Macray
💖I hate being a woman
💖Do you like what you see?
Diane Sherman
🤎💉I like the rain
🤎💉 Welcome
🤎💉Cum for me
Larissa Weems
🤍Larissa?
🤍Nothing is more important than you
🤍Am I in hell?
🤍It won’t
🤍I came back for you
🤍I like you too
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🏳️‍🌈Characters in Pride month🌈
Lady Dimitrescu
❤️‍🔥Lady Lesso
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naomi-m3ndez · 2 years
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Y/n: ...(insert your country) not dangerous
Karen: Really?
Y/n: That you don't know how to punch, run and dodge bullets is not my problem.
Karen: And I thought Belle was dangerous.
Y/n: Don't worry, I'll protect you.
Karen: Here comes Belle
*Y/n drops to the ground and rolls into a ball.
Karen: What a great protection
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hopeagainsthope97 · 1 year
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The Bastard Son & The Devil Himself - 1.06
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had2bme · 1 year
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kingofscoops · 2 years
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Hurt and betrayed that people on twitter are trying to argue that Fuuma is kinkier than Seishirou
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ecclais-fouoras · 2 years
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Strawberry blonde
Chapter 3: date night
Ch2
Warning: Smut
It had been about a few weeks since she ended up at your doorstep, you had both talked and grew closer by each day.
"Why are you so sweet to me ?"
"What ?"
"You asked me out, do you know how many people have in the last 15 years ?"
Karen was seating on the sofa, takeout noodles still in her hands, still shook that you had made such a request.
"Is that a no ?"
You spoke after she realized she'd kept quiet for too long now.
"NO ! Yes, well no it's not a no, I wanna go out with you but where ?"
"I don't know what do you like ?"
"I have no idea"
"Cinema ? Museum ? Restaurant ? Hiking ?"
"Yeah I'd like that"
"Which ?"
"All of them"
"That's not a date sugar that's a whole life plan"
"I can work with that"
You smiled as she took your hand and kissed it. You smiled before asking
"Dinner and a museum is fine though right"
"Absolutely"
"Tomorrow night ?"
She heavily nodded making you giggle at her exaltation.
The next morning Karen woke up and it was all she could think about, you, asking her out on a date. What was she even supposed to do ? Wear ? Say ? She kept thinking about your eyes, and how she'd be a blubbering mess before you'd even get to dinner if you kept looking right through her.
She was very impatient about the night, she took a shower and scrubbed herself raw, claiming she couldn't let one ounce of dirt on her if she was to go out with you. Even after weeks of not being out on the streets she still somehow felt the dirtiness cling to her.
Three hours before it was time to go she realized she had nothing to wear, all of her clothes where practical ones or borrowed yours.she couldn't wear that for tonight ?! Karen began to feel anxious about not being able to look nice for you, trying desperately to figure out how she could find a good fit. Making it ? Buying it ? But she had not enough money. Stealing ? No she couldn't do that to you.
Pacing around the room she noticed an envelope, siting on the middle of the table, addressed to her. Carefully she opened it a d found about 30bucks and a note 'figured you didn't have much to wear, there's 40 $ to get something nice for tonight'. Her eyes watered at the gentleness of your action, always so careful about her. You knew her, so well, every bit of her unwind.
She got ready and headed out to the store, glancing around ever piece of clothing hanging from the corners of walls, middle of Ilses. Her hands skimming over fabrics softer than dreams, and more delicate than touch. She didn't know what to buy, for she hadn't been trying to be pretty for anyone or anything in forever. Didn't understand what velvet to get for it to glide against her skin, perhaps you wouldn't care ? No she had to do things right, to make that sparkle in your eye shine brighter than it ever did watching her. The dress needed to be feminine, Revieling but not to much, she wanted to keep part of her body as a surprise for your gaze in case you even desired to see it. She wanted something that would fit her curves nicely. She noticed the employees staring at her, they had probably seen her before, in much less acceptable attire. Perhaps she had hoped, and longed for the opportunity to one day finally wear the dresses displayed behind the glasses she had never dared to cross.
Her eyes found a red silk dress that seamed to kiss the manikin perfectly, her fingers draped against the fabric before she found one her size and held it, she took a bunch of other dresses, some shorter than others, a black V necked one, a blue sort of velvet one.
Ones her hands were full she skimmed over to the changing rooms. She tried all of them on, looking at her body in different cuts and colors. And, as she wore the deep red dress, the VENDEUSE couldn't hold back what she had to say "are ya even going to be able to afford that ? Since when do ya have money karen"
She was astonished by her phrase, Karen had begun to feel better about herself, and to be frank she loved herself in this dress, but maybe she was right ? She would never be able to be enough for you, who was she kidding, her Status wouldn't change, people would still see her as the homeless junkie and you wouldn't ever want her. Just as she started spiraling into her self loathing thoughts her phone buzzed on the stool. She picked it up before she could even reply to the blond. There was a text message from you.
*Hey sweetie, did you find the money to go shopping? How's it going? Found anything yet princess? Red will probs look good on you just saying, I'll be done with work in about an hour to pick you up ? I bet you'll look beautiful tonight. Looking forward to dinner, se ya :)*
She smiled stupidly at her phone, read your delicate words as it brought her some comfort.
"Whatchu smilin' about huh ? Something funny ? I don't think you should be in this store"
"I'll be taking this one."
"What ?"
"I'll be buying it you stupid bitch"
"With what ?"
"This" she pulled out the bills you gave her proudly shutting up the rude employee.
"Do you talk to all of your clients that way ? I'm sure your manager wouldn't like that wouldn't they ?" The girl walked away quietly while Karen smirked. She changed back to her clothes and paid for the clothing item before leaving, as she was walking back home she thought about makeup for a second. She didn't have any and hadn't worn any in years. So before going back home she stopped by a store to buy some. She know she had that 30 minutes to get ready so she took a quick shower and did her hair and make-up put on on the lovely dress that she had bought previously. She loves herself in the mirror all dolled up and found herself beautiful which she hadn't done in a long time.
She had your car pull up in the driveway and as you were coming in you said you needed a few minutes to get ready before you could both head out. She stayed in the bathroom and still hadn't revealed her outfit.
About 10 minutes later you said you were ready to go and grab your jacket and waited at the porch for Karen.
She arrived shortly and you stood there mouth gapping at her beauty which made her blush a little unused to this kind of look. After taking a few breaths you finally commented.
"You look very lovely darling"
"So do you if I must say so myself"
"Let's go shall we ?" You offered your arm before leading her to the car and opening the door. You wearing dark green suit, and your hair was down and pulled back by some gel.
You arrived at the restaurant quickly, Karen began fidgeting slightly which didn't go unnoticed by you.
"Darling relax, it's going to be fun"
"I know, but all these people are going to think I'm a clown, I mean I have no idea how to behave so classy"
"Don't worry, they'll forget about all of it once they see you in that dress, and as long as you don't burp and pick your nose in sure you'll be okay, besides I have no idea what fork is for what so we'll both look stupid and hot."
She giggled and you both entered, you asked for your table and the waitress took you there. Karen didn't miss the way she seemed to try and get your attention, but you never gave in, your eyes securely on her.
You spoke for hours, ordered fancy food and laughed at the ridiculeness of it all, you replaced a hair that fell in front of her face a couple times, you also touched her hand slightly, all of these gestures made her fluttery. She told you about her life before the street, secrets and lovers, dreams and talents, and you about work, and your past. Your fingers stoked her cheek as she spoke.
You left a few hours later, after you paid, and walked around the streets for a bit.
"Are you still hungry?"
"A little why ?"
"Let's go home and have some ice cream then"
You said as you both went back to the car and got home.
There you did her of her jacket and yours too before pulling out some desert from the freezer.
