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#tess the last of us
diabetice · 1 year
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“It’s okay. It’s okay baby girl. I got you.”
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illusivesoulgaming · 3 months
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Joel: "Not a lot of ammo"
Tess: "Well, make your shots count"
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omgahgase · 5 months
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we never got to see tess call joel "texas" in the show and i think that's such a small detail lost, so just imagine if, one day, joel's texas twang sounds extra strong, maybe he's talking with tommy and they both let their accents come through with ease when they're having a good time.
joel says something that's just so southern and ellie responds with "look at you, texas. spoken like a true cowboy."
and something in joel shakes a little. only tess ever called him that, and ellie doesn't understand the weight behind such a dumb little nickname, but joel—joel grins a small, shaky upturn of his lips, and tells her to shut up. ellie chuckles and tommy chances a quick glance at him, knows that joel is probably taken back to a time after the fall of the world, when he met a brave, spunky woman who made joel feel not so alone anymore when another lonely person eased into his life.
joel sees a lot of tess in ellie, and even if they knew each other for less than a day, he knew tess cared for the kid, even a little. he sees her in the way ellie punches him after a bad joke, in the way she devours anything he makes for dinner because he's a damn good cook and because they're both animals when not fed or watered. joel can hear her laughter in ellie's voice when something exceptionally exciting happens in jackson, when ellie races joel and her and shimmer leave him in the dust beyond the town's walls. joel can especially see tess in ellie's eyes, when she looks at him like he's the only person in the world who truly matters to her. because, to joel, tess was that person—besides tommy, of course.
but now it's ellie. it's all ellie.
tess may be gone, and joel may have made peace with that notion, but joel has never truly forgotten all the small things that made up their relationship. and with ellie around, saying it every five minutes because she thinks it's such a clever little quip, joel knows tess is still there. in that dumb little nickname.
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Once upon a dream
Warning: mentions of pregnancy, mentions of cheating, mention of death, hurt comfort
Pairing: Emily Prentiss x Fem!reader, Tess Servopoulos x Fem!reader, Tess Servopoulos x Joel Miller
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The only thing Emily ever wished for was a family, to be the mother she never had to two sons and a beautiful daughter always three children specifically.
Emily always had dreams of becoming a mother one day but it was never in her stack of cards so she shortly gave up the idea. Her dreams would always be just dreams not until she met Y/n, she was everything Emily had ever dreamed of in a spouse.
Only Y/n wasn’t hers
They had met at a local cafe after Emily had accidentally bumped right into her forgetting her coffee as she left in embarrassment. Y/n went straight after her with the drinks in hand never guessing she would end up at her brother’s workplace the bau.
“Y/n? What are you doing here?” Hotch asked confused Emily froze before turning around to face the woman. “You know each other?” She asked so unlike herself Penelope would’ve laughed Derek too “Aaron’s my older brother, you forgot your coffee” Y/n smiled.
Fast forward six years later
Emily going from blind date to hookup after hookup to get her mind off the now married woman who she still imagined a life with. Two sons and a beautiful daughter she told herself or even just one child would suffice maybe a cat if children wasn’t an option. She loved Y/n so violently it made her sick and everyone could see from a mile away- everyone besides Y/n although she loved Emily just as fiercely.
When Emily had “died” the other woman was inconsolable it damaged Aaron knowing he had a hand in this by not telling his sister the truth. Instead watching as the woman got married quickly to the first person who showed her simple kindness and their marriage seemed was almost out of convenience. Having met the woman while away trying to escape the life she once knew in Virginia moving to Boston and back again.
Y/n Hotchner became Y/n Servopoulos
Aaron couldn’t watch as his sister saw Emily for the first time once more after apparently being dead, how her hands trembled and eyes watered. The echo of her heels as she quickly left, Emily broke down that day one thing was certain nothing would ever be the same.
Y/n soon revealed she was pregnant with a little boy that shattered Emily’s entire world but she was happy for the woman. Though she couldn’t help but laugh when the baby was born looking just like his Uncle, to Emily Y/n was glowing and Tess well she was there.
Her son was named after an old friend Alex.
Theresa and Emily never got along always classed as competition in the other’s eye but they remained civil around Y/n never wanting to upset her. When Y/n was pregnant a second time Tess was around a whole less always giving Emily a chance to be by the pregnant woman’s side.
It was tough at first trying to win over the woman but Emily had her ways she would beg for Y/n’s forgiveness
A second boy named after his Uncle Aaron, Benjamin
Emily stood beside the woman until Ben turned two, Y/n and Tess were getting a divorce so Emily had the boys whenever she could. Tess had met someone while she was working away from home, some man named Joel from Texas. Joel Miller the same man who did the renovations on their holiday home who even had a daughter of his own.
It wouldn’t be until another year when a move would be made there was a routine the children had made that included Emily. You both would cook dinner- well you would cook and after spending time together you both would get the boys ready for bed and tuck them in. This night however as Ben snuggled into his pillow his little hand reached for Emily’s “stay mama” he yawned as the woman went to stand.
Tears spread on her waterline as she gazed down at him “of course my sweet boy” she smiled and once the kids were asleep you both retreated to the living room. Cuddling on the sofa watching some shitty reality tv show you gazed up at Emily “thank you” was whispered against her jaw. “What for?” She glanced down at you “for everything, for staying” soon enough your lips had met before you were on top straddling her.
Dreams slowly stopped being dreams another two years later when you and Emily had gotten married with just the team a few friends and your two sons as guests. Emily was over the moon to have a family to call her own, to have a reason to go home just knowing she was needed filled her with pride. Emily had gotten a taste of motherhood and she wanted more as you both laid bed post bliss she brought it up she wanted another child.
Two sons and a beautiful daughter
Her dreams were now reality as you welcomed Olivia into the world, Olivia Benson the Senior having to be the one to drive you to the hospital while Emily was away. She held your hand until your wife burst through the doors with the team behind her, you would birth a daughter who was the perfect mix of you both.
A little girl with Emily’s nose and eyes while she had your hair and mouth, Emily couldn’t help but pepper your face in kisses. “You did so well baby, I’m so proud of you” it made her think if she would ever be in this position if she hadn’t bumped into you that day.
Yes you were the bosses little sister but you had lead a similar life in a different town what if ran through her mind until she felt your cold hand on her cheek. She smiled brightly down at you as she leaned down to kiss you softly ignoring everyone in the room “thank you” she whispered.
“What for?” You chuckled tiredly with a dopey grin “our family” Emily held onto your free hand “I love you Y/n Prentiss” ignoring Hotch rolling his eyes fondly.
“I love you most Emily Prentiss”
Dreams do come true to those who wait Emily found.
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toointojoelmiller · 8 months
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Joel needs a hug.
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blank-slate-jay · 1 year
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Secret Admirer
Joel Miller X Male!Reader
Word Count: 1.3K
Summary: Joel just met you and can’t keep his eyes off of you
A/N: Super busy lately, here's something a little short while working on some of my other Joel fics! Hope you enjoy!
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Again he was on you, looking over you like you were some rare specimen; someone you’d rarely come across.
He couldn’t figure out what it was about you. Whether it was the way you carried yourself or the way you talked with Ellie, was intriguing to say the least. Only a day or two had passed of traveling to the Firefly statehouse base, and Joel was already feeling something for you. Some guy he knew very little of, other than you being a Firefly.
He had to be crazy. Being interested in someone so quickly, someone who was following a delusional group who tried ‘finding the light’ when you’re lost in the dark. He felt pity for you, and the girl too, wondering why you’d put your faith in them.
“You trying to tear into his pants or something?"
Joel’s eyes rip away from your lower half. He makes eye contact with Tess, who was walking beside him, his eyes furrowing at the sudden comment. He doesn’t keep his gaze on her long as he looks back ahead, making sure you nor Ellie heard her remark. “No.”
“I saw the way you were looking at him,” Tess implies.
Joel just shakes his head, trying to play it off as if he wasn’t looking in the first place. She wasn't stupid, both her and Joel had known each other for a long time. If anyone knew what was going through Joel's head it would be her. "Let's just stay focused. We need to stay alert for any infected." Joel wasn't fully wrong if it weren't for the fact that he was being a hypocrite.
Tess hums, "We should," putting a higher emphasis on her last word. It wasn't fully toward herself but rather to Joel. It was a moment for him to snap out of his fixation on you, to remind himself of the task they had ahead.
Transfer you and Ellie to the Fireflies, and he'd be awarded a vehicle and supplies.
It was everything he needed to finally get to Tommy. Thinking about his brother and what he was fighting for, made Tess's words strike him where it needed.
He wish it went that way, but things didn't play out the way he wanted.
Sometime later the group were continuing down the nature infested highway, finding multiple trucks lined up blocking the path forward. This didn't stop them from scaling the vehicles. Joel went first, with the help of you and Tess, they boost the man up til he grapples the the sides. Pulling himself up, he gets a view of the remaining highway. From the looks of it, everything looked clear and he notifies the others.
