"Thena, sweetie, you can't play with that-" Techno warned to his child, moving the wrapped sword away from her tiny hands.
"But Daddy- you said you'd teach me!"
As Athena got older it was obvious she shown sides of taking after her father. Her curiosity in weaponry, speech, and body language told you that much. But, to be honest, you didn't mind.
You would admit, after being away from the toxicity of the empire, and the people it entailed, life was much simpler, and way more humble. It was homey, something far more than the large palace was. Instead of large marble floors, tall lengthy walls, and perfect matching fabrics, the cozy cottage home Techno and you built was made of warm, strong logs, wooden floors that gave off a warm glow, mismatched blankets and curtains that hung with care, showing they were frequently opened and closed. It was perfect for your small family. You adored it.
After the fall of your kingdom and the near escape you all had, life was hard to adjust to. Techno was distant, scared he would lash out at you again like he did in the library. You wanted to tell him it was ok, that it was a terrible misunderstanding between the communication, and the people holding the letters. Yet, the way he grabbed you still had you hesitant. You could still remember the first few months within the tundra.
Your eyes watched the brute cut more logs. The way he moved the axe, you wouldn't have expected him to be a once prestigious emperor. Instead he looked like a boy far past his years- someone overly exhausted.
The baby in your arms was easily fast asleep. Warm and cozy from the near fireplace, and if that wasn't enough, her mothers arms and chest opted as a warm cushioned resting place.
The past month was hard, both mentally and physically. Between the tension techno and you had, and the fear of Athena getting too cold from no true shelter, you both were at your wit's end. Thankfully Techno and Phil worked to built a small shelter. Something you could rest Thena in, well the three of you worked to build a more suitable home for a family.
The rocking chair you were seated in offered a soothing place to think back on it, of course your thought's were disrupted when Tech walked back inside the home. Logs over his shoulder for the fire, not wanting it to die out and bring the tundra chill into the home.
"Did she fall asleep finally?..." he asked softly, setting the logs down. Although he walked over to the two of you, he didn't rub his finger on her cheek like he normally would, he probably had sap on his hands from the wood. Something that was now normal.
Your smile came easy to his tone "yeah, she zoned out pretty quickly after she ate. You were right about rice cereal, she's not as hungry anymore" your eyes went up to meet with his. His smile was just as gentle as yours. "Where did you even hear about it?"
"I was curious if it would... I was trading in the village and I herd it from a elderly woman" he explained, moving to the sink to wash his hands off.
Your curiosity perked at this.
He hummed and wondered back, sitting on the couch, still respecting the space you wished. Just because you two were married didn't mean it was all sunshine and rainbows. Things were still healing, you still got weary around his touch after the library incident, and he was still blaming himself for the years you were alone. He didn't feel like you could forgive him so easily- he knew you shouldn't.
"Mhm. She saw me looking at a small plush and rattle. She asked if I had any children or if they were for a friend... I explained I had a fussy infant... she kind of laughed and told me a few ways to avoid it..." his cheeks went pink as he glanced away.
It was easy to believe Sarah tampered with the letters, the tech in the letters was cold and distant about children. Where the one you laid with every night cooed, and played with his daughter, eager to show her the world. One thing he did for her almost made you break down in tears.
Due to fleeing for your lives, Athena no longer had toys, blankets, or anything she needed. She even lost her plush, the one she slept with every night. When she was particularly fussy one night, you explained to techno why. Of course he was saddened too, he didn't wanna hear his little girl cry, no parent did. So the next day he found some scrap fabric and sewed together a small Pig for her. You would always remember how eagerly she pulled it into her arms.
In the end. It was easy to see Technoblade was a family man.
When night time rolled around, you were thinking back on all the nights techno held you close. After his return you both slept with a bit of distance between you. The first night you both were tightly within each other's arms, too scared to loose each other again. But after that something about laying tightly like everything was ok didn't feel right. So the two of you kept a bit of distance, easily a hands reach away if needed.
