#teenage years when did those happen i didnt really get those

[widowmaxff]

In overwhelmed, it mentions that Y/N used to be in a dark hole and how Wanda is afraid she’d go back to it. Can you write about it? Like what happened?

hope ur ok

pairings: mom!wanda × daughter!reader (platonic)

warnings: depressed reader, cryingg, bad thoughts, and sad sad things

a/n: okay how did you pay so much attention to what i wrote in overwhelmed bc i didnt even remember writing that 😭 BUT THANK YOU for the request i literally just ramble what was in my head but hope you like it love!

HOW YOU CAN HELP PALESTINE!

You don't know when it started, much less why it started. Maybe a few days ago, a month ago, maybe a year ago the signs that something was wrong started to appear. It was almost as if these feelings were always there, just hidden by a layer that was slowly removed and made everything more difficult. It seemed like there were days when you could easily deal with it, maybe ignoring it or just hiding it very well, you didn't know. But there were days that were more difficult. It was more difficult to get out of bed, your appetite was barely there, you didn't want to leave your room, just stay in darkness and total silence. Even though this silence made your head spin, it was better than anyone talking and making you even more depressed.

If someone asked the people closest to you if you were sensitive, you were sure that more than half of them would say no. They would talk about how you had a frozen heart, that you didn't cry when you watched a sad movie, that you didn't fall in love with the character when watching or reading a novel, that you didn't care when someone was fighting with you. But deep down, you knew it was a lie. You felt hard feelings most of the time, including when watching sad films. Maybe you just don't like showing the sadness and emptiness you feel. It makes you feel weak, worthless, and selfish, especially selfish. You shouldn't feel this way, not when you had the perfect life: a loving mother, food on the table, new clothes, and expensive sneakers. Then why?

You didn't really care that you felt depressed, you knew that eventually it would pass, just like every other time - even if that feeling came back some time later, even worse. It wasn't like anyone noticed and said anything to you, even though you were sure most of the adults around you blamed it on teenage hormones when they saw you sulking or just isolating yourself in your room all day. Maybe a few questions like 'are you okay?', even though they knew you would respond with something positive even if everything was falling apart. But there was always someone. Someone who knew that it wasn't just teenage hormones but something that was slowly consuming you. Wanda, your mother, was that someone, and she certainly didn't let those details slip.

The first time you actually showed that you were in a depressing state was on a random Thursday at six-thirty in the morning. Wanda didn't mind much in the first moments when you refused to get out of bed, it was normal for any teenager to not be able to stand school. But when you finally decided to show up for the morning in the Compound's kitchen, she was surprised. You had big black bags under your eyes that were tired and red, looking like you hadn't slept well that night and maybe you had been crying most of it. Wanda didn't take long to ask if something had happened and if you were okay, only receiving a murmur of something like ‘'m fine' before turning back to look at the emptiness of space. Tony who was nearby joked “Maybe the red eyes are because of something she used. Don't tell me you snuck out to a party, Mini Maximoff?”, you'd laugh on any other day, even replying something like 'Yes, I did some hard drugs at a party. How do you know?', but that wasn't the case. Stark laughed to himself after saying that sentence but soon the sound of his voice disappeared when he realized that you hadn't heard him and, apparently, nothing around you.

The second time was right after a mission Wanda had done. It was only three days away from you and everything seemed different when she came back. The first thing she noticed was that you didn't run into her arms when she stepped inside the Compound, much less respond to the messages she sent you a few hours earlier. Obviously like a worried mother she went after you, not taking long to find you in your room with all the lights off, two blankets around your body and how it looked like the things in your room had been in the same place since your mother left for the mission. She turned on the light in your room, hearing a soft growl leave your lips. You were awake and conscious, so it didn't make sense for you to want to be lying down and almost sinking into your mattress at four o'clock in the afternoon. She remembered when you were little and couldn't sleep if at least one light wasn't on, now it was ironic to think that you just lived in the darkness and emptiness of your room without fear that some monster would catch you, because no monster could hurt you like depression was.

Wanda couldn't count how many more episodes like those happened and lasted for several days. She was worried, very worried. She was afraid that you would end up doing something that would hurt you, end everything. It was obvious that your mother tried to ask you what was wrong, how she could help you, but you always said that you just woke up on the wrong foot that morning and that everything was fine. Of course, how were you going to tell her what was happening if you didn't even know. There was no reason for you to feel down like that and not even the absurd desire to just want to close your eyes and not open them again. And every day that passed, this dark hole you were in would get deeper and deeper. You knew you needed to ask for help before it was too late. 

It was no longer strange when once again that week you had no will to live. You look at the clock next to your bed and realize that your mother would be coming to your room to call you for another day in two minutes and a few seconds. Just the thought of 'one more day' made you want to throw up the food you didn't even eat the day before, as that empty feeling made your hunger go away. But as much as vomiting, you wanted to cry, cry until you couldn't take it anymore. And it was no surprise when the tears started to fall and you couldn't stop. Even though you are not a loud person, trying to keep yourself in your own bubble, the sobs wanted to get out of your throat anyway.

“Darling?” Wanda didn't mind knocking on your bedroom door in the morning, since you would be sleeping, well, not at that moment. When she heard the choking sounds you were making to keep from crying, she didn't take long to run towards your body on the bed and get under your covers, pressing you against her chest giving the perfect comfort to let you know that you weren't alone. “Oh, my love.” Wanda has seen you cry, many, many times, but it was so different to see you cry as if you were drowning in a sea and needed help from someone, anyone. “It's okay, Mama is here.” With each passing minute it seemed like the tears were getting even bigger than before, but you tried to focus on Wanda's heartbeat as you placed your hand on her chest, making you feel calmer despite all the panic. 

The lullaby that starts to leave her lips and go straight to your ear makes you start paying attention to the soft melody and not your terrible thoughts. The language Wanda sang in, Sokovian, was not understood by you, but you still remembered when she sang you to sleep on the days you had nightmares. It was as if Wanda was using her magic to calm you down, even though you knew she would never use her powers on you without your permission, but her voice was so sweet that it was more powerful than any of her red magic. Your breathing becomes soft and your movements slow, as if you were choosing the right words to get rid of that moment, but with your mother there it was almost impossible to lie.

“I wanna get help,” You murmur for just her to hear, despite there being no one else in the room with you two. “b-but I don’t even know why I’m like this.” Your crying had stopped, but you still choked to say a few words. Admitting those words out loud seemed like a challenge for you, and when you said them, a weight seemed to lift off your back despite not having yet deciphered all your feelings. And Wanda knew that. She knew how hard you were to avoid looking like a weak person even if you weren't, even if asking for help wasn't a sign of weakness but rather of improvement.

Your mother kisses your head, taking a few seconds before cupping your face and looking at it. “I'm so proud of you, my angel.” You didn't see pity or lies in the expression on her face. You didn't see disappointment and much less as if you were a problem for her. “I'm glad you want to ask for help, and I'm here for it, yeah?” You felt a little guilty when you saw a tear come out of your mother's eyes, but she was still smiling. The same smile you saw when you woke up, or when you told her some good news, or even when you told her a joke. Wanda never wanted you to feel anything negative about her. She never took out any frustration on you, never made you feel bad when you got a bad grade at school, or when you accidentally knocked a glass on the floor. “I will help you with whatever you need, my love. It will be slow, but I promise that the tightness in your chest will pass, okay?”

“I trust you.” She nods before pulling you into a hug that she knew you needed more than anything at that moment. The process would take a long time until you felt well again, you both knew that, but it was never too late. It's never too late to ask for help, because it's normal to need someone to pull you out of the dark hole sometimes, it's normal to not feel good all the time. Having feelings is normal, even if sometimes they are too deep, or too shallow. You just needed to realize that you were never alone, that people around care about you and will always want the best for you. 

“I love you so much. Always remember that.”

“I love you too, Mama.”

#avengers imagine #marvel cinematic universe #marvel imagine #mcu imagine #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda marvel #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff #wanda x you #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x daughter!reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff fic #wanda fanfic #wanda x y/n #elizabeth olsen x reader #elizabeth olsen imagine #elizabeth olsen #elizabeth olsen x female reader #elizabeth olsen x y/n #marvel #wanda maximoff marvel #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff oneshot #wanda maximoff comfort #wanda maximoff angst #wanda maximoff au

[spro-o]

okay, so,,, i got back to reading 4kota, and i have so many thoughts of literally every nature

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR 4KOTA, NATURALLY!

okay so, allow me to rant a lil

bro why the actual fuck is Arthur just magical hitler now?? 😭 like hello???? it genuinely makes me really sad because he was such a sweet and likable character for most of 7ds and now he wants to create an ethnostate for humans only???? it just breaks my heart, man

SAME WITH JERICHO LIKE HELLO? QUEEN, YOURE BETTER THAN THIS. genuinely tho- nakaba try not to make all your characters pedos challenge (impossible). there are literally so many other ways in which Jericho could have ended up in a similar situation, but nakaba really just chose pedophilia? it couldve been something along the same lines just without the romantic attraction!! a family bond can be just as strong- and it couldve been something like her losing Lancelot or in some other way letting him down, and then thinking that he despises her and holds onto that grudge (which, judging his character it wouldve probably been a small spat that he got over) - but maybe Jericho didnt understand that, or wasnt ready to face him, expecting him to be livid - so she asked for an alternative reality where that didnt happen and they got along great as sister/brother or master/trainee. i wouldnt put Jericho past being so stubborn that she wouldnt believe when Lance would say that he forgave her, and then boom!! same set-up, just without the nasty pedophilia!!

