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loveemagicpeace · 4 months

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🩵Poetic Neptune🧜🏼‍♀️

🩵Neptune represents the waters that contain all of a person's hopes, dreams, emotions, ideas and potential. With Neptune's help, we break through the current dilemma and dare to dream of a better future. That's when photography was invented, and the first scammers were using it double exposures produced photographs of ghost-like figures that were rumored to be phantom creatures. The development of hypnotism and basic began psychological theories. Neptune idealizes, but they are in his case, ideals based on dreaming about someone or something that would save us from pain separations. Basically, it's a longing to escape from cold cruel reality of the world.

🏠This is shown when we return home after a long, tiring day, close the door to the outside world, and immerse ourselves in a good book, movie, or other activity that takes us away from of the daily grind and at least for us for something time to escape. But Neptune can get lost in this relaxation and returning to the real world or knowing when enough is enough doesn't always go well for him. Then it can happen that we drink more wine than we intended, or that we stay up too long and then don't hear the alarm clock in the morning. Neptune can cause confusion in any given life, opening the way to our dreams and closing the door to reality. Neptune is also associated with addiction.

🧜🏼‍♀️People with a strong Neptune can be very daydreaming and are naturally inclined towards spiritual practices and mystical experiences. Many times they experience the world differently than other people. The planet also represents the longing for a benevolent parent who would protect us from suffering and make everything go well. It is necessary to watch out for longing, because it can quickly make us victims of our own emotions. Neptune's domain also includes daydreaming and longing for a perfect love that will satisfy every need and finally made us happy and complete. People with a strong influence of Neptune do not constantly dream of love that will save them and show them the way.

🩵Neptune can also indicate the constant childlike energy that is with us. Returning to the past and the desire to stay young forever. We idealize our favorite actors and other celebrities because we believe they have the perfect one appearance, relationships and lifestyle. Many of us dream of being famous and also living the perfect life. The realization that ideals are unattainable can lead to intense disillusionment with the world, and Neptune is associated with mood swings and destructive behavior when the truth is not matches our expectations. Neptune is the classic embodiment of the artistic temperament. Neptune is associated with the mysterious realms life, and questions that have no scientific explanation. The planet represents the invisible the laws of matching that bind us together and the inexplicable coincidences that happen in our lives. Theories conspiracies originate from Neptune's murky world, where nothing is quite as it seems and the layers of possibility are many.

🧚🏼‍♀️Neptune in 1st house-The presence of Neptune brings an element of glamour to your outer persona. It gives you a sixth sense with which to navigate the world. your imagination is very big and you can quickly fall into your dream world wherever you are. You can draw a lot of energy from your surroundings. Many times you can create places in your own magical way. You can idealize people's personalities and looks without realizing it. Your personality is very interesting and many times people can't read you or tell exactly who you really are. You have a mysterious nature that quickly charms people. People can see in you someone who is mysterious, spiritual and out of this world. Your appearance is magical and you can look like a cartoon character. Sometimes you don't even seem real to people. You can charm people with your presence and appearance. You can be whoever you want to be and people will believe it and see you that way.

💰Neptune in 2nd house-you can daydream a lot about money, material things, food, enjoyment, music, movies. With Neptune here, you can have a very high confidence in the things you have. Your value can also be high (but that's because you're just delusional about it). You can literally manifest money. This placement can indicate dreams and illusions surrounding wealth and possessions. Individuals with this placement might have a tendency to idealize money or view it through a spiritual lens. You can watch a lot of movies and then have the feeling that this is real life. Life can be a movie. You can also have your own style of music that you listen to and it can quickly take you over.

😶‍🌫️Neptune in 3rd house-a lot of your imagination is in your head. You can imagine all kinds of things. Many times you delve into the thoughts of others. Neptune has no boundaries, and when it is placed in the third house, it can be hard for you to be assertive when dealing with others. Sometimes you find it very hard to talk to others or listen to them because you can draw a lot of energy from them. But you can be very good at telling a story or acting out a scene. Individuals with this placement may have a poetic way of speaking or writing, often conveying deep emotions and abstract concepts. Your way of speaking and thinking can be quite mystical, different and interesting to others.

🎑Neptune in 4th house - you can dream a lot about a perfect home and family. You can idealize your home and imagine exactly the kind of house you would like to have. Whenever you feel lonely, your escape is the place where you feel most comfortable and understood. You can spend a lot of time there. People with this position have a need to have a place in which they can hide from others and which is only theirs. Neptune here suggests a search for the perfect sanctuary, a place of soulful retreat. A spiritual principle can be your inner and outer foundation stone. You can have a very beautiful and spiritual home. Maybe you spend most of your time at home. I also think that many people, when they come to the home, feel like they are in a dream and very comfortable. But you can also feel lonely many times.

🎨Neptune in 5th house-eternal child. You want to live an easy, dreamy life. You can put a lot of your energy into creating, showing your thoughts, feelings and yourself. People with this position draw very well from an early age or have a special ability in things that others do not. Neptune here can also mean that you become recognizable at a young age without even realizing it. You can have several different hobbies, but many times they are related to water. In this position, people have to be careful not to get too carried away by gambling. Because they can become addicted to them or use them to escape. Your escape from the world can also be drawing in which you express your feelings, various hobbies or even romantic affairs (these people can sometimes meet people just to escape from problems). But you can also make people dreamy- with you, they can feel like they are in a movie.

🧁Neptune in 6th house- Individuals with this placement often find themselves drawn to careers that involve creativity, spirituality, or working with the less fortunate. They have a deep desire to offer their services to the world in a compassionate and empathetic manner. You can live in a messy space but you can feel your best in them. The 6th house represents perfection while Neptune represents confusion. Here you can be very delusional when it comes to health and your body, many times you are not even aware of the problems you have. You are self-sacrificing when it comes to work or problems. Many times, however, your escape is the opposite of that. These people usually cannot do work unless it involves art and at the same time they will work better on their own. These people should not take drugs or any substance because they can quickly become addicted and it can affect their health.

🥰Neptune in 7th house- a longing for a perfect union is suggested here and it might be hard for you to see people for who they really are, rather than as you would like them to be. You can dream a lot about the perfect partner/relationship you want to have. You can spend most of your time fantasizing about people you imagine yourself. Your escape can also be an imaginary parterre or a relationship that exists only in your head. Here you have to be careful not to get into a relationship too quickly, because people can turn out to be completely different than they were at the beginning. Neptune can give you the illusion of a relationship that isn't there at all. But u can also meet your soulmate and having the most dreamy relationship. The good thing in neptune is that everything is an illusion and you can get everything you want if you believe in it.

Part 2 is comming🎸🫧🎨

✨Ig- bekylibra

-Rebekah🩵🦋🌊

#astrology #energy #zodiac signs #planets #my notes #astrological houses #neptune in houses #poetic neptune #love #dreamy vibes #ilusion

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liilacpeach · 4 months

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Vice Dorm Leaders Relationship Headcanons

✧...

It's fluff time (again)

GN reader

Jade

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Entertainment is one of Jade's biggest goals, above even the money he usually uses his efforts for, so from the moment he realized that you would be able to bring that to him, it becomes noticeable to you from time to time two pairs of heterochromatic eyes standing out in the shadows. Definitely as far away from a romantic beginning as possible, it also lacks romance in the way your conversations revolve around him trying to get a reaction from you. This starts to change when his hobby becomes the subject of one of your "debates", unlike his usual calmer temperament, he ends up becoming a little more expressive when it comes to his tastes, however questionable they may be, so when you pay attention to what he says, not giving the disgusted reaction he wanted, his interest goes from what you could bring to him, to you as a person. You become company instead of a way for him to pass his time, even if that doesn't mean he'll stop teasing you, but you can see a warmth in his eyes as he does it, different from before.