"Do you want to watch a movie while we eat ?"
"Sure" she said before you lit the tv and settled next to her.
You found something you would both enjoy and put it on. During the movie you both snuggled closer. Her head fell on your shoulder as she circled her arms against you and you pulled her in. At one point her eyes found yours, head tipped up in the dark of your living room, the street and tv illuminating her skin, you leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss on her lips. It was heaven, when you both met in the middle, and you pressed her closer to you.
Nothing really needed to be said, you both aknowleged your rising feelings for one another. Karen snuggled into you, her back relaying on your front on the sofa.
When the movie ended you were still both molded together, karen turned back to look into your eyes, something in her snapped, she grabbed your neck and kissed you soundly, clumsily, as someone who craves sweetness drinks lust. She straddled you, your palms immediately finding the fabric on her hips, gripping possessively at the dress bunching up at her thighs. Karen continued to hold your face and neck while you took the lead in kissing her, your teeth biting slightly and her mouth opening for you to explore. It was the heat between you both that made her start to grind down on your lap. "I think we better get to the bed before I have you fuck me right here" she wispered in your ear. You didn't need to be told twice. "fucking you on the sofa didn't sound so bad but hang on" Hands flew underneath her butt and you were up in the second. Stumbling around the house as she kept softly moaning while you pressed your lips to her neck and gently sucked on the spot that made her blush.
You finally made it to your room, her head pulled back while your lips descended further down. Gently you put her down on the bed, her eyes hungry for more, as she looked up at you straddling her. You didn't speak, much less needed to, everything was weeping out both of your eyes. Much less urgently, with the carefulness of someone who unravels a gift, your hands lowered the straps of her dress, lips discovering new hidden places.
For once she was cherished, embraced, touched.
You rid her of her bra, mouths crashing in a passionate kiss, while you pulled her dress further down, little moans filling the air..
"I haven't been touched like this since forever"
She wispered like a secret in your ear, "well that's gonna change for good"
You replied before pressing kissed and bites lower and lower still. She groaned and pushed her hips off of the bed as you played tenderly with her breasts, every now and then getting attention to her nipples.
"Fuck..y/n.." you heard as you gently pulled on it with you teeth. Her fingers gripping alternatively the sheets and your hair.
After a while you left her chest and went on discovering her abdomen, your fingertips grazing the skin. You kissed her one last time before caressing her mound through her panties, making sure to tease her enough before taking off her last undergarments.
"Baby, you look so pretty like this"
Your hands played with her for a little bit, smearing her arousal all over the place, hearing the erotic sounds coming from her as she pleaded you to stop messing around.
"Oh..Would you like something lovely ?"
"...y/n..please .."
"Do you want my fingers or my mouth sweet thing"
The praising did something interesting to her and you evidently noticed.
"..I don't care...just... fuck..."
Your fingers slammed into her easily and she didn't complain, quite the opposite the moans that left her mouth were quite obscene.
You pulled into her steadily making sure to avoid her clit, reserving it for after some teasing. Her pelvis was throwing itself at you, and you took the opportunity to lay down on top of her, making sure not to crush her but placing kisses on her throat. "..y/n..! Ah.. It's been...so long... I won't last ...forever"
Finally you decided to end her suffering and your thumb found her clit, it only took her a few strokes to come undone in your arms. She was surprisingly silent as she came, her body rigid and her breath shallow. Your fingers stilled inside her but didn't pull out, as you wanted to give her a little more of that bliss, also selfishly you wished to see her cum again, finding her desperately hot. When she calmed down, you gently lowered yourself and your mouth, kissed her clit before sucking softly. Her hips canted upwards, and it took the curling of your fingers inside that sweet spot in her to come again, louder this time.
A little while later, you were both laying in bed, Karen curled up against you.
"Thank you"
You heard her mumble from her place in your neck. "What for K ?"
"Everything"
"You don't have to darling"
"Also the sex was amazing"
"Karen !" You playfully dogged her. "You still don't have to thank me for that"
"I know, but I wanted to... Also I haven't really return the favor yet so.." she climbed on you before kissing your neck sweetly. You caressed her cheek before parting away from her.
"Let's sleep for now it's late, you can return the favor later on baby.."
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Thursday 22.00 new episode of #TheYakai.
Patience, patience , patience SP‼️😤
Popular child actor #KokoroTerada gains muscle and has a hanging showdown with former firefighter comedian #Watari119 💪🏻🔥.
Will #RiisaNaka be able to put up with Nagasaki dialect at her dialect press conference?
And the great actress #AtsukoTakahata tries her hand at the challenging narrative of her own истории🎙️. You might hear some behind-the-scenes stories about her career, from her early years to her breakthrough.
#RioSuzuki japanese actress who has been working as an actress for 60 Seconds since enduring a parody of Kintaro. Will she be able to endure Kintaro's facial expressions and cry for 60 seconds? 🥺
Also, #MinamiTakahashi made everyone's eyes go wide with her hit song🫶. 
#KarenTakizawa takes part in the #BUMPOFCHICKEN #tentaikansoku song challenge 😏✨.
#Ariyoshi and #Sakurai are very excited about the too serious challenge.Looking forward to the challenge from our gorgeous guests 😊.𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝑻𝒊𝒎𝒆
The programme airs on Thursdays at 22.00 p.m. Japan time and 14.00 p.m. Europe time. Don't miss it!
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watchyourdigits · 7 months
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i'm replaying rdr2 already except this time i'm speedrunning straight into low honor (had maximum honor my first playthrough) and decided fuck it and gave arthur tuberculosis as soon as i could so i don't have to think about it
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Send in some requests for Sarah Paulson's ahs characters pls 💕
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dreamypqulson · 10 months
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HOLY SHIT ???
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safic4-m · 1 year
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🏳️‍🌈Characters in Pride month🌈
~Master list~
One-shot
Wattpad
So…I’m not really sure what this is about but that’s what came out, okay. That’s how I perceive the characters and if you don’t have the same point of view as me, I invite you to fuck your mother…, haha not true, but if you don’t like it please don’t leave hateful comments.
P.S. Orders are open for anyone who wants them.
-Lana winters
June is a very important month for Lana, for a long time she had conflicts with her sexuality, then her whole family stopped talking to her, but when she met you, she realized that she didn’t really need any of them, you were her family and that made Lana more than happy to have you in her life. Obviously there was a change in her show, the set being adorned with some flags. 
-Cordelia Goode
The academy dresses in the colours of the flag as soon as June starts, besides being one of the most LGBT+ places in New Orleans (I mean we are talking about a witch academy so obviously it must be gay), the supreme one takes time out of her busy schedule to be able to experience this month with you and her girls.
-Sally McKenna
This time puts Sally in a somewhat melancholic mood, mostly because of all the people who for years had to repress these feelings because of society and the fear of being judged for loving someone; but it’s not all sadness and pain, as this helps her to have inspiration to create songs, not to mention that the blonde always writes one about how amazing it was for her to have met you.
-Audrey Tindall
The Brit loves this, saying that every month should be like this and not just one a year. The world goes crazy when you two show up at the march wearing shirts that say things like, “Homosexuality is not a disease, but homophobia is” and “I didn’t ask for your opinion on whether loving a woman is OK”. As well as going out to parties and gay bars where everyone wants to take pictures with your girlfriend.
-Ally Mayfair-Richards
This woman transpires homosexuality…, rather it is the definition of homosexuality, Ally is one of the most excited people when the month is approaching and with the position she has, she manages to make the whole city full of flags. But it’s not all rosy, as that’s when she gets into the most trouble Oz, usually over arguing with her peers about Pride month or if someone makes a comment about one of her mothers. 
-Wilhemina Venable
Wilhemina is known for being a very reserved woman, so she’s not the person who celebrates Pride month the most, but that’s what you’re there for, your energy is more than enough for this month. Something not many people know is that the stoic Ms. Venable is a staunch protector of trans kids.
