#tell me if theres anything more <3

[marblerose-rue]

click for better quality!

whaddaya think makes tracks like that? / needletail and violetpaw

#my art #do not copy trace or steal #needletail #violetshine #warriors #warrior cats #wc #waca #wc art #squints i think i have all of the tags #THIS TOOK feels like WAY SHORTER THAN THE OTHER ONES #but probably bc theres like. way less grass in this one and more snow and thats way easier to do #THE WAY I DID LIGHTING U CANT RLLY TELL I MADE VIOLET A CALICO </3 hell on earth #IM RLLY SATISFIED WITH HOW NICE THIS CAME OUT + HOW FAST I WAS ABLE TO DO IT #it was on/off all day bc i have felt just physically weird . not bad but not good but not sick #anyway wish me luck on my exam and my paper ^_^ more worried about my exam than anything #its mostly monomers im worried about x_x i can tell u the most out there biology fact but i cannot tell u shit abt carbohydrates #anyway i am going to bed goodnight yall <3 its only like 12:30 rn WHICH ISNT BAD TBH #would u guys believe me if i said i was a little nervous posting because i feel like i forget something every time #i always get the nerves before i post and then i post and its fine AHBDLFHGBD #OKOK goodnight for realsies #tag edit carbohydrates arent monomers theyre fucking polymers THIS ONLY ILLUSTRATES MY POINT FURTHER

[trainingdummyrabbit]

"not to ocpost-" please oc post (as long as you're ok with it) i would love to learn more about holly and chun-run!! (as long as you're ok with it!!)

! oh its absolutely ok, i love being enabled ^w^ kjfngdkjf um um. this is another Entire Thing(tm) that requires Exposition(tm) so um hope youre ready to read More Paragraphs !

the short answer is

the long answer is: i went 'hey i have two* ruina-era ocs, what if i put them next to each other for fun? haha they'd hate each other ^w^' ... 'Oh God They'd HATE Each Other.' so uh, the exposition.

Holly! You've Never Met Her Before. certainly not. ttttechnically. out of narrative, Holly was originally a branch of what Cocoa's character would have been when I was first developing her. in narrative, Holly is what would have happened if they'd never been picked up by LCorp. she's... an entirely different person, basically.

in essence, if you thought the other one was unstable, Oh Boy(tm). Holly is what happens when the city Actually gets the chance to sink its claws in. it's just this time, she was far, Far less quiet about it. girlies who completely fucking failed their stat check Again. there's only so much 'keep your head down and take it' you can really handle before you're just about ready to tear a bitch apart, and well. Well! anyway.

Holly is another angle of the Human/Monster/Object tangle, in where Cocoa's development hinges on the equivalent of trying to balance several spinning plates and Fucking Up Miserably, Holly has started hurling plates directly into the audience with intent. if you will.

humans are always talking some hot shit about how high and mighty they are, the "value" that comes with just being Human, and yet their entire lives are a horrible, animalistic dance of clawing each other to shreds while hiding behind ideas and roles they themselves put into play, like it's some stupid game. that harm is just an intrinsic part of the human nature. she can't fucking stand it.

essentially, she's an odd argument between the Human and Monster corners of the tangle. not only hates the binds that the city places on them of obligation, but also the ties of human emotion-- namely guilt and connection. that endless dance. she wants nothing more than to shed these ideals completely-- unfortunately, she still intrinsically and unconsciously clings onto them, afraid to let go. a human trying to claw its way out of humanity. it doesn't matter what it takes-- she's not letting this city take her first.