He finds himself wanting to know more about you, not just to facilitate future negotiations or fun, instead of just discovering your weaknesses he also wonders about your tastes, thoughts, how you feel. He doesn't care what people think of him, that's a fact, but sometimes he has doubts about how you see him, even though he knows that he may be asking himself that because he likes you, to protect his own emotions, he prefers to occupy himself with making you admit what you really think of him, whether his feelings would be reciprocated, instead of thinking about his own feelings for you, even if he likes you, he already has the habit of trying to be one step ahead of everyone in terms of knowledge. It's hard to say if he confessed to you or if he made you confess without even realizing what happened. Also because of his focus on controlling information, for a long time you will only be able to see what he wants to show, when he opens up more it wouldn't be anything so direct either, but he would leave some clues here and there about how he feels.

Although questionable, one of the ways that Jade lets you see how much he cares is by studying you, your different reactions and what causes them, it was his goals to learn these from the beginning, but now with a more romantic touch. He can't hide a seemingly evil smile from onlookers point of view when he realizes how much his range of options has increased. This study usually results in him learning your preferences to know what tactics he could use to make his gestures more meaningful to you. He tests each theory, then suddenly your hand and forehead are kissed by him one day, in the next one, you receive an invitation to a meal at Mostro Lounge, once again he does you a favor. He tries to pretend it's just out of curiosity, but for anyone who knows him, also knows that these actions have a meaning beyond that.

Because he doesn't care about other people's opinions, it's very difficult to see Jade show any embarrassed reaction, no matter how small, it's not entirely impossible, despite it being subtle. For him who takes pride in knowing your next moves before you can do anything, if you manage to surprise him, his normally colder heart warms up a little. Taking initiative and being the person who initiates any physical touch also works, although rarely, but generally the most efficient method is the one that involves his hobby. From you offering to accompany him on mountain hiking, to you mentioning to him a species of mushrooms that you believe he has never seen before, or remembering what he said about this subject when others normally don't pay attention. It's possible, even if it's hard to see, that he would show his happiness with a genuine smile instead of a scary one, telling you what he really likes about you, not just to try to make you embarrassed as a result or squeezing your hand a little tighter if he was holding it.

Ruggie

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Maybe he would have already tried to give you a birthday present to get something in return or offered help so he could negotiate with you in the future, but if you want to offer help without any conditions, he will deny it. For you to provide support, it would have to be more discreet, asking for super simple favours in return that don't involve money, pretending that these are important to you, or helping him from behind the scenes. He is very intelligent, so he would eventually realize your true intentions at one time or another, but even after he finds out, he is confused about why he doesn't want you to stop, even though he is worried that one day he will have to return the favors if you charge him for it, he really doesn't want it to stop, both for the help and also because he knows how much he enjoys talking to you.

He would try to do more things for you as you got closer and his feelings became more romantic in nature, but that doesn't mean it would happen in a direct way, at least at first. Because of how he hides his emotions to protect himself, as he deals with several different students, but also because of his inferiority complex about being a hyena beastmen, he doesn't know if he would "offend" you if he showed any interest, even if he would never admit it was for that reason. He ends up using the same tactics as you at the beginning, subtly helping you, trying to keep you from noticing or asking for ridiculously simple favors in return. It takes time for him to confess his feelings for you, but it happens at one time or another, even if he maintains his mischievous attitude, it is visible how he becomes more shy around you, noticeable even to his laziest senior, who gives the last necessary push, so indirectly that not even Ruggie realized it. From the moment you two are together, he tells you everything with ease, since you are now part of his group of people that are important to him, trusting you completely.

In addition to supporting you in whatever you need, another way Ruggie shows affection is through physical touch. All of his actions are practically calculated so as not to owe anyone a favor, in a scenario like this it's hard to believe that he is used to showing vulnerability, except to a smaller group of people, so as he starts to trust you more, he also shows that he wants a greater physical proximity to you, even letting you touch one of his insecurities, his ears, as it is proof of his hyena-like physical features, it shows how much he considers you. After a while you wouldn't even need to take initiative anymore, since it would be obvious when he wants that special attention, because he surrounds you and stares at you all day, even if he tries to avoid being noticed, normally he can't hide it.

Ruggie takes a long time to trust someone, so when he finally ends up allowing someone he doesn't consider family to join this group of his special people, after being very selective, he is completely lost. Used to not letting real emotions show, it's difficult to notice when he's embarrassed about something, but it happens more often than you might think, especially when you help him or during the most innocent physical touch. Even if your cooking skills can't reach even Lilia's (as difficult as that is to happen) he would eat with a huge smile, he would try to hide it for the rest of the day, but some happy laughs escape when he remembers the meal you prepared for him, especially if they were donuts. Even the privilege of touching his ears, he pretends to be a reward for you, but his red face and smile say otherwise.

Jamil

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It's meaningful to him that he met you organically and without any influence from Kalim, even if it was a strong bump as he walked quickly, worried as always. For Jamil, that all daily activities, from hobbies to even acquaintances, happened because of the space that Kalim takes in his life, meeting you spontaneously one day, despite it being uncomfortable for someone who plans and loves to have control in any situation , it was also somewhat satisfying for him, yet his presentation was short and calculated, as he immediately had to go back to what he was doing before talking to you. He continues to wear the mask while interacting with you, but he can't deny that he has fun, as he finally has a place where he doesn't have to remember who he is and the responsibilities that come with it.

For a long time he keeps his feelings to himself, even though he knows he feels something more for you because of how much he daydreams thinking about what he would do if he could say what he really thinks. He ends up confessing after you mention that he received an invitation to go to a party from Kalim. Just like the rest of emotions, he keeps to himself as much as he can until it all comes out at once, this wasn't much different, it was in the botanical garden that the words started to come out due to the shock of perhaps losing your company out of pure fear of doing something, not an ounce of regret after it happens, since even with his efforts to do otherwise, you saw who he really is and the title he was forced to carry, to his surprise, you accepted him, even before he achieved the freedom he so desires. You would have to be perceptive and try to think beyond what he says, since he tries to disguise even the things he likes, with the trust he acquires for you and the time you spend together, it naturally becomes easier to see what he really thinks about everything.

He knows what it's like to not have the time and freedom to do everything he likes because of the obligations he has, so he subconsciously tries to lighten your responsibilities, but not because he thinks you're incapable or irresponsible, he does it because he wants to ease the weight on your shoulders, he understands what it's like to not have time for yourself, so he doesn't want you to go through the same situation. Besides trying to fit you into his busy schedule, another way to see how much he cares is by paying attention to how he plans everything just to have a moment alone with you, instead of saving that time to spend alone as he would prefer before, now when he thinks about a relaxing time, you are automatically included in what he would consider calming, so he ends up calling you. He also tries to demonstrate his skills more while you are around, rather than holding back.

Jamil feels embarrassed easily, even if he tries not to show it, but prominent among the options of what to do to please him is reinforcing his independence. Throughout his life he has had to repress his own desires, so when you make it clear that you value his thoughts and emotions and want to listen to them before any decision involving him, even if he didn't take the initiative to tell you if you asked him, it would be an important moment for him, regardless of how many times it happened. Another way to make him more shy is to praise his skills honestly, he is already used to having to give fake praise, so he easily recognizes when someone is being genuine, in seconds you would no longer be able to see his face, which would be being covered with his hood.