-TB Karen
For Karen it’s just another month, she doesn’t see any difference, yes the streets are full of colour and her paintings tend to be gayer, but for her it’s just another month. Although she doesn’t just say she enjoys this month a lot, she loves to see how the world turns from being so grey and gloomy and becomes colourful, but what she likes the most is the fact that you become so alive. 
-Alma Peregrine
This woman has a house full of children, so it’s very important to her that her children grow up without prejudice and you hang out with their headmistress, so they are familiar with this. The ymbryne loop is September 3rd 1940 and by this time, it was not a very visible thing to celebrate this month, but even though they live in this year they have a vague knowledge of how it has taken on visibility over the years.
-Alice Macray
GOD…this woman is the cutest thing ever, for her this is the most colourful month, she thinks it’s cute how people come together and go out and march. She may still be a little shy about coming out and expressing to the world that she loves a woman, but it’s nice how she lives this month proudly wearing a rainbow pin on her clothes.
-Diane Sherman
The redhead likes the idea of staying at home with you and watching movies more for the month, but if you asked her to go out with you she would never refuse. This month she’s prone to having the house blaring “Born this way”, which has gotten annoying, as she wakes up to the music blaring, but loves to see you so happy as she puts on a show of dancing to the choreography
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naomi-m3ndez · 2 years
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*Karen and Mamie enter the world of AHS and Y/n gives them a tour.
Mamie: The plastics?
Y/n: The royalty of the place *points to Audrey* that's Audrey Tyndal over there is one of the dumbest people you'll ever meet.
Y/n: In 2016 Lee worked alongside her.
Lee: She asked if a mutilated man was dead.
Y/n: And that short one is Sally McKenna, Sally knows whose foot we're limping on, she knows everything about the whole world
Liz: That's why her hair is huge...it's full of secrets.
Y/n: And the demon takes human form in Cordelia Goode, don't be fooled she looks like the typical soft, compassionate woman with the face of a savior... but in reality she's much more than that.
Mallory: She's the queen bee, the star of the show... the others are just her workers.
T/n: Cordelia Goode...how would you begin to describe Cordelia Goode?
Misty: Cordelia Goode is perfect.
Zoe: She has two carnivorous plants and a Mimosa Pudica.
Coco: I hear her hair is insured for $10,000.
Madison: She once hit me in the face... and it was great.  
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immajustvibehere · 6 days
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Amidst a Crashing World (4/5)
Pairing: Arthur Morgan x fem!Reader
Summary: You follow Arthur back to camp, who isn't so happy about the decision. Yet, you are convinced that you have to be there for the last train heist of the van der Linde gang.
tags for this series: fluff, little bit of angst, no tb-Arthur, literally love redemption, no smut (probably), "slow burn"
Masterlist
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3
8000 words
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You tried to take your time while following Arthur's tracks. A ride through Murfree country never had been one of your favourite past time activities. Since you had to ride through the territory to reach Annesburg, you were familiar with all its paths and knew where Murfrees could hide; but the familiarity didn’t change the fact that you just preferred to not be in danger. If you had a job to do in Annesburg and had plenty of time to spare, you would ride around the territory, but if you had to be quick, you always had your rifle and gun ready. Today, you’d rather be quick and follow the tracks directly. Arthur had a decent head-start and there was no way you would arrive at camp simultaneously.
Soon, you heard noise in the distance that you immediately associated with camp life; the clattering of plates, mumbling, occasional shouts. The noise was still muffled because of the forest. It was eerie, really. Despite the sun being high in the sky, it seemed to be misty and dark. If you had still been with the gang when the decision was made to camp here, you surely would have protested.
Already, you were awfully close to camp, but there was nobody standing guard. Maybe things had significantly changed since you last were part of the gang, but you wondered...because back then, when their bounties were still low, there still was someone keeping watch pretty much all the time. You rode along the earthy path and tents appeared. You scanned the campgrounds to look for someone familiar.
It didn't take long before eyes were on you. Javier was the first one to approach, greeting you in a friendly manner while you dismounted. Soon, a small circle had formed around you. Miss Grimshaw with mixed feelings about your long absence and sudden return; Tilly and Mary-Beth who wanted to know what you'd been up to; Karen who offered you a beer. Through the crowd of people, you saw Dutch and a sleazy blonde guy emerge from the darkness of the cave while Arthur put his head out of his tent to see what the commotion was about.
You couldn't dwell long on Arthur's expression, his mouth slightly open, fists clenching, while you walked past his tent to approach Dutch, who strolled towards you with open arms.
"Miss y/l/n!" Dutch greeted you, his big hand taking yours and shaking it as if you were business partners meeting to discuss a scheme. His hand was warm and slightly moist, which disgusted you, but you forces yourself to put on a grin. You hoped he couldn’t hear your heart beat up to your throat, you were this anxious not to reveal that you had Arthur had reconnected.  
"Dutch," you nodded. You weren’t sure if more formalities would have been appropriate, but you had never called him “Mr van der Linde” and you saw no reason to start doing so now.
"Good to have you back! I had sent for you a while ago...", Dutch locked eyes with Arthur for a moment, who still stood by his tent, flabbergasted, "Rumour was you were dead."
"Well", you smiled charmingly, "I didn't want to be found just yet. I had some loose strings to tie up, wouldn't have wanted to get the gang entangled with my private business."
Dutch looked at you with a touch of doubt. So did the man with the blonde hair, you didn’t appreciate how he checked you out. Not just to find out if you weren’t a trap and had the law behind you, but purely sexual, trying to determine what you hid under your clothes. His gaze was unsettling.
"Anyways", you continued, "I read the paper recently and figured you'd appreciate an extra gun."
"How did you find us?", the blonde guy interrupted.
"Some of you guys can be tracked down quite easily", you smiled sympathetically, "I had some work in Annesburg and...well, your grocery runs..."
You'd rather blame Pearson for leading you to camp than Arthur. As far as you were concerned, you hadn't seen Arthur since he had broken your heart a year ago.
Dutch chuckled and it sounded strangely cold and tense, "Good to know we've got you back. We wouldn't want you as our enemy."
"Never", you smiled honestly, "Just tell me what needs to be done, I'll do it. I owe you for letting me roam for a year."
Dutch put a hand on your shoulder, then invited you to get comfortable. The remaining day was spent with talking to people, putting down your bedroll and sneaking some spices into Pearson’s stew. It was a matter of getting accustomed to camp life again, and frankly, you enjoyed having other people around. The only thing you avoided doing was getting close to Arthur and he didn’t seem keen on approaching you either.
By far the best aspect of being back at camp was catching up with everybody. You hadn’t realised how much you had missed all those familiar faces. Whenever you did a chore, you actually felt helpful, because there were people that needed and depended on you doing your part. Playing with Jack for an hour was rewarded with Abigail being thankful and looking way more relaxed. Putting some more spices in Pearson's stew was appreciated with winks and relieved smiles. But you never forgot the purpose of your return. Three days had passed, and still, not a single word had passed between you and Arthur. Your worry grew that the man might be seriously angry at you. 
While you thought about this on your third night, tending to the camp fire while everyone else was slowly retreating to their bedrolls, you saw Micah approach. It was his low chuckle that made you look up.
Now, three days had been plenty of time for the girls to warn you about him and his two suspicious companions. Apparently, he managed to sneak them into the gang without getting Dutch’s actual approval first – and you knew that wasn’t exactly a simple thing to do. Your muscles tensed as Micah closed the distance between you.
"Miss y/l/n", he made a half-assed bow before sitting down on a chair close to you, "I think we never had the pleasure of a proper introduction."
