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#thank u for your patience xoxo
dowagergreen · 1 year
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i have so much love for all my mutuals. the fact that no one has unfollowed even through several weeks of nonsense and me being the worst at keeping on top of things bc of my chronic headaches is actually astonishing to me. you are all the loveliest people <3
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flandrepudding · 2 months
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A little life update.
I apologize for inactivity. Tbh I am struggling with my mental health. I have developed a slight tremor and it’s really upsetting me. I am now on meds to help it go away, but they make me feel sick and tired. no matter what happens to my hands I will always create. Love u guyz.
Please do send good vibes my way that the medication helps... and If you are waiting on a commission, I apologize. I am still working away. Just a bit slowly. Thank you all for your patience and support. I am endlessly grateful for all of you. Xoxo
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jiminjamms · 1 year
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sex therapy :: 16. liar, liar
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chapter tags/warnings: infidelity/adultery...lots of it. multiple partners mean many fluids in the action. mentions of rough sex. mentions of breeding. guilt-driven sex. nonconsensual acts. manipulative undertones. humiliation. strong language. classism.
word count: 4.0k
notes: thank you for the comments i've received about my graduation and for your patience in this update! likes, comments, and reblogs are much appreciated. xoxo
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fic masterlist | 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33.
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Eleven missed calls. 
All of which came from your husband. 
With your phone placed away, you had not realized this deluge of notifications until Choso dropped you off at your apartment lobby.
“Bastard still thinks you’re his good lil’ wife,” Choso snickered when he peered over your shoulder, scanning the messages as well.
Driven by post-coital bliss, his mood had improved dramatically on the drive back, and he grinned stupidly beside you. At some point, you had to push his smug face away so that he would stop gloating over the words on your screen.
Where the fuck did you go? I’m still at the restaurant looking for you, one of Naoya’s bitter texts read followed by another sent twenty minutes later: I’m already home now, goddamnit.
Oh, the dread. 
The raw dread that filled you, knowing that you had a husband waiting for you at home. A dream for many, yet a curse for you...which was why once Choso bid you goodbye, this awful trepidation only intensified now that you were once again nothing but alone. 
The long elevator ride up to the penthouse didn't help either, your anxiety consuming you as the numbers on the floor display ticked higher. Sometime before the elevator reached the twentieth story, you caught sight of your reflection in the mirrored walls.
Wow, with this new wild hairdo, you looked like a tornado survivor.
Oh, but before Naoya saw you, there was something else you should be more concerned about.
You stumbled towards your closest reflection, your breaths coming to a stop as you slowly—very slowly—peeled up your dress.
“Please...no,” you silently prayed but nothing could stop the gasp at your lips once the hem was pulled past your hipbone, revealing the purple bruises on your outer thighs and the prominent swelling at your ass. 
“Oh my,” you winced when you ran a finger over one particular welt.
Naoya must never get a glimpse of this.
Shame burned at your face, which had marks of their own.
To justify this most recent escapade, you convinced yourself that this was what Naoya deserved after his hurtful words during dinner. Furthermore, if what the therapists said was true—if Naoya was truly cheating on you—you definitely merited rights to your own (reverse) harem, right? An eye for an eye.
Okay, there were faults in this logic, but you must suspend beliefs if you hoped to feel better about yourself.
When a telling ding signaled your arrival at the sixtieth-second floor, you scrambled, pulling your dress over the blemishes and patting down some stubborn baby hairs. Once the elevator doors parted, you paced briskly to the penthouse entrance, the unit’s usual jasmine scent greeting you followed by the overhead lights that flickered on.
You thought that you were the only one in the apartment until you spotted Naoya in the living room. He had a long day, but he was awake rather than asleep, sunken into the sofa. From the back, he appeared bored, shuffling idly through different channels on TV.
“I’ve returned,” you announced unceremoniously, slipping off your heels. 
When your husband turned to look over his shoulder, you half-expected him to erupt in fury—to degrade you, to command you, to do everything to emotionally hurt you until he pleased himself using you. After all, that was the typical response that you had grown accustomed to. 
In fact, Naoya almost seemed to have ignored you had it not been for how he stood up from his seat, revealing the tall silhouette that blended with the cityscape background behind him. Hands tucked into his pockets, he strode languidly toward you on long legs and silent steps until he stopped a mere foot away.
“What’s that?” he inquired about the shopping bag you just placed down. He peered inside and surely recognized the dress that Choso had so graciously returned. “Had you gone somewhere?”
“Picked this up from the dry cleaner,” you babbled only to immediately wish that you hadn’t. This was an awful fabrication that was formulated from impulsivity rather than wit, confirmed by how Naoya narrowed his eyes.
“I see,” Naoya hummed in acceptance, likely trying to understand why you decided to make a spontaneous nighttime trip to the dry cleaner when you were supposed to be on a dinner date with him. Then, he added very casually, “You didn’t respond to my texts, by the way.”
Neither did you, you wanted to retort. When he had vanished into thin air these past few days, did he bother to look at the many messages that you sent him? Of course not. Rather than stir a commotion, you merely uttered, “Sorry.” 
“Just don’t do that again,” he advised. For a moment, he glanced to the side—almost like he was about to burst from frustration—before he calmly said, “I was worried about you.”
Now this you were not expecting.
Your chest even fluttered given that your husband rarely voiced his concern for you. Had you responded to his texts, would he ever tell you something like that?
His mood was pleasant—far too pleasant because this was Naoya Zenin in the question, a self-absorbed husband whose indecent wife missed each of his eleven calls because she was too busy getting her pussy stretched (but he didn’t need to know that last point, right?).
On that note, guilt tugged hard at your stomach.   
While you had planned to confront Naoya about his potential infidelity, the idea suddenly seemed too out of place, and you were ashamed that you doubted faithfulness at all.
That was when you reminded yourself: Naoya would always be the endgame. The fuck session earlier tonight was only to get your mind off the husband that you were hung up on. Naoya was who you truly wanted in the end. The fresh change with Choso—you justified—was to lift your mood, so you could forgive Naoya for his earlier insults.
Nonetheless, this guilt was much too heavy to swallow.
This wretched feeling only intensified as Naoya closed the distance, gently leaning over to seal your lips closed. I’ve missed you, his kiss seemed to say.
Earlier tonight, he might have confessed how his intention with you was purely sexual, a statement that trampled on your already aching heart. But, in the end, Naoya was whom you were expected to spend the rest of your days with.
You gripped onto his shirt as his lips traveled to your jaw, the quiet smacks ringing softly in your ears before you felt him kiss the side of your neck, and his warm exhale excited a slight shudder down your spine.
Whether his actions were driven by emotion or duty, you didn’t know. But what you did know was how much you wanted to give yourself in to him, to sink into the arms that encircled your waist, to let him caress and then use you—all in an attempt to relieve you from your sins.
If only life was that simple.
“This smell,” Naoya murmured, lips vibrating against your collarbone as he spoke, “comes from another man.”
Your blood turned cold.
“...What?”
Caught completely off-guard, you could feel your sympathetic nervous system kicking in, your cold fingertips and widened eyes telltale signs of your fright. Before Naoya could look downward, you pulled at your dress to hide the bruises by your thighs, which would be a surefire giveaway to the dirty deed you had done earlier. However, you were not thinking, perhaps downright possessed even, when you tried to save yourself by adding, “That isn’t what you think it is.”
Although Naoya was still by your neck, even you could see how he cocked a brow at the comment.
“’That?’” he repeated, then pausing briefly. As his confusion waned into dubiety, he straightened up slowly and loomed over you. “That what?”
Oh, no—
“That what?” Naoya said again, except his tone this time around could cut like a sharpened blade. His face deepened and darkened for every second that passed, his expression souring into a frown with furrowed brows. Even his lips tugged between a smile and a jeer as if he seemed tied between derision and disbelief. He certainly made his mind, though, when he caught your hand shielding a certain bruise. “What...are you hiding?”
That was when panic swallowed you whole.
“Nothing. It’s just...I didn’t mean to—” Terror locked words in your throat, but you certainly made the wrong move when you blurted, “I had told him not to—“
“Him?”
Oh, now you really aroused Naoya’s curiosity, not to mention that he looked furious because why should he ever love a wife unfaithful to him?
“No!” you shouted when Naoya tore your arm towards him. Efforts to free yourself quickly proved futile given his firm clasp. Rather, Naoya first stared at your hand, studying the cuts across your palm before his gaze trailed down to the much more obvious marks on your thighs and knees.
For several silent moments, he appeared deep in thought...pondering and pondering...his flat expression too difficult to read. Only when the seconds turned into a full minute did Naoya cautiously loosen his grasp around your wrist, releasing you from captivity.
Relief swelled over your system because you assumed you were safe, that Naoya was actually a more forgiving husband than you had originally given him credit for. You even backed away from him knowing that you were now liberated from his scrutiny.
Until your husband very calmly added, “Seems like I’ve missed out on something exciting.”
You froze.
For a man red hot with anger mere minutes ago, Naoya was now so amused that you found his change in tone too eerie, his expression so stern that you must promptly avert your gaze to the hardwood floor.
“I...don’t know what you’re talking about.” Vainly, you tried to play down the weight of the matter. “Just headed out for a bit. Nothing for you to be concerned with.”
“Oh really?” The inflection in Naoya’s pitch was incredibly insulting and incredulous. “To the dry cleaners? Or don’t tell me that my beloved wifey lied to me because she had actually gone somewhere else? Because you sure were desperate to cover up for something that ‘wasn’t anything important.’”
Fuck.
“I—” A gulp.
Naoya did not need long to notice the backward shuffles in your steps. He followed you, stalking forward like a mountain lion closing in his pathetic prey. Ideally, you would like to tell him to stop, that you could barely think with him at such proximity, but the potential consequences of telling him off seemed too dangerous.
“Well, tell me,” he urged. With one last step, he cornered you such that your back pressed against the wall, his hands planted on either side of your head. He exhaled deeply, and remnants of his tequila whirled in the little space between you two. “Did my dear Mrs. Zenin have a lot of fun?”
Your mouth grew dry at the question, and you remained keen to drill your eyes into the ground.
“I...” You bit your inner cheek, remembering the tears that had rolled off embarrassingly from your face. “I...wouldn’t exactly call that fun.”
“Aw, not fun?” Naoya cooed and curled one finger around a loose lock of your hair. “Why not, darling? All because my baby’s got some booboos? What do you want me to do, hm? Want me to crawl onto my knees to kiss the bruises that another man gave?”
“N-No.”
He contemplated the answer, looking lost in thought as he twirled your tresses. “Then how far did you get with this lucky guy?”
At the confrontation, it took all your willpower to not crumble like potted soil turned dry. Wracked with humiliation, you decided to ignore the question, thinking that that was the safer option until your husband tugged your strands gently.
"Hey.” There was a spark of a raspy growl in his voice. Understandably, he was irritated, and you didn’t blame him for being impatient when he warned lowly, "Don't make me repeat myself."
You swallowed one hard lump.
“We didn’t go far at all.” A lie through your goddamn teeth. Yet, you had to say something if you ever hoped for him to let you off the hook, especially when—
“Ow!” you groaned at the forceful yank at your hair. Instinctively, your hands flew to your scalp and rubbed at where the sting burned the most. “The hell was that for?!”
“I just want you to tell me the truth,” Naoya advised coolly, which implied that he already had some idea what this ‘truth’ was. Whether or not he did, you could feel how he was dangerously toying with your strands again, ready to teach you another lesson if you disobeyed. “C’mon,” he challenged. “Test me. Who would have thought that my wife would have this much trouble being honest with—"
“We fucked over his car...”
The room went instantly silent as your words sunk in, the only sounds being your uneven breaths that were a by-product of your horror.
Did you really just say that?
Though you have yet to meet his gaze, you hated how your stomach churned with uneasiness, only exacerbated by Naoya’s overbearing presence beside you.
“Over his car?” Naoya quoted, his interest piqued. “As in, the car hood?”
For a long moment, you considered how to answer in the most diplomatic manner until your eyes slipped closed and you finally said, “...Yes.”
“And did you like it?”
“N-No.”
A gentle tug. “I can tell when you lie,” and by now, you could tell that he truly meant it. “Try me again, and I’ll—"
“I...loved it.”
You thought that Naoya Zenin finally derived the satisfaction that he wanted when his fingers ultimately loosened from your locks, only for these hopes to prove naïve when his dark chuckles rumbled from above. What started as a small snicker soon unraveled into a taunting laugh—an impassionate uproar—as your husband threw his head back, cackling wickedly into the air.
You were too absorbed in disgrace that you didn’t even notice Naoya approach you again, his right hand moving to grab your face. And when he finally forced you to turn to him, you see that his hazel eyes are ablaze with an unscrupulous sort of entertainment, tears from laughter pricking at his outer corners.
“Oh, ho ho!” he mused. His strong clutch on your jaw allowed him to revel in your distress, squandering your opportunities to look at anything else but him. “This is fucking hilarious! To think that everyone thought that Miss Prim-and-Proper over here is a good sweet girl when she’s been a slut all along.” 
Naoya chuckled as his eyes crinkled with mirth, and you squirmed uncomfortably in his hold.
Rather than humiliation, your heart began to fill with chagrin.
Why was your very husband the only person who would intentionally work up so much frustration in you?
Ironically, the timing in this realization could not be more perfect as Naoya brought his face all up in yours. 
“This wasn’t the first time, wasn’t it?”
Obviously, your first inclination is to lie, but you second guess yourself when you think back to his previous warning: I can tell when you lie.
“Not the first time,” you breathed slowly, and the rumbles in his laughter were wholly off-putting.
“So, did you spit or swallow tonight, you little whore? Well, you seem more like a spitter, you quitter. Unless...” He then covered his mouth for theatric effect. “Don’t tell me he came inside of you?!” he crowed and reveled in the glare you sent. “Bingo! He did, didn’t he? He came deep inside my wife, and I’m sure you loved that too!” At this point, Naoya was guffawing like a maniac on the ground, bent over to hug at his stomach. “I’m guessing you creamed all over his cock too! Boy, oh boy. What would your daddy say when he learns that his little girl’s been frisky? Oh, oh! Even better! What would the papers say when a little birdie informs them about your tiny secret?”