ON THE NOTE OF WHICH- (theres so much of that garbage in nakaba's writing, fucks sake) - i genuinely hate the whole thing happening with Guinevere. the whole non-consensual kiss from a 12 year old to a 16 year old (ewwwww) is one thing, but then when Lance is reflecting on that interaction and he SMILES????

you have no idea how much this panel killed me to see. Lancelot youre better than this,,,, 4 years is not a big age difference when youre in your 30's, but when youre 16???? please,,,, cmon now,,,

speaking of whommmmm~~ ,,, I ADORE LANCELOT!! SO MUCH!! this is to be expected considering i love Ban, bUT- hes genuinely just such a cool and wonderful character that has some sense in him. i especially loved those panels where he was like jumping around to get himself hyped up cuz like!! Ban does that!!!! i love,,,,

elizabeth (looking gorge btw, i love that for her) is unfortunately reduced to an object of fondling yet again 😔 literally like the second panel that shes in and shes getting grabbed and groped by Meliodas?? it just feels mad disrespectful to her really deep character that she has such a minor role when you ignore her being sexualised by Mel (in reality nakaba, but i digest)

i love that panel where Anne tells Isolde about what chastity actually is hbghjnhbjh

I FEEL SO BAD FOR NASIENS WHEN PERCY IS ALL UP IN ANNES BOOBS. genuinely- the dropped bag, and all of he blushing that happened before it during their interactions,,,, that shit broke my heart, man

nakaba try not to draw teenagers naked challenge (impossible) (chapter 86 cover)

this is literally like the cutest fucking thing ever????? i want more calm, slice of life stuff for our skrunglies. they deserve a break

someone, please, stop all this shit going on with Guinevere (writing this while reading chp 87) – I really despise the fact that nakaba has to make like literally all of the relationships either look like they have a massive age gap (Ban and Elaine), or actually have a fucking criminal age gap (Mel and Ellie). it really is not that difficult to just write a relationship where there is a <2 year age gap, did you know that, nakaba?? crazy, I know (deadass, while I don’t ship them, it would at least be bearable if she was also like 15-16, just not 12 TT)

chion is such a fucking pain in the ass oh mah gahhhhhh

I love Gawain’s lesbian antics <3

At this point, though I love seeing the characters interact in more casua circumstances, id rather have more fight scenes than god awful, shoe-horned romances between any two characters of the opposite gender (exceptions being Nasiens and Gawain, my sillies <3)

okay,,, thats it for now, but do expect more at some point or another huiyuvghbijhb

#4kota spoilers #4kota #mokushiroku no yonkishi #nnt #rant #4kota manga #lancelot 4kota #tristan 4kota #percival #lancelot #guinevere #gawain #spoilers

[nerves-nebula]

What like, cringe ass teenager thing would your turtle do/be into/ partake in. Not cringe as in "gets bodied in fights" or "easily groomed online" but more along the lines of like...

"once got in an argument online about how the poster couldnt have reality shifted to x because they were there." or "says theyre learning japanese bc they watch anime" or "demanded someone give them Raymond from animal crossing bc the other person didnt deserve them" that kinda stuff

mikey does tiktok dances and used to get into really stupid and useless queer label discourse. mikey also wrote a lot of really extreme sexual fanfiction and shared it with donnie. mikey also said slurs while gaming RIP (so did Leo and Raph, donnie was prolly the only one who DIDN'T say slurs while gaming because his hobby is research so he'd probably be more aware of why he SHOULDN'T say slurs lmao)

donnie adores AMV's & cringe animatics/cosplays of his favorite sci fi shows, hes very self conscious tho so he tries not to let anyone catch him watching them. he also read fanfiction, not just Mikey's really intense weird porn but also like, those 80 chapter fics written by people in their 30's that are really good and insightful and stuff haha.

Leo got his first social media account suspended for hate speech. He almost fell down the anti-trans & racist alt right pipeline but fortunately for us he had more important shit to do than watch anti-sjw videos, like save the world or w/e. also splinter saw him watching a racist video and got really pissed cause it was anti-asian racism and he was like, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT RACISM LEONARDO, YOU'RE A FUCKING TURTLE!!! and that kinda turned Leo off from that stuff too lmao.

i feel like Leo would watch a lot of gaming youtubers who later came out as trans and he'd be like "wow thats crazy how this keeps happening"

sidenote i think Leo got jealous of mikey knowing how to skateboard and tried to learn it himself, but accidentally broke mikeys board and just. never told anyone he did it fasdhfd.

Raph was mostly too busy to do anything super stupid, but i think he and Casey would watch a lot of old films and he became something of a movie snob, but like in a really dumb 15 year old kind of way haha.

Most of raphs dumb teenager opinions would probably happen either internally or come out when he's around Casey, not his brothers.

hope this is what you were asking for!

#nnstuff #ask #teenage mutant neglected turtles #tmnt raph #tmtn leo #tmnt mikey #tmnt donnie

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x she/her!reader

New Year’s Eve

Spencer Reid. He is so ridiculously hot. You catch yourself salivating just watching him across the room, sitting at his desk flipping through files, that concentrating frown on his face. His face, god his face, he’s the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. Those gorgeous eyes, the cheekbones and jawline that can cut you anytime they want, those sexy curls, the delicate but strong hands. Good lord, you would do anything to have those hands on you.

“(Y/N)?” Emily snaps you back to reality.

You blink rapidly, immediately blushing when you catch Spencer smiling down at his papers. There’s no way to prove he’d caught you staring at him, but you just know it.

“Y-Yeah, sorry, what’s up?” You force yourself to fully engage in whatever Emily is about to say.

She glances at Spencer from the corner of her eye, and you know she knows too. Hell, everybody knows!

“Well, Im inviting the team over for New Year’s Eve, and I was wondering if you wanted to come? If you dont have any other plans, that is.”

Plans? I mean, you did have a fantastic date with a tub of ice cream and tears in front of the tv during the countdown.

“I’d love to!” You hear yourself say, and you are immediately swallowed by regret.

She’s going to invite Spencer, and then if he says yes, you’re all going to get drunk at Emily’s house. You’ve never had a problem drinking in front of your friends at parties before, they would suspect something if you refused to drink, meaning Spencer would have to see you drunk, and who knows what drunk you will say!?!

“What about you, Spencer, are you free?” Emily turns to face the young genius, who places the files on his desk and smiles up at her.

“I dont have any plans!” And then, his smile lands on you. Just for a second, but it’s enough.

Oh god, what have you gotten yourself into?

That thought enters your head everyday until New Years Eve, and greets you one final time upon Emily opening her front door and pulling you in for a hug. She leads you into her living room to greet everyone and you force your eyes to look at him last, but when you do...fuck. He’s dressed up for the occasion, slightly fancier than work clothes, but that patterned button-up shirt with just a few buttons undone? May the angels watching over you tonight cover their eyes, ‘cause once you’ve got alcohol in you, this is going to be a shit show.

You greet everyone with hugs, and again save Spencer for last. He pulls you in so gently, placing the lightest kiss on your cheek and flashing you that gorgeous grin. You’re already blushing far too much, so you dart over to the snack table and pour yourself a straight shot of vodka. Spencer takes a sip of his own drink to hide his amused smirk as he watches you, but little does he know the entire team is fully aware of the chemistry between the two of you.

He’s never really felt like the cool guy. The one in high school that all the girls had a crush on at one point or another. The one in the movies who can make any girl swoon. He’s never had that effortless charm, he’s never been a smooth talker, he’s never had any of that. As a teenager, he couldnt deny that he wanted to experience just a little of that adoration, just to try it out. But as he got older, he came to the conclusion that it would never be that way for him, and he grew to be okay with that.

That was, until you came along. Suddenly, someone was blushing and stuttering when he spoke to them. Someone was shivering anytime he brushed past them. Someone was trying their absolute best to hide the fact they were swooning at the things he said and did. And that someone happened to be the girl of his dreams, it really was too good to be true, but Spencer didnt care. For the first time in his life, reason and statistics meant nothing to him, because you want him.

You really want him. Everyone can see it. Spencer obviously reciprocates your feelings, but he’s a little more composed about it.

At some point in the night, you find yourself laughing with Aaron and Rossi, having a wonderful conversation about the funniest moments on cases this year. Admittedly, most of them were caused by you falling over or dropping something at a particularly inappropriate time, but there arent exactly many funny memories to cling to when you’re a criminal profiler, so the team is more than happy to have a clutz.

“Excuse me.” A quiet voice speaks in your ear, and then a hand ever so gently presses against the small of your back as Spencer passes behind you and heads to the kitchen with Derek, who walked behind you without having to touch you at all.

You’ve noticed Spencer does that a lot. To anyone else, he’ll pretty much throw his arms in the air to avoid touching them when passing, but to you? Every time, without fail, there’s physical contact. Even if it’s fleeting, even if you can barely feel it, you know that it’s happening. Neither of you have ever addressed it, it’s an unspoken “thing” between you. As is the smile and wink he throws over his shoulder at you as he walks away from your blushing, shivering form.