...and then there's Chun-Run.

we just don't know where chun-run came from. but she sure Is, and she's Immediately going to make it a Huge Fucking Problem. being aligned with the musicians of bremen, she has.. very normal views about art, and what it means to be Alive. she's the closest thing to a human time bomb i can think of, probably.

she doesn't have much of a character... honestly kind of intentionally? her entire being is solely rooted in the present, the What Is and the What Will Be. she strives to feel what the pianist's performance invoked that day-- through any means necessary. whatever happens to Her, to anything around her-- none of it matters. first and foremost, she is a conduit. it's all secondary to that singular experience.

horrifying. painful, disgusting. striking, poignant, pungent. it makes her sick to think about, but some part of her wishes she was closer to truly Feel it. its repulsive– but she Needs to hear it again. to witness, to experience. what is it– what was it? to grasp onto an ephemeral feeling she physically cannot understand– frustrating, frustrating. but she Needs to. to make the soul sing, cry out in reverence... to call it a Song is almost insulting.

so you have the worlds most unstable walking contradiction with absolutely no outlet and an unidentified fucking thing intent on wringing some undefineable meaning from the soul through physical violence.

so like, moth meet flame.

chun-run is pretty much Instantly infatuated with holly-- but for the Entire Wrong Reasons. it's pretty much "Yeah I Could Make Her Worse." all the way down, but expressed entirely through Murder. yknow, girl things. and holly, of course, fucking hates this are you for real right now??? shut the fuck up about reaching Art through Violence there is something WRONG WITH YOU. chun is entirely convinced that she's what will harmonize closest to that sound she's chasing-- that dissatisfaction, desire, rage... it's so painfully close. and yet she refuses to acknowledge that spark! refuses to engage entirely! is it not the nature of the soul to sing? so sing girl, sing.

girlies who are trying to claw their way back to stability and girlies who want nothing more than to burn to ashes in a beautiful blaze of Being. in conclusion:

#We Have Managed A Relatively Short Post ! Yippy!!! \o/ #piktalk #pikocs #projmoon #DISCLAIMER this dynamic is very very new comparatively so theres a lot of things they just Arent Telling Me Yet but i do my best o7 #chun's mess was fucking hard bc all of her notes are entirely just her yelling abt the metaphysical Meaning in drive and [waves hand] #not even remotely comprehensible in this format but we make do. or smthn. #hollys mess is a huge fucking jumble of her lying to herself repeatedly and lashing out at anything that gives her reason to-- #and unfortunately she continues to be a fucking Freak Magnet no matter what she does <//3 alas. #who fucking knows what these motherfuckers are doing at this point. unfortunately they are now kind of inherently tied together so #yknow. oops. lol <33 #(id have drawn something more but iam very sleepy right now so mayb later <3 ok 👍)

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops. #and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can! #and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here: #barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time. #barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done. #and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies. #and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them) #and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances'' #from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

[deoidesign]

please take as much time as you need to rest and recover. burn out is so hard and takes so much to heal from. your art and your supporters will still be here when you get back :) take care <3

Thank you very much

Unfortunately, my situation doesn't really allow me to take the time I need. I've got a ~two month hiatus scheduled for my midseason, but much like my first hiatus I'll most likely be working double time during it...

It's unfortunate because I could really really use a bigger break!

Having the time and flexibility to work on other projects really fires me up and keeps me going, and being able to take a guilt free day off for family and friends is necessary to my mental health, and I've been having to turn people down lately...

This is a very kind message, and I'm sorry to vent in response! But I just feel transparency about the pressure I'm under is necessary and important. I'd love to take the time I really need, but due to deadlines and that pesky "needing money to live" I can't.

But, once the series is over I intend to take a pretty big break before I start whatever I'm doing next! I've got so many short stories and projects planned that I want so badly to get to, I can't wait to really get to truly dive in to them!

#im so sorry to take a nice message and respond like this! but just... trust me haha i know my supporters are genuinely here for me <3 #but webtoon... not so much unfortunately. i mean im sure i could take a longer break but theres the looming anxiety #that ill get in trouble or itll ruin my chances of working with them again etc etc #i took this week and i genuinely took it off. sort of? i flew to a convention which was exhausting #and i did paintings that i hope to print eventually #and i. started planning and prepping for a Kickstarter. for time and time again... #so ive still been working the whole time. but i love working! #i just... like to be able to work on things OTHER than time and time again... #and unfortunately for a few months. more than a few months. i haven't been able to do anything outside of it. #even all of my paintings have been for it cause i cant afford to switch my mindset! #my first hiatus i moved. worked on a pitch for my next series. and then i made two episodes a week the entire time #and i still ran out of episodes... #i dont know if im just not fast enough or if something is wrong with my brain that i have to fight to get it to focus but. #yeah i mean ive been burned out! been really burned out for like a year now #i can tell by how much better i feel after literally 1 week of doing anything else #and how tired i feel explaining this and knowing ive got another 3 months before i get another break #ok sorry i vented a lot more in the tags. it's hard to explain all of this eloquently and i like my posts to be somewhat professional #asks #anon #vent #delete later #and also how often my brain keeps wanting me to like. beg for 'nice words' from other people #(i always stop myself from asking people for compliments and stuff because otherwise i get very carried away and do it too regularly) #(people are very nice to me all the time. the kindness is endless and i need to let myself recognize and appreciate it rather than seek more #(its sort of a mental health thing I've been trying to like... force myself to do) #(for myself and my longevity but also for others sake lol. ive been bad about it in the past)