“Or about yours.”
Naoya’s laughter, which had bellowed through the penthouse just moments ago, immediately dissipated at the comment.
Your husband crawled up from the floor. He half-stumbled on his way up and met your deterministic gaze. 
This, so far, was the bravest you have ever been. Never have you dared to even think about confronting Naoya. Yet here you were now. Even if you trembled with nervousness—his frame towering many centimeters above yours—you did your best to be the one staring him down instead. 
While you expected repulsion, Naoya just stared pointedly at you.
“How did you know?”
Strangely enough, his unflappable composure was what upset you the most. He was calm and collected, so unperturbed such that he didn’t even bother to deny the accusation. Because compared to you, Naoya probably did not feel guilty in the slightest, instead viewing your awareness as nothing more than an inconvenience.
“So, the cheating rumors are true then,” you breathed, and when your husband nodded so nonchalantly, there should be no reason for you to experience a heartache that you knew wasn’t worth the pain.
Besides, you should have been prepared for this. The signs were so blatant and obvious: his ridicule, his actions, and his contempt all presages that pointed towards an underlying reason behind his behavior. For crying out loud, even your therapists, who probably never witnessed a second of interaction between you and your husband, were the first to suggest the idea of Naoya’s infidelity. 
And like a fool, you had rushed to defend your husband.
But why were you so obsessed with upholding a failed marriage when your husband could barely care to do the same? Why were you so desperate to salvage any possibility of amending the bond between husband and wife when your other half could not care for the same? The entire reason you sought sex therapy was that you valued this marriage more than anything else, hoping to forge a physical connection with your husband that lied beyond obligation.
But were you really that disillusioned? 
The shame that had churned within your chest had given way to pain as you eked out, “How long has this been going on?”
“Almost a year.”
In other words, well before he tied the knot with you.
You appreciated his honesty, but the truth did not stab any less into your heaving chest.
No wonder Naoya had always been callous, ruthless even. From day one, he never belonged to you. In this marriage, his heart, his soul, and his every waking second had always been dedicated to someone else while you foolishly clung on to hope that he would one day warm up.
“Then...why didn’t you just marry her?”
“Look,” Naoya started, only to pause as a thousand emotions flashed across his face, reaching to massage his temples before he lost total control of his temper. “Things are complicated, okay? Listing all the reasons would take an entire damn day because there’s a fucking million of them.”
“Just tell me what they are.”
“Goddamnit, woman!” Naoya shouted, thrusting his arm down in exasperation and startling you. “Since when can you order me around?! Can’t your tiny ass idiot brain tell that I’m not in the fucking mood right now to talk about this shit?”
“But you’re going to keep seeing her?”
“Yes!” and his response was so curt that there was undoubtedly no regard for your feelings in his reply. There was so much more to know, but negotiating with him for details was fruitless given his current mood.
“You’re not worried that I’ll tell someone about this?”
“Well, you won’t,” Naoya accosted with crossed arms and the most unbothered shrug. “Because you know what’s going to happen if you tattle tale, right?”
You sucked in a deep breath.
I would just tattle tale too, the glint in his eyes answered, and nothing could stop him then. The knowledge of your affair had emboldened him and provided him with justification to do the same, especially since he could now laud all this over your head like some twisted trophy.
“Look, it’s fair and square,” he justified. “We’re even now. Frankly, I don’t care and won’t care to know about your business so long as you don’t mess with mine. Do us both a favor, alright? Keep that loudmouth of yours shut, and I might just do the same. Our families spent much effort to secure this ‘picture-perfect’ relationship in Japan, so we wouldn’t them finding out about our part-time flings, now would we?”
The worst bit was how Naoya was correct.
Because you thought about your father-in-law, who would harbor no qualms about cutting you from Japan’s most affluent family for good. You also thought about Mai and Maki, the Zenin twins who would be heartbroken to learn how Naoya had been mistreating you all along when you had previously told the girls that he wasn’t. And most importantly, you thought about your father, who would resign from his position to support your decisions, no matter how grave.
If disclosed, news regarding the scandals—both yours and your husband’s—would bear headlines for weeks, and the two households would certainly then fall out from bad publicity.
As a result, there was only one answer.
“No, we wouldn’t them to know.”
“Then, you’re not going to snitch?”
“No, I won’t...” you trailed off, and—from the corner of your eye—you could see Naoya grin with victory. 
The differences between you and Naoya may be irreconcilable, yet there still existed a silent but mutual goal to not disappoint each other’s families. While the thought of being second place in Naoya’s heart could tear through your own, you staved this emptiness away by justifying this as a small price to pay, given that thousands could at most dream about being in your place.
“So, you’re a well-behaved woman after all,” Naoya hummed happily, resting one arm suggestively on your hip. “What a good wife.”
A good wife—the main reason Naobito Zenin wanted his son to marry you to begin with. As a ‘good wife,’ you were expected to love your husband, respect him, and provide for him. Real love may not ever exist in your marriage, but you were still obliged to fulfill your duties as his lawful spouse.
So, when your husband carried you into the bedroom and brought you to bed, when he stripped you carefully from your clothes and squeezed at your breasts, you willingly let him turn you into his filthy fuck toy.
“On your back,” Naoya whispered at some point, pushing your shoulders back such that you landed on the mattress with a soft thud.
His gaze darkened salaciously upon inspecting all the crescents and markings on your ass, right before he pressed his lips onto your skin just to confess how he might actually like sloppy seconds like you.
He wished to take you in missionary as usual. What surprised you, however, was how he encouraged you to keep your legs closed this time, an idea he never proposed before. With an order that resembled more like a purr, he urged you to cross your ankles, explaining that this would allow you to squeeze his cock with both your vaginal and pelvic floor muscles, which would make him come faster. And when he started working into your insides—fucking used cum back into your tight little hole—his hand grazed along your bruises, causing you to hiss and squirm.
For a guy who pounded into your skull that he had no interest in you beyond sexual, Naoya sure knew how to make you feel every bit like the stupid breeding cumslut you wanted to be. That was perfect since you believed that the only way to be useful was to let him use you as he wanted, without thought for your own satisfaction.
As long as this marriage prevailed, he was yours, and you were his.
From here, there was no way out.
Or so you thought.
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end notes: This chapter is a rollercoaster and has been incredibly difficult for me to write, largely due to the various emotions I had to convey from both Y/N and Naoya. Pissed-off Naoya is one of my favorite dialogues to write, but I also enjoyed propelling Y/N's emerging confidence in confronting her husband.
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ashleyloob · 10 months
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Hi!
From someone who is disorganized and discouraged, I would love advice on weight-lifting/building muscle. Would you share your understanding of building muscle and the breakdown of diet?
If possible, could you share how you apply what you know to yourself? If you use any tools to help you?
Struggled with working out, gaining weight, and eating my whole life. Thanks!
prefacing this with some important info for fellow disorganized scatterbrains!!!!
the main reason why ppl have trouble sticking to a lifestyle change is because they try to make very drastic changes too quick, and you get overwhelmed and it becomes unsustainable. this is especially an issue for neurodivergent folks, and since it's Tumblr I assume a good chunk of y'all are (me too dw)
DON'T immediately overhaul ur diet and hit the gym 5x a week from day 1!!! hitting tiny goals consistently is also more rewarding than working towards one very large arbitrary goal that you might not reach, esp when it comes to working out. start veeery small if u need to, such as only 10 bodyweight squats per day like i did and go from there. you wanna program ur brain into feeling accomplished to keep you motivated. patience is key!!!!
ok!! now onto the more detailed info below
Disclaimer: I'm still a newbie myself!! only consistently lifting heavy for about 3 months as of this post. I did a good deal of excessive info diving on lifting using the power of Sheer Autism, and my main gym buddy is very experienced & taught me a good chunk of this shit so shout-out to my pal for making all this possible xoxo
so good news!! "building muscle" is very easy for beginners starting from zero. newbie gainz are absolutely real. at this stage you can do just about anything at the gym and get stronger bc u can only go up. BUT!! if you structure it, you can make the process enjoyable and much more efficient. if you're goal oriented (lookin at u ADHD menaces), you'll love the concept progressive overload.
PROGRESSIVE OVERLOAD & SETS/REPS
wikipedia defines progressive overload as: a method of strength training and hypertrophy training that advocates for the gradual increase of the stress placed upon the musculoskeletal and nervous system. in layman's terms, it just means gradually adding more weight as you work out to increase the difficulty as you get stronger. progress is VERY easy to track because of this, and you'll be hitting PRs pretty much every week for the first couple of months and that shit feels fantastic because you physically feel yourself getting stronger so rapidly. I use the app Strong to track my workouts. so, how do we structure progressive overload? that's through sets/reps. A rep is a single execution of an exercise. 1 squat is one rep. 2 squat is 2 reps. and so on. A set is a collection of reps. The format is Sets x Reps, for example: 3x5 means 3 sets of 5 reps. You will rest between sets, and it's typically anywhere from 1 minute all the way up to 5 minutes depending on the level of exertion/type of training you are doing. Heavier weights mean longer rest periods and vice versa.
WHERE DO I EVEN START??
For those interested in barbell training: the r/fitness beginner routine is pretty good! I also recommend 5x5 stronglifts. both are very straightforward, but also note the typical olympic barbell is 45lbs. If this is a weight you struggle with, you can begin with bodyweight exercises, dumbbells, or machines at the gym which are all very BEGINNER beginner friendly. especially when it comes to legs you're probably much stronger than you think. Most people can squat 45lbs first try. don't be afraid -- you're standing on those things all day, they can support hella weight. Like I mentioned earlier, don't be afraid to start veeeery small and work your way up from there. I started at home with doing only bodyweight squats without the barbell, then added on benching with light 7lb dumbbells after a week, then impulse signed up for a gym membership a month later and began to go there to use equipment and now i'm deadlifting over 100lbs as a tiny girl that previously was too weak to even lift a 40lb dog. it snowballs quicker than you think once you gain confidence in your own body and its abilities!
WOAH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SQUAT/DEADLIFT/BENCH/THIS IS SCARY AND IM FUCKING UP
If you can, i highly recommend getting a personal trainer to assist you, or tag along with a gymrat pal to show you the ropes. This page is also a good resource to learn specific lifts. otherwise, youtube is your best friend. you can record your sets and compare your form to form tutorials on youtube, and actively take notes on what to change the next time you work out. Be an active learner!!! be aware of what muscles are engaged when you lift and how your body feels. almost NOBODY gets it right the first time, esp with barbells. we've all made fools out of ourselves at the gym as beginners it's chill. i find people at the gym are very nice and willing to help you out if you're struggling, and people don't judge at all-- it's very easy to get in your own head in these spaces but most humans there are supportive and want you to succeed, especially since it's a hobby they are also passionate about. the more you do it, the less anxious you get. exposure therapy is very effective!! Also, almost all the barbell exercises can be replaced with smaller dumbbells, and you can do them at home if you get your own set + a workout bench (pretty cheap if u get secondhand, check facebook marketplace/craigslist). i got mad social anxiety myself so i understand sometimes you just can't, and this is an option for those that find public spaces overwhelming.
DIET
I personally don't think specialized diets/precise macro tracking is super duper important for newbies/casuals, only moderately important (spicy take for some but whatever). but you probably naturally will take an interest in diet once you realize it'll help you perform significantly better in the gym. the only macro i track is protein. You can use a TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) calculator to roughly estimate the amount of protein you need for maximum gainz. it's usually around .7-1g of protein for every pound of lean body mass (weight that isn't fat mass). Imma be real it's pretty hard for me to hit the recommended protein goal and most days I don't because my appetite just can't kick in for the amount it demands, and protein is super filling. I found that if i decreased the amount of carbs i eat, i am able to consume more protein bc i guess there's more room in my stomach lol. i eat a fuck ton of greek yogurt, chicken, fish, and tofu. when i started working out, i begin cooking a lot more and found i naturally craved less processed junk foods and snacks because the protein was keeping me full all day which is a plus! Even when im not regularly hitting my protein goal my gym progress is still going well and I think it's simply because my diet is A LOT better than what it used to be in my gremlin days. I also eat a lot more now that i've gained a bit of muscle, so do be prepared for food costs to go up as your metabolism increases and demands more energy to upkeep your gainz.
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR ME TO LOOK LIKE A MUSCLE MOMMY????
a whileeee. over a year, probably, unless if you're on anabolic steroids (dont ever do that u will quite literally die). and physique is mostly from diet since it's dependent on your body fat percentage, the saying "abs are made in the kitchen" is true. its why you see hyper skinny terminally indoors gamer dudes with abs, even if they'd snap in half if you farted in their general direction. those mfs barely eat they too busy being gamers i am no longer interested in lifting for aesthetics personally since i get more joy from hitting PRs and i'm pretty content with my body image, but ik physique is the reason why most people get into lifting so i'll touch on it. Weightlifting on its own will not make you lose weight or fat. Again, it needs to be supplemented with a healthy sustainable diet (DO NOT DO CRASH DIETS THAT SHIT IS GARBAGE) and a form of cardio. I actually gained 8lbs since I began lifting from water retention & new muscle mass (muscle is more dense than fat, your body retains water when repairing muscle after a gym sesh) but my measurements and pants size have remained the same. I'm short, so something as small as a 5lb increase usually bumped me up a pants size but it didn't this time bc im gettin swole :') if you want to track physique changes, measuring your waistline & progress pics is a better way to do so than the scale. If you want bigger muscles, look into hypertrophy training. it's a tad different from strength training, mainly because you do higher reps at a lower weight.
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esta-elavaris · 6 months
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Flufftober Day 14: "I hate it." "No you don't." - Cutler Beckett/OC [2,799 words]
My Flufftober '23 masterpost can be found here 💜✨
I was trying to figure out how the hell to write Beckett in a romantic setting and my brain gave me toxic power couple, enjoy. This is more hurt/comfort with eventual kinda-sorta fluff than anything else, but I did my best and so no one can judge me xoxo
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It was the evening of her husband’s farewell party before he departed for the Caribbean, and Lady Clara Beckett was a woman on a mission. She had been ever since her dear husband had announced he would not be bringing her with him when he set sail, citing that it was too dangerous and that there was no real need for her to be there - wording that had earned him a look that said more than an earful ever might. But good reason had failed, her discussions with him had been for naught, and he had resolved not to listen. So now, there was only time left for dirty tactics.