You help boost Ellie up til she's grabbed by Joel and do the same for Tess as well. You still remaining, jump up as high as you could, being pulled up by Joel and Tess until you were all on the same level.
Tess casually releases your hand, turning around to face the direction they were headed. Joel does the same too, his grip loosening hesitantly until he pulls away.
"Thanks", you said letting your arm drop to your side.
Joel just nods, looking down as you pass by him. He lingers too long with his hand, rubbing his thumb across his palm, almost like he wanted to feel it wrapped in his own again. He looked to you, standing next to Tess as she points ahead.
“We’ll cut off at the drop off point, should get us back on route.” Tess relays.
You nod along with Ellie, dropping down first so that Ellie had someone to catch her on the way down. You did so, preventing the girl from spraining her ankle. Tess drops while you finish helping Ellie, leaving Joel as the last one.
You offer to help him down, sticking your hand out is if the man needed immediate assistance.
“I got it,” he declines your aid, keeping his voice monotone.
You let the man be, stepping back some to give him room. He slips off the edges hitting the ground with a groan. His knees were not in they’re prime, slightly worn out due to his age. Bending down he grabs and squeezes them to ease the soreness. He could still see your silhouette, standing idle for…him?
The man tilts his head in your direction, confusion washing over him. “You don’t have to wait for me.”
“You’ll be left behind though”, you say looking over your shoulder at the girls who were some yards away. Turning back to him, you notice his pained expression, “Is your leg alright? I have some painkillers if you need some.”
Stop. Stop. Stop it. He wanted to tell you to shut up, he wanted to tell you off. There was no way you, a stranger, were this considerate for someone like him; a man who had a gun to your leader, Marlene. You had to be doing this to get something out of him, you had to. Joel was trying to convince himself of that, cause no way anyone in this world was senselessly kind. Good people died two decades ago.
The man stares at you, reading between your eyes to see if there was some malicious intent behind them. Nope, none, all he saw was someone who was genuinely trying to help. Realizing this, he pulls himself together and stands up straight, "I'm fine".
You watch as the man tightens his rifle over his shoulders before nodding, "Alright". You turn, and continue down the road. Followed by Joel who stayed some feet behind you.
With Tess in front with Ellie, there was no one around to point out Joel's gaze. He catches himself staring at you longer than he should, looking away like someone was watching him. The silence didn't help either, Ellie and Tess's distance chattering barely did him any favors.
Maybe small talk wouldn't hurt, being on good terms with a firefly might make their trade with the outpost that much easier. The man was kidding himself, surely.
"Where you from," he started, catching you off guard.
You turn your head to him, "Hmm?"
Joel repeats himself, "Where you from?"
"Oh.." you murmur. You answered, receiving a nod from him as a response. Joel falls quiet, not being the best at carrying out a conversation. You on the other hand kept things rolling, "What about you?"
"Texas."
You pursed your lips, "Figured." The man raised an eyebrow, "It's the accent.” you assure him. “So were you like…a cowboy back then? Do you ‘yeehaw’ whenever your on a horse," you smile attempting to make the conversation somewhat engaging. All you got was Joel’s expressionless face, either he had no sense of humor or he refused to cave into your banter.
You turn your gaze away from him, the awkwardness gets the better of you. Sighing you wanted to cool the tension. You whisper, “tough crowd.”
Joel simply squints at you. He notices you talked the same way with Ellie as you did with him. Just freeing, and openly, like no care in the world. To him it was more weird than anything, with that kind of openness you could get yourself killed. But on the other hand, that kind of behavior draws people in. That was probably what was happening, mixed in with how good you looked, he almost felt it was a trap of some kind.
Joel reflected on it, all the way until the 4 of you were standing atop of a building; the sun shining upon you all. With Ellie standing to his left and you on the other side of her, he pictured it, being together. It was a quick flash in his mind, but it still hit like a truck. To have a family again, he’d kill for it.
Tess informs the group to follow her, as she descends a rough ladder. You and Ellie follow, leaving Joel behind. He gazes down at his watch, pondering on it momentarily, did you really have to part ways? So soon?
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ipusingularitae · 1 year
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no but the fact that Craig and Neil said they did background story and that TESS ACTUALLY HAD A HUSBAND AND A CHILD. they got infected and she had to kill her husband but she couldn't kill her child. and that she got something joel didn't, because she could see a good thing, she could have hope.
and the "she's in mother mode" when it comes to how protective she is over ellie- I'M ON MY BREAKING POINT I'M ABOUT TO GIVE UP
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amythenortherner · 1 year
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Okay I don’t know about you guys but I needed Joel to laugh at Ellie’s joke at that point. Like physically, spiritually, I needed that. And it was such a stupid fucking joke and they both went red in the face laughing and it was so clearly and beautifully how it is when you’re with your friends and someone makes a stupid sound and then you’re both laughing and your friends laughter makes you laugh more and more till you’re not sure why you’re still laughing and. Everything hurts and there’s pain to come and I’m. Filled with dread and everything hurts.
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se-qo · 1 year
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this show is everything i ever wanted and more
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tightjeansjavi · 1 year
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Burning in a Hopeless Dream
Boston QZ : Part 9 ‘Rescue’
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A/N: this was an extremely difficult chapter to write. So much happens and I want you to all please take care of yourself after reading. If it becomes too much, if you feel like you need to step away, please do not hesitate. Your mental health comes first. ♡
Summary: You and Joel find a middle ground after his PTSD episode from the night before. It’s Spring now, and you’re finally ready to get in on the action. Joel and Tess have trained you well. Uprisings of violence have left the three of you no choice but to leave the QZ. You plan to meet with another group at an abandon bookstore to plan your escape. Upon your arrival, you realize that someone has set you up. 6 against 3. What a slim chance of survival.
~word count : 8.7k~
Warnings: age gap (m/c is 28) graphic, detailed descriptions of violence. Shoot out. Guns/knives, knife wounds, graphic descriptions of blood. Agony, unrequited love, pining, angst, confession of feelings, trauma, feelings of guilt, child loss, swearing, anger, soft ! Joel, violent ! Joel, literally this is just one cluster fuck of emotions. This is not for sensitive viewers. (+18) MINORS DNI !
Songs for this chapter:
��Rescue” by Lauren Daigle
“Shrike” by Hozier
“Sign of the Times” By Harry Styles
“evermore” By Taylor Swift
“Particles” By Nothing But Thieves
“Lift me Up” By Rihanna
“Turning Page” By Sleeping At Last”
___________________
December 25th 2020 : Boston QZ
~Joel Miller’s POV~
Joel didn’t like to believe that he was born with a violent heart. Joel liked to believe that he was still a good person, deep down. Before the world had gone to shit, before the cordyceps, before the government murdered his baby girl in his arms, before all of that. Joel Miller was a gentle, protective and caring father. Becoming a father was Joel’s proudest moment. Being a good dad was tough, sure but Joel did everything for his baby girl. It was all for her.
Joel believed that his violent heart was a result in the world as he knew it, ending. When Sarah died, all he could think about was revenge and he meant it when he told you last night, in his fury, that he was a murderer, a cold blooded killer. That’s what he was. He went to bed with the knowledge of his past, and the consequences of his actions. He lived in it every single fucking day.
Last night should have gone differently. He thought to himself. It was early in the morning. He hadn’t gotten much sleep after he stormed off. He stared at the wall, recounting his dead daughter's screams, for hours. He recounted the fear in your eyes when he snapped at you. The way you flinched when he threw the glass at the wall. How you cowered away into the comfort of the couch, like a frightened animal. Despite his violent outburst, you still tried to comfort him, to bring him down. You were so fucking gentle with him. Even after he had let his rage out on you, your only goal was to get your Joel back. He couldn’t understand why you allowed yourself to stay so calm, to comfort him after he had treated you so poorly? After he had projected his years of pent up pain, agony and grief onto you, you still showed him kindness. Joel felt that he didn’t deserve that from you. He felt that he didn’t deserve you at all.
He swore he could still feel the caress of your palm against his face, the way your eyes frantically searched his, looking for anything you could find in his darkened pupils. He subconsciously found himself brushing his fingers against his beard then. You were too fucking good for him, too good for this fucked up world.
He had left his bedroom around 2 in the morning after he had calmed down, his footsteps were quiet as he padded down the hall to your curled up form on the couch. He wanted to make sure you got a decent night's sleep, it was the least he could do after what had happened. Joel had leaned down then, gently bringing his arms around you and lifted you up, bridal style from the couch, cradling you against his chest as he quietly carried you to your room. He watched you with soft eyes as you subconsciously turned your cheek against his chest, right against his heart. You looked so peaceful in your sleep. He quietly pushed your door open with his hip bringing you to your bed and gently set you down. He grabbed the quilt at the end of the bed and draped it across your small frame. Joel had leaned down, brushing a few strands of hair from your face and left a ghost of a kiss against your forehead, his eyes closing for a moment before he pulled away.
