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pyotatochip · 5 years

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just like dancing | hyunjin x reader

what’s up losers. this one goes out to @starhhj thanks for always hurting me so good <3

just like dancing | hwang hyunjin x gender neutral reader wordcount: 4k inspired by: sidekick by walk the moon summary: meeting up with a photographer for a day of modelling turns into making a maybe forever friend.

ur a model

well. aspiring model.

ur instagram is a buncha pictures that u make ur friends take of you whenever y'all hang out

u have booked a couple photoshoots and submitted them to magazines

u even got published a couple times!!!!

not in anything big, just photography journals and portraiture mags

BUT IT'S SOMETHING!!!!

photoshoots are hella expensive tho fuckin. rip ur wallet

so u join a facebook group, which is something u never thought u would do

the idea was that aspiring photographers and aspiring models would meet up, get experience, and maybe make professional relationships

you? young and cute

all these photographers? 36 yr old dudes

they always invite you to their studios in their houses

to do artsy half nude shoots

so u were pretty unwilling to meet up with most of them

(understandable)

but then this one schmuck posts in the group, just when u so happen to be looking for weekend plans

“looking for a model this saturday, autumn themed shoot at han river. the leaves are really pretty right now, i wanna catch them before too many fall”

han river was a pretty public place, so u DEFINITELY felt safer

and like, ur school is pretty close to there, so ur familiar with the area

u comment “i'm free all day, give me a time and i'll meet you there”

after it posted, you clicked on his profile and

fuck

he was not 36

and he was CUTE

u freaked the fuck out

this kid looked like he was ur age. and he was hot.

should u delete the comment?

why would u do that?

bc ur nervous?

why are u nervous?

bc the photographer is a hottie?

is that really a good excuse?

before u could debate with urself much longer, ur comment received a like and u got a private message

hyunjin: hi! u look great! meet at the main gates of yeouido park at 9am?

“u look great!”

“U LOOK GREAT!”

(jooe sunbaenim is quaking)

screech

you: so early! okay! what kinda look are u going for?

hyunjin: haha i wanna get that fall morning light!!! i’d like it to be pretty autumnal. warm colors, maybe a sweater/scarf/jacket combo? if u have something like that. minimal makeup & hair, if you're into that stuff. hopefully that's all okay (^ム^)

you: sounds good! see you saturday!

you spend the next few days at school literally just thinking about how ur meeting up with a cutie on saturday

u rlly dont know what to do with urself

i show ur friend a pic of him and she's like “HOOYKY FUXKJGN GODJ”

which was basically your initial reaction too

but then shes like “he looks familiar??? is he a model too???”

u have literally no idea but it's completely possible

like, it's a waste to have that face exclusively behind the camera

and suddenly the two of u are like. obsessively going through his instagram bc WHAT THE FUCK he’s like….. REALLY GOOD

like, he does a lot of portraits, but the focus isn't necessarily always the person in the photo

the composition and background are just as important in every shot and it…. shakes u

there’s a few pictures of him too, all of which are v aesthetic

but how could they not be??? have u seen his face????

he also tags literally every person in his pictures whether they’re models or just his friends while they’re hanging out

and he photocreds everyone who takes pics of him!!

you are literally…. fallin’ in love

because he was cute and had a good eye and wrote cute captions and was so humble!!!

ur friend is like “wow we stan a pro”

“he looks seriously familiar tho, right?”

she's like “yeah i'm confused why have i seen his face before”

and ur shook bc like… if u had seen this boy irl there's no way you would forget how cute he is

finally,,, it's the weekend

you get on the train and head to han river early in the morning, dressed up and made up for your ~autumn photoshoot~

as soon as you get to the gates ur like.. holy fuck

it's so pretty

the leaves are a mix of orange and red and green and there's a couple dusting the ground too

no wonder hyunjin wanted to shoot here

ur kinda aimlessly wandering around the gate when u suddenly spot

him

he’s wearing a bomber jacket and has a camera bag over his shoulder

and his neck is literally at a 90° angle while he's looking at his phone

ur like…. that cant be ok

u get a notif while ur walking up to him and its a message from him asking if u were on ur way