Trey

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Because of his role, he ends up meeting a lot of new people frequently, including you, but you stand out because you offer help instead of just asking for it, despite the students habit of questioning whether each action has ulterior motives, no one is made of steel, and even though he tries to diminish it to outsiders, the weight of his responsibilities is huge, so along with his down-to-earth personality, his tiredness also influences his temptation to accept the extra help. He gets used to your presence, to the point that if you're absent, even if it's just a few minutes late, it's enough for him to feel more worried. As the days go by, your name is practically replaced by the title of cook's assistant in the conversations of other students, who begin to wonder if the relationship between the two of you is not so platonic, due to the way he looks at you and the amount of time you two spend together.

For Trey, who avoids conflicts and negative emotions to the point of reaching catastrophic results, this habit is also perpetuated in positive emotions. Because he is reserved and patient, he justifies his actions to himself by stating that just spending time with you is already enough for him, that he has a long way to go before he decides to care about these things. He insists on holding back even when it is visible in his eyes that he is capable of having ambition, wanting something more, or the hint of jealousy that he feels every time your attention shifts from him to your friends while you two are together, since secretly he puts a lot of effort into having that free space in his schedule to see you. Regardless of whether his emotions started slowly overflowing, or if you had to take control of the situation, already in the relationship it is easy to see his effort to express himself more, even if the negative side still appears less than the others in your conversations as you get to know each other better.

As expected, one of the ways Trey shows affection is like a grandmother, feeding those he loves, but beyond that he tries to be romantic in other more conventional ways, even if it ends up being super awkward, because he gets totally lost. Despite his dedication, it's hilarious how his attitudes are more romantic when he's not trying, from making you breakfast, offering to help carry whatever you're holding, opening doors for you, giving your hands a massage at the end of classes while holding them, even planning the dates he could have with you every time he visits a new place that he imagines to your liking. Practically the opposite of when he tries to do something, mainly because the results involve him getting stuck, not getting a decent compliment out of his mouth, almost falling over himself, and the list goes on from bad to worse. Because of his failed attempts, he tries to show how much he cares when he shows you anything other than the image of a normal person that he normally tries to maintain, from pranks, to showing how tired his responsibilities make him.

Trey doesn't show his emotions so easily, even when he's embarrassed in a lot of different situations, by spending more time with him you realize the meaning behind his hand on the back of his head or the way he smiles differently than usual. He underestimates himself and hides the areas in which he stands out to be an ordinary student, so much so that he left it to be misunderstood by others that his magic could only change the flavor of things, despite what he could actually do. Trey is another one who becomes more shy when others see through his intentions and praise the skills he has, drawing attention to what he would like to hide for convenience or because he finds it shameful. But what could be more meaningful for him would be receiving any care from you, since a large part of his responsibilities involve taking care of others, so that he has an easier school life, even when he starts giving you this special attention, but now for other purposes, helping you because he really cares about your well-being, it is still surprising for him to receive any small percentage of those efforts back, your efforts to help him could have been happening from the beginning, but it is much more meaningful to him now that he's sure it's genuine.

Lilia

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Being as friendly and spontaneous as he is, it doesn't take long for you to end up talking, even if it's more one-sided pranks than you talking to each other at first. Because he has to protect someone as his duty and objective, he pays attention to every detail, and by chance you became one of his favorites, he stops to pay attention more, trying to interact with you daily because it's fun for him. At first it's more superficial, because despite being outgoing, he keeps his feelings private to himself, but the closer you get, the more he lets you see not only the teasing and jokes, but also the thinking behind them. Even though he's old, he's been busy taking care of practically three children, so it takes a while to realize his own emotions, when you realize the pranks went from him just appearing out of nowhere for a rose to appear in your hand, or how the scares he tries to give to you went from two magenta eyes suddenly appearing in front of you, to your favorite food appearing in your hand (since this is fluff and not angst, he bought it rather than preparing it, so your survival is guaranteed). He doesn't even realize that he is increasingly using what he has learned about you to take better care of you, nor does he see how this is different from how he treats others.

He thinks and feels much more than he lets on, even if he is attracted to you romantically, he may try to hide it, whether due to the responsibilities he carries, such as raising his children, but also his concern about not letting his position harm you. His focus goes from avoiding possible problems and heartbreaks to enjoying the time he has with you as much as he can, it's not the first time he's had to feel the concept of one living less time than the other, but it takes longer for him to change his mind about not getting so close to you, not only because of past experiences, but also because of the impression that with you he has the option of not showing the depth of his emotions, unlike while raising a child. He is completely capable of never saying how he really feels about you beyond pranks to protect you, so he would need you to take initiative to change that. Any negative emotions and experiences are kept secret from you by Lilia for a long time even though you are already in a relationship, as he feels pressured to make the time you two have together as perfect as possible, because it is shorter and he values it a lot, but it's nothing that your dedication to know more about him can't overcome, because even if he tries to avoid it, his weakness is to give in to your wishes, because deep down he would like to show more of himself to you, but also because he cares about what you want.

With his special combination of archaic and present knowledge, any attempt at romance coming from him ends up being this mix of an elderly couple's marriage and a common teenage couple. You receive flowers and letters, but you are also invited to play video games with him or spontaneously go out at night with him, to visit different places that are impossible to believe they exist since they are so beautiful, the places of which you two visit the most are the ones that have a great view of the sky, especially to see the moon at night. Even pranks have gained even more adorable factors, now being not just the surprise itself but also the kisses on the cheek that come with it.

Having lived such a long life, it is harder to bring up new things or tricks to make him more shy, but it is still possible through a little study. Researching the way people in his homeland express affection and putting some of it into practice with him, seeing the way he acts and trying to copy some of his pranks to scare him, even if they don't work, and trying to find out what he likes by asking others, brings the element of surprise necessary for you to see another side of him. Also when you try to cook something healthy, or offer to help him cook so you can spend more time with him, it makes him smile more every second that passes by on the clock, his face a little pinker thinking about the memories he has created with you.

Rook

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Why he started talking to you is unknown, not only to the other students, but also to yourself. Was it beauty? Personality? Any specific talents? It's difficult to pinpoint exactly what created the first drops of curiosity that would later become a great interest in you, even he didn't really understand why, but it was probably the combination of all your traits that was responsible for leaving him intrigued. Even if he is curious, he keeps his distance for a while with only an idealized version of you in his mind, due to his tendency to admire people from afar, but as he gets to know you better instead of being disappointed, he is surprised at how much he finds reality even better than he imagined.

Even though he talks a lot, Rook doesn't reveal much about himself, even to those close to him. Admiration for you is easy for him to admit, but opening up and explaining how his emotions from idolizing you ended up moving towards a more romantic side as the two of you started interacting more, is much harder to come by. In theory, he would do well with romance because of the poetic way he sees love, but revealing other sides of himself is crucial in a relationship and he is very hesitant about it. As much as he usually doesn't hold back words, whether good or bad, those that reveal something more don't come out so easily, they just reverberate in his thoughts while his eyes follow you more and more. Even after reaching the point where his feelings are practically completely visible, it still takes a lot of patience and persistence to hear anything more personal than beautiful words, over time they become more expository of what is behind them, even if they keep being really poetic.

Him telling you his feelings is already a great romantic gesture in itself, due to his desire to keep almost everything private, but for Rook who is so devoted to those he admires, other ways of expressing the affection he has for you end being even more dramatic than expected. From taking you out on a boat at night under an ocean of stars, offering to do a painting with you as a model, telling you everything he liked about you almost daily, even what you didn't like about yourself. Of all the ways he could be romantic, the way he uses the most is words, so even if you were already doing something special, like an outdoor picnic, he would still say words that were more beautiful than the flowers around you both.

