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Help us raise money for the Rainforest Trust today. Just go to our Bandcamp and download our protest song calledTravelling Underground. All proceeds go to this great charity helping to preserve what's left of the world rainforests.
Or just donate what you can using PayPal
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tldr endgame sucked
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young royals / less, andrew sean greer / our beautiful life when it’s filled with shrieks, christopher citro / the cart, mary ruefle / tenderhooks, joan tierney / you don’t choose in your dreams, @cheruib
part 2 / part 3
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“tenderhooks”, joan tierney, @filmnoirsbian // “on sundays, she picked flowers”, yah yah scholfield // barry jenkins
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But this makes no sense because we know that Cas was cut from the finale. This is FACT.--- interesting how you say FACT but don't follow up with any proofs. The source talking to Min about the finale days before it aired (and giving accurate info about it) confirmed the the 5 days of filming that Misha was talking about is false, because Cas wasn't even in the first draft. His story was officially over.
The source who confirmed to MIN (ha) before the finale aired (so November) said that Cas wasn’t in the first draft... so that source is calling MISHA a liar right? MISHA?
Because the source of the 5 days is MISHA himself. From M&Gs in MARCH.
Right let me try and sort out this timeline for y’all because you really will just believe anything some random source from a known fandom manipulator and liar is telling you sure.
A “reputable and well like actor/cast member” told fans either at a Feb/March convention or something similar at the time that they were nervous because the finale script was still not complete, the writers were “frantically rewriting” due to requests for changes from higher ups. There was tension and discomfort among cast and crew that the finale script wouldn’t be complete in time for filming (which at that point was still only 2 weeks away before they shut down for covid) (the source of this is doing the internet rounds and has been since before summer from what I can tell. Its not new.)
15x18 filmed, “sources” at the time confirm to fans that there is a destiel scene and confirm that Cas dies but also that Cas is in the finale.
Sources also confirm that there was a small send off to the cast due to breaking up for covid. No one at the time said anything about this being a goodbye send off to Misha/Cas. It was a pre lockdown goodbye. Misha was supposed to still come back.
At a March Con, there are 2 Misha M&Gs. In 1 of them, Misha confirms Cas dies in 18 and that he was happy with the way Cas went. He also confirms that he will be back for the finale, but doesn’t elaborate. When asked if he thinks we will like the finale, he hesitates before saying it could go “one of two ways”. Read into that as you will.
The other M&G Misha confirms basically the same thing, but is pressed on his return to film. Misha confirms he expects to return to film for a further 5 days.
It is worth noting that Misha at this con was emotionally drained and “not himself” according to fans.
Everyone assumes that Misha being “not himself” at the con was because he was sad Cas dies, but he kept saying that he was happy with Cas’s death and proud of it. So I doubt that is what was bothering Misha. Could it be that he was aware of the constant finale script changes and he knew that there was fuckery going on even at that point which was putting his return into uncertainty?
Summer 2020 (Lockdown)
Misha confirms over zoom call with Michael Sheen that he is returning to film the finale. He also talks about grabbing Cas’s trenchcoat before he left because he was worried he might not come back again due to the pandemic and he wanted to keep Cas’s coat - also fits with the theory that maybe Misha was worried/ unsure if his role in the finale was safe at that point - but worth noting that as of August 2020 Misha was still being kept on tenderhooks about his role in the finale.
November 2020 (SPN returns and the narrative changes)
Suddenly all the “sources” have changed their story. One source confirms that Cas is no longer returning. Specifically says to someone who I trust that he was supposed to be in 20 but wasn’t anymore, but there are some clips of his voice in one of the episodes) (I didn’t want to believe this at first when I got this info before 19 aired but god I wish I’d listened.)
Please note that this source was correct about the voice stuff and also confirmed that he WAS initially in 20 but got cut.
Misha films a goodbye and thankyou video for the CW, reasserting the narrative that 18 was his last episode and suddenly there is all this confirmation that the goodbye cast party for lockdown was “for Misha” all along (it wasn’t).
Misha speaks to a fan and when asked about the script changes, he talks about coming back as Jimmy Novak for around “half a day” but that it wasn’t worth the quarantine. Fandom goes mad.
Misha also says that the finale was supposed to have a big reunion in 20 with the roadhouse crew and lots of Deans loved ones (but not Cas). Sam Ferris goes OFF on Twitter confirming this is bullshit. (I do NOT believe Misha lied here, I think that he was repeating a lie someone else told him as an excuse for him not returning.)
Jackles silently seethes in sexy sexy silence.
So, here is all the info I have and know about Misha and Cas being cut. You don’t have to believe me. I honestly don’t care if you do or not. But this is what I believe and nothing you or anyone (and certainly not a known fandom manipulator trying to twist the narrative to make them seem like an all knowing “i was right all along” type) can say will change this.
This info in my opinion all adds up to Cas initially being a big part of the script in initial drafts, then getting cut more and more due to network meddling and a desire to remove any Destiel ambiguity/keep focus on Sam/brother bond.