“actually, i can't make it”

he looks up and immediately laughs. “hi! y/n?”

u wave. “hi hyunjin!! nice to meet you!!”

y'all exchange pleasantries and he's suddenly like

“your outfit is literally perfect” he steps back to look at u. “exactly what i had in mind”

u put up a peace sign. he laughs again.

uh oh

u really like his laugh

and his smile

and his everything

uh oh

he leads you further into the park where there's less people and more trees

“i brought another jacket and a couple of scarves in case u wanted something different” u say as he's helping you take off ur backpack

“oooooo a professional”

“not even”

he asks you if he can take a boomerang of u for his instagram story and u do a lil twirl

he gasps

“that was cute!!!!”

he giggles while he's posting it

what is with this kid and his giggles

u cant

if he keeps doin it at this rate, it'll probably be the death of u

which is

cool

he puts your backpack on and pulls his camera out of his bag. “let's take some pics in this outfit and then i'll peek at the other options. i like this look a lot”

and then… he just starts taking pictures

u literally laugh

“where do you want me?”

“wherever,” he goes, checking the pics real fast. “i tend to go for candid shots”

suddenly,,, his entire instagram flashes in your brain

the pictures of people laughing and mid walk and reading books

u thought all the models were just. really comfy and professionals and shit

IT WAS ALL A LIE

“so uhhh…” u literally dont know what to do

u have Never done a shoot Like This

“just walk,” he said. “look around. i'll follow”

you: no fear

hyunjin: just walk

you: one fear

u nervously laugh again and he's hitting his shutter like A MILLION TIMES A SECOND

“okay…… i guess i'll walk then”

u push his shoulder while u walk past him bc he's cheesin at u way too hard for u to handle

“ow”

“that didn't hurt”

“it hurt my heart :(“

ur walking backwards and laughing and he's just. only looking at you through his camera.

so. u wander.

u take a lovely morning walk down the pretty paths at han river

u really were so scared that u would be completely directionless, but hyunjin ends up asking you to do specific things also

“go up on those rocks”

“i'm literally wearing slippery ass boots do you want me to die”

“do it for the shot, y/n”

sIGHHHHHH

so ur up on some rocks trying not to fall into a fucking river

and when hyunjin shows u the pics he takes….

okay

yeah

he was right

the entire time he was shooting, he would just strike up conversation to make you comfy

asking how long you've been pursuing modelling

if u wanna do it as a career or if its just a hobby

about ur family

about ur pets

(he asks a lot about pets)

ur sitting on a bench and he's crouched a few feet away to get those ~angles~ when he asks

“where do u go to school?”

“kyunggi”

hyunjin gasps. “no way! me too!”

you fuckin ALMOST DIE

because u fuckin brainblast and have a recovered memory of seeing hyunjin In Your School's Uniform in the lunchroom and suddenly IT ALL MAKES SENSE

you hop up from the bench and like. YELL.

“OKAY I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED REALLY FAMILIAR ARE YOU KIDDING”

he stands and literally screams and u are. so shocked. “i thought you looked really familiar too!!!! i figured i just had seen your pics on the facebook group!!!! i highkey stalked ur instagram bc i couldn't figure out where i knew you from!!”

okay, wig

he stalked you also which is….. great

“what year are you???”

“i'm a junior!”

you push him.

“boi what the fuck! me too!”

“no way!!!” he's laughing “that's crazy!”

he literally pulls out his phone and opens instagram

u have never seen a person use instagram stories as much as this bitch

like, he intermittently pulls out his phone to get shots for his story

u almost threw hands when u were sliding around on some stupid wet rocks bc he was like “JUMP AGAIN I NEED IT FOR A BOOMERANG”

he does this cute lil hair flip and adjusts his bangs before he starts recording and u…. kinda wanna cry

“I KNEW Y/N LOOKED FAMILIAR”

he spins so ur in the shot with him and puts his arm over your shoulders

“WE'RE LITERALLY IN THE SAME YEAR AT THE SAME SCHOOL”

u laugh out loud

he laughs with you and u have to cover ur mouth so an uwu doesn't fall out

u try not to focus on his literally perfect eye smile as he hunches over his phone to post to his story

like,,,

those crescents

are so cute

and he has this lingering grin every time he laughs

and like. wow. lips. amirite. ladies and gents.