"You know who I am, I know who you are, Mr. Bell", you said coldly, focusing on the flames, "I don't think we need more introducing."
"It's just…", the man uttered and made some weird noises with his mouth, as if he was licking his lips, but you weren't looking at him, "I don't know if I can trust you. You just appeared, all of a sudden."
Raising an eyebrow, you responded: "You mean like your pawns? Joe and what-was-his-name? Pete?"
You observed Micah shift uncomfortably in his chair before replying: "Cleet and Joe know how to fight."
"So do I", you shot back sharply. Finally, you looked the man in the face. The warm, flickering orange of the fire cast him in a light that made his features look more intense than they were at daylight. The shadows danced menacingly across his face. You hadn’t quite made up your mind about Micah Bell, but you knew Arthur didn't like him, neither did Abigail or Mary-Beth...or anyone, really.
Micah made the mistake of placing his hands on the table and leaning in, his voice dropping to a whisper: "Women like you-"
But you swiftly interrupted him, drawing your hunting knife and driving it into the table next to Micah's hand. For a fleeting moment, his eyes gleamed dangerously and you feared he'd take the knife and gut you. Instead, he leaned back casually with a chuckle: "Yer a feisty one, aren't you?"
You swallowed, unsure if you were brave enough to continue this conversation. Making an enemy wasn't exactly your plan, especially if Micah could, in any way, become an inconvenience for your little escape plan. But you sighed, stood up and said with the steadies voice you managed: "I recommend you don't find out." You left the knife in the table, just to spare you the embarrassment of failing to pull it out of the wood smoothly.  
You turned your back and strode away, your stomach churning with the adrenaline of the confrontation. Normally, you wouldn't be so bold…but "normally" you didn't have to deal with guys like Micah. Sure, the gang had seen their share of members that were disrespectful, especially towards women – but never like this. Micah’s aura alone made you shiver.
Making your way to your horse, you soothed your nerves by tending to the animal, offering it a few carrots and stroking its mane. Patiently, you waited until Micah retreated from the fire and went into the cave. As the camp settled into quiet stillness, only disturbed by the rustle of leaves and the sound of your horses’ hooves, you retrieved your knife and headed back.
As you passed Arthur’s tent, you caught a whisper of your name. You paused, curiously.
The flaps were partially closed, but when you peeked inside, you saw him standing next to his table, the warm light of a lantern warmly filling the tent. It almost looked cozy, certainly better than your bedroll on the dirty and hard ground. Arthur’s gaze was intense as he looked at you. You asked "Yeah?", hoping he’d clarify if he wanted to talk or something, but Arthur didn’t reply.  Hesitantly, you stepped inside his tent, your hand still holding the canvas open, just in case you read the situation completely wrong.
It was only when you came closer that you saw his features were irritated. He approached you with a big step, grabbed you by the arm and pulled you further into the tent, so nobody outside would see that you’d just entered
"What the hell were you thinking?", Arthur spit at you, eyebrows furrowed and the grip around your arm tightening.
"What I was thinking?", you tried to speak calmly.
You knew exactly what he was referring to. Arthur had picked up the conversation as if you had just walked into camp five minutes ago and not like three days had passed already. You continued: "That I won't sit tight for a week and wait to see if you've made it out."
"Y/n...", Arthur sighed disappointedly.
"Arthur please", you wailed, trying to loosen his grip around your arm. He let go, not before his thumb lightly caressed the area his fingers had been digging in, as if to apologize.
You looked the man straight in the eye. He was still somewhat angry, but so were you. Though you found your anger insignificant under the scorn of this big man and you hated being on the receiving end of it.
Arthur finally averted his gaze: "I can't save you too."
"You won't have to", you replied sternly.
Arthur sat down on his chair, sighing as if he had just been told his mother had died. He didn't look at you, standing there like a scolded child.
"Did you read the note?", Arthur asked after a while, referring to his good-bye letter that you had crumpled and disappear under your bed, before your eyes could read any sorry, love-sickening words or promises that wouldn’t be kept.
"No!", you replied quickly, "I saw you left one, I didn't bother."
"Look, Arthur", you tried desperately to get the man on your side again, "I don't know how the train heist'll go. Maybe you die, maybe I die. Maybe we'll fail to safe whoever needs saving. But then I got at least...four days left to spend with you."
Arthur looked at you sadly.
"Because I won't go back to my fucking cabin and mourn you like I've mourned you the last months. I'll keep you alive. Or I die trying, I don't really give a fuck", tears pricked your eyes. Gosh, this place was depressing. You wished you could speak more calmly, more put together...but you understood why everybody behaved like a nut-case around here. Somehow, the forest sucked out all the joy you have.
"Okay", Arthur sighed, and he looked like he could understand or was at least ready to end the discussion. He opened his posture a little, nodding towards him as if to invite you. You approached slowly, not quite sure of what he expected you to do.
"Come 'ere", he mumbled. You sat down on his lap, snaking his arms around his body while he did the same. The two of you had been close when you made out. There had been barely any distance between you, when you had cut his hair. However, this was different. You nuzzled your face into his neck in the silence of the night, with no other intention but to be close to him. Finally, you had time to bask in his scent.
It was a calming scent, familiar somehow. Homely, in the best of ways. It calmed you down. All the while, Arthur enjoyed your closeness just as much; pressing you tighter to him, enjoying the proximity he had denied you when you had asked if he wanted to sleep next to each other’s. He didn't know how much he had needed that. A warm, loving body in his embrace. He felt your fingers restlessly scratching his jacket, as if they tried to complain about the extra layer. He felt your breath down his neck and your body squirming on his lap.
The two of you sat like that for a while. Arthur started to caress your hair, letting his fingers run through your strands while he waited for you to calm your breathing.
Arthur realized that he was making a mistake. He loved the way your body pressed down on him, loved how your body moved and reacted to his subtle touches. He absolutely feared and hated that he would crave the feeling forever. He had denied sleeping next to you only a few days prior because he knew both of you would suffer if either one dies. It’s similar to being parched, only to be allowed a small sip of water. Enough to satisfy you for the moment, but making you realize how much you really craved water. This embrace was the same.
"Can't stay here, can I?", as if you had read his thoughts, you smiled sadly and peeled yourself off Arthur. He moved his arms reluctantly from your body and glanced to his cot.
He'd prefer it too...to have you lie on top of him, sleeping peacefully.
You spoke again before he could answer: "I always fear that this camp'll be overrun by Murfrees at night."
"Charles 'n I killed probably most of ‘em. There wouldn't be enough to bother us", Arthur tried to reassure you. His voice was a little dreamy, as if the image of you two sharing a cot was still very vivid on his mind.  
"Yeah...", you replied and stood up. Arthur's hands slid into yours, so that you now were holding hands as you stood next to him. The affectionate gestured surprised you a little, it send a pleasurable tingle into your stomach.
"Good night, then", you sighed and brushed your thumb over Arthur's back of his hand.
"G'd night, darlin'", Arthur mumbled. He might have been disappointed that you came to camp but softening him was as easy as putting old bread in a bowl of soup. And there he was, all soft and soggy after five minutes intimacy. Admittedly, you felt softened and calmed down too. You wouldn’t have been able to sleep after your little run-in with Micah, if it hadn’t been for the fact that you and Arthur had now made up. Your goal and purpose was in clear sight again; somehow protect this man and be there for him, in case Dutch or anyone else betrays him again.  
Satisfied, you walked to your bedroll and crept onto in, falling asleep quiet easily.
-
Nothing much would be happening until the train job in a few days – at least, that was what you believed. Of course, you were wrong.