My own personal narrative (simply because the visual brings me joy and I’m clinging to it) is that Cas was cut completely in a version of the script around early summer, which leads to Jensen going OFF at everyone demanding they bring Misha back for the finale, so the writers add him in as Jimmy Novak as an attempt to satisfy Jensen, honour Misha, and satisfy the Network who at this point has told them NO CAS. Misha gets this version of the script (possibly the first version he has actually seen) and turns it down (probably because he sees it as a huge insult and tells them to fuck off as he should). Jensen then spends every hour of every day since only gushing about 15x18 and keeping silent or subtley throwing shade at the finale.
(To be clear I have made up the above paragraph because the concept is hilarious to me and Jackles sexy silence and fierce protection of Misha gives me life, but you gotta admit its in character and is the only explanation I can come up with for the absolutely ridiculous idea of bringing Misha back as Jimmy Novak)
Look, we are never gonna know the truth, but I have been holding onto the information from March for a whole year. The only thing that got me through the summer knowing Cas was dying in 18 was this mantra:
“Cas will be back Misha is filming 20 Cas will be back Misha films for 5 days Cas will be back because Misha is filming Misha has 5 days to film he’ll be a big part of the episode Cas will be back...”
Literally ALL SUMMER this was my brain so DO NOT tell me the information I clung on to for months was false. It was NOT false, it was the truth in March. It just wasn’t the truth any more in November thanks to a meddling asshole network and writers and execs who didn’t care enough to fight back.
I will NOT be gaslit by this November false narrative.
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for @madamewriterofwrongs who i asked a prompt from ages ago and decided to fulfill now, because birthday!!!!
eddie/buck, families, pre-wedding jitters
“I can’t do this,” Eddie says, staring at himself in the mirror.
Adriana raises an eyebrow. She’s sprawled on the couch in the small room, leg over one arm. She’s probably creasing the pantsuit but doesn’t seem to care. “I’m sure Buck will love to hear that.”
Behind him, Sophia is still fussing with the back of his jacket. “You’re not second guessing yourself, are you?”
“No,” Eddie snaps. “I mean without seeing Buck.”
“That’s bad luck,” Sophia says immediately.
Adriana rolls her eyes, sweeping to her feet more elegantly than her previous pose would indicate. “That’s traditionalist bullshit, Sophia. If he wants to see Buck, he should. I’ll go see what he’s up to.”
“Adriana,” Eddie objects, but she’s sweeping out of the room and closing the door behind her. “Why is she here again?”
When Sophia turns him around, she’s smiling, and rests her hands on his shoulders. “Because you wouldn’t dare get married without us.”
That’s the truth.
“I’m sorry Mom and Dad won’t be here.” Sophia’s smile goes a touch sad.
Eddie shook his head, pulling her in for a hug. “I’m not. I have you and Adi. Abuela and Pepa.”
There was a knock on the door and Adriana poked her head in. “Chris is distracting him with funny stories, but I think he’s as nervous as you. Sophia, you have to help me distract Maddie. She’s trying to sort his hair out and we all know how that ends.”
Eddie snorts and gives Sophia’s arm a squeeze. “Go. Save him from his sister.”
Sophia and Adriana disappear, and Eddie gives himself another look in the mirror. He’s actually doing this; getting married to Buck. Finally. He still feels nervous, doesn’t know how he managed to get Buck and keep him, but he’s not going to question his good fortune.
There’s another knock on his door and he says, “yeah?”
“I think there’s a plot,” Buck says, slipping through the door and closing it behind him. He looks amazing. More than amazing. Eddie’s not seen him since early that morning. They refused to spend the night apart, mostly because they have trouble sleeping if they’re not in the same bed. “Our sisters are conspiring.”
“Chris?” Eddie asks.
Buck shrugs, eyes dragging slowly from Eddie’s toes to his head. “Off with Mango.”
“Her name is Ahna,” Eddie corrects. “We shouldn’t let them hang out anymore, they cause too much trouble.”
“Who thought a four year old could corrupt a teenager so much?” Buck crosses the room, barely inches from Eddie, but still they don’t touch. “You look amazing, Eddie.”
Eddie swallows, finally reaches out, fingers against Buck’s neck. “I missed you.”
“It’s been hours,” Buck whines, turning his face into Eddie’s hand. “I want to be married already.”
Pulling on Buck’s jacket, trying not to crease it, Eddie drags him closer, kisses him gently. “This is for Abuela.”
“I know,” Buck says, words ghosting across Eddie’s lips. They promised her they’d have a ceremony.
“Before I die,” she’d wheedled at Sunday dinner, and both of them had been hard pressed to argue with that.
Eddie huffs a laugh. “We’re weak.”
Nodding, Buck steals another kiss, hands sliding down to Eddie’s hips. “For each other,” he says. “For our kid, our families.”
“Yeah.” Eddie’s arms slide around Buck’s neck and he leans in, resting his head against Buck’s neck. Buck’s fingers smooth down the back of his hair, and Eddie knows Sophia’s gonna complain about it later, but he really doesn’t care. “I’m glad we’re finally doing this.”