“i cant believe u go to kyunggi,” u say. bc u cant.

“what are the odds. out of all the people in that group, we end up meeting up”

u almost made a joke about it being destiny but then u were like oo no thats creepy dont say that

then hyunjins gasps

and u look at him

and he just looks at you wide eyed

and fucking

whispers

“destiny”

you scream laugh

he's laughing too

but on a real level ur like why would that have been super creepy if u said it but it was cute as hell (and a little heart fluttery) when he did?

he goes on saying it's crazy that you had never had any classes together over the years

“or any clubs,” u said

“yeah!!! what clubs do you do??”

“photography! which is why i'm shocked!!!”

hyunjin gasps again

wtf is up with this boy and his gasps

“i was gonna do photography but they meet the same days as dance!”

BITCH

WHAT THE FUCK

“I DONT DO DANCE BC THEY MEET THE SAME DAYS AS PHOTOGRAPHY”

his entire jaw drops off his damn face

“YOU DANCE TOO?”

“I’M JUST AS SHOCKED AS YOU ARE”

u literally can't believe

“we've been barely missing each other all this time when we could have been best friends :(“

oh ow

ouch hyunjin

that got u right in ur weak heart

like literally u might have a heart condition now bc he just hit u with the “we could have been best friends”

“sorry i already have a best friend”

DGDGSH WHY DID YOU SAY THAT

then he's laughing and ur like… oh fuck wheew

“well, sorry, i'm replacing them now. we have to catch up on lost time.”

and honestly………. he's right

number 1: y'all are both photography nerds

even tho you have begun to skew on the modelling side of it, u always loved taking pictures of scenery and u knew way too much about how cameras worked

and hyunjin really was like a pro

u had watched him adjust settings on his camera for white balance and exposure and everything

and judging by his instagram, he set himself up for some flawless editing too

number 2: y'all are both dance nerds

he tells u basically all his friends are in the dance club and have formed a lil dance crew bc of it

u say u used to take classes when u were younger but now u just go to the gym and hide in a practice room for a few hours every week

he does hip hop! which is so predictable but u still act all surprised

u tell him u used to do ballet but ur much more into urban dance these days

number 3: y'all both don't know how to stop laughing

like literally if either of you do anything remotely funny the other one is fucked for five minutes

ur pretty sure 90% of the pics hyunjin was taking were of you covering your face because ur literally GUFFAWING

and like, y'all ain't even that funny

but the more you laugh the less funny shit has to be for you to be crying

hyunjin told u to stop making him laugh bc his fingers were getting weak and he didnt wanna drop his camera

you, trying not to giggle: its ok u have a strap around ur neck u can drop it

hyunjin, tears flowing freely: PLEASE LET ME BREATHE

number 4: y'all both LOVE UR PETS

like idk man he tells u about kkami and u freak the fuck out because he's just SO EXCITED ABT HIS PUP

and hyunjin almost ditches u right then n there when u say ur more of a cat person BUT he forgives u because ur cat is literally named hot dog

this is highkey the most fun you've ever had on a shoot

like, you feel so comfortable with hyunjin

and every time you take breaks to peek at the pictures he's been taking

u like … literally stop breathing

he's so talented ;;

you eventually swap jackets and scarves and wander around more

and literal hours later hyunjin's like

“are u hungry”

u stare. “always”

he laughs. “do you wanna go to the convenience store and make ramen”

“i thought you'd never ask”

so y'all go to the conbini and pick out ya fave ramen packets

(and some chips and candy bc u have literally no self control)

hyunjin really tries to buy your food for you but you yell at him while ur checking out bc Boi. No.

the cashier: watched the two of you look at food and bump into each other constantly, touching each others arms and giggling the whole time

you: leave me the fuck alone hwang hyunjin or i'm calling the cops!!!

the cashier: ????????

u make ur ramen at the handy dandy hot water dispenser and carefully bring it back to a seating area in the park

“be careful it's hot!!!”