Spencer cant deny that your admiration for him has done his ego wonders, but he doesnt really care about that. He finds your crush on him utterly adorable, and he thoroughly enjoys teasing you a bit here and there to get the slightest reaction from you.

It’s safe to say you drive each other mad.

But, how do you drive Spencer mad, I hear you ask? Well...

“Hey! Hey you! Hey!” The alcohol has sent you stumbling over to Spencer, who’s standing on his own after Derek briefly left him to go pee.

You trip on your own foot, but Spencer is quick to catch you before you hit the ground. He lifts you back up to stand, then decides it’s safer to keep an arm around you so that you dont fall over again. Of course, that’s what he’ll say the reason is.

“Hey (Y/N)!” He chuckles. “Are you alright?”

You nod frantically with your eyes closed. “Ohhh yes! Im great! Just came over here to tell you a secret.”

Spencer raises his eyebrows in interest and amusement. “What’s the secret?”

You smile and open your eyes to look at him, the space around him is a little blurry, but his face will always be crystal clear to you.

“You’re a very handsome man! That’s not really a secret. Everyone knows. But! It’s a secret that I liiiike it!” You giggle and blush at your own words, somewhere in your mind your consciousness is mortified.

Spencer feels his heart swell. “Well thank you very much! You’re a very pretty girl, and I like that-“

Before he can finish his sentence, you somehow manage to spill your drink all over his patterned shirt.

“Oh no! Im so sorry!” You start patting at his shirt with your hands in a drunken, guilty, confused mess, but you only make it worse. Sober-you will thank drunk-you for that contact later, though.

“Dont worry (Y/N), it’ll wash out!” Spencer tries to calm you down a little, and you nod, understanding that vodka and lemonade is transparent and wont leave an obvious stain.

“But you’re all wet!” You cry.

Emily hears your distress and runs over from the other side of the room. “Oh, dont worry, I’ve got an old shirt of an ex boyfriend’s upstairs that you can borrow.”

She starts walking into the hall, and you and Spencer follow her. Emily leaves you both in the kitchen while she goes upstairs to retrieve the shirt. While you wait, you decide to jump up on the kitchen counter and kick your legs like a toddler.

“You have got to stop being so cute.” Spencer sighs from his place opposite you, leaning back on the sink with his hands holding the counter.

“Only if you stop being so damn hot!” You stick your tongue out at him, causing you both to laugh.

Emily arrives in the kitchen and throws the shirt at Spencer. “There ya go, I dont actually need it back so feel free to keep it or throw it out.” And before either of you can respond, she’s gone.

Spencer starts unbuttoning his shirt, he raises an eyebrow at you playfully. “Are you going to cover your eyes?”

You cover your face with your hands, but slowly spread your fingers, allowing yourself to see. He laughs and shakes his head at you, continuing to strip free of his shirt regardless. Thankfully it was only really the side of his shirt that you got wet, so his chest isnt sticky and he doesnt have to wipe himself down before pulling the other top over his head. That would’ve been a pleasant sight, though.

Once the shirt is on, you close the gaps in your fingers and hide as though you hadnt been watching him the entire time.

“You can look now.” Spencer teases sarcastically.

You shake your head in your hands.

“Awwh, is the pretty girl feeling shy all of a sudden?” His voice is closer to you than it was before, oh boy.

This time, you nod into your hands. You feel yourself leaning forward against your own free will.

“Woah! Careful!” Spencer warns as he takes another quick step forward so that you fall against him rather than onto the floor.

He wraps his arms around you, and the two of you stay like that for a while.

“Spencer?”

“Yes?”

“You smell good.”

“Thank you!”

“Hey, Spencer?”

“Yes?”

“How long is it ‘til the New Year?”

“Uhh...” He glances up at the clock on the kitchen wall. “About an hour, why?”

“Can you get me a glass of water?”

Spencer’s arms leave you and you feel immediately sad about it. He looks down at you curiously as you pull your hands away from your face. “Of course, why?”

You grin up at him. “Gotta sober up for the New Years kiss!”

Spencer’s eyes almost fall out of his skull. “Wh-What!?!” He shuffles over to the sink to prevent you seeing his flustered expression.

“Well, I know you wont kiss me when Im drunk because you think the alcohol is talking instead of me so part of you doubts if I actually like you AND you have really good morals so you wouldnt take advantage of me, which means I’ve gotta sober up real fast in time for the countdown ‘cause otherwise this was all for naught!” You explain, proud of yourself for being able to talk coherently for so long considering how much you’ve had to drink.

“Did drunk-you just say the word ‘naught’?” Spencer laughs as he pours you a glass of water.

“Yes she did!” You beam at him.

He passes you the glass. “Alright, let’s get you sober and then we’ll see if you still want to kiss me.”

You roll your eyes and talk with the glass tipped to your mouth, making your words echo slightly. “That’s gotta be the dumbest ‘if’ sentence I have ever heard.”

And so, for the next hour, you and Spencer talk and down as much water as humanly possible. There’s several bathroom trips for each of you, and every time one of you is sitting on the floor outside the bathroom, still talking to the other person through the door. At five minutes until the countdown, you gulp down your final glass of water.

“How do you feel?” Spencer asks carefully as he takes the glass from you and places it in the sink.

“Like my body is drowning, but apart from that Im all good.” You joke, wiping your mouth and applying lipbalm because dry lips are a fate worse than death.

Spencer chuckles at you and leans back against the counter. Despite his efforts to appear calm and collected, his nerves are obvious.

You sigh. “Spence, you’re clear as glass right now.”

Hopping off the counter, you take two steps closer to him, surprised at your own confidence.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you since the day we met, the question isnt if that’s true, it’s whether that feeling is reciprocated.” You tell him, your voice quiet.

Spencer gulps, and for the first time your roles are reversed; he’s nervous instead.

“Is the feeling reciprocated?” You question.

“Y-Yes!” Spencer stutters.

“Then kiss me goddamnit!” You exclaim playfully.

“We’ve got to wait for the countdown!” He retorts.

“How long have we got!?!” You cry.

“Three minutes!” Spenecer squeaks.

“OH MY GOD!” You throw your arms in the air in frustration, before both of you burst out laughing. Full on, hunched over, wheezing with tears in your eyes.

Wiping your eyes, you stand back up.

“Y’know what? I think you’re just too pussy to kiss me right now, so you’re using New Year’s as a cop-out.” You cross your arms and lean back against the counter, a smug smile on your face.

Spencer smirks. “Is that so?”

You walk towards him until you’re almost touching. “Yeah!”

Spencer crosses his arms to match yours, reflecting your smugness. “Well, why dont you kiss me? Huh? Someone else scared?”

You throw your arms above your head. “Hell yeah I am, why do you think I told you to kiss me!?!”

Spencer throws his arms up in the air to match. “But Im scared too!”

“So am I!”

“You just said that.”

“So let’s fuckin’ do it!” You wrap your arms around his neck.

“A-Are you sure you want me to, I-I mean-“ He holds his arms up gingerly, afraid to touch you.

You nod furiously. “Yes! Go!”

“Fine!” Spencer shouts.

“Fine!” You shout back.

He grabs you by the waist and pulls your body flush against his, your lips meeting in the most beautiful, chaotic way you could have ever imagined. You feel him relax into the kiss, his hands caressing your sides, yours running through his hair and pulling him closer to you, if that’s even possible.

“10, 9, 8...” The rest of the team call out in unison from the living room.

“Oh shi’!” You mumble into the kiss, your eyes and his opening, but your lips staying locked together.

“7, 6...”

“Shou’ we ju-?” Spencer asks into your lips.

“5, 4...”

“Kee’ goi’? Yeah.” You agree, the two of you nodding and continuing to makeout.

“3, 2, 1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Everyone screams, the rest of the team piling into the kitchen to cheer with you, but they all stop immediately upon finding you and Spencer.

You jump apart, a feet of space between you, but they already saw, and if they hadnt, the state of his hair would’ve given you both away.

“Happy...N-New Year?” You stutter, scratching the back of your neck awkwardly.

Derek takes a sip of his beer.

“Well, someone’s year is starting off with a bang.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds #x reader #imagine #imagines #fanfic #fanfiction #headcannon

[enlighten3d]

(this might become a tradition lmao of me throwing oc lore at you while you’re probs alseep) okok so the main families in the story are the beckett’s (we know all about them), the biswar’s (janette’s family) and the rivera luzardo’s (carmela’s family)! there’s another one but their not as important to the story at the moment!