When Rook finds it necessary or gets emotional, just like when he saw Neige, he ends up revealing more about himself, so seeing a slight blush on his cheeks is difficult because of how alert he is, but not impossible. To achieve this feat there are two ways available, one is to distract him using the help of someone he admires to surprise him if you wanted to prepare something bigger, or another efficient method is to simply act in a way he is not used to seeing. Since he tries to memorize your mannerisms, when he sees an unexpected side of you, completely out of what would be expected out of your personality, it would get a reaction out of him, even though he normally doesn't sound like that, he is honest, even though he tries to control how much this affected him, he won't try so hard to hide from you.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twst fluff #jamil viper #jamil viper x reader #rook hunt x reader #rook hunt #lilia vanrouge #lilia vanrouge x reader #trey clover x reader #trey clover #ruggie bucchi #ruggie bucci x reader #jade leech #jade leech x reader #twst wonderland #twst

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walvitswordsandpoems · 2 years

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Choleric child’s temperament.

#choleryk #choleric #child #temperament #charakter #charakterystyka #opis #nauka #dziecko #psychologis #psychika #wiedza #plusy #minusy #wady #zalety #pluses #minuses #theory #teoria #knowledge #cechy

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projectionistwrites · 8 months

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REMINISCENCE

boston!Joel Miller x afab!reader

You and Joel discuss the things you miss most about life before the outbreak.

RATING: EXPLICIT (18+ mdni) WARNINGS: age gap, canon-typical violence, alcohol consumption, SMUT (pornography, unprotected p in v sex, dirty talk, mentions of masturbation) NOTES: this was meant to be a short little drabble, and then it sort of morphed into...whatever this is.

Joel didn’t gain much from his relationship from you—in terms of equity theory, the costs slightly outweighed the rewards when it came to your unorthodox companionship.

But nonetheless, he walked you home from work every single night without fail.

You were a bartender at the local undercover pub—operating (presumably) right beneath FEDRA’s noses, although it was a well-known fact that some of the officers chose to unwind in the forbidden sanctuary that the underground enclave offered.

Free booze. That was Joel’s price. It seemed silly, really—he’d brood silently at the far end of the bar all evening after he’d finished his menial jobs around the city or smuggling-related tasks, watching you smile and interact with the other patrons. He was sacrificing valuable twilight hours by sitting there, waiting for the minutes to roll by until it finally hit 2AM.

Every night as he sat there, listening to your friendly conversations with the other customers, Joel could do nothing but reprimand himself—he was being a fucking idiot, stewing off to the side all night on his lonesome, wasting precious minutes that would better be spent on more labor or catching up on his sleep. This is the last time, he’d tell himself. Get a fucking grip.

But then your gaze would flutter over to him from halfway across the bar, your lips curling up in a delicate smile as your eyes glittered, and his mind went to static. You didn’t look at any of the other patrons that way—all these men pining for your attention, and your eyes only seemed to catch on Joel.

You had to exchange pleasantries with the other customers—had to flirt and smile and giggle in order to earn your keep. But that didn’t stop your attention from constantly straying to the man in the corner, whose dark eyes never left your form as you mixed and served drinks.

Excitement always bubbled in your chest when you heard the telltale clink of his glass hitting the counter, signaling that he’d finished his drink and needed another. It was a momentary escape, a brief but welcomed reprieve from the exaggerated, inauthentic friendly demeanor that you used to placate the crowd—you took your time topping off Joel’s glass, never serving him more than about two-fingers-width worth of liquor in hopes that he’d finish it quickly so you had an excuse to visit his end of the bar again. You never spoke to each other when you were on the clock—you had to give off the impression that you were available, you couldn’t play favorites. But still, you couldn’t help but drift towards him as you wiped down the countertop, looking for absolutely any opportunity to be near him.

But it was the nightly walk home that really kept him coming back.

You were sweet. Painfully so. Bright-eyed and naive and full of life. You made him smile—sometimes, you even made him laugh. He didn’t talk much, but you didn’t mind—you filled the silence between you with mindless chatter, complaining about your job and the difficult customers or sharing stories from your life before the outbreak. Joel could listen to you talk for hours—the dulcet cadence of your voice, the light breathy laughter that escaped your lips, the twinkle in your eye as you walked by his side.

It had started when a FEDRA soldier gave you a hard time about being out past curfew—roughed you up just enough to strike fear in your heart, your temperament at work the following night distraught as you dreaded the trek back to your dingy apartment.

Joel had already been a regular at that point. He was quiet, kept to himself, never shared more than a few brief words before his gaze drifted back down to glare into his liquor, his shoulders seeming burdened with more weight than any one man should be able to carry.

He didn’t give you the same attention that the other men did—maybe that’s why you were so drawn to him. While the other patrons shamelessly flirted with you, making obscene comments and proposals in an attempt to gain your affections, Joel just treated you like a person. Maybe it was that Southern hospitality that you inferred from his Texan drawl, or maybe it was something else. But nonetheless, the mysterious bargoer was the first person to notice your change in demeanor.

“Y’alright?”

He’d asked as your trembling hands tilted the bottle of amber liquid to refill his empty crystal glass. Your eyes darted to his face at the question—it was the first time he’d ever gone out of his way to speak with you, never offering a word unless he was prompted.

You gulped, setting the bottle back down behind the counter with a slight clang. Your gaze nervously scanned over the crowded room, fearing that someone might catch you with your guard down. Luckily, the patrons all seemed to be wrapped up in their own conversations, so you allowed yourself to indulge Joel with an honest response. When you looked back at him, his dark brown eyes were already fixed on your face.

“FEDRA’s getting antsy. An officer stopped me on my way home, last night—confiscated my cards for being out past curfew, said the consequences'd be worse if it happened again.”

You’d admitted quietly, and Joel could see the fear that was crawling beneath your skin, threatening to claw through your flesh. His heavy brows furrowed.

“How far’s home?”

He asked, and you bristled, not particularly keen on the idea of sharing such personal information with someone who was practically a stranger.

He must’ve sensed his misstep and quickly backpedaled.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to—”

“It’s a few blocks west of here, by the outpost.”

You weren’t sure what had compelled you to share such intimate details with him, but clearly it had been the right call. He nodded carefully, lifting his new drink to his lips and taking a swig before he acknowledged you again.

“My place’s on the way. I can walk you home, if ya want.”

That was nearly six weeks ago—now, it had become routine. In exchange for his chivalry, you'd offered him a night of bottomless drinks—when he realized this could be an ongoing perk, you were quick to accept his continued companionship on your midnight commutes. FEDRA soldiers knew better than to confront him about violations of curfew, so you were safe from further disturbances when accompanied by his presence.

Tonight was no different. The crowd of drunk customers was beginning to thin out as you made the announcement for last call. When the last patron finally stumbled up the stairs and out of the bar, Joel watched your shoulders sag with resignation, relieved to be free from another grueling shift.

He downed the remnants of his third pour of whiskey and stood up, stretching his legs out for the first time in hours. He wordlessly slipped behind the counter beside you to rinse and clean his own glass in the sink, watching you slump against the counter out of his periphery.

“What a long fucking day.”

You grumbled, your voice losing the artificial peppiness that you struggled to maintain in front of your customers. Joel let out a breathy chuckle as he returned his cleaned glass to the correct shelf, turning towards you.

“Then let’s get you home, darlin’.”

He’d had a rough couple of days. The night before, you’d panicked when he failed to show up by midnight—he was rarely later than ten-thirty, and his absence was enough to send you into a worried spiral.

When he’d finally stumbled through the doors, there was dried blood beneath his fingernails and a bruise forming across his jaw. As soon as he saw the unfettered alarm in your gaze, he felt guilt consume him. You were worried about him.

He struggled to sit at his usual stool, grunting as pain flared in his ribs at the movement. You were in front of him in an instant, sliding a glass of whiskey and an ice pack wrapped in a towel across the bar to him.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

You’d challenged harshly, but your voice betrayed you—although you’d attempted to convey your anger, the anxiety in your wavery tone was indisputable. Joel’s gaze dropped as he reached for his glass.