“hyunjin please, u act like i'm not a ramen pro”

“i just didnt want u to burn ur cute lil mouth, damn”

ur entire being goes WEE WOO WEE WOO

u literally almost choke on nothing and you just cough to try to play it off

hyunjin is having none of it

he's laughing his ass off

“wow that got you better than i expected”

“fuck off hwang”

he stands up to leave and u laugh and grab his sleeve

he's giggling before he even sits again

y'all eat ur ramen and chat more about school and hobbies

he tells u about this one time he almost got admitted into a cult

you: wow… pretty AND dumb

hyunjin, flustered: h-hey!

you tell him about how your cat is a rescue and his heart melts

there's a minute where you're staring at nothing in the distance eating chips

and hyunjin is just staring at you

his brain: hoe dont do it

his heart: doki doki

his brain: oh my god

“hey… are you still free all day?”

u look at him. “yeah, why?”

he opens a bag of gummies. “i'm supposed to meet up with some friends to go bowling in like an hour but i wanna keep hanging out. wanna come?”

you groan. “i'm so bad at bowling”

“we can be on a team,” he offers you a gummy bear and you take it. “i'll carry you.”

pls explain why an image of him holding you bridal style popped into ur head sgdhhf

“haha okay. as long as ur friends aren't lame.”

“they are, but i'll be there so it's fine”

“fair enough. i'm in.”

so y'all hop on a bus and head to the bowling alley that (apparently) hyunjin and his buddies frequent

(he's playing pickles with you in the back of the bus and you're giggling so hard that ur struggling to tell him to cut it the fuck out so you don't disturb the people sitting next to you)

((but also feeling his entire body press against you isn't the worst))

you've been to this bowling alley before

it's popular among younger folks because it's cheap lol

the two of you walk in and one of his friends immediately starts yelling

u freeze “dude i thought u said we were gonna be early”

he looked at his phone “we literally are”

this blonde kid is yelling hyunjin's name and ur wide eyed while u follow

“UR LATE”

“I'M NOT”

“IT'S 2:20”

“WE SAID 2:30!!!”

“TELL THAT TO LITERALLY EVERYONE WHO SHOWED UP AT TWO!!!!!”

hyunjin looks over to the group of his friends already bowling a game “oh”

u bust out laughing

hyunjin gets all flustered like “i-i thought it was 2:30!!!”

“who's ur friend, my perpetually late son”

“o-oh,,, this is y/n”

his friend sticks out his hand for you to shake. “hi, i'm chan. were you the model today?”

you grin “are you saying i look like a model?”

“OKAY!” hyunjin grabs your shoulders and you giggle when chan stutters without responding while hyunjin drags you to the counter to rent shoes and pay for a game

hyunjin is: flustered

he's all embarrassed because he was late and got yelled at by his fake dad

and then u went and,,,, u were so smooth with chan

he wondered if you had been flirting with him all morning because you actually liked him or,,, ur just a flirt

he grabbed your wallet out of your hand and shoved it in his pocket so that he could pay for your shoes and game for you.

“hyunjin!!!!!”

“you wouldn't let me buy you food and you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me if you argue i swear i'll throw you down a lane”

you pout but you let him pay

and ur heart,,, it goes off, dude

like,,,, maybe,,,,,,, u would let him throw you sgdgshsh

y'all walk over to the lane his friends are on, bowling shoes in hand

“y/n!”

your face lights tf up. “seungmin!!”

hyunjin looks between the two of you probably six times while you hug before finally going “w-what”

you and seungmin look at each other, then at hyunjin

hyunjin: you know each other

you and seungmin, in sync: photography club

hyunjin: alright, well,

he announces to everyone your name and you were his new best friend and that if any of them had a problem with it they could talk to his fist

you, softly, but with feeling: f-fuck

y'all change your shoes and watch as his friends finish up their game

while they play, hyunjin points each person out and tells you their name, helping you learn all these new people

since u guys were twenty (20) minutes late, they were already almost done with the first game

they were all pretty good.

well. most of them were.

the guy hyunjin pointed out as jisung kept getting gutter, but he was having fun

everyone else kept getting strikes or spares and u were like oh god

you keep telling hyunjin that ur really bad at bowling

hyunjin: i'll teach you. it'll be like ghost.

