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janetbrown711 · 1 month

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Youth

Mikey is tired of the sewers. They're too dreary, too quiet, too... nothing. Not since two days ago, when a witness became a sacrifice and changed the course of everyone's lives forever.

Canon divergence fic based around s4e25 Requiem to explore grief and trauma in a different way <3

Part 1 Part 2

Ao3 Link

Lightning illuminated the night sky as Mikey lifted the manhole cover. On an average night, it would’ve frightened Mikey enough to decide this was a bad idea, and he’d walk back to the lair in shame, but not tonight. No, Mikey got out, barely making sure the manhole cover was back in place, before proceeding onto a rusty, old fire escape.

He welcomed the sound of thunder as it boomed and crashed. He welcomed the roaring, as it sounded more like home than home was these past two days. It was quiet, and the sewers weren’t meant to be quiet– it was unnatural, and Mikey just had to get out.

He welcomed the rain too, the water and earthy smell managing to break through the all consuming numbness that was threatening to consume him. He didn’t mind if it made the ladders and fire escapes more slippery, it was worth it to reach his destination– the roof of the Wolf Hotel.

A weight crashed down on Mikey, making his knees nearly buckle, but he managed to carry himself to the edge where he sat and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

It had been two days. Two days since Master Splinter suggested they split up. Two days since everything seemed like it might actually be okay again. Two days since Shredder– that stupid, ugly abomination– crawled his way back up and–

“Mikey.”

Leo.

Mikey wasn't surprised he was followed, even if Leo hadn’t left his room at all the past two days.

“Mikey, what are you–... what do you think being up here will do,”

Mikey rolled his eyes while still keeping them shut tight. He liked feeling the rain against his skin, even when he was a kid. Why, he and Raph would even–

“Mikey.”

“Leave me alone, Leo.”

“You know I'm not going to do that.”

Mikey rolled his eyes. “You didn’t have a problem locking yourself in your room.”

“Mikey, that– that's not fair, you know it isn't. I need time to… process too.”

“Then let me process and go away.”

“Mikey, we’re leaving for the farmhouse in an hour, we have to–”

“I don't have to do anything, so just leave,” Mikey snapped.

“Alone on a rooftop? No– not just a rooftop– the rooftop where– where Shredder–” Leo choked on his words, before shaking his head. “Fat chance, Mikey. We're leaving.” The older turtle grabbed Mikey's arm, but Mikey snagged it away.

“M'not going anywhere. Leave. Me. Alone.” Mikey sent a glare his brother's way.

“Mikey, cut it out, I'm not messing around,” Leo scowled and grabbed his arm again, successfully dragging him away from the edge before Mikey could break the grip again.

“Or what? Haven't I been punished enough?” Mikey laughed pathetically.

“Haven't you?! What about me?! What about Donnie?!” Leo cried, gesturing furiously. “Mikey, I am not going to lose another–”

Mikey took a step back. “I'm– I’m not doing that– I’m just–”

“‘You're just’ what, Mikey?” Leo scowled.

Mikey grit his teeth. “Just leave, Leo. Before I make you.”

Leo took a hesitant step forward. “Mikey–”

“I said leave!” Mikey shouted, jumping up and quickly going in for an attack with his nunchucks, which his older brother narrowly avoided. Leo barely had time to take his katanas out before Mikey went in again, and he grunted in frustration.

“Mikey, I don’t want to fight you!” he warned, thunder cracking in the background.

“Then leave me alone! I didn’t ask you to be here!” Mikey’s voice cracked, a sign of weakness he made sure to correct by striking back harder. He managed to get Leo in the side, and when he slid around the back he managed to buckle Leo’s good knee. Leo grunted, trying to get up hastily, but Mikey managed to wrap a nunchuck around one of Leo’s katanas, disarming him before Mikey kicked the blades away.

Leo shot a look of disapproval before trying to juke Mikey out, but Mikey expected that. He kicked Leo in the ankle, getting him a sharp look of frustration, which was just the distraction Mikey needed to disarm his oldest brother entirely.