“Trade went bad.”

He offered simply, cringing slightly at the burn of the liquor at the back of his throat. When his eyes found yours again, there were tears forming across your lower lashes, and he let out a long sigh. His fingers brushed over yours as he reached for the ice pack, gaze soft as he leaned a bit closer to you.

“M’alright, darlin’. Everythin’s okay.”

Still, you could tell he was on edge, even if he refused to admit it. So, the next evening, you stopped him right before you could part ways at the entrance to your building.

“I have a surprise for you.”

You wiggled your brows theatrically as you plopped your backpack down at your feet, leaning down to unzip it and reach into the main pouch. Joel forced his eyes away from where your cleavage exposed itself to him as you bent over.

When you straightened again, you were holding a glass bottle of amber liquid, a triumphant smile on your face as you held it out for him expectantly. His brows furrowed, but when he reached for the bottle and inspected the label, his brows shot up to his forehead.

“Macallan?”

He questioned in awe, his eyes wide as they flitted back to you. Your smile was dazzling as you beamed up at him, anxiously awaiting his approval as you bounced on the balls of your feet.

“How the fuck did you swing this one?”

“Flashed my boss.”

You shrugged nonchalantly, and Joel immediately sputtered, eyes blowing wide. You just laughed at his obvious discomfort, reaching to rest a hand on his forearm in an attempt to change the subject.

“Oh, relax. I grabbed some nice glasses from the bar, too—why don’t you come up and have a drink with me? A nightcap on the roof.”

Joel hesitated. The two of you had gotten markedly closer in the weeks you’d known each other—you’d met Tess, and his brother Tommy, and he even trusted you enough to key you in on his illegal smuggling activities. But still, neither of you had ever interacted outside of the bar or your nightly walks home—this was uncharted territory.

Just as he was about to object, to deny your request and head back home, his eyes met your wide, hopeful gaze as you looked up at him so innocently. He let out a long breath through his nose before he finally nodded.

“Yeah, okay. Just one drink.”

That’s how Joel found himself here, sitting atop the concrete roof of your apartment complex, leaning back against the half-wall that corralled the stairs that led up from the top floor to the roof. You were splayed out to his left, taking careful sips of your liquor as the midnight breeze tickled your skin and left goosebumps in its wake.

The night was calm—or, at least, as calm as it could be in the Boston QZ. Distant gunshots interrupted the quiet, but neither you or Joel even flinched at the sound. Your arm was brushing against his from how close you sat together, and Joel was surprised to feel an uneasy sense of comfort wash over him as he relaxed in your company.

You drew in a slow breath before you tilted your head to gaze at him, a small smile gracing your features.

“What do you miss most about life before the outbreak?”

Joel’s entire body stiffened at your question—it was an unspoken rule between the two of you. Joel didn’t talk about his past, and you didn’t pry.

You quickly backpedaled, laughing sheepishly.

“I don’t mean who do you miss or shit like that, just—the mundane things. Things we took for granted. I miss the drive-in movie theater. Tonight would be the perfect weather to go see a show.”

Joel felt his lip twitch up at the corner on its own volition, your eyes fixed up at the night sky as your tone turned nostalgic. He took another sip of his whiskey, the taste deep and rich and smooth.

“I miss good liquor.”

He offered lazily, and you elbowed him lightly in the side.

“Hey, that doesn’t count. I got you good liquor. Sure, it cost me my dignity, but it was worth it.”

Joel laughed, then—a deep, genuine chuckle, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he looked at you.

“You really did that? Lifted up your shirt for your boss just to get your hands on the good stuff?”

You nodded cheekily, a mischievous gleam in your eyes as you grinned wickedly up at him. He chuckled again.

“Thought you were a good girl.”

He muttered, more to himself than anything, and you felt your face flood with heat at his grumbled statement. You ignored the way his words made something stir between your legs and nudged him again.

“Come on, I’m serious. What else do you miss?”

He pondered for a moment, tilting his head back to rest against the concrete behind him. There were a lot of simple things he missed about the past.

“Miss barbecues.”

He offered, and you seemed pleased with that response, letting out a giddy squeal as you agreed enthusiastically.

The conversation continued on easily for a long while—reminiscing about your previous lives, offering suggestions back-and-forth. Hot showers. Chapstick. Birthday cards. Summer block parties. Board games. Holidays. The smell of clean laundry. Road trips. Celebrity gossip.

Half the bottle of liquor was gone when you became too emboldened.

“I miss porn.”

You heard Joel choke on his drink as he coughed, lifting a hand to cover his mouth as he attempted to swallow down his shock. Your cheeks flooded with heat at your own confession, surprised at your own brazenness as the man beside you shifted uncomfortably.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean—that was kind of out of the blue. I’m sorry.”

Joel shook his head, although he averted his eyes from you.

“No, s’alright, just—wasn’t expectin’ that.”

Joel tried to hide his surprise. He wasn’t uncomfortable—just the opposite, actually. He was dumbfounded—you? Watching porn? Surely not. Not sweet, naive, innocent you.

He could feel the embarrassment radiating off of you as you looked down sheepishly, obviously regretting your admittance. It was shocking—the woman who flirted with all her patrons, who made a show of seducing each man she served, blushing relentlessly at the mere mention of something lewd.

You stared down at where your hands were folded in your lap, fingers fiddling together anxiously as you tried to think of something to say that would salvage the conversation. To your surprise, Joel beat you to the punch.

“I guess I didn’t realize... I mean, how old even were you when everythin’ happened?”

Neither of you were oblivious to the clear age gap between the two of you, but still, his question somewhat offended you. You scoffed slightly.

“I was twenty. I wasn’t a kid.”

Joel lifted his hands up in surrender.

“No, no, ’m not sayin’ that you were, I just—guess I didn’t expect you to—”

“—to have watched porn?”

You finished for him, and you watched his Adam’s apple bob in his throat as he swallowed thickly. He nodded, and you let out a breathy laugh, turning your gaze back to the hazy night sky.

“I had an older brother. Snuck into his room one time when I was, like, sixteen, and found some raunchy tapes under his bed that he rented from Family Video. Some stupid adult films.”

You explained, your embarrassment somewhat dampened by the alcohol surging through your bloodstream.

“It was funny. There was this one video that I really liked, so I kept it, and then my parents got this huge bill from the store because my brother didn't return it on time. What a fuckin’ idiot, renting porn using my mom’s credit card.”

You giggled at the memory, looking back fondly on your time with your family. You had moved to Boston for college when the outbreak happened, and you never did find out what happened to them when everything fell apart.

Joel’s voice broke you from your stupor.

“D’they ever find out it was you?”

You laughed again.

“Nope. It’s probably still under the mattress in my childhood bedroom. Watched that thing too many times to count.”

An easy silence fell over you, and you took in a few deep breaths of crisp night air, eyes fluttering shut as you leaned backward against the wall.

“It’s your turn.”

You prompted Joel, reminding him that he was up next to share something he missed from his past.

“What was it?”

He asked instead, and you blinked your eyes open, turning your neck to face him only to find his gaze already on you. Your brows furrowed.

“What was what?”

You asked for clarification, and you saw his jaw tick slightly.

“The video that you kept. What was it?”

You felt your lips part in surprise as your breathing stalled, face flushing crimson at his question.

“You—I mean—”

“M’just curious.”

He shrugged indifferently, facing forward again, but your heart was still hammering against your ribcage.

“If you liked it enough to keep it, must’a been good."

You swallowed, eyes falling to your hands once again before you finally responded.