He had no right to be too cross about that. It was something he often revelled in, and while she couldn’t give him the credit in saying she’d learned it from him, watching his actions certainly encouraged her. Clara suspected he found it charming at times – but she knew tonight would not be one of those times. She wasn’t even sure she wanted it to be one of those times, her annoyance at now being bloody well listened to warring with her fury at how calm and impassive he was as she’d argued her case. No, she couldn’t quite decide if her plan for the night was with the aim of ‘winning’, or just of royally annoying him.
Although with two goals, she was more likely to achieve at least one of them, was she not?
Her maid did not seem to think so, if the silence in which she dressed her was anything to go by. Clara cared little. It at least saved her from any inane conversation – focused instead on the overall effect. Straight from the court of Louis XV, the gown was red silk, simple and sophisticated without frills or lace. Primarily because none was needed, as the neckline spoke for itself, dipping so far down that it exposed the curve of the pale, smooth underside of her breasts. Were she more well-endowed, it would’ve appeared obscene. Thankfully, she was fairly certain she could just get away with it.
Rubies dangled from her ears, bringing out the warmth of her dark locks where they were piled artfully atop her head, but when the maid brought out the matching necklace, Clara waved her away. It would ruin the effect.
With the maid dismissed thereafter, she had a moment alone to steel herself for what lay ahead. Standing, she inspected her reflection one last time and found that she rather liked what she saw, her dark eyes staring cooly back at her. Then, she took in a deep breath – and found it was a good thing they were throwing a dinner party and not a ball, for the dress would never remain in place for something like dancing – and then made for the door.
 A footman was striding down the corridor as she stepped out, and when he saw her, he froze, and then did his utmost to keep his eyes firmly glued upon her face. Clara took that as a good sign, but kept any indication of that to herself.
“Lord Beckett?” she asked.
“His…study, my lady. Seeing to a handful of letters before your guests arrive.”
“Very well, thank you,” she nodded, and made her way there – her shoulders squaring and her chin raising more and more with every step.
Her husband was indeed in his study, alone behind the great mahogany desk, his eyes fixed firmly on whatever it was he was writing now. She knew not why he would leave any correspondence so late, but no doubt there was a reason behind it – there was a reason behind everything he did. They had that in common.
Stepping inside without announcing herself, she swept her way towards the chair before the desk and sank casually into it, leaning back and watching him with great patience. He looked up, his quill stilled, and a great splotch of ink fell down atop the letter.
Clara smiled. Cutler did not.
“Absolutely not,” he said firmly.
Only once he’d managed to lift his gaze to her eyes.
“It’s from Paris,” she said, her tone light.
“Then the French can let their wives wear them. Change, Clara. Immediately.”
“Take me with you to Jamaica. Tomorrow.”
Realisation hit him then – visibly, his jaw clenching as he heaved a great sigh, leaning back in his chair as he considered her like she was some new great opponent. His head was already in whatever games lay ahead, then. Or perhaps he simply saw her as good practise. There was something flattering in that.
“No,” he said.
Clara shrugged.
“Then it appears we’re at an impasse.”
“So that’s your plan, then, is it? To flounce around showing me precisely what it is I’ll be missing, as if I’m not already well aware?”
His tone might’ve been scathing if not for the certain note of excitement threatening to slip through his annoyance. He did so enjoy their little games.
“You, and everybody else,” she smirked.
Annoyance prevailed then, for he seemed to like that notion even less than his first assumption. Much to her delight. It wasn’t so much, she knew, about the prospect of other men seeing and desiring what was his – for what good was a beautiful wife if not for that very purpose? So long as she never let them think they had a chance in hell (and they never did – infuriating as he was, she was rather fond of her husband), he liked that aspect of things. No, his reservations here would lie in what his leaving behind a woman such as her suggested about his wits. Which was exactly what she intended. She wanted everybody to look at him tonight, after looking at her for a good long while, and wonder if he’d lost his mind in deciding to let her out of his sight.
“Change your dress, Clara,” he ordered. “You have countless other very becoming ones. Choose one of them, and wear that instead.”
Flattery would get him nowhere. Downstairs, the sound of the servants admitting the first of their guests into the house echoed throughout, and her smiled shifted into a smirk as she rose to her feet.
“Would you look at that? I’m afraid it’s too late.”
Turning, she strode to the door of his office before pausing and turning back to him, drawing herself up to her full height as she posed with all the elegance she could muster. Which, as it was, happened to be rather a lot.
“You haven’t said what you think of the dress.”
He scowled at her. “I hate it.”
Clara grinned, seeing through the assertion immediately – rather helped by how, despite his protests, his eyes were glued to her figure.
“No you don’t,” she said.
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Their guests were more people whom they were supposed to like rather than those they really held in any high regard. Then again, did anybody really like anybody in London? Neighbours, business associates, and not quite anybody who would be offended at the lack of an invite but instead those whose offense would actually matter, should it come to that.
Lady Clara Beckett greeted them all warmly, tittering appropriately over the origins of their silverware, or the sofa on which they sat as they waited for dinner to be served, or the year on the fine bottles of wine served – and, of course, the dress.
If Cutler was still cross with her (which she knew he was) he did it almost immaculately well, engaging in small-talk over his upcoming journey, talking in serious tones about the threat of the pirate problem, and humming with a great deal of false humility over what his chances may or may not have been at stamping it all out.
Of course, she said “almost” immaculately, for there was one sore spot. One of his good friends – or allies, rather – a fellow Lord, had seen fit to bring his son along with him. Said son was but a year older than Clara, and had presented a rather strong case for her hand way back when she’d still had to endure things like courting and what her potential prospects were. Alexander had never had a chance at “winning” her, but he didn’t seem to know that. Nor did he seem to have much care for his own wife – a boring little Blowsabella who scarcely seemed able to say three words without blushing, as though fearing they were the wrong ones, leaving Clara pitying the lobster that had to die to feed such a bore tonight. Instead, Alexander instead spent much of the evening all but glued to Clara instead, doing his utmost to be charming.
To his credit, he was rather good at it.
No doubt he smelled blood in the water, knowing her husband would soon depart and leave her alone for what could be years.
The evening was a roaring success, as all evenings she put together were. The conversation flowed nicely, dinner was impeccable, and the drinks that followed were so jolly that they were all very reluctant to leave thereafter. She had to suppress a smirk when Alexander’s father leaned in close to Cutler as he left, his face flushed with drink, saying in what he likely thought was a whisper.
“You must be out of your mind to leave a woman like that behind, my dear fellow. Out of your mind!”
His son looked very self-satisfied to hear it, shooting her a look that could only be described as scheming as he herded his wife out of the door. It closed behind them, and she knew her husband had caught the look thanks to how his hands curled into fists at his sides.
“That went rather well, I thought,” she said happily.
“I suppose you were particularly pleased with those parting comments at the end, there,” his tone was scathing.
It rather warmed her.
“If the opinions men hold over your decision to leave me behind bothers you so greatly, perhaps you might rethink those very actions in the first place. When has what others said ever bothered you when you knew the course of action you were taking was the right one?”
“Perhaps the opinions of others bother me when those opinions were cajoled by my wife behaving like a common whore! Perhaps it’s not my present decisions that concern me, but instead the decision I made not one full year ago when I chose such a woman over one who would know her place and do as she was damn well told!”
Silence hung in the air when he was finished. Clara was content to let it remain there, watching him without respond, allowing him to fully consider precisely what it was he’d just said to her. For the first time ever – in all the time that she’d known him – her husband looked alarmed, the fury slipping from his face like rain from a windowpane.
“Clara…darling…” he sighed.
Darling, was it? He only broke out the terms of endearment in truly dire circumstances. Her expression must have been thunderous, then.
“I wish you safe passage on your travels, husband. I’m rather tired, so I’m afraid I won’t be awake to see you off come morning. You may write, if you so wish,” her tone was clipped, and there was a finality to her words.
Although it would be a good long while before he got any response beyond what was entirely necessary – information as to the running of the household, and so on.
The only way she allowed her temper to shine through was in how she snatched her hand away when he reached for it, rising to her feet and leaving the room. The maid noted the curl of her lip and her silence well enough, dressing her for bed and binding her thick dark hair into a long plait behind her head with no attempt at chit-chat, finally leaving the room swiftly thereafter.
Once the door clicked shut behind her, Clara rested her elbows atop the vanity and sighed heavily. How dare he? More infuriatingly still, he’d left her feeling as though she had done something wrong. Not in her manner of dress – she would wear whatever she damn well pleased within the bounds of good taste and propriety. And what did men know of fashion, anyhow? No, what she was questioning was the goodbye she'd offered. Paltry. Cold, even, considering it would be at least a year before they saw one another again. More, conceivably.
But what else could a man expect, upon likening his wife to a whore? And as for his other assertion – the mere suggestion that he’d ever be content with some insipid little fool who simpered and smiled and did not know precisely who and what he was. It would have been hilarious, were it not so insulting.
She been lying in her bed, glaring at the canopy for some time when a knock sounded at her door. Instantly she knew it was him, despite the fact that he never knocked. So she rolled over and put her back to the door, just in time for it to open. Footsteps, muffled by the rug, drew near and then the bed behind her sank as he sat down.
“I’ve spoken to your maid. She believes she can have your belongings packed and ready to go come morning.”
Clara scoffed.
“To what end?”
“You are my wife. Your place is by my side.”
“Yes, well I’m sure there’ll be many bored ladies in Port Royal eager to warm your bed when you make port, so you shan’t miss me. You said it yourself, I do not know my place. I should hate to change that now.”
“You know that isn’t true. None of it.”
“An hour ago, I might’ve thought not. Then, however, you likened me to a whore and everything was made quite clear.”
“You’re coming with me to Jamaica. Would I decide that if I thought you a whore?”
“I suppose it depends on the hourly rate. I’m not going.”
“Clara.”
“I’m not. And I’m not just saying it so that you might convince me otherwise, I’m saying it because I know you changed your mind solely to stop me from being cross with you. I don’t want to win – not anymore. Not that way, in any case. I’ll get up in the morning and see you off if that’ll convince you that I mean it. But I will not go.”
The bed behind her rose, indicating he’d stood, and something within Clara seized up – devastation outweighing the relief that he’d finally listened to her. But then he rounded the bed instead, coming to sit before her. She could not roll onto her other side without the display bordering on the ridiculous, so she forced her face to remain stony as she regarded him. He’d undressed before coming here – now in a nightshirt and devoid of his wig. It was almost easy to forget who he was, and what he was capable, without all of the finery and the accoutrements that went into Lord Beckett being Lord Beckett, his dark hair sticking up here and there.
She would not allow herself to be charmed by it; for that was likely his intention.
“Come with me to Jamaica,” he said. “Please. Not because you’re cross, and not because it shall mean you have won, but because you are my wife, and I’ve little wish to spend the next year or more without you. Tonight has shown me that well enough.”
Clara stared, pushing herself up so that she was sitting upright. Because he never said please. He’d proposed with less heart than what he’d just shown now. Her eyes lowered, and she angrily urged herself to get a grip – a fire blazing in her gaze when she met his eye again.
“Never use that word to refer to me again,” she warned.
He weighed the response, nodding slowly and then finding her hand amidst the covers. “So long as you never grow predictable. So long as you never bore me.”
She could promise well enough that she’d never do that. Based on the rueful smirk on his face as she slid over to admit him into her bed, he knew that well enough.
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Links: AO3 -- FF.net -- flufftober masterpost -- dividers by cafekitsune
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dhampling · 2 months
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erm! hiiiiiii! i luv luv luv ur writing, and i have a (not so) small VERY self indulgent request that i hope sounds fun enough for you to write! okay so: i’m thinking the last unicorn vibes 4 this.
one of the only things astarion can remember from his childhood (like CHILDhood) is playing with a unicorn filly in the forest near his childhood home a few times, and those being some of the purest, most magical memories he’s ever had and the last thing from his previous life that gives him some semblance of hope. i’m talking five year old astarion just running around happily with a filly that’s still all wobbly and tiny and it’s just so sweet and adorable. he tries not to think about it much anymore since it kinda just breaks his heart knowing who he is now, but yknow.
long story short: tav is said unicorn filly from astarions childhood, and she is unfortunately the last unicorn in faerûn. all of the other unicorns had been hunted in some massacre a century or so ago (that is so dark i’m sorry) and in a last ditch effort to survive, tav used her magic to permanently transform herself into a “human” (can unicorns be immortal pls i can’t handle her not lasting as long as astarion 😭) to protect herself. astarion is the last good thing she remembers, and in all the time they’ve been apart, she’s never forgotten him.
initially they don’t recognize each other because they’ve both changed so much and their memories are completely shattered from what they’ve gone through, but one night, everything just clicks for them (they have fallen in love oopsie!)
i am so sorry if u don’t like this idea it’s just been eating away at me for DAYS and i am entirely obsessed w ur writing. u can switch this up however u want if you decide to write it, this is just how i envisioned it <3 no pressure though! xoxo
UNICORN BABE IT'S YOUR TIME TO SHINE!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE. SHE'LL BE UP IN MINUTES.
this has been the longest i've spent on anything I've ever written and i am THOROUGHLY excited for you to see it!
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request: soft frankie🥺tired quiet soft frankie after a long day of work, and maybe reader taking care of his needs? just something domestic and soft for him, he deserves it and i’m feeling so sappy and soggy over him lately. i have no limits, go wild with the direction u wanna take it in
Happy Frankie Friday! Hope you like, @babydarkstar xoxo
_____
Frankie takes on a lot at work; he wants to be the best team player, putting all of his heart and talents into his current position of two years. But the stress accumulates as deadlines approach, it does take its toll.
He’s so quiet when he gets home, just giving you two or three-word responses, at most. He’s moving slowly, you know everything hurts. At a certain point, he’s working on toeing off his boots, but he grunts and a few choice words echo through the kitchen.
“Hey, let me.”
You know he doesn’t always ask for help, but thankfully he leans against the countertop, staring at the ceiling while you slip the boots off. You don’t take offense. You both know what works and what doesn’t when you’re having a hard time. Patience and communication, through words or actions, is key.