“I’m sorry, Gwen. I’m so sorry.” He whispered to himself as he looked down at you. A moment later, he had turned on his heel and willed himself to leave your room. He wanted to lay there with you, hold you close to his chest and apologize for his actions. You needed sleep, and he intended to give that to you. Joel for the first time, was actively putting your feelings above his own. He was trying to make that effort. It was the bare minimum but you deserved it. You deserved so much more than he felt that he could give you.
After he had left your room and returned to his own, and when he could no longer hear his daughter's screams ringing in his ears, Joel thought about you. His thoughts were constantly drifting to you and he wasn’t even trying to deny it anymore. What was there to deny? He had a soft spot for you. He wanted to be as close as he physically could be to you. He wanted to know everything about you. He was the flame from a lit match and you were the oxygen, keeping that flame alive. Last night was the first time you had ever truly opened up to him, and he fucking blew it. You had put your trust so deeply into him and he so easily lost sight of what truly mattered most. Last night Joel realized that you weren’t always so tough, so sure of yourself.
Last night, Joel saw a different side of you. The vulnerable, caring, and fragile side of you. You were a complex person, he realized. A complex person with deeply rooted emotions. You loved deep dish pizza and that stupid fucking Chicago Bean. You had a horse named Honey that was a Palomino, with the softest dappling, and you were the best of friends. Honey was violently murdered by raiders one winter, you were sixteen. You had the sweetest laugh that could make even the coldest man smile. You were a bubbly drunk, and ballsy wrapped up in one. You were affectionate towards those you cared about the most, and you cared so deeply for them. You held his face in your hands even when he turned violent and screamed and threw glasses at the wall and screamed some more.
These were just a handful of the things Joel recounted from last night. He could replay the entire sequence over and over in his head. All the way up to the moment where he snapped. The switch was flipped and he wished that you never had to see him that way. As he sat there in his solitude, he thought about how easy it would be for him to shut himself off from you again. To turn a cold shoulder, to make you feel as if you meant nothing to him. How easy it would be for him to push you so far away, so cruelly, you would never try to be close to him again. If Sarah was here, she’d be telling him off. “Why would you go and do that, dad?” He could hear her voice now. “Dad, I love you, but you’re an idiot. Don’t mess this up! She’s a good one. She makes you laugh, you smile the most when you’re around her.” He found himself turning his head to the side then, looking at the empty spot on the end of his bed and he imagined his little girl now. He found himself outstretching his hand and brushed it through the thin air, his face falling when he realized she was never really there, and he had just pictured her memory in his mind. He clutched the air in a tight fist before slowly bringing his hand down to rest along the rustled covers. He was trembling. “I’m not gonna let you down, baby girl. Okay? I–promise. I’ll fix this. I will. I–love you so much.” His tone was hushed and his voice had cracked towards the end.
He had sat there, staring at the empty space on his bed for what felt like hours before his senses returned. He knew then that he couldn’t push you away again. Things had gotten too personal. His walls had come tumbling down with yours in a deafening crescendo. Shutting you out permanently would in turn, tear him up inside. With his daughter’s words fresh on his mind, he knew that he had to fix this. Apologize, make it up to you somehow. If you needed space from him, he would give it to you. If you wanted to scream at him, cry in his arms, punch the wall, he would let you and in return, he would be there for you in any possible fucking way he could. However you would have him, he’d be there; indefinitely.
Joel had no plan of action whatsoever. He had no clue how you would react to him whenever you would wake up. It made him nervous. Nervous over the fact that the sheer chance that you wouldn’t ever forgive him was a real possibility. You were the most understanding individual that he had ever met but like himself, everyone including you, had their breaking point. It was inevitable to not have one and he hoped, prayed that you hadn’t hit yours.
He did what any normal, with a hint of insanity, person would do. He busied himself while you rested. He forced himself to leave his room, he checked his appearance in the cracked mirror in his bathroom, at least 100 times. Fixing his hair, splashing ice cold water in his face to calm his nerves. He was careful to be quiet despite how creaky the old floorboards were. The last thing he wanted to do was wake you. When he had come upon the shattered glass all along the floor against the back wall, he imagined the fear in your eyes again. The way you flinched and cowered away from him. He didn’t want you to wake up and be instantly reminded of his violence so he sank down to his knees, and started to pick the larger shards of glass up, carefully. He had cut his fingers a few times on some jagged pieces but he didn’t care. Minimal cuts held no power over him. The rest he picked up with an old newspaper page. When he deemed that the majority of the glass was picked up, he moved onto the next task.
He fluffed up the pillows on the couch as best he could. He then refolded the thick quilt he had draped around you hours ago, It faintly smelled of you. When he found the book you had been reading still on the floor, he bent down and picked it up. You had dog-eared the page you had left off on so he was easily able to flip to it. He skimmed over the words from the passage and it then dawned upon him, you had nearly been crying because of this damn book. This damn Heathcliff being a total jackass–who the hell talks to someone on their deathbed like that? He closed the page then and set it down on the coffee table. He moved into the kitchen then, grabbing the half bottle of whiskey and tucking it back into the cabinet. You could hold your liquor decently well, but he enjoyed seeing you get all flushed in the face, and fucking giggly. You were an adorable drunk. You looked so pretty with your lips wrapped around the rim of the glass– “focus Joel.” he said to himself. Now was not the time to allow his head to go to the gutter, no matter how easy it was to end up there. He put away the stray mugs and any other clutter found on the surface of the counter. When he was finished, he started the kettle so he could make you a cup of tea. He knew that could bring you a small bit of comfort at least.
He moved back to the couch and sank down. His curiosity surrounding the book you were reading got the best of him. He grabbed it from the coffee table and flipped back to the first page. He wasn’t a super big reader by any means, he had no reason to be. However, this was the only way he could pass the time till you would wake up. He quickly found himself immersed in the story of Catherine and Heathcliff, just like you had. Joel almost hadn’t heard the creaking of your door, or the soft sound of your footsteps padding down the hall but when he did, he shut the book quickly, tossing it on the coffee table as he sat up. Your footsteps were quiet, hesitant in a sense from how careful you were treading. His heart sank a little but he refused to lose all hope just yet.
When you had come into his view, the first thing he noticed was how exhausted you looked. He knew he was the cause of it. He took notice of how your arms were crossed over your chest. Most likely from the chill in the apartment but it made his heart sink further in his gut. What really did him in was how you averted your eyes completely from his. As if you were afraid that by just looking at him, you would set him off again. Joel knew then that how he acted last night, had severe consequences. He had emotionally damaged you.
He broke the tension then. “ ‘Mornin.” he rasped out, fiddling with his fingers as he waited for your response.
He was met with silence.
“I uh–I made you some tea. It’s on the stove, I can get it for ya if you’d like.”
He was already up from his spot on the couch then, quickly walking into the kitchen area and grabbed your favorite mug and one of the last tea bags from Frank. He poured the hot water in before steeping the tea bag. You hadn’t moved from your spot in the middle of the room. This worried him immensely.
He brought the mug over to you then, hesitantly. He stopped a few inches in front of you as he held it out to you, waiting for you to grab it.
You had slowly looked up at him then, reaching for the mug and clutched it to your chest, the warmth settled into you, but your blood still ran cold.
“Gwen–” He was cut off by you.
“Why are you doing this, Joel?” Your tone was barely above a whisper and your eyes were looking anywhere but at his.
“Gwen, what are you talking about? I just wanted to make you a cup of tea–”
“No, Joel. You know that’s not what I meant. Why do you care? Why are you suddenly being nice to me?”
He looked at you then, finding it hard to find his words in the moment so when he didn’t answer, you continued.
“I can’t–I can’t keep doing this Joel. If you’re gonna push me away, just fuckin do it. You don’t have to stand there and pretend like you care about me. I know I overstepped last night, and I'm sorry for what I did. Just save me the pain and just say whatever it is you're going to say. Rip the bandaid off, Joel. Go on, I can handle it.”
He took a deep breath then, running his fingers through his hair momentarily. He expected you to be upset with him, you had every right to be. What he didn’t expect was how you were going to deliver this painful blow to him and now his hope was beginning to dwindle.
“Gwen, I have no intentions of pushin you away like that.”
“Bullshit.” Your words stung. You were waiting for him to yell, to snap on you again but it never came.
Joel had reached out and gently grasped your shoulders in his warm, calloused hands. You had flinched from the sudden contact but didn’t move away from his touch.
“Gwen, I swear on my daughter’s grave that I ain’t gonna push you away. Doll, look at me, please?” He was nearly begging you now. “I’m so sorry for how I treated you last night. You didn’t know about Sarah. It wasn’t your fault and you didn’t deserve to deal with me like that.”
He watched as you slowly looked up at him, fresh tears threatening to spill over because you were just exhausted. Joel, and whatever it was that was going on between you, whether it be a friendship or something more, exhausted you to the bone. You knew deep down that Joel was more than a friend, Joel meant more to you than he would ever know.