“Mikey, stop! What are you even doing right now?!” Leo pleaded.

“I’m getting you to leave me alone!” Mikey punched an AC unit.

“Mikey… please… just come home.” His oldest brother was begging now, fully bowing to the ground.

“I don’t care,” Mikey’s voice turned to ice. “I’m not going to the farmhouse, or to that stupid funeral.”

Leo sat up. “Mikey– Mikey, c’mon–”

“Just shut up and go already.” Mikey was getting impatient.

“This isn’t what he would’ve wanted, Mikey, and you know that.” Leo stood.

“What do you know about what he would have wanted?! It’s your fault he’s even gone in the first place! You agreed to split us up!” Mikey tackled his brother and raised his fist, ready to punch Leo right in his stupid, stupid face before someone from behind grabbed his wrist and held it tight.

“Michelangelo.”

Lightning illuminated the night sky, showing Mikey the hand on his wrist was his Papa’s, and his anger dissipated in a blink.

“Papa– Papa, I-I– I don’t– I-I– I’m sorry.” Mikey’s legs shook as tears welled up fast, giving a warm contrast to the bitter rain.

Splinter closed his eyes and sighed, pulling Mikey off of Leo before wrapping him in a tight, tight embrace. “It’s okay, my son. Everything is alright.”

Mikey shook his head. “I-I can’t– I-I can’t do this without ‘im– I miss ‘im so much, Papa, I–”

“I know, akarui, I know.” Splinter hugged him tighter.

“I miss Raph– I miss ‘im so, so, so much,” Mikey buried his face in his father’s shoulder and wept.

“I know… I’m sorry, I know…” Splinter sighed and rubbed his back.

Mikey cried more.

.o0o.

“Raaaaaaaaph! Tell Chompy he needs to stop snacking on Ice Cream Kitty's sprinkles!” Mikey shouted to the pit from the kitchen. With a huff, he tried to pull the baby turtle-god away, but was met with a deceptively fierce bite.

“What? Ice Cream Kitty can't share?” Raph snarked from the other room.

Mikey rolled his eyes. “I don't even think sprinkles are healthy for little planet sized turtles, so unless you wanna make the little guy sick–”

“Quit your yapping, you big baby,” Raph sighed loudly as Mikey finally heard him get up from the couch, and he entered the kitchen with a huff. “He didn't even eat that much, he's fine.”

“Yeah! But at this rate we'll be out before April or Casey can get us more.” Mikey crossed his arms.

Raph rolled his eyes and picked up the baby turtle. “Whatever, I’ll get more when I’m out on patrolnext then.”

“Psh, you better,” Mikey huffed, putting the box away when his t-phone suddenly buzzed. He opened his phone to find a text from Mondo Gecko explaining he and the mutanimals were “throwing a total rager bro” and that “he and his bro bros and even his rat dad were totes invited”.

Mikey immediately sent a quick thumbs up + party emoji + turtle emoji + rat emoji + winky face + crazy face. “You down to hang with the mutanimals today? Mondo says they’re throwing a party.”

“What kind?” Raph asked, giving Chompy a good scratch on his chin.

“I dunno, but Mondo says everyone’ll be there, which means you and Slash can totally trash the place.” Mikey grinned.

“Sweet! It’ll be good to spar with someone with actual talent again.” Raph cracked his knuckles.

“Hey!” Mikey complained, but Raph happily ignored him.

“C’mon, let’s get Donnie, I don’t wanna be late.” He ran out of the kitchen to the lab, and Mikey followed despite his elder brother’s “relentlessly cruel” behavior.

“Yo, Donnie! Party at the mutanimals! It’ll be a total rager!” Raph shouted as he opened the door to his mostly-unamused brother.

Donnie massaged his forehead. “You know, as much as I love watching you and Slash destroy public property, I think–”

“Aww, c’mon, Don! It’ll be fun! Besides, you and Dr. Rockwell can totally talk nerd stuff!” Mikey caught up with Raph.