“Thanks.”
He’s trying to be upbeat, pressing a gentle kiss on your cheek when you meet his gaze. But your heart breaks because your sweet, strong, wonderful baby boy doesn’t feel his best.
Sometimes he just wants to be a couch potato, work through this little funk, and zone out. And that’s okay.
When the time is right, you offer to run him a bath. He always agrees. Turning on his favorite playlist of Fleetwood Mac, Prince, Herbie Hancock, and Tame Impala, you begin to wash his hair and massage his scalp, pressing the pads of your fingers down a little bit, so there’s good pressure. When a favorite lyric comes on, you both hum or sing. And you take the opportunity to kiss him softly.
He likes that. A lot.
Frankie starts to talk more as the water, lavender, and epsom salts do their work on his exhausted muscles. The headache is starting to fade, and you sigh when he sighs.
You leave him be, so he can get clean and finish up, to retrieve the fluffy robe you bought for him out of the dryer. You admire how he looks when he finds you, in a towel, sitting very low on his hips. Sopping wet curls almost blocking your view of his pretty brown eyes that reveal everything.
“Here you go, baby,” you hand over the robe. He nods in gratitude, shamelessly dropping the towel. He throws a wink as he slowly pulls on his boxers.
Relaxed Frankie usually turns into Flirty Frankie. Now he’s asking for kisses, mumbling I’m sorry, and thank you. Maybe even a little booty squeeze or pat when you walk by. When he wants to keep touching you, you know he’s coming around.
You set aside a cold one, mozzarella sticks, and Swedish fish on the coffee table. You always have these comfort snacks in the house. It’s something easy to pick up and munch on while he watches a few reruns.
Usually, you work on something, or read in another room. When you hear him chuckle, or even burst out laughing, you smile to yourself.
And then he calls for you. It’s not a whine so you know he’s not in pain, but the tone is definitely needy enough for you to quicken your steps.
He pats the cushion to invite you over. You grab a somewhat still warm breaded piece of cheese to have. Frankie squeezes your knee.
You ask if he’s feeling better.
His cheeks rise, and he tilts his head towards you, nudging his nose into the crook of your neck, breathing in your familiar warm floral scent, which comforts him.
“I am. Thanks, lovey.”
________
@moralesfish, @heythere-mel, @fireproofmarta, @oogaboogasphincter, @nicolethered. I don’t know who else to tag, but hopefully you’ll see it.
Have a great weekend, xoxo.
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icyg4l · 2 months
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heyy! i just wanna say first that i loveee ur pac piles. the themes for bhm were always detailed and hella accurate 4 me. pls do more of those i really enjoyed them. anyways lemme stop rambling and ask my question
Should i continue to stay in Las Vegas or should i go back home to my family ?
thnk u so much again i love ur readings keep doing them babe
xoxo -khilah
thank you sm babe! i will start posting more readings consistently. this just made me smile :))))) but onto the reading! so when i was pulling the cards, i got the emperor, the six of cups, the seven of cups, the moon in reverse and the wheel of fortune. this tells me that you miss having that stability of a support system. it feels kind of lonely in vegas for you. i feel like when you made the decision to move away from home, it was a clear decision! you just knew you were going to vegas. but you don’t have to move back just because your family is back home. your family will always be there. i asked if you moving to vegas was a good decision & got the empress and the knight of pentacles. so in conclusion, yes! this was a good decision for you to make specifically to get your career off the ground. do you work with women/around women? perhaps, you’re a young entrepreneur. this is the perfect place for you to do so. when i asked if you should move back home, i got the magician reversed and the 4 of cups. i channeled these lyrics from desperado by rihanna: “there ain’t nothing here for me anymore / i don’t wanna be alone”. i think you really just miss the nostalgia of it all. but don’t forget how you felt before you left. ask yourself why you left in the first place. maybe you’re from a small town where everyone’s very one-dimensional and rigid. or maybe it was filled with clout chasers & people who are always chasing after the next trend. the energy back home seems scattered & you don’t seem to be in that energy anymore. you seem to be seeking longevity. i wonder if you live on your saturn line or north node line. 🤔 all in all, you should stay in vegas. it’ll all be worth it in the end. home will always be there for you to return to, my love. home is always in you. thank you for your patience. much love & best of luck to you. 🫶
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missmaywemeetagain · 1 year
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Hello! I just wanted to know when part 17 of your story the pink scarf ? I'm not pressuring you or anything I just love your story and I read it all in one sitting. Just know that you are doing an amazing job with your story and writing! U can tell me if u want but I don't want to pressure you or anythin❤❤
Xoxo
Why thank you so much, Nonnie honey!! I’m so glad you’re enjoying it! 💗
I know you’re not the only one wondering, so I wanted to jump on with an update: I am working on Part 17 as we speak, but I’m not entirely sure when it will be done (I know, sorry! 😂). Last week was a bit busy so I didn’t have much time to dive in! 17 is a bit hefty because A LOT is happening, and I want to make sure it’s as good as I can make it for y’all! Thank you for your love and patience!! 💗🧣💗
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dzzystrs · 1 year
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✨NAME CHANGE✨
hiiii im ill and sick and will now be going by Loe ! unless i change my mind it is short for louie <3
stars is still 100% an acceptable name to call me tho ! i'm just going to be transitioning it to an internet nickname (or just . nickname in general idk) rather than yknow. my actual name.
and i feel like i never posted about my pronoun change !??!?! but yeah i'm they/he :] do not ask me what my gender is my guess is as good as yours
anyways if any of that is unclear or u have any questions pls lmk i dont mind at all !!! thank y'all for ur patience peace and love xoxo <3
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btsxmalereaders · 1 year
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i just finished a 5,1k words request 😮‍💨 and although it doesn't really convince me I know if i don't post it now it will stay in my drafts forever, so i hope you like it at least a little bit umu thank u for your patience xoxo
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lolexjpg · 1 month
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Choking anon here, OHHHH your plot drive is even more cruel hahahahahhahaa would love to see Alex to be at the short end. Did they talk it out? maybe. Also the Alex's staement from williams account saying "Logan is consummate ..." and I had to double take, CONSUMMATE WHAT hahhahaha
hi sorry this entire conversation has coincided with me hard boiling eggs for the first time in years (they were delicious i am a cooking mastermind) thank u for ur patience xoxo
i think IN REAL LIFE even if they're distant for a bit they will talk it out & go back to being friends. i will cry if they dont 100%
in fic concept i dont think they will talk it out during the fic. afterwards, once its settled a bit, yeah, but i just love the fic concept of straight angst yes they have sex but it solves nothing 🥰🥰🥰
but i'd love to read similar concepts too! if anyone wants to branch off of what we're talking about and write their own that is 100% great!!
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julsdsweet · 11 years
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2013 Testimonials
Masayu Soleha's engagement Date of Event: 28 December 2013 via FB Page PM
From Ayu Idris on 22 January 2014 at 2:57pm
Assalam kak. Sorry for e Late Testimonial
I would like to thank you tremendously for your help during my engagement. I feel and look great on that day.I had received great compliments on the way i look. Its makes me feel more confident for the engagement. And i love how you had change my look to be more radiant and beautiful.I will definitely recommend you to my friends that are going to have an engagement/wedding. Thank You again for your help.
Marni & Muhammad Fadhli wedding Date of Event: 11 & 12 January 2014 via FB Page
From Fadhli Fadzu on 20 January 2014 at 1:18pm
Where do i begin? Thank you so much for being there for me on my wedding day. Kak Juls, you are truly an incredible artist and individual. Not only did you make me feel the most gorgeous I have ever felt, you kept me calm and really coached me for the whole day.
I really felt like a princess on my wedding day and I owe a part of that to you. She not only wants to make you look beautiful but she goes above and beyond to make you feel beautiful, inside and out. Kak Juls, your talent, professionalism and kind relaxing spirit were essential to the day's success. I felt so beautiful thanks to you!!
Siti Zuhriyyah & Muhammad Nurfarhan wedding Date of Event: 14 & 15 December 2013 via FB Page
From Zuuh Zo on 16 December 2013 at 7:12am
Alhamdulillah God allows me to meet the perfect make up artist for my wedding. Someone who was so accommodating and easy to work with. Who has never given up. On me despite mg ficklemindedness. Alhamdulillah I met Kak Juls and her ever so hardworking and friendly assistant, Zahidah.
Kak Juls amazed me w her flair for make up and made me look awesome, gorgeous and diva-ish all together. So many of my guests complimented on my make up and it is all thanks to her. I had so much fun working w her.. It was a never ending laughter when im w her.
Thank you kak Juls Abdullah for all that u have done for me. I truly felt like a princess, pampered and feeling all pretty when im w you..
Love u loads kak. Xoxo
Nur Zahidah's makeover Date of Event: 30 November 2013 via FB comment
Known her from facebook, learn personal makeup from her, a very dedicated mentor, humble and down to earth mak andam as being her assitant, learn bridal makeup from her, a very detailed mentor who taught me alot (very generous in passing her knowledge) ... lastly im very fortunate to have my own mentor to makeover for my phtoshoot... Alhamdullilah... Syukran for all the never endig support and guidance...Semoga ur business sucess!! Amin .. and not to forget abg im too.. ♡♡ u guys
Shahidah & Ridzurin wedding Date of Event: 24 November 2013 via FB album comment
5 years ago, I was captivated at how gorgeous my sister looked like on her wedding day and 5 days ago, I was captivated by my own transformation and it’s all thanks to Him for giving her magical fingers and the opportunity to engage her as my MUA.
To my dearest Kak Juls, I can’t thank you enuff for all your effort to make this plain jane who knows nuts about make up and whose forever skeptical about even looking fine with make up on (especially with the flawed skin) jump and squeal with joy and satisfaction in front of the mirror. Really love the outfits, make up and hijabstyling! Thanks to u I feel good on my big day..
Thank you for your patience and professionalism right from day 1 we met. I was late for my first meet up with you, and then I decided to change my 2nd outfit (seems like I’m a leceh client. HEE..). The best thing about you is the respect you have for your pengantinsn our wants.
Thank you for being that Mak Andam tt doesn’t freak me out like how other Mak Andams freak me. Thank you for being like a Da Jie to me, especially on the big day itself. I really love the “Because it is Shahidah” moments, and all that “closed group talks” about you know what. So much warmth, care and love from you that I felt calm and confident to walk down the red (more like, purple) carpet. It was soo fun and gerek to have you as my MUA that I wish I had chosen to do a 2-day event, just to enjoy more of your magical touch and different looks on me! 
Initially it was worrying trying to figure out how I will look like but alhamduLILLAH, you make me feel all pretty and princess-y with my favourite wanna-have make up and smokey eyes despite my tired face. You are really good at matching the perfect make up with the different faces (something you know that I’m amazed by!). Not only that, thank you for guiding my photographer and also, taking photographs of us! You’re such a pro! And I apologise for being the most menggelenyah bride ever that you had to fix my trail and tudung every now and then.. I’m just really glad YOU ARE THE ONE. Also, would like to thank Kak Ita for being all smiley and motherly while helping me out with my choice of outfit and for the inners. And to Kak Nora, for feeding me one jubjub before/after feeding yourself. Hope you’ve recovered from the cough (oh, and you left it here.. HEE).
To Abg Im, thank you for being there for Zurin during the fitting sessions. It’s really nice to have u around and to joke around with, and for the advice on 5LoveLanguages. And must really thank you for picking up Kak Juls late, for I had the opportunity to have a H2H talk with her and a little fun with the guestbook and polaroid. Inshaa Allah we will try to heed your advices. Kak Juls, you’re definitely more than just awesome! Thank you for the beautiful memories during the simple cotton candy wedding. It feels like a fairy tale. And I would like to take this opportunity to apologise for any shortcomings from me, hubby and family. THANK YOU!! *huggzz* 
Wishing you all the best in evtg u do n Julsdsweet a great success! May Allah always bless you & family. And I’ll never forget your tagline – “STAY GORGEOUS ALWAYS!” With lots of love, Shahidah
Roslina & Md Yusoff wedding Date of Event: 22 & 23 November 2013 via FB PM
Dearest Kak Jules..
Thanks for transforming me into the princess that my husband so adore especially on the biggest day of our lives.  You're a gem!!!  To have met you and being able to appoint you as my mak andam on our big day is a god sent.  We couldn't have thanked you enough for all your advices, patience and generosity.  You listen to your client's request but give your opinions and your suggestions in the best interest of your client.  After all's said and done, if the client insists on her own way, you will still materialise her vision to the best advantage of your client.  Kudos to you and your professionalism. May Allah bless you and your family with good health and happiness always.
Cherrio from us...
Mr and Mrs Yusoff
P/S:  we sooooo <2<3<3<3  the pictures
Noy's makeover Date of Event: 16 November 2013 via FB album comment
From Ixora Veronica Iv on 23 November 2013 at 8:45pm
Hi Kak Juls. . Would lyke to say a BIG THANK YOU so much for accepting my last min makeover for last Sat 16th Nov my daughter 2nd birthday. . All my guests were full of praises for my makeup. . Uve put up an awesome beautiful transform for me. . Would highly recommend your service. . Hope to render your makeover again in the near future:)
Azlin Marliana & Maliki wedding Date of Event: 10 November 2013 via Dropbox
To the most awesome make-up artist Juls Abdullah
Thank you for making me the most gorgeous princess! The transformation  was truly out of this world. Your magic touch enhanced my already naturally "radiant aura". Glowing habis! Sungguh terserlah seri pengantin nyer. Ahakz! Your precision eye for details was unsurpassed. Perfecto. I love love love my bridal bouquet! O.M.G. Pleasant surprise, indeed. Saya suka, saya suka! Thanks again to you and also Zahidah, for making us feel like a million bucks! We hope you enjoyed the Skypark! ;-)
Sincerely Maliki & Liana
Rayhanah's engagement Date of Event: 16 November 2013 via FB Page PM
From Rayhanah Rahim on 17 November 2013 at 7:21pm
A BIG THANK YOU, for coming over yesterday to doll me up for the event. I really appreciate the time you spent on transforming me and also clicking away photographs. I loved the makeup and the tying of shawl.