“Then why did you leave me? I-I was there for you. I held you. I comforted you, and then you up and fucking left.” You pushed his hands off your shoulders then, taking a step back.
“Baby, please just let me–”
“No, Joel. Stop it. Please stop it! I’m begging you. I’m not your baby, Joel. I’m not your doll. I’m nothing to you. Please stop messing with my emotions. You’ve already taken so much from me and now? It feels like a slap to my fucking face.”
He watched as you backed away from him, creating a distance and he was afraid that this was you leaving him. You had enough and last night was your breaking point.
“Gwen, Please. Just listen to what I have to say. All of it, Okay? If you decide after that you don’t wanna trust me, that you don’t think I care about ya, then i’ll let you go, okay?” I left you last night because it was too fucking much for me to handle. I had screamed at you, thrown glasses at the wall, made you feel like a trapped fuckin animal and you still held me. It–it confused the fuck out of me. I know it sounds like some lousy excuse, but I didn’t know what else to do Gwen. I didn’t want to leave you there like that. Not after what I just put you through.” He took a small step towards you then, his eyes trained on yours, pleading with you to believe him.
“I didn’t fuckin sleep last night because I just felt so guilty and if I could take back what had happened, I would. In a fuckin heart beat, I would have.”
The realization dawned upon you that Joel had carried you to bed sometime last night. You were half awake, still buzzed but you remember his familiar scent, his warm chest, his steady heart beat. You faintly heard his voice, felt his lips against the skin on your forehead. “You carried me to bed. Didn’t you?”
“I did. When I found you curled up on the couch like that, it didn’t feel right to just leave you there. You looked so uncomfortable and it was the least I could do. I know it wasn’t much, but I wanted you to wake up in the comfort of your own bed after all that happened.”
He watched as you slowly turned your head to the side, it was obvious that you were dealing with your own inner conflict now just by your demeanor. When you finally composed your thoughts, you looked back at him once more.
“You did all that, because you care about me? Why?”
Joel thought it was obvious that he cared about you but when he really thought about it, he had thrown your emotions through the ringer on multiple occasions. He had battered you up more than he realized. So, of course you were going to question him. He hadn’t given you any reason to believe that he really did give a shit about you. Considering he kept his feelings about you to himself. He wasn’t good at expressing them, and now it was coming out all at once and he couldn’t stop it.
“Gwen, of course I care about you. I care about you too fuckin much for my own good. Remember how I acted when you had that fever? I was terrified that you weren’t gonna make it.”
“Yeah? Then you came back, took care of me and fuckin pushed me away again.”
He rubbed his fingers against his temples then as he inhaled through his nose.
“I know what I did Gwen, and I’m sorry. I thought at that moment I was ‘doin the right thing. You cared too, didn’t you? I heard it. I heard you throw your knife at the fuckin wall.”
You scoffed under your breath then. “You’re doing a real fucking terrible job at presenting a convincing case right now, Joel.”
He took a step towards you then. He watched as you took one back.
“Look me in the fuckin eyes and tell me that you didn’t care, Gwen. That night, before I met up with Tess at the rendezvous point, I told you that she and I were together. You cared, I know you did. You just did damn fuckin good job at hiding it from me.”
He watched as you narrowed your eyes at him, your hands were balled at your sides in tight fists and you were trembling.
“Tell me that you don’t give a shit about me, ‘darlin. Tell me.”
Another step forward from him and your back was nearly touching the wall.
“Don’t fucking do this to me Joel. Stop it please. You can walk away now. There’s still time for you to fucking walk away.”
“Why do you keep fuckin pushing me away?”
“Caring about you the way that I do, is only going to end up getting me fucking killed Joel. Sooner or later, this is going to catch up to us! We’re all gonna die eventually. It’s not worth it. It’s not worth it to feel, to devote yourself to someone, when the fucking world could take them away from you in a heart beat!” Your back was now pressed against the wall, Joel was everywhere, all at once.
His chest was now barely touching yours, his forehead was dipped down, resting against yours. His warm breath was lightly fanning your face.
“I’d kill a thousand fuckin men before I’d allow that to happen, Gwen.”
You physically had to create some distance between you. He was too close, too real, too everything. You placed your hand on his chest to push him away and create that distance, but he wouldn’t budge.
“No Joel. Stop it. You don’t mean that. I’m not worth it, I’m not and you have Tess—”
“You don’t think you’re fuckin worth it? You’re fuckin incredible. You’re the only good left in this fuckin world, Gwen! I’ve been fighting this for so fuckin long. Do you realize that? I imagine what my life would be like if we didn’t rescue you from those raiders. If you didn’t give me this fucking scar? He gestured to the small dent on his eyebrow, the end result of you throwing a knife at his face 3 years ago. My life wouldn’t fuckin matter Gwen. I wouldn’t care if I lived another day. There was nothing left for me to fuckin live for. Then you came along, you showed up and fuckin flipped my goddamn world upside down. I hate you for it, you know that? I hate you for it because I fucking care so much—if something were to happen to you? I’m putting it all out on the fuckin table, baby. I’ve got nothing left to fuckin lose. You’re right, we live in a fucked up world. Hell, we could die tomorrow for all we know. Y’know what I’m not gonna do? I’m not gonna hide. I ain’t gonna run. I’m right fuckin here and I will wait for as long as I have to, I will wait for you.”
The weight of Joel’s desperate confession, knocked the wind straight out of you. It felt like he was depleting all the air from your lungs. Your heart was pounding against your chest, your eyes were wide and the tears that threatened to spill over, finally came. He was cupping your face in his hands before you even had the chance to wipe them away yourself.
“Joel, I can’t fucking afford to lose you. I can’t.” Your words came out in a choked out sob.
“Shh. Shh, ‘darlin. I’m right here. I ain’t goin anywhere. You’re not gonna lose me alright? I’m right here. It’s gonna take a hell of a lot to take me out anyway. I’d give ‘em hell first.” He was speaking so gently to you now. His thumbs were vigorously wiping away your tears and you finally gave in, falling into his chest as you clutched his shirt between your fists like your life depended on it. You were exhausted from fighting how you felt about this man. Your walls were crumbling down around you, while Joel was right there to hold you together. When your knees finally gave out, he scooped you up into his arms so you didn’t have to stand anymore. He held you so fucking close to him in those moments and you let it all happen; you were done fighting.
________
For the rest of the afternoon, you and Joel sat together in comfortable silence. So much had happened, so much was said and yet, you were both content just being in each other's presence. Tess had made it home safely sometime in the middle of the night. She was too exhausted to even notice you and Joel passed out on the couch together. He had draped the thick quilt over both of you, you had your calves comfortably resting in his lap and his fingers had been rubbing soothing circles into your skin before he had drifted off, not letting you go. Even if on the off chance she had noticed, she was too exhausted to care.
_________________
For the rest of the brutal winter, Joel made it his mission to continue training you. You spent many hours out in the woods together. Practicing your shooting, combat skills, and everything in between. Tess had even accompanied you on a few occasions. She taught you the dirty ways to win a fight, especially against a man. This was the first time you felt that she was viewing you as her equal.You appreciated her knowledge more than she would ever realize, and you came to find out that Tess was pretty fucking funny when she wanted to be. Everything was falling into place the way he should be. By spring, you were ready and adequately prepared to get in on the action, finally.
Spring brought new beginnings. With these new beginnings, came new challenges. The Boston QZ was arresting, prosecuting, and executing residents on the daily. Anyone that was caught breaking a rule, attempting to escape, committing treason, or acts of violence, were publicly executed every morning. You weren’t just dumping the infected dead anymore, you were dumping familiar faces into the deep pits. Times were getting tough and with every body you dumped, another new resident would come through the gates. It would only be a matter of time before Joel would get thrown in lock up, or worse. He had a few FEDRA soldiers wrapped around his finger but how long was that really going to last? On-top of everything, there were more firefly attacks. With hushed whispers of a possible overthrowing of the fascist pieces of shit that swore to protect their residents, and were murdering them instead. The QZ was never safe to begin with but now, it was turning into an active war-zone. Joel had made the decision that the three of you needed to get the hell out of dodge.
There were a few other smugglers that had the same idea as you. Joel agreed that having a larger group would increase the chances of escaping. More bodies = more lookouts = higher chance of survival. At least, that’s how he explained it. You had agreed to meet with the rest of the group at the rendezvous point: the abandoned QZ bookstore. It had enough cover in case something were to go wrong, and you always had to expect the worst.
“ ‘Alright, sundown we head out. If things get sketchy, we run. No turning back.” Joel had said hours before the escape plan would ensue. As he was talking, he was looking right at you. He was always looking at you.
Evening came quickly and you found yourself packing the essentials from your room and taking one last look of what was your home for 3 years. It was bittersweet, but there was no time for emotions, you had to get out fast. Slinging your backpack over your shoulder, you took one look at your barren bed and closed the door behind you. Little did you know, this would not be your last time in the apartment.