[cashmere-caveman]

My Country: The New Age, first and last episodes & Hanif Abdurraqib, For The Dogs Who Barked At Me On The Sidewalks in Connecticut (text/audio) image descriptions in alt

#damn imagine if hui-jae was well written beyond like episode 7 or so. wouldnt that have been something. #just saying but if they had actually leaned into the parallels between these three instead of doing ... whatever weird comphet stuff we got #it couldve been so good!!!! or even if they had just let her keep her fun gender!! but no :( #im so glad hui-jae is busy being the occasional third in hwa-wol and mun-boks marriage while seonhwi raise goats in seo geoms village haha #anyway. enjoy yet another half assed post abt parallels and heartbreak in the parallels and heartbreak show <3 #also do urself a favour and check out the whole poem hanif abdurraqibs writing is insane #my country: the new age #mctna #han hui-jae #nam seon-ho #seo hwi #caveweb #actually no i still have sth to say. like im not even mad that theres comphet im just angry its so bad like??? what was that #that wasnt even half assed that was like quarter assed at best #also the hui-jae / seon-ho axis is so tragically underused #like i respect that they just fully made them both hwisexual but couldnt we have at least gotten more than some crumbs #they went from vaguely friends to bitchy antagonists to i dont even think of u at all and thats honestly so lame #tension of a wet lettuce leaf. seon-ho was the one who made the first step towards friendship in ihwaru and he also warned her abt his dad #and wingmanned hwi (took hui-jae to see hwi kick ass) like in the beginning he was the one w the people skills! #and u are telling me apart from one extremely unbelievable attempt at a love triangle w the 'last drink' scene u never did anything w them? #like so much of my grief w this show hinges on the fact that there shouldve been more Good Times before everything went to shit #to make it hit harder bc imagine the beef if seon-ho and hui-jae had been actually good friends before he betrayed hwi #them seeing each other at court as the king and queens respective confidantes wouldve been so much better like !!! #wait actually i need to stop here i can feel myself getting hangry i need to eat lunch but imagine. imagine #the good timeline where hwi just got to be fully bisexual and there were more divorce flavours than just hwi/seon-ho and hwi/bang-won... #solarpunk_future.jpeg #nam seon ho #han hui jae #<- thats just bc i never fucking know what the consensus on the romanization of everyones names is #i personally go w the hyphenated method but lots of ppl write each syllable separate and ive seen the kpop variant (written tgt) used too

[autistic-katara]

why was i so much older at 10 than my little sister (currently 10) is now?

#fellow older siblings pls tell me u understand #like thinking back to when i was 10 and then looking at my sister theres no way thats the same age #like i dont wanna say i was more mature bcz thats wrong and maturity≠age #but just idk looking back at when i was her age she does not feel that adult #and its not like i was some parentified 10yo or anything #like sure i had 3 younger siblings and she only has 1 but just idk #the stuff i was thinking abt/thinking like/perceiving stuff feels sm older to the way she is #please tell me someone else feels this- #ryan shut the fuck up

[pariskim]

it means everything.