Tonight however, you wanted tech to hold you. You wanted old times back, the endless giggles, the warm arms, slight smirks, his nose in your neck content with life. You missed it so much.
So when Techno crawled into bed, you fallowed in suit, but instead of crossing over him for your place by the wall, you sat atop straddling his waist. The action alone was enough to make him pink, and curious. His hands didn't rest on your hips, rather you guided them to rest there yourself, showing it was ok for him to touch you.
You could feel how hesitant he was. He didn't want to scare you, drive you away farther than you already were.
"Princess... what are you doing?" He asked softly, admiring your form above him, dearly missing the sight deep down.
"Tech I miss you... I miss you holding me, making love to me, whispering how much you love me... I miss how close we were..." you said slightly pained.
He drew a slight breath, the air coming out shaky. "Darlin'- Princess... look... I miss it too... But I hurt you... I accused you of sleeping with Orion, i also assumed you hated me... It made me draw my sword to you... it made me Grab you-" he was cut off by you.
"And I forgive you... it's in the past... we can move forward... I mean... I'm assuming you wouldn't do it again..." you said slowly, watching him discard your hips for your hands.
"Ill never raise a hand, or blade to you again... never again... God's I love you too much to even think of hurting you like I could have... Your all I have..." he said softly, tearing up slowly. Thinking back on it, he hated how he acted, he was hurt and took it out in rage, he took it out on the one person who endlessly loved him.
After talking out how you two truly felt, you tried to make love again, the action felt odd, yet long awaited, Both of you desperate to feel one another after so long without each other, but sadly when Tech moved you under him, you watched his eyes well with tears before he fully broke down in tears.
Their may have not been physical intimacy shared, yet the wounds of words, and actions began to slowly heal, and it all started with techno burring his face into your chest, his sobs drowned out by the wild wind outside the cabin.
Your thoughts were shaken from your mind as you watched your daughter try to charm tech into teaching her sword play.
"You promised!" She said, hoping it would budge the stubborn Brute.
"Yeah, well I promised your mother a new ring too and all she got was another one of you-" he said scooping Thena up into his arms, holding her upside down to get her to laugh.
"Yeah well she can take Ares back! I don't want a brother!" Thena said, sounding like she meant it. "He’s annoying and he always cries at night" she explained, finding her reasoning good enough.
"It sounds like you when you were his size" you said with a smile, stepping up beside your husband, almost eye level with your child. "Ares is young, he'll grow up and get quite darling. Crying is his only way of communicating he needs something" you explained, moving your head so you were somewhat looking her in the eyes.
When tech started to tickle her, it brought smiles to you both. Over the years her giggle, and laugh had become your shared favorite sound. Athena was so innocent and pure, she was the only hope that had survived the darkness of the empire. Luckily out of that darkness came a stronger relationship between you and Tech, even if it took time to develop again.
Without the empire down his throat, he had become much more relaxed. Even his voices seemed to dull down quite a bit. Not only that, but with his son born he felt more at home than he ever had.
This was, and always will be better than what you suffered. This was the life you and Technoblade deserved, after every tooth and nail fought for normality, this was rewarding. This was home.