“Yeah, besides, it’s at their hideout, so it’s technically private property.” Raph smirked.

Donnie tapped his chin, looking all around the lab for a moment before shrugging. “Ah, what the hell? I could use a day off.”

“That’s more like it!” Mikey cheered. “C’mon! Let’s go get Leo and Master Splinter!”

“Master Splinter? Really?” Donnie questioned as he stood and stretched.

Raph shrugged. “Maybe they wanna talk to him about something important– or force him to take a day off.”

“Fair enough, let’s go,” Donnie laughed and the three of them ran to the dojo, where Leo and Splinter were talking.

“Hey, Leo! Wanna go visit Karai and them? Party at the mutanimal’s crib, yo!” Mikey gave a big thumbs up.

“And you can come too, Sensei!” Raph did the same, making Mikey laugh a little.

Their father stroked his beard for a moment before nodding. “Perhaps I do need to get out of the sewers for a time.”

“Alright!” Mikey cheered alongside Raph and Donnie, and they went to leave– though Leo stayed frozen for some reason.

Raph beat Mikey to the punch, turning back and asking, “C’mon, Leo, what’s the hold up?”

“Nothing! Nothing, I– let’s go have some fun.” Leo gave a weak smile and joined his brothers as they headed to the Shellraiser.

Leo smiled and started talking to Donnie and Raph like everything was fine, but Mikey didn’t buy it, frowning ever so slightly.

“Is Leo okay, Master Splinter?” Mikey ventured to ask.

“Do not worry, Michelangelo. It is nothing that will not be fixed with time.” His father smiled down at him softly as he placed a hand on his shell. Mikey still didn’t love the answer, of course, but he knew pushing wouldn’t get him anywhere– not to mention it would be a total mood killer. They were going to have fun– even Master Splinter! This was probably going to be one of their best nights ever in the history of forever!

… Or not.

As a ninja, Splinter often tried to prepare Mikey and his brothers to “expect the unexpected”, which Mikey was usually actually pretty good at! But certainly not this time, as he stood dumbfounded in front of the flaming mutanimal hideout with a very, very bad feeling in his stomach.

Immediately, Leo started calling out orders for rescues Mikey could barely hear before Leo and Raph worked together to remove a piece of concrete from the doorway and they all stormed in.

“Hurry, Leo!” Raph’s voice cracked with concern as he ran deep within the fires, searching for anyone he could find.

Mikey froze, not knowing what to do or who to look for, before realizing Leatherhead would be in big trouble– but he saw April and Casey helping him and Mondo out.

“Rockwell! Dr. Rockwell!” He heard Donnie shout before coughing from all the smoke.

The monkey man didn’t reply, causing Donnie to rush in further and almost right into a collapsing wall if Mikey hadn’t pulled him back in time.

“Careful, Don! We can’t get ourselves killed too!” Mikey barely resisted the urge to shake him.

“Right– right, besides, Maybe Rockwell’s already outside, he– Slash!” Donnie noticed the large snapping turtle struggling to stand and ran to his aid. Mikey and Raph both joined him in helping Slash up, making it out just before Master Splinter and Leo did with Karai, who did not look good.

Her face was pale and had a big slash on her right cheek bone that looked like a mix of a cut and scrape. Her arm also looked nasty– probably broken or dislocated or something– but either way, not a good sight. It also didn’t help that she was totally knocked out from all the smoke, though thankfully Leo seemed to fix it before it got too long.

“Karai!” Shinigami appeared from behind Slash and Leatherhead and ran to her girlfriend’s side, examining her up and down, before crying happily and smiling at Leo. “You saved her! Thank you… but– but Shredder– he doesn’t care about her anymore, he wants all of us dead, that bastard…”

Mikey’s shoulders tensed as he looked at Donnie, but he was too busy trying to do some mental math. He tried looking at his Papa, but he was obviously focused on Karai, so Mikey took a long shot and grabbed Raph’s arm for comfort. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to mind, and even patted his hand.