The next day, you had volunteered to go on a grocery run with Uncle and Pearson. You had never been particularly close with them, but it wasn’t a detective’s job to see them whisper about something behind your back. While you waited in front of the grocery store and watched the young boys that helped out load your carriage, the two men walked off to the train station. They gave you some mumbled excuse, you had barely understood what they had said, but now you watched them in the distance as they ran their fingers over the train’s schedule. On their way back to you, you could pinpoint the precise moment they realised your eyes were on them, because they straightened their backs and put on innocent smiles. You gave them a sympathetic smile in return.
On the ride back, there was an uncomfortable silence between the three of you, before Pearson finally asked: "Why did you come back, y/n? You said you saw the papers...you should know that this won't last much longer..."
"Well…”, a quick grin hushed over your face before you forced yourself to sound more serious, “I said I would be back. And I'm loyal to Dutch." As soon as the word “loyal” had left your lips, you saw the men stiffening, Uncle shooting dangerous gazes to Pearson.
You let them hang in suspense and fear a few moments longer, before you smiled and snorted: "Oh, relax. I'm just fucking with you."
The flabbergasted faces of the men made you laugh.
"I came back to help Arthur to get everyone out before it's too late", you said truthfully and before you could add something, Uncle laughed triumphantly: "I knew it! Mary-Beth will be so happy to hear that you two are together!"
Your cheeks grew warm so quickly, you had barely registered Pearson’s words. Then you fumbled with the reins and tried to put some force behind your words: "I never said anything about being together with Arthur."
"But you were in his tent yesterday, weren't you?", Uncle asked in a manner that suggested he already knew the answer, and so did the girls and whoever he gossips with, apparently. So, you didn't say anything and chewed your inner cheek.
This was the perfect moment to change the topic and make the men aware that you figured they want to leave camp. You would help them - this was why you were there, after all.
Finally, you managed to swallow and said: "Anyways...I have guard duty from 2 am until the morning. You can slip away during that time...if you're in Annesburg before the sun's out, you should be in the clear", you said, eyes on the road.
"You're a good one, y/n", Pearson said happily, "Though I don't quite agree with the way you overseason my stew-"
"I can't overseason what's not seasoned in the first place!", you interrupted loudly, but it was in a friendly manner.
They briefly talked about what they'd take with them, that Mary-Beth would join them and you listened, already coming up with excuses on how it could happen that three people disappeared while you had guard duty. It felt like you had it all figured out. It was a relief to know that three people would be taken care of by tomorrow. The harder was the punch in the face when you arrived back at camp and found most of the men missing.  
The Indians had come and asked for help at the oil factory, and Dutch had jumped at the opportunity. You had a terrible feeling, but you knew that riding after them wouldn't make much sense, so you bided your time until most of them returned...without Arthur and Charles, that is.
The question burned on your tongue. Where was Arthur? Was he okay? But as far as you were concerned, officially, nobody knew that the two of you were on speaking-terms. You couldn’t exactly walk up to Javier and ask him where your lover was. Maybe, you could have asked John, but you would have felt like an idiot for being so worried after only a couple of hours.
Arthur returned at sunset, grumpy face and slouching shoulders. When you approached him, he shot you a warning gaze. Not a dangerous gaze that made you think he was mad at you, but a silent warning, a peep at Dutch, and then he disappeared, walking off to eat an apple at the outskirts of camp. Charles hadn't returned, so you thought something might have happened to him, but Sadie finally filled you in on the details. The chief's son had been shot, was probably dead now, but nobody in the gang had been hurt, as far as she knows.
You waited a few more minutes, before you stalked after Arthur, finding him sitting in the dirt and watching the river in the distance.
Arthur briefly twisted his head in your direction as if to make sure that it really was you. He gave you no sign of recognition or invitation to join him, you simply heard a sigh, then saw some more smoke puffing from the cigarette between his lips.
"Dutch…he…He saw that a man was about to gut me, and jus’ walked away”, Arthur stumped his cigarette on a tree like an angry child would kick a stone, “Eagle Flies’s dead, 'cause of me…"
You weren’t quite sure if you understood what had happened at the oil factory, but you sensed that Arthur was extremely upset about it. Somehow, you couldn’t just say something bad about Dutch, because it didn’t matter if he had left Arthur – you hadn’t been there to begin with. Yet, staying at Arthur’s side was the sole reason you now sat down in the moist earth of this unsettling forest. Even now, you though you heard somebody scream in the distance and the darkness swapped places with the setting sun quickly spread throughout the woods and distorted shadows in the distance.
There was only little space left between you and Arthur, as you sat next to each other, watching water flow down the river. If anyone from camp saw you like that, they could probably put one and one together; but right now, you couldn't care less.
Had you ever seen Arthur so hurt and unsure of everything? You remembered, unfortunately quiet vividly, how under the weather the man was when Mary had to reject him or when he heard that she had married another. Back then, the whole camp felt Arthur’s sour mood and had done its best to offer distraction and ease the burden he normally carried a little bit. Today, you were the only one who seemingly had noticed that he wasn’t feeling well. Given the hostile mood at camp, this was probably for the best.
"He was a good guy, then? Eagle Flies...?", you asked quietly, sensing that Arthur would like to say a few more words about it.
"Yes. Hot headed and easily twisted by Dutch's speeches, unfortunately. Dutch did more damage to the tribe than..., well, I don't know. He was the chief's only son. And Rain Falls is...maybe wiser than a fool like me can ever hope of becoming", Arthur was brabbling, mumbling his words, making them tricky to follow. You tried your best, nonetheless.
"Thought I'd stay with 'em. Help 'em bag and leave...", Arthur admitted, his fingers brushed over the soil, picking out dried blades of grass, "Charles sent me back 'nd said there's people here needing me."
This caught you off guard. Leaving with the tribe would mean leave you behind with this mad bunch of degenerates, with Micah and his companions that looked at you like they just waited for an opportunity to catch you alone. Could you blame him, though? His father figure and mentor was ready to let Arthur be killed off.
It was at this point that you truly realised: The gang would be no longer.
Also, Arthur had no obligation nor responsibility for you. It had been your choice to leave your comfortable home to try and protect him here. Maybe it had been a bad idea to begin with. You should have stayed at your cabin and prayed or asked witches to bring Arthur back to you. The two of you weren't a couple. Arthur might have admitted to feel something for you, but that didn’t have to mean anything…not in the world he lived in.
You were so lost in your thoughts, you didn't realize Arthur was leaning in before he pressed a gentle kiss onto your temple.
"I love ya", he mumbled.
Your heart skipped a beat. Or several, actually, and your mind was blank.
Two minutes of quietly trying to convince yourself that the outlaw next to you, can’t possibly commit to anything, that the last time you spent together at you cabin and made out could have been a dream, and now he straight up told you that he…
It was your surprised and blank face that prompted Arthur to say: " 's okay. Ya don't 've to say it back. Or feel the same. 's just...almost dying...", Arthur swallowed. There was something like fear in his eyes, like he was rethinking his entire life, regretting the paths he had walked, the people he had killed. And not having told you sooner.
"You won't die. Not if I can help it", you assured, those were the only words you managed to say.
Arthur chuckled sadly: "Bullets travel fast."
You looked at each other as if you had walked into a dead end. Arthur had just told you that he loved you and you couldn’t say it back…or were afraid to say it back? You had already said something similar, a few days back, why did this feel so much more important?
Then you shared a hesitant smile.
"Oh, yeah”, you started again, “Pearson, Uncle and Mary-Beth are thinking of leaving tomorrow at dawn. I'm on guard duty, so they'll have safe passage."
"Okay", Arthur nodded, "come 'n see me at night before ya take yer post. I got s’mthing for yer..."
You nodded confusedly, but with peaked interest.
Nobody had to wake you at 2 am, because you had barely managed to fall asleep. It would be another half an hour before you swapped with Javier, so you took your time to warm up some coffee. Cup in hand, you sneaked into Arthur’s tent.