Amíg vele nem találkozol, ne bánd, hogy egyedül vagy. Várd ki azt, aki büszkén mutat be a szüleinek. Akinek soha nem leszel sok, ciki vagy akármi, amit már ezerszer hallottál másoktól. De nem tőle. Ő az, akinek a barátai rád mosolyognak majd bemutatkozáskor: "Áh, már sokat hallottunk rólad"-mondják. Ő már mesélt rólad. Sokat. Várd ki azt, aki felveszi a telefont, válaszol az üzeneteidre. Maradj egyedül, amíg nem ismered meg Őt, aki nem játszik veled, hanem őszinte. Aki nem azért lesz veled, mert jobb vagy a semminél, hanem mert számára jobb vagy bárkinél. Akkor is maradj egyedül, ha fáj. Mert Ő lesz az, aki betartja, amit ígér, aki emlékszik arra, amit megbeszéltetek, aki tudja, hogy az idő drága, és Ő minden szabad percét veled szeretné majd tölteni, nem pedig kifogásokat gyártani miért nem ér rá veled tölteni néhány órát. Ő az, aki mellett nem leszel második. Meglátod mekkora könnyebbség lesz, ha olyannal leszel együtt, aki belátja, ha hibázott. Aki beszél, kommunikál. Aki elmondja, ha valami bántja, még akkor is, ha ez a valami Te vagy. Ha nincs is mindig szenvedély, akkor is tudod, hogy nem kell azt fürkészned megcsal-e, mert őszinte. Mert, ha lenne más, ha lesz más, azt is meg fogja mondani. Maradj egyedül, amíg azzal nem találkozol, aki a legjobbat akarja kihozni belőled, anélkül hogy arra kényszerítene, változz meg miatta. Ő lesz az, aki motivál és értékel. Ha kell, minden nap. Aki tudja, hogy értékes vagy, hogy vártál rá, és Ő is várt Rád. Mert Ő az, aki tudni fogja, milyen nehéz volt rátalálnod, és ha már eljött, megbecsül Téged. Rád várt. Egymásra vártatok
Could We Get One Where Techno Is Just Trying To Do His Work But The Voices Keep Nagging At Him To Just Mark The Reader Up And Ditch Work To Spend Time With Her? Oh And Perhaps Everyone Is Just Like "Why Is He Being So Clingy With Her Today?". I love Ur Writing Btw!!!
Thank you darlin!!! Oh my god im making this a side moment of The Empress, and none of you can stop me.
The Empress (side part)
Warnings: sexual innuendo, NSFW
Techno is a work driven man. Once he was within his office working, very little could distract him. But you, without knowing, had a special effect on his attention span. If you were feeling particularly lonesome for his attention, you would just roam in and sit on one of the chairs. With a book in hand, you could often read the afternoon away well your lover did paper work.
The only problem for techno was when you were in the room, his mind would very often linger away from the work before him. Being a ruler put a lot of stress down onto him. Not only that, but being young he still had a lot to learn about being a Emperor. Along with being young, he still wanted to have fun with you. Of course he would take you for little dates, dance with you in the ballroom, spar with you, have little picnics in the library- those were your favorite. He did every little thing a casual city boy would do for you. But he would also do more.
Techno wasn't the only one who had interesting thoughts about you, the voices also would often express themselves about you. About how they wanted to hear things from you, and do things to you. Them being upfront made doing paperwork, hard.
He would try and focus on writing a new bill, yet somehow a voice would slip through with a erotic image of you. To which he would then have to take a moment to tear his attention elsewhere. That wouldn't last long before a new request came through however. It was just a never ending battle for him.
One day it was bad. Oh was it bad. He was up late within his office, working through his now smaller stack of papers. With the determination of a Ox he was hell bent on finishing it all.
Of course with it being nearly one-ish in the morning, you were not feeling the love for the late-night push he had. When Techno would force himself into over drive, you would always stray in and remind him of when to take breaks.
When you carefully opened the door to his office, his head was down. Reading glasses adorning his nose as he read the fine print. With the soft click of the door you eased it shut. Normally no one was allowed to walk behind hid desk as a sign of respect for him. But being his wife, you tended to get away with things.
Wrapping yourself around his back, he let out a longing sigh. Your arms secured around him in a pleading cry, begging him to come with you. "Princess, I'm almost done..." you hummed and rubbed your hand against his chest. Silently pleading for him to join you. Well your hands rubbed about his chest, he hesitated.
With the voices already having been in overdrive, your soft loving hand movements did not help. God, he wanted nothing more than to shove your night gown up, and kiss you until you were a gasping mess. With a soft kiss pressed to his ear his patience was growing thin. Not because of you, oh no. Your movements were out of innocence. You wanted a cuddle buddy for bed. The voices, wanted your neck and chest, black and blue from his lips. That was the problem.