Eddie can feel Buck’s smile against his temple. “So am I. Finally get to be a Diaz officially.”
The idea still sends a thrill down Eddie’s spine and he pulls back, touching his forehead to Buck’s. “Did you ever think we’d make it here?”
“Yeah,” Buck says, without hesitation. They part a little, and Eddie feels a sense of wonder at the happiness on his face, the certainty when he speaks. “I’ve always had faith in us, together, Eddie.”
Eddie hardly dares breathe. “I love you. More than anything else in the world. Except Chris.”
“Of course except Chris,” Buck agrees with a laugh. “I love you too, Eds.”
Eddie goes back in for a hug. He doesn’t know how long they stand like that, just holding each other, but he doesn’t care. Someone’s going to come and get them if they need to leave, but for now, he just wants Buck. “You know I don’t like this.”
“I do,” Buck says. “I promise to make it worth your while when we get to kiss.”
With a laugh, Eddie’s hands smooth down Buck’s shirt, adjusting his tie. “Never thought I’d back someone so hot.”
Buck smirks, kisses Eddie hotly. “The moment I saw you with your shirt off, I knew we’d end up like this.”
“Such a liar,” Eddie said, knowing exactly what they’ve been through to get here. “But I appreciate the flattery.”
Buck’s smile is soft, warm, and Eddie’s got no choice but to go in for another kiss. It’s soft, certain, and they only part when there’s a knock at the door.
“Get a move on, losers,” Adriana calls through the door.
Maddie’s voice drifts in next. “You better be dressed!”
Laughing, Buck strokes a hand over Eddie’s cheek. “Let’s go get married.”
“Let’s,” Eddie agrees, kissing Buck’s fingers. “Now go, before Maddie comes in here to drag you away.”
Buck’s still laughing as he opens the door, looking back over his shoulder to blow a kiss like an idiot.
Eddie breathes out, feeling more comfortable in his skin. When Adriana and Sophia come into the room, he smiles. “I’m ready.”
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Theron Shan Week, Prompt 2: Relationships
Coruscant, Late 25 ATC/early 26 ATC (3627 BBY)
(At the start of Jedi Under Siege)
Rating: PG (maybe a T for one word, but everyone knows humans are the real monsters...)
Word Count: ~ 2000
AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33166909
Jonas Balkar entered the main floor of SIS in a daze. The desks were arranged in an open floor plan – no cubicles. Some consultant had decided that fifteen years ago, and there hadn’t been time for a second opinion with the cold war going hot. Daylight streamed in through the windows, though he knew that they were mirrored on the outside; they could see out, but the common person on the street or a speeder couldn’t see in.
He shook his head. He hadn’t realized… It added up, ultimately, but –
He reached his desk, by some miracle or just autopilot. He sat down heavily and stared at his dark computer screen. He said to it, not expecting any reply: “Great Galaxies, Shan. Of all people.”
As if he’d spoken magic words, Jonas felt his comm unit in his pocket vibrate, and then his computer screen came to life, flashing a high-priority message at him. It was from Trant, of course.
To: Jonas Balkar
From: Marcus Trant
Subject: The Alliance Commander
Of course, Trant had probably known the whole goddamn time, while everyone was waiting on tenderhooks to know whether –
When the Alliance won the war against Zakuul, somewhere deep inside of its intricate workings, Theron Shan was probably slicing into something important. That’s what Jonas’ gut told him.
Then Theron was a traitor. No new holos of him had been issued to track him down. Much like the last time Theron had been a fugitive, Trant had done nothing to catch him.
Then his innocence was broadcast to the galaxy. He was still the Alliance’s faithful servant, reconciled to the leader he had supposedly betrayed (but hadn’t at all). That meant no return to the Republic.
That meant that Jonas and all of Theron’s SIS coworkers hadn’t seen him for him in over five years.
Jonas was the only one that had actually heard from him, but even then, Theron had been all business: looking for Aric Jorgan.
Jonas probably didn’t regret getting those two in contact as much as he should have. Havoc Squad defected again, but… they were like Theron. The Republic had given in, and they hadn’t. Especially not after --- (Jonas let himself have a look over at a framed holo he kept on his desk of the last commander of Havoc. He’d never gotten over -- )
Five years were not insignificant. Juli the Bith in payroll had known him since was 21 and had finally joined the big boys at the office, fresh out of SIS’s training program. Jonas had known Theron since they both got promoted and got to ditch those stupid uniforms when they were… 24? It had been so long.
Hell, Theron had held Rivia, Gary from Analytics’ daughter, when she was a baby, and now she was starting school.
And he hadn’t reached out in five years. Then again, Theron had defected, so maybe Jonas expected too much.
But Theron had always liked risk, and he’d never let a designation such as ‘criminal’ or ‘traitor’ or ‘enemy operative’ get in the way of being a good man.