Erli Yana & Ashraf solemnization Date of Event: 1 November 2013 via FB Page PM
From Erli Ramlan on 11 November 2013 at 8:24pm
Kak Juls Abdullah.. Up till today... Its been 10 days since the solemnization.. The first time u doll me up.. That is all it took to love every bit of your dedication.. Your calmness despite various circumstances.. Your professional.. Skin deep. You made reality of the exact image i played in my head.. This girl who played with various outlook of how she wants to doll herself up on her wedding day.. You are that one great strength who made it a reality.. You made me discover that.. One not only require skills.. But.. The patience to succumb such tense situation.. The capability to calm the bride. The humour to ensure the bride smile wide.. The in-depth love for all that u do.. To ensure that you focus on the bride.. Her well-being.. Her actions.. Her etiquette. You are one lady who.. Take an inch.. Made a mile.. I love how u made me beautiful kak.. The compliments I received.. Alhamdulillah. You are a god-sent. Dear Ladies... Without a doubt.. She's the one soul you love to have in the midst of the wedding frenzy.Thank you Kak Juls. I heart you.
Noraliza & Hamzah wedding Date of Event: 2 & 3 November 2013 via FB Page PM
From Lizzie HZ on 9 November 2013 at 4:37pm
Salam kak juls, First of all, me and hamzah would like to say many many endless thanks to you for dolling me up on my big day! Not only that, you were somehow a big sister to me too! You calm me down through my nervousness and never once I see you not smiling at me I respect your patience and professionalism. I appreciate you preparing my hair one night before my solemnization and my hair really turned out beauuuutiful the next day! I received many compliments not only from my relatives but from hamzah's relatives as well! Your make up skills are awesome! I highly recommend all the brides to be or whoever that needs any make up service to approach kak juls and I can assure you, you will never regret even for abit! Thanks again kak juls and I wish you all the best and success in everything u do! Send my regards to abg im for me!
Love u akak! Sincerely, Noraliza
From Hamzah on 9 November 2013 at 3:16pm
"Kak, i can never thank you enough for all the time and effort that you put in to my wife's makeup and preparation for the wedding. Your professionalism and the work that you put in has benefited me and my wife tremendously and supercedes our expectations. If i'm marrying Lieza one more time, i would definitely want you to be her Mak Andam once again!! lol!! Bt in all seriousness, me and my wife are amazed and impressed by your artistic skills in makeup and we both agree that we cld'nt have engaged a better Mak Andam than you Thank you sooooo very much kak Juls Abdullah !!! You're the best! And i really mean, 'THE BEST!!!' "
Hamizah & Ahmad Ruzaili solemnization Date of Event: 25 October 2013 via FB Page PM
Hai kak Juls !!me n hubby would like to say tank you so much for ur wonderful service....u r very sweet n layan kn i request for thick makeup ...but seriously i say ur makee up is sooooo niceeee n wonderful verrryyyy smooth i really love it....after nikah i jus kip my makeup till 12 midnight then i wash up hhahhaah....sayang knnnn....i jus love ur wayss very humble,sweettt n simple ...after  all no regrets choosing u as my mak andam for nikahh...Wish u all e best in everything alwayzz!!
Fadilah's engagement Date of Event: 27 October 2013 via FB Page PM
From Munsyi Dil on 27 October 2013 at 11:51pm
Assalamualaikum Kak Juls...
Thank u so much for doing my make -up and hijab on my engagement today. You did a fabulous job and made me feel so beautiful. The make-up n hijab was so amazing that I couldn't put into words on how I loved it! Your genuine up beat and friendly personality made me feel comfortable and at ease throughout my engagement ceremony.
To all future brides-to-be out there, I would highly recommend JulsDSweet as your make-up artist for your big day! JulsDSweet is a magnificent make-up artist and this is evident through her work!
Alhamdulillah I've made the right choice and i would definitely engage her bridal services for my wedding in the future.
Nurmala & Mohammad Alif wedding Date of Event: 28 & 29 September 2013 via FB Page PM
From Numie Tuah on 29 October at 2013 12:05am
Salam Kak Juls,
A BIG thank you for dolling this plain jane into someone who cant recognise her own self. 3 different looks for 2 days. I Love it!! My mum loves it! Everyone love it!!
Thank you for being patient with me & my husband. From waiting for me to put in my contact lens (huge relief cos there are some brides like me..hehe), the 'unexpected' moment during outdoor photoshoot, entertaining my kanchiong husband and those cam-whoring sessions.
I will always treasure those unforgettable memories. Thank you to Kak Nora for all the help and Accessories Bridal for the lovely outfits.
I wish you all the best in your future endeavours...
Cheers,
Nurmala & Alif 28 & 29 Sept 2013
Nur Hidayah & Muhd Jasni wedding Date of Event: 12 October 2013 via FB Page PM
From Heeda Yaa Aziz on 21 October at 2013 4:21pm
Salam tO my Beautiful MUA, Kak Juls..
Sorry lambat reply:)
Alhamdulillah, Bersyukur sgt2 pada Allah swt for everything which went pretty well during my majlis   Anw, my husband & I would liked to take this opportunity to express our sincere thanks which are uncountable for.. specially tO U, Abg Imran & not forgetting Kak Rosita from Accessorize Bridal for the pretty sweet oufit.
Thank u Kak Juls for assisting me since Day 1, answering my many2 queries, u were there giving me motivation, advices to keep mecalm, although i know i cried buckets i guess.. hehe..im really lucky tO have engaged ur bridal service on my special day.. U took care of me very well & Zee tOo!
Thank u Kak Juls for the awesOme makeup!  Received many2, very2 gOod compliment on ur makeup.. Thank u for everything Kak Juls.. Theres nO word REGRET only SATISFACTION..
Thumbs Up Kak Good job!!
Love u many2! & thanks for the photos, nice one
Khairunnisa & Hafizuddien wedding Date of Event: 6 October 2013 via FB Page PM
From Khairunnisa Nordin on 23 October at 2013 9:15pm
To my Dearest Make-Up Artist; Juls Abdullah.
I still remember about a year ago, I was new to finding a MUA for my wedding, new to these sort and kinna things. I felt somewhat unsure about these as I myself know nothing about make-up. But, I know: I wanted to look Natural. Any-o-how, I googled and I found you.
The first time which intrigued me was, the natural look the bride has. And that has got me glued to you. However also, I cannot deny, I was nervous of the unknown. I was afraid that my make-up will be so thick that I will look unnatural or some sort. Your service, whenever I came to Accessories Bridal, was lovely, I felt welcomed, entertained and comfortable. You have that touch. So the moment came! And well, as you can see, I look fantastic!
Thanks to you! You treated and handled me well throughout. You kept your calm and patience. Syukran.
I would definitely recommend you to other brides-to-be, Insyaallah. ;))
Anisa & Mohamed Mumin wedding Date of Event: 21 September 2013 via FB Page PM
From Anisa Sulaiman on 23 October 2013 at 10:08pm
Salam sis,
I hope it's never too late to thank you once again for the fabulous job done on my wedding 21st Sept. Thank you for dolling me up. Your patience and service was remarkable. I can still remember how you took note of all the little details to ensure I glow.
You made me feel very compose and calm when I was feeling nervous during my Nikkah. I really can't thank you for all that you have done.
You were so calm, patience, professional and went beyond the scope of a Mak Andam. Thank you once again sis. Inshayallah, may Allah's blessing be upon you always.
P.S: one of the best Mak Andam I have ever met. Strongly recommended. Keke:-)
Alfie Nadhira & Muhammad Hazri wedding Date of Event: 15 September 2013 via FB Page PM
From Alfie Nadhira Mohamed Ya'akub on 23 October 2013 at 10:11am
To my dearest superwoman mak andam Kak Juls,
Hazri and me would like to say a MILLION THANK YOU to you for your wonderful magical touch. From bottom of my sincere little heart we would like to say we did'nt regret at all taking u as our mak andam!
We are extremely pleased on how you doll me up. In fact my own husband, relatives, friends, colleagues and even myself sampai tak boleh recognise! Haha!! Magical touch la awak ni!! :))) talented! You delivered just what i wanted! Simple yet Nice! :))) Especially my 2nd hairdo yang sungguhhhh leceh. Messy bun! And it turns out sooo nice! I love it!
And the best part, i ni orang nye kulit super sensitive actually. Usually, kalau pakai makeup within few hours da flare. tapi there was no reaction at all on my face even after i wash it off at night around 10pm. So in total, the makeup was on my face for about more than 12 hours! Your products are damn good and you tak lokek at all for using a good product on your customers. COUNTLESS thumbs up!!
Thank you so much for being so patient with me especially pagi pagi buta tu nak kene pakai kan i lens. Thanks to Kak Nora too. Haha!! Layan kan si pendek ni yang takot nak pakai lens tapi padahal dia rabun. Sangat2 patient. Thank you for being there for me the entire day and tak stop stop remind me to smile and to tell myself i look gorgeous!
Your smile, your patient and your cheerful looks makes me so calm and comfortable having you by my side. Kak Juls's face was cheerful throughout the day till night!! You are always smiling, Tak sour at all padahal kite semua was super hungry and i think u sampai tak makan pon termasuk Kakak Nora. Boohoo!! Kesian u both.
To bride to be out there, if you are looking for andaman service and Kak Juls is one of them in ur list, don't need to turn back, its highly recommended! Hehe!!
Thank you wont be enough, therefore Hazri and me doakan semoga Allah sentiasa memberkati Kak Juls sekeluarga. Amin!! Once again, thank you for the AWESOME service kakak!! Apart from myself and Hazri, My mum likes you ALOT! And im sure there out people out pon sukeeee dgn youuu coz i been hearing a lot of positive feedbacka and remarks!
Not forgetting, THANK YOU too to your supportive Husband Abang Im! for the endless support and advises you shared with Hazri. you both makes a great pair!
P/S: sorry, i took so long to drop u a thank you msg. :))
Alhamdulillah we are very happy with everything and we had a greatttt time with you! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!
XOXO, Muhammad Hazri & Alfie Nadhira 15th September 2013
Fasihah & Mohammad Hazmi wedding Date of Event: 14 September 2013 via FB Page PM
From Fasha Hadi on 17 September 2013 at 5:14pm
Salam Kak juls, a magnificent artist for any occasion. Having u as my make up artist for my wedding was a pleasurable experience as well as a highly professional one. U was well organised (lucky someone was, as i had a million things to think about!) and put everyone at ease. U're creativity, direction, knowledge & calm demeanour was everything i had hoped for in a make up artist. U transformed me into a soft, natural, beaming and elegant looking doll. My husband simply luv ur magic touch too. We couldn't thank u enough JulsDsweet, U exceeded my highest expectations and u made it look so easy!
Thank u once again..
Noor Sufiah's engagement Date of Event: 18 September 2013 via Email
Dear Kak Juls,
Thank you for your effort and time for the wonderful make up on me yesterday for my engagement day.  I can never thank you enough as I was stunned looking at how gorgeous you turned me out.  In fact everyone especially my family members were proud of your work.  Thank you also for those advice while I was sitting when the groom side arrived.  You were very nice in how you kept telling me to calm down and not be nervous.  Once again thank you for dolling me up I feel very special last night.  Hopefully you could help me out again on my big day InsyaAllah.
Take care sis and all the best in your work.  See you soon.
Thankyou. Warmest Regards, Noor Sufiah
Siti Sumazerin & Mohd Faris wedding Date of Event: 15 & 16 June 2013 via FB Page PM
From Erin Reese's on 2 September 2013 at 12:39am via FB PM
Salam Lebaran to U, Abg Im & Family! Ampon maap ler myk2 for the looong overdued review..
Seriusly, from the bottom of my heart, my heartfelt thanks to U Kak Juls for dolling me up perfect for the most special days in my life. Tak sia-sia I literally stalk ur works since early Y2K, dari zaman multiply lagik! Ever since then, I know for sure, confirm plus chop I want YOU to be my mak andam when I get married one day.
My wish came true when we finally met last year. Ur bubbly fun personality makes me even more sure of my decision. Its so easy breezy communicating with U KAk. Was ecstatic when U agreed to be MUA for my sanding day. Abg Im also help a lot in making my shy husband open up & feel comfortable during the chose-this-chose-that process. Both U & Abg Im make a terrific wifey-hubby team! Not to mention, ur kids are juz adorable, lagik2 si Zahid tuh~
We appreciate ur patience with us, esp me being such a perfectionist. ;p Through it all, U tak putus2 berikan senyuman yg manis serta giving us useful advice from time to time. Even the photographers give a sign of relief when they know U are my mak andam. Prove to show ur commendable good rep & dat U r such an easy going person to work with by others in similar line.
When we got stuck on last minute matters juz like 2 weeks b4 the wedding, we are ever so grateful you & Kak Ita go all out to manage/change things thru & take up our last minute request to doll us up for our nikah day as well. Me & hubs are really satisfied with our decision for the change, esp for the nikah costume of our choice.
Kindly convey our thanks too to Puan punyer kedai Kak Ita & husband from Accessorize Bridal for being patient, letting us try her many2 lovely costumes & finding matching items to make penampilan kita lagi menawan!
Sungguh puas hati lah Kak Juls dgn ur services rendered. Plus, many of my family & guests complimented on ur beautiful works. Hubby pon sukerrr skali..heheh~
Pada smua yg baca review ni, no need to hesitate in making Julsdsweet ur mak andam for ur big day. Her works - beyond satisfaction indeed!!
Insya-allah, if ade rezeki, am eager to re-engage ur service again for future photoshoots~ Till den, U taking care & kita berdua doakan Kak Juls & family good health always & moga ur business get even more booming prospects.
Urs truly. Erin & Faris (Solemnised & married on 15-16 June 2013)
Norimah & Ismail wedding Date of Event: 22 June 2013 via FB Page PM
From Norimah Abdullah on 27 June 2013 at 4:30pm via FB PM
Salam Kak Juls Abdullah,
Thank You again for your Wonderful Magic Touch & making me look like a queen on my wedding day!
Alhamdullilah, I received many praises from family, friends, relatives & guests at my wedding! They Love your work & most importantly I've loved your work when I've booked your service a year ago.
I've Really loved your make-up on your brides back then & up to now & your down-to-earth personality made me feel even more comfortable on engaging your service!