"You said that a hour ago... please..." he couldn't help but sigh. Setting his pen down as he looked up to you. God you were too cute. Gently he took your hand and tugged it. Pulling it so you fell across his lap. With your legs draping over the arm of his chair, he held you up by his shoulder. Looking down at you with loving eyes. Maybe even laced with a bit of lust.
You gave a gentle smile and curled up against his chest. He wouldn't cuddle in public often. So you had to take what you could. Of course, he had no desire to work with you in his lap. He just wanted to feel you against him. He hoped this would ease the voices. Letting them know that you were within his arms secure.
But of course that didn't stop them. They still craved for him to mark you, to kiss you, to let others know you were his. With a gentle hand he pushed your hair aside, freeing your neck. Your eyes lingered him, curious about his movements. His eyes didn't meet yours, instead they were focused on your neck. Assuming he wanted to kiss you, your voice was soft.
"Do you want to kiss me?..." he glanced to your eyes and lingered a moment, nodding slowly. You gave a gentle smile. Encouraging him if he really wanted. When he saw you were ok with it, he leaned in and didn't hesitate to start prying soft noises from you. His teeth grazed over your pulse before biting down softly. Wanting to leave some form of marking over your body now that you were officially his. With gentle gasps being drawn from your lips the voices went wild.
Ever since your first time with each other, the voices knew what they wanted more of. They wanted you, to hear you, to feel you, to see you wither like the first time again. They wanted to ruin you. Of course with the first time out of the way, you and Tech were more sexually involved. He was still trying to have you take him fully.
With his lips to your neck, you could only lean into him with whimpers and soft moans. With your eyes fluttering shut he held you firm to his chest. The warmth engulfing your body.
However, he did part. Drawing his attention to his desk, moving aside paperwork. You watched as he half organized quickly. Freeing space on the desk. It caught you slightly off guard as he placed you onto the now free space. Allowing you to move your legs beside his. Letting him between them.
His hands shamelessly roamed up your thighs, kneading the soft flesh under his hand. Well your hands held to the side of his desk. Nervous someone would walk in. With gentle hands he moved your gown up a bit. Allowing the plush skin of your hip to show.
"Darling if your going to make love to me, we should probably go back to the bedroom..." you said softly. Half wanting him in bed, and the other half not wanting to be interrupted. He only hummed as his hands roamed up your sides under the gown. Feeling how warm your body was.
"It's my office... I can take you here if I want..." he said, his eyes glued to your body. Your cheeks did flush at this.
"Are you sure?..." your voice was quiet but held hesitance, and excitement. Your eyes danced over his busy ones. He only hummed before answering. Playing with the hem of your underwear.
hi i’m an istj. i fear the problem im going to describe is resolved by being more Te proactive and taking on more leader responsibilities and failing. just typing that out makes me feel burned out and miserable. anyway i get involved with groups that align with my values to get things done but it always feels like i somehow join things that aren’t as efficient as i’d want them to be or stagnate. at the same time that i have strong opinions about what to do i resent having to take on more responsibility to enact it. i want to be part of an established, moral, process/group but it seems like everything is in flux all the time. just making sure: is this Te-Ne dysfunction ?
Your question is about type development. An important aspect of type development is understanding the weaknesses and flaws of your type, in terms of the ways that your type tends to misuse functions. You seem to believe that your problem boils down to a simple lack of desire to lead in group situations (weak Te?), but it probably goes far deeper than that.
Si-Ne problems often manifest as a general aversion to change, specifically, unwillingness to change how one looks at a situation, which would then significantly alter one's approach to it. Imbalance between Si and Ne becomes a very unhealthy stubbornness when one is also prone to Si-Fi loop that thinks in terms of pure absolutes. In essence, you believe what you believe and you want what you want, and nothing and nobody can break through that mental wall. Perhaps not even you.