Today, Jonas had finally gotten all the reasons for that silence served up on a huge karkin’ platter. A dish, technically.
So, with all the eloquence he normally mustered for such occasions:
From: Jonas Balkar
Meeting Room 3, 15 minutes.
Within the five minutes it took for him to walk form his desk to the secured room, the room was swamped with people. Juli, Gary, Val’tem, Fauler, Ebenga, a few of the senior secretaries and technicians….almost everyone in SIS that had survived the last ten years.
For a guy who was a loner, Theron had a lot of people who gave a shit about him.
Now Jonas was starting to get glares from people as they waited impatiently for him to give up his intel. “Well?” Gary was the first to speak, arms crossing and recrossing impatiently. “Is he ok?”
Jonas paused for a few moments, trying to collect his thoughts. “Uhm. This is actually an official briefing….because this is actually an official SIS job we have to do.” Jonas pulled his datapad out. “I’m…. hell, I’m just going to play this.”
He set his datapad to project the security holo file up onto the big screen.
“Well, if it isn’t the Commander of the most popular club in the galaxy. Welcome to my second-favorite cantina. Jonas, Balkar, Republic SIS….”
Everyone looked bored and more than just a little disappointed at how boring (and Theron-less) this briefing was.
Finally, it got toward the end. “You want me to smile? You can’t win this war with promises and smiles.”
Even as Jonas responded to her about Ossus, the figure on the screen seemed to know exactly where the security holo in the room was, and she smiled right up into it, as if taunting the viewers.
In the same moment, both Ebenga and Fauler said, “I know her.” They stared at each other for a moment, and the words tumbled out. Jonas paused the holo stream.
“Ord Mantell – busted an Imp agent with a recording locket.” Ebenga paused, his long thin fingers steepling in front him. “Eva. Some strange last name.”
“Tatooine – Czerka stuff.” Fauler paused, mind whirring away. “You’re right. Eva Corolastor. Theron… Theron asked for intel about her. A lot of intel.” He sat there and then chuckled for a few moments. “He… he kept digging for more, so much to the point that after he’d taken me out for two dinners to talk about her, I thought I had to tell him about my wife.”
Gary, who was transfixed on the screen, said, “The Mandalorian cache. She made that. But he was looking for –” He tore his eyes away to look at Jonas.
“Yeah. The Voidhound. Theron’s asset before Eternal Fleet. The whole Revanite conspiracy thing.” A ripple of sound went through the room. More than one of them had noticed the silent war Theron had played in trying to keep his asset’s identity a secret. They’d all closed ranks around him once word was received from an anonymous source that Revanites had infiltrated SIS. They hoped he was on the right side of that conspiracy. He was, of course.
Val’tem, the SysAdmin, straightened up, and he reached up to his cybernetic implants – the most elaborate set Jonas had ever seen without the person legally being classified as a droid. “Recall: holos, Yavin 4. Agent: Theron Shan.” The images were projected onscreen, and the chatter rose in volume.
Jonas remembered the moment almost ten years before that he’d seen those holos. He’d teased Theron, mercilessly, for accessing personal holomail in the office. Then he’d seen the girl. He’d seen Theron with the girl. Jonas had the light taken out of his solar sails. He… he couldn’t muster a mean joke or continue teasing Theron.
When the other agents saw the holos, today, the murmurs went up. “I remember these.” “Oh, wow, I don’t --- that’s not the Theron I remember.” “He’s smiling. Actually smiling, not that polite thing he did when he wanted to escape a conversation.” “…that’s a lot of scarring.” “He fought a Houk more than once – guy had to be jacked… and a little crazy.” “Ever go on mission with him? No regard for his own safety. Saved me a broken leg, though, so I shouldn’t say.” “Oh, say it, he didn’t care about himself, compared to … us. Anyone else.” “Always did buy the best presents off gift registries.”
Juli the Bith, by far the oldest employee still alive at SIS right now, stopped everyone in their tracks. “What a lovely couple. She adores him.” The woman clasped her hands, as if indescribably pleased.
The focus on the holos broadened beyond Theron himself. Yes, there were a few shots of him without a shirt on. Yes, there were even more of him smiling while out in the field. The woman on the security holo was in each one. Juli, despite being the payroll specialist, had made the most astute observation. “Wow, she’s crazy about him.” “Yeah, I’d smile too if I was him.” “Never seen him happy like that… let alone with an asset. Wasn’t that a thing for him?” “Theron… was never relationship material. We knew that.” “He did too, let’s be real.” “Who was the long-term girl before that Rakata thing? Carly? Karrie?” “Karrie, down at the embassy. Nice girl, but I always thought she was a little… dim for him.” “She put up with his disappearing act crap.” “Like I said, nice girl, a little dim.” “Didn’t you and him --?” “No, I don’t do humans. I’m not a monsterfucker.” “I almost did.” “How do you ‘almost’?” “I got too tipsy, and he put me to bed instead of taking me to bed. I heard I missed out.” “You did.” “…care to share?” “A gentleman never kisses and tells. And other stuff too.” “He was good for as long as you could hang onto him. But anything longer than a couple of months? Bye, boy.” “….but that’s not how he’s looking at her.” “….No. He’s … wow. Yeah.”