Basically janette’s family’s deal/literally janette’s life story (so sorry this is so long akdhdl) is:

-Mum continued the family cult and roped janette’s dad/her husband into it

-When janette and her sister were born, janette’s dad up and left with janette’s sister Mary (name to be changed btw) and janette didn’t have contact with them until she was in her early 30’s

-Her mum made her life shit (its a cult what did you expect tbh/silly) meaning she was very reliant on her mum for most of her teenage years/early twenties

-Janette killed her best friend Huan Lin (cult reasons)

-Then her mum (who’s name is Diana) got really sick and was given a year left to live and janette,who was 25, was like ‘oh thank god i’m out of here’ and left before she could see her mum die

-And basically spent her late twenties running around the cities, trying to catch up on everything she’d missed in her very closeted life (music, alcohol, friends, work etc)

-Then her guilt caught up to her in the form of her best friend’s ghost and her mum’s ghost and went back home to the town that she was raised in to dismantle the cult

-that is basically where the main story starts but the dismantling of the cult isn’t going well (she’s basically started it up again)

YEAH SO. THATS HER LIFE? I was going to go into the other families but i will do that laterrr (janette was stuck in my head today) but yeah yeah as always any questions are welcomeee

yes this might and i am all for it, i love waking up to see Lore and eating it and replying to it like hours after ive seen it bcs i procrastinate too much

mary... why do i get the feeling that something Bad happened to her. its either that or she left and never heard anything abt this ever again and now lives happily on like... a fucking farm or some shite.

was janettes reunion w mary and her dad okay... were they Weird.. why didnt her dad take her too.. was it the courts. i bet it was the fucking courts.

okay but also DID JANETTES DAD (does he have a name? if not can i name him charles. /nf) K N O W ABT THE CULT STUFF?? HOW DID HE AND DIANA MEET?? DID HE FALL IN LOVE W THIS GIRL, GET MARRIED, EXPECT A HAPPY LIFE, AND BOOM, WEIRD CULT SHIT. SORRY BRO, YOUR SKINS BOUTTA BE STOLEN (yes ik that they (prolly) dont steal skin, its just funny to say it like that). or did he Know what he was getting into and think 'i can fix her'...... stares at him 👁️ What Is Up With You...

does mary know anything at ALL abt the cult......

.are the Cult Reasons the same reasons that carmela cut off ryans arm (i THINK those are the right names..). Are They. Are They.

the ghosts.. does everyone get a ghost ? or is it just the cults/ppl who got sacrificed for weird cult bullshit. can only ppl who are.. oh i cant think of the word so ill just say Attached to them see them? or it just everyone. or yeah, is it a sort of 'you knew this person + were instrumental in their death' thing.. (do ppl who died and then got resurrected (ahem, janette, ahem) get ghosts. do they see ghostly versions of themselves... (this is getting too close to the dsmp /silly) probably not, right. MORE OF A HEATHERS-STYLE THING YEAH?? GETTING TORMENTED??

bro the cult would have disappeared if you didnt Meddle........ oh well, L

does she get haunted by the ghosts to this day (i think she does?? you mentioned smth like that near the start i think)

damn janette. thats some shit indeed...

#asks #am i allowed to suggest names for mary or #i have so many questions abt janettes dad #and abt the cult rituals and shit #HOW DOES THE CULT ACTUALLY FUNCTION. #DOES THEIR WORSHIP POWER THE SPIRITS IN ANY WAY??????? #👁️ #anygays thank you for the food (: #gods my tendency to ramble in tags is back #it was much much worse than this back when i did tumblr rw rp i promise you #ive hit the tag limit soooooo many times #murder lesbians

[cleromancy]

What is your opinion on KonTim? I noticed you posting a lot of Kontim lately and I was wondering if you are beginning to like it? Also, since I know you stated you didn't like Kon in the past, are you beginning to change your mind about him?

to be honest my opinions from 12-13 years ago when i was a very angry very opinionated teenager often dont reflect my current opinions. i just want to establish that now.

but for the record my dislike of kon was more of a reflex to the way fandom at the time made him this very flat "aw shucks" kind of cardboard cutout. i only started disliking him when i tried reading more of his comics where he tended to be y'know. more nuanced, he'd be a jerk sometimes, inconsiderate and thoughtless, etc, and then turning around and going on tumblr where the way people talked about him didnt reflect that at all, that was really offputting for me. because i do--and did--love characters who are assholes, but not if thats not... like... acknowledged. and fandom was *aggressively* not acknowledging it, from my perspective. anyway i think when i get around to rereading yj98 ill like him more this time. particularly because i *am* so much older now and will be reading from more of a place of "yeah of course hes a shithead sometimes, hes 16 years old (for a given value of 16 years old)."

as for timkon i wouldn't say i "ship" it. and i would also like to contest the assertion that ive been posting "a lot" of it lately LMAO i think ive posted it like two times in as many weeks, and then maybe 2 more times i rbed smth where they were in the same nonshippy frame or textpost?

but back to the ship itself. to begin with they *are* very good friends whose relationship is important to them both, that changed them both, and that has an impact on characterization. and i dont... think you can read a lot of those old tim comics, if you read him as queer at all, without acknowledging that there was at at least one point something btwn them.

but as far as shipping it goes. first of all i still think most of fandom does it wrong. (if im being serious, theres no "wrong" way to do fandom, but that's also the most succinct way i can put it that i don't vibe with the majority of the stuff thats out there.) second of all i don't... like i dont *want* them to get together, exactly, unless a given writer is doing a really good job at the yarn theyre spinning convincing me otherwise, within the boundaries of that story.

but there *is* something btwn them, romantically speaking, and it has a lot of interesting character/relationship potential to explore for both of them. i am at the moment almost entirely uninterested in exploring it from kons side, which is another reason i dont really ship it, but that might change when i get around to rereading yj98. but i really don't think you can get a full picture of new earth tim drake as a character without admitting he at least had a thing for kon when kon was dead, any other point in time being much more up for interpretation.

so basically! 1. its interesting when its allowed to be interesting and not flattened into featureless fluff 2. i dont ship it AS SUCH but it absolutely was a thing that happened even if they never date or dated, and 3. as for kon himself i think ill be a lot more forgiving now both bc i Am older and bc no one in my fannish circle these days is annoying about him where i see it LMAO

#asks #dc

[rrxnjun]

(im really stupid but i hope u like this fanletter 😭)

hello <3 this is for my favourite writer on tumblr; to the the same writer who does not realise how much their works could mean to someone, the lovely @rrxnjun 🎀 !!!

so, i found your blog at the beginning ot this month– november, 2023, and now that the month's about to end, i have nearly finished reading all your nct works.

to me, this month is the most special one of this year. why? because i found your blog, your stories– some pieces of your mind. i found you through one of those nct fanfic recs, 'take the stairs - njm' being the first work i read from you. it was sweet, it made me happy. and then i read the other two parts of the 'simplify romance' series, which will always hold a special place in my heart.

this year has been the worst for me, with no one for me to lean on to, weird identify crisis shit, and losing myself in this tiring process of growing up. but you know what? you saved 2023 for me. when no one's words could speak to me, yours did. you make me feel a little less lonely.

im a silly teenager, who never read sad/mainly angsty stories before i found you because i was scared, i was confident i'd cry. and i did. i gathered the courage to read angst only because you'd written it, and it was so worth it. ive stayed up so many nights this month just to read your works in peace and privacy, hidden from my family, and then spend the days thinking about how you literally create art, and telling my bestfriends about it. you are blessed. you are phenomenal. no amount of thank yous or i love yous could be enough for me to express my gratitude. you've made me feel so at peace with my thoughts sometimes and you've made me feel like i'm not alone. you have magic in your hands. i owe you so much, i wish i could gift you something, but sadly im still a minor and theres a few years until i finish uni and then get a job, and then i promise i'll get you something, because i am so lucky to be able to read your stories for free. you deserve so much more than followers, likes and reblogs. each one of your fics have made me tear up and all of them are too special for me.

this month ive read all of your nct dream '00 line fics, and my favourite was 'happier than ever' which i finished a week ago— AND I SWEAR THAT FIC DESTROYED ME 😭😭😭 it had me bawling my eyes out for two hours on a school night i love it so so fucking much, i literally think about it daily and i told all my friends about it and im so in love with it, please tell me, for my inner peace that renjun and the reader ended up getting together and being fine because im gonna cry over it for the rest of my life IDC IF THEY DIDNT END UP TOGETHER please lie to me and tell me they did 💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i want you to know, and to remember this whenever you feel even a little like giving up— you have magic, bar, don't ever let go of that magic.

your stories make me want to heal and to help everyone heal. to be loved and to love everyone. to be cared for and care for everyone. your magic helps me survive my days with a little smile. thank you so much for everything you've done for me, without realising you're helping me live.

every single word i wrote here– i swear on everything i have, i genuinely mean it. you are the best thing that happened this year :) i hope that one day someone will love you as much as i love your blog.