you, softly, but with more feeling: f-fUck

you, realization washing over you: wait how would you even-

hyunjin: *giggles*

hyunjin's giggles.

send tweet.

the entire time you were entirely too conscious of how close he was to you

you could feel the burning on your shoulder, thigh, knee - all the contact points where his body bumped into yours

your knee bobbed involuntarily while you watched the game end, nervously anticipating your turn to hit the gutter

and suddenly, hyunjin's hand was gently placed on your knee

it stopped bobbing

you looked at his hand, then at him

he smiled, but kept looking forward

“relax. even if you're bad, i'll hype you up.”

it was barely above a whisper so you wondered for a sec if he was even talking to you

hhhhHHHHH THIS BOY

yall start bowling.

he was. not all talk.

like who the fuck is good at bowling

hyunjin, apparently

he fuckin. chucked that ball down the lane

it made a smooth curve and took out. every. pin.

you stared at the empty lane in disbelief as hyunjin got a couple high fives from his friends making his way towards you

"not bad, right?"

"bro what the fuck"

he laughed and held out a hand to help you up "we bowl a lot"

you didnt even process fully that he was pulling you out of your seat because it was your turn.

ur hands: sweaty

ur arms: spaghetti

ur vomit: on ur sweater already

not actually

u picked up the ball hyunjin had helped you pick and looked at him like a deer in headlights

"bro i havent bowled since i was six"

he giggled. "you can do this"

he walked with u and showed you his starting stance, gently adjusting the way your wrists twisted and patting your hip

u. tried to not blush. no word on how well you did.

he guided you through your walk up and when u let go of the ball..

…

……

YOU DIDNT HIT GUTTER

you SCREAMED

"BRO I HIT A PIN!!!!!!!!!!!!"

hyunjin gave you a Sick High Ten, laughing "now you gotta hit the other nine!"

you froze

fuck

the others were starting to calm down from the excitement of your first half-frame, anticipating your second hit

you watched your ball return from the lane n went over to grab it

hyunjin looked at you Once and was likr….. is that caspar the ghost

the color had DRAINED from you

u…. u hit a pin…… thats like the best u've ever done

n now you gotta TOP THAT?

"its like dancing," he said suddenly. u looked at him, desperate to hear advice in terms u understood. "even if you can go through the motions, it doesnt necessarily make you good. you have to trust your body to remember the motions, give it a little finesse, and that's when you start to get Really good."

you blinked at him

"was that supposed to be helpful"

"can you Shut the Fuck Up and Bowl"

you took a deep breath, adjusting your stance as hyunjin reminded you of the steps you needed to take

another breath

steps

swing

let go…..

roollllingngg…………

*HIGH PITCHED WAILING*

"I HIT FOUR PINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

hyunjin scoops u up in a hug, spinning you around

ur too busy SCREAMING to register whats happening until he puts you down

u stare at him a second

he stares at you

"GOOD JOB Y/N!!!!!"

you turn to seungmin, who also scoops you into a hug, the rest of the boys crowding around you

you didnt even have a chance to be embarrassed about the weird eye contact you n hyunjin made

or about how. everyone in the bowling alley was staring at you guys.

because like…… suddenly

you just made a bunch of new friends

and one of them

helped you hit a pin for the first time.

and maybe….

he was still holding your hand

and maybe that felt really nice.

#hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #stray kids #skz #stray kids scenario #stray kids imagine #stray kids fluff #hwang hyunjin scenario #hwang hyunjin imagine

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iamnotawomanimagod · 4 years

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2019 Retrospective Survey

Once upon a time, in the wayback ancient days of yesteryear, aka 2006 or so, people would fill out little self-important surveys about themselves almost every night on Myspace. These surveys were then posted to your profile via a “bulletin” and could be perused by your friends at their leisure.

Eventually, this phenomena evolved into what we now know as “ask games” - people taking these surveys and, instead of just filling them out, reblogging them in the hopes that their followers might grow curious enough to send in some numbers.

Well, to that evolution of this tradition, I say - pah! I’ll answer all these questions and you’ll like it!!