The man was completely knocked out and snoring on his tiny cot. As much as you loved the idea of sleeping in his tent with him, both of you would never fit on it. Arthur slept peacefully, sprawled out and without fear that someone hostile would sneak up on his. And yet, here you were. Disturbing him felt like a crime, but he had practically told you to wake him.
"Arthur", you whispered and put your cup down on the table, lighting the lantern so he'd see you when he woke and not get startled. When he didn’t react, you repeated his name slightly louder.
Nothing. You thought hard; was it really that important to wake him up? Couldn't it wait until the morning? If anyone, Arthur really deserved his sleep. The curiosity though...
"It's me," you said, now lightly touching his shoulder. This did the trick, Arthur opened his eyes and shot up. It reminded you of trying to pet a cat when it was asleep – it would always wake up as if you had stepped on its tail.
"Oh", Arthur's shoulders relaxed when he realised it was you. He pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers, adapting to the dim light in the tent and groaned, "Gimme a second."
"D-don't worry", you stuttered, now definitely feeling bad for waking him.
You watched as he stretched his legs and ran his hands over his face, trying to shake the sleepiness. After a few more moments, he stood up and walked over to his wardrobe chest. With an aching and tired groan, he pulled out a holster and a gun belt which was already dressed with bullets.
"I wore this when I was 'bit smaller", Arthur commented, his voice deep and gravelly. He walked up to you, placing the holster on the belt and then gently putting it around your waist. Though sleep-drunk, Arthur tried his best to not touch you anywhere inappropriate. You smiled affectionately as Arthur closed the belt buckle and mumbled: "I won't let you go in a fight with your gun crammed into yer pants."
That being said, he pulled your gun out of your waistband. You didn't stop him, as he briefly inspected the weapon, finding it in acceptable condition and dropping it into your new holster.
"Might need to adjust it, t’have it sit right. Guess you got the rest of the night to figure out which height you wanna wear it", as Arthur's raspy sleep voice faded, you noticed a sad undertone.
"Thank you, truly", you said, rattling the belt lightly to make it sit better.
"Sure", Arthur tried to crack a smile.
You held eye contact for a few seconds. Something needed to happen. Either one of you had to admit that they were deeply worried the other one would die later tonight or a hug, a kiss...anything. You knew that Arthur felt the same, that he was itching to break the silence, but neither of you found the courage.
"I'll...go on guard duty now. Wouldn't want to see Uncle and the rest try'n slip away with Javier still keeping guard."
"Sure", Arthur repeated and sat down on the cot, more than ready to go back to sleep, "Call on me if there's trouble."
You nodded, took your cup and walked out the tent.
The swap went smoothly, as were the first one and a half hours and then you heard something in camp stir behind you. About quarter of an hour later, Uncle, Pearson, Mary-Beth and Karen stood before you. Well, Karen was lying on a waggon, snoring. Uncle had mounted the horse that was pulling the little waggon and the other two were on foot, smiling at you hesitantly.
"You've got some money on you?", you asked, almost in a whisper.
"God damn it, we should have known that she wanted something for leaving us go!", Uncle cursed, and you couldn't quite tell if it was being sarcastic or not.
"No, you idiot", you complained, as friendly as you managed, "Money for your train. For a life afterwards, I don't know...to get a some fucking distance between you and this rat hole."
"Oh", you heard Uncle mumbled and it irritated you that he really believed you would want them to pay.
Pearson answered: "We got a few bucks. Should last for at least one or two stations."
You shook the head and pulled out a ten-dollar bill – your savings and the only money you had taken from home. "Take some more then, and hurry. I'll sweep the tracks behind you. Stay on the main road", you quickly rambled because you realized the sooner they leave, the better.
It was dark, the light of the moon barely reached the ground and the dim lantern they had was soon swallowed up by the trees. You grabbed an old broom and swept away their tracks for about 50 yards before you went back to your post.
Before most people started rising, you put on some coffee and used the last bit of porridge that had been in a big sack at the supplies pile to make some proper breakfast. For one thing, nobody would start wondering about Pearson's absence as quickly and for another, you might as well use the last pit of porridge, ideally, you won't be here tomorrow to suffer from its absence. You'd either be long gone or lying dead in a ditch as food for ravens - either way, the porridge won't be of any use for you. Neither would it be for Jack, John, Abigail, Arthur...and the other half decent people that were still here. Ideally.
Nobody seemed to notice that people were missing, expect for Miss Grimshaw - but she kept quiet for some reason. Arthur gave you a knowing smile when he passed you to get some coffee, as you retired again to catch up on some sleep.
Your nerves woke you some time before noon. The men were loading their weapons and brushing their horses. The suspense in the air quickly got rid of your remaining tiredness. This was your first big job, after all. Every moment your brain woke up from its slumber, you realised that you had never done anything similar before. You had robbed the odd fella and held up a couple of waggons…but robbing a train with army pay roll? You wondered if you hadn’t overestimated yourself.
As you stood up and got dressed, you noticed Arthur standing close to the cave and having a discussion with Dutch. The cold glares they exchanged sent shivers down your spine.
As you passed Arthur’s tent, a letter caught your attention. It was, besides the lantern, the only thing that occupied his table and you were sure that it hadn’t been there at night. You wouldn’t have though much of it, hadn’t you caught the name “Mary” on the cover. A quick glance at Arthur reassured you that he was all packed up, now somewhat agitatedly walking to his horse with the rest of the men. You made a couple of big steps, grabbed the letter and you eyes passed quickly over the lines “From Mary, To Arthur” before it startled you that there was something besides paper in this cover.
This was when Dutch’s shout: “Let’s ride!” echoed through camp. You slipped the letter into your satchel and joined the others.
You would never have admitted it, but you were anxious. Again, in your mind, you went through the clientele that you had robbed before. Drunk fools, rich looking travellers that weren’t significantly armed…any situation where you clearly had the upper hand. when you ran with the gang. Alone, you had stopped one or the other rich looking traveller. This, however, would be a battle for survival. Ideally, you had the money and would slip away before anything happened, but everyone knew that bullets would be flying sooner or later.
While riding, you stuck close to Sadie. You craved talking to Arthur, hell, as much as a comfort-providing look would have been great...but there wasn't any. Your anxiety only rose when he rode off with John to get some dynamite and you were stuck with the rest...You knew Sadie was fine, the others were not entirely trustworthy. Micah used the absence of Arthur and John, maybe the only men who would have been ready to defend you, to fall back in the group and make some “small talk”.
"You sure you're ready for this? Fine lady like you shouldn’t play outlaw with the men", Micah chuckled sarcastically. You were glad when Sadie interrupted him and threatened to cut his balls off, if he didn't shut up. You couldn't have come up with a witty reply for the life of it, you worried way too much about how the next two hours would turn out. The feeling of having to throw up was somewhat overwhelming, had you opened your mouth, you doubted something good would have left it.
Only when Arthur and John rejoined the group, you calmed slightly.
Things took their run. You had to ride hard to catch that train, your mind going crazy about the commands Dutch yelled every opportunity he got. You didn't understand why he wanted you to board the train - Sadie and Cleet were to board the train half-way, John, Arthur and you should jump on at the end. There wasn't any time to talk back or complain, even though Arthur didn’t seem to agree with that either.  
You steered your horse closer and closer to the waggon as Arthur rode up beside you: "Jump!" he yelled, because he had noticed you hesitated for a few seconds too long. You sent him an unsure gaze, which he took as a sign to board the train first. He made it look easy, jumping on a train that was going at the speed of...well, a train. Your horses had trouble keeping up.
But as Arthur extended a hand to show you that he'd catch you, you inhaled, untangled your feet from the stirrups and took a leap of faith. Unceremoniously, you crashed into Arthur, who did his best so you wouldn't fall over. You had barely collected your bearings, when John yelled at the two of you: "Come on, push!"