Joel and Tess had been loading up their guns at the kitchen table when you had walked in, your gun and knife tucked securely in their holster. When Joel had sensed your presence, he looked up for a moment and gave you a reassuring nod. His eyes told you that everything was going to end up being okay, and you believed him.
The three of you headed out of the apartment and onto the streets, quietly. Joel in front, you in the middle and Tess behind you. The abandoned bookstore was only about a 10 minute walk. It was no stroll, however. You still needed to be on high alert. The three of you moved silently through the shadows of the alleyways, backing yourself into a tight corner when a FEDRA truck would drive by with foot soldiers.
You had made it to your destination without getting caught. Joel had quietly pushed open the door with his shoulder, his gun was drawn and he looked around the expanse of the building, his eyes searching for any moment and when he deemed it safe, he ushered you and Tess inside, closing the door behind them. The bookstore was nearly destroyed. There were bookcases knocked off, shattered glass, books strewn about. Like most of the buildings, nature had begun to take over once more. There was moss throughout and long winding vines stretching up towards the half collapsing roof. You had your gun drawn now but couldn’t help but walk through the wreckage, glancing at what books were left along a mostly untouched shelf.
Minutes had gone by and there was no sign of the rest of the group's arrival. Something was wrong. You could all sense it and Tess was the first to speak up.
“Joel, something doesn’t feel right. Something’s off. They should have been here already someone probably fuckin set us up.”
Joel had kicked at a piece of rotten wood on the floor then, muttering under his breath.
“We’ll give it another minute and if they don’t show up, we’ll book it, alright?”
Something was definitely very off.
Another minute had passed and no sign of the group’s arrival.
“Alright, Joel we gave it another minute and now—”
Tess was cut off by the sound of debris crunching under heavy padded boots and Joel was already raising his gun from the intrusion. He looked to his left then, where you were standing, gun drawn and he motioned for you to get behind the bookcase.
“Gwen.” He hissed. “Get down. Get behind the bookcase, NOW.” His tone was urgent, but his eyes were focused on where the sound had come from. You ducked behind the bookcase then, crouching down with your gun held steadily at your chest, your finger on the trigger and then you heard familiar voices. The unfriendly kind. Robert’s fuckin henchmen.
“Joel, Tess.” The man had paused then. They had 6 men with them, heavily armed. “Where’s that pretty little thing you've been hiding away, Miller? What’s her name again?”
He snapped his fingers, making it seem like he couldn’t remember your name.
“Ah, Gwendolyn! That’s it. She’not hanging around with your sleazy ass anymore?”
“It’s Gwen.” You and Joel had simultaneously whispered out.
“What was that?” The man mused. “Gwen. Right, got it.” He took a step to the left, Joel’s eyes and gun followed him.
“So, she ain’t here then? Not hiding in the shadows waiting to snipe us out? Gwen, sweetheart, you hiding from us?” He sing-songed. It sent bile rising up your throat and your finger hovered over the trigger once more.
“She ain’t here. What the hell are you doin out here, James?” Joel spoke calmly, his gun still trained on him, watching him closely.
“Oh? She’s not. Well, ain’t that a shame.” He kicked over the standing bookcase that was a few feet from where you were hiding. The crashing sound nearly made Joel flinch and you had sucked in a shaky, low breath.
“Y’know Miller, it’s funny you’d ask. We caught wind that you wanted to get the hell out of dodge. Thought to myself, Joel Miller? On the run? There’s no way. Then one of your so-called “friends” rats you out. Say’s that you’re meeting up here tonight, and you’re leaving the QZ.” He kicked a book on the floor then and it landed with a thud, right in front of you.
“Can you imagine the look on Robert's face when we told him that you were ditchin?” He chuckled.
“I could give less of a fuck what Robert had to say about it.” Joel was quick to respond back.
“Course you could give less of a fuck, Miller. You thought you could just slip on out of here without him knowing? Never took you to be a fool. So here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna put the guns down. We don’t wanna fight. You’re gonna give us the pills that you owe us and we’ll go our separate ways.”
“If we don’t?”
James smirked then, looking over at the fellow smuggler. “We kill you both and take the girl. I know she’s hiding here somewhere, Miller. You couldn’t protect her forever. Robert’s been askin about her. He’d be pretty pleased if we showed up with the pills and her. Would definitely brighten his day.”
“I ain’t got any pills on me James. My guy got thrown in lock up and they’re probably gonna kill him tomorrow. You go back and tell Robert that he’s gonna have to find someone else.”
“Damn, you don’t have anything on you Miller? The hell happened? You’ve gone soft or somethin?” He had taken a step closer to the still-standing bookcase and Joel followed, he already had sweat beading on his forehead from the intensity of the situation, his blood was pounding in his ears.
“I don’t have shit on me James. We haven’t made a run in fuckin weeks cause of FEDRA. Look, I can offer you some of our supplies and ammo but that’s about it.”
You had slowly moved from your crouched position. From your angle, you’d have a good chance at taking one of his men out, but you’d have to be quick about it. It was risky, but you knew that if you didn’t at least try, the three of you were not going to make it out of there alive. Now was your chance to prove just how lethal you could be.
James sighed then. “You really never make this easy, huh? Well Joel, Tess, it’s been nice knowing ya—”
He was cut off by a gunshot, your gun. You had peeked around the side of the bookcase, aiming your gun at the one man that was closest to Tess. You breathed in, exhaled out, remembering Joel’s instructions as you released the trigger—BANG. The sound of the man dropping with a sickening thud was enough to have everyone turn in the direction of the gunshot.
“You’re a fuckin liar Miller and you’re gonna die for it—” more gunshots echoed and the chaos ensued.
Tess had taken out one man before she crouched behind a bookcase further from you. Bullets were flying everywhere, and now all three of you were hiding in opposite areas of the building. Popping up to shoot before crouching back down. You could only hide for so long.
You peeked around the corner once more, taking aim at one of the men once more, having a good shot at his leg. Before you could pull the trigger, you were harshly yanked back by your hair, the gun was ripped out of your grasp and thrown on the floor before you were slammed into the mossy pavement. You could faintly hear Joel yell for you through the ringing in your ears. He couldn’t reach you from where he was crouched. He couldn’t protect you. He was helpless.
You could feel blood trickling down your forehead, a kick to your gut from the heel of James boot sent you gasping for air, squeezing your eyes shut from the intense pain that knocked into you. Another kick and you were seeing stars. Surely, you’d have some angry bruises blooming on your skin.
“Fuckin knew you were here the entire time bitch.” He spat, yanking you up once more by your hair. “Think you’re so clever huh? What’re you gonna do now, sweetheart. Joel can’t fuckin save you.”
He had thrown you down to the pavement once more before he was on top of you, holding you down with his weight while you screamed and fought back with everything you had left in you. Your screams shattered Joel to the core, and he was left seeing only red behind his eyes.
In your fight for survival, you had grasped the hilt of your blade from your holster and yanked it out, in the process you had sliced James arm and sent him falling back, giving you the leverage you needed to get yourself up. You threw yourself onto him, jabbing your blade into his chest with a yell of pure rage. You heard his groans of agony as you twisted the blade deeper. Watching the life drain from his violent eyes before you yanked the blade from his chest and fell back against the pavement. In your rush of adrenaline, you hadn’t realized that he had his knife out and it was now pierced through your abdomen. White hot pain shot through your nerves as you took harsh breaths, crying out in agony from the pain you were feeling as you grasped the hilt of the blade lodged in your flesh.
Tess had seen you go down first and she shot up from her crouched position, taking aim at the last of Robert’s men, pulled the trigger and shot him in the head, between his eyes. She didn’t even wait to see him drop before she was rushing over to you. When she saw Jame’s blade sticking out of your gut, the blood pooling around the wound, she yelled.
“Joel.”
“JOEL!”
She was crouched beside you now grabbing your hand so you couldn’t pull the blade out.
Joel had rushed over to you then, pushing over what was left of the bookcase and when he found you laying on the concrete, gasping and crying out, and Tess holding your hand, he had images of Sarah. The blood pooling around her shirt, her gasps and cries—
“No. No. No. NO!”
He yelled, dropping to his knees beside you
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck. You’re okay Gwen. You’re okay baby we’re gonna get you out of here, okay? We’re gonna get you out of here!”
You were struggling to breathe and both Joel and Tess’s voices sounded fuzzy and far away. You only had a matter of time before it would be too late.
“Tess, help me! We have to get her up!”
He was already reaching for you then, wrapping his arm around your shoulder so he could lift you up. The movement caused the blade to shift and it sent another wave of pain as you cried out.
“I know baby I know. I have to get you up! I have to! Look at me baby, look at me! I’ve got you okay? I have to get you up!”
He brought your arm around his shoulder then before he hoisted you up into his arms, while Tess ripped off her jacket so she could apply pressure to your wound, there was so much blood already.
Joel was in a fury as he held you against his chest and let Tess lead the way out of the building as he ran like hell, each step he took caused you more pain and your eyes were barely open now, as you struggled to hold on.