“The ambulances are coming; can you wait with her, Shinigami?” Splinter asked the young witch, who nodded and held Karai a little tighter. The rat nodded in approval, before beginning to sniff out Shredder’s goons, though he stopped after a moment.

“I see two clear trails leading off in opposite directions. Raphael, April, Casey, and Slash will come with me. Leonardo, you will lead Donatello, Michelangelo, and Leatherhead in the other direction, and take the Shellraiser. The rest of us will travel on foot,” Splinter commanded, and that bad feeling in Mikey’s chest only grew. He felt tempted to linger, but Leatherhead and Donnie were already on the move, so Mikey did as he was told.

Inside the Shellraiser, Mikey sat next to Leatherhead and immediately started trying to treat some of the big guy’s burns, especially on his arms. He barely even managed to find a cold compress before the engine of the Shellraiser revved up, and Donnie and Leo started talking loudly about a plan to find Bebop and Rocksteady.

“Your brothers are angry,” Leatherhead observed as Mikey pressed the first compress against the alligator’s right forearm.

“Well, yeah! They burned down your house! That’s a pretty huge deal, man,” Mikey laughed in confusion.

Leatherhead just sighed, taking a deep breath before looking at Mikey very seriously. “Something feels off about this whole thing, I just know it..”

“What… do you mean?” Mikey asked quietly so his brothers wouldn’t hear as the car started moving.

His beastly best friend shook his head. “I am unsure… but what I do know is I have a very bad feeling about this.”

“Well, at least that makes two of us, hm?” Mikey tried to flash a smile, but it faltered in microseconds.

Leatherhead smiled pitifully at him before placing a weak hand on his shoulder. “We’ll figure this out, Michelangelo.”

“Yeah, I know.” Mikey tried to be optimistic too, right before Donnie swerved the Shellraiser hard, and Mikey would’ve slammed into the wall if it weren’t for the alligator catching him.

“Sorry, Mikey!” Leo called back without even turning his head, eyes laser focused on whatever he saw on those cameras.

“S’all good, bro!” Mikey called back, but of course Leo didn’t acknowledge it. He sighed once more as Leatherhead set him back on the ground. “I hope Papa and Raph and them are okay…”

“They will be alright, Michelangelo. Your sensei is a ninja of unmatched talent, and your brother an equally fierce warrior. Let’s focus on our fight ahead, no?” The alligator patted Mikey’s back with a massive hand.

“Yeah, I can do that,” Mikey agreed just as the car swerved again.

The car would end up swerving two more times before Leo pulled up to Coney Island. They got out with haste, Leatherhead only getting a quick stretch in before going into super-focus-ninja mode. The group walked in eerie silence before arriving at the carousel, which suddenly rang to life.

“Turtles~! Come out and playyay~” Bebop’s voice rang in the cold night air. “Remember when I said that? Because it’s Throwback Thursday fools!”

“Da! We be throwing you all the way back to last Thursday!” Rocksteady joined in.

Bebop sighed like an annoyed housewife. “Shut up, Rock. I’m trying to intimidate them!”

Mikey looked at Donnie to try and exchange a laugh, but didn’t have time before the warthog shouted, “You’re going down, turtle fools!” and a barrage of rockets were launched from the carousel horses’ mouths. Mikey thought of a really funny joke about gift horses, but he chose to instead call it a ‘missile-go-round’, which annoyed his brothers just as well.

Keep it light, Mikey. Everything’ll be fine.

Mikey dodged another rocket, though his tuck wasn’t as clean as it should’ve been and he bumped his head. Frustration was quick to arrive, especially when he realized Leatherhead needed help with Rocksteady! But when Mikey finally got on his feet, Bebop and Fishface and Rahzar were all there to give him a good shove to the ground.

“This is your swan song, tartarugas. Tonight, you all fall.” The snakehead grinned and for a second, Mikey saw it.

Murder.