The thought that this has been a terrible idea crossed your mind multiple times as you struggled to keep up with the two men. It was them who shot most of the enemies, you were happy with sometimes hiding behind a corner and aimlessly firing at the guards, so they'd have to hide and give John and Arthur the time to reload. Hunting unsuspecting deer and rabbits did not compare to shooting at humans, you concluded, as you missed three shots. But your attempt was enough to make the guard hesitate before aiming his weapon at John, which was the split second that Arthur needed to gun him down.
This game continued for a couple of wagons. You jumped over crates and climbed on the roof of wagons that you were surprised of how much your body was capable. Your only goal was to not get left behind by the two men. Arthur sometimes turned around to make sure you were still following properly, but both of you were so out of breath, that it wouldn’t have worked to exchange a few words.
You didn't know how or why, but all of a sudden, the wagon in front of you had caught fire. John was quickest to react to Bill's yell to jump on his horse. Arthur looked anxiously between you and Dutch, who now called for him to jump on his. Riding behind Dutch was your last available option for a lift: Micah. Arthur was about to open his mouth, but Dutch pressured him to jump already. You whirled around and almost jumped happily, when you saw your horse straining to keep close to the train at the other side.
You whistled and it understood. Not even thinking about not making the jump really helped. You simply jumped, almost slipped from the guardrails but somehow grabbed onto your horse. Your fingers tightened around its mane, the reins fluttering around too vividly to catch it. Clutched your legs around the horse as tightly as you could, your spurred it on to skip the burning waggon. You stopped fearing for either your or Arthur's life at this moment. Hell, your only loyal companion the last couple of years had been your horse and you swore if a bullet as much as grazed it, you would find the gun that had done it and kill the owner barehanded, if needed.
Arthur was already on the next waggon and as he shouted at John to uncouple the burning one before it blows up the train, he positioned himself again, ready to catch you if needed. It was a smoother boarding than your first try, Arthur only gripped your elbow so you wouldn't topple over.
Arthur's eyes were already fixed on the gatling gun, then he pointed at  acouple of crates: "Hide there!"
Arthur shoved you behind the crates and you saw a panic in his eyes as everyone noticed a man on a cliff in the distance that alarmed everyone of the crime in act.  
Suddenly, everything happened awfully quick. Arthur had just finished putting the gun together and John had manged to unhinge the burning wagon. Three seconds later, it gave a loud boom and the waggon toppled over. For a few moments, you heard nothing. Your ears tried to adjust from the explosion to the constant noise of the train rattling through its tracks, when one gunshot pierced the air. John fell off the train like a sack of potatoes.
You hadn’t even seen where the shot had come from, but the man was dead before he could fire another - Arthur had been quick to draw his gun.
"I'll get John! You protect that money!", Dutch yelled, he and the rest of the riders turned their horses around. Looking at Arthur’s sceptical face, you knew that he didn’t believe Dutch would actually look out for John.
"I'll go stop the train!", Bill yelled.
Arthur spun around, carrying a case with ammunition for the gatling: "Whatever you do, do not stop the train! You secure up ahead but keep us movin'! I'll deal with the patrol when they come through!"
While the others ran off, Arthur rpinted towards you: "Go collect John. I don't trust Dutch to not jus' leave him."
"He's probably dead! I won't leave you too-", you quickly answered, out of breath.
"No!", Arthur interrupted, "You go collect him and I'll meet ya at yer cabin with Abigail 'n Jack!"
"I can't just-"
"Yes! You can god damn it!", Arthur was irritated. You were running out of time. The first bullet of the patrol hit the waggon, "Listen t' me. Yer gonna be fine and I'm gonna be fine. Here-"
Arthur took of his hat and pressed it onto your head.
And that didn't feel right. It was like he gave up his most prized possession. It didn't even fit but wobbled uncomfortably on your smaller head.
"No", you croaked. Your throat became dry from all the yelling, otherwise you wouldn’t understand each other because of the noise. Not again. Not again this “good-bye” scenario. He couldn't leave a letter, so he left you with his hat?
"It’s a promise", Arthur explained, "I'll get my hat back, understand? You jus’ take care of it for now."
You shook your head violently, the hat wobbled: “Take care of your hat, take care of your journal! I don’t want to-“
"If there's as much as a scratch on it", Arthur tried to joke, but it didn't sound like a joke. His voice was serious and stern. Then he grabbed you by the collar and lifted you up from your cowering position behind the crates. He lifted you like one would lift one’s opponent in a fight, just to have them on eye-level before delivering the punch to their face.
"I'll meet ya at yer cabin", Arthur promised again, and his face was so close, you thought he might kiss you, but then another bullet from the patrol splintered the wood of the crates you had sat behind a moment before.
Arthur said something that confused you: "Watch yer head" and before you could make sense of the words, Arthur pushed you against the shoulders and you went flying off the train. The second before you hit the ground, rolling along and crashing into a tree you remembered to keep your head up and it might have prevented you from dying, because the impact was brutal.
When you crashed into the tree you thought you were dead. You couldn't breathe. Everything went black for a few seconds before your body spasmed up in panic, trying to get air into your lungs. It didn't happen.
You were going to suffocate. You struggled for air until you were too exhausted to try. You were lying in the dirt, your whole body hurting, with no air in your lungs.
In the last possible second, when your vision already became blurry, the smallest bit of air filled your lungs and prolonged your suffering a little longer, until the next tiny gasp for air.
You didn’t know how long you'd been lying there before you managed to breath somewhat normally, ignoring the excruciating pain that each breath brought you.
In between blinking you saw Arthur's hat lying some feet away and wondered if that had been the real joke; to protect his hat while flying off a train.
Your first action was to crawl to the hat and put it on, no matter how pathetic it looked. Arthur had pushed you so far, you were surrounded by trees and shrubbery. Even if another patrol rode next to the tracks, he wouldn't see you.
With all the strength you could muster, you pushed yourself into a standing position on a tree and fought your way through the woods.
John was surely dead, or Dutch and the rest had done their job and collected him. It made no sense to spend your energy walking back, but you did so anyways. Your hands always reached for the nearest trunk to hold on to, your left leg didn’t react well to the weight you tried to put on it, so you just dragged it.
To your surprise, when you closed in on the man lying on the tracks, he was moving - and still there.
"John?", you wheezed, struggling to catch your breath, anxiously looking around. Nobody was close, even the train was so far ahead by now, that the gun shots were muffled.
When you got no response, you nudged John with your boots which made him blink lazily. There was blood seeping through his shirt and jacket. Had you ever seen so much blood? It was his left shoulder, too.
For a few seconds you just stood there, wondering. Would he even survive? How should you get him to your cabin?
In an act of desperation, you whistled, hoping your horse would be close by. And it was. You had to hold back tears of joy when it came galloping along.
"John", you squatted next to him, even though the movement hurt you greatly, "Come on, we gotta get out of here. I can't lift you on my horse alone."
Thank God, your horse was well trained and knew how to lower itself for people to get on from the ground. You still had to pull and push the half-conscious man, but you had a significantly easier time. Your body ached from all the straining, and you were quiet sure that whatever damage you had taken from the fall was significantly worsened by the exercise, but it wasn’t like you had a real choice.
You rode, as fast as the constitution of your horse would allow, straight to your cabin. The sun was setting when you arrived. John had passed out a couple of times during the ride, and it was only when you had given him some alcohol to drink and had cleaned and bandaged his wound, that he passed out - but snoring and quiet peacefully.
You had no time to inspect your own body and assess the damage the fall had done, because as soon as you were done with John and had thrown him onto your bed, you heard a horse approach.
Jack and Tilly.