(me when i talk about your work)

P.S. permission to take a screenshot of your blog and paste it to my scrapbook by which i can remember my teenage years that your stories mended, please?

thank you for reading, ily ❤️

- your biggest fan (hopefully no one's more dedicated!!) 💘

when i saw this in my inbox i got so emotional i couldnt reply immidiately because i genuinely wanted to sob. this is so so sweet and it mustve taken a long time to type out and i appreciate you a WHOLE lot, not only for this, but also for supporting me sm over the last month. :,)

take the stairs is a very sweet and fun fic and i am glad you found my blog through this one, haha. the simplify romance series holds my favorite fics and i PROMISE to finish jeno's entry at the beginning of the next year!! it HAS to be done. it means a lot to me that you took the time of your day to read my works and that you enjoyed them so much to let me know.

i am happy to hear that my work could help you through some hard times. as a reader on this platform as well, i do know that feeling very well and i could never imagine being that person to someone, but i am glad my words could be there for you when no one else could. hearing this makes all the effort feel worth it, and it's something i'll think of whenever im having a hard time with my work again. i also hope life is nicer to you in the future, and if you ever need someone, my inbox is always open.

having my fics be called art is something i never imagined could happen. it's beyond what i think about my work, but i am honored to hear this compliment, truly. despite being a writer i cant find the words to express my gratitude towards you and your supportive words right now >:( it does mean the whole entire world to me. please do NOT worry about "paying me back" or something, i do this because it's what i love doing and sharing my work with others makes me happy, so an ask like this is more than enough for me. you made me feel really appreciated and i will remember and treasure your kind words forever.

happier than ever is definitely a heavier read, since it's partly from personal experience, hh. i tend to project on renjun a lot so take this as a warning for my other renjun fics LMAO. TT this fic has a special place in my heart and hearing you talk so highly about it makes me all warm on the inside hhhhh my love langugage is words of affirmation stop this or ill cry. i enjoy leaving my fics open-ended to interpretation of the reader, so whatever you feels fits their story is how the story ends for you. <3

i will definitely use this ask as a reminder to not give up when i feel like doing so. it really brought me a lot of strength :) thank you for calling my writing magic. i never imagined someone describing it that way, but it does feel good to hear haha

knowing that my work helped somebody and made them heal and feel all sorts of emotions inside makes me feel at peace. thank you so much. SO much.

also u really make me want to bawl with that scrapbook comment. cant believe im an important part of someone's teenage years :((

once again, words cant express how much this means to me. thank you and i hope my fics continue to be a source of good things for you :) i will think of this often. ily

#💌ask #feedback !! #<3

[gorseflowers]

this is an edit of a very old draft from when i first watched the show but i love how much of shauna and taissa's plotlines as adults is repeating patterns and how much of it could've hypothetically been avoided if theyd talked things out with their spouses sooner (but of course there was never a chance that either of them could do that). like to an insanemaking degree theyre both so closed off to everyone but eachother from this deep seated belief in and fear of their own wrongness and it results in this unfolding tragedy of both of their adult lives falling apart

teenage shauna cheats with jeff because she wants to feel wanted and this (in her conscience) leads to someone innocent dying. adult shauna cheats on jeff because she wants to feel wanted and this leads to someone innocent dying. obviously theres important differences but the point is the fact that it all happens again, and the second time round not only was jeff not cheating on her first, he read the journals, knows all of the secrets that had weighed on her throughout their marriage and kept the distance between them, and he didn't care. if she'd told him years ago, it could've theoretically been fine, but fundamentally she couldnt let him that close either way. I think she told herself it was about what happened in the woods and she told herself he would never look at her the same way but deep down she didnt want to give him the chance to forgive her in the first place.

teenage taissa committed to being a leader for the common good and it resulted in van nearly dying. adult taissa commits to being a leader for the greater good and its shaping up to result in simone divorcing her. when she first tells simone about the sleepwalking, simone's reaction is to suggest ways to get her professional help, which taissa shuts down in favour of telling simone to leave bc shes afraid of hurting her and sammy. and crucially she says that since it started in the woods and stopped when they got rescued, she never saught help for it - if she had, or if she'd told simone earlier on, it might not have gotten that bad. but the need to shape how shes seen by the public extends to her own family, the need to maintain control manifests as a denial of the problem, she doesnt want simone to know those parts of her because she's so afraid of what's within herself that she cant acknowledge it until its no longer an option to ignore.

and none of this pretense extends to eachother. shauna and taissa understand eachother in the way only two people who went through hell together can and you can see it in the scenes where they fall asleep next to eachother -- there's no denying anything because they percieve eachother so clearly, but at the same time they dont quite forgive eachother because they cant forgive themselves. and that's the fear that keeps them from seeking understanding from their respective spouses: that they might be forgiven, that they might not be. and so the pact of secrecy has ruined both their lives, and since it comes from the idea (the fear) that what they did was completely unforgiveable, then really its the shame of their survival that's fueling all of it. both their families are falling apart, and chances are they're going to end up exactly where they started when getting back to the world after the crash - burdened with the knowledge of what they've done, the only two people capable of understanding eachother.

#i love how grandiose this gets at the end. i was feeling it post finale when i wrote this #also i have shaunataissa url saved im either gonna give it up or break it out once s2 starts #yellowjackets #mine

[setsunatekiblast]

sorry this is like fully just insane babble and a look into truly how fucking weird i am in the head im really considering making a blog JUST for venting but im too lazy to do that rn

so like general rundown for context

i did some really downright shitty things as a teenager as a result of unresolved trauma in basically every corner of my life at the time (obviously this doesnt absolve me from what happened). when i was told about the extent of it i apologised and distanced myself & never talked to anyone involved ever again.

months later when i expressed that a former friend who had (in my opinion, rightfully) stepped in to stop the situation from worsening had caused me harm prior to all this and that it was still impacting me on my private account, it was leaked to her. i was threatened with a callout post and she was acting like i wasnt truly sorry for the things i'd done/trying to change even though i had done my level best to be accountable for my behaviour and do what was asked of me.

because of everything that'd already happened + this i was living in this constant state of severe anxiety. as in, i could hardly eat due to feeling nauseous every moment i was conscious, would randomly start shaking and crying & my physical health was deteriorating at many points. i was like this from about july all the way through to november-early december, i think?

like all of this happened five years ago but ive absolutely refused to let myself move on because i thought i would be dodging accountability for my behaviour but i've kind of just had a mental shift recently (maybe from my kansai trip i think it did something to me). looking back while talking to my friend i internalised everything about that series of incidents so hard that i considered myself a horrible and irredeemable person, so ive been keeping myself at arms length from others because i didnt want it to happen all over again and didnt trust myself to actually change. i thought that if i was pursuing relationships with others, i wasnt being accountable enough and dodging my past behaviour.

idk im just tired of living like this. im tired of all the self-sabotage and the fear and anxiety i have over the most minor of things. i'm tired of jumping up and running at the first signs of closer friendships forming. i had a panic attack over someone calling me a friend for gods sake, that's not normal. its not! the fact i even struggle to call people friends because of all this fear about relationships with others after all that isn't good and i need to change from that lol

even just thinking that i deserve better makes me feel like im swallowing needles and glass though, and it sucks so fucking much LMFAOOOOOOO. i dont even know what to do because i feel so shitty about even trying to pursue support from those closest to me. i feel like i'm asking so, so much of people when i cant give much of anything in return. not to mention that right now even the idea of being misunderstood makes me feel absolutely terrible and like i need to be on the defensive. in general i feel like i offer so little that trying to lean on people is selfish and that i'm just going to end up hurting them like i did that friend who simply just wanted to help me. i don't want to feel this way anymore but it's a cycle and i don't know how to stop feeling so horrid about everything and actually. well. allow myself to feel supported AND be normal in the head about it

like i need to move on not just for my sake but because. really. it's been such a long time and i don't even recognise the person i was in those messages. but i can hear just how much pain my past self was in and that just sucks, man. my friend didn't want me to suffer, but he was rightfully hurt and angered by the way i behaved. the best way to show my remorse has always been to do better by those who come into my life, but i never wholly succeeded in that because 90% of the time i would sabotage my own relationships with others and not get too close out of fear that i was going to ruin it all and just be as shitty as i was before. i thought closing myself off would be doing right by him, and to a degree it was. but it wasn't productive for me because i wasn't doing anything but closing myself off

anyway i handled something pretty good tonight that i know my past self wouldve probably flipped out about so that's probably a good sign i guess. its actually kind of surprising to see that even though my spoons are maybe a 1 at best rn i can still handle things with some grace and tact and Not be terrible. idk. maybe things are gonna be okay, especially since i have so many people in my corner nowadays who want nothing more than to see me overcome everything

#blabber #SORRY. i needed to get this shit off my chest before i sleep #i just wanna be okay again and allow myself to have relationships with others like a normal human being again #anyway i have been listening to a STUPID amount of rina sawayama songs these last three weeks #im about to go sleep for like a year or something god i cant wait to talk to my counsellor in like two weeks #he is going to have a field day with this after he heard about my home life during these years

[sickacademia]

my experience with learning as an adhd person

it's kinda difficult to point out where things started going wrong. I was always the best student in class since ever. And I grew up and one day I remember going into a neurologist and he would ask me some stuff and I wouldn't know how to process and answer his questions. He would talk about parallel lines and I had no idea what a parallel line was. It didn't bother me after some time because I eventually forgot i, but when I remember this moment i cant help from thinking "well, why did mom made me go there? is there something wrong with me, have they noticed something?", and every single time i try to approach her she says she doesnt remember anything about it - neither results from the exams i had to do nor what was the doctors feedback.

a few years ago i found out that my father has adhd, diagnosed since childhood. those who are familiar with the topic will probably understand that what im saying is that im very likely to have it too.

what happened in my teenage years is that the more things started to demand me more and more academically and socially, the more i would simply not be interested, or just fail because i couldnt pay attention. I'm someone who never had any difficulties at learning anything at all, but if i didnt like the topic, God, i would NOT study it. thats why i started failing classes in middle school.

nowadays it's easier to understand these things, but not really solve them.

what i really want to point out is the fact that i hyperfixate in stuff. and then i get very really passionate about it. i'll study it for a few weeks and decide it's what i want to do with my life. and then the hyperfixation goes away. and i'm left with nothing.

i lack consistency, and i think it has something to do with me being bipolar as well. i am mentally stable at the moment, but i still cant keep studying things i like once im not that interested/they get too hard.

sometimes i wonder what is wrong with me, and how that very little smart kid became a shameful adult with the lowest self esteem possible.

it hurts to see myself downgrading that bad as the years pass, for i was always taught to be the best in every field i want to be in. the problem is they never teach us how to study, they never teach us how to rest. they never teach us how to be ourselves without wanting to fit in academic standards. we don't know how to do stuff because the world is not made for people who are "not productive".