Val’tem frowned as he continued to examine the holos. “But this is from ten years ago. Out of date intel.” His augmented eyes whirred and scraped a bit as he focused on Jonas. “Unless you have new intel.”
Jonas pressed the play button on his datapad, and the security holo came back on. The Voidhound flirted with the camera, as if she’d been told exactly where it was.
He was saying, “Give my regards to Theron, will you? He keeps dodging my calls, and I’ve never seen a guy in more desperate need of a night out.”
“I have more than enough incentive to stay in at night, Balkar.” The familiar light baritone caused Jonas to freeze on screen, even as the clamor rose in the conference room.
Theron Shan appeared from the side of the lift that the Voidhound had entered from. “Same holo cams in the same old places. Trainee #2 went on a caf break, by the way. Trainee #1 is more busy with filing a report on Trainee #2 than he is watching for infiltrators like me. I’ve intercepted your recording of this meeting – I submitted the parasitic data pull method to SIS almost ten years ago, so you don’t have an excuse for not prepping against that. She’s also armed to the teeth – should always do a weapons check on a lady like her.” A brief touch to the small of the back as he approached, and then Theron stood beside the woman, smirking at Jonas’ gaping mouth. “How’s tricks, Balkar?”
“… I think I owe you twelve drinks. Possibly more now.”
“He looks better. Better than before he left us,” Gary said quietly.
Ebenga rubbed at the skin behind his eyes. “She was the one lost in the Eternal Fleet. Her name wasn’t on the wall, but -”
Juli hushed the pair as Theron shook hands with Jonas. “I’ll take you up on that another time. I have several security matters to discuss with you in regard to an upcoming diplomatic dinner. Let’s just say the Captain here has a husband who can’t be seen on the holos, but he must attend as her escort.”
The screen froze on the image of Theron and the Alliance commander exchanging a smile.
Then the security holo cut out.
This was still the Strategic Information Service, so it didn’t take long for Gary in Analytics to whisper. “It’s him. He’s…” He started to tear up. “He bought us such a nice mixer when Corbyn and I got married.”
Juli looked over at him. “Must be a great mixer if you’re crying over it.”
Gary laughed and wiped tears out of his eyes, as he looked up at the ceiling. “Honestly, did anyone here ever think he’d commit to anyone – be happy with anyone – anything other than SIS?”
Fauler sat, shaking his head in disbelief. “That lady on Tatooine. She was the Voidhound. Then the Alliance Commander. Now she’s Mrs. Theron Shan.”
Jonas raised a finger. “Theron said she kept her name. But yes, we can give her that code name, just to annoy him. He never did get a code name.”
One of the techs finally spoke. “There’s a Holonet movie of the week somewhere in here.”
Val’tem stood up from his seat. “So Theron needs our assistance to attend a diplomatic event with his wife without having his face blasted all over the galaxy… since he’s still her spy, I take it?”
Val’tem looked at the agents and support staff around him. “Then let’s get to it.”
Author’s Note: Sorry about the first day -- I figured out how to use cuts on Tumblr for this once I saw everyone else’s.
In my headcanon, Theron’s familial and romantic relationships tend to be problematic; he’s not the best at mutuality, and if he feels something intense for someone, either they don’t reciprocate or he scares himself out of acting on it. On the other hand, because (in my headcanon) he’s built up SIS to be his own personal Jedi order of sorts in terms of his discipline and devotion to it, he does bond with his coworkers. He’s quirky as all hell. He’s a nice guy who’s got issues. But people still cared for him, and they must have worried so much for him when he disappeared to join the Alliance, and then even more when the whole traitor thing went down. As Jonas himself says, for a loner, Theron has a lot of people who give a shit about him. And, after knowing him for so many years at work and then worrying over him for a few more, they find out it’s all ok. What a relief.
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Don’t Want the World to See Me // Closed RP
In the weeks following his release from prison...Will found life strange to readjust to. Some of it was easy; he was back in his own home, free to move and breathe. He had his dogs back, and he could drive out to go fishing when he needed to clear his head.
Taylor was fiercely by his side, helping with house and pack, and there to ground him through the night as he struggled to remind himself, sometimes, what was real.
Jack wanted him back at the FBI, which was not so easy. Will didn’t know how to balance that part of his world anymore, and he was not sure if he wanted to go back into it. But he also needed the work. And yet it felt as if every proposed case had him on tenderhooks, inches from falling apart with agitation over all that he’d endured, and the mind-numbing hell of being expected to just...bounce back.
The “beast” kills were a novel new case. And the moment he joined Jack to meet their cavebear expert at the museum...Will knew that if they weren’t talking to the killer, they were certainly talking to a killer.
He was on edge that whole week, feeling constantly as if he was being watched. Taylor wasn’t too worried, but Will felt certain that something was wrong.