Or you’ll skip it, which is probably the reasonable thing to do. This is mostly for me, so I have some vague record of this year to look back on, which I’ve been bad about the past several years.

1. First things first, did you have a good year?

It’s kind of tough for me to discern what is good and bad, anymore, especially when it comes to my life experiences. Things kind of just “are.” I think I had a pretty good year overall, though, if I step back and look at it, and ignore my mental health and those other niggling little details.

2. How old did you turn this year?

Twenty-eight. Getting up there. I’ve been doing some version of these surveys since I was like, fourteen. That’s fourteen years of random, unnecessary internet void-shouting.

3. Do you feel your age?

Not really. When I was younger, I definitely thought 28-year-olds always had their shit together, automatically, just because of the age. Like it feels like an age where I really should’ve outgrown a lot of things. But I haven’t yet, not at all, and I have zero interest in conventional adulthood.

Did your appearance change in anyway?

I got new glasses, because I lost my old ones in Hawaii.

Post your favorite selfie.

I rarely like selfies where I smile, so even though this one is clearly some goofy cheesin’, I still consider it kinda special.

If you traveled, where did you go?

I went to a place called Monroe, in Utah, which has some amazing hot springs. Slept overnight in a converted hippie bus. It was freezing (if you weren’t in the springs), but really fun!

I also went to Maui, Hawai’i. It was beautiful and I do see why people love it there, but it was very much so not for me. Also flying while fat fucking suuuuucks aaaaass, hugely.

Which fashion trends did you love?

Eye makeup got really fun and weird this year - I love the new shapes and crazy colors.

Here’s a decent example on Halsey. The way her top lid has a line above the lid and under the brow - I’ve never seen that before this year. Really fun and new kinda twist on makeup.

Which fashion trends did you hate?

Chunky dad shoes, the popularity of Crocs (and I fucking love Crocs, don’t get me wrong,) and other seemingly-ironic “comfortable chic” styles. It’s super cute on most skinny girls but the moment a fat girl tries to rock that style, it’s “sloppy” or “lazy.” On the other hand, it was good to see some women reject more revealing or extravagant styles in favor of being comfortable. It’s just tough for a fat woman like me to pull off.

What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible?

I pretty much lived in black sweatpants and baggy t-shirts this year.

What song sums up this year for you?

“I Think I’m OKAY” by Machine Gun Kelly feat. Yungblud

What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then?

I listened to a ton of “thank u, next” and “when we all fall asleep, where do we go?” this past year.

What was your favorite movie of the year?

I haven’t seen any movies from 2019 yet. I watched one film this year: “Slow West” - it was pretty good!

Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year?

The entire casts of Legacies and Runaways.

Favorite new TV show?

Probably Legacies! Really surprised me, but it’s a fun show!

Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears?

Cheleanor stole my heart this year, from The Good Place. I, of course, spent way too much time thinking and talking about The 100. Gotta give another shoutout to Legacies and Runaways. Special nod to #deanoru and #hosie, respectively.

What food did you try for the first time?

I tried dragonfruit and papaya for the first time while in Hawai’i. It was also the first time I’d ever tried and enjoyed mango. All the other mango I’d had was never sweet enough and always reminded me a lil bit of cat pee, but a fresh tropical mango is fuckin’ heaven.

Did you make any big permanent changes this year?

Not really “permanent”, but semi-permanent - I moved out of one place and into a new one. We definitely won’t be here forever, though. Maybe a year or two.

What was one nice thing you did for someone else?

I do a lot of little nice things for my husband every day, it’s kinda tough to list them all.

What was one nice thing you did for yourself?

I reached out to an old friend that I had been fighting with and made amends, and we’re friends again.

Did you develop a new obsession?

I always move from TV show to TV show obsessively - lots have already been mentioned. I think I got more into The Try Guys this past year than I have before. I also played a lot more management sims than I ever expected to - games like Dead in Vinland, Banished, Frostpunk, Weedcraft Inc, and This War of Mine.

Did you vote?

Shoulda - didn’t.

Did you move?

Yup! Moved out of my old roommate’s house and into my own apartment.