#studyblr #langblr #adhd

[h0oty]

Tell me everything abt dusk shadows? Please? Theyre so so pretty and cool and edgy and i love them already and i know nothing abt thrm

ive waited my whole life to hear these words... this is going to be very long.

theyre my little skrunkle next gen oc i made when i was like 9 and have kept alive since then, their story has changed around throughout the years but i did make it when i was 9 so its not the best literature, keep that in mind.

basically theyre the mane character of my next-gen-mixed-with-au hootverse that all my silly little redesigns come from, some story elements are changed and this is important because Sombra takes the place of Chrysalis in season 9 because she accepted Starlight's friendship after she freed the hive.

so when the trio gets unfrozen to be reformed Twilight takes on reforming Sombra and of course it goes like this

because its a next gen and they get in a genuine relationship and Sombra works on himself and gets better, + they have kids but then he slips up one day and accidentally grows evil crystals or something by accident and the kingdom's ponies don't trust him and some even start saying shit like "what if their kids turn out evil like him >:((((" "i cant believe twilight loves tis guy what if SHES evil too?!?!?" and it was disrupting harmony and Twilights like "damn this is wild!!!!! i am going to start twilighting 24/7". so to 'keep her safe' in his eyes, while shes pregant with Dusk, Sombra acts like hes evil again and runs away and then when Dusk is born Twilight has to give them to up for adoption movie style on the doorstep in the rain because its the edgy 2010 oc backstory + ponies were threatening the children because of Sombra and all that (they couldnt give them to one of the mane 6 because it would be too risky for someone to realize it was her child)

Dusk goes to friendship camp one year as a filly and meets their first real friend, Firefly. They keep in contact until their teenage years when Firefly becomes a rockstar and stops talking to Dusk because of the pressure of keeping up a "popular" image. Dusk starts spending all of their time with their other friend Frost Lily, but their declining mental state causes them to see one of those waking nightmares (the ones Sombra trapped the castle with. they inherited it and like. cast it on themself by mistake somehow) and they see a vision of Frost Lily getting really sick and dying. They don't know this was just a nightmare their magic made them see, so they leave town, thinking there's nothing left for them there now. Their wandering leads them to Canterlot, where Twilight sees and recognizes them, and summons them to the castle, where she explains Dusk is her child and everything that happened and why she had to give them away, expecting them to be all happy huggy 'i love you mom'ing!!! But they were actually just really upset and angry at Twilight for not even trying and she kept and raised their other child, ect.

Twilight gets worried about Dusk's mental state which leads to her worrying about Dusk going down the 'same dark path' as Sombra, and she sends them to their own small town just like Celestia did for her when she was young so they can discover joy and friendship magic

this is getting SO long but they become a part of their own mane 6 of sorts that includes firefly, a griffin named boe, a dragon named Carbon, an axolotl named snorkel and a 'baby' ursa minor that goes by ursus once they get there. on the way they meet a suspicious trio of "ponies" that may or may not be demons summoned by Sombra to keep an eye on his child and report back to him on how theyre doing.

Eventually Dusk also turns into an evil alicorn thing but y'know their friends fix that with the power of friendship™  and then they defeat the demons too

wow look a window

i want you to know i was writing for an hour with no breaks i didnt even blink at all during this im so sorry

#asks #dusk shadows #oc #writing #<- i think its long enough... i can put that there #2010 oc backstory logic: the child will be safer in a random family than guarded by trained professionals and alicorns #i love my little cringe horse #hootverse #brief death ment //

[marunalu]

Your definitely right here: “Only difference is endeavor gets all the hate, while bakugous actions get excused” The fandom has such double standards or are huge hypocrites, that’s one of the reasons of why people are like that with those two! I do think another reason is people always mention that because Enji’s abuse happened when he was an adult he should have known better, while Katsuki was a child 🙄 because people tend to be a bit more uh….lenient on children than adults, as they’re still learning so I kind of understand that. However, Katsuki was a young teenager and well aware of what’s right and wrong so that doesn’t give them the right to excuse his actions! Or they go off of the “Mitsuki was abusive” bullshit, which is ridiculous because even if she was that’s not an excuse for his actions! And we all know that they would flip the script if it was revealed that Enji was abused by his parents, it would all be “that doesn’t excuse his abuse” anyways that’s all I have to say 😊!

Your are absolutely right in everything you wrote! The fandom is really full of hypocrites. Yes endeavor is an adult, but with 14-16 bakugou is fucking old enough to understand the difference between right and wrong! I could give him a pass if he had stopped the bulling in middle school or at least after he was accepted in ua, but that didnt happen! For over 300 chapters bakugou treated izuku like trash and just recently he startet to show the bare minimum of concern for him. He did ONE good deed for his victim after over 10 years of abusing izuku and the whole fucking fandom treats him as the savior of human kind! Most part of the fandom acts like as if he is the best developed shonen character in history!

Endeavors arc may not written perfect, but bakugous development looks like a fucking zombie compared to his! If endeavor can face hard consequences regarding the abuse of his family, I see no reason why bakugou shouldnt. It doesnt matter if he is younger then endeavor. He is 16 and not a freaking toddler, no matter how much the fandom loves to tread him like one! So far nothing bad that did ever happen to bakugou has anything to do with the abuse he went izuku through. Being wrecked in hero training or in his current fight with shigarafo is NOT a consequence regarding his abusive behavior, but him being an arrogant and reckless idiot! Its great to see him having a hard time for once, but I want to see him face consequences that have to do with IZUKU! Like izuku not accepting that insult of an apology! Izuku telling him to fuck off! THAT would be a consequence for his past actions!

People who still try to use the "poor baby was abused by his mother" argument are completly hopeless at this point. Hori confirmed himself that no abuse happened in the bakugou household! He had a great childhood and was spoiled rotten. End of discussion! And you are right, if endeavor would have been abused as a child, this very same people would say that it still doesnt excuss his actions! Thats of course correct, but if endeavors actions cant be excussed, bakugous shouldnt be either! And again being defeated in training or in battle is NOT a consequence for his past abusive nature!

#bnha #anti bakugou #enji todoroki #endeavor #anti katsuki bakugou

[hella1975]

Bestie im starting college soon and you seem like a person with friends so like how do you do that

very flattered by this <3333 very much going to be talking from my own experiences here and as always when i give advice my word is NOT gospel so if you'd rather do something else than what i say then that's totally fine if anything i ENCOURAGE that. as lame as it is 'be yourself' is the worst best advice you'll ever get, otherwise you'll get stuck with people who aren't like-minded at all and it can be really suffocating (this is always what i have the biggest issue with bc i have a habit of just catering my personality to whoever im with, so none of my friends ever feel like they get me if that makes sense. so yes i objectively have a good number of friends and several functioning friendship groups that i enjoy, but at no point do i ever feel like ive taken the mask off, yk?)

so yes, unfortunately all of what i have to tell you is going to have the underlying assumption that you're taking 'be yourself' to heart. i mean it. one friend that knows you as some cringe online loser that likes anime is so so much better than twenty friends that think you're hot shit.

specifically for a college environment:

push yourself! ive said this kind of thing before, but i dont mean 'wake up an extrovert one day'. i understand it's hard and scary and social anxiety/neurodivergence is a thing, but teenagers arent actually stupid! they want to see you trying more than anything else. if you act a hermit who doesn't leave their room ever or go to any social functions and then gets upset when no one magically befriends them, then that was always going to happen. but if you try and reach out, try and make small talk whenever you're in shared spaces, try and be in group chats, try and put the effort in, then even if you dont succeed or you think you did a bad job, other people will still recognise the effort. genuinely it goes such a long way. of course the more things you do actively partake in, the easier it'll all get for you, but i dont want you to make yourself uncomfortable or wind up hating college altogether. push yourself, but dont beat yourself up if you need a time out every now and then

join societies! i actually didn't do this (unless you count women in finance which... i do not count) but i always kept this option in the back of my mind for if i couldnt make any friends on my course OR any friends in my accommodation. it's a sure-fire way of meeting people AND you can cater it to ensure they're similar to you by following your interests. also idk about other places but in the uk, societies arrange social nights amongst their club, so you go out to events and bars and move nights and shit together and you can create an entire social scene just through your society

don't give up. this is cringe but also true. i have two main friendship groups at university: my coursemates and the [insert their accom's name here] lot. you might notice i didnt say my flatmates and that's because my second friendship group, the one im in the most and am now living with next year btw!!, met me in a really random way. it started out with me sticking with 'the flatmate i dont like' as she's come to be named, who befriended our neighbour in the accom over from ours, who met these other two girls (flatmates with each other) at a social night I DIDNT GO TO, and now me, my neighbour and those two girls are super close and i practically lived at their accom all through first year. but i wasn't friends with those two girls until MONTHS into university, and as you can see, it was really random when it did happen. friendships are like that! if my mate hadn't gone to tequila night just for the tequila to run out and them all to go to the same afters by PURE CHANCE, then i wouldn't know two of my closest uni friends! how mental is that!

remember that everyone is in the same boat. idc how confident or hot some of these people are, i am telling you as a FACT of life that they are pure shitting themselves thinking they aren't going to make friends at uni. this is why it's key to be brave in the first few weeks before people start finding their feet. take advantage of their insecurity! the girl ive just spent three nights with in my uni city literally adopted me after an induction lecture we both had for economics because she came up to me and TO MY FACE went 'hey you seem really nice and i dont know anyone, can i stay with you?' and she's now one of my favourite people. not once did i go 'hey that's kind of a ballsy/weird thing to say' because i was too busy being RELIEVED that someone had come up to me, bc sure enough i was in my own mental spiral of 'shit shit shit i dont know anyone fuck what the fuck'. like genuinely just reach out to people OR latch onto the people that reach out to you. i remember one time i went to a freshers fair ON MY OWN and i was really embarrassed by that fact bc most people go with their flatmates or SOMEONE and i was on my own, so i literally just started talking to the girl next to me on the bus because she was on her own too. we did the entire freshers fair together and i never spoke to her again, but we totally used each other in that moment and there's literally nothing saying we couldn't have clicked and become the best of friends. you're all as pathetic as each other in those first few weeks, remember that.

all in all, good luck. it's a great time and i guarantee you you'll do great. im rooting for you anonstie, keep me posted!