“Look at me baby! Don’t close your eyes! Keep looking at me! I’m right here—I’m right here please please hold on baby! Please!” He was desperately pleading with you then as he quickened his pace.
“Baby I got you, I got you please please stay with me, Gwen! Stay with me!” His tone became more desperate, more raw as your eyes had fluttered shut by the time they had reached the apartment.
His jacket was now soaked in your blood as he kicked the apartment door open, Tess had rushed to the table, knocking everything off it as he gently laid you down on the surface.
“Get me the fuckin alcohol and first aid kit! Hurry, Tess!”
He worked fast at applying pressure to your wound, his hands were wet with your blood and he was fighting back his tears. He couldn’t lose you, not like this. “It’s going to be okay baby, I promise! I’m going to fix you right up! Open your eyes, Gwen! Please!” He applied more pressure to slow down the bleeding and you shot up, grabbing his hand and squeezed down hard as you screamed.
“I know baby I know, stay with me! I can’t take it out yet baby I’m sorry! I’ll make the pain go away, I promise! I’ll make it go away!” He watched as you fell back against the table once more just as Tess came back with the bottle of rubbing alcohol and the first aid kit and a few towels to use to pressurize the wound.
“Tess I need you to fucking hold her down okay? She’s gonna move when I take this out and then you get those towels on her right after, okay?!”
Tess had nodded, she was far calmer than Joel in those moments and thank god, because if she wasn’t, there’s no way he was gonna get through this.
“Okay baby I’m going to take it out now okay? It’s going to hurt for a minute but you gotta trust me! Count with me, 1-2-3!—” he had quickly yanked the blade from your abdomen then. The scream you let out would forever haunt his dreams as Tess held you down, you could make out her face slightly through your pain and deliria. Her eyes showed fear, fear that you could die on this table tonight.
Joel had tossed the blade to the side then as he grabbed the towels and pressed them down hard onto your abdomen, Tess took over then and he held your face in his bloodstained hands. He was covered in your blood and it made him feel sick. “Baby, baby. Hey, baby. Open your eyes dammit, please. Your eyes are so beautiful, Gwen. Please let me see them again.” He stroked your cheekbones gently, tears running down his face. “We’re gonna fix you right up. Gonna stop the bleeding and stitch you up, okay?” He had kissed you then, for the first time. He kissed you with tears wetting his cheeks, leaving salty streaks in their wake. He could taste the blood on your lips from the gash on your head, but he kissed you as if he could breathe life back into you from his lips alone.
“Joel if we can’t slow down the bleeding—”
“Don’t fuckin talk like that Tess! Don’t. She’s going to be okay, we're gonna fix her up. We’re gonna save her! She can’t fuckin die like this dammit. She can’t!”
With the strength that you had left in you, you slowly reached your hand up brushing your fingers against his face, your touch was there and gone as fast as it came. His face fell when your arm dropped to the side of the table, your fingers outstretched and unmoving.
“No. No. No. You are not dying like this dammit! Don’t fuckin leave me, please!”
He moved the blood soaked towels off of your wound and onto the floor. The bleeding had stopped enough for him to stitch you up, but he had to be fast.
“Tess, get me the needle and thread!”
He wiped his hands off quickly then as Tess grabbed the needle and thread, they didn’t have a lighter to sterilize it but there was no time to think about those things.
“I need you to hold her hand and talk to her, okay? Just fucking talk to her and tell her that everything is going to be okay!”
“Joel—”
“No Tess, fucking do it, please!”
She grabbed your hand then, giving it a squeeze while Joel had started to stitch your wound up, she used her free hand to feel for your pulse then. It was there, but it was faint. You were barely just holding on. She had crouched down then brushing some hair from your face gently, seeing the matted blood from the gash on your head. She leaned down and whispered. “Hey, I know you love him, Gwen. So please, do us both a favor and don’t die tonight. He needs you. I know he does. You don’t deserve to go out like this. You’re gonna be okay. You’re a fighter, remember? Always have been”
Joel had started to stitch you up then, he was no expert but he worked fast despite the horrors that he was facing in his mind. This situation was all too similar to what he went through with losing Sarah. Except, this time he actually had a chance to save you, and he would be damned if he didn’t try.
You had faintly squeezed Tess’s hand, you heard what she said, part of it, and you were going to fight like hell.
When Joel had finished stitching you up, he looked up at your face to see if there were any signs that you were still there. He grabbed the rubbing alcohol and applied it around the wound before he ripped open a thing of 17 year old gauze and placed it down on top of the wound along with a bandage. Finally, he grabbed the bottle of penicillin. If the blood loss didn’t take you out, infection certainly would. He injected the needle into the vein in your arm then and looked at Tess before he sunk back into the chair with his face in his hands.
“Joel. Hey, Joel. She’s breathing. She squeezed my hand. I think she might have heard me.”
He looked up at her then, feeling exhausted and defeated but he willed himself to stand and be by your side once more. He pulled the chair back before he sat down, grabbing your outstretched hand and brought it up to his face. He pressed a soft kiss to the outside of your palm, interlocking his fingers with yours and squeezed. It was a gentle reminder to you that he meant it when he said he wasn’t going anywhere. He would be right there for you, always.
Tess hadn’t let go of your hand either, she used her free hand to grab the rubbing alcohol and a gauze pad. He watched in disbelief as she poured the liquid onto the gauze and gently dabbed it on the gash along your head and wiped the matted blood away.
Joel and Tess sat there with you till you showed early signs of recovery, your chest was beginning to rise and fall at a normal rate. Your breathing was still faint but it was there and sure beacon that you weren’t done yet.
Joel had gently lifted your body from the table, bringing you over to the couch and set you down before he draped the blanket across you. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your head, closing his eyes for a moment before he had pulled back.
Tess was already disposing of the bloodied towels and your shirt. The table looked like a crime scene, your blood was everywhere and when Joel came to help, she stopped him then.
“Hey, it’s okay. I got this, really. Go and be with her. She needs you the most right now.”
He reluctantly agreed, giving Tess a slight nod before he walked over to the couch and slowly sank down, he lifted your head gently so you could rest it on his lap, his movements were extremely slow and gentle as he didn’t want to accidentally hurt you. He noticed your dried blood all over his hands still, a painful reminder of what had happened.
______
Tess had joined him then, she sat across from him on the coffee table. Her hands were stained with your blood as well. Both parties were silent then, replaying what had happened in their minds before Tess had finally spoke, breaking the silence.
“Y’know, I should have never underestimated her. She took that first shot with zero hesitation.”
He slowly looked over at her then, brushing his knuckles across your forehead gently.
“I should have been there to save her, Tess. I wasn’t. I failed her.”
“Joel, no. You didn’t fail her. You couldn’t control this. Neither of us could. She fought like hell.”
He was too exhausted to argue and in a way, he knew Tess was right. He didn’t fail you. He taught you well. You protected them with that first shot. You knew that James was going to kill them if you waited any longer. So you took that risk, even if it meant you would get hurt. You didn’t care, your instincts kicked in and you went with it, guns blazing and fire in your heart.
“I understand now. I didn’t before, but I understand why you care about her so much, Joel.”
“Tess—”
“No, just listen to me alright? Let me say this. You need to hear it. I knew from the beginning that you saw something special in her. I didn’t understand why. I mean hell, she threw a knife at you man and you decided, hey, let’s take her in. She tried to kill me but we can’t just leave her out here like this. Then, I saw the way you would look at her. It wasn’t noticeable at first and half the time I thought I was imagining it. Then I’d catch you at random moments, she’d walk through that door and I’d see that smile. It only comes out when she’s around. You only call her doll. You’ve never called me that and I just started to notice all the little things. I was jealous, Joel. I was because all I had ever wanted was for you to look at me that way. Then, I thought I had you when we were at Bill and Frank’s. For a split second, I selfishly thought you would have forgotten about her. How silly of me, right? She’s hard to forget.”
“Tess, why are you tellin me all of this?”
She sighed then, rubbing her palms along her torn jeans before she looked at him, with a soft, knowing smile.
“Because I’m letting you go, Joel.”
He frowned slightly then as he looked at her. He wasn’t expecting her to be like this, certainly not now. Tess still meant something to him. She always would, but he loved her in a different way. The way he felt for you was on a whole other spiritual plane that even he himself couldn't fully explain.
“I’m letting you go because you were never mine in the first place. Not really. You were always hers. It just took me a while to realize it.”
Joel had reached for her hand then, placing his over hers and gave it a squeeze. He had fresh tears threatening to spill over then.
“I’m sorry I could never love you the way that you deserved.”
She placed her other hand over his then, rubbing her thumb against his knuckles gently.
“You don’t have to be sorry for that Joel. Just love her the way that she deserves, okay?”
He nodded then as he glanced down at your sleeping form. You weren’t out of the woods just yet, but with Joel by your side, and Tess close by, you had something to hold onto and live for.
“I will, Tess. I promise you I will.”
