You horde food. You carry maps. You leave your shoes on all the time, even in the bath.
You have not slept for weeks. No one else had slept for weeks.
Everyone is fashionably late. No one is fashionable. Someone is wearing a hairshirt.
Everyone has a coffee cup. The coffee cups do not have coffee in them.
You are separated into groups with names in dead languages. You drink from a communal barrel.
Someone has Jell-O. The Jell-O does not have Jell-O in it.
People go without clothing as a result of archaic rituals.
After a week of icebreakers, everyone knows your name, your major, and a fun fact about you.
After a week of icebreakers, everyone knows too much.
You bought your textbook used. You ignore the writing in the margins.
Poetry 101 is in Latin.
Everything is in Comic Sans.
In the library, a stranger asks you to guard their stuff from other strangers.
Someone is sitting in your unassigned seat.
Someone is screaming in the hallway. “What are they celebrating?” you ask your roommate, even though you both know that no one is celebrating.
Netflix asks, “Are you still watching?” Yes. The answer is always yes. You are afraid to say no.
You look at the clock. It is five minutes before you last looked at it.
It is always five minutes before you last looked at the clock.
The college radio station plays numbers read on a loop. You ask someone why, and they tell you that there is no college radio station. Radio is obsolete.
The bulletin board is always full of flyers. One day, there are only two fliers. The cafeteria has been closed by the health department until further notice, one says. Missing, the other says. The next day, there are no fliers. Paper is obsolete.
Due to budget cuts, every professor must teach two classes at once. The football stadium grows larger.
Someone is in the football stadium. They are too tall to be human. It’s a basketball player. What’s it doing in the football stadium?
The girl who sits in front of you in Gen Ecology is watching Parks and Rec. She finishes the first two seasons. You are still in Gen Ecology. She finishes all seven seasons. You are still in Gen Ecology.
You have a doppelganger on campus. You have never seen them, but they attend your classes on the days you skip. You don’t say anything. Participation is 20% of your grade.
Nobody has seen Chad for five days. Another Chad takes his place.
You professor assigns a five thousand word essay. You don’t even know five thousand words.