Will’s gut was proven right the next weekend. The dogs were fussy and agitated, and Will opened the door to check if there was something for them to be growling at--only to curse as Buster bulleted past his legs, tearing off into the snow. “Damn it--Buster! Come back here--Tay, watch the others--?”
Grabbing his jacket, Will pulled the door closed behind him as he ran out into the snow, following the small dog bounding through the white powder that was higher than his damn head, lunging towards the woods.
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Horror is a love story.
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New Tenderhooks single coming very soon!
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hi,,,, what the FUCK is happening in the spn fandom rn?????? are u ok??
We are NOT!!
Every single person I've spoken to is on the edge of either a full on anxiety attack or maybe just exploding into a billion little pieces.
Bc the three main cast are doing a live panel with a politician who also happens to be a huge supernatural fan, and
a) its the first thing that any of them have done publicly since the finale and Misha's ill-informed reaction vid (which he later apologised for). Jensen's been maintaining STONE COLD SILENCE since the finale dropped, and we all know he hated it cause he said so beforehand, and this is literally the first time he'll be addressing the finale at ALL, so we're all on TENDERHOOKS waiting to see what he says. But
b) we were all mostly keeping our cool and keeping our emotions and etc reined in, because we all thought it was a political thing only -- like, that it's honna be 98% politics and that they'd barely discuss the actual show at all.
But then MISHA, who QUITE PROBABLY HAS A SECRET TUMBLR ACOUNT, was like "hey yall we're about to dive deep into this show and do trivia and release unseen footage and y'all can aSK JENSEN ABOUT HIS ACTING CHOICES, which is a DELIBERATE AND POINTED REFERENCE to the previously unconfirmed fact theory that JENSEN HAS BEEN PLAYING DEAN AS BI AND IN LIVE WITH CAS FOR YEARS, AND TURNS OUT ITS NOT GONNA BE 98% POLITICS 2% SPN, ITS GONNA BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND, AND WE'RE MAYBE GONNA GET ANSWERS OR MAYBE GONNA GET TEASED OR MAYBE GONNA GET KICKED IN THE GUTS AGAIN AND WE'RE ALL ON A KNIFES EDGE WAITING TO SEE WHICH IT WILL BE
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(gif by yours truly- just look at them!)
pairing: ziva david x courtney krieger
summary: ziva teaches courtney how to fight (and learns the subtle art of dealing with your feelings)
a/n: brief context notes (but really, this episode is worth watching for the sheer sapphicness): Courtney is a low-level FBI agent who ends up assisting NCIS with their investigation, and though she seems somewhat useless, she ends up subduing the final culprit. During the episode, she asks if Ziva will teach her how to fight (and also if they can hug), and at the end, it’s revealed that she’s given Ziva her number.
you can also find this story on ao3 here!
A week after the successful capture of Kamal Konkani, Ziva keeps good (“makes good,” Tony corrects her) on her promise to Courtney. They agree to meet at a gym Ziva likes on Saturday morning, provided neither of them is working a case. Courtney doesn’t say it, but Ziva strongly suspects that she’s already moving up in their small, insular world.
When Saturday morning rolls around, Ziva finds herself strangely nervous. She’s been up for hours, of course, already completed her morning run, and yet the butterflies in her stomach remains. Logically, there’s nothing to be scared of. Ziva knows that she is more capable than Courtney in almost every respect– no two ways about it. Still, there’s something about her that Ziva doesn’t quite know how to deal with.
She shows up ten minutes early to the gym, determined to settle herself before their appointed time. Courtney is already waiting by the door, clutching that ridiculous briefcase. She smiles softly when she sees Ziva, letting herself be ushered into the gym.
Ziva begins by teaching Courtney the fundamentals. It’s obvious that whatever training she received was sorely lacking (not that Ziva expects better from the FBI). Her moves are stiff and perfunctory, meaning she’s always a little late to respond. Whatever instincts had allowed her to subdue the boy had been just that: instincts.
“You have to feel it,” Ziva says, searching for the right words to explain how instinctive fighting feels to her. At Courtney’s blank look, she sighs. “Look, what you need to do first is loosen up. Bend your knees and rock up and down a little.”
Courtney does as she’s told, but she’s still tense, nervousness radiating from every point in her body. She stares straight ahead as Ziva does a circle around her, inspecting her posture.
“Is it okay if I touch you?” Ziva asks, coming a little closer.
“Y-yeah,” Courtney says, and Ziva thinks she might be blushing.
It’s not a surprise exactly, not when Ziva has seen the way she reacted (or rather, didn’t react) to Tony’s advances. For all the shit she gives him, Ziva can’t deny that women are attracted to him.
It’s not unwelcome, either. Courtney is undeniably pretty, even in all her awkwardness. There’s something endearing about her as well: the over-sincerity that Ziva would find grating in anyone else seems better when worn by her.
Ziva puts her hands on Courtney’s shoulders, noticing the way she tenses into them. She pushes down slightly and feels a little tension leave Courtney’s body. She’s still standing rigidly, though, back on her heels with knees re-locked.