“Honestly, I don’t even remember the plot. The guy in it, he was just—he was loud. He talked a lot, and the sound of his voice really did something to me.”

You offered sheepishly, voice faint and breathy as you recounted the film. Joel hummed in response, seemingly unbothered by the explicit content of the conversation, but you would be lying if you said that discussing sex with Joel didn't make your pulse jump.

“I didn’t even need to really watch it. Sometimes I’d sit with my back to the TV and just listen, and—well, you know.”

Joel felt his already hardening cock twitch in the confines of his jeans as he imagined you with your legs spread wide, hand shoved hastily into your pants as you played with yourself, eyes closed as you listened to the porno guiding your movements.

“What was it about his voice? Somethin’ special?”

“I don’t remember.”

You answered a bit too quickly, your response jumbled and rushed. Joel immediately noticed, his eyes landing on your face to see your bottom lip pulled between your teeth as you refused to look at him, clearly embarrassed. He didn’t push it, even if he knew you were lying.

Again, another long bout of silence, the air between you thickening with tension, although something had shifted. The awkwardness in the space was wavering, replaced with something heavier, something deeper.

“I miss sex.”

You thought your neck was going to break from how quickly your head jerked to gawk at Joel, who had muttered the sentence so coolly that you were almost certain you had misheard. He didn’t look at you—kept his eyes straight forward, focused on some point off in the distance. Your fingers curled into the flesh of your thighs, trying to fight off the budding desire that was tingling lowly between your legs.

“You—but you have Tess, right?”

Your voice sounded small, meek, and Joel huffed out an indignant laugh, shaking his head somewhat ruefully.

“No. S’not like that. We’re just—partners. Keep the bed warm for each other. Nothin’ else.”

Oh.

That caught you off guard. You’d assumed the pair had been a couple, or at the very least fuckbuddies, but Joel’s confession caused butterflies to erupt in the pit of your stomach.

“What about you?”

He pressed, and you felt your lungs collapse as you struggled to breath, his dark gaze pinning you down.

“Me?”

He chuckled somewhat condescendingly, his lip pulled up at the corner.

“Yeah. You miss sex?”

Your eyes darted away from his face, swallowing harshly.

“I don’t know. Only happened a few times, with my high school boyfriend back home. Wasn’t anything great.”

You explained, and Joel hummed, relishing in the way your voice wavered and your eyes darted around nervously, lashes fluttering.

“He ever give you an orgasm?”

Joel’s casualness startled you, his language so lewd and crass that you did a double take. Your cheeks burned even brighter as you pressed your hands to your face, shielding yourself from his judgmental stare.

“No. Always had to finish myself off.”

You finally admitted, trying to ignore the way you could feel Joel's body heat radiating from beside you. "And lately, too, it’s been—it sucks. Getting off, I mean. My brain is always somewhere else. That’s part of the reason I miss porn, I guess. It’s hard to take your mind out of all of this. I can never focus long enough to actually...”

“Cum?”

Joel's voice was low as he finished your sentence, and you nodded breathlessly, somewhat bashful at your admittance.

“Yeah. And skin mags don’t help, either. It always helped when I could hear it, y’know? More than just watch. It helped me stay in the moment, I guess. More immersive.”

You shrugged, and you could feel his dark eyes boring into you as you looked down.

“You’ve got a line of men a mile long who’d jump at the chance to be with you, darlin’. You got the choice of any guy in that entire bar.”

“Not any guy.”

You corrected before you could realize your mistake. You felt Joel’s body stiffen beside you, and you outwardly grimaced, quickly catching on to the fact that you’d basically just outright confessed your feelings for the man beside you—the one man in the entire QZ who seemed completely uninterested in you.

“You were lyin’ earlier.”

You blinked away your confusion as your eyes flitted to his face—he was watching you carefully, his hands resting on his jean-clad thighs as he regarded you, his eyes dark and somewhat daunting. You swallowed.

“’bout not rememberin’ why you liked that guy’s voice so much. You can’t say you watched that porno more times than you n’count and then not remember why.”

Your eyes darted away, but then you felt warm, calloused fingers slip beneath your chin and coax your head back towards him, forcing you to look him in the eyes. He was leaning in closer to you now, close enough that you could smell the sting of booze on his breath and see the spatter of freckles that spilled across his nose.

“So tell me, darlin’. Why'd you like the way he talked so much?”

Joel knew the answer. He’d noticed the way your eyes always settled on his lips when he spoke, how you always turned bashful when his Texas charm bled through into his words.

“I—it was—it was called The Bone Ranger. Y’know, like—like the kitschy old Western show. The guy, he was—he was a cowboy.”

“So then what accent did he have, huh, sweet thing?”

You resisted the urge to squeeze your eyes shut in shame, clenching your jaw harshly as you opened your mouth. You could tell he already knew the answer—must’ve had a sneaking suspicion from the start, especially when he factored in the way you always seemed to swoon when he called you darlin’.

“I—he had a Southern accent.”

The satisfied smirk that curled on Joel’s lips made your blood boil, humiliation making your cheeks warm even hotter as your face contorted into a look of discomfort, feeling shameful and dirty.

But Joel smiled at you. Really smiled. It was somewhat wicked—a devilish sort of grin, one that awoke something deep within your core. His eyes were wild, darkened with something almost feral.

“Yeah, I bet he did. Do I remind you of him, darlin’? You like the way I talk?”

His voice dropped to a low timbre, barely more than a throaty growl, his Texan drawl exacerbated by the lust that coated his tongue. You couldn’t help but whimper at his teasing, your gaze instinctually falling from his eyes to glance at his lips.

“Bet I can make sure you stay in the moment. Help you focus. Make you cum.”

The squeak that passed through your lips was almost inhuman, and for a moment, you didn’t even realize that it was you who had made the sound. But then Joel was smirking at you again, and in an instant you were on him, fingers skating across his shoulders as your lunged to kiss him.

He met you with equal fervor, shifting slightly to pull you atop his lap, your legs sliding to cage in his waist as your fingers threaded into his graying hair. His hands pressed into you, burning your skin with each move as he grabbed at your waist, hips, thighs, ass, anything within his reach as he licked into your mouth, pressing you as close to him as physically possible.

“Oh, God—please, Joel.”

You weren’t entirely sure what you were even begging for, but when Joel pulled away long enough to glance at you through hooded eyes, gaze swimming with intoxication from both desire and alcohol, it was like he could read your mind.

“ ’ve got you, darlin’. Let me take care a’you.”

Joel lifted up his knees, allowing you to lean back slightly against his muscular thighs as you grinded your core against the sizable bulge in his worn jeans. With your weight leaned backwards, Joel matched your pace with slow, deep grinds of his hips, his cock pressing against your clit as he rutted upwards.

“Mmm.”

Joel hummed, experienced hands spread against the expanse of your back as he guided you forward for another searing kiss, swallowing the whine that passed through your lips. You squirmed when his fingers began to explore, skimming across your sides before his thumbs swept just beneath the swell of each of your breasts. Your chest immediately pushed into his hold, making him chuckle.

“Take it off for me, then. Lemme see you.”

In a matter of seconds, you were ripping the heather gray shirt from your body, tossing it carelessly to the side and letting your head fall back with a soft sigh. You squeezed your eyes shut tight so you didn’t have to see Joel’s face when he finally looked at you, but he caught on to this action quickly.

His left head reached to cup the back of your head and force it to face forward, your eyes fluttering open to meet his—his pupils were blown wide, gleaming devilishly as he slowly let his gaze draw a line down your sternum and across your newly exposed breasts. A growl rumbled in his chest.

“Filthy little thing, aren’t ya? No bra, wanted everyone in the bar to see those pretty little nipples through that thin shirt?”

