Here's that essay over Matthew and Alastair
*I tried to embed some quotes but it didn't flow all that well and I don't feel like rewriting everything just to add a few quotes
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Every coin has two sides, and every story can branch off into two routes. “Without knowing hate, you cannot know love.” - Doug Buchanan. Most people think hatred is fueled by surface level problems such as money, status, looks, but there is always a deeper meaning behind true hatred, and more often than not the root of resentment is grown from a seed of love and admiration. Sometimes the water that nurtures the seed is one of abuse and self-disposition. One case in particular that fits perfectly to this narrative is that of Matthew Fairchild and Alastair Carstairs, two characters from Cassandra Clare’s The Last Hours trilogy.
While it can be claimed that Matthew is simply racist and is actually destable under his outward persona, there are far too many moments and behaviors which showcase who he truly is, and that person is a scared, jealous little boy who only ever wanted the approval of the adults he looked up to so strongly. He was raised on these fantastical stories from his idol Will Herondale about how he met his best friend, his parabatai, when he was twelve years old after running away from home, then gaining a fierce rival when he was fourteen, and finally a whirlwind few months where he met and married the love of his life, and naturally as a young child who never truly knew comfort and love, he wanted those things too. Matthew wanted it so badly he didn’t think twice before latching onto Will’s son James while at the academy, but just before James and he became friends, Matthew had romanticized a rivalry with Alastair Carstairs. In Matthew’s mind, Alastair was the only one who understood Matthew, the only person who could see past his mother’s status in their society, the only person smart enough to compete with him. Suddenly, Matthew wasn’t alone anymore. Alastair’s opinion held weight in Matthew’s eyes because of how much respect Matthew had for him, so when Alastair tells him that he isn’t his father’s son and is in fact his mother’s right hand man’s bastard, Matthew’s whole life crumbles. The fantasy cracks and reality bleeds through. Alastair did not see Matthew as a friendly rival, he did not respect him, he never truly saw him.
This pain causes Matthew to spiral into what would eventually become a depressive state, self medicated by alcohol and abusive relationships. Matthew starts to believe that people only truly enjoy being around him when he’s entertaining them, but he only feels like being funny and witty and enjoyable when he’s not sober, thus starting his addiction to alcohol. It didn’t help that Matthew was being taken advantage of by the people at the club he frequents, older ladies and gentlemen plying him with more and alcohol so he'll be pliant and obedient and they can do whatever they want with him. No one stopped this, no one said anything, and so Matthew starts to believe this was healthy. That it was okay for these adults to take advantage of a naive fifteen year old boy, who only ever sought love and attention and positive attention. He only starts to realize how awful it is when he starts seeing Claude Kellington a few months before he turns sixteen. Kellington was charming and sweet, at first, complimenting Matthew and touching him in a flirtatious manner, then when Kellington started to get bored his treatment became rough and mean. He broke Matthew’s heart, and no one seemed to notice or care, not even his friends and family. “Behind sorrow there is always sorrow. Pain, unlike pleasure, wears no mask.” - Oscar Wilde.
Alastair’s life was full of suffering. From the time he was a child, he bore the guilt and responsibility of looking after his alcoholic father. His mother never helped nor protected him from this truth, and by the time he left for the academy, everyone knew his father wasn’t a good man. On top of this truth being revealed, Alastair was also a very clearly brown boy during the 1900s, causing intense bullying and assault to occur while at the academy. No one was punished for the assault, or the racial comments. Alastair’s choices came down to this, ‘if you can beat ‘em, join ‘em’. So he joined them. He used his sharp tongue and quick wit as a weapon, stabbing and slashing anyone who tried to hurt him.
Imagine Alastair’s luck when the bright-eyed son of the most powerful person in their society walked into his classroom in his third year. Matthew knew all the answers, Alastair knew he knew the answers, and yet sassed the teachers with nonsense anyways, and never got in trouble. Ever. Alastair despised him. This kid had everything he’d ever wanted; the respect, the family, the friends, the money, the scarless mind and body. It wasn’t fair. “Everybody loved Matthew.” “Matthew was the life and soul of the party.” The situation only got worse when the son of Alastair’s cousin’s former parabatai, James, arrived at the academy during his fourth year. Immediately the boys who had hurt Alastair saw this kid, the first born child of a warlock and a shadowhunter, as a shiny new toy on the playground to break, and unless he joined them, he’d be next. In an act of self preservation, Alastair acted first, singling this poor kid out in front of everyone and comparing his eyes to those of the animal to depict the devils in most media; a goat. Then all of the sudden Matthew is picking fights, arguments, and overall bothering him. When James got expelled for some idiotic practical joke that Alastair had not been even aware of until it was happening, he couldn’t honestly say he wasn’t expecting Matthew to come chew him out. Matthew said many hurtful words, words that struck Alastair deep in his subconscious, so he did the only thing he knew how to do, snap back. He knew what he said was wrong, that it was just a rumor, and he knew that it hurt Matthew, but at that moment he couldn’t bring himself to care.