According to Tilly, Arthur was still alive, but had gone to Annesburg with Sadie to get Abigail who had been taken by Pinkertons. This scared you shitless, but at this point you were too exhausted to show it. Instead, you offered Jack something to eat and then had the two of them settle down inside the house. You waited at the garden gate, listening for riders.
It was dark and almost midnight when you saw a dim light in the distance. It came from the opposite direction of where you'd expected Arthur to come from, so you pulled your gun. But soon, you were able to make out the rider. The dim light of a lantern illuminated Sadie and behind her on the horse, Abigail.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
I apologize for the many typos, but I figured it was better the chapter would see the light of day instead of rotting in my drafts any longer. Took me way too long to begin with heh.
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stevenbasic · 11 months
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GITJ Post 310: Back to the Study Clinics, p2
Karina Katasova, APRN, CANS, known around the office as “Karen” (but AKA Agent KLCTVxx0038цч/0FHMA007 or Subj F000025a-KK depending on to whom you’re talking) put on her mask and readied herself to step in and see her first subject of the morning. Bates, Thalia: nineteen years of age, the daughter of an American senator from the US state of Minnesota. Karina had worked with this girl before, at this clinical site once and several times in the Department of Psychosocial Engineering at Evolution Pharmaceuticals. She’d been taking to treatment nicely, and was weaponizing well.
Stupid man is in there by himself already, she spoke to herself, frustrated and exasperated as she adjusted her bra, settling her full bosom in her newly too-tight blouse, alone. What’s worse is that she heard them interacting, through the door, slightly ajar. “I’ve put on another 20 pounds doctor,” Karina heard the girl’s voice speaking, “can you tell me where it’s all going?”
‘Karen’ knocked once, waited a brief moment, then opened the door to the exam room.  “Doctor, sorry I’m late b-…” she intoned before trailing off, the sight of her erstwhile “boss's” head being absolutely swallowed, engulfed by their mutual patient’s enormous bosom, taking Karina momentarily by surprise. 
I warn him, we all warn him many times - need mask! she immediately thought, protective in her own way of him, one of her assets on this assignment. She stepped hurriedly in towards the supply cabinet over the sink. But he is stupid man. Should follow protocol if he know what good for him. 
This girl, Thalia, Product Study #F8-021-TB, was typical of the several teenagers enrolled in this pre-rollout of Product: imprudent, incautious, impetuous. Perhaps because of their active, still-pubescent hormone profiles, girls of this age were taking very strongly to treatment, seeing fast, dramatic results that outpaced others. Pheromone levels were invariably off the charts, which excited the executives and other movement leaders. But these girls also tended to be reckless and soon after starting treatment they all began to follow similar patterns of impulsive behavior. They needed handling, sometimes closely. They were a handful but Karina, and others from the Department of Psychosocial Engineering, found them fascinating. And, most thrilling, they were certainly powerful. In what was already being called the Battle of the Sexes by some (while many remained oblivious to what was happening right in front of their faces) the teens would make great weapons.
Karina knew that Study Subject #F8-021-TB was no exception.
Exasperated again, Karen found that, when she opened the cabinet, all the masks embedded with synthetic Patient 0 pheromones were gone. “These rooms need stocking every morning…” she muttered to herself, shutting the cabinet in new frustration and knowing neither of the other two people in the room with her were listening. The Bates patient had intentionally flooded the room with pheromones and was now too busy blithely embosoming the middle-aged man kneeling on the ground in front of her, and Dr. J was, well, too busy being embosomed. Karen had heard the doctor say, at one point last week, that he had ‘concerns about how young some of these study subjects are,’ but he was not looking very concerned at the moment, buried to the ears. In fact, he looked ready to pass out. 
Karina placed her hands on her shapely hips and, with a wry look of disapproval, addressed her young patient. “Thalia…” she began, “you know we’ve talked about this….”
“What..?” the girl answered, looking up from her seat but not releasing her arms from around the poor man’s head. His face was absolutely disappeared between her inflated breasts, the thin tee that this place used as gowns for some of these patients the only thing separating him from skin that was currently releasing pheromones of apocalyptic levels. “He’s just listening to my heartbeat…”
The doctor, who was necessary for the particular governmental requirements of this sham of a study, mostly for his signature, did not move. His arms laid limply at his sides. Karen took the moment to regard him, regard the room - which some of the silly young girls who worked here had taken to decorating like a teenager’s bedroom, complete with hanging plastic vines. She had to admit that seeing a small man like the doctor being overwhelmed and enveloped so effortlessly by a young female was thrilling.
She looked now again at her patient. Thalia had taken to smiling beatifically again, down at her little charge with a delicate smirk. She held him firmly to her breasts, his face caught between twin pillows that were easily larger than his head, and was trying to push him deeper, to completely hide him from sight. It was almost like Thalia wanted to engulf him, to make him disappear completely into her curves. Peklo, I would like to smother man too, Karen thought, momentarily overcome by desires that seemed, recently, to be building in frequency and potency. She understood where they came from, these prion-mediated impulses, but was still sometimes surprised by them. 
Thalia, for her part, was looking down at the precious little doctor, held fast to her chest.  She marveled at her own size, the way her tits just devoured his head.  Karina heard her speaking, softly, almost to herself. “I’m so much bigger than I was when this whole trial started…” Thalia was saying, “Isn’t that right, my little boob-monkey? Bigger, bigger, bigger. Mmmm…boob-monkeys…all of you… gonna love losing yourselves in these…nnnn…”
And the doctor, for his part, seemed completely overcome, not putting forth even a ghost of a struggle despite the frankly life-threatening predicament he was in.  Karina was tempted, so very tempted to do nothing, to watch this young, budding queen exercise her control and authority over this little man.  But, she couldn’t ignore how purple the tips of his ears were becoming, and if he was actually harmed there would be a lot of paperwork to do. With a sigh, she cleared her throat, perhaps a little too loudly.
“Do I really need to let him go?” Thalia whined, sounding suddenly younger than her eighteen years. 
“Yes, Thalia, for now,” Karen replied, evenly, hands still on hips. 
With a petulant little “hmph” Thalia released the doctor, who fell back on his knees, catching himself with one hand to the ground. He was breathing hard, gasping for air, his face rapidly shifting from purple to a deep, embarrassed crimson. 
“You okay, doc?” Karen asked, fighting to keep the amusement from her voice as he looked up at her in surprise, shocked to see her in the room with them, “Do you need a minute?”
The doctor muttered something, obviously confused and bewildered. 
“Why don’t you step out, go get the cup of the coffee?” Karen suggested, dropping her voice naturally into the deeper, richer timbre she used with her patients, activating her laryngeal implant. She watched his face change, become both entirely focused on her and transfixed on another level. After years of training and some help from her own arcanely supplemented physiology, her suggestions could be nigh impossible to refuse, if she so desired. “In the breakroom? Down the hall?” she purred, “Wouldn’t that be the nice?”
“Y-yeah…just n-need to…er…coffee, breakroom…” he stammered, standing. Karen helped him, steadying him with a sure hand before sending him on his way on wobbly legs. He was compromised, and would be useless for a while.
“Go,” Karen commanded, and he immediately complied. The playful giggle of Thalia’s sing-song laughter chased him from the room.
The two women shared a silent moment, each in their own thoughts. “You’re about to use those Jedi-mind tricks on me, now, aren’t you?” Thalia eventually asked, looking up at Karen with an expectant smile. 
Karina Katasova, APRN, smiled herself and pulled over the room’s rolling exam stool. “Yes, is that okay?” she asked. 
“Omigod I can’t wait…” the young patient exclaimed, sitting up straight and leaning forward, ready for her treatment…
==============================================
Thanks to CaptainAmbiguous for his help/co-writing on this scene, and to model Tally Berry for allowing us to use her image; support her on OnlyFans if you can.
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