There was a sort of anger laced in his words, his brows lowered as his thumbs brushed across both of your nipples with a featherlight touch, both of the nubs peaking instantaneously.

Part of you wanted to shake your head, to prove to him what a good girl you are, but instead, you let out a breathy giggle.

“I told you I flashed my tits for the boss—had to get the right liquor to convince you to come up here.”

Joel's eyes narrowed, and you hummed when he shifted one of his hands came to wrap around your delicate throat.

“You wanted me to come up here to fuck you, huh? S’that it? Sweet thing, all you had to do was say please.”

Your fingers curled into his t-shirt as you pulled him towards you, pressing your lips to him again. His teeth sank into the flesh of your lower lip, sucking it gently. He pulled away just long enough to discard his own shirt, his weathered skin hot against your abdomen.

“He didn’t deserve to see you—didn’t appreciate these pretty tits, did he?”

His lips traced a sloppy line down your throat before wrapping around your right nipple, rolling it between his teeth. You cried out, your arousal beginning to soak a wet patch straight through your jeans, skin prickling with electricity.

His other large hand kneaded the flesh of you left breast as he ravished the right one with his tongue, your back arching into his hold.

“God, fuck—need you so bad, Joel, please.”

A dark chuckle vibrated over your skin, causing you to shiver. He stared up at you through his lashes, pulling his mouth away a leaving your skin shining with his saliva.

“Yeah? You wan’ me t’fuck you, darlin’? Wan’ me to stretch ya out over my cock?”

His voice was gravelly and low, words slightly slurred through his thickening accent.

“I’m ready for you, please, please—always been ready for you—”

He shushed you quietly, straightening his legs and flipping you over gently to lay you on your back. You nearly blacked out as you felt him peel the denim from your legs, your panties with them. You stared straight up at the night sky, stars twinkling as you listening to the clink of his belt and slide of his zipper before he was on top of you, his cock nestling against your lower stomach as he leaned in for a kiss.

“Yeah, gonna give it to you good, darlin’—you just lay there and take it.”

He lifted himself off of you just enough to guide his cock through your slick folds, the smooth head tapping against your clit before sliding down to your entrance.

“Sweet, innocent little girl, thinkin’ about me fuckin’ ’er every night in the bar.”

You squirmed at his taunting, cheeks ablaze.

He let out a breathy groan.

“Fuck yeah.”

He muttered lowly, slipping just the tip through your quivering hole. Almost immediately, you were clenching around him, your body tense and resisting the intrusion. He tutted at you, and you felt tears of both shame and desire flood your eyes.

“S’okay, sweet thing.”

He cooed, his demeanor suddenly softer, comforting.

“Gotta relax. ’ve got you. Jus’ focus on the sound of my voice.”

Your bleary eyes zeroed in on his face, the slight curl of his lip upwards as he sank a few more inches of his thick cock into you, burning with the stretch. You hadn’t had someone inside you in so long, and never anyone as big as him.

“Shh, shh—doin’ so good for me, darlin’. Fuck, tha’s a tight little cunt. You can take it.”

A pained groan blew through your lips as he proceeded forward, your walls squeezing around him until he was finally fully seated inside of you. A long, drawn-out groan escaped his throat as he pressed himself against you, his heavy balls nestled against your ass.

“Yeah, that’s it—you feel that? Feel how deep I am?”

You gasped when Joel reached between you and pressed a hand against your lower abdomen, feeling the bulge of his girth stretching you open.

“Fuck, yes—”

As soon as your cunt fluttered around him, finally accommodating his length, he offered a few shallow thrusts, his tip kissing your cervix with each movement. You mewled against him, your fingers digging into his shoulders.

“Yeah, there we go—”

Finally, Joel began to fuck you. He pulled out almost entirely before forcing his entire length back into your awaiting channel, your wetness leaking around his cock and dripping down your crack onto the concrete beneath you. The cement scratched at your bare back, but you couldn’t even feel it—Joel’s fat cock overwhelmed all of your sense and left you a drooling, crying mess.

“Yeah, fuck yeah, darlin’—so fuckin’ tight aroun’ me. Always wanted to ruin you, y’know that? Knew you’d make the prettiest little sounds, knew you’d—fuck, knew you’d squeeze me so tight.”

Each of his quickening thrusts was punctuated by a high pitched moan from your lips, your tits bouncing with each motion. His fingers began to messily circle your clit as your eyes rolled back, surrendering yourself to Joel’s control and the impending orgasm that was building within you. He pressed his lips to your ear, groaning against you.

“Yeah, gonna make you cum, darlin’—fillin’ you so good, fuckin’ you nice and deep—jus’ like you wanted, jus’ like you deserve, yeah? Fuck, oh, baby—mmm—not gonna let anyone touch you again, not gonna—not gonna let anyone look at you again—pussy’s too fuckin’ good, s’all mine, s’all—fuckin’—mine—”

You let out a shriek as your climax peaked, Joel’s dirty tongue sending you over the edge as your walls clenched around him. Your vision turned white as your toes curled, your nails sinking into the meat of his shoulders as he continued to pound into you through your orgasm, sweat beading at his hairline.

“Oh, fuckkk—yeah, yeah, jus’ like that—keep squeezin’ me like that and I’m gonna—”

His pace turned frantic, his thrusts so harsh they were almost painful as he reached the deepest part of you, prolonging your orgasm and making heat coil in your core.

“Give it to me, Joel.”

It was barely a whisper, your throat hoarse and utterly wrecked, but Joel's body tensed above you.

“Yeah, gonna—gonna give you this fat fuckin’ load, baby—mm, mm, gonna—gonna cum inside you, fill you up so full—ah, fuck, m’gonna cum, m’gonna—”

His words were interrupted by an involuntary growl as he thrusted once, twice more, before seating himself fully inside of you.

“Oh, m’cummin’ baby, fuckin’—shit—”

He exploded within your walls, his white hot seed filling you in sporadic spurts, each one punctuated by a roll of his hips into you, a mixture of both your arousals creating a stickiness around his cock.

He rolled off of you almost immediately after, bare back against the cool concrete. Another series of gunshots rang out in the distance—all you could hear was Joel’s breathing.

Silence permeated the twilight air, and you felt your chest tighten with each passing second. He was staring straight up at the sky, unwavering, brows furrowed in thought.

“I didn’t get the whiskey just so you would—you know...”

The moment you started talking, you regretted it, trailing off slowly and averting your gaze from him when his neck turned to look at you. You sheepishly sat up, reaching for your t-shirt and holding it to your chest protectively.

“It was more of a—more of a thank you, really, for—for making sure I get home safe.”

Joel nodded slowly, his lips pursed slightly—already, you could see the ghost of regret dancing behind his eyes.

Again, the night was quiet as you both got dressed, the only sound from the rustling of clothes and the clink of Joel's belt. Part of you was still reeling from the unexpected turn of events—the other part of you was ashamed and embarrassed and horrified.

“Thanks.”

You whispered in acknowledgement, and he nodded curtly.

“Glad we could help each other out.”

It was like he’d just finished with a business deal—a transaction.

When you were both fully clothed, you wordlessly began descending the stairs, Joel trailing behind as he walked you to the front door of your apartment. It was the second door to the left on the fourth floor.

As the door swung open, you paused in the threshold. You contemplated your words for a moment before sighing.

“You know what else I miss?”

Joel’s big brown eyes turned soft once again as they locked with your glassy gaze.