Auxiliary development is meant to help with Si extremes and Si-Fi loop stubbornness by making you care more about empirical facts (Te) than your frustration (Fi). It isn't always easy to develop the auxiliary function when you come to believe that it interferes with what makes Si feel most comfortable (e.g. "just typing that out makes me feel burned out and miserable"). If using the auxiliary function feels so "tiring", it doesn't mean that you should avoid using it. Quite the contrary. It's an indication that you haven't yet learned to use it properly, which means further development is necessary.
Te wants efficiency, that much is true. However, what separates immature Te from mature Te is how exactly one conceptualizes "efficiency". When Te is immature, one has a very rudimentary understanding of how to be efficient. For example, one is likely to believe that efficiency is achieved through assertiveness or even brute force, i.e., "making" things happen despite all the obstacles in the way. Is it any wonder that using Te feels tiring, then? You're essentially forcing yourself to swim against the current. Si doms are painfully aware that their energy is finite, so they quickly run out of steam.
However, Te isn't really about mustering up energy. This is not what makes TJs smart, strong, and formidable. Mature Te conceptualizes efficiency as reducing the amount of energy required whenever possible, which is why they have a lot of energy to take on very heavy workloads - some people call it "working smart". This is done through facing the empirical facts of a situation head on and learning to work closely with them, which makes it far easier to make them work in your favor.
Your problem requires a two pronged attack:
Are you able to change how you look at situations in order to improve your approach (to address Si-Ne imbalance)?
Are you able to face the empirical facts of the situation and work with them rather than against them (to develop better use of Te)?
Wanting to be part of a process/group that aligns with your values in order to enact some good in the world is an admirable thing to strive for. Presumably, the other people involved in the group have the same sense of mission, otherwise, they wouldn't have joined. However, what you fail to take into account is that people aren't generally single-minded.
Human beings are complex because they are motivated by a multitude of factors, whether they realize it or not. They are full of psychological conflicts, contradictory desires, irrational impulses, old baggage, and unconscious bad habits. And when you bring people together, all that stuff comes out and creates complicated entanglements. A "group" only becomes a "team" when it is able to overcome those psychological obstacles together, and it can be a very long process of learning how to maximize strengths and mitigate weaknesses in every individual member. That's why a lot of groups simply fall apart. While your intention to join the group seems simple and straightforward (because Si-Te is admirable in its ability to keep things simple and straightforward), other people's intentions might not be so simple. If you fail to take into account the irrational aspects of human nature, you will cause yourself needless suffering.
Your frustration with people is likely a manifestation of your unrealistic expectations of them. Perhaps you aren't able to understand people who don't resemble you, let alone work with them. And you will certainly be doomed to fail if the only way Te knows to deal with individual differences is to force everyone to become more like you. That's an impossible task, not because it requires the energy of a thousand suns as you assume, but because you're choosing to fight against reality. Mature Te would advise that you should first face down the empirical facts of how people operate if you hope to discover the most effective way to influence them. Your repeated experience of feeling disenchanted with groups tells you that you're missing an important piece of knowledge about groups and how they operate.
I'll give you a very simple example from my own life. I used to gather with a group of 30-50 people once a week to conduct planned discussions. The discussions never really started on time despite everyone being in their seats because people weren't focused enough at the start of the session. There was often whispering and sidetalking and such that would go on for about half an hour before the room felt settled and focused.
One method of addressing the problem arose organically. Whoever was the main speaker simply started shushing people and it became a thing. Sometimes, it would even escalate to calling people out, like a teacher scolding a student in a classroom. This definitely made the social atmosphere less inviting and more tense. Sure, people would shut up after being called out, but they became less focused due to seething with resentment. Power struggles aren't great for group morale, especially if it's supposed to be a group of equals coming together for a common cause.