#ive told half of these anecdotes before but idc i cannot stress enough how batshit the social side of uni is #specifically the first few weeks #like everything you knew about social interaction just goes out the window but like. in a good way #so yeah good luck bestie!!!! #ask #hella goes to uni

[davestriderascend]

the homestuck reread, pt 3

im deep into act 6 rn, and i have a feeling this is a good time for another recap. for anyone new here, i first started reading homestuck in 2014 as an archival and then serial reader, and i am now rereading it again through the unofficial collection for the first time, along w bonus content i didnt engage w the first time. ive already recapped acts 1-5 in their entirety. i also posted a separate recap chain of the formspring.

in this post, i will be recapping up to but not including a6a4. if youre looking for my thoughts on the dancestors in a6i3, thatll be its own post. assuming anyone reading this has already read my previous recaps, and anyone not reading this would enjoy not having their dash dominated by this post, the recap will be under the cut.

before we get started, there were a couple of albums released during act 5 act 2 that i hadnt listened to yet at the time of my recap, so heres those rq:

Act 5 Act 2 Albums

Prospit & Derse: i finished it right after making that post pretty much TuT and what i said in my previous recap is pretty accurate! derse dreamers remains my favorite. i dont really have anything to add, i think i covered it pretty well before.

Vol 1-4: it does not in fact have new stuff. this is just volumes 1-4, which i already recapped in my initial post. i did look tho :')

Vol 8: this is another pretty generic catchall album, as the numbered ones tend to be! however, i remember thinking as i was listening to it that the songs at the beginning were just really beautiful pieces, really stunning to listen to. there are also a lot of serious BANGERS in this album. ive had davesprite and arcade thunder on my playlist for ages, but it also has THE classic, the acapella midnight crew cover. i dont think all of them are hits, but most of them definitely are.

anyway, with that covered, lets get into act 6.

Act 6 Act 1

this is the act that introduces us to the post-scratch earth for the first time, starting with jake and jane as introductory characters, and hinting at roxy and dirk. its extremely short, and almost nothing fucking happens tbh. during this time, hussie is starting to use tumblr, and makes the infamous olive garden saga posts.

The Characters

upon introduction, jane believes fully in the betty crocker empire, and has like zero patience for her friends telling her it sucks. shes stubborn, headstrong, and very excited for her turn on the crocker throne. shes shown to be using exclusively bc products, which have mind altering powers that have been implied to have been subtly influencing her her whole life. she mentions that she used to have an antagonistic relationship with her dad, not unlike the one john describes with his dad when talking to his friends, but says that in the past three years theyve really ironed it out and worked through their misunderstandings. they now have a good relationship, albeit with some of the usual teenage/fatherly tension thats only natural.

jake introduces himself loudly proclaiming his love of adventure, fisticuffs, and movies. he talks a lot about admiring his grandma and her scientific genius, but doesnt feel that he measures up to her at all (he goes on to downplay his own understanding of science a lot, in the next several acts). however, we see very quickly that jake avoids going outside, is scared of the monsters on his island, and fails to beat brobot even when brobot is set on novice mode, so a lot of that stuff probably isnt true. another big thing that were introduced to very quickly is jakes firm and willing belief system. he trusts his friends wholeheartedly and loudly, in perfect opposition to jane, whos skeptical of everything, and he proclaims his belief to the point where it feels almost like hussie is grinding his page of hopeness into your face.

The Tumblr

ill talk about the tumblr as a whole more later, i think, so for rn ill just stick to the olive garden debacle. i actually did read this, way back in the day, and i remember thinking then that it was hilarious. it still is. unlike the formsprings, which i warn you to never touch w a ten foot pole, i HIGHLY recommend giving at least the olive garden saga a read if youre a hardcore fan. 10/10.

Act 6 Intermission 1

theres an emerging theme early in act 6 where the sub acts center around the alpha kid session, and the intermissions center around like.... everything else, mostly. its hussies way of checking in on dreambubble shenanigans, the meteor, and the ship. theyre just sort of updates, rather than full, lengthy expositions. the first intermission is super short and almost 100% just about the start of the meteor and ship trips, with the kids meeting up with the trolls, aradias corpse party that couldve been, and john slamming karkat in the face with a bucket. im sure we all remember it well. also, bec noir and pm are chasing each other around. there is pretty much nothing to say about this intermission.

Act 6 Act 2

here we return to the alpha session, where roxy and dirk are finally introduced. there are some shenanigans happening with the kids dreamselves, but at the end of the act, jane is finally the first kid to enter the medium. acts are still pretty short. during this time, the album song of skaia was published, and hussie announced a contest for the next album, which ill talk about later.

The Characters:

every session has a different version of jack. the trolls had spades slick, who became exiled and created a city where the midnight crew and the felt reside (keeping in mind that doc scratch is also the trolls first guardian). the beta kids had bec noir, who obliterated the trolls and beta kids sessions after gaining the powers of the kids first guardian (bec), and is now running around with pm locked in a perma stalemate after nearly killing wv (who was dropped off w the kids on the meteor and nursed back to health, becoming the mayor we all know and love). in the alpha kids session, jack works for hic, who usurped the black queen of their session long before the session even began (if youll recall, hic replaced the handmaid as le's servant at the end of act 5, and so everything she does in act 6 (including her takeover of earth) is as a servant of le). hes more proactive than ever, breaking the social customs and rules of derse and prospit to attack and (sometimes successfully) kill the alpha kids dreamselves. this is the jack that eventually becomes jack english, but ill talk more about that in another post.

i just thought this was a good time to make sure were all caught up on jacks shenanigans.

anyway, roxy is absolutely wasted through these early sub acts. and roxy, when drunk, is kind of an asshole. i love roxy, i adore her, and i remember her being one of the kindest characters in hs, so i was really shocked to read through these early acts and find just how mean she could be to her friends during this time. while shes generally chipper and bubbly, she can be harsh, frequently saying things that come off... really fucking mean, actually, and shes also pretty pushy, flirting with hal and jake even when it makes dirk and jane uncomfortable respectively. she is also... a little bit whiny, and pretty petty, literally giving jane a virus that will blow up her computer bc shes suddenly decided she doesnt want to play sburb, after blowing her friends off all day despite their longtime plans. its a really rough time period for her.

dirk, like dave in the early hs acts, isnt.... there much. like he really doesnt actually have a huge role? his dialogue is limited, with hal communicating w his friends 99% of the time instead. like dave, hes also the expert and voice of reason among the group, although where dave is more of a passive characters others can turn to when they have questions, dirk makes bold claims about manipulating things behind the scenes and being the secret leader of the session. dirk is already in action, already busy, already awake on derse, and so hes usually too busy for conversation.

instead, hal takes prominence in the first two acts. hal is quippy and quick, and actually seems to get along with dirks friends pretty well, despite their initial frustration at being unable to reach dirk. he has sincere dialogue with roxy, opening up about his feelings with her while also giving her a space to indulge in things dirk doesnt want to do. jane and him seem to get along... perfectly, actually. and while jake and hal butt heads a lot early in, with jake frequently calling him out on his shit or getting frustrated at dirks unavailability, when jake crosses lines and hal levels with him about being hurt, jake actually listens to him and tones it down. they get along way better after that.

The Albums

on the day of a6a2s release, we get our very first album of the act! song of skaia is another solo album, and its... incredibly short, with only three tracks. it has a haunting, interstellar vibe to it, like the vastness and beauty of space, and its pretty good! however, because of how short it is, it really just gets lost in the mass of hs music. i had to go and skim through the songs just so i could remember which ones they were. ; ;

Act 6 Intermission 2

aptly named "penis ouija" on the map, this is the year 1 mark check in on the ship and meteor, wherein jane and john play ghostbusters, and dave and karkat argue about terezi and draw penis ouija. also, spades is robot spades and being nursed back to health by hussie, and ms paint is introduced for the first time. hussie dies by le's hand, and thats when he starts dicking around in the dreambubbles harassing vriska (a reference to a long running joke started on the formspring). this is the act where the dreambubbles start becoming the thing theyll be for the rest of the comic, and while araneas been hinted at before, this is where she really starts interacting with people. its still a pretty short intermission. the colours and mayhem albums are released during this time.

The Characters

haha psyche im gonna talk about aranea later. fuck that.