“Relax,” she commands, enjoying the way that Courtney shivers at the sensation of Ziva’s breath ghosting her ear. “Let your arms hang by your side, and focus on breathing in and out.”
When she deems Courtney sufficiently relaxed, Ziva lets go, circling back to stand in front of her.
“Okay,” she says. “Bring your hands up and we’ll try again.”
Courtney still isn’t fast enough to catch the punch, but she’s closer, and Ziva counts that as a victory.
Before Ziva even knows it, an hour has passed. They’re both sweaty and tired, but Ziva can already see Courtney beginning to improve. She tells her as much, enjoying the way her face lights up at the praise.
“Would you be willing to do this again?” Courtney asks as they’re leaving, some of her previous awkwardness returning.
Ziva lets a genuine smile show on her face. “It would be my pleasure.”
The next Saturday Courtney shows up sans briefcase, though her fingers still twitch as if looking for something to hold on to.
As soon as they begin to spar, Ziva can tell that Courtney has been practicing. She sees through the tricks Ziva tries to pull, dodging punches and not falling for fake-outs. Ziva is keeping it easy, admittedly, but she’s still impressed.
Halfway through the session, Ziva changes course. It’s perfectly fine to be able to fight, but you need to be able to win. She begins by teaching Courtney how to most effectively tackle your opponent. She explains the move, using her hands to illustrate it before demonstrating, pulling Courtney to the ground with her.
And, oh, she had not thought this through properly, because now their faces are just inches apart. Ziva’s necklace dangles between them, the star almost grazing Courtney’s neck, and it takes every inch of her self-discipline to stop her voice from coming out strangled.
“Understand?” she asks, looking down at Courtney, the smooth planes of her face.
“Yeah,” Courtney breathes. Reluctantly, Ziva leans backwards and stands up, offering Courtney her arm to aid in getting up.
“Your turn,” Ziva says, hoping that Courtney can’t see just how much she’s distracted.
Courtney’s approach isn’t quite right the first time, and her feet come out from under her the second. Ziva pulls her up with a smile, but she can already see Courtney getting frustrated.
“Relax,” Ziva reminds her.
Third time’s the charm. Courtney nails the maneuver, coming in low and knocking Ziva off balance. The two of them topple to the ground as Courtney pins her lightly to the mat.
Ziva looks up. Courtney is even closer than she had been before, face flushed and chest heaving. They hold eye contact for a long moment, neither of them wanting to be the one to look away. By the time Courtney finally breaks contact, leaning back on her heels, Ziva’s face is hot from more than just the exertion.
At the doors of the gym, Courtney hugs her, startling Ziva. She stiffens for a moment before returning the gesture. Courtney’s hair smells like peaches, and Ziva has to resist the urge to linger. She pulls away after an acceptable amount of time, though not before tenderly tucking a strand of Courtney’s hair behind her ear.
Courtney cancels on her the next week and the one after that. Ziva’s begun to give up hope, wondering if she had crossed a line. When she gets a text one Friday morning, it comes as a welcome surprise. She and Tony are the only ones in the bullpen, but Ziva still instinctively checks her surroundings. Tony’s been surprisingly successful at sneaking up on her, and he really has no regard for privacy. Satisfied that he’s distracted, she glances down:
Are you still free on Saturday? It’s a simple text, nothing subtextual about it, but Ziva’s heart still leaps into her throat.
Of course! she responds, immediately wanting to take it back. It’s too enthusiastic, the exclamation point reeking of desperation. Ziva’s probably misinterpreted their relationship anyway, seen attraction where there isn’t any. She closes her eyes and sucks in a breath, opening them only when her phone chimes.
Usual place, then? :) Ziva types out a quick affirmation, feeling her lips twist up despite her best efforts to keep her expression neutral.
“What are you smiling at, Ziva?” Tony asks, drawing out the syllables of her name.
“None of your business, Tony,” she retorts, giving his name the same treatment, but her smile doesn’t dim an inch. In fact, she’s still smiling twenty minutes later when Gibbs arrives, stalking into the bullpen to announce that there’s been a petty officer murdered in Georgetown.
From the moment she gets the text, Ziva is on tenterhooks (and what a strange word that is, tenterhooks. Ziva had thought it was tenderhooks at first, and she thinks now that maybe it should be, because that’s what it feels like, the tender agony of not knowing how Courtney feels).
Ziva shows up exactly on time, finding Courtney already waiting for her in the gym. Neither of them acknowledges the tension between them, but, like any elephant in the room, it’s determined to make its presence known. Ziva is still better than Courtney, still faster and more precise, but she has a hard time staying focused. Courtney catches her off-guard a few times, managing to get in a few punches before Ziva regains the advantage.
At the end of the session, Ziva decides that they’re going to spar for real. She knows from experience that nothing takes the edge off of worry like a good fight. The two of them square up, circling around each other as if they’re in one of those terrible boxing movies that Tony enjoys so much.