I feel that Great Workmanship deserves to be Appreciated & Shared therefore I am more than happy to promote your service to future brides-to-be.
Thank you again Sis & I wish you All the Best in your future endeavours...Maybe open courses for those who would love to learn from a such talented make-up artist that is You! ; )
xoxo Norimah
Norsalha & Mohd Azmi solemnization Date of Event: 1 June 2013 via FB Page PM
From Ibu Salhaz on 2 June 2013 at 9:36pm via FB PM
Alhamdullilah, positive comments from friends, relatives & most importantly hubby; Azmi Cruze.
You did not disappoint me at all. Engaging your service is worth the value. Looking at the number of likes in the photos & positive comments, no words can express how happy I was on my big day.
Thanks Juls for the wonderful great job!
Appreciate it a lots.
Thanks dear.
Irzalina & Muhammad Khairufi weding Date of Event: 16 & 18 May 2013 via FB Page PM
From Lynna Cat, Wednesday June 26, 2013
Assalammualaikum Kak Julz..
Hellloooooo Kakak!!!
Missed you la... Firstly, Lina would really like to apologize for the uber delayed commendation.. Peace:) hee
I first knew Kak Julz back in 2010 when my first gf among the 'Mango Girls' got married.. Me and my girls got blown away with her talented makeup skills especially those eyes makeup!! I too terpikat with her personality, her character, her über coolness as a Mak andam allowing us bridesmaids to be oh so chatty and Gerek to be with coz she not only of course concentrate on the bride but us included!! And then the rest of the Mango Girls, me being the final one to get married of course wanted her to do the MAGIC and definitely wanted her to be part of my special days..
I am blessed to have you not only as my mak andam on my special memorable days but also as a sisterly figure helping me giving me guidance, advising me, giving me marriage life tips and always reminding me to stay calm and doa during those terPANIC moments of mine... Your awesome makeup skills really blew me away and thank you so much Kak for making me and husby looking awesomely gorgez on our days.. Your uber friendly self, Abg Imran included really made us super happy, calm and satisfied having u both among the vendors that were involved.. We received lots of compliments for the makeup, pakaian and ur services provided and already recommended you to families and friends.. I is so in love with the makeup and can't stop looking at my pixies..
Now all the Mango Girls are happily married, I am really gonna miss you!! I really hope to see you in any wedding events InShaaAllah.. Lina and Pipi would really like to thank you, ur assistant and Abg Imran again for everything that was provided just a month ago..
Take care and keep in touch kakakku....
PS: You WON'T regret engaging her people!!
Hugs and lots of love, Irzalina aka Lynnacat & Khairufi 16 & 18 May 2013
Nur Hafizah & Muhammad Hazri wedding Date of Event: 1 January & 2 June 2013 via Email
Salam alaik, Kak Juls!!!
Hazri & I would like to extend our deepest gratitude to you & Abang Imran for the superb services on our Solemnization Day on 1st Jan 2013 and to Zahidah too, for assisting MUA on our Wedding Day,2nd June 2013. Thank you soooo much!
I remember the first time I was amazed by your gorgeous work on my friend; Azizah. Then, followed by another friend, Nirwana. By then, I've made up my mind to book you to be my MUA. I'm not regret for having you as my MUA. I'm blessed. Alhamdulillah. Thank you!
Thank you for being able to entertain me when I have to bring forward my Solemnization Day.
Thank you so much for all the advice, made me calm, positive and confidence. Thank you so much for being patience with my merepekness of worrying my double-chin, complaint panas forever, my cengengness and my lecehness with the hijab style.THANK YOU!!!
annnnnd most importantly, thank you for making me look gorgeous and flawless!!and your outfits made my husband look extra extra handsome.ohyes. :P
Thank you soooo much!!
Jazakumullahu Kheiral Jazak, Kak Juls, Zahidah & Abg Imran.
Nur Hafizah Bte Rosli :)
Rasidah & Mohd Fairuz wedding Date of Event: 25 & 26 May 2013 via FB Page PM
From Mel Euphoric, Wednesday June 12, 2013
Salam Kak Juls..
How r u? Hope u doing well wth ur loveable family...
Firstly im sorry for the late commendation due to just come back frm honeymoon.. Still my wedding is memorable for me n hubby until nw... I received a lot of positive compliments frm family n frens... Thumbs up for ur super work... Thank you so much for dolling me up n also ur advices on marriage life..
Thank u to Zeema n Abg Imran too... Bride to be who not yet enganged anyone yet,i recommend you Kak Juls.. U wont regrets having her not only as ur makandam but also as ur close fren who be there for u on ur big day..
Love you kak Juls...
Keep in touch..
Xoxo "hugs"
Norhidayah & Muhammad Suffian wedding Date of Event: 27 April 2013 via FB Page PM
From Hidayah Zainudin, Tuesday June 4, 2013
Hi kak juls,
Sorry for the delay.. I would like to thank you for make me look very gorgeous on my event day.. I really appreciate what you had done n bersyukur cause I know I make a right choice for chosen you as my mak andam.. And thanks to Sue also.. Both of you had done a great job and really make me very happy on my big day..
Once again, thank you for everything.. Me n husband wish you happiness and good luck in future..
Hope to see you again..
Salam Hidayah
Nur Amalina & Muhammad Fairuz wedding Date of Event: 4 & 5 May 2013 via FB Page PM
From Mel Ab Bharoocha, Saturday May 11, 2013
Hi Kak Juls!
Fai and me would like to thank you for ur extraordinary contributions during our 2 days event.
Your make up skills worked wonders and definitely I have received a lot of positive feedbacks and comments about your beautiful make up skills and techniques. I'm glad that I have chosen the right person since you are one of the important person behind the event..Kak Juls..u definitely didnt disappoint me at all. Thanks for making me calm through out the event. Your support and assistance was much appreciated and not forgotten,Suhaila! Thanks for helping out and the make over for my siblings.
Kak Juls, you are definitely above stars "kak andam". To those who having a great headache deciding on the right mak andam...please consider Kak Juls!..Shes definitely not gonna disappoint u!!!
Regards, Amalina
Nur Irfani & Muhammad Shafi wedding Date of Event: 13 & 14 April 2013 via FB Page PM
From Irfani Saripi, Friday May 10, 2013
Assalamualaikum Kak Juls.
Sorry for the delay but I'm finally here to write you a proper thank you note. When I first came across your FB page after my engagement last year , I was awed by how beautifully you transformed girls to becoming brides. It didn't take me long for me to decide to engage your service for my big day. I'm glad to have you as my mak andam for my 2-day wedding event. My family and friends commented that I looked gorgeous and bridesmaids even said that I looked like a doll. Most importantly, my husband thought that I was beautiful.
Alhamdulillah  Even better, I managed to fit into that gorgeous blue dress one week before my wedding! hehe. Thank you for allowing me to change the outfit and for being happy for me. and of course, for dolling me up beautifully . I'm also very grateful for the posture and posing tips you gave.
Hubby and I thank you for your service rendered and we wish you many years of happiness and success. May you and hubby stay sweet and loving always, ameen.
Nur Lidiyawati & Saifulbahri wedding Date of Event: 6 April 2013 via FB Page PM
From Lid Abuburn, Tuesday May 7, 2013 at 10:55am
Kak Juls did a wonderful job on my make-up for the day of my wedding. I'm not one for wearing foundation or a lot of make-up but everything was perfect and so natural. My make-up got so many compliments and I felt like a princess all day - I don't think I have ever looked so flawless! She was a real professional yet so friendly and calming at the same time. Thanks a million again for everything on the day.
Saiful & I appreciate your help in making us comfortable, beautiful and stunning.
Sincerely, Lidiya
Nur Aquilah & Md Farhan wedding Date of Event: 23 & 24 March 2013 via FB Page PM
From Nur Aquilah, Monday April 15, 2013 at 4:17pm
Dear Kak Juls, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your amazing work on my big day. I fell in love with ur makeup since day 1. I remembered back in 2011 when i first met you. You seemed very bubbly and friendly and i knew right from the start, il be very comfortable with you. You were very calm and composed, and always reassuring me to have positive thoughts. I received many compliments on your work & i'm very pleased with the result. I loved every part of it, from the makeup to the couple outfits, even the accessories. I couldn't ask for more. Thank You very much Kak Juls.. Till we meet again, InsyaAllah.
Sincerely, Farhan & Aquilah
Zhou Lu & Saril wedding (3 February 2013) Date of Event: 3 February 2013 via Instagram
From Wannietot (niece to Bride and Groom),
It was really Heartwarming to see a pure Beijing-born lady adorned in our traditional songket and sanggul lintang for her wedding. In fact, she requested for this red songket for "Good Luck" and im really glad she LOVE the outcome. Tq to my dear gf@julsdsweet for accomodating to my request to be my aunt's mak andam. Ur magic touch really awed all of us esp my family members whom have not seen Lulu sooooooooooo georgeously made-up before!
.im just glad that u really jaga my aunt dari mula sampai habis. Memandangkan my aunt ni orang asing, she felt so secured and was so touched by how u and Linda took care of her and made her feel comfortable.
Noorazura & Mustafa Kamal wedding Date of Event: 9 & 10 March 2013 via FB wall
From Azura Zuzu, Wednesday March 20, 2013 at 7:27pm
Hi kak Juls,
First and foremost, i would like to thank you for your magical touch. From day one, i saw the make up you did for hidayah's wedding ,i was truly mesmerized and i knew i chose the right person to doll me up. And again to hamraini's engagement and wedding, you still awed me. Indeed on my special day, you surprised me even more when your magical touch really made me look so different and beAutiful.Was truly loving the eye make up very much and seeing myself in tudung for the first time.
Thank you for accomodating to my cerewetness and always be by my side to advise me the norms of a bride should do. U really make me feel comfortable and appreciate your presence not only as my mak andam, but also as a friend and a sister to me.
Thank you kak juls and kak ita for the wedding outfits and the accesories which are all beautiful and grand. i really love seeing myself in my goddess peach kaftan and my pink sanding outfit with the beatifully done makeup . Not forgetting abang Imran for the advises and wedding tips to both me and hubby. Just loving it and really looking forward to learn more from the experts :) insyaallah.
Lastly, thank you once again for making me feel special with your Wonderful touch and kak linda for also assisting me. That special moment will always be remembered with Juls Dsweet as being part of making the event a memorable one.
Keep it up and wish you great success. :)
Siti Norazakiyah & Abdul Rahim wedding Date of Event: 2 & 3 March 2013 via FB wall
From Zakiyah Salleh, Sunday March 11, 2013 at 10:10am
One week had past. How wonderful things have been so far.:) Alhamdullilah. All i ever prayed for was jus a simple and meaningful wedding to gather close frens and families. Who wud have thot tat in tat process i wud actually be making frens with wonderful ppl who are full of positivity and zest for life.:D
Kak Juls Abdullah, thank u so much for making me look and feel so gorgeous on my big day! D make-up that u did for me was awesome, and ur choice of styling for d costumes was amazing. I am sure Suriani Muhd, is very happy for d hairstyle u did for her too!:PWhat i appreciate even more was ur attitude. U never gave up in finding d wedding dresses that i wud feel great in. And u were always taking care of our feelings throughout d 2 days. "Happy Thoughts! Happy Thoughts!":D:D:DAnd of course not to forget ur assistant, Suehaila for her bubbly attitude too! Ehh u two reli makes a great duo lah!:)
Everything you have delivered was truly more than what i had expected. Thank u so much.May ur journey as a Mak Andam always be a smooth one, and may u and family be blessed with even more positivity than u have given to others. Keep in touch ok!:)
Siti Harisah & Mohd Firdaus post outdoor wedding shoot Date of Event: 16 February 2013 via FB wall
We would like to say a million thanks to Kak @julsdsweet for the looks and oufits for our post wedding shoot. It was fun and enjoying having her as our MUA. She blends with us very well as if we have known each other for years. She put on so much effort just to make us look good. To the future pantins or those planning to have a shoot, if you have not book your MUA, I highly recommend Kak Juls. She is very friendly and bubbly and sometimes funny too. Her works was super awesome. Insyaallah you wont regret! @mdfirdausmokhtar
From mdfirdausmokhtar Yup @julsdsweet thanks for my outfit too! They were awesome!
Nurain and Ashik wedding Date of Event: 19 & 20 January 2013 via Email
Salam Kak Juls,
How have you been? Hope you and family are doing fine.
Me & Hubby wanna say A VERY BIG THANK YOU (even thou it seems a bit too late..hehe) to you, Abg Im and your lovely assistants for doing an excellent job on our wedding.
Thank you for all of the extra special touches which really added to the day. We really appreciate for you going above & beyond our expectation to make our event special. Thank you for willing to be patient with my "cerewetness"....hehehe Everyone complimented on your work ~ your magic touch and also the hijab style. Most importantly I really love em all.
Honestly when I look back at my wedding pics it felt like it wasn't me in the pic. Macam 'EXTREME MAKEOVER'...LOL We are very grateful and we never regret engaging your service. You're not just there as my make-up artist but you're also there as a friend, a sister and a family.
Just to let everyone know, I am very particular about my hijab style, my makeup and especially my eyebrow. It has to be my style and my eyebrow have to be perfect and this wonderful lady here, she's like my fairy godmother, it turned out to be better than I expected. I really love her work..it's just the way I want it to be and even better!! She even went extra miles to get matching accessories for my head gear and I truly appreciate that.
Kak...you've helped me thru certain obstacles during my journey before my big day and I truly appreciate that. Once again thank you for your moral support and advices you gave to me.
I will always remember you kak and Insya-Allah you will always be my TOP NOTCH Make-Up Artist. Not only me but almost everyone who attended my wedding complimented on your makeup, hijab styling and your service.
You're SUPA AWESOME!! Love you Kak....
Keep in Touch...XoXo
Siti Suhailah & Mohamed Rohaimi Date of Event: 14 January 2013 via Email
Dearest Kak Juls, We would like to say our deepest thank you for sacrificing your valuable time for us to be our MUA for our post-wedding shoot.
We love the look that you dolled me up to be just like a princess that I have always wanted to become but never imagine i could be. We have always loved the creative touchs you have for clients including us.