Did you get a job?

In a sense - I drive for DoorDash. It’s definitely work, but not a conventional job.

Did you get a pet?

No. :( In fact, I kinda lost some - I loved the shit out of my roommate’s dogs, I got way too attached to them. I miss them too much.

Do you regret not doing anything?

Not really.

Do you regret doing something?

Yeah, I let a friend down in July. Wish I hadn’t done that, but. I’m not a very good friend to have, and I’m okay with that. The people who get it stick around through the tough stuff.

Have you done anything that scared you?

I always think it’s a little scary to get on a plane. That’s probably it.

Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?

God, yes. Too many things. Still angry at my old roommate for being such an asshole about cleaning and for threatening to kick us out. That’s the one that happened this year, lol. But I’m still angry about things that happened years ago. I can hold a hell of a grudge.

Did you lose anyone close to you?

Not this year. Got lucky. Guess the universe decided to give me a little break.

Did you fall in love?

Nah, but I stayed in love with a coupla people. ;)

Did you fall out of love?

Nope!

Did you start a new relationship?

Nah. My husband and I have been together for 8 years.

Did you go through a break up?

See above!

Did you have to cut ties to someone?

Kinda. Had one or two people who wanted to be my friend. Made the mistake of being approachable and shit. But they figured out I’m a flakey asshole soon enough. :)

Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year?

I made amends with my friend, Tracie, this year. She was always important to me. But I was pretending that she wasn’t, last year.

Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year?

I can’t really think of anyone. I guess my husband’s best friend - she moved out of our old house first, and I stopped talking to her as often. Prior to that we’d been pretty close. Proximity-based closeness is a trip, y’all.

If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it?

Nah. I made it through. That’s all that counts.

What was the best moment of the year for you?

Seeing my friend get married. It was a really, really lovely ceremony.

What was the worst?

Probably when I tried out a new form of self-harm - aka banging my head as hard as possible against the bathroom sink. Gave myself a mild concussion. 0/5 would not recommend.

Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t?

Going to Hawai’i. I don’t know why I thought it would change me - it just seems like one of those “life-changing” destinations, y’know? But it wasn’t. It was beautiful and otherworldly, and also full of a weird and uncomfortable mixture of white wealth and brown poverty. If anything, that only affirmed my beliefs more.

Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did?

It’s tough to answer these sometimes, because I just don’t really know who I am “as a person.” I don’t think there was anything I didn’t expect. Not this year.

What are you most proud of accomplishing?

I got out and worked a lot. I pushed through some really tough times and experienced some nice things on the other side. I was able to care for my husband during his down moments, the way he’s cared for me. I fuckin’ survived, which is always an accomplishment for someone whose brain is frequently shouting at them to end it all.

What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior?

I’m more resilient emotionally than I thought I was. I’m less resilient physically than I used to be.

Did your opinion of anyone change for the better?

I feel warmer and closer to my mother-in-law than ever before.

Did your opinion of anyone change for worse?

My sister continues to find new ways to disappoint me, but that isn’t exclusive to 2019. My former roommate went from being, in my mind, a mostly-okay guy, to potentially one of the worst people I’ve ever met. And that’s really saying something. Duplicity and lack of awareness go a long way in making someone shitty, though.

If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year?

Nah, pahaha. I was supposed to go outside and also journal every day. Didn’t do that. I mostly kept up with it, but there are a lot of gaps. I definitely spent a week or two consecutively indoors, at least twice.

If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year?

Probably gonna keep trying with the old ones, tbh.

If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do?

I would go pick up Cami and head north, for Alaska. Find someone beautiful and peaceful to see the aurora borealis. Drink cream liqueur and hot cocoa with scarves and hats and gloves on. Look up at the endless stars. Have a long, sleepless road trip back, screaming our favorite songs at the top of our lungs, stopping at interesting places when we can.

What do you wish for others for the coming year?

I just hope things get better, dude. Stabler. Less scary.

What do you wish for yourself?

Same as the above, but on a micro scale. I’m heading into my 30s in this next decade. I gotta find something else to do besides just surviving.

#rambling about my life #plz do not rebagel thank u #about me #2019 retrospective

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