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<div> Quality Alone Time </div>
<b>Me:</b> "You know all the online jokes about people using their smartphones while in the bathroom?"<p/><b>Luke:</b> [age 16] "Yeah?"<p/><b>Me:</b> "I'm in a Facebook 'dad group' with thousands of other guys, so I posted this question: are you sitting on the toilet right now as you read this?"<p/><b>Luke:</b> "What did they say?"<p/><b>Wife:</b> "I'm not sure I want to know."<p/><b>Me:</b> "This is hardly a formal survey, but: out of roughly 130 responses so far, at least 60 were yes. That's 46%."<p/><b>Wife:</b> "Why would anyone do that?"<p/><b>Me:</b> "Several of them noted that they had small children, and the bathroom was the only place they could get some peace and quiet."<p/><b>Luke:</b> "Makes sense to me."<p/><b>Wife:</b> "You've always used the bathroom for alone time. You used to have big adventures in there."<p/><b>Luke:</b> [shrugging] "I mean... where else can you get quality alone time in the 21st century?"<p/></p>
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Back in October the family and I took our annual vacation. Typically that falls in June/July, but thanks to the world shutting down in 2020 we decided to get away in late fall. Sure, the pandemic was still running hot and heavy, but our vacation was being spent in a cabin in the woods of Brown County. We were isolating with nature, a rustic locale, and a pool table in the basement.
On one of our…


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Would be real cool if the 18-year-old in the Deaf Culture class I decided to take though the local community college stopped using every discussion as an excuse to talk about how much he doesn’t get trans people and how people who don’t accept that aren’t respecting his beliefs. Have I mentioned before how much I hate teenagers?

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<div> Roadkill Fortune </div>
<b>[Scene:</b> Luke, age 16, is driving while I'm in the passenger seat...]<p/><b>Luke:</b> "I can't believe the speed limit here is only 25."<p/><b>Me:</b> "You'd better do it, though. The cops around here are famous for ticketing people going only a mile or two over."<p/><b>Luke:</b> [motioning to something on the road] "What's that?"<p/><b>Me:</b> "Looks like somebody hit a bird."<p/><b>Luke:</b> "How dumb of a bird do you have to be that you still get run over in a 25mph zone?"<p/><b>Me:</b> "I feel like there's a sermon in there somewhere."<p/><b>Luke:</b> "Or a fortune cookie — but like, depressing."<p/><b>Me:</b> "Yeah, a Grumpy Proverb: Even a slow car will kill a dumb bird. Your unlucky number is: 25."<p/><b>Luke:</b> "I'd totally eat a Grumpy Fortune Cookie."<p/><b>Me:</b> "I bet they serve that at Bog of Depression Chinese Restaurant."<p/><b>Luke:</b> "EXACTLY."<p/><b>[note:</b> for the Bog of Depression, see ]<p/></p>
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“writing it actually— i wrote it on the train aaah we used to— we were doin— pre production aaaannd…. new york city aaaannd i was ridin the subway— i would ride the subway from queens in new york”

-gerard way, inventor of penis music

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Can we stop romanticizing Romeo an Juliet or the celestine? Y'all treat the storys like is one of the most romantics relationships in the world. I don’t think that a relationship between two horny teenagers that end up in death is very healthy 💀

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So my neighbor’s kid, she’s barely ten, has this twisted idea of teenagers as party animals, cool people with streaked hair, who don’t give a shit about anything and anyone, and speak in a bored, i-give-zero-fucks-tone. 

I think she gets it all from those animated pixar movies she sees. 

Anyway, I was just minding my own business, reading my book, and she comes up to me and says, “Stop wearing your anklets.”  I looked at her, confused for a moment before replying, “Why though?” and she said, “Because real teenagers don’t wear anklets! Real teenagers don’t stay cooped up in the house! Real teenagers aren’t bookworms, and real teenagers have pimples!” (ok, now it isn’t my fault that I don’t have pimples, and I’m not keen on inviting them)

I stared at her for a moment, before registering that she was low-key insulting me. I rolled my eyes and replied, “Real teenagers, don’t care what little girls have to say about them.” and calmly went back to reading my book. 

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“How’d she get you?”

“We’re friends,” Hermione answers. She’s not about to admit to Ginny that she feels as though she owes Pansy for so, so much beyond what their friendship is as it stands now. Plus, for Pansy to move into a muggle estate largely implies, at least to Hermione, that there may be more to the story than her short note and rather comical explanation of all of the flat-pack muggle furniture that she’s apparently acquired with Hannah’s help. She doesn’t know how much Ginny knows and, honestly, they aren’t her secrets to tell.

“Obviously Hermione. But no one offers to help someone move the muggle way unless there’s blackmail involved. Much less assemble flat-pack furniture.” Ginny frowns. “What’s she got on you?”

“Same thing I have on her,” Hermione shrugs. It wasn’t as though Pansy was exactly hiding her relationship with Hannah.

Ginny raises an eyebrow. “That you’re both lezzers?”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it so crassly, but yes. “

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Video: 4 Teenage Movie Tropes Based On Nothing

Video: 4 Teenage Movie Tropes Based On Nothing

Presumably, every single writer in Hollywood was at some point in time a teenager. At the very least, they probably inject themselves with teenage blood in order to keep their organs strong and their skin moist. So how in the world do they know nothing about them? Thankfully, “Doctor” Jordan Breeding is oft accused of having a teenage sense of humor, so join him as he tears apart teenage movie…

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Six Things Saturday: Mini-Interview with Author/Musician Ben Fitts

Six Things Saturday: Mini-Interview with Author/Musician Ben Fitts

I switched things up a bit this week! Enjoy the awesome “Six Things Saturday” interview with author and musician Ben Fitts!
Ben Fitts’ Website:
Willow Croft: Bizarro as a literary genre is still…

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