It all sounds quite childish, but these kinds of judgments are useless. You can call people childish, inefficient, incompetent, etc etc, but it doesn't solve the problem. And, worse, being judgmental blocks you from understanding people better and working with them. Perhaps an ISTJ would see this as a "mess", an "inefficiency" that wastes time, and evidence of bad character when people break the rules.
However, if you change the way you look at the situation, you might not be so quick to make such judgments. Actually, it's kind of weird for a bunch of people who know each other well to enter a room and immediately sit down quietly. Humans have a natural tendency to socialize as a way to strengthen interpersonal bonds. Isn't group cohesiveness a good thing, since it encourages better cooperation? If you are able to see the benefits of their chatty behavior and how it contributes to group cohesiveness, then instead of fighting against it, you would think of ways to harness it.
The real problem wasn't inefficiency; inefficiency was merely the symptom. The more primary problem was that a lot of people joined the group not just to "get things done", but also to make friends. The structure of the event denied them from fulfilling that important need and then they were more likely to act out. This problem was discovered when people had a chance to talk about what was frustrating them, which meant that the group had to make space to conduct some uncomfortable conversations.
To address the problem, the group eventually decided that the first 15 minutes would be devoted to socializing and allowing people to catch up, with the explicit promise to get down to business when the time was up. Some people brought drinks, others brought snacks. Some even showed up early to have more time to socialize. It enlivened people and enriched their relationships. Being "officially" allowed to get the chattiness out of their system, they were better able to sit down and focus on the planned agenda. The meeting felt like fun rather than a chore. And if you're interested in a cause, don't you want to recruit more people to support it? Making things more fun is one good way to attract support. You can look at it as wasting 15 minutes OR you can look at it as a 15 minute investment.
Solutions to human problems require:
cognitive empathy: figuring out what's really going on inside people's heads (in Te terms it means working only with the empirical facts of the situation, rather than indulging negative Fi judgments)
strategy: taking the time to work with people and figuring out the best way to help them get over obstacles (in Te terms it means investing energy early and wisely to maximize your returns later, rather than putting effort into the wrong places or only stepping in to tackle mere symptoms of the problem)
creativity: harnessing natural human tendencies to produce something useful or worthwhile (in Te terms in means taking what's already there and transforming it into a NET positive, rather than getting too fixated on every little negative detail and losing sight of the bigger picture)
Te can be a great function for dealing with human problems as long as you overcome the immature aspects of it, such as impatience, bluntness, or inflexibility. Every person is unique, so every group is different. Let go of the idea that there is only one way to approach a problem/conflict and you will start to be more creative in your approach. By accepting the fact that things are always in flux and using empirical evidence to understand and predict how change works, TJs become much more effective and efficient at everything they do. When it comes to people, meeting someone different from you is an opportunity to learn how to deal with that kind of person. The more knowledge you have of human psychology under your belt, the better you get at dealing with people's weird or negative tendencies. If a strategy works, use it again. If it doesn't work, adjust it to fit their psychology better.
In your situation, you see the problem as people being inefficient, so your inclination is to step forward and do something to "make" them more efficient. Humans aren't built with the prime directive to be efficient. They're not machines. Their psychology is messy, so trying to force them to behave like a machine is to force them to go against their psychology. In other words, you're choosing the least efficient approach. The more efficient approach, though it requires more intelligent thinking on your part (you want to become more intelligent, right?), is to properly understand the more primary problem of what's really causing them to be so inefficient in the first place. That is the way to discover the right strategy. If you are able to target those obstacles at the very root, efficiency improves more naturally.
Oftentimes, working smart doesn't require you to step up and be THE leader for everyone. As an introvert, it's probably more comfortable for you to work behind the scenes to talk to people, get a better idea of what they need and/or what problems they're experiencing, and incrementally remove the obstacles that are preventing them from focusing on what they should be focused on. You can't fix everything all at once, so just do what you can to fix what you are able to fix at any given point in time. It's a process and some progress is better than no progress.