[id: a digital drawing of aubrey from omori. she is drawn in her canon outfit from the game. holding her nail bat with a very angry expression on her face. behind her is a screenshot of the church from the game, and directly behind her head is a spiked yellow halo /end id]

#jay draws #ive never done an id before so please if theres anything i can edit to be more inclusive please tell me :)<3 #aubrey #aubrey omori #omori #omori fanart #omori game

[pepprs]

ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do

#purrs #i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life #situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to #drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a #stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well. #i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i #am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone #and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good. #delete later #that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd #this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be #neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority #and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol. #24 year old dependent moment <3 #well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will #never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰 #side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester #starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like #this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it #would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or #anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol #well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

13 was here

#dont care how dont care why #let me figure out where in her timeline this happens #has someone written this fic yet bc it should exist #theres space between sea devils and potd #there #now two options she can take yaz. not explain anything just like. take her here #12 is here for 3 weeks before clara and missy show up thats plenty of time #or she could go alone #i think i'd have her take yaz - not dan - but then also manage to go a little missing for a bit so she can talk to 12 alone #not tell him who she is but it wouldnt be hard to figure out #she lets him try on her coat he lets her play his guitar #maybe she can come to terms with the whole clara situation a little bit. the missy situation #and then a little later maybe she cant help it and introduces 12 to yaz yaz to 12 #and 12 looks at her like. are we just gonna do this again then. we're just doing it again #and shes like no we're not #but she cant say that obviously #but she Can be very forceful that this is Yaz My Friend Yaz #unfortunately missy and clara were also exactly that. that was like the entire thing. FriendsTM #so. this doesnt communicate to 12 what she wants it to. it does manage to crush yazs hopes a little more tho so 👍 #no but like the setup here isperfect. they both think theyre about to die. they both have Complicated Entanglements #has someone written this yet

[fourteenthz]

Every time I open my shakarian playlist I get more ill but also I need.... need more old sad songs... i need to collect them all.... where are they

#yeah my playlist is filled with Out of touch + Two of us + Mayonata no door + and stuff that sounds like that (night we met for exemp) #and i have to both have this feeling and make it made sense with shakarian which is hard bc they are not toxic just difficult. hard times. #which is kinda good bc old songs normally have that feel but like 90% of mitsik songs feel off for me in that sense #BUT I NEED THEM FOR THE VIBE... GOD.... can u tell I take playlists seriously? and they aren't even public??? #i saw that when I have like 3 mitski songs there but I try. also I REALLY don't line Lana but man if summertime sadness isn't about them. #“i think ill love you forever” part is GENUINELY SO THEM and no one else. i swear. #like 10% of the songs on that playlist are from artists i like and usually listen to but that mostly bc im not a moody sad old songs kinda #of girl and i just caN NOT choose anything else for shakarian. like i swear I can picture shepard showing that kind of songs for garrus #and garrus listening to most of these on thr 2 years gap even before they get together..... bc he heard her listening once #in the normandy and it stuck with him bc... u know... reminds him of her... im gonna throw up #“smoking gun's hot to thr touch” from out of touch reminds him of their meeting like the night we met entire song #but it doesnt gets him more than “none of you” from the chorus. and by the time me3 comes they are sooo Local Natives coded #When am I gonna loose you + I saw you close your eyes ESPECIALLY #its also insane how I can go into akiangel playlists and get songs from there tbh... i never watches csm and NEVER WILL bc really not my #thing. but man akiangel stans know how to do playlist and they are the exactly same feeling i get with shakarian #sorry for the akiangel playlist makers who I have liked the playlist and listened to it on repeat. i was thinking abt shakarian while doing #sorry for the SUDDEN txt post about my spotify playlist.... i spent the morning doing university work and I accidentally #changed from my xiv playlist to the shakarian one and it went downhill from there........ anyway miss my babies..... enough rambling now #ALSO theres this thing were skip The night we met bc its my go to ardbert song LOL but THAT'S LIKE... ANOTHER SUBJECT ANYWAY #kelly says #dl #i forgot to mention For the first time by mac de marco which i like... ultimate shakrian song with Out of touch..... ANYWAY ANYWYAYA

[kordbot]

as the weather gets colder and the seasonal depression kicks in I learn that the depression I had throughout summer was not summer seasonal depression but in fact just regular depression