Courtney makes the first move, a quick jab that Ziva easily counters. She smirks, returning the punch, though Courtney blocks her in turn. The two of them draw closer, exchanging blows but neither one getting the edge. Ziva sizes her up, looking for a weakness in her defenses. Courtney still holds her hands a little too high, leaving her abdomen exposed.
Ziva moves quickly letting loose a barrage of small jabs before dancing back out of reach. To her credit, Courtney recovers smoothly, bringing her arms lower in a protective stance. They inch closer to each other once again, until Ziva finds herself trying desperately to look anywhere but Courtney’s lips.
Unhelpfully, Courtney leans in, smiling wickedly.
What are we?” she asks, and asking questions like that should definitely count as cheating, because Ziva’s brain feels as though it’s ground to a halt. Courtney takes this opportunity to knock Ziva off her center of balance, causing her to stumble backwards and lose her footing.
But the move is a blessing in disguise, because this she knows how to deal with. Ziva reacts almost instinctively, grabbing Courtney’s arm when she tries to come for her again. She pulls Courtney towards her, hooking a leg under her knees and tripping her in one fluid movement. Before Courtney can get up, Ziva is on her, ready with her response: “What do you want us to be?”
This time, Courtney gets more than just a hug.
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“ drink this. it’ll calm you right down. ”
HIS NERVES FEEL LIKE THEIR OWN TENDERHOOKS . he can’t help it . even his hands && fingers are shaking as he comes down from all of it . the next thing he is truly aware of , is how much pain is ripping through him . how his entire system is FIGHTING against him , begging for rest && relief . he doesn’t know what to do or where to set his focus upon ---- fearful of opening his eyes fully && letting his gaze see what was in front of him . what good would it bring him ? he didn’t want to know the full damage . the full EXTENT of it .
instead , he feels a firm hand against his shoulder , pushing him up into the kneeling position that remus’ body was so furiously battling against . then the smell of something strangely potent being shoved under his nose . he is vaguely aware that he is in his office still . alone . an itchy old woollen blanket being his only source of covering . he doesn’t do anything . && then feels the same hand take his , grabbing it && placing a heavy goblet into it . the same words UTTERED .
remus then realises with some hesitance that it was severus . a part of him is concerned , as he && severus have never truly had a good RELATIONSHIP ---- && yet ...
his fingers curled around the goblet , eyes still shut , bringing his other hand to help with the weight . the blanket drops from his shoulders && remus feels his entire body sway . calm right down . he wants nothing more . but hesitance seems to flood him . wary && FEARFUL , a part of his mind spoke that maybe severus was using this opportunity to hurt him further .
but then ---- that was paranoia speaking . so , remus slowly raised the goblet to his lips , tasting the potion . the heat of it WASHING through his system within an instant . the goblet is too heavy && he fears dropping it . he does feel better for it , but his body is still so pained that he feels his torso lurch forward . “ severus ---- severus PLEASE , ” he manages quietly // @pcripeteiia
the year is 2319. archaelogists have just uncovered a time capsule dated to 2019 - the earliest glimpse of human life discovered since all historical records were burned in the great 'We Don't Need To Know Things We Don't Know' fire of 2262. news stations around the world are tuned into the unveiling of the contents within this capsule. the lead archeologist of the project steps up to the podium, ready to address the world.
they clear their throat.
the world waits on tenderhooks.
'ladies and gentlemen. it reads...
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Where my fabulous sousy gif makers at??
We are on tenderhooks!
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@russianthroughspace consented to a Mirror!verse starter.
Leonard doesn’t see the point in stuffing corpses into shiny boxes and shooting them into space, he really doesn’t. Sometimes there isn’t enough left to bother with, and more often than not, there are unclaimed parts to be found in the medbay or carelessly discarded in his private lab. Identification was never important to him; showing reverence for the deceased even less so.
He pulls the curtain on a body that will need to be dealt with in short order, pleased with the information he’d been given in exchange for services rendered, even if said services had not managed to save the man from his fatal wounds in time. There is more unrest among the crew lately, and at least now he knows why. Leonard’s lucky he’s content enough with his post, and that none below him are overly keen to steal it from him.
This crewman’s death will remain a secret for some days. Whoever had made the attempt on his life is likely on tenderhooks now, waiting to see if they’d been successful or if they’ll need to brace for retaliation. It’s unnecessary - this squabble hadn’t involved him, at all - but if there’s something to be gained by playing the other side against a dead man, it might be a game worth playing.
Leonard dismisses the rest of whatever staff are still present at this hour, wanting to be alone. Once nestled away in his office with a glass of something expensive at his elbow, he taps through recent communications, ignoring most, before moving on to checking inventory. Busy work. But he enjoys the quiet.
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Also, I 100% a, not judging any of these Hallmark/Lifetime/Netflix christmas movies. I am also an absolute sucker for low-stakes romance, and I am waiting on tenderhooks for the Kristen Stewart lesbian holiday movie Happiest Season
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Tenderhooks by Joan Tierney
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