“I miss flirting. And dating, and—and holding hands, and romance—”

You blew out a breath, infuriated with yourself—because of the tears trailing down your cheeks, because you gave yourself up so quickly, so easily, and all it took was a man with nice hands and brown eyes and a Texas drawl that sort of resembled a porno—

You almost flinched when you felt his left hand reach up the cradle your cheek, his touch impossibly gentle and completely out-of-character. You felt the pad of his thumb swipe the tears from beneath your eyes as he leaned in—

And then something hardened in his gaze—like he was remembering himself, pulled from a stupor. A shadow crested his features as his expression turned stony.

His arm dropped back to his side, and he took a step back, his hands slipping into his pockets as he regarded you one last time.

“See ya tomorrow.”

His heavy boots grew quieter as he walked the length of the hall, and you finally let the door click shut between you.

The truth hurt—all the things you missed, you took for granted, gone and left behind in a time forgotten.

Really, though, what you missed most of all, was love.

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boyzgotojupiter · 1 year

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astrology notes: 7 💋

quick note: i'm absolutely not an astrologer. these are just a collection of some observations, thoughts, theories, and personal experiences. above all this is just for fun. lastly, these may or may not apply to you but you might find something to be true about your friends, family, or lover. enjoy!

♡ 6th house placements may have an interest in the human body. fascinated with the way it works and could want to learn about it. i also notice a lot of natives with 6th house/virgo placements look so good in bikinis because their bodies look so bomb.

♡ saturn/capricorn in the 7th house & capricorn venus/moon: dating or the talking stage = an interview. when dating or talking to someone with these placements, your words and actions are all being taken into an account to analyze the kind of person you are. your morals, perspectives, values, goals, achievements, your temperament, your background, how you interact with others, etc. you are interviewing for a spot in their lives but to also gain access to the parts of them they conceal from others which is no small thing because they don’t let just anyone into their lives. it’s not easy to get close to them.

scorpios are known for putting you through tests to see if you’re worthy, well caps put you through a series of interviews. and if you don’t meet their standards? ✌️

♡ cancer mercury: these people are such good listeners. they care about what you say, how you say it, and how you feel. these people can make you feel heard, make you feel that your thoughts & feelings are validated. patient when communicating. they refrain from judging and you may feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, a space that welcomes vulnerability. they remind me of this Bible verse: (proverbs 16:24) “pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” they’re loyal & supportive friends that have your back. also the types to hype you up like libra & leo. if you know people with these placements appreciate them & be nice to them. or else 👹🔪😌.

♡ libra mercury friends just get each other. they just click. if there are 2 people with libra mercury in a group of friends, they’re probably the closest to each other out of everyone else in the group.

♡ saturn retrograde natives: responsibility may feel overwhelming because you feel like you’re the only one who can help yourself and handling everything on your own is taxing. you didn’t really receive the help and support you needed from others, maybe your parents, so you had no choice but to do it yourself. you’re accustomed to doing things yourself so asking for help seems foreign. incompetence frustrates you, there’s no time for that. if you don’t know how to do something or you don’t understand it you can get frustrated with yourself. this native may be regretful, an “i should’ve known/done better” type of person, even about little things.

since raising children is such a massive responsibility, i feel like this is another placement that may not want to have kids. they barely had time to be kids themselves. here’s an extra heart for you guys ♥︎.

♡ gemini rising = being your own bestie.

♡ want to have one of those conversations where you could just talk about “life”? find an:

aquarius/uranus dom- immediately their personality and way of thinking stands out. i feel like leo’s creativity is usually more in the realm of arts/music/acting but for aquarius they’re creative in the way of literally inventing something new or simply bringing something to this world that improves it, forces progression, or it’s something the world has never seen before such as the level of one’s skill, ability, talent, intelligence, etc. imagine the conversations you can have with someone with a mind such as that. these folks will be themselves, they don’t pretend to be somebody else so there’s no sugarcoating their personality. they’re authentic & what you seee is what yoy get.

they don’t believe in limitation and that may be one of the reasons why they achieve such great things. they do what they want & do it themselves. they may have many friends because they’re an air sign, they’re social and like to interact with others & it rules the 11th house associated with friendship. however there are few people who are really close to them. interesting but cool & nice individuals who you can sit under the stars with and talk about whatever the hell is out there. politics, the way different countries are goverened, society and its current trajectory or future. they might be interested in sci-fi, dystopian type books.

scorpio/pluto/8th house dom- they naturally gravitate towards what most people consider dark and taboo. there’s an interest that draws them in and they eventually gain knowledge in these areas. the supernatural, sex, death, what’s on the other side, the occult, fears & deepest darkest secrets. but they’ve also had experience with these things in their lives. probably seen some eerie/frightening stuff. psychology is also something that interests them and scorpio is one of the signs that can see right through you. picking up on the slightest details about a person, anything that may reveal something about you but there’s a lot you don’t know about them. they privately go through things that change them as a person so it’s hard to know them. & because they’re private they may only discuss the dark and taboo subjects with people they trust especially since a lot of people may not feel comfortable with such topics.

sag/9th house dom- associated with knowledge & expansion, how could a conversation with these individuals not be intriguing. they can’t help but reflect on life. the why’s, the what’s, the how’s. hunting the truth, meaning, purpose, and reason. they travel a lot so they have seen many things. an interest in the different cultures around the world, what bonds & keeps a group of people together. their traditions, religions, what forms their identity, & their way of life. intelligent individuals who probably enojy or enjoyed school/college/university and do or did academically well. optimistic & sophisticated people who can make a difference in your life.

neptune/12th house dom- the 12th house has some similarities to the 8th house but it’s taken up a notch .. or two. it gets dark in a different way. it’s funny when people say they don’t really understand the 12th house, because same, but that’s also because it’s the house of mystery! the things that can’t be defined, that are vague, & cloudy. those are some of the things that fall in this house. the 12th house has you looking in the mirror without you even realizing it, until you do. but neptune also has that spellbinding beauty (not just physical), a sense of dreaminess, flamboyance, that you can look but can’t touch attribute. this contrast between the daunting depth and the enchantment of the 12th house/neptune only contribues to its mystique and strengthens the illusion.

with the propensity to turn to escapism, they must be imaginative. vivid and with great detail. or they’ve experience things that stretches their imagination. they drift off to the land of fantasy, somewhere opposite to reality. they just know things, can sense when something is about to happen. the traits of a prophet/prophetess. familiar with the spiritual realm, even if it’s subtle. conversation with these individuals can make you feel like you’re coming down from a trip. you ponder life on a deeper more spiritual level. you revisit your beliefs, purpose, and the way that you’re living. they dare you to alter your perspective. they inspire you & draw out your creativity and desires.

♡ chiron in the 5th house: blessed w/ musical & artistic talent. gifted in this area but may feel like those gifts are being wasted or not being used to their greatest potential.

♡ pisces/neptune is associated with drugs and certain bad habits. but if you’re also capricorn/saturn dominant, aries/mars dominant or you have aspects like mars trine saturn, you may feel as though you have control over your use of drugs & alcohol, you know your limits, you’re able to take breaks especially when necessary. bonus if these placements are in the 6th house of routine, these individuals are good at breaking and forming new habits. if a person has neptune in capricorn, they may feel like they know better than to experiment with drugs/alcohol, or at least serious drugs. if they do try it out they lowkey hate them, end up stopping, or find it illogical.

♡ mars retrograde natives: wearing or needing glasses to see better.

♡ 1st house ruler in the 2nd house, 2nd house stellium, venus in the 2nd house: mirrors were created for these individuals. they probably have a lot of mirrors in their house. they totally understand narcissus from greek mythology lol. “never pass a mirror without looking in it.” -paris hilton

if you read this until the end i hope you enjoyed it & thank you so much for reading. ♥︎♥︎♥︎, those hearts are for you.

#astrology #astrology observations #astro observations #astrology notes #astro notes #boyzgotojupiter

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