Apart from the makeup, the services & accompany was always beyond explanation to us. Your work of art are just amazing as always. Everything was nicely done. We love it sweet, simple & stunning. Last but not least, thank you for the endlessly joyful moments you have created for us thus far.
We just love you lots kak juls & abg im for all the tender, love & care you both showered us all these while.
With love from the 'cute little' couple, Sue-Haimi
Nur Farah Ummiah & Muhammad Faizal Wedding Date of Event: 12 & 13 January 2013 via Email
KAK JULS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehehehe!!! ;D
Salam Kak Juls ku~ This might might be abit late but nevertheless i wont forget you kak.. :) Me & Faizal sincerely wanna shout out a BIG THANK YOU FOR BEING AWESOME! From day one we met, til our wedding day, uve been really awesome to us! We felt so comfortable with u.. We felt so warmth with ur bubbly, friendly,down-to-earth character.. And the great effort that u put in, ur hospitality & ur determination to make sure everything is as perfect as possible, very the tip top u know! Hehe! Everything is so good, u are really a dedicated & talented make up artiste! Love ur make up sooo much! Rasa macam nak sanding lagi gitu! Hehe! Not forgetting THANK YOU to ur beloved husband Abg Im too, Ur pretty assistant Zahidah, and ur adorable daughter Iman!! We wish all of u great success always and prosperous years ahead! May we stay in touch! See u around kak~ ♥♥♥
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long dean/cas fic recs
here is THEE masterpost of long-af fics i’ve been promising!
fics are organized by length from shortest to longest, starting at 50k words 
they’re a mix of au’s and canonverse (mostly canonverse since that’s what i typically prefer)
i’ve added ratings, official descriptions, and my own supplementary description/notes/notable trigger warnings if neccesary
asterisks are added to my fave fics
this list will probably be updated with additions in the future, i’ll mark any new ones by bolding the text (last updated: 10/09/21)
all rec posts
Long Fics (50k to 80k):
Though The Course May Change (explicit/51k)
After a couple who went missing several years ago from an Oregon couples retreat are mysteriously returned on the same night that another disappears, Dean and Charlie plan to go undercover to find the cause--until Dean's foot meets his mouth, and he finds himself fake-engaged to Castiel instead.
(accidental) fake dating case-fic set in an alternate s9. cute, funny, has interesting monster of the week.
Teaching Poetry to Fish (mature/52k)*
In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.
(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)
really good cas pov/lore- heavy fic! feat. many fish and actual poetry.
any port in a storm (mature/53k)
The angels have fallen, leaving Castiel graceless and Dean with, well, more of other people’s problems. When a string of couples goes missing on the east coast, Dean and Cas decide to investigate—and find themselves trapped and hunted on a couples’ counseling cruise. Although battling monsters at sea is dangerous enough, sorting through emotional baggage proves to be far more deadly. (And, in which Cas embarks to find his missing grace and Dean is put out. Not necessarily in that order.)
alternate s9, fake dating case fic set on a cruise ship for couples going though rough patches. they have to talk their shit out while cas still adjusts to being human and tries to figure out what metatron might be up to.
ascend (mature/53k)*
Something in the world is wrong.Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.
Or can it?
EXCELLENT fix it/saving cas from the empty fic.
Twas In Another Lifetime (One of Toil and Blood) (explicit/53k)
Ouroboros is a town where the hills whisper sins and trees snatch up kids. It takes a certain kind of grit to brave the heat waves and the shadows that haunt every crossroads. Dean Winchester has cut his teeth in the magic dusted soil, made a life for himself away from the fae that lurks among the humans. When Sam leaves in the middle of the night with no promise of returning, however, Dean’s life turns upside down. He turns to the only fae he’s come to trust, a man with sapphire eyes who goes by the name of James.
Dragged into the magical world around him, Dean now finds himself as the caretaker for James’ half-human, half-fae son, Jack. Dean and James grow closer despite the West’s old secrets and the Fae’s older magic. In a struggle against old fears, longing for family, and desperation to save his brother, Dean must learn to trust what destroyed his father.
magical realism-ish, western-ish au where demons and angels are the fae instead.
The Prophet Must Die (mature/54k)
"What about Castiel? He seems helpful... and dreamy."
Something about the comment just isn't sitting right, and Dean's jaw twitches. He stares at the wall in the dark, and at a quarter past four in the morning, it hits him.
"Asshole," Dean hisses under his breath, sitting up straight, "that sonofabitch kept publishing."
s8, dean finds the supernatural books online and has some Realizations™.  does some pretty clever stuff with established prophet powers and lore. 
Games of Skill and Fortune (teen/54k)
Turns out, time-sharing your brain with a half-crazy archangel nursing a solitaire addiction is even less fun than it sounds.
(In which Dean kicks out one Michael only to go looking for another.)
to keep au!michael from destroying heaven dean becomes the vessel for the og michael, who is not only extremely weak and traumatized from his time in the cage but also has annoying habits like gambling, les mis stanning, and berating dean for leading on his little brother. interesting heaven/angel lore, good michael chara developement.
Tall Grass (explicit/57k)
“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says.
Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away.
Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.
cas becomes thee ultimate plant dad. featuring the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual fun botanical facts.
Plain Language (explicit/57k)
Charlie sets her beer down hard on the counter, making him flinch. “Are you trying to invent a problem?” she asks incredulously.
“What? No, dude, I’m telling you—”
“Your boyfriend turned down sex twice, once because you were concussed and your arm was broken, and once because he was about to drive out of state to help your brother,” Charlie summarises, brutal and unrelenting. “And you think that, what? You can never ask him for sex again because of that?”
Dean’s been playing catch-up his entire life, and he’s still figuring out the whole “asking for what I want” thing.
s12-ish au, dean and cas are an established couple but are still, well, not that great at the whole communication part of it
A Judicious Application of Free Will (explicit/57k)
Dean lives the simple life in Lawrence, running the family business at Winchester Hardware. When Castiel moves into the neighborhood, they strike up a friendship that has the chance to become something more. But before that can run its course, the secrets of Castiel’s past catch up with them both, and their whole world changes.
a very old-school, canon-divergent disguised as a full-on au fic. 
Emergence (explicit/58k)*
Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.
A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.
after s11 dean, sam, and eileen have their memories of cas mysteriously erased. three years later they run into a man they only recognize as their friend claire’s long lost father, but dean soon begins to realize that he might be the key to understanding the strange void in his memories and feelings. tw for torture aftermath.
To Mend The Cracks With Gold (explicit/59k)
After almost losing Charlie to the Stynes, and almost losing Cas in the fight that follows, Dean Winchester is ready to do whatever it takes to rid himself of the Mark of Cain. But when the solution turns out to lie in unfinished Winchester business - shutting the gates of hell - Dean begins to realize this is a quest he might not survive.
au where cas saves charlie’s life after her run in with the stynes and works with her (and kevin’s ghost) to reopen heaven, while dean comes up with a new plan to permanently get rid of the mark of cain involving the trials from s8. dark/angsty but has happy ending. tw for canon-typical suicide ideation and child (teen but still) death.
The Shape of Things to Come (mature/62k)
It almost feels like, if Dean went to sleep right now, he could get it back. Like he would slip right back into the dream, and it would pick up where it left off. But Dean doesn’t even want to, now that he can see that world for what it is: a cheap hallucination, poking at all his weaknesses, going right for the soft underbelly Dean never shows.
All that work. All that work Dean had done over the past few weeks, trying to numb himself and act like he’d forgotten about it. And now it feels like the Empty took Cas all of five minutes ago, all over again.
Or,
A post-15x19, forty one year-old Dean gets a taste of what twenty seven year-old Dean went through in 2x20, “What Is and What Should Never Be,” and sees how the shape of his own happiness has changed.
 dean is forced to directly face all the cas-related emotions he’s been suppressing since the confession after a djinn encounter. things get more complicated when he starts getting strange dreams where cas seems to be trying to communicate from the empty.
Issues (mature/63k)
Best friends since childhood, Dean and Cas have been on shaky ground for years now. When an argument somehow leads to a bet about who’s better at relationships - one that calls for six months of living together as fake boyfriends and going to couples therapy every week - Cas may get more than he bargained for . . .
normal world au, dean and cas pretend to date to win a bet and get in over their heads. its from cas’s pov (who is more endverse adjacent characterization wise), and there’s a sequel retelling it from dean’s pov i haven’t read yet. tw’s for drug usage/mentions of past drug usage and overdose.
what stays (and what fades away) (explicit/64k)
Cas Novak’s life is perfect. He has a job that he loves and friends who support him. Most importantly, he has his husband, Dean Winchester, and his two adopted children, Claire and Jack. With them, nothing could ever go wrong.
That is, until he starts having flashes of a life that isn’t his and meets someone who shares his husband’s face but not his personality, someone who insists that he’s someone, something, different altogether. Cas’ life shatters when he’s dragged into a world that he doesn’t belong to and doesn’t understand.
Canon divergent from mid s15, cas gets trapped in a djinn-dream based spell and thinks he has a normal life with dean and their two kids--even after he gets woken up. As they attempt to break the spell and bring cas back to himself dean does a deep dive into both of their memories and has some significant realizations about the ways they’ve both hurt each other over the years, how to start healing, and the true nature of their feelings for each other.
Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) (explicit/66k)
When he wakes, he has no idea who he is. Not his name, what he looks like, or why he’s flat on his back, staring up at the stars littering the night sky.
The first thing he learns about himself is that he has shitty instincts, especially if his first one is to protect the blue-eyed man currently stabbing someone in the face.
Or, the story where two strangers can’t agree on much and know even less, but they’re both fairly certain that they’re in love.
s15, the divorce arc is interrupted early on when dean and cas both lose their memories and come to the reasonable conclusion that they are probably serial killers and also a couple. the memory part is fun but most of the fic is about them reacting to the fallout after remembering everything and slowly working their shit out through various means.
The Goldenrod Revisions (mature/66k)*
A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.
five new episodes in scripts format following 15x18 that not only resolve every single plot point but goes on to radically restructure the entire world of the series.
True as It Can Be (explicit/71k)
Growing up in a small town in Kansas, Dean learned from a young age that there was only one rule that couldn’t be broken, one place he couldn’t go - through the forest, to the long-abandoned Angel’s Hollow. But when Sam disappears, Dean’s left with no choice but to follow his brother's tracks through the dangers of the wood; little does he know that the most dangerous creature of all lurks not among the trees, but in the Hollow itself. Dean sets Sam free, at the cost of his own liberty - and, bound by magic, resigns himself to living out the rest of his days in the Hollow, at the mercy of the being within. The angel of Angel’s Hollow, however, has a story - is a prisoner, too, as much as Dean is. Only one thing can free them both - but it is impossible. For, after all: who could ever learn to love a beast?
beauty and the beast inspired au.
i want to do with you (what spring does with cherry trees) (explicit/74k)*
Dean keeps going back.
When he arrives, it's always to blooming flowers and a windmill in the background, not too far from a brook, the sun painting the plains.
He likes it there. He likes to stand in front of the makeshift urn and check that it's still where he put it, switching out the flowers when they wilt. He likes to listen to the sound of birds chirping, insects singing, the faint sound of water trickling in the distance. He likes to turn his face up and feel the sun on his skin, wondering if Cas would do the same if he were here, somehow knowing that he would.
He likes to talk.
There's never a response, but Dean feels the breeze rustle through his hair and watches the flowers bob when bees come to them and stares as the windmill keeps turning, turning, turning. And he imagines that Cas is replying—the windmill is the tilted head, the bobbing flowers are a gentle smile, the breeze is whatever words Dean wants to hear at the time.
Sometimes, it's almost like he's there.
widower era-through-alternate post-canon fic inspired by the leaked 13x06 “tombstone” script where dean spread cas’ ashes by the windmill, and they (kind of) get together after his resurrection.
When the Bough Breaks (mature/74k)
Years after the Darkness has been defeated, Dean and Cas are living the apple pie life in small-town Kansas. They don’t hunt anymore, and would like to keep it that way, but some young hunters knocking at their door have different plans.Dean, Cas and Sam reluctantly agree to help out, but what ought to be a simple case becomes way more complicated and dangerous than they counted on. And when the hunt starts to invade the normal lives they've carved out for themselves and their kids, Dean and Cas begin to wonder if escaping the hunting life altogether might have been wishful thinking.
future/kid fic that takes place way after an alternate ending to s11 where dean and cas got together, eventually retired and started a family. I’m not normally a fan of kid oc’s but i actually enjoyed these ones and the way dean cas and sam juggled their new families and lives with their past and not-so-past activities as hunters.
the cost of a thing (mature/74k)
16 months ago, Cas became human.
12 months ago, Cas left the bunker and a broken-hearted Dean behind.
Now they must work a case together, where married couples are dying mysterious deaths and the only way to earn the neighbors' trust is by pretending to be married. Slowly, Dean finds that he loves being in a relationship with Cas, fake or not, and Cas finds his loneliness retreating, despite the harsh reality looming right around the corner. As Dean and Cas navigate this fake, but all too real, relationship, can they find the monster that is on a mysteriously motivated killing spree before it’s too late?
fake married case fic, the trials in s8 were done differently and resulted in dean and cas falling out and sam tries to get them to be friends again by working together on a case. good sam/cas friendship, slow reveal of exactly what happened, interesting new motw.
The Harvelle Gospels (mature/79k-2 part series)*
When Jo was on the cusp of 23, her mother was burned alive in an ambush by some followers of the Yellow-Eyed Demon. Back then she didn’t know this was all part of some cosmic plan, that Ellen was supposed to be the Righteous Woman to set off the Apocalypse. No, she just lost her mother, and she did the only thing she could think of: she sold her soul to the same demons who murdered her. Ellen’s soul was freed and laid to rest, and Jo took up the mantle, and broke when she picked up the knife, broke the whole damn world.
au where jo is the righteous woman/michael sword/protagonist, anna is the angel who raised her from perdition, and sam and dean are just important side characters. jo/anna is the main (albeit slow-burn) pairing, dean/cas still happens but is on and off until the end. really really well done and fun restructuring of canon and character roles to fit in this au.