And not just in Fishface– but in Rahzar, and Bebop, and Rocksteady too.

Every single one of them had murder in their eyes.

Something bad was going to happen tonight.

The brothers let out something like a war cry before the fairgrounds turned to chaos– rockets and lasers and weapons flying everywhere. Unfortunately for Mikey, he was left with Bebop of all mutants. Granted, he’d usually be fine, but tonight he was just being extra annoying, and Mikey just didn’t have the patience. He kept trying to look for an out or if Leatherhead or his bros needed some support, but every time he did he'd almost get shot by one of his stupid lasers.

“Man, are you seriously still not taking me seriously?” Bebop complained, sending another stupid hip laser that Mikey ducked.

“Doesn’t help, your weapon is activated in the weirdest way possible,” Mikey huffed before attempting an upside down spinning kick that failed to strike.

The pig snorted. “Keep talking, turtle. It’s your funeral.”

The words hit Mikey like a brick wall, barely giving him enough time to dodge the stupid swine’s attack, though he mostly managed to recover without too many burns (which meant another dozen fun lectures from Donnie later, wahoo).

His frustration finally hit overdrive, allowing Mikey wailing every single move he had onto Bebop, which thankfully seemed to actually be more than he was expecting. The idiot still managed to dodge most of his hits, but the ability to scare him gave Mikey just a bit more satisfaction than he knew Splinter would like.

Being close enough to actually land hits obviously had downsides of its own though, but Mikey would take a few more burns if it meant this stupid fight would be over with so they could all just go home and be fine already.

Unfortunately, Bebop seemed able to adapt to Mikey’s quicker pace, swiftly moving in and out of the way while humming those same stupid songs, like how Mikey would when he fought Raph.

Raph– Mikey ached with worry for him and everyone else in his family– like Master Splinter, and Donnie and–

“Leo!” Mikey called out, finding his oldest brother pinned to the ground by Rahzar, whose jaws were inches away from making Mikey’s worst nightmare a reality.

Thankfully, Leatherhead heard his cry and abandoned Rocksteady to tackle the wild canine, dragging him deep, deep underwater.

Mikey’s eyes went wide as he ran to the pier. He searched desperately for his friend before calling his name as moments passed– too many moments– Was he okay? No, no he has to be. He’s Leatherhead, he survived the Kraang. It’s fine, Mikey, everything’s fine, it’s all a-okay.

When his friend finally emerged, it was as if a building were lifted off Mikey’s shoulders. He quickly helped Leatherhead back onto the pier, though as he looked back, he was surprised to find every other one of Shredder’s goons had left.

“Guys, we did it! We beat ‘em!” he cheered with a smile, ignoring the bad feeling in his stomach.

It seemed Leo was having those feelings too though, his eyes focused on the fleeing Bebop and Rocksteady before–

“Oh, no– we didn’t beat them, this was all a distraction to split us all up!” Leo realized, and the building from before came right crashing down on Mikey again, just as Donnie’s phone started to ring.

“Donnie! We need back-up! Raph is hurt– Super Shredder is too strong! Master Splinter is trying, but we need your help!” April urged, her voice clearly pained.

Mikey’s heart dropped at the mention of his older brother, and he felt Leatherhead’s hand on his shell in an instant. Whether it was supposed to be soothing or Mikey actively looked like he was going to pass out, he didn’t know.

“Where are you?” Donnie looked around as if he might see her.

“The Wolf Hotel rooftop! Please, we need you! Super Shredder is–” April’s voice was cut by grating static, causing Donnie to call out her name in distress.

“Donnie, there’s no time! Let’s go,” Leo ordered, successfully getting both brothers back into shape enough to run to the Shellraiser with everything they had.

They were all inside, doors slammed and engine started in what felt like seconds, and soon enough they were fully back on the road.

“I knew it was a set-up, I knew it– I knew it,” Leo kept muttering to himself, taking a sharp right turn.

“It’s fine– we should get there in time, right, Mikey?” Donnie glanced back at him, and Mikey nodded immediately.