CHAPTER 10:
339 notes · View notes
diabetice · 1 year
Text
I am devastated by something I already knew was going to happen. Storm Reid was the perfect fucking Riley. Joel letting ellie actually help and giving her hand a squeeze was my breaking point. My girl ellie just can’t catch a break.
740 notes · View notes
ellabsprincess · 10 months
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omg what about face sitting with Tess??
ahhh my first tess request!! thank you so much babes i love this :)
also @millersaurora dedicating this to you babes you seemed very excited at the idea of me writing tess so i love you so much and thank you for your endless support :)
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𝐒𝐈𝐓 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 - 𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 18+, mdni, smutty little short fic, brief reader body insecurity, oops my finger slipped there's a mommy kink, face sitting, simultaneous orgasms, cumming untouched, pet names (sweetie, baby, pretty girl), there's no plot in sight
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: @m-3-ijiworld @seraqhites @uraesthete @hehatesmati @letsreadsomesins-shallwe @elliespookie @dropsofs4turn @millersaurora @jjmaybankslittleslut @amitycat @digit4lslut @dykefromstatefarm @inlovewithelliewilliams @hi2647 @kissesskittens @elliewilliamsthang @franreadss @findingds @slut4ellienabby @lllijeu @zahraaziza @lias-writings @thelastofrowie @feelsoseencantdream @shaemonyou @limerenze @zethd
𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭? 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞
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"that's it sweetie, come on, don't be scared"
"but mommy," you whined, "what if i'm too heavy?"
"baby, i promise you're not too heavy. i can hold you and there's nothing i want more than to be smothered by that pretty cunt. now make mommy happy and sit, okay?"
"okay," you said with a shaky breath, slowly lowering yourself down onto tess' waiting mouth below you.
the second her tongue hit your cunt, you felt yourself clench and your eyes roll back. sure, tess had used her mouth on you plenty of times before, but this was different. your weight suspended above her, her strong hands gripping and imprinting bruises into your hips, it was almost overwhelming.
sensing your nerves, she left small kitten licks and gentle kisses all over your cunt. normally her teasing would have been frustrating, but you felt it was rather soothing and reassuring in this moment, the way she was allowing you time to adjust to the new position.
but the second she heard you sigh above her, and felt the tension in your muscles slowly melt away, she suddenly stopped her teasing. with a slopping kiss to your drooling hole, she moved her mouth to your clit and sucked.
almost uncontrollably, your hips bucked. not wanting to hurt her, you tried to still the movements of your body, scared of grinding too harshly into your girlfriend's face. but when tess tapped your ass lightly, and pushed, signaling you to ride, the worries disappeared from your mind.
no longer were you concerned about hurting her or being too heavy, not when she was clearly happy to drown in between your thighs. the feeling of your soft thighs clamped around her head, trapping her in your essence was intoxicating. the smell, taste, and sight of you was more important than oxygen in that moment. nothing mattered to tess except making her pretty girl feel good.
she continued to send pleasurable shockwaves through your body, alternating between flicking her tongue over your clit and sucking it into her mouth. you heard the sound of the bed beginning to tap against the wall from the force of your hips, but it sounded far in the distance and muffled. your only focus was on the talented mouth below you, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.
you stared down at her, seeing her eyes and the top half of her head, too mesmerized and drunk on your pussy to even look up at you. you admired her beauty, looking almost ethereal and ironically angelic, framed by your thighs and committing deadly and filthy sins. your sweet tess, such a loving and caring girlfriend, but she was never afraid to get rough and dominant with you in your most intimate shared moments.
satisfied with her attention to your clit for the meantime, she moved down to your hole, no longer giving it gentle and loving kisses and instead practically shoving her tongue inside you. you nearly screamed out in pleasure, instead letting your head fall back and forcing your hips even harder on her face. she then fucked her tongue into you, filling you perfectly over and over to the beat of your hips.
you were so lost in your own feeling of euphoria that you didn't even notice or turn to see the sight of her own hips bucking into the air. her panties practically soaking, her puffy clit begging for attention as she humped the empty space between her legs. it was almost involuntary for her, and she was embarrassingly close to her own orgasm just from you using her face to get off.
"oh mommy, fuck 'm gonna cum," you cried, not even daring to let up on the grinding motion of your hips.
tess responded simply with a moan into your pussy, perfectly stimulating you with the vibrations of her mouth. you reached down and grabbed her hair, carefully but forcibly pulling her closer to your cunt. your action was enough to send her over the edge, and she came with a low uh uh mmm uh before her panties were ruined.
her moans and the perfectly vibrating stimulation from them were enough to send you over the edge as well, letting out a pornographic "mommy!" before your cum was making a mess of her face and the bedsheets below the both of you.
you rode out your orgasm, your hips slowing but not quite stopping as you continued to fuck yourself on your girlfriend's soft tongue. finally, the waves of your orgasm had passed and you stilled your movements, cautiously dismounting from her face. sitting yourself next to her, you looked down at her curiously to see a noticeably wet patch on the sheets between her legs.
"um, baby, did you-"
"yeah i did sweetie. never been able to cum untouched like that before but god i was just so drunk on your perfect cunt."
you felt like you could pass out from her words and her implications, how your girlfriend was able to cum untouched, just from the tastse of you. unable to properly string your thoughts together in your post-orgasmic haze, you settled for leaning down to her lips and giving her a passionate kiss, tasting yourself and silently saying more than words every could.
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woooo! god i had fun writing this! i think this is the only tess request i got in my inbox so far, but don't be afraid to request more of her! definitely love her with a mommy kink cause god she is MOMMY.
anyways love you all <33
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rorithinking · 1 year
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Tess : Yesterday, I overheard Joel saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Ellie replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life
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wakandas-vibranium · 11 months
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Swingin’
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Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader x Tess Servopoulos
Warnings: 18+ content, minors DNI, smutty smut, threesome, unprotected p in v sex, oral(f receiving), slight teeth kink, praise kink, size kink
Word count: 2.2k
Summary: Reader swings both ways and finally gets Joel and Tess where she wants them.
A/N: Just felt like writing something for my fellow bisexual babes! Please like, comment, and reblog!
You've known for quite some time that you had a crush on both Joel and Tess. You were attracted to them despite the fact that they were so intimidating. You hadn't been in the QZ long when you started hearing whispers about Joel and Tess, two badass motherfuckers who didn't fuck around. You had no choice but to meet them, being the rebellious little shit you were. They had a hushed air of danger about them that made your nipples hard if you thought about it too long late at night. To your surprise, they both took a liking to you. Before you knew it, you were a member of their ragged team, backing them in making runs outside of the QZ.
The three of you had a contact, Joey, who lived in Springfield. He paid you all to smuggle his weapons into the QZ. He paid well and could be trusted, Joel and Tess guaranteed you the first time you smuggled with them, and that was good enough for you. It was about a week’s journey there and back. 
The three of you were headed back to Boston and decided to rest in one of the abandoned houses you’d spotted on the way there. It was the most decent house in the neighborhood. The smell was bearable. There was a couch and a mattress in pretty good shape. 
“Who’s taking first watch?” Tess asked.
Before you could say ‘not it’ Joel spoke up.
“I got it,” Joel said as he waved you both off to the bedroom, “You ladies try and get some sleep.” 
“Night Joel.”
“Night.” 
You followed Tess down the hall into the bedroom. She sat on the mattress, and you unrolled your sleeping bag, pausing as you felt her gaze on you and heard her scoff quietly. 
“You alright?” you asked. 
“Come over here,” Tess called.
“Huh?” you replied, unsure of what she was asking.
“You’ve been eyefuckin’ me and Joel all day,” she said, smirking at the small gasp of surprise you made, “How about you come do it for real.” 
You pinched the loose skin around your elbow to ensure you were awake. You had one too many naughty dreams that started out something like this. You slowly inched your way over to the mattress, sitting down next to her. 
Fuck, her intense gaze was making you nervous. 
“You want me and Joel to fuck you, right?”
“You have no idea,” you replied, moaning softly as Tess spread her legs. 
“What do you want right now?” she asked, gazing into your eyes. 
“I want to eat your pussy,” you admitted, unable to hide the desire in your eyes. 
“I want that too,” she said with a small smile. 
Tess leaned in close and gently brushed her lips against yours, playfully teasing. You cupped her face with your hand as she ran her tongue slowly along your lower lip, seeking permission. You opened to her and kissed her back immediately, the kiss swiftly becoming passionate as your lips moved together. The kiss was electric, everything you'd dreamed for and more. 
You moved your hand down her neck, interrupting your kiss to help her in lifting her shirt over her head. You grasped her breast through her bra and worked your way down her torso until you reached the top of her jeans. You unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, sliding your hands in her pants and locating her clit. It felt soft and warm against the pads of your fingers.
“Make me cum,” she whispered against your lips. 
You started rubbing small circles into her clit, relishing the dulcet sounds that emerged from her lips. For a brief moment, you wondered what Joel was doing back in front of the house. If he saw you two, would he watch for a bit before joining? You wanted him too. Carnally. 