That same year after his graduation, he went back to Paris because he had a crush on the standing Head of the Institute, named Charles, there. Instead of the open affection and care that he had been expecting, the (much) older man would ignore his existence, and treat him like this ginormous secret that should never be seen nor heard. Alastair tried to understand; after all, Charles had a reputation, he couldn’t just toss it away over a taboo relationship. But it was lonely. He had no one but Charles, and even then, he only had Charles every other night. Until Matthew’s friend from the academy who used to follow Alastair around like a puppy arrived in Paris during a break from his travel year.
Thomas had changed much over the two years they’d been apart. He grew almost a foot in height, he had gained lots of muscle and healthy weight, and his skin was a healthy tan rather than a sickly pale. Alastair didn’t know how to react when they met again, surely Thomas hated him for how he treated James and Matthew, surely Thomas wasn’t going to worship the ground he walked on anymore. Alastair was wrong. Thomas was kind, funny, and intelligent, he actually wanted to go to the Louvre with Alastair, to visit cafés with him, to talk with him about anything and everything. He didn’t want the day to end. But it did, and Thomas eventually left Alastair to his loneliness.
A little over a year later, Alastair and his family move to London, and things are tense between Alastair and Matthew. Matthew, angry and resentful for Alastair ruining his life, and Alastair, bitter, jealous, and annoyed at Matthew’s whole existence. As stated previously, Matthew had everything Alastair wanted, but he also had the confidence to be who he truly was, a trait Alastair wished he had. But Matthew didn’t want those things, he didn’t want adoration, the constant attention, the costume he puts on just to get through the day. He wants what Alastair has, he wants his mom, he wants his baby sister, he wants his brother’s love. “I want to go home.”
Throughout the The Last Hours trilogy, their true colors start to shine through, such as how Matthew cared more about being forgiven by James than he did Cordelia because if he had known that James was in love with her, he would have never run off to Paris with her. There are very brief moments where Alastair’s true self shines through, at the end of the first book where he’s happy that his relationship with Charles has and ended and he is free to do whatever he likes, how fragile that new happiness is when he runs out of the ballroom on the verge of tears, his reluctant commitment to watch out for Matthew as Alastair seems to be the only one who notices Matthew’s addiction and cares about him getting help at this point in time, and how he feels that in a choice between him and someone else, he will not be picked.
They both run away from their emotional issues, their walls too high and their hearts made of untempered, cracked glass. But more importantly they both crave the things they are convinced they will never have. Alastair truly believes that Thomas doesn’t love him, and Matthew falls in love quickly because he feels so unloveable that he yearns for some form of romantic affection.
Matthew represents a partially corroded penny, which is small and holds little value to most individuals. It is treated with disregard and indifference, as if it lacks emotions. However, it is the first coin that comes to mind for many people. At times, it appears attractive and serves as a savior, while other times it appears repulsive and merely occupies space.
On the other hand, Alastair symbolizes the completely corroded side of the same penny. People tend to avoid looking at him, as he holds no worth for almost everyone. He never gets an opportunity to shine, is forgotten, lost, and disregarded as if he does not exist.
Nevertheless, both Matthew and Alastair hold significant value in the eyes of certain individuals. Matthew is cherished by his father, James, Lucie, Anna, and everyone who truly matters to him, whether he is aware of it or not.
As for Alastair, Thomas and Cordelia have invested considerable time in attempting to remove the rust. However, Cordelia eventually gives up and shifts her focus to Matthew, believing it to be an easier task. Thomas, however, persists in his efforts. Gradually, he realizes that the rust is an integral part of Alastair. Although it may be unsightly, it is the copper beneath the rust that strives not to deteriorate completely, and this is what makes it truly beautiful. With careful cleaning and attention, the rust begins to fade away. Kamala and Grace eventually join in the endeavor, despite their own rusted state, because they genuinely care for Alastair. They desire to see him shine once more, even if only to a small extent.
Even though Matthew's coin is partially corroded, his friends still perceive him as beautiful. However, they continue their efforts to remove the rust from him. This strikes me as peculiar, as they seem to be cleaning it as if it were not rust, but rather stubborn dirt. Unfortunately, the attempts to remove the rust from Matthew only result in further damage to his copper, exacerbating the situation.
In contrast, Thomas approaches the cleaning of Alastair's rust with the appropriate materials and patience. He celebrates every restored piece of shiny copper. Even when the process proves challenging and arduous, he handles it delicately and expects nothing in return, except for the beauty of the coin that lies beneath.
The desire to restore Matthew's physical appearance is driven by a superficial motive, as he is only valued for his aesthetic appeal and will be discarded once again. In contrast, Thomas seeks to restore Alastair for the sake of Alastair himself, without any external pressures or expectations.
Matthew does not harbor any animosity towards the other side of his identity, but has been conditioned to believe that the rust on Alastair is undesirable due to societal norms. Alastair, on the other hand, recognizes that some rust cannot be removed and will remain permanently. However, he has also been taught that the rust on him is undesirable, leading him to believe that Matthew is better off with his visible copper.
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Definitely not the best but oh well I made an A on the assignment so it's good enough for me
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