It was true, the Wolf Hotel wasn’t far on the map, so they’d make it in time. It would all be fine! It would be great, even if Raph was hurt and April was panicking like that– jeez, was it just him or did it feel like the Triceraton invasion all over again?

It was like the Triceraton invasion all over again.

A firm and massive hand placed itself on Mikey’s shoulder, and it took a second for Mikey to realize it was Leatherhead.

“Are you alright, Michelangelo?” Leatherhead asked.

“It’s– it’s fine. We’re gonna get there in time, and it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine.” Mikey forced a smile, heart pounding in his chest. Leatherhead’s posture stooped, but Mikey managed to ignore it and stand to his station, finding the Wolf Hotel on the map. They were already headed in that direction, of course, but Mikey needed to do something– and staring at the Wolf Hotel location and making sure it didn’t move or disappear seemed as good a job as any.

He could feel Leatherhead's eyes on him, but Mikey didn't want to break his focus– he'd need it if he wanted to help save the rest of his family.

In no more than three-and-a-half minutes, the Shellraiser rounded the last corner and the Wolf Hotel was in sight.

“There's the building! I hope we're not too late,” Mikey pointed out and Leo drove even faster before parking sloppily. In fact, the eldest turtle brother didn't even turn the engine off before bursting through the door, looking up with his spyglass before a guttural cry left his throat.

Mikey rushed outside, searching desperately for what could cause such a reaction, before he saw it– the hellish mutant climbing up and aiming its claws right for Splinter's back– and all Mikey could do was scream.

He screamed as he watched the abomination get its footing, as it wound up its final punch. He screamed as Raph suddenly sprang to action, his posture stooped and weak, but determined. He screamed as he watched Raph then shove Master Splinter out of harm’s way, his Papa falling harshly to the ground.

Mikey screamed as Shredder’s mutated steel claws tore right through Raphael’s plastron.

Voices howled and cried around him as Mikey watched the mutant megalomaniac roar in frustration, tossing his brother’s limp body over the ledge like it was nothing– like Raph was nothing. Mikey raced to catch his brother, eyes following every inch of Raph’s descent with desperation

But Mikey was too far, too little, too late– and Raph landed on the asphalt, his body bouncing once with a loud crack, before laying completely still.

When Mikey finally reached Raph, he held his hand and squeezed it tight. He ignored the blood oozing out of Raph's stomach, and all the other scrapes and cuts and burns and bruises– hell, even the fact that his shell was completely broken, bits and pieces everywhere because this just– it couldn't– no! This couldn't– it didn't–

“Raph? Raph– Otōto– please.” Leo appeared on the opposite side of Mikey, kneeling and shaking Raph's shoulder desperately.

There was screaming from above– a wave of energy, a slam by a garbage truck, and a crunch of a compactor– but Mikey didn't look away, not even for a second.

Donnie searched desperately for a pulse, his fingers twitching and searching and feeling around desperately for something that could be fixed, a thing Mikey had seen in his lab time and time and time again. But like with many experiments in the past, it all came to nothing, and eventually Donnie pulled away and sobbed.

Mikey wanted to say something. Something important. Something that could make Raph's eyes stop being so glazed– that he would sit up and punch Mikey in the arm before hugging him tight, thanking him for saying just the right thing to make it all better.

“R-Raphie,” was all that came out.

Mikey bawled into Raph’s hand, before suddenly being pushed away from Raph by Leo. Mikey quickly went to fight, but stopped when he saw his brother begin reciting the healing hands ritual again, and again, and again, and again. Each failure made his voice falter more and more, and his laser focused eyes were quickly overwhelmed with tears. Still, Leo continued on and on until his voice gave out with a pitiful crack and even then his hands tried to carry on until even they too gave up.

The three of them wept a long, long time before there were footsteps next to them, and they heard their father let out a dreadful gasp. Leo and Donnie both got up and stepped aside to make room for him, but Mikey couldn't move if he tried.