Really Long Fics (80k+ to 150k)
What is Hidden, What is Seen (mature/83k)*
The Darkness has descended, and Castiel must make a choice. What, in reality, is the nature of Free Will, and where does love end and self-effacement begin? And why didn't Castiel know about the Mark of Cain and its relation to The Darkness in the first place?
alternate s11 where the darkness is an apocalyptic-level problem right off the bat and dean, sam and cas all actually deal with the emotional damage caused by the mark of cain. angsty, cathartic, cool worlbuilding/improving on established lore and worldbuilding).
On the Wings of War (teen/85k)
The four Horsemen are not just people with fancy rings. They aren’t even demons with fancy rings. They are another species entirely, a force unto themselves, and Lucifer is kidding himself if he thinks that they are at his beck and call. They are separate. They are neutral. Dean Winchester is not built like them.
s5, dean fucks around with war’s ring and finds out when he becomes the NEW war. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights, aesthetically a tad lovecraftian. tw for some signifigant body horror.
So Says The Sword (explicit/85k)***
The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’
Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected.
THEEE cas pov/trueform angels/time travel/canon divergent s4 fic of all time. quite literally required reading for ANYONE invested in these characters, even if you haven’t actually watched the show (it’ll still work if you just know some dashboard-osmosis basics). 
tell me about the dream (mature/89k)
“Shut up and listen,” Bobby says. “I ain’t calling about some monster, I’m calling about Castiel.”
Dean freezes in place. “He’s alive?”
“More’n that, Dean. He’s human.”
On instinct, every atom in Dean’s body is on high alert. He starts moving, fingers already reaching for the keys he hangs up on a loose nail next to the door. “Where is he?”
or, in which after lucifer hitches a ride to hell on sam's back, dean makes good on his promise to settle down. so what if it's with cas instead of lisa?
alternate s6 where dean and cas move in together, take in claire, and live a (mostly) normal life.
a way to go (explicit/90k/wip)
God, Cas can fuck him up so easily, like he’s come across a stray thread and is just pulling without a thought. “I’m gonna get us both killed,” Dean promised him, and his voice was choked. Cas’s answering smile was so wide it split his face. “What a way to go.”
After Zachariah’s vision of the future, Dean doesn’t reconcile with his brother. He doesn’t say yes to Michael. Instead, the world slowly goes to hell around him and he finds that all they have left, him and Cas, are each other. Deviation from canon post-5.04.
a road to endverse-but-slightly-to-the left fic where a lot of things change but a few key things, unfortunately, stay the same (also dean’s trans). Unfortunately a wip that hasn’t been updated in quite a while but there’s plenty to read right now and the author appears to still be active so still worth checking out if this sounds good to you imo!
The Most Important Thing (explicit/94k)
Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car?
s10 au where due to mysterious circumstances cas has amnesia, believes he is jimmy, and is living with claire and trying to be a good dad. both the dean/cas and the mystery of what happened are slow burn, and claire + her feelings about and relationship with cas are really well written and complex. 
Named (mature/95k)
Jesus Christ is dead. Somehow, that isn't the worst part of Dean's week.
yes jesus is an important character in this, yes he is killed off in the first chapter, yes it is extremely blasphemous in a fun sexy way. old school alternate s5 fic with a very different interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell, among other things; unfortunately like many other old school fic (2010 in this case) it is rather misogynistic at times and particularly character assassinates anna in one chapter :/. tw for aforementioned blasphemy/misogyny/some ableist language.
take the long way home (explicit/95k)
Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself.
Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance.
Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together.
late season-ish/post-canon au where sam and dean decide to retire after a hunt goes very bad and cas becomes human, cas becomes a solo hunter after taking this very badly. cas is in a really bad place mentally and sometimes physically for a lot of this and he and dean have a lot of issues but they mostly work it out and end up heading down the road to the vermont b&b dean joked about at some point in the show. also sam and jack are doing their own thing mostly but they show up eventually, and there’s side sam/rowena. tw’s for depression/suicide ideation/animal death/hunt-related self harm/brief non-con attempt (siren attack).
a turn of the earth (mature/95k)
Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.
Frigging fantastic.
(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)
time travel fic where s10!cas keeps popping up in pre-canon dean’s life up until the hellhounds take his soul to hell and cas is seemingly completely erased from the timeline. slow burn, sad at times but has happy ending, also at one point cas meets john and immediately punches him in the face.
take the bones, begin anew (mature/103k)
“What else was I supposed to say, Sam?” Dean asks him. “I’m not...look, Cas is my best friend, and I care about him. That’s it.”
“And you renovated a house for him,” Sam continues. “And live with him.”
or: a year in the life, in which it takes some time, but they figure it out
after cas gets out of the empty he and dean a) do NOT effectively talk about the confession and their respective feelings and b) move into kelly’s lake house together, where they figure out their new lives, do some major home renovating, and (eventually) get their shit together. tw for canon typical alchoholism.
dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d’s to the destination) (explicit/108k)*
Freedom is just one adjustment after the next.
au after 15x17. dean finally gets to enjoy a mostly normal life with his friends and family after chuck is defeated sans any love confessions, but soon starts realizing that his feelings for cas aren’t really all that platonic (aka THEE sobsicles reverse confession fic).
Remaining Grace (explicit/109k)
Sam's missing his soul, Castiel has a pissy archangelic nemesis, and Dean wonders if he'll be spending the rest of his life making sure the Apocalypse doesn't go ahead as scheduled. Still, though. He's happy to see Cas. Indiana wasn't really working out.
Alternate season 6, in a universe where Castiel made a different choice, and things snowball from that point forward.
cas reaches out to dean instead of just watching him rake leaves and their soul-bond becomes the key to defeating raphael. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.
Bumper Cars (e/111k)
Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.
very slow-burn case fic that’s also essentially one big middle finger to john’s parenting skills. tw for descriptions of (past) child/teen death and canonical child abuse.
My Roots Take Flight (mature/125k)*
After forty years in Hell, Dean’s more than willing to accept the offer: become a guardian angel and earn his freedom. But his new ward seems destined to hunt alongside Sam, and there are secrets in Heaven that the angels don’t want found out. Dean’s going to have to choose between his duty and the people he loves- and to work out just where Castiel fits in.
alternate s4/reverse au where cas is a human hunter and dean’s an angel...at first glance anways! tw for brief depiction and frequent mentions of a psychiatric hospital setting/ableist language/graphic torture.
Epic Length Fics (150k+)
Plot Holes (teen/160k)
Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.
There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.
Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.
With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.
a very metatextual alternate s9, where pretty much all the plot points of s8 are resolved and all the major reality-shaking events of the past few seasons have consequences on an interdimensional scale. 
Cinderwings (mature/181k)*
Under the cover of a masquerade ball, Castiel has five nights to recover the key to his people's freedom. The world has changed greatly in the six centuries since their banishment into the void, but the task isn't impossible. Unfortunately for Castiel, this is going to involve talking to people - especially the Knight Prince who has taken an interest in Castiel and his "costume" wings.
fantasy au loosely based on cinderella, has really excellent worldbuilding and a cool magic system.
time has come today (teen/174k/3 part series) 
Cas fetches 19yr-old Dean from 1998 to help the team with a griffin hunt in 2020. Dean Winchester, being allergic to self-reflection, doesn't love it. What follows is character-oriented Case Fic with Feelings in an S15 pocket-time.
teenage dean (my beloved!!) gets whisked to the present to help with a very important hunt and both he and his older counterpart figure some shit out and bond (when they aren’t getting on each others nerves), and he eventually gets a happy ending/world of his own. good character study, intricate world/reality-building, fun oc’s, and some pretty ingenious solutions to preventing a major time paradox. tw’s for child abuse/mentions of past sex work/very brief implied sexual assault/coercion 
Profoundly Different (explicit/190k)
"Castiel?" Sam calls out, carefully. Both of them lower their guns but don’t put them away, yet: there’s no sign of a struggle, but the guy did just break out of an insane asylum by squishing an orderly. With a bureau that he shouldn't have been able to move. "We're not gonna hurt you. We're here to help. My name is Sam. This is my brother, Dean."There's a loud silence. Dean can hear the wind rustling through the structure.A deep voice suddenly speaks up. It’s coarse and raspy and sounds like it hurts coming out; he’s never heard anything like it. It sends shivers down Dean's spine."Dean?” the man asks. “Dean Winchester?"
(A Season 4 AU: what if the fallen angel Dean and Sam ran into was Castiel, not Anna?)
cas is both the fallen angel instead of anna and the one who raised dean from perdition thanks to time travel, and the main plot points of s4 proceed from there. ngl it gets very horny very quickly but if that’s not your thing there’s quite a lot of plot to work with, and i enjoyed the way things were rewritten to work with the new timeline.
heard from your mother (she don't recognize you) (mature/243k/first part of an in progress series)
A man named Cas wakes up in 2003 with no memories, but he's able to piece together a few things:
Supernatural creatures exist, and most of them will hurt innocent civilians if he doesn't stop them; he has abilities that no human hunter should have, but he knows enough about human hunters to keep that to himself, and finally; he keeps running into another hunter named Dean Winchester, who must be as lonely as he is if he's willing to put up with those former facts long enough to help Cas unravel the mystery of who (or what) he really is.
For his part, Dean's still (not) dealing with Sam's departure to Stanford, and figures distracting himself with a bit of mystery and intrigue is as harmless as it gets, right? Right.
after getting taken by the empty after his confession to dean, cas mysteriously ends up in 2003 with no memories or knowledge of who he is, and ends up becoming a hunter and slowly befriending dean. the fic spans the stanford era and an entire retelling of s1 with some MAJOR changes, and since its clearly A Whole Lot the author very kindly made a chapter by chapter summary. aside from some very short timestamps only the first part of the series is complete, and i’m excited to see what happens next in this version of s2!
Redemption Road (multi-part series/652k)
Team Free Will is sent reeling as Sam struggles with the aftermath of his time in the cage, and Dean struggles to cope with the loss of his best friend. Meanwhile, Castiel's miracles have unforeseen consequences that may force Bobby's hand…
an alternate s7 and onwards that was created by a collaborative writing group back in the lj era (and has aged comparitively well compared to a LOT of popular fics from that time). has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans/the lovecratian mythos connection, and uses ‘the song of songs’ and the concept of dean raising cas from perdition as major inspirations (for the first part at least). 
ngl when i most recently reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good  but not required to enjoy the first half. 
Down to Agincourt (multi-part series/wip/basically a million words)*
The world's already over and they're already dead. All they're doing now is marking time until the end.
yes its a million words and counting. yes its a wip (which i normally avoid) . yes its an endverse fic (which i also normally avoid). and yes its INCREDIBLY difficult to describe. all that being said, its SO good and unique, contains multitudes of lesser tropes (fake dating/slow burn/etc), has phenomenal worldbuilding, complex magic systems, a host of really great and complex original characters, and a surprising amount of pan-hellenic historical/mythological references. most importantly despite being endverse its surprisingly light (relatively speaking) and is not graphic at all when it comes to the canonical aspects of it (orgies/drug use/rampant death/etc), and i actually really like this version of endverse!cas!
tbqh i’ve only read the first three books so far but i honestly recommend trying at least the first one if any of this sounds like it might be up your alley.
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castieltrash1 · 5 years
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In the same vein as your Castiel imagine... Imagine Kili taking care of you when you're sick, only to get sick himself.
posted, my darling! (x)
i hope you enjoy it and i hope you’ve gotten better since you sent this in!!
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luveline · 2 years
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can you do a peter reader story where you just wanna watch him game? idk but i find it hot when guys play video games but explain what they are doing. like my bf will let me sit on the ground by him and he’ll kinda pet my hair and just talk to me and tell me what he’s doing like a team mate and i feel very loved. maybe a little smut but mostly fluffy!
babe the request was good and i ruined it my bad love u ty xoxo
Peter looks really fucking hot on his computer. You don't know a lot about what he does when he's on it playing games, only that he sometimes gets this competitive look on his face if you catch him in the middle of one. Some of his worst losses have turned into your best evenings, when he's mad and full of tension he can't get rid of. 
You think of this as you push open his bedroom door. His eyes dart to you and then back to his monitor just as quickly.  
"Hey, baby," he says, distracted. "I didn't hear you come in. I'll be done in a second." 
You drop your bag on his bedsheets and stand by his desk chair, pushing your arm loosely over his shoulders. You drop a kiss into his lovely curls. 
"That's okay, don't rush." 
He hums and clicks and does whatever it is he's doing. You know he's winning from the pleased smirk stretching across his lips, growing wider by the second. 
Still, you ask, "Are you winning?" 
"Yes, we are." 
"Who's we?" 
He points quickly at a small row of chat names in the corner of the screen. "That's my team." 
"Oh. Do you know these guys?" 
He laughs brightly and gives you another split second look. "No, bub, I don't know them. We're in an online club together." 
"I see." 
The game finishes and a victory title pops up on the monitor. He leans back in his seat and looks up at you with his heart melting eyes. 
"Sorry, I know it's boring for you, bub." 
You shake your head. "It's not boring! It's not boring if you like it, Peter, I swear. I just don't get what's happening."
"Thanks, Y/N." The way he says your name has you weak in the knees. He plays with your fingers hanging over his shoulder as he asks, "What are we doing tonight? Wanna get some food?" 
"You looked like you were having fun. Why don't you show me how you play? I don't mind watching." 
There's something immeasurable in his gaze as he pats his thigh. You hesitate. He rolls his eyes and grabs your hips, guiding you so you're sitting with his leg between your thighs, facing the screen. He can tell you aren't resting your whole weight on him and pinches your side until you give in. His arm needles under yours to reach the mouse. 
You don't quite get the instructions that he's giving as he plays. His voice is gentle and his patience is unending, explaining even the intricacies of his character's specific advantages and how they work against others. The game is interspersed with spare seconds and he uses them with his face pushed into your skin to give you quick squeezes. He pauses mid sentence to tell you how nice your hair smells. 
He's quieter as the game approaches an end. You feel his excitement bubble up when he does something that results in the team winning, obsessed with the pleased exhale he releases. 
He leans back after it ends and wraps his arms around your waist tight, pulling you in to lie against his chest. 
"D'you get it?" he asks, kissing the covered hill of your shoulder. 
You grin. "Kind of," you lie. "Tell me again?" 
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