The Plot

as i mentioned earlier, the intermissions are short updates, or check ins. theyre not super elaborate. still, i feel that this one warrants a little elaboration, just bc its referenced so frequently in fandom.

on the ship, davesprite rarely appears. he actually has such a small role in the whole trip, and hes mostly just referenced in conversation by john and jade. john, as well all recall, doesnt think of davesprite as the "real dave," but jade really does value him a lot, making the argument that both he and dave are similar, but separate people, in the sense that ds isnt just a replaceable copy, but a person she really cares about as his own individual. outside of this vague subject of ds, though, most of the ship checkins are about jade and johns boredom and isolation, and how they struggle to find things to do, even with so many planets at their disposal.

w regards to the meteor, the penis ouija scene is infamous, particularly among dvekat fans. i found the meteor check in interesting largely for 2 reasons: 1) its the first instance we see of karkat acknowledging his blood color openly and without fear, typing in it for convenience, and 2) despite karkats flagrant dismissal of terezis feelings when talking to dave about that godawful fucking chart, dave takes the opposite position, calling him out directly on the fact that he didnt even talk to her before trying to set up this insane fucking thing. the penis ouija is a way to sidetrack karkat from being such a tool. idk, i just thought it was an interesting moment

The Albums

coloUrs and mayhem: universes a & b are the result of a contest hussie hosted wherein she asked for character themed submissions, in an attempt to put together an album with all new artists and draw attention to musical talent within the fandom. it was a pretty cool idea, if naive to just how many fucking submissions theyd end up getting.

universe a is one of my favorite hs albums. its split into three parts, the first with songs themed after the ancestors, the second after the trolls, and the third a few bonus tracks. while there are a small, select handful of songs i cant stand (your universe my beloathed) almost the entire album is just hit after fucking hit. indigo heir and gold pilot are up there on my favorites list, but temporal shenanigans is just so good, its such a perfect fucking aradia song and it goes so hard. most of the tracks fit their respective trolls so well, and ive put this album on in the background a lot over the years.

universe b is formatted similarly, with the first part themed after the beta kids, the second after the alpha, and the third being bonus tracks. i dont like this one as much as universe a. there are way more bonus tracks than themed ones, and i dont have any standout tracks, but overall the songs are still good and it was a good listen.

Act 6 Act 3

now its starting to get real. back to the alpha kids, jane is now exploring her world and what it means to be stuck in a void session (one of my formspring recaps has a screenshot of hussie talking about what that is). brain ghost dirk is introduced as jake reflects on a conversation where dirk explained the history of their guardians and hic's takeover, calliope and caliborn are introduced in full after being teased in previous acts, and the act wraps up with dirks (but really hals) machinations to get everyone in the medium and caliborns victory over calliope. during this time, the albums vol 9, symphony impossible to play, and one year older were released.

The Characters

calliope is sweet, friendly, and beloved by all of the alpha kids, but particularly jane and roxy, who she seems to share the closest bonds with and talks to the most. she restrains herself in conversations in the name of avoiding "spoilers," knowing the future of their session due to roses journal that she maintained towards the end of their adventure (mentioned in a6i2). she believes she will play sburb with caliborn, and gain dominance through convincing him to be a better person, and therefore more like her.

caliborn is a nasty little bastard, hated by all. he likes dirk best, but who can say why. hes weird and perverted and not very bright, and has an obsession with saw-esque "games" with "shitty twists" that are really just him cheating. he wins his competition with calliope in a similar manner, by cheating and killing her dreamself, and then chewing off his own leg, which is later stated to go against how cherubs are supposed to grow up and permanently stunts his growth. ill talk more about that later, im sure.

neither of them have huge roles right now other than foreshadowing.

The Albums

vol 9 is another one of my favorite hs albums. crystalmethequins is one of my favorite hs songs of all time, but other noteable tracks include whistling jackhammer, pumpkin party in sea hitlers water apocalypse (fun fact: cronus makes a spoof of this song later), iRRRRRRRRECONCILA8LE, and of course, moonsetter and noirscape. these are some of the songs i was referencing in my albums 1-4 recaps that build off of early songs that i really love!

symphony impossible to play is a short solo album. its definitely pretty, but its very short and kind of just covers of very classic, constantly remixed homestuck songs, such as homestuck anthem. i didnt come away with much to say about it.

one year older is another solo album by erik scheele, who also did the sburb album i really enjoyed. hes a master of piano and crafts such beautiful stories with his pieces. this album follows johns journey through hs. i honestly loved it, but why the FUCK. is flying car replaced with fly from the mobius album on the unofficial collection. that was such a fucking jumpscare that was one of my least favorite tracks on that album (which i already DIDNT LIKE) and it really fucked up my enjoyment of what is genuinely a great album.

Act 6 Intermission 3

this is the dancestor one. The dancestor one. im going to talk about meenahbound in a different post, but aside from the dancestor thing, this is also the year 2 check up on the meteor and ship. this is where john has his birthday breakdown, and where rose gets drunk and goes on a date with kanaya. this is also when we find out gamzee and terezi have started dating. meanwhile, in the dreambubbles, vriska and tavros have met up post tavrisprite and are working together to amass a ghost army in the name of getting le to blow up a bunch of stuff, so they can discover some treasure that will stop him. tavros wants to propose to her, but i dont think theyre dating. ill probably wait to talk about that in the dancestor post, bc im worried about the word limit. genesis frog is the only album released during this time, and the tumblr is still going strong.

The Plot

johns bday breakdown is infamous. out of fucking nowhere, he flips out about how much he hates one of his most beloved movies, con heir, and ends the whole thing with a tantrum outside, screaming at a watermark of davesprite only he can see with such aggression that it knocks him clean out. reading through the breakdown now, its kind of obvious that its not really about con heir, or davesprite, or anything. its just that hes bored and lonely and feeling particularly frustrated and helpless about it. he lashes out at everything and everyone around him because hes been isolated for two years. its the anniversary of his dads death, and its clear that its just a tipping point for him. davesprites note is honestly like... its in bad taste, but its a pretty harmless, stupid note that seems typical for dave, and i doubt he was thinking about how it was the anniversary of johns dads death, especially given that he wasnt there when it happened, and he has a very different relationship to bro and bros death that also probably colors things. but for john, its kind of the last straw, and he loses it. in fics people tend to make it about davesprite, but it really, really isnt.

roses date with kanaya.... aw, man. its so bad. its clear kanaya doesnt really understand the connotations of rose being drunk, and dave is really, really worried about rose, trying his best to help her as much as he can in the precious few moments before the date starts. but rose and kanaya want to go, and daves not in the business of bossing anybody around ever, so he relents and lets them. rose is as wordy as ever when drunk, and spends a long time rambling her worries about gamzee and terezi. its incredible, she predicts right in that moment exactly how their session winds up doomed and why they should be worried about the relationship, but its clear her drinking prevents her from seeing it clearly or thinking through what to do about it. she then gets distracted, rambling a bunch of suggestive stuff to kanaya, and tops the date off with a spectacularly awkward and terrible drunk kiss, followed immediately by her falling down the stairs. its just... so rough.

The Tumblr

in summary, the tumblr so far has been a combination of what hussie hoped the formspring would be, and the newsposts. mostly, hussie posts updates about the comic, about art other artists contributed (often rbing their blogs or posts), and about the store, with occasional random posts that are vaguely related to homestuck (ie; the dark cage post, or the olive garden saga), and occasional q&a sessions, which consist of a singular post with a mass of answers. unlike with the formspring, most of the qs hussie answers are directly relevant to the comic and expand on lore, characters, or background information to development. the tumblr is... actually worth a read, shockingly. so far, its not terrible. way better than the formsprings, and also updates a lot less and a lot more concisely. this is in keeping with the comic, which is also slowing down on updates around this time (one year passes between the beginning of act 6 and the beginning of a6a4), and is focusing on plot heavy bursts, rather than meaningless bullshit.

The Album

genesis frog is a solo, thematic album, meant to capture the journey of billious slick throughout his life, touching on the prospitians and consorts worship of him, jades work in breeding him, and jacks hand in hurting him. the track art is stunning, and each song was crafted with a lot of thought and effort. the extra art is super cute. i dont think i have an ear for this style of music, and since i had it on in the background, i cant say i picked up on all of the detail that went into the pieces, but im nonetheless impressed, at the very least by the heart involved.

Final Thoughts

how does this feel simultaneously so short and so long so far? its probably the minigames. and the insane amount of albums all posted at one time, right after the other. so little has really happened so far, and yet so many significant, infamous fandom moments have also happened. i think its a side effect of hussie really only focusing on the most relevant things right now, and also a side effect of the fandom probably completely overblowing the meteors importance to the story. i guess its because homestuck slows down so much during the meteor journey, we were all just stuck thinking about it for so goddamn long. myself included! im quickly approaching the part where i started reading homestuck, which is very exciting for me.

on my first read of act 6, i remember instantly loving dirk, probably just bc he was an extension of dave to me (and roxy, for the same reasons). however, in these early acts, jake and hal were definitely my favorites. they have such a fascinating and fun dynamic, and hal is probably the funniest character in these acts to me.

anyway, next up: a post all about meenahbound, and eventually, one day, act four?

update: a6a4-a6i5

#hs reread #homestuck liveblog #recaps #i so dont have time to recap meenahbound rn so ill do that later ig