He watched as Splinter slowly cradled his second oldest son, large pieces of his shell falling back to the ground. His hands were trembling, but still he raised them to wipe off Raph's dirt stained cheek before looking at his glazed, green eyes.

“Hontōni mōshiwakenai, my son. O yurushi kudasai,” he whispered. Shaking fingers closed Raph's eyes before it was all too much. Splinter embraced Raph tight before his posture collapsed, and he let out a haunting cry of pure agony.

Raph was gone.

.o0o.

Two days– how on earth could it have been two days? It felt like everything stopped once Raph’s body hit the asphalt, but no. Time marched on, despite Mikey’s pleas for the contrary.

“I-I can’t– I can’t do this without ‘im, Papa– I miss ‘im so much.” Mikey hugged his father tighter, barely even able to choke the words out.

“I know, Michelangelo, but we must… for– for Raphael’s sake.” His father was struggling too.

Mikey shook his head. “I can’t– I don’t wanna– I just– I can’t do it.”

Splinter didn’t say anything, just holding Mikey close and crying as he caressed his head over and over again. It made Mikey feel so small, like he was nothing more than a kid who wanted to stop being a burden and help his Papa.

Guilt ate at him, so Mikey forced himself to speak again. “Papa, I– I’m sorry, I-I just– I don’t– I can’t– b-because– I– he can’t just be gone, Papa– I didn’t even say goodbye.”

Splinter hugged him tighter. “I know, my son, I know. It’s–... it’s hard. Everything is so quiet now, and I just– I can’t lose another son, Michelangelo, I can’t–”

“Papa, no–! I-I–” Mikey’s eyes went wide as his father gave into sobs once more, and before he knew it, Leo joined the embrace too.

“We aren’t going anywhere, Father. I promise,” Leo spoke up, clearly trying to not let his voice break.

Mikey nodded as best he could. “I’m so sorry, Papa, I just wanted to be close to ‘im– I didn’ mean to scare you– I’m so sorry.” He buried his face deeper in his father’s chest, relieved to feel him relax a little.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you either– both of you, I’m so sorry.” One of Splinter’s arms moved to embrace Leo too. “I love you, my sons. I love you so very, very much.”

Mikey wanted to say it back– of course he did, what kind of a son would he be if he didn’t?– but his father’s words of comfort crushed him like a boulder, and he wanted nothing more than to sink deep, deep into the ground and away from his loving family’s arms.

So he said nothing, letting his family hold him tight while regret and sorrow weighed heavier and heavier on his shoulders until Leo eventually sniffled and let go.

“We should go home, Donnie’s probably waiting with the van already,” he suggested, and Splinter nodded.

“Yes, yes, we should.” Splinter let go too, taking away any bit of warmth and comfort left in Mikey as he did. In that moment, Mikey wanted nothing more than to force himself back into his father’s arms, but a certain numbness flooded his senses and he was left practically paralyzed by yearning.

His father noticed his still behavior, though, and placed a delicate hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay to go to the farmhouse now, akarui?”

Akarui. “Sunshine”. The title was hardly fitting these days, and added another stone slab atop his boulder.

Mikey nodded and tried even forcing a smile, which seemed to relax his father somewhat as his hand left Mikey’s shoulder.

“Let us go, then. I’m sure all the fresh air will do us all some good.” Splinter tried to smile too, patting both of his son’s shells and guiding them back down the fire escape. Mikey glanced at Leo, whose face was calm and serious like in training, making him feel even more unsettled and guilty.

Still, he didn’t say a word, just doing as he was told until he caught only one last glance at the Wolf Hotel– the place where his brother’s life was taken– before ducking back into the sewers.

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #michelangelo tmnt 2012 #raphael tmnt 2012 #leonardo tmnt 2012 #donatello tmnt 2012 #splinter tmnt 2012 #my fics #angst #grief/mourning #trauma #canon divergence #heavy angst fr fr #guys i love mikey so much especially when he's angry he's my son #and i love himmmmmmmmmm

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