#also i might be feeling so low battery because of. all the stress HDGJFJFJF #im just so ouuuu i barely have time for anything in the last couple days #and next week will be just as bad #but at least i dont feel like crying all the time like i did the last couple days which is! an improvement #if i wasnt so so tired i might be actually feeling like i can pull through all this #but alas ! eepy #and i slept like 10 hours today..... #DONT fucking tell me i must have slept too much there is NO optimal amount of sleep hours for me. stop that. im always tired #i just love complaining. about to have another coffee but theres a 50/50 chance it will only make me more sleepy #the other 50% is that it will make me more anxious <3 #i just wanna curl up in bed and sleep ouuughhh but i must go to the stables.... #The Beast™ hasnt worked in like 3 days. she needs to move her ass lest she goes insane

[orcelito]

Honestly hate how hard it is to start writing again when you've gone too long without it. Like for fuck's sake man Why's shit gotta be like this

#speculation nation #daydreaming of the early discacc days when i wrote 70k words in 3 weeks. those were the days... #im just... so tired and wrung out and everything is so fucking hard #im barely even Doing anything besides working. my apartment is in horrible shape rn. #what is it about grief that makes life so hard to live man. you lose a cornerstone to your life and suddenly everything is in shambles #and i know he wouldnt have wanted this for me. for me to be Barely functioning bc my brain has been so bad in response #im alive im going to work im feeding myself and showering every day #but i havent been doing the dishes i havent taken out the trash theres Stuff all over my floors and cat messes i havent cleaned #and i dont have the energy for any of it. i get home i eat and then i climb into bed. rinse and repeat. #im just... tired. im so very tired. #i keep wanting to turn to my hobbies to cope with things but it's so fucking hard to stick to #constantly oscillating between manic moods where i think i can finally start moving on (but i dont have the focus to do writing) #and depressive moods where Good Fuckin Luck doing anything besides laying in bed #if you couldnt tell im in the second boat right now. in bed as we speak. and so i shall remain until it's time to go to work #at least ive been going to the woods almost every chance i get. it hasnt given me the power to write but it's been good for me i think #get out of the apartment. experience nature. pick up a snail. you know how it goes. #i kinda feel bad for entering a fandom and trying to dig out a place for myself and Kind Of succeeding #i have a good handful of followers. people who wanna see more of my analysis and fanfic #but i havent posted anything significant in like a month bc i have belonged to the void. all month. #losing family will do that to a person i guess. doesnt stop me from being frustrated though. #negative/

[dashiellqvverty]

while i’m panic! posting (barely) i’ll say it. i still have a soft spot for throam. and i think if i revisited it it would largely hold up.

#i like it BECAUSE its so much of a wildly different au that uses stuff about the real people as background and flavor more than anything #also its the only famous bandom fic i ever read so. i dont have memories of any mcr ones or anything #like i was never super into rpf fic i was just into the lore but when i DID read fic i only liked stuff that was aus #otherwise it felt weird to me. in a way that theorizing about their lives didnt <3 dont ask idk #normally i hate aus bc i like the circumstances of the ship thats what makes me interested #and theyre so often out of character but in rpf theres no character to be IN (besides fanon) bc they're real people #so when youre just pretty openly telling an original story i think thats fun :) #r.txt

[godsfavoritescientist]

idk how to phrase this but I wish there was a way for me to filter out fics on ao3 that describe Bill as "incapable of feeling love" in a "woe is me, the nonhuman character cannot feel this random emotion, Ford would be so much happier if only Bill was Capable of Feeling Love" way