Tess panted against your lips as her orgasm approached. You kissed her deeply as you applied more pressure against the bundle of nerves. 
There were so many things you wanted to do to Joel and Tess, and so many things you wanted to do with Joel and Tess. You fantasized about riding Tess's face while simultaneously choking on Joel's cock. It was definitely something you had to do before dying.
“Cum for me, Tess,” you purred against her lips, rubbing her clit in tighter circles.
You were surprised by how vocal Tess was when she came. She let out a loud shout, and her thighs trembled slightly. Joel definitely heard her moans, and the fact that she didn't give a single fuck about it had you throbbing in your panties.
“Fuck Tess,” you mumbled in between kisses, “You’re so pretty when you cum.” 
You trailed your finger down her slit, gathering more wetness, before taking your hand out of her jeans and bringing it to your lips for a taste.
“Well I’ll be…” Joel blurted as he entered the room with a small grin on his face, shoes and socks already off. “Y’all weren’t gonna invite me to the party?” 
“Of course we were,” you motioned for him to come closer. Tess shot up from the mattress, pulling you up with her. 
"I want to cum on Y/N's tongue," Tess announced as she began to remove the rest of her clothes. 
“And I want Y/N to cum on my cock," Joel added as he yanked his shirt over his head and stepped out of his jeans and boxers. 
“And I've wanted you both for months now," you admitted as you followed their lead, stripping butt ass naked. "So everybody gets what they want."
The three of you ogled each other once everyone was completely naked. When you caught a glimpse of Joel's cock, your thighs clenched involuntarily. He was huge.
Tess followed your glance and grinned before saying, "Oh, you can take it."
You shot her a bird, and she and Joel chuckled, shaking their heads fondly at you. Tess leaned back onto the mattress, and you followed her, kissing her lips once before moving down her neck to lick at her pink nipples. Joel just stroked his cock while he watched the two of you.
You knelt, presenting your ass to Joel and positioning yourself directly in front of Tess's cunt. Joel leaned forward to kiss both your asscheeks before smacking them. Of course, he was an ass man, you thought, amused. 
You hooked your hands beneath Tess’s knees, lifting them and pulling her closer till her dripping cunt was closer to your face. You groaned softly, transfixed by the glistening pink folds in front of you. Tess had such a pretty little pussy. You couldn’t wait to bury your face in it. Her juniper-colored eyes sparkled with anticipation.
You rested your hand on her pelvic bone and thumbed her clit tenderly, letting her smooth, dewy hairs caress the inside of your palm. Her eyes fluttered closed as she tossed her head back in delight.
Joel kneeled behind you, smacking your asscheek as he admired your pretty pussy, "So goddamn wet for me, baby." 
You were so turned on and nervous that you couldn't decide who to focus on. You were feeling a little overwhelmed. You'd had a couple of threesomes in the past, but never with people you liked this much. This was Joel and Tess, for fuck's sake. 
You didn't want to screw this up. 
You couldn't. 
Joel sucked on two of his fingers before pushing them inside you, getting you ready to take his impressive cock. You let out a soft moan and arched your back. His fingers felt so good inside of you. 
Once you were used to his fingers, you shifted your focus back to Tess, leaning closer to her juicy pink cunt. Tess shuddered under your touch, a tiny squeak of pleasure slipping from her lips as you replaced your thumb with your mouth, clamping your lips over the bundle of nerves and sucking with hard tugs.
You pulled back some, saying, "Fuck, I knew you'd taste good, baby," pushing a finger inside of her before teasing her clit, flicking it left to right with the tip of your tongue. Tess's eyelids fluttered open, and she leaned back on her palms, moaning loudly as she watched you bury your face between her smooth thighs with heated eyes.
“Just like that, baby,” she encouraged, hands moving to the back of your head so she could grind her pussy against your face. You moaned against her as Joel tapped his cock against your entrance, teasing you with small prods. 
“Goddamnit Joel,” you mumbled as he continued to tease your drenched hole. 
You had an inkling that Joel would be more of a teaser, and it was bittersweet to know that you were right. You didn't want to be teased right now. You wanted a nice pounding, and maybe for him to make fun of how wet you were for him a bit. You'd waited long enough for this day to come.
“Shit,” Joel hissed lowly as he finally pushed the head of his cock inside of you, “Such a tight little pussy.”
You sucked in a deep breath, wincing a little at the intrusion. It'd been a while since you'd had a cock in you, let alone one as massive as Joel's.
“He’s pretty big, huh?” Tess laughed through a moan, smirking at the face you made as you tried to adjust to the overwhelming feeling of Joel’s fat cock stretching you open. 
“Fuck you,” you giggled softly as you nipped at her thigh in retaliation. She just moaned and fell back on her back against the mattress. Tess was into biting, you thought. You definitely made a mental note of that to come back to later. You dipped a second finger into her entrance and stretched her open, allowing your tongue to slide in and lap at her folds. 
He rolled his hips a few times, carefully pulling out, before pushing all the way to the hilt in one swift move, causing you both to let out a loud groan. He set an impeccable pace, deep and slow. His cock was so massive it didn’t matter how he fucked you just as long as he did. 
“Oh my fuckin’ god,” you whimpered as Joel thrusted faster inside you, hard and deep. Not too fast as he didn’t want to interfere with the substantial head you were giving Tess, but just enough to loosen the tight coil that sat deep inside your belly. It wasn’t going to take you long to cum. Not with how perfect Joel was fucking you and not with the sexy noises slipping past Tess’ lips. 
You’d pinch yourself if your hands were free. You couldn’t believe you were fucking Joel and Tess. At the same time. You’d been daydreaming about this for months.
“Y/N,” Joel and Tess groaned in unison, voices dripping with arousal. Them calling your name like that drove you mad and only made your clit throb harder. 
“Fuuuck!” You cursed, letting out a muffled whine as Joel brushed over that delicious spot deep inside of you. 
Tess tightened around your fingers as her thighs shook wildly. Her head thrashed from side to side against the mattress, moans growing louder as her climax approached swiftly. 
“I’m gonna cum,” Tess whined as she pushed your head closer, grinding down even harder on your face. Goddamn she looked breathtaking. Unapologetically taking whatever she wanted from you. 
“Mmhmm, I can feel it,” you grumbled against her sensitive clit, thrusting your fingers faster and applying more pressure, hooking them upward the deeper you got, “Cum for me, Tess.”
Tess came with a loud shout, her back arching off the mattress, legs trembling, and fingers tight against the back of your hair. Your tongue lapped at the fresh rush of sweet wetness. She tasted so fucking sweet, like nectar.
“So. Fuckin’. Sexy.” Joel growled as his lust filled eyes bore into Tess’. He smacked your asscheek before his grip on your waist tightened like a vice, “You’re next.” 
“Jo— Joel,” you mumbled in between pants. He was hammering into you with all he had, chasing his own orgasm along with yours, “I’m cu—” 
“—I know, baby,” he chuckled softly as your thighs began to shake and you clenched around him so tightly, “Be a good girl and cum with me.”
You weren't sure if it was his praising words or his fat cock, but you came almost instantly. A staggering overflow of ecstasy washed over your entire body, causing you to cry out and shake violently, hot tears stinging your eyes. You sank your teeth into the meat of Tess’s thigh and she came again, surprising you both.
Joel came so hard that he had a hunch in his back. He panted harshly as he stroked his cock, covering your asscheeks with warm ropes of his cum, and his knees finally gave out, causing him to fall on top of you, pushing you down on top of Tess.
Tess didn't even complain about the additional weight on top of her. She was too blissed out to give a damn. All three of you were basking in a warm state of euphoria. Your shoulders shook as you erupted into a fit of giggles. Tess soon followed, and then Joel started to chuckle.
Yeah, you thought to yourself. This was definitely going to be happening again. And again and again. 
And again.
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things4your · 1 year
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The Last of Us Headers
@PERCYPHNE on twitter
Please like or reblog if you save
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disdaidal · 6 months
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I was tagged by @gayles55 and @silvermoon-scrolls to post my 9 favorite characters. It was impossible for me to pick just nine, so I picked a little more. :'D I'm all about breaking rules, heh.
Billy Hargrove (Stranger Things)
Ellen Ripley (Alien trilogy)
Cahir (The Witcher)
Haldir (Lord of the Rings)
Tess (The Last of Us)
Nil (Horizon Zero Dawn)
Jose Chavez y Chavez (Young Guns)
Sarah Connor (Terminator 2)
Iolaus (Hercules: the Legendary Journeys)
Cara Mason (Legend of the Seeker)
Nick Clark (Fear the Walking Dead)
Octavia Blake (The 100)
I'm tagging @catzy88 @morewyckedthanyou @dandysnob @suometar @hotdadlicense @godidontevenknowwhat. If you don't want to do this, no pressure. If you want to do this, but weren't tagged, consider yourselves tagged by me. <3
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