#godsrambles #people are allowed to write ford thinking this way. its not like 1980s science man ford would know anything about aro identities #i just personally cant deal with running into this specific thing again in fics about these two. #i cant do it im not strong enough. #maybe bc i partly approach this ship in an escapist way of 'imagine 2 weird guys who dont care about amatonormative relationship standards' #i love angst i just cant stand being Suddenly hit on the head with the hammer of: #'no matter how much bill cares in his own way no matter what bill does ford will still be sad that he cant feel Love' in fic after fic #'ford might TELL bill its okay but deep down he would really be happier if bill felt love the Right Way' #cant stop thinking about this. its come up at least 3 times in 3 separate fics. and they are well written ones too. #give me angst about Anything else. Please. Anything Else #but i cant even read new fics on ao3 at the moment bc theres a nonzero chance I'll run into this AGAIN. #it is simply Not For Me. its fine for people to write angst from that angle i just want a wider range of content about nonhuman characters #i just am tired of it being such a Common Thing brought up with villains monsters and nonhumans #the issue is the Trend not any individual writing it #which is why ive been so reluctant to even voice my frustration. bc its really honestly not any one fic writers fault #i also want to give people the benefit of the doubt. its *possible* for ford to subconsciously see monstrousness and lack of ability to #-love as connected without the *author* subconsciously thinking it also. its just. complicated and hard to know #i just want to be able to filter it out so i stop getting hit with reminders that the ability to love is seen as a key part of being human #by so many people #it stings even more with it being *ford* thinking these things too #like. fords Whole Thing is embracing abnormality and strangeness. #so if even *he* cant fully embrace being with someone who doesnt feel Love... :(

[chooey]

just finished breaking bad

#spoilers ahead so! tread lightly #breaking bad #bc i binged a lot of this show some episodes do not stick out to me like i cant tell u what happened on which episode or even which season #the naz!s were so left field like i think the story would still be the same without the hooked cross tattoos #it was surprising how the drug cartel or whatever didnt have much involvement in s5. like why did i think for sure theyd relocate to mexico #a follow up wouldve been nice is all im saying #OK. characters! my fav were mike jesse gus skyler and saul. hated walt literally since day 1. didnt change much up until the end #listen i can understand the concept of characters being morally bankrupt egotistical narcissistic abusive and manipulative #but walt was just . not charming enough a character to do it sorry he is what he is. sorry to him but i cannot stand him #i can appreciate some of his monologues though! fly (episode) was great for that the show needed it at least in my opinion #i like that all the characters are fundamentally flawed ! walt is at his core insufferable but he makes a good tragic story👍🏼 #hank was so stupid like? 😭 when lab equipment from walt's school were stolen i thought that'd be it lollll #it was well written for the most part i think!!!!! some parts needed suspension of disbelief but whatever yk #what matters to me the most is whether i cried or not and yeah. yeah i did cry!!!!!! so what!!!!!!!!! #THEMES. obv theres change/corruption... power and abuse of power. toxic masculinity? and family. living life to the fullest if ur insane #also!!! just finished el camino and i liked it! simple story but i like the themes in it. this man's been through so much #jesse was point blank a victim of abuse and im glad he gets to leave the past behind and move forward with his life #owned up to the choices that gotten him up to this point. had control over his life again and building a new future for himself #very cool. also the ending of brba? i think it's good enough i mean i cant think of anything more fitting #but man did he do some incredible... maybe irreparable damage to his family huh. midlife crisis things <3 #i hope they heal <3 somehow <3 #wait about the themes too in brba!! one is reaching ur full potential... again if ur insane #idk maybe sometimes it's ok to flop. just as long as ur enjoying ur life and ur happy... i think that's fine! walt u and i will never agree #izza💭

[hearties-circus]

I cant keep up with this

#gamer txt. #vent #i guess? thats my intent anyways #im just. so tired all of the time #im stressed to the point of wanting to cry nearly everyday now #and i know thats not good to hold in so i keep telling myself 'ill cry when i get home ill cry when i get home' #as if that isn't multiple hours from then when i wont feel like crying again #when id have to make myself cry #but i cant do that i know how i get it'll go too far and I'll spiral #but i cant keep holding it in #and i cant just cry in the moment because im in public #and it keeps happening. everyday #i get so stressed out and upset and i cant do anything about it #and now theres been a sudden role swap and ill be essentially performing in front of my whole class first thing in the fucking morning #and because im babysitting tonight ill only have 3 more days to work on the sonic plushie #if i have the motivation to work on the sonic plushie #and theres the prelims next month and all my teachers telling me study study study as if ive always been able to do that #as if i have the free time currently to do that #and i just i cant keep doing this i need to stop i need to take a break but im not going to get one and i dont know what to do